Date   : 01/28/2010    Duedate: 02/10/2010


DM-38    TURN-595

This Weeks Top Honors


U.A.K. (92)
(38-4827) [18-1-0,157]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

ZIG                            TURKEY LEG TANGO
U.A.K. (92)                    DANCES WITH MEAT (425)
(38-4827) [18-1-0,157]         (38-4791) [5-2-1,47]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

JITNEY JOHNNY                  ZAG
JINDA-BAN (198)                U.A.K. (92)
(38-4825) [15-6-1,82]          (38-4828) [12-7-1,105]


U.A.K. (92)

Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. DANCES WITH MEAT (425)      41
2. U.A.K. (92)                 31      U.A.K. (92)
3. JINDA-BAN (198)             -7      Unchartered Team

                                       DANCES WITH MEAT (425)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 2*DANCES WITH MEAT (425)    20  14  1 58.8   1/ 1 U.A.K. (92)              12  3 1
 2/ 1 U.A.K. (92)              433 328 23 56.9   2/ 3*DANCES WITH MEAT (425)    8  7 0
 3/ 3 JINDA-BAN (198)          577 773 13 42.7   3/ 2 JINDA-BAN (198)           6  9 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

       + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Report from the Tourney #1 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     Larkin here, with a report from the Winter Tourney.  Okay, maybe this isn't
Atlantis, but it's somewhere warm, and if that isn't a beach, at least it's sand,
and, as advertised, there are drinks with umbrellas in them.  And young women with a
lot of suntan showing.  By the time you read this, the tourney will be over, but
while I'm writing it, the tourney is NOT over.  And a lot of you guys reading this
won't have been able to go, anyway.
     I'm interviewing Zalgor Prigg, one of the managers participating in the Old
Valamantis Bloodgames, and let me tell you, Old Valamantis is not a place you want to
hang around if you don't have to.  It's rotten with magic, to begin with--Folstrom
magic, the blackest there is--and then it's got all this blood and violence on top of
it, and it makes for a dark and scary venue.  Anything might rise out of the ruins
around the arena, summoned by the blood and the curses of the managers.
     "Mr. Prigg, could you tell us why you--"
     "It was the play on words," the manager said, overriding the question.  "I
couldn't resist--the chance to call a Bloodgames team Phoenix, you know, the 'rising
from the ashes of death' business.  Of course, then I had to change it to Phonetix,
but that's okay, keep people guessing."
     "I've heard the Commission mages talking about that name, sir, and they seem
alarmed.  One of them said the name was practically a spell in itself, used here."
     "I heard.  That's why I had to change it."
     "Have you considered what might actually rise from the ashes and blood here as a
     "Well, no, but that isn't my business, you know.  I manage gladiators.  Let the
mages worry about what pops in from some other dimension.  Besides, what if nothing
     "But, sir, there have already been reports of zombie rats and tentacled monsters
lurking in the backs of the locker rooms!  And someone is bound to consider that you
have a partial responsibility--"
     "No," Prigg said, "I have no responsibility for that kind of thing.  I'm no
magician, I haven't been reading forbidden tomes...."  He paused, looking thoughtful.
"Maybe it was TigToad with his Obscure Lore...."
     "I don't believe there's a team of that name in this Bloodgames--"
     "No, not here.  Earlier, in Veastian.  He could have been, hmm, preparing for
this, opening contacts if not gates, stuff like that.  Has anybody seen any Dark
Toads around?"
     "Not until they've had six drinks with umbrellas in them.  Tell me, sir, have
you given any thought to the moral implications of the Bloodgames?"
     "What moral implications?" the manager asked.  "This isn't about morals, it's
about survival.  And the way to survive on the sands is to kill your opponents every
chance you get!"
     "Yes, but--"
     "There's a reason they don't hold these contests up in Andoria," the manager
said sternly.  "Good people in their ways, the Andorians, but they just aren't cut
out for this kind of grim business."  He paused to listen to the roar of the crowds
jamming the ancient arena.  Checked the marquee where slaves dangled from ropes and
updated the records of participants.  Nodded, grimly satisfied.  "Another death.
That's good--can't have too many survivors, or it cheapens the victory at the end."
     "But the death toll--"
     "Bah!  Don't get the idea that these gladiators are the flower of Alastarian
youth.  The ones who enter the Bloodgames are the men with no hope.  We offer them a
future they could never have dreamed of, but they have to work for it, sweat for it,
bleed for it, and sometimes die for it.  The survivors..." he bared his teeth in a
grin that would not have looked out of place on a wolf, "they owe us EVERYTHING, and
they'll do anything to repay us."
     "And besides," Zalgor Prigg went on, "if you really want to take up the moral
question, go talk to the Grey Wand.  She's the one set this up, after all."
     "I don't see the point, frankly.  She's got plenty of Lord Protectors, and they
have longer training, skills polished and honed to a--"
     "The Bloodgames victors, they're Her enforcers," Prigg said.  "No polish, sure,
but when a dirty job needs doing, one of these guys will do it, and no questions

       + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Report from the Tourney #2 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     Larkin here once again, with more interviews from the tourney.  This time I'm
talking to a new manager, so new he doesn't even have a manager name.  "Sir... what
would you like me to call you, by the way?"
     "Why do you have to call me anything?  I don't understand why you want to
interview me.  There are lots of great managers here who could probably tell you
     "I'm looking for a new perspective, the point of view of someone who is just
starting out with the gladiatorial games."
     "Oh.  Well, I guess that would be me."
     "Absolutely right!  Tell me, what do you think of the tourney?  This is your
first, right?"
     "Right, my first," the young man agreed.  "And it's GREAT!  Everyone is just
great here!  I mean, most of these managers, they're, like, legends, you know?
Everybody's heard of them, and they have stables of HUNDREDS of gladiators, and
they've been polishing their tricks for YEARS, and I didn't figure I had much of a
chance, you know?"
     "The popular view is that no matter how much you know, the arena can always
throw a surprise at you--"
     "Yeah, yeah, I've heard that.  I don't know if I believe it, but I've heard it.
But that isn't the best thing about this tourney.  The best thing is that everyone
here has been GREAT.  Or else I didn't meet them--the ones that might not have been.
But I think I met just about everyone, and--"
     "And they were great.  I'm glad.  But perhaps you could tell our readers a
little more, maybe tell them how these experienced managers were great to you?"
     "Well, yeah, okay.  It's that everyone was so friendly and helpful, see?  The
ENTIRE Consortium talked to me about warrior design, for instance.  I learned a lot
there.  And, well, there was Mannequin, and The Greek Guy, and I actually met
Manager, too!  And they were all really helpful.  Advice, you know, and charts, and
all that stuff that was so confusing.  It was just the best experience!  I'm going to
do it again, for sure!"

      * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

                         ---===DELARQUAN REGIONAL NEWS===---

 DM   1 MORDANT (turn 641): BALL PEIN of MANNEQUIN'S BEST (Mannequin, mgr.)
 DM   2 NIANIA (turn 523): GOLDINA of THE GOLDEN FISH (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM   3 OSKSI (turn 647): VIRTUAL REALITY of STATE OF MIND (Marma Duke, mgr.)
 DM   4 JHELUM (turn 618): PETE MASTIFF of DOGS OF WAR (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM   5 KALTOS (turn 642): CREDIT CARD of BLOOD SUCKERS (The Mun, mgr.)
 DM   6 TRANSEL (turn 637): RIDLEY SCOTT of THE DIRECTORS (?, mgr.)
 DM   7 BONSUR (turn 645): SALTILLA of BEACH BABES (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM  10 KOLACT (turn 630): CHAGAN of VIKINGS (Nomad, mgr.)
 DM  18 TALCAMA (turn 631): GRUMPY GHOUL of THE GRATEFUL UNDEAD (Street Legal, mgr.)
 DM  21 SUNSET (turn 630): SARALEE JO of SWORD OPERA (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM  36 JHANS (turn 602): GRACIE NICOLE of GIRLS X3 (Non, mgr.)
 DM  38 CLIFFHOME (turn 594): ZIG of U.A.K. (Otis the Drunk, mgr.)
 DM  39 XOCHITHLAN (turn 268): XYOKOR YAHL of THE MIDDLE WAY (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM  42 RODEKI (turn 578): ALMOST PRETTY of COLOR ME SUAVE (Suave, mgr.)
 DM  51 TRICORUS (turn 529): CARGO of SEA DOGS (One Armed Bandit, mgr.)
 DM  54 TROCAR (turn 253): MATEEN of SAI'FULLAH (?, mgr.)
 DM  59 ILLIS (turn 243): GISBORNE of KIWI CONNECTION (The Mun, mgr.)
 DM  62 VALAMANTIS (turn 476): SAND STORM of DISASTERS (Papa Bear, mgr.)
 DM  72 DRAGONHEAD (turn 219): BAYLY of KIWI CONNECTION (The Mun, mgr.)
ADM 104 DARKHOLM (turn 523): PTI of WASTELAND II (The Muffin Man, mgr.)

                                      Top Teams
 DM   1 MORDANT (turn 641): HOMICIDAL MANIACS (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM   2 NIANIA (turn 523): THE GOLDEN FISH (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM   3 OSKSI (turn 647): IRATE FORMATIONS (The Muffin Man, mgr.)
 DM   4 JHELUM (turn 618): TRIBAL COUNCIL (Chief Illiniwek, mgr.)
 DM   5 KALTOS (turn 642): BLOOD SUCKERS (The Mun, mgr.)
 DM   6 TRANSEL (turn 637): THE DIRECTORS (?, mgr.)
 DM   7 BONSUR (turn 645): BEACH BABES (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM  10 KOLACT (turn 630): VIKINGS (Nomad, mgr.)
 DM  18 TALCAMA (turn 631): THE GRATEFUL UNDEAD (Street Legal, mgr.)
 DM  21 SUNSET (turn 630): BEN'S BAZAAR (Gentleben, mgr.)
 DM  36 JHANS (turn 602): GIRLS X3 (Non, mgr.)
 DM  38 CLIFFHOME (turn 594): U.A.K. (Otis the Drunk, mgr.)
 DM  42 RODEKI (turn 578): COLOR ME SUAVE (Suave, mgr.)
 DM  51 TRICORUS (turn 529): RAISING R'LYEH (Reaper, mgr.)
 DM  54 TROCAR (turn 253): STREET-SOLDIERS (Darkface, mgr.)
 DM  59 ILLIS (turn 243): WHAT'S IN A NAME (Storm Lord, mgr.)
 DM  62 VALAMANTIS (turn 476): MIDDLE WAY 10 (Jorja, mgr.)
 DM  72 DRAGONHEAD (turn 219): KIWI CONNECTION 7 (The Mun, mgr.)
ADM 104 DARKHOLM (turn 523) 0729205R et al (The Muffin Man, mgr.)

                                   Recent Graduates
 DM   3 OSKSI (turn 646): HELIAS SOL of ASTRAL KIN (Kid Arcane, mgr.)
 DM   7 BONSUR (turn 644): BLUEBURN of SENTINELS (Nomad, mgr.)
 DM  36 JHANS (turn 601): EVA MENDEZ of GIRLS X3 (Non, mgr.)
 DM  39 XOCHITHLAN (turn 267): WHAKAPAPA of KIWI CONNECTION (The Mun, mgr.)
 DM  42 RODEKI (turn 577): DACIMOUSEL of DELVERS (Harby, mgr.)
                           LAZY LOOKOUT of DUNGEON CELL (One Armed Bandit, mgr.)
 DM  51 TRICORUS (turn 528): GOB of SEA DOGS (One Armed Bandit, mgr.)
 DM  62 VALAMANTIS (turn 475): SALTY DOG of DEATH MOB (Jakari, mgr.)
 DM  72 DRAGONHEAD (turn 218): EAGLE KEYS of ANCIENT KNIGHTS (?, mgr.)

                                      SPY REPORT

     Oh, hi.  Its just little 'ol Debby Tonte.  Thought I'd check out CLIFFHOME to 
see what's new.  MVP award for TURKEY LEG TANGO?  DANCES WITH MEAT's proud of him 
after beating HANS and getting 19 points.  Talk about yer major upsets!  HANS' match 
with TURKEY LEG TANGO cost him a loss of 16 points!  Don't you think the Duelmaster 
is being unfair?  I think ZIG should let KARTIKAYA be Duelmaster for a while, without 
fighting about it.  Who was the wiseguy that said CLIFFHOME's Duelmaster was paying 
for drinks at The Choking Ogre?  Don't look at me!   
     AAARRGH!!!  I HATE SPYREPORTING!!!  Sorry.  I just had to say it.  People were 
asking me did FRANZ REALLY challenge THEA DOZZIER?  (all right, maybe they didn't, 
but it sounded good!) It wasn't a spectacular fight, or anything, but THEA DOZZIER 
wants me to write about it since she was overcame by FRANZ.  Satisfied?   
     Challenges, revenges, Bloodfeuds.  All CLIFFHOME ever talks about is fighting!  
Me, I'm more laid back.  What a bunch of heartless!  I couldn't believe how many 
people were snickering when ZAG killed BENT FENDER.  So he had a 9-83-0, that's no 
excuse!  Hey you guys, don't you think your families would like to hear from you?  
Write!  (Or have someone write for you.)  
     Remember, blood on a purple robe may stain.  Soak it in cold water, and hand 
wash.  I'm getting tired of writing this stuff, so I'm calling it quits.  I had a fun 
time, see you later-- Debby Tonte  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 ZIG 4827                     18   1  0   157       U.A.K. (92)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-GURU GNU 4784                 9   1  0   162       HILLTOP GURUS (424)
 BERTHA 4826                  18   1  0   132       U.A.K. (92)
 ZAG 4828                     12   7  1   105       U.A.K. (92)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 KARTIKAYA 4761               17  38  1    90       JINDA-BAN (198)
 JITNEY JOHNNY 4825           15   6  1    82       JINDA-BAN (198)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 LUM BUSBY 4822               15  12  0    72       JINDA-BAN (198)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 FRANZ 4837                    4   1  2    56       U.A.K. (92)
 TURKEY LEG TANGO 4791         5   2  1    47       DANCES WITH MEAT (425)
 RIBEYE RHOMBA 4795            5   2  0    39       DANCES WITH MEAT (425)
 THEA DOZZIER 4832             9   3  1    35       JINDA-BAN (198)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 HAMBURGER HO DOWN 4794        4   3  0    30       DANCES WITH MEAT (425)
 HANS 4836                     4   1  1    26       U.A.K. (92)
 CHICKEN CHA-CHA 4839          2   1  0    24       DANCES WITH MEAT (425)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 T-BONE TWO-STEP 4793          4   3  0    21       DANCES WITH MEAT (425)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD                W  L K TEAM NAME            SLAIN BY              TURN Revenge?
BENT FENDER 4702        9 83 0 JINDA-BAN 198        ZAG 4828              595   

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Zag -- If you don't want to go to the coast at Osksi with Johnny, I know of a very
pleasant cabin on the lake between Sibikhas and Niania.  It belongs to a Lord
Protector I know, but he hasn't been seen in a while, which means the cabin is
probably available.  It's even got a sort of a beach. -- Lum Busby
P.S.  And while I'm not as socially adept as Johnny, according to the Commission,
anyway, I'm much more trustworthy.

Zig -- Did you know that people are actually BETTING on whether I get forced into
graduation when I hit one hundred fights?  Ghouls. -- Bent Fender

     You misunderstand.  We're virtually certain that you will be forced into
     graduation at one hundred fights.  The question is whether you will REACH one
     hundred fights. -- Melatas, Spymaster of Cliffhome arena

Bertha -- And after a drink, what about dinner?  There's a place near the top of the
cliff that does really good ribs. -- Kartikaya

The Convicted Assassin didn't seem to know what to do with an opponent who could see
him coming.  But I had no doubt what to do with him.  Unfortunately, the arenamaster
stopped me. -- Jitney Johnny

Turkey Leg Tango -- Dang, it's hard to get the meat off those things!  But I will do
it.  Maybe if I bone 'em first.... -- Thea Dozzier

Guys and gals at UAK -- You're a bunch of sweethearts. -- Bent Fender

Bertha -- Well, you might be.  At this point, I'm willing to go out with whoever says
"yes" first, and take it from there.  This "wait two weeks for an answer" is really
hard on the nerves. -- Lum

Bertha -- Listen, you knock my socks off!  I like that in a woman. -- Kartikaya

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

ZAG viciously butchered BENT FENDER in a crowd pleasing 4 minute Challenge fight.
TURKEY LEG TANGO demolished HANS in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge melee.
FRANZ overpowered THEA DOZZIER in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge duel.
ZIG devastated KARTIKAYA in a 1 minute one-sided Title fight.
BERTHA demolished LUM BUSBY in a 1 minute mismatched competition.
JITNEY JOHNNY vanquished KUNG-FU MASTER in a 1 minute mismatched fight.
RIBEYE RHOMBA overpowered CULT MEMBER in a 1 minute gory mismatched brawl.
HAMBURGER HO DOWN slimly lost to THE USEROUS MERCHANT in a 5 minute gruesome melee.
T-BONE TWO-STEP vanquished MORDANT DESERTER in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
CHICKEN CHA-CHA vanquished MORDANT DESERTER in a 1 minute one-sided duel.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|STRIKING ATTACK                  3         PARRY-LUNGE        4 -   1 -  0      80  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   3         AIMED BLOW        16 -   4 -  1      80  |
|AIMED BLOW                       2         LUNGING ATTACK     8 -   2 -  0      80  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    2         BASHING ATTACK    22 -   8 -  2      73  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      2         SLASHING ATTACK    2 -   1 -  0      67  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                   1         PARRY-RIPOSTE      7 -   5 -  0      58  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  1         STRIKING ATTACK   12 -   9 -  3      57  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    1         WALL OF STEEL      3 -   3 -  0      50  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      0         TOTAL PARRY        2 -  18 -  0      10  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     0         PARRY-STRIKE       0 -   0 -  0       0  |

Turn 595 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

AIMED BLOW         2 -  0     BASHING ATTACK     1 -  2         4  STRIKING ATTACK
PARRY-RIPOSTE      2 -  0     PARRY-LUNGE        0 -  0         2  AIMED BLOW     
LUNGING ATTACK     1 -  0     PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  0         2  BASHING ATTACK 
SLASHING ATTACK    1 -  0     TOTAL PARRY        0 -  2         1  TOTAL PARRY    
STRIKING ATTACK    2 -  1     WALL OF STEEL      0 -  1         1  LUNGING ATTACK 
                                                                1  PARRY-RIPOSTE  

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
AIMED BLOW       ZIG 4827                   18   1  0  157 U.A.K. (92)
BASHING ATTACK   BERTHA 4826                18   1  0  132 U.A.K. (92)
LUNGING ATTACK   JITNEY JOHNNY 4825         15   6  1   82 JINDA-BAN (198)
STRIKING ATTACK  LUM BUSBY 4822             15  12  0   72 JINDA-BAN (198)
PARRY-RIPOSTE    RIBEYE RHOMBA 4795          5   2  0   39 DANCES WITH MEAT (425)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is JITNEY JOHNNY 4825.  The most popular warrior this 
turn was ZAG 4828.  The ten other most popular fighters were JITNEY JOHNNY 4825, 
4827, BERTHA 4826, CHICKEN CHA-CHA 4839, BENT FENDER 4702, and KARTIKAYA 4761.

The least popular fighter this week was THEA DOZZIER 4832.  The other ten least 
popular fighters were HANS 4836, HAMBURGER HO DOWN 4794, LUM BUSBY 4822, KARTIKAYA 
4761, BENT FENDER 4702, CHICKEN CHA-CHA 4839, BERTHA 4826, ZIG 4827, FRANZ 4837, and