Date   : 03/17/2005    Duedate: 03/30/2005


DM-24    TURN-500

This Weeks Top Honors


(24-4489) [21-9-0,92]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

STONEFISH                      OOZING SORE
AUSSIE KILLERS (455)           LOOK OUT!! (460)
(24-4489) [21-9-0,92]          (24-4482) [4-0-1,43]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

PINE LEAF                      OOZING SORE
KRILL CAVALRY (403)            LOOK OUT!! (460)
(24-4580) [13-13-0,60]         (24-4482) [4-0-1,43]



Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. LOOK OUT!! (460)            33
2. AUSSIE KILLERS (455)        21      STAR DRECK (467)
3. STAR DRECK (467)            13      Unchartered Team
4. RESCUE RANGERS (342)         4
5. KRILL CAVALRY (403)          0      LOOK OUT!! (460)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 1 STAR DRECK (467)          10   1  0 90.9   1/ 1 AUSSIE KILLERS (455)     10  3 0
 2/ 3*LOOK OUT!! (460)          11   6  1 64.7   2/ 4*LOOK OUT!! (460)          6  2 1
 3/ 2*RESCUE RANGERS (342)       9   5  0 64.3   3/ 2 KRILL CAVALRY (403)       5 10 0
 4/ 4 AUSSIE KILLERS (455)     100  79  4 55.9   4/ 3 STAR DRECK (467)          3  0 0
 5/ 5 KRILL CAVALRY (403)      444 458 12 49.2   5/ 5*RESCUE RANGERS (342)      1  2 0
 6- 6*DIRTY LIL' SECRETS (471)   1   2  0 33.3   6- 6*DIRTY LIL' SECRETS (471)  1  2 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                      SPY REPORT

     Greetings, warriors of ZORPUNT!  Once again I've been called out of retirement 
for my abilities and insights into Spyreporting.  What's with OOZING SORE?  It 
actually beat ZORPUNT's THE USEROUS MERCHANT, and walked away with 19 more points 
from the fight.  Major screwup at KRILL CAVALRY.  JOE POOLE lost 6 points to JAMES T. 
JERK.  Some new strategies, perhaps?  Maybe JOE POOLE will provide more easy wins...  
Try as she might, VENOMOUS CONCUBINE wasn't good enough at persuading STONEFISH to 
step down from the Duelmaster's throne...  Advice to fighters with a 1 will--give up 
     No matter the time or place, men will always duel.  ZORPUNT thinks KRILL CAVALRY 
and their 444-458-12 is too much!  If at first you don't succeed, give up...  
Management must be dealin', as the boys at STAR DRECK ain't reelin'!  KRILL CAVALRY's 
mad!  What do people see in TRINA LARK?  Hers 5-6-0?  KRILL CAVALRY ain't talkin', 
but she's got 21 points.  DALE of RESCUE RANGERS knows how to pick 'em.  He 
challenged PINE LEAF of KRILL CAVALRY who is up by 23.  Now was this a wise move?  
DALE perhaps got his just desserts, seeing as he was subdued by PINE LEAF and ended 
up with 31 recognition points.   
     Warriors of ZORPUNT unite.  You have only your games to lose!  Many a warrior 
has met his fate in a hungover stupor.  You young rapscallions, take note!   
     Well, I'm pretty much through.  You guys need to get back practicing.  The end 
of another Spyreport!  That's cause for celebration in my book!  Time for my 
medication, so I'll leave now.  Practice, practice, practice!-- Olaf Modeen  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 STONEFISH 4489               21   9  0    92       AUSSIE KILLERS (455)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 JAMES T. JERK 4590           10   1  0    81       STAR DRECK (467)
 JOE POOLE 4534               15  13  0    67       KRILL CAVALRY (403)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 PINE LEAF 4580               13  13  0    60       KRILL CAVALRY (403)
-MONTY 3455                    4   1  0    60       RESCUE RANGERS (342)
 TIGER SHARK 4575              6   4  0    59       AUSSIE KILLERS (455)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 OOZING SORE 4482              4   0  1    43       LOOK OUT!! (460)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 DALE 3458                     5   2  0    31       RESCUE RANGERS (342)
 KING BROWN SNAKE 4635         3   0  0    28       AUSSIE KILLERS (455)
 HERPES 4479                   3   1  0    24       LOOK OUT!! (460)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 BILL POOLE 4634               3   1  0    23       KRILL CAVALRY (403)
 POOP SLINGER 4478             2   2  0    22       LOOK OUT!! (460)
 TRINA LARK 4615               5   6  0    21       KRILL CAVALRY (403)
 BUBBA JONES 4621              4   4  0    16       KRILL CAVALRY (403)
-NEON'S SON LAMONT 4633        1   0  0    15       DIRTY LIL' SECRETS (471)
-EX-GIRLFRIEND 4618            1   0  0    13       LOOK OUT!! (460)
 DEATH ADDER 4582              1   0  0     7       AUSSIE KILLERS (455)
-DOOMCORPS REUNION 4629        0   1  0     7       DIRTY LIL' SECRETS (471)
-DOC'S ROLL-UP STACK 4632      0   1  0     7       DIRTY LIL' SECRETS (471)
 ZIPPER 3459                   0   1  0     3       RESCUE RANGERS (342)
 BOX JELLYFISH 4641            0   1  0     1       AUSSIE KILLERS (455)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Bill Poole -- Well, word on the street is there's a 'magick' stack of roll-ups with 
nothing but 21 wit and wills.  But I think those roll-ups only exist in the minds of 
men.  But just in case I'm still looking. -- Doc's Roll-up Stack

     Bwhahahaha! -- RUG #57613

Leeta -- BTW.  I from time to time flip through Newsletters even if I don't have a 
team there.  I admire your effort to keep the NL from being only one page long.  I 
salute you and though I can't promise to always do this I am making a conscious 
effort to aim nonvitals versus your stables and stables of other employees.  (some 
just hate roll-ups).  Thanks for at least trying to save basic. -- Talon Darkhart, 
mngr Dirty Lil' Secrets and lover of basic DM play

James T Jerk -- So when's Jean Fluke Retard coming on board?? --Aussie Killers

Scribe -- Getting teeth fixed, eh?  Too bad you don't have teeth like I do...  you 
know, when one gets worn out, another takes its place... -- Tiger Shark

     Yeah, I know.  (sigh)  I bet if anyone comes at YOUR mouth with a power drill,
     you have, ahem, a knuckle sandwich. -- Temp Ed.

Scribe -- ... or for that matter, fangs that regrow when one either falls out or 
breaks off... -- King Brown Snake

James T. Jerk -- Blame Leeta, she's the one who insists that I write a personal to a 
Jerk like you, just because I fought you. -- Pine Leaf

King Brown Snake -- If you don't mend your manners, I'm gonna tell the Queen Brown 
Snake on you! -- Bubba Jones

Stonefish -- You know, it wouldn't hurt you guys to write some personals for the rest 
of the arena, in return for getting a story and all.  It seems so one-sided. -- Joe 

     I knew that personal was going to mean trouble. -- Scribe, aka Temp Ed. and
     really busy at the moment

Dale -- I was trying for "up hill and down Dale," but it didn't work.  Maybe I need 
to take a different approach... such as poison in your water bottle. -- Trina Lark
P.S.  Hey, I can say what I want.  Nobody notices except Ed.

Poop Slinger -- Sling it elsewhere. -- Bill Poole

1 March 2005
                                    The Contract
                         [as retold by Hammer the WordSmith]
     What had begun as a contract for swords and armor between a well known name in
the DM community and the former VC Captain/WordSmith and WeaponSmith of the Vendetta
Cartel Tarantula Tribe was destined to impact and altar the landscape of the dueling
community for years to come.
     The following is but a condensed retelling of history in the making.

    Hammer continued sipping his tankard of Elven Tonic as the mysterious hooded
figure quietly seated himself across the table from the Veteran Manager whose back
was against the wall; allowing for a subtle, but effective surveillance of the dimly
lit tavern.
     Recent events in both Illis and North Fork/SCOMSS Swamp Arena had stunned the DM
managerial world with the announcement that Hammer had resigned from his position as
a well respected member of the Vendetta Cartel Alliance.
     Those managers and associates closest to Hammer were shocked and dismayed that
there seemed to be NO Rational Explanation for Hammer making such a seemingly
irrational, hasty and extremely illogical decision; by what seemed to be a spur of
the moment reaction following the Declaration of War by Hammer in the DM 47 P-ads.
     This is what stirred the mysterious hooded figure to seek Hammer with a request
that would change the managerial course of both men; ultimately Rocking the
Managerial World of Alastari as a result of the forthcoming decisions reached by the
two Veterans.
     Time passed swiftly as both Veteran Managers discussed how the landscape of the
DM game on the sands of Alastari had changed over the years both in Basic and Tourney
play; producing a new breed of managers who would of necessity band together in an
alliance with a common goal; waging war against antagonists while improving the
managerial skills of each participating member in their glorious quest for DM
     Hammer listened intently as his unexpected guest inquired about the situation in
North Fork/SCOMSS Swamp Arena; revealing his desire to participate in the upcoming
Turf War 4 contest in DM 47 with an alliance that would accept him on a more
permanent basis other than for just fighting together as a TW4 alliance to win fame
and Gift Certs.
     Here was a Veteran Manager, seeking the advice of Hammer regarding an alliance
to join on a permanent basis; plus extending a sword arm of friendship and requesting
that Hammer join him as an alliance mate with those who would welcome their
     The Iron in the Words of Hammer had produced this opportunity as a result of the
recent conflicts witnessed first hand by the manager seated across the table from
Hammer.  This Veteran Manager had been secretly searching and scouting around
Alastari for someone worth his mettle to fight alongside; someone who would know
where to find the perfect gang of rebels who were unafraid of waging war against
     Hammer knew exactly where to look and in a matter of days the two newcomers were
welcomed into the ranks of a group of managers who received them as war waging equals
in an alliance that had joined a Confederation of Alliances for the TW4 contest.
     Fighting under the banner of The Illuminati Confederation of Alliances alongside
members of Chaos Inc, kLk and The Company of Brothers during the TW4 was more than
either of the two Veteran Managers had envisioned a few months ago.
     Hammer was now entering a new journey with a new attitude.
     Perhaps you readers may have noticed that new attitude by now since this
announcement by Hammer is uncharacteristically Exclamation Point Free.
     Except for the famous quote by Hammer at the end of this announcement.
     Now that Hammer and the Mysterious Hooded Figure have agreed to join forces with
an alliance whose members have welcomed them enthusiastically; let those who desire
to be antagonistic be forewarned as to the identities of these newly welcomed wagers
of war:

kLk Bringer of Pain

kLk WordSmith and WeaponSmith
Minister of War
Illuminati Idealist

     "May Your Blades Be Sharp and Your Wits Sharper!"

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

JAMES T. JERK viciously subdued JOE POOLE in a 2 minute Challenge fight.
DALE was demolished by PINE LEAF in a 2 minute one-sided Challenge melee.
POOP SLINGER defeated BUBBA JONES in a crowd pleasing 1 minute Challenge duel.
KING BROWN SNAKE viciously subdued TRINA LARK in a 2 minute Challenge fight.
STONEFISH unbelievably bested VENOMOUS CONCUBINE in a 4 minute veteran's Title duel.
TIGER SHARK devastated BILL POOLE in a 1 minute one-sided competition.
OOZING SORE viciously subdued THE USEROUS MERCHANT in a action packed 4 minute melee.
HERPES vanquished BOX JELLYFISH in a 1 minute gruesome uneven fight.
ZIPPER was defeated by DEATH ADDER in a 3 minute novice's fight.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                   6         LUNGING ATTACK    19 -   4 -  1      83  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    2         PARRY-LUNGE        2 -   1 -  0      67  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  2         TOTAL PARRY       13 -   7 -  0      65  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   2         BASHING ATTACK    12 -   7 -  1      63  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      2         SLASHING ATTACK    6 -   4 -  0      60  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    2         PARRY-RIPOSTE      5 -   6 -  0      45  |
|AIMED BLOW                       0         WALL OF STEEL     10 -  13 -  0      43  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      0         AIMED BLOW         3 -   4 -  0      43  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     0         STRIKING ATTACK    2 -   7 -  1      22  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  0         PARRY-STRIKE       0 -   2 -  0       0  |

Turn 500 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

LUNGING ATTACK     4 -  2     AIMED BLOW         0 -  0         4  LUNGING ATTACK 
PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -  1     PARRY-LUNGE        0 -  0         3  WALL OF STEEL  
SLASHING ATTACK    1 -  1     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  0         2  TOTAL PARRY    
BASHING ATTACK     1 -  1     STRIKING ATTACK    0 -  0         1  BASHING ATTACK 
TOTAL PARRY        1 -  1                                       1  SLASHING ATTACK
WALL OF STEEL      1 -  1     

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
TOTAL PARRY      STONEFISH 4489             21   9  0   92 AUSSIE KILLERS (455)
LUNGING ATTACK   JAMES T. JERK 4590         10   1  0   81 STAR DRECK (467)
WALL OF STEEL    JOE POOLE 4534             15  13  0   67 KRILL CAVALRY (403)
BASHING ATTACK   TIGER SHARK 4575            6   4  0   59 AUSSIE KILLERS (455)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is PINE LEAF 4580.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was OOZING SORE 4482.  The ten other most popular fighters were JAMES T. JERK 4590, 

The least popular fighter this week was BOX JELLYFISH 4641.  The other ten least 
popular fighters were BILL POOLE 4634, TRINA LARK 4615, DALE 3458, STONEFISH 4489,