April MI 2024

ArchMaster Poster Joined: Apr 15, 2004 Posts: 2961

Word has arrived from RSI (by way of Assur) that the April MI will be held on the weekend of April 6, 2024.

The ADM freeze should be six weeks beforehand on the weekend of February 24, 2024.

A reminder for newly returned managers: there is no longer a basic freeze. Warriors in basic are classed based on their FE on the date of the tournament.

ArchMaster Poster Joined: Apr 15, 2004 Posts: 2961

The tourney announcement has been posted online: http://www.reality.com/tourny79.pdf

The prize is Clone/Twin, which either produces an exact copy of a natural warrior (the part about 3 rolls is a typo) or creates a version of a warrior with the same starting numbers, rolled 10 times, where you get to select the best one from the ten overviews.

Stylemaster prize is bonus potions.

Lets get ready for a tourney!

Posted: Sat Mar 09, 2024 11:47 am

Not quite April fools and not quite death and taxes. Weird date. I love how you're so enthused about it, though! Wink

Posted: Mon Mar 11, 2024 2:02 pm

Got my mini's for Sunset, and it says the tourney due date at the top is 05/02/2024...gotta be a mistake. Anyone else get this?

Posted: Mon Mar 11, 2024 2:02 pm

Got my mini's for Sunset, and it says the tourney due date at the top is 05/02/2024...gotta be a mistake. Anyone else get this?

ArchMaster Poster Joined: Apr 15, 2004 Posts: 2961

You can safely ignore that date on your minis. The tourney date is 04/06/2024.

There is a mention of a Fool's Tourney in the announcement, so we should expect that for the warriors who start out 0-2.

ArchMaster Poster Joined: Apr 15, 2004 Posts: 2961

Tournament strategies are due in two weeks!

ArchMaster Poster Joined: Apr 15, 2004 Posts: 2961

Strategies are due next week.

Good luck to everyone who is entering!

ArchMaster Poster Joined: Apr 15, 2004 Posts: 2961

Not as much buzz about this tourney. I don't know if that means it'll be lower competition, or if people are just playing it close to the vest. It will be a big tourney for me, with 81 entrants.

Broken down by fighting style: 26 LU, 25 AB, 11 ST, 5 TP, 4 WS, 3 BA, 3 PR, 2 PL, 1 PS, 1 SL

Broken down by class: 5 Primus, 6 Contenders, 2 Eligibles, 2 ADM, 6 Freshmen, 3 Challengers, 1 Champion, 9 Adepts, 3 Initiates, 2 Apprentices, 42 Rookies

The individual warrior of mine with the best chance to TC is THIRD COURSE in Contenders. She has managed 7 Contenders TVs so far, including runs as deep as 13-3 and 12-3 with 3rd place finishes. My other Contenders are also fairly strong, with two three-time TVs and some newer entries that look good but have yet to TV. Still, I routinely get beaten up by ALUCARD, so I'm not optimistic.

My best basic class should be Adepts. I had a big Rookie class last April, which led to a big Apprentice class in July, and then a big Initiates class in October. I took basic off in January, for the most part, so that group of Rookies has whittled itself down to 9 Adepts for this tourney. This group of 9 includes 6 former TVs ranging from 13-3s in Rookies and Apprentices to 10-3s in Inits and Dead Inits, to 9-3s in Apprentices. The remaining 3 entries are warriors with winning tourney records but no TVs, a zombie WS and two 21-21 LUs. No finalists, but a solid group of warriors with either a history of success, or potential for success.

Rookies should be interesting, as they make up over half of my entries. I only run Rookies once or twice a year, and only a big Rookies class once per year, so this is my shot. I like the warriors that I have selected, but you never know how they'll do until they step out on the sands for the first time.

Best of luck to everyone in the tourney!

ArchMaster Poster Joined: Apr 15, 2004 Posts: 2961

Here are how my predictions went:

Contenders

I predicted a strong showing by THIRD COURSE, and a strong showing I got. She started the tourney with a R1 loss to DR FUGLY, another FI AB, but quickly bounced back and won her next 10 matches to reach R12 at 10-1.

Meanwhile, another of my Contenders, BURIED TREASURE, had a similar journey. Her early loss was in R2 to ROY BENAVIDEZ, a LU, who managed a first attack knockdown that she was unable to get up from. But after that squall, it was smooth sailing. BURIED TREASURE is a relative newcomer to Contenders, with her best performance so far a 7-3. She has two runner-ups in her past, and was created using a zombie potion, turning a dead 5-7-16-21-7-7-21 +2/+4 AB into a 7-7-16-17-9-7-21 +5/+4 max damaged AB.

R12 arrived, and I have two 10-1 ABs remaining. THIRD COURSE loses a tough match against BOLD MR WASABI, while BURIED TREASURE beats SHIV, both FI ABs. In R13, BURIED TREASURE gets the stand-in, and THIRD COURSE eliminates SHIV from the tourney. In R14, THIRD COURSE gets the stand-in and BURIED TREASURE eliminates ALICE BLUE, who is yet another FI AB. And that just leaves my two ABs, at 13-1 and 14-2 to meet in the finals. THIRD COURSE has always been a strong competitor in this class, but she could not withstand BURIED TREASURE's Unearthly damage. Over the course of the 3 minute fight, THIRD COURSE landed 6 attacks, but BURIED TREASURE's 4 hits were worth more and she walked away as the TC.

Contenders turned out to be outstanding all around, with the cherry being SPARE ANCHOR's 4th TV in the class and TP stylemaster.

Adepts

I felt that this was going to be my strongest basic class, and while I was wrong on that front, it was still a good performance. Of my 9 entries, none did worse than 3-3, and two went on to TV. PRIMA GIEDI picked up her second TV with a 9-3 performance, and HAEDUS, my zombie WS, picked up his first TV at 8-3 after going 7-3 in both Apprentices and Initiates. Hopefully this will translate into a strong Champions class down the road, and HAEDUS will put his stylemaster potion to good use.

Rookies

I entered 42 Rookies, and they earned me my best basic class, with 1 Runner-up and 3 additional TVs. 8 warrior landed right at 4 FE for Apprentices runs, and several more look worth timing for a single fight to join them.

The interesting part about which warriors won awards and which did not, is that I could not have predicted the results. Two ABs and two LUs made the run-offs for me, and for the most part, they had unimpressive starting numbers. One AB is a very pretty 7-6-8-17-17-8-21, but the other AB is a 12-12-7-15-8-9-21. I ran numerous good looking 17-21 and 21-17 LUs in Rookies, but the two who succeeded were highly bonused with ordinary numbers, an 11-10-12-17-15-6-13 and an 11-12-8-17-17-6-13. I guess that is the reason I roll up these lesser designs and look for lucky rolls.

Eligibles

I offered no predictions for Eligibles, although as with most classes, I felt that I had a longshot chance to do well. I busted a LU, KAPPA LEONIS, who went 7-3 while sandbagging in the previous tourney. He trained fine, and was eliminated at 2-3.

The big surprise of the tourney was my DA killer TP, CANNED SAVRADESE. He has never been a good tourney performer, with zero TVs to his credit lifetime, but he has been an outstanding arena warrior, with 10 Dark Arena kills in basic as a natural warrior, 5 additional kills in ADM, and a nice long run as the Tower Guardian in Talahya.

With the addition to the King of Primus contest of a 2nd team with the 5 additional styles, I decided that I wanted to push CANNED SAVRADESE to max out in Primus as quickly as possible so that I could let SPARE ANCHOR, my three time TC TP, sandbag Contenders for as long as he needs to. To that end, I started going for the min train to 21 DF on CANNED SAVRADESE after the freeze, and entered him in the tourney training DF as well. He went 4-3 in the last Eligibles, and my hopes were mainly for a stylemaster. As the tourney was about to run, I received the last DM 100 turn in the mail before the tourney and saw that CANNED SAVRADESE had picked up his lucky DF train to 21, so he went into the tourney looking like this (all natural):

CANNED SAVRADESE (7-6311) of SHEWISH PICNIC (6453) [177-95-15,677,312FE], will fight Eligibles.
He is a total parry with ST=25(8) CN=25(15) SZ=8 WT=22(5) WL=25(8) SP=5(1) DF=21(10).
He is right handed, is a genius, has awesome endurance, can withstand almost any amount of punishment, can carry almost limitless weight, is incredibly quick and elusive, does devastating damage, has a Master in initiative, has a Master in riposte, has a Grandmaster in attack, has a Grandmaster in parry, has an Advanced Master in defense, has an Advanced Expert in decisiveness, favors the battle axe, favors a very low offensive effort, favors a low activity level, and preferentially learns attack.

Over half the fights could have gone either way, it felt like, but CANNED SAVRADESE managed to win and win some more to start off 7-0, beating multiple FI ABs, a PR, a PL, a TP, and a SC AB. In R8, he got run over by a LU named HIGHWAY GAMBLER with two consecutive knockdowns. He then went on to beat a TP, a LU, a SL, and another TP.

At 11-1, there were only two warriors remaining, CANNED SAVRADESE and the equally unexpected PICKLED NEWT, a ST managed by Mannequin.

The first fight between them saw a LO crit, a knockdown, and quick bounce back up from the sands. Then another LO crit, a broken BA, and a quickly drawn backup. Four more crits later and CANNED SAVRADESE was desperate. The next attack was parried, riposted, and a single BA crit won the match for CANNED SAVRADESE.

The second fight belonged to PICKLED NEWT. The first LO crit was dodged, but the second landed and resulted in a knockdown that nobody was able to get up from. Four more attacks and that fight was over.

Now we were both at 12-2, and we had reached the absolute final fight. PICKLED NEWT opened with a LO crit to the breast, and then another to the left forearm. The next attack was parried, riposted, but PICKLED NEWT was able to dodge the BA crit coming his way and regain the initiative. He slipped past a parry and hit the kidneys, then slipped past another parry and hit the left thigh, but CANNED SAVRADESE was still not desperate. He parried an attack, dodged the next two attacks, and then riposted and unleashed a full-bladed chop with his BA. PICKLED NEWT was hit in the abdomen, became frantic, and the match was stopped by Greywand's herald.

It was a great run by Mannequin's sandbagging ST, but my TP came out on top. CANNED SAVRADESE didn't get any additional DF trains during the tourney, so he was basically just a step over the line with 210 total skills and a ton of trains. And that is how the surprising turn of events unfolded and I won a second TC.

Overall

My 81 entries went 301-242-7-3 for a 55% win percentage. They earned 2 TCs, 2 RUs, and 8 TVs for a 15% award percentage, and earned 4 stylemaster potions as well.

I could not have hoped for a better tourney. Congrats to all the winners, including Neon Necromancer who beat me in the Rookie finals, and tough break to all the runner-ups, especially Mannequin in Eligibles.

Although nothing in life is certain, I expect I'll be in Minneapolis in July to see if I can pad my yearly stats with another TC. I hope to see many of you there.

Posted: Thu Apr 18, 2024 2:56 am

Wow! Way to go, OAB! Kudos.

Advanced Expert Poster Joined: Jul 15, 2014 Posts: 196

Welcome to the Duelmasters 2K24 Fools’ Tourney Monday Morning Tourney Quarterback (MMTQB)! As we all breathlessly await this weekend’s tournament freeze, let’s pour the wine, beer or bourbon, pop the corn and bubbly and go to the tapes!

Quotes of the week

“What, do you give them cyanide?” -- Howlin’ Wolf

We’ve drawn a statistically valid sample, leveraging an appropriate confidence level and interval, and, after careful analysis, scientifically proven that a 21 Wit /21 Will warrior being managed by me has a life expectancy that is mathematically indistinguishable from that of a Boeing whistleblower or someone with dirt on the Clintons. Over the years, I have lost nineteen, count ‘em, 19 of them and have only retrieved four to date. The vast majority of those were in tournaments where the death rate is notionally half as likely which points squarely at my managerial prowess as the primary driver. I try not to let it get to me but my warriors posting on social media that “I’m not suicidal” before tourneys doesn’t help.

“Statistics are used much like a drunk uses a lamppost: for support, not illumination.” – Vin Scully

While I enjoyed working through some of the typical numbers and data crunching, I ultimately found that the data often didn’t fit the narrative so, like any good data scientist, I discarded it. For example, first swing % amongst BA/SL/ST is still a valid measure for likely success in my not-so-humble opinion and something that you want to strive to maximize. That said, first swing against a hybrid style – which the crew ran into a LOT this go round – is not as meaningful. But, if you analyze classes where hybrids / scum aren’t as plentiful, e.g. Adepts / Champs, the numbers support the thesis. Similarly with proffering warriors winning 0 fights as a measure of failure. Ought one count 33FE warriors that are new to Challengers when they’re matching against 80+FE beasties? What about the 14FE Adepts or 24FE Champs? How many other data points should be backed out to get to the result you want and when does it intersect with the exercise being rendered meaningless?

“So the last shall be first, and the first last: for many be called, but few chosen.” – Matthew 20:16, King James Version

Bill was my last tourney entry, faxed in early Saturday morning a few days after all the other Vlad Lads. or VLads, were faxed in. I wouldn’t characterize him as an afterthought – he would, rightly, have concerns with that – but, at the end of the day, he was at the end of the day. He was also the only one of my guys to make the finals and, now that I think about, preserve the two+ year finals streak.

Round one kicked off with some unknown SL run by Dead Of Knight hailing from Blackstone, an arena that I didn’t know even still existed. Speaking of nonexistent, Steelaway’s runoff chances fit neatly into that category until that loser hits the gym. Speaking of losers, a Dense warrior showed up in round 2, already sitting at 0-1 and headed straight for the Fools tourney which makes sense, given the management. He almost didn’t even make it that far as several kill intents arose during the match, using that term loosely. I hope the WS Dahn Tucker puts that decise skill to good use in the future and decisively decides to seek new management! Match 3 saw the dismissal of another unknown warrior (Archon) with an even more unknown team (Judgement 19) from a totally passe arena (Erinika). Ah, Erinika, where my basic teams go to die. Bill had picked up 3 DEF skills and one ATT, with accompanying MAS rating, through the 3rd fight and was excited to press on to future fights. Entering at 2-1, a more competent Waste than round 2 showed up in round 4, although that bar was set pretty low. Mighty Melody of Heroic Verse, a sub .500 Niytyole team, did nothing but get hit and still managed to look better than Dahn. He, too, picked up a decise skill. Pro tip: If your Wastes are learning a lot of decise, they shouldn’t be in Adepts.

No idea who runs Nawlins RU2, but Street Car Café came into round five at 3-1 and left worse for the wear. Pro Tip: If your Adepts SL gets jumped by a sub-expert Decise LU and your guy isn’t running a surprise PAR tactic (see elsewhere in this write-up), he probably shouldn’t be in Adepts. A deliriously happy and undefeated Bill waltzed into his first potential real fight, being against a Howlin’ Wolf LU, for round 6. With both warriors dripping the latest in Lunging haute couture and sporting the same implements of destruction, it was the first truly mano a mano contest. Sadly, Width Style’s desperation strategy wasn’t up to snuff and only Bill walked away with record intact. I will also note that Bill continued to train in only desirable skills, specifically lunger faves of ATT, DEF and INI. More on that later. A 6-0 Bill had the pleasure of mopping the floor with a tDO striker in turn 7, critically dodging a critical attack – this is a tDO warrior, after all – and ripping him back home to Tobir. Vile had just been expertly responsed by one of my slashers the turn before, so we were all a bit giggly to see him exiting the tournament courtesy the VLads. Bill continued the correct learning regimen, this time adding an initiative skill to his repertoire. Round 8 was award time, so it was clearly time to deny someone a trophy. Mostexpensivesausage, an on-the-bubble ST with an aiming problem, was quickly ripped into bleachers to observe the rest of the class. Bill picked up an ATT skill and, more importantly, a Tournament Victor award. I was pretty surprised that Bill hadn’t seen an ally yet but round 9 solved that, with Kharadmon’s lunger putting up a good fight but ultimately being put out. Bill picked up an ATT skill.

Editor’s Note: You’re picking up on the hints here, right? That’s called foreshadowing, a subtle hint of plot developments to come. A common literary device, it’s often used in contrast to another, less-impressive literary device, that of “making it up as you go” which, by the way, is a literary device seen in other tourney write-ups, but never, ever here. Remember, “foreshadowing” – your clue to quality literature and Duelmaster write-ups.

I honestly don’t know the official definition of runoffs, but I like to consider them to start in round 10. An undefeated Bill squared off against DMobster’s Lingo Loader, yet another ST – this IS Adepts after all – and there was no question of joking given the manager. Lingo speared Bill like a dingo eating a baby, giving Bill his first loss and picking up a Tournament Victor award for his win. Bill learned… a decisiveness skill.

Round 11 struck fear in Team Vlad as across the sands from Bill stood the January Inits Tournament Champion, Major LilyWhite of IZombie, managed by none other than Howlin’ Wolf, of Howlin’ Wolf TC Enterprises LTD™ (all rights reserved). Lily was came limping into the match, fresh off his first loss from another Vlad’s Lad in round 10. I just now discovered that the IZombie team name draws from a TV show that, in turn, draws from a comic. Apropos, since the match with Bill was pretty comical. The good Major didn’t have any Street Car Café hangups, easily beating Bill to the jump with a critical FI attack. Bill dodged that and then there was a flurry of activity with Bill generally avoiding critical attack after critical attack. And then, Bill blocked another critical attack with his weapon, doing damage to Mr. Major and muttering, “that was my special move, want me to do it again?” But, sadly, Bill couldn’t do it again because his weapon was now broken. Now, of the two warriors, only one had trained in hand-to-hand combat and Lilywhite was throwing all sorts of jujitsu judo kung fuing crap Bill’s way and, of course, throwing 100% criticals. You know what they say, never bring a fist to a fistfight. Bill now had his second loss and had one foot out the tourney door. Bill learned… a decisiveness skill.

Round 12 saw a starry, starry knight in the One Armed Bandit’s livery, also a lunger and also on the bubble at 9-2. Prima Giedi was all business, dominating the action in the first minute, swinging twelve times without a crit and hitting none times. Winded like a two-pack-a-day smoker after standing up, Prima took one more half-hearted swing in the second minute before asking for a pause. Bill declined and leaned in, sending Prima desperate but then giving up the initiative. So Prima stubbed out his cig and sent Bill desperate after finding the critical button on his shortsword. But that was all OAB’s warrior had in him, asking again for a timeout to catch his breath. Bill responded by giving him a permanent timeout from the tourney. Bill learned… a decisiveness skill.

Unlucky turn 13 saw a warrior whom I presumed to also be managed by Bandit based on what sounded like a constellation name, but I now believe I am mistaken. So no idea who manages Zitenn, who also sat at 10-2 and was a devote of the parry skills though not of shields. In an ironic twist, Bill broke Zitenn’s weapon on the first swing but the total parry was having none of that, immediately drawing the backup SC and retorting with a critical attack. It didn’t connect and Bill knocked his opponent down only to see him make like a Rubberband Man back up from the sand. Zitenn got a hit in before relinquishing the initiative again. The second time Bill knocked him down, he stayed down. I guess I should mention one more thing: Bill learned… a decisiveness skill.

An audible groan arose from the Vlad side of the stands as Major Lilywhite stepped back out for round 14 and waved at Bill like an old friend, with a crap-eating grin on his face. “Hi!” he yelled. While thinking “Finals!” I said a quick prayer to Verra imploring a blessing on Bill’s weapon quality this go round. Lilywhite got the action going with a swift kick to Bill’s balls. Suddenly Bill had little interest in attacking and, understandably, more interest in protecting Bill’s balls. So, once again, Major threw crit after crit with Bill scampering about until, finally, he parried one, striking Lily in the arm and… nothing happened. Sending a quick “thank you!” to Verra, I watched as Bill dodged the next crit and ripped Lilywhite a new one, knocking him down and out. Believe you me, popcorn went everywhere. But Bill wasn’t eliminated, so obviously that was, sadly, not a finals fight. Oh, and Bill learned… a decisiveness skill.

I did idly wonder if round 15 could be a finals fight but I figured that to be wishful thinking. After all, this was Bill’s first match with Perilous Kiss, who was also on the bubble and had put out another Lad in round 12. Surely there was someone else out there we hadn’t run into yet. But anyway, off we went into the fight.

The Game of Thrones finale was universally reviled by fans as underwhelming and poorly executed. This fight, which also turned out to be a finale, was quite similar in feel. After the many exciting fights leading up to this shining moment, Bill was unceremoniously put out with some fine hatchet play in about 15 seconds. “And that,” as Commodore Duvall said in Maverick, “was that.” Except for one thing: Bill learned… a decisiveness skill.

Congrats to Angus and the indisputably better warrior Perilous Gorilla Kisses on the Adepts Tournament Championship!

“I like big busts and I cannot lie!” – Sir Mix-A-Lot, with artistic license

While I am a fan of big busts, the concept had, to date, escaped me in the DM context. It’s probably telling that my first bust was accidental when I inadvertently trained a mostly-prepped SL to 11 deftness on the first turn after a freeze several years back. I’ve had a few busts since then, with the subsequent ones being almost as awkward as the first; for example, Riff Raff ran over one of my promising busts a couple years ago and wrote a forum post about his success while I wept bitter tears over my 1-3. Most recently, I’ve pulled the trigger on a handful of good (17/21, 13/21, 17/17)-to-excellent (21/21) ones and seem to have pretty consistently managed a 7-3 but never an award. A fun experience to go through the planning process and mechanics of the bust, but I never really saw any success.

Well, hello there Fixin’ To, a 9-5-17-21-15-6-11 ST. Nothing particularly special about her: HA fave, MO/MO rhythm, DEC learn. +1 DEC. Good / Dev. Started prepping her a long while ago and, honestly, I am not sure why she didn’t get shelved along with a bunch of others as I learned more about the bust process, strategy, cost to prep, etc. But anyway, the last eight tourneys she has entered the freeze at 150 skills and 22(13)-8(3)-17-21-20(5)-6-11 trying for the 6th Will train and finally hit it this time. She trained WT on the 2nd and 3rd freeze turns, picking up AMAS in DEC on the last. Thought long about the approach to training stats during the tournament – I don’t have much experience at the nuances – and finally settled in on WT for the first five fights to try to get the last two points, one being a 50% chance and the last being a 25%, then DF from there on out. I had decided a 7th point of WL was too much to hope for. Not sure if I dismissed SP or never considered it.

Round one brought a Khor total parry, dressed out in APM with SC / LG. Fixin’ ran her fave HA against all armor, so it was nice to see the Devastating damage do its work with three extra damage hits including two twists around parries. She picked up the 50% train. Round two was Airless Kestrel, a ST with unknown manager, that FT got the jump on and put down without hitting the train. Round 3 was a DNoble FI AB that, after some preliminary introductions, FT one-shotted but no train love. The next round was a Master Darque FI AB in APM that got in a few hits after FT’s initial barrage but gave the INI back for the win but not the train. The 5th round was up and I was on the edge of my seat since it was the last round FT was attempting the train to 25 Wit. She squared off against a LO-wielding TP that took six extra damage hits to bring down and, BOOM, nailed the 25 Wit right on schedule. Round six dredged up OAB’s Spare Anchor clone who, after a couple extra damage hits and desperation, ripped FT into desperation and shock. FT’s desp strat kicked in and she regained the initiative, breaking a shield and defeating Ballast after a couple more extra damage hits. She also picked up the first DF train. Round 7 was a Howlin’ slasher, also sitting undefeated at 6-0, but we solved that after getting the jump uncontested. No DF train, however. Round 8 gave Howlin’ some revenge as one of his on-the-bubble shortsword-laden TPs ripped Fixin’ into oblivion but not before she scored the second DF train. Seeing my warrior go from 7-0 to 7-1 brough back haunting memories of the 7-3 finishes of past busts. But another Howlin’ matchup in Round 9 broke the barrier as Fixin’ won the DEC roll vs his striker Sho’Nuff, who was laden down with APA/F, and mowed him down with 3 extra damage hits. First bust award secured!

Round 10 is as good a place as any to call it the runoffs I guess, so imagine my surprise to see Sho’Nuff across the sands again! 3rd verse, same as the first as it was a rinse and repeat of the previous fight, except Fixin’ picked up her third DF train. Round 11 brought round another OAB fighter, this time a ST named Mira who knew her business. She jumped Fixin’ after a contest and put him desperate and in shock after a huge hit. But then… I’ve said it before and I’ll repeat it here: Kill desire loses fights. She went for the kill, followed with a lame regular swing that Fixin’ dodged and then put Mira into the sand with a huge hit of her own. Game over for Mira. Round twelve brought another TP managed by someone I don’t know but Fixin’ mowed Rare Breed down without losing the initiative. 11-1 going into Round 13… Dare we hope? Spoiler alert: No, we daren’t. TMM’s Calamari Forever made short work of Fixin’ giving her the second loss and Burden Tofu, the ultimate runner up, put Fixin’ To out tied for 3rd place with Calamari while, arguably, giving her – Fixin’ not Calamari – what-fer for smacking around Sho’Nuff.

Very exciting to finally see what a successful bust looks like and to learn that a run-of-the-mill ST with 22 ST and 8 con can, with luck, go deep. Also very nice to pick up another non-basic award. Speaking of awards…

Awards of the week

As befits the Spring season, being one of growth and blossoming, the awards garden was in full bloom with nine awards sprouting up across six classes inclusive of basic and non-basic. Having established the irrigation channels in the non-basic garden plot at January’s Tempe tournament with the first award since returning, those upper level awards have taken root and are positively flourishing with one each in Freshmen and ADM out of only eight entries. Hello, Miracle-Gro!

As noted in Quotes of the Week, above, Bill was fortunate enough post-tourney to find himself the proud owner of the Runner Up prize: a custom-fitted Los Hermanos Calavera™ wrestling mask and smartly picking up a Stylemaster award to boot. Word ‘round the campfire was that he was planning to try the Skull Mask out on Melinda. Sadly, he fell just short of the highly coveted Tournament Champion Prize, a Calavera-autographed replica of the Mayan crystal Skull of Doom.

In addition to Bill, five other warriors took home Stylemaster awards.

Stats of the week

The Vlad Lads clocked in at an acceptable if not particularly thrilling 409-367-8-5 or 53%. In fairness, 20% of the crew were “tourney timers” entering the contest at precisely 14 or 24FE for no reason other than a really inebriated discussion I had with Howlin’ Wolf in Tampa. If I back those folk out, the crew landed at 54%. See above Quote about Statistics.

Best style: Strikers at 60%. Please see Floyd’s Theory of Tourney Optimization™.

Worst Style: Rippers and Bashers at 39% and 38% respectively. Nothing to see here, move along.

Best Class: ADM rolled in at a smooth 70% which reflects the evolution of the crew into the higher classes. An award for my SZ=21 LU, who will soon be terrorizing KoP participants everywhere, didn’t hurt.

Worst Class: The Challengers crew raised their heads and looked around for anyone close to them in terms of suckiness and couldn’t find anyone in the same area code. Now, in fairness, many of them were new to Challengers but this was an absolutely terrible class for the VLads. As they say, “if at first you don’t succeed, keep on sucking until you do suck seed.”

Factoids that may only interest me

I. If this sort of pattern keeps up, I am going to have to establish a TEABAG frequent flyer program for some of my common opponents. There were six warriors that the VLads faced 4 times each, including Howlin’ Wolf’s Running With Scissors who ran straight to an award on our backs. A begrudging nod goes to tDO whose Louis Cyphre who rode us hard and put us away wet all the way to the winner’s circle. But a special shout-out goes to Quamby who quambified my crew 4 times to his own award but was particularly painful given his style. That said, being a good ally, Mojo was kind enough to end a few of my guys’ runs just in time for Inits. #Teamwork

II. The crew crushed the Bashers and Pikers it ran into, winning roughly 3 out of every 4 fights. They struggled mightily with the stupid Scum styles, winning only 1 out of every 3 battles vs TPs and Wastes.

III. They say football and dalliance are games of inches. It certainly seems Eligibles might be as well. Two nice, bust-ready Eligible LUs participated this time round, one tremendous damage LO fave and one awesome damage LS fave. Both achieved 95%+ critical attacks. Both hit with roughly 60% of their swings. But the LO fave edged out the LS fave in extra damage hits despite the lower damage rating. He won two more fights as well. Obviously a lot of potential variables in play but, ceteris paribus, it leads me to wonder how important the right fave weapon is as you get closer to endgame.

IV. While it FELT like my gladiators were constantly being scummed by hybrids this tourney, I was shocked to discover I faced the exact same percentage of hybrids in the mailer as I did in January in Tempe. Looking more granularly, five percent (5%) of my Adepts fights lasted 4 pages (two, front and back) or roughly 5 minutes whereas 40% of them were 1 page / 1 minute fights. Compare that to Apps where 30% of the fights were 4 or more pages and 28% were a single page.

Mr. United Member Travel Note

I got nothing here unless you want me to recite all the recent Boeing examples of plane failures. Being United’s primary vehicle, it gives one almost as much pause as the 100% suicide rate of Boeing whistleblowers. I’d say more but it is probably not a healthy choice. Nothing to see here, move along.

Brief truths

A. Protect locations against Aimed Blows are Ed Schoonover’s idea of a joke.

B. Superhuman damage matters.

C. There is a big difference between who should do well vs who does do well. If I could figure out that difference, it would save me a lot of money.

Ten things I think I think

1. I think an appalling number of my entrees killed someone on their last pre-tourney timing fight, so “Sorry not sorry” condolences to those who were denied a chance to bloodfeud because of our warriors being timed. I think it’s ok to include warriors in the tourney in the hopes that THEY die rather than your favorites. I think it doesn’t tend to work out that way.

2. I think the Longspear should do more damage. I think the Longspear should do more damage. I think the Longspear should do more damage. I think the Longspear should do more damage.

3. I think the Large Shield was prominent amongst the VLads this contest. I think I was comically inept at understanding what the heck you need to wield it as many, many of my warriors can attest.

4. I think running your SLs on the premise that they will never, ever be hit is important.

5. I think winning the first fight out of the box is important. I think the fight between Noddy and that Lesion X manager Anarchist’s warrior, Earnest R. Kouma, might be one of the best Eligibles fights I’ve ever read. I think it is amazing how much difference APA + 25 CN makes. I think there were a lot of ASM-clad Eligibles and I think I want to know why. I think knock downs and attack location matter more in Eligibles. I think I am not investing in attack dice.

6. I think the humble pie tasted bittersweet when, after round two, I jotted down on my readthrough notes that both my ADM entries were looking good and then they both lost round three. I think the first fight against Dense was – like most – a total score. I think I still didn’t have 10% for The Big Fella and that it’s a damn good thing he trained his deftness, what with all that falling he does. I think Howlin’ Wolf, of Howlin’ Wolf TC Enterprises, Inc. ™ (all rights reserved) ran more ADM warriors than I ran basic warriors. I think it was a classic FAFO moment when HW’s slasher put my ADM warrior out in round 9, just to have my other warrior put his out in round 10, denying him an award while picking one up.

7. I think that, when I turned on the Masters Tournament before starting the Freshmen read, the DM Deities reminded me about the importance of priorities by handing my first warrior a loss. I think Total Parries are to Freshmen what Aimed Blows are to Rookies. I think it took seeing Fixin’ To’s first fight to remember that, oh yeah, I had someone busting. I think that, while it is nigh impossible to hit Maximillian, he can be scummed.

8. I think Doc Steele’s Slasher punching out my Total Parry for a win set the entire tone for Challengers but that it was still nice to put Joe Momma out. I think his lunger Kyln getting the jump on my 38 DEC slasher was the height of ridiculousness until you factor in the Parry tactic Lady Sandra of Castlemont had my slasher using which also made the win against his LU Renown a bit awkward. I think it took me til Challengers to realize there was a Fool’s portion of the tournament. I think successful leverage of the responsiveness tactic against JME, a known serial abuser of said tactic, was fun. I think Rippers are to Challengers what Aimed Blows are to Rooks and Total Parries are to Freshmen.

9. I think tDO was fierce and not to be trifled with in Champs. I think Louis Cyphre walking into Round five at 2-2 against my warrior and walking out of round 15 at 13-2 with a Tournament Championship under his belt was silly impressive. I think him grinning over his weapon and allowing my warrior to get back up off the sand was uncalled-for flex. That said, I think putting out Truffle Asiago Fries, who has haunted the VLads his entire existence, was one of the high points of my tourney. I think I had “Stupid Kharadmon” in my Champs readthrough notes… a lot. I think I enjoyed Delphic Casino of Mistakes In Myth and Dog Chow of Haulin’ Woof a lot, so much so that we gave the latter a dirt nap. I think giving OAB’s Ebla, who dismantled my warrior the previous round, a dirt nap right after Dog Chow was pretty sweet. I think I felt seen when my warrior ran into Legal Reptile.

10. These are the other things I think I think:

a. I think I worry about Assur. I think Predators of Bash Bros Park, Unflushed of Bash Bros Bathroom and Clogged of Bash Bros Loo, not to mention Obligatory of Bash Bros Sex, are signs of a damaged mind. I think his Basher running response to put my Striker out in the runoffs was brilliant. I think I hope his move to the Least Coast resolves some of the trauma from which he obviously suffers.

b. Golfnerdness™: Now that getting arrested en route to the golf tournament is avant-garde or, as BoV likes to say, “very trendy”, I am counting on Mannequin to do his part on the way to the 2025 Tempe Invitational. Assuming he brings The Consortium, I expect this exchange from today’s European Open tournament announcers to be relevant at that time:

[Professional Golfer swings.]
Announcer 1: “What was that?!”
Announcer 2: "I think he was trying to kill a snake!”

c. I think Floyd offers a Master Class to his warriors on advanced broadsword tactics. I think my warrior facing, and losing to, the same warrior in rounds 1 and 2 of Adepts was rude and uncalled for. I think too many Adepts aimed for the legs. I think if you can’t put out MGRR’s Love Child, putting out TUM’s Love Child will have to suffice. I think one should never get in a fist fight with a Howlin’ Wolf AB when your guy is a LU but it’s A-OK for your PL to get in one with an OAB ST, particularly one that killed your guy the previous round. I think I fought a lot of Wild Cards. I think my Adepts were looking desperately for reasons to lose and generally found them.

d. I think I’d really, really, really like to know where everyone sends their ST’s and SL’s and even frickin’ BA’s to learn to juke, dodge, parry, dance, block and limbo ripostes while mine just stand around taking hits. I think any Striker that lets a Ripper get the jump on him doesn’t get to ride the team wagon back to the guildhouse. I think Neon killing my last undefeated App was vaguely familiar.

e. I think Rookie’s Brothel is the new Big Lake when it comes to tourney prowess. I think it’s hilarious how many 4’11” midgets trundled out of Big Lake just to turn around and go home early. I mean, seriously, even when they print their own teamsheets they still can’t get it right.

f. I think my warrior bludgeoning that Rooks AB to death with a halberd got me moist. I think He Beats Everyone didn’t. I think I’m not sure it’s worth the effort to figure out Pikers. I think Far Travelers are the new Weird Students. I think my rook AB learning at least one riposte and nothing but riposte in each of his first 8 fights contributed to his award. I think Doc Steele needs to coach his AB’s to never check their attack and step away against a HL-wielding Basher. I think that, like the Refs giving the Chiefs Superbowl appearance after Superbowl appearance, the “I’m totally and repeatedly on the ropes but I’m going to get one last ridiculous swing in for the win” tourney fight gets tiring. I think I needed less Riff Raff in Rooks. I think Neon did a good job of bloodfeuding his dead 5-0 slasher.

g. Coffeenerdness: Coffee Diem! It’s nice when, like today, you can walk into your Bohemian coffee house, hear what’s playing, and know which of the two baristas opened the shop that morning. Here’s looking at you, Chaz!

h. Winenerdness: Sometimes you just need the house bottle. Not the dusty favorite for when friends drop by. Not the higher end red that pairs perfectly with the reverse seared filet or strip. Not any of your wine club bottles from vineyards you’ve visited and enjoyed. The second bottle. Or third or fourth depending on how many folks are still hanging out. The house bottle. The inexpensive – note, this is a relative term – bottle you have found you enjoy, perhaps because of that hint of vanilla, that you keep in bulk because you can get it at Wegmans, Total Wine or some such. If you were to drop by Chez Vlad, looking for refreshment while you sit on the front porch, you would likely be handed a glass of Bixby Creek Cabernet or B.R. Cohn Silver Label Cabernet from the wine fridge. If you can’t make it by – calling first is recommended as we’re likely to not be home depending upon the caller – I would easily recommend either of those as a decent bottle to try at your house.

i. Obit of the Weak™: You just can’t make this stuff up: 9-7-8-21-21-7-11 was disemboweled by FI AB Satan’s Claws after coming into the fight at 5-0 and defeating Claws two rounds earlier. Sources say a suicide note has been recovered at the scene.

Who I like in July

Do I think a Ripper, run by me no less, is going to win Inits? No, no I do not. But it occurs to me that who I like doesn’t necessarily have to mean who I think is going to bring home a crown, or skull, or personal massager. I am unreasonably excited about a 9 FE Ripper who is Adex PAR and ATT, and just shy of Adex in RIP.

Caustic Acrostic

TMM won Primus again while
Eligibles was a Bandit win
A Big Lake crew, small and weak
Bill preserved the finals streak
Angus won another two
Gorilla kisses stuck like glue

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