Date   : 05/30/2005    Duedate: 06/11/2005


DM-14    TURN-516

This Weeks Top Honors


(14-4052) [14-2-0,190]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

I WET MY BED!                  POSITION IS EMPTY
I BENT MY WOOKIE (413)         
(14-4052) [14-2-0,190]         

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

VISIGOTH                       CHICHI-HOOEY
THE DEATH SQUAD (63)           THE DOGHOUSE (188)
(14-4214) [18-12-0,90]         (14-4270) [2-4-0,14]



Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. THE DOGHOUSE (188)          38
2. I BENT MY WOOKIE (413)      10      I BENT MY WOOKIE (413)
3. THE DEATH SQUAD (63)         5      Unchartered Team
4. TOTEM (422)                  0
                                       MOTHER EARTH (388)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 2 I BENT MY WOOKIE (413)    27   6  0 81.8   1- 1*TOTEM (422)               8  2 0
 2- 3*TOTEM (422)               29  11  3 72.5   2/ 2 THE DEATH SQUAD (63)      8  7 0
 3/ 4 THE DEATH SQUAD (63)     413 331 26 55.5   3/ 3 THE DOGHOUSE (188)        7  8 0
 4/ 5 THE DOGHOUSE (188)       338 419  9 44.6   4/ 4 I BENT MY WOOKIE (413)    3  0 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

         + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ A Dark and Stormy Night ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     Darias Le Plume, the Trustworthy Scribe, resided in a pair of rooms over a
green-grocer's shop.  They smelled faintly of cabbage but had a certain dreary
luxury:  the walls had a mud-colored paper on them with ochre satin stripes and were
hung with dark oil paintings of embarrassed nudes, the carpet was lead-colored but
with a pile so deep you could lose a small dog in it, the furniture was carved into
tortured curlicues and upholstered in murky reddish velvet, and so on.
     Dacio Torranz, the Ambitious Guard, looked around the lamplit chamber and
winced.  "Gods, where do you get this stuff, Darias?"
     Le Plume looked around, preening a little under the awed looks of the other
Standbys.  "I have special contacts.  It isn't everyone that has a chance at this
     Before the Guard could make the riposte that was so plainly gathering strength
behind his bulging eyes, Cultic Grandmaster Sleeth cut in.  "We don't have time for
that now.  Get the book, Le Plume."
     The Trustworthy Scribe scowled but shrugged and went into the next room,
presumably a bedroom.  They could hear him opening and shutting drawers.  They could
hear him shriek, first with outrage, then with surprise, and finally with terror.
     When Torranz shook himself out of his own shock and would have gone to see what
was happening, Arenamaster Vasku stopped him with a look.  "This is his reward for
meddling in what he did not understand," Vasku said.  He glanced at Sleeth, who was
making warding gestures, and nodded.  "That is worth a try, but do not depend upon
simple wards to fend off--"
     The door to the inner chamber was wrenched from its hinges, the door filled
with...a Thing.  It was pale, as broad as it was high, its lumpy form difficult to
see clearly.  Something tall, narrow, and greenish was behind it.
     Cheulian Asri, Chief Spokesman for the Beggars' Guild, whimpered behind the
cultist.  "The Ghost of Cabbage Past!  Gods defend us!"
     Sleeth recognized the Things as Proteans, monstrosities of the Demonic Realms
who took their shape from the world around them; in this case, they had shaped their
presence on cues from the vegetables in the shop below.  Proteans were not
particularly intelligent, but they were almost impossible to kill.  The only hope was
to expel them from this aspect of the multiverse.  He drew a breath to begin the
necessary incantation.

      * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

                          ---===ANDORIAN REGIONAL NEWS===---

 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 257): YMIR BLOODRAVEN of NORTHERN BADLANDS (Maximillian, mgr.)
 DM  11 ARUAK CITY (turn 516): BIG DOG of BULLDOGS (Kennelworth, mgr.)
 DM  14 TOBIR (turn 515): I WET MY BED! of I BENT MY WOOKIE (The Muffin Man, mgr.)
 DM  22 SOLVEN (turn 508): TAX DEDUCTION of THE REPUBLICANS (The Judge, mgr.)
 DM  24 ZORPUNT (turn 505): TENTACRUEL of WATER DECK (Destitute Noble, mgr.)
 DM  25 LYRATILAN (turn 504): JUST A WIN of MASTERS OF SIN (?, mgr.)
 DM  26 CALEAM (turn 504): MISS PRISS of GOLDEN CANYON (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  30 IAYE (turn 497): MESSENGER BIRD of GAMEHENDGE (Malaquar, mgr.)
 DM  40 ZENSU (turn 467): TRIANGLE MAN of NEUROMANCERS (Rude Buddha, mgr.)
 DM  41 KATI-TEI (turn 460): GREW SOME GRUE of OLD SCHOOL (Otto X. Frothingslosh)
 DM  46 ARDIVENT (turn 449): RUSTED SOUL of CYNICAL DELUSIONS (Eclipse, mgr.)
 DM  52 FRATSFA (turn 205): PANDEMIC of DARK RAIDERS (Fangthayne, mgr.)
 DM  60 ARADI (turn 364): BRUSHFIRE of NATURAL DISASTERS (Soultaker, mgr.)
 DM  63 AMEN-TEI (turn 354): SABURO SAKAI of EMPIRE OF THE SUN (Huckle Cat, mgr.)
 DM  71 KYR'TERR (turn 159): SOLAR SISTER of THE FURIOUS FIVE (Generalissimo Puerco)
                            (JRK, mgr.)

                                      Top Teams
 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 257): YAKUZA (Sensei Jan, mgr.)
 DM  11 ARUAK CITY (turn 516): THE HEADCUTTERS II (Street Legal, mgr.)
 DM  14 TOBIR (turn 515): TOTEM (The Sentinel, mgr.)
 DM  22 SOLVEN (turn 508): THE REPUBLICANS (The Judge, mgr.)
 DM  24 ZORPUNT (turn 505): KRILL CAVALRY (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  25 LYRATILAN (turn 504): THE MIDDLE WAY 4 (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  26 CALEAM (turn 504): GOLDEN CANYON (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  30 IAYE (turn 497): GAMEHENDGE (Malaquar, mgr.)
 DM  40 ZENSU (turn 467): BEYOND THE PALE (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  41 KATI-TEI (turn 460): GLAD TO MEAT YOU (Alfredo Frothingslosh, mgr.)
 DM  46 ARDIVENT (turn 449): BLADE DEMONS (The Dark One, mgr.)
 DM  52 FRATSFA (turn 205): DARK RAIDERS (Fangthayne, mgr.)
 DM  60 ARADI (turn 364): THIEVES GUILD (Hombre, mgr.)
 DM  63 AMEN-TEI (turn 354): EMPIRE OF THE SUN (Huckle Cat, mgr.)
 DM  71 KYR'TERR (turn 159): THE FURIOUS FIVE (Generalissimo Puerco, mgr.)
ADM 105 ANDORAK (turn 401): KNIGHTS OF VIRTUE, etc. (JRK, mgr.)

                                   Recent Graduates
 DM  11 ARUAK CITY (turn 515): WARDUKE of SCARLET KNIGHTS II (Talon Warsmith, mgr.)
 DM  22 SOLVEN (turn 507): NO HURRY of JUST CHILLIN (Mr. Freeze, mgr.)
 DM  26 CALEAM (turn 504): MISS PRISS of GOLDEN CANYON (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  41 KATI-TEI (turn 460): JEHU of WANDERERS (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  71 KRY'TERR (turn 159): MORROLAN E'DRIEN of THE FURIOUS FIVE (Generalissimo
                             Puerco, mgr.)

                                      SPY REPORT

     I can't believe the violence in TOBIR!  I still haven't told Mom I'm writing 
Spyreports.  She'd have a cow!  Well, here we go...  Too bad, TOTEM, but THE DEATH 
SQUAD was just too good to be stopped.  One team deserves special mention 'cause they 
moved up 0 after going 4-1-0.  Keep it up, THE DOGHOUSE!  MVP award for JUNO?  THE 
DOGHOUSE's proud of him after beating DEAD MAN WALKING and getting 18 points.  Talk 
about yer major upsets!  DEAD MAN WALKING's match with JUNO cost him a loss of 11 
points!  Like THE DOGHOUSE's BOWSER is sweating since he got challenged by Duelmaster 
I WET MY BED!!  Don't you think the Duelmaster is being unfair?  I think I WET MY 
BED! should let BOWSER be Duelmaster for a while, without fighting about it.  Who was 
the wiseguy that said TOBIR's Duelmaster was paying for drinks at The Deeproot Inn?  
Don't look at me!   
     I gotta admit I haven't been in "deep con caves" with any spies.  Really, I just 
wing this stuff.  THE DEATH SQUAD was TOBIR's most avoided team.  Is there some award 
for that?  I don't know what I BENT MY WOOKIE's been doing.  They certainly haven't 
been accepting many fights from THE DEATH SQUAD, that's fer sher.  Like, is BOWSER 
popular, or what?  He was challenged the most in all of TOBIR!  He's got a 18-36-1, 
is that good?   
     Challenges, revenges, Bloodfeuds.  All TOBIR ever talks about is fighting!  Me, 
I'm more laid back.  Fight, fight, fight.  Is that all you guys can do?   
     Remember, blood on a purple robe may stain.  Soak it in cold water, and hand 
wash.  I gotta leave.  TOBIR is like such a dump, and you guys smell too much!  I had 
a fun time, see you later-- Debby Tonte  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 I WET MY BED! 4052           14   2  0   190       I BENT MY WOOKIE (413)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 JUNO 4178                    19  18  0   111       THE DOGHOUSE (188)
 THE THING 4185               25   9  0   108       THE DEATH SQUAD (63)
 HAYWOOD JAB 4238             11   5  1    95       THE DEATH SQUAD (63)
 BOWSER 4096                  18  36  1    92       THE DOGHOUSE (188)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 VISIGOTH 4214                18  12  0    90       THE DEATH SQUAD (63)
 DEAD MAN WALKING 4220        19   8  1    83       THE DEATH SQUAD (63)
-PUMA 4139                     5   3  1    82       TOTEM (422)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-SNOW LEOPARD 4142             6   2  1    56       TOTEM (422)
-PEREGRINE 4138                6   2  0    51       TOTEM (422)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 ANDILLIA 4255                 7   6  0    38       THE DOGHOUSE (188)
-BULLFROG 4237                 3   1  1    35       TOTEM (422)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 WOOFER 4254                   8   5  1    33       THE DOGHOUSE (188)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-FERRET 4140                   7   1  0    22       TOTEM (422)
 CHICHI-HOOEY 4270             2   4  0    14       THE DOGHOUSE (188)
 'STACHE 4276                  0   2  0     2       THE DEATH SQUAD (63)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?

                                     PERSONAL ADS

I Wet My Bed! -- So I see, and you should be ashamed of yourself!  At your age!  It's
nothing to boast about. -- Juno

Puma -- You're just a big cat, really, and any dog knows how to treat a cat.  Take
that, cat! -- Bowser

Bullfrog -- Somehow it just seems wrong that you're a golem.  Why are you? --
P.S.  And shouldn't you be called an ox-frog, since you have no gender?

Peregrine -- Damned bird!  You've got an unfair advantage, since you can fly and I
can't.  I hate things like that.  I want to fly, too! -- Woofer
P.S.  There are catbirds, so why not a dogbird?  Or is a birddog one who can fly?  Or
just a bird who can bark?  Why is everything so complicated?

Ferret -- You sneaky little needle-nosed, pencil-necked, PEEPING TOM!  I hate you!
That was grossly unfair!  I was AHEAD clear through the end of the third minute, I
was LAUGHING at you, even, and then poof, you turned it around and TRIPPED me, and if
our arenamaster was FAIR (or should that be "were fair"?), he would have ended the
fight BEFORE I fell down. -- Chichi-Hooey the ill-used

Ed. -- I could run the universe much better. -- Bowser
P.S.  Everyone their own yard with grass, and a wading pool, and a shady tree to
sleep under, and for cold weather a couch that no one says you can't sleep on, plenty
of walks, two or three a day, at least, a frisbee to chase and someone to throw it,
good stuff like that.

     That does sound good.  I guess now we have to come up with a plot to get rid of
     the current batch of incompetent universe-runners. -- Ed.

4 May 2005
Several questions have been asked about Slaughter's Challenge that I'd like to
address and clarify.
     1)  All Prizes must be used on the contest team, this includes the resurrection.
         Remember any fast arena team should be able to transfer to a slow arena
         (except for arena 82, I believe).
     2)  Warriors will be allowed to fight and run in the dead tourney, should there
         be one, and return if an opening can be made without breaking the rules
         (i.e. only one DA fight allowed per team).
     3)  If you win your single DA match you do not get another.  It's one use of the
         Dark Arena win or lose so if you want him/her/it dead be sure and throw the
     4)  The resurrection potion's longevity has been extended by the commission to 6
         months but the other potions (favorites, and +1 bonus) must still be used

         within 2 turns and on a 5 FE or higher warrior.  The resurrection can go on
         any warrior regardless of FE.
Street Legal

P.S.  My thanks to those already entered (Hammer, The Consortium, Tripwire, Stik, and
Shaman) and hope many more find a reason to come to arena 54.  Again, my email is
triumph1971@hotmail.com or you can diplo me in arena 14 at THE DEATH SQUAD (63) if
you need more info!

21 May 2005
Amendment for "Fratsfas Quest for the Best!"
     Managers that have teams already established in Fratsfa need not have (3) three
warriors in the initiates.  FE will NOT be a factor.  Stables may be entered at any
time.  Just announce your stable in the p-ads.
     This in my invitation to all managers  who wish to prove their mettle against
managers from all over Alastari.  We have limited TP's in this contest to one a team
at a time.  We DO NOT want this contest to become a scum fest as many others have,
hence the Andorian arena.  Good luck to all who come to prove their skills.  "May
your enemies' blood flow freely" -- Dark Knight Toker, Desolate Empire Alliance

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

I WET MY BED! devastated BOWSER in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge Title fight.
DEAD MAN WALKING was demolished by JUNO in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge melee.
'STACHE was defeated by CHICHI-HOOEY in a crowd pleasing 3 minute Challenge duel.
THE THING bested KHALHUMS DWARF in a monotonous 5 minute veteran's fight.
HAYWOOD JAB devastated KHALHUMS DWARF in a 1 minute uneven brawl.
VISIGOTH defeated M. CHARDINEE in a 1 minute struggle.
ANDILLIA beat CHEERFUL FAN in a 2 minute gruesome master vs. novice brawl.
WOOFER vanquished FRATSFAN NOBLE in a 1 minute uneven duel.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                   3         TOTAL PARRY        8 -   4 -  0      67  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    2         LUNGING ATTACK    27 -  14 -  1      66  |
|AIMED BLOW                       1         BASHING ATTACK     6 -   4 -  0      60  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      1         PARRY-RIPOSTE      7 -   6 -  0      54  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   1         SLASHING ATTACK    8 -   7 -  0      53  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      1         STRIKING ATTACK   12 -  11 -  1      52  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    1         PARRY-LUNGE        5 -   6 -  0      45  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  1         WALL OF STEEL      4 -   7 -  0      36  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     0         AIMED BLOW         4 -   8 -  0      33  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  0         PARRY-STRIKE       0 -   0 -  0       0  |

Turn 516 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

AIMED BLOW         1 -  0     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  0         5  LUNGING ATTACK 
PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  0     SLASHING ATTACK    0 -  0         2  STRIKING ATTACK
BASHING ATTACK     1 -  0     STRIKING ATTACK    0 -  1         1  BASHING ATTACK 
TOTAL PARRY        1 -  0                                       1  TOTAL PARRY    
WALL OF STEEL      1 -  0                                       1  PARRY-LUNGE    
LUNGING ATTACK     2 -  1                                       1  AIMED BLOW     
PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -  1     

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
LUNGING ATTACK   I WET MY BED! 4052         14   2  0  190 I BENT MY WOOKIE (413)
BASHING ATTACK   JUNO 4178                  19  18  0  111 THE DOGHOUSE (188)
TOTAL PARRY      THE THING 4185             25   9  0  108 THE DEATH SQUAD (63)
PARRY-LUNGE      VISIGOTH 4214              18  12  0   90 THE DEATH SQUAD (63)
AIMED BLOW       ANDILLIA 4255               7   6  0   38 THE DOGHOUSE (188)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is VISIGOTH 4214.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was CHICHI-HOOEY 4270.  The ten other most popular fighters were I WET MY BED! 4052, 
JUNO 4178, VISIGOTH 4214, ANDILLIA 4255, BOWSER 4096, HAYWOOD JAB 4238, WOOFER 4254, 
DEAD MAN WALKING 4220, 'STACHE 4276, and THE THING 4185.

The least popular fighter this week was THE THING 4185.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were 'STACHE 4276, DEAD MAN WALKING 4220, WOOFER 4254, HAYWOOD JAB 4238, 
BOWSER 4096, ANDILLIA 4255, VISIGOTH 4214, JUNO 4178, I WET MY BED! 4052, and 

The following warriors will travel to AD after next turn:

JUNO (14-4178) THE DOGHOUSE (188)