Date   : 09/19/2005    Duedate: 10/01/2005


DM-14    TURN-524

This Weeks Top Honors


(14-4255) [12-9-0,55]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

ANDILLIA                       SIPPYCUP SAM
THE DOGHOUSE (188)             PLAYPEN (435)
(14-4255) [12-9-0,55]          (14-4280) [3-0-1,33]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

THE DOGHOUSE (188)             PLAYPEN (435)
(14-4270) [6-8-0,26]           (14-4359) [1-0-0,11]



Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. THE DOGHOUSE (188)          33
2. PLAYPEN (435)               24      PLANTARUM ANDORIA (396)
3. PLANTARUM ANDORIA (396)      9      Unchartered Team
4. TYLER'S TEAM (437)           0
5. BLITZKRIEG (421)             0      PLAYPEN (435)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 1 PLANTARUM ANDORIA (396)   19  10  1 65.5   1/ 3 THE DOGHOUSE (188)        9  6 0
 2/ 2*PLAYPEN (435)              9   6  2 60.0   2/ 2*PLAYPEN (435)             7  3 1
 3/ 3 THE DEATH SQUAD (63)     434 350 27 55.4   3/ 1 THE DEATH SQUAD (63)      6  9 0
 4- 4*BLITZKRIEG (421)          11  10  3 52.4   4- 5*BLITZKRIEG (421)          1  1 1
 5/ 5 THE DOGHOUSE (188)       357 436  9 45.0   5/ 4 PLANTARUM ANDORIA (396)   1  1 0
 6- 6*TYLER'S TEAM (437)         1   4  0 20.0   6- 6*TYLER'S TEAM (437)        1  4 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

              + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Deep Waters #5 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

Zorpunt Harbor:

     Barkhotai was doing a foolish thing, and he knew it.  Not that the knowing
stopped him, and he had taken SOME precautions.  He was in a boat, not swimming, for
one thing.  He COULD swim, and quite well, which was unusual for a Rirorni, but he
was not a fish and he knew that.  He had given thought to the weapons he carried,
knives, of course, plenty of them, but also harpoons.  This was not going to be sword
work, or mace work either, come to that.  The blades were poisoned, too.  At least,
he called it poison; it was something he'd gotten from a witch he knew, some sort of
enspelled potion that would work like a poison on anything cold-blooded.
     He paused in his rowing when he was near the center of the harbor and glanced
over his shoulder, looking for the Great White Shark.  The pale fin was circling the
center of turbulence.  You could criticize the Shark for attitude, but not for
courage.  And the Guard was prepared to admit, to himself, that you couldn't expect a
predatory fish to have a human attitude.
     Three tentacles rose out of the water to one side of the Shark's course.  At
least twenty feet of sucker-lined muscle flexed in the air and then curved down.
They were as thick as a man's waist where they left the water but tapered rapidly.
The tips were slim as fingers.  Two more rose on the other side of the Aussie Killer,
and bent toward their fellows?  Did tentacles have 'fellows'?  Barkhotai dismissed
that question instantly.  Frivolous, and he had work to do.  The tentacles were
lacing together, making a net, and could trap the Shark with a quick contraction.
Why didn't the damned fish get out of the way?  He could still swim free--
     The net of flesh snapped tight around the Shark, who didn't struggle against it.
Barkhotai hauled his oars into the boat and twisted around, raising a harpoon.  The
tentacles were writhing and twisting in a way that made him dizzy to look at, and it
was hard to pick an aiming point that didn't endanger the Shark.  Since he was out
here to help the Shark, harpooning it would be a bad idea.  Counter-productive.  But
why wasn't the Shark trying to get away?  The cage wasn't that tight and the Shark
was streamlined.  Could the tentacles be emitting some drug?  Or some kind of magical
field that stunned it?
     The Rirorni's rowboat was drifting closer to the tentacles.  Barkhotai hadn't
realized there was a current in the harbor here.  Well, okay, there must be some
where the river mouth was, but....  The boat nudged against the first of the
tentacles entrapping the Shark.  The dead-fish smell of it was nauseating, and what
he had thought were pale warts began to open and close, making small kissing sounds.
     In a frenzy of disgust, Barkhotai shoved the harpoon into the tentacle.  It was
softer than he had expected, the harpoon going in the full length of the blade.  He
lost his balance and fell against the monster.  The little mouths pressed against
him, biting or sucking or--he went numb and barely noticed when a tentacle curled
around his waist, drawing him into a closer embrace.

              + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Deep Waters #6 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +


     The rowboat was surrounded by the giant lakeweed, and Woodman did not like it.
Boats got trapped by weed in the normal course of life, and even that wasn't good.
But this stuff, this was sinister.  This was some kind of Plot.  However, he WAS a
Convincian Hero, than which few others are so heroic, so he stiffened his upper lip
and turned to his companion, Jessaro Dra, the Mordant Escapee (from Zorpunt, but he
had also escaped from that town when its current troubles began).  "Things are
looking a little tight," he said, striving for a calm, matter-of-fact voice.  "You
might want to make sure your knife is loose in its sheathe."
     Dra looked around wildly.  As proven by his personal history, his first impulse
in a tight situation was to escape.  There did not appear to be any ready avenue of
escape here, however.  "I suppose swimming is out?"
     "No, go right ahead."  Woodman gestured at the water around them, which was full
of giant weeds.  "You won't suffer long."  Then he sighed and shook his head.  "You
shouldn't have to ask that, Jess.  There's no escape unless you can fly."
     Dra looked right, left, behind, ahead.  As he did so, he shrank back from the
edges of the little boat, ending up huddled in the bottom of it.  "Don't let them get
me, Tom!"
     Woodman watched the ribbon-like "tentacles" weave together over their heads, and
his hand twitched toward his sword.  He could probably cut through a few of them
before they sank the boat, but so long as they weren't being overtly hostile, he
would hold off and live.
     It was a gradual but definite change in the light that alerted him to the next
     Unfortunately, it alerted Jessaro Dra, too.  "We're sinking!" he shrieked.
"It's going to DROWN us!"
     "There's an air bubble around us," Woodman pointed out.  "That'll keep us alive
for a while.  IF you relax.  When you get excited, you use up the air faster."
     Dra's eyes darted around at the boat, Woodman, the cage of lake weed, and the
pearl-colored wall of the bubble.  He bubbled a little himself, moaning in fear.
"We'll be killed.  Killed.  Drowned.  Strangled by the weed--"
     "Give over, you coward.  We're not dead yet, and anything might happen to give
us a break."
     The bubble, which had been moving smoothly, accelerated, the position of the
weeds enclosing it changed, and the boat and the two standbys were flung onto a slope
of pebbles.  Behind them was a mirror-flat sheet of water, the murky green of an
uncleaned swimming pool.  The pebbles of the beach were small as peas and perfectly
round.  When Woodman stepped out of the boat, he found them to be slippery and prone
to roll under his feet.  He looked at the boat, noting the planks which had been
cracked or broken by their forceful "landing."  This boat would not be going anywhere
ever again.
     Dra babbled something which was unintelligible by virtue of his gasps and gulps
of fear.  He pointed up the slope, which was more helpful.
     Shapes were moving there.  The light was the same flat, dull green as the water,
which concealed details.  Or maybe it was the alienness of the shapes that blurred
them.  Something very tall and pale stalked toward them.  Its body was a column
without apparent features, the top was...bushy, and dark.  Slender white cables
flicked toward them, moving with unnatural speed.
     More tentacles, Woodman decided, scowling.  This really WAS overdoing the whole
tentacle motif.  His hand flashed toward his sword--he was quick and active--but the
cables or tentacles were faster and whipped around him, binding his arms to his
sides.  Two of them coiled around his neck, choking off his warning to Dra before it
could be uttered.  So this was how it all was to end.  Not a hero's death in battle,
but he hoped he had the courage to meet it with a hero's fortitude.
     Woodman was aware, marginally, of movement in the background.  Other shapes
coming down the beach, and closer at hand, Dra pulling his (Woodman's) sword from its
sheath and hacking at the cables.
     "Sstop!  Not to sstrangle!"
     "Yes!"  The cables around Woodman's torso flexed, shaking him as a dog might
shake a bone.  "Mine!"
     "Sshe ssayss to bring alive."
     "Useless to arrgue," a deeper voice said.  "Brring them back allive."
     With a final flex, the cables released Woodman, so suddenly that he was thrown
to the ground.

                                      SPY REPORT

     I can't believe the violence in TOBIR!  I still haven't told Mom I'm writing 
Spyreports.  She'd have a cow!  Well, here we go...  Too bad, THE DEATH SQUAD, but 
THE DOGHOUSE was just too good to be stopped.  MVP award for BAM BAM?  THE DEATH 
SQUAD's proud of him after beating CHICHI-HOOEY and getting 19 points.  Talk about 
yer major upsets!  PORN 'STACHE's match with ANDILLIA cost him a loss of 12 points!  
What a putz!  OPUNTIA fights so hard to be Duelmaster, then quits fighting and loses 
the title.  No one said she was a genius...  And I was just getting used to the 
ex-Duelmaster's habit of...(!)  Oh well, welcome ANDILLIA.  Aren't THE DOGHOUSE 
proud.  (Oh, my.) I hear the top team insists all their warriors get nine hours 
sleep.  They want photogenic fighters for PR photos.   
     Look, you guys stick to fighting, all right?  The warriors of THE DEATH SQUAD 
must be getting lonely.  They were the most avoided team.  Do you guys know something 
that I don't?  I don't know what PLAYPEN's been doing.  They certainly haven't been 
accepting many fights from THE DEATH SQUAD, that's fer sher.  Can THE DOGHOUSE's 
WOOFER be more popular than me?  He was challenged the most, but is that really the 
     What does a fighter fight for?  I mean, the crowds don't give a hoot if someone 
gets killed.  Not after four more fights.  Hey you guys, don't you think your 
families would like to hear from you?  Write!  (Or have someone write for you.)  
     I really didn't, you know, study when I was a kid.  Who would've guessed I'd be 
a famous Spyreporter?  I gotta leave.  TOBIR is like such a dump, and you guys smell 
too much!  Remember you guys, ease up sometimes!  Chill out!  Later, Debby Tonte  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 ANDILLIA 4255                12   9  0    55       THE DOGHOUSE (188)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-OPUNTIA 3850                  8   1  0    94       PLANTARUM ANDORIA (396)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 WOOFER 4254                  14   7  1    53       THE DOGHOUSE (188)
-ONOCLEA 3849                  3   2  0    44       PLANTARUM ANDORIA (396)
 PORN 'STACHE 4276             4   6  0    35       THE DEATH SQUAD (63)
-HAMMERIN HANK 4134            3   1  1    34       BLITZKRIEG (421)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 SIPPYCUP SAM 4280             3   0  1    33       PLAYPEN (435)
 TANTRUM 4285                  2   1  1    28       PLAYPEN (435)
 BAM BAM 4352                  2   0  0    27       THE DEATH SQUAD (63)
 CHICHI-HOOEY 4270             6   8  0    26       THE DOGHOUSE (188)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-THE GROPPER 4133              3   2  1    21       BLITZKRIEG (421)
-SMILAX 3852                   2   2  0    20       PLANTARUM ANDORIA (396)
 WRENSAL 4300                  2   1  0    16       THE DOGHOUSE (188)
-DRIMYS 3841                   2   2  1    14       PLANTARUM ANDORIA (396)
 WHITE FANG 4353               1   1  0    13       THE DOGHOUSE (188)
 PAMPER PACKER 4284            2   1  0    11       PLAYPEN (435)
 LITTLE DEVIL 4359             1   0  0    11       PLAYPEN (435)
 CRACK BABY 4279               1   4  0     7       THE DEATH SQUAD (63)
-FIONA 4293                    1   0  0     6       TYLER'S TEAM (437)
 BINKIE 4298                   1   1  0     4       PLAYPEN (435)
 TIPPI TURTLE 4351             1   1  0     4       THE DEATH SQUAD (63)
-PUSS N BOOTS 4295             0   1  0     1       TYLER'S TEAM (437)
-DONKEY 4294                   0   1  0     1       TYLER'S TEAM (437)
-SHREK 4296                    0   1  0     1       TYLER'S TEAM (437)
-SCOOBY-DOO 4297               0   1  0     1       TYLER'S TEAM (437)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?
UGLY KID JOE 4286      2  2 0 THE DEATH SQUAD 63    SIPPYCUP SAM 4280     524         
BUTT-HEAD 4287         0  2 0 THE DEATH SQUAD 63    HAMMERIN HANK 4134    522         
LEMNA 4349             0  1 0 PLANTARUM ANDORIA 396 SHEWISH GIANT 512     524 NONE    

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Porn 'Stache -- I wish you'd shave that off.  It reminds me so much of a fungus on a
tree. -- Andillia

Ugly Kid Joe -- I bet you say that to all the old fossils you defeat. -- Chichi-Hooey

Opuntia -- Ouch, the thorns! -- Woofer
P.S.  I'm glad you won that.  I would've felt funny if I'd been the Duel2Dude again.

Shrek -- More armor. -- Wrensal

Fiona -- Ouch!  It's a rotten job we've got, isn't it?  Rush out there and beat each
other up, when what we'd like to do--at least, what I would like to do, is sit down
with a cup of coffee and wake up slowly. -- White Fang

15 September 2005
                             HAMMER ANNOUNCES RETIREMENT

     Be it known from the highest mountains to the darkest alleys of Alastari that
the veteran manager known far and wide as Hammer has now officially retired from
sponsoring contests as of September 15, 2005.
     What a long time ago was a fun motivated activity to help promote our common
DM/D2 gaming interest in an effort to promote the growth and competitiveness of
selected arenas has become a far from fun experience.
     In other words Hammer has had it!
     The combination of real life situations interfering with the time needed to
effectively sponsor a contest, plus the attitudes expressed during such sponsorship
interference has led to Hammer closing his personal coin coffers and retiring from
his planned sponsorship of any future contests.
     There are others in our close knit gaming community who are well able to step up
to the plate and continue sponsoring contests that make the basic game a fun
experience for all those who choose to compete and interact in such future endeavors.
     Hammer thanks all managers both active and inactive who helped to make the
Hammer sponsored contests a historical and entertaining experience well worth the
time, effort and money spent over the past several years.
     May the Cheers and the Jeers of future contests build upon the legacies of those
who have paved the way in years gone by to help make this game what it is today.
     Hammer has no regrets for the part he has played in that history.

19 September 2005
I'd like to say hello to everyone I know that is still around after my being gone for
five years.  Hope to see you all on the sands, and may your weapons strike true and
your shields protect you (except, of course, against MY warriors *grin*)!! -- Lord
Xiang, D2-101

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

LEMNA was dealt death by SHEWISH GIANT in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
PORN 'STACHE was devastated by ANDILLIA in a 2 minute one-sided Challenge Title duel.
CRACK BABY was viciously subdued by WRENSAL in a 3 minute novice's Challenge match.
BAM BAM devastated CHICHI-HOOEY in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge contest.
SIPPYCUP SAM assassinated UGLY KID JOE in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge match.
WOOFER bested TANTRUM in a 2 minute veteran vs. amateur duel.
PAMPER PACKER outlasted TIPPI TURTLE in a slow 22 minute amateur's brawl.
BINKIE was overcome by WHITE FANG in a 1 minute beginner's melee.
LITTLE DEVIL won victory over POLITE BEGGAR in a 2 minute novice's duel.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|AIMED BLOW                       4         PARRY-LUNGE        5 -   1 -  1      83  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    3         SLASHING ATTACK    2 -   1 -  0      67  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    2         LUNGING ATTACK    12 -   8 -  0      60  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  2         WALL OF STEEL     10 -   8 -  1      56  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      2         TOTAL PARRY        8 -   7 -  0      53  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  1         PARRY-RIPOSTE     11 -  11 -  0      50  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   1         BASHING ATTACK     4 -   4 -  1      50  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      1         AIMED BLOW        10 -  11 -  0      48  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     0         STRIKING ATTACK    8 -  10 -  1      44  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                   0         PARRY-STRIKE       0 -   1 -  0       0  |

Turn 524 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

SLASHING ATTACK    1 -  0     WALL OF STEEL      1 -  2         3  WALL OF STEEL  
BASHING ATTACK     1 -  0     PARRY-LUNGE        0 -  1         3  PARRY-RIPOSTE  
AIMED BLOW         2 -  2     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  0         2  BASHING ATTACK 
PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -  1     LUNGING ATTACK     0 -  0         1  AIMED BLOW     
STRIKING ATTACK    1 -  1                                       1  LUNGING ATTACK 
TOTAL PARRY        1 -  1                                       1  STRIKING ATTACK

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
AIMED BLOW       ANDILLIA 4255              12   9  0   55 THE DOGHOUSE (188)
PARRY-RIPOSTE    WOOFER 4254                14   7  1   53 THE DOGHOUSE (188)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is CHICHI-HOOEY 4270.  The most popular warrior this 
turn was LITTLE DEVIL 4359.  The ten other most popular fighters were WRENSAL 4300, 
4285, WHITE FANG 4353, PORN 'STACHE 4276, and CHICHI-HOOEY 4270.

The least popular fighter this week was TIPPI TURTLE 4351.  The other ten least 
popular fighters were PAMPER PACKER 4284, CRACK BABY 4279, BINKIE 4298, UGLY KID JOE 
SAM 4280, and LEMNA 4349.