Date   : 06/24/2004    Duedate: 07/07/2004


DM-36    TURN-459

This Weeks Top Honors


(36-5883) [21-10-1,126]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

PINK BEAR                      ... A HORSE
(36-5883) [21-10-1,126]        (36-6304) [3-0-1,50]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

KERRY BEAR                     TROJAN MAN
BLITZKRIEG (271)               BLIND HYPOCRISY (504)
(36-3994) [11-10-1,70]         (36-5710) [12-6-3,71]



Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. KAMIKAZI (533)              66
2. PORN IN A BARN (551)        49      REVELATION (543)
3. SUICIDAL DREAMS (525)       37      Unchartered Team
4. BOOKIE'S BROTHEL (554)      37
5. 5440 OR FIGHT! (336)        34      TWISTED (548)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 2 REVELATION (543)          99  58  6 63.1   1/ 3 LITTLE GIRLS LIKE. (515) 10  4 2
 2/ 3 THE CHADS (482)           76  45  3 62.8   2/ 8 REVELATION (543)         10  5 0
 3/ 5 KAMIKAZI (533)            33  21  2 61.1   3/ 1 SUICIDAL DREAMS (525)     9  6 1
 4- 6*THE CRIMSON TIDE (426)     7   5  1 58.3   4/ 2 KAMIKAZI (533)            9  6 1
 5- 7 ALMOST! (316)             45  33  2 57.7   5/12 BLITZKRIEG (271)          8  7 1
 6/ 4 QUEBEC (461)               9   7  0 56.3   6/ 4*TWISTED (548)             8  7 0
 7/ 9 5440 OR FIGHT! (336)     225 190 35 54.2   7/ 6 WOLF PACK (423)           7  6 2
 8/ 8 BLIND HYPOCRISY (504)     55  48  7 53.4   8/ 9 5440 OR FIGHT! (336)      6  4 0
 9/ 1*TWISTED (548)              8   7  0 53.3   9/ 5*MEMPHIS MAFIA II (542)    6  8 3
10/11 WOLF PACK (423)          159 141 12 53.0  10/20*PORN IN A BARN (551)      6  9 1
11/10 CLAN BATTLEAXE (347)      32  29  3 52.5  11/13 ANARKYSTS (341)           6  9 0
12/14 SUICIDAL DREAMS (525)     44  40  5 52.4  12/ 7 THE FALLEN (524)          5 10 0
13/12 BABES (416)              213 197  7 52.0  13/18 CLAN BATTLEAXE II (550)   4  6 0
14/13 CLAN BATTLEAXE II (550)  154 145  8 51.5  14/11 BABES (416)               4  8 0
15-15 HELTER SKELTER (256)     496 473 29 51.2  15/10 BLIND HYPOCRISY (504)     4  8 0
16/16 BLITZKRIEG (271)         147 141 14 51.0  16/ 0*THE DREAMING (529)        3  1 1
17-17 PAST TENSE (28)           33  33  0 50.0  17-15 PAST TENSE (28)           3  2 0
18-19*KARNIVORZ (455)            9   9  0 50.0  18-14 ALMOST! (316)             3  2 0

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
19/ 0*SUPERIOR HORDE 196 (528)   1   1  0 50.0  19/31 THE CHADS (482)           3  8 0
20/21 THE FALLEN (524)          40  44  1 47.6  20-21 STDS (534)                2  0 1
21-22*ANIMATED DESTRUCTI (545)   9  10  1 47.4  21-17 HELTER SKELTER (256)      2  0 0
22-23 STDS (534)                14  16  2 46.7  22-22*THE CRIMSON TIDE (426)    2  2 0
23/24 ANARKYSTS (341)          316 373 34 45.9  23-19*ANIMATED DESTRUCTI (545)  2  2 0
24/25 LITTLE GIRLS LIKE. (515)  68  81 12 45.6  24/26*MY BEST BUDS (505)        2  2 0
25/ 0*THE DREAMING (529)        19  24  2 44.2  25/27 CLAN BATTLEAXE (347)      2  3 0
26/27*MY BEST BUDS (505)         5   7  0 41.7  26/28 ERRATA (490)              2  5 0
27/29*PORN IN A BARN (551)       6   9  1 40.0  27/23*PB OR NOT PB (549)        2  6 0
28/26*MEMPHIS MAFIA II (542)     9  15  4 37.5  28/24*FORTIFEX (540)            2  8 0
29/28 ERRATA (490)              19  40  1 32.2  29-25*KARNIVORZ (455)           1  0 0
30/30*FORTIFEX (540)             3   9  0 25.0  30/ 0*NORTHSIDE BULLOCKS (552)  1  4 0
31-31*ANOTHER FIASCO (541)       3   9  0 25.0  31/ 0*BOOKIE'S BROTHEL (554)    1  4 0
32/20*PB OR NOT PB (549)         2   6  0 25.0  32-29*ANOTHER FIASCO (541)      1  6 0
33/ 0*NORTHSIDE BULLOCKS (552)   1   4  0 20.0  33-30*EXQUISITE CORPS II (546)  0  4 0
34/ 0*BOOKIE'S BROTHEL (554)     1   4  0 20.0  34/ 0*SPACE WOLVES (523)        0  3 0
35-32*EXQUISITE CORPS II (546)   1   7  0 12.5  35/32 QUEBEC (461)              0  2 0
36/ 0*SPACE WOLVES (523)         0   3  0  0.0  36/ 0*SUPERIOR HORDE 196 (528)  0  1 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

      * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

    "...Freakin' zombies..." Mordraith muttered as he pushed open the door to his
office.  The room was dark as he pulled off his muddy boots, silently lamenting
having sent his servants off early.  He removed his cloak and tossed it haphazardly
in the direction of his couch.
    He turned and approached his desk, unbuckling his sword belt.  Placing his blade
on his desk, he snapped his fingers loudly, causing the gas lamp hanging over head to
spring to life.  His office was well appointed.  A magnificent mahogany desk polished
to perfection stood in the center of the room with several plush chairs placed around
it.  A massive map showing the Delarquan Federation and the city of Jhans in great
detail hung on the wall, and a comfortable looking couch lined the wall opposite of
it.  Perhaps the most notable piece of decor was the slender black haired woman who
was currently napping on this couch.
    A smirking grin came to Mordraith's face as he took it all in.  Suddenly the
menial tasks Bookie had somehow talked him into performing slipped from his mind.  He
sunk back into his chair and leaned forward resting his elbows on the desk and his
chin in his hands.
    He knew she would arrive here at some point but he was really surprised and
elated to see her again after so many years.  He rose quietly and walked over to the
couch.  He reached down gently to brush her hair back from her face.  As quick as a
flash her hand shot out firmly grasped his wrist and twisted it back.  Her other hand
had produced a thin blade which she held to his throat as her eyes flicked open.
    "Good to see you too, Masayo..." Mordraith said calmly as she lowered her knife
and released his wrist.
    "Heh heh...got to stay sharp...I'm not one to be caught napping," Masayo smiled
warmly at him as he rubbed his wrist....
    "How was your trip?  I suppose you had no trouble with the zombies.  Seems there
was quite a commotion on the road...."
    "We got here easy as you please actually...some fools were out there keeping them
busy and we slipped in through the east gate..." Masayo said stretching.  "The others
found their way to the Lucas Lounge...drunken louts....  I thought I would pay you a
    She stood and kissed him on the cheek.  "I'm afraid I'm rather a mess at the
moment," Mordraith said stepping back.  "I was one of those fools out there fighting
the zombies...."
    "You?" Masayo asked raising a puzzled eyebrow.  "Doing your civic duty...it seems
so unlike you...."
    "Ah you know me too well.  Though it may surprise you to know that I might have
gone out to fight regardless.  I find I have grown fond of this city.  But of course
my main motivation is far less altruistic than that...."
    Mordraith crossed the room to a set of doors opening onto a balcony.  Throwing
open the doors he surveyed the city as he continued to speak.  "It seems that Bookie
has grown quite interested in the game of politics since his return.  As we speak, he
has set certain schemes in motion that will make him quite the force in the region."
    "The battle at the gates won him the deed to the Lucas Lounge.  I can think of no
better place to conduct my quiet business, free from prying eyes.  My contacts can
come and go and it would not seem so unusual.  We will begin outfitting your suite
there in the coming months...."
    Masayo raised an eyebrow and cocked her head inquisitively, "My suite?  I'm not
sure I understand.  I brought your fighters from Sibikhas as asked but I wasn't aware
I would be staying.  I have commitments elsewhere."
    "I think you will find my offer will far outstrip whatever benefit these other
commitments will bring you...."

      * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

                                   HAMMERZ HERALD
             Death Fest Dada Data Edition/Diabolical Delarq Declaration
                                      by Hammer

         Behold, they belch out [insults] with their mouths; swords [of sarcasm,
ridicule, slander, and lies] are in their lips, for who, they think, hear us? --
Psalms 59:7  Amplified Bible

     Sensational News about Hammer negotiating the Re-Opening of Delarq Tor DM 58 as
a Slow Arena "Prize Package" for the DM 59 Death Fest Illis Iron Stable Award Winners
was spreading all across the Delarq Federation quicker than Dragon Fire!!!!!
     Delarq Tor DM 58 would be Re-Opened as a Slow Arena by the Gladiatorial
Commission as a Special Prize Awarded to the Illis Iron Stable Award Winners on the
following conditions:
     1.  At least 20 of the stables entered in the DM 59 Delarq Death Fest beginning
July 29th Must Complete a Minimum of 67 of a possible 75 fights over the course of 15
     2.  At least 20 of those Iron Stable Managers Must Enter a New Team Roll Up into
DM 58 Delarq Tor Without Cannibalizing Any of Their Active Stables
     3.  A Minimum of 15 Stables are Required to Remain Active Each Cycle for the
First Six Months to Ensure Exclusive Competition for the Duel Master and Team Awards
[Free Fights!] Without Any Other Stables Being Allowed to Enter the Newly Re-Opened
DM 58 Slow Arena [Until the First Six Months Have Expired in May 2006].
     Hammer was Alerting the entire Delarq Federation Regular and Slow Arenas; as
well as the Andorian and Free Blades Slow Arenas; Extending to Every Manager from
Newbie to Jaded Veteran His Personal Invitation to Compete in the DM 59 Delarq Death
Fest; with the Understanding that Delarq Tor DM 58 would be Re-Opened as a Slow Arena
[If More Than Enough Managers Would Compete for the Opportunity to Re-Open Delarq
Tor!]; Thus Carving a New Chapter in the Alastari Historical Archives; While
Fulfilling Their Own Delarq Dueling Destiny!
     One of the things Hammer enjoyed most about Hosting/Promoting New Contests
Was/Is the Transformation/Enlargement of the Chosen Arena Site; Especially
Anticipating the New Stable Names/Managers Who Answer the Call to Cross Blades and
Match Wits in a Hammer Hosted/Sponsored Contest.
     Offering 25 points to each Death Fest competitor who writes a minimum 15
paragraph Team Spotlight [including their Stable Name and Managerial Alias]; while
Highlighting a Storyline of their own choosing as they Answer the Call to Cross
Blades and Match Wits in a Hammer Sponsored Slow Arena Contest; would be One of
Hammer's Most Anticipated Aspects of Hosting the Delarq Death Fest in DM 59.
     It would be Interesting to see Who was able to Write their Spotlight and Email
it in a Format that would NOT be Cut Off by HAL; plus Who would be able to Submit
their Hand Written [or Typed] Spotlight in Time for the RSI Typist to have Time to
Type It into the DM 59 T-172 Newsletter; Otherwise, those 25 points would be
Forfeited Due to the Fact that Hammer and Other Interested Persons would be Deprived
of the Pleasure of the Potential Entertainment of Reading Countless Team Spotlights
on the Opening Round of the Delarq Death Fest [because of Missing or Partial Team
     Hammer also was Interested in Who would have the Foresight to Place Their Stable
on Team Maintenance or Warrior Maintenance to Ensure Their Stable Would NOT Miss a
Death Fest Round; thus Forfeiting Both an Additional 25 points for fighting 67 of a
possible 75 fights over the course of 15 rounds AND the Opportunity to Start a New
Stable in Delarq Tor DM 58 as an Illis Iron Stable Award Winner; Once the Death Fest
Contest Concluded in August 2005 and Qualified Managers were Listed with the
Gladiatorial Commission to Send RSI a New Team Roll Up to Register a New Stable in DM
58 Delarq Tor:
     Thus Qualifying those New Stables to Compete in the Rookies 2005 Fall Mailer
Tourney Before Competing in the Historic First Turn of the Newly Re-Opened Delarq Tor
DM 58 Slow Arena on November 3rd 2005.
     Hammer Had Done His Best to Send Out the Call for the Devious, the Diabolical,
the Dangerous and the Down Challenging to Cross Blades and Match Wits in Competition
for the Top 10 Prize Categories and Illis Iron Stable Award [Where Everyone Wins the
Right to Compete in the Newly Re-Opened Delarq Tor DM 58 Slow Arena on November 3rd
2005] All Sanctioned by the Gladiatorial Commission!
     Delarq Tor DM 58 Awaits Those Who are Brave Enough to Endure the Delarq Death
Fest in DM 59 [Beginning July 29th 2004 T-172; Concluding August 25th 2005 T-186] By
Completing a Minimum of 67 Fights Out of a Possible 75 Fights Over the Course of 15
Rounds of Dastardly Delarq Dog-Fighting!

  ***** Consult the DM 59 T-171 Newsletter Team Spotlight by Hammer for a Complete
                Listing of Death Fest Rules/Prize Allocations! *****

The New Merriam-Webster Dictionary Definitions:
     Dada:  A movement in art and literature based on deliberate irrationality and
negation of traditional artistic values.
     Data:  Factual information (as measurements or statistics) used as a basis for
reasoning, discussion, or calculation.
     Diabolical:  Devilish, Fiendish.
     Declaration:  To make known formally or explicitly.

     "May Your Blades Be Sharp and Your Wits Sharper!" -- Hammer/Death Fest Host/
Vendetta Cartel Captain; WordSmith and High Priest of the Crimson Ascension Family in
DM 28

            + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Out of the Past #8 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
                                   Delarquan Edition

Old Valamantis:

     Smeds of Mordant and Shamu of Cliffhome, both Dwarves, drew off to the side from
the rest of the group.  Harvesting and transporting tons of ice from the peaks above
Khalhums was the kind of technical problem they relished, a true Dwarven sort of
problem.  Let the others worry about fighting resurrected wizards.
     "Can we quarry ice like stone?" Smeds wondered.  "There's always heat associated
with breaking rock, what if it melts the ice?"
     "It'd only melt some," Shamu guessed, "and we could stand that, especially if it
made things go a little faster.  And there are plenty of Dwarves in Khalhums who'd be
glad of a little work these days."
     "Closing the arena didn't close down the town!" Smeds protested.
     "Up to a point," Shamu agreed, squinting into the distance.  With the heat and
humidity over the Feyranse basin, the mountains weren't visible, but any Dwarf could
sense them.  Why, they probably weren't much more than a hundred miles away!  Well,
no more than two hundred, anyway.  "But how are we going to HAUL all that ice down
here before it melts?"
     "Wagons.  One thing that did drop to a trickle in the last couple of years is
trade through the mountains," Smeds answered.  "I've got friends up there, and I've
heard.  There are LOTS of carters eager for a load."
     "Right, and woodcutters in Caer who'd be glad to supply sawdust to pack it in, I
bet." Shamu agreed.  "We can do this!"

     "But I don't know ANYTHING about magic!" Lavender Lance of Illis was protesting,
     "That's all right, I know lots about magic," Tensekai the Silver Mage said.  He
patted her back in what he hoped was a soothing manner.  "You've got something just
as good in a situation like this:  you're a lucky guesser.  Between my knowledge and
your luck, we should do well.  Now..." he glanced around at the other gladiators, Ka
D'Argo, Sputter, and Goblin, "you do all understand the plan?"
     "Kill everybody in Old Valamantis who isn't us," Goblin answered promptly.
     Ka D'Argo suppressed a sigh and glanced sideways at the gladiator from Kaltos.
To Tensekai, he said, "We're to secure the Bloodgames arena and a corridor of
approach, hold it till the ice gets here, keeping the wizards out."
     "It's the part about keeping the wizards out that worries me," Sputter of Dwes
Eg muttered.  "Easy to SAY that, but they're WIZARDS.  How are we supposed to stop


     There were no ruins around Xochithlan to rise up at the wizard's call, because
the modern city was the old city, continuously lived in for longer than most
Alastarian cities had existed.  There was, perhaps, a tendency for certain long-
buried residents to stir in their graves, but if any came out to walk the streets, it
was not immediately obvious.
     What was obvious was the forest.
     There had been a forest around Xochithlan for a long time, but it had been
burned away during the Rirorni War.  Replanting efforts had been ongoing for the last
eight years, but eight years is not long enough to bring back a major forest.  And
what surrounded the city now, pressing in against the walls and disturbing the newer
suburbs, was a major forest.
     Not, however, a forest such as the Xochithlani remembered.
     This was a Forest Primeval.
     This was a forest that might hide...anything.
     And according to the scholars of ancient texts consulted by King Feyen of
Xochithlan, it probably did.

     "But I don't trust gladiators!" King Feyen protested.  "Why should I give them
this important job?"
     "Because no one else will take it," Chancellor Leldys said.  "The merchants will
not set their guards to clearing the road, each one fears that the others will hold
back men and attack those who strip their Houses of defense."
     "The army, then," Feyen said.  "What do I pay them for, anyway?"
     "You pay them to defend Xochithlan and your dynasty, Sire.  We dare not set the
army to the task of clearing the road, thus leaving the palace defenses understrength
now, when your half-brother Ferhis is showing his teeth.  An army could be lost in
that Forest...or could change allegiance to avoid going into it.  No, gladiators are
your best resource for this.  Set them to clearing the Forest back from the road so
that we can resume our regular coming and going with the rest of the Federation--"
     The king scowled and stroked his thin mustache.  "I notice there hasn't been any
problem with THEM getting in contact with us--the Shagair."
     The chancellor shrugged.  "Their methods are not something I would recommend.
To use the old magic so freely...dangerous.  Very dangerous.  And surely you don't
want to see the Shagair as our only contact with the rest of the world!"
     "Well, they ARE our kin."
     "I have kin I wouldn't trust.  And the Shagairn ideas of what constitutes proper
payment for the Rirorni War Debt is not...."
     "Not something we can pay.  I know."  Feyen sighed.  "Oh, all right, we'll ask
the gladiators to clear the road.  Land grants for every ten-mile stretch cleared to
a bow-shot back on each side...."
     The chancellor blanched.  "Land grants?  Sire, you can't go handing out land as
though it was an endless resource!  You--"
     "SMALL landgrants, Leldys.  I am NOT an idiot, you know.  If you're thinking of
the unfortunate incident with the oryx and the lotus tank, I assure you that it was
all Tirisha's doing!"
     "And I believe you, of course," the chancellor murmured.  "But things would be
so much easier, Sire, if you had an heir--"
     "I am NOT going to get married just to make things easier for you," Feyen cut
in.  "There's plenty of time.  Let's think about getting the road cleared first."

      * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

                         ---===DELARQUAN REGIONAL NEWS===---

 DM   1 MORDANT (turn 498): JEJUNE of MANNEQUIN'S BEST (Mannequin, mgr.)
 DM   2 NIANIA (turn 383): TOOFLESS of GLORY BOUND TROLLS (DeGotti, mgr.)
 DM   3 OSKSI (turn 503): HARALDUR of AESIR (Buri, mgr.)
 DM   4 JHELUM (turn 499): STANLEY'S CUP of SPORTZ! (Guardian, mgr.)
 DM   5 KALTOS (turn 498): FRIED TWINKIE of MORE NEW TEAMS 2 (The Muffin Man, mgr.)
 DM   6 TRANSEL (turn 502): SERENGETI of BATTLE BEASTS (Sensei Jan, mgr.)
 DM   7 BONSUR (turn 499): PTI of WASTELAND II (The Muffin Man, mgr.)
 DM  10 KOLACT (turn 494): LENNY BAXTER of TOWNSVILLAINS (The Narrator, mgr.)
 DM  21 SUNSET (turn 484): MAINE COON CAT of MEOW MIX (Sylvester Frothingslosh, mgr.)
 DM  36 JHANS (turn 458): PINK BEAR of LITTLE GIRLS LIKE... (Shocking Toad, mgr.)
 DM  38 CLIFFHOME (turn 449): STEVEN SCIMITAR of EAGLES CLAW (Talon Volksie, mgr.)
 DM  39 XOCHITHLAN (turn 196): DUCK TAPE of DUCKS UNLIMITED (Crip, mgr.)
 DM  42 RODEKI (turn 436): GUNSLINGER of KING'S KREW (King Ralph, mgr.)
 DM  51 TRICORUS (turn 384): APPLE of FRUITS (Assurnasirbanipal, mgr.)
 DM  54 TROCAR (turn 182): MOUSETRAP of USELESS TOOLS (Crip, mgr.)
 DM  59 ILLIS (turn 170): HOFFA WITH HAIR of IMPROVED ILLUSION (Phantasm, mgr.)
 DM  62 VALAMANTIS (turn 334): YOU of SRETSAMLEUD (Phat Phat, mgr.)
 DM  72 DRAGONHEAD (turn 147): 2 PHAT of VERMIN (Sultan, mgr.)

                                      Top Teams
 DM   1 MORDANT (turn 498): SWEORDMASTERS (Mannequin, mgr.)
 DM   2 NIANIA (turn 383): GLORY BOUND TROLLS (DeGotti, mgr.)
 DM   3 OSKSI (turn 503): AESIR (Buri, mgr.)
 DM   4 JHELUM (turn 499): ORCCON THUGS (DMobster, mgr.)
 DM   5 KALTOS (turn 498): THE TAKEN (Silver Stroke, mgr.)
 DM   6 TRANSEL (turn 502): BATTLE BEASTS (Sensei Jan, mgr.)
 DM   7 BONSUR (turn 499): SUGAR AND SPICE (Mannequin, mgr.)
 DM  10 KOLACT (turn 494): PRAETORIAN GUARD (Shocking Toad, mgr.)
 DM  18 TALCAMA (turn 485): BURN N' PILLAGE (Jolly, mgr.)
 DM  21 SUNSET (turn 484): CARNAGE CANARIES (Carnage Canary, mgr.)
 DM  36 JHANS (turn 458): SUICIDAL DREAMS (Bookie, mgr.)
 DM  38 CLIFFHOME (turn 449): DENNY'S BKFAST (T'Loi, mgr.)
 DM  39 XOCHITHLAN (turn 196): ATMAN PROJECT (Kosmos, mgr.)
 DM  42 RODEKI (turn 436): HIGHER PURPOSE (Angus, mgr.)
 DM  51 TRICORUS (turn 384): FRUITS (Assurnasirbanipal, mgr.)
 DM  54 TROCAR (turn 182): THE MUPPETS (Keldon Blackfang, mgr.)
 DM  59 ILLIS (turn 170): ISLANDERS (Nick, mgr.)
 DM  62 VALAMANTIS (turn 334): SRETSAMLEUD (Phat Phat, mgr.)
 DM  72 DRAGONHEAD (turn 147): X-POSSE (Savant, mgr.)
ADM 104 DARKHOLM (turn 377): BLACK PRIMERS, etc. (Doc Steele, mgr.)

                                   Recent Graduates
 DM   1 MORDANT (turn 497): WISPER of SWEORDMASTERS (Mannequin, mgr.)
 DM   4 JHELUM (turn 498): MARCH MADNESS of SPORTZ! (Guardian, mgr.)
 DM   7 BONSUR (turn 499): PTI of WASTELAND II (The Muffin Man, mgr.)
 DM  10 KOLACT (turn 494): LENNY BAXTER of TOWNSVILLAINS (The Narrator, mgr.)
 DM  21 SUNSET (turn 483): MR. TWISTER of IRONIC TAILS (Mr. Twister, mgr.)
 DM  36 JHANS (turn 457): KATHLEEN of BABES (Papa Bear, mgr.)
 DM  38 CLIFFHOME (turn 448): UHLEK of DARK TOADS (TigToad, mgr.)
 DM  39 XOCHITHLAN (turn 196): MISS CON DUCK of DUCKS UNLIMITED (Crip, mgr.)
 DM  42 RODEKI (turn 436): GUNSLINGER of KING'S KREW (King Ralph, mgr.)
               (turn 435): ANN ARTICHOKE of DELVERS (Nick, mgr.)
                           YANKEE DAN of CLOWNING AROUND (Assurnasirbanipal, mgr.)
 DM  54 TROCAR (turn 182): MERGEN of THE BLACK COMPANY (Woelfe, mgr.)
 DM  72 DRAGONHEAD (turn 147): 2 PHAT of VERMIN (Sultan, mgr.)

                                 DUELMASTER'S COLUMN
                             Notes from the arena champ.

Oooo, I barely got this off in time as Kizzy wouldn't stop hugging me.  You see, mom,
the sweetest in the house, re-stuffed.  I've been squished for 6 1/2 years and all me
stuffing was mashed down.  Lovely mommy fixed me up but the jerk known as Shocking
Toad now calls me Fat Bear.  Well, harrumph on him--I'm not even letting him speak in
my column.

Now I'd like to say to be the best you must defeat the best, well, I did that with M.
Thrasher but Canis Lupus just didn't match up.  The bummer for me is that I'll not
get to face the best as I do plan to Blood Feud Blackjack my last two turns here in
Jhans.  I can't imagine losing to such a low rated Lunger but anything can happen.  I
will say there is no other manager at this time, in this place, that I'd rather
defeat than Bookie, so here I come, Mr. Bookie (or should I say Leftist Bookie) and

Pink Bear

                                      SPY REPORT

     Greetings warriors!  It is I, Zontani Sharp Eyes, here to bring report of the 
clash and bustle of the weekly JHANS games.  Former top team SUICIDAL DREAMS was 
unseated this week as LITTLE GIRLS LIKE... moved up from 3rd ranking to take the top 
spot with a 4-1-1 record for the round.  I have begun to suspect trickery on the part 
of THE CHADS.  How else weeks like this one's 2-1-0?  How else the sudden move to 
19th team?  There were bitter words at THE FALLEN's guildhouse after a 1-4-0 showing 
this week which dropped the stable into 12th.  Dark Arena anyone?  My praise to WOLF 
PACK for their 3-0-1 week this time out.  Indeed, it was a skillfully fought round 
deserving of notice!  SLAYIN STAYNER caught the eye of many in the gladiatorial 
commission as he skillfully bested KERRY BEAR and was awarded 24 points in 
recognition.  In one of the week's more notable duels, SLAYIN STAYNER put down KERRY 
BEAR, causing her to lose 20 points of recognition in the process.  Who here was not 
present for the title fight this week as MORACH RAZH boldly challenged PINK BEAR in 
order to strive for the Duelmasters honors?  Although MORACH RAZH made a valiant 
effort, it did not suffice to topple the reign of victorious PINK BEAR.  No 
confirmation, but my sources claim that the top team has gained their position using 
magical aids.  Charmed weapons perhaps?   
     I have been in deep conclave with my spies who watched all that has recently 
transpired.  Indeed there is much I would report.  JHANS, city of gladiators!  Mighty 
among the names of thy guilds is ALMOST!, a guild shunned and avoided by many in the 
weekly duels.  If you didn't look down dark alleys you'd have been hard pressed to 
find any of BLITZKRIEG last week.  Busy avoiding ALMOST!?  Loose talk at the arena 
has reached my ears and it but confirms the knowledge that many fighters are after 
ARACHNE.  Watch your back!  As a gladiator gets older, the icy grip of fear lays hold 
of his heart.  True, SKIRZA SLAPSTIK?  Who could miss your "brave" challenge of HUGGY 
BEAR?  Surprising everyone, HUGGY BEAR overcame SKIRZA SLAPSTIK, earning 20 points of 
recognition in the process!  A knave's just desserts are the sweetest victory.  For 
some warriors honor is not important--only empty victory.  See, gladiators, how BROWN 
KITTY TOO of LITTLE GIRLS LIKE... challenged down 25 points to RUH-ROH, RHAGGY.  All 
the city knows the duel went in favor of BROWN KITTY TOO.  I shall not fail to spread 
the word in other cities of this "mighty" victory.  Give DRIVER credit for his 
courage.  Did you note how he challenged ARACHNE despite the 26 point difference in 
their rankings?  I must admit to some joy.  Before my very eyes the underdog in this 
contest, DRIVER, defeated ARACHNE to claim victory and recognition.  FUNKY COLD 
MEDINA must really be harboring a grudge against the ERRATA guild!  Merciless, 21 
challenged down DIVIT points this week to duel with he.  Few would not have guessed 
the outcome of the bout as DIVIT was subdued by FUNKY COLD MEDINA.  Is this what 
passes for courage in JHANS?  At the gambling halls I have started to bet money on 
DONNA THE HUNTRESS.  She has got the courage it takes.  Witness hers challenge this 
turn against ANOTHER BLANKEE!  2 points of newly earned recognition and a dose of my 
admiration is what DONNA THE HUNTRESS must now weigh against the defeat which 
     Vendettas.  Bloodied blades and broken spears.  Indeed the city has seen more 
than its fair share of red in recent times.  This week marked the last days of 
JEALOUSY RAINS who at 5-11-1 was dispatched to the Dark Arena by the command of THE 
FALLEN's demanding management.  I must report the passing of ARACHNE, veteran of many 
duels.  6-5-0 final record His was not illustrious--but death plays no favorites.  
The warrior's path is harsh.  For mediocrity there is but one reward--death.  This 
past week CONFESSION, at 6-6-0, departed JHANS forever.  Death has again visited the 
sands of our arena.  DRIVER has claimed the life of ARACHNE.  Do any doubt that BLIND 
HYPOCRISY will seek a bloody revenge?  My hearty congratulations SKUNK #1, for thy 
revenge upon SANDPAPER CONDOM, slayer of thy fallen comrade.  Next time he will know 
better, eh?  Some say a warrior is judged by the way he bears arms.  One thing is 
sure, better a dagger in hand then a sword on the belt!   
     If it were not for my skills as a spy I would have been mugged three times 
already in JHANS.  Nice atmosphere you have here!  More than a sharp eye must I keep, 
indeed a stout pair of legs must I keep as well!  The endless paths of Alastari await 
me!  Till next we meet remember - the pen is mightier than the sword, but a maul is a 
different story!-- Zontani Sharp Eyes  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 PINK BEAR 5883               21  10  1   126       LITTLE GIRLS LIKE... (515)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-POSTMASTER P 5182            20  11  0   133       HELTER SKELTER (256)
-DONNA 5966                   10   6  0   103       BABES (416)
 CANIS LUPUS 5716             13   8  0    98       WOLF PACK (423)
 MORACH RAZH 6239             14  12  0    94       CLAN BATTLEAXE II (550)
 HUGGY BEAR 6002              12   5  0    93       SUICIDAL DREAMS (525)
 SLAYIN STAYNER 5891           9   2  1    91       ANARKYSTS (341)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-HANGING 5507                 11   5  0    90       THE CHADS (482)
 MANICOUAGAN 4966              8   4  0    81       QUEBEC (461)
 OBLIVIOUS 6101                9   1  0    80       KAMIKAZI (533)
 SKIRZA SLAPSTIK 5996         12   5  0    78       THE FALLEN (524)
 BLOOD MOON 6175               9   5  0    74       REVELATION (543)
 TROJAN MAN 5710              12   6  3    71       BLIND HYPOCRISY (504)
 KERRY BEAR 3994              11  10  1    70       BLITZKRIEG (271)
 UNION JACK 6015              14   1  0    67       BLITZKRIEG (271)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 CY 6234                       6   3  0    65       CLAN BATTLEAXE II (550)
-HUNGOVER 3723                12   3  0    58       ALMOST! (316)
-PSYCHO PROCTOLOGIST 3675     11   8  2    58       ALMOST! (316)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 DRIVER 6055                   7   4  2    56       KAMIKAZI (533)
 BADDA BAMM 6075               7   6  0    56       SUICIDAL DREAMS (525)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 THE DARK 5715                 7   1  1    55       WOLF PACK (423)
-SYPHILIS 6129                 4   2  0    53       STDS (534)
 REAPER 6150                   5   1  0    50       KAMIKAZI (533)
 ... A HORSE 6304              3   0  1    50       PORN IN A BARN (551)
-GROPING CHICKENS 3972         3   1  0    50       ALMOST! (316)
 SCORPINE 6119                 7   2  0    48       KAMIKAZI (533)
 DEVASTATOR 6079               7   6  0    47       THE FALLEN (524)
-TITANIC 178                   8   7  0    44       PAST TENSE (28)
 MARCIE 6076                   4   8  1    43       BABES (416)
 BADDA BANG 6013               6   9  0    42       THE FALLEN (524)
 SHAWNDA 6032                  6   3  1    41       THE DREAMING (529)
-SPEKTER 4921                  4   3  0    41       KARNIVORZ (455)
 SHADOW STARR 5999             8   9  1    39       SUICIDAL DREAMS (525)
 KILL'EM KREPP 5892            8   3  0    37       ANARKYSTS (341)
 SLASHIN' SPECK 5854           7  14  1    36       ANARKYSTS (341)
 MISERY 6232                   6   2  0    36       CLAN BATTLEAXE II (550)
 KRUNK MONKEY 5939             2   2  0    36       5440 OR FIGHT! (336)
 BROWN KITTY TOO 6118          5   4  1    35       LITTLE GIRLS LIKE... (515)
-DRIPS 6066                    5   4  0    35       STDS (534)
 THE LAST TRUMP 6173           7   2  1    34       REVELATION (543)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-ILSARIA 4004                  4   1  0    33       CLAN BATTLEAXE (347)
 ANOTHER BLANKEE 6117          4   5  0    32       LITTLE GIRLS LIKE... (515)
 COSMIC TRIGGER 6215           3   0  0    30       TWISTED (548)
 THE LAMB 6293                 2   1  0    30       REVELATION (543)
-CLUTCH SHUTTLE 6060           4   2  0    29       HELTER SKELTER (256)
 SKUNK #1 5719                 3   2  0    29       MY BEST BUDS (505)
 FUNKY COLD MEDINA 6154        2   4  0    28       BLITZKRIEG (271)
 MISCOUNT 6090                 1   3  0    28       THE CHADS (482)
 PRINCE OF LIES 6171           5   4  0    27       REVELATION (543)
 MORVAANA 4002                 4   2  0    27       CLAN BATTLEAXE (347)
-BLACKJACK 6163                3   1  2    27       MEMPHIS MAFIA II (542)
-LUCA 4653                     2   1  0    27       THE CRIMSON TIDE (426)
 CLURACAN 6035                 7   2  0    26       THE DREAMING (529)
 DIMPLED 5776                  5   2  0    26       THE CHADS (482)
-BATTERING RAM 6198            3   1  0    25       ANIMATED DESTRUCTION (545)
 BIBIDY-BOBIDY-BOO 6309        3   0  0    24       SUICIDAL DREAMS (525)
 GITO GITO HUSTLER 6291        2   0  0    24       5440 OR FIGHT! (336)
-INDESTRUCTIBLE IV 1350        2   2  0    24       PAST TENSE (28)
 OPHELIAROG 6222               1   1  0    24       PB OR NOT PB (549)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-PALADIN 5410                  4   6  0    23       ERRATA (490)
-OBSIDIA 4001                  3   1  1    23       CLAN BATTLEAXE (347)
 THE BEAST 6296                3   0  0    23       REVELATION (543)
-CHLAMYDIA 6148                2   1  0    23       STDS (534)
 SOMATRON 6143                 2   1  0    22       FORTIFEX (540)
 THE LOVE BELOW 6187           2   0  0    22       THE DREAMING (529)
 PIGFEED PICKTAN 6124          6   3  0    21       ANARKYSTS (341)
 ROUGH RIDER 6295              2   1  0    21       BLITZKRIEG (271)
-STRAW GOLEM 6197              2   2  0    20       ANIMATED DESTRUCTION (545)
 BLUEBEARD 6029                1   1  0    20       SUPERIOR HORDE 196L (528)
 SUBZERO 6120                  5   4  0    19       KAMIKAZI (533)
 PROBLEM 5977                  2   0  0    19       ERRATA (490)
-LADY SCARE ALL 4922           1   1  0    19       KARNIVORZ (455)
-YERN'N FER'N URN 1508         2   2  0    18       PAST TENSE (28)
-CAVEMAN 4652                  1   2  0    18       THE CRIMSON TIDE (426)
 SPATHIC 6189                  2   2  0    17       5440 OR FIGHT! (336)
-FLYING BLADE 6196             2   2  0    17       ANIMATED DESTRUCTION (545)
-MONKEY SHINE 5927             2   0  0    17       HELTER SKELTER (256)
 HAY RIDE 6305                 2   1  0    17       PORN IN A BARN (551)
-FREAKY FRED 4920              3   2  0    16       KARNIVORZ (455)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 SUZIE SHORT 6317              1   0  0    16       NORTHSIDE BULLOCKS (552)
 SANDPAPER CONDOM 6311         2   1  1    15       MEMPHIS MAFIA II (542)
-THAI-STICK 5720               2   0  0    15       MY BEST BUDS (505)
 GAMBIT 6161                   1   4  1    15       MEMPHIS MAFIA II (542)
-FURIOUS INHALER 4047          0   1  0    15       ALMOST! (316)
-JACK RIPPER 4651              2   1  1    14       THE CRIMSON TIDE (426)
 DISCHORDIA 6216               2   1  0    14       TWISTED (548)
-GENITAL WARTS 6192            1   1  1    14       STDS (534)
 CHIEF BLING-BLING$ 6091       1   5  0    14       THE DREAMING (529)
 PROWLER 6199                  1   3  1    13       WOLF PACK (423)
 CLOVER 5959                   2   6  0    12       ERRATA (490)
 QUEEN SLEEZ 6142              1   1  0    12       FORTIFEX (540)
-FRANKENSLOSH 5901             3   1  0    11       HELTER SKELTER (256)
-LUCKY STRIKE 6155             2   1  0    11       ANOTHER FIASCO (541)
 NEW RED BLANKET 6338          1   0  1    11       LITTLE GIRLS LIKE... (515)
 CORDELLIAROG 6225             1   1  0    11       PB OR NOT PB (549)
 P.R.U.W. 6328                 1   0  0    11       BOOKIE'S BROTHEL (554)
 RIZZLE-DIZZLE 5923            3   1  0    10       5440 OR FIGHT! (336)
-DANCING BONES 6194            2   2  1     9       ANIMATED DESTRUCTION (545)
 FRENCH HAMSTER 6294           2   1  0     9       BLITZKRIEG (271)
-CLAP 6151                     1   1  0     9       STDS (534)
 RUH-ROH, RHAGGY 6193          1   3  0     9       MEMPHIS MAFIA II (542)
 WASTEM WUORNOS 6123           0   9  0     9       ANARKYSTS (341)
 SCRAGGLE ROCK 6310            2   1  1     8       SUICIDAL DREAMS (525)
 FNORD 6217                    2   1  0     8       TWISTED (548)
 PIXIE DUST 6308               2   1  0     7       MEMPHIS MAFIA II (542)
-LEOTSU 4655                   2   1  0     7       THE CRIMSON TIDE (426)
-DECAIRA 4005                  1   3  0     6       CLAN BATTLEAXE (347)
-HEPCAT 6157                   1   2  0     5       ANOTHER FIASCO (541)
-BEEZLE 4924                   1   1  0     4       KARNIVORZ (455)
 COCKROACH VI 6362             1   0  0     4       PORN IN A BARN (551)
 DONNA THE HUNTRESS 6307       0   3  0     4       THE FALLEN (524)
-CORPSE COUNT 4923             0   2  0     2       KARNIVORZ (455)
-DOUBLE-O-ZERO 6158            0   2  0     2       ANOTHER FIASCO (541)
-MELISSA 6204                  0   2  0     2       EXQUISITE CORPS II (546)
 MORAXX 6292                   0   2  0     2       FORTIFEX (540)
 BRUTUSROG 6226                0   2  0     2       PB OR NOT PB (549)
 HAMLETROG 6227                0   2  0     2       PB OR NOT PB (549)
 DIVIT 5974                    0   2  0     2       ERRATA (490)
 BENNY LANG 6315               0   1  0     1       NORTHSIDE BULLOCKS (552)
 LUMINARIE 6354                0   1  0     1       TWISTED (548)
 JUJU HAND 6348                0   1  0     1       5440 OR FIGHT! (336)
-SILICON CARNE 6298            0   1  0     1       EXQUISITE CORPS II (546)
 RUTTIN BIGGS 6316             0   1  0     1       NORTHSIDE BULLOCKS (552)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?
MISS PIGGY 6353        0  1 0 BABES 416             BANDIT PRINCE 25      459 NONE    
DON KEBALLZ 6358       0  1 0 BLIND HYPOCRISY 504   SUPERIOR MANAGER 22   459 NONE    
ARACHNE 5712           6  5 0 BLIND HYPOCRISY 504   DRIVER 6055           459         
CONFESSION 6003        6  6 0 BLIND HYPOCRISY 504   SHAWNDA 6032          459         
TANTRIC 6036           6  6 1 BLITZKRIEG 271        TROJAN MAN 5710       456         
FODDER 6330            0  1 0 BOOKIE'S BROTHEL 554  SUPERIOR MANAGER 22   459 NONE    
LEMON JUICE 6331       0  1 0 BOOKIE'S BROTHEL 554  RILLION 21            459 NONE    
ENLISTED PEASANT 6329  0  1 0 BOOKIE'S BROTHEL 554  WURM KIN 27           459 NONE    
RUNAWAY SERF 6332      0  1 0 BOOKIE'S BROTHEL 554  BLACK ORC 20          459 NONE    
ELECTROMIC 6213        0  3 0 THE CHADS 482         BLACK ORC 20          459 NONE    
ZEL 6357               0  1 0 CLAN BATTLEAXE 347    SUPERIOR MANAGER 22   459 NONE    
TEL 6356               0  1 0 CLAN BATTLEAXE II 550 STONE GOLEM 26        459 NONE    
BEL 6355               0  1 0 CLAN BATTLEAXE II 550 SUPERIOR MANAGER 22   459 NONE    
ABIGAIL 6203           1  1 0 EXQUISITE CORPS I 546 GENITAL WARTS 6192    457         
LULLABI 6297           0  1 0 EXQUISITE CORPS I 546 ... A HORSE 6304      457         

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?
JEALOUSY RAINS 5995    5 12 1 THE FALLEN 524        WURM KIN 27           459 NONE    
RAVAGE 5993            8  6 0 THE FALLEN 524        SLAYIN STAYNER 5891   456 REVENGED
AVERAGE JOE 6146       0  2 0 FORTIFEX 540          SUPERIOR MANAGER 22   459 NONE    
BIG LOU 6145           0  2 0 FORTIFEX 540          BLACK ORC 20          459 NONE    
TARGET 6144            0  1 0 FORTIFEX 540          MOON HUNTRESS 6200    456 NONE    
POCOHONTAS 6137        2  5 1 LITTLE GIRLS LIKE 515 HIGH ELF 19           459 NONE    
DADDY 6153             1  2 1 LITTLE GIRLS LIKE 515 BLACKJACK 6163        457         
LUCY CAUDELL 6314      0  1 0 NORTHSIDE BULLOCK 552 PROWLER 6199          459         
AMANDA LEWIS 6313      0  1 0 NORTHSIDE BULLOCK 552 NEW RED BLANKET 6338  459         
COCKROACH IV 6360      0  1 0 PORN IN A BARN 551    SUPERIOR MANAGER 22   459 NONE    
COCKROACH V 6361       0  1 0 PORN IN A BARN 551    BANDIT PRINCE 25      459 NONE    
GOAT CHEESE 6302       0  1 0 PORN IN A BARN 551    SCRAGGLE ROCK 6310    457         
KASKA 5983             0  1 0 SPACE WOLVES 523      STONE GOLEM 26        459 NONE    
LEMAN RUSS 5982        0  1 0 SPACE WOLVES 523      BLACK ORC 20          459 NONE    
SHAGRIN 5981           0  1 0 SPACE WOLVES 523      HIGH ELF 19           459 NONE    
SNOW CRASH 6218        1  2 0 TWISTED 548           GAMBIT 6161           459         
GHETTO KING 5180      12 16 1 WOLF PACK 423         KERRY BEAR 3994       458         

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Bookie -- Thanks for the warm welcome!!!  Normally people send flowers...you sent me
Gambit.  Down-right neighborly to offer me a freebie.  ;) -- Paradox23

Azrael -- I'll chalk that up to youthful exuberance.  Careful in the future though...
-- Pdx23

Polarius -- Get the feeling the random match-ups aren't all that random sometimes?  I
tip my hat...this round goes to you. -- Para

kLk -- 4-1 so far.  I'll enjoy that ratio while I can. ;) -- Para Diddy

Toad -- Do you wipe with red, white, and blue TP too?  Ain't nothin more un-American
than pointing your fingers at your fellow Americans because you are too afraid to
take a look at your own short comings....  (Well, really I think we got a rich
tradition of that, but it;s not what my America is all about). -- Generalisimo
P.S.  Viva La Revalucion!!!
P.P.S.  I have it on good authority that little girls like twisted boys.

Sylvester -- Throwing fights to get my champion class warrior to be my Flag Bearer?
It is sad that your small mind can not come up with the other more obvious reason for
Hanging's unusual strategy.  It would be impossible for Hanging to fall far enough in
the ranks to be my Flag Bearer.  He has way too many tournament fights.  In fact he
lost the fight and GAINED recognition.  That should tell you something.  I made sure
he lost that fight for one simple reason, every turn he avoids Political Points, is
one more turn he will be able to take part in the 10 Turns of Hell.  If he manages to
not become Duelmaster or die, he should leave for the Isle after fighting on the
tenth turn. -- Rillion

Bookie -- Thanks for the "welcome".  It seems you have done a much better job than
others at identifying which of my warriors I am hoping to set up as my Flag Bearer.
Unlike the last time when I had just the Doomies to contend with in a contest here,
it looks like I might have some intelligent competition this time out.  I don't
expect to win but I certainly hope to have some fun. -- Rillion

Paradox -- Yeah, it has been as hands on as Cosmo in Tiki Bob's! -- Polarius
P.S.  It is an inside joke, funny as hell. I'll tell you about it if you make the

Cosmo -- Sorry, just couldn't help it. -- Polarius

Shocking Toad -- Sorry the spy reports have been inconsistent.  (Kinda like John
Kerry answering questions on issues!)  But they are pretty good when I do them! --

Editor -- Just a note, I run REVELATION.  I think SOL's team in Revelations. --
Polarius, mgr. of Blitzkrieg & Revelation

Ghetto -- Never mind what I said last turn.  I guess it doesn't matter now! -- Blood

Bookie -- You really need to file that "Legion 5" remark and use it later.  That was
pretty funny! -- Polarius

Mithril -- Welcome to Jhans. -- Polarius, mgr. of Blitzkrieg & Revelation

Jhans -- Wee, wee, let me introduce myself, wee, I am French Hamster of Blitzkrieg.
Please do not hold the French part against me.  Wee, I agree that the French are a
bunch of cowardly weenies.  Oh yes, wee, I can promise you that my beret was made in
America and my thin cigarette is a Virginia Slim. -- French Hamster

Iver/Nunzio/Sexorcist -- Gee u have a lot of names.  *grin*  The fight with Wastem
and Pixie was probably one of the best I've ever read in my entire DM career.  Very
enjoyable.  I see why you keep running him with his record.  He's going to be nasty.
*shudder*  I heard you were talking about droppin' DM.  Hope you stay but in the end
it's your decision but so you know you'd be missed. -- Bookie

Wastem Wuornos -- Like Bookie said, nice fight.  Maybe I got lucky.  *shrug* -- Pixie

Guardian -- Welcome into Jhans, Steve.  How old is this team you brought in?  Aren't
they from when I USED TO PLAY?  Geesh.  Dustin' off the old school to come in here,
aren't ya?  Hey!! Now that you're here we can have a 'best neon-name' contest.  I
hear you have some doozies.... -- Bookie

Furious Inhaler -- With a name like that I think you're Pip the Troll (Pippie
Trollstockings) in disguise.  Put the pipe down and step away slloooowwwwwllllyyy. --
P.S.  Almost got ya...you keep gettin stoned and next time I will....

Psycho Proctologist -- Ok, I would like to ask why in the hell l'il ole me with 3
fights had to match up with 18 arena/unknown amount of tourney fight YOU.  That
hardly seems fair but then again nothing in life is.  Maybe I'll take it out on one
of your team-mates. -- Blackjack

Toad -- Well I'm at 4 FE so I'm sitting out 'til after the face SO NO BLOODFEUD FOR
YOU.  You had your chance and let it pass by so you can't say you didn't have an
opportunity.  Don't whine.  You sat "Bookie" out in DM3 so the real Bookie couldn't
bloodfeud so consider us even. -- Blackjack
P.S.  Who's your daddy?

Skunk #1 -- I hate scum. -- Shadow Starr

Morach Razh -- THREE SKILLS?!  FOR SHIZZLE MY NIZZLE...I'll take that loss. -- Huggy
Bear, suddenly not worrying about the DA as much

Mithril -- Glad you made it, oh Clan Battleaxe one!!  Thanks again for the team! 
I'll be DA'ing them this turn.  *grin*  -- Bookie

Oblivious -- I hate the TP's Bookie makes and I hate you.  -- Badda Bamm

Double-o-zero -- I was gambling you'd run last turn and my challenge got through.
Glad I could welcome ya back proper. -- Scraggle Rock

Polarius -- What's that music?  -- Bookie

Toad -- Not THAT music.  It's something else this time.  Hmmmm. -- Bookie

<you sexy motha frother......>


Dischordia -- If I ever learn what rip is I might win.  *shrug*  -- Gambit, who can't
dodge em all

Street Legal -- <singing> Oh Willy's wonder won't go...go home...but you can't push
Willy round 'cause Willy's long gone!!! -- Sandpaper Condom, more painful then u

     Can't POSSIBLY be more painful than I think. -- Ed.

Furious Inhaler -- <singing> Matched up with you, you thought I was screwed...
bibbidy-bobbidy-boo....I smacked you around and you went down..bibbidy-bobbidy...
flippidy-floppidy...to all you baggers SCREW YOU!! <curtsey and exit stage left> --

Ed. -- Actually, Osksi was the political arena; however, Bookie uses is for
tournament Prep so it sorta moved here.  Sorry.  As I'd rather listen to Bookie than
speak, I shall hold my tongue.  (Except for the DM Columns.) -- Shocking Toad

     I wasn't trying to shut you up!  I was just wondering if I'd wandered into the
     wrong universe when I got up. -- Ed.

KLK -- "KLK KLK BOOM" I'll be back to fight with or among you after I get me "astrum"
in order.  It seems my stable isn't too responsible with their astrum-gold and they
began to dip their grubby little hands into my stash.  I will be back...I love this
arena!!! -- Sir Chester/STDS

Exquisite Corps II -- My condolences concerning "Abigail's" departure from your
stable and Jhans.  It seems that I'll be the deadlier of the stds stable and who
would have thunk that???  Heeee...heeee...heeee...grin...smile...Will be back soon,
so hope you stick...heee eee eee...around so you may attempt to get some "get backs"
on me. -- One proud Delarquan...Genial Warts...dealer of death!!!
P.S.  I ran a desp. strat of 7-10-3 dodge and killed your pretty Abigail!!!

All -- A toast of drinks for the loss of "Frosty McCloud."  May he be remembered by
all KLK members..."Hail Frosty McCloud!" -- Drips and stds stable!

Tiki Bob -- Maybe it's better off that you have gone to meet your fate...after all...
you were infected by two stds!  Yeah!  You did get me at the tourney, but I suppose
that the Syphilis really took a toll on your brain.  Grin! -- Sir Chester

The Dark -- You might want to invest your money in heavier armor...or has your
manager been with my mother and spent it all having fun.  Your armor was no match for
Syphilis...which I'll spread throughout this arena!!! -- Syphilis and stds stable

Polarius -- I'm so please to know that my mother gave you many freebies...that only
means that she really liked you or...you always came up a little short...and she felt
bad about charging you.  Haaaaa!  Haaaa!  Haaaaaaaaaaaaa!  Heeee heeeeeeeeeeeeeheeee
eeeeehehehhhhhhhheeeeeeeee! -- Sir Chester

Azrael -- Thank you for your sympathy concerning my grandmama...and I hope you'll
treat my #%$#% sister with much more respect than you showed old grandmama?  OH!  And
please do not share her with Polarius this time! -- Sir Chester!!!

Sandpapaer Condom -- Wow!  You sound just the way I like it...rough!!! -- Syphilis,
ready anytime you are, big boy!

Turtle -- KLK KLK BOOM!!!  Sir Chester!  Destroy all chaos gladiators!!!  KLK KLK
BOOM, SMASH, BASH, CRASH...KILL...KILL...DESTROY ALL CHAOS stables and destroy their
managers if you see them at the local drinking hole. -- Sir Chester the Cheeto

Bookie -- Sorry to see Frosty McCloud lost his life.  Well you fight him at the dead
tourney?  I have a few that I'd like to fight and how did you like BANIT and AYLA?
HEY!!!  WHO ARE these CHAOS fellows...I would like a list of all their teams etc...
would be very helpful on my return!  Who's this "PORN IN A BARN!"  I hope they stay
away from my fighters.  Then again??? -- Sir Chester--thinking about making porn
movies--in a barn!

Toad -- Well...I attempted to save you from all the abuse you have been dealing with.
Maybe you should get into one of those support groups down in Dragonhead.  I suppose
that the horizontal bop is out of the question?  Thanks for taking me to the face-to-
face. -- Sir Chester--the hoodlum!!!

Bookie -- I just wanted to be clear on how the initial flagholder works.  If the
lowest ranked warrior on your team on turn 462 is inactive but still listed in the
newsletter, he is still the initial flagholder, correct? -- Alfredo Frothingslosh,
mgr. of Porn in a Barn

Polarius -- To address your concern:  I am not a clone.  I have never met Jiles and
that weekend in Los Angeles was merely a rumour.  (Though if anyone does see Jiles would you tell him I need my stuff back?) -- Bibidy Bobidy TWO
P.S.  I think Jiles did some consultant work on The Stepford Wives....so he's been

Matrix -- Best tell your boys to get ready for the grudge-a-thon at the face.  Still
have no clue how many people we're gonna have interested but if the forums are any
indication we're gonna have a war on our hands.  *grin*  Lookin' forward to meetin
ya. -- bookie

Toad -- Put down the Rush Limbaugh book...and step slowly back toward reality.
Because if you think everyone who's not a republican is a communist or something, you
need to seek professional help.  But this is America...where even idiots like you can
speak their minds.  *shrug*   -- Bookie
P.S.  If I'm a communist you're a froth'n natzi....

Azrael -- Sorry I missed day two and three of city stages but there was no way I was
going to stand in the sun seven hours watching "Billy Womax and Texas Swing Master
Five"  play on kiddie stage waiting on someone decent to come on at night.  *shudder*
At least you learned how to Hokie Pokie that day.... -- Bookie

Turtle -- Not only can you NOT tell time (STEELDOGS) but apparently you can't park.
Grrrrrr.  Nothing like seven people in a jeep on the ride home, huh?  At least most
of us were too tired to complain.  (Except for Brew-ha who kept yelling at every girl
he saw....)  It was interesting. -- Bookie

Uncle Cosmo -- Sorry we missed ya. -- Bookie

Polarius -- You too. -- Bookie

Bookie -- Just an idea for your storyline...how about having the prince knight some
of us?  I can see some very interesting story twists after that! -- Polarius

Toad -- Do you ever read the forums online?  You could kinda back me up against some
of these crazy dems! -- Polarius

All -- Well, well...so this is the vaunted Jhans.  Nice arena ya have here...food
could be better though.  Not to mention the competition...I see I'm going to have to
keep after my warriors so they don't get lax and overconfident. -- Mithril

Bookie -- Thanks for the welcome, and the invite to the fun.  Looking around I can
see why you like it here, I'm going to enjoy the feasting. -- Mithril

Huggy Bear -- Well fought....  I wasn't sure Morach was going to pull it out.
Considering the experience difference I'm just hoping I grad him soon, before the

Titanic -- I do not appreciate that first loss.  I'm afraid I'm going to have to
return the favor shortly. -- Ilsaria

Azrael -- DAMN!  Holy strike!  You're right!  I did come back! -- Matrix

This one is for Mordraith -- I run Fortifex.  No corners to hide in if I wanted to
hide.  And why would I hide from the likes of you?  You're the reason (kLk) that I
even came here.  I guess that one flew over your head huh? -- Matrix

Bookie -- I see your jaws jabber as much here as in the forums. -- Matrix

Polarius -- Are you and Bookie competing for "Loudest Mouth Of Alastari"? -- Matrix
P.S. And you say we're all talk?  Ha!  All I've seen for the kLk is talk.  This is
YOUR arena.  We came here with new teams and you are established.  A clear advantage,
but we are here anyway.  It may take time, but my presence will be felt. -- Matrix

Polarius -- You are hilarious!  Assamite is a vampire clan you dumb fool.  And HE is
my brother, so tread softly.  Or...come to his home and trash talk him.  How can you
be critical of Silver Stroke writing in this arena's ads while not here, then trash
talk my brother who isn't here?  If you have a brain in that KLKy head, USE it. --
Matrix, Beeeeeee consistent!  (Assamite's and my home is 10--in case you grew some
all of the sudden.)

Toad -- I'm your new GOD and you should care because I've whipped you in every single
battle we've had.  Who's your new god now and forever?  Azrael is.

Bookie -- No boss, shoot him twice, pistol whip his eyeballs out, then squeeze his
throat for an hour.  Just to be sure. -- Azrael, feeling violent today

Shocking Toad -- Actually Bookie and Polarius' argument is "how much" help the
government should give to its poor; not that the government should completely care
for the whole populace.  You should really learn to pay attention, idiot. -- Azrael,
voting John Kerry for President
P.S.  Historically a society is judged by the way it treats its poor and destitute.
How would you have us judged?

Cosmic Trigger -- Good fight.  Four frothin' learns.  Damn. -- Donna Huntress

Hayride and anyone wanting to listen -- Ha ha.  Hot Damn, froth me.  I beat the hell
out of a T.P. and won.  Wha-hoo!!! -- Badda Bang

Misery -- I got to buy a cup.  This is the third fight I lost to a shot in the
bearings. -- Devastator

Turtle -- Ouch, 2-3.  I think Bookie set you up so he could get top team.  Heh-heh.
-- (evil grin) Azrael

Pixie Dust -- Three minutes vs. Wastem?  W.T.F.? -- Azrael

Reaper -- Stay AWAY from Slayin man, that dude is bad. -- Devastator

Scorpine -- Meet Arachne, the Aim Blow we've warned you about. -- the Fallen

All -- I have enjoyed my run in Jhans.  My manager has decided to run me through the
Dark Arena and move me to the front office. -- Jealousy Rains

Kathleen -- Ow, thanks for the beating.  Have fun in A.D. -- Skirza Slapstik

Twister/Paradox23 -- Welcome, and yes it has been a good entrance for you. -- Azrael,
Lord of the Fallen

Re:  Hussein and Bin Laden.  A quick death is too good for them.  Shoot Toad.  No,
wait, don't, if he dies, there go all the easy wins. -- Azrael

kLk -- So the big boys are coming here.  The demi-gods are coming.  At least rumour
has it anyway.  What are the names...Guardian, Doc Steele, etcetera.  And I'm ashamed
to say it, but some of my alliance mates (you know who you two are) have filled my
delicate nostrils with the stench of fear.  Have you forgotten?  We are kLk.  We bow
to NO ONE.  Never give ground.  Never retreat.  NEVER.  The "legends" are coming to
MY home?  They want to win a contest sponsored by us?  They want the kLk's prizes?
Then come on.  Try and take them. -- Azrael, Lord of the Fallen
P.S.  I think maybe TALON needs to rear his ugly head.

Divit -- You just lost to a better fighter, that's it. -- Opheliarog
P.S.  Shouldn't it be d-i-v-o-t?  Y'know, when you hit the ball too fat?

F-Hamster -- You surrender just like your name-sake!  Bravo!

25 May 2004
                                 TEN TURNS OF HELL:
                        The KLK Capture The Flag Competition

In the spirit of the ongoing effort to make arena play what it used to be (FUN!!), I
am proud to announce the KLK Capture The Flag Competition.  The competition will be
held in Jhans (DM-36, which has, by the way, grown in size equal to Talcama already).
:)  We are announcing this contest early to allow managers time to prep.

     -- On turn 462 (due 8/4/04) the lowest ranked warrior on your team is given your
team's 'flag' (he is your initial flag defender).
     -- Starting on turn 463 (due 8/18/04) flags will be defended every turn and turn
463 is the turn scoring will begin.
     -- Fights involving flags are winners-take-all and a warrior can carry as many
flags as he can win.
     -- If a warrior holding a flag either A) goes inactive, B) loses to a stand-by
warrior or C) gets DA'd, he forfeits all flags he has and they are returned the their
original team's lowest ranked warrior.
     -- If you hold your own flag on an inactive warrior you receive NO POINTS that
     -- If a warrior graduates to AD holding flags starting on the next turn those
flags will be defended by the lowest ranked warrior on the team of the graduating
     -- Scoring as follows for each turn:
          2 pts -- possession of your own team flag
          1 pt -- possession any other flag
          1 pt -- for each win
          1 pt -- for each kill
          1 pt -- for each award you receive in the newsletter
     -- You may enter as many teams as you like (per RSI rules) but each team is its
own entry.
     -- Tie-Breaker goes to the team that had the most points from flags.
     -- If still tied the tie-breaker will be the team that had the most points from
kills.  (It's the Delarq way.)
     -- The contest lasts 10 turns and there will be prizes for 1st, 2nd and 3rd
(based on highest point totals)

Prizes: (what you've been waiting on)
1st -- 3 know favorites potions*
       DA warrior named after winning manager
2nd -- 2 know favorites potions*
3rd -- 1 know favorites potion*

* These are full favorite potions (weapon, rhythms and tactics) and can only be used
on warriors with at least 4 FE.

     How's that for paying out? (grin)  Even if you think that it's all about the TC,
these prizes should be enough to draw you in.  (You know who you are.)
     I hope to see friend and foe alike come to Jhans.  Legion, Froths, and all the
others...this is your personal invite.  Can you win?  Can you survive 10 turns of
Hell in Jhans?
     Note:  Special thanks to RSI for helping make this contest possible.  Thanks

KLK Alliance
Director Jhans' Board of Tourism
Warden of the Froth Circle (grin)
D.R.C. 4 Life

16 June 2004
                             Death Fest Begins July 29/DM 59 T-172

     "You drive a hard bargain Hammer," responded Lord Lian Ki Na-Sul, "but the 
Gladiatorial Commission has agreed to re-open DM 58 Delarq Tor as a Slow Arena 
exclusively for a period of six months to those Death Fest contestants who fight 
their stables at least 67 times out of a possible 75 during the 15 rounds of Death 
Fest; on the condition that at least 20 stables qualify for the Illis Iron Stable 
Award at the conclusion of the Death Fest and those qualifying managers send a New 
Stable to DM 58 Delarq Tor without Cannibalizing their participation in the other 
arenas where they have active stables!"
     Hammer felt a certain sense of satisfaction as he studied the ghoulish grin 
spreading across the face of Lord Lian Ki Na-Sul; proud Arena Master of the once 
dying Illis Arena, as the DM 59 Arena Authority signed the Gladiatorial Commission 
papers authenticating the arrangement agreed upon by the two parties presiding.
     "You and the Gladiatorial Commission also drive a hard bargain," Hammer replied 
as he reflected upon the prospects of Delarq Tor DM 58 being re-opened as a Slow 
Arena with at least 20 New Stables by the Managers who fight their stables at least 
67 times out of a possible 75 during the 15 rounds of Death Fest. "I also notice the 
clause that for Delarq Tor to be open Exclusively for 6 months to the New Stables 
managed by the Illis Iron Stable Award Winners that there must be at least 15 stables 
Active each cycle. That is a fair bargain for the opportunity to battle for the 
Duelmaster Throne each of those six months before Other New Stables are allowed to 
enter Delarq Tor."
     This was a Golden Opportunity for both Veteran and Newbie Managers to pave a new 
frontier of Delarq history by qualifying their Death Fest stables in DM 59 with 67 
fights out of a possible 75; then for the price of running a stable in a Regular 
Arena, continuing to be Active in DM 59 and sending a New Team Roll Up to be a part 
of "History in the Making" when Delarq Tor would re-open for its First Turn as a Slow 
Arena on November 3rd, 2005.
     Death Fest would conclude on T-186 August 25th, 2005 allowing the Illis Iron 
Stable Award Winners enough time to be registered with the Gladiatorial Commission; 
whereupon they would be able to submit a New Team Roll Up to the GC to start a New 
Stable in Delarq Tor; be able to fight those New Gladiators in the Rookies 2005 Fall 
Mailer Tourney; then begin competing for the DM 58 Duelmasters Throne in Delarq Tor 
right out of the gate with the November 3rd 2005 T-1 Debut Opening Round.
     Hammer of the First Part had also negotiated with Lord Na-Zul of the Second Part 
an agreement that All 10 Dark Arena Monsters and 17 NPCs Characters be re-named by 
the Top Ten Death Fest Finishers. [See DM 59 T-171 Newsletter Team Spotlight by 
Hammer for the complete listing of Dark Arena Monsters/NPCs and the Official Death 
Fest Designation for which Top Ten Finishers re-name which characters!]
     Lord Na-Sul could not hide his delight at the prospects of Death being re-
delivered to his once dying arena during the Delarq Death Fest; the DM 59 Arena 
Master agreed that these Death Fest Prizes were but a Small Exchange in Comparison to 
the Profits to be made by the local Illis business merchants and surrounding 
community from the Anticipated Influx into Illis by the Veteran and Newbie 
Managers/Gladiators/Stables seeking to make History in the Delarq Death Fest.
     Nor could Hammer conceal his jubilation regarding the Call Across Alistari being 
Answered to Cross Blades and Match Wits with the Devious, the Diabolical, the 
Dangerous and the Down Challenging who were being drawn to the Delarq Death Fest to 
Fulfill their Delarq Dueling Destiny!
     REMEMBER: Death Fest begins July 29th T-172 with 25 points being awarded to 
those who write a minimum 15 paragraph Team Spotlight [including Stable Name & 
Managerial Alias in the Storyline!] for the DM 59 T-172 Newsletter [So Make Sure HAL 
Does Not Eat any Lengthy Sentences that are Emailed without Proper Formatting; and 
the RSI Typist has Plenty of Time to Type Any Hand Written Spotlights; Lest Ye 
Discover 0 Points Awarded for a Missing or Incomplete T-172 Team Spotlight!]
     "May Your Blades Be Sharp and Your Wits Sharper!"  -- Hammer/Death Fest 
Host/Vendetta Cartel Captain; WordSmith and High Priest of the Crimson Ascension 
Family in DM 28

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

POCOHONTAS was butchered by HIGH ELF in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
JEALOUSY RAINS was butchered by WURM KIN in a 1 minute Dark Arena duel.
ELECTROMIC was narrowly killed by BLACK ORC in a 2 minute brutal Dark Arena melee.
AVERAGE JOE was assassinated by SUPERIOR MANAGER in a 1 minute Dark Arena duel.
BIG LOU was viciously butchered by BLACK ORC in a popular 1 minute Dark Arena contest.
KASKA was murdered by STONE GOLEM in a 3 minute bloody Dark Arena competition.
LEMAN RUSS was slaughtered by BLACK ORC in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
COCKROACH IV was butchered by SUPERIOR MANAGER in a 1 minute Dark Arena match.
DON KEBALLZ was butchered by SUPERIOR MANAGER in a 1 minute Dark Arena competition.
ZEL was assassinated by SUPERIOR MANAGER in a 1 minute Dark Arena melee.
TEL was slaughtered by STONE GOLEM in a action packed 2 minute Dark Arena duel.
SHAGRIN was slaughtered by HIGH ELF in a 1 minute gruesome Dark Arena fight.
COCKROACH V was slaughtered by BANDIT PRINCE in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
BEL was assassinated by SUPERIOR MANAGER in a 1 minute gruesome Dark Arena match.
FODDER was executed by SUPERIOR MANAGER in a exciting 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
LEMON JUICE was butchered by RILLION in a 1 minute Dark Arena conflict.
ENLISTED PEASANT was butchered by WURM KIN in a exciting 1 minute Dark Arena battle.
RUNAWAY SERF was savagely slain by BLACK ORC in a 3 minute bloody Dark Arena conflict.
MISS PIGGY was assassinated by BANDIT PRINCE in a 1 minute Dark Arena duel.
SKUNK #1 luckily beat SANDPAPER CONDOM in a crowd boring 13 minute Bloodfeud struggle.
MORACH RAZH was overcome by PINK BEAR in a 3 minute master's Challenge Title bout.
MANICOUAGAN slimly lost to CANIS LUPUS in a 8 minute brutal veteran's Challenge brawl.
SKIRZA SLAPSTIK was savagely defeated by HUGGY BEAR in a 2 minute Challenge bout.
OBLIVIOUS defeated TROJAN MAN in a crowd pleasing 4 minute Challenge conflict.
BADDA BANG was unbelievably bested by THE DARK in a popular 3 minute Challenge bout.
MARCIE was demolished by CY in a 1 minute uneven Challenge bout.
BROWN KITTY TOO viciously subdued RUH-ROH, RHAGGY in a 2 minute Challenge fray.
SUBZERO was overpowered by COSMIC TRIGGER in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge duel.
DRIVER assassinated ARACHNE in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge duel.
SCORPINE defeated MISERY in a 2 minute Challenge match.
... A HORSE vanquished SLASHIN' SPECK in a 1 minute uneven Challenge bout.
FUNKY COLD MEDINA handily defeated DIVIT in a 1 minute uneven Challenge bout.
SPATHIC overpowered MORAXX in a 2 minute uneven Challenge competition.
THE BEAST beat CORDELLIAROG in a 3 minute novice's Challenge fight.
HAY RIDE won victory over CLOVER in a popular 4 minute Challenge fray.
HAMLETROG was beaten by FRENCH HAMSTER in a 1 minute novice's Challenge match.
ROUGH RIDER defeated PIGFEED PICKTAN in a 1 minute Challenge bout.
DONNA THE HUNTRESS was beaten by ANOTHER BLANKEE in a 1 minute Challenge bout.
SCRAGGLE ROCK was demolished by DIMPLED in a 1 minute uneven Challenge contest.
RIZZLE-DIZZLE was overpowered by MISCOUNT in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge struggle.
SNOW CRASH was murdered by GAMBIT in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge struggle.
FNORD was handily defeated by THE LAMB in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
KERRY BEAR was demolished by SLAYIN STAYNER in a 1 minute one-sided conflict.
UNION JACK luckily beat BADDA BAMM in a action packed 4 minute gory bout.
BLOOD MOON overcame M. CHARDINEE in a 2 minute match.
REAPER overcame THE LAST TRUMP in a 2 minute duel.
PRINCE OF LIES was beaten by SHADOW STARR in a 2 minute fight.
KRUNK MONKEY demolished DISCHORDIA in a 1 minute uneven duel.
SHAWNDA delivered the death blow upon CONFESSION in a crowd pleasing 1 minute match.
KILL'EM KREPP vanquished OPHELIAROG in a 1 minute one-sided conflict.
MORVAANA outwaited WASTEM WUORNOS in a unpopular 13 minute match.
DEVASTATOR overcame THE USEROUS MERCHANT in a exciting 2 minute brutal conflict.
BLUEBEARD was defeated by CLURACAN in a popular 2 minute battle.
SOMATRON vanquished CHIEF BLING-BLING$ in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
QUEEN SLEEZ was handily defeated by THE LOVE BELOW in a 1 minute mismatched bout.
GITO GITO HUSTLER vanquished PIXIE DUST in a 1 minute one-sided match.
BRUTUSROG was handily defeated by BIBIDY-BOBIDY-BOO in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
PROWLER murdered LUCY CAUDELL in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
PROBLEM handily defeated JUJU HAND in a exciting 1 minute mismatched contest.
NEW RED BLANKET butchered AMANDA LEWIS in a 1 minute one-sided battle.
LUMINARIE was devastated by P.R.U.W. in a exciting 1 minute mismatched fight.
SUZIE SHORT subdued EMBEZZLING SCRIBE in a 2 minute amateur's contest.
RUTTIN BIGGS was beaten by EMBEZZLING SCRIBE in a 2 minute beginner's bout.
BENNY LANG was bested by COCKROACH VI in a 5 minute novice's fight.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                  28         TOTAL PARRY       54 -  25 -  1      68  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                 18         WALL OF STEEL     35 -  25 -  1      58  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                 13         LUNGING ATTACK   114 - 121 - 12      49  |
|TOTAL PARRY                     12         BASHING ATTACK    38 -  44 -  2      46  |
|BASHING ATTACK                  11         STRIKING ATTACK   49 -  65 -  9      43  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    8         PARRY-LUNGE        5 -   8 -  0      38  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     5         SLASHING ATTACK   27 -  49 -  4      36  |
|AIMED BLOW                       4         AIMED BLOW        15 -  32 -  2      32  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    3         PARRY-STRIKE       8 -  19 -  1      30  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      3         PARRY-RIPOSTE      4 -  19 -  0      17  |

Turn 459 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

TOTAL PARRY       10 -  2     LUNGING ATTACK    13 - 15         5  WALL OF STEEL  
                              PARRY-STRIKE       2 -  3         2  LUNGING ATTACK 
                              SLASHING ATTACK    5 -  8         1  AIMED BLOW     
                              WALL OF STEEL      3 -  5         1  BASHING ATTACK 
                              BASHING ATTACK     4 -  7         1  STRIKING ATTACK
                              PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -  2         1  TOTAL PARRY    
                              STRIKING ATTACK    5 - 13     
                              AIMED BLOW         1 -  3     
                              PARRY-LUNGE        0 -  3     

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
WALL OF STEEL    PINK BEAR 5883             21  10  1  126 LITTLE GIRLS LIKE... (515)
BASHING ATTACK   HUGGY BEAR 6002            12   5  0   93 SUICIDAL DREAMS (525)
STRIKING ATTACK  SLAYIN STAYNER 5891         9   2  1   91 ANARKYSTS (341)
TOTAL PARRY      OBLIVIOUS 6101              9   1  0   80 KAMIKAZI (533)
LUNGING ATTACK   BLOOD MOON 6175             9   5  0   74 REVELATION (543)
SLASHING ATTACK  CY 6234                     6   3  0   65 CLAN BATTLEAXE II (550)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is KERRY BEAR 3994.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was TROJAN MAN 5710.  The ten other most popular fighters were BADDA BAMM 6075, BADDA 
6002, DEVASTATOR 6079, PINK BEAR 5883, and CORDELLIAROG 6225.

The least popular fighter this week was MORVAANA 4002.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were SKUNK #1 5719, WASTEM WUORNOS 6123, COCKROACH VI 6362, RUTTIN BIGGS 
SLEEZ 6142, and CHIEF BLING-BLING$ 6091.

The following warriors will travel to AD after next turn:

PINK BEAR (36-5883) LITTLE GIRLS LIKE... (515)