Date   : 11/30/2006    Duedate: 12/13/2006


DM-33    TURN-536

This Weeks Top Honors


(33-7357) [11-2-1,111]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

(33-7357) [11-2-1,111]         (33-7444) [1-1-0,20]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

BIG LAKE BANDITS (71)          VEGGIES (435)
(33-6209) [21-16-0,90]         (33-7349) [8-3-0,79]



Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. VEGGIES (435)               49
2. KLKASINO HAMMERZ (576)      47      TURKEY DAY CARNAGE (605)
3. DEATH PENALTY (606)         35      Unchartered Team
4. NAMES OF TRUE POWER (615)   31
5. RAVAGING LORDS (44)         22NAMES OF TRUE POWER (615)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1- 1*TEMPLE OF CAESAR (525)     1   0  0  100   1/ 2 RAVAGING LORDS (44)       9  6 1
 2/ 2 TURKEY DAY CARNAGE (605)  12   2  1 85.7   2/ 4 BAD COMPANY (145)         7  7 0
 3/ 3 DEATH PENALTY (606)       44  28  5 61.1   3/ 1 NYE MAULERS (269)         6  9 3
 4/ 5 VEGGIES (435)            224 208 13 51.9   4/ 3 BIG LAKE BANDITS (71)     5  8 0
 5/ 0 KLKASINO HAMMERZ (576)   138 137 15 50.2   5/ 5 JAILBIRDS (590)           5  9 1
 6/ 6 BAD COMPANY (145)        225 224 28 50.1   6/ 0 KLKASINO HAMMERZ (576)    4  1 0
 7/ 7 BIG LAKE BANDITS (71)    478 479 46 49.9   7/ 7 DEATH PENALTY (606)       4  5 0
 8/10 JAILBIRDS (590)           40  59  6 40.4   8/ 9 TURKEY DAY CARNAGE (605)  2  0 0
 9/ 9 RAVAGING LORDS (44)       89 132 12 40.3   9/10 VEGGIES (435)             2  2 1
10/11 NYE MAULERS (269)         98 151 17 39.4  10/11*NAMES OF TRUE POWE (615)  2  5 0
11/12*NAMES OF TRUE POWE (615)   2   5  0 28.6  11- 8*TEMPLE OF CAESAR (525)    1  0 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

      * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

                                  NIATOLI NOTEBOOK
                                 Book the First 536
                               by Hammer the WordSmith

"The swords [of the wicked] shall enter their own hearts, and their bows shall be
broken." -- Psalm 37:15 Amplified

     The cloaked figure entered a secret side door of an old familiar haunt.  No need
to extract an Elven Orb of Transport for the journey.  Just retrace the footsteps
from more festive times.  Now was a new beginning.  A new chapter written with each
passing breath upon the landscape of near forgotten times and rhymes.
     Huddled around a gambling table were five down on their luck gladiators.  Gaming
tables were the last place they needed to be.  Roulette had not been kind this night.
The last coins were placed upon the table.  The ball bearing made its spin.  These
gladiators would not win.  Their fortunes would soon change.  Change for a price in
     The stranger made a wager.  Five sacks of gold filled with rubies for their
services surrendered to the stranger were they to win.  The same five sacks of gold
filled with rubies and the freedom to walk away with no strings attached if they won.
     Either scenario made the penniless gladiators richer than they had ever been in
their lives.  The opportunity for adventure far outweighed the loss of their self
determination.  A guiding mind with a purpose driven plan for five wasted
gladiatorial prospects who had nothing to lose.  By losing their self determined
lives they would only gain recognition.
     Greed blinds many wayward souls.  A sure thing casts caution to the wind.  The
gladiators watched their old way of living pass away as the markers were placed upon
number 33 for all to see.  There was no protest.  Only the inward groan of souls
exchanging places with a destiny unknown and unfeared could be heard in the deafening
silence that engulfed the atmosphere as the steel ball made its way around the rail.
     Hammer had returned in time to recruit five new gladiators within the walls of
his KLKASINO HAMMERZ casino.  A bit unorthodox to be sure and yet strange times
require stranger methods to implement what is required to fulfill the unsuspected.
     The ball came to rest in slot number 33.  The five gladiators were richer than
they had ever dreamed possible.  Hammer had his five new recruits.  Destiny had five
new players to toy with on the sands of Niatoli Island Arena in DM 33.
     Soon the depraved arena crowd would cheer and jeer for DUCK CREEK HAMMER, BUCK
letting would flow to new levels.
     Hammer was not concerned regarding recognition for this stable on the Niatoli
Island Arena sands...but rather....

"May Your Blades Be Sharp and Your Wits Sharper!"
Minister of War

                                      SPY REPORT

     I can't believe the violence in NIATOLI ISLAND!  I still haven't told Mom I'm 
writing Spyreports.  She'd have a cow!  Well, here we go...  Too bad, NYE MAULERS, 
but RAVAGING LORDS was just too good to be stopped.  MVP award for THE NEANDERTHAL?  
RAVAGING LORDS' proud of him after beating VETERAN MERCENARY and getting 22 points.  
Talk about yer big time losers!  SOCIETY RED got smashed by ALTHEA, and lost 10 
points!  What a putz!  ACID BATH fights so hard to be Duelmaster, then quits fighting 
and loses the title.  No one said he was a genius...  And I was just getting used to 
the ex-Duelmaster's habit of...(!)  Oh well, welcome SPROUTS SURPRISE.  Aren't TURKEY 
DAY CARNAGE proud.  (Oh, my.) Is the Duelmaster really being a real snob to his 
teammates?  Don't ask me!   
     AAARRGH!!!  I HATE SPYREPORTING!!!  Sorry.  I just had to say it.  The warriors 
of NYE MAULERS must be getting lonely.  They were the most avoided team.  Do you guys 
know something that I don't?  I don't know what RAVAGING LORDS' been doing.  They 
certainly haven't been accepting many fights from NYE MAULERS, that's fer sher.  Can 
JAILBIRDS' STATUTORY RAPIST be more popular than me?  He was challenged the most, but 
is that really the same?  Some fights are really unfair.  How do you think SNORK 
SLAYMORE feels about being challenged by SPROUTS SURPRISE, 20 points above him?  
SPROUTS SURPRISE beat SNORK SLAYMORE.  No surprise about that.  Really I'm not 
surprised SPROUTS SURPRISE would do such a scummy thing, either.  See if I ever talk 
to TIM CAMPEAU again!  BEZERK HIPPIE was so low when He challenged he.  Hhmph!  I was 
sorry to see such an unfair "fight" in NIATOLI ISLAND.  TIM CAMPEAU got 2 points 
after beating BEZERK HIPPIE, 28 points below him.   
     Man, all these warriors dying and killing each other!  Don't you guys ever give 
it a break?  How cruel!  DEATH PENALTY heartlessly sent his to KILL ZONE certain fate 
in the Dark Arena.  Is a 9-6-2 bad or something?  Pinch me, I must be dreaming!!!  
CANDY YAM returns from the Dark Arena, maybe a "little upset" at hers VEGGIES 
teammates...  What a bunch of heartless!  I couldn't believe how many people were 
snickering when THE CRIPPLER killed CAREER CRIMINAL.  So he had a 5-6-1, that's no 
excuse!  It was so gross when THE CRIPPLER of RAVAGING LORDS killed CAREER CRIMINAL.  
They should start making warriors use safer weapons, or more shields, or something... 
THE MURDERER bloodfeuded (is that a word?) BULL SIMONS for revenge over some guy's 
bad fortune.  Was it really worth it?  THE MORTICIAN really fought hard against 
SPICOLI.  That'll teach NYE MAULERS not to go and kill any of BIG LAKE BANDITS' guys 
again, huh!  What if they had a fight and nobody showed up?  I'd be out of a job, 
that's what!!!   
     I really didn't, you know, study when I was a kid.  Who would've guessed I'd be 
a famous Spyreporter?  I'm getting tired of writing this stuff, so I'm calling it 
quits.  Its been really albendranius!  Later, guys-- Debby Tonte  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 SPROUTS SURPRISE 7357        11   2  1   111       TURKEY DAY CARNAGE (605)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-ACID BATH 7373               13   1  0   114       DEATH PENALTY (606)
 TIM CAMPEAU 6360             18   8  2   103       NYE MAULERS (269)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 THE MORTICIAN 6209           21  16  0    90       BIG LAKE BANDITS (71)
 SNORK SLAYMORE 6275           9  15  0    80       BAD COMPANY (145)
 THE NEANDERTHAL 6222          9  10  1    79       RAVAGING LORDS (44)
 EGGPLANT 7349                 8   3  0    79       VEGGIES (435)
 BEZERK HIPPIE 6569            9   7  2    78       BAD COMPANY (145)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 THE CRIPPLER 6188            14   8  7    63       RAVAGING LORDS (44)
 SKULLCRUSHER 6155            13  10  0    60       RAVAGING LORDS (44)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 THE MURDERER 7421             6   2  0    49       DEATH PENALTY (606)
 SPICOLI 6637                  4  12  2    46       NYE MAULERS (269)
 VEXER 6387                    5   5  0    41       RAVAGING LORDS (44)
 ONSLAUGHT 7422                5   3  1    40       DEATH PENALTY (606)
 BULL SIMONS 6753              5   5  3    38       NYE MAULERS (269)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 CANDY YAM 7457                1   0  1    33       VEGGIES (435)
 RICO SAVVY 6567               7   9  1    31       BAD COMPANY (145)
 SEXUAL PREDATOR 7241          7   1  0    31       JAILBIRDS (590)
 BALBASORE 6774                8   5  0    29       BIG LAKE BANDITS (71)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 TEDDY NASH 6742               3   6  0    22       BAD COMPANY (145)
 BEAR CREEK HAMMER 7366        1   0  0    21       KLKASINO HAMMERZ (576)
 ALTHEA 7444                   1   1  0    20       NAMES OF TRUE POWER (615)
 NAOMI 7447                    1   1  0    18       NAMES OF TRUE POWER (615)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 STATUTORY RAPIST 7458         1   2  0    17       JAILBIRDS (590)
 SWEET POTATO 7404             1   2  0    15       VEGGIES (435)
-QUINTILLUS 6088               1   0  0    15       TEMPLE OF CAESAR (525)
 CHAMP CHILSNER 7462           2   0  0    14       BAD COMPANY (145)
 SOCIETY RED 7456              2   2  2    10       JAILBIRDS (590)
 DEER CREEK HAMMER 7362        1   0  0    10       KLKASINO HAMMERZ (576)
 BUCK CREEK HAMMER 7361        1   0  0    10       KLKASINO HAMMERZ (576)
 KILMOR 7450                   1   4  0     9       NYE MAULERS (269)
-DIRTY DRUMSTICK 7356          1   0  0     6       TURKEY DAY CARNAGE (605)
 LORTAN FALCONEYE 7465         1   0  0     6       BIG LAKE BANDITS (71)
 MICKEY 7448                   0   2  0     6       NAMES OF TRUE POWER (615)
 THE ANVIL 7460                1   2  0     5       RAVAGING LORDS (44)
 HARE CREEK HAMMER 7367        1   0  0     5       KLKASINO HAMMERZ (576)
 DUCK CREEK HAMMER 7360        0   1  0     1       KLKASINO HAMMERZ (576)
 TASSADAR 7473                 0   1  0     1       NYE MAULERS (269)
 CARWL GORESLICKER 7472        0   1  0     1       BIG LAKE BANDITS (71)
 AAURICK SILVERSHOE 7464       0   1  0     1       BIG LAKE BANDITS (71)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?
BLONDE CYCLONE 6231   21 13 0 BIG LAKE BANDITS 71   TIM CAMPEAU 6360      534         
THE WHISTLER 7461      1  1 0 BIG LAKE BANDITS 71   SPICOLI 6637          535 JUST REV
GERELIN LOSTFIRE 239   0  1 0 DARK ARENA 0          CANDY YAM 7457        536 NONE    
KILL ZONE 7371         9  7 2 DEATH PENALTY 606     ARENAMASTER KAGHA 243 536 NONE    
SCUM TP 7471           0  1 0 DEATH PENALTY 606     SPYMASTER 242         536 NONE    
FIRERAGE 7401          5  3 0 DEATH PENALTY 606     BULL SIMONS 6753      534 JUST REV
CAREER CRIMINAL 7169   5  6 1 JAILBIRDS 590         THE CRIPPLER 6188     536         
BANANNA 7429           0  1 0 VEGGIES 435           WURM KIN 247          536 NONE    

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Bull Simons -- I think it is BULL that you lived through that incredible beat down I
gave you.  If the gods permitted Rico's challenge, your pathetic stable will be
laying you to rest this turn. -- Bezerk Hippie

Den -- Never before has the High Council been as red-faced as they were by your
dishonorable performance.  You were not merely satisfied being schooled by possibly
the worst manager in the history of the game, running the worst slasher in the
history of the game, but you follow your folly by not fighting a full stable and thus
giving the wretched pukes the lead.  I feel as though it would only be right for you
to give the General, and myself, a written heartfelt apology.  Did I mention I was an
unblemished 2-0 against team filth? -- Bill

All -- Score after round one:  Team filth 3, High Council 2.  Filth losing 1 full pt
for their DA's and HC losing 1 pt for Den's failure to fight a full stable.

Philthy -- What were you thinking?  After all my laborious hours trying to teach you,
you're still are a sucker for a foolish challenge.  Definition of a foolish
challenge--you challenging me. -- Bill

Death Penalty -- I see that wisdom has burrowed its way into that massive skull of
yours, as you are down to fighting a single scum warrior.  It sickens me to no end,
to see such a cowardly, stinking act of shamelessness.  It is a small wonder you have
shattered all the mirrors in your house, and walk while looking at your feet.  How
does it feel to live in such fear and denial?  I am ready to vomit just thinking
about you.  Be gone now sick one, be gone. -- Bill  Chief Justice of the Allied Axis

Caesar -- See ad to Death Penalty, dirtbag. -- Bill

Indimar -- There are two kinds of people in the world, those who choose wisely, and
those who choose unwisely.  You, my new friend, may fall in rank with the latter of
the two.  However, I almost feel compelled to give you a chance.  Almost.  Perhaps a
small test to judge your worthiness in our fine arena.  Compile a list of at least
ten different insults describing Crambus and Philthy's hideousness, and if it pleases
the HC we shall consider you an asset to the arena. -- Bill

Den & Allied Axis -- Your decision not to participate in the Turf War is respected,
however, the rest of your comments are not.  I know where you are, and in due time, I
will run both you AND the rest of the pathetic pieces of crap in your alliance out of
Niatoli Isle.  Trust me, when I come...I'm bringing a horde.  And you can take that
to the bank and cash it. -- Baphomet

Names of True Power -- Those are powerful names. -- Ravaging Lords

Release the Hounds from Hell.  AaarrrrrooooOOOOooooOOOOoooooOOOoo!

Niatoli Neighbors -- KLKASINO HAMMERZ are returning with a new crew of misfits!  Time
will determine which paper warriors are worthy of graduation! -- Hammer/Minister of

Names of True Power -- Considering your 0-4 entry into my fine arena, I have some
additional names you may wish to ponder as your warriors die violent deaths.  How
about "Loser", or "Pathetic", maybe "Sucker", certainly "Laughable".  Try those
names, it will fit your moniker very well. -- Den, High Priest of the Allied Axis

Temple of Caesar -- Usually before a team is granted access to our arena, they must
complete a strong application process.  I see you chose to circumvent our
requirements; this does not bode well for you.  I also see you are a single warrior
strong.  What happened, couldn't you fit everyone in the same wagon?  To tell you the
truth, we really do not need another wretched talent-less tournament sandbagger in
our midst.  Hop back on your broken down wagon and head for the coast, wait for a
canoe to slip by and stow yourself away, run from here while you still carry a
smidgen of dignity.  We care only for competitive managers, you do not fit that
guise. -- Den, Manager of the Big Lake Bandits

Philthy -- Looks like we are off to a very interesting start.  Luck is a friend you
will need, but only find when you are stumbling with drunkenness and happen upon
another is a compromising situation.  This is your joy, your life, your destiny, and
your undoing.  Save your coins for we have unquenchable appetites. -- Den

Crambus -- I will say no more, other than I will spill blood in revenge, and this
blood will coalesce into horrible pools of calm indifference.  This will be the blood
of your favorites and I will laugh maniacally as it trickles away with life. -- Den

Philthy -- Quit calling the General a "waterhead", he does not appreciate it very
much. -- Den

2 November 2006
I received a Gift Certificate from someone.  I'm assuming it's for entry into the
Turf War 5.  Whoever sent this to me...please email me at rbaphomets@yahoo.com.

10 November 2006
     The Quest of the Best has come to an end.  Dark Knight Toker, host of the Quest,
wants to proclaim the Ultimate Victor and give a listing of prize winners.
     Lady Fern and her Flower Girls of the Consortium are the Ultimate Victors of the
Quest.  Well fought and there's nothing like coming from behind to leave us all in
the dust.  Can't wait to see you defend your title! (wink)
     Here is a complete list of managers who placed in prize positions:

1)  Lady Fern, mgr. Flower Girls
2)  Le Pentarque, mgr. Blood & Guts!
3)  Crip, mgr. Otto's Parts
4)  D.K. Heathen Hatebred, mgr. Odin's Chosen
5)  Ghab, mgr. Assassin Nation
6)  Fanthayne, mgr. Dark Raiders
7)  D.K. Toker, mgr. Silver Knights
8)  D.K. Wasby, mgr. Bronze Knights
9)  The Expatriate, mgr. Bleak Legion
10) Still the Distilled, mgr. Springborne Fair

     Thanks to all that had the gall to show up, but I really want to thank the
managers that had the mettle to survive and not run when they started getting their
butt handed to them.
                                                           Respect to All.
                                                           Quest #1 host,
                                                           Dark Knight Toker

14 November 2006
                                      A Tale of
                        Fusion Confusion Delusion Revolution
                                     as told by
                                Hammer the WordSmith

     SomeWhere Beyond ElseWhere and ElseWhen a hooded figure brooded upon the
lingering wisps of memory from days gone by.
     From the howling sands to the sanding howls the streams of thought bubbled and
flowed, winding endlessly entwined within the darkest recesses and lightest resources
of the learned and unlearned disciplines of managerial mayhem and manipulation.
     Nameless faces and faceless names floated in the swirling mists of madness
embalmed within the memories of one who knew he did not know how far reaching the
influences [both positive and negative] had rooted and flowered in the march of time
and energy expended in the historical markings of gladiatorial essence and excellence
     The tamed and the untamed coupled with the named and the unnamed resources that
spilt their sweat and blood on the sands of arenas both known and unknown had
metamorphosed into the dreamings and the schemings of the fadings of jadings and
paradings [in both public and private] amongst the elite and the indiscreet
posturings and babblings of managers becoming legends in their own minds and times.
     Hammer pondered upon beginnings and the seemingly endless myriad of endings
possibly possible among the interspersed and intertwined impossible possibilities
presently past and future.
     Echoing and reechoing in the vast depths and countless compartments along the
corridors of his mind, Hammer played and replayed the glories shared and dared in the
sixty-plus stabled arena on fabled Noblish Island DM 93.
     The training had been all too brief, but the competition generated by the multi
faceted personages inhabiting DM 93 and the sheer multitude of numbers had forever
instilled themselves in the heart and soul of the veteran manager [Hammer]; insomuch
that the migration to Niatoli Island DM 33 triggered the desire to emulate the glory
and the grandeur of the spectacle of stables vying for recognition from among the
virtually numberless no-name newbies making names for themselves as they numbered
their stables and accomplishments for all to see and behold, to the song and the
sound of the sight of clashing cold cruel steel simmering the flesh of gallant
gladiators consumed by the gory and the glory of crossing blades with the superior
and the inferior within the interior of Greywand's Global Gladiatorial Galaxy.
     Far far ago and long long away had many abandoned hope for a return to the
reminiscences revered by so many managers; predating even the generations of
gladiators graduating from Noblish Island and the years of yore and gore and
gallantry before.
     Rumblings and mumblings of a renovation rejuvenating the reflexes of managers
numbed by the numberless trysts of tourney tarnished stables began revolutionizing
the very fabric of time and space and time-honored tradition throughout the ranks of
visionary newbies and volatile veterans alike and dislike.
     History was being shaken to the core of the gore as glory and grandeur responded
to the revelry reverie revelations and reveille revolutionizing the creation of a new
arena in the making; populated by No-Tourney Warriors and Full Stable Participants
pledging to forge a new vision version of "The Fiercest and Best" for crossing blades
and crosser banter in the personal ads and team spotlight tomes.
     Now was the time for Hammer to emerge and once again merge his talent among the
gifted and grifted; answering the call to assemble the drifted [and to directly
divulge and converge with the dozens] for the destiny of destructive denizens
determined to build a new legacy upon the all-but-forgotten ashes of the old and
olden legends of times lost.
         [TIME JUMP]
     Hammer sifted the sands in the dead of night in the desert reaches [located
SomeWhere BeYond ElseWhere and ElseWhen] to discover 5 gladiators not tourney worthy,
yet interesting enough to begin their careers in a No-Tourney Arena!
     "They need not be dispatched to the Dark Arena," the veteran manager mused as he
sorted through paperwork long discarded and vaguely forgotten, "because there is
nothing like a good Blood Feud to provide inspiration for writing personal ads in the
arena newsletter! Besides, there are times when the replacement for a warrior wounded
mortally on the arena sands fares much better than the one exchanged from Torch
     Fights by Torch Light were certainly deemed unnecessary as Hammer had already
deduced that a number of determined stables would undoubtedly congregate with High
Octane Warriors under the guidance of Higher Octane Managers to populate and
depopulate the new No-Tourney Arena currently under construction in DM 81.
     Fortunately his feeble foray into the desert would yield somewhat suitable
candidates for the newfound purposes Hammer had in mind.
     From among the candidates to be found Hammer would be rewarded in time by
     Deep into the night Hammer searched and searched until five not-so-promising
stables were uncovered in the waning hours before dawn.
     Ripper discards were scattered far and wide, but this was not the time or the
hour to let sentimental views cloud the issue at hand.  Future events would lend
themselves to a suitable Ripper replacement, especially with the prospects Hammer was
now sorting for his selection decision to dispatch to the Gladiatorial Commission for
     Most managers have the luxury of selecting the best group [or discarding the
worst group!] Hammer had the novelty of rounding up the castaways from the New
Stables paperwork accumulated long ago from Maximillian's Morya Madness contest in DM
28 that were deemed below inferior as contest prizes [and thus banished from sight!]
     Hammer scrutinized and agonized over which group of gladiators were worth the
sacks of gold coins he was prepared to release to the Gladiatorial Commission for
fees to MAINTENANCE his new stable in the No-Tourney Arena.
     After what seemed like long hours passing by, Hammer discarded one and then
another group of hopefuls.  After lengthy debate a third was cast aside.  Deciding
between the final two groups found Hammer going back to interview the rejected
candidates time and time again [until a final decision was made that Hammer could
live with and his new stable could die with!] before the final quirks were hammered
out and pen put to paper to process the prospective puny stable with the Gladiatorial
     The only solace gained from the painful process was the knowledge that other
managers would be less tempted to run stables in DM 81 populated by their tourney-
worthy warriors [under the penalty of death imposed and enforced upon tourney
experienced gladiators by the Committee being formed to police and regulate such
matters!] as sworn to and signed in good faith by each registering manager.
         [TIME JUMP]
     Hammer had worked long and hard to find suitable candidates for his stable and
now it was time to begin their training.  The paperwork had been dispatched for
registration with the Gladiatorial Commission and now was the hour in which
preparation was paramount!
     Dispatch riders had arrived with the news that Considerable Bounty was being
offered as incentive rewards to those managers sending new stables to the No-Tourney
     Hammer realized this would Up the Ante [causing greater pause in the managerial
community for selecting suitable stables!] as the creative competition was certain to
escalate and produce Serious Sword Slinging Stables Staining the Arena Sands Red!
     Obviously a serious upgrade in the quality of competition migrating to the No-
Tourney Arena in DM 81 would definitely work in favor of Hammer; enormously
increasing the death toll percentage potential amongst the ranks of his new start-up
stable in DM 81 [Sands Running Red and Blood Feuds Running Rampant as Undoubtedly
     Hammer observed the futility of his new warriors training [as well as they could
for what they were made from!] while recent memories came to the forefront of his
     When the paperwork was nearly completed and names were selected for each
Gladiator, Hammer decided to name the stable according to what he had discovered in
the darkness while searching during the dismal hours of the desert night.
     These warriors would probably be more well suited to fight by Torch Light had
they fallen into the possession of most other managers!
     Paper Warriors better suited to confronting Dark Arena Monsters [rather than
being fed to the Gladiatorial Lions certain to be populating the regular No-Tourney
     Specimens blatantly better suited for feeding upon agitated armadillo ants than
for striving to attain recognition and fame in the No-Tourney Arena [or any arena!]
     Thus was AARDVARK HAMMERZ birthed and born for Greatness or Disgrace!
         [TIME JUMP]
     Dispatch riders on winged steeds brought the news Hammer had been awaiting!
     Not since the days of training on Noblish Island in DM 93 had Hammer encountered
such collective enthusiasm for crossing blades in a selected arena such as DM 81
[recalling the time Hammer generated a gathering of newbies to transfer to Niatoli
Island in DM 33 to match wits and cross blades with the assembling veterans upon
     The Consortium had represented the veterans well in DM 33 with the SWEETNESS
stable managed by Sweety Pie.  Now the good news had arrived that The Consortium was
seen registering a stable named LIFE IMPACTS in the No-Tourney Arena!
     Former alliance mates Darque and Kat had reportedly registered DARQUE AGES and
KATHOUSE with the Gladiatorial Commission.
     Morya Madness combatant LePentarque from DM 28 had registered LA PENTARCHIE and
longtime fixture Drake in North Fork DM 47 [recently returned from a lengthy hiatus]
had been lured by the competition to register DRAKE'S HARDWARE.
     Deke [at the helm of DOC LEGRAND'S LAB] was instrumental in promoting the No-
Tourney Arena by repeatedly negotiating terms with the Gladiatorial Commission.
Others had laid the groundwork before him, but Deke raised the banner and carried it
the final distance [Supported by Countless Managers too numerous to mention!] Salute
Yourselves for Your Efforts are Most Graciously Applauded throughout Alastari!
     Apex had signed in with CAROLINA BLUE as had Ghab with ASSASSIN NATION.
     Another familiar name was found on the rolls as DeGotti registered CULT OF
BACCHUS followed by DOOM KNIGHTS managed by Blackstorm.
     Also on the rolls to be noted were AS SEEN ON TV II managed by Indimar and
RAGNAROK'S WOLVES by none other than ragnorokwolf.
     Nomad had signed on with PHANTOM REGIMENT and Silas followed suit with
     Another notable signature was that of MasterBeru with CHILDHOOD HEROES and a
penchant for scribing Team Spotlights [A Plus in Any Arena!]
     Detective Kellumbo had followed the clues and was observed enroute to
registering a yet unannounced stable [such are the ways of sleuthhounds and such!]
     Rumor had it that the manager known as Roadkill was on his way to register a
stable after his namesake and Slugbait was close behind [obliviously lost in
     Finally [in no particular disorder!] managers Grimm, Woody, Terminator, Den and
Bill were also seen elbowing their way through the gathering registration crowd to
officially announce their participation in the No-Tourney Arena.
     COUNTLESS OTHER MANAGERS were known to be pondering the consequences of sending
stables to a No-Tourney Arena and had yet to make the commitment public knowledge as
to their intentions.
     Howbeit the Gladiatorial Commission was reportedly swamped with requests for New
Stable Registration Forms [whether for the Tempe Facer or No-Tourney Arena was
anybody's guess at the present time!]
     Judging from the furtive figures darting and ducking in the shadows and
alleyways throughout Alastari [as well as those huddled in taverns or communicating
with one another by various means available!] the success of such a No-Tourney Arena
was Ballooning far Beyond the Expectations of the Promoters and Petitioners Bar None!
had the Best Potential for attracting and assembling a congregation of competitors
rivaling the numbers of Noblish Island from days gone by!
       JANUARY 2007 MARKS THE BEGINNING of a Journey where both Newbies and Veterans
join together in a Historic Assemblage Celebrating the Crossing of Blades between
some of the Best Managed Stables in all of Alastari [Known and Unknown!]
                 "May Your Blades Be Sharp and Your Wits Sharper"
                                          Minister of War

30 November 2006
NEED A TURF WAR ALLIANCE??  Master Beru, Wretch, Reaper, and Xoan have come together
to form an Alliance for the TURF WAR in DM47 with no regards for experience in
competitions or even the game.  If you want to enjoy the thrills of the competition,
we have space for up to three more managers.  Contact Master Beru at
d_spinella@msn.com for more information or send a note to Master Beru at DM 29--Army
of Darkness.  If you are interested, we need to move quickly, since the contest
starts in January and there are a few requirements to meet to participate.  May your
blades find the chinks in your enemy's armor. -- Master Beru

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

KILL ZONE was butchered by ARENAMASTER KAGHAL in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
BANANNA was butchered by WURM KIN in a 1 minute Dark Arena duel.
CANDY YAM killed GERELIN LOSTFIRE in a exciting 1 minute gory Dark Arena melee.
SCUM TP was slaughtered by SPYMASTER in a crowd pleasing 1 minute Dark Arena brawl.
THE MORTICIAN savagely defeated SPICOLI in a 2 minute bloody Bloodfeud match.
THE MURDERER viciously subdued BULL SIMONS in a 2 minute gory Bloodfeud duel.
SPROUTS SURPRISE devastated SNORK SLAYMORE in a 1 minute Challenge Title match.
TIM CAMPEAU defeated BEZERK HIPPIE in a action packed 1 minute Challenge melee.
ONSLAUGHT vanquished RICO SAVVY in a 1 minute uneven Challenge duel.
BALBASORE was savagely defeated by SEXUAL PREDATOR in a dull 27 minute Challenge duel.
ALTHEA savagely defeated SOCIETY RED in a 2 minute gory beginner's Challenge match.
NAOMI overpowered KILMOR in a 1 minute bloody one-sided Challenge match.
THE ANVIL was handily defeated by STATUTORY RAPIST in a 1 minute Challenge contest.
MICKEY was subdued by CHAMP CHILSNER in a 2 minute novice's Challenge brawl.
EGGPLANT viciously subdued SKULLCRUSHER in a 6 minute veteran's conflict.
THE NEANDERTHAL devastated VETERAN MERCENARY in a 1 minute uneven duel.
THE CRIPPLER executed CAREER CRIMINAL in a 1 minute mismatched brawl.
VEXER was bested by DANGEROUS CRIMINAL in a 2 minute fight.
TEDDY NASH overpowered SWEET POTATO in a 1 minute one-sided match.
HARE CREEK HAMMER beat CARWL GORESLICKER in a 1 minute novice's match.
BEAR CREEK HAMMER handily defeated EMBEZZLING SCRIBE in a 1 minute competition.
DEER CREEK HAMMER overpowered TASSADAR in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
BUCK CREEK HAMMER overpowered AAURICK SILVERSHOE in a 3 minute uneven fray.
LORTAN FALCONEYE overcame DUCK CREEK HAMMER in a 2 minute novice's contest.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                   7         PARRY-LUNGE       10 -   4 -  2      71  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  7         PARRY-STRIKE      13 -   9 -  0      59  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   6         TOTAL PARRY       26 -  22 -  1      54  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      5         STRIKING ATTACK   37 -  34 -  4      52  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     3         WALL OF STEEL     12 -  12 -  0      50  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  3         AIMED BLOW        14 -  16 -  0      47  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      3         LUNGING ATTACK    27 -  37 -  4      42  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    3         SLASHING ATTACK    8 -  11 -  2      42  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    2         PARRY-RIPOSTE      8 -  12 -  0      40  |
|AIMED BLOW                       2         BASHING ATTACK    13 -  23 -  4      36  |

Turn 536 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-RIPOSTE      2 -  0     LUNGING ATTACK     3 -  4         4  STRIKING ATTACK
PARRY-LUNGE        4 -  1     STRIKING ATTACK    3 -  4         3  LUNGING ATTACK 
PARRY-STRIKE       2 -  1     SLASHING ATTACK    1 -  2         1  TOTAL PARRY    
AIMED BLOW         1 -  1     BASHING ATTACK     2 -  4         1  PARRY-LUNGE    
                              TOTAL PARRY        1 -  2         1  PARRY-STRIKE   
                              WALL OF STEEL      1 -  2         1  WALL OF STEEL  

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
LUNGING ATTACK   TIM CAMPEAU 6360           18   8  2  103 NYE MAULERS (269)
PARRY-LUNGE      THE MORTICIAN 6209         21  16  0   90 BIG LAKE BANDITS (71)
PARRY-STRIKE     EGGPLANT 7349               8   3  0   79 VEGGIES (435)
WALL OF STEEL    SKULLCRUSHER 6155          13  10  0   60 RAVAGING LORDS (44)
BASHING ATTACK   ONSLAUGHT 7422              5   3  1   40 DEATH PENALTY (606)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is THE MORTICIAN 6209.  The most popular warrior this 
turn was EGGPLANT 7349.  The ten other most popular fighters were THE MORTICIAN 6209, 
7357, NAOMI 7447, MICKEY 7448, SKULLCRUSHER 6155, and BEAR CREEK HAMMER 7366.

The least popular fighter this week was SEXUAL PREDATOR 7241.  The other ten least 
THE ANVIL 7460, KILMOR 7450, and SOCIETY RED 7456.

                            JANUARY FACE-TO-FACE IN TEMPE!

Our next winter FTF will be held in Tempe, Arizona, January 12-14, 2007.  It will be 
held at the Embassy Suites Hotel in Tempe, Arizona (480-894-7444), the same hotel as 
last year by popular request.  Room rates are $149.00 per night, 1-4 occupancy, which 
includes full cooked breakfast, complimentary manager's reception (yes, really!), free 
airport shuttle, free parking, high speed internet (for extra charge), fitness center, 
jacuzzi, and pool.  The rooms are blocked--please make your reservation by December 15 
before the block is released!  (This is prime season for Phoenix, and several people 
were unable to book rooms last year because they waited too long.)  Look for 
transportation info in the tournament information sheet.  We hope you're all looking 
forward to it and that we will see you there!