Date   : 03/10/2004    Duedate: 03/23/2004


DM-22    TURN-478

This Weeks Top Honors


THE ZOO (205)
(22-5900) [18-31-1,108]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

THE ZOO (205)                  
(22-5900) [18-31-1,108]        

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

RUMSFELD                       NANCY PELOSI
(22-6032) [11-13-0,76]         (22-6076) [10-6-1,54]



Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. THE POISON CLAN (692)       45
2. CHINESE CONNECTION (700)    36      KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
3. CONSPIRACY INC. (100)       26      Unchartered Team
4. THE ZOO (205)               21
5. KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)       20      THE POISON CLAN (692)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1- 1*HOT WHEELS (686)           1   0  0  100   1/ 2 THE DEMOCRATS (202)      11  4 0
 2/ 2*THE POISON CLAN (692)     28  12  1 70.0   2/ 6*THE POISON CLAN (692)    10  5 0
 3/ 3 KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)    101  56  4 64.3   3/ 3 KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)     9  6 0
 4/ 4*JUST CHILLIN (699)        18  12  1 60.0   4/ 9*CHINESE CONNECTION (700)  8  6 0
 5/ 6 CONSPIRACY INC. (100)    137 100  8 57.8   5/ 7 CONSPIRACY INC. (100)     8  7 0
 6- 7 LOST SOULS 1 (300)        44  37  3 54.3   6/ 1 THE REPUBLICANS (103)     7  8 0
 7/ 8 THE REPUBLICANS (103)    331 300 23 52.5   7/ 4 BIBLE BELTERS (364)       6  9 1
 8/10 THE DEMOCRATS (202)      124 118  8 51.2   8/ 8 THE ZOO (205)             6  9 0
 9/ 9 BIBLE BELTERS (364)       22  23  1 48.9   9/ 5*JUST CHILLIN (699)        6  9 0
10/13*CHINESE CONNECTION (700)  10  13  0 43.5  10/10*SAVAGE HEARTS 2 (697)     2 13 0
11/12 THE ZOO (205)            337 450  4 42.8  11-11 LOST SOULS 1 (300)        1  0 0
12/14*SAVAGE HEARTS 2 (697)      7  28  1 20.0  12-12*HOT WHEELS (686)          1  0 0
13-15*OXYMORONS (698)            0  10  0  0.0  13-13*OXYMORONS (698)           0  2 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                      SPY REPORT

     It's me, The Unknown Spymaster here with my bag to give you the news on last 
week's fights.  We now have a new top team for all of you guys to dogpile on.  THE 
DEMOCRATS now holds the crown and they are betting they can keep it.  It was a tough 
week for THE REPUBLICANS, to drop 5 places in the rankings.  Coming up with a solid 
3-2-0 outing, CHINESE CONNECTION has advanced 5 places in the rankings.  It looks 
like the guys(?) at THE POISON CLAN had a good week as they went 5-0-0 to put them in 
2nd place.  I guess steroids help!  Hey everybody, watch out for KANGAROO KATE, who 
flew up 25 points in the rankings after mashing MAXIMUS like a melon.  Keep your eye 
on this gal.  Ya know, some days it doesn't pay to walk out on the sands.  MAXIMUS 
was overcame by KANGAROO KATE and drops 20 points.  In front of all the crowds, 
KANGAROO KATE took the Duelmaster's crown for hers own.  I give the bum two weeks.  
Can you believe they are paying me 10 gold to deliver this stuff?   
     But enough of that bunch, let's get on to the wimps who like to avoid battle!  
And hey, kiddies, those of you who didn't avoid CONSPIRACY INC., please raise you 
hand.  Wow.  Does SOLVEN really have that many liars?  For those of you who like 
math, try this one:  CONSPIRACY INC. + Weapons That go Boom = KELLUMBO'S KIDS + Avoid 
City.  Well just about everybody wants a piece of NANCY PELOSI, who was this week's 
most challenged warrior.  Challenging down 34 points was ROBERT BYRD.  Pretty soon 
he'll be using two shields and selling 'T.P.:  The only way to clean up' pins.  Well 
ROBERT BYRD, just can't get an easy fight anymore can you?  You thought challenging 
down 34 points to BLIND GIRL would be fun.  Right?  Wrong!  Getting lots of flowers 
from sympathetic fans was PING' LEE, who was successfully challenged by EASY BREEZE 
who had a mere 18 points more than PING' LEE.  Definition of petty:  EASY BREEZE 
defeated PING' LEE, a mismatch of 18 points.  In a touching display by a 'touched' 
warrior, ILSA SHE-WOLF went after FLAT TAX, who was higher by 25 points.  Well, when 
the dust settled, ILSA SHE-WOLF won victory over FLAT TAX.   
     Death is kind of like a new puppy:  he's always around wanting to play.  (Ha 
Zontani, how's that for a wise saying?).  In the 'Oops, What Have I Done?' category, 
JEHORAM was mashed by GEORGE BUSH, who let JEHORAM know that killing members of 
CONSPIRACY INC. is a no-no.  Remember:  alliances are great, but try and take your 
ally in the arena with you and see what happens.   
     I think I had better cut this one short.  It's been nice chatting to those of 
you whom I have not offended yet.  C'mon, Leadfoot, let's make some tracks.  See ya 
next time I'm on this circuit!-- The Unknown Spymaster  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 KANGAROO KATE 5900           18  31  1   108       THE ZOO (205)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-DARKSIDE 2714                11   6  0   137       LOST SOULS 1 (300)
-BLOOD MOON 3270              10   5  2   113       LOST SOULS 1 (300)
 BLIND GIRL 6041              17   5  0   100       KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
 SKEEMER 5965                 18  13  0    99       KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
 TURKEY JOE 5825              20  36  0    96       THE ZOO (205)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 GEORGE BUSH 1708             15   8  0    88       CONSPIRACY INC. (100)
 SCHWARZENEGGER 6050          12   9  1    88       THE REPUBLICANS (103)
 MAXIMUS 5966                 20  11  3    86       KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
 RUMSFELD 6032                11  13  0    76       THE REPUBLICANS (103)
-FALLING STAR 3260             8   6  1    67       LOST SOULS 1 (300)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 FLAT TAX 5998                13  17  0    60       THE REPUBLICANS (103)
-ECLIPSE 3258                  7   3  0    60       LOST SOULS 1 (300)
 ILSA SHE-WOLF 6107            9   3  1    59       KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 NANCY PELOSI 6076            10   6  1    54       THE DEMOCRATS (202)
 CHENEY 6153                   6   2  0    54       THE REPUBLICANS (103)
 DARRELL ISSA 6108             8   4  1    52       CONSPIRACY INC. (100)
-BRIGHT STAR 2715              7   9  0    42       LOST SOULS 1 (300)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 RUFUS 6180                    5   1  0    40       BIBLE BELTERS (364)
 ANTHONY SCALIA 6103          10   3  0    39       CONSPIRACY INC. (100)
 THE TOAD 6121                 8   0  0    39       THE POISON CLAN (692)
 SNAKE CHARMER 6169            7   1  0    39       KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
 CHUNG' FOW 6184               3   2  0    39       CHINESE CONNECTION (700)
 EASY BREEZE 6173              4   2  1    35       JUST CHILLIN (699)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 GIDEON 3308                   5   6  0    33       BIBLE BELTERS (364)
 THE LIZARD 6120               4   4  1    31       THE POISON CLAN (692)
 THE SCORPION 6117             6   2  0    30       THE POISON CLAN (692)
 GIREFFY 6102                  3  10  0    30       THE ZOO (205)
 HANNAH 6144                   5   3  0    28       BIBLE BELTERS (364)
 ANN COULTER 6168              6   2  0    27       CONSPIRACY INC. (100)
 KALAMAZOO 6116                4   6  0    26       THE ZOO (205)
 MAYBE LATER 6176              3   3  0    24       JUST CHILLIN (699)
 IRON MONKEY 6186              2   2  0    24       CHINESE CONNECTION (700)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 WHAT UP 6172                  5   1  0    23       JUST CHILLIN (699)
 JEHORAM 6209                  1   2  1    23       BIBLE BELTERS (364)
 THE LOTUS 6208                3   0  0    21       THE POISON CLAN (692)
 CAROL M. BRAUN 6146           3   6  0    20       THE DEMOCRATS (202)
 NO HURRY 6174                 3   3  0    18       JUST CHILLIN (699)
 LIA' KIAN 6185                2   3  0    16       CHINESE CONNECTION (700)
 ZOOIE 6152                    3   6  0    15       THE ZOO (205)
 PING' LEE 6188                2   2  0    15       CHINESE CONNECTION (700)
 ICE COLD 6175                 3   3  0    12       JUST CHILLIN (699)
 SAVAGE DRAGON 6155            2   5  1    12       SAVAGE HEARTS 2 (697)
 TERMINATOR 6158               2   5  0    11       SAVAGE HEARTS 2 (697)
-D.O.A. DOMINANCE 6162         0   5  0    11       OXYMORONS (698)
 ROE V WADE 6226               1   0  0    10       THE DEMOCRATS (202)
-365 GTB4 6054                 1   0  0    10       HOT WHEELS (686)
 JOSIAH 6201                   2   2  0     9       BIBLE BELTERS (364)
 LING' LON 6187                1   4  0     8       CHINESE CONNECTION (700)
 THE PHOENIX 6227              1   0  0     8       THE POISON CLAN (692)
 SAMURIA SAM 6200              1   3  0     6       SAVAGE HEARTS 2 (697)
-KELLUMBOZO'S DADS 6181        0   3  0     3       OXYMORONS (698)
 ALIEN 6218                    0   2  0     2       SAVAGE HEARTS 2 (697)
 2ND AMENDMENT 6211            0   2  0     2       THE REPUBLICANS (103)
 HANS BLIX 6225                0   1  0     1       CONSPIRACY INC. (100)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?
RUSH LIMBAUGH 6167     2  3 0 CONSPIRACY INC. 100   EASY BREEZE 6173      475 REVENGED
WESLEY CLARK 6210      0  2 0 CONSPIRACY INC. 100   JEHORAM 6209          477 JUST REV
THE SNAKE 6119         3  2 0 THE POISON CLAN 692   SAVAGE DRAGON 6155    475 JUST REV
KUJOE 6217             1  1 0 SAVAGE HEARTS 2 697   BANDIT PRINCE 408     478 NONE    

                                     PERSONAL ADS

George Bush -- That's what you get for challenging a TP and only bringing a back-up
dagger. -- Maximus (who suddenly has your number)

Darrell Issa -- At least your name kinda sounds snake-like.  Issssssaaaaa....yeah,
can you hear it? -- Snake Charmer

Conspiracy Inc. -- OUCH!!!  1-4?  That's gotta hurt, brother.  Serves you right for
all the winning you've been doing lately.  Trust me.  Seeing you go 1-4 made me feel
all warm and cozy inside.  Oh, I even noticed your 9-2 Antony Scallia getting his
butt whupped by that upstart Easy Breeze.  Does that mean you wuss out and send GB

after him again?  Anyway, just wanted to let you know at least *I* noticed how your
turn went.  We can only hope for similar results this turn.  It's almost like a...
Conspiracy! -- Detective Kellumbo

Al Gore -- Sigh...and I thought you and I had a no down-challenge agreement.  Why did
you have to send Robbie after Skeemer and ruin my trust.  It had been an awful long
time since I had down challenged your guys.  It was kinda nice not having to fill in
that wish to avoid column with Democrats #202.  Was this just an oversight, or is my
perceived agreement over?  I am guessing that with you having 4 guys as of next turn
with one fight or less, it was just an oversight on your part.  Please fill me in. --
Detective Kellumbo (not that I mind getting downchallenged, as long as what's good
for the goose, is good for the gander)

Turkey Joe -- Well done.  I knew I didn't have a chance. -- Blind Girl (who wishes
you would hurry up and graduate!)

DOA -- Once again, nice fight.  Not the epic our last one was, but I like the results
none-the-less! -- Ilsa She Woooooooollllllllfffffffffffff!

Robert Byrd -- Maybe that's your favorite weapon!  :)  Lucky SOB.... -- Skeemer

Master Taco -- You had your chance.  Now I guess it's Master Taco from here on out.
And...you just wish you could see what is under my trenchcoat! -- DK

Judge -- Just so you know, each of my guys has one of yours as a primary challenge.
Heck, most of them are even up challenges.  We'll see how much you avoid me by seeing
how many go through this turn.  I am guessing you are plain old chicken! -- Kellumbo

Judge -- You do realize how much of a sissy you looked like by basically saying
"Yeah, what he said!", and then ducking your head back around the corner. -- Kellumbo

Mr. Freeze -- Hey now, you're a funny guy.  Do they call you Mr. Freeze because of
the "shrinkage factor"? -- Detective Kellumbo (and no, it did not take much detective
work to figure out that "little" tidbit)

Al Gore -- That's how you treat Judge and Master Taco? -- DK

Kangaroo Kate -- I needed Master Taco to make excuses for *me*!!! -- Maximus

Flat Tax -- Let's see if you are about to lose to someone with 11 FE. -- Ilsa

Damion -- Did I mention I caught that 1-4 turn?  snicker, snicker... -- DK

365 GTB4 -- You realize, don't you, that one warrior teams need to be killed off,
right? -- DK

Blood Moon -- Hey, sissy!  Least you could have done is written a DM's Column, or
better yet fought.  Let me guess, you're going to challenge my guys out of the blue
again this turn, right?  You suck. -- DK

Mountain Troll -- But I wasn't ready.... -- The Ghost of the Centipede

Semi-Savage Dragon -- Now that's more like it.  You actually put up a fight that
time.  Let's see if you can do it again. -- The Toad

Terminator -- Wow, you'll do anything to win.  I can't believe you had your mom flash
me from the stands just so you could get the jump on me....  Very low even for one of
Silver's boys. -- The Scorpion

Iron Monkey -- Sorry brother, but I have studied your monkey style and was prepared
for you. -- The Lotus

All -- Just wondering, why don't we have a Duelmaster or top team for the last turn?
What are the criteria for those positions? -- Master Tazo

Damion -- Our condolences on the loss of Wesley Clark.  We will assume the usual
bloodfeuding practices will be the order of the day.  I've sent for the priest in the
instance you see fit to send G'dybya down the ranks to pay a visit. (grin) -- Woelfe

Wesley Clark -- May you rest in peace, general. -- Jehoram

Kelldumbo Dad -- Good grief, man!  I've heard of perseverance, but challenging me is
lunacy.  A warrior would know when he's beaten.  (snicker) -- Rufus

Debby Tonte -- My thanks for sharing with all my greatness...I do so enjoy the
spotlight! -- Rufus

DK -- Don't look now; he's back for more! (snicker) -- Rufus

Mr. Freeze -- LMAO!  Yeah, I'd say the honeymoon is over!  Jehorman is about to get a
taste of Easy Breeze's pain. -- Woelfe

All -- Who knew Mountain Trolls are Centipedes?  (shrug) -- Hannah

Chung Fow -- You just don't want to quit.  I admire that about you, even if I am sore
about losing. -- Josiah

I should have known better than to recruit a losing presidential candidate!  Let me
see if I can find someone else who is unemployed. -- Damion, Conspiracy Inc.

Maximus -- &$%^#(#! broken weapon! -- GB

Easy Breeze -- Bloodfeuds are bloodfeuds.  Doesn't matter to me what the point
difference is.  You expect and even fight then don't go killing off members of my
conspiracy!  I think Jehoram is going to find that out this turn. -- GB
P.S.  Anthony wants to subpoena your quarterstaff to find out what the heck you
loaded into it.

Schwarzenegger -- Somehow, I expected you to be a basher.  Odd, the tricks one's mind
plays. -- Kangaroo Kate
P.S.  Charles Atlas is a basher.

Ice Cold -- Not HERE.  It's WARM here. -- Gireffy, very smugly (as though he had
anything to do with the weather!)

Lia'Kian -- I bet the Infirmary has something to do with that "wakes up confused"
business.  I think they do it on purpose, you know?  Something in the water.  But I
haven't figured out why, yet, and until I can explain that, no one will listen when I
accuse them of malpractice. -- Zooie
P.S.  Apparently "general ineptitude" isn't an acceptable reason.

Blind Girl -- Thing is, I've been learning to throw my voice around (gets me into
less trouble than throwing my weight around), so I was able to fool you as to where I
was at any given instant. -- Turkey Joe

No Hurry -- Then why was our fight so short? -- Kalamazoo

Ed. -- But the Scottish have bagpipes and, um, haggis, and they play games like "toss
the caber." -- Zooie
P.S.  Hmm, maybe I should re-think that "more fun" comment....

     Absolutely.  There's a REASON they invented whiskey.  Well, maybe they didn't
     invent it, but they certainly did take to the stuff. -- Ed.

Toad -- Come get some. -- Savage Dragon

Mr. Taco -- How come when someone dies, people get all crazy?  You do know these guys
aren't playing cribbage out on the sands, right?  You know that big pointy thing your
warriors walk around with isn't just to butter your muffins, right?  Well, if you
want a war, you got it! -- silver stroke

Scorpion -- Vote for me and I won't kill you. -- Terminator
P.S.  You're about to get pinched.  :)

Ling' Lon -- Good honorable fight, my friend.  (bows)  Let's see if your luck holds
this turn though.  :) -- Samurai Sam

Woelfe -- I do respect my elders.  Just not animals whose sole pleasure is to lick
their own nads. -- Samurai Sam

     There are worse ways to spend your time.... -- Ed.

Woelfe -- Oh man, what happened to the old Woelfe I used to know?  It seems like the
new Woelfe is only good at two things now, running with his tail between his legs,
and sticking his nose (and head) so far up--well, we don't want to mention no names.
You disappointment me, old friend.  Well, I guess they are wolf traits but I was
hoping you would pick better ones to portray.  Some hot sauce on the nose will clear
up the latter trait...hint...hint. -- Silver Stroke

Telldumbo -- Hey look, with a name like that I wouldn't be calling anyone a moron,
lol.  Have you ever thought of having a sex change?  It would probably be an
improvement.  I don't mind a downchallenge in reasonable levels but when you're
challenging from the top of one class to the bottom of another with over 11+ fight
exp., I kind of get a little ruffled.  Personally, I really don't care what you do;
after all I don't pay your 10.75.  Just remember, turnabout is fair play and I give
what I get! -- Silver Stroke

Woelfe -- Send Rufus and Jos over and I'll show you a killing spree.  Care to accept
the offer? -- Savage Dragon

Sam -- Oh...you have been working out, it shows.  (feelin his arm)  Now you can put
weights on the bar.  (wink)  Thanks for the win; I see so few of those. -- Ling' Lon

All -- Can't we all just get along?  Ancient Chinese proverb says, "A two edged sword
cuts very swiftly but it also cuts both ways."  There is something to be said in this
arena.  Contemplate these thoughts, my friends.  Remember, it is better to give than
to receive. -- Master Wong' Fei Hung

Wong' Fei Hung -- But master, I'm always giving my longspear away, just nobody wants
to take it (giggles)...and remember the proverb that says, "Man go to bed with itchy
bottom wake up with stinky fingers."  I'm not sure how this applies, but I'm sure
there is a lesson in there somewhere. -- Chung Fow

Chung Fow -- (slaps him upside the head repeatedly)  Show respect, you militant
whelp. -- Master Wong Fei Hung'

All -- I'm sorry, master....  My name is Toby...er I mean my name is Chung. -- Chung Fow

The Lizard -- It was a close fight.  It was a honor to fight with you but it seems
Ping' Lee's dumpling gave me the extra oomph to take you down.  You should get some, though they are hard to get. -- Chung Fow'

Chung -- Damn you.  You stole my dumpling and master wouldn't let me fight.  I'll
make you pay somehow....  (thinking diabolically) -- Ping' Lee

Ping -- It wasn't me, it was the Lizard.  You ever seen a lizard you could trust? --
Chung Fow'

Zooie -- Do not offend our heritage.  After all I'm not crapping in your zoo.  Not
that it would destroy the decor or anything.  (laughing) -- Master Wong Fei Hung',
mgr. Chinese Conn

Zooie -- Good fight, my friend.  Till we meet again.  I'm going to get a stronger
stick. -- Lia'

Lotus -- You are a fierce competitor.  <bows>  I look forward to greeting you on the
sands again in the future. -- Iron Monkey

Silver Stroke -- Thanks for mentioning us in your spotlight.  I was starting to think
no one liked us here.  I think it is a conspiracy against us. -- Master Wong Fei Hung

Turkey Joe -- I love turkey, so I am challenging you again. -- Rumsfeld

Al Gore -- Congrats on graduating Bear Market and Robert Bryd.  They were interesting
opponents, politically and in the arena. -- Judge
P.S.  Hoping for a "Bull Market"

Skeemer -- I might consider another fight if you would take off some of that armor
and stop scumming me. -- Swarzenegger

Master Taco -- Why you!  I'll...I'm gonna!  Age'ism I say! (stammering) -- R. Byrd

Detective -- I used the sword to get a few extra learns out of a 16 wit.  I tried all
the usual weapons a basher can use, didn't get any consistency.  The problem with the
basher weapons is not a real good reason to use them.  No knock downs, no slash
damage, slow. -- G. Condit

Kangaroo Kate -- Not likely.  Not with our teammates being the Carnage Canaries. --
R. Byrd

Skeemer -- Sorry about that.  Nobody else to challenge. -- R. Byrd

Good Bye Solven!  Off to semi retirement for me.  I was surprised by the awesome favs
I got; too bad I got hosed on skills. -- Bear Market

25 February 2004
Readers, and especially those who volunteered warriors -- My apologies for the sudden
lack of episodes.  I've been sick, but expect to be back at the keyboard soon. -- the

3 March 2004

     Mongo, aka Matt McIntosh and ex-Warden of the Dark Circle, is auctioning off his
entire collection of Duelmasters warriors and stables.  Don't miss out on this chance
to own some fantastic warriors!  There are ADM warriors available in every class from
Primus to Freshmen, as well as over a dozen Basic stables.
     Does a Slasher with +4 attack, +4 decisiveness, +3 initiative and +2 riposte
sound good?  How about a Lunger who received the benefit of a TC prize, has TVed
three times after graduating--and still hasn't maxed out his skills!?  How about a
Striker in the Freshmen class who has decisiveness for a favorite learn and the MAUL
for a favorite weapon!?
     Or perhaps you prefer playing in Basic.  Then how does a stable with four Adept
class warriors who have a combined record of 41-19-9 sound?  Or maybe a stable with
three 21-Will warriors?  Or perhaps a stable with four Initiates and a Rookie who
have a combined record of 23-6-1?
     The quality of the lots is excellent.  All you need to view and bid on the lots
is go to:
     If you want to be on the mailing list to receive regular updates on the auction,
just send an e-mail to JVMerlino@aol.com. Merlin, aka John Merlino and also an ex-
Warden of the Dark Circle, will be running this auction for me.  I just moved to New
Orleans and am likely currently stumbling around the French Quarter...because it's
Mardi Gras!  So I have named my auction in honor of this occasion.
     The auction will start on Saturday, March 13th, 2004, and will continue for
several weeks.  But you should get your bids in early if you want your best chance at
owning any of these fantastic warriors and stables.
     Many thanks to all for your interest and your bids,


5 March 2004
Style Masters Symposium
Hosted by Hammer

     The years have slipped by and many DM Managers have come and gone since the last
Hammer's Handbook was compiled and printed.
     There is now a stirring within me to begin writing and editing yet another
Handbook with a distribution date sometime in 2005.
     This Handbook will be made available via Email with a possibility of burning the
info to a CD for distribution.
     Special arrangements will be made to provide the information via printed page to
those contributors who are serving sentences behind bars.
     The working title of this new Handbook is "Style Masters Symposium Hosted by
     Distribution of this Handbook is projected to be MAINLY for those DM Managers
who contribute information/articles to Hammer by June 2004.
     Informative and entertaining articles should focus on insights regarding Any or
All 10 Style Masters for both the Basic and ADM arenas as well as Tourney
     Articles focusing on Weapons/Armor are also encouraged for inclusion.
     Whether you are a Newbie Manager without a clue or a Jaded Veteran; everyone has
discovered something about this gaming experience that is both Insightful and
     Email Your Articles to HammerDM@fastermail.com or send them via Diplo to either
Flower Hammerz (372) in DM 28 or Casino Hammerz (576) in DM 33.
     Length and Content of the Style Masters Symposium Hosted by Hammer will be
Determined by the Quality and Quantity of Contributors Combined with the Literary
Efforts of Hammer who is currently overseas for an indefinite period of time.
     Articles Contributed for this Project should be of Sufficient Length and Content
to Warrant being Included to Receive the Finished Document when Hammer has completed
this literary work to His satisfaction.
     Managers contributing articles are also requested to include a DM Bio of
Themselves along with any Notable Successes and/or Failures during Their DM Career in
Basic, ADM and/or Tourney Play.
     A listing of Active Stables would also be Helpful for Anyone Seeking to Reply to
Contributors via Diplo, Email or Snailmail.
     May Your Blades Be Sharp And Your Wits Sharper!
     -- Hammer of Flower Hammerz (372) DM 28 and Casino Hammerz (576) DM 33

18 March 2004
St. Valentine's Day Massacre Update

     We are pleased to announce that the kLk sponsored St. Valentine's Day Massacre
kill contest in DM 36 is off to a great start.  We are also pleased to announce that
in addition to the 10 team rollups we are also able to offer the renaming of a dark
arena warrior as a prize to the manager with the most kills.  The contest is only 2
turns old and is still wide open.  There are currently 5 managers tied with one kill
each.  Anything can still happen so hurry up and get into the arena.
     On a personal note, no other alliances have entered the arena in force to
challenge the kLk dominance.  We were expecting The Firm to put up a fight for their
supposed home arena.  But, they were a no show.  Guess they proved what they are
really made of.  *evil grin*
     Perhaps another alliance would like to step in to give us a challenge.  We are
throwing down the gauntlet.  Perhaps the Chaos Inc. boys I keep hearing about would
like to step in and challenge the kLk for arena dominance.  If you don't show up,
Chaos, don't feel bad.  FAR better managers than you have been invited into Jhans but
have chosen to pass on the offer.
     So if you consider yourself worthy to compete, like fierce competition, and
enjoy arenas where the personals are as fierce as the fighting, come visit JHANS DM
36.  We're already planning our next contest, "Capture the Flag," and have a
storyline being actively worked on in the arena.  Whatever you like about DM you can
find it in JHANS.

mgr. of Suicidal Dreams
and Director Jhans Board of Tourism
kLk Alliance

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

KUJOE was butchered by BANDIT PRINCE in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
GEORGE BUSH devastated JEHORAM in a 1 minute one-sided Bloodfeud duel.
THE SCORPION handily defeated SAVAGE DRAGON in a 1 minute one-sided Bloodfeud match.
BEAR MARKET vanquished TURKEY JOE in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge brawl.
ROBERT BYRD was luckily beaten by BLIND GIRL in a 4 minute veteran's Challenge fight.
SKEEMER won victory over SCHWARZENEGGER in a 2 minute master's Challenge fight.
SNAKE CHARMER was savagely defeated by CHENEY in a 2 minute bloody Challenge brawl.
DARRELL ISSA overpowered GIDEON in a 2 minute uneven Challenge melee.
ILSA SHE-WOLF vanquished FLAT TAX in a 1 minute uneven Challenge duel.
ANTHONY SCALIA defeated GIREFFY in a 2 minute gruesome Challenge duel.
NO HURRY was overpowered by CHUNG' FOW in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
EASY BREEZE overcame PING' LEE in a 6 minute Challenge bout.
THE LIZARD overpowered TERMINATOR in a 3 minute one-sided Challenge match.
ICE COLD was devastated by KALAMAZOO in a 2 minute mismatched Challenge conflict.
IRON MONKEY demolished ZOOIE in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge brawl.
2ND AMENDMENT was handily defeated by LIA' KIAN in a 1 minute Challenge conflict.
THE LOTUS won victory over LING' LON in a 4 minute gruesome amateur's Challenge bout.
JOSIAH was viciously subdued by WHAT UP in a 7 minute bloody Challenge bout.
MAXIMUS was devastated by KANGAROO KATE in a 3 minute brutal one-sided Title brawl.
RUMSFELD was subdued by KUNG-FU MASTER in a 2 minute bout.
NANCY PELOSI savagely defeated ANN COULTER in a popular 2 minute bloody match.
THE TOAD outwaited HANNAH in a tiring 17 minute contest.
CAROL M. BRAUN was overpowered by RUFUS in a 2 minute one-sided duel.
MAYBE LATER overpowered ALIEN in a 1 minute uneven fray.
SAMURIA SAM was overcome by THE PHOENIX in a exciting 5 minute novice's contest.
HANS BLIX was overpowered by ROE V WADE in a 1 minute brutal uneven fight.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|STRIKING ATTACK                  9         STRIKING ATTACK   51 -  34 -  2      60  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                   9         WALL OF STEEL     31 -  23 -  1      57  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      8         PARRY-LUNGE       25 -  20 -  0      56  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    5         TOTAL PARRY       45 -  37 -  0      55  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    4         BASHING ATTACK    23 -  23 -  1      50  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  4         PARRY-STRIKE      14 -  17 -  0      45  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   4         LUNGING ATTACK    42 -  51 -  3      45  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      3         SLASHING ATTACK   16 -  21 -  0      43  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     3         PARRY-RIPOSTE     15 -  31 -  1      33  |
|AIMED BLOW                       1         AIMED BLOW         3 -  13 -  0      19  |

Turn 478 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

AIMED BLOW         1 -  0     PARRY-RIPOSTE      2 -  3         2  LUNGING ATTACK 
WALL OF STEEL      4 -  0     PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  2         2  TOTAL PARRY    
STRIKING ATTACK    5 -  4     LUNGING ATTACK     3 -  6         2  PARRY-LUNGE    
SLASHING ATTACK    2 -  2     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  3         1  AIMED BLOW     
BASHING ATTACK     2 -  2                                       1  BASHING ATTACK 
TOTAL PARRY        4 -  4                                       1  WALL OF STEEL  
                                                                1  SLASHING ATTACK
                                                                1  PARRY-STRIKE   

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
TOTAL PARRY      BLIND GIRL 6041            17   5  0  100 KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
WALL OF STEEL    SKEEMER 5965               18  13  0   99 KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
PARRY-LUNGE      GEORGE BUSH 1708           15   8  0   88 CONSPIRACY INC. (100)
STRIKING ATTACK  ILSA SHE-WOLF 6107          9   3  1   59 KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
LUNGING ATTACK   NANCY PELOSI 6076          10   6  1   54 THE DEMOCRATS (202)
BASHING ATTACK   EASY BREEZE 6173            4   2  1   35 JUST CHILLIN (699)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is RUMSFELD 6032.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was NANCY PELOSI 6076.  The ten other most popular fighters were SAMURIA SAM 6200, 

The least popular fighter this week was THE TOAD 6121.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were HANNAH 6144, JOSIAH 6201, PING' LEE 6188, THE PHOENIX 6227, ALIEN 6218, 

The following warriors have traveled to ADVANCED DUELMASTERS after fighting this turn: