Date   : 12/19/2013    Duedate: 01/15/2014


DM-8    TURN-369

This Weeks Top Honors


(8-5355) [19-7-0,117]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

THE CHOSEN (613)               PEASANT REBELLION (614)
(8-5355) [19-7-0,117]          (8-5377) [5-2-0,90]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

KOTTER NAHL                    PITCHFORK KID
MIDDLE WAY 11 (546)            PEASANT REBELLION (614)
(8-5197) [13-45-0,84]          (8-5377) [5-2-0,90]



Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. PEASANT REBELLION (614)     26
2. THE CHOSEN (613)            18      Z GLADIATORZ (519)
3. WEIRD ALCHEMY (476)         18      Unchartered Team
4. TRIAL BY COMBAT (512)       16
5. STEEL PROPHETS (615)         9      PEASANT REBELLION (614)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 1*PEASANT REBELLION (614)   26   9  0 74.3   1/ 4 THE CHOSEN (613)          8  7 2
 2/ 2 Z GLADIATORZ (519)       246 113  7 68.5   2/ 6*PEASANT REBELLION (614)   7  3 0
 3/ 3 WEIRD ALCHEMY (476)       48  26  2 64.9   3/ 2 SMITHSONIAN (245)         6  4 1
 4/ 4 SMITHSONIAN (245)        710 431 15 62.2   4/ 3 Z GLADIATORZ (519)        6  4 0
 5/ 5*THE BROKEN CLAN (623)     11   8  1 57.9   5/ 5 MIDDLE WAY 11 (546)       6  6 1
 6- 6 YOU PAY I SLAY (373)     116  98  5 54.2   6/ 1*THE BROKEN CLAN (623)     6  8 1
 7- 7 THE BRETHREN (618)        84  76  2 52.5   7/ 9 WEIRD ALCHEMY (476)       5  2 0
 8/ 9 THE CHOSEN (613)         181 183 11 49.7   8- 7 THE BRETHREN (618)        5  5 0
 9/ 8 STEEL PROPHETS (615)      23  24  1 48.9   9/ 8 STEEL PROPHETS (615)      5  9 1
10/ 0 TRIAL BY COMBAT (512)     21  22  4 48.8  10/ 0 TRIAL BY COMBAT (512)     1  2 0
11/10 MIDDLE WAY 11 (546)      217 354  6 38.0  11-10 YOU PAY I SLAY (373)      1  4 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

     It was a calm quiet afternoon and Lionik lay in bed and Ria lay in his arms.
Her leg was draped over his and her head rested on his right arm.  Ria had asked that
the window stay slightly a jar to allow some of the cool autumn breeze to flow in.
The guild house was always too warm because Ocean was constantly complaining about
the cold.  Pyrat thought that she had a sickness of the blood and needed to introduce
a special root into her diet.  He went to buy the herb from an herbalist for her, but
Ocean refused to take it.  She swore that the root reeked of dung and mold.  She was
right.  The herbs were inside for less than a day and the entire guild house smelled
of it.  Once the smell became unbearable, Porta threw it out into the streets.
     "No one in Arkers would notice the smell," he said as he shut the door.  "Arkers
has always had a septic odor about it.  Perhaps one of the urchins will think it's a
flower for its toothless mother and take it to her."
     The comment caused Ocean to roll her eyes and Pyrat to look at Porta as if he
was a strange, newly discovered species.
     The lovers touched their fingertips to one another and formed a pyramid.  Ria
had painted her nails red for him.  Lionik had always like red on her.  It went well
with her pale skin.  So, whenever she had the chance, she obliged him by wearing it.
But today she didn't do it for his approval.  Not this time.  She did it because he
would never see it again.
     "I will have to go soon," Lionik said.  The room was still and silent except for
their breathing.  The curtains at the window lazily moved in the low breeze.  Ria
only lay silent.  She could feel the warmth from his finger tips on hers.  She broke
contact and threw her arm around Lionik's lean torso.  Her arms squeezed as if to
hold him there next to her.  Lionik had never known Ria to cry in the short time they
were together, but he could feel a warm wetness on his chest where her head now
     "Perhaps he will change his mind."
     Lionik wished that he would.  But Longshot had given him several chances.  His
old manager had hated the decision.  Lionik was of the old guard in Seam.  But slowly
and surely, they were all dying out.  First there had been Pepsi.  And then Shakiri.
Now it was his turn.  He often wondered if Ocean would ever fight in the dark arena.
She was showing a lack luster performance as well.  But she was still winning.  That
was all it took to stay.  Mantor the Bright knew that Lionik tried to win.  He really
did.  But he just couldn't break the rankings of the overly advanced warriors in the
upper tier.  He was a better warrior than Porta and could never get within range of
the title without bribing.  Yet Porta held it for four turns.  Life was full of cruel
     "It is okay, little rabbit.  I am ready."  He always called her that when the
others weren't around.  Porta would have had a field day if he had heard her
nickname.  So, it was rarely used.  But when they were alone, in the times like
these, she would blush like a school girl at the name.
     "It isn't fair that you have to go to the night arena.  You will win again, I
know you will."
     Lionik smiled.  He wasn't about to correct her.  This wasn't the time for that.
Now was the time to just feel her next to him and to remember the good times.  His
right hand touched her hair.  It had grown long, black, and wavy.  Another gift from
Ria to Lionik.  She did it because she wanted to look more feminine for him.  And it
worked.  Ria looked like another person once her hair reached shoulder length.  Now
it was just below her shoulder blades.  It was soft and smelled like the flowers that
grew along the bed of the river they secretly went to.  So many memories in such a
short time.
     "Sleep now, love."  Ria closed her eyes but never loosened her grip.  Soon her
breathing became even and her grip slightly loosened.  Despite his arm being numb,
Lionik laid in bed a little longer.  Once the sun set, he quietly slipped from Ria's
grasp and got dressed.  Before Lionik walked out, he turned one more time to look at
her sleeping.  He thought of how perfect she looked lying there.  He then walked out
and silently closed the door to her bedroom.

     Ria came to with a start and her bed was missing one person.  She didn't know
how long she lay asleep, but she quickly got out of the bed and dressed.  She wanted
to be there when he fought.  Perhaps her presence would give him the courage he
needed to win.  When Ria opened her bedroom door she saw Ocean there about to knock.
     "Get out of the way.  I have to go."
     "I was just about to get you.  Lionik left a message.  He doesn't want you
there.  He was adamant about that."
     Ria made as if she was going to force her way past her leggy stable mate.  But
Ocean would not be budged and firmly placed her hands on Ria's shoulders.  Ria knew
she wasn't strong enough to force her way past Ocean.  In her frustration, a string
insults and profanity flowed from her lips.
     "Don't you understand, Ria?  He doesn't want you to see him like... like..."
Ocean couldn't finish.  There was no tactful way to describe what was going to happen
to him in the dark arena.
     Ria wailed.  It started low.  As if it was crawling from the depths of her
broken heart and then it crescendoed.  At that moment she sounded like a banshee
crying from some old dank bog.  All of her tough facade melted away and only tears
remained.  Ocean hugged her and Ria crumbled.  Her sobs muffled in Ocean's chest.
Ocean said nothing.  She just held her friend and let her get it all out.  This was
why Longshot didn't want romances to form within the stable.  He had seen it too many
times and every time, it ended with someone heart broken or worse.  They would lose
the will to compete and thus end up in the dark arena.  It was a kind of suicide in
itself.  She hoped that Ria didn't go down that road.
     Porta had just reached the top of the stairs when Ria let loose her wail of
despair.  When he saw Ria crying in Ocean's arms, he said nothing.  Despite his
arrogance, he knew his flippant remarks were not welcomed now.  He simply moved past
the two in the hallway and continued to his room.  His door closed with a soft click.

       * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

                              ---===SLOW ARENA NEWS===---

 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 368): GLOBULIZER of WEIRD ALCHEMY (La Guillotine, mgr.)
 DM  28 MORYA (turn 366): FREDDY FENDER of OTTO'S MECHANICS (Crip, mgr.)
 DM  31 CHIMLEVTAL (turn 364): NABUCA of WHAMMO & THUDDA 4U! (La Guillotine, mgr.)
 DM  39 XOCHITHLAN (turn 319): GRAPHIC VIOLENCE of FEVER PITCH (Chuck, mgr.)
 DM  45 STORMCROWE (turn 341): LAPUR BISQUE of SHEWISH BUFFET (One Armed Bandit, mgr)
 DM  47 NORTH FORK (turn 335): DING DONG of LAND OF OZ (Oz, mgr.)
 DM  50 SNOWBOUND (turn 322): THE BEATLES of OPEN SESAME (Crip, mgr.)
 DM  52 FRATSFA (turn 316): DARGON of DRAGONS GUARD II (Khisanth, mgr.)
 DM  54 TROCAR (turn 300): YAHOO WAHOO of USELESS TOOLS (Crip, mgr.)
 DM  59 ILLIS (turn 293): NAZARETH of CHAPEL ROCK (Crip, mgr.)
 DM  71 KYR'TERR (turn 270): DIRTY GIRL SCOUT of CORDIALS (Crip, mgr.)
 DM  73 ERINIKA (turn 271): EDMONDS of GASHOUSE GANG (Crip, mgr.)
 DM  83 TELORINTHE (turn 86): CUSTODIAN of OLDIES (Coach, mgr.)
 DM 106 CRYSALIS (turn 268): PUNGENT STENCH of FEAR FACTORY (Var, mgr.)

                                      Top Teams
 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 367): THE BROKEN CLAN (?, mgr.)
 DM  28 MORYA (turn 366): LORD OF DISCIPLINE (Longshot, mgr.)
 DM  31 CHIMLEVTAL (turn 364): BASH BROS OCEAN (Assurnasirbanipal, mgr.)
 DM  39 XOCHITHLAN (turn 318): DARQUE ANGELS (Master Darque, mgr.)
 DM  45 STORMCROWE (turn 341): AVID FANS (Crip, mgr.)
 DM  47 NORTH FORK (turn 335): BAAL'S MINIONS (Var, mgr.)
 DM  50 SNOWBOUND (turn 322): LIFE IMPACTS (Smitty, mgr.)
 DM  52 FRATSFA (turn 316): FLOWER GIRLS (Lady Fern, mgr.)
 DM  54 TROCAR (turn 300): ASIAN INVASION (Pec Killer, mgr.)
 DM  59 ILLIS (turn 293): CHAPEL ROCK (Crip, mgr.)
 DM  71 KYR'TERR (turn 270): NEW YORK (Crip, mgr.)
 DM  72 DRAGONHEAD (turn 270): MEAT YOUR MAKER (Crip, mgr.)
 DM  73 ERINIKA (turn 271): GASHOUSE GANG (Crip, mgr.)
 DM  83 TELORINTHE (turn 86): CHAPEL OF THE GHOULS (Var, mgr.)
 DM 106 CRYSALIS (turn 268): HANGOVERS et al (Crip, mgr.)

                                   Recent Graduates
 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 368): GLOBULIZER of WEIRD ALCHEMY (La Guillotine, mgr.)
               (turn 367): XARGOTH of THE BRETHREN (Godric Magnesson, mgr.)
                           ELDARRAN of THE BRETHREN (Godric Magnesson, mgr.)
 DM  39 XOCHITHLAN (turn 319): GRAPHIC VIOLENCE of FEVER PITCH (Chuck, mgr.)
 DM  45 STORMCROWE (turn 340): THE JANITOR of AVID FANS (Crip, mgr.)
                               A TALENT SCOUT of AVID FANS (Crip, mgr.)
 DM  47 NORTH FORK (turn 334): PAUL of CHEERS (Otis, mgr.)
 DM  52 FRATSFA (turn 316): DARGON of DRAGONS GUARD II (Khisanth, mgr.)
                (turn 315): CONFLICT of DRAGONS GUARD II (Khisanth, mgr.)
 DM  72 DRAGONHEAD (turn 270): RONARDA SOLA of MIDDLE WAY 9 (Jorja, mgr.)
                   (turn 269): DON CORNBEEFLEON of MEAT YOUR MAKER (Crip, mgr.)
 DM  73 ERINIKA (turn 270): CARPENTER of GASHOUSE GANG (Crip, mgr.)

                                 DUELMASTER'S COLUMN
                             Notes from the arena champ.

Greetings, Gladiators of Arkers!

     It seems my return to the arena has been short, after all.  I would have loved
to hold on to the throne a little longer, but my tourneys have earned me too much
experience to remain here.  So I am now leaving, hopefully with this DM scepter still
in hand, and the recent Champs TC status won at the last mail-in.  It obviously tops
my Adepts TV which I won so long ago that I don't even remember when it was, sometime
before we took our break, between 2001 and 2005...  My last turn here will be fought
against Leland Olven, to try to avenge the death of my old pal Radiculon.  Quite a
shame, I would have loved to target one of the many TPs up here with good looking
records to try to dent them a little.
     Congrats too, to Godric Magnesson for coaching Xargoth and Eldarran all the way
to the Advanced arenas last turn.  This is a milestone!  And finally, thumbs up to
the Arkers managers and fighters! Looking at the last mail-in tourney, we did quite


                                      SPY REPORT

     Good day, in ARKERS a quiet thief gets rich, but a quiet spymaster gets poor.  
So bring me ale and harken to my tidbits of news.  It seems the training can make the 
difference, as THE BROKEN CLAN is pushed out of top team by THE CHOSEN, who came from 
4th with a 3-2-1 this turn.  Now keep the taverns open late tonight, for there are 
sorrows to drown for THE BROKEN CLAN, whose 2-2-0 this turn dropped them by 5 into 
6th.  PEASANT REBELLION stable has parlayed this turn's 2-3-0 into a 4 space move up 
the rankings.  This brings them up to 2nd place.  Good work, guys!  And let's see, 
PYRAT IRONFORGED fought KAZANDRA KRUEL and gained 12 points and contributed to THE 
CHOSEN's 3-2-1.  TICONDEROGA has lost to BEA ZERK, falling 6 points, while helping 
make SMITHSONIAN a 2-2-0 turn.  This week's Duelmaster bout was between LELAND OLVEN 
and our Duelmaster GLOBULIZER, making a Bloodfeud.  Defending hers title for another 
turn, GLOBULIZER kept MIDDLE WAY 11's warrior, LELAND OLVEN, from claiming the 
throne.  Tell me, is nothing sacred?  I have heard from unimpeachable sources that 
The Swinging Aardvark uses trolls in their stew.  Talk about gristle!   
     The crowd's roar, the smell of iron and leather, mixed with sweat, what more 
could a warrior ask of life?  Well, besides that.  THE CHOSEN has cause to stand 
tall, as they were ARKERS' most avoided team.  A smart manager knows this is a team 
to beat.  And guess who avoided THE CHOSEN stable the most?  Believe it or not, it 
was STEEL PROPHETS.  Anyone surprised?  Well, sports fans, take notice that LELAND 
OLVEN from MIDDLE WAY 11 was ARKERS' most challenged warrior this turn.   
     A coward dies a thousand deaths, a brave man only once.  Wise men know this to 
be true.  A farewell moment, if you please, LIONIK of THE CHOSEN has been sent to the 
Dark Arena, and was carried out on his shield.  Whatever bright future KAZANDRA KRUEL 
may have had, it's all history now.  The manager of TRIAL BY COMBAT has lost a 
promising 3-0-1 warrior.  Congratulations go out to WEIRD ALCHEMY, with GLOBULIZER 
revenging a bloodfeud against LELAND OLVEN of MIDDLE WAY 11.  Kudos go out to PAIN 
MAGNET this turn, for revenging STEEL PROPHETS' bloodfeud against THE BROKEN CLAN's 
warrior DRAGO.  Well done.  Is it really true that ARKERS has more dishwashers per 
capita that fighters?  Just thought I'd ask...   
     I like this place, ARKERS, the taverns have old wine, and young serving girls.  
Who could ask for more?  Well, I'm burning daylight here in ARKERS and I've a long 
road ahead of me.  Happy Trails.  Until you see my quill in ARKERS again, farewell-- 
Alarond the Scribe  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 PORT-A-FORTRESS 5355         19   7  0   117       THE CHOSEN (613)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-IWO JIMA 5223                19   6  0   105       SMITHSONIAN (245)
-ZORK 5195                    16   7  3   105       Z GLADIATORZ (519)
-ZEST 5224                    19   4  1    94       Z GLADIATORZ (519)
 LELAND OLVEN 5262            18  17  2    93       MIDDLE WAY 11 (546)
 ZEPHYR 5204                  18  10  2    92       Z GLADIATORZ (519)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 PITCHFORK KID 5377            5   2  0    90       PEASANT REBELLION (614)
 PLYMOUTH ROCK 5218           22   2  0    89       SMITHSONIAN (245)
 IMERTA LOEL 5225             14  36  0    86       MIDDLE WAY 11 (546)
 KOTTER NAHL 5197             13  45  0    84       MIDDLE WAY 11 (546)
-FELSTAVA 5404                18  14  0    83       THE BRETHREN (618)
-PENNY 5261                    8  11  0    82       YOU PAY I SLAY (373)
-STEEL SPAR 5406              14  18  0    81       THE BRETHREN (618)
-FIELDER 5276                 12   5  1    68       YOU PAY I SLAY (373)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-CYCLOTUBULUS 3975             9   5  0    66       WEIRD ALCHEMY (476)
 TORCHBEARER TOM 5380          5   2  0    66       PEASANT REBELLION (614)
 PYRAT IRONFORGED 5419         5   2  2    65       THE CHOSEN (613)
 CLYDE D'CLUB 5376             5   2  0    64       PEASANT REBELLION (614)
 SWEET REVENGE 5378            6   1  0    60       PEASANT REBELLION (614)
 MAYFLOWER 5235               14   6  0    57       SMITHSONIAN (245)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-HYPPOMATOS 3974               9   5  1    56       WEIRD ALCHEMY (476)
 BLUE FLAK 5385                6   3  0    56       STEEL PROPHETS (615)
-MAX MURDERER 5398             5   4  0    49       YOU PAY I SLAY (373)
-MARIUS 5400                   9   9  0    45       THE BRETHREN (618)
 PUGACHEV 5379                 5   2  0    42       PEASANT REBELLION (614)
 RIA THE CARESSER 5387         5   7  0    40       THE CHOSEN (613)
 ZOO 5236                     10   5  0    39       Z GLADIATORZ (519)
-ANGELA DEATH 4310             4   3  1    39       TRIAL BY COMBAT (512)
 OCEAN SIZE 5346               9   7  0    34       THE CHOSEN (613)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 LUCKY STRIKES 5426            3   1  0    33       SMITHSONIAN (245)
 PAIN MAGNET 5382              7   2  0    30       STEEL PROPHETS (615)
-ENEMY MAKER 4015              6   5  1    30       WEIRD ALCHEMY (476)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 POTTER SANDS 5448             2   0  0    27       MIDDLE WAY 11 (546)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 DINGO MCGEE 5384              5   5  1    21       STEEL PROPHETS (615)
 BEA ZERK 5267                 2   0  0    21       TRIAL BY COMBAT (512)
 ZINC 5266                     4   3  0    18       Z GLADIATORZ (519)
-MOMMA CASKET 4311             2   5  1    18       TRIAL BY COMBAT (512)
 DRAGO 5436                    2   2  1    17       THE BROKEN CLAN (623)
 MIYOMOTO 5434                 3   1  0    15       THE BROKEN CLAN (623)
 SHADOW 5435                   2   2  0    15       THE BROKEN CLAN (623)
 NARRISA 5432                  3   1  0    12       THE BROKEN CLAN (623)
 TICONDEROGA 5447              1   1  1     5       SMITHSONIAN (245)
 DEMON TALON 5456              0   1  0     1       STEEL PROPHETS (615)
 ANGEL FEATHER 5455            0   1  0     1       STEEL PROPHETS (615)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                W  L K TEAM NAME            SLAIN BY              TURN Revenge?
ORVILLE ROUSE 5322      7 13 0 MIDDLE WAY 11 546    PYRAT IRONFORGED 5419 367   
MASTER BATTERY 5439     0  3 0 STEEL PROPHETS 615   DRAGO 5436            368  JUST REVENGED
KROELL 5433             1  2 0 THE BROKEN CLAN 623  DINGO MCGEE 5384      368   
LIONIK 5352            10 16 0 THE CHOSEN 613       DARK CHAMPION         369  NONE
TYPHOID MARY 4739       1  2 0 TRIAL BY COMBAT 512  BANDIT PRINCE         369  NONE
DA001 5449              0  1 0 WEIRD ALCHEMY 476    STONE GOLEM           369  NONE
RADICULON 3977          9  6 0 WEIRD ALCHEMY 476    LELAND OLVEN 5262     368  JUST REVENGED

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Amazing!  Arkers has never had two TCs in the same tournament, and yet Confidence of
Consanguineous won Freshman and Globulizer of Weird Alchemy won Champions in this
past Mailer!  TWO Tournament Champions!  A salute to both warriors and their
managers. -- Curator
P.S.  And kudos also to Trial By Combat's Rebecca Raven for rising from the dead in

AND, rightfully so, and not unexpectantly, Globulizer wins Duelmaster and gets
promoted to Lord Protector.  Hip, hip hooray! -- Curator
P.S.  Iwo Jima said she DID NOT want a piece of him.  She wants to sit out.  (Women!)

Ria The Caresser downchallenging?  In Andorian Arkers?  Tsk Tsk. -- Curator

Godric -- Those are your first two?  I would have thought they would merely have been
two of many.  That first is special and you have two firsts!  Well done. -- Curator

Felstava -- It was a day for climbing hills and I did it best! -- Iwo Jima

Blue Flak -- I had my hull redone recently.  It seemed to work quite well in our
battle.  I needed that win. -- Mayflower

Polite Beggar -- So sorry.  I guess I wasn't being so polite, but I really didn't
mean to kill you.  Oh, well.  Go get resurrected! -- Ticonderoga

Smithsonians -- Well done!  I appreciated the 3-0-1 you brought our stable last
round.  Keep up the good work. -- Curator

Health.  Humility.  Honor. -- Curator

Hey, all. Mr. Zee here.  I didn't like my warriors' performances this round.  2-2?
What's that?  Mediocrity?  Like kissing a sister?  I am not happy. -- Mr. Zee

     I suppose it would depend on the sister.

Sorry, boss.  I challenged Enemy Maker and lost.  It is all my fault.  (sigh) --
Zinc, feeling sort of corroded

I hate mediocrity! -- Mr. Zee

Kotter Nahl -- **sigh**  I wish I had an excuse.  I honestly don't know what
happened.  I have three advanced expert ratings.  If I was anywhere else, I would
have been duelmaster and retired on the Isle.  Now I can't win a fight to save my
life.  What is worse is that I wasn't using a figure of speech. -- Lionik

Narissa -- I heard you were jealous that Drago fought me.  So, I wanted to show you
some love too.  Welcome to Arkers.  Yeah, that was sarcasm too. -- Ria the Caresser

Kung Fu Master -- More like "Dung Fu Master."  Who told you to punch my shield and
break it? -- Port-A-Fortress

     It seemed like an obvious move. -- K-F Master

Yosemite -- Whatever helps you to sleep at night.  We all know you are a bum and
don't deserve your record.  You are over rated and didn't deserve one of your wins.
You know what?  Screw it!  I don't care if the gladiatorial commission fines me.  I
am going to get this off my chest.  Yosemite, you can kiss my rosey white a...

Attention!  Attention!  We interrupt this personal ad for an important bulletin.
This is a warning for all beggar guilds in Arkers.  Beware!  I repeat, beware of
Ticonderoga.  If you value your lives, you will not ask for one jer-hawk from him.
Violators will be punished with a thorough butt kicking and possibly death at his
hands.  The guild of the white palm has already lost one of their members to
Ticonderoga's brutality last turn.  Smiling Sam, you will be missed.  We now return
to our regular scheduled personal ads....

...And to sum it up; you...  What do you mean I was interrupted? -- Port-A-Fortress

Clyde D' Club -- Well, now.  Someone came in with a chip on their shoulder.  By the
way; the doctor says my kidneys will be okay. -- Pyrat Ironforged

Pugachev -- I was so close.  Seriously, you were about to get a beating.  That'll
teach me to toy with my prey. -- Ocean Size

Iwo Jima -- I was not joking when I noted that you are too tall for a standard dwarf.
I don't consider it a laughing matter. -- Imerta Loel

Port-a-Fortress -- No, I'm not a mime.  I tried that, but I just couldn't manage the
nuances. -- Leland Olven

Lionik -- Coffee?  No way!  But maybe YOU should?  Seriously, I do wonder about an
input error for you last time. -- Kotter Nahl

Pyrat Ironforged -- Eh.  If you await a deliberate bloodfeud, it'll be a long wait.
It isn't that Jorja doesn't care, exactly, but she says she's never seen the point in
fueding.  It isn't like death on the sands is a SURPRISE.  Those are real weapons we
carry, after all.  And she isn't likely to issue a challenge of any kind anyway. --
Ghost of Orville Rouse

Our congratulations to Globulizer. -- Jorja and those who walk the Middle Way

Wow!  First off, we salute all the participants in the mail-in tourney, with a
special nod to Rebecca Raven, tourney victor.  Then, wow, TWO Tourney Champions from
Arkers!  A cheer apiece for Confidence and Globulizer. -- Jorja and the Middle Way

Radiculon -- Damn, I did NOT mean to do that.  You must have ducked into the last
blow. -- Leland Olven

Zork -- Why do you comb your hair that way?  It looks odd.  Well, silly, actually. --
Imerta Loel

Pitchfork Kid -- You guys who come from below and osterize me just make me tired.
Annoyed, too. -- Kotter Nahl

Miyomoto -- Cool, a win on my first fight!  I'd offer to buy you a drink, but... do
golems drink? -- Potter Sands

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

LIONIK was butchered by DARK CHAMPION in a 1 minute bloody Dark Arena fight.
TYPHOID MARY was slaughtered by BANDIT PRINCE in a 2 minute Dark Arena battle.
DA001 was killed by STONE GOLEM in a 3 minute Dark Arena fight.
GLOBULIZER vanquished LELAND OLVEN in a 1 minute mismatched Bloodfeud brawl.
PAIN MAGNET defeated DRAGO in a 4 minute Bloodfeud fight.
PLYMOUTH ROCK luckily beat IMERTA LOEL in a 2 minute master's Challenge competition.
CLYDE D'CLUB was bested by KOTTER NAHL in a crowd pleasing 1 minute Challenge match.
LUCKY STRIKES was handily defeated by SWEET REVENGE in a 2 minute Challenge fight.
DINGO MCGEE was vanquished by PUGACHEV in a 1 minute uneven Challenge duel.
PORT-A-FORTRESS won victory over PITCHFORK KID in a 6 minute uneven Title fight.
ZEPHYR defeated TORCHBEARER TOM in a 1 minute fight.
BLUE FLAK savagely defeated ZOO in a popular 2 minute gory melee.
MAYFLOWER narrowly defeated RIA THE CARESSER in a 7 minute bloody match.
KAZANDRA KRUEL was unbelievably slain by PYRAT IRONFORGED in a 2 minute contest.
OCEAN SIZE bested ZINC in a 2 minute bout.
BEA ZERK handily defeated TICONDEROGA in a 1 minute one-sided conflict.
NARRISA won victory over DEMON TALON in a 3 minute amateur's bout.
MIYOMOTO vanquished ANGEL FEATHER in a 2 minute one-sided fray.
SHADOW was bested by POTTER SANDS in a 3 minute amateur's brawl.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|TOTAL PARRY                      7         PARRY-STRIKE       5 -   1 -  0      83  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  7         PARRY-LUNGE        7 -   4 -  2      64  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   6         AIMED BLOW        10 -   6 -  0      63  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    4         TOTAL PARRY       35 -  26 -  0      57  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                   3         WALL OF STEEL     16 -  12 -  2      57  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      2         STRIKING ATTACK   25 -  20 -  0      56  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    2         PARRY-RIPOSTE      3 -   3 -  0      50  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  2         BASHING ATTACK    30 -  35 -  1      46  |
|AIMED BLOW                       1         SLASHING ATTACK   15 -  18 -  1      45  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     1         LUNGING ATTACK    22 -  27 -  0      45  |

Turn 369 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

AIMED BLOW         1 -  0     LUNGING ATTACK     1 -  2         3  TOTAL PARRY    
PARRY-STRIKE       1 -  0     WALL OF STEEL      1 -  3         2  STRIKING ATTACK
TOTAL PARRY        5 -  2     BASHING ATTACK     1 -  5         2  LUNGING ATTACK 
STRIKING ATTACK    4 -  3     SLASHING ATTACK    0 -  2         2  BASHING ATTACK 
PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  1                                       1  SLASHING ATTACK
PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -  1                                       1  WALL OF STEEL  

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
TOTAL PARRY      PORT-A-FORTRESS 5355       19   7  0  117 THE CHOSEN (613)
WALL OF STEEL    LELAND OLVEN 5262          18  17  2   93 MIDDLE WAY 11 (546)
LUNGING ATTACK   ZEPHYR 5204                18  10  2   92 Z GLADIATORZ (519)
PARRY-LUNGE      PYRAT IRONFORGED 5419       5   2  2   65 THE CHOSEN (613)
BASHING ATTACK   CLYDE D'CLUB 5376           5   2  0   64 PEASANT REBELLION (614)
AIMED BLOW       SWEET REVENGE 5378          6   1  0   60 PEASANT REBELLION (614)
PARRY-STRIKE     PUGACHEV 5379               5   2  0   42 PEASANT REBELLION (614)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is KOTTER NAHL 5197.  The most popular warrior this 
turn was PITCHFORK KID 5377.  The ten other most popular fighters were IMERTA LOEL 
5225, BLUE FLAK 5385, KAZANDRA KRUEL 4460, DA001 5449, ZINC 5266, DEMON TALON 5456, 

The least popular fighter this week was MAYFLOWER 5235.  The other ten least popular 
5382, LELAND OLVEN 5262, TYPHOID MARY 4739, LIONIK 5352, SHADOW 5435, NARRISA 5432, 
and OCEAN SIZE 5346.

The following warriors have traveled to AD after fighting this turn:



For those of you who keep track of such things, several additional warriors 
graduated from regular DM arenas (including closed arenas) since the last tournament. 

                     CHUPACABRA (10-3827) TERRAPIN STATION  (189) 
                           DECEON RAIN (50-883) KAOS  (127) 
                       PIONEER (82-47958) TRIPPIN' OUT  (8064) 
                      GRAPE APE (82-34889) BRAIN FOOD 9  (5739) 
                DUELMASTERS.COM (82-16536) SUPERIOR FORCES 720  (2509) 
                     FROZBOZ (82-14622) FIRES OF HEAVEN 4  (2181) 
                           RAGE (82-36450) EMOTIONS  (6013) 
                 HUNGRY HIPPO (82-49609) SUPERIOR FORCES 5411  (8331) 
                       BABEL (82-46069) SACS DE SABLE 1  (7725) 

Congrats to the grads. -- Green Eyes

                                NAME CHANGE-O-RAMA

    There was a line outside the Gladiatorial Commission's registry office.  There 
often was, but surely not now?  Alarond the Scribe, who had drawn office duty today, 
frowned at them.
    A stocky, fit, moderately handsome gladiator stepped up to the counter.  "I want a 
name-change," he said.  "How can I do my best known as," he shuddered, "'Dangling 
Eyeball'?  My name is Joe, and I want to use it."
    A small and very shapely woman stepped up beside him.  "And I am really tired of 
being known as 'DA Bait'."  She smiled, causing Alarond to sway where he stood.  "I'd 
like to be known as... Aphrodite, I think."
    The others crowded forward, each advancing a claim, the babble of voice rising to 
a roar, the crowd beginning to look like a mob--and every member of it armed and 
    Alarond raised his hands to quiet them, without much success.  He raised his 
voice, too.  "We'll do it!  A Name-Change-O-Rama, as soon as we can get the paperwork 
lined up!  Two or three months, maybe--"
    The gladiators howled in protest at the delay.
    "No, listen!  The files here are HUGE, it will take time to get everything 
straight.  You've got to be patient.  It WILL happen!"

                                  *   *   *   *   *  

     Warrior and team name changes will be accepted during the month of January.  If 
you have names you want to change, please contact Customer Service. -- RSI