DUEL 2 NEWSLETTER

Date   : 06/24/2008    Duedate: 07/21/2008

THE STOMPING GROUNDS ARENA

DM-20    TURN-432

This Weeks Top Honors

THE DUELMASTER IS

MAULARIA
MAUL RATS (360)
(20-3702) [3-0-0,33]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

POSITION IS EMPTY              MAULARIA
                               MAUL RATS (360)
                               (20-3702) [3-0-0,33]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

TEACUP THUMPER                 WESLEY CRUSHER
MAUL MASHING ORCS (376)        NUMBSKULLS (375)
(20-3783) [1-2-0,5]            (20-3781) [2-1-0,13]

THE CURRENT TOP TEAM

MAUL RATS (360)

          TEAMS ON THE MOVE            TOP CAREER HONORS
Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. BASH MASTERS (384)          38
2. MAUL RATS (360)             32      CHAOS LORDS (279)
3. DUNGEON CELL BA (368)       28      Unchartered Team
4. ONE LUMP, OR TWO? (378)     25
5. CLUB CLUB (365)             24      MAUL RATS (360)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 2*MAUL RATS (360)           12   3  0 80.0   1/ 1*MAUL RATS (360)          12  3 0
 2/ 0*BASH MASTERS (384)         4   1  0 80.0   2/ 2*MAUL MASHING ORCS (376)   9  6 1
 3/ 1*THE HEAVY HANDS (379)      7   3  0 70.0   3/ 4*THE HEAVY HANDS (379)     7  3 0
 4/ 4*MAUL MASHING ORCS (376)    9   6  1 60.0   4/ 6*BABA BABA (356)           7  5 0
 5/ 6*CLUB CLUB (365)            6   4  1 60.0   5/11*DUNGEON CELL BA (368)     7  8 2
 6- 5*PLATONIC SOLIDS (370)      6   4  0 60.0   6/ 8*BASHTARDS (367)           7  8 1
 7/ 0*ONE LUMP, OR TWO? (378)    3   2  0 60.0   7/ 5*GO TO FLAIL (372)         7  8 1
 8/ 8*BABA BABA (356)            7   5  0 58.3   8/ 7*THE BEATNIKS (364)        7  8 0
 9/ 3*BASH 4 CASH (355)          5   5  1 50.0   9/12*NUMBSKULLS (375)          7  8 0
10-11*MARTILYO BASHERS (362)     2   2  0 50.0  10/14*CLUB CLUB (365)           6  4 1
11/15*DUNGEON CELL BA (368)      7   8  2 46.7  11- 3*PLATONIC SOLIDS (370)     6  4 0
12/10*BASHTARDS (367)            7   8  1 46.7  12/ 9*BASH 4 CASH (355)         5  5 1
13/ 7*GO TO FLAIL (372)          7   8  1 46.7  13/ 0*BASH MASTERS (384)        4  1 0
14/ 9*THE BEATNIKS (364)         7   8  0 46.7  14-10*I CRUSH UR HEAD (361)     4  6 0
15/13*NUMBSKULLS (375)           7   8  0 46.7  15/18*CHIC BARBARIANS (371)     4  6 0
16-14*I CRUSH UR HEAD (361)      4   6  0 40.0  16/ 0*ONE LUMP, OR TWO? (378)   3  2 0
17/18*CHIC BARBARIANS (371)      4   6  0 40.0  17-15*MARTILYO BASHERS (362)    2  2 0
18-16*THE TALLYWACKERS (358)     2   3  1 40.0  18-16*THE TALLYWACKERS (358)    2  3 1

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
19-17*ABATTOIR BASHERS (363)     2   3  0 40.0  19-17*ABATTOIR BASHERS (363)    2  3 0
20-19*DEMOLITION (359)           2   8  0 20.0  20-19*DEMOLITION (359)          2  8 0
21-21*JGW PERISHABLE (366)       1   4  0 20.0  21-20*MY OTHER CAR (373)        1  4 0
22-20*MY OTHER CAR (373)         1   4  0 20.0  22-21*JGW PERISHABLE (366)      1  4 0
23/ 0*BLUNT FORCE (383)          1   4  0 20.0  23/ 0*BLUNT FORCE (383)         1  4 0
24-22*NUMBNUTS (380)             1   4  0 20.0  24-22*NUMBNUTS (380)            1  4 0
25-23*DAMOONS (374)              0   5  0  0.0  25-23*DAMOONS (374)             0  5 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

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                                 WARRIOR INFORMATION
                         (Consortium recent grads May 2008)

     This information and these numbers are posted for informational purposes only.
Mainly developed for training/learning in DM93, The Newby Arena, the posting is also
being made in selected other arenas.
     This collection of appx 25 warriors includes the most recent, without exception,
ADM Consortium graduates.  Most have zero or limited tournament fights, but a couple
of the "better" warriors do have reasonable tournament time.  All of these warriors
were developed and "played" in varying active DM arenas.

     starting stats           burned to:               faves          arena record
AIMER
      4-12- 7-21-15- 4-21     --no burn--              DA -- VL/MD     13- 7-0
      8- 9-10-17- 9-10-21      9- 9-10-17- 9-10-21     SS --  MD/MD    14- 6-0
BASHER
     12- 5-16-14-19-12- 6     14- 6-16-15-21-12- 7     MA -- MD/VL     19- 5-2
     13- 9-14-15-10-12-11     (no burn)                ML -- HI/LO     14- 8-2
     15-16-11- 8-20- 9- 5     18-19-11-12-21-10- 9     ML -- MD/LO     30- 8-2
     16- 4- 9-15-17-12-11     17- 5- 9-15-18-12-11     WF -- HI/VL     17-13-0
LUNGER
     11- 8-11-16-15-12-11     12-10-11-17-16-14-11     SS -- MD/VH     25-17-1
     12- 8-10-21-17- 5-11     12-10-10-21-18- 5-11     LS -- LO/HI     15- 3-0
     10- 3-12-16-20-13-10     11- 5-12-17-21-14-11     LS -- VH/HI     17- 6-0
PLUNGER
     --none--
RIPPER
     10- 9- 9-17-17- 5-17     11-11- 9-17-17- 5-17     EP -- MD/MD     14- 6-0
PIKER
     11-11-14-21- 9- 3-15     --no burn--              BS -- LO/LO     19-12-1
SLASHER
     10- 9-10-14-16-11-14     11-10-10-15-17-12-15     EP -- HI/VL     26-12-0
      9-12-10-17-17- 8-11     --no burn--              GA -- VH/VL     14- 6-0
STRIKER
      9- 3-21-17- 9-14-11     10- 3-21-17- 9-14-11     GS -- MD/VL     14- 9-0
      9- 4-10-15- 9-16-21     --no burn--              BA -- MD/MD     19- 8-0
     17- 8- 6-17- 9-10-17     --no burn--              QS -- HI/VL     16- 8-2
     17- 9- 7-21- 9- 6-15     --no burn--              LO -- LO/LO     15- 3-1
TOTAL PARRY
     16-14- 9- 4-16- 9-16     18-16- 9- 7-19-10-17     LO- VL/LO      30-16-0
     17-20- 9- 3-16- 9-10     19-21- 9- 5-19-10-11     ME -- LO/VL     37-10-0
      8-13-10-15-21- 4-13      9-14-10-15-21- 4-13     LG -- VL/VL     18-11-1
     12-16- 7- 9-21- 4-15     13-19- 7-11-21- 5-17     SM -- VL/LO     22- 3-0
     12-20- 9- 5-15-10-13     14-21- 9- 8-18-11-15     SC -- LO/LO     25-15-0
     17-20- 7- 4-19-12- 5     21-21- 7- 7-21-13- 8     ME -- LO/LO     19- 6-0
WASTE
     11-14-12-15-16-5-11      12-15-12-15-17- 5-11     SC -- HI/LO     24- 7-0
     10-13-16-15-15-5-10      11-14-16-16-17- 6-11     MS -- MD/LO     25-12-0

    Use the information as you see fit.
                      The Consortium Elders
                      wfms101@aol.com (if you want to ask or comment)

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          INSTRUCTIONS FOR BASHERS
                       BASH 101
             Instructor Bailiff of BAba BAba

1.  Weapon Selection
     Bashers may use any weapon in the game.  Being a basher means you have the
intelligence to ignore the unsuited or lack deftness or wit comments.  BE a basher!
You have no character if you cannot bash with an epee.  Those not on steroids tend to
utilize the warflail.  (e.g. whiffle) (WF)

2.  Tactic Use
     Bashers have macho and can utilize any tactic they chose.  Be a man!  Certain
tactics work best with certain weapons:
     Lunge -- holding the Great Axe (GA) two handed--one hand on each blade--and
lunging with the stem is awesome.
     Slash -- few have mastered the difficult skill of slashing with the morning-star
(MS), but those who have are revered.
     Bash -- reference epee (EP) comment above
     Dodge -- For a basher, it is best to dodge while holding two large shields (LG)
tightly in hands.
     Riposte -- Riposting requires the mental framework to both parry and attack at
the same time.  This is best done with a small shield (SM) in the primary hand for
the all-important quick parry, and the awesome halbard (HL) in the off-hand for the
one-hit attack.
     Responsive -- responding requires weapons which are virtually unbreakable, hence
a short sword (SH) in each hand is a responsive basher's best friend.  (editor's
comment:  so is a prayer to one's God)

3.  Strategy
     No basher with true guts uses numbers above 1 except for kill desire.  The One
True Basher swore by the 1-1-10 strategy.  Honor him.

4.  Challenges and Avoids
     How silly!  This is an all-basher arena.  There is no reason to avoid or
challenge except maybe for the thrill of a blood feud.  If you really feel that you
must challenge, the Weekend Warriors are there for you.  (until they leave the arena)

5.  Armor
     There is no question that pink or yellow are the choice colors for armor.
Metallics are out.  Jock straps are passe.

     For those of you feeling the need for additional instruction, please ask said
questions in the personal ads and one of our staff will assuredly provide an answer.
                     Bailiff, manager BAba BAba

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                          ---===ANDORIAN REGIONAL NEWS===---

                                     Duelmasters
                                     -----------
 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 297): UNHOLY TERROR of BLOOD RITES (Wretch, mgr.)
 DM  11 ARUAK CITY (turn 596): CHIEF SITTING BULL of BULLDOGS (Kennelworth, mgr.)
 DM  14 TOBIR (turn 595): STEWART of OTAGO HIGHLANDERS (The Mun, mgr.)
 DM  22 SOLVEN (turn 588): DONDRIC of KELLUMBO'S KIDS (Detective Kellumbo, mgr.)
 DM  24 ZORPUNT (turn 585): MORLIN POOLE of KRILL CAVALRY (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM  25 LYRATILAN (turn 584): KEG STAND of BARHOPPERS (Apex, mgr.)
 DM  26 CALEAM (turn 581): IRIS of MENAGERIE (Ichabod Frothingslosh, mgr.)
 DM  30 IAYE (turn 577): IRISH CREAM of RED DOG GANG (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM  40 ZENSU (turn 547): POSITION IS EMPTY
 DM  41 KATI-TEI (turn 538): RAMBLING OX of WANDERERS (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM  46 ARDIVENT (turn 529): GODZILLA of THE BEARS II (Papa Bear, mgr.)
 DM  52 FRATSFA (turn 245): PAINFUL PANSY of FLOWER GIRLS (Lady Fern, mgr.)
 DM  63 AMEN-TEI (turn 431): DIMAGGIO oF 1949 YANKEES (Papa Bear, mgr.)
 DM  71 KYR'TERR (turn 198): TRYPTOPHAN of SUPERIOR FORCES (Manager, mgr.)
ADM 105 ANDORAK (turn 481): AXLY HIMSELF of GERFEL'S FRIENDS (Generalissimo Puerco)

                                      Top Teams
                                      ---------
 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 297): CONSANGUINEOUS (Mannequin, mgr.)
 DM  11 ARUAK CITY (turn 596): BULLDOGS (Kennelworth, mgr.)
 DM  14 TOBIR (turn 585): ALL THE MUN'S MEN (The Mun, mgr.)
 DM  22 SOLVEN (turn 588): KELLUMBO'S KIDS (Detective Kellumbo, mgr.)
 DM  24 ZORPUNT (turn 585): MEDAL OF HONOR F3 (The Anarchist, mgr.)
 DM  25 LYRATILAN (turn 584): BARHOPPERS (Apex, mgr.)
 DM  26 CALEAM (turn 581): POSITION IS EMPTY
 DM  30 IAYE (turn 577): RED DOG GANG (Jojra, mgr.)
 DM  40 ZENSU (turn 547): MEDAL OF HONOR G1 (The Anarchist, mgr.)
 DM  41 KATI-TEI (turn 538): MEDAL OF HONOR H3 (The Anarchist, mgr.)
 DM  46 ARDIVENT (turn 529): DEATHTONGUE (Technogeek, mgr.)
 DM  52 FRATSFA (turn 245): BLOOD AND GUTS! (Le Pentarque, mgr.)
 DM  63 AMEN-TEI (turn 431): 1949 YANKEES (Papa Bear, mgr.)
 DM  71 KYR'TERR (turn 198): THE ZOO (Jorja, mgr.)
ADM 105 ANDORAK (turn 481): SUPERIOR FORCES (Manager, mgr.)

                                   Recent Graduates
                                   ----------------
 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 296): HAMMURABI of SMITHSONIAN (Curator, mgr.)
 DM  11 ARUAK CITY (turn 596): CHIEF SITTING BULL of BULLDOGS (Kennelworth, mgr.)
                               DELIA'S GONE of ELFQUEST (Armalias, mgr.)
 DM  14 TOBIR (turn 594): MOLYNEUX of OTAGO HIGHLANDERS (The Mun, mgr.)
 DM  22 SOLVEN (turn 587): CHUCKER ISTTA of MIDDLE WAY 15 (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM  30 IAYE (turn 576): PRIVATE PERNA of LENPROS (Lenpro, mgr.)
 DM  40 ZENSU (turn 547): PARTICLE MAN of NEUROMANCERS (Rude Buddha, mgr.)

                                 DUELMASTER'S COLUMN
                             Notes from the arena champ.

I didn't expect it to take this long to become Bashmaster, especially given the
expected life span of this arena, but better late than never.  Also, my apologies to
Drunken Flailer.  No, not for taking him down with my first swing, but for the extra
kicks I gave him afterwards and throwing his teeth into the crowd like rice at a
wedding.  It was pretty funny, though.  Bring on the next piqata!

Bashmaster Maularia

                                      SPY REPORT

     You elder fighters surely remember me.  The younger ones may call me Olaf 
Modeen.  I return to THE STOMPING GROUNDS once again!  Hmmmph!  I always thought 
PLATONIC SOLIDS was an over-rated team and they proved it with a 0-0-0!  Ya gotta be 
quick on yer feet!  Keep your elbow off the table!  Thrust!  Block out the pain!  
DUNGEON CELL BA is now ranked 5th with a 3-2-2 turn.  Welcome to THE STOMPING 
GROUNDS, BASH MASTERS!  We need more teams who can get a 4-1-0 their first time out!  
What's with ORANGE CRUSH?  She actually beat BASH 4 CASH's Q.T. PIE, and walked away 
with 17 more points from the fight.  Laughs were big at MAUL RATS while they watched 
I SEE DEAD PEOPLE clobber BRUISER.  He lost 12 points and got bruised from objects 
thrown from the stands.  Try as he might, MORDANT GOON wasn't good enough at 
persuading MAULARIA to step down from the Duelmaster's throne...  I suppose you want 
to hear some rumors and dirty gossip about your fellow fighters?  Tough!   
     If at first you don't succeed, avoid.  That'll get you in the Spyreports.  The 
most avoided team was CLUB CLUB.  In my day, no team with a 3-2-0 would scare me off! 
What's the problem, THE BEATNIKS?  How well I know the feeling of being the most 
challenged warrior, THUD!  Don't make idle boasts, they may come back to haunt you.  
I hate going to the effort of writing about the kind of fights that BACKWARDS gets 
in.  It fights people like TOMMY HILFIGER, 11 points below.  I thought BACKWARDS 
showed great skill and promise when it bested TOMMY HILFIGER.  All right, so I slept 
through it!  Big deal!   
     A fighter's lot is filled with strife, revenge, and killing.  Some fighters 
don't accept this.  The best do.  Here's some advice:  study your opponent, master 
many skills, fight dirty.   
     Well, I'm pretty much through.  You guys need to get back practicing.  All work 
and no play makes Olaf a dull fighter.  Work and play no fighter dull Olaf.  
Olaffighterwork and no play.  Remember--a good fighter needs both good skills and 
good luck.  Until next time,-- Olaf Modeen  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 MAULARIA 3702                 3   0  0    33       MAUL RATS (360)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 I SEE DEAD PEOPLE 3705        3   0  0    31       MAUL RATS (360)
 CHILLY ARSONIST 3743          3   0  1    26       DUNGEON CELL BA (368)
 BASHFUL BEHEMOTH 3782         3   0  1    26       MAUL MASHING ORCS (376)
 VENGEANCE 3802                2   0  0    25       THE HEAVY HANDS (379)
 NARCOLEPTIC GUARD 3746        3   0  1    24       DUNGEON CELL BA (368)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 JACK KEROWHACK JR 3725        2   1  0    23       THE BEATNIKS (364)
 TROLLDOZER 3703               3   0  0    21       MAUL RATS (360)
 CHEESY POOF 3740              2   1  1    21       BASHTARDS (367)
 HUGO SQUISH 3729              2   0  1    19       CLUB CLUB (365)
 NAKED LUNCH 3723              3   0  0    18       THE BEATNIKS (364)
 THUD 3780                     2   1  0    18       NUMBSKULLS (375)
 STARBRINGER 3800              2   0  0    18       THE HEAVY HANDS (379)
 MAUL OF AMERICA 3727          2   0  0    17       CLUB CLUB (365)
 ORANGE CRUSH 3823             1   0  0    17       BLUNT FORCE (383)
-BAMBOOZLE 3683                2   0  0    16       BABA BABA (356)
 CHEST PAIN 3778               1   2  0    16       NUMBSKULLS (375)
-SMASH 3698                    1   1  0    16       DEMOLITION (359)
-SON OF A BASHER 3711          1   1  0    15       I CRUSH UR HEAD (361)
 FLAILS HERE 3763              3   0  0    14       GO TO FLAIL (372)
 BACKWARDS 3684                3   0  0    14       BABA BABA (356)
 CRUSHED CUTICLE 3785          3   0  0    14       MAUL MASHING ORCS (376)
-DODECAHEDRON 3755             2   0  0    14       PLATONIC SOLIDS (370)
 CALVIN KLEIN 3759             2   0  0    14       CHIC BARBARIANS (371)
-MASTER BASHER 3709            2   0  0    14       I CRUSH UR HEAD (361)
 BASHMORE FACE 3679            2   0  1    13       BASH 4 CASH (355)
 WESLEY CRUSHER 3781           2   1  0    13       NUMBSKULLS (375)
 FLAILING AROUND 3762          1   2  0    12       GO TO FLAIL (372)
-OCTAHEDRON 3754               2   0  0    11       PLATONIC SOLIDS (370)
 SUPER BEEFCAKE 3738           2   1  0    11       BASHTARDS (367)
 HAM FIST 3731                 2   0  0    11       CLUB CLUB (365)
 PIERRE CARDIN 3761            1   1  0    11       CHIC BARBARIANS (371)
 BASH WIPE 3831                1   0  0    11       BASH MASTERS (384)
 KISS MY BASH 3832             1   0  0    11       BASH MASTERS (384)
-APPLES 3732                   1   0  0    10       JGW PERISHABLE (366)
 WYSTERIA LA VINE 3798         1   0  0    10       ONE LUMP, OR TWO? (378)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 BASH HOLE 3829                1   0  0    10       BASH MASTERS (384)
 BRUISER 3779                  2   1  0     9       NUMBSKULLS (375)
 SMASHING SUCCESS 3784         2   1  0     8       MAUL MASHING ORCS (376)
 BANTER 3788                   1   1  0     8       BABA BABA (356)
 BRAWNTOSAURUS 3704            2   1  0     7       MAUL RATS (360)
 BONGO JOE 3722                2   1  0     7       THE BEATNIKS (364)
 WHISPER 3801                  1   1  0     7       THE HEAVY HANDS (379)
 HAM BURGLAR 3744              1   2  0     7       DUNGEON CELL BA (368)
 IZ' BIN REEL 3797             1   0  0     7       ONE LUMP, OR TWO? (378)
 GIORGIO ARMANI 3760           1   1  0     7       CHIC BARBARIANS (371)
 HOLY FLAIL 3765               1   2  1     6       GO TO FLAIL (372)
-MAULBEARER 3693               1   0  1     6       THE TALLYWACKERS (358)
-SCREAMING BASHER 3721         1   0  0     6       ABATTOIR BASHERS (363)
-TIMBANGAN BASHER 3712         1   0  0     6       MARTILYO BASHERS (362)
-TIGER 3694                    1   0  0     6       THE TALLYWACKERS (358)
-MERCENARY BASHER 3718         1   0  0     6       ABATTOIR BASHERS (363)
-HINAGIBAN BASHER 3715         1   0  0     6       MARTILYO BASHERS (362)
-SHADY AT BEST 3810            1   0  0     6       NUMBNUTS (380)
-TETRAHEDRON 3752              1   1  0     6       PLATONIC SOLIDS (370)
 BUCKY RUNESCROD 3794          1   0  0     6       ONE LUMP, OR TWO? (378)
 TEACUP THUMPER 3783           1   2  0     5       MAUL MASHING ORCS (376)
 WHAT THE FLAIL 3764           1   2  0     5       GO TO FLAIL (372)
 RING MY FLAIL 3766            1   2  0     5       GO TO FLAIL (372)
 NOBBY 3737                    1   2  0     5       BASHTARDS (367)
 TWINKIE CREAM 3739            1   2  0     5       BASHTARDS (367)
 BASH ACKWARDS 3830            1   0  0     5       BASH MASTERS (384)
-ZAMBONI 3770                  1   0  0     5       MY OTHER CAR (373)
 MAUL POX 3706                 1   2  0     5       MAUL RATS (360)
-BEND 3701                     1   1  0     4       DEMOLITION (359)
-DRUNKEN FLAILER 3710          1   1  0     4       I CRUSH UR HEAD (361)
-BANKROLL 3685                 1   1  0     4       BABA BABA (356)
 Q.T. PIE 3681                 1   1  0     4       BASH 4 CASH (355)
-ICOSAHEDRON 3756              1   1  0     4       PLATONIC SOLIDS (370)
 WIDOWMAKER 3803               1   1  0     4       THE HEAVY HANDS (379)
 PULL MY DAISY 3726            0   3  0     3       THE BEATNIKS (364)
 CLUMSY BARBER 3742            0   3  0     3       DUNGEON CELL BA (368)
 HEAD TRAUMA 3777              0   3  0     3       NUMBSKULLS (375)
 TOMMY HILFIGER 3758           0   2  0     2       CHIC BARBARIANS (371)
 FRUIT BRUTE 3728              0   2  0     2       CLUB CLUB (365)
 IMUS BREAKU 3730              0   2  0     2       CLUB CLUB (365)
-AXE 3697                      0   2  0     2       DEMOLITION (359)
-STOP! HAMMER TIME 3708        0   2  0     2       I CRUSH UR HEAD (361)
-BANISH 3682                   0   2  0     2       BABA BABA (356)
 BIG WHOMPER 3677              0   2  0     2       BASH 4 CASH (355)
 CHRISTIAN DIOR 3757           0   2  0     2       CHIC BARBARIANS (371)
-HEXAHEDRON 3753               0   2  0     2       PLATONIC SOLIDS (370)
-UPSIDE UR HEAD 3707           0   2  0     2       I CRUSH UR HEAD (361)
-SHINDIG 3808                  0   1  0     1       NUMBNUTS (380)
-KIWI FRUIT 3736               0   1  0     1       JGW PERISHABLE (366)
-CRIPPLER 3695                 0   1  0     1       THE TALLYWACKERS (358)
-TINGKAGOL BASHER 3713         0   1  0     1       MARTILYO BASHERS (362)
 PAIN IN THE BASH 3833         0   1  0     1       BASH MASTERS (384)
-BASORAHAN BASHER 3714         0   1  0     1       MARTILYO BASHERS (362)
 UNCLE MEAT 3796               0   1  0     1       ONE LUMP, OR TWO? (378)
-SOCKO 3811                    0   1  0     1       NUMBNUTS (380)
 ASSAILANT 3827                0   1  0     1       BLUNT FORCE (383)
-BANANAS 3735                  0   1  0     1       JGW PERISHABLE (366)
-IQUISTA 3775                  0   1  0     1       DAMOONS (374)
-VANWA 3774                    0   1  0     1       DAMOONS (374)
 POINDEXTER PRIMM 3795         0   1  0     1       ONE LUMP, OR TWO? (378)
-GRAPES 3734                   0   1  0     1       JGW PERISHABLE (366)
-YOUSONOFA BASHER 3719         0   1  0     1       ABATTOIR BASHERS (363)
-LINNA 3773                    0   1  0     1       DAMOONS (374)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-BOZO NIGHTMARE 3809           0   1  0     1       NUMBNUTS (380)
-PASSION FRUIT 3733            0   1  0     1       JGW PERISHABLE (366)
-ANYARO 3772                   0   1  0     1       DAMOONS (374)
-WHIPPING POST 3692            0   1  0     1       THE TALLYWACKERS (358)
-SLEDGE 3805                   0   1  0     1       DEMOLITION (359)
-BARBARIAN BASHER 3720         0   1  0     1       ABATTOIR BASHERS (363)
-UNIMOG 3769                   0   1  0     1       MY OTHER CAR (373)
-HAMMERSPIKE 3696              0   1  0     1       THE TALLYWACKERS (358)
 MYOPIC VOYEUR 3822            0   1  0     1       DUNGEON CELL BA (368)
 MAUL RAT 3828                 0   1  0     1       MAUL MASHING ORCS (376)
 CONTUSION 3824                0   1  0     1       BLUNT FORCE (383)
 CULL 3825                     0   1  0     1       BLUNT FORCE (383)
-DOUBLE-O-ZERO 3807            0   1  0     1       NUMBNUTS (380)
-EYEPOPPER BASHER 3717         0   1  0     1       ABATTOIR BASHERS (363)
-CRUNCH 3806                   0   1  0     1       DEMOLITION (359)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                W  L K TEAM NAME            SLAIN BY              TURN Revenge?
BABY 3686               0  1 0 BABA BABA 356        BASHFUL BEHEMOTH 3782 430   
DEATH FROM ABOVE 3680   1  1 0 BASH 4 CASH 355      NARCOLEPTIC GUAR 3746 432   
MR. MACE 3678           1  1 0 BASH 4 CASH 355      CHILLY ARSONIST 3743  432   
BASH TARDIGAN 3741      1  2 0 BASHTARDS 367        HUGO SQUISH 3729      432   
GUNNLOD 3826            0  1 0 BLUNT FORCE 383      BASHMORE FACE 3679    432   
CRUSH 3699              0  1 0 DEMOLITION 359       MAULBEARER 3693       430   
POUND 3700              0  1 0 DEMOLITION 359       HOLY FLAIL 3765       430  REVENGED
MAYNARD G. KREBS 3724   0  3 0 THE BEATNIKS 364     SHEWISH BOUNCER       432  NONE
WINDWALKER 3804         1  1 0 THE HEAVY HANDS 379  CHEESY POOF 3740      432   

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Smashing Success -- Indeed my war hammer was a smashing success repeatedly across
your head!  Your challenge?  Not very successful for you! -- Son of a Basher

Maul Pox -- First I thought your gruesome infection had spread across your entire
face and body.  But then I noticed it was just the blood and puss I beat out of you.
-- Master Basher

Maularia -- It may be the last thing I do, but I am coming for you, buddy. -- Jack
Jr.

Managerr picked us!  He picked us!  Aren't we special!  How come we didn't win
anything? -- Jack KeroWhack, Manager Beatniks

Goodbye Maynard, you dork.  Your poetry always sucked.  The next guy better be able
to rhyme. -- The Beatniks

Enjoyed Flailing Around on our Naked Lunch.

Twinkie Cream -- Bragging may not bring happiness...but no man having caught a basher
unawares goes home through the alley! -- Vengeance

All -- There are some defeats more triumphant than victories...and yet on one is
tired one the day we're left standing in the sand!  We are humbled. -- Owlin the
Wise, "the Heavy Hands"

Upside Ur Head -- Experience is a good teacher...she gives the test first and the
lesson afterward.  It will help you to recognize a mistake every time you repeat it!
-- Starbringer

Wonderful.  We take top team on the move turn 1, and then my guys fail to show turn
2.  I should have drawn the map in freakin crayon. -- The learned leopard; Kat (mgr.
Bash4Cash)

Unimog -- You're cute.  Love the way you scream like a little girl. -- Mr. Mace

Thud -- That your name, or the sound you make when momma drops you on your head...
again? -- (your favorite) Q.T. Pie

Dodecahedron -- SO unfair of your manager to give you a name you can't possibly
spell.  Shall we just call you 'Lump'? -- Big Whomper

Grapes -- Pinot Grigio you are NOT, sir! -- Death From Above

Passion Fruit -- Listen son--your guidance counselor lied.  This career path probably
isn't best suited to your particular skills.  Your inability to move your feet was
only slightly offset by your ability to hit like a stunted lemming. -- Bashmore Face

It's been fun so far.  I'm looking forward to many more flailing attacks in the
future. -- Go to Flail

31 May 2008
Any and all who live in the 805 area, I would like for you to call me so we can get
together for BBQ's, softball games, and so on.  It has been a while since the last
get together (several years).  It was a blast and I am sure the next one will be
also.  We just have to do it.  All alliances are welcome.  Just because my warriors
leave your warrior beaten and bloody in defeat does not mean we can't have a beer or
five together.  I'll even buy the first round.  So call 805-588-3419 and ask for Dave
a.k.a. Misfit, former member of the Green and Purple Polka Dot Alliance (GAPPDA).

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

MAYNARD G. KREBS was butchered by SHEWISH BOUNCER in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
WHISPER slimly lost to THUD in a 2 minute beginner's Challenge battle.
WIDOWMAKER was demolished by TROLLDOZER in a 1 minute uneven Challenge fight.
WINDWALKER was butchered by CHEESY POOF in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge contest.
CRUSHED CUTICLE savagely defeated RING MY FLAIL in a 2 minute Challenge match.
TEACUP THUMPER lost to SUPER BEEFCAKE in a 3 minute brutal amateur's Challenge fight.
TWINKIE CREAM was devastated by JACK KEROWHACK JR in a 1 minute Challenge competition.
STARBRINGER viciously subdued GIORGIO ARMANI in a 1 minute beginner's Challenge melee.
MAUL POX was savagely defeated by WESLEY CRUSHER in a 3 minute Challenge duel.
I SEE DEAD PEOPLE overpowered BRUISER in a popular 1 minute one-sided Challenge melee.
BACKWARDS luckily beat TOMMY HILFIGER in a 2 minute bloody amateur's Challenge match.
BRAWNTOSAURUS was devastated by VENGEANCE in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge battle.
MAULARIA devastated MORDANT GOON in a crowd pleasing 1 minute mismatched Title bout.
BASHMORE FACE barely slew GUNNLOD in a 2 minute gruesome amateur's bout.
PULL MY DAISY was overcome by BANTER in a crowd pleasing 1 minute amateur's bout.
MAUL OF AMERICA devastated POINDEXTER PRIMM in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
FRUIT BRUTE was savagely defeated by IZ' BIN REEL in a 3 minute brutal novice's bout.
HUGO SQUISH assassinated BASH TARDIGAN in a 1 minute mismatched conflict.
IMUS BREAKU was bested by BUCKY RUNESCROD in a 1 minute novice's bout.
HAM FIST won victory over HOLY FLAIL in a 3 minute gruesome novice's match.
NOBBY was vanquished by CHEST PAIN in a 1 minute mismatched fray.
MR. MACE was assassinated by CHILLY ARSONIST in a 1 minute gory one-sided match.
CLUMSY BARBER was vanquished by BASH WIPE in a 1 minute gruesome one-sided match.
HAM BURGLAR defeated CONTUSION in a 1 minute novice's bout.
NARCOLEPTIC GUARD slaughtered DEATH FROM ABOVE in a 1 minute uneven bout.
CHRISTIAN DIOR was overcome by FLAILS HERE in a 2 minute brutal beginner's bout.
CALVIN KLEIN handily defeated ASSAILANT in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
PIERRE CARDIN savagely defeated WHAT THE FLAIL in a 3 minute beginner's fight.
FLAILING AROUND overpowered CULL in a 1 minute one-sided match.
HEAD TRAUMA was overpowered by KISS MY BASH in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
BASHFUL BEHEMOTH overpowered BONGO JOE in a 1 minute one-sided fray.
BIG WHOMPER was devastated by NAKED LUNCH in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
SMASHING SUCCESS unbelievably bested PAIN IN THE BASH in a 2 minute novice's battle.
Q.T. PIE was devastated by ORANGE CRUSH in a 1 minute gory uneven bout.
WYSTERIA LA VINE demolished MYOPIC VOYEUR in a 1 minute mismatched match.
UNCLE MEAT was savagely defeated by BASH ACKWARDS in a 1 minute gory novice's duel.
MAUL RAT was vanquished by BASH HOLE in a 1 minute mismatched bout.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|BASHING ATTACK                  72         PARRY-RIPOSTE      2 -   0 -  0     100  |
|AIMED BLOW                       0         SLASHING ATTACK    9 -   2 -  0      82  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      0         STRIKING ATTACK    5 -   2 -  1      71  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     0         WALL OF STEEL      6 -   3 -  0      67  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    0         PARRY-STRIKE       4 -   3 -  0      57  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                   0         BASHING ATTACK   125 - 122 -  8      51  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  0         LUNGING ATTACK     1 -   1 -  0      50  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  0         PARRY-LUNGE        3 -   4 -  0      43  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      0         TOTAL PARRY        2 -   3 -  0      40  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    0         AIMED BLOW         1 -   4 -  0      20  |

Turn 432 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

BASHING ATTACK    36 - 36     AIMED BLOW         0 -  0         %11  BASHING ATTACK 
                              PARRY-LUNGE        0 -  0     
                              PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  0     
                              PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  0     
                              LUNGING ATTACK     0 -  0     
                              SLASHING ATTACK    0 -  0     
                              STRIKING ATTACK    0 -  0     
                              TOTAL PARRY        0 -  0     
                              WALL OF STEEL      0 -  0     

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is TEACUP THUMPER 3783.  The most popular warrior this 
turn was WESLEY CRUSHER 3781.  The ten other most popular fighters were PIERRE CARDIN 
3761, IZ' BIN REEL 3797, HOLY FLAIL 3765, CRUSHED CUTICLE 3785, TEACUP THUMPER 3783, 
STARBRINGER 3800, TOMMY HILFIGER 3758, MAULARIA 3702, BANTER 3788, and WHISPER 3801.

The least popular fighter this week was MAUL RAT 3828.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were MYOPIC VOYEUR 3822, Q.T. PIE 3681, BIG WHOMPER 3677, BONGO JOE 3722, 
HEAD TRAUMA 3777, CULL 3825, DEATH FROM ABOVE 3680, CONTUSION 3824, MR. MACE 3678, 
and NOBBY 3737.

                         SUMMER FACE-TO-FACE IN MINNEAPOLIS!

Our summer FTF will be held in Minneapolis, Minnesota, July 18-20, 2008.  It will be 
held at the Holiday Inn Select Minneapolis/St. Paul in Blomington, MN, just down the 
street from the Mall of America, at 3 Appletree Square (952-854-9000).  Rooms are only 
$105.00 per night, 1-2 occupancy.  There is a free 24-hour shuttle from the airport
and free shuttle service to the mall; free parking, free high-speed wireless internet
in all guestrooms.  There is a large fitness center, jacuzzi, and indoor pool.  The 
rooms are blocked--ask for the "Reality Simulations" room block.  There are tons of 
restaurants nearby at the Mall, as well as a cafe in the hotel.  

Hotel info:  www.himspairport.com
Mall of America:  www.mallofamerica.com

The tournament information sheet will be out imminently.  We hope you're all looking 
forward to the tournament and that we will see you there!