DUEL 2 NEWSLETTER Date : 02/09/2018 Duedate: 02/22/2018 TRANSEL ARENA DM-6 TURN-844 This Weeks Top Honors THE DUELMASTER IS CANNED HEAT BLACK AND BLUES (575) (6-7219) [14-4-1,141] Chartered Recognition Leader Unchartered Recognition Leader CANNED HEAT POSITION IS EMPTY BLACK AND BLUES (575) (6-7219) [14-4-1,141] Popularity Leader This Weeks Favorite CANNED HEAT COPELAND BLACK AND BLUES (575) BLACK AND BLUES (575) (6-7219) [14-4-1,141] (6-7284) [7-4-0,42] THE CURRENT TOP TEAM BLACK AND BLUES (575) TEAMS ON THE MOVE TOP CAREER HONORS Team Name Point Gain Chartered Team 1. BLACK AND BLUES (575) 48 2. EAT EM RAW BUG (618) 35 BLACK TIDE (453) 3. BLACK TIDE (453) 1 Unchartered Team 4. SOVEREIGN ONES (624) -17 (198) The Top Teams Career Win-Loss Record W L K % Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns W L K 1/ 1 BLACK TIDE (453) 54 37 1 59.3 1/ 3 BLACK AND BLUES (575) 8 3 0 2/ 2 BLACK AND BLUES (575) 378 288 19 56.8 2/ 1 SOVEREIGN ONES (624) 8 7 0 3/ 3 SOVEREIGN ONES (624) 44 47 2 48.4 3/ 2 BLACK TIDE (453) 7 8 0 4/ 4 EAT EM RAW BUG (618) 100 113 13 46.9 4/ 4 EAT EM RAW BUG (618) 5 5 1 '*' Unchartered team '-' Team did not fight this turn (###) Avoid teams by their Team Id ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank SPY REPORT Well, what are you looking at, TRANSEL? Ain't you never seen Snide Clemens before? Ah, shaddup and listen to my news. Later days, SOVEREIGN ONES, since BLACK AND BLUES took top team from you this turn, you guys are old news. Now let's all watch EAT EM RAW BUG's heads swell from their 4-1-1 this turn. Haa ha ha ha! Big shots, big talk, big deal. Of course, we're all terribly impressed to see LONG TALL TEA win a fight and gain 17 points, terribly. Tsk, tsk, BLIND WILLIAM beat CHELSEA MARIE and CHELSEA MARIE lost 10 points. You're breakin' my heart. And if variety is the spice of life, TRANSEL may be getting bland, as CANNED HEAT stays top dog in the city. The Sultan's Tent, humph! I've tasted better ale at mortuaries. Where do they get this stuff? From TRANSEL's trash dumps? My mother always told me, 'If you don't have anything nice to say, start talking.' I loved that woman. JUMBO was challenged more times this turn than the Duelmaster. Now was the DM insulted or feared? Heh, heh. Looks like time for laurels or hemlock, WEASEL was challenged by ZALADANE, who was ranked 29 points below him. Not that I'm surprised or anything, but ZALADANE was bested by WEASEL, leaving the latter lower for recognition points. Ah, now we come to my favorite part, where we see all the guys who are dead and gone, and get to see if their team cared. Titanium shields and bamboo daggers, guess what brave team is developing these kinds of weapons? I was about to buy a new quill pen the other day, but some fighter took it for an epee. Forgive me for writing with a dagger. Well, I've had enough of this drivel, and I'm sure you have too. Off like a dirty shirt of padded leather. Paste this one in your scrapbooks, you'll need the kindling come this winter-- Snide Clemens DUELMASTER W L K POINTS TEAM NAME CANNED HEAT 7219 14 4 1 141 BLACK AND BLUES (575) CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME 'MARICAN SINGLE 7206 16 17 1 94 EAT EM RAW BUG (618) CHAMPIONS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME WEASEL 5209 12 3 0 90 BLACK TIDE (453) KAZMOJEN STONEFORGE 7268 14 5 0 89 SOVEREIGN ONES (624) BLOODSHOT 5205 14 6 1 83 BLACK TIDE (453) BLIND WILLIAM 7263 7 4 0 73 BLACK AND BLUES (575) B.B. 7262 6 5 1 68 BLACK AND BLUES (575) CHALLENGER ADEPTS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME ERIK BLOODAXE 7214 8 6 0 59 BLACK TIDE (453) ADEPTS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME ZALADANE 7267 9 10 1 56 SOVEREIGN ONES (624) LONG TALL TEA 7279 7 3 2 53 EAT EM RAW BUG (618) BANANA SPLIT 7269 9 6 1 51 EAT EM RAW BUG (618) CHELSEA MARIE 7288 6 2 1 50 SOVEREIGN ONES (624) JUMBO 5208 11 9 0 47 BLACK TIDE (453) SILENT 6748 7 8 0 45 BLACK TIDE (453) COPELAND 7284 7 4 0 42 BLACK AND BLUES (575) SANT NIKOLAAS 7285 4 7 0 42 SOVEREIGN ONES (624) CHALLENGER INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME BEVO 7286 4 7 0 31 SOVEREIGN ONES (624) SLIM JANE 7280 5 5 2 27 EAT EM RAW BUG (618) INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME TINA TUNA 7287 5 3 0 19 EAT EM RAW BUG (618) '-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn. THE DEAD W L K TEAM NAME SLAIN BY TURN Revenge? MORDANT DESERTER 0 0 0 SLIM JANE 7280 844 NONE LAPTOP 7187 0 1 0 DM TABLE 620 CHELSEA MARIE 7288 841 PERSONAL ADS LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS ZALADANE was devastated by WEASEL in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight. SANT NIKOLAAS was vanquished by B.B. in a 1 minute uneven Challenge battle. BEVO was savagely defeated by JUMBO in a 2 minute gruesome Challenge fight. CANNED HEAT devastated BLOODSHOT in a 1 minute gory one-sided Title contest. KAZMOJEN STONEFORGE subdued XENORIA in a crowd pleasing 3 minute competition. 'MARICAN SINGLE vanquished ERIK BLOODAXE in a 1 minute mismatched fight. CHELSEA MARIE was overpowered by BLIND WILLIAM in a 1 minute gory mismatched brawl. SILENT was handily defeated by BANANA SPLIT in a 1 minute uneven melee. LONG TALL TEA vanquished DANGEROUS CRIMINAL in a 1 minute gruesome one-sided duel. COPELAND vanquished TINA TUNA in a exciting 1 minute gruesome one-sided fight. SLIM JANE executed MORDANT DESERTER in a 1 minute one-sided fight. BATTLE REPORT MOST POPULAR RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS |FIGHTING STYLE FIGHTS FIGHTING STYLE W - L - K PERCENT| |LUNGING ATTACK 5 TOTAL PARRY 9 - 2 - 0 82 | |BASHING ATTACK 5 STRIKING ATTACK 5 - 2 - 0 71 | |SLASHING ATTACK 3 LUNGING ATTACK 23 - 15 - 1 61 | |WALL OF STEEL 2 SLASHING ATTACK 12 - 10 - 0 55 | |STRIKING ATTACK 1 BASHING ATTACK 19 - 18 - 2 51 | |TOTAL PARRY 1 WALL OF STEEL 8 - 10 - 0 44 | |AIMED BLOW 1 PARRY-LUNGE 4 - 7 - 0 36 | |PARRY-LUNGE 1 AIMED BLOW 1 - 6 - 0 14 | |PARRY-STRIKE 0 PARRY-STRIKE 0 - 1 - 0 0 | |PARRY-RIPOSTE 0 PARRY-RIPOSTE 0 - 0 - 0 0 | Turn 844 was great if you Not so great if you used The fighting styles of the used the fighting styles: the fighting styles: top eleven warriors are: LUNGING ATTACK 5 - 0 BASHING ATTACK 2 - 3 4 LUNGING ATTACK STRIKING ATTACK 1 - 0 SLASHING ATTACK 1 - 2 3 SLASHING ATTACK TOTAL PARRY 1 - 0 AIMED BLOW 0 - 1 1 WALL OF STEEL WALL OF STEEL 1 - 1 PARRY-LUNGE 0 - 1 1 TOTAL PARRY PARRY-STRIKE 0 - 0 1 STRIKING ATTACK PARRY-RIPOSTE 0 - 0 1 BASHING ATTACK TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE FIGHTING STYLE WARRIOR W L K PNTS TEAM NAME LUNGING ATTACK CANNED HEAT 7219 14 4 1 141 BLACK AND BLUES (575) SLASHING ATTACK WEASEL 5209 12 3 0 90 BLACK TIDE (453) TOTAL PARRY KAZMOJEN STONEFORGE 7268 14 5 0 89 SOVEREIGN ONES (624) STRIKING ATTACK BLIND WILLIAM 7263 7 4 0 73 BLACK AND BLUES (575) BASHING ATTACK ERIK BLOODAXE 7214 8 6 0 59 BLACK TIDE (453) Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above. The overall popularity leader is CANNED HEAT 7219. The most popular warrior this turn was COPELAND 7284. The ten other most popular fighters were JUMBO 5208, WEASEL 5209, B.B. 7262, CANNED HEAT 7219, BLIND WILLIAM 7263, BEVO 7286, KAZMOJEN STONEFORGE 7268, 'MARICAN SINGLE 7206, BANANA SPLIT 7269, and LONG TALL TEA 7279. The least popular fighter this week was SILENT 6748. The other ten least popular fighters were CHELSEA MARIE 7288, BLOODSHOT 5205, SANT NIKOLAAS 7285, ZALADANE 7267, SLIM JANE 7280, TINA TUNA 7287, ERIK BLOODAXE 7214, LONG TALL TEA 7279, BANANA SPLIT 7269, and 'MARICAN SINGLE 7206. Mission to the Twisted Lands Episode One Old Brown could run pretty fast if properly motivated, but mostly he walked with a long-legged, distance-devouring stride. He was a huge horse, a half-giant's warhorse, shaggy and self-assured, with muscles like half-buried boulders in his shoulders and hips. Lounging in the saddle was the motivating force, the half-giant, Keel Woodhaven. Although in his mind he was slouching and half-asleep, he sat up straight in the saddle since that is more comfortable for riding. It was twilight, stars coming out above and lights in farmhouse windows below. They traveled through vineyards, brown and fallow now in the winter, descending gently toward the tree-crowded coast. The distant trees, not just pines, were green. They stayed green because the marsh that surrounded the city-state of Bonsur had hot springs in it. Keel Woodhaven had always liked Bonsur. It had a relaxed feel about it, the women seemed prettier, the music was great, everyone thought about having fun. And the booze was excellent, of course. He passed the arena at the edge of town, and paused to read the current statistics, posted on the gate and lit by a lantern. So, an elven cobbler was the Duelmaster? Why would a shoemaker take up such a painful profession? Then he noticed the team name: Shewish Picnic. He snorted. That explained it, all right. As a half-Shew, he was kind of bothered by that team theme, which was present in Home Guard as well. It was sort of funny though. He saw that Elf Cobbler was headed for the Isle. Probably not bound for Home Guard just yet, though. They passed a small chicken ranch. A rooster uttered an untimely crow. At about that time, Old Brown took exception to something and bolted. Cussing, Keel hauled on the reins, to little effect since the horse was stronger than him and apparently frightened. He didn't see the masked men coming out of their hiding places behind him, looking frustrated. At least not until a crossbow bolt thunked into the backside of his leather cuirass. His horse screamed and ran faster. Hauling Old Brown to the left as they passed a set of big open gates into a well- lighted courtyard, Keel got them behind the shelter of the high stone wall, and patted the horse's sweaty neck. "You're okay now, friend. I'll go take care of those bozos." As he dismounted, he noticed he was becoming surrounded by uniformed men, some with swords and some with halberds. "Howdy?" he said, hoping they were friendly. "Your horse has been shot," said someone, pointing at a bolt sticking out of Old Brown's butt. "Well damn!" Keel laid a comforting hand on the horse's flank, which quivered. "So have you," the guard continued. "Yeah, thought so. Doesn't feel like it got through the armor though." Keel tried to look over his shoulder, but could only see the feathered end of the bolt. "Who are you guys?" "We are the Queen's Guard." "What? Queen Gemra? Okay, please take care of Old Brown here, and I'll go find the ***holes that shot him." "Sir, you are mistaken. You will be taken to a doctor. We will arrest the assailants." "Hey! I'm on a mission from Sheila Greywand. Anyway, they shot my horse. My HORSE! I'm gonna get 'em." Unslinging his huge sword, Keel strode toward the gate. Four Guardsmen came with him, flanking him like the trailing ends of a flock of geese. They might have intended a different formation, but he had the longest legs and walked the fastest. The one who'd spoken to him before said, "I'm Corporal Brat Langerman. And you are?" "Keel Woodhaven." "I've heard of you! The Queen will want to meet you." "That's fine. Let's stick to the sides of these buildings. If they're still around, we'll be targets in the middle of the street." They weren't quiet, exactly, since the guards wore highly polished chain mail which jingled. However, Bonsur had a lively night life. Music and laughter came from bars and nightclubs on adjacent streets, people lingered on corners chatting and sometimes playing instruments, and children hawked newssheets, shoeshines, flowers, a selection of rouges, and offered to carry packages. So the sounds the guards made weren't too noticeable. Keel led the way back to the chicken ranch. He was thinking that the bad guys wouldn't have waited around to be hunted. They might have left clues, though. Perhaps even a discarded, crumpled note offering a cash reward for his head, and signed by a notorious crimelord. Or distinctive cigar stubs, monogrammed hankies... personalized masks. Tracks of boots made by elven cobblers. Anything. Witnesses, even. There were no people on the street near the chicken ranch. It was full night now, a bit chilly although there was a warm and slightly funky breeze from the marsh. Corporal Brat Langerman said quietly, "Is this where it happened?" "Yup." "Well, I don't think they're here anymore." Keel was about to agree, when a crossbow bolt appeared in the Corporal's arm. The young man hissed, "Everybody down!" The guardsmen hunkered against the wall of a hardware store, which didn't offer anything resembling good cover except that they were in shadow there. Keel crouched a little, but he knew he was a pretty big target, plus his sword gave off a faint greenish glow. He looked around, searching the darkness for signs of their foes. A shadow on top of a shaded walkway across the street shifted a little. Keel pulled a weighted dart out of his pocket and hurled it. He was good at tavern darts, but it was dark, the distance was too great, and he just wasn't lucky. The little missile clattered against the shingles of the porch roof. There was a startled twitch from the half-seen form. At that instant, Keel lunged across the street. His long legs carried him across to the opposite shadows in three bounds. More bolts came out of the darkness, one lodging in his calf, the others missing him altogether. Now the Guardsmen had a good idea where their foes were, and it takes a while to reload a crossbow. The four men charged, yelling wildly. Tucking his sword under his arm, Keel grabbed one of the posts holding up the porch roof, strained, and dislodged it. After a moment he yanked it out of the structure entirely. The roof sagged, there was a yelp of surprise, and someone's foot appeared off the edge of it. Keel grabbed him by the ankle and hauled him the rest of the way down. There were brief sounds of fighting, then footsteps that rapidly receded down an alley. Three Guardsmen raced off in pursuit. Keel's prisoner started to try to get away, so the half-Shew tossed him up, grabbed him by the arms and bashed him against the wall. "Are you okay?" asked Brat, sheathing his sword. "Took one in the leg, but it's not too bad I think," Keel said, shifting his unconscious prisoner to one hand and bending to pick up his sword. "I'll help you tie that one up," Brat said. "There's a dead one here. I think there were two more." He grunted slightly, trying to reach something with his injured arm. "Got some ties in my right-hand belt pouch. If you could get them for me?" They bound the prisoner, then bandaged each other. "What did they want?" asked the Corporal. Keel shrugged. "No clue. Let's get him somewhere safe and we can ask him..." He listened. "Your guys are coming back." "Yeah." The Guardsmen hadn't been able to track their assailants in the darkness, but at least there were no further injuries. The group of them returned warily to the courtyard of the Guard House, where a woman was smearing some kind of ointment on Old Brown's wound. After the horse was bedded down in the stable, the Guardsmen led Keel into their office, where there was a welcome scent of fresh coffee. The medic set about binding Keel's wound and that of the Corporal, who turned out to be an extremely handsome man. Keel remembered hearing that Queen Gemra required her Guardsmen to be good looking. That didn't mean they weren't competent, though. Brat had done pretty well. The medic roused their prisoner with smelling salts. They all sat in the main office, Corporal Langerman facing the miscreant, who was seated in a cushioned chair, looking reasonably comfortable except for his bandaged head. "All right," said Brat. "Now I want you to tell me that you're going to turn Queen's Evidence." "Not on your life, pretty boy!" The man had, perhaps, some excuse for hard feelings since he was more homely than not, with a crooked nose and eyes set too close together. He and Keel looked shabby and ill-favored amongst all these gleamingly handsome Guardsmen. Keel leaned forward. "You guys shot my horse." "Oh. Sorry, didn't mean to do that. We were just shooting at you." "Why?" "Glowing sword." "What?" "Duh, it's a magic sword! We saw it when you drew it in Delarq Tor, and figured we could sell it so we followed you." The half-Shew snorted. "The Dentless isn't magic. It was in a Chaos Gate for five hundred years and it picked up some energy, that's all. All it does, is glow. And cut things." The bandit looked chagrined. "But... it's got to be magic." "Ain't. Sorry kid." After that, Keel was taken to enjoy a sumptuous dinner at the Palace. Queen Gemra was a definite babe, with long, silken black hair, a delicate pouty face, and luscious curves. She asked him about his mission, which was to go to the Twisted Lands and shut down a leaking Chaos Gate. He entertained her with the story of his adventure on the Two-Shew Express, and she gave him a brown velvet cloak to show her appreciation. She did not invite him to her bed, which was fine because his heart belonged to another, always and forever. * * * * * This is a continuing adventure. Watch for future chapters in the Bonsur and Home Guard newsletters!