Date   : 02/25/2004    Duedate: 03/09/2004


DM-22    TURN-476

This Weeks Top Honors


LOST SOULS 1 (300)
(22-3270) [10-5-2,113]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

BLOOD MOON                     GIDEON
LOST SOULS 1 (300)             BIBLE BELTERS (364)
(22-3270) [10-5-2,113]         (22-3308) [5-4-0,46]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

RUMSFELD                       GIDEON
(22-6032) [11-11-0,101]        (22-3308) [5-4-0,46]



Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)       34
2. CHINESE CONNECTION (700)    32      KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
3. BIBLE BELTERS (364)         23      Unchartered Team
4. THE DEMOCRATS (202)         17
5. LOST SOULS 1 (300)          17      THE POISON CLAN (692)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 2*THE POISON CLAN (692)     21   9  1 70.0   1/ 4 THE REPUBLICANS (103)    10  5 0
 2/ 3 KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)     95  52  4 64.6   2/ 5 THE DEMOCRATS (202)      10  5 0
 3/ 1*JUST CHILLIN (699)        12   8  1 60.0   3/ 3*BIBLE BELTERS (364)       9  5 0
 4- 4 ROCK ETTS (595)          404 282  7 58.9   4/ 2 KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)     9  5 0
 5/ 5 CONSPIRACY INC. (100)    133  94  8 58.6   5/ 6 CONSPIRACY INC. (100)     9  6 0
 6/ 6 LOST SOULS 1 (300)        44  37  3 54.3   6/ 1*JUST CHILLIN (699)        8  7 1
 7/ 7*BIBLE BELTERS (364)       19  16  0 54.3   7/ 7*THE POISON CLAN (692)     8  7 0
 8/ 8 THE REPUBLICANS (103)    327 294 23 52.7   8/12*CHINESE CONNECTION (700)  5  9 0
 9- 9 WOMEN OF REALITY (669)   114 105  3 52.1   9/ 9 THE ZOO (205)             5 10 0
10-10 MIRROR IMAGE (72)         25  24  3 51.0  10/10 LOST SOULS 1 (300)        4  0 0
11/11 THE DEMOCRATS (202)      117 115  8 50.4  11/ 8*SAVAGE HEARTS 2 (697)     3 12 1
12-12 OLD MCDONALD (621)       257 280 13 47.9  12-14 OLD MCDONALD (621)        0  4 0
13/13 THE ZOO (205)            332 445  4 42.7  13-11 WOMEN OF REALITY (669)    0  4 0
14/15*CHINESE CONNECTION (700)   5   9  0 35.7  14-13 ROCK ETTS (595)           0  2 0
15/14*SAVAGE HEARTS 2 (697)      5  20  1 20.0  15-15*OXYMORONS (698)           0  2 0

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
16-16*OXYMORONS (698)            0   8  0  0.0  16-16 MIRROR IMAGE (72)         0  1 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

     It was dark, dreary night and a light fog hung in the air.  There was a run-down
establishment which seemed it could be a bar or a brothel such as few would visit
without being heavily armed in steel.  There were holes in the walls (not by design)
from which smoke poured quite heavily at times.  If one had a keen sense of smell,
that smoke brought the scent of black lotus flavor with them.  Two figures could be
seen at the back of building near a sign which read "Coyote Ugly".  One Figure seemed
to be in his mid forties.  Not much would distinguish him as he was average in
appearance with grungy brown hair and a ruff of a beard.  At a glance, he would
hardly be noticed, much less remembered.  He wore a brown tunic and ripped leather
pants, which he could be seen rubbing for warmth periodically, and black leather
boots.  The only thing of note about him was necklace he wore, which hung outside of
his tunic.  The necklace bore a fang covered in gold and gems.  It was rumored to be
thousands of years old and had been said to have some mystical enchantment during the
full moon.  It certainly bore the semblance of something ancient with a aura about
     The second man was of small stature with sharp features.  He was strikingly
handsome with jet-black hair tied ceremonially into a knot at the back of his head.
His garb was strange for this land, almost like a dress of dark green material
flowing freely about him.  The man had the air of superiority about him.  There was
light stubble on his face, but he hardly seemed unkempt.  Though everything about the
man spoke control, and his stance was like a tiger's--ready to pounce at a moment's
notice.  He had two swords tied about his waist in some foreign manner.  The two
black blades looked as though they had seen a lot of battles, at least judging by
their markings.  The two men seemed to be conversing about something....

     "Ah...if it isn't the renowned Samurai Sam....  I was looking for you after your
bout this week in the arena." Woelfe had a somewhat sarcastic tone.
     I came a little forward, wanting to get a bit closer to this strange man who
seemed sneaky in a subtle way, and also to get a good clean sweep to decapitate him
should he smart off to me again.  He seemed to sense this and shifted a little in the
corner upon my entrance.  Of course Samurai Sam wasn't my real name but few from this
land could pronounce my true name, Samirakiasian, so Samurai Sam had stuck, much to
my dismay, I might add.
     "Then I take it you are the one they call Woelfe who runs The Bible Belters?  I
thought you could afford some decent teeth.  You seem to be missing some; I guess
times are tough, aye."
     This seemed to catch him off guard a bit; his brow lifted and a wicked grin
creased his lips.  "I was told you were coming.  I keep my good teeth under lock and
key...you've seen this side of town; you would keep nuts in a chastity belt or some
bloke might try to steal them, eheheh."
     Well, he was funny or he thought he was anyway.  "The commission said to check
with you to see if you have a spot for me on your team.  It is either you or Savage
Hearts."  I hadn't heard much about Silver Stroke, who ran the Savage Hearts, but
what few whispers there were told a horrifying tale.  By the expression that twisted
this man's face, he must have had a run in with Silver Stroke too and it hadn't been
pleasant.  He seemed very pale all of the sudden but it could have been the light.
It was dark.
     "I'm sorry, friend, I filled up my last position this week.  Have you tried The
Chinese Connection?  They seem to be from your homeland."  I had the distinct feeling
he was trying lead me any direction but this Silver Stroke fellow.  How bad could he
     "Aye.  They have been filled recently as well, but have offered me a room and
board should I need it--as long as my gold is good, that is."  My voice was a little
stern, I suppose, as Woelfe seemed to almost come out of his clothes.  He almost
tripped and was definitely looking very sick.
     "Well friend, seems like Silver Stroke is your only option ahh...hmmm....  I'm
sorry friend, I have to go collect my teeth...you know, a good polishing."  His voice
was hurried and as he half ran, I could swear I heard him say "Good luck" and that I
would need it.  Hmmm.
     I saw a shadow coming over me.  It was huge.  I hadn't heard any foot steps and
it screamed of something unnatural.  I must be swift; I might only have one chance at
this.  The shadow was on top of me already.  I had never seen anything move that
fast, not even my sensei....  I must clear my mind; I must be quick.  Without a
single thought I spun, reaching for my katana, to make a swift strike.  As I turned,
my body suddenly froze as I faced my enemy.  What I saw wasn't going to add any
comfort to my last days.  My heart had stopped beating and my eyes grew wide.  A
huge, towering man floated above the ground, just sliding towards me with his feet 
barely touching the ground.  He had dark, unholy features.  Strangely striking long
dark hair flowed about his shoulders with a single streak of silver running through
it almost as though it was alive.  This man had solid black eyes, with no pupils, 
which could pierce straight into your soul.  His skin had dark bluish hue.  It was
unnerving.  His attire was black upon black.  Everything about the man spoke of
death.  Even the vultures flying in the sky seemed to be flying high above him,
following him, hoping to feed lavishly on the carnage that would assuredly mark his
trail.  He wore a cloth about his mouth.  Who knew what this might hide; I didn't
want to know.  If I lived through this night I vowed never to drink at Woelfe's
establishment, Coyote Ugly, again.  I knew this man could kill me with a single
thought; I was at his mercy...I felt my heart flutter and I said my final prayers.
     Then I started to black out or maybe I did.  I was sure I was on the brink of
death.  I could feel sensation come back into my body and I could move again.  Then I
heard a loud voice echoing in my head.  It said, "I am Silver Stroke, whom ye seek.
Come with me.  For those who see me, fight for me or die.  I will not repeat myself."
The voice echoed in my head for what seemed to be an eternity, almost driving me mad.
It was overpowering.  It was either fight for this thing or die.  I had little choice
as I could feel it bending my will.  Suddenly I became fond of breathing and I
figured following him was the only way to keep this tradition going, as I still liked
breathing even in this strange land.  My last thought as we floated high above the
ground, passing the vultures was...if this Silver Stroke was here, who was ruling
hell!  I Could hear his sick sadistic laughter booming ahead of me over and over
     To be continued....

      * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

                          ---===ANDORIAN REGIONAL NEWS===---

 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 240): LUMBERING WAIF of HAPLESS WAIF (Berylstar, mgr.)
 DM  14 TOBIR (turn 482): JERRY CURL of DA AFRO (?, mgr.)
 DM  22 SOLVEN (turn 475): BLIND GIRL of KELLUMBO'S KIDS (Detective Kellumbo, mgr.)
 DM  24 ZORPUNT (turn 471): TAZZY TIGER of AUSSIE KILLERS (THawk, mgr.)
 DM  25 LYRATILAN (turn 471): ABSOLUCIOUN of CHAUCERS WORDS (Berylstar, mgr.)
 DM  26 CALEAM (turn 472): HERCULES of HISTORY! (Guardian, mgr.)
 DM  30 IAYE (turn 468): SNOTMAN of I TRAINED THEM (Soultaker, mgr.)
 DM  40 ZENSU (turn 433): CMOT DIBBLER of THE DISC (Technogeek, mgr.)
 DM  41 KATI-TEI (turn 426): PELICAN of BIRDS (JE, mgr.)
 DM  46 ARDIVENT (turn 419): OPURT of DEATHTONGUE (Technogeek, mgr.)
 DM  52 FRATSFA (turn 188): GRIM GLADIOLA of FLOWER GIRLS (Lady Fern, mgr.)
 DM  60 ARADI (turn 331): LIGHTNING IX of DEATH STUDS VII (Death Stud, mgr.)
 DM  63 AMEN-TEI (turn 320): FURIOUS TERROR of CAR AND DRIVER (Talon Volksie, mgr.)
 DM  71 KYR'TERR (turn 142): TOMB of SHADOW GOLD (Shadowgate, mgr.)
ADM 105 ANDORAK (turn 367): SNOWY OWL of CALL OF THE WILD from KYR'TERR (Poison Ivy)

                                      Top Teams
 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 240): PHOENIX FIRE (Bobby Bigfoot, mgr.)
 DM  11 ARUAK CITY (turn 482): THE BLUES (Keldon Blackfang, mgr.)
 DM  14 TOBIR (turn 482): THE DEATH SQUAD (Street Legal, mgr.)
 DM  22 SOLVEN (turn 475): JUST CHILLIN (Mr. Freeze, mgr.)
 DM  24 ZORPUNT (turn 471): THE MC5 (Street Legal, mgr.)
 DM  25 LYRATILAN (turn 471): CHAUCERS WORDS (Berylstar, mgr.)
 DM  26 CALEAM (turn 472): HEADBANGERS (Sablon-O-Vlad, mgr.)
 DM  30 IAYE (turn 468): I TRAINED THEM (Soultaker, mgr.)
 DM  40 ZENSU (turn 433): BATTLE SCHOOL (?, mgr.)
 DM  41 KATI-TEI (turn 426): WANDERERS (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  46 ARDIVENT (turn 419): DEATHTONGUE (Technogeek, mgr.)
 DM  52 FRATSFA (turn 188): ASSASSIN NATION (Ghab, mgr.)
 DM  60 ARADI (turn 331): DEATH STUDS VII (Death Stud, mgr.)
 DM  63 AMEN-TEI (turn 320): SAFE HAVEN (Keldon Blackfang, mgr.)
 DM  71 KYR'TERR (turn 142): SHADOW GOLD (Shadowgate, mgr.)
ADM 105 ANDORAK (turn 367): DA AFRO, etc. (?, mgr.)

                                   Recent Graduates
 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 240): LUMBERING WAIF of HAPLESS WAIF (Berylstar, mgr.)
               (turn 239): ABYSS of PHANTOM FORCES 2 (The Catalyst, mgr.)
 DM  11 ARUAK CITY (turn 482): GOLDEN MOMENT of COLORIFIC (Purple People Eater, mgr.)
                   (turn 481): B.S. of BULLDOGS (Kennelworth, mgr.)
 DM  22 SOLVEN (turn 475): GARY CONDIT of THE DEMOCRATS (Al Gore, mgr.)
                           JUSTICE of THE REPUBLICANS (The Judge, mgr.)
 DM  26 CALEAM (turn 471): SARINA of GOLDEN CANYON (Klondike Kate, mgr.)
 DM  30 IAYE (turn 467): SONIC TACO of TRIP OUT (Angus, mgr.)
 DM  41 KATI-TEI (turn 425): SKOWIE of SPRINGFIELD XIII (Snotman, mgr.)
 DM  46 ARDIVENT (turn 419): OPURT of DEATHTONGUE (Technogeek, mgr.)
                 (turn 418): BANANA JR of DEATHTONGUE (Technogeek, mgr.)
 DM  52 FRATSFA (turn 188): RED EYE of ASSASSIN NATION (Ghab, mgr.)
 DM  60 ARADI (turn 331): ACUTE of THIEVES GUILD (Hombre, mgr.)
                          GAZREKK of DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (Rillion, mgr.)
 DM  63 AMEN-TEI (turn 320): WANDERING JO of WAYFARERS (Leeta, mgr.)

                                 DUELMASTER'S COLUMN
                             Notes from the arena champ.

Last turn's column:

Hail Solven,

Robert Byrd here, on top of for another turn.  More if I'm lucky.  Maximus put up a
good fight again this turn, but to no avail.  I now seek new opponents to beat on.
To bad the Master Taco clan isn't in range.  His big mouth just wrote a check his
butt can't cash.  Enjoy the bevy of down challenges that will come your way.  I know
it's not honorable to down challenge, but Taco invited me to, and Al Gore is no fool
to pass on an easy win.  When we're done with you Taco, you will be wearing the drool
buckets as your tards are beat to levels of stupidity that match your ignorant
boasting.  Al Gore should have ran you tards down when he had the chance.  Now onto a
more worthy expenditure of my time, challenges.  My challenges this turn went to the
Lost Souls.  I figured I would take a shot at them since they never fight or post
personals.  I hope to match up well against the basher Blood Moon.  Since Darkside
must be a lunger, he should be fun to go against.  Well, since all my insults have
been said, and challenges made, I will wrap this up so I can prepare for my
forthcoming fight against the fool who steps up.  I hope to be here again next turn.
At least to show up Taxes and to prove to Al Gore I'm the best one on the team.  Take
care and good luck to all!

-- Robert Byrd

This turn's column:

     Talk about your surprises.  I am sure none of you saw this coming, least of all
me.  There I was, waiting for my weekly dance lesson that Kellumbo sets up for me,
when I am told it is time.  So I wander out onto the big dance floor, when my partner
starts stepping on my foot, right hard!
     "Hey!" I shout out, "stay off of the toes, you clutz."  Well, he must have
gotten the hint, so he went and patted me on the back as if to say, "No problem there
you cute little blind girl, I'll try harder."
     So, our dance continued, when there must have been this swarm of bugs or
something flew through the dance hall, because my partner kept swatting them off of
me (such a nice guy).  A little pat here, a small smack there (must have been a big
one!), and once I think he even picked up a stick to knock one off!  I must admit, I
really admired the gentle way he helped me out.
     So we danced some more, when he started to tire out, and kept falling into me,
almost like he wanted me to hold him up, which I did for a few minutes till he fell
asleep.  Ah well, short dance last week.  Best of all, he even gave me his number
after the dance.  Now, I've got his number!
     Kellumbo promised me that this week my partner will be able to last even longer.
She said I am dancing with either Schwarzenegger or Justice, so we'll see.  Not quite
sure why Kellumbo has me in this metal dance outfit, but she said I look good in it,
so what the heck.  Hope it is a good week for all of you.  If you want to dance with
a cute little blind girl, just let me know. -- Blind Girl

                                      SPY REPORT

     Welcome SOLVEN.  I, Olaf Modeen remember this place well.  Many the fights have 
I fought here.  The celebrations, the disappointments...  Phhbltt!  Too much drinking 
and too little dodging gave JUST CHILLIN a 0-5-0!  I got a good laugh out of it!  Ya 
gotta be quick on yer feet!  Keep your elbow off the table!  Thrust!  Block out the 
pain!  CHINESE CONNECTION is now ranked 8th with a 3-2-0 turn.  Some people say I 
ramble too much, I don't say anything relevant.  I repeat myself.  I ramble.  Well 
CONSPIRACY INC. moved up 1, to 5th.  What's with ROBERT BYRD?  He actually beat THE 
ZOO's KANGAROO KATE, and walked away with 18 more points from the fight.  Major 
screwup at THE ZOO.  KANGAROO KATE lost 16 points to ROBERT BYRD.  Some new 
strategies, perhaps?  Maybe KANGAROO KATE will provide more easy wins...  Another 
fighter (BLOOD MOON 10-5-2) challenged another Duelmaster (BLIND GIRL 16-4-0).  Life 
goes on.  I'm sure SOLVEN is excited about BLOOD MOON, the new Duelmaster from LOST 
SOULS 1.  (remember?)  But when you've seen as many as I have...  I suppose you want 
to hear some rumors and dirty gossip about your fellow fighters?  Tough!   
     No matter the time or place, men will always duel.  SOLVEN thinks CONSPIRACY 
INC. and their 133-94-8 is too much!  If at first you don't succeed, give up...  
Management must be dealin', as the boys at JUST CHILLIN ain't reelin'!  CONSPIRACY 
INC.'s mad!  What do people see in FLAT TAX?  His 12-16-0?  THE REPUBLICANS ain't 
talkin', but he's got 58 points.  Keep challenging up 49 points, MAXIMUS, and I won't 
have to write about you much longer.  GARY CONDIT always accepts those kind of 
challenges...  MAXIMUS did pretty good last week in beating GARY CONDIT to get 21 
points.  Why did GARY CONDIT lose, you ask?  Simple:  he wasn't good enough.  FLAT 
TAX didn't quite know what to make of a challenge he received from NO HURRY of JUST 
CHILLIN, who is 25 points below him.  NO HURRY perhaps got his just desserts, seeing 
as he was subdued by FLAT TAX and ended up with 24 recognition points.   
     There have been some calls to lengthen the time limit.  Do you want the fighters 
to walk away, or not?  SAVAGE DRAGON larned hers lesson (THE TOAD taught it well), 
and we right likely won't be seein' 'im fight any THE POISON CLAN members with the 
same gusto.  Someone told EASY BREEZE that CONSPIRACY INC. never Bloodfeuded, that 
he'd have an easy kill.  Well, I'm sure whoever misled you is right sorry.  Here's 
some advice:  study your opponent, master many skills, fight dirty.   
     Well, I'm pretty much through.  You guys need to get back practicing.  All work 
and no play makes Olaf a dull fighter.  Work and play no fighter dull Olaf.  
Olaffighterwork and no play.  Time for my medication, so I'll leave now.  Practice, 
practice, practice!-- Olaf Modeen  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 BLOOD MOON 3270              10   5  2   113       LOST SOULS 1 (300)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-DARKSIDE 2714                11   6  0   137       LOST SOULS 1 (300)
 BEAR MARKET 6010             13  14  1   105       THE DEMOCRATS (202)
 ROBERT BYRD 6039             13   8  0   103       THE DEMOCRATS (202)
 RUMSFELD 6032                11  11  0   101       THE REPUBLICANS (103)
 MAXIMUS 5966                 19  10  3   100       KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
 SKEEMER 5965                 17  12  0    97       KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
 TURKEY JOE 5825              19  35  0    92       THE ZOO (205)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 BLIND GIRL 6041              16   4  0    85       KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
 SCHWARZENEGGER 6050          11   8  1    84       THE REPUBLICANS (103)
 KANGAROO KATE 5900           17  30  1    83       THE ZOO (205)
-LEE 5831                     15  30  0    83       WOMEN OF REALITY (669)
 GEORGE BUSH 1708             14   7  0    83       CONSPIRACY INC. (100)
-TWO PLUS TWO 5910            13  14  1    68       OLD MCDONALD (621)
-PLATINUM 5677                12  27  1    68       ROCK ETTS (595)
-FALLING STAR 3260             8   6  1    67       LOST SOULS 1 (300)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 ANTHONY SCALIA 6103           9   2  0    62       CONSPIRACY INC. (100)
-ECLIPSE 3258                  7   3  0    60       LOST SOULS 1 (300)
 FLAT TAX 5998                12  16  0    58       THE REPUBLICANS (103)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 DARRELL ISSA 6108             7   3  1    47       CONSPIRACY INC. (100)
 GIDEON 3308                   5   4  0    46       BIBLE BELTERS (364)
-MACRIBSI 6024                 9   6  0    45       OLD MCDONALD (621)
 NANCY PELOSI 6076             8   6  1    44       THE DEMOCRATS (202)
-TWIN 562                      6   3  3    44       MIRROR IMAGE (72)
-BRIGHT STAR 2715              7   9  0    42       LOST SOULS 1 (300)
 SNAKE CHARMER 6169            6   0  0    36       KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
 HANNAH 6144                   5   1  0    36       BIBLE BELTERS (364)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 THE TOAD 6121                 6   0  0    33       THE POISON CLAN (692)
-BARB 6060                     7   6  0    32       WOMEN OF REALITY (669)
 ILSA SHE-WOLF 6107            7   3  1    30       KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
 MAYBE LATER 6176              2   2  0    29       JUST CHILLIN (699)
 ICE COLD 6175                 3   1  0    26       JUST CHILLIN (699)
 THE SCORPION 6117             5   1  0    25       THE POISON CLAN (692)
 CHENEY 6153                   4   2  0    25       THE REPUBLICANS (103)
 NO HURRY 6174                 2   2  0    24       JUST CHILLIN (699)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 RUFUS 6180                    3   1  0    23       BIBLE BELTERS (364)
 SAVAGE DRAGON 6155            2   3  1    23       SAVAGE HEARTS 2 (697)
 EASY BREEZE 6173              2   2  1    23       JUST CHILLIN (699)
 CAROL M. BRAUN 6146           2   5  0    23       THE DEMOCRATS (202)
-DROOLMASTER 660               6   3  0    21       MIRROR IMAGE (72)
-LEE II 6170                   2   0  0    21       WOMEN OF REALITY (669)
 ANN COULTER 6168              5   1  0    20       CONSPIRACY INC. (100)
 CHUNG' FOW 6184               1   2  0    19       CHINESE CONNECTION (700)
 IRON MONKEY 6186              1   1  0    18       CHINESE CONNECTION (700)
 JOSIAH 6201                   2   0  0    17       BIBLE BELTERS (364)
-MARIE 6128                    4   2  1    16       WOMEN OF REALITY (669)
-SHATTER 561                   3   7  0    16       MIRROR IMAGE (72)
 GIREFFY 6102                  2   9  0    15       THE ZOO (205)
 PING' LEE 6188                2   1  0    15       CHINESE CONNECTION (700)
 KALAMAZOO 6116                3   5  0    14       THE ZOO (205)
 LIA' KIAN 6185                1   2  0    14       CHINESE CONNECTION (700)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 THE LIZARD 6120               3   3  1    13       THE POISON CLAN (692)
 ZOOIE 6152                    2   5  0    13       THE ZOO (205)
-REFLECTIONS 702               1   3  0    13       MIRROR IMAGE (72)
 THE CENTIPEDE 6118            3   3  0    12       THE POISON CLAN (692)
 WHAT UP 6172                  3   1  0    10       JUST CHILLIN (699)
-D.O.A. DOMINANCE 6162         0   4  0    10       OXYMORONS (698)
-SANDSTONE 6056                2   1  0     8       ROCK ETTS (595)
 TERMINATOR 6158               1   4  0     7       SAVAGE HEARTS 2 (697)
 SAMURIA SAM 6200              1   1  0     5       SAVAGE HEARTS 2 (697)
 THE LOTUS 6208                1   0  0     5       THE POISON CLAN (692)
-OINK 6142                     1   1  0     4       OLD MCDONALD (621)
 LING' LON 6187                0   3  0     3       CHINESE CONNECTION (700)
-KELLUMBOZO'S DADS 6181        0   2  0     2       OXYMORONS (698)
-JUDITH 2 6183                 0   2  0     2       WOMEN OF REALITY (669)
 JEHORAM 6209                  0   1  0     1       BIBLE BELTERS (364)
 WESLEY CLARK 6210             0   1  0     1       CONSPIRACY INC. (100)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?
MERIAM 3305            2  3 0 BIBLE BELTERS 364     THE LIZARD 6120       472 REVENGED
NICODEMUS 6145         1  1 0 BIBLE BELTERS 364     MARIE 6128            472 REVENGED
RUSH LIMBAUGH 6167     2  3 0 CONSPIRACY INC. 100   EASY BREEZE 6173      475 JUST REV
MARIJUANA INITIA 6164  0  2 0 OXYMORONS 698         ILSA SHE-WOLF 6107    472 NOT REVE
THE SNAKE 6119         3  2 0 THE POISON CLAN 692   SAVAGE DRAGON 6155    475 JUST REV
ALIEN 6156             1  4 0 SAVAGE HEARTS 2 697   MOUNTAIN TROLL 401    476 NONE    
KUJOE 6194             0  3 0 SAVAGE HEARTS 2 697   BLACK ORC 403         476 NONE    

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Kellumbozo -- No, Marijuana Initiative didn't have much potential, I just think
you're a sackless punk. -- The Sentinel
P.S.  You need to get out more if you are counting up how many lines of personal ads
you got from an 0-8 team.

Ilsa -- That was an absolutely fantastic fight.  One of the best low-level fights my
manager has seen in a while (except for that part where I lost).  I'm really sorry I
missed this last turn because I wanted another go to see if you were actually that
good or just lucky.  Even with you having double my fights, my money is on lucky. --
D.O.A. Dominance
P.S.  Don't let there ever be any confusion on whether a tourney is more important
than your guano cabeza manager.  No contest.

From last turn's spy report:  "Taunt your opponent KUJOE!  That was my lucky charm
when I was unfairly challenged.  (and by 29 points!)  ILSA SHE-WOLF should have an
easy win.  ILSA SHE-WOLF bested KUJOE.  I bet ILSA SHE-WOLF could beat two-year-olds,
too."  See my mention above of what a sackless punk Kellumbozo is. -- The Sentinel,
who is too lazy to check all of Kelly's fights, but is laying odds that there's at
least one other challenge of the same caliber (or will be this turn)

Kelly -- I've never understood why someone would rather be a piece of dung like you
have chosen to be than compete in a way that makes your opponent want to shake your
hand at the end of the day.  Prove something to yourself someday and win an even
fight.  Loser. -- The Sentinel

Kellumboner -- Should be 21 lines this time if I calculate the newsletter column size
correctly. -- The Sentinel

Al Gore -- Thanks, I think I will.  However, I just came here with a warrior or two
to run off and on and I'm not sure if I want to start DAing to build a team. -- The

Keddumbo -- OK, I've gotten some bile out of my system, so I think the best thing for
me to do is to stop feeding your bad guy ego by giving you 21 lines of personals.
It's good to see you taking things lightly, unlike most of your ilk.  I still have no
respect for you and know everything I need to about you based on how you challenge.
I'll fight here every once in a while and throw you a challenge or two occasionally
when I do.  Keep playing your game and realize that you are a joke in everyone's
eyes. -- The Sentinel (up to 28 lines now!)

The Snake -- Well it seems you couldn't slither your way out of that one.  Well I
can't say I'm sorry, for truth be told, I would do it again.  My only regret is that
you died far too quickly, robbing me of incisive pleasure of tearing you limb from
limb...slowly and methodically savoring each moment (licking lips).  After all, my
name isn't Pansy Dragon.  ;)  As much smack as your manger had talked I would have
thought you would have jumped up from death to do battle again.  Then I could have
killed you again...and again...and again...oh well, you get the picture. :) -- Savage

Weolfe -- Lol...is that tame enough for you?  You paw footed cretin who lacks the
ability to put more than two vowels or two words together at a time. -- Savage Dragon

Weolfe -- You had to go and tick off the dragon lol...now she is on a killing spree.
-- Silver Stroke mgr. Savage Hearts

Centipede -- You seem to be my plight in life.  Don't come to California. --

Toad -- I go to die to make way for a better warrior; may he kill you. -- Alien

Iron Monkey -- 'Twas a honorable fight....  (bows deeply)  I'm sure we will have the
honor of meeting again. -- Samurai Sam

She-Wolf -- Lol...the only way you could down challenge me further is if I was in the
dead column...lol. -- Kujoe (soon to be departed)

DK -- Reach down and squeeze; I was wondering if you had any.  :)  No really, you
should check, heheh. -- Silver Stroke

All -- We have come from a far off land.  Since we now reside here we decided to make
the best of it and prove our strength at arms.  One and all are welcome in our house
should you need healing or aliments.  We must call this strange new land home.  (bows
deeply)  May the sands be drenched in blood, for it is good for business.  Let the
carnage begin. -- Wong Fei Hung', mgr. Chinese Connection

All -- Notice where he put the emphasis on his name, don't you (blush)....  Sheesh,
men and their egos, even if it is warranted. -- Ling'

Zooie -- It was a close battle.  Had I gotten you one more time with the pig sticker,
you would have sung a different tune. -- Ling'

Samurai Sam -- I think you are my distant cousin.  You have learned well the ancient
ways (bowing humbly). -- Iron Monkey

Snake Charmer -- 'Tis a strange tactic, using ones' head to deflect blows.  Does this
style take long to develop?  You should be called Iron Head. -- Lia'

All -- Where is my dumpling?  Someone stole my dumpling! -- Ping' Lee

Master Tazo -- (bows)  It is good to see a friend from home.  What is your martial
style these days, friend?  Since it has been a long time since I was home. -- Master
Wong Fei Hung'

All -- (eating dumpling).....cough...cough....  What dumpling? (grin) -- Chung' Fow

Hannah -- Wow, what can I say.  That was a great fight.  I salute you.  Let's do it
again. -- The Lizard

Hannah -- I'm not warrior material?  Just because you got in a lucky shot before I
was ready doesn't mean I can't fight.  Why just last fight I smacked around some guy
with a metal endoskeleton, covered with living human tissue.  I'm so good The Master
said I might get to go to a "Special Night Fighting" class. -- The Centipede

Terminator -- You want another piece of me?  Huh? -- The Centipede

Al Gore -- Come after me?  Why would you come after me? -- Master Tazo, Mgr. The
Poison Clan

Hannah -- Wow, what can I say.  That was a great fight.  I salute your skill with a
blade.  Let's do it again. -- The Lizard

Savage Hearts 2 -- You have killed our beloved son The Snake.  For this gross
transgression, we raise the Black Flag.  For the next four turns our battle cry will
be, No Quarter!  Nothing short of your deaths will satisfy our vengeance (or four
turns, whichever comes first). -- Master Tazo, Mgr. The Poison Clan

Killumbo -- Seriously, It's Tazo, with a "Z".  Not Taco.  I know it's hard for you to
think about something besides food, but give it a try, ok?  Oh and that will be
$5.65, what kind of sauce you want, Hot, Mild or Fire? -- Master Tazo

     Master Tazo -- If possible, keeping sending your ads the way you did with your
     second lot.  They were plain text, where as the first batch took up about three-
     quarters of a page per ad when I got it because of all the HTML and style stuff.
     Thanks! -- Ed., beginning another round of "plain text please" nagging
     P.S.  It's not just for my benefit; your ads are much more likely to get messed
     up if I'm trying to pick them out of a bunch of other, non-essential stuff.

Kalamazoo -- I hope your date went well and that you got all of my blood washed out
of your hair. -- No Hurry

Al -- Please do not call me a Republican.  If you don't want me to hit your woman
send her out on the campaign trail instead of challenging me. -- What Up with that?

Conspiracy Inc. -- Sorry about your man Rush; I think he was going through withdrawal
or something.  I tried not to kill him but I think he had a death wish and he just
kept on coming at me.  I'm really not the violent type. -- Easy Breeze

     See the above ad to Master Tazo.  Your stuff is also coming through in HTML,
     though not quite to the same extent.  Still, if you've any way to set your
     mailer to "plain text", I'd be one grateful... -- Ed.

Platinum -- How's that old song go again....Twistin', twistin', everybody was
twistin' parries....  Yeah, something like that.  You are the best.  I hope you never
die or graduate.  You never beat Kellumbo's Kids, and almost always beat Judge's
boys.  It's almost like you are a plant in the arena! -- Skeemer

     Again, see my above ads, etc., etc. -- Ed.

Kujoe -- Sorry about the lousy challenge.  I was really expecting to get bloodfeuded
again, so I just tossed a few names into the wish to fight box, hoping to get lucky.
Again, sorry.  I know it is so uncommon for Kellumbo's Kids to downchallenge.  It
will never happen again. -- Ilsa

Kangaroo Kate -- Foul!  I cry Foul!  You must have a poison tipped blade to take me
out so quickly.  Where is that darn Master Tazo to make excuses when you need him? --

Lia Kian -- Well done.  You had me a bit worried.  I have a feeling you are going to
do very well in this arena.  Unfortunately, you are not a snake either. -- Snake

Robert Byrd -- Well, well, well.  Who has whose number now? -- DK

Women of Reality -- I never said I got to 6-0 by being fair.  What, do you go to the
same logic school as Judge?  Sheesh. -- Kellumbo

Mr. Freeze -- If you keep winning like this, we may have to...put you on ice...get
it?  Put you on ice...Mr. Freeze...bwahahahaaa.....  Dang.  Funny and good looking
too (me, not you). -- DK

Silver Stroke -- Apples?  They are ok.  Now roasted snake, that's where it is at! --
Snake Charmer

Master Taco -- Dang it, boy!  I said 6 tacos and a chalupa, not the other way around!
Good help is so hard to find.  Ok, Ok, I know this whole Master "Taco" thing has got
to be killing you.  If you ask me to stop, pretty please, I'll never utter Master
Taco again.  It'll be nothing but Master Tazo, just like you wanted.  What do you
say? -- Detective Kellumbo

Just Chillin -- Welcome to Solven!  -- Woelfe, Bible Belters

Silver Stroke -- It seems the commission is not opposed to large pale stalkers with a
thirst for blood either.  You're a long way from home, bub.  <grin>  As for playing,
I think we may pass where the Dragon is concerned.  It appears I spoke too quickly of
him being passive. -- Woelfe

DK -- It was nothing, honestly...absolutely nothing at all. <grin> -- Rufus

The Lizard -- Our grudge has been satisfied.  I don't know if I would call it
"viciously subdued", but I came out of it walking and that is good enough.

Scorpion -- I expected a bit more sting from you. -- Gideon

All -- All that training, the sweating and long hours honing my craft and who do I
get matched up against?  A scribe.  A SCRIBE!!  And a trustworthy one at that.
<sigh>  So much for the quill being mightier than the sword. -- Josiah

Kalamazoo -- What exactly is a Kalamazoo?  I've always wondered. -- Rufus

     It sounds like a congested pickle.  Or am I thinking of something else....
     *grin* -- Ed.

Detective -- I'm not going to let Choco Taco get away with it.  Robert's column
didn't make the print; that would have clarified our position. -- Al Gore

Thawk -- Quit forgetting!  You not that old. -- Al Gore

Woelfe -- Love???  Bite me!  Ha ha! -- Al Gore

Turkey Joe -- Well lucky you, I'm graduating.  Too bad Al Gore is retiring me. -- G.

Justice -- Good match up for you. -- Al Gore

Chung'Fow -- Wow!  Close one there. -- Al Gore

Blind Girl -- I want a rematch before I graduate!  Good fight though. -- Robert Byrd

What Up -- An easy win for you, that is what's up. -- Al Gore

All -- Another Wall of Steel graduates, another Broadsword favorite.  I am sorry that
Justice never made Duelmaster, but he had a good run here in Solven.  Just ask Bear
Market. -- Judge, manager of The Republicans

Gary Condit -- I get so tired of losing to you.  Leeta says it's my fault, that I
should fight better, but if she won't make me strategy changes, how can I?  Life is
hard, and I've got the hardest end of it, I'm sure. -- Turkey Joe, not THAT confused,
whatever the reporter says

Ling' Lon -- You slant-eyed foreign devil!  Take that! -- Zooie

Cheney -- Do you do monsters?  You know, the Hunchback and like that?  I'd love to
see you do that one. -- Gireffy

Maximus --  I was NOT trying to bury you in the sand.  Why can't these announcers
ever get it right?  I tripped over a dropped initiative and accidentally kicked some
sand over your boot, is all. -- Kangaroo Kate
P.S.  Besides, to be buried in the sand, you'd have to fall down first.  I wouldn't
try to bury somebody standing up.  I'm not crazy!

Rufus -- Amazing the way you suck up the skills. -- Kalamazoo

Silver Stroke -- Yes, I know.  I run Traders of Trocar in 54, but my manager name
there is Nick. -- the player behind The Zoo

The Toad -- I told Gireffy you weren't fat, and he laughed at me. -- Zooie

28 January 2004
All -- I send out this invitation to all teams and managers.  A new Alliance has been
formed.  The Living Essences Alliance is being formed to join forces in an effort to
eliminate common foes and to help the joined warriors grow and learn to the best of
their abilities by offering suggestions and advice.  It doesn't matter what arena
you're in, or if you're in another alliance already, as of today.  This Alliance is
open to one and all!  If you are interested in joining, please DIPLO me, or send a
personal ad to DM 93's newsletter.  If you wish to join beyond March 2004, send a PA
to DM 82.  Come join the fun! -- Dagan LifeGiver, mgr. Shadow Warriors (DM 93)

28 January 2004
This notice is to formally introduce our young alliance, CHAOS INC.  We consist of
APEX, FLAGG, MATRIX, ASSAMITE, and now RUDE BUDDHA.  If we aren't already there, we
WILL be coming to an arena near you soon!  Hope to see you all at the ZALCON II.

4 February 2004
Greeting from Jhans, DM 36 -- In 2 turns the kLk will host our first annual "St.
Valentines Day Massacre" in Jhans, arena 36.  (Kill Contest)  The contest will begin
on turn 450.  It will run for 10 turns.  On turn 461 the winners will be announced.
There will be 3 separate categories, the team with the most kills, the alliance with
the most kills, and the warrior with the most kills.  For the manager of the team
with the most kills a PRIZE of 10 ROLL-UPS will be rewarded (or $50 deposited into
his account).  No need to declare yourself in the personals.  If you are in DM 36,
you will be part of the contest whether you like it or not.  We encourage as much
trash talk as you'd like.  All teams, managers, and alliances invited.  Please
contact Polarius (mgr. of Blitzkrieg) in DM 36 with questions.  Or you can email me
at jamieptmo@hotmail.com.  Good luck and see you in the sands. -- Polarius

25 February 2004

Readers, and especially those who volunteered warriors -- My apologies for the sudden
lack of episodes.  I've been sick, but expect to be back at the keyboard soon. -- the

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

ALIEN was butchered by MOUNTAIN TROLL in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
KUJOE was butchered by BLACK ORC in a 1 minute Dark Arena duel.
GEORGE BUSH demolished EASY BREEZE in a 1 minute one-sided Bloodfeud melee.
THE TOAD defeated SAVAGE DRAGON in a 5 minute Bloodfeud duel.
BLOOD MOON devastated BLIND GIRL in a 2 minute gory one-sided Challenge Title contest.
RUMSFELD demolished TURKEY JOE in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge competition.
MAXIMUS vanquished GARY CONDIT in a 2 minute mismatched Challenge fight.
BEAR MARKET beat JUSTICE in a popular 1 minute gruesome master's Challenge brawl.
MAYBE LATER lost to DARRELL ISSA in a 2 minute beginner vs. expert Challenge duel.
NO HURRY was overpowered by FLAT TAX in a 1 minute uneven Challenge duel.
HANNAH defeated ICE COLD in a exciting 5 minute gruesome Challenge fight.
SAMURIA SAM was outlasted by JOSIAH in a tiresome 9 minute novice's Challenge fight.
LING' LON was bested by ZOOIE in a 2 minute bloody Challenge conflict.
CHUNG' FOW subdued THE LIZARD in a crowd pleasing 3 minute Challenge match.
TERMINATOR was overpowered by THE SCORPION in a 1 minute Challenge conflict.
RUFUS defeated LIA' KIAN in a 3 minute novice's Challenge duel.
SCHWARZENEGGER was bested by SKEEMER in a 3 minute expert's duel.
KANGAROO KATE was overpowered by ROBERT BYRD in a 1 minute mismatched brawl.
ANTHONY SCALIA bested GIDEON in a exciting 3 minute brutal fight.
NANCY PELOSI beat ILSA SHE-WOLF in a exciting 1 minute bout.
SNAKE CHARMER savagely defeated VISITING ORC in a unpopular 13 minute bloody conflict.
CHENEY beat KALAMAZOO in a 1 minute fight.
CAROL M. BRAUN vanquished THE CENTIPEDE in a 2 minute one-sided match.
ANN COULTER overcame GIREFFY in a action packed 1 minute duel.
WHAT UP was unbelievably bested by IRON MONKEY in a 2 minute novice's bout.
PING' LEE outlasted WESLEY CLARK in a tiresome 7 minute beginner's fight.
THE LOTUS defeated JEHORAM in a 2 minute gory novice's duel.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                   9         STRIKING ATTACK   52 -  29 -  2      64  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      7         PARRY-LUNGE       30 -  20 -  0      60  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   7         WALL OF STEEL     33 -  22 -  1      60  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  7         TOTAL PARRY       44 -  38 -  0      54  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    6         PARRY-STRIKE      14 -  14 -  0      50  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    4         BASHING ATTACK    20 -  26 -  1      43  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  4         LUNGING ATTACK    39 -  57 -  4      41  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     3         SLASHING ATTACK   13 -  22 -  0      37  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      3         PARRY-RIPOSTE     14 -  26 -  1      35  |
|AIMED BLOW                       1         AIMED BLOW         3 -  15 -  0      17  |

Turn 476 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

TOTAL PARRY        6 -  1     BASHING ATTACK     3 -  4         2  LUNGING ATTACK 
PARRY-STRIKE       2 -  1     PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  2         2  SLASHING ATTACK
WALL OF STEEL      4 -  2     STRIKING ATTACK    2 -  5         2  TOTAL PARRY    
LUNGING ATTACK     5 -  4     PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -  3         1  BASHING ATTACK 
                              SLASHING ATTACK    1 -  3         1  PARRY-STRIKE   
                              AIMED BLOW         0 -  1         1  WALL OF STEEL  
                                                                1  PARRY-LUNGE    
                                                                1  AIMED BLOW     

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
BASHING ATTACK   BLOOD MOON 3270            10   5  2  113 LOST SOULS 1 (300)
LUNGING ATTACK   ROBERT BYRD 6039           13   8  0  103 THE DEMOCRATS (202)
TOTAL PARRY      MAXIMUS 5966               19  10  3  100 KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
WALL OF STEEL    SKEEMER 5965               17  12  0   97 KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
PARRY-LUNGE      SCHWARZENEGGER 6050        11   8  1   84 THE REPUBLICANS (103)
STRIKING ATTACK  GIDEON 3308                 5   4  0   46 BIBLE BELTERS (364)
PARRY-STRIKE     HANNAH 6144                 5   1  0   36 BIBLE BELTERS (364)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is RUMSFELD 6032.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was GIDEON 3308.  The ten other most popular fighters were ICE COLD 6175, CHUNG' FOW 

The least popular fighter this week was SNAKE CHARMER 6169.  The other ten least 
popular fighters were JOSIAH 6201, PING' LEE 6188, SAMURIA SAM 6200, THE CENTIPEDE 
JOE 5825, and THE TOAD 6121.

The following warriors have traveled to ADVANCED DUELMASTERS after fighting this turn: