Date   : 11/05/2003    Duedate: 11/18/2003


DM-22    TURN-468

This Weeks Top Honors


(22-6012) [17-2-0,182]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)          BIBLE BELTERS (364)
(22-6012) [17-2-0,182]         (22-3308) [1-0-0,11]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

MORGAN                         GUANTANAMO BAY
(22-5915) [15-13-1,102]        (22-5826) [24-18-0,164]



Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)       43
2. THE REPUBLICANS (103)       38      KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
3. ANDORIAN WIMPS (651)        30      Unchartered Team
4. SERPENTINE INC. (85)        28
5. ROCK ETTS (595)             22      BIBLE BELTERS (364)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1- 1*4-LETTER CURSE WOR (663)   3   0  0  100   1/ 1 SERPENTINE INC. (85)     11  4 0
 2- 2*BREMEN SIX DAY (678)       6   2  1 75.0   2/ 4 CONSPIRACY INC. (100)     9  6 0
 3/ 3 KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)     69  39  3 63.9   3/ 5 THE REPUBLICANS (103)     9  6 0
 4/ 4 ROCK ETTS (595)          398 277  7 59.0   4/ 3 KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)     9  6 0
 5/ 5 CONSPIRACY INC. (100)    109  78  6 58.3   5/ 2 WOMEN OF REALITY (669)    8  5 0
 6/ 7 SERPENTINE INC. (85)     126  96  6 56.8   6/ 8 ANDORIAN WIMPS (651)      7  8 0
 7- 6*SAVAGE HEARTS (358)        9   7  2 56.3   7/ 6 THE DEMOCRATS (202)       6  9 1
 8/ 8 WOMEN OF REALITY (669)   102  89  2 53.4   8/10 ROCK ETTS (595)           4  6 0
 9/ 9 THE REPUBLICANS (103)    303 279 23 52.1   9/ 7 THE ZOO (205)             4 10 0
10/10 THE DEMOCRATS (202)       97  95  8 50.5  10-11*BREMEN SIX DAY (678)      2  0 1
11-11*WAY OF THE SWORD C (688)   1   1  1 50.0  11- 9*4-LETTER CURSE WOR (663)  2  0 0
12/ 0*BIBLE BELTERS (364)        1   1  0 50.0  12-12*WAY OF THE SWORD C (688)  1  1 1
13/13 ANDORIAN WIMPS (651)      47  50  1 48.5  13/ 0*BIBLE BELTERS (364)       1  1 0
14/12 OLD MCDONALD (621)       254 271 13 48.4  14-13*SAVAGE HEARTS (358)       1  4 1
15/15 THE ZOO (205)            320 417  4 43.4  15/15 OLD MCDONALD (621)        1 12 0
16-17*BLOOD OF THE RAT (690)     0   2  0  0.0  16-17*BLOOD OF THE RAT (690)    0  2 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

           + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Andorians Abroad #18 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +


     They were all assembled in the throne room of the Satrap's palace:  he,
Khannarth, Kasarya, the Satrap's First Wife Jasryala, and the Satrap himself and his 
guards.  It was not crowded, even with those numbers present, and Tankesh looked
around curiously.  The style was foreign to what he was used to, of course, but he
was surprised to find it less ostentatious than he had expected.  Apparently the
Satrap didn't feel the need of external aids to boost his prestige and authority.  A
good sign, in one way, a bad one in another.  This was probably a man who would act
intelligently to deal with his problems, and in Tankesh's experience, intelligent
foes were worse, in the long run, than impulsive ones.
     One of the guards in front of him shifted, allowing Tankesh to see the Satrap of
the Glorious Empire for the first time.  Younger than the Andorian had expected, in
his thirties, maybe.  Regular features, but foreign, of course.  The swarthy skin and
slightly hooked nose characteristic of the Karnhorn people, but blue eyes.  Odd,
that, but he'd heard that previous satraps, and the sultans of Serevada, for that
matter, sometimes took "foreign" women, what they called "white barbarians" to wife.
Not that it mattered.  What mattered was that this man, this Satrap Kharanjal, looked
intelligent, decisive, and royally pissed.  Bad combination.
     The Satrap was in consultation with a plainly dressed man, possibly a minor
official, more like a spy.  Finally he nodded and waved the man off, then turned to
the people standing before him.  "I see four people before me who have had positions
of trust and who have wronged the Satrap," Kharanjal said.  "You have been brought
here together because your various treacheries are perhaps linked."  He looked them
over coldly as the guards shifted again and moved Tankesh into a line beside Kasarya,
Jasryala, and Khannarth.  "I will start with the foreigner."  His gaze settled on
Tankesh.  "What have you to say for yourself, barbarian who claims to be a King's
     "First, that I am an envoy of King Mickeal of Andoria," Tankesh answered just as
crisply.  "I was sent to find out what had become of Princess Samara's children, when
she came here to Zuwayza with her second husband--"
     "Whose name is not to be mentioned in this place," Kharanjal cut in.  "His
treasons have found him out, and his end was less unpleasant than he deserved.  The
woman and her children returned to the west."
     "So I discovered.  Eventually.  So I might have discovered sooner and without
having to sneak into your palace, if ANYONE here had been helpful."  The elf
shrugged.  "I got in, and encountered Kasarya, who was concerned about--"
     "She will tell me her concerns, at the proper time.  That you acted as seemed
best to you with regard to the children I will grant.  But what prompted you to think
it any part of an envoy's privilege to enter into a liaison with the Satrap's
concubine?  The licentiousness of elves is of course well known, but I would have
thought someone chosen for an important task would have more self control."
     Tankesh's expression hardened.  "If anyone has accused your concubine Kasarya of
improper behavior, that person lies, and I can guess why.  The lady requested my aid
in ferreting out a conspiracy, and we have been partners in that effort, but nothing
     One of Kharanjal's eyebrows rose slightly, but he made no other comment.
Turning to the younger of the two women, he said, "What conspiracy do you claim to
have 'ferreted out'?"
     Kasarya's chin came up proudly.  "I have been always loyal to you, Most Exalted.
But it came to me gradually, like the creeping of dawn, that Khannarth who was
honored to be your Vizier was not so loyal.  There were meetings with emissaries of
the Invader.  There were...gifts exchanged.  I hastened to your First Wife to report
these suspicions, as was proper, and found her intimately engaged with the very
object of my concern, Khannarth.  Seeing this, I began to doubt that any in the
Kashka could be trusted.  Came then this foreigner, and since I needs must trust
someone, I chose him who had no ties here.  If I have done wrongly, I abase myself,
but I have had only the best interests of the Glorious Empire, so far as I understood
them, of the Exalted Satrap, and of yourself, in my heart."
     Again the raised eyebrow as the Satrap looked toward his First Wife, Jasryala.
     She met his gaze with one equally cold.  "Why should I answer ridiculous charges
from that little commoner?"
     "You make no defense?"
     "I need none."
     "Then you shall meet Mighty Kjarran across His altar and answer to Him."
     It was a shock to realize that, so simply, the Satrap was proposing to sacrifice
his wife to Kjarran.  Tankesh didn't like the woman, much less trust her, but he
wondered if he should intervene here.
     Before he could say anything, Jasryala said, "I fear nothing from the Mighty
One, for He will see that it was I, not you, who was working for the good of the
Glorious Empire.  And my brother will deliver Kjarran's judgment upon you."
     "You think I fear Jhuizkhal of Kurukar?  He has forsaken Kjarran, and if any
judgment is made involving him, it will compass his destruction."  The Satrap turned
at last to Khannarth, but the Vizier remained silent.  Kharijal made a sign to the
guards, who took Khannarth and Jasryala away.
     To Tankesh, the Satrap said, "I see that whether you have made Kasarya your
leman or not, you have a regard for the wench.  Therefore I will permit you to redeem
her from the altar of Kjarran by performing a small task for the Glorious Empire.
Which task shall be yours to choose or refuse as you wish, and if you refuse, no harm
will come to you, King's Envoy, save that you will be expelled from all the lands of
the Glorious Empire forever on pain of death.  But Kasarya shall then be given to
     "What 'small task'?" Tankesh asked.
     "Remove from this plane of existence the offense which is Jhuizkhal of Kurukar."

      * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

                          ---===ANDORIAN REGIONAL NEWS===---

 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 236): ABYSS of PHANTOM FORCES 2 (The Catalyst, mgr.)
 DM  11 ARUAK CITY (turn 474): B.S. of BULLDOGS (Kennelworth, mgr.)
 DM  14 TOBIR (turn 474): BERWICK of OTAGO HIGHLANDERS (The Mun, mgr.)
 DM  22 SOLVEN (turn 467): HOMELESS PRINCE of KELLUMBO'S KIDS (Detective Kellubmo)
 DM  24 ZORPUNT (turn 463): CURTIS JOSEPH of THE MC5 (Street Legal, mgr.)
 DM  25 LYRATILAN (turn 463): APE WILD of PRIMATES-R-US (Crip, mgr.)
 DM  26 CALEAM (turn 464): WOOLLY LOCO of POISONOUS PUGILISTS (Poison Ivy, mgr.)
 DM  30 IAYE (turn 460): SONIC TACO of TRIP OUT (Angus, mgr.)
 DM  40 ZENSU (turn 425): SUSAN STO HELIT of THE DISC (Technogeek, mgr.)
 DM  46 ARDIVENT (turn 411): COURIER of HARDTIMESINBABYLON (Technogeek, mgr.)
 DM  52 FRATSFA (turn 184): VIOLENT VIOLET of FLOWER GIRLS (Lady Fern, mgr.)
 DM  60 ARADI (turn 323): ACHONDROPLASIA of ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (Soultaker, mgr.)
 DM  63 AMEN-TEI (turn 313): MALICHAI of WAY OF THE BLADE 2 (Vhagar, mgr.)
 DM  71 KYR'TERR (turn 138): BATTLEMAGE of SHADOW MAGIC (Shadowgate, mgr.)
ADM 105 ANDORAK (turn 359): DEMONFANG of DARK PANTHEON from TRANSEL (Doc Steele)

                                      Top Teams
 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 236): TREE PEOPLE (Elderberry, mgr.)
 DM  11 ARUAK CITY (turn 474): 'CROSSED UP (Dr. Mabuse, mgr.)
 DM  14 TOBIR (turn 474): OTAGO HIGHLANDERS (The Mun, mgr.)
 DM  22 SOLVEN (turn 467): none
 DM  24 ZORPUNT (turn 463): BATTLEMANIA (Darkfist, mgr.)
 DM  25 LYRATILAN (turn 463): PRIMATES-R-US (Crip, mgr.)
 DM  26 CALEAM (turn 464): MENAGERIE (Ichabod Frothingslosh, mgr.)
 DM  30 IAYE (turn 460): GAMEHENDGE (Malaquar, mgr.)
 DM  40 ZENSU (turn 425): TACO GODS (The Oracle, mgr.)
 DM  41 KATI-TEI (turn 418): THE FLINTSTONES (Lord Genesis, mgr.)
 DM  46 ARDIVENT (turn 411): HARDTIMESINBABYLON (Technogeek, mgr.)
 DM  52 FRATSFA (turn 184): MIDDLE WAY 8 (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  60 ARADI (turn 323): POWER BROKERS (Mannequin, mgr.)
 DM  63 AMEN-TEI (turn 313): WAYFARERS (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  71 KYR'TERR (turn 138): SHADOW GOLD (Shadowgate, mgr.)
ADM 105 ANDORAK (turn 359): BOXES, etc. (Doc Steele, mgr.)

                                   Recent Graduates
 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 235): ODDJOB of BONDAGE (Spawn, mgr.)
 DM  11 ARUAK CITY (turn 474): SECRET of YOUNG JUSTICE (Rillion, mgr.)
                               NEVILLE of GRYFFINDOR HOUSE2 (Rillion, mgr.)
                   (turn 473): RED HOT of COLORIFIC (Purple People Eater, mgr.)
                               SUMTHING PAINFUL of U.B.O.S.M. (Dreihdenflahg, mgr.)
 DM  14 TOBIR (turn 474): BERWICK of OTAGO HIGHLANDERS (The Mun, mgr.)
 DM  22 SOLVEN (turn 467): JUDITH of WOMEN OF REALITY (THawk, mgr.)
 DM  41 KATI-TEI (turn 417): FOOTSORE of WANDERERS (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  46 ARDIVENT (turn 411): COURIER of HARDTIMESINBABYLON (Technogeek, mgr.)
 DM  60 ARADI (turn 322): VERISIMILITUDE of ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (Soultaker, mgr.)
                          PUTZ'N ALONG of JOKA MASHER! (Sultan, mgr.)
                          BIGGLES of BUMS 'R' US (Berylstar, mgr.)
 DM  71 KYR'TERR (turn 137): SHADOW HAWK of 2ND ARCTIC GUARDS (Yukon Cornelius, mgr.)

                                 DUELMASTER'S COLUMN
                             Notes from the arena champ.

     Dang!  170 recognition points.  I am getting up in the world.  Here again, your
humble Duelmaster, Homeless Prince with your bi-weekly column.  How--Lite, how could
you?  Not even one thing you could teach me?  After such a promising session two
weeks ago.  Ah well, I guess that makes me done with you.  Good luck, and save the
avoids because no more challenges are coming from me.
     Challenges, challenges, challenges.  Check out last turn's impressive ones:
Hiss over Lee in 3.  Well done.  Bear Market with a good try vs. GB, but to no avail.
I remember back in the day when Judge called GB a mediocre warrior who didn't learn
well.  Well, something must have changed, because he is on one heck of a hot streak!
     Most impressively though, at least in our eyes, was the drubbing Judith put on
that little rattler', Snake in the Grass.  Way to go Judith!  And an invite on top of
it.  Will you be challenging the DA just to see if you can do it?  I hope so.  I'll
be in the front row for that one!
     Speaking of challenges, this turns challenge goes out to Morgan.  Striker vs.
Striker.  May the best (fastest) one win.  On an interesting note, if that challenge
fails to go through, we are giving Bear Market his shot.  Imagine, a 79 point down-
challenge.  It's for the throne, mind you, so hopefully Al won't hold it against me
too much if it happens.
     Of course, if there are challenges, there are avoids.  Same ole', same ole'.
Monty Python and Pishtush both worry me, so we'll be sending those challenges back
unopened.  That leaves it pretty wide open if Morgan is avoiding.  Here's hoping she
is not, and that she doesn't have an Advanced Master in Decise (I am guessing she
doesn't, but I could be wrong).
     Lastly, here's hoping we all come back from the tourney.  When you are reading
this, we should all know at least who died.  Believe me, I am sure Kellumbo will be
nervous if he doesn't find my name in the DM seat for this turn.  Best of luck all;
fight hard and bring home some TV's or even a TC to Solven, the best arena in all the
-- Homeless Prince

                                      SPY REPORT

     Busy, busy, busy, lots of things happening in SOLVEN this turn, and let's start 
with a look at some of the teams.  The THE REPUBLICANS guild has had a 4-1-0 turn and 
deserves to be watched in the future.  You never know where this kind of thing can 
lead.  And let's see, NERF fought BARB and gained 17 points and contributed to 
ANDORIAN WIMPS' 3-2-0.  TWO PLUS TWO has lost to HISS, falling 6 points, while 
helping make OLD MCDONALD a 0-5-0 turn.  ROBERT BYRD challenged for the 
Duelmastership this turn, attempting to dethrone KELLUMBO'S KIDS' warrior.  The 
attempts to dethrone the Duelmaster have failed, and HOMELESS PRINCE remains SOLVEN's 
top warrior for another turn.  Tell me, is nothing sacred?  I have heard from 
unimpeachable sources that The Victory Tavern uses trolls in their stew.  Talk about 
     I tell you, a green quarterstaff lasts longer than a seasoned sapling.  A basher 
friend of mine assures me this is true.  I also notice that the KELLUMBO'S KIDS 
stable was the most avoided team this turn.  Come on SOLVEN, what are you afraid of?  
And guess who avoided KELLUMBO'S KIDS stable the most?  Believe it or not, it was THE 
REPUBLICANS.  Anyone surprised?  The most challenged warrior this turn was THE ZOO's 
warrior KANGAROO KATE.  More fighters challenged her than challenged the Duelmaster!  
In a fit of brilliance or of stupidity (hard to say sometimes), MAXIMUS challenged 
GUANTANAMO BAY today, facing a 78 difference in recognition.  And though MAXIMUS lost 
to GUANTANAMO BAY, the valiant attempt earned it 3 worth of recognition.  
Foolhardiness can sometimes pay.  In a brave attempt, LEE from WOMEN OF REALITY 
challenged up 19 points to fight SNAKE IN THE GRASS from the SERPENTINE INC. stable.  
LEE perhaps got hers just desserts, seeing as she lost to SNAKE IN THE GRASS and 
ended up with 75 recognition points.   
     The Dark Arena is for those who cannot win, not who cannot lose with grace.  
Dignity in life or death is the warrior's creed.  Kudos go out to PISHTUSH this turn, 
for revenging ANDORIAN WIMPS' bloodfeud against THE DEMOCRATS' warrior NANCY PELOSI.  
Well done.  We'd like to remind certain teams not to rob the graves of their enemies. 
You know who you are; and it's considered rude.   
     Remember, blood on the purple robe does not change it from a purple robe.  Dare 
to fight bravely.  It's been nice chatting with you, until we meet again, keep your 
swords sharp and your hammers heavy.  Until the sun next rises and my pen sets to 
paper-- Alarond the Scribe  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 HOMELESS PRINCE 6012         17   2  0   182       KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 GUANTANAMO BAY 5826          24  18  0   164       THE REPUBLICANS (103)
 MONTY PYTHON 5939            18   6  0   135       SERPENTINE INC. (85)
 WOF-A-MIT 5639               21  17  0   124       ROCK ETTS (595)
 JUSTICE 5949                 16   8  0   108       THE REPUBLICANS (103)
 HOW--LITE 5635               21  18  1   104       ROCK ETTS (595)
 EDWIN MEESE 828              23  17  4   102       CONSPIRACY INC. (100)
 MORGAN 5915                  15  13  1   102       WOMEN OF REALITY (669)
 PISHTUSH 5651                17   3  0    99       ANDORIAN WIMPS (651)
 BEAR MARKET 6010              9  10  1    99       THE DEMOCRATS (202)
 SNAKE IN THE GRASS 5952      16   5  0    94       SERPENTINE INC. (85)
 HISS 6017                    14   1  0    93       SERPENTINE INC. (85)
 ROBERT BYRD 6039              8   5  0    92       THE DEMOCRATS (202)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 JFK 1660                     18  20  1    89       THE DEMOCRATS (202)
 GARY CONDIT 5914             14  17  1    85       THE DEMOCRATS (202)
 MAXIMUS 5966                 16   5  3    81       KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
 TURKEY JOE 5825              16  30  0    78       THE ZOO (205)
 LEE 5831                     14  25  0    75       WOMEN OF REALITY (669)
 KANGAROO KATE 5900           15  24  1    73       THE ZOO (205)
 TWO PLUS TWO 5910            13  11  1    70       OLD MCDONALD (621)
 BLIND GIRL 6041              11   1  0    68       KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 DARKLE 5709                  10   5  0    67       ANDORIAN WIMPS (651)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 GEORGE BUSH 1708              9   4  0    65       CONSPIRACY INC. (100)
-MCGRORY 5976                  5   1  1    65       BREMEN SIX DAY (678)
 RUMSFELD 6032                 5   9  0    62       THE REPUBLICANS (103)
 SKEEMER 5965                 12  10  0    60       KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 PLATINUM 5677                 9  23  1    55       ROCK ETTS (595)
 FLAT TAX 5998                 9  11  0    53       THE REPUBLICANS (103)
 MACRIBSI 6024                 7   5  0    40       OLD MCDONALD (621)
 SCHWARZENEGGER 6050           5   6  1    37       THE REPUBLICANS (103)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 NANCY PELOSI 6076             4   2  1    33       THE DEMOCRATS (202)
-ALIEN 3265                    2   1  1    33       SAVAGE HEARTS (358)
-SHUX 5788                     3   0  0    32       4-LETTER CURSE WORDS (663)
 RATTLER 6075                  3   2  1    25       SERPENTINE INC. (85)
-STAEL 6071                    1   1  1    25       WAY OF THE SWORD C5 (688)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 VENOM 6059                    3   5  0    22       SERPENTINE INC. (85)
 BARB 6060                     4   4  0    20       WOMEN OF REALITY (669)
 NERF 6105                     1   2  0    19       ANDORIAN WIMPS (651)
 ILSA SHE-WOLF 6107            2   0  0    17       KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
 ANTHONY SCALIA 6103           3   0  0    16       CONSPIRACY INC. (100)
 ZELORA 6068                   3   4  0    13       THE ZOO (205)
 DARRELL ISSA 6108             2   0  0    12       CONSPIRACY INC. (100)
 GIDEON 3308                   1   0  0    11       BIBLE BELTERS (364)
-BORENSEN 6091                 0   2  0    10       BLOOD OF THE RAT (690)
 MERIAM 3305                   0   1  0     9       BIBLE BELTERS (364)
-SAVAGE DRAGON 3263            2   2  0     8       SAVAGE HEARTS (358)
-SANDSTONE 6056                2   1  0     8       ROCK ETTS (595)
 SKANK 6114                    1   0  0     7       ANDORIAN WIMPS (651)
 LITTLE PONY 6106              0   1  0     7       OLD MCDONALD (621)
 ELAINE CHAO 6104              1   2  0     5       CONSPIRACY INC. (100)
-NOTHSTEIN 5977                1   1  0     4       BREMEN SIX DAY (678)
 GIREFFY 6102                  0   3  0     3       THE ZOO (205)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?
SNARF 6093             0  4 0 ANDORIAN WIMPS 651    KORGE, SHEWISH GI 404 468 NONE    
DIDILY SQUAT 6066      4  3 0 ANDORIAN WIMPS 651    NANCY PELOSI 6076     467 JUST REV
BLIND BOY 6042         6  4 0 KELLUMBO'S KIDS 676   MCGRORY 5976          466         
OLD GOAT II 6113       0  1 0 OLD MCDONALD 621      BANDIT PRINCE 408     468 NONE    
OLD GOAT I 6112        0  1 0 OLD MCDONALD 621      DARK CHAMPION 407     468 NONE    
INARINDA 5913          8 21 1 THE ZOO 205           MAXIMUS 5966          465         
VILMA 6040             3  6 0 THE ZOO 205           SCHWARZENEGGER 6050   464 NOT REVE
GARDEN GNOME 6095      2  1 0 THE ZOO 205           STAEL 6071            467         

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Detective Kellumbo -- So you are going to teach me a lesson for challenging Platinum
for a few turns in a row?  I missed the part of the newsletter where you were elected
moral judge and jury for Solven.  I guess I better change my evil ways now that big
bad Kellumbo has set his sights on me!!!!  HA!!  I kept quiet here for months
listening to your drivel in the personal ads every turn.  "I rule Solven blah blah blah." and "My warrior is better than yours blah blah blah!!!"  Well, if you wanted
my attention, you certainly have it now.  From this turn on I will be challenging
every one of your warriors in range of mine (up or down).  Listen, you don't have to
worry about wasting Homeless Prince's TV challenge  because after Hiss gets into

range next turn you will be getting his TV challenge!!!!  Get those avoids warmed up,
D.K.!!!!  You should be used to putting my name there since you have been ducking my
challenges to H.P. for the last 5 turns or so. -- Floyd, mgr. Serpentine Inc.

Wimpy -- I figured I'd respond to you as well.  First, it's my personal rule to only
down challenge when a warrior has nearly double my warrior's FE.  I feel it's not an
unfair challenge nor do I feel like I'm picking on some poor defenseless warrior.
The only other reason is when someone provokes me.  (See above ad to D.K.)  I believe
since I've played here that I have lived by that.  Hiss challenging Platinum, Snake
in the Grass against Turkey Joe or Biscuit.  If people want to run warriors w/15-27
records they better get ready to be challenged by my younger warriors looking for
skills.  If they don't want to be challenged by me A> avoid me B> go to the Dark
Arena C> sit that warrior out.  I'm sorry if you can't understand that.  I certainly
don't want to be the one that makes you leave this fine arena.  Especially now that
it's just getting interesting. -- Floyd, mgr. Serpentine Inc

Al Gore -- Nice try both turns but Monty does well against warriors of that style.
Now if Robert Byrd tried me, he'd probably have better luck.  I have been notoriously
weak against his style.  Oh yeah, before I forget, what's up with the broadsword?
You aren't the only person I've seen try it but it just never seems to work. -- Floyd

Al Gore -- You are right!  The last time I saw someone on there back so much was when
I stopped into your mama's job.... -- Skeemer

Wimpy -- It is too bad you are leaving.  You forget that when we joined Solven, we
had no idea of what an Andorian arena was, or anything like that.  We were simply
assigned to this arena.
     I am sorry you feel so strongly about down challenging, but we do not feel the
same way.  If you do decide to leave, best of luck to you where you venture.  You
know that the Kids' are here waiting for you.  No hard feelings. -- Detective

How--Lite -- Well, when you don't teach me anything, I guess that is a good way to
make sure you don't get challenged again. -- Prince

Pishtush -- I hate you.  I hate you so much.... -- Maximus

Platinum -- What gives?  Are you trying to lose? -- Blind Girl

Nerf -- Yes, yes you are...but not enough. -- Ilsa She-Wolf...hooowwwlllll!!!!

Al Gore -- Yeah, we get it.  Quit challenging for a bit and see if the favor is
returned. -- DK

Solven -- Looks like I'm leaving without even making Duelmaster.  Oh well, that's
life, I suppose.  For those interested:  15-8-13-13(1)-15-10-11; Adv Expert: Ini,
Atk, Dec; Weapon: MA; Normal Encumbrance/Endurance; Great Dmg; HP: 25 or so (can't
take a lot); Learn Ini, No tactics; High OE, Medium AL. -- Judith
P.S.  Don't know if I'll fight on the Isle.  If I do, I'll see you in the Free Blades
Arena, where my stable mates are.

Ilsa She-Wolf -- I thought I could hit fairly hard. I guess not. -- Nerf

Barb -- Sorry I couldn't give you a little better fight. I did enjoy the skills
however. -- Snarf

Maximus -- Matched up again. I didn't think I could take you unless I was ready for
you. As it was all I could hit you with was my medium shield. I won, but I hurt all
over. -- Pishtush

Robert Byrd -- Just like a backstabbing Democrat to stab me right in the body/back?
-- Darkle

Nancy Pelosi -- You just had to do Didily Squat didn't you.  Typical of one of your
political persuasion.  RIP -- Wimpy

A Virginal Concubine!  I got all excited, but it was an empty boast.  Er, more or
less.  You know. -- Turkey Joe the embarrassed

Rumsfield -- (recoiling)  All those skills, I hardly know what to say about it.  I'm
astonished. -- Kangaroo Kate

Shux -- Oh.  I thought you were a breakfast cereal.  My mistake, eh? -- Zelora

Stael -- A classic style mismatch.  But I can safely say that you will never learn
that much from the Gnome again. -- Leeta

Darrell Issa -- Next time, I'll bring a can opener. -- Gireffy

Snarf -- Well, you can out-jump me now. -- Ghost of Garden Gnome

Maximus -- I set to the Happy Hunting Grounds. -- Biscuit

Justice -- Nice fight but no learn to help. -- Two plus Two

Schwarzeneggar -- Get a smaller name.  It takes too long to hit you. -- Marribs

Kellumbo -- Bork was easy.  You should be more concerned with Messe. -- Al Gore

Saint -- Reminding you about a list of manager names. -- Al Gore

     Right, thanks for the reminder!  Here's what I have.  As per usual, this list is
     only teams listed in last turn's newsletter and if I've gotten anyone's name
     wrong, just let me know and I'll fix it. -- The Saint, keeper of lists
     4-LETTER CURSE WORDS  Nuln                SAVAGE HEARTS        Silverstroke
     ANDORIAN WIMPS        Wimpy               SERPENTINE INC.      Floyd
     BLOOD OF THE RAT      DeGotti             SWEET MARINES        General Snookums
     BREMEN SIX DAY        Dr. Mabuse          THE DEMOCRATS        Al Gore
     CONSPIRACY INC.       ?                   THE REPUBLICANS      The Judge
     DUNCES UNITED         Rude Buddha         THE ZOO              Leeta
     KELLUMBO'S KIDS       Detective Kellubmo  WAY OF THE SWORD C5  Vhagar
     OLD MCDONALD          Elderberry          WOMEN OF REALITY     THawk
     ROCK ETTS             Pie-Rite

G-Bay -- OUCH!  That rematch sucked.  See you next time. -- BM

Darkle -- Wow!  Thanks for all those skills! -- Al Gore

Monty -- Good fight. -- Al Gore

Morgan -- Condit shall be avoiding you from now on. -- Al Gore

Ghost of Didily Squat -- Sorry about that.  But that is what happens when you vote
Republican.  I welcome your honor-bound bloodfeud. -- N. Pelosi

31 October 2003
     Come one, come all, to the greatest contest in Alastari!  The Third Annual Turf
War will be in North Fork (DM 47) starting in about 6-7 turns....  C'mon and get your
team some experience, and get declared!
     More info available in North Fork's newsletter.
     Bloody Sands. -- Asmo Dius, TCB

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

SNARF was barely slain by KORGE, SHEWISH GIANT in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
OLD GOAT II was murdered by BANDIT PRINCE in a 1 minute brutal Dark Arena melee.
OLD GOAT I was assassinated by DARK CHAMPION in a 1 minute bloody Dark Arena duel.
PISHTUSH devastated NANCY PELOSI in a exciting 3 minute one-sided Bloodfeud fight.
JUSTICE devastated HOW--LITE in a popular 1 minute uneven Challenge brawl.
ROBERT BYRD was devastated by HOMELESS PRINCE in a 1 minute Challenge Title match.
HISS handily defeated TWO PLUS TWO in a 2 minute gruesome uneven Challenge fight.
LEE lost to SNAKE IN THE GRASS in a popular 2 minute gruesome expert's Challenge duel.
GARY CONDIT vanquished TURKEY JOE in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
MAXIMUS was savagely defeated by GUANTANAMO BAY in a 3 minute Challenge melee.
DARKLE was demolished by BEAR MARKET in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge competition.
BLIND GIRL devastated PLATINUM in a 2 minute one-sided Challenge battle.
RUMSFELD was bested by KANGAROO KATE in a 2 minute Challenge bout.
NERF overcame BARB in a popular 4 minute gruesome Challenge conflict.
ILSA SHE-WOLF overpowered GIREFFY in a 1 minute uneven Challenge struggle.
WOF-A-MIT handily defeated EDWIN MEESE in a 1 minute mismatched bout.
MONTY PYTHON devastated VETERAN MERCENARY in a 2 minute brutal one-sided brawl.
MORGAN demolished JFK in a exciting 1 minute one-sided bout.
GEORGE BUSH savagely defeated MACRIBSI in a crowd pleasing 6 minute bloody conflict.
SKEEMER was beaten by FLAT TAX in a 2 minute expert's fight.
RATTLER was subdued by SCHWARZENEGGER in a 1 minute beginner vs. expert bout.
VENOM handily defeated ZELORA in a 1 minute one-sided contest.
ANTHONY SCALIA subdued MERIAM in a action packed 2 minute brutal novice's fight.
ELAINE CHAO was luckily beaten by SKANK in a 3 minute novice's duel.
DARRELL ISSA narrowly defeated LITTLE PONY in a 4 minute brutal beginner's match.
GIDEON won victory over POLITE BEGGAR in a 2 minute gruesome novice's fray.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                  11         STRIKING ATTACK   44 -  22 -  1      67  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  7         TOTAL PARRY       44 -  28 -  2      61  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      7         PARRY-RIPOSTE     14 -  11 -  0      56  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      5         WALL OF STEEL     18 -  18 -  0      50  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    5         PARRY-LUNGE       30 -  31 -  3      49  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   4         AIMED BLOW        13 -  14 -  1      48  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  3         LUNGING ATTACK    44 -  51 -  4      46  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    2         BASHING ATTACK    20 -  38 -  2      34  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     2         PARRY-STRIKE       5 -  10 -  0      33  |
|AIMED BLOW                       1         SLASHING ATTACK   10 -  20 -  0      33  |

Turn 468 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

AIMED BLOW         1 -  0     TOTAL PARRY        3 -  4         3  STRIKING ATTACK
PARRY-LUNGE        4 -  1     SLASHING ATTACK    1 -  2         2  SLASHING ATTACK
WALL OF STEEL      4 -  1     LUNGING ATTACK     3 -  8         2  LUNGING ATTACK 
STRIKING ATTACK    5 -  2     BASHING ATTACK     1 -  3         1  PARRY-RIPOSTE  
PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -  1     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  2         1  PARRY-LUNGE    
                                                                1  WALL OF STEEL  
                                                                1  TOTAL PARRY    

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
PARRY-RIPOSTE    MONTY PYTHON 5939          18   6  0  135 SERPENTINE INC. (85)
PARRY-LUNGE      WOF-A-MIT 5639             21  17  0  124 ROCK ETTS (595)
WALL OF STEEL    JUSTICE 5949               16   8  0  108 THE REPUBLICANS (103)
SLASHING ATTACK  HOW--LITE 5635             21  18  1  104 ROCK ETTS (595)
LUNGING ATTACK   EDWIN MEESE 828            23  17  4  102 CONSPIRACY INC. (100)

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
TOTAL PARRY      PISHTUSH 5651              17   3  0   99 ANDORIAN WIMPS (651)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is MORGAN 5915.  The most popular warrior this turn was 
GUANTANAMO BAY 5826.  The ten other most popular fighters were NANCY PELOSI 6076, 
LITTLE PONY 6106, GIDEON 3308, JUSTICE 5949, and HISS 6017.

The least popular fighter this week was MACRIBSI 6024.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were PLATINUM 5677, ZELORA 6068, SKEEMER 5965, EDWIN MEESE 828, GIREFFY 
6102, BLIND GIRL 6041, DARKLE 5709, TURKEY JOE 5825, ROBERT BYRD 6039, and OLD GOAT I 

The following warriors will travel to ADVANCED DUELMASTERS after next turn:


The following warriors have traveled to ADVANCED DUELMASTERS after fighting this turn:



     Beginning at the Winter Face-to-Face in Tempe (January 2004), we will implement 
several changes affecting tournaments.  The tournament announcement for the upcoming 
FTF and future tourneys will reflect these changes.
     First, we will eliminate the tourney freeze for all regular DM warrior classes.  
Regular DM warriors will not be classed ahead of the tournament, but instead will 
fight according to their FE on the date of the tourney.  There will still be a freeze 
for the ADM classes, occurring on the same timeline as before, approximately 6 weeks 
before the tournament.
     In addition to the above change, the warrior classes will be slightly altered.  
The new tourney classes will be as follows:

                DM Tourney Classes                 ADM Tourney Classes
              ======================              ======================
                  0 FE:  Rookies                        Freshmen
                1-4 FE:  Apprentices                    ADM
               5-10 FE:  Initiates                      Eligibles
              11-20 FE:  Adepts                      ---induction---
              21-30 FE:  Champions                      Contenders
                31+ FE:  Challengers                    Primus

     All regular DM tourney classes will remain solely FE based.  All ADM classes will 
now be based on warrior characteristics (i.e., the ADM split algorithm), including the 
Freshmen class.
     The Gateway and Primus arenas will be merging before the FTF to form one top 
arena.  These warriors will be split into two tournament classes, the Contenders and 
the Primus classes, again based upon their characteristics.  More information on this 
will be published in the newsletters for those arenas.
     If you have any questions about the above changes, please contact Customer 
Service.  Good luck in your games.

                                          -- Green Eyes and the RSI staff