Date   : 05/11/2017    Duedate: 05/24/2017


DM-36    TURN-784

This Weeks Top Honors


GIRLS X3 (572)
(36-6650) [20-8-1,110]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

RAWK OHMSFORD                  DA 2
(36-7327) [11-4-2,114]         (36-3374) [2-2-1,29]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

GIRLS X3 (572)                 GIRLS X3 (572)
(36-6650) [20-8-1,110]         (36-6650) [20-8-1,110]



Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. BIG LAKE BASHERS (23)       55
2. FLYING CIRCUS (296)         21      GIRLS X3 (572)
3. GIRLS X3 (572)              19      Unchartered Team
4. THE BOYS 3 (657)            17
5. GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS (574)     14      FLYING CIRCUS (296)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 2 GIRLS X3 (572)            74  39  2 65.5   1/ 2 BIG LAKE BASHERS (23)     9  6 2
 2/ 1*FLYING CIRCUS (296)       11   7  2 61.1   2/ 1*FLYING CIRCUS (296)       9  6 2
 3/ 3 GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS (574)   52  34  1 60.5   3/ 3 GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS (574)   6  7 1
 4/ 4 STILLMATIC (630)         259 178 27 59.3   4/ 5 GIRLS X3 (572)            5  3 0
 5/ 5 BIG LAKE BASHERS (23)    141 176 19 44.5   5/ 4 STILLMATIC (630)          4  2 0
 6/ 6 THE BOYS 3 (657)          11  33  0 25.0   6/ 6 THE BOYS 3 (657)          1  7 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

     "Welcome, everyone, to another great night here at Alastari's Comedy Club, and 
what a surprise we have for you tonight!" the MC said as he stood on the stage 
surveying a crowd of well-armed and impatient arena warriors.  They came from all 
over, the Andorians sitting near the back as is their custom, a surly looking group 
from Seam had a table in the center, and of course a large contingent from Niytyole 
Island was right up front near the stage.  "For one night only we have the amazing 
Jeff Foxworthy here to entertain you with his 'You Might Be a Down-Challenger If' 
routine, so please give Mr. Foxworthy a thunderous Alastarian welcome."
     The crowd jumped to their feet, clashing weapons together and screaming in 
drunken anticipation.  Jeff Foxworthy was shoved through the curtain at the back of 
the stage by a rough hand.  He walked forward looking very confused and a little 
frightened.  The MC quickly grabbed his arm and brought him forward to the center of 
the stage, smiling and reassuring him all the way there.  "Don't worry, Mr. Foxworthy, 
you're going to do great.  Everyone is here for your 'You Might Be a Down-Challenger 
If' routine that we have all heard so much about."
     "But I don't even know where I am.  Your world frightens and confuses me."
     "Now, now, don't be shy, just make us laugh." said the MC and then whispered in 
Jeff's ear, "Please make sure they laugh.  Not sure if you have seen angry gladiators 
before but it could get ugly if this does not go well."
     Jeff swallowed hard as he scrutinized the crowd, "But I do a routine called 'You 
Might Be a Redneck If' and I don't even know what a down-challenger is."
     "Hmmm.. what is a 'redneck'?" asked the MC.
     "I guess it is kind of like a hillbilly, but a little more inventive," answered 
     "A hillbilly?  We certainly haven't see any of those since The Guild left 
Alastari years ago," answered the MC.
     "Well here goes," said Jeff as he broke into his routine, "You might be a down-
challenger if you're the kind of pathetic manager that needs to fight warriors in 
tourneys for a decade before they see their first fight in an arena and then place 
challenges against guys with a fraction of the experience."  A very large warrior at a 
table next the stage laughed so hard his ale flew out his nose as he slammed his 
gloved had on the table repeatedly.  This warrior turned to his teammate still 
laughing and fighting for breath, "By Crom, it's like he knows those losers 
personally, he just described Otis, Mannequin, Vlad, and Otto to the edge and back.  
Too funny, what's next, how can he top that?"  Then the crowd stated chanting "Aimed 
Blow, Aimed Blow" recognizing the complete lack of 10 style ability the sad and 
uninventive tourney manager has.  Most of those guys have not had a Parry-Strike 
Stylemaster since their haircut was actually in style.
     Getting a little swagger after his first joke went over so well Jeff threw 
another at the crowd, "You might be a down-challenger if... your 22-36 scum Striker 
who is locked in the Champions because he sucks and you can't admit it challenges the 
young hot-shot 14-5 Lunger that is in the Challenger Champions."  Again the crowd 
roared in laughter.  This time a couple of Andorians in the back looked at each other 
and in unison said, "That has to be DeGotti and Darque!  This guy is awesome, why 
haven't we heard of him before?" 
     "You might be a down-challenger if... your 0-6 Parry-Riposte with 6 points 
challenges that 1-0 Striker with 10 points."  A couple of young Strikers sitting in 
the middle of the room started pumping their fists up and down, one of them screamed 
towards the stage, "That is just about every manager in Alastari, the damn 
     "You might be a down-challenger if... your 6-0 scum TP challenges that 0-1 guy at 
the bottom of the rankings."  This one was met with a chorus of cheers mixed with boos 
which caused Jeff to pull at the neck of his flannel shirt in a nervous twitch.  Then 
a very large warrior near the front stood up, took a long pull from his mug and raised 
his arms up and shouted to the crowd, "Come on, where's the sport?  Those challenges 
just save me the time of making an up-challenge, and I love to pound out plate with my 
trusty war hammer."  He grabbed his hammer from his back and gave it a couple twirls 
before setting it on the table.
     "You might be a down-challenger if... someone has down-challenged you and because 
you cannot beat them, you instead down-challenge another guy in that alliance that you 
hope you can beat."  This time the entire room exploded in laughter, some warriors 
even falling out of their chairs and rolling on the ground clutching their stomachs.  
One of the Niytyole tables were laughing so hard they could hardly breathe, finally 
one of them said, "Holy Moses, he is talking about Dameon Darkfart and his challenges 
on Crambus because he knows he can't beat Den or Philthy.  That is awesome, we have to 
keep this guy, he needs to do this show every night."
     "You might be a down-challenger if... you want to destroy a team because you hate 
the manager and you make every challenge possible within the rules of the game."  This 
time a couple of blonde female warriors on the right side clapped their hands while 
raising their eyebrows.  One looked to the other and said, "That reminds me of Den, he 
is so clever and manipulative and really does know how to bring hate and anger to the 
lesser managers of the games."  Her friend smiled, nodded, and replied, "I know, and 
he is soooooo dreamy!"
     Jeff waved to the crowd took a bow and thanked them for their very kind and 
deeply appreciated applause as the MC came out to help him from the stage. "We hope 
you can come back and entertain us again, Mr. Foxworthy," he said.
     "I would love to, I am already thinking about a 'You Might Be an Idiot If' 
routine, but the only thing I can come up with right now is if you are a member of the 
Inner Circle."  
     The MC slapped his knee laughing and looked to Jeff, "You just keep it coming and 
coming.  Man, what a night!" 

 This evening's comedy was brought to you by Den and the entire Allied Axis, where we 
         prefer to do our talking on the sands and not in little chat rooms.

                                      SPY REPORT

     Good day, in JHANS a quiet thief gets rich, but a quiet spymaster gets poor.  So 
bring me ale and harken to my tidbits of news.  DA 1 has lost to MASS APPEAL, falling 
1 points, while helping make FLYING CIRCUS a 2-3-1 turn.  The attempts to dethrone 
the Duelmaster have failed, and NICOLE KIDMAN remains JHANS' top warrior for another 
turn.  Can someone confirm a rumor for me?  I hear the top team makes their losing 
fighters do dishes at Lucas Lounge until they win.  Maybe?   
     The crowd's roar, the smell of iron and leather, mixed with sweat, what more 
could a warrior ask of life?  Well, besides that.  I also notice that the FLYING 
CIRCUS stable was the most avoided team this turn.  Come on JHANS, what are you 
afraid of?  And avoiding FLYING CIRCUS more than any other team we find BIG LAKE 
BASHERS.  JHANS, are we going to accept, or respect this sort of thing?  Well, sports 
fans, take notice that JORX POWERSHOT from BIG LAKE BASHERS was JHANS' most 
challenged warrior this turn.  In a brave attempt, JAKE THE MILKMAN from BIG LAKE 
BASHERS challenged up 21 points to fight VICKI VALLENCOURT from the GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS 
stable.  JAKE THE MILKMAN perhaps got his just desserts, seeing as he was beat by 
VICKI VALLENCOURT and ended up with 41 recognition points.  RAWK OHMSFORD of BIG LAKE 
BASHERS had better have a good reason for challenging down 9 points in a challenge 
which he killed.  I thought RAWK OHMSFORD showed great skill and promise when he slew 
DANETTE ROGERS.  All right, so I slept through it!  Big deal!   
     A coward dies a thousand deaths, a brave man only once.  Wise men know this to 
be true.  DANETTE ROGERS has departed JHANS, leaving GIRLS X3 without their 17-12-0 
warrior.  Question, just what was hers team doing at the taverns last night?  The 
manager of STILLMATIC will not be pleased to learn that EXECUTIVE POET, a 3-0-1 
fighter, has been killed at the hands of FLYING CIRCUS' DA 2.  Whatever bright future 
DA 4 may have had, it's all history now.  The manager of FLYING CIRCUS has lost a 
promising 2-0-1 warrior.  Anyone care to tell me why the warriors of GIRLS GIRLS 
GIRLS haven't revenged the death of JAMIE KING against RAWK OHMSFORD of BIG LAKE 
BASHERS yet?  Hmmm?  A brave warrior does not carry a red shield, he has nothing to 
cover or hide when the fight is over.  Consider well.   
     Thought for the day, a new sword shines bright, but the notched sword sings the 
sweetest.  Well, I'm burning daylight here in JHANS and I've a long road ahead of me. 
Happy Trails.  Until the sun next rises and my pen sets to paper-- Alarond the Scribe 

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 NICOLE KIDMAN 6650           20   8  1   110       GIRLS X3 (572)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 RAWK OHMSFORD 7327           11   4  2   114       BIG LAKE BASHERS (23)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 KELLY BUNDY 6669             11   6  0    88       GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS (574)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 CLEVER FELLA 8055             7   4  2    65       BIG LAKE BASHERS (23)
 VICKI VALLENCOURT 7393       12   3  0    62       GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS (574)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 SMALL CHANCE 8066             7   4  4    55       BIG LAKE BASHERS (23)
-PINEBOX 8051                  5   4  0    51       STILLMATIC (630)
 CAMBRE AWTREY 7394            8   4  1    43       GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS (574)
 JAKE THE MILKMAN 5664         7  10  1    41       BIG LAKE BASHERS (23)
 MASS APPEAL 8053              2   0  0    38       STILLMATIC (630)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 DA 2 3374                     2   2  1    29       FLYING CIRCUS (296)
-PINKY RING 8072               4   2  0    27       STILLMATIC (630)
 JORX POWERSHOT 8094           4   1  1    26       BIG LAKE BASHERS (23)
 DA 1 3372                     3   1  0    24       FLYING CIRCUS (296)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 GRATE EXPECTATIONS 8097       2   0  0    16       FLYING CIRCUS (296)
 ARNOLD 8095                   1   1  0    16       THE BOYS 3 (657)
 THEODORE 7991                 1   5  0    14       THE BOYS 3 (657)
 ALEX MORGAN 8100              1   1  0    12       GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS (574)
 ETHEL THE AARDVARK 8098       1   1  0     4       FLYING CIRCUS (296)
 DUNCAN 8089                   0   4  0     4       THE BOYS 3 (657)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                W  L K TEAM NAME            SLAIN BY              TURN Revenge?
DA 4 3376               2  1 1 FLYING CIRCUS 296    CAMBRE AWTREY 7394    784   
BRUCE III 8101          0  1 0 GIRLS GIRLS GIRL 574 SPYMASTER             784  NONE
JAMIE KING 6670        10  5 0 GIRLS GIRLS GIRL 574 RAWK OHMSFORD 7327    781   
DANETTE ROGERS 6653    17 13 0 GIRLS X3 572         RAWK OHMSFORD 7327    784   
EXECUTIVE POET 8073     3  1 1 STILLMATIC 630       DA 2 3374             784   

                                     PERSONAL ADS

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

BRUCE III was butchered by SPYMASTER in a 1 minute bloody Dark Arena fight.
ETHEL THE AARDVARK was vanquished by JORX POWERSHOT in a 1 minute Bloodfeud battle.
RAWK OHMSFORD killed DANETTE ROGERS in a 2 minute Challenge fight.
JAKE THE MILKMAN lost to VICKI VALLENCOURT in a 1 minute Challenge brawl.
GRATE EXPECTATIONS bested THEODORE in a 1 minute Challenge fight.
DA 2 slew EXECUTIVE POET in a 2 minute bloody Challenge match.
NICOLE KIDMAN devastated KELLY BUNDY in a 1 minute one-sided Title duel.
CLEVER FELLA overpowered THE USEROUS MERCHANT in a 1 minute mismatched brawl.
SMALL CHANCE overpowered THE USEROUS MERCHANT in a 1 minute uneven melee.
DA 1 lost to MASS APPEAL in a 3 minute beginner vs. veteran duel.
DA 4 was dispatched by CAMBRE AWTREY in a 2 minute novice vs. veteran duel.
DUNCAN was overpowered by ALEX MORGAN in a 1 minute one-sided melee.
ARNOLD overpowered PERSISTENT BEGGAR in a unpopular 5 minute one-sided match.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                   9         TOTAL PARRY        2 -   0 -  0     100  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  3         WALL OF STEEL     10 -   3 -  0      77  |
|AIMED BLOW                       2         SLASHING ATTACK    8 -   5 -  1      62  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   2         LUNGING ATTACK    34 -  23 -  6      60  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     1         AIMED BLOW        15 -  11 -  2      58  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    1         PARRY-STRIKE       1 -   1 -  0      50  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      1         PARRY-RIPOSTE      8 -   8 -  1      50  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    1         STRIKING ATTACK    3 -   7 -  0      30  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      1         BASHING ATTACK     2 -   5 -  0      29  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  1         PARRY-LUNGE        0 -   3 -  0       0  |

Turn 784 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-STRIKE       1 -  0     SLASHING ATTACK    1 -  2         4  LUNGING ATTACK 
PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -  0     PARRY-LUNGE        0 -  1         2  AIMED BLOW     
TOTAL PARRY        1 -  0     STRIKING ATTACK    0 -  1         1  SLASHING ATTACK
WALL OF STEEL      1 -  0                                       1  WALL OF STEEL  
LUNGING ATTACK     5 -  4                                       1  PARRY-RIPOSTE  
AIMED BLOW         1 -  1                                       1  STRIKING ATTACK
BASHING ATTACK     1 -  1                                       1  TOTAL PARRY    

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
SLASHING ATTACK  NICOLE KIDMAN 6650         20   8  1  110 GIRLS X3 (572)
LUNGING ATTACK   RAWK OHMSFORD 7327         11   4  2  114 BIG LAKE BASHERS (23)
AIMED BLOW       KELLY BUNDY 6669           11   6  0   88 GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS (574)
PARRY-RIPOSTE    CAMBRE AWTREY 7394          8   4  1   43 GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS (574)
TOTAL PARRY      MASS APPEAL 8053            2   0  0   38 STILLMATIC (630)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is NICOLE KIDMAN 6650.  The most popular warrior this 
turn was DANETTE ROGERS 6653.  The ten other most popular fighters were NICOLE KIDMAN 

The least popular fighter this week was ARNOLD 8095.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were DUNCAN 8089, THEODORE 7991, ETHEL THE AARDVARK 8098, BRUCE III 8101, 

The following warriors will travel to AD after next turn:

NICOLE KIDMAN (36-6650) GIRLS X3 (572)


Please note that because of new bank regulations, we can no longer accept any check or 
money order drawn off a non-US bank, even if it is in US Funds.  We were just informed 
by our bank that the fee to process these checks is $40, which is crazy high!

Many apologies to our foreign players, but you will need to either get a check from a 
US bank (Chase, Citigroup, etc.) or pay via credit card.  

  Armsilbar liked being Master of the Stronghold Academy, all except for one part.

He had to talk to Sheila Greywand at least once a week, usually oftener.  She was 
getting more erratic.  More chaotic.  That would be the effect of the Grey Wand.  It 
was a powerful chaotic artifact, and she kept it with her always.  She had turned his 
predecessor into a frog--or 164 frogs--and then summoned all the members of the 
Academy to a frog-leg dinner.  That had been, ah, bad.  Yes, very bad.
     But here he was entering her chambers.  With, well, it couldn't be called GOOD 
news.  And the look she turned on him--she was in an orcish mood today, all scowling 
black brows and bared fangs--that made him nervous.  But some things had to be done.  
He cleared his throat, which seemed to have a frog in it, and said, "It's about the 
next tourney prize, Lady.  I know it's more than two months away, but this isn't too 
soon to start thinking of some new, exciting prize--"
     "I have no intention of thinking about 'new, exciting prizes'," she snapped.  Or 
was that a snarl?  "These managers are getting above themselves.  They act like I 
created the arena system for their amusement!  There will be one standard prize for 
all the tourneys.  Just one."
     He had a horrible vision of all the managers walking out in a mass.  Perhaps it 
wouldn't be that bad, but it wouldn't be good.  And if he said the wrong thing, well, 
the next frog-leg dinner might be him. "Er, ah, perhaps a specific prize for each 
tourney--a spring prize, a summer prize, and so on?  The managers expect--"
     She exploded.  A literal explosion, the force of the blast blew his hair off.  
She said several things in an obsolete dialect of orcish.  He stepped backward, then 
again.  The blast had blown the door open behind him.  If he could make it out before 
something else happened--
     "Ribbit!  Ribbit!"