Date   : 02/20/2018    Duedate: 03/05/2018


DM-20    TURN-70

This Weeks Top Honors


(20-544) [14-12-3,110]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

DARQUE KNIGHTS (22)            
(20-544) [14-12-3,110]         

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

SNOZZLE                        JASON THE MASON
HUCKLE'S CATS (23)             HUCKLE'S CATS (23)
(20-460) [20-20-0,90]          (20-512) [5-4-0,25]



Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. MARVEL (54)                 48
3. LOSERS (20)                 28      Unchartered Team
4. LOST SENTINELS (19)         14
5. WEIRDING WAYS (53)           8      NIGHT CRUE (46)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1- 2 PHANTOM REGIMENT (25)     86  68  3 55.8   1/ 1 DARQUE KNIGHTS (22)      10  5 1
 2/ 3 WEIRDING WAYS (53)        55  45  7 55.0   2/ 7 DIETIES AND DEMIGOD (37)  8  4 0
 3/ 4 THIRSTY THUGS (31)       186 157  6 54.2   3/ 2 LOST SENTINELS (19)       8  7 0
 4/ 6 MARVEL (54)               40  35  2 53.3   4/ 8 MARVEL (54)               7  8 1
 5/ 5 DARQUE KNIGHTS (22)      180 161 16 52.8   5/ 6 THIRSTY THUGS (31)        7  8 0
 6/ 8 DIETIES AND DEMIGOD (37) 158 148 10 51.6   6- 4 PIXELBENDERS (36)         6  4 0
 7- 7 PIXELBENDERS (36)        151 143  8 51.4   7/10 DEADLINE (32)             6  6 0
 8/ 9 HUCKLE'S CATS (23)       130 139  2 48.3   8/ 9 HUCKLE'S CATS (23)        5  7 0
 9/10 LOST SENTINELS (19)      148 190 12 43.8   9/ 3 LOSERS (20)               5 10 1
10/11 DEADLINE (32)             65 102  6 38.9  10- 5 PHANTOM REGIMENT (25)     4  1 0
11/12 LOSERS (20)              126 213 22 37.2  11/12 WEIRDING WAYS (53)        3  7 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

**********                         NEW SEAM JOURNAL                         **********

Greetings, warriors and managers of Seam!  I am hoping to start a new ongoing practice 
for our arena by producing a New Seam Journal every 5 turns or so.  My goal is to have 
a NSJ article ready for every turn that ends in 0 or 5, staring with this glorious 
turn 70.  I'll mix the topics up a bit for each article.

We will focus upon the awards records for this edition, taking a look at the various 
stats surrounding the Duelmaster's throne, recognition, popularity and point gains.  
Essentially, most of the awards you see when you first glance at the newsletter.


                                 ** The Duelmaster **

In 69 turns of fighting, we have had quite a few champions in the arena.  The first 
Duelmaster will forever be Werewolf 20-127 from Light of the Moon.  His accomplishment 
truly stands as the only one we will list here that can never be taken away.  As for 
the others, let's just say they are a bit more fluid.

* Most Duelmasters

* Duelmaster by Style

* Best Duelmasters (W/L% with 20 min. fights)
SMOKEHEAD (LU) of THIRSTY THUGS -- 17-3-1 (85.00%) 
MAGUVIAL (PS) of DARQUE KNIGHTS -- 17-6-2 (73.91%) 

* Deadliest Duelmasters (3 kill min.)

                         ** CHARTERED RECOGNITION LEADERS **

* Most CRL (Teams)

* Most CRL (Warriors)

                               ** POPULARITY LEADERS **

* Most Popular (Teams)

* Most Popular (Warriors)

                                ** CURRENT TOP TEAM **

THIRSTY THUGS -- 14-1-1 (Turn 12)

* Most Awards

                              ** TOP TEAM ON THE MOVE **

* Best Single Turn Gain
I'M NOT EGGBERT -- 77 pts (Turn 12)

* Top 3 Largest Gains
I'M NOT EGGBERT -- 77 pts (Turn 12)
I'M NOT EGGBERT -- 74 pts (Turn 31)
DARQUE KNIGHTS -- 66 pts (Turn 68)


And so ends our Turn 70 report, my lovelies!  I hope you have found it to be 
informative and motivating.  I find it easier to make goals and crush competitors when 
I know what I am up against.  Not that I would literally crush anyone... or would I?  
Teehee, you never truly know with a witch, do you?  I promise, I am one of the good 
ones, which I'm sure is a line all witches would use.  But hey, you know me, you can 
trust me! ::wink::

                                          -- Sidara Brightbell
                                             New Seam Journal Correspondant

                                 DUELMASTER'S COLUMN
                             Notes from the arena champ.

Howdy folks of Seam!

I've held the throne a few times previously, but have never taken the time to address 
any of you.  There isn't really much to say.  I'm a big disappointment to Darque, who 
thought I had so much more potential in the arena than barely eeking out a .500 

What can I say?  The competition has been fierce, or something.  I have no 
explanation!  A wizard such as Darque should know that the Fates are fickle 

Enough with that nonsense!  I am on the throne as of now.  If my calculations are 
correct, one more win should get me invited to the Isle.  I cannot remember if Darque 
bothered to challenge anyone from the Challenger Champions.  I only have 1 true option 
in Snozzle. Barnabus Crow has been missing for a few turns and even though I'd like to 
go a few rounds with Ra-Ra, the Commission won't let us fight because we are in the 
same guild.  Oh well, we will leave it up to the Fates, once again!

Until next turn, warriors!  Luck and life on the sands!

                                          -- Duelmaster Dhotho Halfgray

                                      SPY REPORT

     Good afternoon, my sweets!  Winter has been pushed out, at least for a brief 
moment, and spring-like temperatures are upon us for a few days.  The weather wizards 
are 50/50 at best, but they seem to have called this day correctly.  It is nice to 
have the day's festivities with sunshine and a cool breeze whipping through the arena.  
It sure beats the torrential downpours from the last few turns.  It is great to see 
each of you here, so let's dive into this turn's action, shall we? 
     Last turn's Duelmaster was a repeat champion.  He held the throne on turns 65 and 
66 before losing it to Casper.  He retook it last turn after Craquelure left us for 
the Isle.  This turn gave Dhotho the opportunity to slip solely into 3rd place for 
most thrones in Seam. It was good to see he did not approach this goal passively.  He 
posted a challenge to the top ranked Challenger Champion, Snozzle of Huckle's Cats.  
Dhotho shows us why he is currently top dog in the arena as he overcomes Huckle's Cat, 
Snozzle!  Dhotho also received his invitation to the Isle, which he suspected was 
going to happen if he won. Congrats to Dhotho, who is a member of the Darque Knights 
guild.  He is managed by Master Darque. 
     The most avoided team for the turn is Deities and Demigods.  They were avoided 
most by Weirding Ways.  The most challenged warrior for the turn was Snozzle.  We have 
already covered his valiant, albeit, unsuccessful fight against our Duelmaster.  
Another challenge that needs mentioning is Piwi Steelmoon's challenge against the 
lesser ranked Paranoid Android, a mismatch of 31 points.  Do we really need this in 
this arena?  Must I remind all of you this is an Andorian arena?  My reminders seem to 
be falling upon deaf ears, but I will continue to voice them as the needs arise.  Not 
missing a beat, Weirding Ways posted their own down challenge when Vicar in a Tutu 
challenged Bagherra of Lost Sentinels.  It wasn't a massive dip like the previous 
fight, but it also did not end well for Vicar, as he lost to Bagherra. 
     Darque Knights remains the top team after a 3-2 turn.  Deities and Demigods make 
a big leap from 7th to 2nd with a 4-0 effort.  This is the biggest gain for the turn.  
Lost Sentinels slip a spot into 3rd, while Marvel moved up 4 spots to 4th.  Rounding 
out the top 5, we have Thirsty Thugs who moved up a modest 1 spot.  The biggest drop 
for the turn belongs to Losers who fell 6 to 9th after going 2-3-1.  There were more 
than a few inactives this turn as Phantom Regiment continues to be missing and I'm Not 
Eggbert dropped from the ranking after missing 2 turns.  Pixelbenders were also absent 
on turn 70.  We hope each of them finds their road back to us in the arena! 
     There isn't much to report in the area of death, which is always good news to me.  
Only 2 deaths marred our beautiful sands on turn 70. An Incompetent Punk was put down 
in the regular arena by the aptly named Pestilence.  The other death occurred in the 
Dark Arena as Losers sent the 3-3 Carapax to the Dark Arena.  The Losers guild has 
lost an entire team, 5 warriors, since turn 66.  Condolences and good luck on 
restocking your warriors!       
     I have rambled on enough, my darlings.  I now release you back into the arena for 
meet and greets with the gladiators; wooden sword fights between the kiddies and 
aspiring gladiators; as well as all the street food Seam has to offer.  Don't eat too 
much now!  I want to see all of you back here on Turn 71.  I'll be looking for you!

                                          -- Sidara Brightbell

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 DHOTHO HALFGRAY 544          14  12  3   110       DARQUE KNIGHTS (22)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 ZUSHI 514                    15  16  1    97       LOST SENTINELS (19)
 AERY SHINE 559               16   7  1    95       DARQUE KNIGHTS (22)
 BLACK KNIGHT 603              7   7  0    92       MARVEL (54)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 SNOZZLE 460                  20  20  0    90       HUCKLE'S CATS (23)
 GAMBIT 593                   11   4  0    86       MARVEL (54)
 RA-RA RAINWAR 490            20  16  1    80       DARQUE KNIGHTS (22)
-DWIMORBERG 576               11   6  0    78       PHANTOM REGIMENT (25)
 HASTUR 481                   17  18  0    70       DIETIES AND DEMIGODS (37)
 MONA LISA 515                19  12  0    69       LOST SENTINELS (19)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 HAIG 488                     16  21  0    69       THIRSTY THUGS (31)
 PIWI STEELMOON 619            7   2  0    69       DARQUE KNIGHTS (22)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 FRIGG 529                    16  10  0    63       DIETIES AND DEMIGODS (37)
 THOR 620                      6   2  0    60       MARVEL (54)
-RASTERIZE 565                11   6  0    59       PIXELBENDERS (36)
-EQUALIZER 487                13  17  0    58       PIXELBENDERS (36)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 BAD PENNY 575                 9  11  1    55       LOST SENTINELS (19)
 GYAVIIRA 602                  7   7  0    55       THIRSTY THUGS (31)
 BAHAMUT 585                   9   5  0    53       DIETIES AND DEMIGODS (37)
 KOOKSY INURMOUT 560          16   4  0    52       WEIRDING WAYS (53)
-GRAVEBORN PALADIN 604         7   3  1    51       PHANTOM REGIMENT (25)
 TIAMAT 584                    8   9  0    48       DIETIES AND DEMIGODS (37)
 BRASS HAMMER 562             11   9  1    43       WEIRDING WAYS (53)
 MDJAI 596                     5  10  1    43       DEADLINE (32)
 DEVAL 599                     7   8  0    42       DEADLINE (32)
 PARENTAL DECEIT 583           8   8  2    41       WEIRDING WAYS (53)
 PARANOID ANDROID 573          9   9  0    36       WEIRDING WAYS (53)
 KAGEWA 601                    7   7  0    36       THIRSTY THUGS (31)
 VALERIA 613                   5   7  0    35       THIRSTY THUGS (31)
 CAPT. AMERICA 589             7   8  0    34       MARVEL (54)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 RAINERIO 598                  6   9  1    33       DEADLINE (32)
 YAOTL 597                     4  11  0    30       DEADLINE (32)
-INVERT 642                    2   0  0    29       PIXELBENDERS (36)
 VOID 640                      1   2  0    26       LOST SENTINELS (19)
 JASON THE MASON 512           5   4  0    25       HUCKLE'S CATS (23)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 VAULT 638                     3   1  0    22       THIRSTY THUGS (31)
 WOLFGANG WOLF 621             4   3  0    19       HUCKLE'S CATS (23)
 PESTILENCE 648                1   0  1    17       LOSERS (20)
 BAGHERRA 639                  1   2  0    14       LOST SENTINELS (19)
 TASKMASTER 644                2   0  1    13       MARVEL (54)
-CARRION CALL 628              2   2  0    13       PHANTOM REGIMENT (25)
 CYANIDE 647                   1   0  0    13       LOSERS (20)
 FARMER ALFALFA 541            2   6  0    12       HUCKLE'S CATS (23)
 IRON PARIAH 630               3   2  0    11       LOSERS (20)
-BURIAL RITES 643              1   0  0    11       PHANTOM REGIMENT (25)
 ASDIEL WYRMEYE 633            2   3  1    10       DARQUE KNIGHTS (22)
 RAGE 635                      2   2  1     9       LOSERS (20)
 VICAR IN A TUTU 641           1   1  0     4       WEIRDING WAYS (53)
-CHANNEL MIXER 646             0   1  0     1       PIXELBENDERS (36)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                W  L K TEAM NAME            SLAIN BY              TURN Revenge?
INCOMPETENT PUNK        0  0 0                      PESTILENCE 648         70  NONE
CARAPAX 624             3  4 0 LOSERS 20            BANDIT PRINCE          70  NONE
CUTLASS 645             0  1 0 LOSERS 20            TASKMASTER 644         69   
IRIS 513               16 12 3 LOSERS 20            RA-RA RAINWAR 490      68   
STEEL 626               0  3 0 LOSERS 20            ASDIEL WYRMEYE 633     66  REVENGED
ZERO 629                0  1 0 LOSERS 20            THUNDER CLAP 605       66  NOT REVENGED
CALIGURU 622            1  3 0 LOST SENTINELS 19    RAGE 635               67   
GHOST 145              15 14 1 PHANTOM REGIMENT 25  DHOTHO HALFGRAY 544    66  REVENGED

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Piwi Steelmoon -- Bane of the Total Parry here in Seam?  Bah! I don't think you could 
do that again. -- Kooksy Inurmouf

Kookie In Your Mouth -- Non-warriors such as yourself should avoid true warriors like 
myself. -- Piwi Steelmoon
P.S.  Down challenge noted.  Master Darque always repays such acts in his own time.

Craquelure -- Congrats on your graduation and good riddance!  I'm not sad to see you 
go! -- Ra-Ra Rainwar

Noble Assassin -- I'm confused.  Are you an assassin that killed a noble?  Or, are you 
a noble who just also happens to be an assassin? -- Aery Shine

Feisty Ruffian -- Isn't being feisty a key component to being a ruffian?  I'm never 
met a Friendly Ruffian.  All I'm saying is the name might be a bit redundant. -- 
Dhotho Halfgray

Shiftyeyed Volunteer -- Why would you volunteer for this?  Have you seen what we do to 
each other in the arena? -- Asdiel Wyrmeye, the monetarily compensated gladiator

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

CARAPAX was viciously butchered by BANDIT PRINCE in a 4 minute Dark Arena fight.
IRON PARIAH was viciously subdued by TASKMASTER in a 17 minute Bloodfeud battle.
DHOTHO HALFGRAY vanquished SNOZZLE in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge Title brawl.
BLACK KNIGHT overpowered MONA LISA in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
GAMBIT devastated HAIG in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge duel.
THOR was devastated by AERY SHINE in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge match.
PIWI STEELMOON handily defeated PARANOID ANDROID in a 1 minute uneven Challenge fight.
RAGE was vanquished by VALERIA in a 1 minute uneven Challenge duel.
VICAR IN A TUTU lost to BAGHERRA in a 2 minute beginner's Challenge fight.
RA-RA RAINWAR lost to ZUSHI in a exciting 2 minute gruesome veteran's fight.
FRIGG beat BAD PENNY in a exciting 3 minute fight.
HASTUR subdued GYAVIIRA in a 2 minute mismatched competition.
KAGEWA was bested by TIAMAT in a 2 minute battle.
KOOKSY INURMOUT outlasted RAINERIO in a tiring 7 minute brawl.
BRASS HAMMER was handily defeated by BAHAMUT in a 1 minute one-sided conflict.
DEVAL was vanquished by MORDANT GOON in a 1 minute mismatched bout.
MDJAI won victory over VOID in a 1 minute veteran vs. amateur fray.
CAPT. AMERICA bested JASON THE MASON in a popular 3 minute brawl.
PARENTAL DECEIT overpowered WOLFGANG WOLF in a 1 minute one-sided match.
YAOTL overpowered FARMER ALFALFA in a 1 minute one-sided match.
ASDIEL WYRMEYE was handily defeated by VAULT in a 1 minute mismatched competition.
CYANIDE overpowered SHIFTYEYED VOLUNTEER in a 1 minute uneven fight.
PESTILENCE killed INCOMPETENT PUNK in a 1 minute beginner's bout.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|STRIKING ATTACK                  7         TOTAL PARRY       35 -  26 -  1      57  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   6         PARRY-STRIKE      25 -  20 -  1      56  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    5         WALL OF STEEL     33 -  32 -  3      51  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  5         BASHING ATTACK    35 -  34 -  1      51  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                   5         STRIKING ATTACK   39 -  39 -  3      50  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      4         SLASHING ATTACK   26 -  28 -  1      48  |
|AIMED BLOW                       3         AIMED BLOW        20 -  23 -  0      47  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     3         LUNGING ATTACK    28 -  35 -  0      44  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      2         PARRY-RIPOSTE      4 -   6 -  2      40  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    2         PARRY-LUNGE        5 -   8 -  1      38  |

Turn  70 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

WALL OF STEEL      4 -  1     SLASHING ATTACK    2 -  3         3  STRIKING ATTACK
STRIKING ATTACK    5 -  2     PARRY-STRIKE       1 -  2         2  WALL OF STEEL  
AIMED BLOW         2 -  1     BASHING ATTACK     2 -  4         2  AIMED BLOW     
PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  1     LUNGING ATTACK     1 -  4         1  SLASHING ATTACK
PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -  1                                       1  LUNGING ATTACK 
TOTAL PARRY        2 -  2                                       1  PARRY-LUNGE    
                                                                1  PARRY-STRIKE   

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
WALL OF STEEL    AERY SHINE 559             16   7  1   95 DARQUE KNIGHTS (22)
PARRY-LUNGE      RA-RA RAINWAR 490          20  16  1   80 DARQUE KNIGHTS (22)
AIMED BLOW       MONA LISA 515              19  12  0   69 LOST SENTINELS (19)
BASHING ATTACK   THOR 620                    6   2  0   60 MARVEL (54)
TOTAL PARRY      KOOKSY INURMOUT 560        16   4  0   52 WEIRDING WAYS (53)
LUNGING ATTACK   BRASS HAMMER 562           11   9  1   43 WEIRDING WAYS (53)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is SNOZZLE 460.  The most popular warrior this turn was 
JASON THE MASON 512.  The ten other most popular fighters were ZUSHI 514, BAD PENNY 
A TUTU 641, BAGHERRA 639, and BAHAMUT 585.

The least popular fighter this week was IRON PARIAH 630.  The other ten least popular 
541, WOLFGANG WOLF 621, DEVAL 599, BRASS HAMMER 562, RAGE 635, THOR 620, and MONA 
LISA 515.

The following warriors will travel to AD after next turn:


                                CHALLENGES AND AVOIDS

To clarify:  You issue Challenges to warriors, but Avoid teams.  
To Challenge, write that warrior's name and ID# in the space provided. 
To Avoid, write the team's name and Team ID in that space. 
Make sure you include the ID!

                             * * * * *   MEMO  * * * * *

From:       The Office of Accurate Census Reporting, Gladiatorial Commission
To:         All Managers

In the interest of preserving our natural resources and preventing managerial writer's 
cramp, the census form has been eliminated, effective immediately.  Managers may 
register their warriors' races and/or favorite sayings by simply writing them on a 
separate piece of paper and submitting them to the Commission.  Each warrior may have 
up to 15 favorite sayings.  Each saying must be categorized Jeer, Gloat, Boredom, Ouch, 
Victory and may be up to 70 characters long.  For any questions, please contact the 
Gladiatorial Commission. 


We have planned our summer FTF for July 13-15, 2018, in Arlington, Virginia, only 7 
miles on a quick Metro ride from Washington, D.C.!.  It will be held at the Holiday 
Inn Arlington at Ballston.  Room rates are $79 per night on 7/12 and 7/15 and $129 on 
7/13 and 7/14, 1-2 occupancy.  There's free wireless throughout the property as well 
as a fitness center, outdoor pool, and business center, as well as a resturant and bar 
inside the hotel.  There is no airport shuttle and parking is $7/day.  The rooms are 
blocked -- ask for the Reality Simulations block.  Reservations must be made by 6/12.  
(As always if you have issues making reservations, please let us know!)  

                       Hotel site:  http://www.hiarlington.com 

Look for the tournament info sheet and minioverviews some time in June.  We hope 
you're all looking forward to it and that we will see you there!

                                          -- RSI

  This is just a reminder to all participants in this arena that it is a no-tourney

arena, and is therefore subject to the no-tourney rules.  The pledge all participants 
took when they entered this arena is as follows:


                               NO-TOURNEY ARENA PLEDGE

    * I pledge that I will not send warriors from this team to a tournament, nor 
      will I use a tournament prize on a warrior from this team.
    * I pledge to run a full team when I run turns in this arena.  If circumstances 
      preclude my running less than a full team, I will notify the Player Committee.
    * I agree to abide by the decisions of the Player Committee.
    * I understand that any warrior that participates in a tournament or receives 
      a tournament prize shall be sent to the Dark Arena until they are dead.


Best of luck in the arena!


     As a service to all managers, we offer team and character maintenance.  This 
option allows you to make sure your team or selected warriors will never miss a turn!

     Team Maintenance:  This will cause all warriors on that team to fight every 
     turn; if it's an AD arena, any new warriors who arrive on that team will 
     fight the turn they arrive.  In A.D. or in transfer arenas where you have 
     multiple teams, each team will need to separately be on Team Maintenance.  
     (The only exception is new warriors; they will not fight until they have had 
     their initial strategy input.)  

     Character Maintenance:  This will cause only that warrior to fight every 
     turn.  If the character graduates or changes arenas, he/she/it will stay on 
     Character Maintenance.

     In either case, you may submit strategy sheets for your warriors each turn, if 
you wish.  The Team/Character Maintenance will make sure your warriors fight each 
turn, and they will always use their most recently entered strategy.
     Remember that challenges, avoids, and challenge/if challenged strategies will not 
carry through from turn to turn.  These sections are only used on the turn they are 
entered.  In order to continually challenge or avoid you will need to submit a 
strategy sheet each time. 
     One other thing to remember about maintenance:  Maintenance is not something 
that you write on your turnsheet (like in demo tourneys).  In order to add or remove 
maintenance for a team or warrior, you must send a note to Customer Service.  If you 
just write things like this on your strategy sheet, they may or may not get done.  
Likewise, don't write it on your personal ads.  Please, please, please put it on a 
separate piece of paper with "Customer Service" written on the top.  If you don't, 
well, you can imagine.
     Thanks for your time.  Good luck in Duelmasters! -- Green Eyes

                             Mission to the Twisted Lands

                                     Episode One

     Old Brown could run pretty fast if properly motivated, but mostly he walked with 
a long-legged, distance-devouring stride.  He was a huge horse, a half-giant's 
warhorse, shaggy and self-assured, with muscles like half-buried boulders in his 
shoulders and hips.  Lounging in the saddle was the motivating force, the half-giant, 
Keel Woodhaven.  Although in his mind he was slouching and half-asleep, he sat up 
straight in the saddle since that is more comfortable for riding.
     It was twilight, stars coming out above and lights in farmhouse windows below.  
They traveled through vineyards, brown and fallow now in the winter, descending gently 
toward the tree-crowded coast.  The distant trees, not just pines, were green.  They 
stayed green because the marsh that surrounded the city-state of Bonsur had hot 
springs in it.
     Keel Woodhaven had always liked Bonsur.  It had a relaxed feel about it, the 
women seemed prettier, the music was great, everyone thought about having fun.  And 
the booze was excellent, of course.  He passed the arena at the edge of town, and 
paused to read the current statistics, posted on the gate and lit by a lantern.  So, 
an elven cobbler was the Duelmaster?  Why would a shoemaker take up such a painful 
profession?  Then he noticed the team name:  Shewish Picnic.  He snorted.  That 
explained it, all right.  As a half-Shew, he was kind of bothered by that team theme, 
which was present in Home Guard as well.  It was sort of funny though.  He saw that 
Elf Cobbler was headed for the Isle.  Probably not bound for Home Guard just yet, 
     They passed a small chicken ranch.  A rooster uttered an untimely crow.  At about 
that time, Old Brown took exception to something and bolted.  Cussing, Keel hauled on 
the reins, to little effect since the horse was stronger than him and apparently 
frightened.  He didn't see the masked men coming out of their hiding places behind 
him, looking frustrated.  At least not until a crossbow bolt thunked into the backside 
of his leather cuirass. His horse screamed and ran faster.
     Hauling Old Brown to the left as they passed a set of big open gates into a well-
lighted courtyard, Keel got them behind the shelter of the high stone wall, and patted 
the horse's sweaty neck.  "You're okay now, friend.  I'll go take care of those 
     As he dismounted, he noticed he was becoming surrounded by uniformed men, some 
with swords and some with halberds.
     "Howdy?" he said, hoping they were friendly.
     "Your horse has been shot," said someone, pointing at a bolt sticking out of Old 
Brown's butt.
     "Well damn!"  Keel laid a comforting hand on the horse's flank, which quivered.
     "So have you," the guard continued.
     "Yeah, thought so.  Doesn't feel like it got through the armor though."  Keel 
tried to look over his shoulder, but could only see the feathered end of the bolt.  
"Who are you guys?"
     "We are the Queen's Guard."
     "What?  Queen Gemra?  Okay, please take care of Old Brown here, and I'll go find 
the ***holes that shot him."
     "Sir, you are mistaken.  You will be taken to a doctor.  We will arrest the 
     "Hey!  I'm on a mission from Sheila Greywand.  Anyway, they shot my horse.  My 
HORSE!  I'm gonna get 'em."  Unslinging his huge sword, Keel strode toward the gate.
     Four Guardsmen came with him, flanking him like the trailing ends of a flock of 
geese.  They might have intended a different formation, but he had the longest legs 
and walked the fastest.  The one who'd spoken to him before said, "I'm Corporal Brat 
Langerman.  And you are?"
     "Keel Woodhaven."
     "I've heard of you!  The Queen will want to meet you."
     "That's fine.  Let's stick to the sides of these buildings.  If they're still 
around, we'll be targets in the middle of the street."
     They weren't quiet, exactly, since the guards wore highly polished chain mail 
which jingled.  However, Bonsur had a lively night life.  Music and laughter came from 
bars and nightclubs on adjacent streets, people lingered on corners chatting and 
sometimes playing instruments, and children hawked newssheets, shoeshines, flowers, a 
selection of rouges, and offered to carry packages.  So the sounds the guards made 
weren't too noticeable.
     Keel led the way back to the chicken ranch.  He was thinking that the bad guys 
wouldn't have waited around to be hunted.  They might have left clues, though.  
Perhaps even a discarded, crumpled note offering a cash reward for his head, and 
signed by a notorious crimelord.  Or distinctive cigar stubs, monogrammed hankies... 
personalized masks.  Tracks of boots made by elven cobblers.  Anything.  Witnesses, 
     There were no people on the street near the chicken ranch.  It was full night 
now, a bit chilly although there was a warm and slightly funky breeze from the marsh.
     Corporal Brat Langerman said quietly, "Is this where it happened?"
     "Well, I don't think they're here anymore."
     Keel was about to agree, when a crossbow bolt appeared in the Corporal's arm.  
The young man hissed, "Everybody down!"
     The guardsmen hunkered against the wall of a hardware store, which didn't offer 
anything resembling good cover except that they were in shadow there.  Keel crouched a 
little, but he knew he was a pretty big target, plus his sword gave off a faint 
greenish glow.  He looked around, searching the darkness for signs of their foes.
     A shadow on top of a shaded walkway across the street shifted a little.  Keel 
pulled a weighted dart out of his pocket and hurled it.  He was good at tavern darts, 
but it was dark, the distance was too great, and he just wasn't lucky.  The little 
missile clattered against the shingles of the porch roof.  There was a startled twitch 
from the half-seen form.  At that instant, Keel lunged across the street.  His long 
legs carried him across to the opposite shadows in three bounds.  More bolts came out 
of the darkness, one lodging in his calf, the others missing him altogether.
     Now the Guardsmen had a good idea where their foes were, and it takes a while to 
reload a crossbow.  The four men charged, yelling wildly.  Tucking his sword under his 
arm, Keel grabbed one of the posts holding up the porch roof, strained, and dislodged 
it.  After a moment he yanked it out of the structure entirely.  The roof sagged, 
there was a yelp of surprise, and someone's foot appeared off the edge of it.  Keel 
grabbed him by the ankle and hauled him the rest of the way down.
     There were brief sounds of fighting, then footsteps that rapidly receded down an 
alley.  Three Guardsmen raced off in pursuit.  Keel's prisoner started to try to get 
away, so the half-Shew tossed him up, grabbed him by the arms and bashed him against 
the wall.
     "Are you okay?" asked Brat, sheathing his sword.
     "Took one in the leg, but it's not too bad I think," Keel said, shifting his 
unconscious prisoner to one hand and bending to pick up his sword.
     "I'll help you tie that one up," Brat said.  "There's a dead one here.  I think 
there were two more."  He grunted slightly, trying to reach something with his injured 
arm.  "Got some ties in my right-hand belt pouch.  If you could get them for me?"
     They bound the prisoner, then bandaged each other.
     "What did they want?" asked the Corporal.
     Keel shrugged.  "No clue.  Let's get him somewhere safe and we can ask him..."  
He listened.  "Your guys are coming back."
     The Guardsmen hadn't been able to track their assailants in the darkness, but at 
least there were no further injuries.  The group of them returned warily to the 
courtyard of the Guard House, where a woman was smearing some kind of ointment on Old 
Brown's wound.  After the horse was bedded down in the stable, the Guardsmen led Keel 
into their office, where there was a welcome scent of fresh coffee.  The medic set 
about binding Keel's wound and that of the Corporal, who turned out to be an extremely 
handsome man.  Keel remembered hearing that Queen Gemra required her Guardsmen to be 
good looking.  That didn't mean they weren't competent, though.  Brat had done pretty 
     The medic roused their prisoner with smelling salts.  They all sat in the main 
office, Corporal Langerman facing the miscreant, who was seated in a cushioned chair, 
looking reasonably comfortable except for his bandaged head.  "All right," said Brat.  
"Now I want you to tell me that you're going to turn Queen's Evidence."
     "Not on your life, pretty boy!"  The man had, perhaps, some excuse for hard 
feelings since he was more homely than not, with a crooked nose and eyes set too close 
together.  He and Keel looked shabby and ill-favored amongst all these gleamingly 
handsome Guardsmen.
     Keel leaned forward.  "You guys shot my horse."
     "Oh.  Sorry, didn't mean to do that.  We were just shooting at you."
     "Glowing sword."
     "Duh, it's a magic sword!  We saw it when you drew it in Delarq Tor, and figured 
we could sell it so we followed you."
     The half-Shew snorted.  "The Dentless isn't magic.  It was in a Chaos Gate for 
five hundred years and it picked up some energy, that's all.  All it does, is glow.  
And cut things."
     The bandit looked chagrined.  "But... it's got to be magic."
     "Ain't.  Sorry kid."
     After that, Keel was taken to enjoy a sumptuous dinner at the Palace.  Queen 
Gemra was a definite babe, with long, silken black hair, a delicate pouty face, and 
luscious curves.  She asked him about his mission, which was to go to the Twisted 
Lands and shut down a leaking Chaos Gate.  He entertained her with the story of his 
adventure on the Two-Shew Express, and she gave him a brown velvet cloak to show her 
appreciation.  She did not invite him to her bed, which was fine because his heart 
belonged to another, always and forever.
                                      * * * * * 

                           This is a continuing adventure.  
         Watch for future chapters in the Bonsur and Home Guard newsletters!