DUEL 2 NEWSLETTER

Date   : 05/27/2008    Duedate: 06/23/2008

THE STOMPING GROUNDS ARENA

DM-20    TURN-431

This Weeks Top Honors

THE DUELMASTER IS

MAULARIA
MAUL RATS (360)
(20-3702) [2-0-0,22]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

POSITION IS EMPTY              MAULARIA
                               MAUL RATS (360)
                               (20-3702) [2-0-0,22]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

FLAILS HERE                    TEACUP THUMPER
GO TO FLAIL (372)              MAUL MASHING ORCS (376)
(20-3763) [2-0-0,12]           (20-3783) [1-1-0,4]

THE CURRENT TOP TEAM

MAUL RATS (360)

          TEAMS ON THE MOVE            TOP CAREER HONORS
Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. THE HEAVY HANDS (379)       56
2. THE BEATNIKS (364)          31      PLACES IN TIME (290)
3. MAUL RATS (360)             30      Unchartered Team
4. NUMBSKULLS (375)            28
5. CHIC BARBARIANS (371)       19      THE HEAVY HANDS (379)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 0*THE HEAVY HANDS (379)      5   0  0  100   1/ 1*MAUL RATS (360)           9  1 0
 2/ 1*MAUL RATS (360)            9   1  0 90.0   2/ 2*MAUL MASHING ORCS (376)   6  4 1
 3- 3*BASH 4 CASH (355)          4   1  0 80.0   3/ 4*PLATONIC SOLIDS (370)     6  4 0
 4/ 2*MAUL MASHING ORCS (376)    6   4  1 60.0   4/ 0*THE HEAVY HANDS (379)     5  0 0
 5/ 4*PLATONIC SOLIDS (370)      6   4  0 60.0   5/ 6*GO TO FLAIL (372)         5  5 1
 6- 7*CLUB CLUB (365)            3   2  0 60.0   6/ 7*BABA BABA (356)           5  5 0
 7/ 5*GO TO FLAIL (372)          5   5  1 50.0   7/12*THE BEATNIKS (364)        5  5 0
 8/ 6*BABA BABA (356)            5   5  0 50.0   8/14*BASHTARDS (367)           5  5 0
 9/11*THE BEATNIKS (364)         5   5  0 50.0   9- 3*BASH 4 CASH (355)         4  1 0
10/14*BASHTARDS (367)            5   5  0 50.0  10/13*I CRUSH UR HEAD (361)     4  6 0
11- 8*MARTILYO BASHERS (362)     2   2  0 50.0  11/15*DUNGEON CELL BA (368)     4  6 0
12- 9 WEEKEND WARRIORS (99)    156 229  5 40.5  12/19*NUMBSKULLS (375)          4  6 0
13/17*NUMBSKULLS (375)           4   6  0 40.0  13- 5 WEEKEND WARRIORS (99)     3  1 0
14/12*I CRUSH UR HEAD (361)      4   6  0 40.0  14- 8*CLUB CLUB (365)           3  2 0
15/15*DUNGEON CELL BA (368)      4   6  0 40.0  15- 9*MARTILYO BASHERS (362)    2  2 0
16-10*THE TALLYWACKERS (358)     2   3  1 40.0  16-10*THE TALLYWACKERS (358)    2  3 1
17-13*ABATTOIR BASHERS (363)     2   3  0 40.0  17-11*ABATTOIR BASHERS (363)    2  3 0
18/ 0*CHIC BARBARIANS (371)      2   3  0 40.0  18/ 0*CHIC BARBARIANS (371)     2  3 0

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
19/16*DEMOLITION (359)           2   8  0 20.0  19/17*DEMOLITION (359)          2  8 0
20-19*MY OTHER CAR (373)         1   4  0 20.0  20-18*MY OTHER CAR (373)        1  4 0
21-18*JGW PERISHABLE (366)       1   4  0 20.0  21-16*JGW PERISHABLE (366)      1  4 0
22/ 0*NUMBNUTS (380)             1   4  0 20.0  22/ 0*NUMBNUTS (380)            1  4 0
23-20*DAMOONS (374)              0   5  0  0.0  23-20*DAMOONS (374)             0  5 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

      * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

         BaBa Statements, Sayings, and Poetry

... Tis better to have bashed and lost than to have never bashed at all.
... Bash is never having to say you are sorry.
... A bash in time saves nine.
... Bash?!  You can't stand the bash!
... Bash like there's no tomorrow.
... I want a gal; just like the gal, that bashed dear old dad.
... Four score and seven bashes ago...
... When you bash upon a star; there's no difference who you are.
... Just bash it!
... We hold these bashes to be self evident.
... Once upon a midnight dreary, while we bashed weak and weary.
... Never trust what you can't bash.
... I can't get no satisbashin'
... Cheers, cheers, for old Notre Bash
... When the going gets tough the tough get bashing.
... Bash, hope, and charity.
... If the bash fits, wear it.
... Proud Mary keep on bashin'
... An enemy of my enemy is a basher.
... Bash it!  I quit.

      * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

                           Amaulican Idol Season Premiere

     In the middle of the former Seam arena, a makeshift ceremonial platform is
elevated by the bodies of Crush, Pound, Baby and some of the Dark Arena's recent
second placers.  A large hulking figure lugging two shields makes his way to what
could best be described as a podium, assuming a stack of decapitated and decomposing
yak heads could be used for this purpose.  The troll then speaks....
     "I'm Bashera and welcome to Amaulican Idol, The Stomping Ground's first award
show to honor the arena's most creative managers and manglers.  Since none of you
would honor each other, we brought in a panel of outside judges to cast a vote for
the best team and warrior name, including Mannequin, The Muffin Man, Detective
Kellumbo, Managerr and TUM.  If you don't recognize them by name, just look for the
guys who have bathed within the last year.  Trust me, it's not you.  In any case,
they have all taken time out of their busy basher bashing schedules to grace us with
their presence and opinions."
     "So judges, let's hear your selections, starting with The Muffin Man."
     TMM:  The two warriors with the best names are Hugo Squish and Stop! Hammer
Time.  For Hugo, I like the use of his name as a phrase, as if to say "I'm going to
bash your brains in and there's nothing you can do about it."  Stop! Hammer Time just
reminds me of U Can't Touch This, which might just be the best song ever.
     I choose I Crush Ur Head and Go To Flail as the two teams with the best names.
I Crush Ur Head is simple and to the point.  This is a bashing contest, is it not?
Go To Flail brings attention to the worst weapon in the game, almost giving it some
respect, while at the same time mocking it.
     Finally, while I think some names were very creative, others seemed to just miss
greatness.  What is the Ham Burglar doing in there?  Why not Bamburglar?  And Passion
Fruit?  Bah, I say.  Bashin Fruit is more like it.  Have more fun with those names!
After all, they're the best thing about a basher.
     B:  Um, thanks TMM.  Next we have Managerr.  Which two warriors have you
selected as having the best names and why?
     Managerr (in a fake British accent):  Hugo Squish and Crushed Cuticle.  Even
though Hugo Squish sounded a little pitchy when you say it out loud, it's still a
clever, out of the box name choice that's worthy of becoming the next Amaulican Idol.
It encapsulates the power and strength of a basher while still showing that bashers
can be clever too.  I also really liked the tone and alliteration of Crushed Cuticle.
It's the best sounding name in the competition.  Crushed definitely is not going to
be eliminated any time soon and deserves to sail on through to the next round.
     B:  And what two team names have you selected and why?
     M:  Platonic Solis and The Beatniks--I'll be honest, they were the only ones
left.  Sorry, but the team names in this arena made me feel like I was in a ghastly
nightmare, surrounded by Lurocian Demons trying to come up with the cool-sounding
name for the next Primus Champion.  JGW Perishable and Dungeon Cell BA failed to come
up with a new name that adequately stepped out of the box for themselves as
performers.  Maul Mashing Orcs and Abbattoir Bashers tried to do something different
while keeping a familiar team theme.  Too bad they failed.  Miserably.  Martilyo
Bashers and Damoons totally missed the boat.  I would have preferred Maultilyo
Bashers and DA-Moons personally.  I Crush Ur Head and Demolition sound amateurish and
karaoke if you ask me.  Maul Rats and Go To Flail chose the wrong weapon.  The
Tallywackers and My Other Car chose the wrong arena.  BABA BABA And Club Club sound
like they were written by a Delarquan chimpanzee hung over on the Friday morning of
the FtF.  Bashtards and Numbskulls sound more insulting than self-deprecating.  Bash
4 Cash sounds like something you would name a piqata instead of a team.
     B:  Lastly, do you have a word or two of wisdom for all of our bashers?
     M:  Remember, Bashing is all about Weapon Selection.  With only a limited
catalogue of choices, you can't advance if you choose the wrong weapon.  With
practice and hard work, you can become the next Pile Driver!
     Also, it's still not too late to vote Bonnie as your next Primus Champion at the
Summer FtF!  Dial 1-866-DUEL2-03 NOW!
     B:  Now that was a pleasant chap.  Next we have Detective Kellumbo.  Which two
warriors have you selected as having the best names?
     DK:  I have chosen the warriors Smashing Success and Stop! Hammer Time.  Both
deal with basher things such as smash and hammer.  Both made me laugh at the same
time as well.  Honorable mention goes out to Screaming Basher and Super Beefcake as
it is important if you are a basher to be loud and cocky about what you are, and have 
a false sense of confidence that quickly gets beaten out of you by other styles...oh
wait....
     B:  Ahem, moving on....  And what two team names have you selected?
     DK:  The two team names I have chosen are Go to Flail and Club Club.  Any team
worth its salt that has five bashers needs to have some sort of bashing weapon in its
name, especially that uber basher weapon, the War Flail!  Club Club made me think of
Club Med, but with big dumb hairy barbarians instead of hot bikini babes.
     B:  Any words of wisdom for our bashers?
     DK:  Considering these are bashers, a word or two at most is all they'll be able
to focus in for, but maybe we'll try a few more.  Realize that in over twenty years
of Duelmasters and Duel2, there has never been an arena quite like this.  Do some
experimenting, and have fun with things.  Remember, it wasn't too long ago that
people thought Aimed Blows, well, blew.  It was on an experiment when all things
seemed lost and at its darkest hour that the open handed aimed blow was discovered.
Who knows; The next Bonnie, Rabid Gerbil, One Man Army, Iron Princess, or yes...even
Butch might come from this fine arena.  Bash on all, bash on.
     B:  Thanks DK, up next is Mannequin.  Which two warriors did you select as
having the best names?
     M:  Maul of America and Maul Pox.  I am a sucker for clever plays on words,
especially if they roll off the tongue and sound good.  Maul of America fits the bill
and is located in Minneapolis, the site of the upcoming Summer FtF.  A name like that
shows some forward thinking--hopefully he is designed and run with a look to the
future, as well.  Maul Pox is a classic name for a basher.  It sounds both disgusting
and intimidating.  I mean, really, who wants to take on someone with a name like
that?  I only hope he/she/it is a contender worthy of the name.
     B:  Very good, now which two teams have you chosen as having the best names?
     M:  The Tallywackers and Go To Flail.  The Tallywackers?  Oooohh, now there is a
name made for the arena.  Who wants to take on a bunch of degenerates who have
perfected the art of the low blow?  Not me!  (Word of advice--be sure your cod pieces
are securely fastened before entering the arena to fight one of these guys).  Go To
Flail is a cool name because it finally finds a use for a completely useless weapon,
the flail.  We all curse from time to time, but often find ourselves in mixed company
where we have to watch our language.  Not any more!  Just let that flail whistle with
frightful acceleration as you whip it out of your linguistic repertoire in place of a
common slur!
     B:  Got some words of wisdom for our bashers?
     M:  Don't let anyone tell you that you suck!  OK, most of you do, but that's not
the point.  There is life after the Stomping Grounds if you put in a lot of hard work
and dedication.  Sugarbeet (BA), my two-time Freshmen runner-up, started out as a 21-
15-14-6-18-7-3 punching bag.  Pretty laughable...but no one in Freshmen is laughing
now.  If he can make a name for himself I am certain that many of you have the
opportunity to reach similar heights.  Give it your best and don't ever give up!
     B:  Well, we were hoping for some tips on Mannequin's famous death blow
technique, but it's time to move onto TUM.  Which two warriors have you picked for
having the best names?
     TUM:  I'd have to go with Maul of America and Stop! Hammer Time.  Whether
intentional or fortuitous, MoA is great FtF foreshadowing.  Plus I'm a sucker for bad
puns.  And Stop! Hammer Time made me laugh out loud when I read it (Think: 'MY MY MY
Mace hits you--SO HARD--makes me say O MY LORD...')
     B:  And what two team names have you chosen?
     TUM:  I liked Maul Rats and Bash 4 Cash.  I'm a GenX-er, so Maul Rats hit me
where I live (no pun intended).  I also love the image of a scruffy Basher, seated on
his Maul, holding up a cardboard sign offering to Bash.  I think this is what happens
to Bashers who get inducted to Primus.
     B:  Any words for our bashers?
     TUM:  I have but two words:  Go first.
     B:  Thanks to our judges for taking time away from purchasing roll ups and
sandbagging to share their views regarding the Stomping Ground's worthless lot.  And
the winners are...Stop! Hammer Time for warrior name and Go To Flail for team name.
The manager of each winning name gets to rename one of the non-player characters in
the arena, so please PM the new monikers to SwineTiger.

                                      SPY REPORT

     If you were disturbed from your beauty rest only to have to watch a bunch of THE 
STOMPING GROUNDS brutes like you, you'd be grouchy, too.  Now keep the taverns open 
late tonight, for there are sorrows to drown for WEEKEND WARRIORS, whose 0-0-0 this 
turn dropped them by 8 into 13th.  Ha!  NUMBSKULLS turned their 3-2-0 turn into a 
12th place rank in the listings this turn.  Any better than this, and you get put on 
hit lists.  I can just hear all the boasts coming in THE HEAVY HANDS' next personal 
ads.  Their first turn they went 5-0-0.  Of course, we're all terribly impressed to 
see JACK KEROWHACK JR win a fight and gain 15 points, terribly.  Tsk, tsk, MAULARIA 
beat DRUNKEN FLAILER and DRUNKEN FLAILER lost 7 points.  You're breakin' my heart.  
And it's out with the old, in with the new, as MAULARIA takes the Title and last 
week's bar tab from the old Duelmaster.  Heh, heh.  Kickbacks and bribes, kickbacks 
and bribes, how else do you think some of these guys win their fights?  Skill?  Ha!   
     He who fights and runs away will live to fight another day, the coward.  CLUB 
CLUB, I suppose you'll be glad to know you were this turn's most avoided team.  Care 
to know who is the most afraid of you?  And it looks like THE BEATNIKS avoided them 
the most this turn.  What a pack of would be losers, if you ask me.  Hmph.  CHEST 
PAIN was challenged more times this turn than the Duelmaster.  Now was the DM 
insulted or feared?  Heh, heh.   
     Some people like volunteer work in the hospitals.  I volunteer for THE STOMPING 
GROUNDS' morgue.  More variety.  It's about time HOLY FLAIL got beat for picking on 
warriors like SMASH.  Bravo, DEMOLITION.  See you at The Final Rest.  Titanium 
shields and bamboo daggers, guess what brave team is developing these kinds of 
weapons?   
     I was about to buy a new quill pen the other day, but some fighter took it for 
an epee.  Forgive me for writing with a dagger.  Phlllt!  Just had to do that before 
I leave the fine city of THE STOMPING GROUNDS.  I feel much better now.  Paste this 
one in your scrapbooks, you'll need the kindling come this winter-- Snide Clemens  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 MAULARIA 3702                 2   0  0    22       MAUL RATS (360)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-LINSY 3577                   16  16  0    84       WEEKEND WARRIORS (99)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-BLACK MONDAY 3630             7   4  1    53       WEEKEND WARRIORS (99)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 BRUISER 3779                  2   0  0    21       NUMBSKULLS (375)
-SUNDAE DRIVER 3643            5   3  0    19       WEEKEND WARRIORS (99)
 BAMBOOZLE 3683                2   0  0    16       BABA BABA (356)
 I SEE DEAD PEOPLE 3705        2   0  0    16       MAUL RATS (360)
 JACK KEROWHACK JR 3725        1   1  0    16       THE BEATNIKS (364)
 SMASH 3698                    1   1  0    16       DEMOLITION (359)
 BONGO JOE 3722                2   0  0    15       THE BEATNIKS (364)
 NARCOLEPTIC GUARD 3746        2   0  0    15       DUNGEON CELL BA (368)
 SON OF A BASHER 3711          1   1  0    15       I CRUSH UR HEAD (361)
 BASHFUL BEHEMOTH 3782         2   0  1    14       MAUL MASHING ORCS (376)
 CHILLY ARSONIST 3743          2   0  0    14       DUNGEON CELL BA (368)
 DODECAHEDRON 3755             2   0  0    14       PLATONIC SOLIDS (370)
 MASTER BASHER 3709            2   0  0    14       I CRUSH UR HEAD (361)
 VENGEANCE 3802                1   0  0    14       THE HEAVY HANDS (379)
-FEATHERSTONE 3645             2   3  0    13       WEEKEND WARRIORS (99)
 BRAWNTOSAURUS 3704            2   0  0    13       MAUL RATS (360)
 FLAILS HERE 3763              2   0  0    12       GO TO FLAIL (372)
 BACKWARDS 3684                2   0  0    12       BABA BABA (356)
 OCTAHEDRON 3754               2   0  0    11       PLATONIC SOLIDS (370)
 THUD 3780                     1   1  0    11       NUMBSKULLS (375)
 WHISPER 3801                  1   0  0    11       THE HEAVY HANDS (379)
 GIORGIO ARMANI 3760           1   0  0    11       CHIC BARBARIANS (371)
 STARBRINGER 3800              1   0  0    11       THE HEAVY HANDS (379)
 NAKED LUNCH 3723              2   0  0    10       THE BEATNIKS (364)
 TROLLDOZER 3703               2   0  0    10       MAUL RATS (360)
 NOBBY 3737                    1   1  0    10       BASHTARDS (367)
-APPLES 3732                   1   0  0    10       JGW PERISHABLE (366)
-BASHMORE FACE 3679            1   0  0    10       BASH 4 CASH (355)
-MR. MACE 3678                 1   0  0    10       BASH 4 CASH (355)
-MAUL OF AMERICA 3727          1   0  0    10       CLUB CLUB (365)
-HUGO SQUISH 3729              1   0  0    10       CLUB CLUB (365)
-Q.T. PIE 3681                 1   0  0    10       BASH 4 CASH (355)
 WINDWALKER 3804               1   0  0    10       THE HEAVY HANDS (379)
 WIDOWMAKER 3803               1   0  0    10       THE HEAVY HANDS (379)
 CRUSHED CUTICLE 3785          2   0  0     9       MAUL MASHING ORCS (376)
 RING MY FLAIL 3766            1   1  0     7       GO TO FLAIL (372)
 CHEESY POOF 3740              1   1  0     7       BASHTARDS (367)
-MAULBEARER 3693               1   0  1     6       THE TALLYWACKERS (358)
-SCREAMING BASHER 3721         1   0  0     6       ABATTOIR BASHERS (363)
-TIMBANGAN BASHER 3712         1   0  0     6       MARTILYO BASHERS (362)
-MERCENARY BASHER 3718         1   0  0     6       ABATTOIR BASHERS (363)
-TIGER 3694                    1   0  0     6       THE TALLYWACKERS (358)
-HINAGIBAN BASHER 3715         1   0  0     6       MARTILYO BASHERS (362)
 SHADY AT BEST 3810            1   0  0     6       NUMBNUTS (380)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 SUPER BEEFCAKE 3738           1   1  0     6       BASHTARDS (367)
 TETRAHEDRON 3752              1   1  0     6       PLATONIC SOLIDS (370)
 WESLEY CRUSHER 3781           1   1  0     6       NUMBSKULLS (375)
 HOLY FLAIL 3765               1   1  1     5       GO TO FLAIL (372)
-DEATH FROM ABOVE 3680         1   0  0     5       BASH 4 CASH (355)
 CALVIN KLEIN 3759             1   0  0     5       CHIC BARBARIANS (371)
-HAM FIST 3731                 1   0  0     5       CLUB CLUB (365)
-ZAMBONI 3770                  1   0  0     5       MY OTHER CAR (373)
 TEACUP THUMPER 3783           1   1  0     4       MAUL MASHING ORCS (376)
 WHAT THE FLAIL 3764           1   1  0     4       GO TO FLAIL (372)
 BEND 3701                     1   1  0     4       DEMOLITION (359)
 DRUNKEN FLAILER 3710          1   1  0     4       I CRUSH UR HEAD (361)
 TWINKIE CREAM 3739            1   1  0     4       BASHTARDS (367)
 BANKROLL 3685                 1   1  0     4       BABA BABA (356)
 ICOSAHEDRON 3756              1   1  0     4       PLATONIC SOLIDS (370)
 BASH TARDIGAN 3741            1   1  0     4       BASHTARDS (367)
 SMASHING SUCCESS 3784         1   1  0     4       MAUL MASHING ORCS (376)
 MAUL POX 3706                 1   1  0     4       MAUL RATS (360)
 CHEST PAIN 3778               0   2  0     2       NUMBSKULLS (375)
 AXE 3697                      0   2  0     2       DEMOLITION (359)
 FLAILING AROUND 3762          0   2  0     2       GO TO FLAIL (372)
 BANISH 3682                   0   2  0     2       BABA BABA (356)
 PULL MY DAISY 3726            0   2  0     2       THE BEATNIKS (364)
 CLUMSY BARBER 3742            0   2  0     2       DUNGEON CELL BA (368)
 STOP! HAMMER TIME 3708        0   2  0     2       I CRUSH UR HEAD (361)
 HAM BURGLAR 3744              0   2  0     2       DUNGEON CELL BA (368)
 MAYNARD G. KREBS 3724         0   2  0     2       THE BEATNIKS (364)
 HEAD TRAUMA 3777              0   2  0     2       NUMBSKULLS (375)
 UPSIDE UR HEAD 3707           0   2  0     2       I CRUSH UR HEAD (361)
 HEXAHEDRON 3753               0   2  0     2       PLATONIC SOLIDS (370)
-FRUIT BRUTE 3728              0   1  0     1       CLUB CLUB (365)
 SHINDIG 3808                  0   1  0     1       NUMBNUTS (380)
 BANTER 3788                   0   1  0     1       BABA BABA (356)
-KIWI FRUIT 3736               0   1  0     1       JGW PERISHABLE (366)
-IMUS BREAKU 3730              0   1  0     1       CLUB CLUB (365)
-CRIPPLER 3695                 0   1  0     1       THE TALLYWACKERS (358)
-TINGKAGOL BASHER 3713         0   1  0     1       MARTILYO BASHERS (362)
 TOMMY HILFIGER 3758           0   1  0     1       CHIC BARBARIANS (371)
-BIG WHOMPER 3677              0   1  0     1       BASH 4 CASH (355)
-BASORAHAN BASHER 3714         0   1  0     1       MARTILYO BASHERS (362)
 SOCKO 3811                    0   1  0     1       NUMBNUTS (380)
-BANANAS 3735                  0   1  0     1       JGW PERISHABLE (366)
 CHRISTIAN DIOR 3757           0   1  0     1       CHIC BARBARIANS (371)
-GRAPES 3734                   0   1  0     1       JGW PERISHABLE (366)
-LINNA 3773                    0   1  0     1       DAMOONS (374)
-EYEPOPPER BASHER 3717         0   1  0     1       ABATTOIR BASHERS (363)
-UNIMOG 3769                   0   1  0     1       MY OTHER CAR (373)
-ANYARO 3772                   0   1  0     1       DAMOONS (374)
-BARBARIAN BASHER 3720         0   1  0     1       ABATTOIR BASHERS (363)
 PIERRE CARDIN 3761            0   1  0     1       CHIC BARBARIANS (371)
-VANWA 3774                    0   1  0     1       DAMOONS (374)
 SLEDGE 3805                   0   1  0     1       DEMOLITION (359)
-IQUISTA 3775                  0   1  0     1       DAMOONS (374)
-YOUSONOFA BASHER 3719         0   1  0     1       ABATTOIR BASHERS (363)
-HAMMERSPIKE 3696              0   1  0     1       THE TALLYWACKERS (358)
 BOZO NIGHTMARE 3809           0   1  0     1       NUMBNUTS (380)
-WHIPPING POST 3692            0   1  0     1       THE TALLYWACKERS (358)
-PASSION FRUIT 3733            0   1  0     1       JGW PERISHABLE (366)
 CRUNCH 3806                   0   1  0     1       DEMOLITION (359)
 DOUBLE-O-ZERO 3807            0   1  0     1       NUMBNUTS (380)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                W  L K TEAM NAME            SLAIN BY              TURN Revenge?
BABY 3686               0  1 0 BABA BABA 356        BASHFUL BEHEMOTH 3782 430   
CRUSH 3699              0  1 0 DEMOLITION 359       MAULBEARER 3693       430   
POUND 3700              0  1 0 DEMOLITION 359       HOLY FLAIL 3765       430  JUST REVENGED
GIANT SNEAK 3787        0  1 0 DUNGEON CELL BA 368  THE WRECK KING        431  NONE
OATHBREAKER 3799        0  1 0 MAUL MASHING ORC 376 SHEWISH BOUNCER       431  NONE

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Ahoy, ye landlubbers!  Ye likin me ads last'n turn?  Bloody fine 's.  Aye.  Shiver me
timbers if'n Seam ain't a bein' all yourn now.  Aye.  5-0, Maul Orcs!  Maken' 'em all
walk yon plank, ye be?  Aye. -- Mino, Animal Farm

Drat you Maul Mashing Orcs!  BAby merely needed her bottle and you denied it and
whapped her up the side of the head?  Now she's gone!  A beautiful little 12-9-13-15-
9-9-17 hosed four places (dmg too!) baby?  You are nothing but scuzz!  I hope both
your personal and liability insurances get revoked! -- BAiliff (BAba BAba Top Bad
guy)

Chest Pain -- The discomfort was all yours, pal. -- Bamboozle

Son Of A Basher -- Who's your daddy? -- Backwards

Brawntosaurus -- Begone, heathen. -- BAnish

Pull My Daisy -- I wouldn't touch that filthy little thing with a ten-foot pole!  But
I will and DID smash it with a hammer. -- Bankroll

Favorite team names from the BAba BAba.........
1.  Numbskulls
2.  Club Club
3.  The Tallywackers
4.  Bashtards
5.  Bash 4 Cash
     Offered by the Bailiff

Dr. Slugbait -- This is bashing serious!  Bailiff and all BAba BAba want you and your
Maulorcs blood!  We cannot hold them back!  Killing a baby.  (sigh) -- The Consortium
Elders

Maulbearer -- Well that was interesting.  Guess my guy's dagger didn't do so well
against you.  My next guy you face will carry a bigger stick. -- Wretch

Twinkie Cream -- Damn what's with all those parrys going on.  Hit or be hit.  I feel
bad for not blocking with my head all the time.  Nice learns. -- Axe

Bash Tardigan -- Ouch. -- Smash

Holy Flail -- Damn that was some first round.  Keep on swinging.  Someone will come
to test your stamina soon. -- Wretch

Kiwi Fruit -- That was a kinda fruity performance.  Maybe you won't get squished next
time. -- Bend

All -- Two dead with junk replacement so here come a couple more puds to pound. --
Wretch

How many hits does it take to get the center of a Zamboni? -- A tired Jack Jr

There is nothing better for Naked Lunch than smashed Bananas!!!! -- Jack KeroWhack
manager The Beatniks

Pull My Daisy.  Go ahead pull it.

Upside Ur Head -- It is a slow arena based on when the fights occur and not the speed
in which you are supposed to fight them.  Sorry if this was unclear...you can collect
your kidneys and the other assorted giblets I pounded out of you near the exit. --
Maularia

All -- Anticipation is a certain expectation of something either fierce or
fantastic...ready or not here I come.... -- Owlin the Wise

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

OATHBREAKER was butchered by SHEWISH BOUNCER in a 1 minute bloody Dark Arena fight.
GIANT SNEAK was slaughtered by THE WRECK KING in a 1 minute Dark Arena battle.
BANISH was savagely defeated by BASHFUL BEHEMOTH in a 1 minute Bloodfeud fight.
SMASH devastated HOLY FLAIL in a exciting 1 minute bloody one-sided Bloodfeud fight.
MAUL POX was bested by MASTER BASHER in a 1 minute novice's Challenge duel.
BASH TARDIGAN was devastated by BRUISER in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge match.
BAMBOOZLE handily defeated MAYNARD G. KREBS in a 1 minute uneven Challenge fight.
BACKWARDS won victory over CHEST PAIN in a 3 minute novice's Challenge duel.
WHAT THE FLAIL was savagely defeated by NOBBY in a 1 minute novice's Challenge fight.
TEACUP THUMPER was defeated by THUD in a 3 minute novice's Challenge match.
SUPER BEEFCAKE bested CLUMSY BARBER in a 1 minute novice's Challenge battle.
SMASHING SUCCESS was devastated by SON OF A BASHER in a 2 minute Challenge bout.
MAULARIA vanquished DRUNKEN FLAILER in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge Title bout.
I SEE DEAD PEOPLE won victory over TETRAHEDRON in a 1 minute novice's Challenge fray.
BRAWNTOSAURUS viciously subdued BEND in a 2 minute gory amateur's Challenge brawl.
JACK KEROWHACK JR overpowered BANKROLL in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge match.
BONGO JOE beat ICOSAHEDRON in a 1 minute novice's match.
NAKED LUNCH overcame FLAILING AROUND in a 2 minute amateur's competition.
PULL MY DAISY was narrowly defeated by CHILLY ARSONIST in a 2 minute beginner's fight.
TWINKIE CREAM was overpowered by VENGEANCE in a 1 minute uneven fray.
CHEESY POOF viciously subdued BOZO NIGHTMARE in a 2 minute brutal novice's contest.
STOP! HAMMER TIME was savagely defeated by OCTAHEDRON in a 1 minute beginner's fight.
HAM BURGLAR lost to CRUSHED CUTICLE in a 2 minute novice's fight.
NARCOLEPTIC GUARD demolished HEXAHEDRON in a 1 minute one-sided melee.
DODECAHEDRON vanquished PIERRE CARDIN in a 1 minute one-sided fray.
UPSIDE UR HEAD was handily defeated by STARBRINGER in a 1 minute mismatched bout.
TROLLDOZER won victory over DOUBLE-O-ZERO in a 2 minute novice's bout.
AXE was defeated by FLAILS HERE in a 2 minute beginner's duel.
RING MY FLAIL defeated SHINDIG in a 2 minute gory novice's match.
HEAD TRAUMA was overpowered by GIORGIO ARMANI in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
WESLEY CRUSHER luckily beat TOMMY HILFIGER in a crowd pleasing 1 minute novice's fray.
CALVIN KLEIN won victory over SOCKO in a 2 minute amateur's fight.
BANTER was subdued by SHADY AT BEST in a 2 minute amateur's match.
CHRISTIAN DIOR was overpowered by WHISPER in a 1 minute one-sided fray.
WIDOWMAKER demolished CRUNCH in a 1 minute mismatched match.
WINDWALKER demolished SLEDGE in a 1 minute one-sided duel.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|BASHING ATTACK                  70         SLASHING ATTACK   12 -   5 -  1      71  |
|AIMED BLOW                       0         WALL OF STEEL      7 -   3 -  0      70  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      0         PARRY-RIPOSTE      2 -   1 -  0      67  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     0         LUNGING ATTACK     2 -   1 -  0      67  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    0         PARRY-STRIKE       5 -   3 -  0      63  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                   0         STRIKING ATTACK    6 -   4 -  1      60  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  0         BASHING ATTACK    90 -  88 -  3      51  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  0         TOTAL PARRY        3 -   3 -  0      50  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      0         PARRY-LUNGE        4 -   4 -  0      50  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    0         AIMED BLOW         1 -   4 -  0      20  |

Turn 431 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

                              BASHING ATTACK    34 - 36         8  BASHING ATTACK 
                              AIMED BLOW         0 -  0         1  PARRY-LUNGE    
                              PARRY-LUNGE        0 -  0         1  STRIKING ATTACK
                              PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  0         1  PARRY-STRIKE   
                              PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  0     
                              LUNGING ATTACK     0 -  0     
                              SLASHING ATTACK    0 -  0     
                              STRIKING ATTACK    0 -  0     
                              TOTAL PARRY        0 -  0     
                              WALL OF STEEL      0 -  0     

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is FLAILS HERE 3763.  The most popular warrior this 
turn was TEACUP THUMPER 3783.  The ten other most popular fighters were BACKWARDS 
3684, CHEST PAIN 3778, BRAWNTOSAURUS 3704, NAKED LUNCH 3723, CHILLY ARSONIST 3743, 
CHEESY POOF 3740, FLAILS HERE 3763, SHINDIG 3808, BANTER 3788, and THUD 3780.

The least popular fighter this week was SMASHING SUCCESS 3784.  The other ten least 
popular fighters were SLEDGE 3805, CRUNCH 3806, CHRISTIAN DIOR 3757, DOUBLE-O-ZERO 
3807, UPSIDE UR HEAD 3707, PIERRE CARDIN 3761, HEXAHEDRON 3753, BOZO NIGHTMARE 3809, 
ICOSAHEDRON 3756, and BANKROLL 3685.

                  MAIL-IN TOURNEY XLV