DUEL 2 NEWSLETTER

Date   : 01/12/2017    Duedate: 01/25/2017

NIATOLI ISLAND ARENA

DM-33    TURN-796

This Weeks Top Honors

THE DUELMASTER IS

AAGRIVATOR
DEMONSPAWN (194)
(33-8248) [33-12-0,131]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

AAGRIVATOR                     KUO-TOA
DEMONSPAWN (194)               FIEND FOLIO (684)
(33-8248) [33-12-0,131]        (33-8693) [5-3-0,51]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

ZAEBOS                         BONESNAPPER
THE DEMONIC PICKLES (674)      FIEND FOLIO (684)
(33-8548) [11-15-3,78]         (33-8794) [4-1-0,38]

THE CURRENT TOP TEAM

DYSTOPIAN OVERLORDS (667)

          TEAMS ON THE MOVE            TOP CAREER HONORS
Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. THE APOSTLES (133)          53
2. SOULFIRE (696)              42      SLORBUST (681)
3. DYSTOPIAN OVERLORDS (667)   28      Unchartered Team
4. FIEND FOLIO (684)           22
5. BAD BREAD (95)              16      SOULFIRE (696)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 0*SOULFIRE (696)             4   1  0 80.0   1/ 4 DYSTOPIAN OVERLORD (667)  9  6 0
 2- 2 THE SNAPPERHEADS (678)    61  39  3 61.0   2/ 7*FIEND FOLIO (684)         8  4 0
 3/ 3 SLORBUST (681)            52  35  1 59.8   3- 1 THE SNAPPERHEADS (678)    7  3 0
 4/ 8*FIEND FOLIO (684)         19  15  0 55.9   4/14 DEMONSPAWN (194)          7  6 0
 5/ 4*FORCE OF FIVE (690)       24  19  3 55.8   5/ 2 THE ILLEARTH (265)        7  8 0
 6/ 5 BRASH BROS XMAS (662)    139 116 15 54.5   6/ 5 DYSLEXIC COWBOYS (687)    7  8 0
 7- 6 FLIRT WITH DIRT (293)     14  12  0 53.8   7/ 6 OBSIDIAN HALL (192)       6  5 0
 8/ 7 DYSTOPIAN OVERLORD (667) 113  97  8 53.8   8/ 3*FORCE OF FIVE (690)       6  7 1
 9/ 9 OBSIDIAN HALL (192)      555 502 38 52.5   9/ 0 THE APOSTLES (133)        5  0 0
10/11 DEMONSPAWN (194)         422 420 24 50.1  10/13*HE BE GBS (693)           5  5 1
11/10 BIG LAKE BANDITS (71)    766 765 69 50.0  11/ 9 BIG LAKE BANDITS (71)     5  8 1
12/ 1*HE BE GBS (693)            5   5  1 50.0  12/ 8 SLORBUST (681)            5 10 0
13/13 BAD BREAD (95)           295 301 21 49.5  13/ 0*SOULFIRE (696)            4  1 0
14/14 THE ILLEARTH (265)       289 330 23 46.7  14/19 BRASH BROS XMAS (662)     4  5 0
15-16 THE MEANIES (680)          9  12  0 42.9  15/15 BAD BREAD (95)            3  6 0
16/15 DYSLEXIC COWBOYS (687)    29  41  1 41.4  16/17*D'ORKS (694)              3  7 0
17/ 0 THE APOSTLES (133)       199 285 23 41.1  17/12 THE DEMONIC PICKLE (674)  3 10 0
18-18 BOOKEM (688)              19  31  2 38.0  18-16 FLIRT WITH DIRT (293)     2  0 0

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
19/19 THE DEMONIC PICKLE (674)  56  98  5 36.4  19-11*THE OUTLAWS 5 (691)       2  3 0
20-20*THE OUTLAWS 5 (691)       14  26  0 35.0  20-10 BOOKEM (688)              1  4 0
21/17*D'ORKS (694)               3   7  0 30.0  21-21 THE MEANIES (680)         0  1 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

     Bashur sat upright at his table, feverishly cutting out pictures from the most 
recent Frederick's of Niytyole catalog.  His tongue was clenched in his teeth as he 
moved with deliberate intent, spinning pages looking for that perfect picture, then he 
would snatch the scissors up and quickly cut out his prize.  He would hold the prize 
to the light for a brief second, letting a strange look of satisfaction cross his face 
before spinning more pages in efforts to satisfy his secret quest.  While perfecting 
his art one of his cats jumped onto his lap.  He looked down quickly, frustrated that 
his work was interrupted.  For a second he was confused, not recognizing which cat it 
was, but with a few dozen living with him, it was difficult for him to remember the 
names he had given them all.  He often named them after different parts of his body 
because he liked making jokes down at the Rusty Hook that he was going home to "pet 
his" whatever popped into his mind.  Little did the people there know that he was 
actually going home to pet his whatever he mentioned at that time.
     Shooing the cat away, he finished his work and with a look of great satisfaction 
he gazed upon his prizes.  He had cut out 14 pictures of women's underwear.  His cuts 
were expert, almost surgeon like, perfect miniature representations of women's 
underwear.  But, this was just the beginning for him.  He left the table hunting for 
the other piece of the puzzle.  He looked through his files until he found it, the 
picture he had cut out of the Niytyole's Man of the Year annual edition.  With a 
triumphant shout he held the picture of Den, the High Priest of the Allied Axis, high 
in the air.  Now he had everything he needed and hurried back to his table.
     One at a time, with careful patience he stuck the pictures of women's underwear 
on the picture of Den.  It does not have to be said that he didn't need tape to get 
them to stick.  He spent a good long time gazing at the art he was creating and the 
great joy his fantasy brought him.  Finally, he knew he couldn't take it any longer 
and he burst out the door into the night.

                           ================================

     Gramma Fingleworth sat on her rocking chair on the porch knitting away, haunted 
by the memories of what Crambus had done with her prized puppies.  She found knitting 
by the moonlight was an excellent way to soothe the mental anguish she still felt.  
The soft baying of the lambs from the sheep pens made the night perfect.  She gazed 
into the pens, which she did often, living on Niytyole Island with sheep required 
constant vigilance since the Inner Circle was always around.  As she watched the sheep 
move back and forth under the moonlight she caught a shadow of another movement.  
Quickly she screamed for her husband Elmer.
     "What is it?" asked Elmer.
     "We have trouble," she answered.
     "Is it Consortium looking in the grandkids' window again?" he asked.
     "No, trouble in the sheep pens this time," she answered.
     "Dognamit, I am sick of those Inner Circle weirdos," he screamed as he walked 
outside.
     "Not this time, it looks like General Bashur," she answered.  Without even 
turning around Elmer grabbed his pitchfork and headed to the sheep pen.

***---------*---------*---------*---------**---------*---------*---------*---------***

     If you can't get what you want from your friends, clearly the next place to look 
is at your enemies.  But where to start?!?  As fun as it would be to dissect 
Darkfart's security system (note to self: make sure to do this later when it the 
breach can be made public, just to humiliate the security conscious Darkfart) he'd 
never seen a female anywhere near Darkfart.  (Hmmm, what could that mean?)  Almost 
certainly not worth the time and effort, though.
     The Chosen One?!?  Likely chosen last every time.  TCO hadn't been seen alive in 
years.  Anything of value had certainly been looted from TCO's home on the Isle.  
Probably Darkfart was fronting a second team with the missing Chosen One's name in the 
Turf War.  Nothing to be gained from The Chosen One, either.
     What about the one who hides his form?!?  Now we're talking possibilities.  The 
string of females coming and going raised many an eyebrow!  Some of them were even 
hot.  But it is Spryte!  Of course they come and go!  He'd only heard the rumors of 
Spryte reaching first base once (let alone further where one of those ladies might 
have left something behind of potential interest).  Before Spryte's daddy took his 
life, he'd apparently been practicing on an empty field with Spryte.  After several 
hours, daddy had Spryte hold the bat out straight and then he was able to get a fair 
ball to bounce off Spryte's bat.  Spryte only fell four times on the way to first 
base, but dad made it look good and let him get there.  Spryte's baseball career was 
clearly more successful than his love life!  Less than nothing there!
     But Var?!?  Stable and quiet!  Either he was a moron or he had nothing to prove.  
That was where Den would search!  Clearly the best time to go was tourney time!  Var 
was a big tourney guy and would be super busy.  As long as he could avoid anyone else 
in the house, he should have no troubles sneaking in and searching for the prize!!! 
     Three false starts later (he didn't want to be seen anywhere NEAR Var's home just 
in case -- if he was never near the home, clearly he wasn't the one who had broken and 
entered).  Slipping into the back yard and a quick picked lock later, he was in.  No 
evidence of anyone at home and Den quickly made his way to the bedrooms.  The first 
two dressers had nothing.  Less than a minute in and just the master bedroom to 
search!  Jackpot!!!  The missus' clothing drawer.  However...  ALL COTTON!!!  Silly 
Den!  Of course the boring Var had nothing to offer him!  At least not what he was 
truly after!  A minute or two later making sure there were no hidden stashes only 
confirmed that Var was as boring behind closed doors as he was in public!
     But the mighty Den will not be denied.  Delayed, perhaps, but not denied!

     The search will continue...

                                 DUELMASTER'S COLUMN
                             Notes from the arena champ.

     Well I'm back in the saddle again!  Great match, Here Again!  Just not enough gas 
in your tank.  Feel free to try again.  Not sure who I'll challenge this turn.  I'll 
just pick one and go.  Great Spotlight about Den's 'hobby'.  Kudos to whoever wrote 
it. lol  Good luck to all who are going to the FTF!

                                          -- AAgrivator

                                      SPY REPORT

     Hail and well met warriors of NIATOLI ISLAND!  Know me for who I am, Zontani 
Sharp Eyes, Spymaster extraordinaire of all Alastari.  Former top team THE 
SNAPPERHEADS was unseated this week as DYSTOPIAN OVERLORDS moved up from 4th ranking 
to take the top spot with a 3-2-0 record for the round.  Did only my eyes note the 
3-0-0 record which BRASH BROS XMAS managed to post this round?  I don't doubt that 
such a record will draw challengers!  I could not but notice the fine record for 
SOULFIRE (4-1-0) after their first round of combat.  May the gods of war favor you in 
NIATOLI ISLAND!  ASPARA caught the eye of many in the gladiatorial commission as she 
skillfully bested BAGUL and was awarded 22 points in recognition.  In one of the 
week's more notable duels, I AM EXTINCTION put down HERE AGAIN, causing him to lose 
19 points of recognition in the process.  Although WHAT made a valiant effort, it did 
not suffice to topple the reign of victorious AAGRIVATOR.  Informants "close" to the 
city champion have told me that he never fights without pantyhose on beneath his 
armor.  Watch out!   
     But come now, let us look deeper into the maze of contention and crossed blades 
that is city NIATOLI ISLAND.  I saw one fighter that warriors avoided when this 
week's challenge seeking began.  THE ILLEARTH is feared.  This much I can say.  
Apparently the stalwarts of FORCE OF FIVE are catching the bulk of jests down at the 
challenging board for their large share of the avoids.  Loose talk at the arena has 
reached my ears and it but confirms the knowledge that many fighters are after 
GREVINE.  Watch your back!  GLOOM must really be harboring a grudge against the HE BE 
GBS guild!  Merciless, 27 challenged down GRANNY BEA points this week to duel with 
he.  Few would not have guessed the outcome of the bout as GRANNY BEA was subdued by 
GLOOM.  Is this what passes for courage in NIATOLI ISLAND?  As a gladiator gets 
older, the icy grip of fear lays hold of his heart.  True, SLUDGE OOZE?  Who could 
miss your "brave" challenge of ABADDON?  The weight of the challenge fell hard upon 
ABADDON and predictably he was bested by SLUDGE OOZE.  This is how to arouse the 
anger of an entire guild!  At the gambling halls I have started to bet money on 
GREVINE.  He has got the courage it takes.  Witness his challenge this turn against 
LIL DENNY!  In the end GREVINE was bested by LIL DENNY, a "sharp" reminder that 
higher recognition is an indication of greater skill.  Still, it was a worthy bout!  
A match that raised a few eyebrows at the games this week, it seems that BILLALO BUFF 
posted a challenge against the more highly recognized KATARINA.  The results, you 
ask?  Well, the firebrand BILLALO BUFF lost to KATARINA.  Remember warriors, this is 
the discipline of steel.   
     Is not Death a warrior's foremost adviser?   Warriors, may this counselor stand 
ready at your right hand forever!  My hearty congratulations BAT CALLOU, for thy 
revenge upon EVELYNN, slayer of thy fallen comrade.  Next time she will know better, 
eh?  Walk proud, warriors of BRASH BROS XMAS!  By striking down GRIZZLY BARE you have 
avenged the honor of your dead.  Your virtue is known to all in NIATOLI ISLAND.  Some 
say a warrior is judged by the way he bears arms.  One thing is sure, better a dagger 
in hand then a sword on the belt!   
     A thought before I go.  Each warrior practices one style, but must not the wise 
manager learn the secrets of them all?  Ahh, but I can hear the spires of a far off 
city calling to me.  I must away!  Till next we meet remember:  a fool flies into a 
rage quickly and often.  The wise are angered by the same thing only once.  Zontani 
Sharp Eyes  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 AAGRIVATOR 8248              33  12  0   131       DEMONSPAWN (194)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 LIL DENNY 8272               30   9  0   123       DEMONSPAWN (194)
 SLUDGE OOZE 8344             30  12  0   114       DYSTOPIAN OVERLORDS (667)
-SELF LOATHING 8568           13   8  1   114       THE SNAPPERHEADS (678)
 I AM EXTINCTION 8506         17  14  1   106       DYSTOPIAN OVERLORDS (667)
 LACY 8360                    18  15  1   101       DEMONSPAWN (194)
 WHAT 8632                    12   6  0    98       SLORBUST (681)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 GREVINE 8624                 10   8  1    90       SLORBUST (681)
 HERE AGAIN 8633              11   7  0    84       SLORBUST (681)
 NAAN COMBATANT 8638           8   2  0    84       BAD BREAD (95)
 ABADDON 8501                 14  18  1    82       THE DEMONIC PICKLES (674)
-FATSO 8567                   14   7  0    79       THE SNAPPERHEADS (678)
 ZAEBOS 8548                  11  15  3    78       THE DEMONIC PICKLES (674)
 BAT CALLOU 8719               9   5  1    70       DYSLEXIC COWBOYS (687)
 BIBLE THUMPER 8643            8   2  0    69       THE APOSTLES (133)
 FRUIT CAKE 8537              16  13  1    68       BRASH BROS XMAS (662)
 DOG GOT THE TURKEY 8589      14   5  1    67       BRASH BROS XMAS (662)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 EVICTION 8608                14   9  0    66       THE ILLEARTH (265)
 CREEPING DEATH 8681          11   5  1    59       THE ILLEARTH (265)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 LEPER MESSIAH 8607           12  11  0    55       THE ILLEARTH (265)
 KUO-TOA 8693                  5   3  0    51       FIEND FOLIO (684)
 PRETTY NIFTY 8757             5   6  1    49       BIG LAKE BANDITS (71)
 EVELYNN 8762                  5   4  1    49       FORCE OF FIVE (690)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-YOUR(E)DUM 8564              13   8  1    48       THE SNAPPERHEADS (678)
 KATARINA 8764                 6   3  0    48       FORCE OF FIVE (690)
 DEADLY IMGM 8660              4   3  1    48       THE APOSTLES (133)
 XVART 8696                    5   3  0    46       FIEND FOLIO (684)
 CARY GOOPER 8716              9   5  0    44       DYSLEXIC COWBOYS (687)
 MUHAMMAD 8727                 4   2  1    44       THE APOSTLES (133)
-KOJAK 8746                    4   6  0    44       BOOKEM (688)
 SPIRIT'S DREAM 8669          12   5  0    43       BIG LAKE BANDITS (71)
-ADOLF HITLER 3813             7   0  0    42       FLIRT WITH DIRT (293)
 KLED 8766                     5   4  0    40       FORCE OF FIVE (690)
-BORDER PATROL 8740            7   2  0    39       THE SNAPPERHEADS (678)
 BONESNAPPER 8794              4   1  0    38       FIEND FOLIO (684)
-IN THE CLOSET 8652            7   6  1    37       THE SNAPPERHEADS (678)
 CRAVY DOCKETT 8731            6   7  0    37       DYSLEXIC COWBOYS (687)
 SOYLENT GREEN 8779            5   4  0    36       DYSTOPIAN OVERLORDS (667)
 GLOOM 8789                    6   0  0    35       OBSIDIAN HALL (192)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-HUTCH 8788                    2   3  2    33       BOOKEM (688)
 HIJACKED RADIO 8665           4   6  2    32       BRASH BROS XMAS (662)
 SCURVY 8704                   8   7  0    31       THE DEMONIC PICKLES (674)
 THE BARTENDER 8703            7   8  0    31       BIG LAKE BANDITS (71)
 THE AWRY ASCENT 8666          7  10  0    31       DYSTOPIAN OVERLORDS (667)
-DOOMLOAF 8725                 5   3  0    31       BAD BREAD (95)
 ASPARA 8790                   2   4  0    31       OBSIDIAN HALL (192)
-NAUTILUS 8765                 5   2  1    30       FORCE OF FIVE (690)
-COLUMBO 8745                  5   5  0    30       BOOKEM (688)
-ROSE DUNN 8774                3   5  0    27       THE OUTLAWS 5 (691)
 BILLALO BUFF 8717             1  13  0    27       DYSLEXIC COWBOYS (687)
-HOWARD STERN 3769             1   5  0    26       FLIRT WITH DIRT (293)
 CHALLAH AKBAR 8726            3   2  0    25       BAD BREAD (95)
 GRAVE CHANCE 8414             1   1  0    25       THE APOSTLES (133)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 BAGUL 8733                    6   5  0    23       THE DEMONIC PICKLES (674)
 PENITENT MAN 8679             4   3  0    23       THE APOSTLES (133)
-BUM 3770                      4   1  0    23       FLIRT WITH DIRT (293)
 OB (SERVANT) 8805             4   1  0    23       DYSTOPIAN OVERLORDS (667)
 ORKY BALBOA 8829              2   0  0    22       D'ORKS (694)
-TOO MUCH PAPER 8713           4   2  2    21       BRASH BROS XMAS (662)
-SHOWERS 8754                  3   3  0    20       THE MEANIES (680)
 GRIZZLY BARE 8825             1   1  1    20       HE BE GBS (693)
 TRUNDLE 8763                  3   6  1    19       FORCE OF FIVE (690)
-BLACK BART 8777               3   4  0    19       THE OUTLAWS 5 (691)
 MULE 8785                     3   3  0    18       SLORBUST (681)
-SCONE GOLEM 8724              0   2  0    16       BAD BREAD (95)
 MYNDEE 8778                   3   6  0    15       OBSIDIAN HALL (192)
-WHITE 8616                    2   2  0    15       THE MEANIES (680)
-MALEVOLENCE 8806              2   2  0    14       OBSIDIAN HALL (192)
 GRUESOME BART 8821            2   0  0    14       HE BE GBS (693)
-HOWELL III 8581               1   1  0    14       THE MEANIES (680)
-CHARLIE BOWDRE 8818           1   0  0    14       THE OUTLAWS 5 (691)
 PHOENIX 8850                  1   0  0    13       SOULFIRE (696)
-BELLE STAR 8786               3   2  0    11       THE OUTLAWS 5 (691)
 GRANNY BEA 8823               1   1  0    11       HE BE GBS (693)
-KAIRN 8791                    1   0  0    11       OBSIDIAN HALL (192)
 VIPER 8848                    1   0  0    11       SOULFIRE (696)
 BERBALANG 8814                3   1  0    10       FIEND FOLIO (684)
-MOE 3772                      2   2  0    10       FLIRT WITH DIRT (293)
 KATA KID 8804                 2   3  0     9       THE ILLEARTH (265)
 GREASY BETTY 8822             1   1  0     9       HE BE GBS (693)
 TMEI 8813                     1   2  0     8       SLORBUST (681)
 CRISCO BOUNTY JR 8816         1   3  0     8       DYSLEXIC COWBOYS (687)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 THE UNKEMPT 8819              1   2  0     8       THE ILLEARTH (265)
 SLATE 8851                    1   0  0     7       SOULFIRE (696)
-STITT 8582                    0   1  0     7       THE MEANIES (680)
-SWINNEY 8583                  0   2  0     6       THE MEANIES (680)
 MUDDER 8831                   1   1  0     4       D'ORKS (694)
-DIRTY STEVE 8815              1   1  0     4       THE OUTLAWS 5 (691)
 TEMPER 8847                   1   0  0     3       SOULFIRE (696)
 GOLDEN BEARD 8824             0   2  0     2       HE BE GBS (693)
 HAMBONE 8830                  0   2  0     2       D'ORKS (694)
 UDDERMUDDER 8833              0   2  0     2       D'ORKS (694)
 PORKCHOP 8832                 0   2  0     2       D'ORKS (694)
 GENTILE KILLER 8837           0   1  0     1       BIG LAKE BANDITS (71)
 THE MANTARAY 8836             0   1  0     1       BIG LAKE BANDITS (71)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                W  L K TEAM NAME            SLAIN BY              TURN Revenge?
THAT WASN'T FLOU 8845   0  1 0 BAD BREAD 95         WURM KIN              796  NONE
T.J. HOOKER 8797        2  2 0 BOOKEM 688           NAUTILUS 8765         794   
HORRIBLE GIFT 8792      1  1 1 BRASH BROS XMAS 662  GRIZZLY BARE 8825     795  JUST REVENGED
WINK HALLIAMS 8736      3  5 0 DYSLEXIC COWBOYS 687 EVELYNN 8762          792  JUST REVENGED
SPIRIT 8849             0  1 0 SOULFIRE 696         SPYMASTER             796  NONE
HAPTU KOPEK 8810        0  2 0 THE DEMONIC PICK 674 HUTCH 8788            793  REVENGED
KLEPTO KAL 8782         3  2 0 THE ILLEARTH 265     TOO MUCH PAPER 8713   792  NONE
NED PEPPER 8776         2  3 0 THE OUTLAWS 5 691    PRETTY NIFTY 8757     792  NOT REVENGED

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Cowboys -- Sadly, your 3 turns of bloodfeuding me are over.  I would like to 
personally thank you for taking my record for 0-3-0 to 4-3-1!  Feel free to up-
challenge or down-challenge me anytime.  You guys are the best! -- Evelynn

Black Bart -- OK now you are 1-1 vs my Trundle.  I have equipped him with a Red Rider 
BB gun and had him challenge you for a tiebreaker! -- Presstoe

Bookem -- It appears TJ has leapt over his last car hood!  R.I.P. -- Nautilus 

HE BE GBS, what a start! Good luck to you in your densmack endeavor. -- The Consortium

The Consortium -- Happy New Year to you and all your personalities! -- Spirit

Here Again -- We decided to take the challenge to you. -- Demonspawn

Gentleben -- Welcome to MY arena! -- Spirit

Den -- By the time you read this you will already be wallowing in your self pity at 
the FTF. -- Spirit

Otto -- Write more ads! Heck, just write some! -- Spirit

RUG's -- *raspberries* -- Spirit

     No, no.  That was last month.  This month, we desire Welsh bilberries. -- Rug #57

Den -- Yes I have a couple of scum at the top. They are doing their job and keeping 
the AA off the throne. -- Spirit

Evelynn -- You, young lady, are very welcome!  Since you seemed to enjoy meeting my, 
ahem, "fighters" so much, I've gone ahead and tried to schedule a social function so 
your entire stable can get acquainted with my squad, up close 'n personal!  Enjoy! -- 
Blitz Wolfer, the dyslexiest cowboy-manager of them all

Gentle B -- Welcome to N Isle!  I'm surprised you were able to resist the temptation 
of incorporating the word "FREE" into your stable name. -- Blitz Wolfer

All -- Mwuahahaha!  I see my ugly bunch of Orks found their way to the arena.  I am 
D'Ork King, and I rule this mob.  Hambone and Porkchop have the same mother, but never 
met their daddy.  With what their mother named 'em, I told 'em to look for daddy in 
the hog pen! Bwahahahaha!  Speaking of the hog pen, that's where I found the mud-
lovin' twins Mudder and Uddermudder.  Don't ask me which is which--I'm not sure they 
even know!  And rounding out the bunch is Orky Balboa, a crazy she-Ork who likes to 
swing first when they fight. Damn crazy I tell ya! -- D'Ork King, ruler supreme of 
D'Orks

Greasy Betty -- OOH!  Me likes 'em dirty!  Dat was good fight!  But what this thing 
called "bathtub" that you yell at me? -- Uddermudder

Gruesome Bart -- Puts some clothes on, stupid!  Now me knows why they call you 
"Gruesome".  Dat was good fight!  The more times you get hit, the tougher you are!  Me 
one tough Ork! -- Hambone

Golden Beard -- Pretty beard...ugly damn face.  Hehe...dagger tickles...you lost...me 
wins! -- Orky Balboa

Tmei -- Timmee?  Toomee?  Thbbbt!  Stupid name.  Me can't even tell people who me beat 
in arena 'cuz no can say stupid name! -- Mudder

Granny Bea -- Granny Bea fights with no clothes on!  How me supposed to know what to 
swing at?  Stupid Granny. -- Porkchop

Consortium -- I heard you started walking for exercise.  I guess you missed heavy 
breathing? -- Bashur

Presstone -- You don't need a Red Ryder BB gun to shoot your eye out.  A nerf gun 
would give you everything you needed.  You're just that incompetent! -- General Bashur

Den -- Maybe you could take up sewing and make your own pair! -- G. Bashur

The IC is filled with dumbness?!?  When did they get the upgrade? -- Bashur

Gentle Ben -- Are you as obnoxious in real life as you are in the personal ads?!? -- 
Bashur

Darkfart -- You should recruit the D'orks for the IC.  You might get some character in 
your alliance!  (At least more than you have now) -- Bashur

Spryte -- Don't you fret, little fella, the AA is and always will be well represented 
here in Niytyole.  How could you not note the stench of Philthy Phil and his Illearth?  
General Ikillu is taking leave and his Ravaging Lords will be ravaging in lands far 
and away for a while.  But, rumor has it that Court Jester Crambus is on his way back. 
-- Den 

Gentile Ben -- Well, it looks like the Commission has decided to lose my replacements 
again.  No matter, since I cannot down-challenge you until your 7th turn this actually 
gives me an advantage.  An up-challenge is a rare occasion here in Niytyole, but I 
guess it does not matter where and how I get my kills against you.  Probably have this 
contest won by your 7th turn anyway, then you have to fight for a full year and cannot 
use the Dark Arena.  The losses will be epic.  You may even drop lower than Presstoe 
and Scorpio combined.  An incredible feat worthy of honorable mention. -- Den

Darkfart -- By the time you have read this, I would hope you have already purchased us 
some fine drinks at the bar.  If not, quickly remedy the situation before I have 
Studcraft come and talk to you, the minutes will feel like hours. -- Den

Islanders -- Some managers are earning honorable mentions so often I am beginning to 
wonder if they are purposely losing just to get some attention. Take Hastur for 
instance, his Slorbust team went 1-4, which is looking like a slow burst to the bottom 
of the rankings.  Since the Master and his 80's team has dropped out, the bottom is 
wide open.  How about little Presstoe and his Force of Five going 1-3?  I'm guessing 
he is forcing five of something somewhere, but it certainly isn't into the win column.  
For the second week in a row our panty-raider Bashur gets a highlight, going 1-3. This 
will earn him some jeers at the coming tourney.  Otto the great chat-room editor 
managed to get at least 1 win this week, posting a 1-2 with his tourney prepping Bad 
Bread.  Maybe he will choke on a loaf and fade into a memory.  The Meanies went 
winless this turn, no surprise again.  I honestly don't even remember who runs that 
team, I would ask, but then again I don't really care.  Finishing out the review of 
garbage is Chad and his Pickles going 1-3.  Without Deeders around, Chad just can't 
get those pesky little wins to show up.  Until next week, keep it coming. -- Den

Womanta -- Much like every woman you have ever talked with, I was going to ignore you, 
but then again I have more fun when I point out what an idiot you are.  I am really 
struggling with what to insult you with this turn, I mean, what can you say to a guy 
that was born in the Red Light District? -- Den

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

THAT WASN'T FLOUR was butchered by WURM KIN in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
SPIRIT was butchered by SPYMASTER in a 1 minute Dark Arena duel.
BAT CALLOU subdued EVELYNN in a exciting 1 minute Bloodfeud melee.
FRUIT CAKE overpowered GRIZZLY BARE in a 1 minute mismatched Bloodfeud duel.
GLOOM bested GRANNY BEA in a 3 minute veteran vs. novice Challenge fight.
SLUDGE OOZE unbelievably bested ABADDON in a 8 minute expert's Challenge brawl.
GREVINE was luckily beaten by LIL DENNY in a 4 minute master's Challenge brawl.
LEPER MESSIAH was viciously subdued by DOG GOT THE TURKEY in a 7 minute melee.
SPIRIT'S DREAM luckily beat SOYLENT GREEN in a action packed 5 minute Challenge duel.
THE BARTENDER was overpowered by XVART in a 1 minute uneven Challenge match.
KLED was savagely defeated by KUO-TOA in a 2 minute brutal Challenge fight.
BILLALO BUFF was subdued by KATARINA in a 2 minute bloody Challenge competition.
THE AWRY ASCENT was outwaited by BONESNAPPER in a exciting 7 minute Challenge battle.
MULE viciously subdued KATA KID in a 2 minute bloody Challenge bout.
THE UNKEMPT viciously subdued GOLDEN BEARD in a 2 minute beginner's Challenge fight.
OB (SERVANT) bested GREASY BETTY in a 3 minute beginner's Challenge duel.
CRISCO BOUNTY JR was beaten by TRUNDLE in a 1 minute Challenge brawl.
AAGRIVATOR bested WHAT in a exciting 3 minute veteran's Title brawl.
HERE AGAIN was demolished by I AM EXTINCTION in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
LACY beat ZAEBOS in a 2 minute bloody master's fight.
NAAN COMBATANT devastated CREEPING DEATH in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
BIBLE THUMPER vanquished PRETTY NIFTY in a 1 minute one-sided match.
EVICTION overcame CARY GOOPER in a 2 minute gruesome duel.
DEADLY IMGM bested CRAVY DOCKETT in a 2 minute bout.
SCURVY was savagely defeated by MUHAMMAD in a popular 3 minute gruesome fight.
CHALLAH AKBAR was luckily beaten by HIJACKED RADIO in a 2 minute gruesome fight.
BAGUL was overpowered by ASPARA in a action packed 1 minute one-sided bout.
PENITENT MAN beat PORKCHOP in a 2 minute duel.
MYNDEE was overcome by GRAVE CHANCE in a 2 minute gruesome bout.
TMEI savagely defeated UDDERMUDDER in a 2 minute brutal beginner's competition.
BERBALANG was overpowered by ORKY BALBOA in a 1 minute uneven fight.
GRUESOME BART overcame GENTILE KILLER in a exciting 2 minute novice's fight.
HAMBONE was overpowered by VIPER in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
MUDDER was narrowly defeated by PHOENIX in a exciting 6 minute beginner's bout.
TEMPER outwaited THE MANTARAY in a unpopular 12 minute novice's duel.
SLATE outlasted CONVICTED THIEF in a tiresome 7 minute amateur's match.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|SLASHING ATTACK                 12         TOTAL PARRY       68 -  41 -  0      62  |
|TOTAL PARRY                     12         PARRY-LUNGE       13 -  10 -  0      57  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                  12         PARRY-RIPOSTE     15 -  12 -  0      56  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  8         SLASHING ATTACK   52 -  42 -  1      55  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    5         WALL OF STEEL     47 -  50 -  4      48  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    5         STRIKING ATTACK   46 -  52 -  6      47  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     5         AIMED BLOW        21 -  25 -  1      46  |
|AIMED BLOW                       4         LUNGING ATTACK    64 -  81 -  3      44  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   3         PARRY-STRIKE      11 -  17 -  1      39  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      3         BASHING ATTACK    19 -  44 -  1      30  |

Turn 796 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

SLASHING ATTACK    8 -  4     PARRY-RIPOSTE      2 -  3         3  TOTAL PARRY    
BASHING ATTACK     2 -  1     AIMED BLOW         1 -  3         3  SLASHING ATTACK
STRIKING ATTACK    5 -  3     PARRY-LUNGE        0 -  3         1  PARRY-STRIKE   
WALL OF STEEL      3 -  2     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  5         1  BASHING ATTACK 
TOTAL PARRY        7 -  5                                       1  WALL OF STEEL  
LUNGING ATTACK     6 -  6                                       1  AIMED BLOW     
                                                                1  LUNGING ATTACK 

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
TOTAL PARRY      AAGRIVATOR 8248            33  12  0  131 DEMONSPAWN (194)
BASHING ATTACK   I AM EXTINCTION 8506       17  14  1  106 DYSTOPIAN OVERLORDS (667)
WALL OF STEEL    LACY 8360                  18  15  1  101 DEMONSPAWN (194)
SLASHING ATTACK  WHAT 8632                  12   6  0   98 SLORBUST (681)
AIMED BLOW       NAAN COMBATANT 8638         8   2  0   84 BAD BREAD (95)
STRIKING ATTACK  BIBLE THUMPER 8643          8   2  0   69 THE APOSTLES (133)
LUNGING ATTACK   FRUIT CAKE 8537            16  13  1   68 BRASH BROS XMAS (662)
PARRY-RIPOSTE    DOG GOT THE TURKEY 8589    14   5  1   67 BRASH BROS XMAS (662)
PARRY-STRIKE     KLED 8766                   5   4  0   40 FORCE OF FIVE (690)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is ZAEBOS 8548.  The most popular warrior this turn was 
BONESNAPPER 8794.  The ten other most popular fighters were ABADDON 8501, PHOENIX 
8850, SOYLENT GREEN 8779, GREVINE 8624, WHAT 8632, MUHAMMAD 8727, DOG GOT THE TURKEY 
8589, GRUESOME BART 8821, GRANNY BEA 8823, and LEPER MESSIAH 8607.

The least popular fighter this week was TEMPER 8847.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were THE MANTARAY 8836, SLATE 8851, HAMBONE 8830, BERBALANG 8814, 
UDDERMUDDER 8833, PORKCHOP 8832, CRAVY DOCKETT 8731, PRETTY NIFTY 8757, CREEPING 
DEATH 8681, and HERE AGAIN 8633.