DUEL 2 NEWSLETTER Date : 02/12/2018 Duedate: 03/10/2018 CHIMLEVTAL ARENA DM-31 TURN-417 This Weeks Top Honors THE DUELMASTER IS TAR BASH BROS OCEAN (627) (31-6553) [11-1-0,164] Chartered Recognition Leader Unchartered Recognition Leader TAR POSITION IS EMPTY BASH BROS OCEAN (627) (31-6553) [11-1-0,164] Popularity Leader This Weeks Favorite PATRICK BATEMAN ARCTIC NIGHT YUPPIE HORDE II (661) BOOK OF THOMAS (652) (31-6839) [17-12-1,94] (31-6773) [5-0-1,40] THE CURRENT TOP TEAM BASH BROS OCEAN (627) TEAMS ON THE MOVE TOP CAREER HONORS Team Name Point Gain Chartered Team 1. BOOK OF THOMAS (652) 38 2. USEFUL WEAPONS (636) 31 USEFUL WEAPONS (636) 3. AVENGERS (146) 26 Unchartered Team 4. YUPPIE HORDE II (661) 17 5. BASH BROS OCEAN (627) 11 DM BUDDIES (430) The Top Teams Career Win-Loss Record W L K % Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns W L K 1/ 1 USEFUL WEAPONS (636) 158 96 6 62.2 1/ 2 BASH BROS OCEAN (627) 8 5 0 2/ 3 AFTER MIDNIGHT (662) 34 25 2 57.6 2/ 1 AFTER MIDNIGHT (662) 8 7 0 3- 4 NUMBERS GAME (403) 387 330 28 54.0 3/ 4 USEFUL WEAPONS (636) 7 6 0 4/ 6 BASH BROS OCEAN (627) 120 115 5 51.1 4/ 5 AVENGERS (146) 6 8 1 5/ 8 YUPPIE HORDE II (661) 36 37 1 49.3 5/ 7 MIDDLE WAY 7 (536) 5 10 0 6/ 7 AVENGERS (146) 412 440 31 48.4 6/ 6 YUPPIE HORDE II (661) 4 2 0 7/ 0 BOOK OF THOMAS (652) 24 26 3 48.0 7- 3 NUMBERS GAME (403) 3 2 1 8/ 9 MIDDLE WAY 7 (536) 230 401 9 36.5 8/ 0 BOOK OF THOMAS (652) 2 3 1 '*' Unchartered team '-' Team did not fight this turn (###) Avoid teams by their Team Id ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank SPY REPORT Another turn, another turn with TAR on the throne, and another turn without a DM Column. I heard that there would be a column submitted, but not this time. As hard as it is to utter these words, "I agree with Lady Smith." Yes, you heard it here. Disgusting, lazy, and uncaring! vFortunately, this will be the last time we don't get a column from TAR (well technically I guess the next newsletter is), since TAR is outta here! Congratulation to us! Perhaps the next DM will either write his own column or hire the Smith & Smith DM Column writing service. ARCTIC NIGHT is undefeated! To be honest, I don't know how you would even venture to defeat an arctic night. Fortunately the warrior, ARCTIC NIGHT, isn't an actual arctic night. Otherwise we'd all be afraid. Heck, I'd be even more afraid since Chimlevtal should never have any actual arctic nights. But good job so far! And only 40 recognition!?! There is potential for this undefeated streak! No team won more than 3 fights! No team had a kill (except for a worthless scribe)! BASH BROS OCEAN won 3 awards, but 2 of those naturally are won together, so it is a soft 3. No team lost more than 3 fights! The ONLY exciting team news to me was this: AFTER MIDNIGHT had two down challenges (totalling 37 recognition points) against the AVENGERS. I'd call that vindictive. If I were the manager of AVENGERS, I'd remember this day and start planning and plotting my response. That response doesn't have to happen tomorrow or even next month. But when the time is right... BASH BROS OCEAN and AFTER MIDNIGHT avoided USEFUL WEAPONS. Hmmm, that just seems I avoid the Smithy's as much as possible, too. NORISON ROSE was the most challenged warrior (welcome back again Jorja both from my heart as well as welcome back to having the most challenged warrior most turns). NORISON ROSE beat LITTER. Hmmm, I always thought the people who littered were the losers. Though litter itself is lost. I guess the saying is true. That you tend to become what you are surrounded by. LITTER is becoming a loser! Until next time, I remain your faithful spy mistress, -- Belinda DUELMASTER W L K POINTS TEAM NAME TAR 6553 11 1 0 164 BASH BROS OCEAN (627) CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME SHARK 6525 24 30 0 102 BASH BROS OCEAN (627) UMBRELLA 6765 13 7 1 97 USEFUL WEAPONS (636) PATRICK BATEMAN 6839 17 12 1 94 YUPPIE HORDE II (661) CHAMPIONS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME MANDIN ORWELL 6336 19 27 0 84 MIDDLE WAY 7 (536) LUMUS NELP 6328 11 41 1 75 MIDDLE WAY 7 (536) SILVER GLASS 6748 9 2 0 75 BOOK OF THOMAS (652) ADIOS AMIGO 6634 15 22 4 74 AVENGERS (146) RONDOR SENDAL 6343 13 25 1 67 MIDDLE WAY 7 (536) CHALLENGER ADEPTS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME SPECTRUM 6776 11 13 1 65 AVENGERS (146) SERENITY NOW! 6840 10 5 0 63 YUPPIE HORDE II (661) -1-800-VICTORY 6727 7 1 0 57 NUMBERS GAME (403) ADEPTS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME FIRST DATE 6872 8 4 1 55 AFTER MIDNIGHT (662) RED PEPPER 6788 10 11 1 54 AVENGERS (146) -BREXIT 2016 6790 5 2 0 54 NUMBERS GAME (403) PANDA ROSS 6383 11 18 2 53 MIDDLE WAY 7 (536) HOT SAND 6870 5 4 0 47 BASH BROS OCEAN (627) -POOL CUE 6755 11 9 2 45 USEFUL WEAPONS (636) COPS! 6875 7 5 0 43 AFTER MIDNIGHT (662) LASSO 6865 8 4 0 41 USEFUL WEAPONS (636) ARCTIC NIGHT 6773 5 0 1 40 BOOK OF THOMAS (652) -BUD FOX 6843 7 6 0 35 YUPPIE HORDE II (661) CHALLENGER INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME NORISON ROSE 6453 4 11 0 34 MIDDLE WAY 7 (536) CHALLENGER INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME FOURTH SHOT 6876 7 5 0 28 AFTER MIDNIGHT (662) THIRD BEER 6874 5 6 0 27 AFTER MIDNIGHT (662) -SEVEN DEADLY 6909 2 0 1 24 NUMBERS GAME (403) INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME BOLO 6908 4 1 0 22 USEFUL WEAPONS (636) BLOOD METAL 6912 1 0 1 21 BOOK OF THOMAS (652) LITTER 6869 4 6 0 18 BASH BROS OCEAN (627) SKINNY DIPPING 6911 1 3 0 13 AFTER MIDNIGHT (662) -3 NIGHTS IN VEGAS 6774 0 11 0 11 NUMBERS GAME (403) NOBUNAGA 6915 1 3 0 7 AVENGERS (146) HEAT WAVE 6900 0 1 0 7 BOOK OF THOMAS (652) HANZO 6918 0 1 0 4 AVENGERS (146) '-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn. THE DEAD W L K TEAM NAME SLAIN BY TURN Revenge? EMBEZZLING SCRIB 0 0 0 BLOOD METAL 6912 417 NONE SECOND BASE 6873 6 2 1 AFTER MIDNIGHT 662 ADIOS AMIGO 6634 413 REVENGED KANMURI 6914 1 1 0 AVENGERS 146 SEVEN DEADLY 6909 415 HEDIES 6913 0 1 0 BOOK OF THOMAS 652 BANDIT PRINCE 417 NONE ACID 6852 5 6 0 USEFUL WEAPONS 636 RED PEPPER 6788 416 LEAD PIPE 6919 0 1 0 USEFUL WEAPONS 636 PREACHER 417 NONE PERSONAL ADS What?! No DM Column from Tar! A Duelmaster in Assur's "own" arena and NO (I say NO.) Duelmaster Column? Disgusting! Uncaring! Lazy! Belinda, perhaps you can talk to Assur about his duties and responsibilities? After ll, if he had time to travel to the Tempe Face-To-Face, he surely had time for a DM Column. Sad. So Sad! -- Lady Smith P.S. Congrats to Tar. Skinny Dipping that wasn't even fun! And I had to wait around all that while looking at THAT before I won. Disgusting and inadequate. But I WILL take the win. -- Lasso, Useful Weapons Embezzling Scribe, I like fighting you! -- Bolo, Useful Weapon Norrison Rose, it is really nice to see all you Middle Ways here. We will have to do it again some time. It will probably be your turn to win then. -- Pool Cue, Useful Weapons Whoooeeeey! Got me yer three 'n oh. Yea, baby! -- Smithy Note: I am offering to write DM Columns for any dullards and laggards that are too lazy and inadequate to do so. My cost will be a mere two rollup teams. See/call/text/e me. -- Lady Smith Smithy, Hon, that isn't true. You, we, didn't go 3-0. Sadly. You must have not been informed about Acid's death. He challenger Red Pepper, the cretin, and Acid was meanly killed, A shame! Acid may not have been the most lovely basher at 13-8-10-15-9-18-11, but he WAS a Useful Tool. We now hate red peppers. - Lady Smith Lasso -- Bringing a rope in the water like that wasn't funny. Someone could've died! -- Skinny Dipping Litter -- I was going to make you answer these riddles three, but who am I kidding? That requires far too much time and effort. Instead, I'll just sit here and drink more beer. -- Third Beer, not just another can on your beach LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS LEAD PIPE was butchered by PREACHER in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight. HEDIES was butchered by BANDIT PRINCE in a 1 minute Dark Arena duel. FIRST DATE was subdued by ADIOS AMIGO in a exciting 1 minute Bloodfeud melee. UMBRELLA overpowered MANDIN ORWELL in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge duel. COPS! was devastated by SPECTRUM in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight. SERENITY NOW! luckily beat RED PEPPER in a 2 minute bloody Challenge competition. FOURTH SHOT won victory over NOBUNAGA in a 1 minute master vs. novice Challenge fight. LITTER was devastated by NORISON ROSE in a 2 minute one-sided Challenge competition. TAR handily defeated SILVER GLASS in a action packed 1 minute uneven Title melee. SHARK vanquished CONVICTED ASSASSIN in a 1 minute uneven fight. PATRICK BATEMAN vanquished LUMUS NELP in a 1 minute brutal one-sided fight. RONDOR SENDAL overcame HOT SAND in a exciting 1 minute one-sided bout. PANDA ROSS was outlasted by LASSO in a unpopular 14 minute bloody competition. THIRD BEER was savagely defeated by ARCTIC NIGHT in a crowd pleasing 3 minute match. BOLO overcame HANZO in a action packed 4 minute novice's conflict. SKINNY DIPPING overpowered HEAT WAVE in a action packed 1 minute uneven struggle. BLOOD METAL executed EMBEZZLING SCRIBE in a 1 minute bloody mismatched brawl. BATTLE REPORT MOST POPULAR RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS |FIGHTING STYLE FIGHTS FIGHTING STYLE W - L - K PERCENT| |WALL OF STEEL 5 WALL OF STEEL 28 - 17 - 0 62 | |LUNGING ATTACK 5 TOTAL PARRY 14 - 11 - 0 56 | |SLASHING ATTACK 5 LUNGING ATTACK 28 - 23 - 4 55 | |AIMED BLOW 4 SLASHING ATTACK 27 - 25 - 3 52 | |STRIKING ATTACK 4 STRIKING ATTACK 20 - 21 - 3 49 | |TOTAL PARRY 3 AIMED BLOW 10 - 12 - 2 45 | |BASHING ATTACK 3 BASHING ATTACK 20 - 27 - 0 43 | |PARRY-LUNGE 1 PARRY-LUNGE 5 - 7 - 0 42 | |PARRY-STRIKE 0 PARRY-STRIKE 0 - 2 - 0 0 | |PARRY-RIPOSTE 0 PARRY-RIPOSTE 0 - 1 - 0 0 | Turn 417 was great if you Not so great if you used The fighting styles of the used the fighting styles: the fighting styles: top eleven warriors are: PARRY-LUNGE 1 - 0 LUNGING ATTACK 2 - 3 2 WALL OF STEEL WALL OF STEEL 4 - 1 BASHING ATTACK 1 - 2 2 AIMED BLOW TOTAL PARRY 2 - 1 SLASHING ATTACK 1 - 4 2 BASHING ATTACK AIMED BLOW 2 - 2 PARRY-STRIKE 0 - 0 2 LUNGING ATTACK STRIKING ATTACK 2 - 2 PARRY-RIPOSTE 0 - 0 1 STRIKING ATTACK 1 SLASHING ATTACK 1 PARRY-LUNGE TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE FIGHTING STYLE WARRIOR W L K PNTS TEAM NAME STRIKING ATTACK TAR 6553 11 1 0 164 BASH BROS OCEAN (627) SLASHING ATTACK UMBRELLA 6765 13 7 1 97 USEFUL WEAPONS (636) PARRY-LUNGE PATRICK BATEMAN 6839 17 12 1 94 YUPPIE HORDE II (661) LUNGING ATTACK SILVER GLASS 6748 9 2 0 75 BOOK OF THOMAS (652) WALL OF STEEL SERENITY NOW! 6840 10 5 0 63 YUPPIE HORDE II (661) BASHING ATTACK COPS! 6875 7 5 0 43 AFTER MIDNIGHT (662) TOTAL PARRY LASSO 6865 8 4 0 41 USEFUL WEAPONS (636) Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above. The overall popularity leader is PATRICK BATEMAN 6839. The most popular warrior this turn was ARCTIC NIGHT 6773. The ten other most popular fighters were HANZO 6918, RONDOR SENDAL 6343, RED PEPPER 6788, TAR 6553, FIRST DATE 6872, ADIOS AMIGO 6634, UMBRELLA 6765, SERENITY NOW! 6840, LITTER 6869, and PATRICK BATEMAN 6839. The least popular fighter this week was LASSO 6865. The other ten least popular fighters were PANDA ROSS 6383, HEDIES 6913, BOLO 6908, LUMUS NELP 6328, SILVER GLASS 6748, COPS! 6875, MANDIN ORWELL 6336, LEAD PIPE 6919, HEAT WAVE 6900, and THIRD BEER 6874. The following warriors will travel to AD after next turn: TAR (31-6553) BASH BROS OCEAN (627) Mission to the Twisted Lands Episode One Old Brown could run pretty fast if properly motivated, but mostly he walked with a long-legged, distance-devouring stride. He was a huge horse, a half-giant's warhorse, shaggy and self-assured, with muscles like half-buried boulders in his shoulders and hips. Lounging in the saddle was the motivating force, the half-giant, Keel Woodhaven. Although in his mind he was slouching and half-asleep, he sat up straight in the saddle since that is more comfortable for riding. It was twilight, stars coming out above and lights in farmhouse windows below. They traveled through vineyards, brown and fallow now in the winter, descending gently toward the tree-crowded coast. The distant trees, not just pines, were green. They stayed green because the marsh that surrounded the city-state of Bonsur had hot springs in it. Keel Woodhaven had always liked Bonsur. It had a relaxed feel about it, the women seemed prettier, the music was great, everyone thought about having fun. And the booze was excellent, of course. He passed the arena at the edge of town, and paused to read the current statistics, posted on the gate and lit by a lantern. So, an elven cobbler was the Duelmaster? Why would a shoemaker take up such a painful profession? Then he noticed the team name: Shewish Picnic. He snorted. That explained it, all right. As a half-Shew, he was kind of bothered by that team theme, which was present in Home Guard as well. It was sort of funny though. He saw that Elf Cobbler was headed for the Isle. Probably not bound for Home Guard just yet, though. They passed a small chicken ranch. A rooster uttered an untimely crow. At about that time, Old Brown took exception to something and bolted. Cussing, Keel hauled on the reins, to little effect since the horse was stronger than him and apparently frightened. He didn't see the masked men coming out of their hiding places behind him, looking frustrated. At least not until a crossbow bolt thunked into the backside of his leather cuirass. His horse screamed and ran faster. Hauling Old Brown to the left as they passed a set of big open gates into a well- lighted courtyard, Keel got them behind the shelter of the high stone wall, and patted the horse's sweaty neck. "You're okay now, friend. I'll go take care of those bozos." As he dismounted, he noticed he was becoming surrounded by uniformed men, some with swords and some with halberds. "Howdy?" he said, hoping they were friendly. "Your horse has been shot," said someone, pointing at a bolt sticking out of Old Brown's butt. "Well damn!" Keel laid a comforting hand on the horse's flank, which quivered. "So have you," the guard continued. "Yeah, thought so. Doesn't feel like it got through the armor though." Keel tried to look over his shoulder, but could only see the feathered end of the bolt. "Who are you guys?" "We are the Queen's Guard." "What? Queen Gemra? Okay, please take care of Old Brown here, and I'll go find the ***holes that shot him." "Sir, you are mistaken. You will be taken to a doctor. We will arrest the assailants." "Hey! I'm on a mission from Sheila Greywand. Anyway, they shot my horse. My HORSE! I'm gonna get 'em." Unslinging his huge sword, Keel strode toward the gate. Four Guardsmen came with him, flanking him like the trailing ends of a flock of geese. They might have intended a different formation, but he had the longest legs and walked the fastest. The one who'd spoken to him before said, "I'm Corporal Brat Langerman. And you are?" "Keel Woodhaven." "I've heard of you! The Queen will want to meet you." "That's fine. Let's stick to the sides of these buildings. If they're still around, we'll be targets in the middle of the street." They weren't quiet, exactly, since the guards wore highly polished chain mail which jingled. However, Bonsur had a lively night life. Music and laughter came from bars and nightclubs on adjacent streets, people lingered on corners chatting and sometimes playing instruments, and children hawked newssheets, shoeshines, flowers, a selection of rouges, and offered to carry packages. So the sounds the guards made weren't too noticeable. Keel led the way back to the chicken ranch. He was thinking that the bad guys wouldn't have waited around to be hunted. They might have left clues, though. Perhaps even a discarded, crumpled note offering a cash reward for his head, and signed by a notorious crimelord. Or distinctive cigar stubs, monogrammed hankies... personalized masks. Tracks of boots made by elven cobblers. Anything. Witnesses, even. There were no people on the street near the chicken ranch. It was full night now, a bit chilly although there was a warm and slightly funky breeze from the marsh. Corporal Brat Langerman said quietly, "Is this where it happened?" "Yup." "Well, I don't think they're here anymore." Keel was about to agree, when a crossbow bolt appeared in the Corporal's arm. The young man hissed, "Everybody down!" The guardsmen hunkered against the wall of a hardware store, which didn't offer anything resembling good cover except that they were in shadow there. Keel crouched a little, but he knew he was a pretty big target, plus his sword gave off a faint greenish glow. He looked around, searching the darkness for signs of their foes. A shadow on top of a shaded walkway across the street shifted a little. Keel pulled a weighted dart out of his pocket and hurled it. He was good at tavern darts, but it was dark, the distance was too great, and he just wasn't lucky. The little missile clattered against the shingles of the porch roof. There was a startled twitch from the half-seen form. At that instant, Keel lunged across the street. His long legs carried him across to the opposite shadows in three bounds. More bolts came out of the darkness, one lodging in his calf, the others missing him altogether. Now the Guardsmen had a good idea where their foes were, and it takes a while to reload a crossbow. The four men charged, yelling wildly. Tucking his sword under his arm, Keel grabbed one of the posts holding up the porch roof, strained, and dislodged it. After a moment he yanked it out of the structure entirely. The roof sagged, there was a yelp of surprise, and someone's foot appeared off the edge of it. Keel grabbed him by the ankle and hauled him the rest of the way down. There were brief sounds of fighting, then footsteps that rapidly receded down an alley. Three Guardsmen raced off in pursuit. Keel's prisoner started to try to get away, so the half-Shew tossed him up, grabbed him by the arms and bashed him against the wall. "Are you okay?" asked Brat, sheathing his sword. "Took one in the leg, but it's not too bad I think," Keel said, shifting his unconscious prisoner to one hand and bending to pick up his sword. "I'll help you tie that one up," Brat said. "There's a dead one here. I think there were two more." He grunted slightly, trying to reach something with his injured arm. "Got some ties in my right-hand belt pouch. If you could get them for me?" They bound the prisoner, then bandaged each other. "What did they want?" asked the Corporal. Keel shrugged. "No clue. Let's get him somewhere safe and we can ask him..." He listened. "Your guys are coming back." "Yeah." The Guardsmen hadn't been able to track their assailants in the darkness, but at least there were no further injuries. The group of them returned warily to the courtyard of the Guard House, where a woman was smearing some kind of ointment on Old Brown's wound. After the horse was bedded down in the stable, the Guardsmen led Keel into their office, where there was a welcome scent of fresh coffee. The medic set about binding Keel's wound and that of the Corporal, who turned out to be an extremely handsome man. Keel remembered hearing that Queen Gemra required her Guardsmen to be good looking. That didn't mean they weren't competent, though. Brat had done pretty well. The medic roused their prisoner with smelling salts. They all sat in the main office, Corporal Langerman facing the miscreant, who was seated in a cushioned chair, looking reasonably comfortable except for his bandaged head. "All right," said Brat. "Now I want you to tell me that you're going to turn Queen's Evidence." "Not on your life, pretty boy!" The man had, perhaps, some excuse for hard feelings since he was more homely than not, with a crooked nose and eyes set too close together. He and Keel looked shabby and ill-favored amongst all these gleamingly handsome Guardsmen. Keel leaned forward. "You guys shot my horse." "Oh. Sorry, didn't mean to do that. We were just shooting at you." "Why?" "Glowing sword." "What?" "Duh, it's a magic sword! We saw it when you drew it in Delarq Tor, and figured we could sell it so we followed you." The half-Shew snorted. "The Dentless isn't magic. It was in a Chaos Gate for five hundred years and it picked up some energy, that's all. All it does, is glow. And cut things." The bandit looked chagrined. "But... it's got to be magic." "Ain't. Sorry kid." After that, Keel was taken to enjoy a sumptuous dinner at the Palace. Queen Gemra was a definite babe, with long, silken black hair, a delicate pouty face, and luscious curves. She asked him about his mission, which was to go to the Twisted Lands and shut down a leaking Chaos Gate. He entertained her with the story of his adventure on the Two-Shew Express, and she gave him a brown velvet cloak to show her appreciation. She did not invite him to her bed, which was fine because his heart belonged to another, always and forever. * * * * * This is a continuing adventure. Watch for future chapters in the Bonsur and Home Guard newsletters!