DUEL 2 NEWSLETTER
Date : 02/28/2018 Duedate: 03/27/2018
STORMCROWE ARENA
DM-45 TURN-395
This Weeks Top Honors
THE DUELMASTER IS
EIRE
INTERNATIONAL (554)
(45-5097) [15-3-2,152]
Chartered Recognition Leader Unchartered Recognition Leader
EIRE POSITION IS EMPTY
INTERNATIONAL (554)
(45-5097) [15-3-2,152]
Popularity Leader This Weeks Favorite
GARGLE SPEW EDGAR ALLAN POE
EMETICS (406) DEAD POETS (548)
(45-3902) [14-10-1,115] (45-5016) [12-10-0,91]
THE CURRENT TOP TEAM
HOWLIN SLAUGHTER (563)
TEAMS ON THE MOVE TOP CAREER HONORS
Team Name Point Gain Chartered Team
1. GOING BERSERK (527) 36
2. BIG LAKE KILLERS (551) 32 INTERNATIONAL (554)
3. THE MENTORS RIDE (550) 30 Unchartered Team
4. INTERNATIONAL (554) 26
5. DEAD POETS (548) 26 WRATHMEN (531)
The Top Teams
Career Win-Loss Record W L K % Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns W L K
1/ 1 INTERNATIONAL (554) 81 36 8 69.2 1/ 1 HOWLIN SLAUGHTER (563) 13 2 1
2- 2 DARQUE FORCES (428) 562 348 34 61.8 2/ 9 BASH BROS CARS (562) 10 5 2
3- 3 PHANTOM REGIMENT (496) 93 61 5 60.4 3/ 4 DEAD POETS (548) 10 5 0
4/ 4 CSU COLLEGE RADIO (561) 77 52 2 59.7 4/ 7 BATTLE SHIPS (552) 9 3 0
5/ 5 GOING BERSERK (527) 86 60 8 58.9 5/11 MAIDEN JAPAN (504) 9 5 0
6/ 6 BASH BROS CARS (562) 79 58 3 57.7 6/ 3 GOING BERSERK (527) 8 5 1
7- 7 ICE-N-FIRE (544) 37 28 3 56.9 7/ 2 CSU COLLEGE RADIO (561) 8 5 0
8- 8 NOV FUN 14 (559) 29 22 0 56.9 8/ 5 INTERNATIONAL (554) 8 6 0
9/ 9 HOWLIN SLAUGHTER (563) 31 24 2 56.4 9/20 BOOK OF THOMAS (528) 7 2 0
10-10 WRATHMEN 1.1 (543) 30 25 1 54.5 10- 6 NOV FUN 14 (559) 7 3 0
11/12 AVID FANS (65) 218 191 22 53.3 11/14 SIMPLETONS (424) 7 7 0
12/11 CANDY CRUSHERS (534) 33 31 4 51.6 12/ 8 SHEWISH BUFFET (520) 7 8 2
13/13 YUPPIE HORDE (560) 199 191 11 51.0 13/16 LA BOULANGE (533) 7 8 2
14/14 LAW DOGS (555) 44 43 1 50.6 14/21 AVID FANS (65) 7 8 1
15-17 FREE CANDY (540) 26 26 2 50.0 15-12 PHANTOM REGIMENT (496) 6 4 2
16/16 SHEWISH BUFFET (520) 130 131 10 49.8 16-18*MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE (557) 6 4 0
17-18 TIME STALLYANS (547) 94 95 11 49.7 17/10 CANDY CRUSHERS (534) 6 9 0
18/15 WOB AFW (556) 47 49 3 49.0 18/24 ABATTOIR 5 BLADES (535) 6 9 0
Career Win-Loss Record W L K % Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns W L K
19/21 BATTLE SHIPS (552) 40 42 2 48.8 19/25 YUPPIE HORDE (560) 6 9 0
20/20 MAIDEN JAPAN (504) 62 68 3 47.7 20/13 WOB AFW (556) 5 10 1
21/19 BIG LAKE KILLERS (551) 29 32 4 47.5 21-15 ICE-N-FIRE (544) 4 6 1
22/22 DEAD POETS (548) 63 70 3 47.4 22-17 FREE CANDY (540) 4 6 0
23/ 0 EMETICS (406) 71 79 2 47.3 23-23 PONY BRIGADE (558) 4 6 0
24/24 BOOK OF THOMAS (528) 28 33 0 45.9 24/30 LAW DOGS (555) 4 10 0
25/23 SIMPLETONS (424) 36 44 1 45.0 25-27 TIME STALLYANS (547) 3 7 0
26/25 LA BOULANGE (533) 48 63 2 43.2 26-29 OTTODROME XLV (549) 3 7 0
27-26 PONY BRIGADE (558) 27 36 3 42.9 27-19 DARQUE FORCES (428) 3 7 0
28/27 THE MENTORS RIDE (550) 37 50 1 42.5 28/22 BIG LAKE KILLERS (551) 3 12 0
29-28*MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE (557) 17 28 0 37.8 29-26 WRATHMEN 1.1 (543) 2 2 0
30-29 OTTODROME XLV (549) 19 32 0 37.3 30/28 THE MENTORS RIDE (550) 2 3 0
31/30 ABATTOIR 5 BLADES (535) 18 42 0 30.0 31/ 0 EMETICS (406) 1 0 0
'*' Unchartered team '-' Team did not fight this turn
(###) Avoid teams by their Team Id ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank
DUELMASTER'S COLUMN
Notes from the arena champ.
Eire here. I'm the one. The champ. The Duelmaster. Perhaps even the first
Duelmaster in a newly named arena. Famous!
I have to congratulate the Shewish Drive Thru team for edging us Conscrips out
for the BIG win. They had a fine desperation strategy, and it worked. So I guess some
could say I am a 2nd place Duelmaster, but I tend to ignore that worthless old maid
chatter.
I also want to thank our two Big Bosses, Consortium and Crip; they managed both
of our teams well and were a joy to work for. We all wanted the win.
Mostly, we all thank Master Darque for an intriguing, well-designed, exciting,
and ultra-well-manager event. Yu da man, Darque!
And to those of you warriors that stick around and want to fight more, I say --
feel free to challenge me: I only have 2 kills so far. (well, not counting that
tournament kill, so make it three)
-- Eire, Duelmaster
SPY REPORT
Greetings warriors! It is I, Zontani Sharp Eyes, here to bring report of the
clash and bustle of the weekly STORMCROWE games. The proverbial rising comet can
only hope to compare with BOOK OF THOMAS' team record! A 2-2-0 week and now a firm
grasp on a 9th place ranking. Fortune did not smile upon DARQUE FORCES this time out
who this turn suffered a fall into 27th position in the wake of a 0-0-0 round. My
praise to BATTLE SHIPS for their 3-1-0 week this time out. Indeed, it was a
skillfully fought round deserving of notice! CHOPPER caught the eye of many in the
gladiatorial commission as he skillfully bested ALPHA REV and was awarded 30 points
in recognition. In one of the week's more notable duels, CHOPPER put down ALPHA REV,
causing it to lose 32 points of recognition in the process. Unwilling to wait upon
the will of others, Duelmaster EIRE challenged HUMAN BEAN last week in a match to
decide the fate of the throne. Not for nothing has EIRE in the past laid claim to
the Duelmaster's throne, and this week she's proven hers combat skill yet again.
Informants "close" to the city champion have told me that he never fights without
pantyhose on beneath his armor. Watch out!
But come now, let us look deeper into the maze of contention and crossed blades
that is city STORMCROWE. My inside sources tell me that the team to beat in
STORMCROWE these days is BATTLE SHIPS. At least, most blades in town are looking to
avoid them. If you didn't look down dark alleys you'd have been hard pressed to find
any of INTERNATIONAL last week. Busy avoiding BATTLE SHIPS? Loose talk at the arena
has reached my ears and it but confirms the knowledge that many fighters are after
HUMAN BEAN. Watch your back! I can not but mention with disdain the name of ATTICUS
PINSCHER who this week posted a challenge to a warrior a full 11 points below in the
rankings. I thought ATTICUS PINSCHER showed great skill and promise when he beat PEZ
PULVERIZER. All right, so I slept through it! Big deal!
Vendettas. Bloodied blades and broken spears. Indeed the city has seen more
than its fair share of red in recent times. DEAD BATTERY has sworn to take up
religion upon living to tell of his recent bout with the Dark Arena horrors. A rare
thing indeed! Strange what qualities come forth in the face of certain doom. BISHOP
has the town astir with the news of its Dark Arena victory! My sources at BOOK OF
THOMAS stable claim they've never seen the guild bitterer. This as a result of the
untimely demise of FOLK TALE. Beware PETIT PAIN! Rite of Bloodfeud must forever be
reserved for teams with honor. Witness STORMCROWE! WRATHMEN 1.1 has failed to
revenge the slaying of fallen KELLI. Fate is a fickle mistress. She showers the
miserable with fortune but sets enemies against the victorious. Remember this!
The girls are as pretty in STORMCROWE as ever I remembered them....and the
fighters as ugly! Don't let your reputation slip! More than a sharp eye must I
keep, indeed a stout pair of legs must I keep as well! The endless paths of Alastari
await me! Till we meet again, remember: a turtle walks slow, hides head in a shell,
and harms no one; a lion runs to slay its prey.-- Zontani Sharp Eyes
DUELMASTER W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
EIRE 5097 15 3 2 152 INTERNATIONAL (554)
CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
GARGLE SPEW 3902 14 10 1 115 EMETICS (406)
DOOR DINGS 5247 25 18 0 112 BASH BROS CARS (562)
BENDER 4804 11 5 0 112 SIMPLETONS (424)
-ICHABOD CRANE 4352 19 9 2 106 PHANTOM REGIMENT (496)
-PTOMAINE 5002 21 17 2 105 TIME STALLYANS (547)
MONGOLIA 5100 13 4 1 103 INTERNATIONAL (554)
-RAINBOW DASH 5143 10 4 2 103 PONY BRIGADE (558)
CHOPPER 5044 7 6 1 102 THE MENTORS RIDE (550)
WISCONSIN 5079 12 5 1 100 BATTLE SHIPS (552)
KIT KAT KATANA 4901 10 3 2 99 CANDY CRUSHERS (534)
-SPECTRE 4651 6 5 1 98 PHANTOM REGIMENT (496)
BOMBAY BIKE CLUB 5214 13 9 0 94 CSU COLLEGE RADIO (561)
A REPORTER 4758 12 9 2 92 AVID FANS (65)
EDGAR ALLAN POE 5016 12 10 0 91 DEAD POETS (548)
CHAMPIONS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
-GRATEFUL DEAD 4525 10 13 0 90 PHANTOM REGIMENT (496)
HUMAN BEAN 4853 11 5 1 89 SHEWISH BUFFET (520)
FOMO 5172 16 13 0 88 YUPPIE HORDE (560)
-FLYING DUTCHMAN 4469 16 10 0 86 PHANTOM REGIMENT (496)
SWISS ALP 5098 15 8 3 86 INTERNATIONAL (554)
AN ARENA DOCTOR 4175 16 20 1 85 AVID FANS (65)
-CONVULSIVE HURL 3563 6 28 0 85 EMETICS (406)
HMS CENTURIAN 5068 10 2 0 82 BATTLE SHIPS (552)
UNDK 4872 10 5 1 81 GOING BERSERK (527)
USKURNTAI 4886 7 8 0 80 GOING BERSERK (527)
-WAR MAIDEN 4743 19 20 1 78 DARQUE FORCES (428)
WRATHCHILD 4407 14 14 0 78 MAIDEN JAPAN (504)
ALPHA REV 5213 12 4 1 77 CSU COLLEGE RADIO (561)
ALDON 5120 11 1 0 77 WOB AFW (556)
L'APPRENTI 4898 11 12 1 73 LA BOULANGE (533)
-CHRISTINA 4957 8 3 0 72 WRATHMEN 1.1 (543)
FAMILY RECIPE 4854 11 3 1 71 SHEWISH BUFFET (520)
RIME-ANCIENT MARINER 4496 13 6 0 68 MAIDEN JAPAN (504)
-EXTRA USAGE 5152 10 0 0 68 NOV FUN 14 (559)
CHALLENGER ADEPTS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
-MELISSA 4953 6 5 0 63 WRATHMEN 1.1 (543)
-CAR SEAT HEADREST 5210 6 3 0 63 CSU COLLEGE RADIO (561)
SHARPER IMAGE 5173 11 18 1 62 YUPPIE HORDE (560)
-ROCK OF AGES 5096 15 12 0 61 INTERNATIONAL (554)
CHICAGO 4801 10 4 0 60 SIMPLETONS (424)
CHALLENGER ADEPTS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
EDMUND KEMPER 5058 9 3 1 60 BIG LAKE KILLERS (551)
BOULDER 5215 8 11 1 60 CSU COLLEGE RADIO (561)
JACK MCCHOW 5104 11 10 0 59 LAW DOGS (555)
ATTICUS PINSCHER 5110 9 7 0 59 LAW DOGS (555)
THE VEAL DEAL 5251 8 3 0 59 HOWLIN SLAUGHTER (563)
LIVE CATTLE 5253 7 4 2 59 HOWLIN SLAUGHTER (563)
LE FOURNER 4895 9 13 0 58 LA BOULANGE (533)
-OZARKS 5046 8 5 0 58 THE MENTORS RIDE (550)
GLUTEN FREE 5053 7 4 0 58 LA BOULANGE (533)
ADEPTS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
BISHOP 5116 9 6 1 56 WOB AFW (556)
-AMMOZON 5256 7 3 0 56 DARQUE FORCES (428)
INSOLENT FURY 5169 13 7 1 55 YUPPIE HORDE (560)
RUNNING FREE 4406 13 14 0 53 MAIDEN JAPAN (504)
ARTHUR BREMER 5060 6 7 0 53 BIG LAKE KILLERS (551)
-CHOKE-A-LOTS 4936 7 3 1 52 FREE CANDY (540)
-QUATAN 4887 6 8 0 52 GOING BERSERK (527)
SYLVIA PLATH 5008 8 4 0 51 DEAD POETS (548)
LEAN HOG 5255 7 4 0 51 HOWLIN SLAUGHTER (563)
FEEDER 5252 6 5 0 51 HOWLIN SLAUGHTER (563)
YAMATO 5083 8 4 0 50 BATTLE SHIPS (552)
-BONKERS 4938 4 6 0 50 FREE CANDY (540)
STICKY SITUATION 4904 4 8 0 48 ABATTOIR 5 BLADES (535)
-NIKKI 4954 5 7 0 47 WRATHMEN 1.1 (543)
RASAM 5117 7 8 0 46 WOB AFW (556)
-THEON 5056 10 2 0 45 ICE-N-FIRE (544)
NO WASHER FLUID 5233 9 2 0 45 BASH BROS CARS (562)
-PRISM GLIDER 5146 5 5 1 45 PONY BRIGADE (558)
URBAN LEGEND 4836 4 7 0 45 BOOK OF THOMAS (528)
-ODD AND EVEN 5135 5 4 0 44 MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE (557)
LEMON 5241 5 6 0 43 BASH BROS CARS (562)
SECURITY GUARD 4825 8 9 1 42 AVID FANS (65)
-ZIPPORWHILL 5138 4 7 0 42 PONY BRIGADE (558)
THE FEVER DREAMER 4906 4 8 0 41 ABATTOIR 5 BLADES (535)
-PORTLY FELLOW 5035 5 6 0 40 OTTODROME XLV (549)
PEZ PULVERIZER 5287 6 3 0 39 CANDY CRUSHERS (534)
CARAMEL CUDGEL 4900 6 5 1 38 CANDY CRUSHERS (534)
SHRIMP SCAMP 4855 4 8 0 37 SHEWISH BUFFET (520)
-HAPPY AND SAD 5136 4 5 0 37 MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE (557)
ARISTOPHANES 5103 4 8 0 37 DEAD POETS (548)
-PATHFINDER 4988 7 8 1 36 TIME STALLYANS (547)
A FUNKY NIGHTMARE 4905 5 7 0 36 ABATTOIR 5 BLADES (535)
-EFFIE BOMB 5302 4 3 0 36 DARQUE FORCES (428)
-THE MOUNTAIN 4969 8 5 0 35 ICE-N-FIRE (544)
CLAWRENCE DARROW 5105 7 5 1 35 LAW DOGS (555)
BATTLE FROG 5167 7 6 0 35 YUPPIE HORDE (560)
-WITLESS WALRUS 5339 3 0 0 35 NOV FUN 14 (559)
CHALLENGER INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
PETIT PAIN 5054 6 5 1 33 LA BOULANGE (533)
TOBIR BATTER 5316 2 3 0 33 SHEWISH BUFFET (520)
UPTOWN FUNK 5168 1 9 0 33 YUPPIE HORDE (560)
BATTLE WAGON 5275 5 6 1 32 BATTLE SHIPS (552)
GUMMI BEAR GAVEL 5089 4 7 1 32 CANDY CRUSHERS (534)
-BLUE HORSESHOE 5039 3 7 0 32 OTTODROME XLV (549)
-USURP IDOL 5151 5 5 0 31 NOV FUN 14 (559)
-BLACK AND WHITE 5137 4 5 0 31 MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE (557)
-SNOW 4971 6 7 1 30 ICE-N-FIRE (544)
-BLOW OUT 5043 5 11 0 30 THE MENTORS RIDE (550)
KWITCHERBICHON 4861 4 1 0 30 BOOK OF THOMAS (528)
-TECHNICDOR YAWN 4097 2 3 0 30 EMETICS (406)
-TENDER TAPS 5139 4 6 0 29 PONY BRIGADE (558)
CHALLENGER INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
-IMPERIA PAYNE 5085 6 4 1 27 FREE CANDY (540)
-THE HOUND 4968 5 8 0 27 ICE-N-FIRE (544)
BOOK KEEPER 5313 4 3 0 26 AVID FANS (65)
-YAK 5296 4 2 1 24 GOING BERSERK (527)
SHANGHAI 5323 3 2 0 24 INTERNATIONAL (554)
-MARE DO WELL 5303 3 4 0 24 PONY BRIGADE (558)
THE BRUTE SQUAD 5326 2 3 0 24 AVID FANS (65)
INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
-MOCHIZUKI CHIYOME 5283 6 3 0 23 TIME STALLYANS (547)
ORSON 5318 4 2 0 23 CSU COLLEGE RADIO (561)
HERSHEY HAMMER 5324 4 1 0 23 CANDY CRUSHERS (534)
OVID 5333 3 1 0 23 DEAD POETS (548)
-KIT KAT 5281 6 4 0 22 FREE CANDY (540)
BRUCE BRENIZER 5294 3 6 1 22 BIG LAKE KILLERS (551)
-BIRTHDAY CAKE 5037 3 7 0 22 OTTODROME XLV (549)
-THROTTLE JOCKEY 5336 2 0 0 21 THE MENTORS RIDE (550)
-TAFFY RESERVOIR 5208 4 6 0 20 NOV FUN 14 (559)
PRISM GUARD 4857 2 2 0 20 BOOK OF THOMAS (528)
ARNIE BARKER 5332 2 2 0 19 LAW DOGS (555)
BIG DUMMY 5087 3 9 0 18 SIMPLETONS (424)
-LUCKY LOSER 5322 3 1 0 17 MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE (557)
-ORFEO HART 5086 3 7 0 16 FREE CANDY (540)
-BLUEBERRY COBBLER 5307 3 4 0 15 NOV FUN 14 (559)
BLUE DRAGON BLADE 5310 2 5 0 15 ABATTOIR 5 BLADES (535)
STICKY BLUE BLADE 5343 1 2 0 15 ABATTOIR 5 BLADES (535)
-MANCE RAYDER 5347 1 0 0 13 ICE-N-FIRE (544)
STRANGEWORLD 5319 3 3 0 12 MAIDEN JAPAN (504)
-REP #2 5297 2 4 1 11 WRATHMEN 1.1 (543)
MARY KRUEGER 5329 0 5 0 11 BIG LAKE KILLERS (551)
-MUDSUCKER 5346 1 0 0 10 OTTODROME XLV (549)
-DOROTHY 5055 1 0 0 9 BOOK OF THOMAS (528)
-DEVIL'S DAUGHTER 5344 1 0 0 8 TIME STALLYANS (547)
UNION LOVER 5335 1 3 0 6 SIMPLETONS (424)
-MARX BRUDER 5325 1 3 0 6 TIME STALLYANS (547)
-BITTER SWEET 5321 0 4 0 6 MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE (557)
-POISON IV 5338 1 2 0 5 DARQUE FORCES (428)
OUTSIDER 5334 0 4 0 4 LA BOULANGE (533)
TSUTOMU MIYAZAKI 5348 0 2 0 2 BIG LAKE KILLERS (551)
-MR. KAPLAN 5349 0 1 0 1 DARQUE FORCES (428)
'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.
THE DEAD W L K TEAM NAME SLAIN BY TURN Revenge?
NASTY SAND DANCE 4907 2 7 0 ABATTOIR 5 BLADE 535 TWISTED 5113 392
FENDER BENDER 5328 2 3 0 BASH BROS CARS 562 WURM KIN 395 NONE
TIRPITZ 5276 3 5 0 BATTLE SHIPS 552 CARAMEL CUDGEL 4900 392
SARA JANE MOORE 5061 7 3 1 BIG LAKE KILLERS 551 A REPORTER 4758 393
FOLK TALE 4860 3 2 0 BOOK OF THOMAS 528 PETIT PAIN 5054 395
MIKE 4927 2 5 0 BOTTOM OF THE WO 301 SWISS ALP 5098 391 NOT REVENGED
BLACK ORC 0 0 0 DARK ARENA BISHOP 5116 395 NONE
LADY MACDEATH 4774 13 13 1 DARQUE FORCES 428 SPECTRE 4651 393
VIRGIL 5280 3 8 0 DEAD POETS 548 STONE GOLEM 395 NONE
PONKT 5340 1 2 1 GOING BERSERK 527 BLACK ORC 395 NONE
BONE MARROW 5337 2 2 0 HOWLIN SLAUGHTER 563 SPYMASTER 395 NONE
MUTTON HONEY 5254 1 6 0 HOWLIN SLAUGHTER 563 BRUCE BRENIZER 5294 391 NOT REVENGED
RUSTY SABITCH 5111 8 4 0 LAW DOGS 555 RAINBOW DASH 5143 391 REVENGED
BRAVE NEW WORLD 4453 8 16 3 MAIDEN JAPAN 504 L'APPRENTI 4898 394
JUST KILL ME 5341 0 1 0 OTTODROME XLV 549 PONKT 5340 393
SKETCHY JEFF 5036 4 6 0 OTTODROME XLV 549 LIVE CATTLE 5253 394
BODY BAGUETTE 5308 1 6 0 SHEWISH BUFFET 520 WURM KIN 395 NONE
PELOSI 5165 5 6 1 SIMPLETONS 424 FAMILY RECIPE 4854 394
GINSU 5282 3 7 0 WOB AFW 556 SHEWISH GIANT 395 NONE
THE DEAD W L K TEAM NAME SLAIN BY TURN Revenge?
TWISTED 5113 5 6 1 WOB AFW 556 DARK CHAMPION 395 NONE
KELLI 4955 6 3 0 WRATHMEN 1.1 543 EDMUND KEMPER 5058 391 NOT REVENGED
PERSONAL ADS
LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS
DEAD BATTERY butchered HIGH ELF in a 1 minute bloody Dark Arena fight.
BISHOP viciously butchered BLACK ORC in a action packed 5 minute Dark Arena battle.
TWISTED was narrowly killed by DARK CHAMPION in a 3 minute bloody Dark Arena duel.
VIRGIL was viciously butchered by STONE GOLEM in a 3 minute gory Dark Arena fight.
BODY BAGUETTE was murdered by WURM KIN in a 1 minute bloody Dark Arena competition.
GINSU was dispatched by SHEWISH GIANT in a 2 minute bloody Dark Arena fight.
PONKT was killed by BLACK ORC in a 1 minute Dark Arena brawl.
FENDER BENDER was easily killed by WURM KIN in a 1 minute gruesome Dark Arena fight.
BONE MARROW was slaughtered by SPYMASTER in a 1 minute Dark Arena duel.
EIRE vanquished HUMAN BEAN in a action packed 1 minute one-sided Challenge Title duel.
MONGOLIA vanquished ALDON in a exciting 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
UNDK handily defeated SHARPER IMAGE in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge bout.
USKURNTAI demolished JACK MCCHOW in a 2 minute bloody mismatched Challenge match.
CLAWRENCE DARROW was devastated by STICKY SITUATION in a 1 minute Challenge battle.
ATTICUS PINSCHER devastated PEZ PULVERIZER in a 2 minute mismatched Challenge bout.
SYLVIA PLATH viciously subdued CARAMEL CUDGEL in a 4 minute Challenge fight.
A REPORTER was devastated by BENDER in a 1 minute uneven duel.
ALPHA REV was overpowered by CHOPPER in a 1 minute mismatched brawl.
DOOR DINGS slimly won victory over WISCONSIN in a exciting 12 minute veteran's fight.
AN ARENA DOCTOR was beaten by BOMBAY BIKE CLUB in a 3 minute veteran's match.
GARGLE SPEW viciously subdued SWISS ALP in a popular 2 minute master's competition.
FOMO lost to KIT KAT KATANA in a 2 minute veteran's match.
WRATHCHILD handily defeated FEEDER in a 1 minute uneven duel.
HMS CENTURIAN devastated BOULDER in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
EDGAR ALLAN POE savagely defeated CHICAGO in a exciting 3 minute gory expert's fight.
LE FOURNER was unbelievably bested by THE VEAL DEAL in a 3 minute one-sided fight.
L'APPRENTI overpowered RUNNING FREE in a popular 1 minute gruesome uneven duel.
LIVE CATTLE savagely defeated ARISTOPHANES in a 2 minute gruesome competition.
RASAM was beaten by ARTHUR BREMER in a popular 4 minute fight.
FAMILY RECIPE vanquished LEMON in a 1 minute one-sided fray.
RIME-ANCIENT MARINER luckily beat GLUTEN FREE in a 5 minute gory match.
EDMUND KEMPER overpowered BATTLE FROG in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
SECURITY GUARD was beaten by THE FEVER DREAMER in a 5 minute fray.
YAMATO narrowly defeated SHRIMP SCAMP in a action packed 5 minute gory contest.
LEAN HOG viciously subdued GUMMI BEAR GAVEL in a 2 minute brutal battle.
SHANGHAI was devastated by URBAN LEGEND in a 1 minute uneven bout.
A FUNKY NIGHTMARE was overpowered by INSOLENT FURY in a 1 minute one-sided match.
NO WASHER FLUID outwaited FRATSFA SLAVE in a tiring 11 minute expert vs. novice match.
BLUE DRAGON BLADE was vanquished by TOBIR BATTER in a 1 minute mismatched bout.
FOLK TALE was murdered by PETIT PAIN in a 1 minute uneven competition.
UPTOWN FUNK overpowered STRANGEWORLD in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
BIG DUMMY lost to BOOK KEEPER in a 2 minute duel.
BATTLE WAGON devastated PRISM GUARD in a 1 minute mismatched match.
KWITCHERBICHON won victory over HERSHEY HAMMER in a 2 minute conflict.
BRUCE BRENIZER was defeated by OVID in a 1 minute veteran vs. amateur upset brawl.
MARY KRUEGER was overcome by ORSON in a 1 minute match.
THE BRUTE SQUAD overpowered UNION LOVER in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
ARNIE BARKER overpowered OUTSIDER in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
TSUTOMU MIYAZAKI was overpowered by STICKY BLUE BLADE in a 2 minute one-sided fray.
BATTLE REPORT
MOST POPULAR RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS
|FIGHTING STYLE FIGHTS FIGHTING STYLE W - L - K PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK 17 TOTAL PARRY 118 - 82 - 0 59 |
|BASHING ATTACK 16 PARRY-LUNGE 33 - 26 - 3 56 |
|STRIKING ATTACK 15 STRIKING ATTACK 147 - 128 - 13 53 |
|TOTAL PARRY 11 AIMED BLOW 58 - 53 - 2 52 |
|WALL OF STEEL 9 PARRY-RIPOSTE 25 - 23 - 2 52 |
|AIMED BLOW 7 PARRY-STRIKE 11 - 12 - 0 48 |
|SLASHING ATTACK 5 LUNGING ATTACK 136 - 154 - 7 47 |
|PARRY-LUNGE 4 WALL OF STEEL 76 - 89 - 7 46 |
|PARRY-STRIKE 2 SLASHING ATTACK 73 - 90 - 2 45 |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE 2 BASHING ATTACK 92 - 119 - 7 44 |
Turn 395 was great if you Not so great if you used The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles: the fighting styles: top eleven warriors are:
STRIKING ATTACK 12 - 3 LUNGING ATTACK 8 - 9 4 STRIKING ATTACK
AIMED BLOW 5 - 2 BASHING ATTACK 4 - 12 2 LUNGING ATTACK
TOTAL PARRY 6 - 5 WALL OF STEEL 2 - 7 2 PARRY-RIPOSTE
PARRY-LUNGE 2 - 2 SLASHING ATTACK 1 - 4 1 TOTAL PARRY
PARRY-STRIKE 1 - 1 1 PARRY-LUNGE
PARRY-RIPOSTE 1 - 1 1 SLASHING ATTACK
TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE
FIGHTING STYLE WARRIOR W L K PNTS TEAM NAME
STRIKING ATTACK EIRE 5097 15 3 2 152 INTERNATIONAL (554)
TOTAL PARRY DOOR DINGS 5247 25 18 0 112 BASH BROS CARS (562)
LUNGING ATTACK BENDER 4804 11 5 0 112 SIMPLETONS (424)
SLASHING ATTACK MONGOLIA 5100 13 4 1 103 INTERNATIONAL (554)
PARRY-RIPOSTE WISCONSIN 5079 12 5 1 100 BATTLE SHIPS (552)
WALL OF STEEL BOMBAY BIKE CLUB 5214 13 9 0 94 CSU COLLEGE RADIO (561)
BASHING ATTACK A REPORTER 4758 12 9 2 92 AVID FANS (65)
PARRY-LUNGE ALPHA REV 5213 12 4 1 77 CSU COLLEGE RADIO (561)
PARRY-STRIKE CHICAGO 4801 10 4 0 60 SIMPLETONS (424)
AIMED BLOW ATTICUS PINSCHER 5110 9 7 0 59 LAW DOGS (555)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.
The overall popularity leader is GARGLE SPEW 3902. The most popular warrior this
turn was EDGAR ALLAN POE 5016. The ten other most popular fighters were SYLVIA PLATH
5008, GARGLE SPEW 3902, YAMATO 5083, WISCONSIN 5079, LE FOURNER 4895, RASAM 5117,
TWISTED 5113, VIRGIL 5280, GINSU 5282, and USKURNTAI 4886.
The least popular fighter this week was NO WASHER FLUID 5233. The other ten least
popular fighters were DOOR DINGS 5247, TSUTOMU MIYAZAKI 5348, UNION LOVER 5335, BRUCE
BRENIZER 5294, PRISM GUARD 4857, BIG DUMMY 5087, STRANGEWORLD 5319, FOLK TALE 4860,
BLUE DRAGON BLADE 5310, and A FUNKY NIGHTMARE 4905.
The following warriors will travel to AD after next turn:
DOOR DINGS (45-5247) BASH BROS CARS (562)
The following warriors have traveled to AD after fighting this turn:
DEAD BATTERY (45-5248) BASH BROS CARS (562)
SUMMER FACE-TO-FACE IN ARLINGTON, VIRGINIA
We have planned our summer FTF for July 13-15, 2018, in Arlington, Virginia, only 7
miles on a quick Metro ride from Washington, D.C.!. It will be held at the Holiday
Inn Arlington at Ballston. Room rates are $79 per night on 7/12 and 7/15 and $129 on
7/13 and 7/14, 1-2 occupancy. There's free wireless throughout the property as well
as a fitness center, outdoor pool, and business center, as well as a resturant and bar
inside the hotel. There is no airport shuttle and parking is $7/day. The rooms are
blocked -- ask for the Reality Simulations block. Reservations must be made by 6/12.
(As always if you have issues making reservations, please let us know!)
Hotel site: http://www.hiarlington.com
Look for the tournament info sheet and minioverviews some time in June. We hope
you're all looking forward to it and that we will see you there!
-- RSI
Mission to the Twisted Lands
Episode One
Old Brown could run pretty fast if properly motivated, but mostly he walked with
a long-legged, distance-devouring stride. He was a huge horse, a half-giant's
warhorse, shaggy and self-assured, with muscles like half-buried boulders in his
shoulders and hips. Lounging in the saddle was the motivating force, the half-giant,
Keel Woodhaven. Although in his mind he was slouching and half-asleep, he sat up
straight in the saddle since that is more comfortable for riding.
It was twilight, stars coming out above and lights in farmhouse windows below.
They traveled through vineyards, brown and fallow now in the winter, descending gently
toward the tree-crowded coast. The distant trees, not just pines, were green. They
stayed green because the marsh that surrounded the city-state of Bonsur had hot
springs in it.
Keel Woodhaven had always liked Bonsur. It had a relaxed feel about it, the
women seemed prettier, the music was great, everyone thought about having fun. And
the booze was excellent, of course. He passed the arena at the edge of town, and
paused to read the current statistics, posted on the gate and lit by a lantern. So,
an elven cobbler was the Duelmaster? Why would a shoemaker take up such a painful
profession? Then he noticed the team name: Shewish Picnic. He snorted. That
explained it, all right. As a half-Shew, he was kind of bothered by that team theme,
which was present in Home Guard as well. It was sort of funny though. He saw that
Elf Cobbler was headed for the Isle. Probably not bound for Home Guard just yet,
though.
They passed a small chicken ranch. A rooster uttered an untimely crow. At about
that time, Old Brown took exception to something and bolted. Cussing, Keel hauled on
the reins, to little effect since the horse was stronger than him and apparently
frightened. He didn't see the masked men coming out of their hiding places behind
him, looking frustrated. At least not until a crossbow bolt thunked into the backside
of his leather cuirass. His horse screamed and ran faster.
Hauling Old Brown to the left as they passed a set of big open gates into a well-
lighted courtyard, Keel got them behind the shelter of the high stone wall, and patted
the horse's sweaty neck. "You're okay now, friend. I'll go take care of those
bozos."
As he dismounted, he noticed he was becoming surrounded by uniformed men, some
with swords and some with halberds.
"Howdy?" he said, hoping they were friendly.
"Your horse has been shot," said someone, pointing at a bolt sticking out of Old
Brown's butt.
"Well damn!" Keel laid a comforting hand on the horse's flank, which quivered.
"So have you," the guard continued.
"Yeah, thought so. Doesn't feel like it got through the armor though." Keel
tried to look over his shoulder, but could only see the feathered end of the bolt.
"Who are you guys?"
"We are the Queen's Guard."
"What? Queen Gemra? Okay, please take care of Old Brown here, and I'll go find
the ***holes that shot him."
"Sir, you are mistaken. You will be taken to a doctor. We will arrest the
assailants."
"Hey! I'm on a mission from Sheila Greywand. Anyway, they shot my horse. My
HORSE! I'm gonna get 'em." Unslinging his huge sword, Keel strode toward the gate.
Four Guardsmen came with him, flanking him like the trailing ends of a flock of
geese. They might have intended a different formation, but he had the longest legs
and walked the fastest. The one who'd spoken to him before said, "I'm Corporal Brat
Langerman. And you are?"
"Keel Woodhaven."
"I've heard of you! The Queen will want to meet you."
"That's fine. Let's stick to the sides of these buildings. If they're still
around, we'll be targets in the middle of the street."
They weren't quiet, exactly, since the guards wore highly polished chain mail
which jingled. However, Bonsur had a lively night life. Music and laughter came from
bars and nightclubs on adjacent streets, people lingered on corners chatting and
sometimes playing instruments, and children hawked newssheets, shoeshines, flowers, a
selection of rouges, and offered to carry packages. So the sounds the guards made
weren't too noticeable.
Keel led the way back to the chicken ranch. He was thinking that the bad guys
wouldn't have waited around to be hunted. They might have left clues, though.
Perhaps even a discarded, crumpled note offering a cash reward for his head, and
signed by a notorious crimelord. Or distinctive cigar stubs, monogrammed hankies...
personalized masks. Tracks of boots made by elven cobblers. Anything. Witnesses,
even.
There were no people on the street near the chicken ranch. It was full night
now, a bit chilly although there was a warm and slightly funky breeze from the marsh.
Corporal Brat Langerman said quietly, "Is this where it happened?"
"Yup."
"Well, I don't think they're here anymore."
Keel was about to agree, when a crossbow bolt appeared in the Corporal's arm.
The young man hissed, "Everybody down!"
The guardsmen hunkered against the wall of a hardware store, which didn't offer
anything resembling good cover except that they were in shadow there. Keel crouched a
little, but he knew he was a pretty big target, plus his sword gave off a faint
greenish glow. He looked around, searching the darkness for signs of their foes.
A shadow on top of a shaded walkway across the street shifted a little. Keel
pulled a weighted dart out of his pocket and hurled it. He was good at tavern darts,
but it was dark, the distance was too great, and he just wasn't lucky. The little
missile clattered against the shingles of the porch roof. There was a startled twitch
from the half-seen form. At that instant, Keel lunged across the street. His long
legs carried him across to the opposite shadows in three bounds. More bolts came out
of the darkness, one lodging in his calf, the others missing him altogether.
Now the Guardsmen had a good idea where their foes were, and it takes a while to
reload a crossbow. The four men charged, yelling wildly. Tucking his sword under his
arm, Keel grabbed one of the posts holding up the porch roof, strained, and dislodged
it. After a moment he yanked it out of the structure entirely. The roof sagged,
there was a yelp of surprise, and someone's foot appeared off the edge of it. Keel
grabbed him by the ankle and hauled him the rest of the way down.
There were brief sounds of fighting, then footsteps that rapidly receded down an
alley. Three Guardsmen raced off in pursuit. Keel's prisoner started to try to get
away, so the half-Shew tossed him up, grabbed him by the arms and bashed him against
the wall.
"Are you okay?" asked Brat, sheathing his sword.
"Took one in the leg, but it's not too bad I think," Keel said, shifting his
unconscious prisoner to one hand and bending to pick up his sword.
"I'll help you tie that one up," Brat said. "There's a dead one here. I think
there were two more." He grunted slightly, trying to reach something with his injured
arm. "Got some ties in my right-hand belt pouch. If you could get them for me?"
They bound the prisoner, then bandaged each other.
"What did they want?" asked the Corporal.
Keel shrugged. "No clue. Let's get him somewhere safe and we can ask him..."
He listened. "Your guys are coming back."
"Yeah."
The Guardsmen hadn't been able to track their assailants in the darkness, but at
least there were no further injuries. The group of them returned warily to the
courtyard of the Guard House, where a woman was smearing some kind of ointment on Old
Brown's wound. After the horse was bedded down in the stable, the Guardsmen led Keel
into their office, where there was a welcome scent of fresh coffee. The medic set
about binding Keel's wound and that of the Corporal, who turned out to be an extremely
handsome man. Keel remembered hearing that Queen Gemra required her Guardsmen to be
good looking. That didn't mean they weren't competent, though. Brat had done pretty
well.
The medic roused their prisoner with smelling salts. They all sat in the main
office, Corporal Langerman facing the miscreant, who was seated in a cushioned chair,
looking reasonably comfortable except for his bandaged head. "All right," said Brat.
"Now I want you to tell me that you're going to turn Queen's Evidence."
"Not on your life, pretty boy!" The man had, perhaps, some excuse for hard
feelings since he was more homely than not, with a crooked nose and eyes set too close
together. He and Keel looked shabby and ill-favored amongst all these gleamingly
handsome Guardsmen.
Keel leaned forward. "You guys shot my horse."
"Oh. Sorry, didn't mean to do that. We were just shooting at you."
"Why?"
"Glowing sword."
"What?"
"Duh, it's a magic sword! We saw it when you drew it in Delarq Tor, and figured
we could sell it so we followed you."
The half-Shew snorted. "The Dentless isn't magic. It was in a Chaos Gate for
five hundred years and it picked up some energy, that's all. All it does, is glow.
And cut things."
The bandit looked chagrined. "But... it's got to be magic."
"Ain't. Sorry kid."
After that, Keel was taken to enjoy a sumptuous dinner at the Palace. Queen
Gemra was a definite babe, with long, silken black hair, a delicate pouty face, and
luscious curves. She asked him about his mission, which was to go to the Twisted
Lands and shut down a leaking Chaos Gate. He entertained her with the story of his
adventure on the Two-Shew Express, and she gave him a brown velvet cloak to show her
appreciation. She did not invite him to her bed, which was fine because his heart
belonged to another, always and forever.
* * * * *
This is a continuing adventure.
Watch for future chapters in the Bonsur and Home Guard newsletters!
NEW GRADUATES--FROM ALL ARENAS (INCLUDING CLOSED ARENAS)
For those of you who keep track of such things, one additional warrior graduated from
regular DM arenas (including closed arenas) since the last tournament.
SEVENTH SON (1-9401) MANNEQUIN'S BEST (537)
DOMINATION (32-5232) ANGELS OF PAIN (360)
STARSCREAM (47-7419) DARQUE FORCES (396)
THE BOBSTER (82-1072) ODDITIES (184)
0001 (82-7927) JAN 2001 (1148)
0004 (82-7932) JAN 2001 2 (1149)
LAKES (82-22204) WAY OF THE BLADE ID (3522)
SUPPERMAN (82-48250) HUNGRY HEROES (8107)
GEMS (82-49984) 4 LETTER TREASURE (8402)
JACK MONTGOMERY (84-38004) MEDAL OF HONOR B7 (6651)
SKINNER (84-46102) XCOM BETA (7965)
PEPEROMIA PIZZA (85-2352) ADD SOME FLOWER (435)
WEBBED ZOMBIE (85-4040) MOM 'N DAD ZOMBIES? (735)
Congrats to the grads. -- Green Eyes