DUELMASTERS NEWSLETTER

Date   : 12/01/2003    Duedate: 12/13/2003

MORDANT ARENA

DM-1    TURN-484

This Weeks Top Honors

THE DUELMASTER IS

WISPER
SWEORDMASTERS (138)
(1-5753) [9-2-1,109]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

WISPER                         DARK HELM
SWEORDMASTERS (138)            BLOOD OF THE SPIDER (540)
(1-5753) [9-2-1,109]           (1-7242) [6-1-0,66]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

DENNIS                         FURIE
HAWKS (466)                    BLOOD OF THE SPIDER (540)
(1-7068) [16-16-2,90]          (1-7244) [4-2-1,39]

THE CURRENT TOP TEAM

BLOOD AND IRON (420)

          TEAMS ON THE MOVE            TOP CAREER HONORS
Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. DARK TOADS (506)            49
2. SWEORDMASTERS (138)         48      THE MOTHERSHIP 4 (476)
3. BLOOD AND IRON (420)        46      Unchartered Team
4. BLOOD OF THE SPIDER (540)   41
5. THE BLACK COMPANY (544)     32      BLOOD AND IRON (420)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1- 1*CAT'S MEOW (522)          10   4  0 71.4   1/ 7*BLOOD AND IRON (420)      7  3 0
 2/ 3*BLOOD AND IRON (420)      20   9  3 69.0   2/ 2*BLOOD OF THE SPIDE (540)  7  4 0
 3/ 2*BLOOD OF THE SPIDE (540)  21  11  1 65.6   3/ 4 THE BLACK COMPANY (544)   7  4 0
 4/ 0 THE MOTHERSHIP 4 (476)     7   4  1 63.6   4/ 1 SOUL HAREM (337)          7  8 2
 5/ 5*KING'S TEN (553)           6   4  0 60.0   5/ 6*KING'S TEN (553)          6  4 0
 6/ 6 DARK TOADS (506)         105  72  3 59.3   6/ 3 HAWKS (466)               5  4 1
 7/ 7 HAWKS (466)              311 216 18 59.0   7/ 5 RIDERS OF CHAOS (547)     4  5 0
 8/ 8 THE BLACK COMPANY (544)  328 287 24 53.3   8/10 DARK TOADS (506)          3  5 0
 9/10 RIDERS OF CHAOS (547)     21  20  2 51.2   9/ 8 MANNEQUIN'S BEST (537)    3  9 0
10/ 9 SWEORDMASTERS (138)      295 298 36 49.7  10/11 SWEORDMASTERS (138)       3 12 0
11/11 SOUL HAREM (337)          46  55  8 45.5  11/12 LAB EXPERIMENTS (261)     2  9 0
12/12 LAB EXPERIMENTS (261)    219 272 23 44.6  12/13 HOMICIDAL MANIACS (121)   2 13 0
13/13 MANNEQUIN'S BEST (537)    51  72  5 41.5  13- 9*CAT'S MEOW (522)          1  1 0
14/14 HOMICIDAL MANIACS (121)  319 500 11 38.9  14/ 0 THE MOTHERSHIP 4 (476)    0  1 0
15/ 0*S DRAGONS (523)            2   5  0 28.6  15/ 0*S DRAGONS (523)           0  1 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

            + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Homicidal Maniacs ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

On the Shuttle:

     The Shuttle stopped in Caer and gave Lady Protector Sandy a chance to confirm
her worst fears.  Not only the stage line but the City Fathers of Caer as well
succumbed to the most blatant and pessimistic commercialism.  The arena in Caer had
been transformed into a sort of open-air market.  The stands held displays of splint
boxes with "Souvenir of Caer" burned on the sides, stacks of kegs, and baskets
overflowing with small speckled apples.  The floor of the arena, between clusters of
chattering people and pushcarts offering hot sausages on sticks and other bucolic
delicacies, was apparently being used for some kind of contest involving mules.  What
kind of contest, it was impossible to guess, because the mules weren't cooperating.
     Sandy curled her lip at them and stood with her arms crossed waiting until the
Shuttle was ready to go on.  That the driver--with a stretch of mountain road ahead--
was spending all his time near the piles of kegs did not fill her with confidence.
     The man she had noticed on the Shuttle, the one who was either a blacksmith or a
gladiatorial manager, emerged from the crowd.  He had two steins by their handles
with one hand, and a couple of sausage-on-a-sticks with the other.  "I thought you
might like a snack," he said, indicating his burden.
     She grinned at him.  "What're you going to get for yourself, though?"  Seeing
his startled look, she laughed.  "I'm not THAT hungry.  Thanks."  She relieved him of
one stein and one sausage.  "Lady Protector Sandy," she said by way of introduction.
"I'm a Homicidal Maniac, and I'm sometimes known as the Evil Inputter."
     Her declaration of homicidal mania didn't put him off as much as it might have
done, because he knew there was a team of gladiators by that name in Mordant.
"Mostly I'm called Darkfist," he replied.  "Are you headed for the Isle?"
     "No!  Well, later--there's an imposter there I have to deal with.  But first I
need to go to Andor and find out what happened to that--"  She narrowed her eyes and
stared into the distance briefly.  "That PERSON who was SUPPOSED to be lending me a
hand on my special mission.  Even if he's just a kid, he should stand up for his
responsibilities, right?"  Her attention returned to Darkfist, and her expression
dared him to contradict her.  "One of those types who pretends to be a mild-mannered
reporter--HA!  I know better than that!  Anyone who...well, you don't need the
details.  But he's got a secret identity, and that means he has to help me!"
     "Ah, you're a super-heroine in your spare time?"
     "ME?  Of course not!  I'm a super-villainess.  We have more fun, you see," she
explained.  "The heroines always have to defer to the heroes, but us villainesses
don't answer to anybody."  She smiled in satisfaction and drained her tankard.
     "More fun."  He nodded thoughtfully.  "I can see the appeal.  But I almost don't
dare ask what your special mission is, if you're s super-villainess."
     "I'm going to kill Hayden," she said calmly.
     "One of your teammates?"
     "They're the worst."  She scowled.  "And a few managers, I think.  But maybe
I'll only beat them up.  After all, that would make the next tourney run more
smoothly...."  Sandy nodded firmly.  "Yeah, I'll beat up some managers, too."

      * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

                         ---===DELARQUAN REGIONAL NEWS===---

                                     Duelmasters
                                     -----------
 DM   1 MORDANT (turn 483): DENNIS of HAWKS (Mr. Monsen, mgr.)
 DM   2 NIANIA (turn 368): TOOFLESS of GLORY BOUND TROLLS (DeGotti, mgr.)
 DM   3 OSKSI (turn 488): THE MAN of FAMOUS HITTERS (Assurnasirbanipal, mgr.)
 DM   4 JHELUM (turn 484): LYSISTRATA of DOGS OF WAR (Nick, mgr.)
 DM   5 KALTOS (turn 483): FREDERICK DOUGLASS of I'M HISTORY (Zalgor Prigg, mgr.)
 DM   6 TRANSEL (turn 487): GRIZZLY ADAMS of BATTLE BEASTS (Sensei Jan, mgr.)
 DM   7 BONSUR (turn 484): CASTOR of ASTRONOMICAL (Jinx, mgr.)
 DM  10 KOLACT (turn 479): KEPLER of THE MOONDOGS (Nick, mgr.)
 DM  18 TALCAMA (turn 470): IRON HANDS LEE of THE GUARDIANS II (Guardian, mgr.)
 DM  21 SUNSET (turn 469): SANTO STINKO of BOOK OF STINK (Kleptov Grenufelbitz, mgr.)
 DM  36 JHANS (turn 443): ZANTARA of IRON TIGERS (Jinx, mgr.)
 DM  38 CLIFFHOME (turn 434): EAGLE'S NEST of EAGLES CLAW (Talon Volksie, mgr.)
 DM  39 XOCHITHLAN (turn 188): ZOOLANDER of WITLESS WONDERS (Berylstar, mgr.)
 DM  42 RODEKI (turn 421): DRAXUS BREMOORE of FLAGG'S FIVE (Flagg, mgr.)
 DM  51 TRICORUS (turn 369): CHRISEIS of AMAZON ELITE (Doc Miracle, mgr.)
 DM  54 TROCAR (turn 175): BIRAN of THE WHITE COMPANY (Silverstroke, mgr.)
 DM  59 ILLIS (turn 163): LUCIA of ISLANDERS (Nick, mgr.)
 DM  62 VALAMANTIS (turn 319): NAMES of SADISTS F2F II (SunGod, mgr.)
 DM  72 DRAGONHEAD (turn 140): 2 PHAT of VERMIN (Sultan, mgr.)
ADM 104 DARKHOLM (turn 362): LEE AT TOURNEY of LETHAL LADIES from JHELUM (A-Sop)

                                      Top Teams
                                      ---------
 DM   1 MORDANT (turn 483): SOUL HAREM (Saucy Jack, mgr.)
 DM   2 NIANIA (turn 368): HARLEQUINS (Jinx, mgr.)
 DM   3 OSKSI (turn 488): SIMPLY DESSERTS (Sweet Tooth, mgr.)
 DM   4 JHELUM (turn 484): DOGS OF WAR (Nick, mgr.)
 DM   5 KALTOS (turn 483): I'M HISTORY (Zalgor Prigg, mgr.)
 DM   6 TRANSEL (turn 487): BATTLE BEASTS (Sensei Jan, mgr.)
 DM   7 BONSUR (turn 484): SUGAR AND SPICE (Mannequin, mgr.)
 DM  10 KOLACT (turn 479): TERRAPIN STATION (Floyd, mgr.)
 DM  18 TALCAMA (turn 470): THE GUARDIANS II (Guardian, mgr.)
 DM  21 SUNSET (turn 469): BOOK OF STINK (Kleptov Grenufelbitz, mgr.)
 DM  36 JHANS (turn 443): BABES (Papa Bear, mgr.)
 DM  38 CLIFFHOME (turn 434): ALL FINESSE (Mannequin, mgr.)
 DM  39 XOCHITHLAN (turn 188): CHEAP SHOTS (?, mgr.)
 DM  42 RODEKI (turn 421): FLAGG'S FIVE (Flagg, mgr.)
 DM  51 TRICORUS (turn 369): DARK HORSEMEN (Nick, mgr.)
 DM  54 TROCAR (turn 175): INDULGENT DRINKS (Fizban, mgr.)
 DM  59 ILLIS (turn 163): THE EXPLORERS (Kellog, mgr.)
 DM  62 VALAMANTIS (turn 319): SAMURAI KIDS II (Sensei Jan, mgr.)
 DM  72 DRAGONHEAD (turn 140): FAVORITE THINGS (?, mgr.)
ADM 104 DARKHOLM (turn 362): DARK PANTHEON, etc. (Doc Steele, mgr.)

                                   Recent Graduates
                                  -----------------
 DM   3 OSKSI (turn 488): THE MAN of FAMOUS HITTERS (Assurnasirbanipal, mgr.)
              (turn 487): SANDMAN of SIMPLY DESSERTS (Sweet Tooth, mgr.)
 DM   4 JHELUM (turn 483): SHERMAN of DOGS OF WAR (Nick, mgr.)
 DM   5 KALTOS (turn 482): FOLIE HANNA of THE MIDDLE WAY 5 (Nick, mgr.)
 DM   6 TRANSEL (turn 487): GRIZZLY ADAMS of BATTLE BEASTS (Sensei Jan, mgr.)
 DM   7 BONSUR (turn 484): CASTOR of ASTRONOMICAL (Jinx, mgr.)
               (turn 483): GAMBLE of INDIFFERENCE (Jekyll, mgr.)
                           SESAME of SUGAR AND SPICE (Mannequin, mgr.)
 DM  10 KOLACT (turn 478): MUNCHIES of TERRAPIN STATION (Floyd, mgr.)
                           QUONSET of QUBIT (Sultan, mgr.)
                           FELICITAS of PRAETORIAN GUARD (Shocking Toad, mgr.)
                           HOTTA WATTA of TOWNSVILLAINS (The Narrator, mgr.)
 DM  18 TALCAMA (turn 470): CHASITY BELT of THE GUARDIANS II (Guardian, mgr.)
                            TUM of FROM THE FACE (Shocking Toad, mgr.)
                            CHOLLA of POWER PLANTS (Hoffa, mgr.)
 DM  21 SUNSET (turn 469): SANTO STINKO of BOOK OF STINK (Kleptov Grenufelbitz, mgr.)
               (turn 468): CLAW of MEOW MIX (Sylvester Frothingslosh, mgr.)
                           CARNAL of GRIM FANDANGO (Stick, mgr.)
                           MALLIA of SONS OF SATAN (Damion, mgr.)
                           VIVAMORT of SONS OF SATAN (Damion, mgr.)
 DM  36 JHANS (turn 443): ZANTARA of IRON TIGERS (Jinx, mgr.)
 DM  39 XOCHITHLAN (turn 187): B.A. TURRY of CRIMINAL ELEMENT (Fizban, mgr.)
                               WHAT'S UP, DUCK? of DUCKS UNLIMITED (Crip, mgr.)
 DM  51 TRICORUS (turn 369): CHRISEIS of AMAZON ELITE (Doc Miracle, mgr.)
                 (turn 368): REIDI of DARK HORSEMEN (Nick, mgr.)
 DM  54 TROCAR (turn 175): BIRAN of THE WHITE COMPANY (Silverstroke, mgr.)
 DM  59 ILLIS (turn 163): LUCIA of ISLANDERS (Nick, mgr.)
                          GHASTLY MIGRAINE of HANGOVERS (Crip, mgr.)
 DM  72 DRAGONHEAD (turn 139): SIR LANCELOT of KNIGHTS TEMPLAR (Baphomet, mgr.)

                                      SPY REPORT

     Thankyouthankyou.  It's great for me, The Unknown Spymaster to be back in 
MORDANT.  Hope you enjoy the show.  Oh, who am I kidding?  I already got paid!  Say 
good-bye to SOUL HAREM, as they are pushed from the coveted top team spot by the 
BLOOD AND IRON stable.  A stormcloud is brewing over the CAT'S MEOW guildhouse.  
Rumor says any more weeks like this ones 0-0-0 may send the team to the Dark Arena.  
Coming up with a solid 4-1-0 outing, BLOOD AND IRON has advanced 6 places in the 
rankings.  Advancing in the rankings was THE BLACK COMPANY who went from last turn's 
325-286-24, to this week's record of 328-287-24.  Hey everybody, watch out for DARK 
HELM, who flew up 19 points in the rankings after mashing LITTLE FAIR LEA like a 
melon.  Keep your eye on this beast.  Ya know, some days it doesn't pay to walk out 
on the sands.  DOGMAN was subdued by CORNY and drops 14 points.  Drawing on all of 
hers experience as a 8-2-1 warrior, WISPER went for the Duelmastership against DENNIS 
this week.  In front of all the crowds, WISPER took the Duelmaster's crown for hers 
own.  I give the bum two weeks.  Advice to bashers--never force anything, just get a 
bigger halberd!   
     But enough of that bunch, let's get on to the wimps who like to avoid battle!  
Did you hear that BLOOD AND IRON was most avoided team this week?  Well, knowing the 
personal hygiene of BLOOD AND IRON's warriors, I'm not surprised!  For those of you 
who like math, try this one:  BLOOD AND IRON + Weapons That go Boom = KING'S TEN + 
Avoid City.  Well dang howdy, but if challenges were votes, MYGGEN would be 
president.  Although it may be a contest he doesn't want to win.   
     Being a spy is great--other people die and you spend the rest of the day 
drinking to their memory.  Better tanked than dead!  Well, the arena is no place for 
slow learners (and hopefully T.P.s) and TATTOOED DANCER demonstrated that very 
violently on GRAMMAW's body.  RIDERS OF CHAOS has one more week to get their 
bloodfeud off.  I talked to the manager, but he could only grunt 'BODY SWIRL who?'.  
Ya gotta luv em!  Remember:  alliances are great, but try and take your ally in the 
arena with you and see what happens.   
     Well, that wasn't too bad; Alarond told me that the people in MORDANT have no 
sense of humor.  Or maybe that they were senseless.  Well, there goes another Spy 
Report.  Good luck in next week's fights.  And remember, you can pick your friends 
and you can pick your--(loud boos), oh, you've heard that one already!-- The Unknown 
Spymaster  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 WISPER 5753                   9   2  1   109       SWEORDMASTERS (138)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-MURGEN 7283                  13  16  0   106       THE BLACK COMPANY (544)
-ABYSSINIAN 7043               6   1  0   101       CAT'S MEOW (522)
 RICHARD PLANTAGENET 6881     19  22  0    92       DARK TOADS (506)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 DENNIS 7068                  16  16  2    90       HAWKS (466)
 FACELESS 7268                15   7  1    88       THE BLACK COMPANY (544)
 TATTOOED DANCER 5060         10   8  2    83       SOUL HAREM (337)
 SYLITH 7357                   8   5  1    83       THE BLACK COMPANY (544)
 THE EUNUCH 5000              10  10  1    71       SOUL HAREM (337)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 DARK HELM 7242                6   1  0    66       BLOOD OF THE SPIDER (540)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-RAGDOLL 7039                  4   3  0    57       CAT'S MEOW (522)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 BLUE SIOBHAN 4997            10  10  2    55       SOUL HAREM (337)
 LITTLE FAIR LEA 4999         12   8  2    52       SOUL HAREM (337)
 VLAD TEPISH 7374              7   3  0    43       RIDERS OF CHAOS (547)
 DEMONKIN 7240                 4   3  0    41       BLOOD OF THE SPIDER (540)
 FURIE 7244                    4   2  1    39       BLOOD OF THE SPIDER (540)
 GREY GHOST 7243               4   2  0    39       BLOOD OF THE SPIDER (540)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 RED CLOUD 5993                4   2  1    33       BLOOD AND IRON (420)
 KING 7431                     2   0  0    33       KING'S TEN (553)
 SMEDS 7358                    8   6  0    30       THE BLACK COMPANY (544)
 CORNY 5991                    5   1  1    30       BLOOD AND IRON (420)
-JEJUNE 7386                   3   1  0    28       MANNEQUIN'S BEST (537)
 MYGGEN 7360                   6   4  1    27       HAWKS (466)
 BIG-HEADED KAT 7110           4   1  0    27       THE MOTHERSHIP 4 (476)
 WAR MACHINE 7241              3   3  0    27       BLOOD OF THE SPIDER (540)
 THAI DEI 7393                 6   3  0    25       THE BLACK COMPANY (544)
 HAYDAN 7356                   4  12  1    25       HOMICIDAL MANIACS (121)
 SWALLOWTAIL 7387              3   3  0    25       MANNEQUIN'S BEST (537)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 ALAN A DALE 7406              3   4  0    23       DARK TOADS (506)
 THINREDONE 5751               2   1  0    23       LAB EXPERIMENTS (261)
 WHISPER SOFTLY 7421           4   2  0    22       RIDERS OF CHAOS (547)
 RAJA 6154                     2   0  0    22       BLOOD AND IRON (420)
 CHALEUR 7415                  2   6  1    15       SOUL HAREM (337)
 RAPTOR 5989                   4   2  0    14       BLOOD AND IRON (420)
 BALTHAZAAR 5990               3   3  0    13       BLOOD AND IRON (420)
 EGGPLANT 7047                 2   5  0    11       S DRAGONS (523)
 DOGMAN 7430                   1   1  0    10       KING'S TEN (553)
 SILENT WIND 7447              1   0  0    10       KING'S TEN (553)
 SMUDGE 7427                   1   1  0     9       KING'S TEN (553)
 OUTLAW INLAW 7424             1   4  0     8       HOMICIDAL MANIACS (121)
 NUMBER TWO 7422               0   6  0     6       HOMICIDAL MANIACS (121)
 JULENISSEN 7425               1   1  0     4       HAWKS (466)
 FISH BOWL MAN 7429            1   1  0     4       KING'S TEN (553)
 FOOLCATCHER 7445              0   2  0     2       HOMICIDAL MANIACS (121)
 SHRINKY DINK 7444             0   1  0     1       MANNEQUIN'S BEST (537)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?
WILL SCARLET 7353      1  1 0 DARK TOADS 506        SPYMASTER 567         484 NONE    
ELLEN A DALE 7407      0  1 0 DARK TOADS 506        HIGH ELF 564          484 NONE    
SHERIFF 7423           0  1 0 DARK TOADS 506        ARENAMASTER KAKAR 568 484 NONE    
GRAMMAW 7045          13 31 0 HOMICIDAL MANIACS 121 TATTOOED DANCER 5060  484         
91391591811 7448       0  1 0 LAB EXPERIMENTS 261   STONE GOLEM 571       484 NONE    
9991791417 7450        0  1 0 MANNEQUIN'S BEST 537  MOUNTAIN TROLL 563    484 NONE    
171018159411 7449      0  1 0 MANNEQUIN'S BEST 537  SHEWISH GIANT 566     484 NONE    
BODY SWIRL 7372        5  2 0 RIDERS OF CHAOS 547   THE EUNUCH 5000       481         
CHE CHE HAKOSHO 7420   1  3 0 RIDERS OF CHAOS 547   CHALEUR 7415          482         
BLOODLUST 7426         2  1 0 RIDERS OF CHAOS 547   MYGGEN 7360           483         
11179219107 7452       0  1 0 SWEORDMASTERS 138     SPYMASTER 567         484 NONE    
79151791017 7451       0  1 0 SWEORDMASTERS 138     SPYMASTER 567         484 NONE    
119715131613 7453      0  1 0 SWEORDMASTERS 138     BLACK ORC 565         484 NONE    
713141715135 7454      0  1 0 SWEORDMASTERS 138     SPYMASTER 567         484 NONE    

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Grammaw -- You just get better with age!  Or, at least what I learn from you does....
-- Faceless

Grey Ghost -- Nice fave, I'm envious. -- Smeds

Vlad Tepish -- Man, if I could just hit you ONCE, the fight would be OVER! -- Thai
Dei

Geez, Sylith is so stupid she got lost on the way to the arena last time.  The things
I have to put up with because of that girl.... -- Darkfist  (RSI, please don't lose
her turnsheet again this turn!)

A belated hello to the proud warriors of Mordant (and to the rest of you as well)!
We will strive to provide worthy competition for all of you. -- King's Ten

Killed by a Geshi Scrivener?  Well, now we know how he became a Prisoner...he
couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag. -- Smudge

Number Two -- You need to calm down; if you keep thrashing around like that,
someone's going to get hurt (and it's probably not your opponent).  I'd suggest
switching to decaf. -- Fish Bowl Man

Dennis -- Now wait a second.  You are just a better warrior than I, how can that be?
-- Richard Plantagenet

Raptor -- At least I got to swing.  A lot. -- Alan A Dale

All -- Okay, the dark arena gets one more shot to see if it wants to keep me in this
arena past Richard's death. -- TigToad

Faceless -- It's a compliment is what it is.  You just can't get enough of my
cookies, can you, young woman?  One of these days, if you stand still long enough,
I'll teach you how to make them. -- Grammaw
P.S.  Those skills should keep you inside at night, I think.
P.P.S.  Re Tempe in January: it's a deal.

Swallowtail -- I don't know if this is supposed to be a fashion statement, or a
dietary one, but in either case, it strikes me as being poorly planned.  Firstly,
yes, if you're wearing swallowtails while riding a horse, which I presume is the
origin of that strange style, I have to tell you that it looks very strange, and it
upsets the horse.  And if it's a dietary suggestion, it's ridiculous.  While I can
see that it is possible, given a long enough tail, to BEGIN to swallow it, you can't
finish.  Untidy, that. -- Haydan

Julenissen -- Do I look like a mouse?  I ask you!  Or even a rabbit?  Go eat a cat or
something. -- Outlaw Inlaw
P.S.  Eat my mother-in-law's cat.

Fish Bowl Man -- Phew!  Maybe you should clean that fish bowl, don't you think?  It's
(gasp) rather ripe. -- Number Two, not trying at all today

Balthazaar -- (bristling)  You're not supposed to do that!  I'm supposed to fight
some dumb standby, or another beginner, not an experienced fighter like you.  Ouch!
-- Foolcatcher

13 November 2003
Let it be known far and wide, that the Warrior TUM 18-7380, the Champions Runner-Up
for the recent Tournament, is managed by none other than Shocking Toad.  I named this
fabulous warrior after my friend and mentor, TUM, a.k.a. Don!  Sorry TUM didn't get
me my first TC; however, a runner-up with all those sandbaggers is pretty impressive,
if I do say so myself. -- Shocking Toad, The Manager

13 November 2003
All -- This is to announce that I am no longer a member of the Vendetta Cartel
Alliance.  I have enjoyed my time there, and I've made some great friends.  Their
company will be missed, but they will endure.  I wish them well. -- Apex

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

WILL SCARLET was butchered by SPYMASTER in a 1 minute bloody Dark Arena fight.
ELLEN A DALE was slaughtered by HIGH ELF in a 1 minute Dark Arena battle.
11179219107 was easily killed by SPYMASTER in a 1 minute gory Dark Arena match.
79151791017 was slaughtered by SPYMASTER in a 1 minute Dark Arena brawl.
91391591811 was dealt death by STONE GOLEM in a popular 3 minute Dark Arena fight.
119715131613 was killed by BLACK ORC in a 1 minute Dark Arena competition.
713141715135 was assassinated by SPYMASTER in a 1 minute Dark Arena struggle.
9991791417 was killed by MOUNTAIN TROLL in a 2 minute bloody Dark Arena brawl.
SHERIFF was assassinated by ARENAMASTER KAKAR in a 1 minute Dark Arena melee.
171018159411 was barely slain by SHEWISH GIANT in a 1 minute Dark Arena duel.
WISPER vanquished DENNIS in a 1 minute uneven Challenge Title fight.
RICHARD PLANTAGENET vanquished THE EUNUCH in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
GREY GHOST was beaten by BLUE SIOBHAN in a 3 minute gory Challenge melee.
SWALLOWTAIL was defeated by FURIE in a exciting 3 minute Challenge match.
WAR MACHINE was bested by VLAD TEPISH in a crowd pleasing 1 minute Challenge conflict.
THINREDONE savagely defeated RAPTOR in a crowd pleasing 1 minute gory Challenge match.
ALAN A DALE viciously subdued HAYDAN in a popular 1 minute Challenge conflict.
THAI DEI defeated CHALEUR in a action packed 1 minute Challenge struggle.
SMUDGE overcame NUMBER TWO in a 1 minute bloody Challenge bout.
KING devastated MYGGEN in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge brawl.
SYLITH beat SILISA THE SNAKE in a exciting 1 minute match.
FACELESS overpowered SILISA THE SNAKE in a crowd pleasing 1 minute one-sided match.
GRAMMAW was butchered by TATTOOED DANCER in a 1 minute one-sided contest.
LITTLE FAIR LEA was overpowered by DARK HELM in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
BIG-HEADED KAT was savagely defeated by DEMONKIN in a action packed 3 minute fray.
DOGMAN was devastated by CORNY in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
SMEDS was overpowered by RED CLOUD in a 1 minute brutal uneven fight.
WHISPER SOFTLY overpowered EGGPLANT in a popular 1 minute one-sided duel.
BALTHAZAAR subdued FOOLCATCHER in a 3 minute brutal melee.
FISH BOWL MAN was vanquished by RAJA in a 1 minute one-sided fray.
JULENISSEN was overcome by SILENT WIND in a 3 minute amateur's bout.
OUTLAW INLAW won victory over SHRINKY DINK in a 1 minute novice's bout.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                  12         AIMED BLOW        17 -  11 -  0      61  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                 11         WALL OF STEEL     19 -  18 -  1      51  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   6         PARRY-LUNGE       17 -  17 -  2      50  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  5         STRIKING ATTACK   34 -  34 -  3      50  |
|AIMED BLOW                       5         SLASHING ATTACK   15 -  15 -  0      50  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      3         LUNGING ATTACK    46 -  49 -  3      48  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      3         BASHING ATTACK    18 -  20 -  1      47  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    3         TOTAL PARRY       13 -  18 -  2      42  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    2         PARRY-RIPOSTE      3 -   8 -  0      27  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     2         PARRY-STRIKE       0 -   7 -  0       0  |

Turn 484 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

LUNGING ATTACK     8 -  4     STRIKING ATTACK    5 -  6         4  LUNGING ATTACK 
SLASHING ATTACK    3 -  2     PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  2         2  STRIKING ATTACK
PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -  1     BASHING ATTACK     2 -  4         1  SLASHING ATTACK
                              TOTAL PARRY        1 -  2         1  PARRY-STRIKE   
                              WALL OF STEEL      1 -  2         1  AIMED BLOW     
                              AIMED BLOW         0 -  5         1  PARRY-LUNGE    
                              PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  2         1  TOTAL PARRY    

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
SLASHING ATTACK  WISPER 5753                 9   2  1  109 SWEORDMASTERS (138)
PARRY-LUNGE      FACELESS 7268              15   7  1   88 THE BLACK COMPANY (544)
LUNGING ATTACK   TATTOOED DANCER 5060       10   8  2   83 SOUL HAREM (337)
STRIKING ATTACK  DARK HELM 7242              6   1  0   66 BLOOD OF THE SPIDER (540)
AIMED BLOW       LITTLE FAIR LEA 4999       12   8  2   52 SOUL HAREM (337)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is DENNIS 7068.  The most popular warrior this turn was 
FURIE 7244.  The ten other most popular fighters were 91391591811 7448, DEMONKIN 
7240, FOOLCATCHER 7445, 9991791417 7450, VLAD TEPISH 7374, THINREDONE 5751, ALAN A 
DALE 7406, FACELESS 7268, 119715131613 7453, and BLUE SIOBHAN 4997.

The least popular fighter this week was FISH BOWL MAN 7429.  The other ten least 
popular fighters were SMEDS 7358, DOGMAN 7430, BIG-HEADED KAT 7110, LITTLE FAIR LEA 
4999, GRAMMAW 7045, MYGGEN 7360, NUMBER TWO 7422, HAYDAN 7356, RAPTOR 5989, and THE 
EUNUCH 5000.