DUEL 2 NEWSLETTER Date : 01/06/2005 Duedate: 01/19/2005 JHANS ARENA DM-36 TURN-473 This Weeks Top Honors THE DUELMASTER IS TIMBER LION WOLFCATS (556) (36-6370) [12-0-0,135] Chartered Recognition Leader Unchartered Recognition Leader TIMBER LION AUGUST WOLFCATS (556) CHOP'S PRIDE (573) (36-6370) [12-0-0,135] (36-6659) [3-0-0,23] Popularity Leader This Weeks Favorite KERRY BEAR SLAYIN STAYNER BLITZKRIEG (271) ANARKYSTS (341) (36-3994) [20-13-1,111] (36-5891) [13-12-1,52] THE CURRENT TOP TEAM KAMIKAZI (533) TEAMS ON THE MOVE TOP CAREER HONORS Team Name Point Gain Chartered Team 1. THE FALLEN (524) 43 2. THE DREAMING (529) 39 WOLFCATS (556) 3. TEAM SKARABRAE (571) 33 Unchartered Team 4. PORN IN A BARN (551) 29 5. SPACE WOLVES (523) 27 CHOP'S PRIDE (573) The Top Teams Career Win-Loss Record W L K % Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns W L K 1/ 1 WOLFCATS (556) 33 11 1 75.0 1/ 9 KAMIKAZI (533) 9 6 0 2/ 2 THE CHADS (482) 111 69 6 61.7 2/ 1 WOLFCATS (556) 8 6 1 3- 3*COLONY (575) 3 2 0 60.0 3/ 7 BLITZKRIEG (271) 8 6 0 4/ 5 SKATE DRAGONS (500) 42 29 4 59.2 4/ 8 THE FALLEN (524) 8 7 1 5/ 4 REVELATION (543) 124 86 8 59.0 5- 5 MEMPHIS MAFIA II (542) 7 3 0 6- 6 SUICIDAL DREAMS (525) 75 65 5 53.6 6/18 ANARKYSTS (341) 7 8 0 7- 7 5440 OR FIGHT! (336) 239 208 35 53.5 7/ 3 THE CHADS (482) 7 8 0 8/ 8 KAMIKAZI (533) 65 57 4 53.3 8/11 SKATE DRAGONS (500) 6 2 0 9/ 9 LEGENDARY BASTARDS (259) 305 274 21 52.7 9- 4 SUICIDAL DREAMS (525) 6 4 0 10/13 THE DREAMING (529) 53 48 4 52.5 10/ 6 PORN IN A BARN (551) 6 8 1 11/10 BABES (416) 231 216 9 51.7 11/17 LEGENDARY BASTARDS (259) 6 8 0 12-11 HELTER SKELTER (256) 528 498 32 51.5 12/15 THE DREAMING (529) 6 8 0 13/12 BLITZKRIEG (271) 176 170 14 50.9 13- 2*THE BEARS (565) 5 5 1 14/15 BLIND HYPOCRISY (504) 67 72 9 48.2 14/13 BABES (416) 5 5 0 15/16 THE FALLEN (524) 70 76 5 47.9 15-14*RAW SEWAGE (559) 4 4 0 16-14 EXQUISITE CORPS II (546) 22 24 0 47.8 16/25*CHOP'S PRIDE (573) 4 5 0 17/18 ANARKYSTS (341) 351 408 37 46.2 17-10 BOOKIE'S BROTHEL (554) 4 6 0 18/17 PORN IN A BARN (551) 36 42 3 46.2 18-22*COLONY (575) 3 2 0 Career Win-Loss Record W L K % Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns W L K 19-19 MEMPHIS MAFIA II (542) 35 42 8 45.5 19-16 HELTER SKELTER (256) 3 5 0 20/24*CHOP'S PRIDE (573) 5 6 0 45.5 20/20 SCARRY TEAM (325) 3 6 0 21-20 PAST TENSE (28) 48 58 1 45.3 21/28 BLIND HYPOCRISY (504) 3 7 1 22-21 LITTLE GIRLS LIKE. (515) 78 101 13 43.6 22/12 REVELATION (543) 3 7 0 23-22*THE BEARS (565) 16 21 3 43.2 23-23*ILL INVADERS (7) 2 2 0 24-23 BOOKIE'S BROTHEL (554) 25 33 2 43.1 24-21 5440 OR FIGHT! (336) 2 3 0 25-25*ILL INVADERS (7) 12 17 0 41.4 25/ 0*TEAM SKARABRAE (571) 2 3 0 26-26*RAW SEWAGE (559) 7 10 0 41.2 26-26*JUGGERNAUTS (570) 1 1 0 27/27 SCARRY TEAM (325) 143 209 4 40.6 27-19 EXQUISITE CORPS II (546) 1 3 0 28-28*JUGGERNAUTS (570) 1 2 0 33.3 28-24*GIRLS X3 (572) 1 4 0 29-29*GIRLS X3 (572) 3 7 1 30.0 29/29*SPACE WOLVES (523) 1 6 0 30/ 0*TEAM SKARABRAE (571) 3 12 0 20.0 30-30 LITTLE GIRLS LIKE. (515) 0 2 0 31/30*SPACE WOLVES (523) 1 15 0 6.3 31-27 PAST TENSE (28) 0 1 0 '*' Unchartered team '-' Team did not fight this turn (###) Avoid teams by their Team Id ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank TEAM SPOTLIGHT * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * "Turn Around Is Fair Play" Azrael looked down at the report and smiled. He had been spotted at three different locations across town that day and one had apparently entertained Iver and two of his relatives. Quite the show had obviously occurred between his impersonator and Iver. "Like everyone doesn't already know that the only tavern I frequent is the Loucas Lounge, so expertly managed by Talon," Azrael chuckled to himself. His countenance quickly became stern however, as he contemplated the banner exchange. From all accounts it had been genuine. "It had to be Mordraith's or Polarius'," Azrael spoke aloud, "All the others are accounted for." "My Lord?" asked Azrael's personal bodyguard, Jealousy Rains, as she entered the throne room deep inside the Fallen's guildhouse affectionately known as The Pit. "Oh, Jealousy, nothing luv. Just musing over today's reports. Seems I was spotted at three different places today." replied Azrael. "Only three!? The last guy you caught impersonating you must have made a good example." said Jealousy, "Kinda hard to impersonate with no nose." Azrael laughed and responded, "Yes, I imagine it would be difficult. Anyway, summon T"Hael and her Sweeps, I have work for them. And prep for a trip, dear, we have business tonight." "Yes My Lord." Jealousy said as she bowed and exited. Later that night at the guildhouse of the Anarkysts, Iver's bedchamber. Asleep with his two streetwalkers, Amber and Ginger, Iver was awakened by a malevolent presence in his room. "Ginger!! Amber! To arms, someone's here!!" Iver yelled as he scrambles for his weapon in the candle lit room. The two girls immediately rolled, unseen weapons coming to guard. The two extremely well trained and deadly women attacked, their battle senses and the candles gleaming off the black and silver armour leading them immediately to the beautiful woman standing directly in the middle of the room. The battle was fierce and aggressive. It lasted exactly ninety-one seconds, the outcome was never in doubt. "Jealousy, don't kill them luv, they're just doing their job." "Yes my..." Jealousy started as she was interrupted by Iver. "Who, who are you?" asked Iver. "Illuminate," commanded Azrael and all the candles and torches in the room blazed as a man in black and red scalemail stepped forward, silver cape billowing. "I am the one true Azrael, Lord High Commander of the kLk alliance, and you are Iver, Warlord of DOOMcorps." "Y-yuh-you aren'ttt tha tha the m-m-man I met today," stammered Iver. "How observant," said Azrael with just a hint of sarcasm. Iver suddenly attempted to strike Azrael with his weapon, only to be casually parried by the fiery blade that suddenly appeared in Azrael's hand. "Please, we're not here for violence", said Azrael, as he glanced at Jealousy, "Well, I'm not anyway." Iver stammered, "Wha-whu-what d-d-do you want?" "Whom was that little, uhm, incident that you had with, hmph, 'me'," Azrael scoffed at the notion anyone would mistake him for the man T"Hael brought in, "engineered by?" "Ah-I don't know, no one, I guess," replied Iver. "Please, we know it was Mordraith or Polarius' banner. You're saying you knew nothing of it? That you weren't involved?" questioned Azrael. "I swear, I know nothing." Iver pleaded. "Where is the banner?" asked Azrael. "The bathroom," replieed Iver, "the bathroom." "Fetch it." commanded Azrael. Iver got up and began walking to the bathroom, bow-legged and obviously in pain. "Wait a moment, never mind," laughed Azrael, "I'll get it as you obviously can't walk well. I can guess why it's in the bathroom." Azrael walked into the bathroom and emerged moments later with the perfectly clean banner. Iver looked at him with a pained and questioning look. "Anti-defilement spells," stated Azrael, "Your buddies could have told you. Ahhh, this is Mordraith's banner. He never deserved it, you know. We only allowed him in because Talon and he had past involvement. Oh, you'll want to get that looked at soon. In a couple of days it will start to boil and burst and that's when it gets really bad, I hear." Azrael turned and looks directly at Iver and asked," Who rules Jhans?" Iver bowed his head and stated, "The kLk." Azrael motioned Jealousy to the door and said, "You would do well to remember that. I'll leave you a reminder." He gestured and the kLk insignia scorched itself into the DOOMcorps emblem carved into the wall over the bed. As they started to exit the room Jealousy stopped in front of the two cringing girls. "My Lord, these two wouldn't be too bad if they were cleaned up a little, you know?" said Jealousy to her Lord. "You can have them for two nights, then return them. Deluminate." Azrael commanded. All the lights in the room were extinguished and Jealousy said, "Come on, girls." With one last fearful glance at their disgraced master, the still whimpering girls followed hotly on the heels of their new mistress. And Iver was left alone, bathed in the fiery glow of the kLk emblem on the wall. * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * Unbeknownst to Iver...I was in the tavern the night he spoke of. And, the story he tells is not the one I saw. So, allow me to tell you what really transpired. This way, you at least get to know the truth.... The rain beat heavily, pounding out a staccato on the leaking tin roof. Periodically, lightning would arc across the sky illuminating the horizon. Thunder boomed as the heavens poured out their displeasure on the earthly inhabitants. Shaking off the water, I entered The Palpitating Pig, home of Iver and his harlots. Looking around, I spotted a rickety table with tree stumps for stools. I walked across the muddy floor and took a seat in the gloomy corner. Candles burned as the smell of sweat, and an ammonia stench combined to make my stomach wretch. Sitting off my himself, I noticed one of the klk alliance boys. He had something in front of him that others might call victuals, but I call trash. He also had a tumbler full of some dark, amber liquid. Each time he took a bite of his food, he quickly took a swallow from his glass, although I'm not sure he liked it that much either because he kept gagging as he drank. My clothes began to steam as they dried off. Fortunately, the fire in the hearth burnt brightly and was warm. Otherwise, I might have gotten up and shaken the stench of this place from me. Hopefully, in years to come, I'd forget I'd ever even patronized such a dump. Surely, I would mark upon my map not to do so in the future. Nor would I recommend it to others. After a few moments, I spotted a man, if you could call him that, approaching Azrael. He stood about four feet tall and not an inch above. His hair hung in sparse strings and his beard appeared to be filled with fleas. His clothes were beyond repair and a decent person would have thrown them in the fire long before and just gone naked. His face was covered with warts and moles, which is why I could not seem to take my eyes from him. An uglier personage I'd never seen before. By his side, I saw two gnomes with him in attire much as his. The difference was, they wore smocks instead of breeches. These must be the infamous hags called Amber and Ginger. They had been known to waylay weary travelers and perform heinous deeds on them. Not a victim was ever to regain his sensibilities. Their hair also hung in stringlets and they had protuberances from their faces that could be described as nothing less than "bulbous noses." Each had at least one wart upon their nose and protruding chin. I think I can safely say that a few long strands of black hair grew from each of the warts. "What is it...Conniver...Drivel...Snivell...whatever your name is," Azrael asked. "Well at least you didn't call me Nunzio. I got this ugly from drinking that Frothing Swill," the beast called Iver said matter-of-factly, "do you mind if we sit?" "Of course, I mind," Az told him, snatching back the chair Iver had begun to sit on. "The last thing I want is for folks to think we're associated!" "Actually, I just wanted you to know that I've decided to return home to DOOMCorps and must turn down your offer. I know it was made from pity, but...I must be with my own kind," Iver stated pointedly. "I accept this," Az said. His declaration came just before a burst of laughter wracked his body. Amber had winked at him and began to do disgusting things to herself right in front of him. Had is not been so hilariously funny...to think that Amber thought herself so attractive...he might have left in disgust. Azrael gave another groan as he imagined what it might be like to bed such an ugly creature. "As I was saying," Iver started again, "I am no one's dupe and my Alliance with DOOMCorps is a return to where I belong...home in the land of gnomes." The room had become quite still now, as everyone could not help but notice Azrael's unmistakable agony and Ginger's toothless smile as she did such disgusting things in the crowded room. "Have no fear for my safety. We gnomes are the way we are. Your sense of honor is not ours. Besides, when we are together, you can't tell us apart. We sound the same, look the same, are the same," Iver said before draining his glass, smacking his fat lips together in what ordinarily might be called a smack of delight, "Besides, Bookie scares us." Leaning inward, his breath causing Azrael's beard to curl and his eyes to water, Iver said, "Run and tell your master that he and his horde of friends have nothing to fear from me. Just as Ultraist played the deceiver with Master Darque against Abraxis...I too have my ways!" Grabbing his harlots, Iver crept and waddled across the room, looked outside and got a frightened look on his face. Leaning close to Ginger, he said, "I'm scared of lightning. Would you be my mommy tonight?" As they left the tavern, Ginger reached out a black and red swathe of cloth to Iver. "Look what I stole!" she exclaimed. "Good," he said, "just in case we ever get kicked out of DOOMCorps, we can always start to fly that to save our lives." * * * And that, my friends, is the truth of the story. I know. I was there not four feet from the whole debacle. Afterwards, I had to go out back and wash the distaste from my mouth. Not only of the meal, but the happenings I'd seen. Ugliness, straight and unadulterated ugliness. Baphomet, mgr. Chop's Pride * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * "Ale all around," Azrael proudly said as the KlK celebrated in the Lucas Lounge. The mood was jovial as the KlK cheered the return of their stolen property. As soon the girls had returned earlier that day with the red and black banner Bookie declared the day a holiday. Bookie, Az, P, Brewer and even Turtle were all there for the joyful occasion. Azrael savored his victory as he sat at a table between the girls who had brought home the prize. "Nothing could be better than one-upping DOOMcorps," he thought. Azrael jumped as the loud slamming of the door awoke him from his sick perverted dream. A sense of panic immediately ran through his entire body as he heard the foot steps coming down the hall. It was not until he heard the soft sound of female giggles that he felt more at ease. He had fallen asleep while waiting for the girls to return. "This must be them and if they are giggling their mission must have been successful," he thought as he grinned an evil grin. Azrael's study was a small, dimly lit room. There was a bookshelf on the far wall. It contained many books but they were all covered in a heavy layer of dust. One would get the impression that the books were there for show and rarely got read. As the girls entered the study they stood in shadows just inside of the door. The manager got a puzzled look on his face as he peered into the shadows. He could tell the women that stood in his study were not those he sent on the mission. "Who are you," he asked, "where are my girls?" "Your girls are fine," a voice answered from the shadows, "they were with Iver when we left." As ladies stepped from the shadows into the light Azrael's grin turned into a grimace as he gazed at Ginger and Amber standing before him. Ginger smiled at Azrael and handed him a neatly folded banner. As he unfolded the banner a look of shock came over the manager's face. Here in his hands was indeed the coveted red and black banner he sent his girls to take. "You didn't have to send someone to try to take it back, Mordraith has already told you he doesn't want it." Amber said as she turned to follow Ginger back out of the room. As Azrael listened to Ginger and Amber walk down the hall and out of the guild he looked back down at the KlK banner. Across the front of the banner, written in a bright green, was a chilling message. Later that night as Azrael lie alone in his bed, sweat pouring from his head, his body sticking to the sheets as he tossed and turned trying to go to sleep the chilling message kept running through his mind...."DOOMcorps coming, DOOMcorps coming, DOOMcorps coming." * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * ---===DELARQUAN REGIONAL NEWS===--- Duelmasters ----------- DM 1 MORDANT (turn 512): GOOEYDUCK of LAB EXPERIMENTS (The Mun, mgr.) DM 2 NIANIA (turn 397): YELLOW PIKE of THE GOLDEN FISH (Nick, mgr.) DM 3 OSKSI (turn 517): DEWEY of GAMES LIBRARY (Nick, mgr.) DM 4 JHELUM (turn 513): KURT RAMBIS of PURPLE AND GOLD (Zalgor Prigg, mgr.) DM 5 KALTOS (turn 512): POSITION IS EMPTY DM 6 TRANSEL (turn 516): THIRD OMEN of DARK PANTHEON (Doc Steele, mgr.) DM 7 BONSUR (turn 513): GOKU of WASTELAND II (The Muffin Man, mgr.) DM 10 KOLACT (turn 508): CYCLONE of THUNDERSTRIKERS (Zeus, mgr.) DM 18 TALCAMA (turn 499): MARY of SHEPHERDS (Assurnasirbanipal, mgr.) DM 21 SUNSET (turn 498): MINOS of SONS OF SATAN (Damion, mgr.) DM 36 COSMOWORLD (turn 472): TIMBER LION of WOLFCATS (Ultraist, mgr.) DM 38 CLIFFHOME (turn 463): BOB, ETERNAL, of SANDS OF TIME (The Muffin Man, mgr.) DM 39 XOCHITHLAN (turn 202): HOMEY CIDE of CRIMINAL ELEMENT (Fizban, mgr.) DM 42 RODEKI (turn 449): BOZO of CLOWNING AROUND (Assurnasirbanipal, mgr.) DM 51 TRICORUS (turn 398): SPIDER-MAN of WENSINWASIN M.H. (Youngblood, mgr.) DM 54 TROCAR (turn 189): POSITION IS EMPTY DM 59 ILLIS (turn 177): SVAD BONEGRIN of DAMAGE INC. (Tripwire, mgr.) DM 62 VALAMANTIS (turn 348): BUS of PUBLIC TRANSIT (Assurnasirbanipal, mgr.) DM 72 DRAGONHEAD (turn 154): ORPHAN of X-POSSE (Savant, mgr.) ADM 104 DARKHOLM (turn 391): TUM of FROM THE FACE from TALCAMA (Shocking Toad, mgr.) Top Teams --------- DM 1 MORDANT (turn 512): MANNEQUIN'S BEST (Mannequin, mgr.) DM 2 NIANIA (turn 397): THE GOLDEN FISH (Nick, mgr.) DM 3 OSKSI (turn 517): FRAT PARTY BLOWOUT (The Anarchist, mgr.) DM 4 JHELUM (turn 513): PURPLE AND GOLD (Zalgor Prigg, mgr.) DM 5 KALTOS (turn 512): JOHNS (Dear, mgr.) DM 6 TRANSEL (turn 516): DARK PANTHEON (Doc Steele, mgr.) DM 7 BONSUR (turn 513): WASTELAND II (The Muffin Man, mgr.) DM 10 KOLACT (turn 508): TERRAPIN STATION (Floyd, mgr.) DM 18 TALCAMA (turn 499): PENTARCHIE-18 (The Pentalque, mgr.) DM 21 SUNSET (turn 498): GRIM FANDANGO (Stik, mgr.) DM 36 COSMOWORLD (turn 472): WOLFCATS (Ultraist, mgr.) DM 38 CLIFFHOME (turn 463): BOY O'S (Papa Bear, mgr.) DM 39 XOCHITHLAN (turn 202): CRIMINAL ELEMENT (Fizban, mgr.) DM 42 RODEKI (turn 449): COLOR ME SUAVE (Suave, mgr.) DM 51 TRICORUS (turn 398): DARK HORSEMEN (Nick, mgr.) DM 54 TROCAR (turn 189): KATHOUSE (Kat, mgr.) DM 59 ILLIS (turn 177): CHAPEL ROCK (Crip, mgr.) DM 62 VALAMANTIS (turn 348): MIDDLE WAY 10 (Nick, mgr.) DM 72 DRAGONHEAD (turn 154): X-POSSE (Savant, mgr.) ADM 104 DARKHOLM (turn 391): ODD SQUAD, etc. (Doc Steele, mgr.) Recent Graduates ----------------- DM 3 OSKSI (turn 517): DEWEY of GAMES LIBRARY (Nick, mgr.) FROSTY of THE NUKES (Fusion, mgr.) DM 4 JHELUM (turn 512): EXCURSION of BLADES OF MIST (Lord Andarus, mgr.) GROTESQUE of DARK TOADS (TigToad, mgr.) SYNDICATE of ORCCON THUGS (DMobster, mgr.) DM 6 TRANSEL (turn 516): THIRD OMEN of DARK PANTHEON (Doc Steele, mgr.) DM 10 KOLACT (turn 507): GRACIE of SPRINGBORN (Still, mgr.) LUNELLE of THE MOONDOGS (Nick, mgr.) DM 18 TALCAMA (turn 499): MARY of SHEPHERDS (Assurnasirbanipal, mgr.) DM 21 SUNSET (turn 498): GINA TAILIA of FEVER PITCH (Alfredo Frothingslosh, mgr.) DM 38 CLIFFHOME (turn 462): KORRIBIE of JINDA-BAN (Nick, mgr.) DM 39 XOCHITHLAN (turn 201): LAHRS ENNY of CRIMINAL ELEMENT (Fizban, mgr.) ANGELOST of DARQUE ANGELS (Master Darque, mgr.) DM 51 TRICORUS (turn 397): APPLE of FRUITS (Assurnasirbanipal, mgr.) DM 54 TROCAR (turn 188): CERISA of TRADERS OF TROCAR (Jinda, mgr.) DM 59 ILLIS (turn 177): SVAD BONEGRIN of DAMAGE INC. (Tripwire, mgr.) SLIPPERY NIPPLE of HANGOVERS (Crip, mgr.) FLAMING DRAMBUIE of HANGOVERS (Crip, mgr.) (turn 176): PLAGUEBEARER of SHADOWLAND (DeGotti, mgr.) DUELMASTER'S COLUMN Notes from the arena champ. Cosmoworld, 11-0 and Duelmaster, pretty impressive if I do say so myself. Especially with all the pupp...er klk types gunning for me and mine. My goal is to graduate undefeated, a feat Ultraist hasn't accomplished. Look out below, here I come. Your Champion, Timber Lion, DOOMcorps All, The contest has finally come to a close and as I predicted from the start, I won. Even after being told if I didn't take the puppets seriously I wouldn't finish in the top 3. Despite my utter lack of respect for the kLk they did manage to tag me with a few losses along the way (kinda like flies pestering the bull). Though those few losses that I suffered from the kLk had little effect on my team percentage or contest standing, they will still be dealt with the harshest down challenging I can muster, which is my way. I owe a few words of thanks to some folks that helped me pull from second place through out almost the entire length of the contest to first in the final round. My alliance-mates (especially Cosmo), Rillion for the no challenge pact we had early on, the kLk for the easy wins, and the man that made it possible, Cosmo (yes, he gets mentioned twice). If it wasn't for Cosmo and his masterful managing abilities, Alfredo Frothingslosh would have run away with this thing long ago (remember when Hayride had all those flags and all those BF options). Speaking of the competition, it is truly a great honor to finish with a win when so many great managers were involved. Rillion, who I consider one of my toughest rivals (except in Free Blades) and Alfredo, who I consider the greatest basic DM manager ever and one of the top 5 of all-time have made this win very special for me. Now since Azreal and Bookie keep accusing me of having a team of super baggers I've decided to reveal the vitals of the team that earned me the win and a 77% w/l. Tigerwolf TP 13+2-21-16-5-18+1-5-12+3 26FE no ratings Direcat BA 17-7-18-15-10-10-7 18FE EXP ATT & INIT Cheetah's Growl AB 9-13-5-11-10-15-21 20FE EXP ATT Timber Lion 31FE and 1 rating Now, if those are overwhelming, awe-inspiring, super studs then I really don't know what I'm doing. All 4 of the above warriors did TV a rookies tournament years ago. How many of you could manage these guys to a better record than I have done? Now they're DA bound in hopes of getting some suitable killers back. Ultraist, DOOMcorps SPY REPORT If you were disturbed from your beauty rest only to have to watch a bunch of JHANS brutes like you, you'd be grouchy, too. Later days, WOLFCATS, since KAMIKAZI took top team from you this turn, you guys are old news. With any luck, I can sneak into Lucas Lounge and join ANARKYSTS' celebration over their good record this turn. 6th place, not bad. Now let's all watch THE DREAMING's heads swell from their 4-1-0 this turn. Haa ha ha ha! Big shots, big talk, big deal. Of course, we're all terribly impressed to see DEVASTATOR win a fight and gain 24 points, terribly. Tsk, tsk, ARACHNIA beat JOLLY ROGER and JOLLY ROGER lost 14 points. You're breakin' my heart. Going for broke or broken, our Duelmaster SKIRZA SLAPSTIK challenged this turn. And if variety is the spice of life, JHANS may be getting bland, as TIMBER LION stays top dog in the city. Lucas Lounge, humph! I've tasted better ale at mortuaries. Where do they get this stuff? From JHANS' trash dumps? My mother always told me, 'If you don't have anything nice to say, start talking.' I loved that woman. JHANS, I am losing what little hope I had in you. BLITZKRIEG the most avoided team? What insult will suffice, I cannot say. And it looks like THE FALLEN avoided them the most this turn. What a pack of would be losers, if you ask me. Hmph. KILL'EM KREPP was challenged more times this turn than the Duelmaster. Now was the DM insulted or feared? Heh, heh. PIGFEED PICKTAN was challenged by one of KAMIKAZI's warriors this turn, with REAPER having a lead of 20 points going into the fight. This is the sort of thing that makes the price of admission to JHANS' games worth it! REAPER was bested by PIGFEED PICKTAN!! Now look at this. WHIRLING MIST challenged down 55 against THE DREAMING's SHAWNDA. What a weasel! Ha ha aha ha aha ha!!! WHIRLING MIST was was bested by by THE DREAMING's warrior! Thank the gods for big favors! ha! Death and Taxes. The less death I see, the more it taxes my patience. Let's see if anyone's dead or dying. Now hey, I like to see a death as much as the next guy, but hey WOLFCATS, whyja send CHEETAH'S GROWL to the Dark Arena, look at hers record, huh? And sending DIRECAT to the Dark Arena was supposed to be one of your better ideas, WOLFCATS? Gee, BLIND HYPOCRISY, ain't it past due for sending TROJAN MAN Dark Arena? What took ol' '15-11-3' so long? Hope? Ha ha aha ha! I could say I saw this coming, but so could anyone else. Anyway, this turn it came. CHIEF BLING-BLING$'s 5-12-0 has earned him the Dark Arena. Gee, KAMIKAZI, ain't it past due for sending DRIVER Dark Arena? What took ol' '9-15-2' so long? Hope? Ha ha aha ha! WOLFCATS has cause to pause today, as TIGERWOLF was sent to the Dark Arena, and came back--though not in the best of moods, I'll wager. Now hey, I like to see a death as much as the next guy, but hey PORN IN A BARN, whyja send HAPPY COW to the Dark Arena, look at hers record, huh? Whoa! I'll even buy ONE TRICK PONY a drink tonight! Anyone who can come back from the Dark Arena, I want to be on his good side! Ya gotta go sometime, and MISCOUNT's time was this time. Hmmm, not a bad fighter, had it lived... (what? me pity?). Honor is like a chainmail shirt, it only shines through use. Certain nameless cowards will doubtless rebuke me on this one. There's got to be a better place in JHANS to get a drink than Lucas Lounge! Any suggestions? Phlllt! Just had to do that before I leave the fine city of JHANS. I feel much better now. Paste this one in your scrapbooks, you'll need the kindling come this winter-- Snide Clemens DUELMASTER W L K POINTS TEAM NAME TIMBER LION 6370 12 0 0 135 WOLFCATS (556) CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME KERRY BEAR 3994 20 13 1 111 BLITZKRIEG (271) -50/50 5603 14 4 0 111 SKATE DRAGONS (500) DONNA 5966 14 8 0 108 BABES (416) -BADDA BAMM 6075 14 11 0 104 SUICIDAL DREAMS (525) PIGFEED PICKTAN 6124 18 5 0 103 ANARKYSTS (341) OBLIVIOUS 6101 17 6 0 100 KAMIKAZI (533) SHAWNDA 6032 12 9 1 100 THE DREAMING (529) CLURACAN 6035 16 5 0 99 THE DREAMING (529) DEVASTATOR 6079 15 11 2 99 THE FALLEN (524) SKIRZA SLAPSTIK 5996 18 12 1 97 THE FALLEN (524) MARCIE 6076 13 11 1 92 BABES (416) REAPER 6150 12 8 0 92 KAMIKAZI (533) CHAMPIONS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME KILL'EM KREPP 5892 17 8 1 90 ANARKYSTS (341) WHIRLING MIST 5026 21 12 0 87 LEGENDARY BASTARDS (259) UNION JACK 6015 21 6 0 86 BLITZKRIEG (271) -SANDPAPER CONDOM 6311 8 6 2 84 MEMPHIS MAFIA II (542) BOARDSLIDE 5608 12 8 4 81 SKATE DRAGONS (500) RECOUNT 6333 9 1 0 80 THE CHADS (482) -UNBORN 6205 5 4 0 76 EXQUISITE CORPS II (546) BADDA BANG 6013 10 17 0 71 THE FALLEN (524) THE LOVE BELOW 6187 9 4 2 70 THE DREAMING (529) -HAY RIDE 6305 12 3 0 68 PORN IN A BARN (551) -RAKAR 5307 11 6 1 68 IRON TIGERS (484) SLASHIN' SPECK 5854 14 21 2 67 ANARKYSTS (341) -MONKEY SHINE 5927 10 3 0 67 HELTER SKELTER (256) CHALLENGER ADEPTS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME SUBZERO 6120 14 8 2 62 KAMIKAZI (533) TIGERWOLF 6366 8 4 1 59 WOLFCATS (556) -FRANKENSLOSH 5901 11 5 0 58 HELTER SKELTER (256) -PIXIE DUST 6308 10 4 1 58 MEMPHIS MAFIA II (542) ADEPTS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME -SHADOW STARR 5999 13 16 1 56 SUICIDAL DREAMS (525) DONNA THE HUNTRESS 6307 6 9 0 56 THE FALLEN (524) ADEPTS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME -BENANDANTI 6467 8 2 1 55 HELTER SKELTER (256) -RAVEN DARKHART 6465 4 5 1 53 BOOKIE'S BROTHEL (554) SLAYIN STAYNER 5891 13 12 1 52 ANARKYSTS (341) -KIZZY LYNNE 6375 7 3 0 50 BOOKIE'S BROTHEL (554) THE BEAST 6296 9 5 0 49 REVELATION (543) -ORCHIDEUS REINE 6580 5 2 0 49 EXQUISITE CORPS II (546) -GAMBIT 6161 6 10 2 48 MEMPHIS MAFIA II (542) -SUPER SIZE ME 6347 5 5 0 48 PAST TENSE (28) -RIZZLE-DIZZLE 5923 7 3 0 47 5440 OR FIGHT! (336) -BLACKJACK 6163 8 7 3 46 MEMPHIS MAFIA II (542) -TITANIC 178 11 12 0 45 PAST TENSE (28) -NEON'S MAMMA 6376 5 5 0 45 BOOKIE'S BROTHEL (554) ELIZABETH RABBIT 6425 5 8 0 42 SCARRY TEAM (325) ELECTRONIC 6562 5 4 1 41 THE CHADS (482) -ANOTHER BLANKEE 6117 7 8 0 38 LITTLE GIRLS LIKE... (515) SASQUATCH COWBOY 6491 7 3 1 37 LEGENDARY BASTARDS (259) -BROWN KITTY TOO 6118 7 8 1 36 LITTLE GIRLS LIKE... (515) -SPATHIC 6189 5 5 0 36 5440 OR FIGHT! (336) -MAVERICK 6608 4 2 0 36 BLITZKRIEG (271) -GROUCHO 6636 4 0 1 35 THE BEARS (565) CHALLENGER INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME ARACHNIA 6613 4 3 0 33 KAMIKAZI (533) ONE TRICK PONY 6589 3 5 1 33 PORN IN A BARN (551) -ZEPPO 6638 1 3 1 33 THE BEARS (565) -HOUND OF SATAN 6610 3 3 0 31 REVELATION (543) -DEAD GOLDFISH 6419 2 2 0 31 RAW SEWAGE (559) -GITO GITO HUSTLER 6291 5 4 0 30 5440 OR FIGHT! (336) -SILICON CARNE 6298 5 2 0 30 EXQUISITE CORPS II (546) -HARPO 6637 3 1 0 29 THE BEARS (565) T'HAEL 6581 5 2 0 28 THE FALLEN (524) -I.B. KLONIN 6408 3 6 1 28 HELTER SKELTER (256) TRI-CORNER 6486 5 4 1 26 THE CHADS (482) -POUNCE 6624 1 1 0 25 WOLFCATS (556) THE SAVAGE GRIND 6671 3 0 0 24 SKATE DRAGONS (500) -APOCALYPSE 6633 3 1 0 24 REVELATION (543) -HOMOCIDAL 6640 2 2 0 24 THE BEARS (565) -COSMOWORLD CARNIE 6623 2 1 0 24 SUICIDAL DREAMS (525) INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME SALLY 6426 5 8 0 23 SCARRY TEAM (325) OLD DIRT MCGIRT 6601 4 4 1 23 LEGENDARY BASTARDS (259) HAIL MARY 6389 3 4 1 23 BLIND HYPOCRISY (504) AUGUST 6659 3 0 0 23 CHOP'S PRIDE (573) -KILL-KID FIZZLE 6646 3 0 0 21 SUICIDAL DREAMS (525) PIMP BEEFAROONY 6579 6 1 0 20 THE DREAMING (529) -GEORGE W 6420 4 0 0 20 RAW SEWAGE (559) -SCRATCH FURY 6647 2 0 0 20 5440 OR FIGHT! (336) -HEAVY MENTAL 6457 4 6 1 19 HELTER SKELTER (256) -'WERD 3870 2 2 0 19 5440 OR FIGHT! (336) -KALISTA J'NAE 6631 3 0 0 18 SUICIDAL DREAMS (525) JOLLY ROGER 6626 4 1 0 17 BLITZKRIEG (271) -NEW RED BLANKET 6338 4 3 1 16 LITTLE GIRLS LIKE... (515) -MAJOR MISTAKE 54 4 2 0 15 ILL INVADERS (7) -MELISSA 6204 3 6 0 15 EXQUISITE CORPS II (546) NADYA 6586 2 1 0 15 TEAM SKARABRAE (571) -MAJOR DILEMMA 319 2 1 0 15 ILL INVADERS (7) BANANA GORILLA 5276 1 12 0 15 SCARRY TEAM (325) HELIX PRIME 6344 1 0 0 15 SPACE WOLVES (523) JIGSAW KILLER 6627 3 3 1 14 LEGENDARY BASTARDS (259) WHIPLASH 6664 2 1 0 14 BLIND HYPOCRISY (504) -NIKITA 6639 3 1 0 13 BABES (416) SAVOIR FAIRE 6656 1 1 0 13 CHOP'S PRIDE (573) INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME -EPSILON 6676 1 0 0 13 COLONY (575) -ALPHA 6675 1 0 0 13 COLONY (575) -DANETTE ROGERS 6653 1 1 0 12 GIRLS X3 (572) -EX POST FACTO 6621 1 1 0 12 PAST TENSE (28) -BEAUTIFUL SADNESS 6558 2 4 0 11 MEMPHIS MAFIA II (542) -GENERAL ANARCHY 53 2 4 0 10 ILL INVADERS (7) -OVERSIZE CARRION 6620 1 1 0 10 PAST TENSE (28) DA18 6625 1 5 0 9 ANARKYSTS (341) -BLIGHT 6578 1 0 0 9 JUGGERNAUTS (570) -BETA 6677 1 0 0 8 COLONY (575) -MUMMY DEAREST 6635 2 1 0 7 EXQUISITE CORPS II (546) -CORP. PUNISHMENT 57 1 3 0 7 ILL INVADERS (7) FROSTY FROTHINGSLUSH 6684 1 1 0 7 LEGENDARY BASTARDS (259) KATH AERIS 6381 0 1 0 7 SPACE WOLVES (523) -DON'T ASK 6418 1 3 0 6 RAW SEWAGE (559) DIEBOLD 6645 1 3 0 6 THE CHADS (482) TSLOTHA GARNATH 6634 1 1 0 6 TEAM SKARABRAE (571) -NICOLE KIDMAN 6650 1 1 1 5 GIRLS X3 (572) -SQUEAKY FROMME 6622 1 2 0 5 BOOKIE'S BROTHEL (554) -TRA'SHELLE XANIA 6630 1 2 0 5 BOOKIE'S BROTHEL (554) -SPED 6619 1 2 0 5 PAST TENSE (28) BRILHASTI 6584 0 3 0 5 TEAM SKARABRAE (571) SLAM-BANG 6658 1 1 0 4 CHOP'S PRIDE (573) -YESTERDAY'S TACO 6417 0 4 0 4 RAW SEWAGE (559) PUNDIT 6655 0 3 0 3 CHOP'S PRIDE (573) GOTTERDAMURUNG 6585 0 3 0 3 TEAM SKARABRAE (571) -GRACIE NICOLE 6652 0 2 0 2 GIRLS X3 (572) -OMEGA 6678 0 1 0 1 COLONY (575) -USED CATHETER 6416 0 1 0 1 RAW SEWAGE (559) -DELTA 6674 0 1 0 1 COLONY (575) -SLACK JAW 6577 0 1 0 1 JUGGERNAUTS (570) '-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn. THE DEAD W L K TEAM NAME SLAIN BY TURN Revenge? TROJAN MAN 5710 15 12 3 BLIND HYPOCRISY 504 EVIL JOHN KERRY 25 473 NONE COBRA COMMANDER 6592 3 5 0 BLITZKRIEG 271 HAIL MARY 6389 473 MISCOUNT 6090 9 6 0 THE CHADS 482 DEVASTATOR 6079 473 MOUNTAIN TROLL 18 0 1 0 DARK ARENA 0 TIGERWOLF 6366 473 NONE MOUNTAIN TROLL 18 0 1 0 DARK ARENA 0 ONE TRICK PONY 6589 473 NONE CHIEF BLING-BLIN 6091 5 13 0 THE DREAMING 529 MOUNTAIN TROLL 18 473 NONE GRACE ROGERS 6651 0 1 0 GIRLS X3 572 GROUCHO 6636 470 DRIVER 6055 9 16 2 KAMIKAZI 533 STONE GOLEM 26 473 NONE HAPPY COW 6590 5 3 0 PORN IN A BARN 551 RIPPLES DORRIGAN 23 473 NONE DOGGIE STYLE 6615 3 3 0 PORN IN A BARN 551 RILLION 21 473 NONE BLUE MOO 6644 1 3 0 PORN IN A BARN 551 SLIPPERS MCGHEE 24 473 NONE LAKE OF FIRE 6632 2 2 0 REVELATION 543 WURM KIN 27 473 NONE KLK GIRLS 6693 0 1 0 REVELATION 543 MOUNTAIN TROLL 18 473 NONE UTHA 6690 0 1 0 SPACE WOLVES 523 HIGH ELF 19 473 NONE ARBO 6583 0 3 0 TEAM SKARABRAE 571 RIPPLES DORRIGAN 23 473 NONE CHEETAH'S GROWL 6367 7 3 0 WOLFCATS 556 RILLION 21 473 NONE DIRECAT 6368 5 1 0 WOLFCATS 556 MOUNTAIN TROLL 18 473 NONE PERSONAL ADS Polarius -- Stop being ignorant. -- Talon Floyd -- P Diddy may be making it but I won't be. *shrug* Maybe this summer.... -- Bookie/Talon Darkhart DOOMcorps -- Got your 'puppet' right here. *crotch chop* Care to pull my strings? -- TDH, kLk God of War, Illuminati Alliance, Puppetmaster Polarius -- (re: Hamlet and Memphis) -- Ok, I can see where the betrayal part comes in with Memphis but u'll have to tell me which of the DOOMcorps "queens" you married!! *grin* -- TDH P.S. Alas, poor kid kizzle...I knew him well.... DOOM -- Gratz on the 7-4 turn for you guys. That makes it 24-20 overall (favoring the kLk). Now that the contest is over this should get fun. -- TDH Iver -- Nice story. <insert obscene gesture here> Too bad we coated that banner in poison ivy. Enjoy the itch! (And from what I hear about those 'girls' you keep you, should be used to it.) -- TDH Ultra -- Gratz! Your run in Jhans has truly been amazing. I'll have to make sure it ends promptly. -- TDH Rillion -- Haha! You choked like <insert inappropriate remark about your mother here>. -- TDH !ll kid -- Glad I talked to you online. Still planning to give you D2 hell but good to talk to you none the less. -- TDH P.S. Bow down. *grin* c'mon...like I could write you and NOT say that.... Cosmo -- Broke down anywhere lately? -- the kLk shuttle bus system P.S. Still should've wrote 'kLk 4 Life' on your truck. Ultraist -- Ultra, Ultra...c'mere. Is that? <looks around confused> Holy Frothenslosh! Is that The Circle of Order? What the hell? Who let THAT in here? Remind me to fire the doorman because apparently they're letting just anybody up in here now.... Geesh! There goes the froth'n neighborhood! -- TDH Cluracan -- Ouch. You made me mad but thanks for the train! I needed that! -- Badda Bamm Skirza Slapstik -- Hmm. Apparently a platemail undergarment is better then a sandpaper condom. Hmm. Froth you! <thumps skirza on the nose and runs away> -- Sandpaper Condom Polarius -- Thanks! You got me DA'd!! And knowing my luck I'll forget to bring my hatchet to the fight! Hmmph. -- Squeaky Fromme Cosmo -- I like the name "Uncle Charlie" much better. *maniacal grin* -- Squeaky Maverick -- You rock, paper, scissored me right. Damn you. *grin* -- CC Driver -- *shrug* Don't ask me. I was surprised too. -- Raven Darkhart Glad you're here. You know who you are. -- TDH Donna -- You ain't been beat like that since Timmy! Nyaah! -- Kizzy Lynne Berylstar -- Were you ever gonna say 'hi', 'hello', maybe 'get lost'? Anything? You in here prepping or come in with intentions to stay? Warn ya. This is no place for the mild hearted. -- TDH/Bookie Floyd -- Welcome to Jhans. -- Azrael Iver -- Nice story and amusing. It's polite to ask for permission before using someone else's character before writing but hey, a tit for a tat, no? -- Azrael Polarius -- Damn right I avoid him. I'm arrogant, not stupid, fighting Ultraist on his terms is crazy. -- Azrael Polarius -- Something rotten in Memphis? I believe her--never mind. -- Azrael Baphomet -- My friend, welcome to Jhans, City of Strife. -- Azrael DOOMCorps -- If you don't print it, I won't have to twist it. I'm the one with the golden hippogriff quill. -- Baphomet !.kid.k. -- True, 1000 fights is a great accomplishment. About seven years, fighting every warrior, every turn. But, you forget that Azrael is a new manager running in an arena full of some of the best vet managers in the game. A 47.5% win/loss record is an accomplishment as well in that light. Come now, give credit where it's due. Otherwise, it's *YOU* who's the puppet. Playing in the same theatre with the rest of them. -- Baphomet Iver -- Don't think I've had the pleasure of your acquaintance. Had to spoof you though, dude. You put it out there. -- Baphomet Berylstar -- Yep, up to my old tricks. Fun, ain't it? -- Baphomet klk -- Now, what's a bunch of backwoods, red-necked, coon and possum huntin', roadkill scrapin', in-bred, trailer trash boys doing in a dump like this? -- Baphomet (grinnin' 'cause DOOMCorps thinks I was talkin about klk!) Polarius -- It ain't that we're no longer Brothers, it's just that I got no respect for your newfound friends. They lost that when Ultraist went beggin to Master Darque so he could sideswipe Abraxis. Abraxis is my brother! -- Baphomet Ultraist -- Don't be fooled. Prison bars don't stop the knowledge base. You'll soon see what I mean. -- Baphomet Bookie -- Just couldn't keep silent. Too much, too soon. -- Baphomet Ultraist -- Congrats on the win. -- Polarius Cosmo -- The city may once again be going by the name Jhans but your accomplishment will never be forgotten. In the annuls of history COSMOWORLD will never be forgotten. -- Polarius Iver -- Nice spotlight. -- Polarius Shadow -- Wow, I can't believe you fought for 5 freaking minutes with no weapon! Let's do that again! -- Union Ultraist -- I could congratulate you on your stunning victory in the contest, however, I fear you may find it redundant. I guess if anyone asks you why I didn't congratulate you this turn you can tell them to read LAST turn's newsletter. *cackle* -- !ll.kid.k Rillion -- Congratulations on winning the contest! I mean it's only fair to regard second place as a victory when participating in a contest with DOOMcorps! You fought hard all the way through and I commend your performance here in Jhans and in the contest. Good show! -- !ll.kid.k Alfredo -- Thank you for revisiting Jhans and for imparting some wisdom along the way. We are glad to see you on the sands and hope you stay. Your reputation precedes you and it has long since etched your name in the rich history of Jhans. Congratulations on winning in the contest and we only wish we could have helped you get second instead. -- !ll.kid.k Bookie -- What would be the point in taking a joke seriously? Have you ever gone to a puppet show and thought to yourself, "That was some serious business!" Now you can better understand our raucous laughter every time we see you or your mindless droolers. As far as beholding the power of the puppets, I am truly impressed that you all managed to compile a number as high as twenty. Stick with the flash cards as they are working miracles for you and yours. You even figured out word problems such as "turn by turn" = one turn plus one turn! -- !ll.kid.k Chief Bling-Bling$ -- I'm known for riding pine! I would say I taught you a lesson but it looks to be quite the opposite. -- Sasquatch Cowboy Pimp Beefaroony -- Are you P's new significant other? -- Old Dirt McGirt Happy Cow -- I think McGirt is mistaken and you are P's new significant other! -- Jiggles Beta -- It looks like you can be upgraded to Alpha after that extensive testing session. -- Frosty Frothingslush Ultraist & Timber Lion -- Congratulations on winning the title, it's unfortunate we have to slap each other around for it! -- !ll.kid.k Ultraist & Wolfcats -- Congrats on Current and Career Top Team! Too bad you have to do it with your uber-stacked tourney team! -- !ll.kid.k, Legendary Bastards Polarius -- Shouldn't you be the one avoiding Bookie? *cackle* -- ! P.S. Azrael probably thinks Hamlet is Manager's pig or an opportunity to finally get a date. 8 December 2004 Battle Royal 4 The Battle Royal arena contests are one of the purest tests of manager skill available. The rules are simple. The scoring is simple. The updates are live. If you would like to participate, simply get a team ready in Talcama in the next month and announce in the personals that you're in. The prize is bragging rights and having your name along side previous winners (Doc Steele, Manray Frothingslosh, and Manager). It is a brutal contest, but it is a lot of fun! Basic rules: No avoiding other contest teams. Score = Wins + Kills - Losses. Only fights against other BR teams count. First team to 25 wins! BR4 begins in Talcama (DM 18) on turn 502, due on Jan 29, 2005. Visit http://www.geocities.com/assurnasir/br4 for more information. 8 December 2004 TURF WAR IV -- GRAND CONTEST NOTICE! The Turf War IV Grand Contest will commence on Turn 221 (approx. February 22, 2005). For those who have never participated, Turf Wars are alliance-type contest and Winner-Takes-All. There are no 2nd place winners! Everyone may participate; known alliances, new alliances, or temporary alliances created to compete in the Turf War! However, to participate, each alliance must: A. Announce the alliance name and the Captain of the alliance in the North Fork (DM #47) newsletter. Captains are responsible for: A. Verifying those who wish to participate under the banner of their alliance; B. Distribution of prizes should their alliance win the TW4. Managers must: A. Submit one (1) RSI Roll-up Gift Certificate to participate; B. Announce their intent to compete with manager name, team name and alliance in which they will be fighting under, in the DM #47 North Fork newsletter. Rules: 1. No scoring will begin until an RSI Roll-up Gift Certificate is received. No exceptions will be made. 2. Before a manager can compete, he must be acknowledged and verified by the Captain of the alliance he has claimed for; A. The following turn, points will begin to be awarded or subtracted; 3. Only one (1) team per manager may compete. No multiple aliases please (we'll be checking this and if caught...you'll be disqualified and no refund); 4. The contest will end on Turn 233 (12 turns!). Winners will be announced on Turn 234 and prizes sent to winning alliance between Turn 233 and 234. 5. No declarations will be acknowledged after Turn 231. 6. For the purpose of scoring, I reserve the right to make all final decisions. Scoring: Win Lose Kill Die Challenge +2 -2 +5 -5 Match-up +1 -1 +1 -5 Bloodfeud +2 -5 +5 -10 Champion x2 x2 x2 x2 Downchallenge +2 -5 +2 -10 Dark Arena +10 -5 xx xx Special Scoring: A. Each mention in the Spy Report is worth 5 points; B. Each Style Master is worth 5 points; Champions: A. Champions may be declared, but are not mandatory. If declared, they must be in the Adepts or lower brackets. Bloodfeuds: A. Bloodfeuds will count for all four turns. However, the same warrior may not bloodfeud all four turns. A penalty of -10 will be given to the team who violates this rule. Special Conditions: A. I reserve the right for all final decisions. B. If I make a mistake, I'll multiply the points by 2; C. If you claim I did, and *YOU* are wrong; I'll subtract points at the rate of x10! D. Each alliance begins with zero (0) points. E. Dark Arena may be used on the first turn of every warrior with no penalty. F. T.V.'s won after contest begins gain a Triple rate of scoring. G. T.C.'s won after the contest begins gain a multiple of 10 scoring. H. No switching alliances once verified by an alliance. Any questions or concerns may be addressed (if you're incarcerated) to: Baphomet, mgr. Knights Templar (268), DM #47 -- North Fork. If you're in the free world: Rick Strigner Merit East SCI P.O. Box 500 Georgetown, DE 19947-0500 P.S. Prizes are: A. 100% of the roll-up certs B. Currently under negotiations with R.S.I. for other prizes C. A special prize from me that I will discuss with the Captain of the winning alliance. 15 December 2004 The Company of Brothers Alliance would like to welcome Azereth as our newest member. We are sure he will be an asset to both our alliance and the dueling community! -- Baphomet, Co-Founder T.C.B. 24 December 2004 Due to requests, the Turf War IV will be postponed until turn 225 (approx May/June 2005). Sorry about the inconvenience. -- Baphomet, host of TW 4 LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS CHEETAH'S GROWL was butchered by RILLION in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight. DIRECAT was dealt death by MOUNTAIN TROLL in a exciting 1 minute Dark Arena duel. TROJAN MAN was savagely slain by EVIL JOHN KERRY in a 2 minute Dark Arena fight. CHIEF BLING-BLING$ was viciously butchered by MOUNTAIN TROLL in a 3 minute contest. DRIVER was luckily killed by STONE GOLEM in a 3 minute Dark Arena competition. TIGERWOLF savagely slew MOUNTAIN TROLL in a tiresome 11 minute Dark Arena struggle. HAPPY COW was easily killed by RIPPLES DORRIGAN in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight. DOGGIE STYLE was slaughtered by RILLION in a 2 minute gruesome Dark Arena duel. ONE TRICK PONY viciously butchered MOUNTAIN TROLL in a 2 minute Dark Arena fight. ARBO was slaughtered by RIPPLES DORRIGAN in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight. LAKE OF FIRE was assassinated by WURM KIN in a 1 minute Dark Arena match. BLUE MOO was barely slain by SLIPPERS MCGHEE in a 2 minute Dark Arena bout. KLK GIRLS was savagely slain by MOUNTAIN TROLL in a 2 minute brutal Dark Arena match. UTHA was butchered by HIGH ELF in a 1 minute bloody Dark Arena conflict. TIMBER LION savagely defeated SKIRZA SLAPSTIK in a 7 minute Challenge Title match. REAPER was overcome by PIGFEED PICKTAN in a action packed 1 minute Challenge fight. WHIRLING MIST was defeated by SHAWNDA in a 2 minute expert's Challenge struggle. DEVASTATOR killed MISCOUNT in a 1 minute master's Challenge brawl. CLURACAN bested KILL'EM KREPP in a exciting 3 minute veteran's Challenge fight. BADDA BANG was beaten by RECOUNT in a exciting 3 minute Challenge bout. SUBZERO overpowered SASQUATCH COWBOY in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge conflict. DONNA THE HUNTRESS bested SLAYIN STAYNER in a popular 4 minute Challenge bout. PIMP BEEFAROONY unbelievably bested DA18 in a popular 3 minute Challenge match. ARACHNIA vanquished JOLLY ROGER in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge fray. AUGUST defeated JIGSAW KILLER in a 2 minute Challenge match. PUNDIT was defeated by FROSTY FROTHINGSLUSH in a 4 minute beginner's Challenge fight. KERRY BEAR overpowered BOARDSLIDE in a 1 minute one-sided duel. MARCIE was defeated by OBLIVIOUS in a exciting 1 minute expert's match. DONNA viciously subdued UNION JACK in a action packed 2 minute brutal veteran's fray. THE LOVE BELOW overcame THE BEAST in a exciting 1 minute duel. SLASHIN' SPECK defeated ELECTRONIC in a 1 minute uneven fight. ELIZABETH RABBIT overcame FRATSFA SLAVE in a 1 minute veteran vs. novice fight. SALLY was luckily beaten by T'HAEL in a 3 minute brutal fight. TRI-CORNER overpowered BRILHASTI in a 1 minute uneven bout. HAIL MARY killed COBRA COMMANDER in a 2 minute gruesome contest. OLD DIRT MCGIRT overpowered OSKSI NOBLE in a 1 minute one-sided struggle. BANANA GORILLA was demolished by THE SAVAGE GRIND in a 1 minute one-sided struggle. GOTTERDAMURUNG was handily defeated by SAVOIR FAIRE in a 1 minute one-sided fight. NADYA demolished MORDANT DESERTER in a 1 minute one-sided conflict. TSLOTHA GARNATH outwaited SLAM-BANG in a crowd boring 20 minute novice's bout. DIEBOLD was overpowered by HELIX PRIME in a 1 minute one-sided competition. WHIPLASH handily defeated KATH AERIS in a popular 1 minute one-sided duel. BATTLE REPORT MOST POPULAR RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS |FIGHTING STYLE FIGHTS FIGHTING STYLE W - L - K PERCENT| |LUNGING ATTACK 20 TOTAL PARRY 109 - 75 - 2 59 | |TOTAL PARRY 13 WALL OF STEEL 36 - 30 - 1 55 | |BASHING ATTACK 9 AIMED BLOW 53 - 52 - 2 50 | |SLASHING ATTACK 6 BASHING ATTACK 58 - 57 - 6 50 | |AIMED BLOW 6 PARRY-LUNGE 9 - 10 - 0 47 | |STRIKING ATTACK 5 STRIKING ATTACK 56 - 72 - 4 44 | |PARRY-STRIKE 3 LUNGING ATTACK 133 - 171 - 14 44 | |WALL OF STEEL 3 SLASHING ATTACK 43 - 67 - 7 39 | |PARRY-LUNGE 1 PARRY-RIPOSTE 6 - 11 - 0 35 | |PARRY-RIPOSTE 1 PARRY-STRIKE 16 - 30 - 0 35 | Turn 473 was great if you Not so great if you used The fighting styles of the used the fighting styles: the fighting styles: top eleven warriors are: PARRY-LUNGE 1 - 0 BASHING ATTACK 4 - 5 3 TOTAL PARRY PARRY-STRIKE 2 - 1 STRIKING ATTACK 2 - 3 2 STRIKING ATTACK TOTAL PARRY 8 - 5 LUNGING ATTACK 7 - 13 2 WALL OF STEEL SLASHING ATTACK 3 - 3 AIMED BLOW 2 - 4 2 LUNGING ATTACK WALL OF STEEL 1 - 2 2 BASHING ATTACK PARRY-RIPOSTE 0 - 1 TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE FIGHTING STYLE WARRIOR W L K PNTS TEAM NAME TOTAL PARRY TIMBER LION 6370 12 0 0 135 WOLFCATS (556) STRIKING ATTACK KERRY BEAR 3994 20 13 1 111 BLITZKRIEG (271) LUNGING ATTACK DONNA 5966 14 8 0 108 BABES (416) BASHING ATTACK DEVASTATOR 6079 15 11 2 99 THE FALLEN (524) WALL OF STEEL SKIRZA SLAPSTIK 5996 18 12 1 97 THE FALLEN (524) AIMED BLOW RECOUNT 6333 9 1 0 80 THE CHADS (482) Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above. The overall popularity leader is KERRY BEAR 3994. The most popular warrior this turn was DRIVER 6055. The ten other most popular fighters were SLAYIN STAYNER 5891, DONNA 5966, KILL'EM KREPP 5892, DA18 6625, RECOUNT 6333, PUNDIT 6655, CHIEF BLING-BLING$ 6091, BADDA BANG 6013, DONNA THE HUNTRESS 6307, and ONE TRICK PONY 6589. The least popular fighter this week was SLAM-BANG 6658. The other ten least popular fighters were TSLOTHA GARNATH 6634, TIGERWOLF 6366, TIMBER LION 6370, SKIRZA SLAPSTIK 5996, DIEBOLD 6645, GOTTERDAMURUNG 6585, BANANA GORILLA 5276, BRILHASTI 6584, BOARDSLIDE 5608, and SASQUATCH COWBOY 6491. The following warriors will travel to AD after next turn: DONNA (36-5966) BABES (416) NEW GRADUATES--FROM ALL ARENAS (INCLUDING CLOSED ARENAS) For those of you who keep track of such things, 11 additional warriors graduated from regular DM arenas (including closed arenas) since the last tournament. EEK THE CAT (2-4110) of THE FUNNY FARM HADES (11-5338) of MYTHICAL DRAUGHT DODGER (12-5209) of WISH YOU WERE BEER DRACO MALFOY (18-7115) of HOUSE SLYTHERIN FREAK (18-7300) of RUN AND HYDE BETWEEN THE EYES (60-716) of METAL MILITIA II 6 SHOVELING SANDY (65-3584) of STORMNITE SANDBAGGER BLUE BLOOD (73-3657) of BLACK & BLUE JOCK (82-10452) of 4-LETTER ITCHES WILLIE BROWN (82-13201) of 1976 RAIDERS YUENGLING (82-16265) of LOCAL BEER Congrats to the grads. -- Green Eyes