Date   : 08/13/2003    Duedate: 08/26/2003


DM-22    TURN-462

This Weeks Top Honors


(22-6012) [11-2-0,110]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)          DUNCES UNITED (687)
(22-6012) [11-2-0,110]         (22-6061) [2-1-1,23]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

MORGAN                         MORGAN
(22-5915) [12-11-1,97]         (22-5915) [12-11-1,97]



Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. THE REPUBLICANS (103)       58
2. KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)       43      KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
3. SERPENTINE INC. (85)        39      Unchartered Team
4. DUNCES UNITED (687)         26
5. ANDORIAN WIMPS (651)        13      DUNCES UNITED (687)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 3 KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)     51  28  2 64.6   1/ 3 KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)    12  3 0
 2/ 4 ROCK ETTS (595)          392 263  7 59.8   2/ 1 SERPENTINE INC. (85)     11  3 0
 3/ 6 SERPENTINE INC. (85)     106  87  5 54.9   3/ 2 THE DEMOCRATS (202)      10  5 1
 4/ 7 WOMEN OF REALITY (669)    88  80  2 52.4   4/ 6 THE REPUBLICANS (103)     9  6 0
 5/ 8 ANDORIAN WIMPS (651)      35  32  1 52.2   5/ 4 ANDORIAN WIMPS (651)      8  6 0
 6/ 9 THE REPUBLICANS (103)    287 265 22 52.0   6/ 0*DUNCES UNITED (687)       6  9 2
 7/10 OLD MCDONALD (621)       250 252 12 49.8   7/ 5 WOMEN OF REALITY (669)    6  9 0
 8/11 THE DEMOCRATS (202)       80  82  7 49.4   8/ 9 ROCK ETTS (595)           4  6 0
 9/13 THE ZOO (205)            308 400  4 43.5   9/ 8 OLD MCDONALD (621)        3  6 0
10/ 0*DUNCES UNITED (687)        6   9  2 40.0  10/11 THE ZOO (205)             1 12 0
11/ 0*MORFS (534)                0   1  0  0.0  11/ 0*MORFS (534)               0  1 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

        + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ The Aruaki Clanhold #117 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +


     Tonga, a Lord Protector who had graduated here, stood on the top level of the
arena and looked out over the small city.  The past year or two had not been kind to
Seam.  Buildings still stood between the center of the city and the river, but the
other half of the town was in ruins.  "It wouldn't look any worse if there'd been a
war here," he muttered to his teammate, Nathaniel G.
     "If there'd been a war, there would be more bodies," Nathaniel argued.  Anything
else he might have said was drowned out by rumbling deep in the earth.
     The geyser that had broken out a few months ago burst into the air, bringing
sulfur-scented steam.  It rose in the center of the devastated area, shooting higher
than the arena walls before a wind from the west seized the top of the plume and blew
scalding mist to the east.  The circle of abandoned buildings marked the distance
that any normal wind was likely to blow the deadly steam.  Although some of the
destruction in the center had resulted from the blast that released the geyser, and
from the occasional earth-shocks afterward, most of it was due to vandalism and
     Some of the vandals, Tonga noted sadly, were gladiators whose teams hadn't found
new homes after the arena closed.  He could understand their anger and despair, but
wished they'd found a more constructive outlet.  Others were relicts of the civil war
who, for one reason or another, had nowhere else to go.
     "Point's in worse shape," Nathaniel said when the geyser finally subsided.
"Wiped out by..." he hesitated, not wanting to attribute the destruction of Point to
     "Ghosts," Tonga said.  "Might as well admit it.  Everyone says it was ghosts out
of Krael that wiped out Point and hit Iaye, too."  He glanced sideways at his
companion.  "When you were out toward Point, did you swing down to Ti?  We haven't
heard a word from there in, I dunno, weeks, months?"


     Karanjal walked into the Krill Cavalry guildhouse and flopped into a chair.  He
wasn't sure now what he had expected life to be like once he became a Lord Protector,
but he knew he hadn't expected to end up as a courier riding all over the Clanhold.
He accepted a mug of cold cider from his teammate, Flitter McGee, and drank deeply.
     Flitter waited impatiently, and when Karanjal didn't seem likely to stop
drinking, he said, "Well?"
     "No, not well," Karanjal growled.
     "You went to Ti," Flitter prompted, when no further comment was forthcoming.
     "There isn't any Ti.  Empty beach.  Not even ruins."
     "Some kind of wave, like took out Point?" Flitter guessed.
     "You're not listening!"  Karanjal slammed his mug onto the long refectory table
in sudden irritation.  "There is no Ti.  It's like there never was a Ti.  With Point,
there are ruins.  With Ti, nothing.  I searched the coast for three miles each way--
What a joke, each way from what?  I couldn't even be sure exactly which part of the
coast used to have the town on it!"  He was silent for a moment.  "There's a cliff at
the water's edge," he said finally, "some kind of purplish rock with fossils in it.
Like nothing I've seen anywhere before.  I'm guessing that's where Ti used to be,
that somehow the town got swapped for a piece of some other coast somewhere...."
     "But that's impossible!"
     "Unlikely, maybe, but what other explanation is there?"
     "Okay, okay...."  Flitter frowned.  "Okay, really big magic could maybe do it,
but really big magic is impossible right now, because of the Chaos contamination and
the Arcanum failing and all."
     Karanjal shrugged.  "I don't have to come up with answers, thank all gods!  I
just go and gather facts.  Someone else can figure out what's going on."  He heaved
himself up reluctantly.  "I suppose I'd better write out a report."

At an unknown location:

     Belana listened to the sliding rocks, but she kept her eyes moving.  Just
because she could hear someone coming from one direction, that didn't mean there
wasn't somebody coming from some other direction, too.  The man who emerged from the
trees was dark enough to be Delarquan, but if this was the wrong side of some Gate,
that didn't mean anything.  She supposed she should be glad it was human.  Or at
least looked human.  Her gaze flicked to the man and then along the edge of the
trees, back to the man and along the trees on the other side.  He looked like
Gelleran.  Not exactly, but very nearly like Gelleran.  Maybe he was trapped on this
side of the Gate, too.
     Or maybe this was somebody or some THING else that was mimicking Gelleran's
appearance to put her off guard.  There was a lot of deceit in the world--in ANY
world, after all.
     The man came down the last of the slope in a half-run that made enough noise to
cover anyone else who might be moving in the woods.  "Belana!  My seer said you would
be here--I'm so glad you're not badly hurt!"  He came up against the low wall that
marked that side of her floor, hitting it with a jolt that would knock the breath out
of anyone.  He grinned at her, panting.
     If this wasn't Gelleran, the illusion was beyond her ability to penetrate, and
she couldn't refuse help just because she didn't trust this world.  Belana put down
her rock and stood.  "I'm glad to see a familiar face," she admitted.  "But where are
     "On Kordos, of course!"  He recovered his breath and came around the wall,
obviously intending to take her into his arms.
     Belana shied back.  She knew he liked her, but they hadn't been on hugging
terms, that she recalled.  But at least they must be still in the Ghean world, still
on Alastari, even.  She grabbed for the first neutral topic that came to mind.
"Kordos...that's your island, isn't it?  Near Valamantis--"
     "It is my island, yes, of course," he said, lowering his arms and looking
disturbed.  "And yours, too, I hope.  As my betrothed and soon-to-be wife and queen,
I hope you will come to regard Kordos as your home just as it is mine.  But...I do
not know of this Valamantis you speak of."

           + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Andorians Abroad #12 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

Not in Zuwayza:

     A deep drumming sound echoed through the house.
     "That will be the Sultan's men--or the Temple Guards, even!--at the door," the
merchant muttered.  "I dare not refuse them entry."
     The merchant hurried away, and Tankesh dismissed the man from his mind.  The way
his head ached, he didn't figure on wasting his efforts on peripheral puzzles.  The
important thing was to get on his feet without falling down.  He braced one hand
against the wall and pushed himself upward.  After a moment, the room stopped
wobbling around.  He took a careful step toward the small table that held his sword,
picked it up, and slung the belt around himself.  Headache or no, he could fight if
he had to, and just having the sword at hand gave him confidence.  He looked around
the room.
     The doctor was tidying away all sign that someone had been here, straightening
the cover on the divan, scooping up a small cup and spoon, a bit of bloodstained
cloth, anything that might be out of place, and gathering it all into a small bundle
which he shoved into his doctor's bag.  Not speaking, the man gestured for Tankesh to
follow him and darted out a door that had been concealed by a hanging curtain.
     No, Tankesh corrected himself as he scrambled to keep up with the man, not
concealed.  It didn't seem to be anything like a secret door, and the curtain was
probably merely to stop drafts.  Well, whatever.  He didn't suppose that mattered.
He would probably never see these people or this place again.
     The doctor led him down a long hall; some of the doorways opening off it had
curtains for closure and others had real doors of wood.  Even in what Tankesh guessed
was a service hallway, the doors were all surrounded by tiles painted with bright-
colored floral patterns, and the floor, also of tile, had a long strip of striped
carpet down it.  The door at the far end was locked and bolted, but the doctor had a
key and let them out into an alley.
     A blank-faced building on the side made a narrow path of black shadow, but for
the rest, the sun turned the alley into an oven.  The doctor didn't pause but led him
onward at a brisk trot, around a corner, and in through another door, across a small
courtyard, into a dusty hallway, out another door, and on and on through a maze of
buildings and alleys.  Tankesh wondered what kind of practice the man had that he
knew this maze so well.  They saw few people in their rapid passage, all of them
heavily cloaked and moving away.
     They ended up in another small courtyard, this one dominated by a spreading
cypress tree and a tiled pool of water with a fountain splashing gently into it.
     "I will leave you here," the doctor said quickly.  "The sage may be able to help
you return to your own world.  Fare you well, Traveler, and may the Goddess smile
upon your going out and your returning."  Before Tankesh could respond, he vanished
back through the gateway.
     "So you are a Traveler, eh?"  The voice came from the deep shade of the cypress,
unhurried and genial.  "It's been a long time since I Traveled, though I visited many
worlds in my youth.  Come sit here by the fountain and tell me how it is with you,
young man."
     Tankesh peered into the shadow but couldn't make out more than a vague presence.
With a slight shrug, he moved closer, noting with relief that the air was distinctly
cooler under the tree.  He sank down onto the rim of the fountain and squinted into
the shadow.
     The sage was very old, a shrunken, withered figure barely visible among a nest
of shawls.  How could he stand shawls in this heat?  "What's going on?" he asked.
     The old man sighed.  "It's a time of change, young man.  I have studied many
lifetimes and do not fully understand it.  There is always the possibility of
Traveling from one world to another, but the choice of destination is ordinarily
restricted, and the passage is difficult.  For some reason beyond my slender
understanding, this is changing...at least for now.  A world of which we know
nothing, have never Visited--your world--is coming into conjunction with ours.
Travel is easy, even happening by sheerest accident.  Thus, I gather, your presence."
     "The doctor who brought me here said the same thing, more or less.  But that
still doesn't tell me why ME, what happened to my companion, and how I get home!"
     The old man laughed.  "Why you and what happened to your companion, I cannot
guess.  As to how you might get home--"  He stretched one thin leg out in front of
him, and the sunlight burned on a crimson slipper with a curled toe.  "I don't think
my shoes will fit you, but there are other ways.  Quite simple, really.  Come into my
terminal."  He hoisted himself to his feet and headed for a door that was barely
visible under a deep arcade.

      * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

                          ---===ANDORIAN REGIONAL NEWS===---

 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 233): FANTA FUELED FUZZ of BLACKTHORN ORCS (Slugbait, mgr.)
 DM  11 ARUAK CITY (turn 469): NUBIAN GOD of VIEW ASKEW (Angus, mgr.)
 DM  14 TOBIR (turn 468): CONAN of THE DEATH SQUAD (Street Legal, mgr.)
 DM  22 SOLVEN (turn 461): CLINTON of THE DEMOCRATS (Al Gore, mgr.)
 DM  24 ZORPUNT (turn 458): SLIM SHADY of THE MC5 (Street Legal, mgr.)
                              (Assurnasirbanipal, mgr.)
 DM  26 CALEAM (turn 458): BENEFICE of THE TAKEN (The Annalist, mgr.)
 DM  30 IAYE (turn 454): PHISH BAIT of TRIP OUT (Angus, mgr.)
 DM  40 ZENSU (turn 420): BIRDBRAIN of WIMPS MOST FOWL (Wimpy, mgr.)
 DM  41 KATI-TEI (turn 414): AFRICAN GREY of BIRDS (JE, mgr.)
 DM  46 ARDIVENT (turn 406): OL' JOE COLLIN of BLUVALLEY WARRIORS (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  52 FRATSFA (turn 181): SQUASH BUTT of OTTO'S PARTS (Crip, mgr.)
 DM  60 ARADI (turn 317): GATECRASHER of CLUB CULTURE (Talon Volksie, mgr.)
 DM  63 AMEN-TEI (turn 308): PIPE LAYER of WORKING MEN (Soultaker, mgr.)
 DM  71 KYR'TERR (turn 136): LONGSHOT of SHADOW GOLD (Shadowgate, mgr.)
ADM 105 ANDORAK (turn 354): NEBBISH of SAILS OF CHARON from ARADI (The Sentinel)

                                      Top Teams
 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 233): BONDAGE (Spawn, mgr.)
 DM  11 ARUAK CITY (turn 469): VIEW ASKEW (Angus, mgr.)
 DM  14 TOBIR (turn 468): THE DEATH SQUAD (Street Legal, mgr.)
 DM  22 SOLVEN (turn 461): SERPENTINE INC. (Floyd, mgr.)
 DM  24 ZORPUNT (turn 458): THE ASININE (Philthy Phil, mgr.)
 DM  25 LYRATILAN (turn 458): CHAUCERS WORDS (Berylstar, mgr.)
 DM  26 CALEAM (turn 458): SHERWOOD FOREST (Papaiz, mgr.)
 DM  30 IAYE (turn 454): WRESTLMANIACS (Crip, mgr.)
 DM  40 ZENSU (turn 420): CARNIVAL (Carny, mgr.)
 DM  41 KATI-TEI (turn 414): WANDERERS (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  46 ARDIVENT (turn 406): DEATHTONGUE (Technogeek, mgr.)
 DM  52 FRATSFA (turn 181): OTTO'S PARTS (Crip, mgr.)
 DM  60 ARADI (turn 317): CLUB CULTURE (Talon Volksie, mgr.)
 DM  63 AMEN-TEI (turn 308): WAY OF THE BLADE 2 (Vhagar, mgr.)
 DM  71 KYR'TERR (turn 136): SHADOW GOLD (Shadowgate, mgr.)
ADM 105 ANDORAK (turn 354): BOXES, etc. (Doc Steele, mgr.)

                                   Recent Graduates
 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 233): FANTA FUELED FUZZ of BLACKTHORN ORCS (Slugbait, mgr.)
                           FOTHERINFOP of WIMPS OF PERIL (Wimpy, mgr.)
               (turn 232): DOMINO of BONDAGE (Spawn, mgr.)
                           BETHUNES of LA PENTARCHIE (The Pentalque, mgr.)
                               JUGHEAD of KRILL CAVALRY (Leeta, mgr.)
                               BART WELLENS of 'CROSSED UP (Dr. Mabuse, mgr.)
                   (turn 468): BOOTLEG PATCHWORK of  GERFEL'S FRIENDS (Generalissimo
                               Puerco, mgr.)
 DM  22 SOLVEN (turn 461): CLINTON of THE DEMOCRATS (Al Gore, mgr.)
                           SUE of WOMEN OF REALITY (THawk, mgr.)
 DM  24 ZORPUNT (turn 458): FLITTER MCGEE of KRILL CAVALRY (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  30 IAYE (turn 454): PHISH BAIT of TRIP OUT (Angus, mgr.)
             (turn 453): INFERNO of I TRAINED THEM (Soultaker, mgr.)
 DM  40 ZENSU (turn 420): BIRDBRAIN of WIMPS MOST FOWL (Wimpy, mgr.)
 DM  41 KATI-TEI (turn 414): AFRICAN GREY of BIRDS (JE, mgr.)
 DM  52 FRATSFA (turn 181): LONGARMOFTHELAW of OTTO'S PARTS (Crip, mgr.)
 DM  60 ARADI (turn 317): GATECRASHER of CLUB CULTURE (Talon Volksie, mgr.)
                          SLAP HAPPY of BUMS 'R' US (Berylstar, mgr.)
              (turn 316): SCUMBAG of WIMPS OF DEATH (Wimpy, mgr.)
                          WETBOX of BOXES (Doc Steele, mgr.)
 DM  63 AMEN-TEI (turn 308): RHYTHM METHOD of SURPRISE! (Soultaker, mgr.)
 DM  71 KYR'TERR (turn 136): LONGSHOT of SHADOW GOLD (Shadowgate, mgr.)

                                 DUELMASTER'S COLUMN
                             Notes from the arena champ.

Hail Solven!  Well I finally made it to the top and now I have to leave.  It's 
been a long hard road to the top and I have to thank all my worthy competitors.  
I wasn't sure if I could make Duelmaster with my many challenges not going thru.  
I would like to thank Judge, Morris, Elderberry, Kellumbo, Wimpy and all the 
other great managers that fight in this great arena.  Well I'm here and I have to 
go get ready to fight one last fight before I leave this great arena.  Good luck 
to all and see you all in ADM.

For those who care= 11-17-9-16-16-8-9, VL\L, Parry, Greatsword


                                      SPY REPORT

     Like the magnificent Sun, rising upon the Dawn and exiling the Night for a Day, 
I, Novgorodny Vir, return once again!  SERPENTINE INC.?  Who?  KELLUMBO'S KIDS is the 
top team these days, buddies!  Good things come to those who fight well, as THE 
REPUBLICANS can attest, moving up by 2.  KLUTZ certainly had a baffled expression on 
his face, after losing to ROBERT BYRD and losing 10 points in the process!  CLINTON 
found out being SOLVEN's Duelmaster isn't all nuts and berries, receiving 4 
challenges!  Duelmaster CLINTON from THE DEMOCRATS is going for the gold, as he Dark 
Arena Challenged DARK ARENA's SPYMASTER.  Ooh, the excitement!  Those who hoped for a 
new Duelmaster were disappointed by SPYMASTER, of DARK ARENA, who despite a 0-0-0 
couldn't overcome SOLVEN's Number 1.  So who's the team that's been walking into 
taverns last week and ordering milk?  Sounds like a PR stunt to me.   
     My mother wished me to avoid conflict, and seek the gentle trade of Spyreporter. 
But warriors aren't supposed to avoid fights!  To quell some nasty rumors, the guys 
in KELLUMBO'S KIDS are not carrying any incurable diseases.  No need to avoid 'em.  
Like a pup with its tail between its legs, THE REPUBLICANS scurried away from 
KELLUMBO'S KIDS.  Oh, the shame!  Them's the breaks, HOMELESS PRINCE.  Expecting fair 
challenges from WOMEN OF REALITY is evidently too much to ask.  Bookies and SUE were 
more than a little surprised, as HOMELESS PRINCE snatched an easy victory from SUE, 
gaining 19 points.  As a confidence booster, BLIND GIRL challenged NONSENTIA, down 21 
points.  Do you also slay vicious rodents in your spare time, BLIND GIRL?  BLIND GIRL 
won victory over NONSENTIA.  The whole thing leaves a bitter memory.  MACRIBSI found 
herself challenged by a warrior 19 below:  DIDILY SQUAT.  DIDILY SQUAT of ANDORIAN 
WIMPS kept his wits as he defeated MACRIBSI.   
     Like the wind whispering among the pines, do hearest I many disquieting rumors.  
SPYMASTER in the Dark Arena wasn't enough for CLINTON of THE DEMOCRATS.  Maybe that 
certain serving girl(?) at The Victory Tavern will be!  Justice was served as MONTY 
PYTHON fought TOYS in bloodfeud.  Well done, SERPENTINE INC.!  Questions are being 
raised about the disposing of severed body parts in the arena.  A certain tavern in 
SOLVEN would I avoid!   
     All good things must come to an end.  Keep those sands bloody and the buzzards 
fat!  Can anything compare to the pleasure of writing Spyreports for SOLVEN?  On that 
giddy note I take my leave-- Novgorodny Vir  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 HOMELESS PRINCE 6012         11   2  0   110       KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 MONTY PYTHON 5939            13   5  0   105       SERPENTINE INC. (85)
 PISHTUSH 5651                12   2  0   103       ANDORIAN WIMPS (651)
 GUANTANAMO BAY 5826          18  18  0   100       THE REPUBLICANS (103)
 MORGAN 5915                  12  11  1    97       WOMEN OF REALITY (669)
 SNAKE IN THE GRASS 5952      12   3  0    97       SERPENTINE INC. (85)
 HOW--LITE 5635               20  13  1    96       ROCK ETTS (595)
 TOYS 5679                    19  21  5    95       OLD MCDONALD (621)
 JUSTICE 5949                 13   5  0    93       THE REPUBLICANS (103)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-DARKSIDE 2714                10   6  0    88       LOST SOULS 1 (300)
 JUDITH 5832                  18  16  0    83       WOMEN OF REALITY (669)
 BIG MAC 5698                 18  21  0    80       OLD MCDONALD (621)
 WOF-A-MIT 5639               17  15  0    79       ROCK ETTS (595)
 BISCUIT 5678                 19  20  0    78       OLD MCDONALD (621)
 TWO PLUS TWO 5910            12   7  1    74       OLD MCDONALD (621)
 DARKLE 5709                   7   2  0    74       ANDORIAN WIMPS (651)
 JFK 1660                     15  17  1    73       THE DEMOCRATS (202)
 GARY CONDIT 5914             11  14  1    72       THE DEMOCRATS (202)
 MAXIMUS 5966                 14   2  2    69       KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
 TURKEY JOE 5825              14  26  0    68       THE ZOO (205)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 LEE 5831                     12  22  0    64       WOMEN OF REALITY (669)
 SKEEMER 5965                 11   5  0    64       KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 BEAR MARKET 6010              6   7  1    64       THE DEMOCRATS (202)
 KANGAROO KATE 5900           13  20  1    60       THE ZOO (205)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 FLAT TAX 5998                 7   7  0    53       THE REPUBLICANS (103)
 ROBERT BYRD 6039              4   3  0    53       THE DEMOCRATS (202)
 PLATINUM 5677                 9  17  1    49       ROCK ETTS (595)
 HISS 6017                     8   1  0    49       SERPENTINE INC. (85)
 RUMSFELD 6032                 3   5  0    41       THE REPUBLICANS (103)
 INARINDA 5913                 6  20  1    39       THE ZOO (205)
 BLIND BOY 6042                5   1  0    35       KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 DIDILY SQUAT 6066             2   0  0    33       ANDORIAN WIMPS (651)
 KLUTZ 5654                    6   7  0    32       ANDORIAN WIMPS (651)
 BLIND GIRL 6041               5   1  0    30       KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
 MACRIBSI 6024                 5   2  0    29       OLD MCDONALD (621)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 SIMPLISSITUS 6061             2   1  1    23       DUNCES UNITED (687)
 SCHWARZENEGGER 6050           2   3  0    17       THE REPUBLICANS (103)
 VENOM 6059                    1   1  0    16       SERPENTINE INC. (85)
 BARB 6060                     2   1  0    12       WOMEN OF REALITY (669)
 VILMA 6040                    2   5  0    11       THE ZOO (205)
 IDIOCIUS 6064                 1   2  0    11       DUNCES UNITED (687)
 DORKUS MAJORUS 6074           1   0  0    10       DUNCES UNITED (687)
 NONSENTIA 6062                1   2  1     9       DUNCES UNITED (687)
 DEMENTIA 6067                 1   1  0     5       DUNCES UNITED (687)
 TOADY 6049                    1   2  0     5       ANDORIAN WIMPS (651)
-SANDSTONE 6056                1   0  0     4       ROCK ETTS (595)
 ZELORA 6068                   0   1  0     1       THE ZOO (205)
 MEL 4627                      0   1  0     1       MORFS (534)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?
ZOOK 6057              0  2 0 ANDORIAN WIMPS 651    SIMPLISSITUS 6061     460 REVENGED
SPYMASTER 405          0  1 0 DARK ARENA 0          CLINTON 2516          462 NONE    
SIDEWINDER 6016        2  5 0 SERPENTINE INC. 85    STONE GOLEM 409       462 NONE    
FANG 5289             11  5 0 SERPENTINE INC. 85    TOYS 5679             458 JUST REV

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Judge -- Two and 3 again?!  C'mon, now you're doing it on purpose just to make me 
laugh. :)  Yup, it's gotta sting. -- Kellumbo

Wimpy -- As quick as I am to jump on you for a crappy turn, don't think your 4-0 went 
unnoticed.  Congrats and good job. -- Kellumbo

Al Gore -- The throne for you, eh?  Good job and congrats your way also.  How about 
keeping JFK away from Skeemer, though.  I think there were two spots in the fight 
where Skeemer might have had a chance.  Ah well... -- DK

Schwarzenegger -- I'm sure you'll just turn a "blind eye" to all this violence. -- 
Blind Boy

So, there I was, sitting out by the pool with drink in hand.  After all, Kellumbo had 
said I had the week off.  Heck, I hadn't even trained this past week.  When, all of a 
sudden this page boy runs up and says, "Hey, you Maximus?"
     "Uh, yeah, why?"
     "Commission says you gotta fight today."
     "Oh no, you must be mistaken" I says.
     "Nope, something about being on team maintanence..." Squeeked the page boy.
     So, off I go, figuring I'll just run hot and be done with it quickly.  But no, 
that rotten Pishtush is out there waiting for a long fight.  Sigh...maybe soon we'll 
fight on my terms.  Either way, nice job on the win and thanks for the skills.  At 
least I won that battle. -- Maximus

Inarinda -- "Something More Sinister" (yeah, I noticed the caps)?  No.  Unfortunately 
you were my 2nd challenge many times.  Guess people like to avoid.  Maybe your team 
should start trying that.  Either way, my days of challenging you are done for good, 
so any further meetings will have to be initiated by you.  Good luck and get some 
wins, old boy. -0 Skeemer 

Simplissitus -- I let you live because as a Dunce you are close to being a Wimp.  By 
the way, how are your ankles? -- Klutz

Maximus -- Gee, now you have as many losses as I do.  You do have 2 more kills than 
I, if that makes you proud.  I'll just have to wait until you advance some so I can 
challenge you again. -- Pishtush

Turkey Joe -- What a great name.  It sure describes you perfectly.  I just loved 
hitting you in your turkey neck. -- Darkle

Idiocius -- It sure doesn't look like Dunces and compete with Wimps.  Keep trying, we 
Wimps are not very tough.  We really haven't got anything. -- Didily Squat

Commission -- Hey, guys!  What do I have to do get fights?  I was passed over for the 
second time in four fights.  Wimpy say that, yes, he sent in my challenges etc.  
What's going on? -- Toady

     You aren't toadying to somebody enough.

Killumbo -- Did you see we got a 4-0 this last turn?  Might have been 5-0 if that 
dumb Toady had showed up at the arena on time.  At this rate we might even catch up 
to you, in four or five years.  As long as you have guys like Max you should stay 
near the top.  Congratulations on a good job, so far. -- Wimpy

Solven -- Ah!  Finally I depart for the Isle.  I'll be joining Sandy in the Free 
Blades regional arena.  It's been fun. -- Sue
P.S.  9-5(1)-10-17(2)-17-8-21; Ad Ex Rip, Ad Master Atk, Master Def; Very Frail, Can 
carry very little, Poor Endurance, Good Damage. Favorites: Longsword, VL/L, Learns 
Defense, Lunge Tactic

Lee -- Ah, thank you!  That was much appreciated. -- Kangaroo Kate

Robert Byrd -- Wait'll I get my hands on a hungry cat!  You'll sing out of the other 
side of your beak then, you fowl byrd! -- Inarinda

Darkle -- Is that like an anti-sparkle? -- Turkey Joe, with nothing to prove 
(everyone already knows I'm low-mediocre)

Rumshfeld -- That wash delishush. -- Vilma

Morgan -- Good fight.  Maybe we can meet again after you graduate. -- Clinton

Flat Tax -- Hmmm, thanks for the skills. -- B.M.

Inarinda -- Good fight for a wiley veteran like you. -- Al Gore

One less skeem from Skeemer. -- Al Gore
P.S.  Sorry for the bad pun. 

Bear Market -- Nice 28 point downchallenge.  Make no mistake--you will get YOURS. -- 
Flat Tax

Blind Boy -- Nice 14 point downchallenge.  We will make sure you are "recalled" when 
you get in our range of more advanced warriors. -- Schwarzeneggar and The Republicans

Gary Condit -- I don't think you should run for re-election. -- Justice

18 July 2003
To All Managers -- I would like to take this time to announce that my alliance, The
Association, is no more.  Due to the dead weight managers of the alliance and their
lack of participation, DarkSpirit and I have formed a new alliance:  The Firm.  We
have taken on two members so far and are looking for a few more.  If you would like
to find out more about The Firm, you can diplo Dark Spirit, Unknowns XX in arena 15
or myself, Sungod, Sadists F2FII in arena 62.
                               --*  The Firm *--
                    Sungod -- Sadists F2FII -- 62
                    Dark Spirit -- Unknowns XX -- 15
                    Youngblood -- Wensinwasin -- 43
                    Tripwire -- Of Wolf and Man -- 1

26 July 2003
     Citizens of Alastari, a bright dawn has risen.  While you slept, a pernicious
force has entered the once-fair City of Aruak.  It fought alongside their treasured
warriors, it drank with their fans, and it slept with their women.  Now the masks are
coming off.
     Warriors, be afraid...be very afraid.  After years of Andorian managers ranting
that Aruak is the safest city in Alastari, the Frothingslosh Syndicate has selected
Aruak City as the home for its next epic 'contest'--Murder by Numbers II.  Our spies
have selected the warriors for extermination, and the executioners have had several
months to prepare.  Now a new age of darkness will descend upon Aruak, as the
Syndicate and its allies bring an entirely new level of competition to the arena!
Downchallenges!  Assassinations!  Small poodles as hors d'oeuvres!
     The Murder by Numbers II 'rules' will be announced next cycle.  However, we
invite all managers, from all corners of Alastari, to come to Aruak City and take
part...in one way or another.  Help defend the honor of a long heralded haven for the
pure, or join the forces of change in their siege of the ice-cream and cake
stronghold of the Dukes of Nerf-Dueling!
     This exercise is not for either the faint of heart or the weak willed.  Blood
will flow, brains will leak, and beer will be chugged.  Either way, we welcome you
with open arms and gleaming blades.
     This public service announcement has been brought to you by Frothingslosh Epic
Contests (tm), the number 86, and the letter 'K'.

The Frothingslosh Syndicate

29 July 2003
           *     *     *     *The Third Annual Turf War*     *     *     *
     Yes, it's time again for alliances to go to war!  TW3 will be held in DM 47
(North Fork) at a date to be  specified later--right after Crip's Incomprehensible
Contest is over...but I'm sure everyone wants to get their teams there soon!  Here
are the rules:

1.  Each alliance must have a leader declare the arrival of his alliance.  The leader
    will be responsible for verifying any and all teams/managers who declare to the
    alliance he/she is leading.
2.  Each manager, team declaring for the contest must have approval of the leader,
    donate one Roll-up Certificate ($5) to the prize pot (send it to me by diplo, by
    snail, or a note to customer service), and declare his/her team by diplo, p-ad or
3.  Each team may declare one warrior as champion.  All points scored by a champ are
4.  Prizes are as follows (mostly...there WILL be some things added as the prize pot
    grows with entry donations--this list is not final!)
    *  Highest scoring alliance -- Rename Arena 47 for a period of 6 months, one half
       of the total prize pot donated; roll-up certs.
    *  The Alliance with the most returns from the DA will get to re-name the DA
       monsters for a period of 6 months.
    *  The alliance with the most warriors listed as style masters will get to pick
       the Alastari city/arena to host the next Grand Tournament.
    *  The warrior with the most front page honors/awards will have the Arenamaster
       named after him for a period of 6 months.
    *  The Alliance with the most front page Honors/Awards will have the honor of
        picking the *slow* arena to host the Fifth Annual Turf War.
    *  The team with the most listings as Style Master will find out the favorites of
       one of their warriors.
    *  The warrior with the most listings as Style Master will fight at my expense
       for five turns (I will transfer to the manager's account).
    *  The Alliance with the most kills will be able to re-name the stand-in warriors
       for a period of 6 months.
    *  The warrior that scores the most total points will fight at my expense for 5
       turns (I will transfer $7.50 to the manager's account).
    *  The team that scores the most total points will receive an extra share of
       roll-up certs from the prize pot.
     There may be more categories to come, and the prize pot still has to be
divided...I'm open to category/prize ideas--and further donations to the prize pot.
     The contest will run for *TEN* turns; prizes will be awarded at the end of the
11th turn.
     Scoring will be as follows:
* 5 points per fight, doubled for each of the following conditions met:
     -- Two Alliance     -- Champion
     -- Challenge        -- Two Champions
     -- Bloodfeud        -- Challenger losing
     -- Kill
     (Note:  DA losses are exempt, but DA wins will be *tripled*!!!  Ex:  Happy
Slasher goes to the DA and dies, no points are lost.  If he wins, his team scores 60
points!  If he was a champ, he scores 120 points!)
     Use the following chart to calculate scores:
Conditions Met:       0     1     2     3     4     5     6     7
Points Per Fight:     5    10    20    40    80   160   320   640
* Awards/Honors and Style Masters will each be awarded points also.  Find the total
number of each (do note add Awards and Style Masters together) and consult the graph
below.  Champs that score an award or style master count as two.
     1 --   5      7 --  320
     2 --  10      8 --  640
     3 --  20      9 -- 1280
     4 --  40     10 -- 2560
     5 --  80     11 -- 5280
     6 -- 100     (x2 for each extra)
Note -- These categories *count as "triple"*--they will be figured for each team,
*AND* again for each alliance *as well as* for each warrior!
*  Each and every mention in the Spy Report is worth 5 points...period.
*  TVs will be scored on the same scale as Awards/Style Masters, but the total points
will be x10.  TC's will be scored as TV's, but x10 more.
Number of TV/TC's          Points Scored (TV/TC)
     1      50/ 500
     2     100/1000
     3     200/2000
     4     400/4000
     +     x2/ x2 (for each extra)
     Each alliance will start with 5000 points, scores for *fights* will be added to
the winner's total *AND* deducted from the losers.
     Come  one and all, defend your turf and the honor of your alliance...or your
                    Asmo Dius, TCB
                    Arenas, DM 47, DM 73

1 August 2003
     Assurnasirbanipal invites you to Talcama to participate in the third BATTLE
ROYAL contest.  It is a Delarquan contest so brutal that even some of Talcama's most
notable managers will refuse to participate.  The rules are simpler than any other
contest:  You may not avoid any other contest team.  There are no silly rules for who
can and can't compete.  Any team in Talcama is eligible to compete.  The scoring is
also quite simple (+1 for a win, +1 for a kill (+1 for the win), -1 for a loss) and
the first team to reach 25 points is the winner.
     Scoring will be live--the results for the turn posted in the newsletter.  The
winner will be able to fight their contest team in Talcama for free for 6 months but
more importantly will win a contest against some of the best managers who play the
game in one of the hardest contests in the game.
     First turn for BATTLE ROYAL 3 is Talcama Turn 465, which is due August 30.

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

CLINTON butchered SPYMASTER in a 7 minute bloody Dark Arena fight.
SIDEWINDER was unbelievably slain by STONE GOLEM in a 2 minute Dark Arena battle.
TOADY was demolished by SIMPLISSITUS in a 1 minute uneven Bloodfeud fight.
HISS slimly won victory over INARINDA in a 3 minute gory Challenge contest.
TOYS was savagely defeated by MONTY PYTHON in a 2 minute master's Challenge match.
MORGAN was unbelievably bested by PISHTUSH in a 11 minute master's Challenge fight.
SUE was handily defeated by HOMELESS PRINCE in a 1 minute Challenge Title fight.
BISCUIT was vanquished by SNAKE IN THE GRASS in a 1 minute uneven Challenge duel.
GARY CONDIT was overpowered by GUANTANAMO BAY in a 1 minute uneven Challenge duel.
JUSTICE narrowly defeated WOF-A-MIT in a 4 minute veteran's Challenge fight.
DARKLE beat BEAR MARKET in a exciting 1 minute Challenge fight.
KLUTZ was demolished by ROBERT BYRD in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge competition.
BLIND GIRL bested NONSENTIA in a 5 minute Challenge battle.
DIDILY SQUAT demolished MACRIBSI in a 5 minute bloody one-sided Challenge brawl.
BARB was handily defeated by BLIND BOY in a popular 1 minute uneven Challenge fight.
VENOM vanquished VILMA in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fray.
JUDITH devastated TURKEY JOE in a 1 minute mismatched brawl.
BIG MAC overpowered KANGAROO KATE in a 2 minute one-sided bout.
JFK was beaten by TWO PLUS TWO in a popular 2 minute veteran's bout.
HOW--LITE handily defeated VIRGINAL CONCUBINE in a 1 minute mismatched competition.
MAXIMUS outlasted LEE in a monotonous 13 minute duel.
PLATINUM was overpowered by SKEEMER in a 2 minute uneven fray.
FLAT TAX handily defeated CIVILIZED CRIMINAL in a 1 minute one-sided contest.
RUMSFELD demolished HAPPY PEASANT in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
DEMENTIA lost to SCHWARZENEGGER in a 2 minute novice's match.
IDIOCIUS vanquished ZELORA in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
MEL was demolished by DORKUS MAJORUS in a 1 minute one-sided melee.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                   9         TOTAL PARRY       44 -  28 -  3      61  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      7         PARRY-STRIKE      12 -   8 -  0      60  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      7         LUNGING ATTACK    33 -  23 -  1      59  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  6         STRIKING ATTACK   36 -  26 -  1      58  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   6         AIMED BLOW        19 -  14 -  0      58  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    4         PARRY-RIPOSTE      9 -   7 -  0      56  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    3         WALL OF STEEL     18 -  18 -  0      50  |
|AIMED BLOW                       3         BASHING ATTACK    23 -  29 -  4      44  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  3         PARRY-LUNGE       21 -  32 -  1      40  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     1         SLASHING ATTACK   12 -  24 -  1      33  |

Turn 462 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-STRIKE       1 -  0     PARRY-LUNGE        3 -  4         3  STRIKING ATTACK
LUNGING ATTACK     7 -  2     AIMED BLOW         1 -  2         2  LUNGING ATTACK 
TOTAL PARRY        5 -  2     SLASHING ATTACK    1 -  2         2  BASHING ATTACK 
WALL OF STEEL      2 -  1     BASHING ATTACK     2 -  4         1  PARRY-RIPOSTE  
STRIKING ATTACK    3 -  3     PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -  3         1  TOTAL PARRY    
                                                                1  SLASHING ATTACK
                                                                1  WALL OF STEEL  

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
PARRY-RIPOSTE    MONTY PYTHON 5939          13   5  0  105 SERPENTINE INC. (85)
TOTAL PARRY      PISHTUSH 5651              12   2  0  103 ANDORIAN WIMPS (651)
SLASHING ATTACK  HOW--LITE 5635             20  13  1   96 ROCK ETTS (595)
WALL OF STEEL    JUSTICE 5949               13   5  0   93 THE REPUBLICANS (103)
BASHING ATTACK   JUDITH 5832                18  16  0   83 WOMEN OF REALITY (669)
PARRY-LUNGE      WOF-A-MIT 5639             17  15  0   79 ROCK ETTS (595)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is MORGAN 5915.  The most popular warrior this turn was 
MORGAN 5915.  The ten other most popular fighters were JFK 1660, JUSTICE 5949, 

The least popular fighter this week was LEE 5831.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were MAXIMUS 5966, MACRIBSI 6024, BLIND GIRL 6041, MEL 4627, PLATINUM 5677, 
TURKEY JOE 5825, VILMA 6040, BARB 6060, KLUTZ 5654, and GARY CONDIT 5914.

The following warriors have traveled to ADVANCED DUELMASTERS after fighting this turn:

SUE (22-5828) WOMEN OF REALITY (669)