Date   : 02/19/2007    Duedate: 03/03/2007


DM-26    TURN-548

This Weeks Top Honors


(26-4724) [11-4-1,95]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

CAP'N CRUNCH                   IVORY IGUANA
STEEL CRUSADE (477)            DOC LEGRAND'S LAB (475)
(26-4724) [11-4-1,95]          (26-4714) [4-1-0,36]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

GOLDERIE                       MAUREEN
GOLDEN CANYON (290)            GOLDEN CANYON (290)
(26-4657) [14-11-1,85]         (26-4702) [11-5-0,54]



Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. GOLDEN CANYON (290)         16
2. DOC LEGRAND'S LAB (475)      9      GOLDEN CANYON (290)
3. PHILANTHROPISTS (467)        0      Unchartered Team
4. MEDAL OF HONOR VI (468)      0
5. STEEL CRUSADE (477)         -1      DOC LEGRAND'S LAB (475)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 1*DOC LEGRAND'S LAB (475)   17   8  0 68.0   1/ 1 GOLDEN CANYON (290)      11  4 0
 2- 2*MEDAL OF HONOR VI (468)    4   2  0 66.7   2/ 3*DOC LEGRAND'S LAB (475)   6  4 0
 3- 3 PHILANTHROPISTS (467)     39  27  0 59.1   3/ 2 STEEL CRUSADE (477)       4  6 0
 4/ 4 GOLDEN CANYON (290)      535 705 20 43.1   4- 4*MEDAL OF HONOR VI (468)   1  0 0
 5/ 5 STEEL CRUSADE (477)      101 139  6 42.1   5- 5 PHILANTHROPISTS (467)     1  2 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

                       ~~~~~~~~      The Penance      ~~~~~~~~

     In the back room of the "Twisted Lemming", Cassius Calvata tossed the waitress
her tip, then began passing around the drinks.
     "What are we doing here, Cassius?" asked Sven.  "It isn't very smart to be
drinking before the fights, you know."
     "That won't be a problem, Sven," said Calvata.  "We aren't fighting today.
That's why I called you all here."
     As one, the group raised a cry of protest, which Calvata silenced with a wave of
his hand.  He looked at each gladiator in turn, then with a sigh, began speaking, "We
won't be fighting because the couriers refused to carry our entries to the
     "I don't get it," said Caylon, "Why would the couriers refuse to carry messages?
Isn't that what couriers do?"
     "Normally," said Calvata, "but it seems the couriers are all followers of the
god Usmail, and when they got wind of the Cap'n's latest culinary adventure, they
said we had offended their god and wouldn't touch my parcels.  I even offered to pay
more than the customary 39 shekels, but it was nothing doing.  So here we are."
     "Culinary venture?  Swizzle, I told you that cook off business would lead to
trouble," Sven glared at his team-mate. "What have you done now?"
     "Nothing that I know of," stammered Cap'n Crunch.  "All I did was to prepare a
lovely dish of snails in garlic butter for Golderie.   I was just trying to let her
know that I wasn't mad at her for taking over as Duelmaster.  Golderie likes garlic."
     "That's the problem," said Calvata. "Seems that the snail is the sacred bug of
Usmail.  Those couriers are plenty upset.  The high priest is demanding that the
whole team do penance by groveling around in some dung-heap on the outskirts of
     "They're not bugs; they're mollusks," sniffed Swizzle.
     "Doesn't matter," said Calvata matter-of-factly, "I told the big guy we'd be
there at dawn."
     "What!" shouted Calonymus.  "How come if the Cap'n here did the deed, we all
gotta do penance?"
     "When it comes to angry gods, I don't take chances," declared Calvata.
"Consider it a team-building exercise...good for morale.  Besides, boys, I'm already
working on a back-up plan.  Drink up and meet me in the morning.  My secretary,
Delores, will give you the directions."

     As the sun began to creep over the eastern hills, the five gladiators
reluctantly assembled on the rim of a huge compost heap on the outskirts of Caleam.
Calvata was already present, along with an ornately clad stranger.

     "Boys, this is the high priest of Usmail.  He'll be directing the penance," said
     The stranger puffed himself up to his full height.  "You have offended the great
god Usmail.  Your offense can only be cleansed through the ritual of atonement.  When
the sun reaches meridian, you must grovel in the sacred mire until Usmail sends me
word that he grants his forgiveness."  The high priest turned toward the reeking heap
and began chanting an incantation to Usmail while the team looked on aghast.
     "Hey, Calvata...I hope that back-up plan kicks in pretty soon," whispered
Caylon.  "I don't like the way this is shaping up."
     Before Cassius could answer, a shrill shout cut through the chill morning air.
"Oh Mister Calva-a-ata! I've got it Mister Calvata!"  Calvata's secretary, Delores,
came puffing up to the group, waving a parchment.
     "This is what I've been waiting for, boys," said Cassius.  "Let me look at that
Dolores."  Calvata took the parchment and scanned it quickly. "Okay your highness.
The penance is over.  I have word here from Brother, the high priest of Fax, god of
the lightning quill, that Fax has mediated on our behalf.  Usmail is assuaged,"
stated Cassius, handing the parchment over to the high priest.  The high priest of
Usmail grumbled under his breath, gathered up his raiment, and glowering, stomped
     "Whew!  That was close," said Caylon.  "How'd you pull it off, Cassius?"
     "Two hundred shekels buys a lot of forgiveness, boys," smirked Calvata.
     The Cap'n's eyes grew round.  "Two hundred shekels is more than the bonus I got
for being Duelmaster!"
     "Yeah," said Calvata, "but you guys are worth it...I guess.  Tell you what.  You
all take the day off, and meet me tonight at the "Twisted Lemming".  Dinner and
drinks on me.  You too, Delores."
     "Anything for *you*, Cassius," swooned Delores, fluttering her eyes at her boss.
     "Oy," groaned Calvata.  "Hey, where's Up-Chucky, by the way?"
     Delores tapped her boss on the shoulder.  "Look out there, Mister Calvata."
     The whole group turned to look out into the muck where Delores was pointing.
The missing warrior was rolling in the mire, hurling great gobbets into the air, and
giggling uncontrollably.
     Calvata sighed.  "You can't take that boy anyplace.  Swizzle, you started this,
so your job is to bring him in." Cassius chuckled.  "Guess you're doing penance after
all. See you boys tonight.  Let's go Delores."

                                 DUELMASTER'S COLUMN
                             Notes from the arena champ.

     The Noble Assassin?  You're kidding me!  What can I do with a Noble Assassin? 
Yes, I know, a very rich and potent brandy, but--  Oh.  Hmm.  Smaynurns Flambe, in a
sauce of Noble Assassin Brandy vintage 436.  Yes...that might do it.  Expensive, but
if it works, hang the cost!  And it's bound to be impressive to watch.  It never
hurts to play to the audience.


                                      SPY REPORT

     So why do I have this bag over my head?  Because I am The Unknown Spymaster and 
I'm going to give you a spy report!.  Hey everybody, watch out for LORIS KEY, who 
flew up 20 points in the rankings after mashing CAYLON MCCANN like a melon.  Keep 
your eye on this gal.  Ya know, some days it doesn't pay to walk out on the sands.  
CAYLON MCCANN was beat by LORIS KEY and drops 18 points.  In front of all the crowds, 
CAP'N CRUNCH took the Duelmaster's crown for his own.  I give the bum two weeks.  
Advice to bashers--never force anything, just get a bigger halberd!   
     Let's dig a little deeper into what's happening in the CALEAM arena.  Did you 
hear that GOLDEN CANYON was most avoided team this week?  Well, knowing the personal 
hygiene of GOLDEN CANYON's warriors, I'm not surprised!  Okay, so I may not be funny, 
but catch STEEL CRUSADE's act in the arena.  Those acrobats seem to be fairly deft at 
running from GOLDEN CANYON.  And who is this MAUREEN you ask, with 54 points and a 
11-5-0 record.  Ooh, the tales I could tell!   
     Being a spy is great--other people die and you spend the rest of the day 
drinking to their memory.  Better tanked than dead!  Remember:  alliances are great, 
but try and take your ally in the arena with you and see what happens.   
     I think I had better cut this one short.  It's been nice chatting to those of 
you whom I have not offended yet.  C'mon, Leadfoot, let's make some tracks.  See ya 
next time I'm on this circuit!-- The Unknown Spymaster  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 CAP'N CRUNCH 4724            11   4  1    95       STEEL CRUSADE (477)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 SVEN BLUETOOTH 4729          17  32  0    92       STEEL CRUSADE (477)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 GOLDERIE 4657                14  11  1    85       GOLDEN CANYON (290)
 LORIS KEY 4706               11   3  1    80       GOLDEN CANYON (290)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 CLEMMIE 4630                 16  16  1    65       GOLDEN CANYON (290)
 CAYLON MCCANN 4728           12  18  1    62       STEEL CRUSADE (477)
-ARTHUR BEYER 4648             4   0  0    62       MEDAL OF HONOR VI (468)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 MAUREEN 4702                 11   5  0    54       GOLDEN CANYON (290)
 PIKE 4708                     7   6  0    41       GOLDEN CANYON (290)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 IVORY IGUANA 4714             4   1  0    36       DOC LEGRAND'S LAB (475)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-ORTH 4643                     7   4  0    31       PHILANTHROPISTS (467)
-PLEXIGLASSJAWJOE 4650         6   5  0    31       PHILANTHROPISTS (467)
 SCARLET SKINK 4713            4   1  0    27       DOC LEGRAND'S LAB (475)
-SMAYNURN 4656                 6   3  0    25       PHILANTHROPISTS (467)
-IRON FORGE 4707               3   4  0    25       PHILANTHROPISTS (467)
 GUARDIAN NAGA 4712            3   2  0    25       DOC LEGRAND'S LAB (475)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 TIMBER RATTLESNAKE 4710       3   2  0    17       DOC LEGRAND'S LAB (475)
 UP-CHUCKY 4722                3   3  0    15       STEEL CRUSADE (477)
 SPECKLED GECKO 4711           3   2  0    13       DOC LEGRAND'S LAB (475)
 CALONYMUS 4721                1   3  0     6       STEEL CRUSADE (477)
-SOLDIER 1 4649                0   1  0     1       MEDAL OF HONOR VI (468)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Speckled Gecko -- Sesame seeds?  No, sorry, but I'm not seeing that.  I mean, sure,
we could pass the meat off as fish of some kind, people will believe anything of
fish, but I don't think sesame seeds....  Hmm.  Maybe poppy seeds with lemon pepper.
Or maybe just very coarsely ground pepper.  That might work, provided the meat is not
strong-flavored.  THEN, we'd need a wine marinade first.  Let me think about this. --

Gozshh, I guessh I shhouldn' try to ushe the Noble Asshsasshin.  It'sh too shtrong
for any reshipe I know. -- Clemmie, going to lie down with an icebag on her head

Orth -- There's nothing for it, I'm going to have to invent something from the whole
cloth for you.  And let me tell you, cloth dishes are darned tricky! -- Loris Key
P.S.  But now that the topic has come up, have YOU ever been a brandy?

Scarlet Skink?  That sounds like something Debby Tonte would drink, with an umbrella
in it.  I believe I'll have to pass on this one. -- Maureen

Capn Crunch -- That's because they don't understand the importance of garlic,
cayenne, and lime juice in such a dish. -- Loris Key

Sven -- Astonished, in all truth.  And... (doubtful look) it isn't as though I've
tried ALL shellfish.  Maybe yours are better. -- Golderie

Caylon -- Ah, but that's what the melons are for! -- Clemmie

Calonymus -- A valid concern.  So much fish is spoiled by lack of freshness, and/or
too many bones.  I USED to have it teleported in from the Storm Sea by a relay of
magicians, but with the Arcanum in such a depleted state, this is apparently now
impossible.  They keep telling me there are more important uses for their limited
powers these days, though when I demand examples, they are strangely at a loss.  But
I have a secret source which provides an unfortunately limited quantity of really
good fish. -- Pike
P.S.  And, of course, the melons.

24 January 2007
The Council of Lords would like to propose a rule change in ADM and Primus.  We
propose that Lord Protectors ranked "Grand Champions" and below (ADM) and "The Tower
Guard" and below (Primus) be allowed to fight in the Dark Arena.  This would not
impact the top rankings or title match.  Any managers who never got his fill or shot
at fighting Gateway monsters would have it as an option.  We believe it might spark
some interest in the ADM/Primus realm for some managers.  If interested, speak up in
the newsletters or on forums under the "rules changes" thread and let RSI know.  This
could even be something to try for 12 months and then be re-evaluated.  What say you,
managers of Ghea? -- The Icelord sends....

29 January 2007
     HDFA Mission Statement
     "Show me the money!"
     This is the battle cry of a newly formed collection of like-minded individuals:
The High Dolla' Free Agent$.  We are not a tough guy alliance:  No...we offer no
battle without reward.  We search for victory and the prizes and accolades that
follow.  We are motivated by winning and will freely use whatever means necessary to
obtain our currency.  No stuffy rules, no mandates, no constitutions, no leaders,
only a few objectives:
     1) Win as often as possible
     2) Celebrate freely and revel in your victories; the more meaningless the
victory the more we celebrate.  Highsiding and chest thumping are encouraged.
Ostentatious endzone celebrations with prop usage are encouraged, regardless of
fines, penalties, suspensions or arrest by local authorities.  It is important to let
your opponent know how great you are; more importantly, you must let your own
alliance mates know how great you are.
     This is a 1-up alliance, let the performance of your fellow Free Agent$ motivate
you.  If a Free Agent wins a TV, win 2; if a Free agent wins a contest, win a more
prestigious one.
     Current members of the HDFA include:  CFH and Abraxis.  Inquires can be directed
to:  CFH/Rat Salad DM 47

14 February 2007
RSI is now taking rollups for a slow version of the No-Tournament arena.  Send your
rollup to RSI listing the arena as "Slow No Tournament".  Sign and send in the
following pledge:

* I pledge that I will not send warriors from this team to a Tournament, nor will I
  use a Tournament prize on a warrior from this team.
* I pledge to run a full team when I run turns in this arena.  If circumstances
  preclude my running less than a full team I will notify the Player Committee.
* I agree to abide by the decisions of the Player Committee.
* I understand that any warrior that participates in a Tournament shall be sent to
  the Dark Arena until they are dead.
* I understand that any warrior that receives a Tournament prize shall be send to the
  Dark Arena until they are dead.

The following are the rules for joining this No-Tournament arena 

1.  No tournament play (Dead tournament or otherwise)
2.  One team per manager
3.  Team starts with new rollup (or a zero fight equivalent team is transferred into
    this arena.)
4.  No tourney prizes allowed to modify warriors in the arena
5.  20 teams required, per RSI
6.  Waivers are required to allow self-regulation on tourney ban, granting RSI
    authority to Dark Arena any warrior that participates in a Tournament (until the
    warrior is dead.)
7.  Rotating council to enforce tourney ban and maintain arena integrity.

Hammer will be the focal point for this arena's Player Committee.

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

GUARDIAN NAGA was devastated by MAUREEN in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight.
SPECKLED GECKO was vanquished by PIKE in a 1 minute uneven Challenge battle.
GOLDERIE was subdued by CAP'N CRUNCH in a 1 minute Title fight.
SVEN BLUETOOTH vanquished CLEMMIE in a 1 minute mismatched brawl.
CAYLON MCCANN was overpowered by LORIS KEY in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
UP-CHUCKY was devastated by IVORY IGUANA in a 1 minute uneven brawl.
SCARLET SKINK overpowered CALONYMUS in a 1 minute one-sided struggle.
TIMBER RATTLESNAKE bested SHIFTYEYED VOLUNTEER in a 2 minute novice's competition.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|PARRY-LUNGE                      4         SLASHING ATTACK    5 -   1 -  1      83  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   3         AIMED BLOW        11 -   3 -  0      79  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                   3         LUNGING ATTACK    17 -   7 -  0      71  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  2         PARRY-LUNGE       22 -  12 -  0      65  |
|AIMED BLOW                       1         BASHING ATTACK    12 -   9 -  0      57  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  1         STRIKING ATTACK    6 -   5 -  0      55  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     1         WALL OF STEEL      2 -   2 -  0      50  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    0         PARRY-STRIKE       1 -   3 -  0      25  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      0         TOTAL PARRY        1 -   7 -  0      13  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    0         PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -   0 -  0       0  |

Turn 548 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

AIMED BLOW         1 -  0     LUNGING ATTACK     1 -  2         3  BASHING ATTACK 
SLASHING ATTACK    1 -  0     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  1         3  PARRY-LUNGE    
BASHING ATTACK     2 -  1     PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  0         2  AIMED BLOW     
PARRY-LUNGE        2 -  2     TOTAL PARRY        0 -  0         1  PARRY-STRIKE   
STRIKING ATTACK    1 -  1     WALL OF STEEL      0 -  0         1  LUNGING ATTACK 
                                                                1  TOTAL PARRY    

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
BASHING ATTACK   CAP'N CRUNCH 4724          11   4  1   95 STEEL CRUSADE (477)
PARRY-LUNGE      GOLDERIE 4657              14  11  1   85 GOLDEN CANYON (290)
AIMED BLOW       LORIS KEY 4706             11   3  1   80 GOLDEN CANYON (290)
LUNGING ATTACK   IVORY IGUANA 4714           4   1  0   36 DOC LEGRAND'S LAB (475)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is GOLDERIE 4657.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was MAUREEN 4702.  The ten other most popular fighters were PIKE 4708, CAP'N CRUNCH 

The least popular fighter this week was TIMBER RATTLESNAKE 4710.  The other ten least 
popular fighters were CALONYMUS 4721, UP-CHUCKY 4722, CAYLON MCCANN 4728, CLEMMIE