Date   : 09/10/2003    Duedate: 09/23/2003


DM-22    TURN-464

This Weeks Top Honors


(22-6012) [13-2-0,135]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)          BREMEN SIX DAY (678)
(22-6012) [13-2-0,135]         (22-5976) [3-0-0,32]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

JUDITH                         SNAKE IN THE GRASS
(22-5832) [19-17-0,90]         (22-5952) [13-4-0,101]



Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. THE DEMOCRATS (202)         58
2. SERPENTINE INC. (85)        26      KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
3. DUNCES UNITED (687)         18      Unchartered Team
4. BREMEN SIX DAY (678)        18
5. KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)       17      BREMEN SIX DAY (678)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 0*BREMEN SIX DAY (678)       4   1  0 80.0   1/ 1 KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)    11  3 0
 2/ 1 KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)     57  31  2 64.8   2/ 2 THE DEMOCRATS (202)      11  4 1
 3/ 2 ROCK ETTS (595)          394 267  7 59.6   3/ 3 THE REPUBLICANS (103)    10  5 1
 4/ 3 SERPENTINE INC. (85)     111  91  6 55.0   4/ 4 SERPENTINE INC. (85)      9  5 1
 5/ 5 WOMEN OF REALITY (669)    90  83  2 52.0   5/ 7*DUNCES UNITED (687)       6  9 1
 6/ 4 THE REPUBLICANS (103)    292 270 23 52.0   6/ 5 ANDORIAN WIMPS (651)      6  9 0
 7/ 7 THE DEMOCRATS (202)       89  83  7 51.7   7/ 8 OLD MCDONALD (621)        5 10 1
 8/ 8 OLD MCDONALD (621)       253 259 13 49.4   8/ 6 THE ZOO (205)             5 10 0
 9/ 6 ANDORIAN WIMPS (651)      38  39  1 49.4   9/10 ROCK ETTS (595)           3  6 0
10/ 9 THE ZOO (205)            313 405  4 43.6  10/ 9 WOMEN OF REALITY (669)    3  7 0
11/10*DUNCES UNITED (687)        9  16  3 36.0  11/ 0*BREMEN SIX DAY (678)      1  0 0
12-11*MORFS (534)                0   1  0  0.0  12-11*MORFS (534)               0  1 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

           + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Andorians Abroad #14 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

Not in Zuwayza:

     The change from the sunlit courtyard to the shuttered interior of the house was
abrupt and extreme enough to blind Tankesh temporarily.  He blinked impatiently,
trying to clear his vision, and blundered after the old man as soon as he could see
vague outlines.  Furniture seemed to leap out and bite him in the shins.  When his
eyes finally adjusted to the shadowed interior of the building, he saw that he was in
a long hallway with arches opening off both sides.  The old man was just disappearing
through one half way down on the left.  Tankesh hurried after him.
     The room was bare and dark, lit only by a single candle, although the
whitewashed walls made it seem brighter than it actually was.  The old man was
kneeling on the floor, which was of tile, white tile with black and red and gold ones
inlaid in a series of concentric circles.  It looked too much like a target for
Tankesh's comfort; he supposed that was just his imagination.  He hoped that's all it
was.  He squinted at the symbols the old man was drawing in some of the rings, but
they meant nothing to him.  Well, he didn't expect they would.  Adie would probably
recognize them, though.  Could he remember enough detail to describe them to here
when he got back?
     The old man stood up cautiously, one hand on the small of his back.  He pointed
with his stick of chalk to a spot in one of the outer rings.  "Stand there, young
man, and ask no questions.  Pay attention and watch for the proper place to get off.
This is simple, but not easy."
     The elf stood where he had been directed and watched the old man take his place
in the center of the circle.  "Proper place to get off?"
     "When the rim of the circle passes through your world," the old man said.
Sliding his sleeves back on arms like withered sticks, he began to chant.
     It was, or it felt like, several minutes before he saw the arch to the hallway
pass in front of him and realized that the circle was rotating.  He glanced down, but
there seemed to be no change in the tiles under his feet.  Back up, as a corner of
the room slid by, quickly followed by the next one.  Definitely rotating, and picking
up speed, too.  "When the rim of the circle passes through my world," he muttered.
"How will I know that, unless there happen to be landmarks in sight?"
     The old man didn't answer.  Tankesh hadn't really expected him to.  The walls
blurred and vanished, to be replaced by a seascape with waves breaking on a beach of
white sand and on rocks farther out.  A wave sliding inward at the end of its course
dampened the toe of one boot.  Pleasant looking, but nothing familiar.  Another blur.
A forest of standing stones lit by bluish light from two moons, both near full, and a
smell of fresh-spilled blood.  A blur.  A true forest, trees like columns reaching
into a green darkness overhead, mist, and a smell of things growing and dying.  It
called to something in his elven heritage, but it was not where he needed to be.  A
blur that seemed to last longer than the others, there was a hesitation and a pulsing
red light half way through it.  Something they weren't going to stop for.  Just as
well, that light looked like it might be fire.  A large vaulted chamber, the image
wavering slightly and indistinct at any distance from his apparent location.  Voices
speaking akhadic.  He tried to step out of the circle, but it was like moving through
cold tar.  The view began to blur, and he forced himself outward, throwing himself to
the floor outside the circle in a dive.
     It seemed to take forever to fall, his motion slowed to the point where he
wasn't even sure he was moving at all.  And then there was a sort of soundless click,
and the floor came up fast and hard, knocking the breath out of him as he hit and

      * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

                          ---===ANDORIAN REGIONAL NEWS===---

 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 234): MISS STEP of LADIES IN WAITING (Crip, mgr.)
 DM  11 ARUAK CITY (turn 470): VAJRA VALMEJAR of SCARLET KNIGHTS (Talon Warsmith)
 DM  14 TOBIR (turn 470): LIVING DEAD GIRL of THE DEATH SQUAD (Street Legal, mgr.)
 DM  22 SOLVEN (turn 463): HOMELESS PRINCE of KELLUMBO'S KIDS (Detective Kellubmo)
 DM  24 ZORPUNT (turn 459): HUGE TWIRLING MAN of DIABLO ALSO (The Muffin Man, mgr.)
 DM  25 LYRATILAN (turn 460): PEROXIDE of THE NATURALS (Lord Genesis, mgr.)
 DM  26 CALEAM (turn 460): EBON AH'BIS of THE DREADLANDS (LHI, mgr.)
 DM  30 IAYE (turn 456): PURPLE DONKEY of TRIP OUT (Angus, mgr.)
 DM  40 ZENSU (turn 421): KING LOVE of SUNNYLAND (Zalgor Prigg, mgr.)
 DM  41 KATI-TEI (turn 415): FOOTSORE of WANDERERS (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  46 ARDIVENT (turn 407): BINKLY of DEATHTONGUE (Technogeek, mgr.)
 DM  52 FRATSFA (turn 182): MERADI of KING AND COUNTRY (Generalissimo Puerco, mgr.)
 DM  60 ARADI (turn 319): ACHONDROPLASIA of ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (Soultaker, mgr.)
 DM  63 AMEN-TEI (turn 309): PIPE LAYER of WORKING MEN (Soultaker, mgr.)
 DM  71 KYR'TERR (turn 136): LONGSHOT of SHADOW GOLD (Shadowgate, mgr.)
                            Ivy, mgr.)

                                      Top Teams
 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 234): WIMPS OF PERIL (Wimpy, mgr.)
 DM  11 ARUAK CITY (turn 470): MENS REA (Cosmo Frothingslosh, mgr.)
 DM  14 TOBIR (turn 470): OTAGO HIGHLANDERS (The Mun, mgr.)
 DM  22 SOLVEN (turn 463): KELLUMBO'S KIDS (Detective Kellumbo, mgr.)
 DM  24 ZORPUNT (turn 459): THE ASININE (Philthy Phil, mgr.)
 DM  25 LYRATILAN (turn 460): CHAUCERS WORDS (Berylstar, mgr.)
 DM  26 CALEAM (turn 460): HEADBANGERS (Sablon-O-Vlad, mgr.)
 DM  30 IAYE (turn 456): TRIP OUT (Angus, mgr.)
 DM  40 ZENSU (turn 421): THAT 80'S METAL (Street Legal, mgr.)
 DM  41 KATI-TEI (turn 415): BIRDS (JE, mgr.)
 DM  46 ARDIVENT (turn 407): HARDTIMESINBABYLON (Technogeek, mgr.)
 DM  52 FRATSFA (turn 182): OTTO'S PARTS (Crip, mgr.)
 DM  60 ARADI (turn 319): POWER BROKERS (Mannequin, mgr.)
 DM  63 AMEN-TEI (turn 309): WAYFARERS (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  71 KYR'TERR (turn 136): SHADOW GOLD (Shadowgate, mgr.)
ADM 105 ANDORAK (turn 355): BOXES, etc. (Doc Steele, mgr.)

                                   Recent Graduates
 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 233): FANTA FUELED FUZZ of BLACKTHORN ORCS (Slugbait, mgr.)
                           FOTHERINFOP of WIMPS OF PERIL (Wimpy, mgr.)
                               JUGHEAD of KRILL CAVALRY (Leeta, mgr.)
                               BART WELLENS of 'CROSSED UP (Dr. Mabuse, mgr.)
 DM  24 ZORPUNT (turn 459): HUGE TWIRLING MAN of DIABLO ALSO (The Muffin Man, mgr.)
                (turn 458): FLITTER MCGEE of KRILL CAVALRY (Leeta, mgr.)
                              (Assurnasirbanipal, mgr.)
 DM  30 IAYE (turn 455): EGG SHERBERT of TRIP OUT (Angus, mgr.)
 DM  40 ZENSU (turn 420): BIRDBRAIN of WIMPS MOST FOWL (Wimpy, mgr.)
 DM  41 KATI-TEI (turn 414): AFRICAN GREY of BIRDS (JE, mgr.)
 DM  46 ARDIVENT (turn 407): BINKLY of DEATHTONGUE (Technogeek, mgr.)
                             OL' JOE COLLIN of BLUVALLEY WARRIORS (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  52 FRATSFA (turn 181): LONGARMOFTHELAW of OTTO'S PARTS (Crip, mgr.)
 DM  60 ARADI (turn 319): ONOMOTAPOEIA of ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (Soultaker, mgr.)
              (turn 318): TYCANE of SWIFT CURRENT (Barnabas, mgr.)
 DM  63 AMEN-TEI (turn 308): RHYTHM METHOD of SURPRISE! (Soultaker, mgr.)
 DM  71 KYR'TERR (turn 136): LONGSHOT of SHADOW GOLD (Shadowgate, mgr.)

                                 DUELMASTER'S COLUMN
                             Notes from the arena champ.

     All right, boys and girls, time to gather 'round the fire for another little
chat.  It is I, Homeless Prince, with your Duelmaster's Column.  First off, old
business.  Toys, good try, but I imagine if it were you challenging me, you would
have had a different set-up going on.  Anyway, thanks for the two advanced experts,
and sorry 'bout your luck in getting a big fat nothing.
     Speaking of who's fighting whom these days, this week's challenge goes out to
the most highly ranked of Challenger Champs, How--Lite.  The challenger champs are
looking a little tough these days, and I can't ask for more than a fight with a
slasher, so strap 'em on and get ready, 'cause here it comes.  Hopefully you will do
more than Toys and just stand there and get beat on.  Then again, hopefully not....
     Of course, if there are challenges, there are avoids.  This week goes same as
last week.  Wimpy and Co. get one avoid, simply because I don't trust that sneaky
Pishtush.  How long has it been since he has lost?  Two Plus Two, can't you scum him
down or something?  Anyway, the other avoid goes out to that silent team, Serpentine
Inc.  Seeing as how Snake in the Grass did very well in the last tourney, and hasn't
lost here in quite a while, I will be avoiding him for a bit.
     So, I guess that means that Guantanamo Bay and Two Plus Two both have an open
shot this turn if they want to take it.  Good luck if you get it through.  We'll see
if How--Lite is avoiding or not.
     Hope you are all getting ready for the Halloween Tourney.  Last tourney a few
warriors from Solven did fairly well; let's try and improve our showing at this mail-
in.  As you know, Solven is easily one of the best arenas in Alastari, and should be
represented as such.  As always, thanks to all the teams and managers that make this
arena tops!  Judge, Wimpy, Women of Reality, Serpentine Inc., Al Gore, Turkey Joe,
and yes, even that young upstart pup of a team, Dunces United.  Speaking of DU, if
you can handle the ass-wuppin' Kellumbo is getting ready to lay on you, you deserve
your spot in Solven.  Good luck, I think you will be needing it.
     Oh, one final note, Skeemer says he has something special lined up for one of
Judge's boys this turn, let's take a looksee and see if the challenge got through....
     As always, looking forward to next turns little fireside chat. -- Homeless

                                      SPY REPORT

     It is I, Novgorodny Vir, Spymaster of Spymasters.  Look on my work, ye mighty, 
and despair!  Good things come to those who fight well, as THE DEMOCRATS can attest, 
moving up by 0.  Practice pays for RATTLER, who pummelled DEMENTIA, to pocket 21 
points.  Win some, lose some.  Speaking of which, MCGRORY was winsome, after beating 
DIDILY SQUAT and seeing him lose 16 points.  Duelmaster HOMELESS PRINCE from 
KELLUMBO'S KIDS is going for the gold, as he TV challenged ROCK ETTS' HOW--LITE.  
Ooh, the excitement!  Those who hoped for a new Duelmaster were disappointed by 
HOW--LITE, of ROCK ETTS, who despite a 21-14-1 couldn't overcome SOLVEN's Number 1.  
So who's the team that's been walking into taverns last week and ordering milk?  
Sounds like a PR stunt to me.   
     And how sociable are SOLVEN's warriors?  Come, let us see.  Like a horde of 
jackals fleeing from the lion, so did the "warriors" in SOLVEN avoid KELLUMBO'S KIDS. 
The warriors of KELLUMBO'S KIDS found their efforts at combat frustrated as 
SERPENTINE INC. apparently had more important things to do than fight.  Is it 
charming personality?  Conversational abilities?  Good oral hygiene?  Whatever it is, 
GUANTANAMO BAY is the most challenged warrior.  As a confidence booster, BLIND GIRL 
challenged IDIOCIUS, down 26 points.  Do you also slay vicious rodents in your spare 
time, BLIND GIRL?  BLIND GIRL subdued IDIOCIUS with a point difference of 26.  So 
this is what SOLVEN calls a duel.  This will make an interesting tale.  GUANTANAMO 
BAY found himself challenged by a warrior 22 below:  TOYS.  TOYS of OLD MCDONALD kept 
hers wits as she was overcame by GUANTANAMO BAY.  Willing to win at any cost is BLIND 
BOY, who challenged SIMPLISSITUS, 8 points junior.  Our sympathies, SIMPLISSITUS!  I 
thought BLIND BOY showed great skill and promise when he beat SIMPLISSITUS.  All 
right, so I slept through it!  Big deal!   
     Ah, the duel!  The roar of the oppenent, the smell of the crowd!  Those who owe 
BISCUIT of OLD MCDONALD money and had written her off, take note:  she'S BACK FROM 
THE DARK ARENA!!!  AND she'S MAD!!!  Citizens of SOLVEN, be sure to settle your debts 
with KLUTZ of ANDORIAN WIMPS.  He's relocating to the Dark Arena and has other things 
on his mind!  The audience gave a nice round of rasberries to VILMA of THE ZOO, for 
expiring in such an ungraceful fashion.  3-6-0, indeed!  Questions are being raised 
about the disposing of severed body parts in the arena.  A certain tavern in SOLVEN 
would I avoid!   
     All good things must come to an end.  More important duties call me.  SOLVEN, I 
leave you now.  The Duelmaster has agreed to foot my bill at The Victory Tavern.  
'Til next time-- Novgorodny Vir  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 HOMELESS PRINCE 6012         13   2  0   135       KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 GUANTANAMO BAY 5826          20  18  0   118       THE REPUBLICANS (103)
 PISHTUSH 5651                14   2  0   115       ANDORIAN WIMPS (651)
 JFK 1660                     17  17  1   105       THE DEMOCRATS (202)
 SNAKE IN THE GRASS 5952      13   4  0   101       SERPENTINE INC. (85)
 WOF-A-MIT 5639               18  16  0    96       ROCK ETTS (595)
 HOW--LITE 5635               21  14  1    94       ROCK ETTS (595)
 GARY CONDIT 5914             13  14  1    93       THE DEMOCRATS (202)
 MONTY PYTHON 5939            14   6  0    92       SERPENTINE INC. (85)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 JUDITH 5832                  19  17  0    90       WOMEN OF REALITY (669)
-MORGAN 5915                  12  12  1    88       WOMEN OF REALITY (669)
 TOYS 5679                    19  23  5    85       OLD MCDONALD (621)
 BISCUIT 5678                 20  21  1    82       OLD MCDONALD (621)
 TWO PLUS TWO 5910            13   8  1    81       OLD MCDONALD (621)
 JUSTICE 5949                 13   7  0    80       THE REPUBLICANS (103)
 BEAR MARKET 6010              7   8  1    77       THE DEMOCRATS (202)
 TURKEY JOE 5825              15  27  0    73       THE ZOO (205)
 ROBERT BYRD 6039              6   3  0    71       THE DEMOCRATS (202)
-LEE 5831                     13  22  0    70       WOMEN OF REALITY (669)
 DARKLE 5709                   8   3  0    67       ANDORIAN WIMPS (651)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 FLAT TAX 5998                 8   8  0    64       THE REPUBLICANS (103)
 KANGAROO KATE 5900           13  22  1    62       THE ZOO (205)
 SKEEMER 5965                 12   6  0    60       KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
-MAXIMUS 5966                 14   3  2    58       KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
 HISS 6017                    10   1  0    58       SERPENTINE INC. (85)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 PLATINUM 5677                 9  19  1    51       ROCK ETTS (595)
 INARINDA 5913                 8  20  1    47       THE ZOO (205)
 BLIND BOY 6042                6   2  0    39       KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
 SCHWARZENEGGER 6050           4   3  1    36       THE REPUBLICANS (103)
 RUMSFELD 6032                 3   7  0    36       THE REPUBLICANS (103)
 BLIND GIRL 6041               7   1  0    34       KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 MACRIBSI 6024                 6   3  0    33       OLD MCDONALD (621)
 MCGRORY 5976                  3   0  0    32       BREMEN SIX DAY (678)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 RATTLER 6075                  1   0  1    21       SERPENTINE INC. (85)
 NONSENTIA 6062                2   3  1    18       DUNCES UNITED (687)
 DORKUS MAJORUS 6074           2   1  1    18       DUNCES UNITED (687)
 SIMPLISSITUS 6061             2   3  1    16       DUNCES UNITED (687)
-BARB 6060                     2   2  0    16       WOMEN OF REALITY (669)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 NANCY PELOSI 6076             2   0  0    16       THE DEMOCRATS (202)
 IDIOCIUS 6064                 1   4  0    13       DUNCES UNITED (687)
 DIDILY SQUAT 6066             2   2  0    12       ANDORIAN WIMPS (651)
 VENOM 6059                    1   3  0     6       SERPENTINE INC. (85)
 ZELORA 6068                   1   2  0     6       THE ZOO (205)
-SANDSTONE 6056                1   0  0     4       ROCK ETTS (595)
-NOTHSTEIN 5977                1   1  0     4       BREMEN SIX DAY (678)
-MEL 4627                      0   1  0     1       MORFS (534)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?
TRUSTWORTHY SCRIB 388  0  1 0   1                   DORKUS MAJORUS 6074   464 NONE    
KLUTZ 5654             6  9 0 ANDORIAN WIMPS 651    STONE GOLEM 409       464 NONE    
TOADY 6049             1  4 0 ANDORIAN WIMPS 651    BANDIT PRINCE 408     464 NONE    
ZOOK 6057              0  2 0 ANDORIAN WIMPS 651    SIMPLISSITUS 6061     460 REVENGED
BANDIT PRINCE 408      0  1 0 DARK ARENA 0          BISCUIT 5678          464 NONE    
DEMENTIA 6067          2  2 0 DUNCES UNITED 687     RATTLER 6075          464         
STALLION 6083          0  1 0 OLD MCDONALD 621      MASTER KAYR VAILL 406 464 NONE    
VILMA 6040             3  6 0 THE ZOO 205           SCHWARZENEGGER 6050   464         

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Detective Kellumbo -- At least I'm challenging UP...and you downchallenged me first,
so I'm just returning the favor. -- THawk

Maximus -- Don't get frisky with me, boy!  Us veterans have our pride, you know. --
Turkey Joe

Klutz -- Now about ballet lessons to help that clumsiness? -- Inarinda
P.S.  And definitely wind sprints!

Venom -- I didn't really say that about the bathtub.  It's so trite!  Somebody just
put the words in my mouth when writing up the report. -- Vilma

Gary Condit -- You saved us from having a five-oh turn.  Gosh, we are so grateful. --
Kangaroo Kate

Idiocius -- I think you need someone to explain the concept of "armor" to you. --

"No way, Kellumbo!"
"Max, what are you talking about?  One little loss is no reason to not fight."
"One LITTLE loss!  Did you see the way Turkey Joe kicked my ass!!??  It's an easy win
you said, no problem.  Look at him, crummy record and all you said."
"Well...yeah...that might have been not a great challenge in hindsight...."
"I'll say, no way I am fighting this turn after that!"
Ahhh well, what can you do.  Great job, Turkey Joe, very impressive.  Enjoy it for a
cycle for a change.  You the man.  Gobble Gobble! -- Detective Kellumbo

Dunces United -- You have made the mistake of running your mouth at the wrong time.
Either start filling out those avoids, or get ready for some losses.  Blind Boy and
his Big Sis were getting primed for the upcoming tourney, but a few less skills will
be worth it to shut your hole. -- Detective Kellumbo, Solven's Most Avoided

Toys -- Now I see how you got those five kills!  Good luck in getting another shot.
-- Homeless Prince

Women of Reality -- That's right, after last turns double challenge of my team, I
figured Blind Girl could teach Barb a lesson. -- DK

Wimpy -- You actually sounded sincere there.  Thank you.  I...am at...a loss for
words....  Buy you a beer??? -- DK

Serpentine Inc. -- Is there a reason for your silence?? -- DK

Nonsentia -- I am a scum.  Are you really trying to say I am giving scum a bad
name???  Wow, I must really be bad! -- Blind Girl

Judge -- Two winning turns in a row?!  Wow, at this rate you'll reach 53% in no time!
-- DK :)

Simplissitus -- I hope you like the skills.  I am sure it was worth the BF loss. --

Macribsi -- You caught me by surprise with an untested weapon.  I'll be ready next
time. -- Didily Squat

Inarinda -- Thanks a lot.  The loss to you has caused me to be sent away. -- Klutz

Wolf-A-Mit -- I'm not sure you are any better than the last time we met.  You lasted
6 minutes last time and only 3 this time.  Care to try for 1? -- Pishtush

Dementia -- My loss to you has caused me to fight my next fight in the dark.  Thank a
million. -- Toady

Solven -- I am very puzzled.  What is with all the down challenges here in this
beautiful Andorian city?  Out of 13 challenges last turn almost half were down
challenges.  My home arena is Aradi and I am here to practice with my TOGS partner,
the Judge.  I sure wasn't expecting to run into a bunch of Delarquans here.  You guys
should go to one of your own cities.  If you want to see how a real Andorian city
works, come to Aradi and join in the TOGS.  If you really like down challenges then I
can help.  I will test a "down challenge the down challengers" program this turn and
see what happens.  It is going to be a little tough since I will only have 3 fighters
with experience.  But they can down challenge the fighters who insist on down
challenging, and have my blessing if they want to aim for vital with a high kill
desire.  I hope we can get this back to a nice normal Andorian city. -- Wimpy

Morgan -- Brave challenge.  That was a pretty fair matchup.  I am just glad I got the
jump. -- Guantanamo Bay

Nansentia -- Jeez, I only hit you once.  You went down like a sack of rocks. --

Kellumbo -- We would not avoid you if you would stop downchallenging 14 points. --
The Republicans

Zel -- What do you call someone hoping to learn from a dunce! -- Idiocius

Darkle -- Good show.  Now leave me alone. -- Simp

DK -- I try. -- Al Gore

Kultz -- I believe in free trade.  I voted for NAFTA and any fair trade bill. --
Robert Byrd
P.S.  Byrd is lost again. -- Al Gore

G-Bay -- No thanks.  They look full already. -- Condit

Judith -- I'm keeping that pimp hand strong in case you get uppity again. -- JFK

Lee -- Good fight. -- Al Gore

Blind Boy -- Did you see that coming? -- Al Gore

Porkus -- Close fight!  Thanks for the skills. -- Nancy Pelosi

Homeless Prince -- Congrats on the throne. -- Al Gore

19 August 2003
     Citizens of Ghea (only the ignorant fail to note Lirith Kai is not in Alastari),
no new day is rising, but the sun is setting on just another beautiful evening.
While you were sleeping, an irksome rabble has entered the always fair Aruak City.
Of course they fought alongside our warriors, most not so treasured, as all
gladiators do.  They drank with themselves, and slept with themselves.  Whether they
had masks, who cares.
     Warriors, don't be afraid.  For years Aruak has been one of the safest cities in
Ghea, and that custom has been continually cultivated, and will continue to be by
those who have called it home for years and those who live, fight, and die by the
same ethics.  There is no contest, nor has there ever needed to be one for many
years.  A conflict of personalities has arisen, and the city has been 'invaded' by
     Any rules that are annouced will be purely for the joy of the lemmings' own
little world.  Those who are being targeted have no interest in participating except
to defend the integrity of an arena that is different from others.  Whether you
choose to come to Aruak, do it for your own reasons, not theirs.
    Competing in Aruak City has never been for the faint of heart or the weak willed.
Combat is combat, wherever you go.  Blood will flow as always, and now many innocents
will be caught in the middle, but those who defend Aruak's traditions never target
those who bring respect of Aruaki customs with them to our home.
    So ignore the private ranting announcement brought by the stuporous
Frothingsloshers.  If you choose Aruak City, do not choose it for an unsanctioned and
bogus 'contest', choose it for the tradition.  Choose it because Aruak is different.

Defenders of Aruak

25 August 2003
To any that care -- The CDC is back; our current roster is:
     Malaquar -- Minion of Guardian
     Pip the Troll -- Burly Enforcer Type
     mouse -- Official Sneaky Bastard
     Papa Bear -- Elder Statesmen
                     The Sealer says, "Hi, I'm the dealer."
                     Papa Bear says, "It's not my f****n fault."
Guardian -- Paper Figurehead

9 September 2003
WE'RE LOOKING FOR A FEW GOOD MANAGERS!  If you think you have what it takes to match
wits and blades with some of the best managers in Alastari, then WE WANT YOU!  The
Tournament Of The Golden Scrod #4 will begin in Aradi (DM 60) the turn after the Fall
Mail-In.  It's not too late for you to sign up.  I realize that many of you may be
hesitant after seeing that myself and Hombre have teamed up again, but we'll try to
take it easy on you guys a little bit.  For more information on T#%S IV, please
contact me at ganolus@aol.com.  We're looking for a few good managers...the few, the
proud, the TOGS!

-- Ganolus Oakleaf, T#%S IV Commish

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

BISCUIT viciously butchered BANDIT PRINCE in a 2 minute bloody Dark Arena fight.
KLUTZ was dispatched by STONE GOLEM in a action packed 3 minute Dark Arena battle.
TOADY was murdered by BANDIT PRINCE in a action packed 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
STALLION was butchered by MASTER KAYR VAILL in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
HOMELESS PRINCE overpowered HOW--LITE in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge Title match.
HISS viciously subdued PLATINUM in a 4 minute bloody Challenge fight.
PISHTUSH outlasted SNAKE IN THE GRASS in a popular 7 minute master's Challenge brawl.
JFK vanquished TWO PLUS TWO in a 1 minute uneven Challenge duel.
GARY CONDIT vanquished TURKEY JOE in a 1 minute uneven Challenge fight.
TOYS was vanquished by GUANTANAMO BAY in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
JUSTICE was savagely defeated by WOF-A-MIT in a 3 minute veteran's Challenge melee.
BEAR MARKET savagely defeated SKEEMER in a 2 minute Challenge competition.
ROBERT BYRD demolished KANGAROO KATE in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge match.
RUMSFELD was beaten by INARINDA in a crowd pleasing 1 minute Challenge conflict.
BLIND BOY overpowered SIMPLISSITUS in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge duel.
BLIND GIRL bested IDIOCIUS in a 5 minute expert vs. novice Challenge duel.
SCHWARZENEGGER butchered VILMA in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge brawl.
JUDITH overpowered DARKLE in a 1 minute one-sided match.
MONTY PYTHON beat FLAT TAX in a 1 minute match.
MACRIBSI was narrowly defeated by AMBITIOUS GUARD in a 3 minute bloody conflict.
DIDILY SQUAT was devastated by MCGRORY in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
VENOM lost to NANCY PELOSI in a action packed 1 minute novice's match.
NONSENTIA won victory over ZELORA in a 2 minute amateur's fray.
DEMENTIA was assassinated by RATTLER in a 1 minute one-sided match.
DORKUS MAJORUS slew TRUSTWORTHY SCRIBE in a 2 minute novice's duel.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                  11         TOTAL PARRY       44 -  27 -  2      62  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   7         STRIKING ATTACK   36 -  23 -  2      61  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      6         LUNGING ATTACK    38 -  32 -  2      54  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  4         AIMED BLOW        15 -  13 -  0      54  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      4         PARRY-STRIKE       8 -   7 -  0      53  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    3         WALL OF STEEL     18 -  16 -  0      53  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  3         PARRY-RIPOSTE     10 -  10 -  0      50  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    3         BASHING ATTACK    26 -  32 -  4      45  |
|AIMED BLOW                       2         PARRY-LUNGE       26 -  33 -  3      44  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     1         SLASHING ATTACK   11 -  24 -  1      31  |

Turn 464 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

STRIKING ATTACK    4 -  0     BASHING ATTACK     3 -  4         3  STRIKING ATTACK
PARRY-LUNGE        5 -  1     LUNGING ATTACK     4 -  7         3  BASHING ATTACK 
TOTAL PARRY        2 -  2     PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -  2         1  TOTAL PARRY    
                              SLASHING ATTACK    1 -  2         1  LUNGING ATTACK 
                              WALL OF STEEL      1 -  2         1  PARRY-LUNGE    
                              AIMED BLOW         0 -  2         1  SLASHING ATTACK
                              PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  1         1  PARRY-RIPOSTE  

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
TOTAL PARRY      PISHTUSH 5651              14   2  0  115 ANDORIAN WIMPS (651)
PARRY-LUNGE      WOF-A-MIT 5639             18  16  0   96 ROCK ETTS (595)
SLASHING ATTACK  HOW--LITE 5635             21  14  1   94 ROCK ETTS (595)
PARRY-RIPOSTE    MONTY PYTHON 5939          14   6  0   92 SERPENTINE INC. (85)
BASHING ATTACK   JUDITH 5832                19  17  0   90 WOMEN OF REALITY (669)
WALL OF STEEL    JUSTICE 5949               13   7  0   80 THE REPUBLICANS (103)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is JUDITH 5832.  The most popular warrior this turn was 
SNAKE IN THE GRASS 5952.  The ten other most popular fighters were KLUTZ 5654, 
NANCY PELOSI 6076, NONSENTIA 6062, BISCUIT 5678, and HISS 6017.

The least popular fighter this week was PLATINUM 5677.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were DEMENTIA 6067, DIDILY SQUAT 6066, FLAT TAX 5998, DARKLE 5709, VILMA 
JOE 5825.