Date   : 06/17/2009    Duedate: 06/30/2009


DM-29    TURN-608

This Weeks Top Honors


BOHICA (449)
(29-5206) [14-3-0,122]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

NEEDS SALT                     GEMINI
BOHICA (449)                   ZODIAC (459)
(29-5206) [14-3-0,122]         (29-5364) [2-3-0,30]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

LITERNIUS                      VINDOCOMUS
EQUESTORS (158)                EQUESTORS (158)
(29-5049) [19-25-1,106]        (29-5251) [11-9-0,57]



Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. CLAN CROW (456)             42
2. VENUSIANS (321)             36      PHILANTHROPISTS (407)
3. BOHICA (449)                33      Unchartered Team
4. STREET WALKERS (97)         27
5. CREATURE FEATURE (463)      24      TREKKERS (462)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 1 PHILANTHROPISTS (407)     17   6  0 73.9   1/ 6 STREET WALKERS (97)      10  5 0
 2/ 2 BOHICA (449)              60  37  1 61.9   2/ 4 BOHICA (449)              9  4 1
 3/ 3*TREKKERS (462)             9   6  0 60.0   3/ 1 CARDOW HUNTERS (359)      9  6 0
 4/ 4 METAL MINCERS (256)      570 383 13 59.8   4/ 2 MID EARTH (223)           8  7 0
 5/ 5 STREET WALKERS (97)      559 377 46 59.7   5/ 7 EQUESTORS (158)           7  8 0
 6/ 6 WILL DUEL 4 MEAD (282)   170 120 18 58.6   6/ 3 WILL DUEL 4 MEAD (282)    7  8 0
 7/ 7 BLACK KELTS (233)        226 203  9 52.7   7/13 VENUSIANS (321)           7  8 0
 8/ 8 MID EARTH (223)          463 422 20 52.3   8/ 9*TREKKERS (462)            6  4 0
 9/ 9 EQUESTORS (158)          740 780 51 48.7   9/ 5 X-MEN (78)                6  9 1
10/10 VENUSIANS (321)          302 334 15 47.5  10/12 TRAIL OF TEARS (229)      6  9 0
11/11 CARDOW HUNTERS (359)     489 568 10 46.3  11/15 CLAN CROW (456)           5  5 0
12/12 FORCE OF NATURE (312)    330 385 24 46.2  12/ 8 FORCE OF NATURE (312)     5  8 0
13/14 CLAN CROW (456)           29  35  2 45.3  13/11*ZODIAC (459)              5  9 0
14/13 TRAIL OF TEARS (229)     127 167  7 43.2  14/14 2008 (450)                4  3 0
15/15 X-MEN (78)                67  94 10 41.6  15/17*CREATURE FEATURE (463)    4  6 2
16/17*CREATURE FEATURE (463)     4   6  2 40.0  16/10 BLACK KELTS (233)         4  8 1
17/18 2008 (450)                20  31  2 39.2  17/16 PHILANTHROPISTS (407)     3  0 0

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
18/16*ZODIAC (459)               9  15  0 37.5  18/18 METAL MINCERS (256)       3  3 1

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

This first part was sent three turns ago for turn 604.  The last spot that went in
was 603.

     Dig one Hoof in, dig another hoof in and drag the plow forward, then repeat.  He
snorted and switched his tail at the annoying flies that seemed to follow him all his
life.  Plow forward.  Ah the excitement as he neared the end of the row.  He could
only see straight ahead as he carefully and proudly pulled the plow through the Black
Kelts' garden.  Getting to the end of the row he turned and then could see in his
narrow tunnel vision all those Warriors training in the open ring in the pasture
while all the leftover horses from the wagons scurried around the center ring where
the warriors trained under the watchful eye of Tiffinal the current Manager of the
Black Kelts.

     Tiffinal looked up as Mel the Mule turned the plow by himself.  Tiffinal could
feel the thoughts of the animal and his pleasure at pulling the plow for the Mage.
This gave Tiffinal a smile again as he fought off his grimace he was giving the
pathetic group of warriors in front of him.  "You all have really disappointed me."
Said Tiffinal in a scolding tone as he wished Gias Ber and Quiflex would return to
manage their share of the warriors.  Gias was so much better at getting results from
the team.  "Not you of course, Brown Beaver.  You fight like a champ.  But the rest
of you, especially you John, what the heck is going on?" Grimaced Tiffinal with
something not quite a whine but a sort of Elven arrogance and anger mixed with
disappointment.  SONTE HINGE stood stoically still as the warrior manager chastised
the golem and the rest of the crew.  Red Squirrel could only bounce around steaming
with anger at having her friend chastise her and John Courage seemed to set his jaw
about to speak.
     "Sir, I don't think the techniques we used are 100% assured of victory.  These
new warriors are not built like the old warriors. They seemed more focused in
alternate areas and I have seen tourney posters in every locker at the arena." said 
John Courage defensively.
     "Oh so you want to go to a tourney so you can have experience that does not show
in the arena ranking system well.  Well that is not going to happen for you right
now.  Purple Sage is taking this tourney situation very seriously and will be slowly
developing a Tourney Plan which may take a year or so to fully be explored." said
Tiffinal with conviction.  "So let's get back at it," he said as his mind drifted to
the training lessons of GIAS BER.

     Gias was finishing up his training lesson with the Arena Warriors.  The Warriors
of the Black Kelts who looked like a cut group of tough athletes where all sweating
from his forceful teaching.  Gias Ber a man built more like a Dwarf than a human
strode toward where the core Mage's of the Black Kelts gathered for their meeting on
the roof of the Tower over the Training Compound.  The Table was there and food was
already being proffered from the fires of Luca's Kitchen.  Luca himself an old thin
man in his sheer white apron and hand rag wiped the edges of the plates to remove any
spotting that he may have missed while having the table set by his staff.  Luca was a
tall man with a bald head and a hint of Jaundice to his skin tone which caused his
blue eyes to appear to have a yellow tint.  Luca stood aside as the Wizard's of
Purple Sage's staff came to the Table.  First to arrive was Quiflex an angular man
with the features of a fencer and what appeared to be a silver glove on his right
hand stretching up the arm into his shirt. He appeared like no wizard seen on the
Isle with his chino pants and a ruffled shirt like he had been to a pirate yard sale
all with a cutlass worn at his belt.  He also had a unique visage with his monocle
covering one eye like the patch of a pirate all he truly needed was a parrot on his
shoulder.  Following Quiflex was Tiffinal in his azure silk shirt and padded vest and
full length trousers with black leather boots.  Tiffinal had no visible weapon though
his austere fair skinned face with dirty blonde hair and blue grey eyes gave the look
of confidence.  Gias Ber came up the stairs within the huge water tower that the
Black Kelts had built not once but twice.  No one in Lapur or Alastari knew how much
water and metal was stored within these two towers.  The three Mages filled 3 of the
5 chairs as a gust of wind caught the flowers on the table and The Purple Sage
drifted to the ground on top of the tower out of the clear calm blue sky.  As he took
his seat the Purple Sage Said, "Welcome to this auspicious occasion.  We must discuss
a few things before our friend Visionist joins us for we must solve these problems
ourselves though I am sure we can trust him for support."
     The group all sat and waited to consume the fine meal prepared by Luca when The 
Visionist would arrive.
     "Tiffinal, for you the duty will be the hardest.  As we have already discussed
Lapur is not ready for our full evolvement in its development with the current
political structure and their reluctance to allow us the freedom to act for the
greater good.  Tiffinal, you shall remain here in Lapur.  We will leave you all the
resources to complete the project since most of the activities will be within the
walls.  The street sweeping contract will provide you with the necessary materials
and the movement of material within the city without observation.  You will have all
the help you need with warriors who have graduated from the Black Kelts stable.  Luca
will stay to work with you.  Prepare for our return.  Quiflex and Gias you will come
with me to our mines in ?????? Mountains.  We will check conditions then proceed on
gathering some of the materials and devices we shall need.  Quiflex you will stay
with the mine and maintenance its machinery.  Arthur will stay with you at the mines.
This information I will give to Visionist as need be but if he is the mage I know him
to be he will always have access to my plans." Said Purple Sage while pulling his
pipe from his pouch and filling the bowl.  He put the pipe to his mouth and drew in
the fine burning Cavendish smoke in his pipe.  Purple Sage smiled as he blue out a
perfect smoke ring.
     "We understand Master." replied the mages in unison.
     Purple sage did not frown at the term of respect this time for he knew his men
meant it from respect not one of Master Slave but of Student to Teacher.  Luca moved
forward with a tear in his eye as he uncorked a bottle of Amber Liquid to share among
the wizards.  Purple Sage watched Luca fill 4 glasses and hand them to each wizard.
     "Luca, poor one for you," said Purple Sage as he took his glass.
     Luca took forth another glass and poured himself a glass of the 100 year old
liquid from the bottle.  The Wizards and Chef sipped their Liquor as the waited for
the arrival of the Visionist.

"This is the continuation"

     Search, Search, Search check the back trail.  Antenna waving franticly as he
searched for food.  Maintaining the back trail so any of the colony could follow once
he found nourishment for the colony.  Search, Search....

     Quiflex was watching the lone ant search for food as he saw in the reflection of
his glass of Amber Liquid someone coming up the stairs of the tower.  As he noticed
Purple Sage stood up and said, "Welcome Visionist and uh Dirmael.  So glad you could
come by, please join us and Luca please acquire another chair."
     "Glad we could come old friend.  I brought Dirmael along since I appointed him
guild leader when I returned a few years ago.  He did an excellent job watching over
my interests here in Lapur while I was away all those years and has my full
confidence," replied Visionist patting his apprentice on the shoulder.  Looking back
to Purple Sage he continued, "Also the magic's you have asked of me will take more
time than I had planned."
     "We will delve into that later for first we eat." Said Purple Sage as Fattened
Calf brought forth the chair for the Mid Earth guild leader.  White Dove the pretty
Lord Protectorate of the Black Kelts began to serve the water from a tray on the side
that contained the Liquids (wine, the Amber Liquid and Water.)  "Visionist, I know
you consume no alcohol but what of you Dirmael.  May we offer you some wine from
Transel or some of our very old whiskey."
     "Mr. Sage, Sir I would love some..." began Dirmael before Purple Sage cut him
off.  "Really please just call me Purple Sage." he laughed.
     "Yes sir," replied Dirmael, as he thought of the power that lurked within the
mages of Black Kelts.  His boss had warned him that mages like the Black Kelts could
be a flighty bunch and that the amount of magical power in their compound was
extremely strong.  "Purple Sage I would love some of your whiskey if I may."  White
Dove poured some of the Amber Liquid and gave it to Dirmael.
     Visionist admonished himself internally for not briefing his retired Lord
Protector more in depth.  He doubted that any but a mage could see the spider web 
like glow that lightly emanated through out the complex.  He knew that very few
mage's aside from him could see the 7 centers of power throughout the structure that
he could see through the solid stone.  He knew that he would be putting an herbal
shop within the Black Kelts Market Square since any magics he might want to do would
be strengthened by the concentration of energy within this place.  He saw one issue
he could not fully comprehend that some of the energy was not of a magical nature but
like bottled lighting.  He knew that all the plans from his friend were not to be
revealed to him, but he still marveled at the breath of detail in the tasks ahead and
the patience that Purple Sage could show in his tasks.
     All began to chit chat over the current flock of Arena flops and the nature of
new recruits that for some reason a manager of Alastari could discuss in infinitum.
The meal was truly delicious and full of contrasts.  There was an appetizer plate of
swirled puff pastry that had a drizzle of colored syrup dollied upon each one.  Some
where stuffed with crab, some with beef, some with lamb, some with pork and some with
shrimp.  Visionist found he enjoyed the ones stuffed with the garlic beef tenderloin
the most and picked them from the tray even though they all looked the same to
everyone else.  Luca who always seemed to be hovering broke into the general
conversation to chide the Visionist and offered him his own plate of the beef
appetizer.  He laughed at being caught out and heartily affirmed his appreciation of
Luca's offer.  The hearty potato soup served with Pickles and Cheese on the side was
a glorious flavor sensation.  Hearty pumpernickel bread with fresh churned butter was
voraciously consumed by the appetites of the members of the meal.  The main course
proved most satisfying with surf and turf style meal with 5 sauces.
     Visionist enjoyed the poppy seed and orange sauce that went well with the fish
and seafood.  Dirmael could not get enough of the peppercorn sauce made with duck fat
and bourbon.  Finally a pan cake dessert was served.  Purple Sage cut aside from the
conversation to announce his dessert as a special one.  "This cake is a chocolate
fudge cake with a cream cheese swirl.  It is my absolute favorite."  All dug in and
enjoyed the cake and the coffee's served with a whipped cream and cinnamon topping.
     Purple Sage leaned back in his chair and as expected pulled forth his pipe and
began to fill it as the rest of the party began to finish their dessert and sit back
and relax.  Purple sage waited till the last fork was put down upon the plate before
lighting his pipe and blowing one of his regular some rings with the huge volume of
smoke from his mouth.  "Okay, my friend what can you tell me of the tasks I am to
do." said Purple Sage to his prophetic friend.
     "Well you have set some hard tasks for me so let me first take the easiest.  The
trip you have planned for Gias Ber to go to the Aruaki Clanhold to find the nature of
his heritage is extremely hazy, but he must start in Aruak and eventually head to
Lyratilian.  Though where it will end or the success I can not discern.  He is to
maintain concern for his safety even when he feels secure and the path to the
Mountains near Vithicar is fraught with challenges and Quiflex will lose more for
what he has lost and gain more of what he has gained.   The knowledge of the dwarves,
that was given to you by Black Peter for the favor you had done for the dwarves and
as to there ability of there clairvoyant mineralogists seems most accurate.  As for
the metal that you are searching for, it does indeed exist in the mountains, but the
time it shall take you to reach it shall be dependent on the personnel you implement
in the search.  The good news is that you will find much more than you've planned,"
he stated with a grin before taking a sip of water.
     "Now for the most difficult.  Your search for the necklace of Ayutthaya.  This
as you suspected shall take you through at least one Chaos Gate.  I know not which
one and I am only positive it is not the one that A Manager From Lapur closed.  I
know you have the power to begin the task but finishing it shall take you far from
Alastari.  I know not if your elemental powers will help you in those distant
dimensions." stated Visionist with the conviction of someone looking through a window
at an event occurring in their yard.
     "Excellent," replied Purple Sage surprisingly as the other members of the meal
all sighed as Visionist finished his soothsaying.  "I am so pleased that you could
see what you saw.  It means my enemies know not what I am planning.  For 10 years I
have been moving my pieces looking over my shoulder then to thwart by some pompous
bureaucrats.  Oh the frustration but I will use this delay to move forward some of my
larger pieces in my struggle to assist Sheila Greywand.  Though she would not approve
of my methods if she new all the details.  I shall keep her spies guessing and work
within the structures that exist but fortunately my patience and long life will allow
me to outlast some of the more fragile elements of the enemy." continued Purple Sage.
"Now please enlighten me as to the particulars of the material that I am searching
for from your interpretations?"
     "Well that is most difficult from my limited understanding of metallurgy and the
nature of different compounds, I feel this material will be found in combination with
others and will have the ability to kill over time though not directly.  It will be
much like slow Arsenic poisoning or the gradual death that occurs when mercury or
lead is improperly handled by craftsman.  I believe that limited contact will not be
harmful, but can not be positive of that.  It's a shame you had to release all your
slaves for the whims for political pressure." replied Visionist.
     "Dear comrade, do not confuse yourself.  I did not release the slaves due to the
political pressure, but was swayed by the arguments and I admit that having slaves
was a matter of inheritance not a conscious choice.  But the hypocrisy of those that
commented upon my slaves which to me where part of the family when they will
indenture someone to their trade guilds for 30 years taking the breath of their life
with little to show.  I am fortunate that the people that worked for me after that
release from their contracts now choose to work for me.  It has actually cut costs by
20% however I am saving the largest to be used for a retirement complex for them
since they are no longer members of the family." stated Purple Sage.
     "Back to the subject at hand.  When will you begin these adventures my friend?"
asked Visionist.
     "Quiflex will be leaving first, then Gias followed by myself since I will be
traveling alone.  Even you my dear Visionist will not be able to travel the ebbs and
currents of this trial." said Purple Sage as he thought of the trials ahead.
     Only a mage of the 8th circle would understand the necessary growth that would
occur upon this path for a mage was not a creature of cooperative training once them
past the 4th circle.  Mages, who did not specialize, seldom climbed beyond the 6th
circle though depending on the culture the descriptors for the varying levels of a
mage differed wildly.  One thing was sure the ability to garner and use power was a
steady center of all magical arts.  No one knew how much power Sheila Greywand had at
her beck and call since with the orb of office she could tap into limitless reserves.
He guessed that she was of the 11th or 12th circle but could not say for sure.  She
had the power to transform great swaths of land and control a portion of the chaos
Gates, which was no minor feat.
     Purple Sage knew his friend Visionist was beyond the 4th Circle but how far
beyond he could not know.  Alchemy was a very private art and among Mages one that
many delving into the 8th to 10th circle have died in horrible ways.  Purple Sage had
never met an Alchemist above the 10th circle of ability.  He felt that Visionist
might be limiting himself on purpose with his decision not to specialize.  Purple
Sage new his friend was much more than an alchemist.
     "Well if there is anything I can do to help, I have many Lord Protectors that
could assist you if need be.  Oh and here is that satchel of vials that you wanted."
stated Visionist preparing to call the evening to a close.
     The satchel contained 15 potions that had taken him the better part of a Month
to manufacture.  The ingredients alone where near the cost of a small ship.  Some of
them could not even be purchased and had been gathered by his people.  Visionist
would not tell him, but this request had nearly stretched his skills beyond his
knowledge.  He knew his friend thought of him as a mage of the 8th Circle, but in
thaumaturgy, alchemy, herbalism, but he had not nearly achieved those levels and has
little desire to attain that.  His clairvoyance is something he was born with and
during his travels he has consulted with others who have trained in the ability, but
only to the extent to help him improve his natural ability, not study to increase it.
Some consider it a gift from the gods, but it many ways it can be a curse as well.
Learning to be able to control and focus such abilities has helped keep it more a
     Purple Sage's dedicated focus in elemental magic was like an obsession, thus
Visionist could see why he had reached the powers that he had.  He was not sure why
or how, but he could see the power in others as he saw other things.  He knew that
Purple Sage was about to crest into the 9th Circle soon.  He could see that Gias Ber
had finished his training with Purple Sage's group and was nearing the 5th Circle.
Now Quiflex was a strange one with all the emanations of a 7th circle mage, but he
had dead spots in his aurora.  Lastly Tiffinal the Old elf was obviously a 10th
circle mage, though he did not have the haughtiness of one so far above the rest of
the mage's present.  In fact Tiffinal treated Purple Sage as his superior which was
most curious.  Visionist knew that the most powerful mage in the land was Sheila
Greywand, but for some reason he was unable to discern how powerful she really is,
though all gradients of mage disseminated down from her.  Visionist knew that Purple
Sage wanted to equal her in order to help when the next big wave from the realms of
chaos broke through.
     "Awesome." replied Purple Sage as he opened the Satchel.  A rainbow of colored
Vials with various shapes where arranged within the satchel.  Labels bespoke only
Numbers on each of the bottles as was requested by Purple Sage.
     "Master, why did you not have me make those for you?" interrupted Tiffinal with
concern in his tone as he recognized most of the potions held within.
     "My brother, you know you would not have made all of these for me.  Do not
attempt to pretend you do not recognize this one." said Purple Sage with a glint in
his eye as he held up a potion of oily gold that constantly swirled even as it was
sitting still.
     "No Sir I would not have made you a transmogrification potion.  How do you
expect to take the antidote if you are traveling alone?  It's insane Sir.  You will
be stuck in that form.  Exactly what form is that potion assigned?" commanded
     "Ahem, well I can not say for certain," stammered Visionist.  Though he was
seldom was shaken, the kind elf suddenly turned haughty and demanding had unsettled
him and the fact that he was much more knowledgeable about the alchemistic arts then
he had previously known unsettled him.  As of yet he could not make a potion to
transform into a specific creature, though he thought he could see that it was
     "Ridiculous you clumsy pup.  Why did you not discuss it with me?  Both of you
conspiring on your destruction.  Why I...." started Tiffinal as he was interrupted by
Purple Sage.
     "Enough Tiffinal!  You can chide me and I will accept any critic and criticism
you wish to offer me in private and I will take your advice in hand but you shall not
chide him as though he were one of your students in the lab.  You and I are blood of
our blood ,but he is my oldest (wink) friend and he will be respected." said Purple
Sage with the authority of command that he had grown used to.
     "Look can't we all just get along." said Visionist to ease the tension.
     "I see we are about done but I have one more topic to discuss.  The
Necromancer." said Purple Sage with firm resolution.  The Necromancer was co-manager
of the Sorcery Covenant guild in Osksi with the Visionist.  A mage of untold age, his
disappearance nearly a decade ago has always caused Visionist concern.
     "I know not where he is nor have any clue as to his possible existence upon this
mortal plain.  Perhaps Ahringol has finally taken him to reclaim his debt, though I
have doubts even Ahringol would want that carcass." winked the Visionist.  "I do
appreciate your concern to help me with this quest and perhaps upon your return we
can proceed to find what happened to him." added Visionist.
     "Agreed my friend." affirmed Purple Sage as all got up to shake Dirmael and the
Visionist's hand.  "Till next we meet," said Purple Sage as he hugged his friend in
an unwizardly way.  "Allow me to save you the walk down from the tower." Intoned
Purple Sage as he began to levitate the two Mid Earth guild members.  However it was
only the apprentice who was lifted down towards Prize Street.  "Release your barriers
for one moment you old scaredy cat." laughed Purple Sage.
     "Well give us a little warning before you decide to flex some power you whipper
snapper." joked Visionist who was only slightly older than Purple Sage, but never let
him forget it.
     "You chide me not.  You feel the power we have built here.  We and you now if
you wish have the power available to accomplish some of the more difficult tasks."
laughed Purple Sage as his aurora seemed to grow as he pulled some of the massive
amounts of energy stored in the Market and training Complex.
     Slowly Visionist floated down to Prize Street, wondering when would he see his
friend again and would he be able to contain his new powers.  He hoped his quest for
the Ayutthaya would help reign in the power that Purple Sage was building to
transgress to the next Circle.

      * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

     It was a late evenin workin on me Da's farm when me came ta sit down at the
supper table with me older brother Larnie, his wife Argel and their two sons, Sully
and Brogawn.  Ma and Da died a few years back and left the farm ta me brother and his
wife on the promise that me would always have me own spot there whenever me needed
it.  Out O' respect for Me Da, we still call it "Da's Farm".
     Da was a farmer, mostly O' sheep but also grew taters, maters and gourds, which
he sold at the market on arena days.  Da loved arena days.  Every arena day meant
gettin up in da wee hours O' da mornin ta load the wagon up ta make da trip inta
town.  Me dannae complain cause me liked them as much as Da did and it be better than
watchin da sheep.  Only Larnie be complainin on arena days.
     "Owsly me dannae see da point O' men beatin each other with blades and da like."
He be sayin when we arguin aboot it.  Larnie be a homebody, preferin da sheep and da
crops me always say.  Me thinks Da always knew that, which be why he dannae make
Larnie go on arena days.
     Me and Da sold da crops till midday when da arena begin ta start fillin with da
crowds for da fights.  Da always seemin ta have the coin for us ta go.  Me dannae
remember a day Da and me ever be missin a fight from da day me be an old enough lad
ta go.  Me never really understood why Da liked da fights so much til da night me
caught him in da barn swingin round a sword in a practiced form me had seen arena
gladiators warm up with.  Course he caught me watchin when me should have been in me
bed.  From that day on Da taught me how ta fight with arena weapons.  Turns out Da be
a retired fighter hisself till Ma made an honest man oot O' him.  It also explains
explained how he always had coin and da sum of gold coins left ta me self and Larnie.
     Me waited as the meal be placed on da table by Argel.  It look ta be a rack
o'lamb, with taters, some cheese, bread and some mead ta wash it all down.  Larnie
entered from da back O' da house, washed and seated hisself at da head O' the table.
Argel called ta da kids an they scampered down from da loft ta sit ta each side O'
me.  Tanight was ta be a wee bit O' different kinda night as far as supper be
concerned.  Tanight me aboot to pick a fight with me brother.  Nae a knock down drag
oot fight, at least me hoped not but a dispute just da same.
     Snappin me self out O' me thoughts, me turned ta listen ta da usual table talk
aboot da farm.  Da crops be expected ta have a good yeild this year and sheerin da
sheep starts ina month and a load of gourds be ready for market on Arena day.  That
be when me decided ta bring me fight ta da table.
     "Larnie me been thinkin and after Arena day me be O' startin somethin of me
own."  Me stated with a nod.
     "Good. What ye be havin in mind?"  He asked a wee bit more cheerful than me
liked.  Me paused for a minute tryin ta figure oot a nice way ta put it when all eyes
turned on me.  Mind ye me not be da type ta sweetin things up.  Me been told me be a
bit brash in me way O' puttin things.  Me made up me mind ta go with what works for
     "Me be goin ta manage an Arena team."  Let the fires be started.
     What be happenin next be a wee bit hard ta describe.  Argel buried her face in
her food, shovelin it in like it be her last meal.  Me nephews turned inta crazy lil
leprechans, cheerin me on an havin duels across da table wit each other, while yellin
like children do at da top O' their lungs.
     "Uncle Owsly gonna be fightin in da Arena!"  One rattles off as he pokes his
eatin fork at da other.
     "Wow!" The other be sayin as he jabs back with his.  "O' he be a fightin with
swords and maces too!"
     Me brother just be starin at me like me grew me self another head with horns and
pointed teeth.  All in all it was aboot the reaction I sorta expected.
     "Me be liken ta have part of da big barn ta train me team too."  Me told him ta
try an keep things focused.  Me brothers brows furrowed and he be lookin me in da
     "Me not be havin O' bunch O' bonehead buffoons 'round me lads and me lassy and
scarrin me sheep ta da next farm!"  He blared as he slammed his hand on da table
makin even da lads go quiet.  "How ye gonna manage a team?  Ye cannae even fight ye'
self?!"  His face be turnin red.  "And where ye gonna be gettin ye gold for this
bloody foolishness?!"  Now he be red and screamin bloody murder.
     Now before me go on, me should say me family be right cheerful, fun folk till ye
piss us off and we not be easy ta piss off.  But once we be there we be seein one
color only....Red.  Those word's O' comin from me own brother's mouth be makin me see
that red and it be glowin bright ta boot!  Me stood up from me seat, vaguely recallin
Argel tellin the lads ta go up ta da loft ta play.
     "Me show ye how me fight lad when me put me hammers in yer lip and me boot in
yer arse!"  Me yelled at him in O wee bit O' thunderin voice.
     "Ye hammers be more like pillows ye candy-arse sissy boy!"  Larnie bellows back
as he stands up.  That be it, we be fightin for sure now.
     "Me be showin ya sissy boy when ye be cryin ta Argel over ye black eyes!  Be
lucky she keep ye when me be through with ye!" Me riposted.
     "If ye can beat me lassy, me be givin ye da whole barn for ye team, but all ye
be gettin be O' mouth full O' dirt from me cleanin da floor with ye!"  It be a
screamin match now with da lads watchin from da loft and cheerin us both on.
     "Me be holdin ye too that laddy when me apologize ta Argel when she be doin ye
work cause ye to whooped ta get oot O' bed!"  With that me let him have it right in
da kisser with me first hammer.  Me came round with me second hammer and ta me
surprise he ducked under it with a speed me never knew he had, then came up with a
fist that caught me square in da chin, which darn near knocked me off me feet.
     Me not be expectin that no more than da right cross that caught me in da left
side of da cheek.  That shot rattled me brains a wee bit and sent me flyin to da
ground.  Like me said though, Larnie not be much O' a fighter.  He stood there a
moment before realizing he be havin da advantage.  That be all me needed ta get me
bearins back and come up with me legs and all me power ta catch him under da chin
with me fist.  That shot put his lights out and ta the floor he went with a thud.
     The room went silent as Argel ran over ta see ta him, while me rubbed me jaw.
"Is he dead?" Me heard one O' da lads ask the other.  Me grabbed a pitcher of water
from da table an up-ended it over his face.  After a wee bit O' spittin and spudderin
he seemed ta be comin round.
     "Nae he not be dead."  Me said aloud, but both eyes be turnin black and his chin
be split open good and bleedin abit.
     "Da always said ye could fight." Larnie managed ta slur out.  "Ye can have da
barn and Da's trainin room below."  He spit some blood and a tooth oot on da floor.
     "Trainin room below?"  Me sure me jaw was hangin open, the pain in it pretty
much forgottin.
     "Help me up ye arse."  He said as he propped himself up on his elbows and
extended me his hand.  Me heaved him ta his feet and he rubbed his jaw for a moment
before sittin down ta finish his meal.  The lads came down from da loft withoot sayin
a word and sat down ta finish eatin too, while Argel set ta cleanin the blood off da
floor.  The rest of da meal was finished in silence, not even the nephews said a word
and we both had ta chew a bit slower.
     When supper be over, da boys helped their Ma clean da table and were off ta bed.
Once 'good nights' were said Larnie grabbed his coat from a peg by da door.  "Ye
gonna come look?"  He asked me as me fired up me tobacco pipe.  Hastily, me grabbed
me coat off da peg and followed him oot da door.
     We made our way in da dark to da barn where he struck spark to a lantern before
walkin inside.  The barn be plenty big enough ta train me team in with the proper
gear but me be much more interested in da trainin room he be talkin aboot.  He led me
ta the back corner of the barn.  There he picked up a pitch fork and moved aside an
o'l pile O' hay.  Come ta think aboot it, me rarely seen that pile o' hay moved in
all me years growin up on da farm.
     Once da hay be oot of da way he pulled open a set O' wooden hatches in da floor,
then descended inta da darkness with his lantern.  Me of course followed.  At da
bottom O' da stairs me be astounded at what the lantern revealed.  There be racks
full O' weapons of every kind with armor ta boot.  If me had nae seen me self, me
would have thought Larnie be pullin me leg.  Me couldnae believe me eyes and for one
O' a few times in me life me be speechless.
     "It be yours laddy.  Da be wantin ye ta have it when da time be right and it be
lookin like that time be now."  Larnie said to me an pat me gruffly on da back.
"Make Da and da O'crow Clan proud."  He hung da lantern on a peg on a center beam in
da room and left withoot sayin another word.  Me sat in awe lettin me eyes take
inventory of everything and ta let reality set in.  There was only one thing left ta
do now....  Find me self a team.

Ta be continued....

      * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

                        DUALMASTERS (not Duelmaster's) COLUMN
                             Notes from the arena chumps

     Heeeey, it's Needs Salt and Red Hot Chili, and we're here to PUMP (clap!) you
     We'd like to begin our editorial with a quick hello to all the little people who
made this possible; you know, the long list of unfortunate scoundrels who found
themselves at the business end of our war hammers.  Hello A.A. Shock.  Hello
Colossus.  Hello Illyria, Mad Dog and Luna.  Hello Von Grov, Copper Compacter, and
Liternius.  We thank you.
     And Liternius, what's this madness about you knocking me down?  Shall I
enlighten the arena on what REALLY happened during our second fight?  After crushing
you like a grape in our first meeting, I slowed down and took it easy on you for the
second fight.  After all, I didn't want to humiliate you again.  Subsequently, I
diddled, I dawdled, and as I was falling from exhaustion, I leaned forward and
tripped over my flip-flops right into your weapon.  Then, as I lay on the ground, you
poked me again.  Hardly the dominating performance you made it out to be.  Perhaps a
     The view from up here is amazing, and it's nice to share it with a teammate.
Unfortunately, there can only be one DM.  Who will it be?  One of us?  One of our
     We've decided to challenge Cloudshadow and Liternius, and give the two of them
both a chance to fight for the throne.  Why?  Good question.  Cloudshadow gave Needs
Salt the worst beating of his young career a few turns back, and Salt wants a chance
to avenge that loss.  Also, if Cloudshadow wins, she'd make an excellent Duelmaster.
She fights with skill, honor, and courage, and looks amazing in leather.  Trust me!
Liternius, on the other hand, doesn't look good in leather (although not too bad in
spandex), but we decided to give the old man a shot anyway.  He doesn't have much to
live for, so why not throw him a bone?  I'm going to come at him with a war hammer
and be as naked as the day I was born.
     Tiffinal, we'd comment here about your habitual whining and down challenging,
and whining about down challenging, but I think it's been covered well enough.  We
     Here's to hoping one of us is your Duel Master this turn.

Ciao bella,
Salt n Chili

                                      SPY REPORT

     Well, what are you looking at, LAPUR?  Ain't you never seen Snide Clemens 
before?  Ah, shaddup and listen to my news.  Later days, CARDOW HUNTERS, since STREET 
WALKERS took top team from you this turn, you guys are old news.  If this keeps up, 
BLACK KELTS, you'll have to shine swords instead of use them.  A drop of 6 in the 
rankings?  VENUSIANS turned their 3-2-0 turn into a 7th place rank in the listings 
this turn.  Any better than this, and you get put on hit lists.  Gee, I'm impressed, 
a 4-1-0 is nice, but don't get cocky, STREET WALKERS, the Fates teach humility, and 
the Fates are proud.  Of course, we're all terribly impressed to see ISABELLE PEPPER 
win a fight and gain 23 points, terribly.  Tsk, tsk, LUHAR beat REVY and REVY lost 15 
points.  You're breakin' my heart.  And it's out with the old, in with the new, as 
NEEDS SALT takes the Title and last week's bar tab from the old Duelmaster.  Heh, 
heh.  The Warty Toad, humph!  I've tasted better ale at mortuaries.  Where do they 
get this stuff?  From LAPUR's trash dumps?   
     He who fights and runs away will live to fight another day, the coward.  What's 
the big D?  METAL MINCERS was the most avoided team?  Bunch of lily livered... 
grumble... mumble... curse...  And who led the way in this mass act of cowardice?  
Let's see, well, whatcha know?  It was MID EARTH.  Ha ha ha ha!  Ooh, I'm frightfully 
impressed, LITERNIUS was this turn's most challenged warrior.  Watch that ego swell, 
sports fans.  Now look at this.  NEEDS SALT challenged down 17 against CARDOW 
HUNTERS' CLOUDSHADOW.  What a weasel!  And golly gee, NEEDS SALT overcame 
CLOUDSHADOW.  Aren't we all surprised and impressed?  I guess I can give a little 
credit to INCONEL INDENTER of METAL MINCERS for challenging up by 25 to NAILIN' 
PALIN.  INCONEL INDENTER lost to get 65 points of recognition.  And we have RED HOT 
CHILI in a challenge, going down 15 points for the fight.  Guess what?  I thought RED 
HOT CHILI showed great skill and promise when she was overcame by LITERNIUS.  All 
right, so I slept through it!  Big deal!   
     Some people like volunteer work in the hospitals.  I volunteer for LAPUR's 
morgue.  More variety.  And now a passing thought on a warrior dying young (NULDOR of 
MID EARTH):  You had your chance and now you're dead.  Oh well...  Bye bye, warrior, 
bye bye...  ALHENA, a glorious 4-11-0 fighter, has passed away.  Gee, too bad 
VENUSIANS.  A big yahoo goes out to VON GROV this turn, for revenging TRAIL OF TEARS' 
bloodfeud against BLACK KELTS' warrior BROWN BEAVER.  Heh, heh, heh.  Honor is like a 
chainmail shirt, it only shines through use.  Certain nameless cowards will doubtless 
rebuke me on this one.   
     I was about to buy a new quill pen the other day, but some fighter took it for 
an epee.  Forgive me for writing with a dagger.  Well, I've had enough of this 
drivel, and I'm sure you have too.  Off like a dirty shirt of padded leather.  I see 
the crowds are getting restless, I must leave now-- Snide Clemens  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 NEEDS SALT 5206              14   3  0   122       BOHICA (449)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 LITERNIUS 5049               19  25  1   106       EQUESTORS (158)
 MAKADOS 4704                 13   3  0   103       PHILANTHROPISTS (407)
 A.A. SHOCK 5054              18  24  3   101       FORCE OF NATURE (312)
 FELICIA 1693                 12   6  1   100       STREET WALKERS (97)
 GLAUCO 5102                  19  18  1    92       EQUESTORS (158)
 LIME 5178                    14   4  0    92       WILL DUEL 4 MEAD (282)
 RED HOT CHILI 5202           12   5  0    92       BOHICA (449)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 COLOSSUS 556                 18  24  4    88       X-MEN (78)
 CLOUDSHADOW 5154             19  12  0    87       CARDOW HUNTERS (359)
 LUNA 5179                    12   7  0    87       WILL DUEL 4 MEAD (282)
 JOHN COURAGE 3313            16  12  0    86       BLACK KELTS (233)
 NAILIN' PALIN 5302           11   3  0    86       STREET WALKERS (97)
 HORN ROCK 5113               18  18  0    85       CARDOW HUNTERS (359)
 ILLYRIA 5149                 17  14  0    80       VENUSIANS (321)
 YURI 5188                    12   6  2    78       WILL DUEL 4 MEAD (282)
 ATRIA 5101                   19  18  1    76       VENUSIANS (321)
 MAD DOG 5125                 18  16  0    74       CARDOW HUNTERS (359)
 VON GROV 3337                15  14  0    72       TRAIL OF TEARS (229)
 ICE SHARD 5191               14  12  1    70       FORCE OF NATURE (312)
 COPPER COMPACTER 5092        15  15  0    68       METAL MINCERS (256)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 SMACK O'MALLEY 5282           8   5  0    66       CLAN CROW (456)
 INCONEL INDENTER 4324         8   4  1    65       METAL MINCERS (256)
 BISHOP 5300                   6   9  1    64       X-MEN (78)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 LUHAR 5244                   11  10  2    60       MID EARTH (223)
 STARRY NITE 5186             16  11  0    59       FORCE OF NATURE (312)
 VINDOCOMUS 5251              11   9  0    57       EQUESTORS (158)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 LUCKY EIREANN 5285            7   5  2    51       CLAN CROW (456)
 JULIANUS 5321                 7   3  0    49       EQUESTORS (158)
 ENCOLPIUS 5268               11   7  0    46       EQUESTORS (158)
 DEATHWIND FORGE 5283          6   6  0    43       CLAN CROW (456)
 BAD YEAR 5298                 3   1  0    43       2008 (450)
 SALAMANDER 4165               5   6  0    42       TRAIL OF TEARS (229)
 DARK UNCLE 2168               5  14  0    42       X-MEN (78)
 SILVER SAW 5287               6   5  1    41       METAL MINCERS (256)
 GILAN 5242                    9  12  1    40       MID EARTH (223)
 JAILYN 5354                   6   1  1    39       MID EARTH (223)
 IRON IMPACTER 5315            6   3  0    37       METAL MINCERS (256)
 REVY 5344                     6   2  0    36       WILL DUEL 4 MEAD (282)
-SHANGGAR 4703                 3   3  0    34       PHILANTHROPISTS (407)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 SOLAR RADIATION 5308          6   8  0    33       VENUSIANS (321)
-CHROME CUTTER 5316            5   2  0    33       METAL MINCERS (256)
-LAST BUSH 5352                1   0  1    33       2008 (450)
 RINDEL 5346                   5   3  0    30       MID EARTH (223)
 FYRE RAYNES 5341              4   4  0    30       FORCE OF NATURE (312)
 GEMINI 5364                   2   3  0    30       ZODIAC (459)
 MISS FRIENDLY FIRE 5396       3   0  0    29       STREET WALKERS (97)
 WATERSTONE 5317               6   5  0    26       CARDOW HUNTERS (359)
 MOJO 5340                     5   3  0    26       X-MEN (78)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 GAMBIT 5372                   3   2  1    23       X-MEN (78)
 BROWN BEAVER 5358             3   4  1    23       BLACK KELTS (233)
 ISABELLE PEPPER 5406          1   0  1    23       BOHICA (449)
 LARD SPRINKLE 5359            3   1  0    22       BOHICA (449)
 BIMBO SLICE 5386              2   2  0    21       STREET WALKERS (97)
 WHIP ME HOUSTON 5397          2   1  0    20       STREET WALKERS (97)
 MAY 5403                      1   0  0    20       TRAIL OF TEARS (229)
 LEO 5395                      2   0  0    18       ZODIAC (459)
 BOOKABOUTBIRDS 4787           2   6  0    17       TRAIL OF TEARS (229)
 WOLFMAN 5393                  1   1  1    17       CREATURE FEATURE (463)
-IZALOR 4702                   1   0  0    17       PHILANTHROPISTS (407)
 THE BLOB 5389                 1   1  0    16       CREATURE FEATURE (463)
 URLIC MAC COOL 5373           3   1  0    15       CLAN CROW (456)
 LIETENANT WORF 5383           3   0  0    14       TREKKERS (462)
 CAPTAIN KIRK 5382             2   1  0    14       TREKKERS (462)
 CANCER 5363                   2   3  0    13       ZODIAC (459)
 CAPTAIN PICARD 5384           2   1  0    13       TREKKERS (462)
 RED SQUIRREL 5357             2   5  0    11       BLACK KELTS (233)
 SONTE HINGE 3455              1   7  0    10       BLACK KELTS (233)
 SNOWDROP 5400                 1   1  0    10       TRAIL OF TEARS (229)
 CYGNI 5404                    1   0  0    10       VENUSIANS (321)
-NOVEMBER 5361                 1   0  0     9       2008 (450)
 COMMANDER RIKER 5381          2   1  0     8       TREKKERS (462)
 DUNWICH HORROR 5391           1   1  1     7       CREATURE FEATURE (463)
 LIBRA 5366                    1   4  0     7       ZODIAC (459)
 BUTTERFLY 5388                1   2  0     5       CARDOW HUNTERS (359)
 REPTILICUS 5390               1   1  0     4       CREATURE FEATURE (463)
 MR. SPOCK 5380                0   3  0     3       TREKKERS (462)
 THE BRIDE 5392                0   2  0     2       CREATURE FEATURE (463)
 LEAP YEAR 5402                0   1  0     1       2008 (450)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 FLUFFY 5405                   0   1  0     1       WILL DUEL 4 MEAD (282)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                W  L K TEAM NAME            SLAIN BY              TURN Revenge?
WHITE ROBE 3421         3  5 2 BLACK KELTS 233      LUCKY EIREANN 5285    605  REVENGED
MEAT POPSICLE 5309      4  6 0 BOHICA 449           ARENAMASTER KYAL      608  NONE
SCHADENFREUDE 5387      1  2 0 BOHICA 449           DUNWICH HORROR 5391   607   
FAYLIN O'COMMA 5322     2  7 0 CLAN CROW 456        HEINOUS BEAST         608  NONE
NULDOR 5374             3  2 0 MID EARTH 223        WOLFMAN 5393          608   
RAW 4173                4  5 0 TRAIL OF TEARS 229   BROWN BEAVER 5358     607  JUST REVENGED
ALHENA 5291             4 12 0 VENUSIANS 321        SILVER SAW 5287       608   
PISCES 5362             0  1 0 ZODIAC 459           JAILYN 5354           604  NOT REVENGED
SAGITARIUS 5365         2  3 0 ZODIAC 459           ISABELLE PEPPER 5406  608   

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Please excuse the fact that there will be no Metal Mincers fighting this turn.  They
need their rest. -- Ora

Me borgs 'n this'n ole miner bea on vacation.  Aye. -- Oremaster

Congratters ta Position Is Empty, ye great Duelmaster.  That'n be yourn, Ora? --

Street Walkers with 52 points!  That must be why we avoid all the time!  Well done,
you Steinbrenner type. -- Ora

Visionist -- Them bea were innerestin rules you be postin.  Aye.  What bea Aimed-
Blow? -- Oremaster

Storm Front -- Apparently I know not what I speak.  I apologize.  Maybe that old
coot, Oremaster, is right about me? -- Ora (sadly)

Apparently our ad apologizing for the "no show" last turn did not make the cut.
(Hal's or RSI's, or whomever's.)  We were away at a long marriage-counseling camp and
unavailable.  Sorry, but we ARE back. -- Ora
P.S.  I don't think Oremaster learned a damned thing!

Glauco -- I'm stupid.  You're smart.  I was wrong.  You were right.  You're the best.
I'm the worst.  You're very good looking.  I'm not that attractive. -- Colossus

Needs Salt -- That's Spartacus??!!  I thought it was Willie Nelson! -- VV

Red Hot Chili -- Yeahhhhh, let's not try that again. -- Von Grov

Brown Beaver -- No hard feelings what-so-ever on that one, but will definitely
exercise right to BF for at least a couple of turns here.  I need the wins. -- Jugger

Reptilicus -- Something tells me you'll be a force to be reckoned with someday.
You're very good. -- Snowdrop

All, these where lost last turn or where edited out.  If they where edited out then
they will be again.

     Nah, it was hal.  Or something related to hal.

CANCER -- Dang House is in reruns I think I may have Cancer Brown Beaver editor.  All
info here is a joke.  'k?

Captain Picard -- Committed an up challenge.  She is a Parry-AB approximately 47 cm
tall who fights with his feet.  I mean her feet.  It wears chain mail and no helm and
fights with a halberd.  Then again I could have that all messed up Red Squirrel

Okay, Turn 608 ADS

LUCKY EIREANN -- Man, you were lucky there.  I was truly amazed that what I thought
would be a battle turned out like it did.  It was my most exciting fight to read. --
Purple Sage

Raw's manager -- Opps. -- Brown Beaver

SAGITARIUS -- Dang, you're wearing speed-o's or what? -- Red Squirrel

Callisto -- I'm glad that you smacking me around like the media helped.  Good luck on
the Isle. -- Nailin' Palin

Chetam -- Let's see, you don't do potions, you don't do cows... do you at least do
windows??? -- Roadkill

     No, that's the Irritated Housewife.

Ice Shard -- Nothing personal, I had to try someone besides a basher for a turn. --
P.S.  And yes, I'm still trying to figure out how I got most popular.

Sonte (almost) Unhinged -- Let's see... 6 times my FE and you still lost, I don't
know whether to be ticked off about the DC or feel sorry for you, 'cause you must
really suck! -- Miss Friendly Fire

Mojo -- What can I say???  I threw everything I had at you but it wasn't good enough.
-- Bimbo Slice
P.S.  (I wish Dana White would call... this arena like can be brutal.)

Atria -- That went better than expected, now I don't feel so bad about refusing
government aid for special aid. -- Nailin' Palin

Wolfman -- Silver tipped weapons seem to be very effective. -- Whip Me Houston
P.S.  You should shave more often, the beard is a little scratchy.

Scrappy Doo -- Talk about getting screwed over... top 2 fighters in the arena but
neither gets the throne. -- Roadkill

Creature Feature -- Welcome to Lapur. -- Roadkill and the Street Walkers

AA -- I was NOT eagerly seeking the death blow.  Arenamasters these days... sheeesh!
Thanks for the ratings! -- Needs Skills, urm Salt.

     No, no, that wasn't ME, it was the fight-steward.  You know, the guy who hovers
     around and yells the blow-by-blow to the stands because most people can't see
     what's going on. -- Arenmaster Kyall

Fyre Raynes -- Well done!  I was completely outclassed.  I'm looking forward to
avoiding you in the future. -- Lard Sprinkle

Von Grov -- Son, we fight in an arena that has walls, and those walls have to be
guarded by warriors with weapons.  Who's going to do it?  You?  You, Lieutenant Worf?
Did you order the Code Red Hot Chili?  You want the Chili?  You can't handle the
Chili! -- RHC

Dunwich -- You never get a second chance to make a first impression!  Hmmph! --
Scruffy, on behalf of Schadenfreude

Felecia -- Most popular?  Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?  (Nice!) -- Scruffy

All -- Sorry for my silence as of late in the ads, I know you were all enjoying the
peace and quiet.  I was trying to get back into the swing of things, but my
enthusiasm for writing stems from the type of reverb I hear bouncing off the walls
around Lapur.  Haven't felt like producing any hot air lately. -- Sporkis

Visionist -- You forgot:  4. You be better off making it a Lunger.  5. If the Aim
Blow somehow comes back from the dead it will die again the following turn.  6. If
you have more than one Aim Blow, don't DA one because the other one will follow him
in the same turn because it doesn't want to be lonely.

Callisto -- Well what can I say?  Thanks for not taking my head as a souvenir, then
running away.  Congrads, and goodbye.  I won't be miss ya. -- Lime

All -- A turn without a duelmaster.. Yeah whatever!  Don't go blaming me.  As good as
I am, I can't be expected to pull a 25 plus fight experience difference victory out
of my behind every turn.  Ingrateful sobs... geesh! -- Lime

Smack O'Malley -- Just because you put a hurting on Himeko a few weeks ago, doesn't
mean the rest of us are pushovers.  Granted she liked dog food, but now she is dog
food.  If you want to try again, maybe so will you. -- Luna

Roadkill -- I thought Lapurs' managers were just chipping into a mass cremation fund
for Aim Blows to keep the costs down.  Don't you remember until we reached the set
number, we voted to keep the bodies in your ice house since you had like double the
amount of anybody else. -- Sporkis

Gilan -- Apparently not the same stain in the brothel bed sheet that was yours.
Since I just picked up were I left off.  Giving Mr. Where the Sun Don't Shine a
matching pair of shoes. -- Revy the Cheeker Arse

Atria -- It looks like it's been hit by a Rewrite panty raid.  It's fine though.  I'm
just glad that Illyria has a spare to fall back on.  Much like that third nipple of
yours.  Oh yes, I've heard the rumors. -- Luna

Illyria -- Yeah, I really need to stop posing for the fans after the first couple of
minutes.  I'm just so used to everyone dropping in the first minute I've developed a
bad habit of it when they don't.  So you can see why it's a problem when the fight
actually goes longer.  Still, well done.  The drinks are on you since I don't get any
of the purse for losing.  -- Yuri
P.S.  I like my mead straight from the barrel, no mug.  So bring lots of cash.

Need Salt -- I still want those flip-flops back. -- Ghost of Himeko

Stormy -- I'll give a one goat testicle since their your favorite, and a kick in the
arse for the team.  I know I'm being generous with the kick in the arse.  I figure I
can patent the name off as a urine trough cleaner call Force of Nature's Miracle.  It
will say it can do wonders on paper, but does a mediocre job at best when actually
applied. -- Sporkis

     Sporkis -- I passed these, but don't go any farther down that noisome alley,
     okay? -- the editor

Illyria -- Bad style match for you, although you did make me work for the victory. --

Strike Breaker?  Since when do we have strikes here? -- Mad Dog

And M. Chardinee, as well. TWO standbys in one turn? -- Horn Rock

Julianus -- Huh.  I wouldn't've minded a standby. -- Waterstone

Faylin O'Comma -- Either your manager hates you, or you're the victim of a serious
input error. -- Butterfly
P.S.  Not that I'm complaining about getting the win and the skills, mind!

Mulder the Inept -- The main thing is to be Mulder the Alive and Still Trying. --

Visionist -- Maintenance will do that. -- Jorja, Cardow Hunters

Red Bull -- Apples?  I could manage some apples. -- Chetam, Odd Job Man for Lapur

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

MEAT POPSICLE was butchered by ARENAMASTER KYALL in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
FAYLIN O'COMMA was slaughtered by HEINOUS BEAST in a 1 minute Dark Arena battle.
VON GROV handily defeated BROWN BEAVER in a 1 minute one-sided Bloodfeud match.
RED HOT CHILI lost to LITERNIUS in a 1 minute Challenge brawl.
NEEDS SALT devastated CLOUDSHADOW in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge Title fight.
FELICIA subdued GLAUCO in a action packed 3 minute master's Challenge competition.
COLOSSUS was defeated by MAKADOS in a 2 minute veteran's Challenge struggle.
ILLYRIA slimly won victory over ICE SHARD in a 5 minute Challenge competition.
INCONEL INDENTER lost to NAILIN' PALIN in a action packed 6 minute Challenge duel.
YURI overpowered STARRY NITE in a popular 1 minute gory uneven Challenge duel.
BISHOP was overpowered by LIME in a popular 1 minute one-sided Challenge melee.
LUHAR demolished REVY in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge match.
LUCKY EIREANN unbelievably bested SALAMANDER in a 2 minute Challenge contest.
DEATHWIND FORGE subdued GILAN in a 3 minute Challenge match.
MOJO was bested by BAD YEAR in a 2 minute bloody Challenge bout.
FYRE RAYNES was overcome by JULIANUS in a 2 minute Challenge fight.
LARD SPRINKLE vanquished BUTTERFLY in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge bout.
MISS FRIENDLY FIRE viciously subdued BOOKABOUTBIRDS in a 3 minute Challenge fray.
LEO viciously subdued RED SQUIRREL in a popular 4 minute brutal Challenge brawl.
BIMBO SLICE was subdued by RINDEL in a exciting 4 minute Challenge bout.
WOLFMAN savagely slew NULDOR in a 2 minute bloody amateur's Challenge fight.
THE BLOB devastated SONTE HINGE in a action packed 1 minute one-sided Challenge bout.
CANCER was narrowly defeated by WATERSTONE in a 2 minute Challenge bout.
A.A. SHOCK handily defeated MAD DOG in a 1 minute one-sided contest.
JOHN COURAGE demolished VINDOCOMUS in a action packed 5 minute brutal one-sided fight.
LUNA overpowered COPPER COMPACTER in a 2 minute gory one-sided duel.
ATRIA was subdued by HORN ROCK in a action packed 1 minute veteran's melee.
JAILYN was unbelievably bested by CAPTURED ORC in a 2 minute gruesome bout.
DARK UNCLE savagely defeated GEMINI in a 3 minute gory expert vs. novice competition.
ENCOLPIUS was overpowered by SMACK O'MALLEY in a popular 1 minute brutal uneven duel.
GAMBIT was savagely defeated by IRON IMPACTER in a popular 4 minute brutal fight.
SILVER SAW executed ALHENA in a 1 minute uneven bout.
SOLAR RADIATION demolished CAPTAIN PICARD in a 1 minute uneven contest.
LIBRA was savagely defeated by SNOWDROP in a 3 minute brutal novice's struggle.
URLIC MAC COOL devastated THE BRIDE in a 1 minute uneven bout.
MR. SPOCK was overpowered by WHIP ME HOUSTON in a 2 minute bloody one-sided match.
COMMANDER RIKER outlasted FLUFFY in a 8 minute gory novice's duel.
CAPTAIN KIRK won victory over REPTILICUS in a 2 minute amateur's bout.
LIETENANT WORF luckily beat DUNWICH HORROR in a 7 minute beginner's competition.
SAGITARIUS was murdered by ISABELLE PEPPER in a 1 minute bloody uneven duel.
LEAP YEAR was demolished by CYGNI in a 2 minute bloody uneven conflict.
MAY overpowered EMBEZZLING SCRIBE in a 1 minute one-sided brawl.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                  14         TOTAL PARRY       45 -  31 -  0      59  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                 14         SLASHING ATTACK   27 -  25 -  1      52  |
|BASHING ATTACK                  10         STRIKING ATTACK   60 -  56 -  3      52  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  9         PARRY-STRIKE      15 -  15 -  0      50  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      8         WALL OF STEEL     18 -  18 -  4      50  |
|AIMED BLOW                       7         AIMED BLOW        36 -  40 -  2      47  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      6         LUNGING ATTACK    56 -  68 -  1      45  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    4         PARRY-LUNGE       20 -  26 -  0      43  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    4         PARRY-RIPOSTE     12 -  17 -  1      41  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     4         BASHING ATTACK    34 -  50 -  3      40  |

Turn 608 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

TOTAL PARRY        6 -  2     AIMED BLOW         3 -  4         3  BASHING ATTACK 
PARRY-LUNGE        4 -  2     LUNGING ATTACK     6 -  8         3  AIMED BLOW     
PARRY-RIPOSTE      2 -  2     BASHING ATTACK     4 -  6         2  TOTAL PARRY    
WALL OF STEEL      2 -  2     PARRY-STRIKE       1 -  3         1  LUNGING ATTACK 

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
STRIKING ATTACK  NEEDS SALT 5206            14   3  0  122 BOHICA (449)
TOTAL PARRY      MAKADOS 4704               13   3  0  103 PHILANTHROPISTS (407)
BASHING ATTACK   GLAUCO 5102                19  18  1   92 EQUESTORS (158)
AIMED BLOW       LIME 5178                  14   4  0   92 WILL DUEL 4 MEAD (282)
LUNGING ATTACK   MAD DOG 5125               18  16  0   74 CARDOW HUNTERS (359)
PARRY-LUNGE      VON GROV 3337              15  14  0   72 TRAIL OF TEARS (229)
PARRY-STRIKE     ICE SHARD 5191             14  12  1   70 FORCE OF NATURE (312)
WALL OF STEEL    LUCKY EIREANN 5285          7   5  2   51 CLAN CROW (456)
SLASHING ATTACK  ENCOLPIUS 5268             11   7  0   46 EQUESTORS (158)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is LITERNIUS 5049.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was VINDOCOMUS 5251.  The ten other most popular fighters were IRON IMPACTER 5315, 
FIRE 5396, LEO 5395, BIMBO SLICE 5386, JOHN COURAGE 3313, and FELICIA 1693.

The least popular fighter this week was LIETENANT WORF 5383.  The other ten least 
popular fighters were NAILIN' PALIN 5302, FLUFFY 5405, LEAP YEAR 5402, SAGITARIUS 
ALHENA 5291, and MAD DOG 5125.

                          SUMMER FACE-TO-FACE IN CLEVELAND!

Our summer FTF will be an eastern one this time, located in Cleveland, Ohio  on July 
17-19, 2009.  It will be held at the Holiday Inn in Strongsville, OH, at 15471 
Royalton Rd (440-238-8800).  Rooms are only $95.00 per night, 1-2 occupancy.  

There is a free shuttle from the airport, free parking, and free high-speed wireless 
internet in all guestrooms ($3/day in public space).  The hotel has an indoor pool, 
pool table, and hockey, and a fitness center.   The hotel is located 1/2 mile from the 
largest mall in Northeast Ohio, with indoor minigolf and pottery painting, and right 
next door to Iceland Arena, which offers open skate and skate rental.  They also have 
four bikes on property available for checkout, as the Metro parks are next door as 
well.  The rooms are blocked--ask for the "Reality Simulations" room block.  There are 
many restaurants and nightspots nearby and at the Mall, as well as a cafe in the 

The tournament information sheet will be out imminently.  We hope you're all looking 
forward to the tournament and that we will see you there!