Date   : 11/28/2006    Duedate: 12/11/2006


DM-9    TURN-556

This Weeks Top Honors


(9-4936) [8-4-0,88]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

STEEV                          TONKA
THE MONGOLOIDS (83)            70'S CHILD (479)
(9-4936) [8-4-0,88]            (9-5198) [6-0-0,70]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

ULTORINO                       ULTORINO
BLUE MOON (381)                BLUE MOON (381)
(9-5244) [11-16-1,59]          (9-5244) [11-16-1,59]



Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. 70'S CHILD (479)            42
2. BREWERS (489)               33      DARK WARDS (451)
3. DOC LEGRAND'S LAB (492)     26      Unchartered Team
4. THE MONGOLOIDS (83)         20
5. BLUE MOON (381)             18      70'S CHILD (479)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 1*70'S CHILD (479)          13   4  0 76.5   1/ 1 BLUE MOON (381)           7  8 0
 2/ 0*DOC LEGRAND'S LAB (492)    3   2  0 60.0   2/ 3 THE MONGOLOIDS (83)       6  4 0
 3/ 2 DARK WARDS (451)          54  48  2 52.9   3/ 2 DARK WARDS (451)          5  3 0
 4/ 3 THE MONGOLOIDS (83)      383 365 21 51.2   4/ 4*70'S CHILD (479)          4  1 0
 5/ 0*BREWERS (489)              2   2  0 50.0   5/ 0*DOC LEGRAND'S LAB (492)   3  2 0
 6/ 4 BLUE MOON (381)          463 589 14 44.0   6/ 0*BREWERS (489)             2  2 0
 7- 5 KARNHORN KARNAGE (382)     8  18  0 30.8   7- 5 KARNHORN KARNAGE (382)    1  0 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                      SPY REPORT

     The sages err'd not in their foretelling of a god descending upon ZUKAL, for I, 
Novgorodny Vir, have returned!  Good things come to those who fight well, as 70'S 
CHILD can attest, moving up by 0.  THE MONGOLOIDS had cause to celebrate, after WOW 
got 15 points by beating TIKO BEN.  Win some, lose some.  Speaking of which, ULTORINO 
was winsome, after beating VENTRIIE and seeing him lose 8 points.  KHALHUMS DWARF 
found out that ZUKAL isn't a democracy.  You've gotta be the best to be Duelmaster 
here!  Word has it one team in ZUKAL is taking speech lessons to try to bore their 
opponent to death.  I'll bet it works.   
     My mother wished me to avoid conflict, and seek the gentle trade of Spyreporter. 
But warriors aren't supposed to avoid fights!  Perhaps the warriors of THE MONGOLOIDS 
should take up some hobbies, as they are the most avoided team...  The warriors of 
THE MONGOLOIDS found their efforts at combat frustrated as DARK WARDS apparently had 
more important things to do than fight.  Everyone is famous for fifteen minutes, and 
WILYUM is it right now.  Most challenged warrior.  Isn't THE MONGOLOIDS proud!  
TOREADOR challenged BLUE BLOTTO!  Who says DARK WARDS are just a bunch of wimps!  
TOREADOR of DARK WARDS kept hers wits as she was defeated by BLUE BLOTTO.   
     Is there life after death?  Pragmatics (and warriors) know there is death after 
life!  Oh hard!  that to strike a flame, the match itself must needs be wasting!   
     Leave me now, you base fools!  As the seasons change, and the creatures of the 
wild change also, so do I feel a yearning to leave this place.  ZUKAL, I leave you 
now.  The Duelmaster has agreed to foot my bill at The Blue Boar Inn.  'Til next 
time-- Novgorodny Vir  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 STEEV 4936                    8   4  0    88       THE MONGOLOIDS (83)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 BLUE BLOTTO 5262             12   6  1    72       BLUE MOON (381)
 TONKA 5198                    6   0  0    70       70'S CHILD (479)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 ULTORINO 5244                11  16  1    59       BLUE MOON (381)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-NOSFERATU 4946                8   8  0    55       DARK WARDS (451)
-EXPENDABLE YOUTH 4200         4   1  0    49       KARNHORN KARNAGE (382)
 NAHTALEE 4871                 8   6  0    48       THE MONGOLOIDS (83)
 TOREADOR 4948                 8   8  1    39       DARK WARDS (451)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 DONAHUE 5197                  3   2  0    30       70'S CHILD (479)
 VENTRIIE 4987                 3   2  0    30       DARK WARDS (451)
 MATCHBOX CARS 5195            2   0  0    26       70'S CHILD (479)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 WILYUM 4935                   5   7  0    22       THE MONGOLOIDS (83)
-BLOOD SUGAR BABY 4605         3   4  0    21       KARNHORN KARNAGE (382)
 GANGREL 4999                  4   0  0    19       DARK WARDS (451)
-BRUJAH 5000                   3   0  0    18       DARK WARDS (451)
-HOLY DECEPTION 4195           0   2  0    18       KARNHORN KARNAGE (382)
 WOW 5329                      1   0  0    15       THE MONGOLOIDS (83)
 BLU JON 5308                  2   6  1    13       BLUE MOON (381)
 TEXAS JACKALOPE 5325          1   0  0    13       DOC LEGRAND'S LAB (492)
 DD 5295                       1   0  0    11       BREWERS (489)
 EL CABALLO 5296               1   0  0    10       BREWERS (489)
-WE TODD IT 5208               1   0  0     9       KARNHORN KARNAGE (382)
 TIKO BEN 5320                 1   4  0     7       BLUE MOON (381)
 CAVEMAN 5293                  0   1  0     7       BREWERS (489)
 HORRID HAMSTER 5323           1   0  0     6       DOC LEGRAND'S LAB (492)
 ATARI 2600 5330               1   0  0     5       70'S CHILD (479)
 BRAWNY BEAVER 5327            1   0  0     5       DOC LEGRAND'S LAB (492)
 BILL HALL 5294                0   1  0     5       BREWERS (489)
 BLUETTE 5328                  0   1  0     1       BLUE MOON (381)
 FRAGRANT FERRET 5324          0   1  0     1       DOC LEGRAND'S LAB (492)
 MYSTIC MINK 5326              0   1  0     1       DOC LEGRAND'S LAB (492)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?
TEE BALL 5196          1  1 0 70'S CHILD 479        SHEWISH GIANT 624     556 NONE    

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Blue Moon People -- You did not speak well of either Brujah or Gangrel.  That is not
permissible. -- Dr. Doom

All -- The Dark Wards will blot out your light. -- Dr. Doom

Veteran Mercenary.  Well, I suppose it could have been worse.  I could have LOST the
fight. -- Zulor

Nahtalee -- Ah, you gorgeous little thing.... -- Blue Blotto
P.S.  I don't have to be drunk to know a cutie when I see one.

Expendable Youth -- A lot of that around. -- Ultorino

Wilyum -- Not the MARSHMALLOWS!  NOOOO! -- Blu Jon

It's probably enough to make the Mordant Deserter go back to Mordant. -- Tiko Ben

Ed. -- Not simultaneous, you think?  According to Webster (but what does HE know?),
the homelessness comes first. -- Blu Jon

     But might not decay LEAD to homelessness? -- Ed., feeling mildly confused

2 November 2006
I received a Gift Certificate from someone.  I'm assuming it's for entry into the
Turf War 5.  Whoever sent this to me...please email me at rbaphomets@yahoo.com.

10 November 2006
     The Quest of the Best has come to an end.  Dark Knight Toker, host of the Quest,
wants to proclaim the Ultimate Victor and give a listing of prize winners.
     Lady Fern and her Flower Girls of the Consortium are the Ultimate Victors of the
Quest.  Well fought and there's nothing like coming from behind to leave us all in
the dust.  Can't wait to see you defend your title! (wink)
     Here is a complete list of managers who placed in prize positions:

1)  Lady Fern, mgr. Flower Girls
2)  Le Pentarque, mgr. Blood & Guts!
3)  Crip, mgr. Otto's Parts
4)  D.K. Heathen Hatebred, mgr. Odin's Chosen
5)  Ghab, mgr. Assassin Nation
6)  Fanthayne, mgr. Dark Raiders
7)  D.K. Toker, mgr. Silver Knights
8)  D.K. Wasby, mgr. Bronze Knights
9)  The Expatriate, mgr. Bleak Legion
10) Still the Distilled, mgr. Springborne Fair

     Thanks to all that had the gall to show up, but I really want to thank the
managers that had the mettle to survive and not run when they started getting their
butt handed to them.
                                                           Respect to All.
                                                           Quest #1 host,
                                                           Dark Knight Toker

14 November 2006
                                      A Tale of
                        Fusion Confusion Delusion Revolution
                                     as told by
                                Hammer the WordSmith

     SomeWhere Beyond ElseWhere and ElseWhen a hooded figure brooded upon the
lingering wisps of memory from days gone by.
     From the howling sands to the sanding howls the streams of thought bubbled and
flowed, winding endlessly entwined within the darkest recesses and lightest resources
of the learned and unlearned disciplines of managerial mayhem and manipulation.
     Nameless faces and faceless names floated in the swirling mists of madness
embalmed within the memories of one who knew he did not know how far reaching the
influences [both positive and negative] had rooted and flowered in the march of time
and energy expended in the historical markings of gladiatorial essence and excellence
     The tamed and the untamed coupled with the named and the unnamed resources that
spilt their sweat and blood on the sands of arenas both known and unknown had
metamorphosed into the dreamings and the schemings of the fadings of jadings and
paradings [in both public and private] amongst the elite and the indiscreet
posturings and babblings of managers becoming legends in their own minds and times.
     Hammer pondered upon beginnings and the seemingly endless myriad of endings
possibly possible among the interspersed and intertwined impossible possibilities
presently past and future.
     Echoing and reechoing in the vast depths and countless compartments along the
corridors of his mind, Hammer played and replayed the glories shared and dared in the
sixty-plus stabled arena on fabled Noblish Island DM 93.
     The training had been all too brief, but the competition generated by the multi
faceted personages inhabiting DM 93 and the sheer multitude of numbers had forever
instilled themselves in the heart and soul of the veteran manager [Hammer]; insomuch
that the migration to Niatoli Island DM 33 triggered the desire to emulate the glory
and the grandeur of the spectacle of stables vying for recognition from among the
virtually numberless no-name newbies making names for themselves as they numbered
their stables and accomplishments for all to see and behold, to the song and the
sound of the sight of clashing cold cruel steel simmering the flesh of gallant
gladiators consumed by the gory and the glory of crossing blades with the superior
and the inferior within the interior of Greywand's Global Gladiatorial Galaxy.
     Far far ago and long long away had many abandoned hope for a return to the
reminiscences revered by so many managers; predating even the generations of
gladiators graduating from Noblish Island and the years of yore and gore and
gallantry before.
     Rumblings and mumblings of a renovation rejuvenating the reflexes of managers
numbed by the numberless trysts of tourney tarnished stables began revolutionizing
the very fabric of time and space and time-honored tradition throughout the ranks of
visionary newbies and volatile veterans alike and dislike.
     History was being shaken to the core of the gore as glory and grandeur responded
to the revelry reverie revelations and reveille revolutionizing the creation of a new
arena in the making; populated by No-Tourney Warriors and Full Stable Participants
pledging to forge a new vision version of "The Fiercest and Best" for crossing blades
and crosser banter in the personal ads and team spotlight tomes.
     Now was the time for Hammer to emerge and once again merge his talent among the
gifted and grifted; answering the call to assemble the drifted [and to directly
divulge and converge with the dozens] for the destiny of destructive denizens
determined to build a new legacy upon the all-but-forgotten ashes of the old and
olden legends of times lost.
         [TIME JUMP]
     Hammer sifted the sands in the dead of night in the desert reaches [located
SomeWhere BeYond ElseWhere and ElseWhen] to discover 5 gladiators not tourney worthy,
yet interesting enough to begin their careers in a No-Tourney Arena!
     "They need not be dispatched to the Dark Arena," the veteran manager mused as he
sorted through paperwork long discarded and vaguely forgotten, "because there is
nothing like a good Blood Feud to provide inspiration for writing personal ads in the
arena newsletter! Besides, there are times when the replacement for a warrior wounded
mortally on the arena sands fares much better than the one exchanged from Torch
     Fights by Torch Light were certainly deemed unnecessary as Hammer had already
deduced that a number of determined stables would undoubtedly congregate with High
Octane Warriors under the guidance of Higher Octane Managers to populate and
depopulate the new No-Tourney Arena currently under construction in DM 81.
     Fortunately his feeble foray into the desert would yield somewhat suitable
candidates for the newfound purposes Hammer had in mind.
     From among the candidates to be found Hammer would be rewarded in time by
     Deep into the night Hammer searched and searched until five not-so-promising
stables were uncovered in the waning hours before dawn.
     Ripper discards were scattered far and wide, but this was not the time or the
hour to let sentimental views cloud the issue at hand.  Future events would lend
themselves to a suitable Ripper replacement, especially with the prospects Hammer was
now sorting for his selection decision to dispatch to the Gladiatorial Commission for
     Most managers have the luxury of selecting the best group [or discarding the
worst group!] Hammer had the novelty of rounding up the castaways from the New
Stables paperwork accumulated long ago from Maximillian's Morya Madness contest in DM
28 that were deemed below inferior as contest prizes [and thus banished from sight!]
     Hammer scrutinized and agonized over which group of gladiators were worth the
sacks of gold coins he was prepared to release to the Gladiatorial Commission for
fees to MAINTENANCE his new stable in the No-Tourney Arena.
     After what seemed like long hours passing by, Hammer discarded one and then
another group of hopefuls.  After lengthy debate a third was cast aside.  Deciding
between the final two groups found Hammer going back to interview the rejected
candidates time and time again [until a final decision was made that Hammer could
live with and his new stable could die with!] before the final quirks were hammered
out and pen put to paper to process the prospective puny stable with the Gladiatorial
     The only solace gained from the painful process was the knowledge that other
managers would be less tempted to run stables in DM 81 populated by their tourney-
worthy warriors [under the penalty of death imposed and enforced upon tourney
experienced gladiators by the Committee being formed to police and regulate such
matters!] as sworn to and signed in good faith by each registering manager.
         [TIME JUMP]
     Hammer had worked long and hard to find suitable candidates for his stable and
now it was time to begin their training.  The paperwork had been dispatched for
registration with the Gladiatorial Commission and now was the hour in which
preparation was paramount!
     Dispatch riders had arrived with the news that Considerable Bounty was being
offered as incentive rewards to those managers sending new stables to the No-Tourney
     Hammer realized this would Up the Ante [causing greater pause in the managerial
community for selecting suitable stables!] as the creative competition was certain to
escalate and produce Serious Sword Slinging Stables Staining the Arena Sands Red!
     Obviously a serious upgrade in the quality of competition migrating to the No-
Tourney Arena in DM 81 would definitely work in favor of Hammer; enormously
increasing the death toll percentage potential amongst the ranks of his new start-up
stable in DM 81 [Sands Running Red and Blood Feuds Running Rampant as Undoubtedly
     Hammer observed the futility of his new warriors training [as well as they could
for what they were made from!] while recent memories came to the forefront of his
     When the paperwork was nearly completed and names were selected for each
Gladiator, Hammer decided to name the stable according to what he had discovered in
the darkness while searching during the dismal hours of the desert night.
     These warriors would probably be more well suited to fight by Torch Light had
they fallen into the possession of most other managers!
     Paper Warriors better suited to confronting Dark Arena Monsters [rather than
being fed to the Gladiatorial Lions certain to be populating the regular No-Tourney
     Specimens blatantly better suited for feeding upon agitated armadillo ants than
for striving to attain recognition and fame in the No-Tourney Arena [or any arena!]
     Thus was AARDVARK HAMMERZ birthed and born for Greatness or Disgrace!
         [TIME JUMP]
     Dispatch riders on winged steeds brought the news Hammer had been awaiting!
     Not since the days of training on Noblish Island in DM 93 had Hammer encountered
such collective enthusiasm for crossing blades in a selected arena such as DM 81
[recalling the time Hammer generated a gathering of newbies to transfer to Niatoli
Island in DM 33 to match wits and cross blades with the assembling veterans upon
     The Consortium had represented the veterans well in DM 33 with the SWEETNESS
stable managed by Sweety Pie.  Now the good news had arrived that The Consortium was
seen registering a stable named LIFE IMPACTS in the No-Tourney Arena!
     Former alliance mates Darque and Kat had reportedly registered DARQUE AGES and
KATHOUSE with the Gladiatorial Commission.
     Morya Madness combatant LePentarque from DM 28 had registered LA PENTARCHIE and
longtime fixture Drake in North Fork DM 47 [recently returned from a lengthy hiatus]
had been lured by the competition to register DRAKE'S HARDWARE.
     Deke [at the helm of DOC LEGRAND'S LAB] was instrumental in promoting the No-
Tourney Arena by repeatedly negotiating terms with the Gladiatorial Commission.
Others had laid the groundwork before him, but Deke raised the banner and carried it
the final distance [Supported by Countless Managers too numerous to mention!] Salute
Yourselves for Your Efforts are Most Graciously Applauded throughout Alastari!
     Apex had signed in with CAROLINA BLUE as had Ghab with ASSASSIN NATION.
     Another familiar name was found on the rolls as DeGotti registered CULT OF
BACCHUS followed by DOOM KNIGHTS managed by Blackstorm.
     Also on the rolls to be noted were AS SEEN ON TV II managed by Indimar and
RAGNAROK'S WOLVES by none other than ragnorokwolf.
     Nomad had signed on with PHANTOM REGIMENT and Silas followed suit with
     Another notable signature was that of MasterBeru with CHILDHOOD HEROES and a
penchant for scribing Team Spotlights [A Plus in Any Arena!]
     Detective Kellumbo had followed the clues and was observed enroute to
registering a yet unannounced stable [such are the ways of sleuthhounds and such!]
     Rumor had it that the manager known as Roadkill was on his way to register a
stable after his namesake and Slugbait was close behind [obliviously lost in
     Finally [in no particular disorder!] managers Grimm, Woody, Terminator, Den and
Bill were also seen elbowing their way through the gathering registration crowd to
officially announce their participation in the No-Tourney Arena.
     COUNTLESS OTHER MANAGERS were known to be pondering the consequences of sending
stables to a No-Tourney Arena and had yet to make the commitment public knowledge as
to their intentions.
     Howbeit the Gladiatorial Commission was reportedly swamped with requests for New
Stable Registration Forms [whether for the Tempe Facer or No-Tourney Arena was
anybody's guess at the present time!]
     Judging from the furtive figures darting and ducking in the shadows and
alleyways throughout Alastari [as well as those huddled in taverns or communicating
with one another by various means available!] the success of such a No-Tourney Arena
was Ballooning far Beyond the Expectations of the Promoters and Petitioners Bar None!
had the Best Potential for attracting and assembling a congregation of competitors
rivaling the numbers of Noblish Island from days gone by!
       JANUARY 2007 MARKS THE BEGINNING of a Journey where both Newbies and Veterans
join together in a Historic Assemblage Celebrating the Crossing of Blades between
some of the Best Managed Stables in all of Alastari [Known and Unknown!]
                 "May Your Blades Be Sharp and Your Wits Sharper"
                                          Minister of War

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

TEE BALL was dealt death by SHEWISH GIANT in a 2 minute bloody Dark Arena fight.
TONKA vanquished NAHTALEE in a 2 minute uneven Challenge battle.
TOREADOR was demolished by BLUE BLOTTO in a 1 minute uneven Challenge fight.
GANGREL luckily beat BLU JON in a 2 minute Challenge fight.
DONAHUE subdued WILYUM in a 2 minute amateur vs. expert upset Challenge competition.
STEEV overpowered KHALHUMS DWARF in a 1 minute one-sided Title struggle.
VENTRIIE was devastated by ULTORINO in a action packed 2 minute one-sided competition.
MATCHBOX CARS vanquished PERSISTENT BEGGAR in a slow 3 minute uneven duel.
TIKO BEN was vanquished by WOW in a 2 minute one-sided duel.
DD overpowered BLUETTE in a popular 1 minute uneven match.
EL CABALLO overpowered MYSTIC MINK in a 1 minute one-sided match.
BILL HALL was bested by HORRID HAMSTER in a exciting 1 minute amateur's conflict.
CAVEMAN was unbelievably bested by BRAWNY BEAVER in a 2 minute bloody amateur's bout.
FRAGRANT FERRET was defeated by ATARI 2600 in a 1 minute novice's duel.
TEXAS JACKALOPE devastated MORDANT DESERTER in a 2 minute uneven duel.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|BASHING ATTACK                   5         WALL OF STEEL     22 -   9 -  0      71  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                   5         LUNGING ATTACK    10 -   6 -  1      63  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    4         STRIKING ATTACK   16 -  11 -  3      59  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      3         TOTAL PARRY        4 -   3 -  0      57  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      3         AIMED BLOW         5 -   5 -  0      50  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  2         BASHING ATTACK    14 -  15 -  1      48  |
|AIMED BLOW                       2         PARRY-LUNGE        2 -   3 -  0      40  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  2         SLASHING ATTACK    1 -   4 -  0      20  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     0         PARRY-STRIKE       0 -   0 -  0       0  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    0         PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -   0 -  0       0  |

Turn 556 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

STRIKING ATTACK    2 -  0     LUNGING ATTACK     2 -  3         3  TOTAL PARRY    
TOTAL PARRY        2 -  1     PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  2         2  STRIKING ATTACK
BASHING ATTACK     3 -  2     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  0         2  LUNGING ATTACK 
AIMED BLOW         1 -  1     PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  0         1  BASHING ATTACK 
SLASHING ATTACK    1 -  1                                       1  AIMED BLOW     
WALL OF STEEL      2 -  2                                       1  WALL OF STEEL  
                                                                1  PARRY-LUNGE    

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
STRIKING ATTACK  STEEV 4936                  8   4  0   88 THE MONGOLOIDS (83)
BASHING ATTACK   BLUE BLOTTO 5262           12   6  1   72 BLUE MOON (381)
AIMED BLOW       TONKA 5198                  6   0  0   70 70'S CHILD (479)
WALL OF STEEL    NAHTALEE 4871               8   6  0   48 THE MONGOLOIDS (83)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is ULTORINO 5244.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was ULTORINO 5244.  The ten other most popular fighters were TEE BALL 5196, BLU JON 
5308, TONKA 5198, HORRID HAMSTER 5323, BLUE BLOTTO 5262, DONAHUE 5197, STEEV 4936, 
TIKO BEN 5320, DD 5295, and CAVEMAN 5293.

The least popular fighter this week was MATCHBOX CARS 5195.  The other ten least 
popular fighters were FRAGRANT FERRET 5324, MYSTIC MINK 5326, TEXAS JACKALOPE 5325, 
4948, and NAHTALEE 4871.