DUEL 2 NEWSLETTER

Date   : 07/27/2020    Duedate: 08/22/2020

CHIMLEVTAL ARENA

DM-31    TURN-449

This Weeks Top Honors

THE DUELMASTER IS

RAVAGED
THE OTHER ONES (404)
(31-3592) [19-8-0,101]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

RAVAGED                        GUMBALL
THE OTHER ONES (404)           CARTOON NETWORK (667)
(31-3592) [19-8-0,101]         (31-6952) [3-0-0,34]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

HANZO                          FOURTH SHOT
AVENGERS (146)                 AFTER MIDNIGHT (662)
(31-6918) [14-19-1,86]         (31-6876) [16-13-1,97]

THE CURRENT TOP TEAM

THE OTHER ONES (404)

          TEAMS ON THE MOVE            TOP CAREER HONORS
Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. CARTOON NETWORK (667)       69
2. JUST DESSERTS (569)         44      USEFUL WEAPONS (636)
3. THE OTHER ONES (404)        40      Unchartered Team
4. AFTER MIDNIGHT (662)        35
5. AVENGERS (146)              23      CARTOON NETWORK (667)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1- 1*SOLIS MILITES (511)       28  15  2 65.1   1/ 1 THE OTHER ONES (404)      9  4 1
 2/ 3 USEFUL WEAPONS (636)     224 133  8 62.7   2/ 9 AFTER MIDNIGHT (662)      6  3 0
 3/ 2 CHAMAELEON (669)          11   7  0 61.1   3/11*CARTOON NETWORK (667)     6  3 0
 4/ 4 AFTER MIDNIGHT (662)      87  58  4 60.0   4/ 3 JUST DESSERTS (569)       6  5 1
 5/ 5 MILITARY MAYHEM (89)     368 310 25 54.3   5/ 5 BASH BROS OCEAN (627)     6  7 0
 6/12*CARTOON NETWORK (667)      7   7  0 50.0   6/ 2 USEFUL WEAPONS (636)      5  4 0
 7/ 6 BASH BROS OCEAN (627)    165 168  7 49.5   7/10 MILITARY MAYHEM (89)      5  5 0
 8/ 7 ASSASSIN NATION (515)    391 418 58 48.3   8/ 6 ASSASSIN NATION (515)     5  8 0
 9/ 8 JUST DESSERTS (569)      108 116  6 48.2   9/ 8 MIDDLE WAY 7 (536)        5 10 0
10/ 9 AVENGERS (146)           482 525 38 47.9  10/ 4 CHAMAELEON (669)          4  1 0
11/10 THE OTHER ONES (404)      68  78  4 46.6  11- 7*SOLIS MILITES (511)       4  5 0
12/11 MIDDLE WAY 7 (536)       273 517 11 34.6  12/12 AVENGERS (146)            3 10 1

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, the misbegotten warriors of After Midnight wish 
to introduce our newest addition of things that go bump in the night.  A stark 
reminder of that time where all you had were some stale saltine crackers and that 5 yr 
old frozen burrito in the back of your freezer.  Here's to bad choices kids.  You were 
yearning, but now you're churning.  Yeah, this one's coming back.  Keep an eye out for 
BAD BURRITO to be rising through the ranks near you!

***---------*---------*---------*---------**---------*---------*---------*---------***

     "Our DM writers (both staff and players) put quite a bit of effort into writing 
     content for the newsletters:  spy reports, spotlights, and personal ads; fiction 
     and non-fiction.  If you enjoy these, if you want more, or even if they make you 
     laugh, it would be kind if you could drop a personal ad or even send them a note. 
     Assur and Consortium, especially, put tremendous effort in Noblish Island, 
     writing new content and tweaking/correcting older content to help new players 
     learn the game. A special shoutout should also go to our varied human spy 
     reporters in the ADM arenas, Seam, Chimlevtal, Shadowspire, Telorinthe, and 
     occasionallly contest arenas. Kudos and thank you to all of our writers!  I'm 
     sure we don't thank you enough."

The Useful Weapons, and Smithy and myself would like to thank all these important and 
valuable writers, except, of course the useless bimbo what's-her-name, in Chimmytown, 
for their wonderful contributions to the lands of RSI. -- Lady Smith

***---------*---------*---------*---------**---------*---------*---------*---------***

Mark your schedule for Jan 2021 (the first turn after The FACE)

Probable:

     Two Man Teams
     12 Rounds (IT IS TURF WAR 12!)
     Rather simple scoring based on:
          Winning
     Full Warrior Participation
     Turf Wars have long had prizes and certs.
     Of course this will continue.

Final rules will be posted in the near future. (Sometime this summer.)

Plan now, so you don't get left out!

                                          -- Those Magnificent TW Coordinators

                                 DUELMASTER'S COLUMN
                             Notes from the arena champ.

Well, my challenge went through to Frog-Eye Salad again, since there was still nobody 
else I could rightfully try to match up with.  Turns out Fourth Shot activated, but 
how was I to know?  Poor Frog-Eye ended up dying, but in all fairness, it was in the 
infirmary. Ghab saw it as some measure of revenge for Baloney Spumoni's slaying of 
Exterminate.

As I projected, I eneded up getting my invite.  I enter into Grand Tournament LXX as 
an immortal and knowing my favorites.  Ended up with a favorite weapon of 
quarterstaff, which I never tried as my stats didn't warrant me to try.  My stats are 
9-19(+2)-6-21-13-7-11 and I leave the arena with Masters ratings in Init, Parry, and 
Defense, and Advanced Experts in Rip and Attack.  Lots of learning (I'm a smart 
fellow!)

Both my challenges go to Fourth Shot as the top challenger.  Who knows, with some luck 
Ravaged might take the throne behind me, although he's no... Me!

It's been a pleasure!  Good luck on the sands!

                                          -- Rogue
                                             The Other Ones

                                      SPY REPORT

     Thankyouthankyou.  It's great for me, The Unknown Spymaster to be back in 
CHIMLEVTAL.  Hope you enjoy the show.  Oh, who am I kidding?  I already got paid!  It 
was a tough week for CHAMAELEON, to drop 6 places in the rankings.  Coming up with a 
solid 5-0-0 outing, CARTOON NETWORK has advanced 8 places in the rankings.  Hey 
everybody, watch out for COCKFIGHT, who flew up 21 points in the rankings after 
mashing TANKEN like a melon.  Keep your eye on this guy.  And falling like a basher 
in the top ten was CONTEMPT, who dropped 16 points after a disappointing (to say the 
least) bout with HANZO.  Unlike most arenas, ROGUE managed to get his challenge off 
against the 16-12-1 FOURTH SHOT.  Our battling duelmaster ROGUE has managed to hold 
the title, fending off FOURTH SHOT's none too subtle advances.  Better luck next 
time, AFTER MIDNIGHT.  Advice to bashers--never force anything, just get a bigger 
halberd!   
     Here is other news that is of note.  Did you hear that ASSASSIN NATION was most 
avoided team this week?  Well, knowing the personal hygiene of ASSASSIN NATION's 
warriors, I'm not surprised!  Okay, so I may not be funny, but catch MILITARY 
MAYHEM's act in the arena.  Those acrobats seem to be fairly deft at running from 
ASSASSIN NATION.  Well dang howdy, but if challenges were votes, NORISON ROSE would 
be president.  Although it may be a contest he doesn't want to win.  WITCHING HOUR of 
AFTER MIDNIGHT had better have a good reason for challenging down 15 points in a 
challenge which she won.  I thought WITCHING HOUR showed great skill and promise when 
she overcame BOLO.  All right, so I slept through it!  Big deal!   
     Remember that an arena is not always a safe place to be, but it is one of the 
most interesting, though!  Remember:  alliances are great, but try and take your ally 
in the arena with you and see what happens.   
     Well, that wasn't too bad; Alarond told me that the people in CHIMLEVTAL have no 
sense of humor.  Or maybe that they were senseless.  Well, there goes another Spy 
Report.  Good luck in next week's fights.  And remember, you can pick your friends 
and you can pick your--(loud boos), oh, you've heard that one already!-- The Unknown 
Spymaster  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 RAVAGED 3592                 19   8  0   101       THE OTHER ONES (404)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 MAJOR DISASTER 6791          13   5  1   100       MILITARY MAYHEM (89)
 COLONEL KLINK 6735           13  10  1    98       MILITARY MAYHEM (89)
 FOURTH SHOT 6876             16  13  1    97       AFTER MIDNIGHT (662)
 HURRICANE 6957               13   7  1    94       BASH BROS OCEAN (627)
 NORISON ROSE 6453            16  31  0    93       MIDDLE WAY 7 (536)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 HANZO 6918                   14  19  1    86       AVENGERS (146)
 PI CHAMAELEONTIS 6994         8   2  0    83       CHAMAELEON (669)
-LASSO 6865                   22  12  0    78       USEFUL WEAPONS (636)
 SGT. ROCK 6775               11   6  0    74       MILITARY MAYHEM (89)
 SERGEANT SCHULTZ 6736        12  12  2    72       MILITARY MAYHEM (89)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 TANTRUM 5083                  6   0  1    66       THE OTHER ONES (404)
 WINTER 6953                  12   7  0    63       BASH BROS OCEAN (627)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 CONTEMPT 6541                 9   7  1    63       ASSASSIN NATION (515)
 WITCHING HOUR 6933           14   0  0    61       AFTER MIDNIGHT (662)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 RED PEPPER 6958              10  16  0    56       AVENGERS (146)
-POKER 6970                    5   2  0    56       USEFUL WEAPONS (636)
 BASORN KUBIKIRI 6965         10  11  0    53       AVENGERS (146)
 SALT WATER 7012               5   1  0    51       BASH BROS OCEAN (627)
-BALONEY SPUMONI 6746          6   4  1    47       JUST DESSERTS (569)
 BOLO 6908                    12   8  1    45       USEFUL WEAPONS (636)
-ETA CHAMAELEONTIS 7015        3   0  0    38       CHAMAELEON (669)
-SUNSPOT 4832                  4   2  0    37       SOLIS MILITES (511)
 GUMBALL 6952                  3   0  0    34       CARTOON NETWORK (667)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 NELLIE PURR 7001              5   8  0    31       MIDDLE WAY 7 (536)
 TANKEN 6987                   6  11  1    30       AVENGERS (146)
 SNARKEY LIME PIE 6726         5   5  0    30       JUST DESSERTS (569)
 COCKFIGHT 6967                1   4  0    29       AFTER MIDNIGHT (662)
-SOLAMANCER 4709               6   3  1    27       SOLIS MILITES (511)
-SOL DAEMON 4706               6   3  1    27       SOLIS MILITES (511)
-SOL SCORCH 4710               7   2  0    26       SOLIS MILITES (511)
-HARPOON 7014                  5   1  0    26       USEFUL WEAPONS (636)
 DODGE'EM DUDE 7019            4   0  1    26       AVENGERS (146)
 RICHARD 6950                  1   2  0    24       CARTOON NETWORK (667)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 NEARLY PARKER 6973            2  16  0    22       MIDDLE WAY 7 (536)
 ANAIS 6948                    1   1  0    22       CARTOON NETWORK (667)
 FLOYD'S BROOKIE 7036          1   0  0    21       JUST DESSERTS (569)
 CAPTAIN OBVIOUS 6996          2   2  1    19       MILITARY MAYHEM (89)
 EMERGENCY ROOM 6976           2   1  0    17       AFTER MIDNIGHT (662)
 LAVA CAKE GOLEM 7039          1   0  0    14       JUST DESSERTS (569)
 DEVIOUS 6628                  2   3  0    13       ASSASSIN NATION (515)
 TINA 7041                     1   0  0    13       CARTOON NETWORK (667)
 MAMMOTH 7042                  1   0  0    13       CARTOON NETWORK (667)
 DESOLATION 6658               0   5  0    13       ASSASSIN NATION (515)
 RESENTMENT 7038               1   1  0    12       ASSASSIN NATION (515)
 HOCKEY STICK 7029             2   1  0     7       USEFUL WEAPONS (636)
 OBLITERATION 6657             1   4  0     7       ASSASSIN NATION (515)
 BAD BURRITO 7032              0   1  0     7       AFTER MIDNIGHT (662)
 CHERRY PIE 7017               0   6  0     6       MIDDLE WAY 7 (536)
 QUARANTINE 7026               0   3  0     3       BASH BROS OCEAN (627)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                W  L K TEAM NAME            SLAIN BY              TURN Revenge?
EXTERMINATE 6599        3  5 1 ASSASSIN NATION 515  BALONEY SPUMONI 6746  447   
BURNT CADO TOAST 7040   0  1 0 JUST DESSERTS 569    SHEWISH GIANT         449  NONE
TOBY ULRIK 7010         4  3 1 MIDDLE WAY 7 536     HURRICANE 6957        446   
URSULA VINE 7030        1  2 0 MIDDLE WAY 7 536     DODGE'EM DUDE 7019    449   
PERISH 6550             1  4 0 THE OTHER ONES 404   BLACK ORC             449  NONE

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Hey! Another name from the past. Crip has arrived. Salute. -- Lady Smith and Smithy

Muh wepuns done gud. Yup. 2-1. Makin' Smithy happy. Yup. -- Smithy

Weirdo of after Midnight, why, thank you for the compliment. It is true that time has 
been kind to me. And to you also apparently. You seem lazy and happy with your 
prosperous new belly. Kudos. Wait! You're not pregnant, are you? -- Lady Smith

Desolation, sorry about that. I got in a rut. -- Harpoon

Cherry Pie, dang sweet of you. Dang sweet, I say. -- Hockey Stick (after scoring yet 
another goal)

Sgt. Rock, and so we meet. I am sure you are a far better defenser than me. Actually, 
I find it hard to believe I went to 29. Salute. -- lasso
P.S. Don't call me; I'll call you.

Chimmy, Chimmy, Useful Weapons. Chimmy, Chimmy Top. -- The useful Weapon Scribe

Snarkey Lime Pie -- How insulting!  I wined you.  I dined you.  I even danced around 
the arena all night long.  And all you did was watch quietly until dessert was served.  
Then you took all the skills and left me holding the tab.  Next time, I will end you. 
-- Cockfight

Resentment -- If you came at me sooner, you wouldn't be in the ICU right now. -- 
Emergency Room

Colonel Klinker -- Tough break.  Literally.  You broke your weapon on my first parry 
with no back-up.  I guess I'm the Klank to your Klink. -- Fourth Shot

Winter -- What?  You're gonna bring your furry?  I don't know what that is, but count 
me out! -- Witching Hour

Rumor: The Turf Wars are coming. Probably Jan 2021, the turn after the FTF/Mailer. 
Probably 2-Man Teams. Probably more fun and competition than one could ask for. -- The 
All-Powerful Turf War Coordinators  (APTWC)

Our congratulations to Rogue. -- the Middle Way

Hockey Stick -- Not the best tool for serving a slice of pie. -- Cherry Pie

Obliteration -- Thanks for not obliterating all skills. -- Ursula Vine
P.S.  Teaching is not in my job description. -- Nellie Purr

Sergeant Schultz -- Good fight!  The key to its goodness is that I won AND learned a 
skill.  That makes my month. -- Norison Rose

Captain Obvious -- Obviously better than me. -- Nearly Parker

Cultists.  They never learn. -- Nellie Purr

In line with the Commission's comments, we thank Assur and the Consortium for the 
prodigal expense of words in this and other arenas. -- Middle Way

Belinda -- Jhans has sands?  I thought the riverbank there was mostly mud. -- Jorja

Weirdo -- I blame the quarantine for the return of so many great players of the past.  
It lets you play while keeping a social distance from everyone but the mail carrier.  
It's great! -- Jorja

Lady Smith -- Yes, it is I in the virtual flesh!  Good to be back and lots of good 
memories.  Reliving my younger years, I guess.  Fight fair, now! -- Ghab

Weirdo -- Welcome back as well!  With any luck you'll get another matchup with one of 
mine.  Despite the kill last turn, Rogue is not one of my bloodthirsty ones.  Fourth 
Shot deserves a shot at the throne. -- Ghab

Basorn Kubikiri -- That went pretty much as expected.  Appreciate you allowing me to 
learn as you did. -- Contempt

Ursula Vine -- Well, at least this time my lack of learning was due to a missed stat 
raise. Still, Ghab gave me another fight or two.  He didn't run me in the tournament 
even though I was at a break point.  Kinda peeves me off!  There's always initiatives, 
I hope... -- Obliteration

Harpoon -- Not once, but twice you've down-challenged to match up with me.  Did I do 
something to upset you or are you just that strapped for opponents to beat?  Guess 
I'll sharpen my blade and go Plunger hunting! -- Desolation

Emergency Room -- Well, I didn't end up in the infirmary.  I felt a little bit like a 
pin cushion! -- Resentment

Hurricane -- You gave me a limp, but I'm happy with the win.  Good fight! -- Ravaged

Pi Chamaeleontis -- Where did THAT come from?!? -- Defiance

Gumball -- Well, my brief time upon the sand is coming to an end.  I'm off to try my 
hand in the pit of despair (AKA the Dark Arena)! -- Perish (I probably shall)

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

PERISH was viciously butchered by BLACK ORC in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
BURNT CADO TOAST was killed by SHEWISH GIANT in a 1 minute Dark Arena melee.
ROGUE savagely defeated FOURTH SHOT in a 6 minute expert's Challenge fight.
RAVAGED defeated NORISON ROSE in a 5 minute veteran's Challenge Title fight.
WITCHING HOUR outwaited BOLO in a dull 21 minute gory Challenge brawl.
CAPTAIN OBVIOUS was bested by NELLIE PURR in a 1 minute Challenge match.
ANAIS overpowered OBLITERATION in a 1 minute uneven Challenge melee.
EMERGENCY ROOM vanquished DESOLATION in a 1 minute uneven Challenge duel.
RESENTMENT overpowered QUARANTINE in a 1 minute uneven Challenge duel.
MAJOR DISASTER overpowered M. CHARDINEE in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
PI CHAMAELEONTIS was overcome by COLONEL KLINK in a 1 minute veteran's bout.
HANZO demolished CONTEMPT in a 1 minute mismatched match.
SGT. ROCK was viciously subdued by KUNG-FU MASTER in a exciting 3 minute contest.
SERGEANT SCHULTZ was devastated by HURRICANE in a 1 minute mismatched bout.
SALT WATER was overpowered by TANTRUM in a crowd pleasing 1 minute one-sided duel.
BASORN KUBIKIRI was outwaited by WINTER in a unpopular 13 minute master's bout.
RED PEPPER devastated CAPTURED ORC in a exciting 1 minute one-sided fight.
TANKEN was overpowered by COCKFIGHT in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
GUMBALL defeated SNARKEY LIME PIE in a crowd pleasing 1 minute bloody conflict.
NEARLY PARKER was overpowered by RICHARD in a 1 minute uneven fight.
DEVIOUS savagely defeated CHERRY PIE in a action packed 1 minute gruesome bout.
DODGE'EM DUDE easily killed URSULA VINE in a 1 minute one-sided contest.
HOCKEY STICK was subdued by LAVA CAKE GOLEM in a 2 minute novice's fight.
FLOYD'S BROOKIE vanquished BAD BURRITO in a 1 minute gruesome one-sided match.
TINA overpowered CONVICTED THIEF in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
MAMMOTH vanquished MORDANT DESERTER in a 1 minute uneven bout.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|TOTAL PARRY                      8         LUNGING ATTACK    17 -   9 -  1      65  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    8         TOTAL PARRY       31 -  22 -  1      58  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   7         PARRY-RIPOSTE      4 -   3 -  0      57  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  7         SLASHING ATTACK   18 -  17 -  2      51  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  6         PARRY-LUNGE       10 -  10 -  0      50  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                   3         WALL OF STEEL     22 -  26 -  0      46  |
|AIMED BLOW                       3         STRIKING ATTACK   21 -  26 -  1      45  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      2         BASHING ATTACK    18 -  25 -  1      42  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    1         AIMED BLOW        13 -  19 -  1      41  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     0         PARRY-STRIKE       2 -   3 -  0      40  |

Turn 449 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-LUNGE        2 -  0     SLASHING ATTACK    3 -  4         3  TOTAL PARRY    
LUNGING ATTACK     3 -  0     AIMED BLOW         1 -  2         3  SLASHING ATTACK
BASHING ATTACK     5 -  2     WALL OF STEEL      1 -  7         3  WALL OF STEEL  
TOTAL PARRY        5 -  3     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  0         1  STRIKING ATTACK
STRIKING ATTACK    3 -  3     PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  1         1  BASHING ATTACK 

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
TOTAL PARRY      RAVAGED 3592               19   8  0  101 THE OTHER ONES (404)
SLASHING ATTACK  MAJOR DISASTER 6791        13   5  1  100 MILITARY MAYHEM (89)
STRIKING ATTACK  COLONEL KLINK 6735         13  10  1   98 MILITARY MAYHEM (89)
WALL OF STEEL    FOURTH SHOT 6876           16  13  1   97 AFTER MIDNIGHT (662)
BASHING ATTACK   HURRICANE 6957             13   7  1   94 BASH BROS OCEAN (627)
LUNGING ATTACK   TANTRUM 5083                6   0  1   66 THE OTHER ONES (404)
AIMED BLOW       CONTEMPT 6541               9   7  1   63 ASSASSIN NATION (515)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is HANZO 6918.  The most popular warrior this turn was 
FOURTH SHOT 6876.  The ten other most popular fighters were HOCKEY STICK 7029, 
TANTRUM 5083, GUMBALL 6952, DEVIOUS 6628, PERISH 6550, COLONEL KLINK 6735, HURRICANE 
6957, RED PEPPER 6958, FLOYD'S BROOKIE 7036, and ANAIS 6948.

The least popular fighter this week was BOLO 6908.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were WITCHING HOUR 6933, BASORN KUBIKIRI 6965, WINTER 6953, BAD BURRITO 
7032, CHERRY PIE 7017, NEARLY PARKER 6973, SNARKEY LIME PIE 6726, SALT WATER 7012, PI 
CHAMAELEONTIS 6994, and QUARANTINE 7026.

The following warriors have traveled to AD after fighting this turn:

ROGUE (31-3593) THE OTHER ONES (404)

                          Name Change-o-Rama -- Final Update

      The Commission's administrative office on the Isle was in a big square building 
that looked like any other administrative office building in any national capital.  
Standard, boring.  Except for the goats.  Half a dozen goats were wandering free, 
eating the landscaping, and as many clerks were chasing them.  A clerk saw them 
coming, he looked like a Trustworthy Scribe, and he rushed over to the approaching 
gladiators.  "Do you know anything about goats?"  He gestured helplessly at the hungry 
goats.  "They're here because of the Name-Change-o-Rama. We donate them to help change 
the world, you know."
      The gladiators nodded.  They'd heard about it, but hadn't thought it would be so 
funny to see.  "How did you deal with them last time?"
      The clerk made a disgusted gesture.  "People came and took them away.  But the 
people didn't come this time.  They sent a message about being quarantined!  Aren't we 
all?  And WE get to work!  Goats are not in our job description."
      One of the gladiators snorted laughter.  "We'll help," he said. "Where do you 
want them?"

                                       * * * * 

      Embric, relieved that he had not been appointed goat-herder this afternoon, 
carefully dipped his pen in ink and began to write.  "It is our pleasure and honor 
to note that one hundred and twenty-seven gladiators and teams have elected to change 
their names, supporting the contribution of goats to deserving people.  With the 
Commission's matching funds, this has purchased six goats--a good goat can't be 
purchased for a copper, you know.  The goats are already en route to their new homes, 
where they will be--"  He paused and thought about it.  "--very welcome.  We wish all 
the best to the goats and the new goat-owners."