Date   : 08/09/2012    Duedate: 08/22/2012


DM-19    TURN-693

This Weeks Top Honors


(19-5329) [12-1-2,122]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

BULL HALSEY                    GRAVITRON
MAN OR BEAST? (432)            THE MOTHERSHIP CC (451)
(19-5329) [12-1-2,122]         (19-5369) [7-0-1,83]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

(19-5256) [21-18-0,104]        (19-5382) [2-2-0,23]



Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. THE MOTHERSHIP CC (451)     45
2. JESSIE'S SPUDS (449)        33      MAN OR BEAST? (432)
3. THE MAGNIFICENT MAGS (241)  27      Unchartered Team
4. WALI'S FINEST (419)          8
5. MAN OR BEAST? (432)          7      THE MOTHERSHIP CC (451)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 1 MAN OR BEAST? (432)       83  41  5 66.9   1/ 2*THE MOTHERSHIP CC (451)  10  0 1
 2/ 4*THE MOTHERSHIP CC (451)   21  11  2 65.6   2/ 1 THE MAGNIFICENT MA (241)  7  8 0
 3- 3 CUNNING RUNTS (425)      164 111  7 59.6   3/ 3 MAN OR BEAST? (432)       5  3 0
 4/ 2 BASH BRO HOUSEMATE (414)  61  42  1 59.2   4/ 4 JESSIE'S SPUDS (449)      4  2 1
 5/ 6 WALI'S FINEST (419)       81  74  2 52.3   5/ 6*VISIONS V2 (452)          3  7 1
 6/ 8 JESSIE'S SPUDS (449)      16  15  2 51.6   6- 9 CUNNING RUNTS (425)       1  1 0
 7/ 9 THE MAGNIFICENT MA (241) 699 828 21 45.8   7/ 5 BASH BRO HOUSEMATE (414)  1  2 0
 8/10*VISIONS V2 (452)           9  16  1 36.0   8/ 8 WALI'S FINEST (419)       1  3 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

                        6 Months Ago -- The Eastern Deserts

     The battlefield was shrouded in darkness, save for the torches carried by a
number of the soldiers and several magical orbs of light, which circled above lazily
at the command of the wizards.  The engagement had been a short one, as three huge,
lumbering Phase Dragons burst from the nearby caverns and ran straight into the fully
prepared army.  The archers took a savage toll on the beasts before the elite
gladiators charged in to finish the fray.  As the soldiers cleared the massive bodies
from the cavern mouth a small group of hooded men gathered a short distance away.
     "There is no question about it.  These are creatures from the Kaikwok Gate."
said Rillion, thoughtfully stroking his short beard. "I just don't understand how
they are accessing our world again despite the gate being completely sealed."
     Alongside the mage, the manager known as The Greek Guy sharpened a gleaming
battle axe.  "The Dark One said something about a rift or tear.  I'm not really up on
Gate Metaphysics, Rill.  All I know is they're here and they shouldn't be."
     "Managerr said they wouldn't be gone long." Added Rascally Rabbit, looking far
more sinister than his manager name implied, "and that we needed to hold this area
until they got back.  So that's what we need to do."
     One of the scouts shouted a brief warning and the soldiers assumed battle
formation once more.  The three arena managers stepped back behind a shield thrown up
by Rillion and prepared for a second engagement.  Within a moment, a snarling wave of
Jaguar warriors erupted from the cavern, pouring out toward the soldiers.
     The Greek Guy took the point and motioned to the troops.  "Move to engage!  Form
up!  Initiate Shield Wall!  Archers, volley fire!"
     A cloud of enchanted arrows hissed into the night, and then descended to shower
death upon the charging Jaguar warriors.  Scores of the beast men went down under the
fire but it was just a small fraction of their overall numbers.  Within a moment the
first ranks of the jaguars leapt upon the prepared troops, tearing and rending with
their razor sharp talons and fangs.  Despite the massive numbers, the shield wall
held, and the gate beasts seemed to be taking the worst of the exchange.  After a
moment, however, the Jaguar Warriors found some holes in the ranks and burst through,
creating havoc amongst the defenders.
     "Second line-- advance!  First line-- fall back!"
     The first defensive line fell back in an organized retreat, while a second wave
of defenders moved up.  Within a moment, they formed up to from a second defensive
line, while those formerly in the front line moved back to regroup.  At the same
time, another wave of arrows showered from the sky and cut down the confused Jaguar
     "We learned a lot from the first Gate incursion." Rillion commented to RR.  "The
Jaguar Warriors can be a terror one on one, but they don't fight well in organized
battles.  Those enchanted arrows help a lot, too.  One shot, one kill."
     Despite the confident words, the Jaguars were inflicting a savage toll on the
soldiers.  It was true, that the majority of the troops were gladiators and former
gladiators who were now protected by immortality magic, but still if they were
consumed by the Gate monsters, there would be no return.  As the battle raged, it
became clear that there were too many Jaguar warriors for the small army to defeat.
Rillion flicked his staff and sent a fireball into the Jaguar's flank.  It erupted
into a flaming explosion of heat and pressure, sending scores of the beast men
flying.  As he did so, the Rabbit gathered a nearby troop and rushed to cut off a
Jaguar offensive.
     The Greek Guy motioned for the trumpeters to sound the retreat.  "Back up the
hill!  Form defensive units.  Skirmishers forward to slow the advance."
     "This is not going well." Rillion commented as he blasted away a row of Jaguars
with a bolt of lightning.
     As he prepared a second bolt, he noticed a large vortex opening nearby.  A
travelling Gate was being opened.  Which meant either more Jaguars, or...?
     A second small army of heavily armored gladiator-soldiers appeared.  At their 
head rode Managerr, on a white stallion, and the Dark One, on his black gelding.
They motioned and their warriors charged into the Jaguar Warriors flank.  The numbers
now more even, the first army charged down the hill.  Within minutes the Jaguar
forces were destroyed.  Only a handful survived to flee back into the cavern.
     "Good timing."  Rascally Rabbit chuckled, his eyebrow arched, "You couldn't have
arrived just a touch sooner?"
     "It took us a while to scout out the ruins of our old training grounds on the
other side of the Kaikwok Gate." Managerr responded, "We stopped by to gather the
second division, as we thought we might need the manpower.  Apparently we were right.
The other side of the old Gate is completely empty.  They are all gone."
     "Gone?  There were millions of beings on that world.  You're telling me that
they're all gone?"
     The Dark One waved his staff and a vision of the Kaikwok Gate world appeared.
It was decimated.  Forests burned and blasted, temples shattered, riverbeds and lakes
dried up and shriveled.  "As he said.  All gone.  We detected residual magic.  Gate
magic.  I am not certain if it was left from an invader that came, exterminated that
world and enslaved what was left of the population or possibly the denizens of that
world developed Gate travel on its own and departed a dying world.  We have no way of
knowing which is the case."
     The Greek Guy received a message from one of the army runners, read it quickly
and motioned to his fellows.  "The engineers are ready."
     He motioned to a figure high up on the cliffside above the cave.  In a moment, a
thunderous explosion shook the ground.  Instantly a shower of boulders, shards of
stone and dirt rained down, burying the cavern opening under half the mountainside.
     Rillion nodded.  "That will do for this Gate access, but I expect there will be

           Three Months Ago -- The Dark Citadel -- Isle of of the Eye

     The Brotherhood of the Blade sat around the titanic obsidian table where they
often planned and plotted together.  This occasion was more serious, however, than
their usual debates over gladiatorial tactics and battle plans.  They were instead
embroiled in a lengthy discourse regarding the ongoing Gate incursions that had been
     "Sheila and her mage council can't figure out how to stop it." Managerr noted.
     "Sheila?"  The Greek Guy chuckled, "First name basis now, are we?"
     Managerr smirked at him.  "They can close the Gate opening when they find it,
but then another one opens somewhere else within a few days.  At some point they are
going to get access in a remote area and we won't find it in time.  If they can move
in a large force, it will be next to impossible to beat them back and close the
access.  It will be a mess."
     "And we still have no idea who is behind this and what's going on." Rillion
     "What we do know is that we don't have enough days in the week to keep running
around closing gates and fighting battles.  We're shorthanded.  Zalgor's missing in
action and Caesar is off-world fighting wars of his own.  Without their forces it's
even worse."  Rascally Rabbit shuffled through his roster.  "I've lost 15% of my
personal troops and I know you all have suffered losses as well."
     Managerr agreed.  "We're definitely short on members.  Mad Max and Tig Toad are
retired.  With Zalgor inactive and Caesar battling Picts or whatnot, we are at five
members.  Just barely enough in normal times and way short in these times."
     "We need to recruit some new members." The Greek Guy stated.  "We have a
tournament coming up and can talk to some managers there.  We need to find those who
are like-minded and who would get along with the rest of us, which is not always
     "Agreed." said the Dark One from beneath his cowl, "We can then announce our new
members.  We need more men and more troops.  I think we all have some candidates in
mind.  First, they must have no other allegiances.  Second, they must have the
martial knowledge we expect from our members.  And, the Greek Guy mentioned, they
have to be able to deal with us."

                        Present Day -- the Isle of the Eye
     One of the arena scribes rushed into the GC headquarters.  "We need 100 runners
to travel to every city in the land.  We're being paid 1,000 gold sovereigns to get
the news out!"
     "What news?"
     "The Brotherhood of the Blade is expanding!!  Here is the announcement!"
              *****                   *****                   *****
     Hear Ye!  Hear Ye!  The Brotherhood of the Blade has chosen to add the following
new members to our ranks.  Effective immediately, the following managers have been
offered and have accepted membership to the Brotherhood:

May their successes be great and their victories many under our banner!

     Officially -- Managerr -- Grand High Moose of the Brotrotherhood of the Blade

      * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

                        ---===FREE BLADES REGIONAL NEWS===---

 DM   9 ZUKAL (turn 702): VENTRIIE of DARK WARDS (Dark Warden, mgr.)
 DM  12 RIZTAB (turn 704): MAC THE SPOON of THE SYNDICATE (Otto X, mgr.)
 DM  13 DULLENS (turn 638): FLOYD CASTAWAY of ARCANE ROYALTY (Destitute Noble, mgr.)
 DM  15 MALCORN (turn 698): INKED PIG of INK & STEEL RETRO (Floyd, mgr.)
 DM  16 WILLAF (turn 700): SNAKE of SERPENTS HOLD 114 (Khisanth, mgr.)
 DM  17 ALJAFIR (turn 691): SENLUM NOSH of MIDDLE WAY (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM  19 ZUWAYZA (turn 692): BULL HALSEY of MAN OR BEAST? (The Dark One, mgr.)
 DM  28 MORYA (turn 348): TAXES of EXPENSE ACCOUNT (Finance Manager, mgr.)
 DM  29 LAPUR (turn 689): CAPTAIN KIRK of TREKKERS (Deep Thought, mgr.)
 DM  32 ARVAT (turn 686): ROTTING ROLAND of THE WALKING DEAD (Deep Thought, mgr.)
 DM  33 NIATOLI ISLAND (turn 683): SHELLBACK of SEA DOGS (One Armed Bandit, mgr.)
 DM  35 MURSKA (turn 675): SMILE WAFFLE of HAPPY FUN TIME (Floyd, mgr.)
 DM  43 VEASTIAN (turn 633): KIRVINJ of THE FAMILY (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM  45 STORMCROWE (turn 323): ANDROMEDA of DARQUE FORCES (Master Darque, mgr.)
 DM  47 NORTH FORK (turn 318): FROSTY of FAST FOOD (Madwand, mgr.)
 DM  50 SNOWBOUND (turn 304): 4-H of LIFE IMPACTS (Coach, mgr.)
 DM  56 ROCANIS (turn 565): LOIS THUG of STRAIGHT UP THUG (?, mgr.)
 DM  60 ARADI (turn 550): DIGGITY DOG of RED DOG GANG (Spot, mgr.)
 DM  61 JURINE (turn 532): HORSE D'OEVRE of SHEWISH BUFFET (One Armed Bandit, mgr.)
 DM  65 DAL SHANG (turn 526): XYLOID of SCRABBLE (Otto X, mgr.)
 DM  73 ERINIKA (turn 253): BOOB of PALINDROMES (Assurnasirbanipal, mgr.)
 DM  74 DAYLA KIV (turn 487): SPIDERPIG of HOMER'S PETS (Floyd, mgr.)
 DM  78 LIN TIRIAN (turn 473): CALEAM CHOWDER of SHEWISH BUFFET (One Armed Bandit)
ADM 103 FREE BLADES (turn 590): WILD THANG! of STREET WALKERS (Roadkill, mgr.)

                                      Top Teams
 DM   9 ZUKAL (turn 702): DARK WARDS (Dark Warden, mgr.)
 DM  12 RIZTAB (turn 704): BLUE NOTE (Howlin' Wolf, mgr.)
 DM  13 DULLENS (turn 638): ARCANE ROYALTY (Destitute Noble, mgr.)
 DM  15 MALCORN (turn 698): INK & STEEL RETRO (Floyd, mgr.)
 DM  16 WILLAF (turn 700): REALLY? (Dr. Grimley, mgr.)
 DM  17 ALJAFIR (turn 691): MIDDLE WAY (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM  19 ZUWAYZA (turn 692): THE MAGNIFICIENT MAGS (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM  28 MORYA (turn 348): DODGE BULLETS (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM  29 LAPUR (turn 689): STREET WALKERS (Roadkill, mgr.)
 DM  31 CHIMLEVTAL (turn 346): THE STORM REAVERS (?, mgr.)
 DM  32 ARVAT (turn 685): DEVIL ADVOCATES (The Dark One, mgr.)
 DM  33 NIATOLI ISLAND (turn 683): SUMMERTEETH (Howlin' Wolf, mgr.)
 DM  35 MURSKA (turn 675): CHILDREN OF LLYR (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM  43 VEASTIAN (turn 633): THE FAMILY (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM  45 STORMCROWE (turn 323): DARQUE FORCES (Master Darque, mgr.)
 DM  47 NORTH FORK (turn 318): VEGAN CANNIBALS (The Anarchist, mgr.)
 DM  50 SNOWBOUND (turn 304): THE MYRMIDONS (Sigurd Fafnisbane, mgr.)
 DM  56 ROCANIS (turn 565): INCONSISTENT FURY (Banthius, mgr.)
 DM  60 ARADI (turn 550): RED DOG GANG (Spot, mgr.)
 DM  61 JURINE (turn 532): STAR WARS (Sir Jessie Jest, mgr.)
 DM  65 DAL SHANG (turn 526): SAND DANCERS (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM  73 ERINIKA (turn 252): SUPER STARS (Crip, mgr.)
 DM  74 DAYLA KIV (turn 487): SAND DANCERS (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM  75 JADE MOUNTAIN (turn 482): SAND DANCERS (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM  78 LIN TIRIAN (turn 473): SHEWISH BUFFET (One Armed Bandit, mgr.)
ADM 103 FREE BLADES (turn 590): DIRT DEVILS et al (The Dark One, mgr.)

                                   Recent Graduates
 DM  12 RIZTAB (turn 703): WHERE of GUESSING GAME (A-sop, mgr.)
 DM  13 DULLENS (turn 638): FLOYD CASTAWAY of ARCANE ROYALTY (Destitute Noble, mgr.)
                (turn 637): MICKEY HANDS of ARCANE ROYALTY (Destitute Noble, mgr.)
 DM  17 ALJAFIR (turn 689): CAPT KIRCHNER of 82ND ILLINOIS (Otto X, mgr.)
 DM  28 MORYA (turn 348): TAXES of EXPENSE ACCOUNT (Finance Manager, mgr.)
 DM  29 LAPUR (turn 689): CAPTAIN KIRK of TREKKERS (Deep Thought, mgr.)
                          CAPT. ANTSY PANTS of STREET WALKERS (Roadkill, mgr.)
              (turn 688): KICKER MURPHY of CLAN CROW (Owsly, mgr.)
                          SULU of TREKKERS (Deep Thought, mgr.)
 DM  43 VEASTIAN (turn 633): KIRVINJ of THE FAMILY (Jorja, mgr.)
                 (turn 632): MELANJI of THE FAMILY (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM  45 STORMCROWE (turn 322): CELESTIAL ROSE of DARQUE FORCES (Master Darque, mgr.)
 DM  47 NORTH FORK (turn 318): SALAD SLAYER of VEGAN CANNIBALS (The Anarchist, mgr.)
                   (turn 317): ARTICHOKE ON THIS of VEGAN CANNIBALS (The Anarchist)
                               SPAWN of FANTASTIC FIVE (?, mgr.)
 DM  50 SNOWBOUND (turn 303): THRESHPACK of PUBLIC ENEMY (Pec Killer, mgr.)
 DM  60 ARADI (turn 549): ELIN GISSORS of MIDDLE WAY 25 (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM  73 ERINIKA (turn 253): BOOB of PALINDROMES (Assurnasirbanipal, mgr.)
 DM  75 JADE MOUNTAIN (turn 481): LIGHTNING THRUST of CRITICALS (Howlin' Wolf, mgr)
                                  INCREDIBLE SPEED of CRITICALS (Howlin' Wolf, mgr.)
                               UNBELIEVABLE of THE WILLBURYS 78 (Rascally Rabbit)

                                 DUELMASTER'S COLUMN
                             Notes from the arena champ.

Admiral on deck!

At ease, Zuwayza.  I'm Halsey, Bull Halsey and I remain your Admiral this turn.  I
seem to be a permanent fixture in this office.

Naval training drills are scheduled to take place next week.  We are planning to
bombard a fleet of WWI ships to test out our new artillery shells.

It seems likely that some of you deck hands will be sent to wait on the target fleet.
It seems a good way to get new recruits.

I am looking forward to it.

If you don't want to be sent to the target fleet, you had better start winning!

That is all.

Crew dismissed.

                                      SPY REPORT

     Well, what are you looking at, ZUWAYZA?  Ain't you never seen Snide Clemens 
before?  Ah, shaddup and listen to my news.  Later days, THE MAGNIFICENT MAGS, since 
THE MOTHERSHIP CC took top team from you this turn, you guys are old news.  CUNNING 
RUNTS turned their 0-0-0 turn into a 6th place rank in the listings this turn.  Any 
better than this, and you get put on hit lists.  Gee, I'm impressed, a 5-0-1 is nice, 
but don't get cocky, THE MOTHERSHIP CC, the Fates teach humility, and the Fates are 
proud.  Of course, we're all terribly impressed to see TAMBONE win a fight and gain 
26 points, terribly.  Tsk, tsk, MISSOURI WILDLIFE beat DONT PAY RENT and DONT PAY 
RENT lost 7 points.  You're breakin' my heart.  And if variety is the spice of life, 
ZUWAYZA may be getting bland, as BULL HALSEY stays top dog in the city.  The Drunken 
Ox, humph!  I've tasted better ale at mortuaries.  Where do they get this stuff?  
From ZUWAYZA's trash dumps?   
     Well, let's take a look at some more misdeeds of you miserable sword-boys.  
ZUWAYZA, I am losing what little hope I had in you.  BASH BRO HOUSEMATE the most 
avoided team?  What insult will suffice, I cannot say.  And who led the way in this 
mass act of cowardice?  Let's see, well, whatcha know?  It was MAN OR BEAST?.  Ha ha 
ha ha!  Ooh, I'm frightfully impressed, MISSOURI WILDLIFE was this turn's most 
challenged warrior.  Watch that ego swell, sports fans.   
     Some people like volunteer work in the hospitals.  I volunteer for ZUWAYZA's 
morgue.  More variety.  Honor is like a chainmail shirt, it only shines through use.  
Certain nameless cowards will doubtless rebuke me on this one.   
     What does the ZUWAYZA arena have in common with the inns?  It's just as 
comfortable to sleep in either place.  Ha ha ha ha!  Well, I've had enough of this 
drivel, and I'm sure you have too.  Off like a dirty shirt of padded leather.  I see 
the crowds are getting restless, I must leave now-- Snide Clemens  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 BULL HALSEY 5329             12   1  2   122       MAN OR BEAST? (432)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-BEAR GRYLLS 5185             12   2  0   127       MAN OR BEAST? (432)
 DONKEY HOTAY 5187            12   0  1   111       MAN OR BEAST? (432)
 MISSOURI WILDLIFE 5256       21  18  0   104       THE MAGNIFICENT MAGS (241)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 GRAVITRON 5369                7   0  1    83       THE MOTHERSHIP CC (451)
 DONT PAY RENT 5259           10   5  0    78       BASH BRO HOUSEMATE (414)
 JEWEL 4924                   14  18  0    72       WALI'S FINEST (419)
 CARAMEL 4921                 13  15  0    72       WALI'S FINEST (419)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 TAMBONE 5347                  9   5  1    60       JESSIE'S SPUDS (449)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 PORK CHOP GOLEM 5368          5   1  1    53       THE MOTHERSHIP CC (451)
 POCKET NEWS 5364              7   3  0    52       THE MAGNIFICENT MAGS (241)
-ISIS 5006                     8   9  0    51       WALI'S FINEST (419)
-NAPOLEON 5200                 9   9  0    45       CUNNING RUNTS (425)
 HUGS-N-KISSES 5367            5   1  0    39       THE MOTHERSHIP CC (451)
-WALTER PIDGEON 5302           4   0  0    38       MAN OR BEAST? (432)
-ROBERT REICH 5330             3   1  1    37       CUNNING RUNTS (425)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 AARP! 5354                    5   7  0    32       THE MAGNIFICENT MAGS (241)
 DRAGON 5311                   4  17  0    29       THE MAGNIFICENT MAGS (241)
 GARRET 5375                   3   2  0    26       VISIONS V2 (452)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 BROKEN HALO 5382              2   2  0    23       THE MOTHERSHIP CC (451)
 DIAMOND 5381                  4   1  1    22       JESSIE'S SPUDS (449)
 KELVIN 5373                   3   2  1    21       VISIONS V2 (452)
 YOGA PANTS 5395               2   1  0    21       THE MOTHERSHIP CC (451)
 ALCHEMIST'S MONTHLY 5351      3  10  0    19       THE MAGNIFICENT MAGS (241)
-MR. BERZERKER 5133            1   0  0    14       WALI'S FINEST (419)
 DAB1 5374                     2   3  0     9       VISIONS V2 (452)
 SHARK NORMAN 5397             0   1  0     1       MAN OR BEAST? (432)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 TELBIN 5403                   0   1  0     1       VISIONS V2 (452)
-CARESS 5252                   0   1  0     1       WALI'S FINEST (419)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                W  L K TEAM NAME            SLAIN BY              TURN Revenge?
THE USEROUS MERC        0  0 0                      PORK CHOP GOLEM 5368  693  NONE
GOOSE GOSSAGE 5362      2  4 0 MAN OR BEAST? 432    DIAMOND 5381          692   
LORTO 5372              0  5 0 VISIONS V2 452       BLACK ORC             693  NONE

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Bull Halsey -- You just get that Army Corps of Engineers OUT of my woodlands! --
Missouri Wildlife
P.S.  Jorja says to tell you that SHE enjoys your columns.  I'm not sure I do, but we
each must do as circumstances constrain us.
P.P.S.  I'm not sure how I managed to teach you five skills, but it is, after all,
part of my mission to educate the public.

Black Hole Passes Near Zuwayza!  Gravity Waves Distort City!  Is It the End of the
World?  Story on page 3. -- Pocket News

Pork Chop Golem -- Disappointing.  I was hoping for a REAL pork chop.  Don't see them
often around here, they're "not good for us."  Bah. -- AARP!

Hugs-N-Kisses -- That's no way to treat a dragon! -- Dragon

Yoga Pants -- If you'd stopped panting, I might have been able to accomplish
something.  But every time I got the fire lighted under my alembic, you blew it out!
-- Alchemist's Monthly

Jewel -- You are to me! -- DontPayRent

Dark One -- I'm going to miss Bull Halsey's columns.  Somehow I think Donkey Hotay
has no chance to match the entertainment and quality Bull's columns.  Perhaps you
should just retire Hotay now and save everyone the burden of having to suffer through
such disappointment after being commanded by one of the finest Admirals around! --

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

LORTO was dealt death by BLACK ORC in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
DONT PAY RENT was devastated by MISSOURI WILDLIFE in a 1 minute Challenge duel.
BROKEN HALO viciously subdued ALCHEMIST'S MONTHLY in a 2 minute Challenge match.
DAB1 was devastated by AARP! in a exciting 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
BULL HALSEY devastated JEWEL in a popular 1 minute uneven Title brawl.
DONKEY HOTAY viciously subdued KUNG-FU MASTER in a 2 minute bloody match.
GRAVITRON handily defeated VENOMOUS CONCUBINE in a 1 minute uneven fight.
CARAMEL was vanquished by TAMBONE in a 1 minute uneven duel.
PORK CHOP GOLEM slaughtered THE USEROUS MERCHANT in a 1 minute uneven fight.
HUGS-N-KISSES won victory over DRAGON in a 2 minute fight.
POCKET NEWS overpowered GARRET in a 1 minute uneven match.
KELVIN luckily beat SHARK NORMAN in a 2 minute brutal novice's fight.
DIAMOND devastated CONVICTED THIEF in a 1 minute mismatched conflict.
YOGA PANTS subdued TELBIN in a 2 minute amateur's match.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|AIMED BLOW                       6         SLASHING ATTACK    9 -   2 -  1      82  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                   5         AIMED BLOW        44 -  20 -  3      69  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  3         LUNGING ATTACK    16 -  10 -  2      62  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   2         WALL OF STEEL      8 -   7 -  0      53  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  2         PARRY-LUNGE        5 -   5 -  1      50  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    2         STRIKING ATTACK   14 -  22 -  0      39  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      1         BASHING ATTACK     9 -  18 -  0      33  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    1         PARRY-RIPOSTE      3 -   7 -  0      30  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      1         TOTAL PARRY        3 -  12 -  0      20  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     0         PARRY-STRIKE       0 -   2 -  0       0  |

Turn 693 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  0     STRIKING ATTACK    1 -  2         3  AIMED BLOW     
BASHING ATTACK     2 -  0     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  0         2  SLASHING ATTACK
AIMED BLOW         4 -  2     PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  1         2  LUNGING ATTACK 
LUNGING ATTACK     3 -  2     TOTAL PARRY        0 -  1         2  WALL OF STEEL  
SLASHING ATTACK    1 -  1                                       1  PARRY-LUNGE    
WALL OF STEEL      1 -  1                                       1  BASHING ATTACK 

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
SLASHING ATTACK  BULL HALSEY 5329           12   1  2  122 MAN OR BEAST? (432)
LUNGING ATTACK   DONKEY HOTAY 5187          12   0  1  111 MAN OR BEAST? (432)
AIMED BLOW       DONT PAY RENT 5259         10   5  0   78 BASH BRO HOUSEMATE (414)
WALL OF STEEL    POCKET NEWS 5364            7   3  0   52 THE MAGNIFICENT MAGS (241)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is MISSOURI WILDLIFE 5256.  The most popular warrior 
this turn was BROKEN HALO 5382.  The ten other most popular fighters were DONKEY 

The least popular fighter this week was GARRET 5375.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were DRAGON 5311, CARAMEL 4921, DONT PAY RENT 5259, PORK CHOP GOLEM 5368, 
and TELBIN 5403.