DUEL 2 NEWSLETTER
Date : 09/13/2022 Duedate: 09/26/2022
SEAM ARENA
DM-20 TURN-189
This Weeks Top Honors
THE DUELMASTER IS
THE HANDYMAN
ROBO VILLAGE (68)
(20-942) [20-23-1,134]
Chartered Recognition Leader Unchartered Recognition Leader
THE HANDYMAN PATRON SILVER
ROBO VILLAGE (68) CALL YOUR SHOT (84)
(20-942) [20-23-1,134] (20-1197) [5-1-0,44]
Popularity Leader This Weeks Favorite
CUT & PASTE THE REDNECK
PIXELBENDERS (36) ROBO VILLAGE (68)
(20-1036) [16-18-0,90] (20-1129) [8-5-0,89]
THE CURRENT TOP TEAM
ALFREDOVISION(TM) (77)
TEAMS ON THE MOVE TOP CAREER HONORS
Team Name Point Gain Chartered Team
1. METAL BLADE (69) 67
2. CALL YOUR SHOT (84) 37 UNLIKELY HEROES (4)
3. 200 PROOF (87) 30 Unchartered Team
4. DARQUE KNIGHTS (22) 28
5. ALFREDOVISION(TM) (77) 25 200 PROOF (87)
The Top Teams
Career Win-Loss Record W L K % Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns W L K
1/ 1*200 PROOF (87) 18 12 0 60.0 1/ 2 ALFREDOVISION(TM) (77) 12 3 0
2/ 2 UNLIKELY HEROES (4) 73 55 3 57.0 2/ 4 WAY OF ALL FLESH (17) 10 5 0
3/ 4 ALFREDOVISION(TM) (77) 48 37 1 56.5 3/ 1 PIXELBENDERS (36) 10 5 0
4/ 3 WAY OF ALL FLESH (17) 181 145 9 55.5 4/ 3*CONSTANT SORROW (81) 9 6 1
5/ 6 PIXELBENDERS (36) 442 389 14 53.2 5/ 7 UNLIKELY HEROES (4) 9 6 0
6/ 8 ROBO VILLAGE (68) 112 102 2 52.3 6/13 ROBO VILLAGE (68) 9 6 0
7- 7 WEIRDING WAYS (53) 195 178 18 52.3 7/ 9 METAL BLADE (69) 9 6 0
8/ 5 PHARMANOMICON (76) 58 53 4 52.3 8/ 8 AH TONGUES OF FIRE (49) 8 7 0
9/11 METAL BLADE (69) 105 98 2 51.7 9/21*CALL YOUR SHOT (84) 8 7 0
10/17*CALL YOUR SHOT (84) 15 14 0 51.7 10/15 DARQUE KNIGHTS (22) 7 7 0
11/ 9 DARQUE KNIGHTS (22) 480 449 29 51.7 11/18 THIRSTY THUGS (31) 7 8 1
12-10*ENDLESS HUNGER (80) 16 15 1 51.6 12/ 5*200 PROOF (87) 7 8 0
13/12 HERO'S INC (67) 124 121 3 50.6 13/20 HERO'S INC (67) 7 8 0
14/13 THIRSTY THUGS (31) 439 451 14 49.3 14/ 6 LOST SENTINELS (19) 6 7 0
15/15 HUCKLE'S CATS (23) 397 463 19 46.2 15/17*STRANGER DANGERS (82) 6 7 0
16/16 AH TONGUES OF FIRE (49) 37 44 2 45.7 16/24*CEREAL KILLERS (83) 5 9 0
17/14*PANDEMIC BOREDOM (78) 13 17 1 43.3 17/16 HUCKLE'S CATS (23) 5 10 1
18/19*CONSTANT SORROW (81) 15 20 2 42.9 18/12*PANDEMIC BOREDOM (78) 5 10 1
Career Win-Loss Record W L K % Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns W L K
19/18*STRANGER DANGERS (82) 12 16 1 42.9 19/25*AKAKIA (86) 5 10 0
20/21 LOST SENTINELS (19) 363 546 39 39.9 20-10 WEIRDING WAYS (53) 4 1 1
21/20*HOLD MY BEER (79) 11 18 1 37.9 21/14*HOLD MY BEER (79) 4 10 0
22/22*CEREAL KILLERS (83) 11 18 0 37.9 22/19 PHARMANOMICON (76) 4 11 0
23-24*TALK NERDY 2 ME (85) 6 13 0 31.6 23-22*TALK NERDY 2 ME (85) 3 2 0
24/23*LOCAL GIRLS (88) 7 16 0 30.4 24-11*ENDLESS HUNGER (80) 3 5 0
25/25*AKAKIA (86) 6 19 0 24.0 25/23*LOCAL GIRLS (88) 2 11 0
'*' Unchartered team '-' Team did not fight this turn
(###) Avoid teams by their Team Id ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank
TEAM SPOTLIGHT
99 BEERS III!!! (+100) CONTEST STANDINGS -- TURN 5/188
POS TEAM BOTTLES MANAGER
1 200 PROOF 5 Biff
2 WAY OF ALL FLESH 5 Manray
3 ALFREDOVISION(TM) 5 alfredo
4 PIXELBENDERS 5 Lorenzo
5 HERO'S INC 5 Eli
6 PANDEMIC BOREDOM 5 Pappy
7 AH TONGUES OF FIRE 5 Hammer
8 CONSTANT SORROW 5 Mannequin
9 HOLD MY BEER 5 Mr G
10 CEREAL KILLERS 5 Palinc
11 PHARMANOMICON 4 Neuroticus
12 METAL BLADE 4 Producer
13 CALL YOUR SHOT 4 Riff Raff
14 TALK NERDY TO ME 4 Dante
15 ROBO VILLAGE 3 Landlord
16 DARQUE KNIGHTS 3 Darque
17 STRANGER DANGERS 3 Eb
18 LOCAL GIRLS 3 Professor
19 AKAKIA 3 Coach
20 WEIRDING WAYS 2 Weirdo
21 UNLIKELY HEROES 1 DD
Please note that I have removed a few teams from the contest standings. Khagn from
ENDLESS HUNGER has decided to drop out of the contest for personal reasons, and we
wish him well. I have also removed THIRSTY THUGS, HUCKLE'S CATS, and LOST SENTINELS
due to contest inactivity. Note, however, assuming they are still here, wins vs. these
teams will still "count" when the Arena Achievement phase starts on turn 16/199 and
you are certainly welcome to challenge them... even though they do not seem to care
lol.
DUELMASTER'S COLUMN
Notes from the arena champ.
Well, well, well, I certainly am good with my hands, kinda why I make my living being
a handyman. Just ask Okstupid, cause he did something really stupid, like challenge a
handyman on his way to fix the stove in trailer #12. Nothing stands in the way of a
handyman and his mission and my mission is to make this the best trailer park around.
The Landlord tells me that I don't have a great chance at keeping this throne, so I am
working on it now after that Vertex guy left it a shambles. This throne will look
great when I leave it, making several comfortable adjustments so it looks and feels
amazing.
See you wimps around, give me a call if you need any work done.
-- Duelmaster at large, The Handyman
SPY REPORT
Oh, dear! Is it arena day already? I feel like it has been a rush these past few
weeks. Don't get me wrong, my darlings, I am always happy to see you on this glorious
day, but it just appears to have crept up on me like a prowling Aruaki. It is a nice
surprise, so let's get down to business and take a look at all that transpired in our
fair city today.
As usual, let's start with the most important seat in the arena, the Duelmaster! The
Handyman became our champion last turn, so we got to look forward to seeing him whirl
his tools once again on the sands against any challengers. And look, he did indeed
have a challenger. Mr. Root from Huckle's Cats made a play for the throne of Seam. It
was a valiant effort, but The Handyman remains our Duelmaster. Congrats to him once
again, as well as his manager The Landlord.
Metal Blade had an impressive 67-point gain to capture the Top Team on the Move award.
200 Proof continues to sit atop the Career Win-Loss rankings, but Alfredovision(TM)
takes over the 3-turn category from Pixelbenders. There were no graduation notices
this turn, but it looks like we have more than a few warriors on the cusp of receiving
invites from the Commission.
Cereal Killers are our most avoided team today. It looks as if Stranger Danger
avoided them the most. The notoriety award, or most challenged warrior, goes to Burn
Out of Lost Sentinels. I guess a 3-7-0 record would attract more than a few looks
from other managers. The Last Beer was able to vanquish Burn Out in a quick 1-minute
fight. I would recommend avoids, but I'm not sure you can do that if you are entered
into the contest.
Time for me to go, my sweets. It has been a pleasure as always to see each of you
again. I hope our missing teams return to us next turn. I also hope we see a few new
names listed on the team records. Keep your blades sharp, but I recommend dulling
your opponents' blades as an extra measure. Eh, I'll leave the pithy sayings to
Snide. See you next time!
-- Sidara Brightbell
DUELMASTER W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
THE HANDYMAN 942 20 23 1 134 ROBO VILLAGE (68)
CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
COMMAND X 1060 19 10 0 121 PIXELBENDERS (36)
LORELEI 1044 24 8 0 115 LOST SENTINELS (19)
ANVIL 1113 10 8 0 104 METAL BLADE (69)
PASCAL LYNXEAR 1019 27 11 0 102 DARQUE KNIGHTS (22)
SISTER GARLIC 41 17 9 0 100 UNLIKELY HEROES (4)
-CAPTAIN OBVIOUS 679 25 23 1 99 WEIRDING WAYS (53)
THE SILENT OWL 42 16 10 1 98 UNLIKELY HEROES (4)
BENNAKYL 1109 14 9 1 98 PHARMANOMICON (76)
HELSTAR 976 20 21 0 97 METAL BLADE (69)
OMEN 1102 12 8 0 97 METAL BLADE (69)
OKSTUPID 950 25 13 0 93 WAY OF ALL FLESH (17)
SUPER CHICKEN 39 17 9 1 93 UNLIKELY HEROES (4)
CHAMPIONS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
CUT & PASTE 1036 16 18 0 90 PIXELBENDERS (36)
THE REDNECK 1129 8 5 0 89 ROBO VILLAGE (68)
MR. ROOT 994 18 22 2 86 HUCKLE'S CATS (23)
TALA ONE-HAND 1097 14 7 0 83 DARQUE KNIGHTS (22)
MECHADEPLORABLE 1080 17 7 0 79 WAY OF ALL FLESH (17)
I DON'T MOW 941 17 26 0 77 ROBO VILLAGE (68)
GOAT WITH NO NAME 1148 10 3 0 75 ALFREDOVISION(TM) (77)
DOCTOR LION 1127 7 9 1 74 HUCKLE'S CATS (23)
TRAPS 983 15 27 1 73 THIRSTY THUGS (31)
CHAMPIONS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
GENERAL LIABILITY 38 13 13 0 67 UNLIKELY HEROES (4)
CHALLENGER ADEPTS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
CROAKER 1086 11 11 0 66 THIRSTY THUGS (31)
FURIOUS INHALER 1108 12 10 1 64 PHARMANOMICON (76)
-EARTHQUAKE SEASON 887 15 14 0 59 WEIRDING WAYS (53)
FREXX 1122 9 8 2 59 THIRSTY THUGS (31)
ADEPTS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
FRAHNDAHDAHDIAH 552 7 1 0 56 AH TONGUES OF FIRE (49)
DY-QUIL 1107 13 10 1 54 PHARMANOMICON (76)
BOZO THE CLOWN 1131 12 3 0 51 ALFREDOVISION(TM) (77)
GUMBO 1075 9 16 1 51 LOST SENTINELS (19)
PANDA 1132 7 8 0 49 HERO'S INC (67)
BULLY BOBCAT 1078 9 15 0 48 HUCKLE'S CATS (23)
HOP ONTHEBUS GUS 1154 7 5 0 48 ALFREDOVISION(TM) (77)
COCAINE SMILE 1180 6 2 0 47 WAY OF ALL FLESH (17)
ETERNAL BLOSSOM 1158 6 5 0 45 DARQUE KNIGHTS (22)
PATRON SILVER 1197 5 1 0 44 CALL YOUR SHOT (84)
KHONDOHLAVISHAH 506 10 6 1 43 AH TONGUES OF FIRE (49)
-SUICIDE MISSION 1051 9 7 0 42 WEIRDING WAYS (53)
AMBERLITH 1229 4 1 0 42 PIXELBENDERS (36)
HODAG 1188 4 2 0 41 STRANGER DANGERS (82)
MR. READ-A-LOT 1077 8 16 0 40 HUCKLE'S CATS (23)
CHUGS 1219 5 1 0 38 200 PROOF (87)
AHSHONDALAI 498 9 9 1 37 AH TONGUES OF FIRE (49)
PAYTRIOT GAME 1162 5 4 1 37 WAY OF ALL FLESH (17)
PREGNANT ALCOHOLIC 1170 4 4 0 36 ROBO VILLAGE (68)
CHALLENGER INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
DEORN 1152 6 6 1 33 HERO'S INC (67)
-DREDLOCK 1172 3 2 0 33 ENDLESS HUNGER (80)
AMOXIKILLIN 1105 8 8 0 32 PHARMANOMICON (76)
DAKIA WILDROSE 1159 5 6 0 32 DARQUE KNIGHTS (22)
-SHAKIN' FOR BACON 1050 7 9 1 31 WEIRDING WAYS (53)
MAYOR FOX 1179 3 5 0 31 HUCKLE'S CATS (23)
NAKED AND AFRAID 1160 7 3 0 30 ALFREDOVISION(TM) (77)
SKUNK APE 1190 4 2 0 30 STRANGER DANGERS (82)
-DESTINY 1231 3 0 0 30 ENDLESS HUNGER (80)
FRIENDZONE 1174 5 2 2 29 CONSTANT SORROW (81)
HOEB 1184 5 2 1 29 THIRSTY THUGS (31)
DARK INEBRIATOR 1216 5 1 0 29 200 PROOF (87)
BARBARA EDEN 1224 3 2 0 27 LOCAL GIRLS (88)
MANOWAR 1259 2 0 0 27 METAL BLADE (69)
KYLIE JENNER LIP 1146 3 3 1 26 HOLD MY BEER (79)
MOTHER-IN-LAW 1239 3 1 0 26 CONSTANT SORROW (81)
THE LAST BEER 1244 2 1 0 25 ALFREDOVISION(TM) (77)
CRACKLE J. ARIUS 1193 4 2 0 24 CEREAL KILLERS (83)
GI JANE 1171 4 4 0 24 HERO'S INC (67)
WHAT MONTH IS IT 1135 2 4 0 24 PANDEMIC BOREDOM (78)
INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
POP C. ANTHONY 1194 3 3 0 23 CEREAL KILLERS (83)
-CANNON MOLE 1139 3 1 2 22 WEIRDING WAYS (53)
FLAMING DR PEPPER 1200 4 2 0 20 CALL YOUR SHOT (84)
HOODED LEMMING 1249 2 1 0 19 UNLIKELY HEROES (4)
WASTED 1217 2 4 0 19 200 PROOF (87)
POOR JUDGEMENT 1213 3 3 0 18 CONSTANT SORROW (81)
POSTMAN 1201 2 4 0 18 HERO'S INC (67)
-LONELY OTAKU 1202 1 3 0 18 TALK NERDY 2 ME (85)
COWBOYS FAN 1261 1 0 0 18 CONSTANT SORROW (81)
DO IT TOMORROW 1133 5 1 1 17 PANDEMIC BOREDOM (78)
REPLACEMENT THEORY 1164 4 5 0 17 WAY OF ALL FLESH (17)
INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
TEENAGE DAUGHTER 1238 3 1 0 17 CONSTANT SORROW (81)
CHARTREUSE 1199 3 3 0 17 CALL YOUR SHOT (84)
BURN OUT 1157 3 8 0 17 LOST SENTINELS (19)
EPICUREAN 1246 2 1 0 17 METAL BLADE (69)
MIDAS 1226 2 3 0 17 HERO'S INC (67)
HARMACIST 1126 3 7 0 16 PHARMANOMICON (76)
HELLVETICA 1236 3 1 0 16 PIXELBENDERS (36)
WELFARE MOM 1161 3 7 0 16 ROBO VILLAGE (68)
-DEFIANT 1182 2 4 0 16 ENDLESS HUNGER (80)
-HANDY ROLEPLAYER 1205 2 1 0 16 TALK NERDY 2 ME (85)
PARNO 1258 1 1 0 16 LOST SENTINELS (19)
-DRAGONWIND 1168 3 3 0 15 ENDLESS HUNGER (80)
TEEPEETOTALER 1218 4 2 0 14 200 PROOF (87)
MOTHMAN 1189 3 3 1 13 STRANGER DANGERS (82)
TUMBLE BELLY 1183 3 4 0 13 THIRSTY THUGS (31)
BRAHNDAHDAHDIAH 557 3 4 0 13 AH TONGUES OF FIRE (49)
SLICK 1208 2 3 0 13 AKAKIA (86)
SCROLLING REDDIT 1136 3 3 0 12 PANDEMIC BOREDOM (78)
PLANK 1145 3 3 0 12 HOLD MY BEER (79)
WHAT'S STREAMING 1137 3 3 0 12 PANDEMIC BOREDOM (78)
TIDE POD 1143 3 3 0 12 HOLD MY BEER (79)
BOTTLE FLIP 1142 1 5 0 11 HOLD MY BEER (79)
PUB CRAWLER 1220 2 4 0 10 200 PROOF (87)
SNAP 'FOXY' KNOX 1192 2 4 0 10 CEREAL KILLERS (83)
CAP'N C. MANSON 1195 2 4 0 10 CEREAL KILLERS (83)
CALI GOLD RUSH 1264 1 0 0 10 CALL YOUR SHOT (84)
BIFF 1212 2 3 0 9 AKAKIA (86)
-BUSTY COSPLAYER 1203 2 2 0 9 TALK NERDY 2 ME (85)
LIZ DANFORTH 1222 2 3 0 9 LOCAL GIRLS (88)
WILLIAM BUCKWELL 1211 1 4 0 9 AKAKIA (86)
SHONDAILADONDAI 856 1 5 0 8 AH TONGUES OF FIRE (49)
VERUS CAIN 1255 1 1 0 8 DARQUE KNIGHTS (22)
BRITTNEY GRINER 1225 1 4 0 7 LOCAL GIRLS (88)
ROSE MOFFORD 1223 1 4 0 7 LOCAL GIRLS (88)
STEVEN 1209 1 4 0 7 AKAKIA (86)
-UPTIGHT BOOKWORM 1204 1 3 0 6 TALK NERDY 2 ME (85)
ATARI 2600 1269 1 0 0 6 PIXELBENDERS (36)
ALBERT 1210 0 5 0 5 AKAKIA (86)
-LOADED LARPER 1248 0 1 0 1 TALK NERDY 2 ME (85)
QUIET QUITTING 1263 0 1 0 1 PANDEMIC BOREDOM (78)
CODEX 1268 0 1 0 1 LOST SENTINELS (19)
PENNY OUTLET 1253 0 1 0 1 HOLD MY BEER (79)
'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.
THE DEAD W L K TEAM NAME SLAIN BY TURN Revenge?
FROTHY POUR 1 1265 0 1 0 CALL YOUR SHOT 84 WURM KIN 189 NONE
GIRL SCOUT 1198 1 4 0 CALL YOUR SHOT 84 DO IT TOMORROW 1133 188 JUST REVENGED
DOOMBLADE 1169 4 1 0 ENDLESS HUNGER 80 FRIENDZONE 1174 187
YUTO 1016 13 23 4 LOST SENTINELS 19 MR. ROOT 994 187
DARK FUNERAL 1150 5 5 0 METAL BLADE 69 FREXX 1122 187
DYNAMITE 1151 5 4 0 METAL BLADE 69 DOCTOR LION 1127 186
GAMESTOP 1241 0 1 0 PANDEMIC BOREDOM 78 MOTHMAN 1189 186 REVENGED
GREAT RESIGNATIO 1245 0 2 0 PANDEMIC BOREDOM 78 CANNON MOLE 1139 188
GROCERY DELIVERY 1134 0 2 0 PANDEMIC BOREDOM 78 HOEB 1184 185 NOT REVENGED
WENDIGO 1187 1 2 0 STRANGER DANGERS 82 KYLIE JENNER LIP 1146 186
PERSONAL ADS
All -- This if my official ad for this turn, so I quit losing points. -- The
Landlord of Robo Village
Ok, I have given you all enough of a head start. -- DD
Naked and Afraid -- It is no fair that you received that advanced expert in riposte.
I never got to swing at you so you could riposte something. I think you paid off the
Arena Master. - Albert
Midas -- About that Deadly Bloodlust comment. I'm sorry I didn't know she was your
sister. Can I buy you a beer so we can talk about it? -- Steven
Pub Crawler -- You blew my perfect 0 -- 3 record. Now what am I going to do? -- Slick
Teepeetotaler -- Why do you go around totaling Teepees? Are you working through some
parental issues? -- William Buckwell
Pop C. Anthony -- I kill cereal too!!! Mostly Lucky Charms! I love killing them. --
Biff
Alf -- Don't forget my beer! -- Coach Joseki of the AKAKIA
ALL RIGHT! The CwaC list has ballooned to over half of the managers in the main
contest! Hey all you last-minute folks out there...it's not too late! Next turn's
newsletter, turn 190/7, is your last chance to enter the CwaC. So if you still want
in, you need to let me know NOW! -- alf, Your Cruise Director
Here's the updated list:
ALFREDOVISION(TM) -- alfredo
CALL YOUR SHOT -- Riff Raff
STRANGER DANGERS -- Ebenezer
HOLD MY BEER -- Mr G
WAY OF ALL FLESH -- Manray
PANDEMIC BOREDOM -- Pappy
ROBO VILLAGE -- Landlord
CONSTANT SORROW -- Mannequin
200 PROOF -- Biff
AKAKIA -- Coach
AH TONGUES OF FIRE -- Hammer
Tide Pod -- I thought you'd dissolve faster than what you did. I'll have to work
harder on my wash cycle -- Mother-In-Law
Burn Out -- I knew you didn't have the energy to keep up with me! -- Teenage Daughter
Barbara Eden -- You can rub my lamp any day! -- Poor Judgement
Dragonwind -- Are you sure you guys want to keep trying to Bloodfeud me? -- Friendzone
Alf -- Please add me to the list of teams that want to compete in the CwaC. --
Mannequin, mgr Constant Sorrow
After living through the last few years, my eyes have been opened to so-called
"conspiracy theories." Now I see my 3 fallen teammates -- Grocery Delivery, GameStop,
and Great Resignation -- and I realize that the Deep State is suppressing "G"
warriors. And then I hear about Girl Scout, killed by a Total Parry?! My own team-
mate is in on this?! Do your own research on this, guys, don't believe fake spy
reports! -- Quiet Quitting
Maybe I'll just download some mental health apps to help me get over the surprise of
Girl Scout. -- Do It Tomorrow
Dearest Alf -- Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was a thirsty
manager. We'll call him Riff-Raff. He earned a bottle of beer, and is humbly
requesting it. -- Riff-Raff, Mgr Call Your Shot
Do It Tomorrow -- Never exact murderous revenge tomorrow, when you can do it today.
Er, this turn. -- Ghost of Dirty Girl Scout
Tumble Belly -- Honestly, your name confused me. I was about to ask you what it
meant, when your churlishly sucker punched me. It was all downhill from there. --
Flaming Dr Pepper
Crackle J Arius -- I like my cereal with tequila. Doesn't everyone? -- Patron Silver
Rose Mofford -- It takes you a bit to get warmed up, doesn't it? -- Chartreuse
These were to be in with last turn, oops. My fault. -- Producer
OKSTUPID -- Well, you outlasted me. You got lucky. -- Producer
Rose -- Hitting you in da cooter was a sure way to get the win. -- Anvil
Vertext -- Well there you go. Now piss off. -- Helstar
Bennakyl -- Just so you know, hits to the head hurt -- Producer
ALL -- Metal Blade would like to present in all their loincloth fury... MANOWAR!
Prepare to be entertained or I get another rollup. -- Producer
Now the current ads. -- Producer
Traps -- Thanksa for those skills! -- Anvil
Hellvetica -- I must say that was a fun fight to read. See ya on the sands another
time. -- Producer
Mechdeplorable -- Scums fights fights are a great way to wipe out all trees in North
America. Stupid trees. -- Helstar
I DON'T MOW -- Makes sense I would learn so many Parry skills, with how the fight
went. Good fight as well. -- Omen
Ebenezer -- Your sentence "I have lost all sense of time, and float adrift in a haze
of nihilism and apathy" is pure poetry. I haven't entered the "poetry" phase yet, I
seem to be stuck in the "weight gain / not taking care of my body / watching the lawn
not getting mowed" phase. I did finally escape the "listening to too much Whitney
Houston / watching way too much TV" phase -- I knew something was wrong when I watched
"The Long, Hot Summer" for the 5th time in a week but really, who can say no to a
young, sexist Paul Newman? Not this guy! Anyway, you might remember Dwayne when he
got back from Redlands, how he was really into hugging? That's what I'm going to do
to you if you can make it to the January face-to-face -- I'm going to give you an
awkwardly long hug but I'm going to shower beforehand and hopefully drop a few pounds
so you can hug me back and your hands can touch each other and suddenly everything
will be good in our lives and the nihilism and apathy will drain away and I'll have
enough energy to mow my lawn and my neighbors won't hate me and my younger kids will
stop punching me and my older kids will finally admit that they listen to my advice
and that my taste in music is excellent. And hopefully you'll also feel good. --
Pappy
For the contest -- Well actually the Contest within a contest. Team AKAKIA has
purchased a 6 pack and we are hoping to come in third. Coach Joseki
Sidara -- Really appreciate your gracing our little arena here with your presence, but
I went 5-0 last turn and I didn't even get as much as a nod from you. What's it take
for a guy to get noticed around here, hmm? -- alf
Grats to WEIRDO for his 4-1-1 return to SEAM and MANNEQUIN for his start at turning
things around with a 4-1-0. Well done, gents. -- alf
Riff Raff -- One bottle maximum per turn right now. Sorry....I guess you all will just
have to share. -- alf
Mannequin -- At our age I guess 1 per turn will be acceptable. But what's the $2 for?
I didn't tell you to change your name, and that's the only thing I know of you can get
for 2 bucks around here. -- alf
Manray.- Brevity; excellent -- alf
Well it's a good thing we have a prep period in this contest. I have a couple of
slots to fill in my stable and I'm having to send a lot of recruits to, uh, I guess I
would call them after-hours study sessions. So far they have been, uh...declining to
return. -- Ebenezer "Tough Love" Frothingslosh
ALL -- Thanks for your support the last 6 seasons of my team's goofy nods to
Pixelbending in the Graphic Design world. Got a little silly there, but you guys
handled it all pretty well. Hellvetica will be my last warrior to be a Graphic Arts
reference as I'm taking my Pixelbending to a simpler time. Some of you may remember
Slurpee cups with the latest releases of the first console games. My latest warrior is
paying homage to one of the original Pixelbenders: Please welcome Atari 2600 to Seam!
Seam -- Biff is currently busy so this is his automated arena 20 personal ad to
satisfy Alf. -- Biff "El Bosso" Frothingslosh, mgr extraordinaire of 200 Proof
Seam Psychos --- Another Cycle! Another Bottle! --- Hammer, mgr of Ah Tongues Of Fire
Will someone hold my beer? I almost forgot to post a personal ad. I got to send it in
real quick. Hopefully it is not too late... -- Mr. G
Alf -- I don't care what I read on the bathroom walls, you're a good guy. -- Landlord
of Robo Village
Weirdo -- Do you need people for the freak show? You should see some of the winners I
have in my trailer park, they were born to star in a freak show. - Landlord of Robo
Village
We here at Pharmanomicon encourage all to hit the bottle, so we may better use this to
CRUSH YOU! -- Neuroticus -- Manager of Pharmanomicon
Free drinks for all the winners at the Six5 Tavern! -- Manray
***---------*---------*---------*---------**---------*---------*---------*---------***
Gladiators, Alastari needs your help!
An invasion through one of the northern chaos gates has threatened the land. Brave
fighters are requested to face this alien threat. If you think you are tough enough,
please respond to the Gladiatorial Commission. Please include the following
information:
* Name and arena
* A description including height, general appearance, preferred weapon,
additional talents, and personality.
* Explain why you want to face this deadly threat.
Thank you.
-- Keel Woodhaven, spy reporter for arena 101
LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS
FROTHY POUR 1 was butchered by WURM KIN in a 2 minute bloody Dark Arena fight.
PATRON SILVER vanquished DO IT TOMORROW in a 2 minute brutal uneven Bloodfeud battle.
COMMAND X overpowered SUPER CHICKEN in a 5 minute mismatched Challenge duel.
MR. ROOT was overpowered by THE HANDYMAN in a 1 minute Challenge Title match.
GENERAL LIABILITY was devastated by OMEN in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge duel.
I DON'T MOW outlasted FURIOUS INHALER in a slow 9 minute master's Challenge brawl.
OKSTUPID handily defeated TRAPS in a 5 minute gruesome uneven Challenge melee.
HELSTAR unbelievably bested CUT & PASTE in a 8 minute expert's Challenge fight.
GOAT WITH NO NAME overpowered GUMBO in a 1 minute gruesome one-sided Challenge fight.
HOP ONTHEBUS GUS savagely defeated AHSHONDALAI in a 2 minute brutal Challenge fight.
NAKED AND AFRAID was subdued by KHONDOHLAVISHAH in a 3 minute Challenge competition.
MR. READ-A-LOT was viciously subdued by CROAKER in a 3 minute Challenge contest.
PREGNANT ALCOHOLIC beat HOODED LEMMING in a 1 minute Challenge conflict.
TEENAGE DAUGHTER was overpowered by HODAG in a 2 minute one-sided Challenge duel.
SKUNK APE was bested by BULLY BOBCAT in a action packed 4 minute Challenge duel.
PUB CRAWLER was devastated by PARNO in a popular 1 minute mismatched Challenge brawl.
WHAT'S STREAMING was savagely defeated by POSTMAN in a 2 minute Challenge bout.
CHARTREUSE defeated SCROLLING REDDIT in a 3 minute Challenge conflict.
FLAMING DR PEPPER bested HARMACIST in a 2 minute Challenge contest.
WHAT MONTH IS IT beat VERUS CAIN in a action packed 4 minute Challenge fight.
TEEPEETOTALER was savagely defeated by MAYOR FOX in a 6 minute Challenge bout.
THE LAST BEER handily defeated BURN OUT in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge contest.
EPICUREAN demolished STEVEN in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
MOTHER-IN-LAW vanquished WELFARE MOM in a 2 minute one-sided Challenge match.
MECHADEPLORABLE was vanquished by ANVIL in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
PASCAL LYNXEAR luckily beat THE REDNECK in a action packed 8 minute one-sided melee.
SISTER GARLIC handily defeated DOCTOR LION in a exciting 1 minute uneven bout.
BENNAKYL was overcome by LORELEI in a popular 3 minute veteran's duel.
TALA ONE-HAND was defeated by THE SILENT OWL in a popular 3 minute expert's duel.
DY-QUIL overpowered KYLIE JENNER LIP in a 1 minute one-sided match.
FREXX narrowly defeated PANDA in a 2 minute brutal bout.
AMBERLITH was beaten by FRAHNDAHDAHDIAH in a 3 minute fray.
BOZO THE CLOWN subdued DEORN in a 4 minute contest.
FRIENDZONE was viciously subdued by ETERNAL BLOSSOM in a 2 minute fight.
COCAINE SMILE demolished AMOXIKILLIN in a 1 minute one-sided struggle.
TUMBLE BELLY was handily defeated by DAKIA WILDROSE in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
CHUGS demolished REPLACEMENT THEORY in a 1 minute one-sided conflict.
PAYTRIOT GAME vanquished SHONDAILADONDAI in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
POOR JUDGEMENT was unbelievably bested by HOEB in a crowd pleasing 1 minute bout.
GI JANE handily defeated CAP'N C. MANSON in a 1 minute gory one-sided duel.
MOTHMAN was demolished by DARK INEBRIATOR in a 1 minute uneven duel.
PLANK was devastated by POP C. ANTHONY in a 1 minute mismatched match.
SNAP 'FOXY' KNOX lost to WASTED in a 2 minute conflict.
CRACKLE J. ARIUS narrowly defeated BOTTLE FLIP in a 3 minute brawl.
TIDE POD narrowly defeated ROSE MOFFORD in a dull 13 minute competition.
BRAHNDAHDAHDIAH was handily defeated by BARBARA EDEN in a 1 minute one-sided match.
BIFF was defeated by CALI GOLD RUSH in a 2 minute novice's battle.
WILLIAM BUCKWELL won victory over QUIET QUITTING in a 2 minute gruesome novice's bout.
ALBERT was defeated by MIDAS in a 1 minute beginner's competition.
LIZ DANFORTH was subdued by COWBOYS FAN in a 2 minute amateur's match.
BRITTNEY GRINER was beaten by HELLVETICA in a 3 minute novice's battle.
SLICK defeated CODEX in a 2 minute amateur's bout.
MANOWAR devastated INCOMPETENT PUNK in a 1 minute one-sided conflict.
PENNY OUTLET was bested by ATARI 2600 in a 2 minute novice's battle.
BATTLE REPORT
MOST POPULAR RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS
|FIGHTING STYLE FIGHTS FIGHTING STYLE W - L - K PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK 21 TOTAL PARRY 94 - 64 - 1 59 |
|TOTAL PARRY 19 PARRY-STRIKE 39 - 27 - 3 59 |
|AIMED BLOW 14 LUNGING ATTACK 77 - 87 - 6 47 |
|WALL OF STEEL 11 SLASHING ATTACK 54 - 64 - 3 46 |
|SLASHING ATTACK 10 STRIKING ATTACK 32 - 38 - 1 46 |
|BASHING ATTACK 9 AIMED BLOW 47 - 56 - 0 46 |
|PARRY-STRIKE 7 PARRY-LUNGE 16 - 20 - 0 44 |
|STRIKING ATTACK 6 BASHING ATTACK 37 - 47 - 2 44 |
|PARRY-LUNGE 5 WALL OF STEEL 43 - 58 - 3 43 |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE 4 PARRY-RIPOSTE 19 - 26 - 1 42 |
Turn 189 was great if you Not so great if you used The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles: the fighting styles: top eleven warriors are:
STRIKING ATTACK 4 - 2 WALL OF STEEL 5 - 6 4 TOTAL PARRY
BASHING ATTACK 6 - 3 PARRY-STRIKE 3 - 4 2 WALL OF STEEL
TOTAL PARRY 11 - 8 SLASHING ATTACK 4 - 6 2 SLASHING ATTACK
LUNGING ATTACK 12 - 9 PARRY-LUNGE 1 - 4 1 PARRY-STRIKE
AIMED BLOW 7 - 7 PARRY-RIPOSTE 0 - 4 1 LUNGING ATTACK
1 AIMED BLOW
TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE
FIGHTING STYLE WARRIOR W L K PNTS TEAM NAME
PARRY-STRIKE COMMAND X 1060 19 10 0 121 PIXELBENDERS (36)
TOTAL PARRY LORELEI 1044 24 8 0 115 LOST SENTINELS (19)
SLASHING ATTACK ANVIL 1113 10 8 0 104 METAL BLADE (69)
LUNGING ATTACK SISTER GARLIC 41 17 9 0 100 UNLIKELY HEROES (4)
WALL OF STEEL THE SILENT OWL 42 16 10 1 98 UNLIKELY HEROES (4)
AIMED BLOW OMEN 1102 12 8 0 97 METAL BLADE (69)
STRIKING ATTACK THE REDNECK 1129 8 5 0 89 ROBO VILLAGE (68)
BASHING ATTACK DY-QUIL 1107 13 10 1 54 PHARMANOMICON (76)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.
The overall popularity leader is CUT & PASTE 1036. The most popular warrior this
turn was THE REDNECK 1129. The ten other most popular fighters were BULLY BOBCAT
1078, COMMAND X 1060, CUT & PASTE 1036, WHAT MONTH IS IT 1135, CROAKER 1086, MAYOR
FOX 1179, POSTMAN 1201, BENNAKYL 1109, TALA ONE-HAND 1097, and ETERNAL BLOSSOM 1158.
The least popular fighter this week was TIDE POD 1143. The other ten least popular
fighters were I DON'T MOW 941, TRAPS 983, PENNY OUTLET 1253, CODEX 1268, BIFF 1212,
BRAHNDAHDAHDIAH 557, PLANK 1145, MOTHMAN 1189, CAP'N C. MANSON 1195, and
SHONDAILADONDAI 856.