Date   : 03/23/2017    Duedate: 04/19/2017


DM-8    TURN-410

This Weeks Top Honors


(8-5706) [13-3-1,115]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

ZEST                           POSITION IS EMPTY
Z GLADIATORZ (519)             
(8-5224) [37-10-1,130]         

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

HUMBLE LEE                     HUMBLE LEE
SERIOUS LEE (486)              SERIOUS LEE (486)
(8-4061) [12-16-0,76]          (8-4061) [12-16-0,76]



Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. BROKEN SPIRITS (632)        39
2. Z GLADIATORZ (519)          26      Z GLADIATORZ (519)
3. SMITHSONIAN (245)           18      Unchartered Team
4. THE OUTLAWS 2 (631)         17
5. BLOODY HAND CLAN (626)      15       (195)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 1 Z GLADIATORZ (519)       328 165  8 66.5   1/ 1 BLOODY HAND CLAN (626)   10  5 1
 2/ 2 SMITHSONIAN (245)        798 484 17 62.2   2/ 3 Z GLADIATORZ (519)        7  4 0
 3/ 3 BLOODY HAND CLAN (626)    98  81  6 54.7   3/ 4 HOYT FOUNDATION (636)     7  8 2
 4- 6 BB PUBLIC TRANSIT (604)   52  51  2 50.5   4/ 5 BROKEN SPIRITS (632)      7  8 0
 5/ 4 HOYT FOUNDATION (636)     92  91 10 50.3   5/ 7 THE CHOSEN (613)          6  3 0
 6/ 8 THE CHOSEN (613)         276 274 20 50.2   6/ 2 SMITHSONIAN (245)         6  4 0
 7/ 5 SERIOUS LEE (486)         61  62  2 49.6   7/ 6 SERIOUS LEE (486)         5  4 1
 8/ 7 THE OUTLAWS 2 (631)       37  38  4 49.3   8/10 THE OUTLAWS 2 (631)       4 11 0
 9- 9 FOREST GARDEN (642)       20  29  2 40.8   9- 9 BB PUBLIC TRANSIT (604)   1  2 0
10/10 BROKEN SPIRITS (632)      69 106  4 39.4  10- 8 FOREST GARDEN (642)       1  4 1

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

     Muscles flexed, a body grunted and a great sword ploughed into a practice dummy.  
The wooden frame looked like a giant 'T' with a broad middle and two nubby arms 
sticking out to the sides.  The top of the 'T' was oval and had painted on hair, eyes, 
and lips to represent a human's face.  The frame of the dunny rocked with the violent 
force of the great sword.  The mighty blow would have taken a live opponent off their 
feet and caused them to submit to the attacker.  Unfortunately the wielder was aiming 
for the chest of the mannequin and the huge, broad bladed sword struck too low and hit 
where the legs might have been.  Yes, it would still have been a defeating blow, but 
it wouldn't have been a killing blow.  The wielder wanted kills.  Kills always 
impressed the crowds.  
     "Dammit!" yelled Eadskar.  The other immortals that were practising stopped what 
they were doing and glared at the orc.  It looked like the new recruit was throwing 
another temper tantrum.  Eadskar looked over his shoulder at the assembled and went 
back to training.  Things were different here on the Isle.  Back in Arkers, he could 
give a glare and some fat townie would bow their head to avert eye contact or turn and 
go the other way.  His slaves always tip toed around him and tried not to anger him.  
But not here.  Not among this lot.  If he glared, they glared back.  If he yelled they 
would stand taller with their chest puffed out and awaiting his challenge.  He was new 
here.  Not only that, but he was alone as well.  It didn't pay to make waves.  
     Especially since most of the assembled were much older and much more skilled.  
One flippant comment would spell the end of him.  For a while anyway.  And then he 
would be resurrected by that witch.  
     Eadskar had only seen her once when he and some of the other new recruits arrived 
on the Isle.  That was all he needed.  She didn't talk to them.  Her immortals.  The 
orc boss doubted that she had even noticed them.  But he had seen her walking through 
the city.  She was off to meet some diplomat or other.  What Eadskar had noticed the 
most was that she had an aura.  It smacked of power.  Power that the belligerent orc 
knew he would never possess.  This human woman held power that could crush any of them 
under her heel like a bug.  That thought sent a shiver down his spine.  Eadskar didn't 
like being the one in fear.  
     The boss orc wiped sweat from his brow with the back of his hand.  He sweated 
like a pig even though he was lightly dressed.  He was shirtless with a loose fitting 
pair of green trousers on.  His broad feet were bare as well.  
     One of the other immortals muttered to his friend that 'someone needed to trim 
their talons before they dug a hole into the practise matt with all of that swinging 
and spinning.  When Eadskar looked down, he noticed that indeed his long toe nails had 
worn little grooves into the matt.  To hells with them.  They could buy another mat.  
The orc hefted the great sword and began trying to swing and not lose his balance.  He 
wished he still had his great axe.  He kept it in his living quarters hanging on the 
wall as a reminder of the old days.  He loved that thing.  
     "Whoa-ho!  Watch it with that thing, Deadskar."
     As if things could not get any worse.  It was him.  That damned idiot that called 
him 'Deadskar'.  His name was 'Eadskar'.  It wasn't that hard.  But in all fairness, 
Eadskar did not bother to remember this guy's name either.  Hell, he liked Gutsy and 
he barely remembered his name at times.
     This guy was an annoyance.  Not a bully.  Just annoying.  At some point in his 
life someone told him that he was funny.  And he believed it.  Eadskar thought he 
remembered something about this guy being a lunger or something like that.  One of 
those fast hitting attack guys.  But that too was of no interest to Eadskar.  Getting 
the hang of this sword was.  
     "Hey." the man said.  He was thin.  Very thin.  And he had a long lean body that 
made him look like a walking, talking quarter staff.  He was wearing the simple 
exercise gear that others wore.  He was not sweating and he honestly looked like he 
had not started training at all today.  
     "Aren't you from Arkers?" the talking quarter staff asked.  Eadskar did not 
answer but his blows on the practise dummy intensified.  
     "I just thought that you would like to know about a guy there.  Now, what was his 
name again..." the talking quarter staff turned his eyes up to the ceiling and tapped 
his chin as if he was in deep thought.  It was all a ruse.  Even Eadskar knew that.  
     "...Oh yeah!  Defensive Lee.  That is his name." 
     This caused Eadskar to stop his swings and turn to his taunter.  The boss orc was 
breathing heavily and sweating profusely.  
     "Ah.  So you do know him.  I just thought you would love to hear the news."
     What news could that be?  Did he get his invite?  Was he here now?  Or better 
yet, did someone finally kill him?  That would be the best news he had heard.  No one 
really knows when the two began their feud.  But it was alive and well.  Even these 
     "Well, I just wanted to tell you that he is the duelmaster now." The stick man 
then snapped his fingers.  "What a minute.  You never won the title when you were 
there, did you?  You were stuck in the challenger champions unable to win a match 
against the champ or get challenges to those that you could beat."
     Eadskar was breathing heavily again.  But this time it was because he was angry.  
How could that elf-bum kisser get the title?  This was pure bullsh...
     "I just thought about something." the stick man went on.  "Didn't he beat you a 
couple of times too?  Well, there is nothing like a healthy rivalry.  It helps us to 
become better warriors."  The stick man said this with a scholarly tone.  He even 
closed his eyes and held up his index finger for effect.
     Eadskar raised one of his ham sized hands and pointed away from where he stood.  
"Off with yoos" the orc rumbled.  "Off wit yoos or I will cleave ya in two."
     The stick man held up his hands and backed away.  It had dawned on him that he 
had gone one step too far.  Even though it was a practice great sword, the same that 
was used in the tourneys, it could still hurt him.  The weapons were still the same 
weight and could be lethal if they struck a person not wearing armour just right.  
"You're right.  I am interrupting your practise.  I'll talk to you later." 
     The stick man hurriedly went in the direction that Eadskar had pointed.  But, 
lucky for him, Eadkar had not seen the smile on his face at successfully tormenting 
the orc again.  This Eadskar was going to be fun.
     And with that, Eadskar began training anew.  His attacks still had the same 
intensity.  Oddly enough, the great sword seemed much lighter now and his blows were 
more accurate.  If only Defensive Lee was here to enjoy this improvement in deftness.  
     Meanwhile...in Arkers...
     Despite being two weeks out from spring, the air in Arkers had a cold, bitter 
bite to it.  There were still patches of snow on the ground and the sun forced its way 
through a dingy grey sky.  There was a crowd gathered in the cemetery.  A group of 
about twenty stood in silence around the gravestone of a fallen warrior.  
     Some cried silently with their heads bowed.  Their tears rolled down rosy red 
cheeks and into beer soaked beards.  They were there to show their respect for a 
fallen warrior.  A warrior that had brought them joy and excitement.  His real name, 
which was carved into the grey stone, had been filled in with potter's clay and his 
gladiatorial name painted over in red paint.  'Zany--Rest in Peace' was on the marker 
now.  One of the assembled turned and saw someone walking up the red dirt path.  
     "He's coming," Was said and the assembled quickly formed up into ranks; five 
across and four deep.  
     The figure walked in silence.  He was clad in a shirt that was a blue so dark 
that is looked as if it was black.  His trousers were black and were held up by a 
brown belt.  On his head was a black hat with a large brim.  His boots were black as 
well.  He was fat with a large belly that slightly swayed with each step.  Finally the 
large figure stopped in front of the ranks.  The group was mostly human with a couple 
of elves sprinkled in.  There was a dwarf too.  The figure turned his nose up to the 
dwarf.  He would normally make a nasty comment.  But not this time.  This time was for 
honouring the fallen.  
     "Alright yoos.  Present dem whistles."
     The assembled, which were dressed in random clothes, reached into their pockets 
and took out siren whistles.  Some had been in those clothes for four days.  But they 
all had spent time drinking and remembering the first time they had seen Zany fight.  
They had remembered the good times and the bad.  But now they were ready to play the 
fallen soul to glory.
     The large figure, which now could be seen as an orc with a large belly reached 
into his trousers' pocket and took out a baton.  It was not really a baton, but a 
wooden skewer.  The same kind of skewer that meat vendors sold their grilled meats on 
the street would use.  There was a cube of old chicken still on it.  The chicken 
looked cold and seemed to have a bit of pocket lint on it.  The orc sniffed it, 
hunched his shoulders, and slurped down the last cube.  
     He then began waving the baton around in the same manner as an orchestra 
conductor.  Without missing a beat, the rank began to play.
     "Louder, ya wimps.  Dis is Zany we are playin' fer.  He always loved dem 
whistles.  So we play fer him.  If any of yoos cannot play loud enuff, I'll beat ya 
and make ya eat dat whistle.  Play! PLAY!"
     So they did.  Louder and louder they played.  Some blew so hard that their faces 
turned red.  But they did not care.  It was for Zany.  "Whir-whirrr
     Whir- whir
     Whir whir whir whirrrrr
     Whir whir Whir whir whir whirrrrrrr..."
     On and on they played until every verse and chorus was complete.  And if someone 
from Earth just happened to walk by, they would swear they saw and heard a band of 
drunkards and ruffians playing 'Amazing Grace' on siren whistles while being conducted 
by an obese orc.  
                               * * * * * * * * * * * * 
     "Why can't we fight? Just tell us why!" the dwarf yelled at the man in the black 
trench coat.  They were in the middle of the street near the temple of Mantor the 
Bright.  Longshot was not a believer of Mantor.  He had his own God and chose to stick 
with him years back.  But Longshot did not begrudge his warriors their beliefs.  He 
tended to join them for the walk to because there was a new coffee shop a block away.  
The manager of the Chosen had become a fan of the dark roast there.  
     "For the billionth time; you guys just can't seem to hack it, Halin." Longshot 
said.  He liked the dwarf.  He really liked him.  But for some reason, the stout 
warrior monk could not get a win to save his life.  Any other manager would have sent 
him packing to the dark arena turns ago.  But those skills...  It was hard to walk 
away from those skills.  It made no sense for someone with those skills to have that 
record.  It baffled the manager.  
     "Can't hack it?!?!? I can too hack it.  I kept getting matched up against all of 
those total-"
     "Total parries." Longshot interrupted.  He had heard the excuse a billion times 
before.  "But what about the offensive styles that beat you.  You shouldn't be getting 
beat like that by warriors in those classes." 
     The words stung deeply and Halin lost all of the passion he was arguing with and 
looked away.  That part was true as well.  He could not beat them.  But still.  He 
should be given another chance.  Unfortunately the dwarf could not find the words to 
say that.  
     "You should give him a break, boss."
     Helga Loarwen, the blonde amazon, towered over the two men.  She wore a white 
top, blue pants and black boots.  The buttons in the chest part of her top strained to 
hold the contents in.  
     "Six of the top ten in this city are total parries."
     "I have overheard fans talking at the Drunken Swordsmen.  The top tier is a 
snooze festival.  With that said, all of the total parry fighters are gone.  Perhaps 
Halin and I could get a win or two in."
     Longshot sighed.  He looked at the amazon and the dwarf.  If only they knew how 
close they were to the dark arena.
     Longshot was bored with mediocre warriors crowding his stables.  He was so bored 
that he disbanded his flag ship team, Lords of Discipline, indefinitely.  
     "I will have to think about it.  I just can't figure out why you two have such a 
hard time winning, training, or learning for that matter." 
     This was not a lie.  He really was thinking about what to do.  He was trying to 
decide if they got another chance or if they got a trip to the dark arena.  There was 
potential here.  He just needed to make it work.  Longshot turned away from them and 
walked in the opposite direction.  He needed to be alone.  The two warrior monks 
watched him walk into the city.

     "We're dead, aren't we?" Helga asked with a sigh.  Her mouth was dry and she felt 
a bit light headed.  She did not want to die.  She wanted the prize of immortality.  
It was all that she ever wanted.  
     "It looks that way, Helga.  It really does look that way."

                                      SPY REPORT

     Good day, in ARKERS a quiet thief gets rich, but a quiet spymaster gets poor.  
So bring me ale and harken to my tidbits of news.  Now keep the taverns open late 
tonight, for there are sorrows to drown for SMITHSONIAN, whose 1-1-0 this turn 
dropped them by 4 into 6th.  And let's see, ZULU fought DOC SCURLOK and gained 14 
points and contributed to Z GLADIATORZ's 3-0-0.  DOC SCURLOK has lost to ZULU, 
falling 13 points, while helping make THE OUTLAWS 2 a 2-3-0 turn.  We should ask 
BOSTON TEA PARTY about the thrill of victory, and what being the new Duelmaster does 
for a warrior, it's now the one to ask.  Can someone confirm a rumor for me?  I hear 
the top team makes their losing fighters do dishes at The Warty Toad until they win.  
     He who challenges well, fights well.  He who avoids without cause, shall lose 
for good reasons.  My mama told me that one.  SERIOUS LEE has cause to stand tall, as 
they were ARKERS' most avoided team.  A smart manager knows this is a team to beat.  
And avoiding SERIOUS LEE more than any other team we find SMITHSONIAN.  ARKERS, are 
we going to accept, or respect this sort of thing?  The most challenged warrior this 
turn was HOYT FOUNDATION's warrior THE GYPSY.  More fighters challenged him than 
challenged the Duelmaster!  Tsk, tsk, tsk.  JHERI BLOOMERS, does your manager know 
you're challenging down 16 points to fight MALLAFAX from BROKEN SPIRITS?  Well, will 
you look at this, JHERI BLOOMERS was defeated by MALLAFAX, and HOYT FOUNDATION will 
have to explain why they made such a challenge in the first place.   
     A coward dies a thousand deaths, a brave man only once.  Wise men know this to 
be true.  THE OUTLAWS 2 made what looks to be a tough decision this turn, as they 
sent JOHN HARDIN, with a record of 6-8-1, to JOHN HARDIN death.  Farewell, his.  The 
Warty Toad declares a free round for LUCIFEROUS HOPE and all of BROKEN SPIRITS, for 
having revenged HOYT FOUNDATION's THE GYPSY for killing one of their comrades.  
Congratulations go out to THE OUTLAWS 2, with TEXAS RED revenging a bloodfeud against 
CRUEL LEE of SERIOUS LEE.  Is it really true that ARKERS has more dishwashers per 
capita that fighters?  Just thought I'd ask...   
     Thought for the day, a new sword shines bright, but the notched sword sings the 
sweetest.  Well, I'm burning daylight here in ARKERS and I've a long road ahead of 
me.  Happy Trails.  Until you see my quill in ARKERS again, farewell-- Alarond the 

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 BOSTON TEA PARTY 5706        13   3  1   115       SMITHSONIAN (245)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 ZEST 5224                    37  10  1   130       Z GLADIATORZ (519)
-PLYMOUTH ROCK 5218           35  11  0   116       SMITHSONIAN (245)
 LUCIFEROUS HOPE 5522         18  17  1   114       BROKEN SPIRITS (632)
-SITTING BULL 5638            15   6  0   107       SMITHSONIAN (245)
 DEFENSIVE LEE 4062           22   8  0    98       SERIOUS LEE (486)
 MAYFLOWER 5235               27  16  0    97       SMITHSONIAN (245)
-ZIRCONIUM 5493               20   5  0    93       Z GLADIATORZ (519)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 THE GYPSY 5587               13  14  3    90       HOYT FOUNDATION (636)
 TEXAS RED 5504                9   6  2    89       THE OUTLAWS 2 (631)
 ETON THE STALWART 5496       22  13  0    88       THE CHOSEN (613)
 GUTSAG BAKWORT 5500          20  14  0    81       BLOODY HAND CLAN (626)
 PARIS TROUT 5591             17  15  0    79       HOYT FOUNDATION (636)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 HUMBLE LEE 4061              12  16  0    76       SERIOUS LEE (486)
 CRUEL LEE 5676                9   5  2    75       SERIOUS LEE (486)
-HALIN STORMBREAKER 5498      12  17  1    72       THE CHOSEN (613)
-DELAYED 5640                 11   6  1    70       BB PUBLIC TRANSIT (604)
-CORRECT CHANGE 5720           7   3  0    68       BB PUBLIC TRANSIT (604)
-STANDING ROOM ONLY 5282      12   9  0    67       BB PUBLIC TRANSIT (604)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 MALLAFAX 5508                 7  14  0    66       BROKEN SPIRITS (632)
 CURLY BILL 5501               8   7  0    61       THE OUTLAWS 2 (631)
 MAQURO DOOMAXE 5634          11  14  0    57       BLOODY HAND CLAN (626)
-BREAK DOWN 5618               9   7  0    57       BB PUBLIC TRANSIT (604)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-BASKETEER 5749                5   2  1    53       FOREST GARDEN (642)
 EGRIM 5510                    9  15  1    51       BROKEN SPIRITS (632)
 JHERI BLOOMERS 5643          10  13  2    48       HOYT FOUNDATION (636)
-HELGA LOARWEN 5632           12  10  1    47       THE CHOSEN (613)
 EIGER THE HARDY 5811          5   1  0    40       THE CHOSEN (613)
 THE DEALER 5685               8   8  1    38       HOYT FOUNDATION (636)
 MAUD STONEGUT 5721            8   6  2    35       BLOODY HAND CLAN (626)
-WAY JOURNER 5692              6   5  0    35       FOREST GARDEN (642)
 UGARG SNOTSNIK 5815           5   0  0    35       BLOODY HAND CLAN (626)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 ZULU 5817                     2   1  0    29       Z GLADIATORZ (519)
 RAL STORMBREAKER 5786         3   6  0    27       THE CHOSEN (613)
-WORKER STRIKE 5751            3   0  0    27       BB PUBLIC TRANSIT (604)
 'ACKY GIT 5814                4   1  1    24       BLOODY HAND CLAN (626)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-MASON-DIXON 5722              5   8  0    23       SMITHSONIAN (245)
-MYSTERIOUS LEE 5729           4   0  0    22       SERIOUS LEE (486)
 ZEPHYR 5824                   1   0  0    10       Z GLADIATORZ (519)
 DOC SCURLOK 5816              1   2  0     7       THE OUTLAWS 2 (631)
 NIOBE 5818                    0   3  0     3       BROKEN SPIRITS (632)
 BELLE STAR 5826               0   1  0     2       THE OUTLAWS 2 (631)
 GORMAX 5825                   0   1  0     1       BROKEN SPIRITS (632)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                W  L K TEAM NAME            SLAIN BY              TURN Revenge?
ARIXIA 5512            12 12 0 BROKEN SPIRITS 632   THE GYPSY 5587        409  JUST REVENGED
JOHN HARDIN 5505        6  9 1 THE OUTLAWS 2 631    HIGH ELF              410  NONE
JOHNNY REB 5806         3  1 0 THE OUTLAWS 2 631    CRUEL LEE 5676        408  JUST REVENGED
ZAMBONI 5804            1  2 0 Z GLADIATORZ 519     'ACKY GIT 5814        407   
ZANY 5653               8  7 0 Z GLADIATORZ 519     JHERI BLOOMERS 5643   409   

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Defensive Lee, we salute you as Duelmaster.  Well done!  However, we do seriously and 
offensively want to unseat you! -- Curator, Smithsonians

Texas Red, I treated you like all the other Redcoats! -- Boston Tea Party

Doc Scurlok, smart challenge and fine execution.  That is just plain inexcusable, you 
know?! -- Mason-Dixon

Gutsag Bakwort, I won't say anything about the gutsagging, only about my winning. 
(wink) -- Plymouth Rock

Eton me laugh at you try.  Smokem peace pipe? -- Sitting Bull

Health.  Humility.  Honor.  Arkers forever. -- Curator

Zis ve no gud round.  Ze cretinz ve cheat.  Yah. -- Mr. Zee

Humble Lee, The Z Man may not have liked the turn, But I did!  Bwahahahaha.  Thanks to 
YOU. -- Zirconium

Ugarg Snoscnik, yu be sorry! -- Zulu

Jheri Bloomers and Hoyt Foundation dirtbags, that was a very mean and bad thing you 
did!  Killing Zany?!  She was our favorite whacko!  At 11-8-14-17-17-6-11 blessed Init 
and Def slasher, she was one of our better ones.  You should be very sorry and The Z 
Man says he plans to make you pay. -- Zhelda, The Z Gladiatorz Office Assistant

While I have the floor, let me tell you all about Zoo and the Z Man's decision to send 
Zoo to a Night Fight.  Mr. Z says it was merely a case of "What have you done for me 
lately?"  The animals were running amok, and an unpleasant odor filled the air.  
Yucky!  The Zoo's 19(+2)-21(+1)-11-7(+3)-18(+1)-12(+1)-7(+2) no rating, lousy 
learning, too much losing environment was just undesireable.  I'm glad.  I get tired 
of smelly zoos anyway! -- Zhelda

Honest Merchant -- If you were really honest, you would tell everyone what is in those 
meat pies you sell. -- Eiger the Hardy

Sitting Bull -- I thought I had figured out a way to get that tomahawk out of your 
hand.  Boy was I wrong.  That was a good fight.  Salute! -- Eton

Mallafax -- Very impressive!  Your record does not do you justice.  It would have been 
nice if you let me keep a weapon though. -- Ral Stormbreaker


Niobe -- Heh...  I bet you never expected me ta kick ya in da knee....  Heh...  Dat 
will teach ya ta mess wit me.  I was takin a nap when dey woke me to deliver ya a beat 
down... heh...  Nevah wake me...  Heh...  Thank you, come again. -- 'Acky Git

Defensive Lee -- YOO!!!!  How did ya git da title?  Was ya opponent dat weak dat dey 
could not take ya out?  I never got ta be dool mastah.  It ain't fair I tell ya.  Come 
to da Isle and I will swat ya with my new weapon.  It's great!  Hur hur hur -- Lord 
Pretektah Eadskar Da' Bad

Luciferous Hope -- What in the hells?!?!?  Did you, you harlot, avoid myself? One 
attempted one's final blood feud and instead get ah match up with one of your Z list 
comrades!!!  You, you swine, killed one's cousin!!!  One waned satisfactiohn!  And 
that meat head spymastah, Novgorodny Vir, had the nerve to act as if one avoided the 
final round of fisticuffs.  One did bally all different than the previous attempts.  
Perhaps someone at the commissiohn didn't fancy myself to extract one's revenge.  Meay 
you, one's old bean, Luciferous hope, ma'am, pop 'round to where your name sake 
currently dwells. -- Maquro Doomaxe

Correct Change -- So yoos tink yoos are funny, huh?  At least yoos didn't come in 
blowin' no whistles.  I see yoos a half elf.  That makes my loss twice as humiliating.  
I gotta git my damage up.  Then I'll show you.  ***SMACKS FIST INTO OPEN PALM*** Hur 
hur hur. -- Maud 

Plymouth Rock -- Fightin' yoos is borin'.  You don't have any cool whistles and yoos 
is a rock golem.  Who wants ta fight a rock?  When I was in school da kidz would just 
throw rocks at me during play time.  I would catch'em with ma head.  But da jokez on 
dem.  The rocks only hit ma head and broke.  So in a way I guess I was fightin' rocks 
back den too.  Hur hur -- Gutsag Bakwort

Egrim -- If one sees you again, one will kill you.  And then we will see if your 
stable chums will avoid fighting myself.  RATHER! -- Maquro Doomaxe

Zany -- I am not as broken up as Gutsy at yoos death.  Yoos always make fun of ma full 
figure.  Now you know my secret.  A little thickness is just like nat'ral armour.  Da 
weapons jus' bounce off.  Too bad yoos wuz so scrawny. -- Maud 

Zulu -- Looks like I Boer the pain and won da dool.  Hur hur hur. -- Ugarg Snotsnik

     Arrrrrgh. -- Ed

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

JOHN HARDIN was butchered by HIGH ELF in a 1 minute bloody Dark Arena fight.
LUCIFEROUS HOPE vanquished THE GYPSY in a 1 minute uneven Bloodfeud battle.
TEXAS RED savagely defeated CRUEL LEE in a action packed 1 minute Bloodfeud fight.
GUTSAG BAKWORT unbelievably bested HUMBLE LEE in a 4 minute veteran's Challenge fight.
JHERI BLOOMERS was devastated by MALLAFAX in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge duel.
ZULU devastated DOC SCURLOK in a crowd pleasing 1 minute mismatched Challenge match.
DEFENSIVE LEE was savagely defeated by BOSTON TEA PARTY in a 3 minute Title melee.
THE ANXIOUS MAN viciously subdued MAYFLOWER in a 2 minute veteran's duel.
ZEST outlasted PARIS TROUT in a dull 16 minute veteran's fight.
ETON THE STALWART outlasted KHALHUMS DWARF in a 8 minute veteran's fight.
MAQURO DOOMAXE was savagely defeated by CURLY BILL in a 4 minute bloody competition.
EGRIM viciously subdued THE DEALER in a 2 minute brutal battle.
EIGER THE HARDY unbelievably bested FRATSFA MERCENARY in a unpopular 10 minute bout.
MAUD STONEGUT savagely defeated CULT MEMBER in a 2 minute gory duel.
UGARG SNOTSNIK outwaited CAPTURED ORC in a tiresome 13 minute beginner's duel.
RAL STORMBREAKER devastated NIOBE in a 1 minute mismatched brawl.
'ACKY GIT defeated BELLE STAR in a 1 minute novice's bout.
ZEPHYR overpowered GORMAX in a 2 minute one-sided bout.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|TOTAL PARRY                      9         TOTAL PARRY       63 -  33 -  0      66  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                   5         SLASHING ATTACK   43 -  30 -  2      59  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  4         BASHING ATTACK    34 -  27 -  3      56  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  4         STRIKING ATTACK   19 -  21 -  4      48  |
|AIMED BLOW                       3         PARRY-LUNGE        8 -   9 -  2      47  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   2         LUNGING ATTACK    29 -  37 -  3      44  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    1         AIMED BLOW        19 -  31 -  0      38  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      1         WALL OF STEEL      9 -  18 -  0      33  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     1         PARRY-RIPOSTE      5 -  12 -  1      29  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    1         PARRY-STRIKE       5 -  13 -  0      28  |

Turn 410 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

SLASHING ATTACK    4 -  0     LUNGING ATTACK     2 -  3         7  TOTAL PARRY    
BASHING ATTACK     2 -  0     AIMED BLOW         1 -  2         2  LUNGING ATTACK 
WALL OF STEEL      1 -  0     PARRY-LUNGE        0 -  1         1  SLASHING ATTACK
TOTAL PARRY        5 -  4     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  1         1  STRIKING ATTACK
STRIKING ATTACK    2 -  2     PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  1     

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
TOTAL PARRY      ZEST 5224                  37  10  1  130 Z GLADIATORZ (519)
LUNGING ATTACK   TEXAS RED 5504              9   6  2   89 THE OUTLAWS 2 (631)
WALL OF STEEL    CURLY BILL 5501             8   7  0   61 THE OUTLAWS 2 (631)
BASHING ATTACK   MAUD STONEGUT 5721          8   6  2   35 BLOODY HAND CLAN (626)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is HUMBLE LEE 4061.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was HUMBLE LEE 4061.  The ten other most popular fighters were BOSTON TEA PARTY 5706, 
5817, DEFENSIVE LEE 4062, MAQURO DOOMAXE 5634, and 'ACKY GIT 5814.

The least popular fighter this week was ZEST 5224.  The other ten least popular 
LEE 5676, and JOHN HARDIN 5505.

The following warriors have traveled to AD after fighting this turn:


                                CHALLENGES AND AVOIDS

To clarify:  You issue Challenges to warriors, but Avoid teams.  
To Challenge, write that warrior's name and ID# in the space provided. 
To Avoid, write the team's name and Team ID in that space. 
Make sure you include the ID!

                             * * * * *   MEMO  * * * * *

From:       The Office of Accurate Census Reporting, Gladiatorial Commission
To:         All Managers

In the interest of preserving our natural resources and preventing managerial writer's 
cramp, the census form has been eliminated, effective immediately.  Managers may 
register their warriors' races and/or favorite sayings by simply writing them on a 
separate piece of paper and submitting them to the Commission.  Each warrior may have 
up to 15 favorite sayings.  Each saying must be categorized Jeer, Gloat, Boredom, Ouch, 
Victory and may be up to 70 characters long.  For any questions, please contact the 
Gladiatorial Commission. 


For those of you who keep track of such things, several additional warriors 
graduated from regular DM arenas (including closed arenas) since the last tournament. 

                     MOJO'S MONKEY (16-4101) THE FUN BUNCH  (396) 
                     LEAPING LEPER (33-7940) HALLOWIENERS  (635) 
                       EMERALD CITY (47-7896) LAND OF OZ  (217) 
                   SILVERTHORN (60-8840) SUPERIOR FORCES 60  (654) 
                       KAYCRON (63-2900) SUPERIOR FORCES  (235) 
                          MADONNA (63-3068) BAD GIRLS  (325) 
                   LEAST SHREW (70-6374) SHREW CAN IT BE NOW  (529) 
                 THE GREAT PUMPKIN (82-4576) LEGENEDS OF TKE 2  (618) 
                            HARV (82-35034) MY TCS  (5768) 
                      PERPETUAL (84-14073) OTTODROME 13  (2485) 
                        GEEZER (84-20642) GETTING OLD  (3683) 
                      LAST STRAW (84-24737) OTTODROME 41  (4393) 
                       LINT (84-29649) TUM'S ALL STARS  (5238) 
                PROFANELY ABUNDANT (84-42331) WINTER 2013 XIII  (7355) 
                   ZOMBIE BABY (84-53039) SPIRIT'S SPIRITS  (9134) 
                        CHILI (85-8953) MADE WITH MEAT  (1634) 
                   VINEGAR STROKES (85-9814) THE LEAGUE II  (1787) 

Congrats to the grads. -- Green Eyes

                          MAKING YOUR CHALLENGES GO THROUGH

     First, you need to be sure you are making your challenges correctly.
     1.  Are you writing down the warrior I.D. number of the warrior you want to 
     2.  Is your handwriting clear?
     3.  Is the warrior you are challenging within range of your warrior?  Warriors 
can challenge within their own class and the next higher class, plus the "Challenger" 
classes can also challenge the next lower class.  So, an Adept can challenge Adepts 
and Challenger Adepts.  A Challenger Adept can challenge Adepts, Challenger Adepts, 
and Champions.  (Try not to challenge down, though.  Besides being unsportsmanlike and 
making everyone mad, it isn't advantageous to your warriors.  They need to fight more 
experienced warriors so they will learn.)
     4.  Are your warriors eligible to make challenges?  If they didn't fight within 
the last two turns, then they can't challenge.
     5.  Are the warriors they want to fight eligible to receive challenges?  If they 
didn't fight within the last two turns, then they can't be challenged.

     Next, adjust your choices for the maximum likelihood of getting your challenges.  
There are several things that will help:
     1.  Have each of your warriors challenge two different opponents from two 
different teams.  That way, if the first opponent's team doesn't fight that turn, you 
still might get your second challenge.
     2.  Use your avoids.  Have each warrior avoid the teams of whoever you think 
might be likely to challenge him.  If you can get out of being challenged, that 
increases your chance of getting your own challenge through.
     3.  Don't challenge warriors who didn't fight last turn.  The odds are higher 
that they won't be fighting this turn.
     4.  Don't challenge warriors who might be involved in a bloodfeud (either as the 
killers, or the avengers).  A bloodfeud challenge has priority over all other 
     5.  Don't challenge Tournament Victors.  A TV challenge has priority over all 
other challenges except bloodfeuds.  You'll need to do a little research in back 
issues of the newsletter to find out who the TVs are.
     6.  Don't challenge warriors who you know are going to challenge someone else, or 
are going to get challenged by someone else.  Your challenge has a better chance of 
getting through if it is the only challenge to that particular warrior.
     7.  Don't challenge the "easy pickings."  That is, warriors above you who have 
way too few fights or very bad records for where they are ranked.  They will tend to 
get challenged a lot.
     8.  Don't challenge warriors who are likely to be avoiding your team.  This 
includes any warrior your team fought within the last two turns.
     Well, it sounds like I've eliminated just about everybody, doesn't it?  Of course 
you can challenge opponents who fit into one or more of those categories; just try to 
find ones who don't.  Your idea candidate for a challenge is:  A warrior ranked 
somewhat above your warrior in the same class, or in the next higher class, with a few 
more fights than your warrior, and a winning record, who isn't a TV and isn't 
currently at war with anyone.
     I hope this will be of some help to you.

                                                  The Rogue She-Puppy


We have planned our summer FTF for July 14-16, 2017, in Kansas City, Missouri.  It 
will be held at the Hilton Kansas City Airport.  Room rates are $95.00 per night, 1-2 
occupancy, which includes free wireless internet and mini-fridges.  There's a fitness 
center, indoor/outdoor pool, and business center, as well as a resturant and Starbucks 
inside the hotel.  There is a complimentary 24-hour airport shuttle and free parking.  
The rooms are blocked.  To reserve, go here: 


(As always if you have issues making reservations, please let us know!)  

Hotel site:  http://tinyurl.com/July16FTF 

Look for the tournament info sheet and minioverviews some time in June.  We hope 
you're all looking forward to it and that we will see you there!

                                          -- RSI