DUELMASTERS NEWSLETTER

Date   : 02/11/2004    Duedate: 02/24/2004

SOLVEN ARENA

DM-22    TURN-475

This Weeks Top Honors

THE DUELMASTER IS

BLIND GIRL
KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
(22-6041) [16-3-0,93]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

GARY CONDIT                    GIDEON
THE DEMOCRATS (202)            BIBLE BELTERS (364)
(22-5914) [19-19-1,128]        (22-3308) [5-3-0,41]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

JUSTICE                        ROBERT BYRD
THE REPUBLICANS (103)          THE DEMOCRATS (202)
(22-5949) [20-11-0,96]         (22-6039) [12-8-0,85]

THE CURRENT TOP TEAM

JUST CHILLIN (699)

          TEAMS ON THE MOVE            TOP CAREER HONORS
Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. BIBLE BELTERS (364)         67
2. JUST CHILLIN (699)          65      KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
3. THE REPUBLICANS (103)       38      Unchartered Team
4. KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)       30
5. SAVAGE HEARTS 2 (697)       20      JUST CHILLIN (699)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 2*JUST CHILLIN (699)        12   3  1 80.0   1/ 6*JUST CHILLIN (699)       12  3 1
 2/ 1*THE POISON CLAN (692)     18   7  1 72.0   2/ 2 KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)    10  4 0
 3/ 3 KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)     92  50  4 64.8   3/ 7*BIBLE BELTERS (364)       9  5 0
 4/ 5 ROCK ETTS (595)          404 282  7 58.9   4/ 3 THE REPUBLICANS (103)     9  6 0
 5/ 4 CONSPIRACY INC. (100)    129  93  8 58.1   5/ 4 THE DEMOCRATS (202)       9  6 0
 6- 7 LOST SOULS 1 (300)        43  37  3 53.8   6/ 1 CONSPIRACY INC. (100)     8  7 0
 7/12*BIBLE BELTERS (364)       16  14  0 53.3   7/ 5*THE POISON CLAN (692)     5  5 0
 8/ 8 THE REPUBLICANS (103)    324 292 23 52.6   8/11*SAVAGE HEARTS 2 (697)     5 10 1
 9- 9 WOMEN OF REALITY (669)   114 105  3 52.1   9/ 9 THE ZOO (205)             5 10 0
10/ 0 MIRROR IMAGE (72)         25  24  3 51.0  10-10 LOST SOULS 1 (300)        4  2 0
11/10 THE DEMOCRATS (202)      113 114  8 49.8  11- 8 WOMEN OF REALITY (669)    2  7 0
12-13 OLD MCDONALD (621)       257 280 13 47.9  12/12*CHINESE CONNECTION (700)  2  7 0
13/14 THE ZOO (205)            331 441  4 42.9  13/14 ROCK ETTS (595)           1  2 0
14/15*SAVAGE HEARTS 2 (697)      5  15  1 25.0  14-16 OLD MCDONALD (621)        0  4 0
15/11*CHINESE CONNECTION (700)   2   7  0 22.2  15-15*OXYMORONS (698)           0  4 0

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
16-16*OXYMORONS (698)            0   8  0  0.0  16/ 0 MIRROR IMAGE (72)         0  1 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

      * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

                          ---===ANDORIAN REGIONAL NEWS===---

                                     Duelmasters
                                     -----------
 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 240): LUMBERING WAIF of HAPLESS WAIF (Berylstar, mgr.)
 DM  11 ARUAK CITY (turn 481): B.S. of BULLDOGS (Kennelworth, mgr.)
 DM  14 TOBIR (turn 481): WINDOW WING SIGN of PISSED PIZZA GUYS (wuapinmon, mgr.)
 DM  22 SOLVEN (turn 474): ROBERT BYRD of THE DEMOCRATS (Al Gore, mgr.)
 DM  24 ZORPUNT (turn 470): TAZZY TIGER of AUSSIE KILLERS (THawk, mgr.)
 DM  25 LYRATILAN (turn 470): SIAMESE SPY of KITTY KONSPIRACY (Poison Ivy, mgr.)
 DM  26 CALEAM (turn 471): SARINA of GOLDEN CANYON (Klondike Kate, mgr.)
 DM  30 IAYE (turn 467): SONIC TACO of TRIP OUT (Angus, mgr.)
 DM  40 ZENSU (turn 432): CMOT DIBBLER of THE DISC (Technogeek, mgr.)
 DM  41 KATI-TEI (turn 425): PELICAN of BIRDS (JE, mgr.)
 DM  46 ARDIVENT (turn 419): OPURT of DEATHTONGUE (Technogeek, mgr.)
 DM  52 FRATSFA (turn 187): RED EYE of ASSASSIN NATION (Ghab, mgr.)
 DM  60 ARADI (turn 330): LIGHTNING IX of DEATH STUDS VII (Death Stud, mgr.)
 DM  63 AMEN-TEI (turn 319): ELENA of SITTIN' ON ACES (Generalissimo Puerco, mgr.)
 DM  71 KYR'TERR (turn 142): TOMB of SHADOW GOLD (Shadowgate, mgr.)
ADM 105 ANDORAK (turn 367): SNOWY OWL of CALL OF THE WILD from KYR'TERR (Poison Ivy)

                                      Top Teams
                                      ---------
 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 240): PHOENIX FIRE (Bobby Bigfoot, mgr.)
 DM  11 ARUAK CITY (turn 481): THE BLUES (Keldon Blackfang, mgr.)
 DM  14 TOBIR (turn 481): THE DOGHOUSE (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  22 SOLVEN (turn 474): CONSPIRACY INC. (Damion, mgr.)
 DM  24 ZORPUNT (turn 470): AUSSIE KILLERS (THawk, mgr.)
 DM  25 LYRATILAN (turn 470): THE MIDDLE WAY 4 (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  26 CALEAM (turn 471): HEADBANGERS (Sablon-O-Vlad, mgr.)
 DM  30 IAYE (turn 467): I TRAINED THEM (Soultaker, mgr.)
 DM  40 ZENSU (turn 432): BEYOND THE PALE (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  41 KATI-TEI (turn 425): WANDERERS (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  46 ARDIVENT (turn 419): DEATHTONGUE (Technogeek, mgr.)
 DM  52 FRATSFA (turn 187): ASSASSIN NATION (Ghab, mgr.)
 DM  60 ARADI (turn 330): 4000 BLOWS (Nuln, mgr.)
 DM  63 AMEN-TEI (turn 319): SAFE HAVEN (Keldon Blackfang, mgr.)
 DM  71 KYR'TERR (turn 142): SHADOW GOLD (Shadowgate, mgr.)
ADM 105 ANDORAK (turn 367): DA AFRO, etc. (?, mgr.)

                                   Recent Graduates
                                   ----------------
 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 240): LUMBERING WAIF of HAPLESS WAIF (Berylstar, mgr.)
               (turn 239): ABYSS of PHANTOM FORCES 2 (The Catalyst, mgr.)
 DM  11 ARUAK CITY (turn 481): B.S. of BULLDOGS (Kennelworth, mgr.)
                   (turn 480): RICK DERRIS of VIEW ASKEW (Angus, mgr.)
 DM  22 SOLVEN (turn 472): MONTY PYTHON of SERPENTINE INC. (Floyd, mgr.)
 DM  24 ZORPUNT (turn 470): CURTIS JOSEPH of THE MC5 (Street Legal, mgr.)
 DM  26 CALEAM (turn 471): SARINA of GOLDEN CANYON (Klondike Kate, mgr.)
 DM  30 IAYE (turn 467): SONIC TACO of TRIP OUT (Angus, mgr.)
 DM  41 KATI-TEI (turn 425): SKOWIE of SPRINGFIELD XIII (Snotman, mgr.)
 DM  46 ARDIVENT (turn 419): OPURT of DEATHTONGUE (Technogeek, mgr.)
                 (turn 418): BANANA JR of DEATHTONGUE (Technogeek, mgr.)
 DM  60 ARADI (turn 329): ACHONDROPLASIA of ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (Soultaker, mgr.)
                          LLLENGEANCE of LUROCIANS VI (The Greek Guy, mgr.)

                                      SPY REPORT

     Welcome SOLVEN.  I, Olaf Modeen remember this place well.  Many the fights have 
I fought here.  The celebrations, the disappointments...  Bein' on top is great while 
it lasts, CONSPIRACY INC..  But how many friends do you have now?  Phhbltt!  Too much 
drinking and too little dodging gave CONSPIRACY INC. a 1-4-0!  I got a good laugh out 
of it!  Ya gotta be quick on yer feet!  Keep your elbow off the table!  Thrust!  
Block out the pain!  JUST CHILLIN is now ranked 1st with a 5-0-1 turn.  It seems so 
recently people were saying BIBLE BELTERS was washed up, finished.  But 4-1-0 moved 
them up 4.  I guess they're washed no more...  What's with MAYBE LATER?  She actually 
beat CONSPIRACY INC.'s ANN COULTER, and walked away with 24 more points from the 
fight.  Laughs were big at JUST CHILLIN while they watched MAYBE LATER clobber ANN 
COULTER.  She lost 12 points and got bruised from objects thrown from the stands.  
I'm sure SOLVEN is excited about BLIND GIRL, the new Duelmaster from KELLUMBO'S KIDS. 
(remember?)  But when you've seen as many as I have...  Advice to fighters with a 1 
will--give up fighting!   
     If at first you don't succeed, avoid.  That'll get you in the Spyreports.  The 
most avoided team was CONSPIRACY INC..  The bums at KELLUMBO'S KIDS couldn't face the 
challenges from CONSPIRACY INC.!  No excuse for that!  What do people see in THE 
SCORPION?  His 4-1-0?  THE POISON CLAN ain't talkin', but he's got 18 points.  GARY 
CONDIT expects the easy win by going 23 points down.  TURKEY JOE will find this a 
hard lesson!  I have to get this off my chest.  What a low dog, GARY CONDIT!  He 
can't set himself up in a real match.  I was sorry to see TURKEY JOE lose.  Keep 
challenging up 32 points, ANTHONY SCALIA, and I won't have to write about you much 
longer.  RUMSFELD always accepts those kind of challenges...  ANTHONY SCALIA found 
one way to advance:  challenging RUMSFELD and losing, but getting 3 points.  No 
brain, no pain.  Taunt your opponent KUJOE!  That was my lucky charm when I was 
unfairly challenged.  (and by 29 points!)  ILSA SHE-WOLF should have an easy win.  
ILSA SHE-WOLF bested KUJOE.  I bet ILSA SHE-WOLF could beat two-year-olds, too.  
Well, SAVAGE HEARTS 2 knows who to set their sights on.  Maybe CHINESE CONNECTION's 
CHUNG' FOW is one of those guys who likes pain, or something.  That's what he'll get 
next week, after challenging up 32 to NANCY PELOSI.  I don't get it.  CHUNG' FOW goes 
and challenges NANCY PELOSI, way above him, but gets 3 points after he loses!  Is 
this a new strategy?   
     A fighter's lot is filled with strife, revenge, and killing.  Some fighters 
don't accept this.  The best do.  I like to see warriors put young whippersnappers in 
their place.  I guess you could say SAVAGE HEARTS 2'SAVAGE DRAGON did just that.  
Right THE POISON CLAN?  Someone told THE LIZARD that BIBLE BELTERS never Bloodfeuded, 
that he'd have an easy kill.  Well, I'm sure whoever misled you is right sorry.  Many 
a warrior has met his fate in a hungover stupor.  You young rapscallions, take note!  
     Well, I'm pretty much through.  You guys need to get back practicing.  Are you 
as tired of reading this as I am of writing it?  Actually, I guess I'm writing it 
before you read it.  Oh, well.  Time for my medication, so I'll leave now.  Practice, 
practice, practice!-- Olaf Modeen  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 BLIND GIRL 6041              16   3  0    93       KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-DARKSIDE 2714                11   6  0   137       LOST SOULS 1 (300)
 GARY CONDIT 5914             19  19  1   128       THE DEMOCRATS (202)
 KANGAROO KATE 5900           17  29  1    99       THE ZOO (205)
 JUSTICE 5949                 20  11  0    96       THE REPUBLICANS (103)
 SCHWARZENEGGER 6050          11   7  1    96       THE REPUBLICANS (103)
-BLOOD MOON 3270               9   5  2    96       LOST SOULS 1 (300)
 TURKEY JOE 5825              19  34  0    91       THE ZOO (205)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 RUMSFELD 6032                10  11  0    91       THE REPUBLICANS (103)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 BEAR MARKET 6010             12  14  1    88       THE DEMOCRATS (202)
 ROBERT BYRD 6039             12   8  0    85       THE DEMOCRATS (202)
-LEE 5831                     15  30  0    83       WOMEN OF REALITY (669)
 SKEEMER 5965                 16  12  0    81       KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
 GEORGE BUSH 1708             13   7  0    81       CONSPIRACY INC. (100)
 MAXIMUS 5966                 18  10  3    79       KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
-TWO PLUS TWO 5910            13  14  1    68       OLD MCDONALD (621)
 PLATINUM 5677                12  27  1    68       ROCK ETTS (595)
-FALLING STAR 3260             8   6  1    67       LOST SOULS 1 (300)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 ANTHONY SCALIA 6103           8   2  0    60       CONSPIRACY INC. (100)
-ECLIPSE 3258                  7   3  0    60       LOST SOULS 1 (300)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 FLAT TAX 5998                11  16  0    53       THE REPUBLICANS (103)
-MACRIBSI 6024                 9   6  0    45       OLD MCDONALD (621)
-TWIN 562                      6   3  3    44       MIRROR IMAGE (72)
 DARRELL ISSA 6108             6   3  1    44       CONSPIRACY INC. (100)
-BRIGHT STAR 2715              7   9  0    42       LOST SOULS 1 (300)
 GIDEON 3308                   5   3  0    41       BIBLE BELTERS (364)
 NANCY PELOSI 6076             7   6  1    35       THE DEMOCRATS (202)
 ILSA SHE-WOLF 6107            7   2  1    34       KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-BARB 6060                     7   6  0    32       WOMEN OF REALITY (669)
 THE TOAD 6121                 5   0  0    29       THE POISON CLAN (692)
 ICE COLD 6175                 3   0  0    29       JUST CHILLIN (699)
 NO HURRY 6174                 2   1  0    28       JUST CHILLIN (699)
 MAYBE LATER 6176              2   1  0    28       JUST CHILLIN (699)
 SNAKE CHARMER 6169            5   0  0    27       KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
 HANNAH 6144                   4   1  0    26       BIBLE BELTERS (364)
 SAVAGE DRAGON 6155            2   2  1    24       SAVAGE HEARTS 2 (697)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 CHENEY 6153                   3   2  0    23       THE REPUBLICANS (103)
 DROOLMASTER 660               6   3  0    21       MIRROR IMAGE (72)
-LEE II 6170                   2   0  0    21       WOMEN OF REALITY (669)
 WHAT UP 6172                  3   0  0    20       JUST CHILLIN (699)
 EASY BREEZE 6173              2   1  1    19       JUST CHILLIN (699)
 THE SCORPION 6117             4   1  0    18       THE POISON CLAN (692)
 RUFUS 6180                    2   1  0    18       BIBLE BELTERS (364)
 LIA' KIAN 6185                1   1  0    17       CHINESE CONNECTION (700)
-MARIE 6128                    4   2  1    16       WOMEN OF REALITY (669)
 THE LIZARD 6120               3   2  1    16       THE POISON CLAN (692)
-SHATTER 561                   3   7  0    16       MIRROR IMAGE (72)
 THE CENTIPEDE 6118            3   2  0    15       THE POISON CLAN (692)
 JOSIAH 6201                   1   0  0    15       BIBLE BELTERS (364)
 GIREFFY 6102                  2   8  0    14       THE ZOO (205)
 ANN COULTER 6168              4   1  0    13       CONSPIRACY INC. (100)
 KALAMAZOO 6116                3   4  0    13       THE ZOO (205)
-REFLECTIONS 702               1   3  0    13       MIRROR IMAGE (72)
 PING' LEE 6188                1   1  0    13       CHINESE CONNECTION (700)
-D.O.A. DOMINANCE 6162         0   4  0    10       OXYMORONS (698)
 ZOOIE 6152                    1   5  0     9       THE ZOO (205)
 ALIEN 6156                    1   3  0     9       SAVAGE HEARTS 2 (697)
-SANDSTONE 6056                2   1  0     8       ROCK ETTS (595)
 SAMURIA SAM 6200              1   0  0     8       SAVAGE HEARTS 2 (697)
 CAROL M. BRAUN 6146           1   5  0     8       THE DEMOCRATS (202)
 TERMINATOR 6158               1   3  0     6       SAVAGE HEARTS 2 (697)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-OINK 6142                     1   1  0     4       OLD MCDONALD (621)
 CHUNG' FOW 6184               0   2  0     4       CHINESE CONNECTION (700)
-KELLUMBOZO'S DADS 6181        0   2  0     2       OXYMORONS (698)
 LING' LON 6187                0   2  0     2       CHINESE CONNECTION (700)
-JUDITH 2 6183                 0   2  0     2       WOMEN OF REALITY (669)
 KUJOE 6194                    0   2  0     2       SAVAGE HEARTS 2 (697)
 IRON MONKEY 6186              0   1  0     1       CHINESE CONNECTION (700)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?
SLUG I 3304            1  2 0 BIBLE BELTERS 364     MASTER KAYR VAILL 406 475 NONE    
MERIAM 3305            2  3 0 BIBLE BELTERS 364     THE LIZARD 6120       472 JUST REV
NICODEMUS 6145         1  1 0 BIBLE BELTERS 364     MARIE 6128            472 REVENGED
RUSH LIMBAUGH 6167     2  3 0 CONSPIRACY INC. 100   EASY BREEZE 6173      475         
MARIJUANA INITIA 6164  0  2 0 OXYMORONS 698         ILSA SHE-WOLF 6107    472         
THE SNAKE 6119         3  2 0 THE POISON CLAN 692   SAVAGE DRAGON 6155    475         

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Lost Souls -- Are you the same Lost Souls that ran a team in DM 36 several years ago?
If so, come back!  We have a kill contest starting in two turns! -- Polarius, mgr. of
Blitzkrieg DM 36

Robert Byrd -- I'm too quiet because I forget to write personals most of the time! :)
-- THawk

Kellumbo's Kids -- You claim 6-0 vs. the Women of Reality.  Ok.  How many of those
fights were actually challenges above your level at that time?  I can think of 2
instances where you downchallenged from 1 level up.  I remember challenging you
twice, but I also do recall that an AB (Sue), regardless of skill against a ST
(Homeless Prince) is no contest. -- Women of Reality

Detective -- You were asking about me and my crew.  Well, the name says it all, we're
JUST CHILLIN.  Solven seemed to be the happening place so we thought we would give it
a try.  Looking forward to catching up to your boys--if someone doesn't kill them
first.  You want to know who the manager is, well you just have to call me. -- Mr.
Freeze

Lia' Kian -- I see you are even newer to this area than I am.  You must have been a
teacher in a former life since I certainly learned a great deal from you even if I
did not fight well.  Who knows. -- Maybe Later

Leeta -- Good fighting with you here, friend.  I look forward to good competition on
the sands.  My home arena is 54. -- Silver Stroke

Chung' Fow -- Hasta la vista, baby. -- Terminator

Snake Charmer -- Chill out dude. -- Terminator

DK -- Lol...if my guys' challenge goes through, Snake Charmer will have a maul upside
his head.  :)  How do you like them apples, heheh. -- Silver Stroke

Woelfe -- Can your warriors come out and plaaaay?  (wicked laugh)   And clear up
those fleas, my warriors are scratching too much.  :)  The commission should have
rules against that (points at Woelfe), but at least you cleared up your foot fungus
heheh. -- Silver Stroke

Master Taco -- Have you ever heard of run for the border?  Inquiring minds wants to
know. :) -- Silver Stroke

Gideon -- Your skill with a blade is great.  Fortunately for me, mine is better. --
The Lizard

Hannah -- I hope you're happy.  I have not been able to sit down all week.  At least
those scars won't show.  You do know that I was trying to take it easy on you since
you're a girl an all, but next time....  Oh, and don't forget what happened the last
time someone from your team was cruel to me.  My brothers are very protective. -- The
Centipede

Ann Coulter -- You were trying to kill me!  You're my kind of woman. *wink* -- The
Snake

Zooie -- Maybe you should try running some laps around the arena or enroll in an
aerobics class.  You sure looked tired when they carried you off.  Oh, and tell
Gireffy I'm not fat! -- The Toad

Master Taco -- Yeah....  Uh...I'd like 6 hard shell taco's, a large cola, and uh...a
chalupa.  By the way, you look cute in that outfit.  The zits are a nice touch too.
Snicker, snicker.... -- Detective Kellumbo (who is looking dashing in her
trenchcoat!)

Lost Souls -- Ah, a sneak attack with tourney guys eh?  Remember, what comes around
goes around, and I'll be around for a while. -- Detective Kellumbo

Sentinel -- Are you trying to break the team record for futility?  0-8?  Sheesh, I
want to be scared, but you are making it awfully hard.  Oh, and thanks for the 17
lines of personal ads.  Marijuana Initiative must have had some potential. --
Kellumbo (still single if your askin')

Judge -- I have not looked at how many of my challenges were down, but I seriously
doubt that half my wins vs. you have been on "massive downchallenges".  But, if it
helps you sleep at night, go right on believing it. -- Kellumbo

Al Gore -- Looks like Robby does have my number after all.  If only I could have
managed to get up while he was tired, I would have had a shot. -- Maximus

DOA -- Great fight!  Pretty entertaining for a couple of youngsters.  I hope you try
once more, and don't sit on 4 FE for a tourney like a sissy. -- Ilsa

Blood Moon -- Now that was just down right dirty.  What did the poor little blind
girl do to you?  I'm tempted to call the police on this one! -- Kellumbo

Darkside -- Amazing that I survived that one!  Wow!  Stay away from me. -- Skeemer

Judith 2 -- What's it take to FIGHT A SNAKE around here?  Daaaaannnnnggggg! -- Snake
Charmer
P.S.  Bet you never expected the one minute beatdown, did you?  He, he, he.

Al Gore -- I can't imagine you're going to stand for what Master Taco is dishing out.
Get it?  Dishing out!!!  Bwahahahaahaha..... -- DK

Woelfe -- Good lookin' out on the beating of Sentinel's guy.  I owe you one. -- DK

Justice -- Another loss to an NPC?  I just don't get it sometimes.... -- DK

Lee -- This is some kind of lessee majesty, but I'll take the win anyway. -- Turkey
Joe
P.S.  With that record, you should be on our team!

Rumsfeld -- That really needs an umbrella in it. -- Kangaroo Kate

No Hurry -- That's you.  Me, I'm in a rush here.  I've got a hot date, and I need to
wash my hair. -- Kalamazoo

Darrell Issa -- What?  I mean, "Darrell issa mean anda nasty," or something like
that? -- Gireffy

The Toad -- Boy, talk about indignities!  I was wandering around looking for the
counterstrike, tripped over the damned thing and fell, and you quick buried me in the
sand.  I call that, well, not nice. -- Zooie

Poison Clan and Master Tazo -- We salute your resolve.  May you always enjoy it here.
-- Leeta and The Zoo

The Toad -- No, the vertical stripes are good.  Much better than horizontal ones,
which make you look like an escapee from somewhere. -- Gireffy
P.S.  Don't think of it as "fat."  Think of it as...padding under your armor.  Think
of it as insurance against those troublesome little flesh wounds.

G. Condit -- This is true.  I have an advanced master in Teaching. -- Turkey Joe

Chinese Connection -- Welcome brothers, it is good to see more faces from home. --
Master Tazo, Mgr. The Poison Clan

Maximus -- Good rematch. -- Al Gore

Oxymorons -- Hang in there! -- Al Gore

George Bush -- You went down fast.  Like you actually like going down.  Too bad for
you though, I like women.  Especially interns. -- G. Condit

What Up -- What up with hitting a lady?  Only a republican would hit a woman.  Next
time I'll get Al Sharpton on you. -- Al Gore

Two Plus Two -- Bad matchup for you.  Slashers do good against scum.  At least I got
two skills with my win. -- Bear Market

Marie -- Good fight.  It was close until I stole the initiative.  Maybe next time. --
Nancy Pelosi

Master Taco -- Funny stuff!  You really want me to come after you?  Fine I will.  I
will welcome you to Solven like I was. -- Al Gore

Khalhums Dwarf -- I cannot believe I lost to you.  How embarrassing. -- Justice

Oink -- Interesting challenge.  Good effort--let's try it again. -- Cheney

Kangaroo Kate -- That's two for me, zero for you. -- Rumsfeld

Leeta (Nick) -- Wow, you certainly get around the world of Alastari! -- Woelfe

The Lizard -- A noble fight, a noble victory.  You have earned my respect. -- Gideon

All -- Boy, some of you really know how to win friends and influence people, huh?
Where is the love I ask?  Where is it? -- Woelfe

Silver Stroke -- Now how is that every time I turn around, there you are!  You're
really starting to creep me out.  Heheh, by the way, that was some coming out party
and yes, you may have another! -- Woelfe

Kell's Dad -- Perhaps you would be more suited to another occupation.  One which does
not involve the use of pointy or sharp instruments of war.  I hear there is a vacancy
as village idiot here in Solven, would you like a reference? -- Rufus

The Centipede -- At some point you may have to face the fact you're not "warrior"
material.  By the way, I could loan you some makeup to cover that hideous little
scar. <wink> -- Hannah

Silver Stroke -- I don't know...he's not looking very savage for a dragon.  Seems a
tad tame if you ask me. -- Woelfe

16 January 2004
                                    CHAOTIC WINDS
     Once, long ago, the four Winds of Time descended upon Alastari like a TEMPEST of
epic proportions, they slew everything within their all-encompassing reach.  They
left nothing.  In their wake lay smoldering ruins.
     In their haste they sped towards the center of this great land like a colossal
giant would step across an ocean.  The four storms picked up momentum on their way
towards each other.  A collision was eminent.
     The first storm wind, the oldest and wisest of the four was named APEXALUS.  The
second, FLAGGSTAFF, was the quickest and loudest entity ever created.  The third Wind
of Time was MATRIATIN, neither old or young, quick or slow, but fierce and feisty all
the same.  The forth wind, ASSAMITHIUS, the youngest yet most creative in its means
of destruction.
     When finally they merged at the center of ALASTARI, an incredible destructive
explosion occurred.  And when the smoke and debris cleared they were one.  CHAOS was
born.
     And Chaos spread across the diminished lands reeking havoc and doom with its
passing, and destroying allover again that which already lay in ruin.

F E A R    C H A O S    I N C.
M A T R I X

28 January 2004
All -- I send out this invitation to all teams and managers.  A new Alliance has been
formed.  The Living Essences Alliance is being formed to join forces in an effort to
eliminate common foes and to help the joined warriors grow and learn to the best of
their abilities by offering suggestions and advice.  It doesn't matter what arena
you're in, or if you're in another alliance already, as of today.  This Alliance is
open to one and all!  If you are interested in joining, please DIPLO me, or send a
personal ad to DM 93's newsletter.  If you wish to join beyond March 2004, send a PA
to DM 82.  Come join the fun! -- Dagan LifeGiver, mgr. Shadow Warriors (DM 93)

28 January 2004
This notice is to formally introduce our young alliance, CHAOS INC.  We consist of
APEX, FLAGG, MATRIX, ASSAMITE, and now RUDE BUDDHA.  If we aren't already there, we
WILL be coming to an arena near you soon!  Hope to see you all at the ZALCON II.

4 February 2004
Greeting from Jhans, DM 36 -- In 2 turns the kLk will host our first annual "St.
Valentines Day Massacre" in Jhans, arena 36.  (Kill Contest)  The contest will begin
on turn 450.  It will run for 10 turns.  On turn 461 the winners will be announced.
There will be 3 separate categories, the team with the most kills, the alliance with
the most kills, and the warrior with the most kills.  For the manager of the team
with the most kills a PRIZE of 10 ROLL-UPS will be rewarded (or $50 deposited into
his account).  No need to declare yourself in the personals.  If you are in DM 36,
you will be part of the contest whether you like it or not.  We encourage as much
trash talk as you'd like.  All teams, managers, and alliances invited.  Please
contact Polarius (mgr. of Blitzkrieg) in DM 36 with questions.  Or you can email me
at jamieptmo@hotmail.com.  Good luck and see you in the sands. -- Polarius

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

SLUG I was butchered by MASTER KAYR VAILL in a 1 minute bloody Dark Arena fight.
HANNAH viciously subdued THE LIZARD in a 12 minute beginner's Bloodfeud battle.
GARY CONDIT vanquished TURKEY JOE in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge brawl.
SCHWARZENEGGER savagely defeated GEORGE BUSH in a 2 minute brutal Challenge fight.
SKEEMER bested PLATINUM in a popular 3 minute bloody expert's Challenge brawl.
JUSTICE beat BEAR MARKET in a popular 1 minute master's Challenge brawl.
ANTHONY SCALIA was viciously subdued by RUMSFELD in a 1 minute Challenge melee.
GIDEON vanquished THE SCORPION in a 1 minute uneven Challenge fight.
ILSA SHE-WOLF vanquished KUJOE in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
PING' LEE was beaten by ICE COLD in a popular 3 minute novice's Challenge melee.
LING' LON was luckily beaten by ZOOIE in a 1 minute Challenge match.
MAYBE LATER devastated ANN COULTER in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge conflict.
SAVAGE DRAGON butchered THE SNAKE in a 1 minute bloody mismatched Challenge bout.
ALIEN was outlasted by THE TOAD in a unpopular 19 minute novice's Challenge duel.
CHUNG' FOW lost to NANCY PELOSI in a 2 minute bloody novice vs. master Challenge fray.
EASY BREEZE viciously butchered RUSH LIMBAUGH in a 6 minute novice's Challenge fight.
CHENEY overpowered GIREFFY in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge bout.
ROBERT BYRD was luckily beaten by BLIND GIRL in a 5 minute master's Title conflict.
MAXIMUS was overpowered by KANGAROO KATE in a 1 minute uneven fight.
FLAT TAX was subdued by DARRELL ISSA in a 3 minute gruesome bout.
KALAMAZOO lost to RUFUS in a 3 minute fray.
CAROL M. BRAUN was bested by WHAT UP in a 2 minute bout.
DROOLMASTER was demolished by NO HURRY in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
TERMINATOR was unbelievably bested by THE CENTIPEDE in a 2 minute novice's match.
SNAKE CHARMER defeated LIA' KIAN in a 3 minute novice's bout.
IRON MONKEY lost to SAMURIA SAM in a action packed 2 minute beginner's bout.
JOSIAH beat TRUSTWORTHY SCRIBE in a 5 minute novice's fray.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|TOTAL PARRY                      9         STRIKING ATTACK   55 -  26 -  2      68  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                   8         PARRY-LUNGE       32 -  21 -  0      60  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  7         WALL OF STEEL     30 -  24 -  1      56  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   6         TOTAL PARRY       43 -  43 -  0      50  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    5         PARRY-STRIKE      13 -  15 -  0      46  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    5         BASHING ATTACK    18 -  25 -  1      42  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      4         SLASHING ATTACK   14 -  20 -  0      41  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  4         PARRY-RIPOSTE     15 -  23 -  1      39  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     3         LUNGING ATTACK    39 -  60 -  5      39  |
|AIMED BLOW                       1         AIMED BLOW         6 -  15 -  1      29  |

Turn 475 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

AIMED BLOW         1 -  0     LUNGING ATTACK     2 -  6         2  LUNGING ATTACK 
WALL OF STEEL      4 -  1     PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  5         2  BASHING ATTACK 
STRIKING ATTACK    5 -  2                                       2  SLASHING ATTACK
PARRY-STRIKE       2 -  1                                       1  TOTAL PARRY    
TOTAL PARRY        5 -  4                                       1  AIMED BLOW     
PARRY-LUNGE        2 -  2                                       1  WALL OF STEEL  
SLASHING ATTACK    2 -  2                                       1  PARRY-LUNGE    
BASHING ATTACK     3 -  3                                       1  PARRY-STRIKE   

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
TOTAL PARRY      BLIND GIRL 6041            16   3  0   93 KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
WALL OF STEEL    JUSTICE 5949               20  11  0   96 THE REPUBLICANS (103)
PARRY-LUNGE      SCHWARZENEGGER 6050        11   7  1   96 THE REPUBLICANS (103)
LUNGING ATTACK   ROBERT BYRD 6039           12   8  0   85 THE DEMOCRATS (202)
STRIKING ATTACK  GIDEON 3308                 5   3  0   41 BIBLE BELTERS (364)

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is JUSTICE 5949.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was ROBERT BYRD 6039.  The ten other most popular fighters were SKEEMER 5965, SAMURIA 
SAM 6200, ICE COLD 6175, SCHWARZENEGGER 6050, FLAT TAX 5998, RUMSFELD 6032, NANCY 
PELOSI 6076, KALAMAZOO 6116, WHAT UP 6172, and TERMINATOR 6158.

The least popular fighter this week was ALIEN 6156.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were THE TOAD 6121, THE LIZARD 6120, HANNAH 6144, RUSH LIMBAUGH 6167, JOSIAH 
6201, SNAKE CHARMER 6169, DROOLMASTER 660, CAROL M. BRAUN 6146, MAXIMUS 5966, and 
GIREFFY 6102.

The following warriors will travel to ADVANCED DUELMASTERS after next turn:

GARY CONDIT (22-5914) THE DEMOCRATS (202)
JUSTICE (22-5949) THE REPUBLICANS (103)