Date   : 04/05/2006    Duedate: 04/18/2006


DM-30    TURN-520

This Weeks Top Honors


(30-4519) [13-10-1,113]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

LENPROS (145)                  
(30-4519) [13-10-1,113]        

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

BIG MAC                        THE CLEAR
THE A'S -- LOSERS II (431)     THE A'S -- LOSERS II (431)
(30-4547) [14-13-1,69]         (30-4539) [16-12-0,72]



Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. GAMEHENDGE (299)            22
2. CRYSTAL PALACE (435)        19      THE WARLOCKS (430)
3. LENPROS (145)               15      Unchartered Team
4. WRESTLMANIACS (73)          10
5. RED DOG GANG (356)           9      BOUND4GLORY (320)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 1 THE WARLOCKS (430)       109  59  7 64.9   1/ 2 CRYSTAL PALACE (435)      9  6 0
 2/ 2 LENPROS (145)            871 576 25 60.2   2/ 5 WRESTLMANIACS (73)        7  4 0
 3/ 3 THE A'S -- LOSERS  (431) 134 102  5 56.8   3/ 3 LENPROS (145)             7  4 0
 4/ 4 WRESTLMANIACS (73)        58  49  3 54.2   4/ 1 THE A'S -- LOSERS  (431)  7  8 0
 5/ 5 GAMEHENDGE (299)         132 112  9 54.1   5/ 4 RED DOG GANG (356)        6  9 0
 6/ 6 CRYSTAL PALACE (435)      52  56  1 48.1   6/ 7 GAMEHENDGE (299)          4  2 0
 7/ 7 RED DOG GANG (356)       431 582 10 42.5   7/ 6 THE WARLOCKS (430)        4  5 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

              + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Deep Waters #15 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +


     "Have a care, young woman!  This foul knave would not hesitate to do you a
mischief that even my patented Golden Elixir could not cure!  Stand back!"
     Startled, because this was a new, unfamiliar voice, Gissanniah took a half-step
back from the Ruthless Jaywalker and the Thing that was materializing at his feet.
As she did so, a brown bottle that might once have contained beer sailed over her
head and through the insubstantial body of the Thing, hitting the floor with a crash
and breaking.  She skipped back another couple of steps.  As she did so, a mist rose
from the broken bottle, shining like new gold, a veritable Golden Elixir.  Where the
golden mist touched the murky vapors of the Thing, both vanished with hiss and a pop.
     The Ruthless Jaywalker yelled and batted at the two columns of vapor--they had
formed columns now and were twisting around each other like gladiators looking for an
opening--with his sword.  There were more hisses and a twang like an over-stressed
guy wire snapping, and half the sword fell to the floor of the library.  Or toward
the floor, at least, but it vanished into the ghastly mess from which the dark cloud
had arisen, causing the unnatural flesh to bubble briefly.
     "Quite disgusting in its way," Old Doc Circ murmured, taking Gissanniah by the
shoulders and moving her gently to the side.  "Even the minor creatures of Old Night
are not to be trifled with."
     "What IS that Thing?" Gissanniah asked.
     "Specifically?  I have no idea.  In general terms, it is, as you say, a Thing.
A monster, if you will."  The Old Doc peered past her at the Thing, which was looking
much the worse for wear.  It was struggling with the Ruthless Jaywalker and looking
generally revolting.  "I believe that Things of this class are not actually
individual entities.  One might consider them...manifestations of the forces of
     "I don't like it," the young woman said.  "What is it doing here?"
     "My researches indicate that the magicians currently resident in Krael--remind
me to tell you of my early adventures there--have several of these Things around for
various purposes.  Mostly as guards, I would say."
     "Your researches?  You're giving yourself airs these days, you old faker!"
Senator Sedalia came to a stop beside the other two and looked at the writhing mess
in the alcove.  "I wouldn't inflict that on a lobbyist," he noted.  "What did you
     "I have devised a special elixir which disrupts these Things," the Old Doc said.
     "Why not?"
     "Don't play games with me," the senator snapped.  "I want an answer!"
     "Tut tut," the Old Doc said.  "Such temper is a sign that your vital humours are
unbalanced.  Fortunately, I have just the elixir to rectify--"
     Senator Sedalia leaned toward the man of medicine, managing to loom menacingly
despite his modest height.  "There are serious issues here, you old quack!  *I* am
not to be trifled with, either!"
     Circ raised his eyebrows.  Before he could make the remark he so obviously had
at the ready, Gissanniah cut in.
     "Both of you stop this!  We don't have time for it!"  She turned to Sedalia.
"What about Alvin Moss?"
     "The Untrustworthy Scribe will trouble us not at all," the senator said.
     Transferring her attention to Old Doc Circ, she said, "Is there anything we
could or should do for the Ruthless Jaywalker?"  She was careful not to look toward
the place where the criminal pedestrian was meeting a dire fate.
     "He is beyond our aid," Doc Circ said.  "His fate was sealed when he agreed to
participate in an activity involving such Things."
     Mastering his irritation, due, no doubt, to the stress of imagining the
irreplaceable Archive burning down, Senator Sedalia asked, "What about the Thing?
Should we do something about or to it?"
     "No.  It will be consumed by the act of consuming the Jaywalker."
     "Then let us proceed with OUR business here," the senator said.
     "Just...walk away and let that Thing do whatever?" Gissanniah demanded.
     "It is now totally committed to the act of consumption," Doc Circ said.  "It
cannot turn aside for any purpose, not even for so slight an effort as to dog ear a
page.  But for you, dear young lady, I will remain here and observe the final stages
of its dissolution."  He bowed to Gissanniah with a flourish.
     Senator Sedalia gave him a look that would have blistered paint, muttered
something about "old goats" that Gissanniah chose not to hear, took the woman
gladiator's arm, and hustled her away.

      * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

                          ---===ANDORIAN REGIONAL NEWS===---

 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 268): INOCHI of YAKUZA (Sensei Jan, mgr.)
 DM  11 ARUAK CITY (turn 537): ONEWOLF of WOLFBROTHERS (Doc Steele, mgr.)
 DM  14 TOBIR (turn 537): WOOFER of THE DOGHOUSE (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  22 SOLVEN (turn 530): BLIZZARD of JUST CHILLIN (Mr. Freeze, mgr.)
 DM  24 ZORPUNT (turn 526): BUBBA JONES of KRILL CAVALRY (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  25 LYRATILAN (turn 526): BLOODSHED of MADTOWN (Namenlos, mgr.)
 DM  26 CALEAM (turn 524): DE DE MAO of SHERWOOD FOREST (Papaiz, mgr.)
 DM  30 IAYE (turn 519): STEINBACH of THE A'S -- LOSERS II (Malaquar, mgr.)
 DM  40 ZENSU (turn 488): DRIZZT of PHILANTHROPISTS (Aragorn, mgr.)
 DM  41 KATI-TEI (turn 479): 5 GOT PICKED of 072905R (The Muffin Man, mgr.)
 DM  46 ARDIVENT (turn 470): 8-BALL of INFERNAL LORDS (DeGotti, mgr.)
 DM  52 FRATSFA (turn 215): INSOLENT IRIS of FLOWER GIRLS (Lady Fern, mgr.)
 DM  60 ARADI (turn 386): THE TAIL of RED DOG GANG (Spot, mgr.)
 DM  63 AMEN-TEI (turn 374): ROADBLOCK of WAYFARERS (Leeta, mgr.)
ADM 105 ANDORAK (turn 422): ZEBRAWOOD of ACTION TOYS from KATI-TEI (Papaiz, mgr.)

                                      Top Teams
 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 268): ORCISH IDIOMS (Slugbait, mgr.)
 DM  11 ARUAK CITY (turn 537): WHEN DOGMA FAILS II (Prophet, mgr.)
 DM  14 TOBIR (turn 537): PLAYPEN (KAT, mgr.)
 DM  22 SOLVEN (turn 530): KELLUMBO'S KIDS (Detective Kellumbo, mgr.)
 DM  24 ZORPUNT (turn 526): MONEY PIT (Papaiz, mgr.)
 DM  25 LYRATILAN (turn 526): MADTOWN (Namenlos, mgr.)
 DM  26 CALEAM (turn 524): GOLDEN CANYON (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  30 IAYE (turn 519): THE A'S -- LOSERS II (Malaquar, mgr.)
 DM  40 ZENSU (turn 488): PHILANTHROPISTS (Aragorn, mgr.)
 DM  41 KATI-TEI (turn 479): WANDERERS (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  46 ARDIVENT (turn 470): INFERNAL LORDS (DeGotti, mgr.)
 DM  52 FRATSFA (turn 215): BLOOD AND GUTS! (Le Pentarque, mgr.)
 DM  60 ARADI (turn 386): DILEN'S HORDE (?, mgr.)
 DM  63 AMEN-TEI (turn 374): WAYFARERS (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  71 KYR'TERR (turn 170): NIGHTHAWKS (Savant, mgr.)
ADM 105 ANDORAK (turn 422): THE LAST STRAW V (Doc Steele, mgr.)

                                   Recent Graduates
 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 268): TOM SAWYER of SMITHSONIAN (The Curator, mgr.)
 DM  22 SOLVEN (turn 530): CRIMSON WONDER of MEDIEVAL CHAOS (Huckle Cat, mgr.)
 DM  24 ZORPUNT (turn 526): BUBBA JONES of KRILL CAVALRY (Leeta, mgr.)
                (turn 525): KING BROWN SNAKE of AUSSIE KILLERS (THawk, mgr.)
 DM  25 LYRATILAN (turn 525): RICK O'SHEA of FUNKY FOLK (Papa Bear, mgr.)
 DM  46 ARDIVENT (turn 470): 8-BALL of INFERNAL LORDS (DeGotti, mgr.)
                 (turn 469): VECORDIUS of CYNICAL DELUSIONS (Eclipse, mgr.)

                                      SPY REPORT

     If you were disturbed from your beauty rest only to have to watch a bunch of 
IAYE brutes like you, you'd be grouchy, too.  Later days, THE A'S -- LOSERS II, since 
CRYSTAL PALACE took top team from you this turn, you guys are old news.  
WRESTLMANIACS turned their 2-1-0 turn into a 2nd place rank in the listings this 
turn.  Any better than this, and you get put on hit lists.  Gee, I'm impressed, a 
3-1-0 is nice, but don't get cocky, LENPROS, the Fates teach humility, and the Fates 
are proud.  Of course, we're all terribly impressed to see WROTE THE BOOK win a fight 
and gain 14 points, terribly.  Tsk, tsk, SNOWY SNOW beat ON THE MOON and ON THE MOON 
lost 6 points.  You're breakin' my heart.  PASTOR PENTANE challenged IAYE's 
Duelmaster for a shot at the throne.  And it's out with the old, in with the new, as 
PASTOR PENTANE takes the Title and last week's bar tab from the old Duelmaster.  Heh, 
heh.  I'm not in a very good mood today, but why am I telling you this?  You want to 
know what's new, don't you, IAYE?   
     He who fights and runs away will live to fight another day, the coward.  What's 
the big D?  CRYSTAL PALACE was the most avoided team?  Bunch of lily livered... 
grumble... mumble... curse...  And who led the way in this mass act of cowardice?  
Let's see, well, whatcha know?  It was LENPROS.  Ha ha ha ha!  BIGFOOTS was 
challenged more times this turn than the Duelmaster.  Now was the DM insulted or 
feared?  Heh, heh.   
     Ah, now we come to my favorite part, where we see all the guys who are dead and 
gone, and get to see if their team cared.  Honor is like a chainmail shirt, it only 
shines through use.  Certain nameless cowards will doubtless rebuke me on this one.   
     I was about to buy a new quill pen the other day, but some fighter took it for 
an epee.  Forgive me for writing with a dagger.  Just wait 'till next time I show up 
here, I won't be so nice!  So nyaaah!  Glad to see the back of this place-- Snide 

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 PASTOR PENTANE 4519          13  10  1   113       LENPROS (145)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 STEINBACH 4473               22  22  0    96       THE A'S -- LOSERS II (431)
 DR. ROSENZWEIG 4247          26  11  1    94       LENPROS (145)
 WALT WEISS 4482              23  18  1    93       THE A'S -- LOSERS II (431)
-STONE COLD 4315               8   2  0    92       WRESTLMANIACS (73)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 RISHTEKE 4511                18  19  1    88       RED DOG GANG (356)
 ENCHANTED 4517               15  16  0    82       CRYSTAL PALACE (435)
 COCO B. WARE 685             14   8  0    80       WRESTLMANIACS (73)
 THE CLEAR 4539               16  12  0    72       THE A'S -- LOSERS II (431)
 WROTE THE BOOK 4540          16  12  0    71       GAMEHENDGE (299)
 ROWDY RODDY 621              12  12  0    70       WRESTLMANIACS (73)
 BIG MAC 4547                 14  13  1    69       THE A'S -- LOSERS II (431)
 TALKIN' CAMEL WALK 4586       9   3  1    68       GAMEHENDGE (299)
 EARTHQUAKE EXCUSE 4584        8   4  1    68       THE A'S -- LOSERS II (431)
 UNSCATHED 4516               16  15  0    67       CRYSTAL PALACE (435)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-CHIEF TOMTOM 4513             6   0  0    58       LENPROS (145)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 SGT. SCHMID 4569              8   6  0    54       LENPROS (145)
 LADY HUNTSMAN 4579            9   4  0    53       LENPROS (145)
 BIGFOOTS 4512                 8  27  0    51       RED DOG GANG (356)
 OUTBACK JACK 672             11  13  2    48       WRESTLMANIACS (73)
 QUEEN CHINEE 4588             7   5  0    35       THE WARLOCKS (430)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 RAINY RAIN 4595               5   2  0    31       CRYSTAL PALACE (435)
 SNOWY SNOW 4597               5   2  0    31       CRYSTAL PALACE (435)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 SUNLIGHT SPLATRZ 4583         5   4  1    27       THE WARLOCKS (430)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 DR TRINAIRE 4606              3   0  0    23       RED DOG GANG (356)
 ON THE MOON 4587              4   8  0    22       THE WARLOCKS (430)
-THE HITMAN 4550               2   0  0    20       WRESTLMANIACS (73)
 WINDY WIND 4593               2   6  0    20       CRYSTAL PALACE (435)
 HITHELLIENE 4596              2   5  0    11       RED DOG GANG (356)
 FENCE POST 4604               1   4  0     7       RED DOG GANG (356)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?
PERROJO 4510          11 23 2 RED DOG GANG 356      WALT WEISS 4482       517 REVENGED

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Bigfoots -- An orc?!  I would not have thought you were the type or that you would
stoop that low.  Stay away from me.  I'm royalty. -- Lady Huntsman

Steinbach -- Congrats on yet another DM throne.  Nice DM Column.  Can you repeat? --

Chief Bigfoots -- Me takem you out.  Woo woo! -- Chief Tomtom

Rishteke -- I am proud of that victory.  It took much penance and abstinence to
prepare.  But the end was worth the means.  Amen. -- Pastor Pentane

The Clear -- You cheated!  You had to!  Have you done that 16 times? -- Sgt Schmid

Rainy Rain -- I love what your name stands for. -- Lady Huntsman

Chief Tomtom -- More dancing!  (stomp stomp)  I like dancing lots.  (stomp twirl
stomp)  Don't stop! -- Bigfoots

Pastor Pentane -- Keep the brimstone to yourself, I can't stand the stuff. --
P.S.  But the skills were very good.  My thanks to you.

Queen Chinee -- You keep the warth all locked up?  It might be fun to let one loothe.
-- Hithelliene
P.Eth.  Jutht a little one.

Sunlight Splatrz -- That feels so good!  Warm, you know?  But a smooth coverage would
probably be better. -- Fence Post

If the Shiftyeyed Volunteer does not leave me alone, I will perform a brainectomy on
him.  Assuming he has a brain, which is debatable. -- Dr Trinaire

Lenpro -- Thank you.  I wish my manager had been paying attention.  *I* would have
written a column, but could I get a typist?  Could I get ANYONE in the guildhouse to
listen to me?  NOOO, of course not! -- Rishteke the disgruntled

24 March 2006
A few notes about e-mailed personals:

You may submit personal ads, columns, spotlights, etc. electronically, either via e-
mail to ads at reality dot com (which doesn't need any more spam, thank you) or on
the web at http://www.reality.com/duel2/modules.php?name=Ads.  When you submit
something, you should get back a receipt from HAL at RSI.  If you do NOT get a
receipt, your ads may have gone astray (not all e-mail makes it to its destination
any more than all snail mail does).  If you DO get a receipt, it should, in the body
of the message, tell you what arena your stuff was filed in.  Check your receipt to
make sure your submission made it to the intended destination.  Also check to see
that everything you sent made it to the same place.  Sometimes HAL, who is rather
simple-minded in some ways, will send half your stuff to another arena if the name
or number of that arena shows up at the beginning of a line.  So if the word Ti
appears at the beginning of a line halfway through your ads, all the ads after that
may end up in Ti, which is closed and doesn't need ads.  As a side note, sometimes
things move slowly, so don't wait until the last minute to send your ads and all.
If they get held up along the way, they may not show up until next turn.  Happy
writing! -- Ed.

28 March 2006
We of the Desolate Empire Alliance want to welcome two managers to our fold.  Kon of
the Empire Rising, and Osiris!  May they be blessed with the blood of their enemies,
and give no quarter in War! -- Dark Knights of the Desolate Empire

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

PASTOR PENTANE slimly won victory over STEINBACH in a 2 minute Challenge Title fight.
ENCHANTED was viciously subdued by WALT WEISS in a 3 minute expert's Challenge battle.
SGT. SCHMID lost to EARTHQUAKE EXCUSE in a 2 minute Challenge brawl.
LADY HUNTSMAN bested BIGFOOTS in a 3 minute Challenge fight.
DR. ROSENZWEIG defeated RISHTEKE in a crowd pleasing 3 minute master's match.
THE CLEAR lost to COCO B. WARE in a exciting 5 minute master's fight.
UNSCATHED was viciously subdued by WROTE THE BOOK in a 3 minute veteran's competition.
TALKIN' CAMEL WALK vanquished OUTBACK JACK in a 1 minute uneven duel.
BIG MAC overpowered AMBITIOUS GUARD in a 2 minute gory uneven duel.
ROWDY RODDY overpowered QUEEN CHINEE in a popular 1 minute uneven match.
ON THE MOON was narrowly defeated by SNOWY SNOW in a exciting 1 minute match.
RAINY RAIN bested FRATSFAN NOBLE in a 2 minute conflict.
SUNLIGHT SPLATRZ devastated FENCE POST in a 1 minute one-sided battle.
WINDY WIND devastated HITHELLIENE in a 1 minute mismatched bout.
DR TRINAIRE overcame SHIFTYEYED VOLUNTEER in a 1 minute beginner's fight.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                   7         PARRY-RIPOSTE     12 -   7 -  2      63  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      6         PARRY-LUNGE       17 -  10 -  2      63  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     4         SLASHING ATTACK    8 -   6 -  0      57  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    3         TOTAL PARRY       24 -  20 -  0      55  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      2         WALL OF STEEL     23 -  20 -  0      53  |
|AIMED BLOW                       2         PARRY-STRIKE      18 -  16 -  0      53  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    1         LUNGING ATTACK    31 -  35 -  2      47  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  1         AIMED BLOW        13 -  15 -  0      46  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   1         BASHING ATTACK     5 -   6 -  0      45  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  0         STRIKING ATTACK    3 -   4 -  0      43  |

Turn 520 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -  0     WALL OF STEEL      1 -  2         3  LUNGING ATTACK 
SLASHING ATTACK    1 -  0     AIMED BLOW         0 -  2         3  TOTAL PARRY    
LUNGING ATTACK     6 -  1     STRIKING ATTACK    0 -  0         1  STRIKING ATTACK
PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  1     BASHING ATTACK     0 -  1         1  WALL OF STEEL  
PARRY-STRIKE       2 -  2                                       1  AIMED BLOW     
TOTAL PARRY        3 -  3                                       1  PARRY-LUNGE    
                                                                1  PARRY-STRIKE   

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
LUNGING ATTACK   PASTOR PENTANE 4519        13  10  1  113 LENPROS (145)
TOTAL PARRY      DR. ROSENZWEIG 4247        26  11  1   94 LENPROS (145)
PARRY-LUNGE      THE CLEAR 4539             16  12  0   72 THE A'S -- LOSERS II (431)
PARRY-STRIKE     TALKIN' CAMEL WALK 4586     9   3  1   68 GAMEHENDGE (299)
AIMED BLOW       UNSCATHED 4516             16  15  0   67 CRYSTAL PALACE (435)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is BIG MAC 4547.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was THE CLEAR 4539.  The ten other most popular fighters were WALT WEISS 4482, WROTE 

The least popular fighter this week was HITHELLIENE 4596.  The other ten least 
popular fighters were FENCE POST 4604, OUTBACK JACK 672, SGT. SCHMID 4569, QUEEN 

The following warriors will travel to AD after next turn:

STEINBACH (30-4473) THE A'S -- LOSERS II (431)