Date   : 11/27/2006    Duedate: 12/09/2006


DM-26    TURN-542

This Weeks Top Honors


(26-4642) [13-4-0,100]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

(26-4642) [13-4-0,100]         (26-4712) [1-0-0,20]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

GOLDERIE                       GOLDERIE
GOLDEN CANYON (290)            GOLDEN CANYON (290)
(26-4657) [11-8-1,62]          (26-4657) [11-8-1,62]



Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. DOC LEGRAND'S LAB (475)     71
2. PHILANTHROPISTS (467)        9      PHILANTHROPISTS (467)
3. GOLDEN CANYON (290)         -1      Unchartered Team

                                       DOC LEGRAND'S LAB (475)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 0*DOC LEGRAND'S LAB (475)    5   0  0  100   1/ 1 GOLDEN CANYON (290)      10  5 0
 2/ 1 PHILANTHROPISTS (467)     35  24  0 59.3   2/ 0*DOC LEGRAND'S LAB (475)   5  0 0
 3/ 2 GOLDEN CANYON (290)      515 695 20 42.6   3/ 2 PHILANTHROPISTS (467)     4  3 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                      SPY REPORT

     It's me, The Unknown Spymaster here with my bag to give you the news on last 
week's fights.  Don't these new hotshots make you sick (or, if they fought you, 
hurt)?  DOC LEGRAND'S LAB, on their very first turn, went 5-0-0.  Hey everybody, 
watch out for GUARDIAN NAGA, who flew up 20 points in the rankings after mashing 
TRUSTWORTHY SCRIBE like a melon.  Keep your eye on this beast.  Ya know, some days it 
doesn't pay to walk out on the sands.  LORIS KEY was bested by NOBLE ASSASSIN and 
drops 8 points.  Going for the gusto and coming up with aught but bloody knuckles was 
CALEAM's KUNG-FU MASTER, who was turned away from the Duelmastership by ENLIGHTENED 
BEING.  An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but an onion a day keeps T.P.s at bay.  
     Let's dig a little deeper into what's happening in the CALEAM arena.   
     Death is kind of like a new puppy:  he's always around wanting to play.  (Ha 
Zontani, how's that for a wise saying?).  Ask not the elves for counsel, for they 
will say both yes and no.  Silly buggers, eh?   
     Well, there's the manager of the CALEAM giving me the 'cut' sign (or is that 
'They're going to strangle you in the alley?).  C'mon, Leadfoot, let's make some 
tracks.  Its been real, and its been fun, but it hasn't been real fun...-- The 
Unknown Spymaster  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 ENLIGHTENED BEING 4642       13   4  0   100       PHILANTHROPISTS (467)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 GOLDERIE 4657                11   8  1    62       GOLDEN CANYON (290)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 CLEMMIE 4630                 12  14  1    56       GOLDEN CANYON (290)
 LORIS KEY 4706                7   1  1    56       GOLDEN CANYON (290)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 MAUREEN 4702                  6   4  0    33       GOLDEN CANYON (290)
 PLEXIGLASSJAWJOE 4650         6   4  0    30       PHILANTHROPISTS (467)
-ORTH 4643                     6   3  0    27       PHILANTHROPISTS (467)
-SMAYNURN 4656                 6   3  0    25       PHILANTHROPISTS (467)
 IRON FORGE 4707               3   4  0    25       PHILANTHROPISTS (467)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 GUARDIAN NAGA 4712            1   0  0    20       DOC LEGRAND'S LAB (475)
 TIMBER RATTLESNAKE 4710       1   0  0    15       DOC LEGRAND'S LAB (475)
 IVORY IGUANA 4714             1   0  0    15       DOC LEGRAND'S LAB (475)
 PIKE 4708                     3   4  0    14       GOLDEN CANYON (290)
 SPECKLED GECKO 4711           1   0  0    13       DOC LEGRAND'S LAB (475)
 SCARLET SKINK 4713            1   0  0     8       DOC LEGRAND'S LAB (475)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?

                                     PERSONAL ADS

I wish it to be clearly understood, that I have never and do not now nor ever will
invite an orc to visit.  Everyone knows, from dire experience since the arena crew
was augmented by one, that orcs are voracious beyond all other races.  It is
impossible to fill their bellies, they have gastrointestinal black holes.  I did
attempt a gastrointestinalectomy, but I fear the Infirmary has undone my good work.
-- Loris Key

I note that the Ruthless Jaywalker is Delarquan.  It figures. -- Clemmie
P.S.  Why has nobody run over this fiend with a beer wagon?  I would love to see him
smashed between the cobblestones.  Then we could call him Ruthless Grout.

Once again we see the stingy Merchant with Dubious Business Ethics.  I suppose I can
stand to fight him, even if he is so ungenerous with skills, but what I do NOT
understand is why he is allowed thirteen days every fortnight to continue to do
"business" in this town? -- Golderie

Iron Forge -- I still think you'd make a great dwarf.  Of course, you would have to
grow a beard, and I have been told by some men who have them that they itch.  I
suppose an itching chin would be a negative factor.  But think of the protection a
good beard could provide for your throat! -- Maureen

On the whole, I think a lot of the Shiftyeyed Volunteer's problems come from his
inability to look directly at the target he is supposed to be aiming for.  Not that
*I* mind, but it just struck me in passing.  Which is more than HE did. -- Pike

Ed. -- Sarcasm-senses need exercise to remain healthy and alert. -- Clemmie

     I hardly think there's any danger of mine atrophying. -- Ed.

2 November 2006
I received a Gift Certificate from someone.  I'm assuming it's for entry into the
Turf War 5.  Whoever sent this to me...please email me at rbaphomets@yahoo.com.

10 November 2006
     The Quest of the Best has come to an end.  Dark Knight Toker, host of the Quest,
wants to proclaim the Ultimate Victor and give a listing of prize winners.
     Lady Fern and her Flower Girls of the Consortium are the Ultimate Victors of the
Quest.  Well fought and there's nothing like coming from behind to leave us all in
the dust.  Can't wait to see you defend your title! (wink)
     Here is a complete list of managers who placed in prize positions:

1)  Lady Fern, mgr. Flower Girls
2)  Le Pentarque, mgr. Blood & Guts!
3)  Crip, mgr. Otto's Parts
4)  D.K. Heathen Hatebred, mgr. Odin's Chosen
5)  Ghab, mgr. Assassin Nation
6)  Fanthayne, mgr. Dark Raiders
7)  D.K. Toker, mgr. Silver Knights
8)  D.K. Wasby, mgr. Bronze Knights
9)  The Expatriate, mgr. Bleak Legion
10) Still the Distilled, mgr. Springborne Fair

     Thanks to all that had the gall to show up, but I really want to thank the
managers that had the mettle to survive and not run when they started getting their
butt handed to them.
                                                           Respect to All.
                                                           Quest #1 host,
                                                           Dark Knight Toker

14 November 2006
                                      A Tale of
                        Fusion Confusion Delusion Revolution
                                     as told by
                                Hammer the WordSmith

     SomeWhere Beyond ElseWhere and ElseWhen a hooded figure brooded upon the
lingering wisps of memory from days gone by.
     From the howling sands to the sanding howls the streams of thought bubbled and
flowed, winding endlessly entwined within the darkest recesses and lightest resources
of the learned and unlearned disciplines of managerial mayhem and manipulation.
     Nameless faces and faceless names floated in the swirling mists of madness
embalmed within the memories of one who knew he did not know how far reaching the
influences [both positive and negative] had rooted and flowered in the march of time
and energy expended in the historical markings of gladiatorial essence and excellence
     The tamed and the untamed coupled with the named and the unnamed resources that
spilt their sweat and blood on the sands of arenas both known and unknown had
metamorphosed into the dreamings and the schemings of the fadings of jadings and
paradings [in both public and private] amongst the elite and the indiscreet
posturings and babblings of managers becoming legends in their own minds and times.
     Hammer pondered upon beginnings and the seemingly endless myriad of endings
possibly possible among the interspersed and intertwined impossible possibilities
presently past and future.
     Echoing and reechoing in the vast depths and countless compartments along the
corridors of his mind, Hammer played and replayed the glories shared and dared in the
sixty-plus stabled arena on fabled Noblish Island DM 93.
     The training had been all too brief, but the competition generated by the multi
faceted personages inhabiting DM 93 and the sheer multitude of numbers had forever
instilled themselves in the heart and soul of the veteran manager [Hammer]; insomuch
that the migration to Niatoli Island DM 33 triggered the desire to emulate the glory
and the grandeur of the spectacle of stables vying for recognition from among the
virtually numberless no-name newbies making names for themselves as they numbered
their stables and accomplishments for all to see and behold, to the song and the
sound of the sight of clashing cold cruel steel simmering the flesh of gallant
gladiators consumed by the gory and the glory of crossing blades with the superior
and the inferior within the interior of Greywand's Global Gladiatorial Galaxy.
     Far far ago and long long away had many abandoned hope for a return to the
reminiscences revered by so many managers; predating even the generations of
gladiators graduating from Noblish Island and the years of yore and gore and
gallantry before.
     Rumblings and mumblings of a renovation rejuvenating the reflexes of managers
numbed by the numberless trysts of tourney tarnished stables began revolutionizing
the very fabric of time and space and time-honored tradition throughout the ranks of
visionary newbies and volatile veterans alike and dislike.
     History was being shaken to the core of the gore as glory and grandeur responded
to the revelry reverie revelations and reveille revolutionizing the creation of a new
arena in the making; populated by No-Tourney Warriors and Full Stable Participants
pledging to forge a new vision version of "The Fiercest and Best" for crossing blades
and crosser banter in the personal ads and team spotlight tomes.
     Now was the time for Hammer to emerge and once again merge his talent among the
gifted and grifted; answering the call to assemble the drifted [and to directly
divulge and converge with the dozens] for the destiny of destructive denizens
determined to build a new legacy upon the all-but-forgotten ashes of the old and
olden legends of times lost.
         [TIME JUMP]
     Hammer sifted the sands in the dead of night in the desert reaches [located
SomeWhere BeYond ElseWhere and ElseWhen] to discover 5 gladiators not tourney worthy,
yet interesting enough to begin their careers in a No-Tourney Arena!
     "They need not be dispatched to the Dark Arena," the veteran manager mused as he
sorted through paperwork long discarded and vaguely forgotten, "because there is
nothing like a good Blood Feud to provide inspiration for writing personal ads in the
arena newsletter! Besides, there are times when the replacement for a warrior wounded
mortally on the arena sands fares much better than the one exchanged from Torch
     Fights by Torch Light were certainly deemed unnecessary as Hammer had already
deduced that a number of determined stables would undoubtedly congregate with High
Octane Warriors under the guidance of Higher Octane Managers to populate and
depopulate the new No-Tourney Arena currently under construction in DM 81.
     Fortunately his feeble foray into the desert would yield somewhat suitable
candidates for the newfound purposes Hammer had in mind.
     From among the candidates to be found Hammer would be rewarded in time by
     Deep into the night Hammer searched and searched until five not-so-promising
stables were uncovered in the waning hours before dawn.
     Ripper discards were scattered far and wide, but this was not the time or the
hour to let sentimental views cloud the issue at hand.  Future events would lend
themselves to a suitable Ripper replacement, especially with the prospects Hammer was
now sorting for his selection decision to dispatch to the Gladiatorial Commission for
     Most managers have the luxury of selecting the best group [or discarding the
worst group!] Hammer had the novelty of rounding up the castaways from the New
Stables paperwork accumulated long ago from Maximillian's Morya Madness contest in DM
28 that were deemed below inferior as contest prizes [and thus banished from sight!]
     Hammer scrutinized and agonized over which group of gladiators were worth the
sacks of gold coins he was prepared to release to the Gladiatorial Commission for
fees to MAINTENANCE his new stable in the No-Tourney Arena.
     After what seemed like long hours passing by, Hammer discarded one and then
another group of hopefuls.  After lengthy debate a third was cast aside.  Deciding
between the final two groups found Hammer going back to interview the rejected
candidates time and time again [until a final decision was made that Hammer could
live with and his new stable could die with!] before the final quirks were hammered
out and pen put to paper to process the prospective puny stable with the Gladiatorial
     The only solace gained from the painful process was the knowledge that other
managers would be less tempted to run stables in DM 81 populated by their tourney-
worthy warriors [under the penalty of death imposed and enforced upon tourney
experienced gladiators by the Committee being formed to police and regulate such
matters!] as sworn to and signed in good faith by each registering manager.
         [TIME JUMP]
     Hammer had worked long and hard to find suitable candidates for his stable and
now it was time to begin their training.  The paperwork had been dispatched for
registration with the Gladiatorial Commission and now was the hour in which
preparation was paramount!
     Dispatch riders had arrived with the news that Considerable Bounty was being
offered as incentive rewards to those managers sending new stables to the No-Tourney
     Hammer realized this would Up the Ante [causing greater pause in the managerial
community for selecting suitable stables!] as the creative competition was certain to
escalate and produce Serious Sword Slinging Stables Staining the Arena Sands Red!
     Obviously a serious upgrade in the quality of competition migrating to the No-
Tourney Arena in DM 81 would definitely work in favor of Hammer; enormously
increasing the death toll percentage potential amongst the ranks of his new start-up
stable in DM 81 [Sands Running Red and Blood Feuds Running Rampant as Undoubtedly
     Hammer observed the futility of his new warriors training [as well as they could
for what they were made from!] while recent memories came to the forefront of his
     When the paperwork was nearly completed and names were selected for each
Gladiator, Hammer decided to name the stable according to what he had discovered in
the darkness while searching during the dismal hours of the desert night.
     These warriors would probably be more well suited to fight by Torch Light had
they fallen into the possession of most other managers!
     Paper Warriors better suited to confronting Dark Arena Monsters [rather than
being fed to the Gladiatorial Lions certain to be populating the regular No-Tourney
     Specimens blatantly better suited for feeding upon agitated armadillo ants than
for striving to attain recognition and fame in the No-Tourney Arena [or any arena!]
     Thus was AARDVARK HAMMERZ birthed and born for Greatness or Disgrace!
         [TIME JUMP]
     Dispatch riders on winged steeds brought the news Hammer had been awaiting!
     Not since the days of training on Noblish Island in DM 93 had Hammer encountered
such collective enthusiasm for crossing blades in a selected arena such as DM 81
[recalling the time Hammer generated a gathering of newbies to transfer to Niatoli
Island in DM 33 to match wits and cross blades with the assembling veterans upon
     The Consortium had represented the veterans well in DM 33 with the SWEETNESS
stable managed by Sweety Pie.  Now the good news had arrived that The Consortium was
seen registering a stable named LIFE IMPACTS in the No-Tourney Arena!
     Former alliance mates Darque and Kat had reportedly registered DARQUE AGES and
KATHOUSE with the Gladiatorial Commission.
     Morya Madness combatant LePentarque from DM 28 had registered LA PENTARCHIE and
longtime fixture Drake in North Fork DM 47 [recently returned from a lengthy hiatus]
had been lured by the competition to register DRAKE'S HARDWARE.
     Deke [at the helm of DOC LEGRAND'S LAB] was instrumental in promoting the No-
Tourney Arena by repeatedly negotiating terms with the Gladiatorial Commission.
Others had laid the groundwork before him, but Deke raised the banner and carried it
the final distance [Supported by Countless Managers too numerous to mention!] Salute
Yourselves for Your Efforts are Most Graciously Applauded throughout Alastari!
     Apex had signed in with CAROLINA BLUE as had Ghab with ASSASSIN NATION.
     Another familiar name was found on the rolls as DeGotti registered CULT OF
BACCHUS followed by DOOM KNIGHTS managed by Blackstorm.
     Also on the rolls to be noted were AS SEEN ON TV II managed by Indimar and
RAGNAROK'S WOLVES by none other than ragnorokwolf.
     Nomad had signed on with PHANTOM REGIMENT and Silas followed suit with
     Another notable signature was that of MasterBeru with CHILDHOOD HEROES and a
penchant for scribing Team Spotlights [A Plus in Any Arena!]
     Detective Kellumbo had followed the clues and was observed enroute to
registering a yet unannounced stable [such are the ways of sleuthhounds and such!]
     Rumor had it that the manager known as Roadkill was on his way to register a
stable after his namesake and Slugbait was close behind [obliviously lost in
     Finally [in no particular disorder!] managers Grimm, Woody, Terminator, Den and
Bill were also seen elbowing their way through the gathering registration crowd to
officially announce their participation in the No-Tourney Arena.
     COUNTLESS OTHER MANAGERS were known to be pondering the consequences of sending
stables to a No-Tourney Arena and had yet to make the commitment public knowledge as
to their intentions.
     Howbeit the Gladiatorial Commission was reportedly swamped with requests for New
Stable Registration Forms [whether for the Tempe Facer or No-Tourney Arena was
anybody's guess at the present time!]
     Judging from the furtive figures darting and ducking in the shadows and
alleyways throughout Alastari [as well as those huddled in taverns or communicating
with one another by various means available!] the success of such a No-Tourney Arena
was Ballooning far Beyond the Expectations of the Promoters and Petitioners Bar None!
had the Best Potential for attracting and assembling a congregation of competitors
rivaling the numbers of Noblish Island from days gone by!
       JANUARY 2007 MARKS THE BEGINNING of a Journey where both Newbies and Veterans
join together in a Historic Assemblage Celebrating the Crossing of Blades between
some of the Best Managed Stables in all of Alastari [Known and Unknown!]
                 "May Your Blades Be Sharp and Your Wits Sharper"
                                          Minister of War

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

ENLIGHTENED BEING devastated KUNG-FU MASTER in a 1 minute mismatched Title fight.
LORIS KEY was vanquished by NOBLE ASSASSIN in a 1 minute uneven battle.
GOLDERIE savagely defeated RUTHLESS JAYWALKER in a action packed 3 minute fight.
CLEMMIE devastated PLEXIGLASSJAWJOE in a 1 minute brutal one-sided fight.
MAUREEN was bested by RUTHLESS JAYWALKER in a 1 minute brawl.
IRON FORGE won victory over PIKE in a 5 minute bloody fight.
TIMBER RATTLESNAKE overpowered POLITE BEGGAR in a 1 minute mismatched brawl.
SPECKLED GECKO overpowered SHIFTYEYED VOLUNTEER in a 1 minute uneven melee.
GUARDIAN NAGA vanquished TRUSTWORTHY SCRIBE in a 1 minute uneven duel.
SCARLET SKINK defeated FRIENDLY CONSTABLE in a 1 minute beginner's duel.
IVORY IGUANA defeated TRUSTWORTHY SCRIBE in a 1 minute novice's fight.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                   4         AIMED BLOW        10 -   1 -  2      91  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      3         STRIKING ATTACK    8 -   1 -  0      89  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  1         LUNGING ATTACK    16 -   3 -  0      84  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  1         SLASHING ATTACK    7 -   4 -  0      64  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   1         PARRY-LUNGE       15 -  12 -  0      56  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    1         TOTAL PARRY       17 -  20 -  0      46  |
|AIMED BLOW                       1         BASHING ATTACK     6 -  10 -  0      38  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      1         WALL OF STEEL      4 -   7 -  0      36  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     0         PARRY-STRIKE       0 -   0 -  0       0  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    0         PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -   0 -  0       0  |

Turn 542 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

LUNGING ATTACK     4 -  0     PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  2         3  TOTAL PARRY    
SLASHING ATTACK    1 -  0     AIMED BLOW         0 -  1         2  LUNGING ATTACK 
STRIKING ATTACK    1 -  0     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  0         2  PARRY-LUNGE    
BASHING ATTACK     1 -  0     PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  0         1  BASHING ATTACK 
WALL OF STEEL      1 -  0     TOTAL PARRY        0 -  1         1  AIMED BLOW     
                                                                1  WALL OF STEEL  
                                                                1  STRIKING ATTACK

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
PARRY-LUNGE      GOLDERIE 4657              11   8  1   62 GOLDEN CANYON (290)
AIMED BLOW       LORIS KEY 4706              7   1  1   56 GOLDEN CANYON (290)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is GOLDERIE 4657.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was GOLDERIE 4657.  The ten other most popular fighters were PIKE 4708, IRON FORGE 
GECKO 4711.

The least popular fighter this week was MAUREEN 4702.  The other ten least popular 
4630, ENLIGHTENED BEING 4642, and IRON FORGE 4707.