DUELMASTERS NEWSLETTER

Date   : 04/21/2004    Duedate: 05/04/2004

SOLVEN ARENA

DM-22    TURN-480

This Weeks Top Honors

THE DUELMASTER IS

SKEEMER
KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
(22-5965) [20-13-0,115]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

GEORGE BUSH                    WHAT UP
CONSPIRACY INC. (100)          JUST CHILLIN (699)
(22-1708) [17-8-1,119]         (22-6172) [7-1-0,52]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

RUMSFELD                       RUMSFELD
THE REPUBLICANS (103)          THE REPUBLICANS (103)
(22-6032) [12-14-0,99]         (22-6032) [12-14-0,99]

THE CURRENT TOP TEAM

 (173)

          TEAMS ON THE MOVE            TOP CAREER HONORS
Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. JUST CHILLIN (699)          58
2. SAVAGE HEARTS 2 (697)       50      THE POISON CLAN (692)
3. KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)       39      Unchartered Team
4. THE DEMOCRATS (202)         35
5. THE POISON CLAN (692)       32      JUST CHILLIN (699)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 2 THE POISON CLAN (692)     35  15  1 70.0   1/ 3 KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)    12  3 0
 2/ 3 KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)    110  57  4 65.9   2/ 1 THE POISON CLAN (692)    12  3 0
 3/ 4*JUST CHILLIN (699)        25  15  2 62.5   3/ 4*JUST CHILLIN (699)       10  5 1
 4/ 5 CONSPIRACY INC. (100)    141 105 10 57.3   4/ 2 THE DEMOCRATS (202)      10  5 0
 5/ 7 THE DEMOCRATS (202)      131 121  8 52.0   5/ 6 CONSPIRACY INC. (100)     7  7 2
 6/ 6 THE REPUBLICANS (103)    333 308 23 52.0   6/10*SAVAGE HEARTS 2 (697)     6  9 0
 7/ 8 BIBLE BELTERS (364)       26  28  1 48.1   7/ 5*CHINESE CONNECTION (700)  6  9 0
 8/10 THE ZOO (205)            339 458  4 42.5   8/ 8 BIBLE BELTERS (364)       5  9 0
 9/ 9*CHINESE CONNECTION (700)  13  20  0 39.4   9/ 7 THE ZOO (205)             4 11 0
10/11*SAVAGE HEARTS 2 (697)     13  32  1 28.9  10/ 9 THE REPUBLICANS (103)     3 12 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

      * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

                          ---===ANDORIAN REGIONAL NEWS===---

                                     Duelmasters
                                     -----------
 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 242): CLOSED MIND of BLACKTHORN ORCS (Slugbait, mgr.)
 DM  11 ARUAK CITY (turn 486): B.B. KING of THE BLUES (Keldon Blackfang, mgr.)
 DM  14 TOBIR (turn 486): HYDE of OTAGO HIGHLANDERS (The Mun, mgr.)
 DM  22 SOLVEN (turn 479): SKEEMER of KELLUMBO'S KIDS (Detective Kellumbo, mgr.)
 DM  24 ZORPUNT (turn 475): KID ROCK of THE MC5 (Street Legal, mgr.)
 DM  25 LYRATILAN (turn 475): XYLZ AREE of THE MIDDLE WAY 4 (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  26 CALEAM (turn 476): WOOLLY LOCO of POISONOUS PUGILISTS (Poison Ivy, mgr.)
 DM  30 IAYE (turn 471): DUMB, DUMB of RED DOG GANG (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  40 ZENSU (turn 437): CMOT DIBBLER of THE DISC (Technogeek, mgr.)
 DM  41 KATI-TEI (turn 431): TORA HAMLIN of WANDERERS (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  46 ARDIVENT (turn 424): DODGER of HARDTIMESINBABYLON (Technogeek, mgr.)
 DM  52 FRATSFA (turn 190): GRIM GLADIOLA of FLOWER GIRLS (Lady Fern, mgr.)
 DM  60 ARADI (turn 335): GUMMI GHOUL of THE UPSTARTS III (Anti, mgr.)
 DM  63 AMEN-TEI (turn 325): FREAN of SAFE HAVEN (Keldon Blackfang, mgr.)
 DM  71 KYR'TERR (turn 144): LOKI of ARCTIC GUARDS (Yukon Cornelius, mgr.)
ADM 105 ANDORAK (turn 372): MONICA VIRTUESHIELD of KNIGHTS OF VIRTUE from ARUAK CITY
                            (JRK, mgr.)

                                      Top Teams
                                      ---------
 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 242): LA PENTARCHIE (The Pentalque, mgr.)
 DM  11 ARUAK CITY (turn 486): MORAL FIBER (Nunzio Frothingslosh, mgr.)
 DM  14 TOBIR (turn 486): ALL THE MUN'S MEN (The Mun, mgr.)
 DM  22 SOLVEN (turn 479): THE POISON CLAN (Master Tazo, mgr.)
 DM  24 ZORPUNT (turn 475): WATER DECK (Destitute Noble, mgr.)
 DM  25 LYRATILAN (turn 475): CHAUCERS WORDS (Berylstar, mgr.)
 DM  26 CALEAM (turn 476): WARCKERS (Papaiz, mgr.)
 DM  30 IAYE (turn 471): RED DOG GANG (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  40 ZENSU (turn 437): WIMPS MOST FOWL (Wimpy, mgr.)
 DM  41 KATI-TEI (turn 431): MEMPHIS MAFIA (Bookie, mgr.)
 DM  46 ARDIVENT (turn 424): HARDTIMESINBABYLON (Technogeek, mgr.)
 DM  52 FRATSFA (turn 190): OHIO (Berylstar, mgr.)
 DM  60 ARADI (turn 335): LOCK-OUT (Elephant, mgr.)
 DM  63 AMEN-TEI (turn 325): WAYFARERS (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  71 KYR'TERR (turn 144): CASTLE BLACK (Shadowgate, mgr.)
ADM 105 ANDORAK (turn 372): SUNNYDALE, etc. (LHI, mgr.)

                                   Recent Graduates
                                   ----------------
 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 242): CLOSED MIND of BLACKTHORN ORCS (Slugbait, mgr.)
               (turn 241): MELTDOWN of X-FORCE (Savant, mgr.)
 DM  11 ARUAK CITY (turn 485): CONNOR MACLEOD of SCARLET KNIGHTS II (Talon Warsmith)
 DM  14 TOBIR (turn 486): BLACK HEART SEEKER of CEASE TO EXIST (Sceptre, mgr.)
                          10% VIGORISH of THE DEATH SQUAD (Street Legal, mgr.)
 DM  24 ZORPUNT (turn 474): CANE TOAD of AUSSIE KILLERS (THawk, mgr.)
 DM  25 LYRATILAN (turn 475): LANCE of POWER AND FATE (Sceptre, mgr.)
 DM  30 IAYE (turn 471): DUMB, DUMB of RED DOG GANG (Leeta, mgr.)
                         HELL'S WHISPER of PERFECT HARMONY (Sceptre, mgr.)
 DM  40 ZENSU (turn 437): CMOT DIBBLER of THE DISC (Technogeek, mgr.)
                          JOPHAN of BEYOND THE PALE (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  46 ARDIVENT (turn 424): DODGER of HARDTIMESINBABYLON (Technogeek, mgr.)
                 (turn 423): PURPLE SASH of HARDTIMESINBABYLON (Technogeek, mgr.)
 DM  60 ARADI (turn 335): WINKER X of 4000 BLOWS (Nuln, mgr.)
              (turn 334): LIGHTNING IX of DEATH STUDS VII (Death Stud, mgr.)
 DM  71 KYR'TERR (turn 144): LOKI of ARCTIC GUARDS (Yukon Cornelius, mgr.)
                 (turn 143): PIYA of THAI INQUISITION (LHI, mgr.)

                                 DUELMASTER'S COLUMN
                             Notes from the arena champ.

     Hail Solven, greatest arena in all of Alastari!  It is I, Skeemer, finally
fulfilling my destiny by becoming Duelmaster.  In case you are counting, since we
joined the arena almost a year and a half ago, that makes 4 Duelmasters for
Kellumbo's Kids, and zero for The Republicans.  Yup, gotta sting.
     Anyway, since this is my first turn as DM, I've cracked open a few brews, and am
going to spout off some mindless drivel, open another beverage, and spout some more.
Let's see what comes out, shall we?
     Savage Hearts *2*.  Does that mean there is actually a Savage Hearts One, and
this is your second team?  Wow, you must really be bad, Silver Stroker.  Try spending
less time stroke'n, and more time prepping fighters, and see how it goes.
     Al Gore, nice to see our two teams have an "understanding".  You keep the DC's
away from us, and we'll do the same.  You are one of the few managers in this arena
that deserves this kind of respect.
     Master Taco....congrats go out to you and your stable.  Kellumbo's Kids have had
top team honor for many a weeks.  Maybe when your guys get old enough to fight some
real warriors, we'll see what you are really made of (cheese and hot sauce I am
guessing...).
     Judge, is putz too strong of a word?  No, I didn't think so either.
     Leeta, a true class act in the arena.  I just wish that from time to time you
would toss in a bloodfeud, or change in strategy to keep people honest.  Either way,
you are the best.
     Sentinel, please come back!  Solven could really use a big name manager like
yourself....
     "Hey Skeemer!"
     "What Kellumbo?"
     "Let's let sleeping dogs lie and not say anything to The Sentinel, allright?"
     "Got ya there, Kellumbo.  Sentinel, forget what I said, you just stay away from
Solven."
     Mr. Freeze, is it possible to do anything but go 3-2 in the arena?
     Damien, awwww, looks like things have not been going your way lately, eh?  Too
bad I say.  Us Kids have been tired of filling out wish to avoid #100 on half our
guys just because of GB.
     Well kiddo's, it's been real, and it's been fun, but...well, you know how that
goes.  Looking forward to this little chat next week.  Homeless Prince says hi.
     -- Skeemer, a proud Solvenite.

                                      SPY REPORT

     Like the magnificent Sun, rising upon the Dawn and exiling the Night for a Day, 
I, Novgorodny Vir, return once again!  Nothing works for a team like victory (How's 
that for a perceptive observation?) as SAVAGE HEARTS 2 can attest...  KELLUMBO'S KIDS 
posted a nice gain, to come in 1st.  Everybody loves a winner...  SAVAGE HEARTS 2 had 
cause to celebrate, after TERMINATOR got 25 points by beating ANTHONY SCALIA.  CHENEY 
certainly had a baffled expression on his face, after losing to WHAT UP and losing 16 
points in the process!  Duelmaster SKEEMER from KELLUMBO'S KIDS is going for the 
gold, as he challenged THE ZOO's KANGAROO KATE.  Ooh, the excitement!  SKEEMER 
successfully staved off a grab for the roses by KANGAROO KATE of THE ZOO.  Does 
SOLVEN have no one talented enough to dethrone him?  So who was the warrior seen 
charging into immovable walls and challenging dead trees?  Someone's got a basic 
problem...   
     My mother wished me to avoid conflict, and seek the gentle trade of Spyreporter. 
But warriors aren't supposed to avoid fights!  To quell some nasty rumors, the guys 
in CONSPIRACY INC. are not carrying any incurable diseases.  No need to avoid 'em.  
The warriors of CONSPIRACY INC. found their efforts at combat frustrated as JUST 
CHILLIN apparently had more important things to do than fight.  Everyone is famous 
for fifteen minutes, and THE PHOENIX is it right now.  Most challenged warrior.  
Isn't THE POISON CLAN proud!  Place your bets!  ILSA SHE-WOLF is the long shot of the 
week:  they challenged TURKEY JOE, up by 27.  Fixed fights?  Paybacks?  Blind luck?  
Whatever, ILSA SHE-WOLF challenged TURKEY JOE, ILSA SHE-WOLF the underdog by 27 
points.   
     Like the wind whispering among the pines, do hearest I many disquieting rumors.  
The audience gave a nice round of rasberries to GIREFFY of THE ZOO, for expiring in 
such an ungraceful fashion.  4-11-0, indeed!  You've heard about SCHWARZENEGGER of 
THE REPUBLICANS.  Death plays no favorites, and neither do I.  What was a 12-11-1 
doing on the fields in the first place?  Oh hard!  that to strike a flame, the match 
itself must needs be wasting!   
     Do not think spyreporting in SOLVEN is the highlight of my life.  As if buffeted 
by forces of nature beyond my control, I must take my leave of this place.  Can 
anything compare to the pleasure of writing Spyreports for SOLVEN?  On that giddy 
note I take my leave-- Novgorodny Vir  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 SKEEMER 5965                 20  13  0   115       KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 GEORGE BUSH 1708             17   8  1   119       CONSPIRACY INC. (100)
 BLIND GIRL 6041              19   5  0   106       KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
 RUMSFELD 6032                12  14  0    99       THE REPUBLICANS (103)
 TURKEY JOE 5825              20  38  0    98       THE ZOO (205)
 MAXIMUS 5966                 22  11  3    97       KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
 ILSA SHE-WOLF 6107           11   3  1    94       KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 KANGAROO KATE 5900           18  33  1    90       THE ZOO (205)
 NANCY PELOSI 6076            12   6  1    70       THE DEMOCRATS (202)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 FLAT TAX 5998                13  19  0    62       THE REPUBLICANS (103)
 THE TOAD 6121                10   0  0    62       THE POISON CLAN (692)
 RUFUS 6180                    7   1  0    58       BIBLE BELTERS (364)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 DARRELL ISSA 6108             9   5  2    52       CONSPIRACY INC. (100)
 WHAT UP 6172                  7   1  0    52       JUST CHILLIN (699)
 TERMINATOR 6158               4   5  0    51       SAVAGE HEARTS 2 (697)
 MAYBE LATER 6176              5   3  1    50       JUST CHILLIN (699)
 THE LIZARD 6120               6   4  1    46       THE POISON CLAN (692)
 ANTHONY SCALIA 6103          11   4  0    45       CONSPIRACY INC. (100)
 THE SCORPION 6117             8   2  0    45       THE POISON CLAN (692)
 CHUNG' FOW 6184               4   3  0    39       CHINESE CONNECTION (700)
 GIDEON 3308                   6   7  0    37       BIBLE BELTERS (364)
 EASY BREEZE 6173              5   3  1    37       JUST CHILLIN (699)
 NO HURRY 6174                 5   3  0    36       JUST CHILLIN (699)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 SNAKE CHARMER 6169            8   2  0    33       KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
 CHENEY 6153                   6   4  0    30       THE REPUBLICANS (103)
 PING' LEE 6188                4   2  0    30       CHINESE CONNECTION (700)
 KALAMAZOO 6116                5   7  0    27       THE ZOO (205)
 ROE V WADE 6226               3   0  0    27       THE DEMOCRATS (202)
 ANN COULTER 6168              6   4  0    26       CONSPIRACY INC. (100)
 CAROL M. BRAUN 6146           4   7  0    26       THE DEMOCRATS (202)
 SAVAGE DRAGON 6155            3   6  1    25       SAVAGE HEARTS 2 (697)
 HANNAH 6144                   5   5  0    24       BIBLE BELTERS (364)
 SAMURIA SAM 6200              3   3  0    24       SAVAGE HEARTS 2 (697)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 THE LOTUS 6208                4   1  0    19       THE POISON CLAN (692)
 JOSIAH 6201                   3   2  0    18       BIBLE BELTERS (364)
 ZOOIE 6152                    3   8  0    17       THE ZOO (205)
 IRON MONKEY 6186              2   4  0    17       CHINESE CONNECTION (700)
 LIA' KIAN 6185                2   5  0    16       CHINESE CONNECTION (700)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 ICE COLD 6175                 3   5  0    14       JUST CHILLIN (699)
 JEHORAM 6209                  1   4  1    14       BIBLE BELTERS (364)
 2ND AMENDMENT 6211            1   3  0    14       THE REPUBLICANS (103)
 THE PHOENIX 6227              1   2  0    13       THE POISON CLAN (692)
 CHARLES RANGEL 6229           1   1  0    12       THE DEMOCRATS (202)
 AL FRANKEN 6253               1   0  0    11       THE DEMOCRATS (202)
 LING' LON 6187                1   6  0     9       CHINESE CONNECTION (700)
 ATILLA 6228                   1   1  0     8       SAVAGE HEARTS 2 (697)
 ALIEN 6218                    0   4  0     4       SAVAGE HEARTS 2 (697)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?
WESLEY CLARK 6210      0  2 0 CONSPIRACY INC. 100   JEHORAM 6209          477 REVENGED
SCHWARZENEGGER 6050   12 11 1 THE REPUBLICANS 103   GEORGE BUSH 1708      480         
GIREFFY 6102           4 11 0 THE ZOO 205           MAYBE LATER 6176      480         

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Detective -- Bribe the commission?  That's an insult.  It was an early birthday gift.
-- Master Tazo

Silver Stroker -- We're not trying to kill Semi-Savage Dragon.  He would be dead if
that were the case.  Even in a bloodfeud we do not try to intentionally kill.  Just
disfigure, maim or cripple.  In the case of your boys, disfiguring is out.  Do you
beat them with an ugly stick when you hire them or what? -- Master Tazo

Semi-Savage Dragon -- You are right, fighting with you is a total Snoozefest.  You
can't teach me anything and watching you flail around wildly gets old after a while.
-- The Toad

Salvage Draggin -- Admit it, I looked good beating on you. -- The Scorpion
P.S.  Twice.  (Mwaaaaahaaaaa!)

Ling'lon -- The smoke was to ease your pain.  Now please, breath deeply.... -- The
Lotus

Kellumbo -- Six, Six, Six, Six, let's sing the song of six.  How many is six?  Come
on, you can do it. -- Master Tazo

Hannah -- Chess, eh?  Interesting, but do you really want to lose at twice in one
fight. -- The Toad

Al Gore -- Avoiding you?  Why would I do that?  I think that it's just that we do not
travel in the same circles.  On the other hand, if you showered more often I might
not be able to smell you sneaking up behind me. -- Master Tazo

Kangaroo Kate -- Thanks for the shot at the title.  You are a class act. -- Skeemer

Flat Tax -- Yup, flat on your back again. -- Ilsa She Wooooollllllfffffffffffff!

Judge -- You really need to learn how to fill in that wish to avoid section. --
Kellumbo

Gideon -- Dang...you're nothing like a snake either.... -- Snake Charmer

Master Tazo -- Barring a complete collapse, and assuming I did the math right,
congrats on taking the top chartered team spot.  Well done. -- DK

Master Taco -- Like my great grand daddy used to say:  Excuses are like butt-holes,
everyone has one, and they all stink. -- Maximus

Silver Stroker -- "How to deal with overweight incompetent idiots"?  Did you find
this in the self help section, or did you just borrow Judge's copy? -- Detective
Kellumbo

Damion -- No worries.  At the pace you're going, it will only take you 3 months to
count to six. -- DK

Judge -- Hoping Snake Charmer died?  That does not sound very Andorian to me. -- DK

All -- Did you see that!  20 out of 28 fights were challenges last turn.  This just
goes to show once again why Solven is the best arena in all of Alastari.  Keep up the
great work! -- DK

Salvage Draggin -- Your debt to our clan is settled.  Let the humiliation you have
endured be a lesson to you and your manager.  The Poison Clan does not take the death
of our brethren lightly. -- The Scorpion

Cheney -- Nine minutes and you didn't teach me a thing!  You did manage to scare me
though. -- The Toad

DK -- Yes, you did hear me and Judge in the alley way saying, "We give what we get."
But I see you charitably left out the part that you were between us and indisposed of
speech at that moment.  Oh...and by the way, looks like the free fight you're banking
is floating away after last turn so adjust you meager budget accordingly.  <wink> --
Silver Stroke, mgr. Savage Hearts

Telldumbo -- Looks like your fighters will be graduating to ADM shortly.  Guess you
will be moving some new warriors in.  Let's see if you keep the same flamboyant
speech about not caring about downchallenging by vast amounts of FE because you can
bet I'll be gunning for you every turn. -- Silver Stroke

Master Taco -- Ding.  Ding.  Round two. -- Savage Dragon
P.S.  Can I get a supreme taco with that order?  Don't worry, I'll pay you.  (wicked
laugh)

Scorpion -- You almost got stung there. -- Savage Dragon

Scorpion -- Let's see if you can avoid me again.  I'll be back. -- Terminator

Cm. -- Hasta la vista, baby. -- Terminator
P.S.  Don't tell my wife I grabbed your bum.

Woelfe -- Listen here, you flea ridden walking poster child for foot fungus.  Shut
your pie hole before I put my longsword in a very uncomfortable spot you'll not soon
forget. -- Savage Dragon

Ling' Lon -- You are very pretty woman so stop challenging me before I change that.
(bow) -- Sam

2nd -- Was my scimitar sharp?  <wink>  Just thought I would ask.... -- Attila

All -- I will win. -- Alien
P.S.  Just not this turn or probably not the turn after that or....  (rambling on)

Woelfe -- Now I put up with foul and incessant odor, your complete lack of oral
hygiene, and your incoherent babbling for a animal that lacks the ability to put more
than two word sentences together.  But now your mouth has wrote a check your arse
can't cash and it time to pay the piper; prepare to get violated. -- Silver Stroke

Silver -- I think he is used to being humped royally, lol.  Maybe we should give him
a bath and a flea collar. -- Savage Dragon

Schwarzenegger -- Don't you realize that foreigners like you can't be President?  Get
back to California and don't bother to come back! -- GWB

Gireffy -- How dare you pound on me like a rented donkey!  You should save that
treatment for Pelosi--maybe you can loosen up her face-lift! -- Ann

Visiting Orc reminded me of Grey Davis.  Similar result. -- Issa

Woelfe -- You just hang onto that 1-4 for a while 'cause I certainly don't want to
see it again! -- GB

Kangaroo Kate -- We were talking about you wishing a cat would get Byrd.  I said not
likely, due to the teammates in Carnage Canaries. -- Al Gore

Kellumbo -- That was a nice rematch.  If she graduates to arena 100, let's duel again
with your favs. -- Al Gore

Chung' Fow -- (looks around)  Don't see him. -- Al Gore

Hannah -- Nice try. -- Al Gore

Terminator -- What's with all the wife beaters coming after me? -- C.M.B.

The Phoenix -- Finally I get fight a Taco fighter.  Be so kind as to not avoid. -- Al
Gore

All -- Good luck in the tourney.  I'll be sitting out this one.  I hope to see a TC
or two from Solven. -- Al Gore

27 March 2004
     This notice is to inform the DM world that CHAOS INC. has added CHEETO to its
ranks.  He joins APEX, FLAGG, MATRIX, ASSAMITE, and RUDE BUDDHA as the 6th member.
May your chaotic wings spread disaster and CHAOS for all your days!  Welcome CHEETO!!

27 March 2004
     Has anyone seen it in print that the "Goat" is leaving the "Cartel"?  There were
some diplos to the effect of a special branch of the Cartel being formed, like secret
societies, governmental agencies and alliances certain agendas are developed.  To
obtain the desired effect of any agenda only key personnel can be used.  The "Goat"
is "Cartel" so until you see it with me announcing that I am not Cartel, remember,
"The Agenda of the Core is for you to fight for."  I hope this stops the confusion.
-- Goat

8 April 2004
CLICK (KLK) -- Remember, you asked for it.  Chaos is coming....

14 April 2004
CHAOS Inc. proudly announces our newest member, Silver Stroke.  He becomes the
seventh brother of Chaos.  We shall indeed be better for his joining.

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

SKEEMER bested KANGAROO KATE in a 1 minute master's Challenge Title fight.
BLIND GIRL luckily beat RUMSFELD in a popular 7 minute veteran's Challenge melee.
ILSA SHE-WOLF devastated TURKEY JOE in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge contest.
RUFUS overpowered CHUNG' FOW in a 2 minute mismatched Challenge match.
THE TOAD slimly won victory over DARRELL ISSA in a slow 6 minute Challenge duel.
MAYBE LATER executed GIREFFY in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge brawl.
NO HURRY overpowered CHARLES RANGEL in a 1 minute uneven Challenge melee.
THE LIZARD won victory over GIDEON in a 3 minute Challenge duel.
IRON MONKEY was vanquished by EASY BREEZE in a 1 minute uneven Challenge fight.
CAROL M. BRAUN overpowered ZOOIE in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
ICE COLD was handily defeated by SAMURIA SAM in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge bout.
PING' LEE savagely defeated THE LOTUS in a 6 minute bloody Challenge competition.
ROE V WADE devastated JEHORAM in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge battle.
ALIEN was outwaited by 2ND AMENDMENT in a unpopular 9 minute Challenge bout.
GEORGE BUSH easily killed SCHWARZENEGGER in a 1 minute uneven fight.
MAXIMUS savagely defeated VIRGINAL CONCUBINE in a 4 minute expert's struggle.
NANCY PELOSI devastated FLAT TAX in a 1 minute mismatched brawl.
ANTHONY SCALIA was overpowered by TERMINATOR in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
THE SCORPION overpowered HANNAH in a 2 minute one-sided bout.
CHENEY was overpowered by WHAT UP in a 1 minute bloody mismatched conflict.
SNAKE CHARMER beat LIA' KIAN in a 4 minute fight.
ANN COULTER was viciously subdued by SAVAGE DRAGON in a 2 minute gory match.
KALAMAZOO handily defeated LING' LON in a 2 minute bloody uneven duel.
JOSIAH overpowered THE PHOENIX in a slow 8 minute gruesome one-sided match.
ATILLA was savagely defeated by AL FRANKEN in a 2 minute gory beginner's fight.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|STRIKING ATTACK                  9         STRIKING ATTACK   53 -  32 -  2      62  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      8         TOTAL PARRY       48 -  33 -  0      59  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                   8         WALL OF STEEL     30 -  23 -  1      57  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    5         SLASHING ATTACK   19 -  17 -  1      53  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    5         PARRY-LUNGE       20 -  20 -  1      50  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   4         BASHING ATTACK    23 -  26 -  1      47  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  3         PARRY-STRIKE      14 -  19 -  0      42  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      3         LUNGING ATTACK    36 -  53 -  2      40  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     3         PARRY-RIPOSTE     18 -  29 -  1      38  |
|AIMED BLOW                       1         AIMED BLOW         2 -  11 -  0      15  |

Turn 480 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

TOTAL PARRY        7 -  1     LUNGING ATTACK     3 -  5         3  TOTAL PARRY    
PARRY-RIPOSTE      4 -  1     PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  2         2  LUNGING ATTACK 
SLASHING ATTACK    2 -  1     BASHING ATTACK     1 -  3         1  WALL OF STEEL  
STRIKING ATTACK    6 -  3     WALL OF STEEL      1 -  4         1  PARRY-LUNGE    
                              AIMED BLOW         0 -  1         1  PARRY-STRIKE   
                              PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  3         1  SLASHING ATTACK
                                                                1  STRIKING ATTACK
                                                                1  AIMED BLOW     

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
WALL OF STEEL    SKEEMER 5965               20  13  0  115 KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
PARRY-LUNGE      GEORGE BUSH 1708           17   8  1  119 CONSPIRACY INC. (100)
TOTAL PARRY      BLIND GIRL 6041            19   5  0  106 KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
STRIKING ATTACK  ILSA SHE-WOLF 6107         11   3  1   94 KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)
LUNGING ATTACK   NANCY PELOSI 6076          12   6  1   70 THE DEMOCRATS (202)
SLASHING ATTACK  MAYBE LATER 6176            5   3  1   50 JUST CHILLIN (699)
PARRY-RIPOSTE    THE LIZARD 6120             6   4  1   46 THE POISON CLAN (692)
BASHING ATTACK   EASY BREEZE 6173            5   3  1   37 JUST CHILLIN (699)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is RUMSFELD 6032.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was RUMSFELD 6032.  The ten other most popular fighters were MAXIMUS 5966, SAVAGE 
DRAGON 6155, AL FRANKEN 6253, CHUNG' FOW 6184, THE LIZARD 6120, GIDEON 3308, THE 
SCORPION 6117, KALAMAZOO 6116, SKEEMER 5965, and RUFUS 6180.

The least popular fighter this week was THE PHOENIX 6227.  The other ten least 
popular fighters were ALIEN 6218, THE TOAD 6121, SNAKE CHARMER 6169, 2ND AMENDMENT 
6211, ATILLA 6228, JOSIAH 6201, ANN COULTER 6168, CHENEY 6153, HANNAH 6144, and 
ANTHONY SCALIA 6103.

The following warriors will travel to ADVANCED DUELMASTERS after next turn:

MAXIMUS (22-5966) KELLUMBO'S KIDS (676)