DUEL 2 NEWSLETTER Date : 11/20/2014 Duedate: 12/17/2014 ARKERS ARENA DM-8 TURN-381 This Weeks Top Honors THE DUELMASTER IS RIA THE CARESSER THE CHOSEN (613) (8-5387) [13-11-0,124] Chartered Recognition Leader Unchartered Recognition Leader RIA THE CARESSER STARR OF DESTINY THE CHOSEN (613) ROUGH RIDERS (587) (8-5387) [13-11-0,124] (8-5088) [6-3-3,43] Popularity Leader This Weeks Favorite KOTTER NAHL KOTTER NAHL MIDDLE WAY 11 (546) MIDDLE WAY 11 (546) (8-5197) [14-56-0,98] (8-5197) [14-56-0,98] THE CURRENT TOP TEAM THE CHOSEN (613) TEAMS ON THE MOVE TOP CAREER HONORS Team Name Point Gain Chartered Team 1. THE CHOSEN (613) 40 2. ROUGH RIDERS (587) 22 Z GLADIATORZ (519) 3. SERIOUS LEE (486) 21 Unchartered Team 4. BORN LOSERS (634) 20 5. BASH BROS SHOWER (604) 19 GHOSTWALKERS 2 (629) The Top Teams Career Win-Loss Record W L K % Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns W L K 1/ 1 Z GLADIATORZ (519) 274 129 7 68.0 1/ 1 THE CHOSEN (613) 12 3 1 2/ 2 WEIRD ALCHEMY (476) 89 45 2 66.4 2/ 5 WEIRD ALCHEMY (476) 9 6 0 3/ 3 SMITHSONIAN (245) 734 447 16 62.2 3/ 4 STEEL PROPHETS (615) 7 8 1 4/ 0 BORN LOSERS (634) 138 92 15 60.0 4/ 6*GHOSTWALKERS 2 (629) 7 8 0 5/ 0 HOYT FOUNDATION (636) 31 23 3 57.4 5/ 2 SMITHSONIAN (245) 6 4 0 6/ 4 STEEL PROPHETS (615) 55 49 2 52.9 6/ 7 Z GLADIATORZ (519) 5 4 0 7/ 6 THE CHOSEN (613) 207 213 13 49.3 7/ 8*SERIOUS LEE (486) 5 5 0 8/ 5*GHOSTWALKERS 2 (629) 22 23 0 48.9 8/ 3 BLOODY HAND CLAN (626) 5 9 0 9/ 8*SERIOUS LEE (486) 14 16 0 46.7 9/ 0 BORN LOSERS (634) 4 1 1 10/ 7 BLOODY HAND CLAN (626) 18 23 0 43.9 10/11*ROUGH RIDERS (587) 3 3 2 11/10*ROUGH RIDERS (587) 11 15 4 42.3 11/12*BASH BROS SHOWER (604) 3 9 1 12/11 MIDDLE WAY 11 (546) 224 395 6 36.2 12/10 MIDDLE WAY 11 (546) 2 10 0 '*' Unchartered team '-' Team did not fight this turn (###) Avoid teams by their Team Id ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank TEAM SPOTLIGHT "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! I'm taaaaaaaaaaaall! Iam! I am! Iam!" "Wat iz all da racket!!!!" bellowed 'Eadskar. He was lying in bed with his hands over his ears. Despite his efforts, the yelling came through crystal clear. Beckah Necksnag walked to the bed room and stood in the doorway. "It'z Stonewall. He still upset at wat Defensive Lee said bout 'im." Replied Beckah. Stonewall had been bawling for days now. And all it took was for someone to read the personal ad to him. When he found out what Defensive Lee said, he immediately started crying. Eadskar cursed Gutsag for doing that. He was told to tell their gargantuan team mate only nice things about the personals. Things like, "I am terrible" or "I am a terrible fighta, Stonewall. Yoos ar da best!" should have been said. But instead of that, Gutsag told him what the personal actually said. And so the crying began. Could Gutsag have done it to get revenge for the fat comment Stonewall made weeks earlier? "Still?!?!?!? He needz ta stop all of dat wailin and be tough like us orcz. Did ya buy 'im cake? He all wayz shutz up when he gitz cake." "Yah. I bought 'im tree. All he did wuz woof 'em down 'en start cryin agin." Eadskar massaged his temples. He was starting to get one of those really bad headaches. He'd been getting them ever since he was smacked in the face by Space Herpes. One lucky shot from a sub-par warrior and he paid for it repeatedly. Fortunately the headaches only come when he was really stressed. Beckah knew that when he got one of those, he was in an even fouler mood. Many are surprised that this is possible. But it has been known to happen. "I don know Eady." Beckah said trying to get his mind of the wailing and avoid having to deal with his terrible attitude. "Defensive Lee wuz right. He iz a bit small for a Shewish Giant. It'z like we haz a child or a reely dumb 'uman." A brief moment of guilt flashed across Eadskar's face. Beckah saw it and immediately realize what was going on. "Eady... Stonewall iz a legal gladiata, right? He'z notta child,right?" Eadskar scrambled to get his response correct. This was hard to do because the pain in his head was getting worse. "Course he iz not a child. He iz jus short fa a Shewish Giant iz all." Eadskar replied. But Beckah was not convinced. She knew when Eadskar was lying. He may fool others, but he has never been able to do it to her. Before she could press the subject, Eadskar reached into the night stand and took out a pouch of Jer-Hawks and tossed them to the foot of the bed. "Er. Take da crya out for sumtin fun. Git ya self sumtin too." Beckah simply looked at him with a mixture of disgust and anger. She snatched the bag of money from the bed and left the room to get Stonewall. Eadskar knew there would more to this discussion. Beckah never gave up that easily when it was something that annoyed her. But for now he just wanted something to stop the throbbing in his head. "Wine! Now!" he bellowed. * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * Just before Turn 378: Ria stood in the middle of the practice area. Despite it being autumn and there is a chill in the building, she was sweating. She had been working on her style for the last two hours now and there was no end in sight. But it didn't bother her. She was in a mental state that made the suit of real plate armour feel comfortable. Almost like a second skin. The female member of the Chosen had a strict morning ritual; wake, wash, prayer, and practice. Somewhere in between there was food. She had taken on this routine after her deceased stable mate, Pyrat, had joined her stable. Pyrat Ironforged was probably the most pious person she had ever met. He joined the stable because when he was a child, he had watched the Chosen in Seam. He admired their sense or honour and martial skills. There was disappointment for him when he realized that he had signed on with a band of mercenaries. No one followed the ways of Mantor the Bright anymore. They were all there for a pay check and nothing more. He wanted the stable to get back to their piety and performance that made them great. One night, over several bottles of wine, Pyrat and another new member named Marc Strifeminer, told Ria about a dream they had. Neither man had met the other before, but they both swore that the dream happened. Oddly enough, the dream had the same shadowy figure. And this figure told them to travel to Arkers and bring back the honour that the Chosen had lost because of the hiring of mercenaries and less honourable people. Ria felt a twinge of embarrassment because she was one of those people at the time. Unfortunately, Pyrat Ironforged and the dwarf known as Marc Strifeminer were slain coming from morning prayers early one morning. Eye witnesses said that the two died helping some people who were being harassed by a local gang. Marc had said that the shadowy figure had told him that his destiny lay with the Chosen. Perhaps that was true because their deaths were like a spark of flame on dry grass. Suddenly the stable stopped accepting anyone. They only recruited from temples of Mantor the Bright. Longshot had sent messages all over Alastari looking for people. In the beginning there was constantly a knock on the door and some tired pilgrim coming to see if the offer was still open. But the parade of hopefuls started to trickle and finally died down. But the desire never died and everyone in a temple of Mantor knew that the Chosen in Arkers were looking for others to spread the word of Mantor the Bright. The stable had been reborn. And it was all thanks to two warriors who selflessly sacrificed their lives to help others. Ria began to swing her practice morning star in slow lazy circles and to lift her medium shield up to the guard position. Through the entrance of the practice area walked a huge man. He wore his thick black hair long and past his shoulders and a neatly trimmed Fu Manchu style mustache on his face. His ruddy skinned arms were big and his chest broad. It looked like he could bench press a full cart of stones and not break a sweat. He was wearing only a thin white short-sleeve shirt and blue pants. He wore sandals on his feet. The white shirt had sweat stains and he didn't seem to notice the cool air. "That coffee from breakfast went right through me." He said. His voice was a deep bass. "If Fas was here, he'd say that I had the bladder of a ten year old." "No problem, Sturm. Shall we continue?" The big man nodded and walked over to the special weapons rack. Most of the time, a warrior would practice with wooden weapons. This was to insure a non-fatal practice. But Sturm had insisted on the use of real weapons. If Ria wanted his help in getting use to the blows that Cyclotubulus gave in matches, she needed to get used to the real thing. Sturm, or Sturm the Brute as he is called, was a basher of Longshot's from many, many years ago. He was bought from one of the mega-managers over twenty years ago. It was just a coincidence that Sturm also followed the teachings of Mantor the Bright. When the big man had realized that his manager had sold his contract to a stable of warrior monks that followed his god, he was elated. He spent many years in Seam with the stable helping them out. Because he was so big, Longshot had a special chair made for him. The same one that sits in their stable- house today. Ria loved when Sturm first arrived. Eton, the arrogant member of their team, was sitting in the chair and reading. Sturm burst into the house as if he owned it and made a bee-line to the chair. "You're in my chair lad" Sturm had said. "And I am tired from the road. Be a good lad and get out of my seat." Eton didn't budge. Instead he looked at the man as if he was an insect. Sturm didn't say another word as he reached over and lifted Eton from the chair and literally tossed him onto the sofa. The young warrior was speechless as he pushed himself up from his new place on the sofa. And then, without missing a beat, Sturm asked, "Well, are you going to fetch me a glass of wine?" Eton finally regained his wits and was about to reply with one of his usual snotty comments. That is when Ria decided to stop it from escalating. She simply called him over and whispered in his ear, "This man is Sturm the Brute and he was bashing men to a pulp before you were a glimmer in your parents' eyes... and he's a lord protector." What little colour that was in Eton's pale face drained away. He immediately ran to the kitchen and grabbed the jug of wine and a glass. He then humbly handed both to Sturm. Ria was definitely amused. She had never seen Eton so respectful in the short time she has known him. Sturm only laughed. His rich, deep voice rumbling down to his belly. Sturm the Brute picked up a halberd. He shifted the weapon in each hand and then clumsily spun it in great arcs. It looked like he was doing an impression of a wall of steel. He finally completed the arcs with a thud as he slammed the haft into the practice area's floor. "I've never liked these bloody things. Anytime you see a warrior with a halberd, especially a basher, they are an egotistical show off." Sturm looked up at the huge wicked looking blade of the halberd. It was a weapon meant to not only hurt an opponent, but to punish them. It was designed to make them wish they had never walking into the arena. He looked back at Ria. "Yep. It's a bloody gaudy piece of equipment. Now the mace; the mace is a thing of beauty. It's the weapon of an artist. It must be balanced and have a strong haft. You have to have the head of it just right. None of that spike nonsense. You want it to have studs. And when you strike with it, you can hear the weapon sing as it crashes into your opponent. Not like this thing." He lifted the halberd and shook it with one hand. "Don't get me started on those flimsy war hammers. You won't be needing the morning star for this exercise. Just use your shield. Up with it then." Ria threw the fake morning star off to the side and hefted her shield up into the defensive guard. "Right then. I saw your first fight with Cyclotubulous. You were lucky. If you didn't return the favour and break his maul you would have lost. That was impressive by the way. I mean seriously. You broke a maul over your arm. I don't know if that was skill or luck. But it was still impressive." Ria felt a bit of pride swell in her chest at the compliment. "Well, to be honest, I di..." That is when Sturm swung the halberd with all of his might into the shield. He had a mad look of glee on his face as he hammered again and again into the shield. The first blow caused Ria to stagger back a few steps. But she soon regained her balance and stood under the assault. "I didn't say I was ready!" She shouted as the big basher rained blow after blow into her shield." "Is that the way of Arkers? They announce when they are going to attack? Please don't tell me that Arkers is a city of ponces like Aruak City." All the while he bashed away at Ria's arm. It felt like it was about to break. Suddenly, Sturm ceased his assault. He was sweating profusely and gasping for breath. "Whew. Like I said; not a weapon of finesse." Ria slightly dropped her guard and peeked at Sturm. When she was sure he wasn't going to surprise her with another assault she fully dropped her guard. She looked down and her shield was mangled. "You nearly got through it this time." She said. "Yeah. But there is a problem." "What?" Sturm had gotten his breath back. So he straightened and looked her in the eye. "Cyclotubulous hits harder than I can." Ria was stunned. "There is no way that he hits harder than you." "Oh yes, lass. He is strong. I've seen him before. I have a feeling your weapons aren't the first that he has demolished with an attack. Plus he wields that maul of his like a billy club. I don't know that the hell they feed him. But whatever it is, it works wonders." Ria looked defeated at the thought of this. She considered Sturm to be one of the strongest people she knew. If he could hit harder than Cyclotubulous, she didn't know if she could ever beat him. She could barely handle the blows coming from Sturm; and he was a lord protector! Sturm saw the look on her face and added, "That doesn't mean you can't beat him. You still can. Do you know how many parry-ripostes I have met that have beaten me? Sometimes you have to finesse your way through a fight. Next time step into his swing. You are supposed to control the fight. Step into his blows and push back and then move. When he staggers or fights to regain his footing, strike. Right now, you are just standing there and taking hit after hit in hopes of him getting tired. That beast will pound you into a nice paste before he gets tired. Remember; step in and push and move and then strike when he is off balance. Your style isn't built for riposte. So, your form will be ugly as all hell. But you are more agile than he is. That will be your advantage." Sturm spun the halberd in a circle with one hand and presented it in an en garde position. "Now, let's try again." And the assault began anew. DUELMASTER'S COLUMN Notes from the arena champ. Praise be to Mantor! I have finally gotten the title. I did not expect to get my challenge through to Cyclotubulous. I expected anyone but me to have this title. Plymouth Rock, perhaps. Or maybe Hyppotamus. I salute you Cyclotubulous. Not only for your honour, but for your power. Perhaps you will appreciate the praise that you received from another lord protector. He said you were one of the strongest bashers he had ever seen. Before you, I had thought he was the strongest man I had ever met. Once again, I am proud to hold this title after it was held by such greats as Zephyr, Zork, Xargoth, and Port-A-Fortress. I know Porta isn't one of Arkers beloved darlings, but he was a good guy and a good warrior. He held the title four times before being invited to the Isle. That is worth something. My only regret is that Lionik isn't alive to witness this. Last turn was a nice turn out. Almost all of the team fought someone except two. I hope to see Broken Spirits and Rough Riders return. Maybe one of you can slow Z Gladiatorz stellar climb. I can already hear Z Man bristling at that. As far as challenges go, I have thought long and hard about this and I have come up with this decision. Any turn now, Peasant rebellion will return and they will bring their tourney soaked carcasses back to reclaim the top spots. Clyde D'Club will saunter in and take back the top spot. And of course the rest of the team will fill up the challenger champion slots until they each get the title. I am not saying that I can't beat Clyde D' Club. I think I have a good chance of breaking him. But, in case he lucks up and beats me, I am challenging Dingo McGee and Enemy Maker in that order. So, gentlemen, we will see who prevails. Until next time, Arkers. May Mantor the Bright guide my blade, Ria the Caresser, Duel Mistress SPY REPORT Greetings warriors! It is I, Zontani Sharp Eyes, here to bring report of the clash and bustle of the weekly ARKERS games. Fortune did not smile upon BLOODY HAND CLAN this time out who this turn suffered a fall into 8th position in the wake of a 1-4-0 round. Warriors--remember that glory waits always around the corner! Witness how this week WEIRD ALCHEMY went 2-3-0 to move up 3 in the rankings. MAYFLOWER caught the eye of many in the gladiatorial commission as it skillfully bested ENEMY MAKER and was awarded 25 points in recognition. In one of the week's more notable duels, MAYFLOWER put down ENEMY MAKER, causing him to lose 25 points of recognition in the process. Most watched of the fights this week, the spotlight was on DINGO MCGEE as he bore arms against the challenge of reigning Duelmaster RIA THE CARESSER. Not for nothing has RIA THE CARESSER in the past laid claim to the Duelmaster's throne, and this week she's proven hers combat skill yet again. No confirmation, but my sources claim that the top team has gained their position using magical aids. Charmed weapons perhaps? But come now, let us look deeper into the maze of contention and crossed blades that is city ARKERS. ARKERS, city of gladiators! Mighty among the names of thy guilds is SMITHSONIAN, a guild shunned and avoided by many in the weekly duels. If you didn't look down dark alleys you'd have been hard pressed to find any of WEIRD ALCHEMY last week. Busy avoiding SMITHSONIAN? Mighty fighters cannot but expect competition from those below. OLD IRONSIDES take warning! You have more than a few enemies in ARKERS. WAIL THE RAGER must really be harboring a grudge against the BASH BROS SHOWER guild! Merciless, 20 challenged down TOILET FLUSH FUN points this week to duel with he. Few would not have guessed the outcome of the bout as TOILET FLUSH FUN was bested by WAIL THE RAGER. Is this what passes for courage in ARKERS? A match that raised a few eyebrows at the games this week, it seems that PAIN MAGNET posted a challenge against the more highly recognized LELAND OLVEN. The results, you ask? Well, the firebrand PAIN MAGNET won victory over LELAND OLVEN. Remember warriors, this is the discipline of steel. What warrior does not hone his years, impatiently waiting for the moment of his foe's mortality? I must report the passing of BEKOG NECKSNAG, veteran of many duels. 4-5-0 final record Hers was not illustrious--but death plays no favorites. Fate is a fickle mistress. She showers the miserable with fortune but sets enemies against the victorious. Remember this! If it were not for my skills as a spy I would have been mugged three times already in ARKERS. Nice atmosphere you have here! Sadly warriors, now longer can I keep thy company nor savor the ale of thy fine city. Depart I must and soon! Till next we meet remember - the pen is mightier than the sword, but a maul is a different story!-- Zontani Sharp Eyes DUELMASTER W L K POINTS TEAM NAME RIA THE CARESSER 5387 13 11 0 124 THE CHOSEN (613) CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME -PLYMOUTH ROCK 5218 27 7 0 105 SMITHSONIAN (245) ZEST 5224 25 9 1 101 Z GLADIATORZ (519) BLUE FLAK 5385 13 8 0 101 STEEL PROPHETS (615) KOTTER NAHL 5197 14 56 0 98 MIDDLE WAY 11 (546) DINGO MCGEE 5384 13 8 1 97 STEEL PROPHETS (615) HYPPOMATOS 3974 18 8 1 96 WEIRD ALCHEMY (476) PAIN MAGNET 5382 14 7 0 96 STEEL PROPHETS (615) -LUCKY STRIKES 5426 8 1 0 96 SMITHSONIAN (245) MAYFLOWER 5235 19 9 0 93 SMITHSONIAN (245) IMERTA LOEL 5225 15 47 0 92 MIDDLE WAY 11 (546) LELAND OLVEN 5262 21 26 2 91 MIDDLE WAY 11 (546) CHAMPIONS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME ENEMY MAKER 4015 15 8 1 85 WEIRD ALCHEMY (476) CYCLONIZER 5459 8 4 0 75 WEIRD ALCHEMY (476) -DESTROYER TADD 5597 8 1 0 67 HOYT FOUNDATION (636) CUTTER CRITES 5555 6 2 0 67 BORN LOSERS (634) ADEPTS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME DEMON TALON 5456 7 5 1 55 STEEL PROPHETS (615) ZOO 5236 13 10 0 53 Z GLADIATORZ (519) YRAH BANEWRECKER 5527 4 0 1 51 THE CHOSEN (613) JELLYBOMBER 5458 9 3 0 47 WEIRD ALCHEMY (476) STARR OF DESTINY 5088 6 3 3 43 ROUGH RIDERS (587) PUNK CHILSNER 5549 3 0 1 37 BORN LOSERS (634) THE SHRIEKER 5554 2 3 1 37 BORN LOSERS (634) DOOM 5485 5 4 0 36 GHOSTWALKERS 2 (629) ETON THE STALWART 5496 6 1 0 34 THE CHOSEN (613) CHALLENGER INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME ZINC 5266 9 6 0 33 Z GLADIATORZ (519) -THE ANXIOUS MAN 5589 4 1 1 32 HOYT FOUNDATION (636) GRIMM 5482 6 3 0 30 GHOSTWALKERS 2 (629) WAIL THE RAGER 5525 4 0 0 27 THE CHOSEN (613) DAN QUEVOS 5544 2 1 0 27 BORN LOSERS (634) -KIZERVEXIOUS 5596 5 4 0 26 HOYT FOUNDATION (636) REAPER 5483 6 3 0 25 GHOSTWALKERS 2 (629) DEFENSIVE LEE 4062 5 2 0 25 SERIOUS LEE (486) EADSKAR DA'BAD 5466 2 7 0 25 BLOODY HAND CLAN (626) INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME GUTSAG BAKWORT 5500 5 1 0 23 BLOODY HAND CLAN (626) INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME -PARIS TROUT 5591 4 2 0 23 HOYT FOUNDATION (636) AVARICIOUS LEE 4080 3 3 0 23 SERIOUS LEE (486) -THE GYPSY 5587 2 0 1 23 HOYT FOUNDATION (636) OUT OF SOAP 5282 2 1 0 23 BASH BROS SHOWER (604) POTTER SANDS 5448 4 10 0 22 MIDDLE WAY 11 (546) KYRON FLEMING 5545 3 0 1 22 BORN LOSERS (634) ZIRCONIUM 5493 4 1 0 21 Z GLADIATORZ (519) ROCA THE BLAZE 5086 3 5 1 21 ROUGH RIDERS (587) OLD IRONSIDES 5523 3 2 0 17 SMITHSONIAN (245) STONEWALL 5494 4 4 0 16 BLOODY HAND CLAN (626) HALIN STORMBREAKER 5498 2 4 1 15 THE CHOSEN (613) MAILICE 5529 1 3 0 15 GHOSTWALKERS 2 (629) HUMBLE LEE 4061 1 4 0 9 SERIOUS LEE (486) -EBARK THE ROUGH 5089 1 3 0 6 ROUGH RIDERS (587) -TOGA THE RAGER 5087 1 2 0 5 ROUGH RIDERS (587) AUDACIOUS LEE 5542 1 0 0 5 SERIOUS LEE (486) MOSHROTTEEF 5540 0 1 0 5 BLOODY HAND CLAN (626) TOILET FLUSH FUN 5285 0 3 0 3 BASH BROS SHOWER (604) MANDIBULEX 5580 0 1 0 2 WEIRD ALCHEMY (476) -GHREMSH THE JUST 5090 0 2 0 2 ROUGH RIDERS (587) '-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn. THE DEAD W L K TEAM NAME SLAIN BY TURN Revenge? CULT MEMBER 0 0 0 THE SHRIEKER 5554 381 NONE COLD 5538 0 1 0 BASH BROS SHOWER 604 WURM KIN 381 NONE DOWN THE DRAIN 5539 0 1 0 BASH BROS SHOWER 604 MOUNTAIN TROLL 381 NONE FORGOT MY TOWEL 5284 0 1 0 BASH BROS SHOWER 604 HALIN STORMBREAK 5498 379 BEKOG NECKSNAG 5464 4 5 0 BLOODY HAND CLAN 626 STARR OF DESTINY 5088 381 GLASS JAW 5495 3 2 0 BLOODY HAND CLAN 626 STARR OF DESTINY 5088 379 BANE 5484 2 7 0 GHOSTWALKERS 2 629 SHEWISH GIANT 381 NONE CASUAL LEE 5524 3 1 0 SERIOUS LEE 486 DEMON TALON 5456 380 SWIFT LEE 4059 1 2 0 SERIOUS LEE 486 EGRIM 5510 377 REVENGED MOVING TORG 5528 0 4 0 STEEL PROPHETS 615 SPYMASTER 381 NONE PERSONAL ADS Wow! Terrific! Both a fine spotlight and a neat DM Column! Arkers is a great place. -- Curator A salute to Ria The Caresser, a sensuous looking babe and a mighty Duelmistress. -- Curator Leland Olven -- You fought well. I guess I was just a big wooden fish out of water. -- Mayflower Stonewall -- Thanks for the challenge. Now we know what happens when stone faces iron and crumbles. (wink) -- Old Ironsides Pain Magnet -- I don't think we can call that an offensive struggle, but I was surely glad to win it. -- Plymouth Rock Longshot -- We are an advocate of HW. Hyborian War is fun. We have mentoring available for that also. -- Curator (for The Consortium) Health. Humility. Honor. I hope you did well in The Mailer. Old Ironsides was my only representative. -- Curator Z is for Zingers! -- The Z Man A 2-1 from my Z Gladiators is okay, but not lovely. Perhaps I need to "zing" them? -- The Z Man Imerta Loel -- That has a zesty finish to it, didn't it? -- Zest Doom -- You challenged? You just wanted to give me a freebie? I like freebies. I like wins. I like Zinc. I think you are doomed. -- Zinc Zoo lost to Cyclonizer and for his punishment he had to clean the stables and the hippo cage. -- Mr. Zee With the hippo still in it? May ze bezt z team winz. -- The Z Man Eadskar Da'Bad -- An unsuccessful experimentation on my part. You can stop patting yourself on the back. -- Defensive Lee Bane -- I like to shake things up, every now and then. -- Avaricious Lee Demon Talon -- Aimed Blows die. Bloodfeuds happen. Be prepared. -- Bruce Lee, mgr Serious Lee Stable (a wholly owned subsidiary of Trump Gladiatorial Enterprises) Gutsag -- Do you never shower, either? -- Toilet Flush Fun Yrah -- I'm going to assume that your challenge was only a simple intention to avenge the loss of your teammate the turn before and nothing else. -- Out of Soap Imerta Loel -- Elderberry wine? I'll tell you what. Come by the stable house and I will introduce you to the wonder that is bourbon. Of course we will have cigars as well. -- Longshot Out of Soap -- Holy crap! Eton was right! You are a smelly one. -- Yrah Banewrecker Moving Torg -- Perhaps actually moving would help you out. -- Wail the Rager Mailice -- Impressive. I look forward to our rematch. -- Halin Stormbreaker Plymouth Rock -- If infinity equals immortality, or at least agelessness, I'll give it a try. -- Kotter Nahl Longshot -- I figure Porta got his invite through the skillful use of intimidation. -- Kotter Nahl One-three again. Drat. -- Kotter Nahl, for the Middle Way Defensive Lee -- Why don ya shut up! Now Stoney will not stop cryin 'cause of ya. I hope dat thrashin' I gave ya will teach ya ta be quiet. -- Eadskar Da'Bad Star of Destiny -- Ya betta not be hidin'! We wan our blood feud! -- the Bloody Hand Clan Toilet Flush -- I still neva flush. Hur hur. -- Gutsag Bakwort Old Ironsides -- I don't like you. I really, really, really don't like you. -- Stonewall LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS BANE was butchered by SHEWISH GIANT in a 1 minute bloody Dark Arena fight. MOVING TORG was slaughtered by SPYMASTER in a 1 minute gruesome Dark Arena battle. DOWN THE DRAIN was killed by MOUNTAIN TROLL in a 2 minute gruesome Dark Arena fight. COLD was butchered by WURM KIN in a 1 minute Dark Arena contest. BEKOG NECKSNAG was slain by STARR OF DESTINY in a 2 minute Bloodfeud fight. AVARICIOUS LEE was subdued by DEMON TALON in a 1 minute Bloodfeud competition. RIA THE CARESSER won victory over DINGO MCGEE in a 2 minute Challenge Title fight. HYPPOMATOS beat IMERTA LOEL in a popular 1 minute master's Challenge brawl. PAIN MAGNET unbelievably bested LELAND OLVEN in a 5 minute expert's Challenge melee. JELLYBOMBER overpowered REAPER in a popular 1 minute uneven Challenge duel. EADSKAR DA'BAD was defeated by DOOM in a 2 minute Challenge match. GRIMM handily defeated POTTER SANDS in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge bout. GUTSAG BAKWORT subdued MAILICE in a 5 minute Challenge match. DEFENSIVE LEE outwaited OLD IRONSIDES in a unpopular 13 minute Challenge conflict. ROCA THE BLAZE subdued STONEWALL in a 5 minute Challenge match. WAIL THE RAGER devastated TOILET FLUSH FUN in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge bout. ZEST unbelievably bested KOTTER NAHL in a popular 4 minute expert's fight. BLUE FLAK viciously subdued CYCLONIZER in a action packed 2 minute brutal duel. ENEMY MAKER was unbelievably bested by MAYFLOWER in a popular 5 minute master's brawl. CUTTER CRITES savagely defeated ZOO in a exciting 1 minute brutal bout. ZINC was overpowered by YRAH BANEWRECKER in a 1 minute bloody mismatched conflict. THE SHRIEKER executed CULT MEMBER in a 1 minute uneven fight. PUNK CHILSNER demolished ARDIVENTI NOBLE in a 1 minute uneven bout. DAN QUEVOS was unbelievably bested by ETON THE STALWART in a 2 minute fray. HALIN STORMBREAKER was subdued by KYRON FLEMING in a 3 minute fight. HUMBLE LEE was overpowered by OUT OF SOAP in a 1 minute one-sided duel. ZIRCONIUM outlasted MANDIBULEX in a tiring 12 minute brutal novice's duel. MOSHROTTEEF lost to AUDACIOUS LEE in a 2 minute beginner's bout. BATTLE REPORT MOST POPULAR RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS |FIGHTING STYLE FIGHTS FIGHTING STYLE W - L - K PERCENT| |BASHING ATTACK 10 SLASHING ATTACK 28 - 12 - 2 70 | |TOTAL PARRY 9 AIMED BLOW 24 - 15 - 1 62 | |SLASHING ATTACK 7 TOTAL PARRY 52 - 44 - 0 54 | |AIMED BLOW 5 PARRY-RIPOSTE 10 - 9 - 0 53 | |STRIKING ATTACK 5 PARRY-STRIKE 9 - 9 - 2 50 | |WALL OF STEEL 4 LUNGING ATTACK 26 - 27 - 1 49 | |LUNGING ATTACK 4 WALL OF STEEL 18 - 19 - 1 49 | |PARRY-STRIKE 3 BASHING ATTACK 42 - 51 - 2 45 | |PARRY-RIPOSTE 2 STRIKING ATTACK 21 - 33 - 1 39 | |PARRY-LUNGE 1 PARRY-LUNGE 1 - 8 - 0 11 | Turn 381 was great if you Not so great if you used The fighting styles of the used the fighting styles: the fighting styles: top eleven warriors are: PARRY-RIPOSTE 2 - 0 PARRY-STRIKE 1 - 2 4 TOTAL PARRY TOTAL PARRY 7 - 2 BASHING ATTACK 3 - 7 2 BASHING ATTACK AIMED BLOW 3 - 2 LUNGING ATTACK 1 - 3 2 SLASHING ATTACK SLASHING ATTACK 4 - 3 STRIKING ATTACK 1 - 4 1 WALL OF STEEL WALL OF STEEL 2 - 2 PARRY-LUNGE 0 - 1 1 STRIKING ATTACK 1 LUNGING ATTACK TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE FIGHTING STYLE WARRIOR W L K PNTS TEAM NAME WALL OF STEEL RIA THE CARESSER 5387 13 11 0 124 THE CHOSEN (613) TOTAL PARRY ZEST 5224 25 9 1 101 Z GLADIATORZ (519) BASHING ATTACK BLUE FLAK 5385 13 8 0 101 STEEL PROPHETS (615) SLASHING ATTACK DINGO MCGEE 5384 13 8 1 97 STEEL PROPHETS (615) LUNGING ATTACK HYPPOMATOS 3974 18 8 1 96 WEIRD ALCHEMY (476) STRIKING ATTACK ENEMY MAKER 4015 15 8 1 85 WEIRD ALCHEMY (476) AIMED BLOW CYCLONIZER 5459 8 4 0 75 WEIRD ALCHEMY (476) PARRY-STRIKE STARR OF DESTINY 5088 6 3 3 43 ROUGH RIDERS (587) FIGHTING STYLE WARRIOR W L K PNTS TEAM NAME Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above. The overall popularity leader is KOTTER NAHL 5197. The most popular warrior this turn was KOTTER NAHL 5197. The ten other most popular fighters were ENEMY MAKER 4015, LELAND OLVEN 5262, BLUE FLAK 5385, DAN QUEVOS 5544, MOSHROTTEEF 5540, DOWN THE DRAIN 5539, HYPPOMATOS 3974, CUTTER CRITES 5555, DEMON TALON 5456, and DINGO MCGEE 5384. The least popular fighter this week was OLD IRONSIDES 5523. The other ten least popular fighters were ZIRCONIUM 5493, DEFENSIVE LEE 4062, STONEWALL 5494, HUMBLE LEE 4061, HALIN STORMBREAKER 5498, ZINC 5266, TOILET FLUSH FUN 5285, GUTSAG BAKWORT 5500, POTTER SANDS 5448, and PAIN MAGNET 5382. FACE-TO-FACE TOURNEY LIII PRIMUS TOURNEY W L K TEAM NAME MASQUERADE 2297 (151-98-1) 3 3 0 WILD THINGS 2 DEE DEE 384 (141-52-2) 1 4 0 WILD THINGS 2 ELIGIBLES TOURNEY W L K TEAM NAME AUJARD 4639 (55-42-0) 2 3 0 LA PENTARCHIE ADM TOURNEY W L K TEAM NAME MISS ERABLE 2766 (39-31-3) 1 3 0 LADIES IN WAITING FRESHMEN TOURNEY W L K TEAM NAME ROCK GLAS HUT FUN 4851 (41-49-4) 4 3 0 ORCISH IDIOMS CHALLENGERS TOURNEY W L K TEAM NAME REBECCA RAVEN 4308 (6-1-0) 7 3 0 TRIAL BY COMBAT FIELDER 5276 (12-5-1) 0 3 0 YOU PAY I SLAY MAIL-IN TOURNEY LVIII PRIMUS TOURNEY W L K TEAM NAME MASQUERADE 2297 (158-99-1) 3 3 0 WILD THINGS 2 DEE DEE 384 (141-52-2) 1 4 0 WILD THINGS 2 CHALLENGERS TOURNEY W L K TEAM NAME REBECCA RAVEN 4308 (6-1-0) 10 3 0 TRIAL BY COMBAT FIELDER 5276 (12-5-1) 0 2 0 YOU PAY I SLAY CHAMPIONS TOURNEY W L K TEAM NAME RIA THE CARESSER 5387 (12-11-0) 3 3 1 THE CHOSEN ADEPTS TOURNEY W L K TEAM NAME SWEET REVENGE 5378 (11-3-0) 3 3 0 PEASANT REBELLION PITCHFORK KID 5377 (7-5-0) 2 3 0 PEASANT REBELLION PUGACHEV 5379 (7-6-0) 0 2 0 PEASANT REBELLION INITIATES TOURNEY W L K TEAM NAME HALIN STORMBREAKER 5498 (2-3-1) 1 3 0 THE CHOSEN REAPER 5483 (6-2-0) 1 3 0 GHOSTWALKERS 2 GRIMM 5482 (5-3-0) 0 2 0 GHOSTWALKERS 2 APPRENTICES TOURNEY W L K TEAM NAME YRAH BANEWRECKER 5527 (3-0-1) 4 3 0 THE CHOSEN OLD IRONSIDES 5523 (3-1-0) 2 3 1 SMITHSONIAN HUMBLE LEE 4061 (1-3-0) 0 2 0 SERIOUS LEE ROOKIES TOURNEY W L K TEAM NAME PETARANUS 5541 (0-0-0) 3 1 0 DEAD WEIRD ALCHEMY ELEGANT LEE 5530 (0-0-0) 3 3 0 DEAD SERIOUS LEE MOSHROTTEEF 5540 (0-0-0) 1 3 0 BLOODY HAND CLAN DEAD CHALLENGERS TOURNEY W L K TEAM NAME K. CARSON 3609 (10-4-0) 15 1 1 SUPERIOR FORCES BLOODLUST 2950 (7-1-0) 1 3 0 YOU PAY I SLAY MISS ALLY NEIUS 4022 (3-2-0) 0 2 0 LADIES IN WAITING MISS MANAGED 3519 (7-3-0) 0 2 0 LADIES IN WAITING DEAD CHAMPIONS TOURNEY W L K TEAM NAME HOPE DASHER 5362 (17-8-1) 3 3 0 THE CHOSEN THE ONE 5374 (12-10-0) 0 2 0 THE CHOSEN DEAD INITIATES TOURNEY W L K TEAM NAME NO HOT WATER 5283 (0-0-0) 1 3 0 BASH BROS SHOWER DEAD APPRENTICES TOURNEY W L K TEAM NAME CASUAL LEE 5524 (3-1-0) 1 3 0 SERIOUS LEE * * * * * MEMO * * * * * From: The Office of Accurate Census Reporting, Gladiatorial Commission To: All Managers In the interest of preserving our natural resources and preventing managerial writer's cramp, census forms will be provided for warriors by request only, effective immediately. Managers may register their warriors' races and/or favorite sayings by simply writing them on a separate piece of paper and submitting them to the Commission. Each warrior may have up to 15 favorite sayings. Each saying must be categorized Jeer, Gloat, Boredom, Ouch, Victory and may be up to 80 characters long. For any questions, please contact the Gladiatorial Commission.