Date   : 02/09/2018    Duedate: 02/22/2018


DM-61    TURN-672

This Weeks Top Honors


HOWLIN 3-D (439)
(61-4075) [10-2-2,102]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

GANGSTA                        BARNABEE
HOWLIN 3-D (439)               WARCKERS (382)
(61-4075) [10-2-2,102]         (61-3389) [5-0-1,51]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

GANGSTA                        FRIAR
HOWLIN 3-D (439)               COLLEGE MASCOTS (445)
(61-4075) [10-2-2,102]         (61-4154) [4-1-0,42]



Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. HOWLIN 3-D (439)            35
2. WARCKERS (382)              31      COLLEGE MASCOTS (445)
3. COLLEGE MASCOTS (445)       10      Unchartered Team
4. SCUTUM (437)                 0
5. CLAN GHOST BEARS (385)     -26      WARCKERS (382)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 1 COLLEGE MASCOTS (445)     98  48  6 67.1   1/ 1 COLLEGE MASCOTS (445)     9  2 1
 2/ 0 CLAN GHOST BEARS (385)   123  76 15 61.8   2/ 2 HOWLIN 3-D (439)          7  4 0
 3/ 4 HOWLIN 3-D (439)          41  45  7 47.7   3/ 0 CLAN GHOST BEARS (385)    2  3 0
 4- 3 SCUTUM (437)              20  22  0 47.6   4/ 0*WARCKERS (382)            1  3 0
 5/ 0*WARCKERS (382)            12  15  2 44.4   5- 3 SCUTUM (437)              1  3 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                      SPY REPORT

     Good day, friends and fiends, welcome to your friendly neighborhood spyreport.  
I doubt JURINE will ever be the same.  The HOWLIN 3-D guild has had a 3-1-0 turn and 
deserves to be watched in the future.  You never know where this kind of thing can 
lead.  And let's see, GATOR fought CANDICE and gained 18 points and contributed to 
COLLEGE MASCOTS' 2-2-0.  CANDICE has lost to GATOR, falling 18 points, while helping 
make CLAN GHOST BEARS a 2-3-0 turn.  The attempts to dethrone the Duelmaster have 
failed, and LEGIT remains JURINE's top warrior for another turn.  By the way, was 
that our Duelmaster that I saw last night, cramped under the table at The Warty Toad? 
     The crowd's roar, the smell of iron and leather, mixed with sweat, what more 
could a warrior ask of life?  Well, besides that.  I also notice that the SCUTUM 
stable was the most avoided team this turn.  Come on JURINE, what are you afraid of?  
And guess who avoided SCUTUM stable the most?  Believe it or not, it was COLLEGE 
MASCOTS.  Anyone surprised?   
     We only live a short time in this world, so why not take a sharp blade, and 
shave it close?  A brave warrior does not carry a red shield, he has nothing to cover 
or hide when the fight is over.  Consider well.   
     Thought for the day, a new sword shines bright, but the notched sword sings the 
sweetest.  It's been nice chatting with you, until we meet again, keep your swords 
sharp and your hammers heavy.  Until the sun next rises and my pen sets to paper-- 
Alarond the Scribe  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 GANGSTA 4075                 10   2  2   102       HOWLIN 3-D (439)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-RAINBOW WARRIOR 4088         21   6  0    90       COLLEGE MASCOTS (445)
 TIMMID 3513                  11   6  2    83       CLAN GHOST BEARS (385)
-EPSILON SCUTI 3985            9   5  0    77       SCUTUM (437)
-DELTA SCUTI 3984              7   5  0    74       SCUTUM (437)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 GATOR 4143                    6   2  0    66       COLLEGE MASCOTS (445)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-NORMALCY REQ 4070             5   3  2    55       HOWLIN 3-D (439)
 BARNABEE 3389                 5   0  1    51       WARCKERS (382)
 KAI ALLARD 3977               8   3  0    48       CLAN GHOST BEARS (385)
 MAJOR FLAVOR 4069             8   6  1    47       HOWLIN 3-D (439)
 CANDICE 3987                  6   2  1    47       CLAN GHOST BEARS (385)
 FRIAR 4154                    4   1  0    42       COLLEGE MASCOTS (445)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 TAR HEEL 4141                 3   0  0    29       COLLEGE MASCOTS (445)
 ALETHA K 3997                 3   1  1    24       CLAN GHOST BEARS (385)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 MEH MARIK 3996                4   1  0    21       CLAN GHOST BEARS (385)
 RAZORBACK 4156                2   1  1    21       COLLEGE MASCOTS (445)
-ZETA SCUTI 3983               3   3  0    20       SCUTUM (437)
 OUTTA BOUNDS 4157             0   2  0     5       HOWLIN 3-D (439)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                W  L K TEAM NAME            SLAIN BY              TURN Revenge?
JAYHAWK 4104            9  9 0 COLLEGE MASCOTS 445  NORMALCY REQ 4070     669   
HEDIES 4161             0  1 0 WARCKERS 382         BANDIT PRINCE         672  NONE
ITDIES 4159             0  1 0 WARCKERS 382         BLACK ORC             672  NONE
SHEDIES 4162            0  1 0 WARCKERS 382         SHEWISH GIANT         672  NONE

                                     PERSONAL ADS

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

ITDIES was butchered by BLACK ORC in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
HEDIES was butchered by BANDIT PRINCE in a 1 minute brutal Dark Arena duel.
SHEDIES was easily killed by SHEWISH GIANT in a 1 minute gory Dark Arena match.
LEGIT vanquished TIMMID in a 1 minute mismatched brawl.
GANGSTA overpowered M. CHARDINEE in a 1 minute one-sided Title fight.
CANDICE was devastated by GATOR in a 1 minute uneven brawl.
BARNABEE outlasted FRIAR in a crowd pleasing 7 minute veteran vs. amateur struggle.
KAI ALLARD handily defeated RAZORBACK in a 3 minute uneven melee.
ALETHA K was vanquished by MAJOR FLAVOR in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
TAR HEEL vanquished OSKSI NOBLE in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
MEH MARIK luckily beat OUTTA BOUNDS in a popular 4 minute beginner's match.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|SLASHING ATTACK                  5         PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -   0 -  0     100  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  4         AIMED BLOW        13 -   4 -  1      76  |
|AIMED BLOW                       2         TOTAL PARRY       11 -   4 -  0      73  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      2         STRIKING ATTACK   13 -   8 -  1      62  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    1         SLASHING ATTACK   12 -  16 -  2      43  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   1         LUNGING ATTACK     2 -   3 -  0      40  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      1         BASHING ATTACK     4 -   8 -  0      33  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                   1         PARRY-STRIKE       0 -   1 -  0       0  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     0         PARRY-LUNGE        0 -   1 -  0       0  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    0         WALL OF STEEL      0 -   1 -  0       0  |

Turn 672 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

AIMED BLOW         2 -  0     STRIKING ATTACK    1 -  3         3  TOTAL PARRY    
PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -  0     SLASHING ATTACK    1 -  4         3  SLASHING ATTACK
BASHING ATTACK     1 -  0     PARRY-LUNGE        0 -  1         1  STRIKING ATTACK
TOTAL PARRY        2 -  0     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  0         1  LUNGING ATTACK 
                              LUNGING ATTACK     0 -  1         1  AIMED BLOW     
                              WALL OF STEEL      0 -  0         1  PARRY-RIPOSTE  
                                                                1  BASHING ATTACK 

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
STRIKING ATTACK  GANGSTA 4075               10   2  2  102 HOWLIN 3-D (439)
LUNGING ATTACK   TIMMID 3513                11   6  2   83 CLAN GHOST BEARS (385)
SLASHING ATTACK  GATOR 4143                  6   2  0   66 COLLEGE MASCOTS (445)
TOTAL PARRY      BARNABEE 3389               5   0  1   51 WARCKERS (382)
PARRY-RIPOSTE    KAI ALLARD 3977             8   3  0   48 CLAN GHOST BEARS (385)
BASHING ATTACK   MAJOR FLAVOR 4069           8   6  1   47 HOWLIN 3-D (439)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is GANGSTA 4075.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was FRIAR 4154.  The ten other most popular fighters were OUTTA BOUNDS 4157, BARNABEE 
3389, MAJOR FLAVOR 4069, GANGSTA 4075, GATOR 4143, KAI ALLARD 3977, RAZORBACK 4156, 
TAR HEEL 4141, MEH MARIK 3996, and ITDIES 4159.

The least popular fighter this week was ALETHA K 3997.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were CANDICE 3987, TIMMID 3513, SHEDIES 4162, HEDIES 4161, ITDIES 4159, MEH 
MARIK 3996, TAR HEEL 4141, RAZORBACK 4156, KAI ALLARD 3977, and GATOR 4143.

The following warriors have traveled to AD after fighting this turn:

LEGIT (61-4002) HOWLIN 3-D (439)

                             Mission to the Twisted Lands

                                     Episode One

     Old Brown could run pretty fast if properly motivated, but mostly he walked with 
a long-legged, distance-devouring stride.  He was a huge horse, a half-giant's 
warhorse, shaggy and self-assured, with muscles like half-buried boulders in his 
shoulders and hips.  Lounging in the saddle was the motivating force, the half-giant, 
Keel Woodhaven.  Although in his mind he was slouching and half-asleep, he sat up 
straight in the saddle since that is more comfortable for riding.
     It was twilight, stars coming out above and lights in farmhouse windows below.  
They traveled through vineyards, brown and fallow now in the winter, descending gently 
toward the tree-crowded coast.  The distant trees, not just pines, were green.  They 
stayed green because the marsh that surrounded the city-state of Bonsur had hot 
springs in it.
     Keel Woodhaven had always liked Bonsur.  It had a relaxed feel about it, the 
women seemed prettier, the music was great, everyone thought about having fun.  And 
the booze was excellent, of course.  He passed the arena at the edge of town, and 
paused to read the current statistics, posted on the gate and lit by a lantern.  So, 
an elven cobbler was the Duelmaster?  Why would a shoemaker take up such a painful 
profession?  Then he noticed the team name:  Shewish Picnic.  He snorted.  That 
explained it, all right.  As a half-Shew, he was kind of bothered by that team theme, 
which was present in Home Guard as well.  It was sort of funny though.  He saw that 
Elf Cobbler was headed for the Isle.  Probably not bound for Home Guard just yet, 
     They passed a small chicken ranch.  A rooster uttered an untimely crow.  At about 
that time, Old Brown took exception to something and bolted.  Cussing, Keel hauled on 
the reins, to little effect since the horse was stronger than him and apparently 
frightened.  He didn't see the masked men coming out of their hiding places behind 
him, looking frustrated.  At least not until a crossbow bolt thunked into the backside 
of his leather cuirass. His horse screamed and ran faster.
     Hauling Old Brown to the left as they passed a set of big open gates into a well-
lighted courtyard, Keel got them behind the shelter of the high stone wall, and patted 
the horse's sweaty neck.  "You're okay now, friend.  I'll go take care of those 
     As he dismounted, he noticed he was becoming surrounded by uniformed men, some 
with swords and some with halberds.
     "Howdy?" he said, hoping they were friendly.
     "Your horse has been shot," said someone, pointing at a bolt sticking out of Old 
Brown's butt.
     "Well damn!"  Keel laid a comforting hand on the horse's flank, which quivered.
     "So have you," the guard continued.
     "Yeah, thought so.  Doesn't feel like it got through the armor though."  Keel 
tried to look over his shoulder, but could only see the feathered end of the bolt.  
"Who are you guys?"
     "We are the Queen's Guard."
     "What?  Queen Gemra?  Okay, please take care of Old Brown here, and I'll go find 
the ***holes that shot him."
     "Sir, you are mistaken.  You will be taken to a doctor.  We will arrest the 
     "Hey!  I'm on a mission from Sheila Greywand.  Anyway, they shot my horse.  My 
HORSE!  I'm gonna get 'em."  Unslinging his huge sword, Keel strode toward the gate.
     Four Guardsmen came with him, flanking him like the trailing ends of a flock of 
geese.  They might have intended a different formation, but he had the longest legs 
and walked the fastest.  The one who'd spoken to him before said, "I'm Corporal Brat 
Langerman.  And you are?"
     "Keel Woodhaven."
     "I've heard of you!  The Queen will want to meet you."
     "That's fine.  Let's stick to the sides of these buildings.  If they're still 
around, we'll be targets in the middle of the street."
     They weren't quiet, exactly, since the guards wore highly polished chain mail 
which jingled.  However, Bonsur had a lively night life.  Music and laughter came from 
bars and nightclubs on adjacent streets, people lingered on corners chatting and 
sometimes playing instruments, and children hawked newssheets, shoeshines, flowers, a 
selection of rouges, and offered to carry packages.  So the sounds the guards made 
weren't too noticeable.
     Keel led the way back to the chicken ranch.  He was thinking that the bad guys 
wouldn't have waited around to be hunted.  They might have left clues, though.  
Perhaps even a discarded, crumpled note offering a cash reward for his head, and 
signed by a notorious crimelord.  Or distinctive cigar stubs, monogrammed hankies... 
personalized masks.  Tracks of boots made by elven cobblers.  Anything.  Witnesses, 
     There were no people on the street near the chicken ranch.  It was full night 
now, a bit chilly although there was a warm and slightly funky breeze from the marsh.
     Corporal Brat Langerman said quietly, "Is this where it happened?"
     "Well, I don't think they're here anymore."
     Keel was about to agree, when a crossbow bolt appeared in the Corporal's arm.  
The young man hissed, "Everybody down!"
     The guardsmen hunkered against the wall of a hardware store, which didn't offer 
anything resembling good cover except that they were in shadow there.  Keel crouched a 
little, but he knew he was a pretty big target, plus his sword gave off a faint 
greenish glow.  He looked around, searching the darkness for signs of their foes.
     A shadow on top of a shaded walkway across the street shifted a little.  Keel 
pulled a weighted dart out of his pocket and hurled it.  He was good at tavern darts, 
but it was dark, the distance was too great, and he just wasn't lucky.  The little 
missile clattered against the shingles of the porch roof.  There was a startled twitch 
from the half-seen form.  At that instant, Keel lunged across the street.  His long 
legs carried him across to the opposite shadows in three bounds.  More bolts came out 
of the darkness, one lodging in his calf, the others missing him altogether.
     Now the Guardsmen had a good idea where their foes were, and it takes a while to 
reload a crossbow.  The four men charged, yelling wildly.  Tucking his sword under his 
arm, Keel grabbed one of the posts holding up the porch roof, strained, and dislodged 
it.  After a moment he yanked it out of the structure entirely.  The roof sagged, 
there was a yelp of surprise, and someone's foot appeared off the edge of it.  Keel 
grabbed him by the ankle and hauled him the rest of the way down.
     There were brief sounds of fighting, then footsteps that rapidly receded down an 
alley.  Three Guardsmen raced off in pursuit.  Keel's prisoner started to try to get 
away, so the half-Shew tossed him up, grabbed him by the arms and bashed him against 
the wall.
     "Are you okay?" asked Brat, sheathing his sword.
     "Took one in the leg, but it's not too bad I think," Keel said, shifting his 
unconscious prisoner to one hand and bending to pick up his sword.
     "I'll help you tie that one up," Brat said.  "There's a dead one here.  I think 
there were two more."  He grunted slightly, trying to reach something with his injured 
arm.  "Got some ties in my right-hand belt pouch.  If you could get them for me?"
     They bound the prisoner, then bandaged each other.
     "What did they want?" asked the Corporal.
     Keel shrugged.  "No clue.  Let's get him somewhere safe and we can ask him..."  
He listened.  "Your guys are coming back."
     The Guardsmen hadn't been able to track their assailants in the darkness, but at 
least there were no further injuries.  The group of them returned warily to the 
courtyard of the Guard House, where a woman was smearing some kind of ointment on Old 
Brown's wound.  After the horse was bedded down in the stable, the Guardsmen led Keel 
into their office, where there was a welcome scent of fresh coffee.  The medic set 
about binding Keel's wound and that of the Corporal, who turned out to be an extremely 
handsome man.  Keel remembered hearing that Queen Gemra required her Guardsmen to be 
good looking.  That didn't mean they weren't competent, though.  Brat had done pretty 
     The medic roused their prisoner with smelling salts.  They all sat in the main 
office, Corporal Langerman facing the miscreant, who was seated in a cushioned chair, 
looking reasonably comfortable except for his bandaged head.  "All right," said Brat.  
"Now I want you to tell me that you're going to turn Queen's Evidence."
     "Not on your life, pretty boy!"  The man had, perhaps, some excuse for hard 
feelings since he was more homely than not, with a crooked nose and eyes set too close 
together.  He and Keel looked shabby and ill-favored amongst all these gleamingly 
handsome Guardsmen.
     Keel leaned forward.  "You guys shot my horse."
     "Oh.  Sorry, didn't mean to do that.  We were just shooting at you."
     "Glowing sword."
     "Duh, it's a magic sword!  We saw it when you drew it in Delarq Tor, and figured 
we could sell it so we followed you."
     The half-Shew snorted.  "The Dentless isn't magic.  It was in a Chaos Gate for 
five hundred years and it picked up some energy, that's all.  All it does, is glow.  
And cut things."
     The bandit looked chagrined.  "But... it's got to be magic."
     "Ain't.  Sorry kid."
     After that, Keel was taken to enjoy a sumptuous dinner at the Palace.  Queen 
Gemra was a definite babe, with long, silken black hair, a delicate pouty face, and 
luscious curves.  She asked him about his mission, which was to go to the Twisted 
Lands and shut down a leaking Chaos Gate.  He entertained her with the story of his 
adventure on the Two-Shew Express, and she gave him a brown velvet cloak to show her 
appreciation.  She did not invite him to her bed, which was fine because his heart 
belonged to another, always and forever.
                                      * * * * * 

                           This is a continuing adventure.  
         Watch for future chapters in the Bonsur and Home Guard newsletters!