DUEL 2 NEWSLETTER
Date : 08/04/2022 Duedate: 08/31/2022
ARKERS ARENA
DM-8 TURN-480
This Weeks Top Honors
THE DUELMASTER IS
MISS MATCHED
LADIES IN WAITING (115)
(8-4709) [17-16-0,79]
Chartered Recognition Leader Unchartered Recognition Leader
MISS MATCHED FIRST WHISPER
LADIES IN WAITING (115) CODE NAME III (658)
(8-4709) [17-16-0,79] (8-5900) [4-0-0,49]
Popularity Leader This Weeks Favorite
PAX THE YUGE MISS BEA HAVED
THE CHOSEN (613) LADIES IN WAITING (115)
(8-6008) [12-14-1,55] (8-5897) [6-4-0,66]
THE CURRENT TOP TEAM
THE CHOSEN (613)
TEAMS ON THE MOVE TOP CAREER HONORS
Team Name Point Gain Chartered Team
1. CODE NAME III (658) 29
2. LADIES IN WAITING (115) 21 SMITHSONIAN (245)
3. INFOMERCIALS (659) 18 Unchartered Team
4. SMITHSONIAN (245) 16
5. THE CHOSEN (613) 2 CODE NAME III (658)
The Top Teams
Career Win-Loss Record W L K % Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns W L K
1/ 1 SMITHSONIAN (245) 956 562 26 63.0 1/ 1 THE CHOSEN (613) 9 5 0
2/ 0*CODE NAME III (658) 5 3 1 62.5 2/ 5 LADIES IN WAITING (115) 6 8 0
3/ 0*INFOMERCIALS (659) 12 9 1 57.1 3/ 2 BLOODY HAND CLAN (626) 6 9 2
4/ 2 BLOODY HAND CLAN (626) 262 213 19 55.2 4/ 4 SMITHSONIAN (245) 5 4 0
5/ 3 LADIES IN WAITING (115) 366 319 17 53.4 5- 3 TRIAL BY COMBAT (512) 3 1 1
6- 4 TRIAL BY COMBAT (512) 65 60 10 52.0 6/ 0*INFOMERCIALS (659) 2 0 0
7/ 5 THE CHOSEN (613) 420 390 31 51.9 7/ 0*CODE NAME III (658) 2 1 1
8- 6*2133 BOURBON ST (668) 6 9 0 40.0 8- 6*2133 BOURBON ST (668) 0 1 0
'*' Unchartered team '-' Team did not fight this turn
(###) Avoid teams by their Team Id ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank
TEAM SPOTLIGHT
"Where is he!" bellowed Longshot as he stormed into the Chosen's stable house.
The door smacked the back wall with a crack and slowly returned to its place in the
threshold with a wobble.
"That's going to need repair." thought Aila Stormbreaker. The young female dwarf
was about to go out for a walk. But if her short time with the warrior monks of the
Chosen had taught her anything, there was always a rage fuelled confrontation these
days. Aila stopped and turned to see what was about to transpire.
Pax the Yuge was sitting in the den. He had been worrying himself sick. His
performance was subpar and he was worried about his time among the living. Some
spectators and fans of the city of Arkers had told him not to worry. Longshot rarely
DAed a warrior. He was convinced that no matter how bad the new recruit was, DAing him
was pointless. He would simply get more of the same. Sadly, that was the case. So, at
least he could try to make what he got work.
But Pax wasn't buying that. not at all. He has seen a lot of change with the old
manager. He's become meaner and a lot less patient with his stable. This latest
outburst was proof of that. Pax sat on the sofa and watched what was about to happen.
Soon there was the thump of heavy footsteps coming down the stairs. Longshot
looked up and saw Albus coming to meet him. Albus was huge. A 6'10" pile of solid
muscle. For the briefest of moments, Longshot felt fear creep down his spine. The
Shewish Giant could have easily popped his skull like a grape.
"I'm here." Albus said in his deep voice. He had been relaxing in his room so all
he was wearing was a huge pair of grey pants. No shirt covered his heavily muscled
upper body nor shoe over his broad feet. The giant's ham sized hands were clenched
into fists. He relaxed and opened them. He didn't want Longshot to feel threatened.
Despite his height, Longshot had to look up to see the face of Albus. He was
reminded again how easy it would be for him to be crushed by the young giant. "I was
just talking with the commission. They confirmed your article. I told you. I told all
of you! We don't do that! We're on hiatus from that until further notice!"
That further notice had been going on for years now. "None of those you told that
to are alive now." Albus thought. But now was not the time for a sharp tongue.
Diplomacy was in order. "I have one question, sir. When was the last time the Chosen
held the Duelmaster title?"
The question caused Longshot to balk. He had no idea.
Albus, seeing his chance to answer continued. "Turn 422. That was four years ago.
Since then, we have had good warriors die and garbage recruits come knocking on our
door claiming that Mantor the Bright chose them to fight alongside us. Have you heard
the rumours around the temple? What am I saying, of course not. You don't worship that
god. But I will tell you, I heard it whispered that we are cursed.
"I have to admit that I was starting to feel that as well." Longshot had calmed
down and was listening to his recruit.
Albus continued. "Or how about the comments from managers that still haven't
forgiven you for what Porta said? Oh yes, I have heard about that too. Porta called
them 'Mega-Spenders' instead of 'Mega-managers'. But we are supposed to ignore the one
who said you were a 'jester who thinks he's royalty because he is talking amongst
kings'. Real kings don't declare that they are. That would be similar to a child
running around the streets or Arkers, wooden sword in hand declaring that he was the
Duelmaster.
"Or what about the one who said that their worse performance at a tourney was
better than your best? I guess we will ignore the member of this stable that once won
TVs, now not able to learn a skill or complete a train in six years of tourneys and
arena play. We will ignore the one that called you a head hunter. How does one hunt
with subpar ammunition?"
During this whole exchange, Albus never raised his voice. Longshot, now feeling a
fool for his anger was still silent. He saw where the giant was going with this line
of talk.
"Do you know the last Duelmaster, the one with the underbite and long eye teeth
jutting out of his lower jaw was in one of the bars bragging about his 'Radteef Hat
trick'; kill a tourney baby, win the title, and get an invite to the Isle all in one
turn. I'm not doing that. I'm celebrating a drought that we never deserved. But you
took me, and I wasn't that great, and forged me into a champion. I'm not as low IQ or
naive as the self-professed king to think that I was anything other than a gamble. A
longshot if you will. There is no mortal that can get stronger than I am right now.
There are few that can deal out the damage that I can. Enjoy this moment. Sir, let's
celebrate together."
Albus then extended his massive hand. Longshot knew that the young warrior was
correct. He looked at the giant's hand and then grasped it. The two shook and the
tension between them was over. "Fine. We will celebrate this moment. We will then go
silent and work for a better stable.
"Under his breath, Longshot chuckled "Radteef Hat Trick".
***---------*---------*---------*---------**---------*---------*---------*---------***
*** My apologies to the manager of Ladies in Waiting. The idea hit me and I had to go
with it. ***
"Oi! 'Der yer are! Don't run! Yer are only gunna make it worse," Gotsag Bakwart
cried out.
Miss Bea Haved turned to see what was all of the commotion. She saw the fattest
orc she had ever seen and he was waddling towards her. Behind him was a female orc
that wasn't quite as fat. But she had a hard time keeping up. Sweat poured down her
face and caused her yellow blouse to cling to her skin. The vendor who was trying to
sell Miss Bea cherries and apricots backed away from the young woman. He suddenly
needed to check his inventory. The people in the streets quickly moved away from her
as well.
Miss Bea suddenly felt that she was in deep trouble and she didn't know why. The
fat orc stopped right in front of Miss Bea and looked down at her menacingly. He was
winded from his fast trot and he fought to catch his breath and look intimidating.
There was an awkward moment of silence.
The orc looked at the female and cleared his throat. "Roight. Sorry," said the
female orc. She then cleared her throat. "Lissen eya yaouw umies. Dis eya is the lord
protector, Gutsag Bakwort. Ee is the roughest, toughest lord protector in the city at
the jiffy."
He was also the only lord protector in the city at the moment. But that is
something that Broony Big Gut was smart enough not to say out loud. Orcs seemed to
have a sense of self-preservation after all.
"Now look ere. I heard bout yer komment 'n da newsletta," the immense orc growled
menacingly.
Miss Bea was still confused. She looked around the crowd for help but they were
just as confused as she was. "Stop it. Don't play innocent with me. You said that 'No
fair wearing a second set of padded belly armour under your chosen armour'. Dat der is
a fat joke! Look at 'er. She ain't fat. She jus 'as big bones."
"Big bones covered in fat." thought Miss Bea. But she too had a sense of self
preservation. So, the words stayed in her mind.
"Dis ere iz a delicate flowa. Yer know like da yella ones 'dat bees like. Wun uv
im daisiez."
Broony smiled and looked bashful. If her green skin could show it, she would be
blushing at the moment.
"Now. If I hear uv ya say'n any more mean fings ta Broony, I'll kome back an'
smash ya wit' ma great sword. It iz ma preferred weapon yer know."
Broony looked puzzled. "But boss.. er.. I mean.. Your lordship..." Gutsag made
all of the members of the Blood Hand Clan call him "Lordship" since he was a Lord
Protector and was living on the Isle at the moment. "Yaw favourite weapon wasn't a
great sword. It was a small shield. I knoo 'cause I heard the jokes 'bout it. The boyz
at the stable howse asked 'oo was someone guin ter protect that belly of yours with a
bloody dinner plate."
Sometimes orcs forgot about their self-preservation. Sometimes they forget to use
their filter too. Especially since Gutsag didn't want the human to know he was of the
total parry style and rarely made an attack. Gutsag turned on Broony with anger in his
eyes. "Look. I kame all da way ere from da Isle uv da Eye ta defend yer honour. Do ya
know how hard it iz ta find a wizard dat kan safely tellyport me ere? Iz dis how ya
are gunna repay me? I kould have stay at da isle an' pull home guard duty."
"Sorry boss..er. yaw lordship."
Gutsag waved her off and continued his tirade. "I'm watch'n ya. Be nice ta Broony
or else."
The orc then walked back the way he came. Broony Big Gut followed him.
A look of satisfaction crossed her face. "Was I just yelled at by a Lord
Protector?" Miss Bea Haved asked.
DUELMASTER'S COLUMN
Notes from the arena champ.
Hail and well met citizens of Arkers. It goes without saying that it is I, Albus
Bonerattler, Arker's resident Shewish Giant and current title holder. I come to you
not with anger or snarky replies. I have every right to. That goes without saying. It
was I that broke my brethren's drought. Four years is a long time for a stable to go
without decent warriors or a title holder. This fact can no longer be ignored or
dismissed. None of you can honestly pretend it never happened. This is insane. This
must end immediately.
As I leave Arkers for the Isle of the Eye, I salute those that gave me my greatest
challenges. Mallafax: A fine warrior that has a bright future amongst the immortals of
Lady Greywand. If only his manager developed the backbone to compete with him and
develop him into the champion that he could be. Bea Zerk: Brains, beauty, and a wicked
underhand slash. You deserve an invite to the Isle. I look forward to seeing you
there. Last on my list... What was that lunatic's name? The one that carried on about
"Mushrooms, blueberries and walnuts, and sweet potatoes in olive oil..." The hippy.
What was his name? Oh yes. Cheshire Moon! As odd as you are, you were a fine opponent.
I go to prepare for my final fight as a mortal. I am hoping for another kill before I
go. Preferably against a standby warrior. I doubt it could happen but one can try.
Mantor be praised,
Albus Bonerattler,
Duelmaster
SPY REPORT
I was going on vacation, see? Surf, sun... But what do those bums say? "Hit
the road, Debby Tonte. ARKERS needs a spyreport." Oh, well. The guys at LADIES IN
WAITING like really pulled together to get a 2-3-0 this turn, moving up by 3. MVP
award for MISS OURIE? LADIES IN WAITING's proud of her after beating GERTY DUTHUG
and getting 20 points. Talk about yer big time losers! LISA YAKVIGOR got smashed by
KUNG-FU MASTER, and lost 10 points! This Duelmaster is like something else! ALBUS
BONERATTLER stopped MISS MATCHED dead in hers tracks! Is the Duelmaster really being
a real snob to his teammates? Don't ask me!
AAARRGH!!! I HATE SPYREPORTING!!! Sorry. I just had to say it. SMITHSONIAN
was the most avoided team. Is a 956-562-26 record really that scary? I don't know
what THE CHOSEN's been doing. They certainly haven't been accepting many fights from
SMITHSONIAN, that's fer sher. Can THE CHOSEN's PAX THE YUGE be more popular than me?
He was challenged the most, but is that really the same? BROONY BIG GUT must not be
a good enough fighter to get in fair fights. She challenged MISS DIRECTION. 11 is a
big difference. (Well, that's what they tell me.) I thought BROONY BIG GUT showed
great skill and promise when she overcame MISS DIRECTION. All right, so I slept
through it! Big deal!
Man, all these warriors dying and killing each other! Don't you guys ever give
it a break? Fight, fight, fight. Is that all you guys can do?
I really didn't, you know, study when I was a kid. Who would've guessed I'd be
a famous Spyreporter? I gotta leave. ARKERS is like such a dump, and you guys smell
too much! I had a fun time, see you later-- Debby Tonte
DUELMASTER W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
MISS MATCHED 4709 17 16 0 79 LADIES IN WAITING (115)
CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
-BEA ZERK 5267 16 3 2 164 TRIAL BY COMBAT (512)
CHAMPIONS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
-ANGELA DEATH 4310 11 11 2 90 TRIAL BY COMBAT (512)
-SACRILICIOUS 6011 9 6 0 85 TRIAL BY COMBAT (512)
CAMPTOWN RACES 5999 16 5 0 71 SMITHSONIAN (245)
CHAMPIONS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
LISA YAKVIGOR 6010 14 11 0 69 THE CHOSEN (613)
CHALLENGER ADEPTS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
MISS BEA HAVED 5897 6 4 0 66 LADIES IN WAITING (115)
MAHTHA RIBKRAKA 6023 13 9 2 63 BLOODY HAND CLAN (626)
-MOMMA CASKET 4311 9 11 2 61 TRIAL BY COMBAT (512)
ADEPTS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
BROONY BIG GUT 6054 11 3 0 56 BLOODY HAND CLAN (626)
-DEE NILE 6102 3 1 2 56 TRIAL BY COMBAT (512)
PAX THE YUGE 6008 12 14 1 55 THE CHOSEN (613)
BERTA THE INDOLENT 6051 11 4 0 51 THE CHOSEN (613)
FIRST WHISPER 5900 4 0 0 49 CODE NAME III (658)
MISS DIRECTION 6019 5 6 0 44 LADIES IN WAITING (115)
-COTTON GIN 6037 6 4 1 37 SMITHSONIAN (245)
SHAMWOW 5913 3 4 0 37 INFOMERCIALS (659)
CHALLENGER INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
-WEN 5910 2 0 1 33 INFOMERCIALS (659)
MISS APPROPRIATE 6012 6 8 1 31 LADIES IN WAITING (115)
-CIVIL WAR 6085 5 1 0 29 SMITHSONIAN (245)
MISS OURIE 6049 1 2 0 28 LADIES IN WAITING (115)
GERTY DUTHUG 6061 6 6 0 24 BLOODY HAND CLAN (626)
INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
NADS 5912 2 2 0 22 INFOMERCIALS (659)
WILD WILD WEST 6103 3 2 1 20 SMITHSONIAN (245)
-FLEX TAPE 5911 3 0 0 20 INFOMERCIALS (659)
VICIOUS WALKER 5903 1 0 1 17 CODE NAME III (658)
AILA STORMBREAKER 6107 2 0 0 16 THE CHOSEN (613)
-SNUGGIE 5914 2 3 0 15 INFOMERCIALS (659)
OREGON TRAIL 6108 1 0 0 13 SMITHSONIAN (245)
BRUISED VOLCANO 5901 0 2 0 12 CODE NAME III (658)
'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.
THE DEAD W L K TEAM NAME SLAIN BY TURN Revenge?
GRUG 'EDCHEWA 6106 1 1 1 BLOODY HAND CLAN 626 VICIOUS WALKER 5903 480
RUNTLING X 6109 0 1 0 BLOODY HAND CLAN 626 DARK CHAMPION 480 NONE
XIESTRA KOR 6069 4 3 1 THE CHOSEN 613 DEE NILE 6102 478
PERSONAL ADS
I would guess, Mr. Darque and Sir Crip, that The Consortium fellows were happy to see
so many Arkers fellows in Alexandria, but were not at all happy to have fought them.
-- Curator
P.S. And I hope you had good luck.
Miss Direction, indeed, you did it to me. I thought I was the Mild Mild East. -- Wild
Wild West
Health. Humility. Honor. -- Curator
Mahtha Ribkraka -- Were sure that when yo mamma gave you that name, she thought you'd
be taking it out on others, not the other way around -- Miss Matched
Pax The Yuge -- What are you, a TP in drag? -- Misss Bea Haved
Gerty Duthug -- I've never fought your style before, but I think you give scum a bad
name. -- Miss Appropriate
Wild Wild West -- Apparently I'm older than you, and you are almost as old as
Curator.... but not quite. -- Miss Direction
Miss Bea Haved -- I'm still ere an' I'm still watch'n ya. -- Gutsag Bakwart, da lawd
protecta who uses a great sword. Not a small shield. Dems fer chumps.
Miss Matched -- Why did yer poke me wit' dat stick? I don't like dat! -- Matha
Ribkraka
Miss Appropriate -- Yeah. I fink Iz done. -- Gerty Duthug
Sacrilicious -- It was a joy smack'n ya around. Especially when ya made dat little
'eek' sound. Look me up on da isle. -- Radteef Wazgrim
Captured Orc -- We must stop dis orc-on-orc violence. -- Broony Big Gut
Stray Cat Man -- Br'n kats next time. dat iz why I smashed yer. I was hungry an yer
showed up empty handed. -- Grug 'Edchewa
Civil War -- I don't need any health club. Dey don't have pizza an' otha tasty fings.
-- Gerty Guthug
Sacrilicious -- How iz.. da jaw? I liked da popp'n sound it made when ma hamma smacked
yer face. Hur Hur -- Radteef Wazgrim
Camptown Races -- It's easy to be cocky about your endurance. All you did was stand
around and pick your nose. I was even more shocked when you had the arena helpers run
out and fan you because it was getting too hot. -- Berta The Indolent
Miss Direction- I don't want any whippings. And why did you want me to keep calling
you mistress during our fight? Stop looking at me like that you leather clad weirdo.
-- Lisa Yakvigor
Miss Appropriate -- You came onto the sands only wearing a full helmet. That was
distracting. -- Pax the Yuge
LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS
RUNTLING X was butchered by DARK CHAMPION in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
MISS APPROPRIATE was devastated by PAX THE YUGE in a 1 minute Challenge duel.
BROONY BIG GUT overcame MISS DIRECTION in a 4 minute Challenge match.
MISS OURIE overpowered GERTY DUTHUG in a 1 minute bloody mismatched Challenge duel.
ALBUS BONERATTLER overpowered MISS MATCHED in a 1 minute one-sided Title fight.
LISA YAKVIGOR was bested by KUNG-FU MASTER in a action packed 1 minute brawl.
MAHTHA RIBKRAKA was savagely defeated by CAMPTOWN RACES in a 9 minute struggle.
MISS BEA HAVED viciously subdued BERTA THE INDOLENT in a action packed 2 minute fight.
FIRST WHISPER vanquished WILD WILD WEST in a 1 minute uneven duel.
SHAMWOW defeated FRATSFA MERCENARY in a popular 1 minute expert vs. novice duel.
NADS overpowered SHIFTYEYED VOLUNTEER in a 1 minute one-sided melee.
BRUISED VOLCANO was defeated by AILA STORMBREAKER in a 1 minute brutal match.
GRUG 'EDCHEWA was barely slain by VICIOUS WALKER in a 3 minute amateur's conflict.
OREGON TRAIL devastated STRAY CATMAN in a 1 minute mismatched bout.
BATTLE REPORT
MOST POPULAR RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS
|FIGHTING STYLE FIGHTS FIGHTING STYLE W - L - K PERCENT|
|BASHING ATTACK 7 AIMED BLOW 12 - 7 - 0 63 |
|SLASHING ATTACK 4 BASHING ATTACK 25 - 16 - 2 61 |
|TOTAL PARRY 4 TOTAL PARRY 26 - 18 - 0 59 |
|WALL OF STEEL 3 STRIKING ATTACK 11 - 8 - 4 58 |
|AIMED BLOW 1 WALL OF STEEL 9 - 8 - 2 53 |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE 1 PARRY-STRIKE 2 - 2 - 2 50 |
|PARRY-STRIKE 1 PARRY-LUNGE 2 - 2 - 0 50 |
|LUNGING ATTACK 1 LUNGING ATTACK 10 - 13 - 0 43 |
|STRIKING ATTACK 1 SLASHING ATTACK 16 - 21 - 2 43 |
|PARRY-LUNGE 0 PARRY-RIPOSTE 1 - 6 - 0 14 |
Turn 480 was great if you Not so great if you used The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles: the fighting styles: top eleven warriors are:
AIMED BLOW 1 - 0 WALL OF STEEL 1 - 2 3 LUNGING ATTACK
PARRY-RIPOSTE 1 - 0 PARRY-LUNGE 0 - 0 2 STRIKING ATTACK
SLASHING ATTACK 3 - 1 PARRY-STRIKE 0 - 1 2 SLASHING ATTACK
BASHING ATTACK 4 - 3 LUNGING ATTACK 0 - 1 2 TOTAL PARRY
TOTAL PARRY 2 - 2 STRIKING ATTACK 0 - 1 1 BASHING ATTACK
1 WALL OF STEEL
TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE
FIGHTING STYLE WARRIOR W L K PNTS TEAM NAME
LUNGING ATTACK MISS MATCHED 4709 17 16 0 79 LADIES IN WAITING (115)
TOTAL PARRY CAMPTOWN RACES 5999 16 5 0 71 SMITHSONIAN (245)
BASHING ATTACK LISA YAKVIGOR 6010 14 11 0 69 THE CHOSEN (613)
SLASHING ATTACK MISS BEA HAVED 5897 6 4 0 66 LADIES IN WAITING (115)
WALL OF STEEL MAHTHA RIBKRAKA 6023 13 9 2 63 BLOODY HAND CLAN (626)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.
The overall popularity leader is PAX THE YUGE 6008. The most popular warrior this
turn was MISS BEA HAVED 5897. The ten other most popular fighters were GRUG 'EDCHEWA
6106, SHAMWOW 5913, VICIOUS WALKER 5903, MISS DIRECTION 6019, MISS OURIE 6049, MAHTHA
RIBKRAKA 6023, PAX THE YUGE 6008, FIRST WHISPER 5900, AILA STORMBREAKER 6107, and
OREGON TRAIL 6108.
The least popular fighter this week was CAMPTOWN RACES 5999. The other ten least
popular fighters were BRUISED VOLCANO 5901, WILD WILD WEST 6103, MISS MATCHED 4709,
GERTY DUTHUG 6061, BROONY BIG GUT 6054, NADS 5912, BERTA THE INDOLENT 6051, LISA
YAKVIGOR 6010, MISS APPROPRIATE 6012, and RUNTLING X 6109.
The following warriors will travel to AD after next turn:
MISS MATCHED (8-4709) LADIES IN WAITING (115)
BEA ZERK (8-5267) TRIAL BY COMBAT (512)
The following warriors have traveled to AD after fighting this turn:
ALBUS BONERATTLER (8-5874) THE CHOSEN (613)