Date   : 08/11/2003    Duedate: 08/23/2003


DM-26    TURN-459

This Weeks Top Honors


(26-4043) [11-8-0,94]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

BALTIMORE                      POSITION IS EMPTY
HERE TO PHOENIX (415)          
(26-4043) [11-8-0,94]          

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

BENEFICE                       ASHE
THE TAKEN (390)                ERRATUM (440)
(26-4153) [17-23-2,83]         (26-4241) [3-3-1,26]



Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. GOLDEN CANYON (290)         37
2. HERE TO PHOENIX (415)       29      THE DREADLANDS (425)
3. HEADBANGERS (87)            21      Unchartered Team
4. SHERWOOD FOREST (438)       15
5. THE DREADLANDS (425)        15      BIRDS OF PREY (169)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 2 THE DREADLANDS (425)      34  20  1 63.0   1/ 2 HEADBANGERS (87)         11  4 0
 2/ 3 MENAGERIE (228)          122  79  7 60.7   2/ 1 SHERWOOD FOREST (438)     9  6 1
 3- 5*POISONOUS PUGILIST (414)   6   4  0 60.0   3/ 3 HERE TO PHOENIX (415)     7  1 1
 4/ 7 HERE TO PHOENIX (415)     73  51  3 58.9   4/ 4 WARCKERS (362)            7  7 0
 5/ 6 WARCKERS (362)           479 344 27 58.2   5/ 5 MENAGERIE (228)           6  6 0
 6/ 8 HEADBANGERS (87)         336 244 18 57.9   6/ 6 GOLDEN CANYON (290)       5 10 0
 7/ 9 SHERWOOD FOREST (438)    129  96 18 57.3   7/ 7 THE TAKEN (390)           4  5 0
 8/10 THE TAKEN (390)          253 303 20 45.5   8/11 THE DREADLANDS (425)      2  2 0
 9/11 ERRATUM (440)             18  25  1 41.9   9/10 ERRATUM (440)             2  5 0
10/12 GOLDEN CANYON (290)      333 476 13 41.2  10- 8*POISONOUS PUGILIST (414)  1  1 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

        + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ The Aruaki Clanhold #117 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +


     Tonga, a Lord Protector who had graduated here, stood on the top level of the
arena and looked out over the small city.  The past year or two had not been kind to
Seam.  Buildings still stood between the center of the city and the river, but the
other half of the town was in ruins.  "It wouldn't look any worse if there'd been a
war here," he muttered to his teammate, Nathaniel G.
     "If there'd been a war, there would be more bodies," Nathaniel argued.  Anything
else he might have said was drowned out by rumbling deep in the earth.
     The geyser that had broken out a few months ago burst into the air, bringing
sulfur-scented steam.  It rose in the center of the devastated area, shooting higher
than the arena walls before a wind from the west seized the top of the plume and blew
scalding mist to the east.  The circle of abandoned buildings marked the distance
that any normal wind was likely to blow the deadly steam.  Although some of the
destruction in the center had resulted from the blast that released the geyser, and
from the occasional earth-shocks afterward, most of it was due to vandalism and
     Some of the vandals, Tonga noted sadly, were gladiators whose teams hadn't found
new homes after the arena closed.  He could understand their anger and despair, but
wished they'd found a more constructive outlet.  Others were relicts of the civil war
who, for one reason or another, had nowhere else to go.
     "Point's in worse shape," Nathaniel said when the geyser finally subsided.
"Wiped out by..." he hesitated, not wanting to attribute the destruction of Point to
     "Ghosts," Tonga said.  "Might as well admit it.  Everyone says it was ghosts out
of Krael that wiped out Point and hit Iaye, too."  He glanced sideways at his
companion.  "When you were out toward Point, did you swing down to Ti?  We haven't
heard a word from there in, I dunno, weeks, months?"


     Karanjal walked into the Krill Cavalry guildhouse and flopped into a chair.  He
wasn't sure now what he had expected life to be like once he became a Lord Protector,
but he knew he hadn't expected to end up as a courier riding all over the Clanhold.
He accepted a mug of cold cider from his teammate, Flitter McGee, and drank deeply.
     Flitter waited impatiently, and when Karanjal didn't seem likely to stop
drinking, he said, "Well?"
     "No, not well," Karanjal growled.
     "You went to Ti," Flitter prompted, when no further comment was forthcoming.
     "There isn't any Ti.  Empty beach.  Not even ruins."
     "Some kind of wave, like took out Point?" Flitter guessed.
     "You're not listening!"  Karanjal slammed his mug onto the long refectory table
in sudden irritation.  "There is no Ti.  It's like there never was a Ti.  With Point,
there are ruins.  With Ti, nothing.  I searched the coast for three miles each way--
What a joke, each way from what?  I couldn't even be sure exactly which part of the
coast used to have the town on it!"  He was silent for a moment.  "There's a cliff at
the water's edge," he said finally, "some kind of purplish rock with fossils in it.
Like nothing I've seen anywhere before.  I'm guessing that's where Ti used to be,
that somehow the town got swapped for a piece of some other coast somewhere...."
     "But that's impossible!"
     "Unlikely, maybe, but what other explanation is there?"
     "Okay, okay...."  Flitter frowned.  "Okay, really big magic could maybe do it,
but really big magic is impossible right now, because of the Chaos contamination and
the Arcanum failing and all."
     Karanjal shrugged.  "I don't have to come up with answers, thank all gods!  I
just go and gather facts.  Someone else can figure out what's going on."  He heaved
himself up reluctantly.  "I suppose I'd better write out a report."

At an unknown location:

     Belana listened to the sliding rocks, but she kept her eyes moving.  Just
because she could hear someone coming from one direction, that didn't mean there
wasn't somebody coming from some other direction, too.  The man who emerged from the
trees was dark enough to be Delarquan, but if this was the wrong side of some Gate,
that didn't mean anything.  She supposed she should be glad it was human.  Or at
least looked human.  Her gaze flicked to the man and then along the edge of the
trees, back to the man and along the trees on the other side.  He looked like
Gelleran.  Not exactly, but very nearly like Gelleran.  Maybe he was trapped on this
side of the Gate, too.
     Or maybe this was somebody or some THING else that was mimicking Gelleran's
appearance to put her off guard.  There was a lot of deceit in the world--in ANY
world, after all.
     The man came down the last of the slope in a half-run that made enough noise to
cover anyone else who might be moving in the woods.  "Belana!  My seer said you would
be here--I'm so glad you're not badly hurt!"  He came up against the low wall that
marked that side of her floor, hitting it with a jolt that would knock the breath out
of anyone.  He grinned at her, panting.
     If this wasn't Gelleran, the illusion was beyond her ability to penetrate, and
she couldn't refuse help just because she didn't trust this world.  Belana put down
her rock and stood.  "I'm glad to see a familiar face," she admitted.  "But where are
     "On Kordos, of course!"  He recovered his breath and came around the wall,
obviously intending to take her into his arms.
     Belana shied back.  She knew he liked her, but they hadn't been on hugging
terms, that she recalled.  But at least they must be still in the Ghean world, still
on Alastari, even.  She grabbed for the first neutral topic that came to mind.
"Kordos...that's your island, isn't it?  Near Valamantis--"
     "It is my island, yes, of course," he said, lowering his arms and looking
disturbed.  "And yours, too, I hope.  As my betrothed and soon-to-be wife and queen,
I hope you will come to regard Kordos as your home just as it is mine.  But...I do
not know of this Valamantis you speak of."

           + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Andorians Abroad #12 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

Not in Zuwayza:

     A deep drumming sound echoed through the house.
     "That will be the Sultan's men--or the Temple Guards, even!--at the door," the
merchant muttered.  "I dare not refuse them entry."
     The merchant hurried away, and Tankesh dismissed the man from his mind.  The way
his head ached, he didn't figure on wasting his efforts on peripheral puzzles.  The
important thing was to get on his feet without falling down.  He braced one hand
against the wall and pushed himself upward.  After a moment, the room stopped
wobbling around.  He took a careful step toward the small table that held his sword,
picked it up, and slung the belt around himself.  Headache or no, he could fight if
he had to, and just having the sword at hand gave him confidence.  He looked around
the room.
     The doctor was tidying away all sign that someone had been here, straightening
the cover on the divan, scooping up a small cup and spoon, a bit of bloodstained
cloth, anything that might be out of place, and gathering it all into a small bundle
which he shoved into his doctor's bag.  Not speaking, the man gestured for Tankesh to
follow him and darted out a door that had been concealed by a hanging curtain.
     No, Tankesh corrected himself as he scrambled to keep up with the man, not
concealed.  It didn't seem to be anything like a secret door, and the curtain was
probably merely to stop drafts.  Well, whatever.  He didn't suppose that mattered.
He would probably never see these people or this place again.
     The doctor led him down a long hall; some of the doorways opening off it had
curtains for closure and others had real doors of wood.  Even in what Tankesh guessed
was a service hallway, the doors were all surrounded by tiles painted with bright-
colored floral patterns, and the floor, also of tile, had a long strip of striped
carpet down it.  The door at the far end was locked and bolted, but the doctor had a
key and let them out into an alley.
     A blank-faced building on the side made a narrow path of black shadow, but for
the rest, the sun turned the alley into an oven.  The doctor didn't pause but led him
onward at a brisk trot, around a corner, and in through another door, across a small
courtyard, into a dusty hallway, out another door, and on and on through a maze of
buildings and alleys.  Tankesh wondered what kind of practice the man had that he
knew this maze so well.  They saw few people in their rapid passage, all of them
heavily cloaked and moving away.
     They ended up in another small courtyard, this one dominated by a spreading
cypress tree and a tiled pool of water with a fountain splashing gently into it.
     "I will leave you here," the doctor said quickly.  "The sage may be able to help
you return to your own world.  Fare you well, Traveler, and may the Goddess smile
upon your going out and your returning."  Before Tankesh could respond, he vanished
back through the gateway.
     "So you are a Traveler, eh?"  The voice came from the deep shade of the cypress,
unhurried and genial.  "It's been a long time since I Traveled, though I visited many
worlds in my youth.  Come sit here by the fountain and tell me how it is with you,
young man."
     Tankesh peered into the shadow but couldn't make out more than a vague presence.
With a slight shrug, he moved closer, noting with relief that the air was distinctly
cooler under the tree.  He sank down onto the rim of the fountain and squinted into
the shadow.
     The sage was very old, a shrunken, withered figure barely visible among a nest
of shawls.  How could he stand shawls in this heat?  "What's going on?" he asked.
     The old man sighed.  "It's a time of change, young man.  I have studied many
lifetimes and do not fully understand it.  There is always the possibility of
Traveling from one world to another, but the choice of destination is ordinarily
restricted, and the passage is difficult.  For some reason beyond my slender
understanding, this is changing...at least for now.  A world of which we know
nothing, have never Visited--your world--is coming into conjunction with ours.
Travel is easy, even happening by sheerest accident.  Thus, I gather, your presence."
     "The doctor who brought me here said the same thing, more or less.  But that
still doesn't tell me why ME, what happened to my companion, and how I get home!"
     The old man laughed.  "Why you and what happened to your companion, I cannot
guess.  As to how you might get home--"  He stretched one thin leg out in front of
him, and the sunlight burned on a crimson slipper with a curled toe.  "I don't think
my shoes will fit you, but there are other ways.  Quite simple, really.  Come into my
terminal."  He hoisted himself to his feet and headed for a door that was barely
visible under a deep arcade.

      * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

                          ---===ANDORIAN REGIONAL NEWS===---

 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 233): FANTA FUELED FUZZ of BLACKTHORN ORCS (Slugbait, mgr.)
 DM  11 ARUAK CITY (turn 469): NUBIAN GOD of VIEW ASKEW (Angus, mgr.)
 DM  14 TOBIR (turn 468): CONAN of THE DEATH SQUAD (Street Legal, mgr.)
 DM  22 SOLVEN (turn 461): CLINTON of THE DEMOCRATS (Al Gore, mgr.)
 DM  24 ZORPUNT (turn 458): SLIM SHADY of THE MC5 (Street Legal, mgr.)
                              (Assurnasirbanipal, mgr.)
 DM  26 CALEAM (turn 458): BENEFICE of THE TAKEN (The Annalist, mgr.)
 DM  30 IAYE (turn 454): PHISH BAIT of TRIP OUT (Angus, mgr.)
 DM  40 ZENSU (turn 420): BIRDBRAIN of WIMPS MOST FOWL (Wimpy, mgr.)
 DM  41 KATI-TEI (turn 414): AFRICAN GREY of BIRDS (JE, mgr.)
 DM  46 ARDIVENT (turn 406): OL' JOE COLLIN of BLUVALLEY WARRIORS (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  52 FRATSFA (turn 181): SQUASH BUTT of OTTO'S PARTS (Crip, mgr.)
 DM  60 ARADI (turn 317): GATECRASHER of CLUB CULTURE (Talon Volksie, mgr.)
 DM  63 AMEN-TEI (turn 308): PIPE LAYER of WORKING MEN (Soultaker, mgr.)
 DM  71 KYR'TERR (turn 136): LONGSHOT of SHADOW GOLD (Shadowgate, mgr.)
ADM 105 ANDORAK (turn 354): NEBBISH of SAILS OF CHARON from ARADI (The Sentinel)

                                      Top Teams
 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 233): BONDAGE (Spawn, mgr.)
 DM  11 ARUAK CITY (turn 469): VIEW ASKEW (Angus, mgr.)
 DM  14 TOBIR (turn 468): THE DEATH SQUAD (Street Legal, mgr.)
 DM  22 SOLVEN (turn 461): SERPENTINE INC. (Floyd, mgr.)
 DM  24 ZORPUNT (turn 458): THE ASININE (Philthy Phil, mgr.)
 DM  25 LYRATILAN (turn 458): CHAUCERS WORDS (Berylstar, mgr.)
 DM  26 CALEAM (turn 458): SHERWOOD FOREST (Papaiz, mgr.)
 DM  30 IAYE (turn 454): WRESTLMANIACS (Crip, mgr.)
 DM  40 ZENSU (turn 420): CARNIVAL (Carny, mgr.)
 DM  41 KATI-TEI (turn 414): WANDERERS (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  46 ARDIVENT (turn 406): DEATHTONGUE (Technogeek, mgr.)
 DM  52 FRATSFA (turn 181): OTTO'S PARTS (Crip, mgr.)
 DM  60 ARADI (turn 317): CLUB CULTURE (Talon Volksie, mgr.)
 DM  63 AMEN-TEI (turn 308): WAY OF THE BLADE 2 (Vhagar, mgr.)
 DM  71 KYR'TERR (turn 136): SHADOW GOLD (Shadowgate, mgr.)
ADM 105 ANDORAK (turn 354): BOXES, etc. (Doc Steele, mgr.)

                                   Recent Graduates
 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 233): FANTA FUELED FUZZ of BLACKTHORN ORCS (Slugbait, mgr.)
                           FOTHERINFOP of WIMPS OF PERIL (Wimpy, mgr.)
               (turn 232): DOMINO of BONDAGE (Spawn, mgr.)
                           BETHUNES of LA PENTARCHIE (The Pentalque, mgr.)
                               JUGHEAD of KRILL CAVALRY (Leeta, mgr.)
                               BART WELLENS of 'CROSSED UP (Dr. Mabuse, mgr.)
                   (turn 468): BOOTLEG PATCHWORK of  GERFEL'S FRIENDS (Generalissimo
                               Puerco, mgr.)
 DM  22 SOLVEN (turn 461): CLINTON of THE DEMOCRATS (Al Gore, mgr.)
                           SUE of WOMEN OF REALITY (THawk, mgr.)
 DM  24 ZORPUNT (turn 458): FLITTER MCGEE of KRILL CAVALRY (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  30 IAYE (turn 454): PHISH BAIT of TRIP OUT (Angus, mgr.)
             (turn 453): INFERNO of I TRAINED THEM (Soultaker, mgr.)
 DM  40 ZENSU (turn 420): BIRDBRAIN of WIMPS MOST FOWL (Wimpy, mgr.)
 DM  41 KATI-TEI (turn 414): AFRICAN GREY of BIRDS (JE, mgr.)
 DM  52 FRATSFA (turn 181): LONGARMOFTHELAW of OTTO'S PARTS (Crip, mgr.)
 DM  60 ARADI (turn 317): GATECRASHER of CLUB CULTURE (Talon Volksie, mgr.)
                          SLAP HAPPY of BUMS 'R' US (Berylstar, mgr.)
              (turn 316): SCUMBAG of WIMPS OF DEATH (Wimpy, mgr.)
                          WETBOX of BOXES (Doc Steele, mgr.)
 DM  63 AMEN-TEI (turn 308): RHYTHM METHOD of SURPRISE! (Soultaker, mgr.)
 DM  71 KYR'TERR (turn 136): LONGSHOT of SHADOW GOLD (Shadowgate, mgr.)

                                      SPY REPORT

     Greetings warriors!  It is I, Zontani Sharp Eyes, here to bring report of the 
clash and bustle of the weekly CALEAM games.  Former top team SHERWOOD FOREST was 
unseated this week as HEADBANGERS moved up from 2nd ranking to take the top spot with 
a 4-1-0 record for the round.  Warriors--remember that glory waits always around the 
corner!  Witness how this week THE DREADLANDS went 2-0-0 to move up 3 in the 
rankings.  My praise to HERE TO PHOENIX for their 3-0-0 week this time out.  Indeed, 
it was a skillfully fought round deserving of notice!  RED RUFFLES caught the eye of 
many in the gladiatorial commission as she skillfully bested TRUSTWORTHY SCRIBE and 
was awarded 19 points in recognition.  In one of the week's more notable duels, 
COLORADO SPRINGS put down DIO, causing him to lose 13 points of recognition in the 
process.  This time victory fell to the grasp of the usurper.  All hail BALTIMORE, 
Duelmaster of CALEAM!  Informants "close" to the city champion have told me that he 
never fights without pantyhose on beneath his armor.  Watch out!   
     I have been in deep conclave with my spies who watched all that has recently 
transpired.  Indeed there is much I would report.  My inside sources tell me that the 
team to beat in CALEAM these days is SHERWOOD FOREST.  At least, most blades in town 
are looking to avoid them.  Apparently the stalwarts of HEADBANGERS are catching the 
bulk of jests down at the challenging board for their large share of the avoids.  
Mighty fighters cannot but expect competition from those below.  SAPPER take warning! 
You have more than a few enemies in CALEAM.  I can not but mention with disdain the 
name of POWERMAN who this week posted a challenge to a warrior a full 11 points below 
in the rankings.  I thought POWERMAN showed great skill and promise when he overcame 
TUK ADOW.  All right, so I slept through it!  Big deal!   
     Vendettas.  Bloodied blades and broken spears.  Indeed the city has seen more 
than its fair share of red in recent times.  Some say a warrior is judged by the way 
he bears arms.  One thing is sure, better a dagger in hand then a sword on the belt!  
     If it were not for my skills as a spy I would have been mugged three times 
already in CALEAM.  Nice atmosphere you have here!  Sadly warriors, now longer can I 
keep thy company nor savor the ale of thy fine city.  Depart I must and soon!  Till 
next we meet remember - the pen is mightier than the sword, but a maul is a different 
story!-- Zontani Sharp Eyes  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 BALTIMORE 4043               11   8  0    94       HERE TO PHOENIX (415)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-TAOS 4042                    12   7  1   122       HERE TO PHOENIX (415)
-GALILEO 4196                 10   3  0    91       MENAGERIE (228)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 EBON AH'BIS 4085              8   4  0    87       THE DREADLANDS (425)
 R'AKA 4084                    9   6  0    85       THE DREADLANDS (425)
 BENEFICE 4153                17  23  2    83       THE TAKEN (390)
 SARINA 4220                  13  13  1    75       GOLDEN CANYON (290)
 MR. GRINCH 2124              10   5  0    75       HEADBANGERS (87)
-WOOLLY LOCO 3902              6   0  0    72       POISONOUS PUGILISTS (414)
 BOB FROM BODIE 4141          12  34  0    70       GOLDEN CANYON (290)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 IRIS 4228                    10   5  1    61       MENAGERIE (228)
 DRALION 4303                  7   2  0    61       MENAGERIE (228)
 ALBUQUERQUE 4082             12  10  0    60       HERE TO PHOENIX (415)
 NICKEL 4240                  10  12  0    60       ERRATUM (440)
 ALEGRIA 4291                  8   2  0    58       MENAGERIE (228)
 SAILOR MOON 4275              9   4  1    57       SHERWOOD FOREST (438)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 BORDERLINE 4195               6   9  2    51       MENAGERIE (228)
 SAPPER 4243                   7   6  1    50       SHERWOOD FOREST (438)
 POINDEXTER 2133               6   8  0    44       HEADBANGERS (87)
 COLORADO SPRINGS 4265         3   2  1    42       HERE TO PHOENIX (415)
-KERCHECK 4093                 6   1  1    39       THE DREADLANDS (425)
 AMEE 4301                     6   3  1    39       HEADBANGERS (87)
 KAPOW 4257                    7  13  0    37       THE TAKEN (390)
 KORIBUS 4227                  6  19  0    37       GOLDEN CANYON (290)
 OINGA 4255                    7  13  0    34       THE TAKEN (390)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 TROUBLE 4290                  5   5  1    33       WARCKERS (362)
 SAILOR VENUS 4326             6   0  0    32       SHERWOOD FOREST (438)
 LITTLE NUGGET 4269            3  12  0    29       GOLDEN CANYON (290)
 DIO 4302                      6   3  0    28       HEADBANGERS (87)
 RAZOR BACK 4317               4   3  0    26       WARCKERS (362)
 ASHE 4241                     3   3  1    26       ERRATUM (440)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 DIESEL 4277                   6   7  0    25       WARCKERS (362)
 DE DE MAO 4330                3   1  0    24       SHERWOOD FOREST (438)
-ORLANDO 4131                  2   5  0    24       HERE TO PHOENIX (415)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 ABSORB ALL 4334               3   0  0    22       WARCKERS (362)
 POWERMAN 4332                 2   1  0    22       HEADBANGERS (87)
 RED RUFFLES 4333              1   3  0    22       GOLDEN CANYON (290)
 R TO L 4268                   2   1  0    15       ERRATUM (440)
 WICK 4267                     2   1  0    13       ERRATUM (440)
 TUK ADOW 4329                 2   2  1     9       SHERWOOD FOREST (438)
 GRAVEL 4266                   1   2  0     9       ERRATUM (440)
 DEATH 4347                    0   1  0     1       WARCKERS (362)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?
DIGITAL 4274           7  4 3 WARCKERS 362          TAOS 4042             457         

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Tuk Adow - Hey ya big oaf!  That's what you get for the cheap down challenge; a swift 
kick to the chops! -- Powerman

Red Ruffles -- You just can't catch a break can ya?  At least you're on the same team 
as Little Nugget, so he can help ease the pain some. -- Amee

Razor Back -- We really do have to quit meeting like this. -- Dio

Alegria -- You could have at least let me think I had a chance. -- Poindexter

Bob From Bodie -- What the heck is a Bodie, and why didn't you stay there?  Man, are 
you bad or what. -- Mr. Grinch

Ebon Ah'bis -- How in the world do you lose to Khalhums Dwarf?  Geesh... - Sablon-O-

Mr. Grinch -- I figure after all this time we shouldn't be so formal.  You call me 
Bob, and what shall I call you? -- Bob from Bodie

Iris -- You're a pretty as a flower, ma'am.  It didn't seem right to try to hurt you. 
-- Koribus

Absorb All -- How all-encompassingly selfish of you. -- Little Nugget

Sapper -- I'd like to see you boiled down for syrup. -- Sarina

Amee -- You have no appreciation of the color and excitement that go with... Red 

Headbangers -- Haven't you ever seen red ruffles on, for instance, a petticoat when 
someone is dancing a cancan? -- Kate the surprised

18 July 2003
To All Managers -- I would like to take this time to announce that my alliance, The
Association, is no more.  Due to the dead weight managers of the alliance and their
lack of participation, DarkSpirit and I have formed a new alliance:  The Firm.  We
have taken on two members so far and are looking for a few more.  If you would like
to find out more about The Firm, you can diplo Dark Spirit, Unknowns XX in arena 15
or myself, Sungod, Sadists F2FII in arena 62.
                               --*  The Firm *--
                    Sungod -- Sadists F2FII -- 62

                    Dark Spirit -- Unknowns XX -- 15
                    Youngblood -- Wensinwasin -- 43
                    Tripwire -- Of Wolf and Man -- 1

26 July 2003
     Citizens of Alastari, a bright dawn has risen.  While you slept, a pernicious
force has entered the once-fair City of Aruak.  It fought alongside their treasured
warriors, it drank with their fans, and it slept with their women.  Now the masks are
coming off.
     Warriors, be afraid...be very afraid.  After years of Andorian managers ranting
that Aruak is the safest city in Alastari, the Frothingslosh Syndicate has selected
Aruak City as the home for its next epic 'contest'--Murder by Numbers II.  Our spies
have selected the warriors for extermination, and the executioners have had several
months to prepare.  Now a new age of darkness will descend upon Aruak, as the
Syndicate and its allies bring an entirely new level of competition to the arena!
Downchallenges!  Assassinations!  Small poodles as hors d'oeuvres!
     The Murder by Numbers II 'rules' will be announced next cycle.  However, we
invite all managers, from all corners of Alastari, to come to Aruak City and take
part...in one way or another.  Help defend the honor of a long heralded haven for the
pure, or join the forces of change in their siege of the ice-cream and cake
stronghold of the Dukes of Nerf-Dueling!
     This exercise is not for either the faint of heart or the weak willed.  Blood
will flow, brains will leak, and beer will be chugged.  Either way, we welcome you
with open arms and gleaming blades.
     This public service announcement has been brought to you by Frothingslosh Epic
Contests (tm), the number 86, and the letter 'K'.

The Frothingslosh Syndicate

29 July 2003
           *     *     *     *The Third Annual Turf War*     *     *     *
     Yes, it's time again for alliances to go to war!  TW3 will be held in DM 47
(North Fork) at a date to be  specified later--right after Crip's Incomprehensible
Contest is over...but I'm sure everyone wants to get their teams there soon!  Here
are the rules:

1.  Each alliance must have a leader declare the arrival of his alliance.  The leader
    will be responsible for verifying any and all teams/managers who declare to the
    alliance he/she is leading.
2.  Each manager, team declaring for the contest must have approval of the leader,
    donate one Roll-up Certificate ($5) to the prize pot (send it to me by diplo, by
    snail, or a note to customer service), and declare his/her team by diplo, p-ad or
3.  Each team may declare one warrior as champion.  All points scored by a champ are
4.  Prizes are as follows (mostly...there WILL be some things added as the prize pot
    grows with entry donations--this list is not final!)
    *  Highest scoring alliance -- Rename Arena 47 for a period of 6 months, one half
       of the total prize pot donated; roll-up certs.
    *  The Alliance with the most returns from the DA will get to re-name the DA
       monsters for a period of 6 months.
    *  The alliance with the most warriors listed as style masters will get to pick
       the Alastari city/arena to host the next Grand Tournament.
    *  The warrior with the most front page honors/awards will have the Arenamaster
       named after him for a period of 6 months.
    *  The Alliance with the most front page Honors/Awards will have the honor of
        picking the *slow* arena to host the Fifth Annual Turf War.
    *  The team with the most listings as Style Master will find out the favorites of
       one of their warriors.
    *  The warrior with the most listings as Style Master will fight at my expense
       for five turns (I will transfer to the manager's account).
    *  The Alliance with the most kills will be able to re-name the stand-in warriors
       for a period of 6 months.
    *  The warrior that scores the most total points will fight at my expense for 5
       turns (I will transfer $7.50 to the manager's account).
    *  The team that scores the most total points will receive an extra share of
       roll-up certs from the prize pot.
     There may be more categories to come, and the prize pot still has to be
divided...I'm open to category/prize ideas--and further donations to the prize pot.
     The contest will run for *TEN* turns; prizes will be awarded at the end of the
11th turn.
     Scoring will be as follows:
* 5 points per fight, doubled for each of the following conditions met:
     -- Two Alliance     -- Champion
     -- Challenge        -- Two Champions
     -- Bloodfeud        -- Challenger losing
     -- Kill
     (Note:  DA losses are exempt, but DA wins will be *tripled*!!!  Ex:  Happy
Slasher goes to the DA and dies, no points are lost.  If he wins, his team scores 60
points!  If he was a champ, he scores 120 points!)
     Use the following chart to calculate scores:
Conditions Met:       0     1     2     3     4     5     6     7
Points Per Fight:     5    10    20    40    80   160   320   640
* Awards/Honors and Style Masters will each be awarded points also.  Find the total
number of each (do note add Awards and Style Masters together) and consult the graph
below.  Champs that score an award or style master count as two.
     1 --   5      7 --  320
     2 --  10      8 --  640
     3 --  20      9 -- 1280
     4 --  40     10 -- 2560
     5 --  80     11 -- 5280
     6 -- 100     (x2 for each extra)
Note -- These categories *count as "triple"*--they will be figured for each team,
*AND* again for each alliance *as well as* for each warrior!
*  Each and every mention in the Spy Report is worth 5 points...period.
*  TVs will be scored on the same scale as Awards/Style Masters, but the total points
will be x10.  TC's will be scored as TV's, but x10 more.
Number of TV/TC's          Points Scored (TV/TC)
     1      50/ 500
     2     100/1000
     3     200/2000
     4     400/4000
     +     x2/ x2 (for each extra)
     Each alliance will start with 5000 points, scores for *fights* will be added to
the winner's total *AND* deducted from the losers.
     Come  one and all, defend your turf and the honor of your alliance...or your
                    Asmo Dius, TCB
                    Arenas, DM 47, DM 73

1 August 2003
     Assurnasirbanipal invites you to Talcama to participate in the third BATTLE
ROYAL contest.  It is a Delarquan contest so brutal that even some of Talcama's most
notable managers will refuse to participate.  The rules are simpler than any other
contest:  You may not avoid any other contest team.  There are no silly rules for who
can and can't compete.  Any team in Talcama is eligible to compete.  The scoring is
also quite simple (+1 for a win, +1 for a kill (+1 for the win), -1 for a loss) and
the first team to reach 25 points is the winner.
     Scoring will be live--the results for the turn posted in the newsletter.  The
winner will be able to fight their contest team in Talcama for free for 6 months but
more importantly will win a contest against some of the best managers who play the
game in one of the hardest contests in the game.
     First turn for BATTLE ROYAL 3 is Talcama Turn 465, which is due August 30.

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

EBON AH'BIS devastated BOB FROM BODIE in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight.
IRIS was savagely defeated by SARINA in a popular 5 minute veteran's Challenge melee.
NICKEL was devastated by R'AKA in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge contest.
BORDERLINE defeated KAPOW in a crowd pleasing 1 minute Challenge match.
POINDEXTER bested TROUBLE in a 3 minute Challenge duel.
DRALION overpowered KORIBUS in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge struggle.
ALBUQUERQUE slimly won victory over SAPPER in a 3 minute Challenge competition.
COLORADO SPRINGS viciously subdued DIO in a 2 minute gruesome Challenge duel.
POWERMAN won victory over TUK ADOW in a 2 minute beginner's Challenge fight.
BENEFICE was viciously subdued by BALTIMORE in a 1 minute veteran's Title fight.
MR. GRINCH beat ALEGRIA in a 3 minute fight.
SAILOR MOON savagely defeated RUTHLESS JAYWALKER in a crowd pleasing 4 minute match.
AMEE devastated OINGA in a 1 minute one-sided battle.
ASHE was unbelievably bested by SAILOR VENUS in a crowd pleasing 6 minute bout.
WICK was viciously subdued by RAZOR BACK in a 3 minute gruesome fight.
DE DE MAO was defeated by HAPPY PEASANT in a 3 minute beginner's struggle.
DIESEL slimly lost to LITTLE NUGGET in a crowd pleasing 4 minute bloody bout.
R TO L bested DEATH in a 3 minute novice's fight.
GRAVEL was outlasted by ABSORB ALL in a exciting 11 minute novice's bout.
RED RUFFLES overpowered TRUSTWORTHY SCRIBE in a 1 minute mismatched conflict.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                   8         PARRY-LUNGE        8 -   2 -  0      80  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  7         PARRY-STRIKE       5 -   2 -  0      71  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    6         TOTAL PARRY       24 -  16 -  0      60  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    5         SLASHING ATTACK   12 -   8 -  0      60  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      4         PARRY-RIPOSTE     23 -  19 -  0      55  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   3         STRIKING ATTACK   33 -  30 -  3      52  |
|AIMED BLOW                       2         LUNGING ATTACK    41 -  39 -  2      51  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      1         WALL OF STEEL     16 -  23 -  1      41  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  1         BASHING ATTACK    11 -  24 -  0      31  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     0         AIMED BLOW         4 -  10 -  0      29  |

Turn 459 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

AIMED BLOW         2 -  0     LUNGING ATTACK     2 -  6         3  SLASHING ATTACK
PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  0     WALL OF STEEL      1 -  4         3  WALL OF STEEL  
SLASHING ATTACK    1 -  0     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  0         2  LUNGING ATTACK 
TOTAL PARRY        4 -  0     BASHING ATTACK     0 -  3         1  STRIKING ATTACK
PARRY-RIPOSTE      4 -  2                                       1  PARRY-RIPOSTE  
STRIKING ATTACK    4 -  3                                       1  TOTAL PARRY    

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
SLASHING ATTACK  BALTIMORE 4043             11   8  0   94 HERE TO PHOENIX (415)
LUNGING ATTACK   EBON AH'BIS 4085            8   4  0   87 THE DREADLANDS (425)
STRIKING ATTACK  R'AKA 4084                  9   6  0   85 THE DREADLANDS (425)
TOTAL PARRY      MR. GRINCH 2124            10   5  0   75 HEADBANGERS (87)
PARRY-LUNGE      ALBUQUERQUE 4082           12  10  0   60 HERE TO PHOENIX (415)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is BENEFICE 4153.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was ASHE 4241.  The ten other most popular fighters were IRIS 4228, LITTLE NUGGET 
4269, SARINA 4220, GRAVEL 4266, SAPPER 4243, BORDERLINE 4195, ALBUQUERQUE 4082, 
ALEGRIA 4291, RAZOR BACK 4317, and DIESEL 4277.

The least popular fighter this week was ABSORB ALL 4334.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were WICK 4267, SAILOR VENUS 4326, OINGA 4255, BENEFICE 4153, KORIBUS 4227, 
NICKEL 4240, BOB FROM BODIE 4141, AMEE 4301, MR. GRINCH 2124, and DIO 4302.