Date   : 03/21/2005    Duedate: 04/02/2005


DM-1    TURN-518

This Weeks Top Honors


(1-7478) [20-12-0,84]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

BRICK WALL                     JOHNNY RYALL
(1-7478) [20-12-0,84]          (1-7540) [5-0-0,62]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

HAYDAN                         BOTTLE OF BEER
(1-7356) [12-38-1,75]          (1-7620) [5-3-0,54]



Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. HOMICIDAL MANIACS (121)     50
2. BEASTIE BOYS (560)          32      THE REVELATION (222)
3. MANNEQUIN'S BEST (537)      22      Unchartered Team
4. SWEORDMASTERS (138)          9
5. LAB EXPERIMENTS (261)        5      BEASTIE BOYS (560)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 0 THE REVELATION (222)     111  58  6 65.7   1/ 3 HOMICIDAL MANIACS (121)   9  6 1
 2/ 0*BEASTIE BOYS (560)        14  10  4 58.3   2/ 2 MANNEQUIN'S BEST (537)    7  6 2
 3- 2 BLOOD OF THE SPIDE (540)  32  24  1 57.1   3/ 1 SWEORDMASTERS (138)       7  6 1
 4/ 3 SWEORDMASTERS (138)      347 348 43 49.9   4/ 0*BEASTIE BOYS (560)        3  1 1
 5- 4 OF WOLF AND MAN (478)     21  24  0 46.7   5/ 0 THE REVELATION (222)      2  3 0
 6/ 5 LAB EXPERIMENTS (261)    262 310 27 45.8   6- 4*ARENA FELINES (559)       1  4 0
 7/ 6 MANNEQUIN'S BEST (537)   103 124 17 45.4   7/ 5 LAB EXPERIMENTS (261)     1  6 0
 8- 7*ARENA FELINES (559)        8  10  0 44.4   8- 8 BLOOD OF THE SPIDE (540)  0  2 0
 9/ 8 HOMICIDAL MANIACS (121)  388 599 12 39.3   9- 7 OF WOLF AND MAN (478)     0  1 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

         + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ A Dark and Stormy Night ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     Bottle of Beer huddled in the doorway to the Homicidal Maniacs' guildhouse, a 
position to which he and the Rookie Manager had been driven by the droning voice of 
the Deadly Bore.  "It's a dark and stormy night," Bottle muttered.
     "Of course it is!"  The Rookie Manager bounced up and down on his toes.  "Just 
the night for fell deeds and foul doings!"  He pulled a small vial from his pocket, 
tipped his head back, and put drops in his eyes, which immediately began to glow red.  
"Let's go find a sinister tavern and meet with some suspicious characters!"
     "Let's not," Bottle of Beer answered.  "Let's go find a FRIENDLY tavern and get 
really mokus."
     "That isn't a proper thing to do!" the Rookie said, shocked.  "It isn't--"
     "It's exactly what managers and gladiators BOTH do," Bottle said firmly.  "But 
usually not in the same taverns.  So I guess if you really want to go find
a sinister tavern, you might as well."  He smirked.  "But don't ask what's in the 
drinks, and do NOT eat from the free lunch.  Those places aren't sinister by chance 
or half-measures."
     The Rookie Manager stared at him, eyes big.  And glowing, of course, one 
wouldn't need a lantern to navigate a dark alley with the Rookie around.  "Really?  
What IS in the drinks?"
     Bottle shrugged.  "All I know for sure is that when someone ordered a Bloody 
Mary at the Bar Sinister, the bartender immediately asked if there was a Mary in the 
house, and he had a knife in his hand as he said it."
     "Gosh!  What happened next?"
     "A woman named Mary, with a cutlass in each hand, charged the man who had 
ordered a Bloody Mary, the bartender stuck his knife in a customer who had been 
telling his life story--might've been a cousin to the Deadly Bore--and the whole 
place turned into a brawl."  Bottle of Beer shook his head at a sorrowful memory.  
"So I broke a couple of bottles--there's an art to that--and fought my way out.  Not 
my kind of place, the Bar Sinister.  I like cheerful drunks."
     There was a crash from the room behind them, perhaps a chair being knocked over, 
or even thrown against the wall.  The droning voice of the Deadly Bore stopped, 
replaced by one that was female, angry, and brisk.
     The Bottle of Beer grabbed his teammate and dashed out into the rainswept alley.  
"That was Lady Protector Sandy, and she's on the rampage!"

                                 DUELMASTER'S COLUMN
                             Notes from the arena champ.

Hi, all you Maniacs!  It looks as though it WAS my destiny to use you as my personal 
stepping stones in my pursuit of immortality.  Brick Wall, I fared so poorly versus 
you earlier in my career that my manager sent me to the Dark Arena as a lost cause (I 
was 1-5, having lost to you THREE times!).  Lo and behold, I fed High Elf a little 
dirt and began taking this gladiatorial stuff seriously.  I've been piling-up the 
skill learns and it shows, having reduced our favorite crazy golem to a pile of chips 
and dust the past two times we have face each other.  I'm off to join Swallowtail on 
the Isle, but before I leave she asked me to pass the following message to Brick 

     "How sweet of you to channel your meager mental resources into thoughts of me 
and me alone.  It's truly a shame that a being with so much idle time on its hands(?) 
possesses the gift and strength of single-minded conscious stream-of-thought, yet is 
unable to convey it in a physical manner that is understood by the one who is meant 
to receive it.  In the event you should earn an invitation to the Isle, look for me 
in Homeguard.  Perhaps immortality will afford you the time you need to learn how to 
express yourself on an emotional and physical level. As Simon & Garfunkel once sang, 
"You are a Rock, I'm on an Island !!......."


                                      SPY REPORT

     Greetings, warriors of MORDANT!  Once again I've been called out of retirement 
for my abilities and insights into Spyreporting.  Bein' on top is great while it 
lasts, SWEORDMASTERS.  But how many friends do you have now?  What's with BOTTLE OF 
BEER?  He actually beat THE REVELATION's BORN TO DIE, and walked away with 22 more 
points from the fight.  Major screwup at THE REVELATION.  THE FALSE PROPHET lost 12 
points to HELLACIOUS.  Some new strategies, perhaps?  Maybe THE FALSE PROPHET will 
provide more easy wins...  MORDANT has a Duelmaster who doesn't sit back and get 
lazy.  She Dark Arena Challenged DARK ARENA's STONE GOLEM (0-0-0), which should prove 
(ahem!) interesting.  STONE GOLEM was reminded on the sands why DESTINY is 
Duelmaster.  I suppose you want to hear some rumors and dirty gossip about your 
fellow fighters?  Tough!   
     No matter the time or place, men will always duel.   
     Warriors of MORDANT unite.  You have only your games to lose!  Hmm...  More 
surprises must remain in store for me, if DESTINY can return from the Dark Arena.  I 
like to see warriors put young whippersnappers in their place.  I guess you could say 
warrior has met his fate in a hungover stupor.  You young rapscallions, take note!   
     Many other cities have retirement homes for aged warriors.  Any plans here?  The 
end of another Spyreport!  That's cause for celebration in my book!  I don't want to 
overstay my welcome...-- Olaf Modeen  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 BRICK WALL 7478              20  12  0    84       HOMICIDAL MANIACS (121)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-DARK HELM 7242                9   4  0    97       BLOOD OF THE SPIDER (540)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-SNAG 6519                     9   7  0    77       OF WOLF AND MAN (478)
 HAYDAN 7356                  12  38  1    75       HOMICIDAL MANIACS (121)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-LORD BLEEDS 6520              9   3  0    66       OF WOLF AND MAN (478)
 HELLACIOUS 7541               6   1  0    66       MANNEQUIN'S BEST (537)
 JOHNNY RYALL 7540             5   0  0    62       BEASTIE BOYS (560)
-DEMONKIN 7240                 6   5  0    59       BLOOD OF THE SPIDER (540)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 BOTTLE OF BEER 7620           5   3  0    54       HOMICIDAL MANIACS (121)
 THE FALSE PROPHET 3809       14  11  0    53       THE REVELATION (222)
-MESSIAH 7607                  6   1  3    47       MANNEQUIN'S BEST (537)
 EGG RAID ON MOJO 7568         3   0  0    46       BEASTIE BOYS (560)
 BORN TO DIE 5305             13   6  0    45       THE REVELATION (222)
-KRAZY KAT 7525                3   2  0    45       ARENA FELINES (559)
-FURIE 7244                    4   3  1    39       BLOOD OF THE SPIDER (540)
-GREY GHOST 7243               6   7  0    37       BLOOD OF THE SPIDER (540)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 ROOKIE MANAGER 7639           3   3  1    33       HOMICIDAL MANIACS (121)
 NUMEROLOGISM 7419             2   2  0    33       THE REVELATION (222)
 MISCHIEVOUS IMP 7627          4   1  0    29       SWEORDMASTERS (138)
-HONEST JILES 7576             2   1  0    29       LAB EXPERIMENTS (261)
 GOD IS A WOMAN 7417           4   0  0    28       THE REVELATION (222)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-TERCERO ENCANTO 7635          1   0  1    20       LAB EXPERIMENTS (261)
 BRASS MONKEY 7536             3   1  2    19       BEASTIE BOYS (560)
 JAMMY 7603                    2   0  2    19       BEASTIE BOYS (560)
 DEADLY BORE 7657              1   3  0    17       HOMICIDAL MANIACS (121)
-BLACK CAT 7527                1   0  0    15       ARENA FELINES (559)
 DEMONSEED 7653                2   1  0    11       SWEORDMASTERS (138)
-HEADSNAPPER 6576              1   2  0    11       OF WOLF AND MAN (478)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-SNAPPERHEAD 6561              0   4  0     6       OF WOLF AND MAN (478)
 WISHFUL THINKING 7659         1   1  0     4       MANNEQUIN'S BEST (537)
-TENDER VITTLES 7523           0   3  0     3       ARENA FELINES (559)
-LAP LOVER 7665                0   2  0     2       ARENA FELINES (559)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?
CRAP CAT 7524          4  3 0 ARENA FELINES 559     MESSIAH 7607          515 REVENGED
STONE GOLEM 571        0  1 0 DARK ARENA 0          DESTINY 7506          518 NONE    
716121717105 7675      0  1 0 LAB EXPERIMENTS 261   DARK CHAMPION 569     518 NONE    
913111791213 7672      0  1 0 MANNEQUIN'S BEST 537  SPYMASTER 567         518 NONE    
RUG ATHEIST 7673       0  1 0 MANNEQUIN'S BEST 537  JAMMY 7603            518         
MARK OF THE BLES 7418  3  1 1 THE REVELATION 222    ROOKIE MANAGER 7639   518         
9111615101211 7676     0  1 0 SWEORDMASTERS 138     MOUNTAIN TROLL 563    518 NONE    

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Krazy Kat -- Must every fight between us follow the same script?  You attack and hit 
me, I go desperate and dodge (or lose), and I put you down before you can finish me 
off.  I look forward to the day we skip the part about you hitting me and get to the 
part where I hit you instead. -- Hellacious

Bottle of Beer -- Man, defeated by a SINGLE bottle of bear.  Am I a light-weight, or 
what? -- Mischievous Imp

Bottle of Beer -- What was my manager using in the lab when I was created?  I believe 
the energy source that night was the combination of "Widmer Hefeweizen" & "Pete's 
Wicked Ale."  There might have been more involved, but as this is a public forum I am 
quite certain that he would plead the 5th. -- Honest Jiles

Deadly Bore -- Quit while you are ahead.  I see a messy end in your future should you 
continue this line of work. -- Demonseed

Destiny -- You may or may not be pleased to know that the Brick Wall has transfered 
it's attentions to you.  I won't say it's as besotted with you as it was with 
Swallowtail, because I understand that brick walls are steady and faithful, but, 
well, I guess it needs someone to, um, admire from afar or whatever.
     Anyway, and this is not a direct word for word channeling, which I don't think 
is possible anyway, but this is what it seems to intend to impart to you.  More or 
          Destiny, stern companion and fellow gladiator to the <murky concept, 
something about... no, I'm not getting it, but I suppose from the context it might be 
"admired" or even "beloved"> Swallowtail, I harden my bricks in your honor.  The 
Architect has looked upon you with approval, and the Great Mason has bestowed the 
best of workmanship and materials upon you.  Already it is seen that you are worthy 
to guard the outer courtyard of Greatness, but it may be that you are worthy even to 
uphold the Dome of the Great Construction. <and a lot more in that vein>
          I, a humble Wall of Brick, bid you fare well.  <Actually, it didn't say 
"bid you fare well," but I think that's about how it would translate.>
                    -- Bottle of Beer, channeling the Brick Wall

M. Chardinee -- Until you can manage to defend your ankles against a warrior on the 
ground, you are not worthy of even the admiration of a brick wall.  Which, by the 
way, I would like to shove you into, if the chance offers. -- Haydan

Mischievous Imp -- If you can't hold your beer, you should stay out of the kitchen, 
boy. -- Bottle of Beer

Tender Vittles -- Ha!  That's what YOU are to my fearless and ferocious warriors, er, 
my personal attack!  I will slice you and dice you, turn you into bitty little pieces 
of meat on the sands, and then FRY you with the blaze from my glowing red eyes!  Take 
that! -- Rookie Manager
P.S.  Try not to bleed on my black satin cloak, as bloodstains are impossible to get 
out completely.  The shine goes off the satin.

Demonseed -- I don't think you should be allowed to do that and we should try for a 
rules change so that warriors with losing records only fight other losing warriors 
except where they're enormously more experienced and can pull a rabbit out of a hat 
which most arenamasters don't like as the rabbits jump around a lot and confuse the 
stewards but who cares about stewards I could tell you tales about a steward in 
Sibikhas or maybe it was Delarq Tor or even no probably not Xochithlan I would have 
remembered if it had been there but anyway this steward got really annoyed and was 
jumping around screaming and getting red in the face when a monster came out of oh 
wait it was Rocanis and the monster was in the shower room unless I'm thinking of a 
different monster not that it matters since it has nothing to do with our fight but I 
do like to keep the details of these things straight and if you did decide to pull a 
rabbit out of a hat or maybe I should pull the rabbit out of a hat well anyway that 
doesn't really matter because the rabbits are all hibernating or whatever rabbits do 
and you know what I think I think that it would be a good thing if all your tourney 
fights showed and all everybody else's too of course so we know exactly where we 
stand. -- Deadly Bore

If somebody else will write personals, I'll put a muzzle on the Deadly Bore. -- Nick, 
Homicidal Maniacs, who has attended too many Face-to-Faces

1 March 2005
                                    The Contract
                         [as retold by Hammer the WordSmith]
     What had begun as a contract for swords and armor between a well known name in
the DM community and the former VC Captain/WordSmith and WeaponSmith of the Vendetta
Cartel Tarantula Tribe was destined to impact and altar the landscape of the dueling
community for years to come.
     The following is but a condensed retelling of history in the making.

    Hammer continued sipping his tankard of Elven Tonic as the mysterious hooded
figure quietly seated himself across the table from the Veteran Manager whose back
was against the wall; allowing for a subtle, but effective surveillance of the dimly
lit tavern.
     Recent events in both Illis and North Fork/SCOMSS Swamp Arena had stunned the DM
managerial world with the announcement that Hammer had resigned from his position as
a well respected member of the Vendetta Cartel Alliance.
     Those managers and associates closest to Hammer were shocked and dismayed that
there seemed to be NO Rational Explanation for Hammer making such a seemingly
irrational, hasty and extremely illogical decision; by what seemed to be a spur of
the moment reaction following the Declaration of War by Hammer in the DM 47 P-ads.
     This is what stirred the mysterious hooded figure to seek Hammer with a request
that would change the managerial course of both men; ultimately Rocking the
Managerial World of Alastari as a result of the forthcoming decisions reached by the
two Veterans.
     Time passed swiftly as both Veteran Managers discussed how the landscape of the
DM game on the sands of Alastari had changed over the years both in Basic and Tourney
play; producing a new breed of managers who would of necessity band together in an
alliance with a common goal; waging war against antagonists while improving the
managerial skills of each participating member in their glorious quest for DM
     Hammer listened intently as his unexpected guest inquired about the situation in
North Fork/SCOMSS Swamp Arena; revealing his desire to participate in the upcoming
Turf War 4 contest in DM 47 with an alliance that would accept him on a more
permanent basis other than for just fighting together as a TW4 alliance to win fame
and Gift Certs.
     Here was a Veteran Manager, seeking the advice of Hammer regarding an alliance
to join on a permanent basis; plus extending a sword arm of friendship and requesting
that Hammer join him as an alliance mate with those who would welcome their
     The Iron in the Words of Hammer had produced this opportunity as a result of the
recent conflicts witnessed first hand by the manager seated across the table from
Hammer.  This Veteran Manager had been secretly searching and scouting around
Alastari for someone worth his mettle to fight alongside; someone who would know
where to find the perfect gang of rebels who were unafraid of waging war against
     Hammer knew exactly where to look and in a matter of days the two newcomers were
welcomed into the ranks of a group of managers who received them as war waging equals
in an alliance that had joined a Confederation of Alliances for the TW4 contest.
     Fighting under the banner of The Illuminati Confederation of Alliances alongside
members of Chaos Inc, kLk and The Company of Brothers during the TW4 was more than
either of the two Veteran Managers had envisioned a few months ago.
     Hammer was now entering a new journey with a new attitude.
     Perhaps you readers may have noticed that new attitude by now since this
announcement by Hammer is uncharacteristically Exclamation Point Free.
     Except for the famous quote by Hammer at the end of this announcement.
     Now that Hammer and the Mysterious Hooded Figure have agreed to join forces with
an alliance whose members have welcomed them enthusiastically; let those who desire
to be antagonistic be forewarned as to the identities of these newly welcomed wagers
of war:

kLk Bringer of Pain

kLk WordSmith and WeaponSmith
Minister of War
Illuminati Idealist

     "May Your Blades Be Sharp and Your Wits Sharper!"

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

DESTINY viciously butchered STONE GOLEM in a crowd pleasing 5 minute Dark Arena fight.
9111615101211 was narrowly killed by MOUNTAIN TROLL in a 1 minute Dark Arena melee.
913111791213 was savagely slain by SPYMASTER in a 1 minute gruesome Dark Arena fight.
716121717105 was butchered by DARK CHAMPION in a popular 1 minute Dark Arena contest.
BRICK WALL savagely defeated RAFFI THE GARROTE in a 9 minute Title competition.
HAYDAN was overpowered by TIEN-SHU OF GENRAI in a 1 minute one-sided struggle.
THE FALSE PROPHET was devastated by HELLACIOUS in a 1 minute one-sided competition.
JOHNNY RYALL vanquished BLACK DEVIN in a 1 minute uneven duel.
BORN TO DIE was viciously subdued by BOTTLE OF BEER in a action packed 2 minute fight.
EGG RAID ON MOJO overpowered MONEYBAGS MEFRIN in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
MARK OF THE BLESSED was easily killed by ROOKIE MANAGER in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
BRASS MONKEY was subdued by MISCHIEVOUS IMP in a 2 minute competition.
NUMEROLOGISM handily defeated DEMONSEED in a 1 minute one-sided contest.
GOD IS A WOMAN demolished WISHFUL THINKING in a 1 minute one-sided brawl.
DEADLY BORE overcame GESHI SCRIVENER in a 1 minute novice's conflict.
JAMMY slaughtered RUG ATHEIST in a 1 minute mismatched bout.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                   8         PARRY-RIPOSTE     16 -   7 -  3      70  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      3         LUNGING ATTACK    32 -  17 -  8      65  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    3         TOTAL PARRY       14 -  13 -  0      52  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  3         BASHING ATTACK     5 -   9 -  0      36  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   3         AIMED BLOW         4 -   9 -  1      31  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    1         STRIKING ATTACK    7 -  17 -  1      29  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      1         WALL OF STEEL      4 -  12 -  0      25  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  1         SLASHING ATTACK    4 -  20 -  1      17  |
|AIMED BLOW                       0         PARRY-STRIKE       0 -   2 -  0       0  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     0         PARRY-LUNGE        0 -   1 -  0       0  |

Turn 518 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -  0     SLASHING ATTACK    1 -  2         5  LUNGING ATTACK 
TOTAL PARRY        2 -  1     BASHING ATTACK     1 -  2         2  STRIKING ATTACK
WALL OF STEEL      2 -  1     AIMED BLOW         0 -  0         1  TOTAL PARRY    
LUNGING ATTACK     5 -  3     PARRY-LUNGE        0 -  1         1  SLASHING ATTACK
                              PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  0         1  BASHING ATTACK 
                              STRIKING ATTACK    0 -  1         1  PARRY-LUNGE    

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
TOTAL PARRY      BRICK WALL 7478            20  12  0   84 HOMICIDAL MANIACS (121)
LUNGING ATTACK   HELLACIOUS 7541             6   1  0   66 MANNEQUIN'S BEST (537)
BASHING ATTACK   BOTTLE OF BEER 7620         5   3  0   54 HOMICIDAL MANIACS (121)
PARRY-LUNGE      THE FALSE PROPHET 3809     14  11  0   53 THE REVELATION (222)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is HAYDAN 7356.  The most popular warrior this turn was 
BOTTLE OF BEER 7620.  The ten other most popular fighters were BRASS MONKEY 7536, 
HELLACIOUS 7541, JOHNNY RYALL 7540, EGG RAID ON MOJO 7568, 9111615101211 7676, 
716121717105 7675.

The least popular fighter this week was BRICK WALL 7478.  The other ten least popular 
5305, HAYDAN 7356, 913111791213 7672, JAMMY 7603, WISHFUL THINKING 7659, ROOKIE 

The following warriors have traveled to AD after fighting this turn: