Date   : 08/30/2003    Duedate: 09/12/2003


DM-42    TURN-415

This Weeks Top Honors


(42-3902) [15-2-0,102]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

COLOR ME SUAVE (322)           
(42-3902) [15-2-0,102]         

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

COLOR ME SUAVE (322)           COLOR ME SUAVE (322)
(42-4015) [7-4-0,52]           (42-3902) [15-2-0,102]



Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. COLOR ME SUAVE (322)        29
2. DELVERS (154)                5      COLOR ME SUAVE (322)
3. WAY OF THE SWORD A3 (356)    0      Unchartered Team
4. FULL METAL JACKET (347)      0
5. DUH-WHAT? (357)              0      I LIKE (317)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 1 COLOR ME SUAVE (322)     217 154 15 58.5   1/ 1 COLOR ME SUAVE (322)     11  4 0
 2- 2*DUH-WHAT? (357)            5   4  1 55.6   2/ 3 DELVERS (154)             6  9 0
 3- 3*WAY OF THE SWORD A (356)  10  10  0 50.0   3- 2*WAY OF THE SWORD A (356)  4  1 0
 4- 4*FULL METAL JACKET (347)    6   7  0 46.2   4/ 5 CLOWNING AROUND (354)     2  4 0
 5/ 6 DELVERS (154)            292 407  5 41.8   5- 6*FULL METAL JACKET (347)   1  3 0
 6/ 5 CLOWNING AROUND (354)      9  13  0 40.9   6- 4*DUH-WHAT? (357)           1  4 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                 DUELMASTER'S COLUMN
                             Notes from the arena champ.

     Pudding Parade, dear boy, if you can't go longer than thirteen minutes, you're
going to bounce off the Bumper.

                                      SPY REPORT

     So why do I have this bag over my head?  Because I am The Unknown Spymaster and 
I'm going to give you a spy report!.  Hey everybody, watch out for SUSHEE SU, who 
flew up 10 points in the rankings after mashing YANKEE DAN like a melon.  Keep your 
eye on this gal.  Ya know, some days it doesn't pay to walk out on the sands.  YANKEE 
DAN was bested by SUSHEE SU and drops 10 points.  It's a proud day for the COLOR ME 
SUAVE stable, as their warrior, PUDDING PARADE, ascended the Duelmaster's throne.  
Can you believe they are paying me 10 gold to deliver this stuff?   
     Let's dig a little deeper into what's happening in the RODEKI arena.  Did you 
hear that CLOWNING AROUND was most avoided team this week?  Well, knowing the 
personal hygiene of CLOWNING AROUND's warriors, I'm not surprised!  And you guys like 
to boo me?  Well, unsling your rasberries, cause COLOR ME SUAVE beats feet every time 
CLOWNING AROUND smiles at them.  Try farming, eh?  And who is this ANN ARTICHOKE you 
ask, with 62 points and a 12-4-0 record.  Ooh, the tales I could tell!   
     Being a spy is great--other people die and you spend the rest of the day 
drinking to their memory.  Better tanked than dead!  Remember:  alliances are great, 
but try and take your ally in the arena with you and see what happens.   
     Well, that wasn't too bad; Alarond told me that the people in RODEKI have no 
sense of humor.  Or maybe that they were senseless.  Well, there goes another Spy 
Report.  Good luck in next week's fights.  Its been fun, and I'm sure you enjoyed it 
(boos).  Now that I've got you worked up for Snide Clemens, I'll be leaving-- The 
Unknown Spymaster  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 PUDDING PARADE 3902          15   2  0   102       COLOR ME SUAVE (322)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 RUBBER BUMPER 3903           18  23  0    91       DELVERS (154)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 ANN ARTICHOKE 3984           12   4  0    62       DELVERS (154)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 SNAPPY GEORGE 4015            7   4  0    52       COLOR ME SUAVE (322)
-SOUPLE 4030                   3   1  0    51       WAY OF THE SWORD A3 (356)
 SOUFFLE GUFFAW 4023           5   3  0    38       COLOR ME SUAVE (322)
-ARERIS 4035                   3   0  0    35       WAY OF THE SWORD A3 (356)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 SUSHEE SU 3983                5  11  0    33       DELVERS (154)
 JOHN ROSE 3985                7   9  0    30       DELVERS (154)
 FUZZY BUZZCUT 4024            5   3  0    30       COLOR ME SUAVE (322)
 EL RIPPOFF 3992               7   7  0    29       DELVERS (154)
-GITH 4033                     2   2  0    26       WAY OF THE SWORD A3 (356)
-OSTMAN 4034                   2   2  0    24       WAY OF THE SWORD A3 (356)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 YANKEE DAN 4019               6   4  0    22       CLOWNING AROUND (354)
 LIMPY TWO-SCREWS 4048         2   1  0    22       COLOR ME SUAVE (322)
-KITTY 4036                    2   0  1    21       DUH-WHAT? (357)
-ALABAMA BLACKSNAKE 3971       1   0  0    21       FULL METAL JACKET (347)
 BOZO 4016                     2   8  0    20       CLOWNING AROUND (354)
-JOSIE 4037                    1   1  0     8       DUH-WHAT? (357)
-SPIKE 4038                    1   1  0     8       DUH-WHAT? (357)
-BIA THE ITCH 4039             1   1  0     4       DUH-WHAT? (357)
-BUTCH 4040                    0   1  0     1       DUH-WHAT? (357)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Guys and gal -- I plan on making a return here shortly, once I get this pesky layoff
from work taken care of.  So when I do, I plan on showing Assurnameinsertedhere-
burpenheimerlongnameguy and Suave how to take care of business (never mind one of my
"best" being killed by a house stand-in). -- Flagg

Souple -- What kind of name for a warrior is that?  You sound like some nerf game or
fast food lunch. -- El Rippoff

Souple -- Ignore El Rippoff.  When he can't think of anything else to say, he resorts
to cheap insults. -- Harby

Fuzzy Buzzcut -- I like playing with golems, you know.  Taking them apart.  Sometimes
I even put them back together...differently. -- Ann Artichoke

Souffle Guffaw -- You didn't have to spray me with bits of egg and, I think, cheese,
when you laughed, you know.  You could have been couth.  It wouldn't have hurt
anything, not sprained a rib or twisted a gasket.  You should TRY it sometime, being
couth.  It might not be totally beyond your ability. -- John Rose

Areris -- Where did you come from?  Wherever, go back there. -- Sushee Su

1 August 2003
     Assurnasirbanipal invites you to Talcama to participate in the third BATTLE
ROYAL contest.  It is a Delarquan contest so brutal that even some of Talcama's most
notable managers will refuse to participate.  The rules are simpler than any other
contest:  You may not avoid any other contest team.  There are no silly rules for who
can and can't compete.  Any team in Talcama is eligible to compete.  The scoring is
also quite simple (+1 for a win, +1 for a kill (+1 for the win), -1 for a loss) and
the first team to reach 25 points is the winner.
     Scoring will be live--the results for the turn posted in the newsletter.  The
winner will be able to fight their contest team in Talcama for free for 6 months but
more importantly will win a contest against some of the best managers who play the
game in one of the hardest contests in the game.
     First turn for BATTLE ROYAL 3 is Talcama Turn 465, which is due August 30.

19 August 2003
     Citizens of Ghea (only the ignorant fail to note Lirith Kai is not in Alastari),
no new day is rising, but the sun is setting on just another beautiful evening.
While you were sleeping, an irksome rabble has entered the always fair Aruak City.
Of course they fought alongside our warriors, most not so treasured, as all
gladiators do.  They drank with themselves, and slept with themselves.  Whether they
had masks, who cares.
     Warriors, don't be afraid.  For years Aruak has been one of the safest cities in
Ghea, and that custom has been continually cultivated, and will continue to be by
those who have called it home for years and those who live, fight, and die by the
same ethics.  There is no contest, nor has there ever needed to be one for many
years.  A conflict of personalities has arisen, and the city has been 'invaded' by
     Any rules that are annouced will be purely for the joy of the lemmings' own
little world.  Those who are being targeted have no interest in participating except
to defend the integrity of an arena that is different from others.  Whether you
choose to come to Aruak, do it for your own reasons, not theirs.
    Competing in Aruak City has never been for the faint of heart or the weak willed.
Combat is combat, wherever you go.  Blood will flow as always, and now many innocents
will be caught in the middle, but those who defend Aruak's traditions never target
those who bring respect of Aruaki customs with them to our home.
    So ignore the private ranting announcement brought by the stuporous
Frothingsloshers.  If you choose Aruak City, do not choose it for an unsanctioned and
bogus 'contest', choose it for the tradition.  Choose it because Aruak is different.

Defenders of Aruak

25 August 2003
To any that care -- The CDC is back; our current roster is:
     Malaquar -- Minion of Guardian
     Pip the Troll -- Burly Enforcer Type
     mouse -- Official Sneaky Bastard
     Papa Bear -- Elder Statesmen
                     The Sealer says, "Hi, I'm the dealer."
                     Papa Bear says, "It's not my f****n fault."
Guardian -- Paper Figurehead

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

SNAPPY GEORGE was bested by ANN ARTICHOKE in a 2 minute Challenge fight.
BOZO was viciously subdued by FUZZY BUZZCUT in a 3 minute brutal Challenge duel.
RUBBER BUMPER was viciously subdued by PUDDING PARADE in a 7 minute Title match.
YANKEE DAN was viciously subdued by SUSHEE SU in a 2 minute gory fight.
EL RIPPOFF was savagely defeated by DANGEROUS CRIMINAL in a 1 minute competition.
SOUFFLE GUFFAW defeated JOHN ROSE in a 3 minute struggle.
LIMPY TWO-SCREWS overpowered CONVICTED THIEF in a 1 minute mismatched brawl.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|WALL OF STEEL                    3         AIMED BLOW         1 -   0 -  0     100  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    3         SLASHING ATTACK    6 -   2 -  0      75  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      3         PARRY-RIPOSTE     19 -  11 -  0      63  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   2         PARRY-LUNGE        5 -   3 -  0      63  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                   1         TOTAL PARRY       19 -  13 -  0      59  |
|AIMED BLOW                       0         LUNGING ATTACK    17 -  13 -  1      57  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      0         STRIKING ATTACK   12 -  10 -  0      55  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     0         PARRY-STRIKE       4 -   4 -  0      50  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  0         WALL OF STEEL     16 -  19 -  1      46  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                  0         BASHING ATTACK     8 -  13 -  0      38  |

Turn 415 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

LUNGING ATTACK     1 -  0     PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -  2         3  PARRY-RIPOSTE  
WALL OF STEEL      2 -  1     TOTAL PARRY        1 -  2         3  WALL OF STEEL  
BASHING ATTACK     1 -  1     AIMED BLOW         0 -  0         2  TOTAL PARRY    
                              PARRY-LUNGE        0 -  0         1  SLASHING ATTACK
                              PARRY-STRIKE       0 -  0         1  LUNGING ATTACK 
                              SLASHING ATTACK    0 -  0         1  BASHING ATTACK 
                              STRIKING ATTACK    0 -  0     

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
TOTAL PARRY      PUDDING PARADE 3902        15   2  0  102 COLOR ME SUAVE (322)
PARRY-RIPOSTE    ANN ARTICHOKE 3984         12   4  0   62 DELVERS (154)
WALL OF STEEL    SOUFFLE GUFFAW 4023         5   3  0   38 COLOR ME SUAVE (322)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is SNAPPY GEORGE 4015.  The most popular warrior this 
turn was PUDDING PARADE 3902.  The ten other most popular fighters were SUSHEE SU 

The least popular fighter this week was RUBBER BUMPER 3903.  The other ten least 
popular fighters were SNAPPY GEORGE 4015, LIMPY TWO-SCREWS 4048, YANKEE DAN 4019, EL 

                                FACE-TO-FACE XXXII

     Our next Winter Face-to-Face will be held on Martin Luther King weekend, Friday 
through Sunday, 16-18 January 2004, at the Embassy Suites in Tempe, Arizona (4400 S 
Rural Rd).  Room rates are $119.00 per night, 1-2 occupancy, which includes breakfast.  
The rooms are blocked.  The reservations number is 480-897-7444; tell them you're with 
the "Reality Simulations Face to Face Convention" block.  Our room block will be 
released in mid-December, so please make sure you reserve your room before then.
     There is a free shuttle to the airport, as well as free parking.  The hotel is 
located down the freeway in Tempe.  All rooms have high speed internet (for an extra 
charge).  There is a fitness center, jacuzzi, and pool, and of course a bar and 
restaurant inside the hotel.  And there's Denny's right across the street.  Look for 
transportation info in the tournament information sheet.
     The tournament information sheet/strategy sheet should be out sometime in late 
November/early December. 
     If you haven't been to a Face-to-Face before, you're overdue.  If you have, 
you'll be back.  Don't miss this one, it'll be a blast!  See you there! 

                                          -- Green Eyes and the RSI Staff