Date   : 02/20/2007    Duedate: 03/05/2007


DM-4    TURN-569

This Weeks Top Honors


F BALLS (523)
(4-6305) [15-1-1,182]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

FOOT BALL                      WOODEN BOY
F BALLS (523)                  BAD PINOCCHIO (596)
(4-6305) [15-1-1,182]          (4-6358) [1-2-0,17]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

EPIMONIDAS                     CHALLON
DOGS OF WAR (115)              DOGS OF WAR (115)
(4-5683) [17-19-0,92]          (4-6304) [9-19-0,46]



Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. TANKS FOR NOTHIN' (171)     49
2. THE SHALLOWSHIP (582)       30      THE SHALLOWSHIP (582)
3. F BALLS (523)               23      Unchartered Team
4. DOGS OF WAR (115)           19
5. BAD PINOCCHIO (596)          0      BAD PINOCCHIO (596)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 2 THE SHALLOWSHIP (582)    131 103  4 56.0   1/ 1 TANKS FOR NOTHIN' (171)  10  5 0
 2/ 4 TANKS FOR NOTHIN' (171)   77  65  6 54.2   2/ 3 F BALLS (523)             9  3 0
 3/ 3 F BALLS (523)            100  86  7 53.8   3/ 2 DOGS OF WAR (115)         7  8 0
 4/ 1*BAD PINOCCHIO (596)        3   3  0 50.0   4/ 7 THE SHALLOWSHIP (582)     5  5 0
 5/ 7 DEATH SQUAD (468)         40  44  2 47.6   5/ 4 DEATH SQUAD (468)         4  8 0
 6/ 8 DOGS OF WAR (115)        420 627 25 40.1   6/ 6*BAD PINOCCHIO (596)       0  2 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

                                   In His Absence

     "Is it true, my Lady?  Is the Master returning for a while?"
     The Lady Rodara smiled at the innocence that Mirella always projected.  She had
served them well during their journey and was a joy to her heart.  Her beauty was
fading, but that only meant she had fewer suitors and a hair more time for her
     "It is true.  He should arrive today, tomorrow at the latest.  With Shadowspire
opened, he should have more time to spend here.  It will be good to have him around
again, will it not?"
     "Yes, my Lady!  We all miss him terrible much."
     Another smile for the woman and she returned to the gladiatorial commission
paperwork.  This was her least favorite duty while her husband was gone, but she knew
it was essential.  Merkava  was again on the loss lists.  Merkava's record had only
worsened and there was no perceivable reason that she could identify.
     "Is my lady okay?"
     Looking up at Mirella, she realized she must have frowned or muttered something
while thinking about Merkava.  She was not sure what she should say, detesting lying
unless it was absolutely essential.  Add to that the fact that Mirella had a bit of a
flame for the man....
     "Just going over the arena results from the last fights," she said, avoiding the
truth.  Mirella's eyes said she knew the truth of the statement though.  Shaking her
head, the Lady Rodara continued, "No, Mirella, it's Merkava.  He continues to perform
poorly, even though his instructors ensure me that he is progressing well outside the
arena.  I just don't understand it.  And the Master is unlikely to be happy about
only one more win in four fights.  He has served us faithfully for so long, but I can
only keep the inevitable away for so long."
     Tears brimmed in the woman's eyes and the nobly born woman knew she had shared
too much.  Raising her hand, she signaled for Mirella to move closer.  Once beside
her, she wrapped her arms around the woman as the tears began to flow.  Whispering
soft words, she cast a minor spell to help calm her favored servant as she caressed
her hair.

     As the woman snuffled into the Lady's shoulder, the door to her office softly
slid shut.  Argran turned and headed out of the house, dropping off the linens which
he had been told to fetch.  Grumishal would want to know about Master Beru's return
and about their dissatisfaction over Merkava's performance.
     As he left the main house and turned to the stables, he was careful to go around
to the back of the stable where fewer people went.  Rounding the corner of the
stable, he tripped and went sprawling into the sparse grass.  Rolling over, he looked
for what he had tripped over.
     There, by the corner of the stable, Merkava sat with his back against the stable
with his eyes open but a far away look.  His white shirt had long sleeves, which were
rolled up and a piece of rope encircled his right arm.  On the ground next to him
were the various paraphernalia which he had witnessed used so often before his
enlightenment in the Spider Cult.  He knew now why Merkava was not performing well.
It is hard to fight when you see everything through the haze of the drugs sold in the
darker parts of town.
     He considered just continuing on his way, but something told him that he should
make sure Merkava's condition was not discovered.  Sitting up fully, he shifted onto
his knees and began packing the paraphernalia in a small bag nearby which seemed to
be their normal home.  As he got everything together, his mind searched for a way to
use this to his own ends.
     And it hit him what would be the best way to handle this little "situation".  If
anyone had been there to see, they would have been scared of the expression on his
face as he picked out the small glass jars which held the opiate of Merkava's
choosing.  These went into his pocket and he went looking for a piece of paper and
pen to leave a note in their place.  As he moved back into the main house, he smiled
broadly at the other servants he passed.  Grumishal would be very pleased.

               + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Web of Death ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     Grumishal the Factotum waited impatiently in the alley just beyond the back door
of the arena Infirmary.  He saw no reason for his minion to go to the Infirmary at
all; the fool had been scummed, not demolished, devastated, or viciously subdued.
And the Infirmary fees could be outrageous.  True, the Exalted Grand Master had told
him to "spare no expense!" but Grumishal had been his factotum long enough to know
that he didn't mean it, not really.
     Finally!  The Cult Member, a feckless youth named...Grumishal searched his
memory, ah, yes, Topato.  Stupid name, but he was not a luminary in the "intelligence
and imagination" department.  Topato exited the Infirmary, looked both ways, and
darted across the narrow street into the narrower alley.  And tripped over an uneven
cobblestone, staggered, and slammed into the wall.
     Grumishal's breath hissed out in disgust.  A fool, twice a fool, three times a
fool.  Topato was very close to achieving union with Dread Dreenth Shiszelle--
     "I got it!" Topato said breathlessly.  "I found the opening!"
     "The opening to the alley?" the Factotum snarled.  "Just barely did you--"
     "No, no, the opening, the chance to get to Arenamaster Narhmin."  Topato bit his
lip.  "If you're sure it's the right thing to do?  I mean...he's the arenamaster!"
      "And Lord Morhaln's nephew, just so, and Lord Morhaln has the ear of Lord
Ildarwin who rules the city-state.  Just so.  When we have the arenamaster in our
grip, we will be in a position to put pressure, by means of this chain of levers, on
Ildarwin, and thus regain the proper respect for Dreenth Shiszelle in Jhelum."
Grumishal frowned at the young Member.  "So you had better have a true piece of
useful information, because the Exalted Grand Master has been very...testy lately."
     "It's t-t-true!  Honest!  I wouldn't l-l-lie!  It's a demonstration next week,
the arenamaster and some of his, you know, from the Dark Arena, and some Advanced
Gladiators from Jhelum, to s-s-stimulate interest in the arena here.  The orderlies
were talking about it, and how some of the Advanced Gladiators who were coming didn't
actually LIKE the arenamaster much and maybe there would be a regrettable accident!"
     "Very good, Topato."  The factotum nodded and patted the young man's shoulder,
all the while his mind was racing over the roster of graduated gladiators searching
for those who would be malicious enough or stupid enough to be manipulated into the
service of the Spider God's cult.  "A very promising opening, indeed."

                                      SPY REPORT

     Much has changed in JHELUM since last I was here.  Never fear, Olaf Modeen 
adapts to many situations, as do all successful fighters.  Ya gotta be quick on yer 
feet!  Keep your elbow off the table!  Thrust!  Block out the pain!  THE SHALLOWSHIP 
is now ranked 4th with a 4-1-0 turn.  F BALLS showed JHELUM what they were made of as 
they fought with a vengeance to walk off with 3-1-0.  What's with JIMMY CUSTER?  He 
actually beat DEATH SQUAD's BAD TRANS OP, and walked away with 16 more points from 
the fight.  Laughs were big at DOGS OF WAR while they watched JIMMY CUSTER clobber 
BAD TRANS OP.  It lost 12 points and got bruised from objects thrown from the stands. 
THE SHALLOWSHIP's hatred of F BALLS surfaced again as GIMLET challenged JHELUM's top 
dog.  GIMLET was reminded on the sands why FOOT BALL is Duelmaster.  Wouldn't it be 
nice to have live subjects to practice on?  I hear some team is looking into the uses 
of convicted prisoners.   
     No matter the time or place, men will always duel.  The most avoided team was 
DEATH SQUAD.  Management must be dealin', as the boys at TANKS FOR NOTHIN' ain't 
reelin'!  DEATH SQUAD's mad!  What do people see in MERKAVA?  His 5-14-0?  TANKS FOR 
NOTHIN' ain't talkin', but he's got 36 points.  Taunt your opponent EPIMONIDAS!  That 
was my lucky charm when I was unfairly challenged.  (and by 41 points!)  FUZZ BALL 
should have an easy win.  FUZZ BALL overcame EPIMONIDAS.  I bet FUZZ BALL could beat 
two-year-olds, too.  Well, DOGS OF WAR knows who to set their sights on.  Maybe TANKS 
FOR NOTHIN''s PANTHER is one of those gals who likes pain, or something.  That's what 
she'll get next week, after challenging up 29 to CHALLON.  CHALLON must not been 
fighting well, cause he lost to PANTHER of TANKS FOR NOTHIN'.  Sometimes you just 
have a bad day where things get, um, mixed up.   
     Warriors of JHELUM unite.  You have only your games to lose!  BORE-O-ME's family 
knows what's wot, after seeing the response from THE SHALLOWSHIP!  How long have I 
been here?  I got people to see, places to go...   
     Well, I'm pretty much through.  You guys need to get back practicing.  All work 
and no play makes Olaf a dull fighter.  Work and play no fighter dull Olaf.  
Olaffighterwork and no play.  I don't want to overstay my welcome...-- Olaf Modeen  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 FOOT BALL 6305               15   1  1   182       F BALLS (523)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 FUZZ BALL 6299               12   4  0   138       F BALLS (523)
 ARAGANT 6220                 32  14  0   112       THE SHALLOWSHIP (582)
 HOWARD 6289                  20  15  1   105       DOGS OF WAR (115)
 JIMMY CUSTER 6268            18  22  2   102       DOGS OF WAR (115)
 GIMLET 6218                  21  26  2    93       THE SHALLOWSHIP (582)
 EPIMONIDAS 5683              17  19  0    92       DOGS OF WAR (115)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 HANNIBAL 5715                14  22  1    78       DOGS OF WAR (115)
 BAD TRANS OP 6312            10   6  1    78       DEATH SQUAD (468)
 DECAPITATOR 4959              9  11  0    74       DEATH SQUAD (468)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 SERIAL KILLER 4957           12   7  0    56       DEATH SQUAD (468)
 M1A1 2734                     8   5  0    50       TANKS FOR NOTHIN' (171)
 CHALLON 6304                  9  19  0    46       DOGS OF WAR (115)
 PANTHER 3554                  7   0  0    46       TANKS FOR NOTHIN' (171)
 LEOPARD 6363                  4   1  0    43       TANKS FOR NOTHIN' (171)
 MERKAVA 1839                  5  14  0    36       TANKS FOR NOTHIN' (171)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 MIA2 3553                     5   3  0    31       TANKS FOR NOTHIN' (171)
 FAT BALL 6351                 5   2  0    25       F BALLS (523)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 BAYONET BETTY 6346            5   8  0    23       DEATH SQUAD (468)
 FEAR-O-ME 6352                3   4  0    19       THE SHALLOWSHIP (582)
 WOODEN BOY 6358               1   2  0    17       BAD PINOCCHIO (596)
 MERRY HADDOCK 6365            1   2  0    14       THE SHALLOWSHIP (582)
 TELL ME A LIE 6360            1   1  0    12       BAD PINOCCHIO (596)
-FOOS BALL 6366                1   0  0    11       F BALLS (523)
 RIPPIN 6354                   1   5  0    10       THE SHALLOWSHIP (582)
-HALF-ASS 6357                 1   0  0     5       BAD PINOCCHIO (596)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?
FUR BALL 6373          0  1 0 F BALLS 523           WURM KIN 607          569 NONE    
BORE-O-ME 6216        28 16 1 THE SHALLOWSHIP 582   FOOT BALL 6305        565 NOT REVE

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Methinks someone did not like the messenger and had him dispatched!  Oh for all the
good intentions of a manager, to receive such a small envelope on a rainy day is so
very sad.  Better luck next time I guess. -- Elfwine

Challon -- Well, come on!!  You're supposed to at least let me learn something!! --

Serial Killer -- Well, we are even now.  Guess we will need another meeting at some
point later. -- M1A1

Bayonet Betty -- So....  You want to got get a manicure together later?  That was
kinda fun and all, but I think a nice little settee would be better for our 'budding
friendship'. -- Leopard

Cult Member -- Well, the good news is that I at least learned that I don't like that

weapon combination.  What is your deal anyway?  In the middle of the fight is NEVER a
good time to pray.  Just some friendly advice... well...advice anyway.  Not sure I
want to be your friend. -- Panther

Fat Ball -- I enjoyed our dance.  Next time I might even give you a chance to lead
occasionally. -- MIA2

Shallowship -- Buddy!!  Come back!!  Believe me, our seemingly endless string of
match-ups is not intentional!  Dilbert at the Gladiatorial commission won't even take
my bribes anymore....  Uh....  Oops....  Uh....  Forget I said that. -- Master Beru
P.S.  Seriously though, hope last turn was just slow mail or something.  We need you
here!!  (And that is not just because I have come out ahead in a number of our
matches so far.)

Teerak Ha and Lurocians Z2 -- Missed you guys last turn.  Hope to see you again soon.
-- Master Beru

Attention All Storytellers Or Aspiring Story Tellers -- Next turn Tanks For Nothin'
will be 'hosting' a big bash, celebrating their return to the arena.  Allow me to
invite you to spin your own version of the activities and festivities. -- Master Beru

Merkava -- Never drink MILK before a fight, man!  It's too relaxing.  You shouldn't
have gone down just because I slapped your hand. -- Challon
P.S.  Or whatever that white stuff was.
P.P.S.  With that record, you should be one of us.

Foot Ball -- The entire concept is ridiculous. -- Epimonidas

Fuzz Ball -- AAGH!  I can't stand the fuzz.  Aagh-CHOO! -- Jimmy Custer

Decapitator -- Thanks but no thanks, I'll keep my head right where it is. -- Howard

Bad Trans Op -- That was a low blow.  Trust a golem, and a neuter golem at that, to
spot a weakness and go for it. -- Hannibal

Panther -- That was a useless experience.  Our Members need to learn FIGHTING skills.
-- Torrhelus Salinz, Illuminated Spokesman for the Cult of Dreenth Shiszelle, the
Spider God

24 January 2007
The Council of Lords would like to propose a rule change in ADM and Primus.  We
propose that Lord Protectors ranked "Grand Champions" and below (ADM) and "The Tower
Guard" and below (Primus) be allowed to fight in the Dark Arena.  This would not
impact the top rankings or title match.  Any managers who never got his fill or shot
at fighting Gateway monsters would have it as an option.  We believe it might spark
some interest in the ADM/Primus realm for some managers.  If interested, speak up in
the newsletters or on forums under the "rules changes" thread and let RSI know.  This
could even be something to try for 12 months and then be re-evaluated.  What say you,
managers of Ghea? -- The Icelord sends....

29 January 2007
     HDFA Mission Statement
     "Show me the money!"
     This is the battle cry of a newly formed collection of like-minded individuals:
The High Dolla' Free Agent$.  We are not a tough guy alliance:  No...we offer no
battle without reward.  We search for victory and the prizes and accolades that
follow.  We are motivated by winning and will freely use whatever means necessary to
obtain our currency.  No stuffy rules, no mandates, no constitutions, no leaders,
only a few objectives:
     1) Win as often as possible
     2) Celebrate freely and revel in your victories; the more meaningless the
victory the more we celebrate.  Highsiding and chest thumping are encouraged.
Ostentatious endzone celebrations with prop usage are encouraged, regardless of
fines, penalties, suspensions or arrest by local authorities.  It is important to let
your opponent know how great you are; more importantly, you must let your own
alliance mates know how great you are.
     This is a 1-up alliance, let the performance of your fellow Free Agent$ motivate
you.  If a Free Agent wins a TV, win 2; if a Free agent wins a contest, win a more
prestigious one.
     Current members of the HDFA include:  CFH and Abraxis.  Inquires can be directed
to:  CFH/Rat Salad DM 47

14 February 2007
RSI is now taking rollups for a slow version of the No-Tournament arena.  Send your
rollup to RSI listing the arena as "Slow No Tournament".  Sign and send in the
following pledge:

* I pledge that I will not send warriors from this team to a Tournament, nor will I
  use a Tournament prize on a warrior from this team.
* I pledge to run a full team when I run turns in this arena.  If circumstances
  preclude my running less than a full team I will notify the Player Committee.
* I agree to abide by the decisions of the Player Committee.
* I understand that any warrior that participates in a Tournament shall be sent to
  the Dark Arena until they are dead.
* I understand that any warrior that receives a Tournament prize shall be send to the
  Dark Arena until they are dead.

The following are the rules for joining this No-Tournament arena 

1.  No tournament play (Dead tournament or otherwise)
2.  One team per manager
3.  Team starts with new rollup (or a zero fight equivalent team is transferred into
    this arena.)
4.  No tourney prizes allowed to modify warriors in the arena
5.  20 teams required, per RSI
6.  Waivers are required to allow self-regulation on tourney ban, granting RSI
    authority to Dark Arena any warrior that participates in a Tournament (until the
    warrior is dead.)
7.  Rotating council to enforce tourney ban and maintain arena integrity.

Hammer will be the focal point for this arena's Player Committee.

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

FUR BALL was butchered by WURM KIN in a 1 minute bloody Dark Arena fight.
FUZZ BALL won victory over EPIMONIDAS in a 1 minute expert's Challenge battle.
GIMLET was overpowered by FOOT BALL in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge Title duel.
LEOPARD was unbelievably bested by SERIAL KILLER in a 2 minute Challenge fight.
PANTHER unbelievably bested CHALLON in a popular 7 minute bloody Challenge duel.
WOODEN BOY was overpowered by MIA2 in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge brawl.
FAT BALL narrowly defeated BAYONET BETTY in a 2 minute Challenge melee.
TELL ME A LIE was vanquished by MERKAVA in a 1 minute uneven Challenge duel.
HOWARD vanquished DECAPITATOR in a 1 minute uneven fight.
ARAGANT outwaited HANNIBAL in a 8 minute veteran's fight.
JIMMY CUSTER overpowered BAD TRANS OP in a popular 1 minute one-sided melee.
M1A1 demolished AMBITIOUS GUARD in a 1 minute mismatched match.
FEAR-O-ME handily defeated CONVICTED THIEF in a 1 minute one-sided contest.
RIPPIN subdued MORDANT DESERTER in a 2 minute brawl.
MERRY HADDOCK overpowered CONVICTED THIEF in a 1 minute mismatched conflict.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|SLASHING ATTACK                  5         TOTAL PARRY       12 -   3 -  0      80  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                   5         PARRY-LUNGE       15 -   5 -  0      75  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    3         LUNGING ATTACK    25 -  15 -  1      63  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  3         STRIKING ATTACK   15 -  13 -  1      54  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      2         SLASHING ATTACK   21 -  20 -  0      51  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      2         AIMED BLOW         9 -  13 -  0      41  |
|AIMED BLOW                       2         PARRY-STRIKE       4 -   6 -  0      40  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    2         BASHING ATTACK     2 -   3 -  0      40  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     1         WALL OF STEEL      8 -  14 -  0      36  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   0         PARRY-RIPOSTE      5 -  12 -  1      29  |

Turn 569 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-LUNGE        2 -  0     LUNGING ATTACK     2 -  3         3  SLASHING ATTACK
PARRY-STRIKE       1 -  0     STRIKING ATTACK    0 -  3         2  LUNGING ATTACK 
TOTAL PARRY        2 -  0     BASHING ATTACK     0 -  0         2  AIMED BLOW     
WALL OF STEEL      2 -  1                                       1  TOTAL PARRY    
SLASHING ATTACK    3 -  2                                       1  PARRY-LUNGE    
AIMED BLOW         1 -  1                                       1  WALL OF STEEL  
PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -  1                                       1  PARRY-RIPOSTE  

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
LUNGING ATTACK   FOOT BALL 6305             15   1  1  182 F BALLS (523)
SLASHING ATTACK  FUZZ BALL 6299             12   4  0  138 F BALLS (523)
TOTAL PARRY      ARAGANT 6220               32  14  0  112 THE SHALLOWSHIP (582)
PARRY-LUNGE      HOWARD 6289                20  15  1  105 DOGS OF WAR (115)
AIMED BLOW       SERIAL KILLER 4957         12   7  0   56 DEATH SQUAD (468)
WALL OF STEEL    M1A1 2734                   8   5  0   50 TANKS FOR NOTHIN' (171)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is EPIMONIDAS 5683.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was CHALLON 6304.  The ten other most popular fighters were LEOPARD 6363, BAYONET 
CUSTER 6268, PANTHER 3554, MIA2 3553, and FAT BALL 6351.

The least popular fighter this week was ARAGANT 6220.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were HANNIBAL 5715, DECAPITATOR 4959, WOODEN BOY 6358, GIMLET 6218, 
6312, and TELL ME A LIE 6360.