Date   : 11/20/2014    Duedate: 12/17/2014


DM-8    TURN-381

This Weeks Top Honors


(8-5387) [13-11-0,124]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

THE CHOSEN (613)               ROUGH RIDERS (587)
(8-5387) [13-11-0,124]         (8-5088) [6-3-3,43]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

KOTTER NAHL                    KOTTER NAHL
MIDDLE WAY 11 (546)            MIDDLE WAY 11 (546)
(8-5197) [14-56-0,98]          (8-5197) [14-56-0,98]



Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. THE CHOSEN (613)            40
2. ROUGH RIDERS (587)          22      Z GLADIATORZ (519)
3. SERIOUS LEE (486)           21      Unchartered Team
4. BORN LOSERS (634)           20
5. BASH BROS SHOWER (604)      19      GHOSTWALKERS 2 (629)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 1 Z GLADIATORZ (519)       274 129  7 68.0   1/ 1 THE CHOSEN (613)         12  3 1
 2/ 2 WEIRD ALCHEMY (476)       89  45  2 66.4   2/ 5 WEIRD ALCHEMY (476)       9  6 0
 3/ 3 SMITHSONIAN (245)        734 447 16 62.2   3/ 4 STEEL PROPHETS (615)      7  8 1
 4/ 0 BORN LOSERS (634)        138  92 15 60.0   4/ 6*GHOSTWALKERS 2 (629)      7  8 0
 5/ 0 HOYT FOUNDATION (636)     31  23  3 57.4   5/ 2 SMITHSONIAN (245)         6  4 0
 6/ 4 STEEL PROPHETS (615)      55  49  2 52.9   6/ 7 Z GLADIATORZ (519)        5  4 0
 7/ 6 THE CHOSEN (613)         207 213 13 49.3   7/ 8*SERIOUS LEE (486)         5  5 0
 8/ 5*GHOSTWALKERS 2 (629)      22  23  0 48.9   8/ 3 BLOODY HAND CLAN (626)    5  9 0
 9/ 8*SERIOUS LEE (486)         14  16  0 46.7   9/ 0 BORN LOSERS (634)         4  1 1
10/ 7 BLOODY HAND CLAN (626)    18  23  0 43.9  10/11*ROUGH RIDERS (587)        3  3 2
11/10*ROUGH RIDERS (587)        11  15  4 42.3  11/12*BASH BROS SHOWER (604)    3  9 1
12/11 MIDDLE WAY 11 (546)      224 395  6 36.2  12/10 MIDDLE WAY 11 (546)       2 10 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

     "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!  I'm taaaaaaaaaaaall!  Iam!  I am! Iam!"
"Wat iz all da racket!!!!" bellowed 'Eadskar.  He was lying in bed with his hands
over his ears.  Despite his efforts, the yelling came through crystal clear.  Beckah
Necksnag walked to the bed room and stood in the doorway.
     "It'z Stonewall.  He still upset at wat Defensive Lee said bout 'im." Replied
     Stonewall had been bawling for days now.  And all it took was for someone to
read the personal ad to him.  When he found out what Defensive Lee said, he
immediately started crying.  Eadskar cursed Gutsag for doing that.  He was told to
tell their gargantuan team mate only nice things about the personals.  Things like,
"I am terrible" or "I am a terrible fighta, Stonewall.  Yoos ar da best!" should have
been said.  But instead of that, Gutsag told him what the personal actually said.
And so the crying began.  Could Gutsag have done it to get revenge for the fat
comment Stonewall made weeks earlier?
     "Still?!?!?!?  He needz ta stop all of dat wailin and be tough like us orcz.
Did ya buy 'im cake?  He all wayz shutz up when he gitz cake."
     "Yah.  I bought 'im tree.  All he did wuz woof 'em down 'en start cryin agin."
     Eadskar massaged his temples.  He was starting to get one of those really bad
headaches.  He'd been getting them ever since he was smacked in the face by Space
Herpes.  One lucky shot from a sub-par warrior and he paid for it repeatedly.
Fortunately the headaches only come when he was really stressed.  Beckah knew that
when he got one of those, he was in an even fouler mood.  Many are surprised that
this is possible.  But it has been known to happen.
     "I don know Eady." Beckah said trying to get his mind of the wailing and avoid
having to deal with his terrible attitude.  "Defensive Lee wuz right.  He iz a bit
small for a Shewish Giant.  It'z like we haz a child or a reely dumb 'uman."
     A brief moment of guilt flashed across Eadskar's face.  Beckah saw it and
immediately realize what was going on.
     "Eady... Stonewall iz a legal gladiata, right?  He'z notta child,right?"
     Eadskar scrambled to get his response correct.  This was hard to do because the
pain in his head was getting worse.
     "Course he iz not a child.  He iz jus short fa a Shewish Giant iz all." Eadskar
replied.  But Beckah was not convinced.  She knew when Eadskar was lying.  He may
fool others, but he has never been able to do it to her.  Before she could press the
subject, Eadskar reached into the night stand and took out a pouch of Jer-Hawks and
tossed them to the foot of the bed.  "Er.  Take da crya out for sumtin fun.  Git ya
self sumtin too."
     Beckah simply looked at him with a mixture of disgust and anger.  She snatched
the bag of money from the bed and left the room to get Stonewall.  Eadskar knew there
would more to this discussion.  Beckah never gave up that easily when it was
something that annoyed her.  But for now he just wanted something to stop the
throbbing in his head.
     "Wine! Now!" he bellowed.

      * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

Just before Turn 378:

     Ria stood in the middle of the practice area.  Despite it being autumn and there
is a chill in the building, she was sweating.  She had been working on her style for
the last two hours now and there was no end in sight.  But it didn't bother her.  She
was in a mental state that made the suit of real plate armour feel comfortable.
Almost like a second skin.  The female member of the Chosen had a strict morning
ritual; wake, wash, prayer, and practice.  Somewhere in between there was food.  She
had taken on this routine after her deceased stable mate, Pyrat, had joined her
stable.  Pyrat Ironforged was probably the most pious person she had ever met.  He
joined the stable because when he was a child, he had watched the Chosen in Seam.  He
admired their sense or honour and martial skills.  There was disappointment for him
when he realized that he had signed on with a band of mercenaries.  No one followed
the ways of Mantor the Bright anymore.  They were all there for a pay check and
nothing more.  He wanted the stable to get back to their piety and performance that
made them great.  One night, over several bottles of wine, Pyrat and another new
member named Marc Strifeminer, told Ria about a dream they had.  Neither man had met
the other before, but they both swore that the dream happened.  Oddly enough, the
dream had the same shadowy figure.  And this figure told them to travel to Arkers and
bring back the honour that the Chosen had lost because of the hiring of mercenaries
and less honourable people.  Ria felt a twinge of embarrassment because she was one
of those people at the time.
     Unfortunately, Pyrat Ironforged and the dwarf known as Marc Strifeminer were
slain coming from morning prayers early one morning.  Eye witnesses said that the two
died helping some people who were being harassed by a local gang.  Marc had said that
the shadowy figure had told him that his destiny lay with the Chosen.  Perhaps that
was true because their deaths were like a spark of flame on dry grass.  Suddenly the
stable stopped accepting anyone.  They only recruited from temples of Mantor the
Bright.  Longshot had sent messages all over Alastari looking for people.  In the
beginning there was constantly a knock on the door and some tired pilgrim coming to
see if the offer was still open.  But the parade of hopefuls started to trickle and
finally died down.  But the desire never died and everyone in a temple of Mantor knew
that the Chosen in Arkers were looking for others to spread the word of Mantor the
Bright.  The stable had been reborn.  And it was all thanks to two warriors who
selflessly sacrificed their lives to help others.
     Ria began to swing her practice morning star in slow lazy circles and to lift
her medium shield up to the guard position.  Through the entrance of the practice
area walked a huge man.  He wore his thick black hair long and past his shoulders and
a neatly trimmed Fu Manchu style mustache on his face.  His ruddy skinned arms were
big and his chest broad.  It looked like he could bench press a full cart of stones
and not break a sweat.  He was wearing only a thin white short-sleeve shirt and blue
pants.  He wore sandals on his feet.  The white shirt had sweat stains and he didn't
seem to notice the cool air.
     "That coffee from breakfast went right through me." He said.  His voice was a
deep bass.  "If Fas was here, he'd say that I had the bladder of a ten year old."
     "No problem, Sturm.  Shall we continue?"
     The big man nodded and walked over to the special weapons rack.  Most of the
time, a warrior would practice with wooden weapons.  This was to insure a non-fatal
practice.  But Sturm had insisted on the use of real weapons.  If Ria wanted his help
in getting use to the blows that Cyclotubulus gave in matches, she needed to get used
to the real thing.  Sturm, or Sturm the Brute as he is called, was a basher of
Longshot's from many, many years ago.  He was bought from one of the mega-managers
over twenty years ago.  It was just a coincidence that Sturm also followed the
teachings of Mantor the Bright.  When the big man had realized that his manager had
sold his contract to a stable of warrior monks that followed his god, he was elated.
He spent many years in Seam with the stable helping them out.  Because he was so big,
Longshot had a special chair made for him.  The same one that sits in their stable-
house today.
     Ria loved when Sturm first arrived.  Eton, the arrogant member of their team,
was sitting in the chair and reading.  Sturm burst into the house as if he owned it
and made a bee-line to the chair.
     "You're in my chair lad" Sturm had said.  "And I am tired from the road.  Be a
good lad and get out of my seat."
     Eton didn't budge.  Instead he looked at the man as if he was an insect.  Sturm
didn't say another word as he reached over and lifted Eton from the chair and
literally tossed him onto the sofa.  The young warrior was speechless as he pushed
himself up from his new place on the sofa.  And then, without missing a beat, Sturm
asked, "Well, are you going to fetch me a glass of wine?"
     Eton finally regained his wits and was about to reply with one of his usual
snotty comments.  That is when Ria decided to stop it from escalating.  She simply
called him over and whispered in his ear, "This man is Sturm the Brute and he was
bashing men to a pulp before you were a glimmer in your parents' eyes... and he's a
lord protector."  What little colour that was in Eton's pale face drained away.  He
immediately ran to the kitchen and grabbed the jug of wine and a glass.  He then
humbly handed both to Sturm.  Ria was definitely amused.  She had never seen Eton so
respectful in the short time she has known him.  Sturm only laughed.  His rich, deep
voice rumbling down to his belly.
     Sturm the Brute picked up a halberd.  He shifted the weapon in each hand and
then clumsily spun it in great arcs.  It looked like he was doing an impression of a
wall of steel.  He finally completed the arcs with a thud as he slammed the haft into
the practice area's floor.
     "I've never liked these bloody things.  Anytime you see a warrior with a
halberd, especially a basher, they are an egotistical show off."
     Sturm looked up at the huge wicked looking blade of the halberd.  It was a
weapon meant to not only hurt an opponent, but to punish them.  It was designed to
make them wish they had never walking into the arena.  He looked back at Ria.
     "Yep.  It's a bloody gaudy piece of equipment.  Now the mace; the mace is a
thing of beauty.  It's the weapon of an artist.  It must be balanced and have a
strong haft.  You have to have the head of it just right.  None of that spike
nonsense.  You want it to have studs.  And when you strike with it, you can hear the
weapon sing as it crashes into your opponent.  Not like this thing."
     He lifted the halberd and shook it with one hand.
     "Don't get me started on those flimsy war hammers.  You won't be needing the
morning star for this exercise.  Just use your shield.  Up with it then."
     Ria threw the fake morning star off to the side and hefted her shield up into
the defensive guard.
     "Right then.  I saw your first fight with Cyclotubulous.  You were lucky.  If
you didn't return the favour and break his maul you would have lost.  That was
impressive by the way.  I mean seriously.  You broke a maul over your arm.  I don't
know if that was skill or luck.  But it was still impressive."
     Ria felt a bit of pride swell in her chest at the compliment.
     "Well, to be honest, I di..."
     That is when Sturm swung the halberd with all of his might into the shield.  He
had a mad look of glee on his face as he hammered again and again into the shield.
The first blow caused Ria to stagger back a few steps.  But she soon regained her
balance and stood under the assault.
     "I didn't say I was ready!" She shouted as the big basher rained blow after blow
into her shield."
     "Is that the way of Arkers?  They announce when they are going to attack?
Please don't tell me that Arkers is a city of ponces like Aruak City."
     All the while he bashed away at Ria's arm.  It felt like it was about to break.
Suddenly, Sturm ceased his assault.  He was sweating profusely and gasping for
     "Whew.  Like I said; not a weapon of finesse."
     Ria slightly dropped her guard and peeked at Sturm.  When she was sure he wasn't
going to surprise her with another assault she fully dropped her guard.  She looked
down and her shield was mangled.
     "You nearly got through it this time." She said.
     "Yeah.  But there is a problem."
     Sturm had gotten his breath back.  So he straightened and looked her in the eye.
     "Cyclotubulous hits harder than I can."
     Ria was stunned.
     "There is no way that he hits harder than you."
     "Oh yes, lass.  He is strong.  I've seen him before.  I have a feeling your
weapons aren't the first that he has demolished with an attack.  Plus he wields that
maul of his like a billy club.  I don't know that the hell they feed him.  But
whatever it is, it works wonders."
     Ria looked defeated at the thought of this.  She considered Sturm to be one of
the strongest people she knew.  If he could hit harder than Cyclotubulous, she didn't
know if she could ever beat him.  She could barely handle the blows coming from
Sturm; and he was a lord protector! Sturm saw the look on her face and added,
     "That doesn't mean you can't beat him.  You still can.  Do you know how many
parry-ripostes I have met that have beaten me?  Sometimes you have to finesse your
way through a fight.  Next time step into his swing.  You are supposed to control the
fight.  Step into his blows and push back and then move.  When he staggers or fights
to regain his footing, strike.  Right now, you are just standing there and taking hit
after hit in hopes of him getting tired.  That beast will pound you into a nice paste
before he gets tired.  Remember; step in and push and move and then strike when he is
off balance.  Your style isn't built for riposte.  So, your form will be ugly as all
hell.  But you are more agile than he is.  That will be your advantage."
     Sturm spun the halberd in a circle with one hand and presented it in an en garde
     "Now, let's try again."
     And the assault began anew.

                                 DUELMASTER'S COLUMN
                             Notes from the arena champ.

     Praise be to Mantor!  I have finally gotten the title.  I did not expect to get
my challenge through to Cyclotubulous.  I expected anyone but me to have this title.
Plymouth Rock, perhaps.  Or maybe Hyppotamus.  I salute you Cyclotubulous.  Not only
for your honour, but for your power.  Perhaps you will appreciate the praise that you
received from another lord protector.  He said you were one of the strongest bashers
he had ever seen.  Before you, I had thought he was the strongest man I had ever met.
Once again, I am proud to hold this title after it was held by such greats as Zephyr,
Zork, Xargoth, and Port-A-Fortress.  I know Porta isn't one of Arkers beloved
darlings, but he was a good guy and a good warrior.  He held the title four times
before being invited to the Isle.  That is worth something.  My only regret is that
Lionik isn't alive to witness this.
     Last turn was a nice turn out.  Almost all of the team fought someone except
two. I hope to see Broken Spirits and Rough Riders return.  Maybe one of you can slow
Z Gladiatorz stellar climb.  I can already hear Z Man bristling at that.  As far as
challenges go, I have thought long and hard about this and I have come up with this
decision.  Any turn now, Peasant rebellion will return and they will bring their
tourney soaked carcasses back to reclaim the top spots.  Clyde D'Club will saunter in
and take back the top spot.  And of course the rest of the team will fill up the
challenger champion slots until they each get the title.  I am not saying that I
can't beat Clyde D' Club.  I think I have a good chance of breaking him.  But, in
case he lucks up and beats me, I am challenging Dingo McGee and Enemy Maker in that
order.  So, gentlemen, we will see who prevails.  Until next time, Arkers.
     May Mantor the Bright guide my blade,
          Ria the Caresser, Duel Mistress

                                      SPY REPORT

     Greetings warriors!  It is I, Zontani Sharp Eyes, here to bring report of the 
clash and bustle of the weekly ARKERS games.  Fortune did not smile upon BLOODY HAND 
CLAN this time out who this turn suffered a fall into 8th position in the wake of a 
1-4-0 round.  Warriors--remember that glory waits always around the corner!  Witness 
how this week WEIRD ALCHEMY went 2-3-0 to move up 3 in the rankings.  MAYFLOWER 
caught the eye of many in the gladiatorial commission as it skillfully bested ENEMY 
MAKER and was awarded 25 points in recognition.  In one of the week's more notable 
duels, MAYFLOWER put down ENEMY MAKER, causing him to lose 25 points of recognition 
in the process.  Most watched of the fights this week, the spotlight was on DINGO 
MCGEE as he bore arms against the challenge of reigning Duelmaster RIA THE CARESSER.  
Not for nothing has RIA THE CARESSER in the past laid claim to the Duelmaster's 
throne, and this week she's proven hers combat skill yet again.  No confirmation, but 
my sources claim that the top team has gained their position using magical aids.  
Charmed weapons perhaps?   
     But come now, let us look deeper into the maze of contention and crossed blades 
that is city ARKERS.  ARKERS, city of gladiators!  Mighty among the names of thy 
guilds is SMITHSONIAN, a guild shunned and avoided by many in the weekly duels.  If 
you didn't look down dark alleys you'd have been hard pressed to find any of WEIRD 
ALCHEMY last week.  Busy avoiding SMITHSONIAN?  Mighty fighters cannot but expect 
competition from those below.  OLD IRONSIDES take warning!  You have more than a few 
enemies in ARKERS.  WAIL THE RAGER must really be harboring a grudge against the BASH 
BROS SHOWER guild!  Merciless, 20 challenged down TOILET FLUSH FUN points this week 
to duel with he.  Few would not have guessed the outcome of the bout as TOILET FLUSH 
FUN was bested by WAIL THE RAGER.  Is this what passes for courage in ARKERS?  A 
match that raised a few eyebrows at the games this week, it seems that PAIN MAGNET 
posted a challenge against the more highly recognized LELAND OLVEN.  The results, you 
ask?  Well, the firebrand PAIN MAGNET won victory over LELAND OLVEN.  Remember 
warriors, this is the discipline of steel.   
     What warrior does not hone his years, impatiently waiting for the moment of his 
foe's mortality?  I must report the passing of BEKOG NECKSNAG, veteran of many duels. 
4-5-0 final record Hers was not illustrious--but death plays no favorites.  Fate is a 
fickle mistress.  She showers the miserable with fortune but sets enemies against the 
victorious.  Remember this!   
     If it were not for my skills as a spy I would have been mugged three times 
already in ARKERS.  Nice atmosphere you have here!  Sadly warriors, now longer can I 
keep thy company nor savor the ale of thy fine city.  Depart I must and soon!  Till 
next we meet remember - the pen is mightier than the sword, but a maul is a different 
story!-- Zontani Sharp Eyes  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 RIA THE CARESSER 5387        13  11  0   124       THE CHOSEN (613)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-PLYMOUTH ROCK 5218           27   7  0   105       SMITHSONIAN (245)
 ZEST 5224                    25   9  1   101       Z GLADIATORZ (519)
 BLUE FLAK 5385               13   8  0   101       STEEL PROPHETS (615)
 KOTTER NAHL 5197             14  56  0    98       MIDDLE WAY 11 (546)
 DINGO MCGEE 5384             13   8  1    97       STEEL PROPHETS (615)
 HYPPOMATOS 3974              18   8  1    96       WEIRD ALCHEMY (476)
 PAIN MAGNET 5382             14   7  0    96       STEEL PROPHETS (615)
-LUCKY STRIKES 5426            8   1  0    96       SMITHSONIAN (245)
 MAYFLOWER 5235               19   9  0    93       SMITHSONIAN (245)
 IMERTA LOEL 5225             15  47  0    92       MIDDLE WAY 11 (546)
 LELAND OLVEN 5262            21  26  2    91       MIDDLE WAY 11 (546)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 ENEMY MAKER 4015             15   8  1    85       WEIRD ALCHEMY (476)
 CYCLONIZER 5459               8   4  0    75       WEIRD ALCHEMY (476)
-DESTROYER TADD 5597           8   1  0    67       HOYT FOUNDATION (636)
 CUTTER CRITES 5555            6   2  0    67       BORN LOSERS (634)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 DEMON TALON 5456              7   5  1    55       STEEL PROPHETS (615)
 ZOO 5236                     13  10  0    53       Z GLADIATORZ (519)
 YRAH BANEWRECKER 5527         4   0  1    51       THE CHOSEN (613)
 JELLYBOMBER 5458              9   3  0    47       WEIRD ALCHEMY (476)
 STARR OF DESTINY 5088         6   3  3    43       ROUGH RIDERS (587)
 PUNK CHILSNER 5549            3   0  1    37       BORN LOSERS (634)
 THE SHRIEKER 5554             2   3  1    37       BORN LOSERS (634)
 DOOM 5485                     5   4  0    36       GHOSTWALKERS 2 (629)
 ETON THE STALWART 5496        6   1  0    34       THE CHOSEN (613)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 ZINC 5266                     9   6  0    33       Z GLADIATORZ (519)
-THE ANXIOUS MAN 5589          4   1  1    32       HOYT FOUNDATION (636)
 GRIMM 5482                    6   3  0    30       GHOSTWALKERS 2 (629)
 WAIL THE RAGER 5525           4   0  0    27       THE CHOSEN (613)
 DAN QUEVOS 5544               2   1  0    27       BORN LOSERS (634)
-KIZERVEXIOUS 5596             5   4  0    26       HOYT FOUNDATION (636)
 REAPER 5483                   6   3  0    25       GHOSTWALKERS 2 (629)
 DEFENSIVE LEE 4062            5   2  0    25       SERIOUS LEE (486)
 EADSKAR DA'BAD 5466           2   7  0    25       BLOODY HAND CLAN (626)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 GUTSAG BAKWORT 5500           5   1  0    23       BLOODY HAND CLAN (626)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-PARIS TROUT 5591              4   2  0    23       HOYT FOUNDATION (636)
 AVARICIOUS LEE 4080           3   3  0    23       SERIOUS LEE (486)
-THE GYPSY 5587                2   0  1    23       HOYT FOUNDATION (636)
 OUT OF SOAP 5282              2   1  0    23       BASH BROS SHOWER (604)
 POTTER SANDS 5448             4  10  0    22       MIDDLE WAY 11 (546)
 KYRON FLEMING 5545            3   0  1    22       BORN LOSERS (634)
 ZIRCONIUM 5493                4   1  0    21       Z GLADIATORZ (519)
 ROCA THE BLAZE 5086           3   5  1    21       ROUGH RIDERS (587)
 OLD IRONSIDES 5523            3   2  0    17       SMITHSONIAN (245)
 STONEWALL 5494                4   4  0    16       BLOODY HAND CLAN (626)
 HALIN STORMBREAKER 5498       2   4  1    15       THE CHOSEN (613)
 MAILICE 5529                  1   3  0    15       GHOSTWALKERS 2 (629)
 HUMBLE LEE 4061               1   4  0     9       SERIOUS LEE (486)
-EBARK THE ROUGH 5089          1   3  0     6       ROUGH RIDERS (587)
-TOGA THE RAGER 5087           1   2  0     5       ROUGH RIDERS (587)
 AUDACIOUS LEE 5542            1   0  0     5       SERIOUS LEE (486)
 MOSHROTTEEF 5540              0   1  0     5       BLOODY HAND CLAN (626)
 TOILET FLUSH FUN 5285         0   3  0     3       BASH BROS SHOWER (604)
 MANDIBULEX 5580               0   1  0     2       WEIRD ALCHEMY (476)
-GHREMSH THE JUST 5090         0   2  0     2       ROUGH RIDERS (587)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                W  L K TEAM NAME            SLAIN BY              TURN Revenge?
CULT MEMBER             0  0 0                      THE SHRIEKER 5554     381  NONE
COLD 5538               0  1 0 BASH BROS SHOWER 604 WURM KIN              381  NONE
GLASS JAW 5495          3  2 0 BLOODY HAND CLAN 626 STARR OF DESTINY 5088 379   
BANE 5484               2  7 0 GHOSTWALKERS 2 629   SHEWISH GIANT         381  NONE
CASUAL LEE 5524         3  1 0 SERIOUS LEE 486      DEMON TALON 5456      380   
SWIFT LEE 4059          1  2 0 SERIOUS LEE 486      EGRIM 5510            377  REVENGED
MOVING TORG 5528        0  4 0 STEEL PROPHETS 615   SPYMASTER             381  NONE

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Wow!  Terrific!  Both a fine spotlight and a neat DM Column!  Arkers is a great
place. -- Curator

A salute to Ria The Caresser, a sensuous looking babe and a mighty Duelmistress. --

Leland Olven -- You fought well.  I guess I was just a big wooden fish out of water.
-- Mayflower

Stonewall -- Thanks for the challenge.  Now we know what happens when stone faces
iron and crumbles. (wink) -- Old Ironsides

Pain Magnet -- I don't think we can call that an offensive struggle, but I was surely
glad to win it. -- Plymouth Rock

Longshot -- We are an advocate of HW.  Hyborian War is fun.  We have mentoring
available for that also. -- Curator (for The Consortium)

Health.  Humility.  Honor.  I hope you did well in The Mailer.  Old Ironsides was my
only representative. -- Curator

Z is for Zingers! -- The Z Man

A 2-1 from my Z Gladiators is okay, but not lovely.  Perhaps I need to "zing" them?
-- The Z Man

Imerta Loel -- That has a zesty finish to it, didn't it? -- Zest

Doom -- You challenged?  You just wanted to give me a freebie?  I like freebies.  I
like wins.  I like Zinc.  I think you are doomed. -- Zinc

Zoo lost to Cyclonizer and for his punishment he had to clean the stables and the
hippo cage. -- Mr. Zee

     With the hippo still in it?

May ze bezt z team winz. -- The Z Man

Eadskar Da'Bad -- An unsuccessful experimentation on my part.  You can stop patting
yourself on the back. -- Defensive Lee

Bane -- I like to shake things up, every now and then. -- Avaricious Lee

Demon Talon -- Aimed Blows die.  Bloodfeuds happen.  Be prepared. -- Bruce Lee, mgr
Serious Lee Stable (a wholly owned subsidiary of Trump Gladiatorial Enterprises)

Gutsag -- Do you never shower, either? -- Toilet Flush Fun

Yrah -- I'm going to assume that your challenge was only a simple intention to avenge
the loss of your teammate the turn before and nothing else. -- Out of Soap

Imerta Loel -- Elderberry wine?  I'll tell you what.  Come by the stable house and I
will introduce you to the wonder that is bourbon.  Of course we will have cigars as
well. -- Longshot

Out of Soap -- Holy crap!  Eton was right!  You are a smelly one. -- Yrah Banewrecker

Moving Torg -- Perhaps actually moving would help you out. -- Wail the Rager

Mailice -- Impressive.  I look forward to our rematch. -- Halin Stormbreaker

Plymouth Rock -- If infinity equals immortality, or at least agelessness, I'll give
it a try. -- Kotter Nahl

Longshot -- I figure Porta got his invite through the skillful use of intimidation.
-- Kotter Nahl

One-three again.  Drat. -- Kotter Nahl, for the Middle Way

Defensive Lee -- Why don ya shut up!  Now Stoney will not stop cryin 'cause of ya.  I
hope dat thrashin' I gave ya will teach ya ta be quiet. -- Eadskar Da'Bad

Star of Destiny -- Ya betta not be hidin'!  We wan our blood feud! -- the Bloody Hand

Toilet Flush -- I still neva flush.  Hur hur. -- Gutsag Bakwort

Old Ironsides -- I don't like you.  I really, really, really don't like you. --

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

BANE was butchered by SHEWISH GIANT in a 1 minute bloody Dark Arena fight.
MOVING TORG was slaughtered by SPYMASTER in a 1 minute gruesome Dark Arena battle.
DOWN THE DRAIN was killed by MOUNTAIN TROLL in a 2 minute gruesome Dark Arena fight.
COLD was butchered by WURM KIN in a 1 minute Dark Arena contest.
BEKOG NECKSNAG was slain by STARR OF DESTINY in a 2 minute Bloodfeud fight.
AVARICIOUS LEE was subdued by DEMON TALON in a 1 minute Bloodfeud competition.
RIA THE CARESSER won victory over DINGO MCGEE in a 2 minute Challenge Title fight.
HYPPOMATOS beat IMERTA LOEL in a popular 1 minute master's Challenge brawl.
PAIN MAGNET unbelievably bested LELAND OLVEN in a 5 minute expert's Challenge melee.
JELLYBOMBER overpowered REAPER in a popular 1 minute uneven Challenge duel.
EADSKAR DA'BAD was defeated by DOOM in a 2 minute Challenge match.
GRIMM handily defeated POTTER SANDS in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge bout.
GUTSAG BAKWORT subdued MAILICE in a 5 minute Challenge match.
DEFENSIVE LEE outwaited OLD IRONSIDES in a unpopular 13 minute Challenge conflict.
ROCA THE BLAZE subdued STONEWALL in a 5 minute Challenge match.
WAIL THE RAGER devastated TOILET FLUSH FUN in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge bout.
ZEST unbelievably bested KOTTER NAHL in a popular 4 minute expert's fight.
BLUE FLAK viciously subdued CYCLONIZER in a action packed 2 minute brutal duel.
ENEMY MAKER was unbelievably bested by MAYFLOWER in a popular 5 minute master's brawl.
CUTTER CRITES savagely defeated ZOO in a exciting 1 minute brutal bout.
ZINC was overpowered by YRAH BANEWRECKER in a 1 minute bloody mismatched conflict.
THE SHRIEKER executed CULT MEMBER in a 1 minute uneven fight.
PUNK CHILSNER demolished ARDIVENTI NOBLE in a 1 minute uneven bout.
DAN QUEVOS was unbelievably bested by ETON THE STALWART in a 2 minute fray.
HALIN STORMBREAKER was subdued by KYRON FLEMING in a 3 minute fight.
HUMBLE LEE was overpowered by OUT OF SOAP in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
ZIRCONIUM outlasted MANDIBULEX in a tiring 12 minute brutal novice's duel.
MOSHROTTEEF lost to AUDACIOUS LEE in a 2 minute beginner's bout.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|BASHING ATTACK                  10         SLASHING ATTACK   28 -  12 -  2      70  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      9         AIMED BLOW        24 -  15 -  1      62  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  7         TOTAL PARRY       52 -  44 -  0      54  |
|AIMED BLOW                       5         PARRY-RIPOSTE     10 -   9 -  0      53  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  5         PARRY-STRIKE       9 -   9 -  2      50  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    4         LUNGING ATTACK    26 -  27 -  1      49  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                   4         WALL OF STEEL     18 -  19 -  1      49  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     3         BASHING ATTACK    42 -  51 -  2      45  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    2         STRIKING ATTACK   21 -  33 -  1      39  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      1         PARRY-LUNGE        1 -   8 -  0      11  |

Turn 381 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-RIPOSTE      2 -  0     PARRY-STRIKE       1 -  2         4  TOTAL PARRY    
TOTAL PARRY        7 -  2     BASHING ATTACK     3 -  7         2  BASHING ATTACK 
AIMED BLOW         3 -  2     LUNGING ATTACK     1 -  3         2  SLASHING ATTACK
SLASHING ATTACK    4 -  3     STRIKING ATTACK    1 -  4         1  WALL OF STEEL  
WALL OF STEEL      2 -  2     PARRY-LUNGE        0 -  1         1  STRIKING ATTACK
                                                                1  LUNGING ATTACK 

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
WALL OF STEEL    RIA THE CARESSER 5387      13  11  0  124 THE CHOSEN (613)
TOTAL PARRY      ZEST 5224                  25   9  1  101 Z GLADIATORZ (519)
BASHING ATTACK   BLUE FLAK 5385             13   8  0  101 STEEL PROPHETS (615)
SLASHING ATTACK  DINGO MCGEE 5384           13   8  1   97 STEEL PROPHETS (615)
LUNGING ATTACK   HYPPOMATOS 3974            18   8  1   96 WEIRD ALCHEMY (476)
STRIKING ATTACK  ENEMY MAKER 4015           15   8  1   85 WEIRD ALCHEMY (476)
AIMED BLOW       CYCLONIZER 5459             8   4  0   75 WEIRD ALCHEMY (476)
PARRY-STRIKE     STARR OF DESTINY 5088       6   3  3   43 ROUGH RIDERS (587)

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is KOTTER NAHL 5197.  The most popular warrior this 
turn was KOTTER NAHL 5197.  The ten other most popular fighters were ENEMY MAKER 

The least popular fighter this week was OLD IRONSIDES 5523.  The other ten least 
popular fighters were ZIRCONIUM 5493, DEFENSIVE LEE 4062, STONEWALL 5494, HUMBLE LEE 

                 FACE-TO-FACE TOURNEY LIII

PRIMUS TOURNEY                         W  L  K         TEAM NAME            
MASQUERADE 2297 (151-98-1)             3  3  0         WILD THINGS 2        
DEE DEE 384 (141-52-2)                 1  4  0         WILD THINGS 2        

ELIGIBLES TOURNEY                      W  L  K         TEAM NAME            
AUJARD 4639 (55-42-0)                  2  3  0         LA PENTARCHIE        

ADM TOURNEY                            W  L  K         TEAM NAME            
MISS ERABLE 2766 (39-31-3)             1  3  0         LADIES IN WAITING    

FRESHMEN TOURNEY                       W  L  K         TEAM NAME            
ROCK GLAS HUT FUN 4851 (41-49-4)       4  3  0         ORCISH IDIOMS        

CHALLENGERS TOURNEY                    W  L  K         TEAM NAME            
REBECCA RAVEN 4308 (6-1-0)             7  3  0         TRIAL BY COMBAT      
FIELDER 5276 (12-5-1)                  0  3  0         YOU PAY I SLAY       

                  MAIL-IN TOURNEY LVIII

PRIMUS TOURNEY                         W  L  K         TEAM NAME            
MASQUERADE 2297 (158-99-1)             3  3  0         WILD THINGS 2        
DEE DEE 384 (141-52-2)                 1  4  0         WILD THINGS 2        

CHALLENGERS TOURNEY                    W  L  K         TEAM NAME            
REBECCA RAVEN 4308 (6-1-0)            10  3  0         TRIAL BY COMBAT      
FIELDER 5276 (12-5-1)                  0  2  0         YOU PAY I SLAY       

CHAMPIONS TOURNEY                      W  L  K         TEAM NAME            
RIA THE CARESSER 5387 (12-11-0)        3  3  1         THE CHOSEN           

ADEPTS TOURNEY                         W  L  K         TEAM NAME            
SWEET REVENGE 5378 (11-3-0)            3  3  0         PEASANT REBELLION    
PITCHFORK KID 5377 (7-5-0)             2  3  0         PEASANT REBELLION    
PUGACHEV 5379 (7-6-0)                  0  2  0         PEASANT REBELLION    

INITIATES TOURNEY                      W  L  K         TEAM NAME            
HALIN STORMBREAKER 5498 (2-3-1)        1  3  0         THE CHOSEN           
REAPER 5483 (6-2-0)                    1  3  0         GHOSTWALKERS 2       
GRIMM 5482 (5-3-0)                     0  2  0         GHOSTWALKERS 2       

APPRENTICES TOURNEY                    W  L  K         TEAM NAME            
YRAH BANEWRECKER 5527 (3-0-1)          4  3  0         THE CHOSEN           
OLD IRONSIDES 5523 (3-1-0)             2  3  1         SMITHSONIAN          
HUMBLE LEE 4061 (1-3-0)                0  2  0         SERIOUS LEE          

ROOKIES TOURNEY                        W  L  K         TEAM NAME            
PETARANUS 5541 (0-0-0)                 3  1  0  DEAD   WEIRD ALCHEMY        
ELEGANT LEE 5530 (0-0-0)               3  3  0  DEAD   SERIOUS LEE          
MOSHROTTEEF 5540 (0-0-0)               1  3  0         BLOODY HAND CLAN     

DEAD CHALLENGERS TOURNEY               W  L  K         TEAM NAME            
K. CARSON 3609 (10-4-0)               15  1  1         SUPERIOR FORCES      
BLOODLUST 2950 (7-1-0)                 1  3  0         YOU PAY I SLAY       
MISS ALLY NEIUS 4022 (3-2-0)           0  2  0         LADIES IN WAITING    
MISS MANAGED 3519 (7-3-0)              0  2  0         LADIES IN WAITING    

DEAD CHAMPIONS TOURNEY                 W  L  K         TEAM NAME            
HOPE DASHER 5362 (17-8-1)              3  3  0         THE CHOSEN           
THE ONE 5374 (12-10-0)                 0  2  0         THE CHOSEN           

DEAD INITIATES TOURNEY                 W  L  K         TEAM NAME            
NO HOT WATER 5283 (0-0-0)              1  3  0         BASH BROS SHOWER     

DEAD APPRENTICES TOURNEY               W  L  K         TEAM NAME            
CASUAL LEE 5524 (3-1-0)                1  3  0         SERIOUS LEE          

                             * * * * *   MEMO  * * * * *

From:       The Office of Accurate Census Reporting, Gladiatorial Commission
To:         All Managers

In the interest of preserving our natural resources and preventing managerial writer's 
cramp, census forms will be provided for warriors by request only, effective 
immediately.  Managers may register their warriors' races and/or favorite sayings by 
simply writing them on a separate piece of paper and submitting them to the 
Commission.  Each warrior may have up to 15 favorite sayings.  Each saying must be 
categorized Jeer, Gloat, Boredom, Ouch, Victory and may be up to 80 characters long.  
For any questions, please contact the Gladiatorial Commission.