DUEL 2 NEWSLETTER
Date : 10/07/2020 Duedate: 11/03/2020
STORMCROWE ARENA
DM-45 TURN-429
This Weeks Top Honors
THE DUELMASTER IS
UNDK
GOING BERSERK (527)
(45-4872) [19-8-1,154]
Chartered Recognition Leader Unchartered Recognition Leader
UNDK MIKE OX
GOING BERSERK (527) FAVORITE SAYINGS 7 (569)
(45-4872) [19-8-1,154] (45-5451) [4-1-0,55]
Popularity Leader This Weeks Favorite
URBAN LEGEND RAINBOW BYTE
BOOK OF THOMAS (528) DARQUE FORCES (428)
(45-4836) [17-25-0,102] (45-5391) [9-9-0,58]
THE CURRENT TOP TEAM
FORCE OF FIVE (539)
TEAMS ON THE MOVE TOP CAREER HONORS
Team Name Point Gain Chartered Team
1. GOING BERSERK (527) 60
2. WOB AFW (556) 45 INTERNATIONAL (554)
3. ABATTOIR 5 BLADES (535) 41 Unchartered Team
4. INTERNATIONAL (554) 39
5. BOOK OF THOMAS (528) 39 FAVORITE SAYINGS 7 (569)
The Top Teams
Career Win-Loss Record W L K % Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns W L K
1/ 1 INTERNATIONAL (554) 123 66 14 65.1 1/10 FORCE OF FIVE (539) 10 4 2
2/ 2 RAT PAK (79) 40 25 2 61.5 2/ 8 WOB AFW (556) 10 5 0
3/ 4 DARQUE FORCES (428) 612 394 36 60.8 3- 1 BASH BROS CARS (562) 9 1 0
4/ 3 CSU COLLEGE RADIO (561) 108 70 3 60.7 4/ 7 THE MENTORS RIDE (550) 9 5 0
5- 5 BASH BROS CARS (562) 100 65 5 60.6 5/ 6 GOING BERSERK (527) 9 6 1
6/ 9 GOING BERSERK (527) 125 89 9 58.4 6/ 5*LEGENDS (574) 9 6 0
7- 8*LUROCIAN OUTKASTS (573) 14 10 0 58.3 7/ 9 SHEWISH BUFFET (520) 9 6 0
8/ 6 HOWLIN SLAUGHTER (563) 49 36 2 57.6 8- 3*LUROCIAN OUTKASTS (573) 8 2 0
9/ 7*FAVORITE SAYINGS 7 (569) 14 11 0 56.0 9/ 2 HOWLIN SLAUGHTER (563) 8 7 0
10/10*YUPPIE SHELTER (576) 25 20 0 55.6 10/13*FAVORITE SAYINGS 7 (569) 8 7 0
11/12 FORCE OF FIVE (539) 46 38 4 54.8 11/17 ABATTOIR 5 BLADES (535) 7 8 1
12/11 CANDY CRUSHERS (534) 56 48 8 53.8 12/24 RAT PAK (79) 7 8 0
13/13 AVID FANS (65) 246 226 23 52.1 13/11 AVID FANS (65) 7 8 0
14/14 SHEWISH BUFFET (520) 154 146 10 51.3 14/21 INTERNATIONAL (554) 7 8 0
15/16 BOOK OF THOMAS (528) 89 86 4 50.9 15/ 4 CSU COLLEGE RADIO (561) 7 8 0
16/15 IMA BUBBA 2 (541) 45 44 1 50.6 16/20 BOOK OF THOMAS (528) 7 8 0
17/18 WOB AFW (556) 74 74 4 50.0 17/12*YUPPIE SHELTER (576) 7 8 0
18/17 OTIS LIKES LUNGERS (565) 38 42 3 47.5 18/26 DARQUE FORCES (428) 7 8 0
Career Win-Loss Record W L K % Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns W L K
19-19*DRAGON'S TOOTH (570) 9 10 0 47.4 19/18 BIG LAKE KILLERS (551) 6 9 2
20/23 THE MENTORS RIDE (550) 56 66 1 45.9 20/16 CANDY CRUSHERS (534) 6 9 1
21/20*LEGENDS (574) 14 17 0 45.2 21-15 SHADOW LEGION (575) 5 5 0
22/21 MAIDEN JAPAN (504) 93 113 4 45.1 22/25*SYFY (568) 5 9 0
23/22 BIG LAKE KILLERS (551) 51 63 7 44.7 23/19 MAIDEN JAPAN (504) 5 10 1
24-24 SHADOW LEGION (575) 55 78 3 41.4 24/23 IMA BUBBA 2 (541) 5 10 0
25/25 ABATTOIR 5 BLADES (535) 35 60 2 36.8 25-14*DRAGON'S TOOTH (570) 3 2 0
26/26*SYFY (568) 11 22 1 33.3 26/22 OTIS LIKES LUNGERS (565) 3 12 1
27/27*GODS OF WAR (572) 6 24 0 20.0 27/27*GODS OF WAR (572) 2 13 0
'*' Unchartered team '-' Team did not fight this turn
(###) Avoid teams by their Team Id ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank
TEAM SPOTLIGHT
The 5 DF Basher
by One Armed Bandit
Let's face it: Bashers aren't very good. They are the last guy to get picked for the
King of Primus team, their most popular opponent in basic is the Dark Arena, and
people make jokes about their weapons. So why run them? Two reasons, really. The
first is because it is fun to try to master all ten styles. The second is because
there is a tiny subset of roll-ups that make better Bashers than anything else.
In "The 7 DF Slasher", I mentioned how it is important not to cannibalize good roll-
ups of better styles in order to try and make your Slashers win. The 11 DF set-ups
make better Strikers and Lungers, but there is a sweet spot at 7 DF that allows for
great weapon selection and better performance by SLs than those other styles. For a
Basher, it is even harder to find the right set-ups.
Maybe you are making a high ST, high CN, high WL sponge Basher. If the set-up has 7+
DF, you are better off making it a Total Parry, which is a much better style and can
use ME/ME with that Deftness without penalty.
Perhaps you want to make a high WT speed Basher? If the set-up has an 11+ DF, it is
almost certainly better off as a Striker or Lunger. If the set-up has 7+ DF, it is
very likely better off as a Slasher. Even on 9 WL/7 DF set-ups, there is a very good
argument that Strikers are superior to Bashers, as Khorvinus' TC Lady Vashj (9-9-17-
21-9-12-7 ST) can attest, not to mention the once famous Doc LeGrand Striker.
The sweet spot for Bashers turns out to be 5 DF. A very few group of set-ups
naturally lend themselves to 5 DF. You want to get to 21 WT or 21 WL and other
important breakpoints, and you just don't have any points left over at the end for
Deftness. That's okay, because there is a style that can work with that. There are
only six weapons that are well suited at 5 DF, and one is the clear winner.
Fist -- It is only really good for Aimed Blows, and ABs need more DF.
Shortsword -- It is a fine utility weapon for 3 DF warriors, but it is terrible
against armor.
Small and Medium Shields -- Any warrior who wants to use one of these, wants to
use one in the off-hand and that requires more DF.
War Flail -- This is the weapon that everyone jokes about.
That leaves just one weapon: The Mace.
The Mace is not a popular weapon. It suffers from the same problem as the Broadsword
and the Longspear. The Broadsword is slower than the fast slashing weapons like the
Hatchet and less damaging than the big damage slashing weapons like the Scimitar and
the Battle Axe. So in most cases, it is correct to use something else. The
Longspear, similarly, is slower than the Short Spear and less damaging than the Long
Sword. In a vacuum, both the Broadsword and the Longspear are pretty good, but you
need a specific set of circumstances to make them the best choice. The Mace has a
similar problem. It is a bit slower than the War Hammer and Quarterstaff, and it does
less damage than the heavy bashing weapons like the Maul and the Halberd, so it rarely
gets used.
In fact, the Mace is never going to be the best weapon. Lunging weapons knock people
down. Slashing weapons have big damage criticals. It is not even the best Bashing
weapon. But unlike most other weapons, the Mace is balanced and versatile enough to
be used in every situation. It is fast enough to get the jump on a naked Striker, and
it is damaging enough to batter a plate clad Total Parry. And it has one more perk: as
the classic Bashing weapon, it is twice as likely to be your Basher's favorite weapon.
If I had to pick only a single weapon to give to my basic Basher, this is the one.
I didn't even set out to prove that 5 DF Bashers were good, but it happened
nonetheless. I have two Basher TCs with two different types of Bashers, and both
happen to be 5 DF designs.
SURLY DECKHAND of SEA DOGS, started out as a 15-16-12-5-21-10-5 sponge BA. He
earned his first Freshmen runner-up in October 2013, his second Freshmen runner-
up in April 2014, and finally a Freshmen TC in January 2015. He now competes in
the ADM class, where his highest finish so far is a TV.
UPSILON CETI of CETUS, a 14-7-6-21-20-11-5 speed BA, earned an Adepts TC in
October 2019 with her trusty Mace. She is now in Home Guard prepping for a
Freshmen bust-out, and is still using that same Mace.
Two TCs isn't ironclad proof, but that is two more Basher TCs than most managers have.
And because of the success I've had, I'm going to keep examining new set-ups to see if
a 5 DF Basher is the best choice, and continue trying them as they present themselves.
And while I hope to find additional success with 5 DF Bashers, they are already my 6th
most successful tourney style.
If you are struggling to find success with Bashers, I wouldn't waste your money making
an excellent Striker into an okay speed Basher, or a good Total Parry into an adequate
sponge Basher. I would keep my eye out for set-ups that don't make good Strikers, or
Lungers, or Slashers, or Total Parries, but make solid 5 DF Bashers. You won't end up
with a lot of them, but you could end up with a few good ones and the opportunity cost
will be zero.
***---------*---------*---------*---------**---------*---------*---------*---------***
TOGS Spotlight (Avid Fans)
Chapter 2 -- Active Pursuit of the Freshmen Crown
Round 2 -- Hairy Monster is matched up against Easiest Exaltation of TMM Experiments.
Crip always gets confused by which of the similar sounding names is which on those TMM
teams (assuming this is TMM, and not someone spoofing TMM), but they all seem to be
talented. Once again, it is another striker, and for the 2nd fight in a row, it opens
with a clash. But Easiest Exaltation gets in two crit attacks after the clash and
takes the win. Like the first fight, Hairy Monster shows that he is vulnerable to
fast strikers. And a Wit train (to 23). But still no useful information, as maxxing
out his WIT can still be done by ending up with a 1-3-1. Hairy's -3 decise cost him
in that matchup of strikers. So mental note, Strikers and Parry-Ripostes seem to be
his weaknesses. Hopefully not too many more of those on the schedule. Still after 2
rounds, 1-1-1. It could be worse.
Round 3 -- Hairy Monster gets matched up against Fezzik of Max's Miracle (run by
Trump/Riff-Raff Crip believes), who is undefeated after 2 rounds. Crip likes this
matchup as Hairy beat Fezzik right before the tournament in Home Guard. But looking
back at the Home Guard fight, it started with 5 Clashes. Maybe Fezzik isn't the big,
slow, lumbering hulk Crip makes him out to be. Sounds like his normal way of fighting
is not fair, so he wants to be fair. This time the fight starts with 3 clashes, but
Hairy launches 3 Battle Axe crits, followed by a normal attack to win the fight. Maybe
if Fezzik had gone with lighter armour than the ASM/F, he might have gotten the jump,
and we'd have a completely different fight result there. Hairy also picks up his Wit
train to 24, and gets his Advanced Master in Riposte. After 3 rounds, sitting a 2-1-
1, and with his Wit at 24, he will have gone at least 2-3-1, and he was only training
Wit for the first 5 rounds, so again, no real useful information is how he's likely to
progress.
Round 4 -- A new type of opponent this turn, as Air Raid of I Shall Be Free is lining
up on the other sides of the sands. Air Raid has not had a great start, at 1-2 thus
far, but Air Raid is well known as one of Howlin' Wolf's physical Freshmen TP Scum.
And sure enough, at 5'1" and wearing Plate Armour, he is fitting the description to a
T. But rather than parrying, Air Raid starts the fight by dodging some normal
attacks, then landing the first blow of the fight. This just seems to annoy Hairy,
and he proceeds with a rather mechanical dismantling of Air Raid, never letting the
Total Parry attack again, and hitting him 2-4 times per minute. But in minute 4, Air
Raid breaks Hairy's Battle Axe with a crit parry with a Shortsword, and Hairy
immediately draws his back up Scimitar. This should be a teaching moment for young
Howlin'. One of Crip's basic laws of Duelmasters is if the opponent is wielding a
non-scimitar and carrying a backup scimitar, never ever ever ever ever ever let them
draw the backup weapon. Air Raid didn't seem to understand this basic law, and after
Hairy throws 2 scimitar attacks, the fight is over, and Air Raid is out. No train for
Hairy, but he's now at 3-1-1, so he'll make it to at least round 6.
Round 5 -- A new opponent this round, Sallanche is off to a 3-1 start, and is clearly
managed by Manager. Unfortunately, Crip doesn't know much about this foe, but it
appears Sallanche is ready for Hairy, as he is a lunger decked out in Plate Amour and
a Full Helm. While Hairy jumps out and makes the first attack (a normal), Sallanche
is clearly prepared, and easily dodges it and launches 3 critical attacks in reply to
win the fight. Not good, 3-2-1 after 5 rounds, but there's that Wit to 25, right on
the last turn of Wit training. So while maybe a little behind on the bust attempt for
the first 5 rounds of the tournament, everything is back on the training schedule.
Oh, and the Wit train also brought some ratings, Advanced Master Decisiveness,
Advanced Master Initiative, and Advanced Expert in Defence. Who really needs Defence
skills after the basic game anyway? Now sitting on the bubble, Crip figures this isn't
going to be much of a bust after all.
Round 6 -- Another opponent that Crip doesn't know much about. Candyman of The
Mentor's Gore, presumably run by Dr. F, is a Barehanded AB decked out in Plate Armour
and Full Helm, and is also on the bubble. While anticipating the barehanded AB dodge,
it doesn't happen this time, and Hairy assaults the Candyman with 2 extra-damage
Battle Axe Crits to the Head, and its fight over. Hairy Picks up a Deftness train to
10, improves the fighting coordination, and rides the bubble to 4-2-1.
Round 7 -- Oh, oh! Crip recognizes this next foe right off the bat. Another one of
Howlin' Wolf's physical freshmen TPs. Early One Morning of Blood on the Tracks is off
to a 5-1 start, and is a well know foe. The fight looks a lot like the earlier one
against Air Raid, but Early One Morning is parrying more, not dodging as much. After
hitting Early a couple of times, he lands a counterstrike, but Hairy replies with two
more Battle Axe shots in the first minute. After twisting around a parry to start the
second minute, Early attacks again and hits Hairy. Clearly Early is more offensively
orientated than Air Raid. But Hairy attacks back and sends early into desperation,
and hits him again. But at the end of minute 2, Early throws a crit attack and puts
Hairy into desperation. Early hits Hairy once again in minute three, and parries
everything that Hairy throws at him. At the start of minute 4, Hairy's hit on Early
bounces off the armour, but Early goes desperate again. They trade attacks and
parries, and Early hits Hairy again, making Hairy desperate once again. But then
somehow Early's strategy seems to miss a beat, and his counterattacks stop happening,
and Hairy lands some hard shots in minutes 5 and 6 to take the fight. But both
warriors carry on to Round 8.
Round 8 -- Another warrior that Crip really doesn't know much about. Bingo of Puppy
Dog Pals is 5-2, and has about 40 less FE than Hairy Monster. Apparently, Puppy Dog
Pals are another TMM team. And look, Bingo is a meager 4'11". And it's a PR.
NOOO!!!! Not a PR. Hairy Monster is something like 1-8 now in the last few years vs
PRs in tournaments, completely unable to handle PRs not named Ruth. This is not going
to be good. But the fight starts, and Hairy is attacking. Bingo is parrying and
dodging, but fortunately, not attacking back. Hairy manages to hit Bingo a couple of
times in the first minute, and continues a fruitless offensive in minute 2. Bingo is
parrying/dodging everything, but unlike most PRs, not counterattacking. Minute 3
starts with a Battle Axe crit, and Bingo goes desperate, but not much seems to change
Bingo's strategy, other than finally throwing an attack near the end of minute 3.
Minute 4 sees two more Battle Axe Crits landed, again without and counter-attempts by
Bingo. Seems to excel on the parry part of the style name, but needs to work on the
riposte. Hairy picks up a Deftness train to 11 at the end of the fight, including an
Advanced Master Rating in Attack, and an Advanced Expert rating in Parry. Hey, he's
at 6-2-1 now. Maybe he can sneak in a couple more wins, and pull out a TV, so that
this bust attempt wasn't a complete disaster.
Round 9 -- Another matchup of bubble warriors. This time, Hairy gets Croaked Kaye of
Garbage Pail Kids, one of Kharadmon's guys. Turns out, it is another bare-handed AB,
but only in ALE/H, unlike the last one. Probably a more adept dodger too with the
lighter armour. As the fight starts, it looks like it could be over quickly, with a
Battle Axe crit to the face, putting Kaye into desperation. But then she crit dodges,
and lands a Crit Kick and Punch back on the defenceless striker. And without a
Riposte, Hairy just pulls a Battle Axe Crit out of the Blue and wins the fight. Hey,
7-2-1, will at least make it into the newsletter. No train though.
Round 10 -- Here we go again with another Howlin' Wolf physical Total Parry. This time
it is Rare Breed of Big Shots, who is notable for graduating from a slow arena. Crip
always appreciates those warriors, even if they weren't created there. Rare Breed is
already 8-1, so his TV is assured. Have to get by this one to get Hairy his TV. But
as the fight starts, it is a little different, as there are 2 clashes right way. That
is not how Scum are supposed to fight. But 29 Battle Axe attacks later (12 hits, 7
for extra damage), and not a single reply from Rare Breed, the fight is over. Hairy
has his TV, and he gets a Speed raise to 12 to help off in the eliminations. Rare
Breed is continuing too. If he's not going to counterattack, Hairy won't mind facing
him in later rounds either.
Round 11 -- A new opponent, Malice of Why 2?, managed by Dr. F. A Bloodgames
graduate, and those are always strong candidates for good bustouts also. And it is a
Wall-of-Steel, a traditionally poor style to fight against with strikers. But the
fight goes completely Hairy's way, with 25 unanswered attacks over 3 minutes. Malice
picked up a Grandmaster Rating as part of his training, so was probably trying a bust
(Most of the remaining warriors probably are), so Crip is very happy with this win.
Hairy also raised his Speed to 13. He seems to be handling the physical guys pretty
well, but he may need more quickness if there are other offensive warriors still in
the running.
Round 12 -- A familiar foe, Assur's Bozo of Clowning Around (10-1) is lined up as a
formidable opponent. Bozo's a 7'2" Basher who is well known for taking out any
defensive warrior with unearthly damage. He can also take a licking and keep on
ticking, so a traditional 10-10 strategy isn't always the best against him, but Crip
feels like this is a good matchup for Hairy. And sure enough, 12 of his 13 attacks hit
Bozo, and the fight is over at the start of the 2nd minute.
Round 13 -- OK, what is up with all the Howlin' Wolf Physical Total Parries. Drawing
another one, this time Ill Subliminal of Tribe, who is undefeated at 12-0. Same
strategy as against the 3 other HW Scum. Maybe should have kept training Deftness for
more attack rather than switching to speed for the runoffs. But it is a rather quick
fight, with Hairy succeeding with 4 of his 11 attacks to win the fight. That was
quick compared to the other parry styles so far in the tournament.
Round 14 -- We seem to be getting deep in to the runoffs now. Fighting against TDO's
Filleted Minion of Satan's BBQ (a slasher at 11-2). There's still at least 3 warriors
going here, and with this Slasher, and Ill Subliminal for sure still going, I'm
starting to like Hairy's chances. But TDO's slashers always seem way too fast for the
style, so maybe it was a good idea to go for the Speed trains late. TDO's Minion is
wearing Scale/Full Helm, so maybe he's not so fast. The fight begins, and 3 clashes.
OK, maybe Minion is fast in the armour. But then Hairy gets to attack, and makes
quick work of the fight with 4 straight attacks. Hairy raises his speed to 14. Maybe
that Decise skill will help.
Round 15 -- OK, a familiar face, Ill Subliminal is back at 13-1. Maybe Fileted Minion
eliminated Bozo and now it's just Ill Subliminal and Hairy left? If so, looking at
how their last fight went, Crip likes Hairy's chances. The fight begins, no clashes
this time, but this time it takes 10 hits on 25 attacks to take out Ill. Maybe the
earlier win was just lucky to have happened so quickly. But now both Ill and Hairy
are on the bubble. Is the next fight winner take all?
Round 16. -- The Userous Merchant. RSI standbys are good at this stage, but it means
there's someone else beside Ill Subliminal still going. And if Hairy's matching up
against an NPC, why does it have to be a Parry-Rip. Oh well, can't complain about the
matchup. The fight begins, Hairy throws a normal attack, Userous Merchant parries,
ripostes, and counters. HEY! That's not what the other participants in the Freshmen
runoff have been doing. Crip calls FOUL! But Hairy parries this attack, and takes
over the fight.
Round 17 -- Hey, it's not Ill Subliminal, but it's still a familiar face. Our good
Friend Fezzik is back, at 14-2. Haven't seen him since round 3. Crip guesses he beat
Ill on Round 16, and now this is the final? Crip's glad some extra speed raises were
done now. In a Basher-Striker matchup, surely it is going to be whoever attacks first
wins the fight. It begins. Clash! Clash! Clash! Clash! Clash! And Hairy gets the
first attack, and follows up. Fezzik does dodge one, and it's over. Turn the page,
no
Round 18. Hairy Monster rides a 3-2-1 bubble to a 15-2-1 TC. And he picked up a
speed train to boot on the last fight!
Doesn't matter what happens in the other classes, this has now been a good tournament.
Crip's lessons learned for the tournament.
1. While you want your strikers to be bonus in basic, absolutely nothing wrong with
being hosed in decise when you get to ADM.
2. If you are not a lunger/aimblow/ and maybe parry-lunge, probably nothing wrong with
being -4 Def in ADM either.
3. Natural 21s mean any warrior has a shot at a bust.
4. Have to figure out how to use Damage potions (and a Striker Stylemaster prize)
***---------*---------*---------*---------**---------*---------*---------*---------***
THE INTERNATIONAL SUCKING OPHER
They gathered. U.N. was mad! Downright turbulent! He was hot and he was demanding
answers. The team showing last round was horrific! They all sat there astonished at
U.N.'s wrath and just took it. (After all, he was the boss, and they feared firing, or
worse, the Dark Arena.) Rock of Ages, the old-timer on the team had heard it before,
but maybe not this loud and serious. The rest of them, South Pole, Tokyo, Nile, and
Siberia turned anxiously to their interpreters, as they really didn't understand a
word he was spouting. After all, they all spoke different languages.
"You dweebs!" shouted U.N. "What is going on here? Ophers SUCK! You let this
happen?! You are far, far better than that and well paid to boot! You embarrassed
yourselves and you embarrassed me! Not a single one of you could win? Yet more than
most had favorable match ups! Unacceptable! Absolutely unacceptable! What a revolting
development! Now I want to know what is going on here. Let's hear your excuses. Why
did you lose? Tell me now!"
"Boss" said Rock Of Ages, "I got no excuse; I blew it. I got smashed the night
before, and was still hungover for my early match. It was dumb. Real dumb, and it
won't happen again. I apologize."
U.N. accepted Rock's apology, knowing it was heartfelt, but not likely the last
time, as Rock Of Ages liked his drink and might be considered an alcoholic. U.N. was
worried.
"You, South Pole. What about you? That scuzzy Ozark might have a few more FE than
you, but he's a near-scum. You should have bashed in his skull. Why? Why?"
"Well, U.N., you see, I was back home most of the time at The South Pole avoiding
this COVID-19 thing cuz, you see, we don't have any cases there, and I was really
worried about my health, and it is hard to get out and work out there, cuz it is so
cold, and I got a little rusty and out of shape and what all." South Pole replied
through his Interpreter.
"Daggone it, Southey, you think that is an excuse? You have to work hard ALL THE
TIME to win here. Get down and give me 50 push ups!" yelled U.N.
"Coach" Tokyo piped in via his Interpreter, "I wish I had an excuse, but I don't.
I worked hard on my speed and attack for my Blood Feud with Me Three because I wanted
that killer badly. But somehow he out-jumped me, the cretin! I will work harder. I
will."
U.N. had little to say at that, so he pursued his two new rookies. "What the
heck, Nile? You let a bimbo slasher show you how to fight? You couldn't smack that
stick through a paper bag! You need to strengthen up. Beef up. Have you stayed on that
diet I gave you? Been lifting like I showed you five days a week? Have you?"
"I have, Sir," said Nile's Interpreter for him. "I tried hard. Truly. I wanted
the win. I do not know what to tell you. I will be better."
That left Siberia. And U.N. went after him too. "You just stood there and took
it! Jeronimo took one swipe of his puny hatchet and you gave up! What are you, some
kind of weenie?"
Siberia was swift to reply through his interpreter. "I blew it, Boss. Some of the
Manager's wives were having a book club meeting the day before and somehow I got
invited, and I have to say they just wore me out. I should have stopped after three, I
think; but I had to make happy with every single one before I left. I was just plain
worn out and sore for the fight. I promise to keep all my weapons shielded in the
future."
U.N. had little to say about that except to ask when the next Lady's book Club
meets. He did offer this final note. NO MORE OPHERS.
***---------*---------*---------*---------**---------*---------*---------*---------***
An Interview with Boss Rat, Part 2
The scribe wasn't quite sure what to make of this quick turn of events. Trying to
think how he could gain control of this interview like he was taught in his classes,
he blurted out, "My name is Rezu. Well actually it's Rezu Tumoro."
Boss Rat nearly choked and spit out a mouthful of ale. Regaining control of himself
and half laughing, he bellowed out, " Your name is Rezu Tumoro and you chose to be a
scribe? By the gods boy! Why are you not a priest or one who does incantations to
raise the dead back to life? Ample work in the arena for one who knows how."
The scribe sat and looked at the floor and said quietly, "I failed the entrance exams
to theology school."
Clearly this turn in conversation was stressing out the poor Rezu. Having made short
work of his meal, Boss Rat washed it down with the remains of his ale. Letting loose
with a healthy "Buuurrb!" he quickly addressed the now thoughly confused and befuddled
young scribe.
"Listen to me, Rezu. You wish to know why am I called Boss Rat and why do I have a
team of gladiators that looked like humanoid human sized, rats." Boss stared at Rezu
as if waiting for an answer. All Rezu could muster was a slow nod of his head in
affirmation.
Boss Rat continued. "Your in luck today, son. I will explain, not all, but a small
tidbit of the why's and the how for's of how it started."
Rezu perked up some more and actually got excited as he positioned his ink, quill and
parchment.
Boss Rat continued, as he stared off into some unknown space. "It was a misty and
dreary day. I was sitting in a tavern in Zuwayza where I was thinking of starting up
my third gladiator team. My first two teams were successful. Although not in any
spectacular way. However, I learned many tricks of the trade. This time I knew I
needed something extra. Something special that would really spark excitement in the
stands and get the fans screaming for blood." Boss Rat pointed at the parchments,
saying "You getting all this down? This stuff is gold, boy. Gold I tell you."
"Yes sir, Mr. Rat!" Rezu said excitedly. Then got somber for a second and said, "Sorry
Boss Rat, didn't mean to call you Mr. Rat" Boss Rat just stared off into the distance,
as if lost in thought. Perhaps trying to tie his storyline together.
"I was sitting there thinking when I became aware of a shadow hovering over me.
Indoors, no less. I looked up and was quite startled by a most amazing sight. How I
didn't crap myself right then and there, I don't know."
At the mention of crapping oneself, Rezu burst out with a short laugh before composing
himself. But the occasional giggle escaped his lips as he went back to writing.
"So Rezu, as I was saying. I looked up to see five large human sized and human shaped,
for the most part, their heads were clearly not human, RATS! I mean it boy, five huge
rats were standing there staring at me"
"What did you do, sir" Rezu asked. Eager to hear the story continue.
"Well, The smallest one spoke to me. His speech was very hissy-like. Like someone with
a bad lisp or worse, yet I could understand him." The manager emptied his flagon of
ale and called for more, as the serving girl scurried to bring another. Boss took a
gulp of fresh brew before continuing with his story.
"Now, where was I, ahh yes. The little one sat down and told me they were part of an
entire race of rat creatures. All spread out over Alastari. They called themselves,
Rodentians and they insisted they had their own nation. The Rodentian Nation. Of
course, this Nation had no borders since their was no recognized nation. They said
they wandered and stayed where they could, moving on whenever it suited them. He said
they were, to use a human term, like gypsies."
Boss Rat downed the remainder of his ale and called for another. The server girl
seemed excited as she probably thought she was working on a good tip. As Boss Rat
downed a hearty and quite messy portion of his ale, Rezu feared the fight manager was
going to pass out before the end of the story.
As Boss Rat wiped the beer foam from his mouth with his sleeve, he looked around at
the small crowd of patrons that gathered around to listen. "Now don't forget to come
out for this weeks fights, my good friends. And place some bets on my Rat warriors, as
well. They are not THAT bad, truly." The manager shifted on his chair, seeking to feel
more comfortable. The crowd waited. Patient. Quiet.
"Harrump!" Escaped out from Boss and a big smile spread on his face as the crowd
jumped. "Where was I? Ahh, yes. The five rats. So, I looked around at all five. Two
were tall. No, VERY tall and HUGE. The other three were all varying sizes of normal.
Well, normal for humans, certainly not normal for any rats I've ever seen in my
lifetime."
He stopped and slowly looked around at the small crowd, as if soaking in the rapt
attention and looks of awe everyone had on their faces
"You have looked for me for a reason. And spreading my arms wide I said to them, How
may I be of service to a group of outstanding individuals, as yourselves."
Boss Rat paused to allow what he said to sink in, for the audience. He then continued,
"I stopped for a moment and looked at the positive looks on all five of the rats
faces. Clearly, they were impressed at the reception I gave them. I heard quiet
comments of approval. Their spokeman, err spokesrat, I don't know, whatever. Anyway,
they relayed to me their desire to enter into arena combat. They felt it would be a
great outlet for their natural aggression, but they needed a manager. They asked for
me to be their manager. . . . . . Me."
Boss sat back with a wide and proud smile on his face. Clearly, he was enjoying
telling his story as much as the crowd was enjoying hearing it. Another flagon slammed
down on the table. Cold foamy ale spilling over the top.
"On the house, sir. My Treat." Spoke the smiling and slightly flirtatous serving
wench.
"Why thank you, sweetie." Spoke the Rat Pak manager, as he smiled and gave the comly
maiden a wink.
Boss continued his story. "So I asked these rats, why me? How did you hear of me? With
my two previous teams, I did not take on a manager "name" to identify myself to the
crowds and fans of the arena fights."
Boss Rat stopped and slowly swung his gaze back and forth to his listeners. He
continued. But now in a much lower voice, nearly a whisper. "It seems, they had and
have spies in all the cities to gather intell on what is the news of the day to relay
back to their fellow rats scattered nearby. Apparantly, my name came up and they liked
my manager style. I mean, who knew?"
"I proposed they all take on fight names and not use their real names in the arena. It
will be great theatre." Naturally, the rats agreed and asked what there names should
be. I looked the the two tall ones. "By the gods, I said, you both must be over 6 feet
and another 8 inches!" They nodded affirmatively. The one who carried an amazing
looking Halbard and never stopped drooling and always looked like he was about to kill
and eat anything, blurted out, "I smash things." Looking at his fellow rats with a
look of satisfaction that he had explained, ALL."
"That's great", I said to him. "Your name will be Nasty-Rat and you'll be a Basher."
"Me?" said the drooler.
"Of course, you'll scare the living daylights out of your opponents and most fight
fans, as well."
"But my name is Nasty Rat."
"At that point I must admit, I was somewhat confused."
"The little rat spoke up and explained to me they all shared the surname of Rat and
the big guy has been called Nasty all his life because, well, look at him" I nodded in
agreement and told Nasty, "Use your real name, it was for the best." Nasty smiled. At
least I think it was a smile
"Looking at the other twin tower, I asked him if he had a preferance." He nodded and
said, "people call me Ogre." I told him, "Perfect. And you to shall be a Basher, as
well." The rest I told them to go ahead and use your own names. Your looks are fierce
enough, We all are going to do great!." They looked pleased.
Boss Rat reached into his pocket and pulled out some gold coins and dropped them on
the table. Looking at the serving girl, he asked. Is that enough for the food and
drink and for you?" The girls eyes popped and she nearly fainted, but composed herself
and managed a "Yes Sir. Thank you, Sir. Ever so much, Sir." as she scooped up the
coins and hustled off to place them in safe keeping.
Boss Rat appeared to be ready to stand up when someone in the back of the crowd asked,
"Is that it? Is that the end of the story?"
Boss Rat looked around, smiled before saying, "I took the job. The End." and let out a
raucously loud laugh. "It's been fun, my friends, but I have work to do."
The man in the back spoke up again, asking, "But sir, how did you come up with your
manager name and the team name?"
As the fight manager stood and stretched out his arms, arching his back to ease the
stiffness from sitting so long, he answered to the crowds call to finish the story.
"My friends, It's quite simple really. I referred to the rats showing up to speak with
me as a pack of rats and they laughed. Well, it was whatever it is that rats do when
filled with mirth. So I proposed we call the team Rat Pak. I stylized the spelling of
pack as poetic license. They loved it and started chanting, Boss Rat, Boss Rat, Boss
Rat!, in deferance to me as their new fighting leader. I had no objection and accepted
their choice as my manager name."
"I might add, that the Rat Pak team of Zuwayza has had 12 gladiators receive a
personal invite to the Isle of the Eye as well as the gift of Immortality." A
collective chorus of Ooohs and ahhhhs were murmered throught the crowd with that added
bit of trivia.
Another woman called out from near the bar. "But Sir. What of your real name that your
momma gave you and where do you hail from?" Cheers rang out from the crowd wishing to
hear more. Boss Rat raised his hands in a gesture to instill quiet.
"My friends, a story for another time. As a famous man once said, always leave them
wanting more. Now, I really must be off. I thank you for your attention and don't
forget to support the Rodentian Nation, in their fights with well placed bets. They
work hard at their craft."
And with that, Boss Rat made his way through the crowd and out the door. As the crowd
dispersed, it was apparrent the Rat Pak gladiators made many new fans that day.
THE END!
***---------*---------*---------*---------**---------*---------*---------*---------***
"Hey dad!" screamed Channel Master from across the courtyard. He slowly made his
way over to his father, Master Darque, Half-Daemon Sorcerer, and known across Alastari
for his work in Stormcrowe initiating the Wheel of Misfortune Contest.
"Yes son," replied Darque, "If it's another question I will personally escort you
to the Chaos Gates.
Channel Master knew his father wouldn't do that--mainly because his mother would
tear Darque limb from limb--but the notion still sent a chill down his spine. "No, I
just was wondering if you could teach me some magic."
"What kind of magic?" His father replied absent mindedly.
"Like some destruction magic or weapon magic. So like if I'm in a pinch I could
use it to save my life or something," said Channel Master excitedly.
"Do you have a certain scenario in mind?" Darque pressed.
"No, well not really, I just had the weirdest dream and in that dream I knew some
magic that could summon any weapon I could think of--within certain boundaries, of
course," Channel Master explained.
"Well there is a spell like which you speak of but it is difficult to master and
it can destroy your soul if done incorrectly. If you still want to learn it like I
think you do follow me back to my study where I will teach you," said Darque.
Channel Master and Darque--escorted by a couple heavily armed gladiators--walked
to Darque's study. Once inside Darque muttered a spell and sat down.
"What was that?" Channel Master questioned as he walked into the room.
"A temporary invulnerability spell on the room and everything in it including
us," explained Darque as he brought out a spellbook that looked as old as time. "Ah,
yes, here it is the 'Divine Weapon Master's Conjuring'. All you have to do is close
your eyes and think of the weapon you want to summon, and then pull it out of an
imaginary scabbard that is on your waist. If it is a weapon like a spear pull it off
your back."
"That's it?" Channel Master said.
"That's it." Darque confirmed.
"Alright, I'll give it a try. I'm going to try to summon a hatchet," said Channel
Master as he closed his eyes and reached down to his waist and pulled out a glowing
blue hatchet. "I did it!"
"Yes now try putting it back," said Darque calmly.
"How?" Channel Master asked.
"Exactly the same, except put it back in the scabbard--or in this case with a
hatchet attach it to your waist," Darque explained.
Channel Master slowly reached back down to his waist and attached the hatchet
there once he let his hand off of it the hatchet disappeared. "That was actually quite
easy. Thanks! Also what are you doing for lunch?"
"Funny you should ask, I-" his voice trailed off as a thundering boom shook the
study.
"What was that?" Channel Master asked.
"I-I don't know but I have a feeling we're under attack" Darque said.
And just as he finished talking, the study doors exploded.
To Be Continued.....
-- Channel Master
P.S. I will finish this next TOGS turn or turn 10 of the contest
***---------*---------*---------*---------**---------*---------*---------*---------***
Artemis seemed to be always running. Whether it was for the thrills or because
she had pickpocketed. She did that alot. Maybe she DID have a little bit of her demon
in her. Right now, she was running for her life.
"Easy there, Mama Bear," she called back. "I just wanted to rest! Totally didn't
mean to scare you!" Artemises' wolves had chickened out, but her albino falcon flew
alongside her while she ran.
The giant bear roared, and Cloud the falcon screeched right back. Hearing Cloud
screech, the bear hesitated. Slowing to a stop, Artemis turned around and saw that the
bear was limping.
How had she missed that?
Slowly approaching the bear, Artemis muttered a small healing spell. Growling a
soft thank you, the bear turned and stomped back to the den.
"Whew! I... need...to...catch....my....breath!" Artemis gasped.
Beside her, Cloud landed and cooed, not even sweating. "Show off," Artemis said,
grinning. "Now where are those two chickens? TOOTH! FANG! GET OVER HERE!" She yelled
so loud that all the birds in the nearby trees flew off. Hearing the rustling of
leaves, Artemis saw her wolves bounding to her... with a hunter not far behind.
"Come back here you there wolves! I need yer coats!" An old guy with a pot belly
yelled. "COME BACK I TELL YOU!" He screeched.
Artemis felt rage build inside of her, but kept her cool. As her wolves cowarded
behind her, Artemis noticed two lumps of brown fur strapped to the old man's back.
Brown bear cubs. Artemis blew her top."What are you doing here!?," she raged.
"Innocent bear cubs? MY WOLVES? That's your idea of getting fur coats? HAVE YOU NO
RESPECT???" Artemis bellowed.
The old man just laughed out loud. "Why do you care?" he sneered. Then, seeing
Cloud perched on her shoulder, he had an idea. "Say girly," he said, entering merchant
mode.
"Don't call me that."
"Fine. Say you give me that there falcon, I give you a pretty penny, and let you
go and peace, eh girly?"
Artemis looked from the man to Cloud, then back again. Then, she let out a loud
roar that didn't sound human.
"What's wrong girly? Think it's too good of a deal eh?" The old man chuckled. "I
have a sword you know, so you could save some lives by giving me that there on life."
"No. I'm not giving you an innocent animal to kill. Also, I don't think Mama bear
likes the deal with you carrying her cubs. So I'd put them down nice and slow, before
she comes."
Again, the old man chuckled, but he seemed nervous. "Y-you can't talk to animals
girly! You're a fraud! I don't believe it! You-" He stopped when he saw a shadow loom
over the girl. "Heh heh. Nice bear. Here, you want your cubs. They're near dead
anyhow! Haha!" Then, he took off running.
Mama Bear roared with despair at the sight of her dying cubs. One looked at
Artemis with pain-clouded eyes. "No. They are NOT going to die!" Artemis said to the
mam bear. Then her rage exploded again. "Find. Him." she snarled. Her wolves growled
in response, and tore across the forest floor after the poacher.
She tried a healing spell. No luck.
She tried mixing some herbs she had with her. No luck with that either.
Then, Artemis placed a protection spell on the cubs. No...only one cub. Suddenly,
Artemis whipped out her hunting knife and cut her arm. A blood oath. "You are not
dying. I swear by the gods, you are not dying... Hope."
***---------*---------*---------*---------**---------*---------*---------*---------***
At the Paradox Academy, it is said that even though a broken clock may be right twice
a day, on the sands, nothing is certain. And there is great glory in victory, but
potentially even greater knowledge to gain in defeat.
And more than anywhere else in Alastari, here at the Paradox Academy we specialize in
defeat. So what better place to learn?
And boy have we had a lot of learning here in Stormcrowe.
I know you're all dying to know what knowledge lead to the brilliant tactics that
earned the Legends a stunning 5-0 turn, launching their contest standing from 14th to
4th in the blink of an eye?
Easy! Just lose a lot! Keep losing. Then lose some more! While you're losing, you
might as well do some learning along the way.
Errr... hmmm. OK, wait.
Sure, so most of my guys didn't do much of the learning part. We'll have to work on
that part a bit more going forward.
How do you do the winning part without learning then?
Simple.
First, lose so much that nobody considers you a threat, and they don't use their
avoids against you. Then, bribe the Commission to roll TOGS just in time to get a
bunch of really favorable up-challenges in b" seeing as your team are all at the
bottom of the rankings. Last step, profit!
Once you've moved up in the rankings, what to do next?
Well, here at the Academy we have a plan for that: Keep our fingers crossed that not
enough people take notice and that we get lucky again! Either that or throw down as
many avoids as possible and try to snipe a few more lucky up-challenge opportunities
while lower-ranked fighters underestimate our stable based off of our otherwise well-
earned losing records!
From there we simply rise to the top of the rankings while still maintaining a
spotlessly losing record.
Great plan, eh?
OK, so maybe we've still got some kinks to work out in that plan. But luckily, we've
got two turns of Slaughter Priest Memorial scoring coming up, where no plan is the
only plan. And maybe with just a little bit of luck, over the next three months we
can try planning something else out to keep us from sliding back into the bottom of
the pack.
Until then, we're happy to help you lose to the best of our abilities. If you're
having a hard time losing, just challenge the warriors of Legends without bringing any
weapons, armors, or tactics, and they'll be happy to teach you how to lose.
With that, we've come to the conclusion of today's lessons. We hope it was as
informative as it was needlessly lengthy.
Thanks again for honor and pleasure of your attendance here at the Paradox Academy.
Alastari's home for beginners and old fools. A training ground for dummies to learn
the finer points of dueling from a dummy. Where we specialize in the art of defeat.
Where free advice is plentiful and comes at a modest fee.
Humbly yours,
Master Paradox
***---------*---------*---------*---------**---------*---------*---------*---------***
Greetings from the GOING BERSERK stable,
Here we are again in the second TOGS turn in a row, right in the middle of this Wheel
of Misfortune.
As expected, or feared, round 5 with these specific rules has completely upset the
rankings, and after round 6 everything may be dramatically changed again. In any case,
these two rounds (5 and 6) will have been a turning point in the contest.
It certainly is no surprise to see seasoned managers such as OAB and Assur capitalize
on these rules to claim massive points, and along with Floyd who managed quite well
despite seeing his best guys graduate, we have a very serious trio of contenders for
the top prize in this contest, as we could have expected. Of course they are not the
only ones, but they have been doing particularly well until now, and we are not even
yet in the "money time"! It's just on us to stop them from strolling to victory, guys!
But that definitely emphasizes how much 10 turns is a really long contest f on us to
stop them from strolling to victory, guys! But that definitely emphasizes how much 10
turns is a really long contest f on us to stop them from strolling to victory, guys!
But that definitely emphasizes how much 10 turns is a really long contest for a solo
effort, and luck can only have a limited impact for a while.
We also can point out that none among this trio even neglected the extra points you
get writing the ads and spotlights which are a bonus in the TOGS rules. In short,
these guys are pros.
On our end, the first 5 rounds have been quite satisfying, as we have been able to
pretend to be still up there among them. Unfortunately, our best warriors are close to
graduating at this point, leaving us short of very strong and experienced fighters
which have held high our team's standards. Uskurntai already has just received his
invite and will be fighting his last turn in the arena this round (6). Undk may have a
few turns left, depending on his ability to avoid the throne. I don't know how
possible that may be, without him or Uskunrtai -- for his mast fight - losing, which
is of course the ideal path I would like them to follow.
At this point, already starting to look forward, we can only make a sacrifice to the
Gods of the Arena, hoping they will bless us with a good replacement for Uskurntai,
who is a great fighter from our standards and will be sorely missed for the remainder
of the contest. We definitely will be running him in ADM, however, and hope he can
continue to develop as well there as he has been in regular basic DM.
As for the others, we definitely have some interesting ones among them and they will
have their chances to do well too. Yak and Kurr will soon be our team leaders in
skills and experience, but how will they fare against the tourney monsters you guys
have running around in Stormcrowe? Or just good fighters you have moved in
specifically for the contest?
Anyway, by now we are all deep in the contest and we will have to face whatever is
thrown at us and come up good. No doubt it will be fierce until the end, and most
probably very close again (as close as it was in DM 10?).
Good luck to all!
-- La Guillotine, GOING BERSERK
***---------*---------*---------*---------**---------*---------*---------*---------***
Duel Warrior Perfection
If a Duel warrior could be all of: rhyme automatic shape minor inform hang letters
romantic day young slip super desire substance subdued reflect conscious mint borrow
spill used slim degree zoom quicksand blot high belligerent yummy post injure meek
rhetorical scientific puncture curly future blade dare vacuous faithful exotic open
soggy scale rejoice disarm true capable scarecrow cook stupid lowly embarrassed smoke
spiritual windy truck bed feeling close machine drunk unique prevent second decisive
cow cats wilderness workable songs vacation way chop doubtful testy uppity sturdy
sleepy fascinatedB phone tramp settle road snobbish can work signal full temper
arrive fat stone flagrant scare guarded motionless stamp miniature trashy star pat
ship marry frail toothbrush title smelly willing pet glamorous abortive truthful
change functional part calm majestic mailbox worthless wait wool yawn plate new
threatening aspiring voiceless lewd crayon complete terrible pretend brawny fruit
lonely shaggy unaccountable wing flower abashed smile move acrid crooked dry mammoth
obscene stormy calculator unknown slope receptive proud snore sweet entertaining
cactus war aboriginal devilish grease feigned normal pause apparatus attract wanting
spray sharp steam shy distinct careless acceptable statement bag regular friendly
spotted yellow impulse cultured great belief car town thunder puzzled whirl hop dolls
soothe advertisement efficacious spicy visit stew trade damaging tame fretful
adventurous bewildered encouraging heavy curve second-hand grey ground paper alike
kaput weight hilarious fabulous aboard silent suffer spoon abnormal jam shelter cheap
bikes reproduce radiate shoe nerve waiting understood imagine tie tumble daily
stocking disgusted stimulating fax afraid twist soft dangerous appliance moaning
rambunctious ruthless nappy mysterious cautious fool blood quince view giddy aromatic
tail float rule floor disagreeable selective increase spy division accurate live
polite slap rub unwieldy lunchroom beds delight dime sip heady basin billowy
obtainable try position harm switch launch melodic remind lying zany property
accessible industrious fragile boat honey analyse whole gentle channel rabbit bite-
sized curtain sheet bad probable things chickens callous helpless rain funny quick
attempt fertile press bawdy route tasteful food head camera sense possessive
impossible toy worry eggs cloth relieved unnatural whip question unusual pies harsh
dark dust cooperative houses wild haunt punishment sigh sister ugly tent plain regret
spare loving picayune rifle market stingy cannon price sore half vegetable seal enter
pest ugliest search jaded bury plausible historical bead vague jealous succinct crate
oceanic absurd subsequent fantastic melt warlike pizzas kill box gaze fence basketball
flimsy skate noiseless third tempt throne stupendous ethereal filthy load woman zephyr
important unused expect volleyball wire tire guess screw rabbits bear wine confuse
achiever bolt creepy x-ray scream mice crowded hair trail expand equable word
woebegone frame zippy subtract pushy pack existence clover educate control polish
thing many writer loaf girl profit available lacking kneel enchanted hospital retire
top marked silver mitten sophisticated bruise fasten ill-informed fortunate damage
pollution amount imported edge pathetic embarrass meal join maid square late unadvised
carve unite spoil inquisitive lip shivering bleach white foamy fang toad seat quirky
religion wrestle decide aunt dislike hard snails eye fanatical good teaching heavenly
eminent gorgeous crown error duck inexpensive knife self bite tricky belong repair beg
secretary plan sparkling wacky hapless clap nice changeable odd luxuriant drab boast
aquatic arrest comfortable nasty dull squeak blink dad eatable overflow immense ask
obeisant deranged auspicious whisper middle drum greedy utopian puzzling judicious jar
fork caption thick mind hellish resolute worried angle brake amusing cast scared
reason tasty natural cold fuzzy legal nifty whine curious curl mix bloody tickle, he
would be perfect and unbeatable.
-- Assur
* * * * *
Assurnasirbanipal v. Wheel of Misfortune
named co-defendent: Darque, moderator
The moderator has informed us of his intent to deny acceptance of Assur's TOG
spotlight and this is my list of arguments that allow such submission. This suit has
been filed in advance of the moderator ruling to preempt the loss of points expected
should the moderator execute on his threat to deny the acceptance of said spotlight.
Spotlight in question: The spotlight we are talking about (exhibit A) is the Duel
Warrior Perfection spotlight written by Assurnasirbanipal (signed Assur). To further
clarify the definition of exhibit A, it will be noted that it is a description of an
unbeatable and perfect warrior.
Argument 1: Length Criteria
The first point of contention might be the length. At over 50 lines of complete text,
it well exceeds the 31 line criteria. Even if it doesn't quite meet 86 characters
across, it is formatted for 80 characters, the required number of lines of text would
still only be 33 lines. The spot is greater than 50 lines of text, which doesn't even
include the title, vertical spacing, or identification of the spotlight through the
signing of Assur. (which is the common abbreviation for Assurnasirbanipal).
Argument 2: Identification
It has been well established throughout this contest and many others in the history of
Alastari, that identification is a loose identification, not a strict identification.
Nobody has ever been required to provide exhaustive proof of who wrote a spotlight.
In fact, it is well known that spotlights and personal ads have been accepted for
managers while being written by a 3rd party (often another alliacne member). The
signing of 'Assur' more the qualifies under these loose terms of identification.
Argument 3: Plagiarization
Assur has provided the attached signed affidavit stating that the idea,
implementation, and execution of this spotlight was all conducted by him and him
alone. You will not find this work anywhere in any form other than on his computer
and in the email buffers of the internet from his submission to RSI for entry into the
Wheel of Misfortune contest. It was created specifically for turn 6 of the DM 45
Wheel of Misfortune contest and has never been used before. It is original and
Assur's own idea of a perfect warrior.
Argument 4: Content
Clearly when you are describing an unbeatable and perfect Duel warrior in the
newsletter to be printed soon, there can be no question that it is a description of a
Duelmasters' warrior. It would be impossible for any reasonable person to think it is
referring to anything but Duelmasters. It is our counsel's belief that Darque, the
moderator, intends to disqualify based on content. He will contend that the
impersonalization of assigning seemingly random adjectives to the description of a
warrior is not adequate for content.
How can he determine that these adjectives were random?!? How can he decide that
Assur's vision of a perfect warrior is anything but a well thought through conclusion
from decades of managing stables throughout Alastari. If anything, Darque should
allow for Assur's somewhat unique perspective on what is 'fun' to manage and realize
that Assur's description of perfection may not match what the community might believe
is reality. In fact, until such a warrior appears on the sands, it is impossible to
refute Assur's position of perfection.
Moreso, there is no requirement that spotlight be non-fiction. In fact, many
spotlights have been accepted that were clearly fiction. So Assur's article could be
considered a work of fiction.
Conclusion: We beseech the court to reverse the ruling and accept Assur's spotlight as
a valid scoring spotlight. It is heinous that Darque would take over the contest and
create controversy (which very well might have an impact on the final results of the
contest). Do not let this injustice happen. Give Assur his 5 points.
-- Counsel representing Assur in the case against the Wheel of Misfortune
***---------*---------*---------*---------**---------*---------*---------*---------***
'The Emerald Orb of ElseWhen' by Hammer the WordSmith
[a Special TOGS Presentation: Chapter the Second]
Purposes and plans are established by counsel; and [only] with good advice make or
carry on war. --- Proverbs 20:18 Amplified Classic
Dark grey billowing clouds of some kind of foggy substance was slowly turning into
various shades of dark brown and brackish plumes were slowly giving way to even
further darker shades of black until the essence of the foggy billows became pitch
black.
Furtive figures flitted through the shadows of Time and Space as they grappled between
the essence of Imagination and Reality in various efforts to emerge as Supreme
Distortions of what they were meant to be when the Spark of Creation was forming and
fashioning their images and essences into what was supposed to be noble creatures.
But there was a Darkness spreading relentlessly throughout the far flung reaches of
the Space/Time/Dimension/Continuum where Dreams mingle and flow in No Particular Order
in the Vortex where ElseWhere and ElseWhen intersect in the Grand Scheme of Things
that are Both Real and Unreal that was upsetting the balance of things to be, both in
the near and far flung future, that had become fractured with the evils that were
secretly seeping through the cracks and fissures of time warps and foundations that
held true and firm no matter what pressures were unleashed by the ghastly minions of
the Evil Entity and its Minions that had gathered to unleash their vile villainy upon
the unsuspecting masses of the Denizens wishing only to live their lives in Peace and
Harmony, but were compelled to raise their ranks to oppose what they did not know.
Storm Crow had been roused countless times from fitful sleeps of Despair mixed with
Uncertainty as to what the trouble was that was disturbing the harmony of the ancient
Space/Time/Dimension/Continuum that seemed to center upon the Vortex where ElseWhere
and ElseWhen intersect in the Grand Scheme of Things that are Both Real and Unreal,
but where the Dreams and Visions of the Denizons of Peace and Harmony wished to create
the things necessary to make such Dreams Come True No Matter What through the Ebb and
Flow of the Currents of Time that was linked and hinged upon the Full Essence of the
Space/Time/Dimension/Continuum and its Destined Force.
Long Ago the Veteran Manager known far and wide as Hammer had provided his adventuring
friend Storm Crow with the means of transporting himself and others between the Stream
and Flow of the Space/Time/Dimension/Continuum and the Numerous and Countless
Possibilities that Such Passage Could Provide with what Hammer had called 'The Elven
Orbs of Transport' that the Veteran Manager was wont to employ when the Veteran
Manager drew upon its ability to transverse the vast expanse of Alastari when Hammer
needed to quickly visit each Arena where he was wont to go to manage his various
stables or to just drop in to visit others unawares.
Now the Orb that he had been gifted with was put into use for Storm Crow to join the
fray to rescue the Emerald Orb of ElseWhen from the impossibly possible reach of the
unknown Evil Entity that sought to consume whatever and whoever stood in its path.
Armed with his sturdy Battle Axe and the sheer will power to fulfill his quest, the
adventurer named Storm Crow joined countless thousands of Denizens from various
Regions of the Space/Time/Dimension/Continuum to repel the evil minions that were
spawned from the poisons of the influence of the Evil Entity that disappeared in the
wind when the Emerald Orb of ElseWhen had been secured and surrounded by the Freedom
Fighters that Storm Crow had managed to rally to the cause of Preserving the Sacred
Orb that had been Secreted SomeWhere BeYond the Realm of ElseWhere and ElseWhen ...
when the Veteran Manager known far and wide as Hammer had Suddenly Appeared in the
Midst of the Furious Fracas to Help Stem the Tide in the Favor of the Things that were
Good and Right in the Flow of the Space/Time/Dimension/Continuum.
Storm Crow was clutching the Emerald Orb of ElseWhen ... when the combined catalyst of
the two Elven Orbs of Transport mingled with the essence of the power of the Emerald
Orb of ElseWhen had Suddenly and Unexpectedly with No Rhyme or Reason literally
Catapulted the Two Adventuring Friends to the Camp Ground of Stormm Krow, the Warrior
Daughter of Storm Crow, on the outskirts of Stormcrowe Arena prior to the beginning of
the Wheel Of Misfortune Contest that Master Darque is currently Hosting.
As the Veteran Manager known far and wide as Hammer slipped into unconsciousness, he
vaguely beheld the visage of a flamboyant character in a tavern in another Arena ...
sporting a feathered hat and a pink bath robe ... who had spoken two words with Great
Explanation ... 'Kaltos' ... and ... 'Kaos' .....
"May Your Blades Be Sharp and Your Wits Sharper!"
-- Hammer the WordSmith
***---------*---------*---------*---------**---------*---------*---------*---------***
Madwand's Travel Itinerary - Part 2
He was one of the most cunning pirates of all time according to the stories and his
legend had grown hugely. This was, of course, far out of proportion with the truth.
While people were being truthful when they spoke of him winning large battles with
inconceivable odds, it was almost always an accident. He once tripped over a lantern,
which allowed him to avoid a direct hit to his body and sent a cannon ball directly
into the weapons cache of another ship, blowing it to smithereens. A similar incident
allowed him to defeat 10 men when a rope he was nervously gripping ended up tripping
the men and sending most of them overboard.
Tonight, he was nervous. It was dark and the while the ocean was calm, it hadn't been
so recently. He was still feeling some of the effects from those storms. This
opportunity came up so quickly. They were taking a huge chance boarding this ship,
not knowing what was aboard. If they failed to find a worthy treasure, it would be a
failure.
He and his companions climbed aboard and looked around. Remaining silent, they
quickly dispersed, each with their own objectives. While his companion's went to
secure the ship and its cargo, he moved towards the bridge. A quick glance showed him
a weary sailor, only half awake concentrating on trying to keep the ship headed in the
right direction. It would be easy to take him, and take control but something kept
him from doing that. Instinct maybe, or intuition but it had saved him many times and
deserved to be respected.
* * *
For gladiators and slaves, sleep was a luxury that could sometimes become deadly. You
always had to keep your wits about you and the older, wiser ones quickly became
shallow sleepers. One ear was always alert, listening for a silent attack from a
thief or competitor. So it was when silent feet were heard above on deck, the pitter
patter of someone trying to remain quiet was very loud. First one, then another's
eyes opened and all were staring up through the ceiling.
* * *
He waited and watched, listening for whatever made him hesitate. Something was wrong,
but he didn't know what. He had been saved by luck before, but you had to make your
own luck. He waited. Until he heard it. Lucky for him it was dark, with no moon out
tonight or he would have been caught as another sailor returned to the bridge. He
must have pissed overboard, because he was doing up his pants as he walked back.
Distracted, he never made it. He was dispatched and thrown overboard almost without a
sound.
Time to complete his part of the mission. He silently moved back to the door to the
bridge and stole another peak. The sailor still hadn't moved. Not sure if he was
even awake, he decided to make his move, slowly entering through the door. It didn't
take long. The sailor was tired, and not alert. He became easy prey. The Pirate was
in control of the ship. Lets hope the others have as easy a time subduing the crew as
he did.
* * *
As the thieves spread out across the ship, they encountered no resistance. At least
until they began to descend below deck.....
To be continued...
***---------*---------*---------*---------**---------*---------*---------*---------***
Hi all, Floyd here. Today I am going to talk about my first team in arena 38 back
in the day. It was called Team Floyd and 15 year old me decided it would be cool to
name the warriors after Pink Floyd songs. Somehow 35 years later my manager name is
now Floyd and any link to Pink Floyd is long gone.
My first solo team consisted of these gems ( mind you. this is in 1985 ):
He is a wall of steel with ST=16 CN=13 SZ=6 WT=13 WL=17 SP=8 DF=11 ...this guy
was named Sheep. He was also my first TV in a tourney. I eventually graduated
Sheep and his faves were MO/LO MS Slash/Riposte tactics and fave learn of decise.
He is a wall of steel with ST=13 CN=13 SZ=6 WT=13 WL=19 SP=9 DF=11...this guy was
named Pig. He TV'd the same tourney as Sheep (tho Sheep won one more fight). Pig
went on to have a total of 3 TVs for me over his career. I think my success with
Sheep and Pig is what led my to love the Wall of Steel style over all others. He
ended up HI/VL GS bash/parry tactics and was attach favorite learn.
He is a parry-strike with ST=9 CN=14 SZ=11 WT=17 WL=13 SP=7 DF=13 ...this guy was
named Seamus. He ended up TVing in the same tourney as Sheep and Pig. He had a
fun basic career but could never squeeze out another TV for me. He ended up
graduating and got MO/LO SH fave learn of decise.
He was a basher with ST=16 CN=8 SZ=10 WT=16 WL=15 SP=8 DF=11. ...this was my
first attempt at a Basher and it pretty much soured me on the style for a few
years. He ended up going to the DA with a 1-6 record and I think it was another 5
years before I made another basher.
He was a lunger with ST=11 CN=11 SZ=13 WT=9 WL=17 SP=14 DF=9. ...this guy didnt
amount to much either ... he died with a 3-3-1 record. I honestly don't remember
much about him or his fights. But taking one look at these numbers now I guess I
understand why I put it out of my mind. Pretty much blah all the way around.
So that is the begining of my Team Floyd franchise and the genesis of my
managerial name as well. Looking back I am pretty shocked I was able to graduate 3 of
my first 5 warriors. All in all they were pretty fun to run and my early success with
the Wall of Steel style has stuck with me as it is by far still my favorite style. I
have fond memories of my early time in Cliffhome. There were some great warriors that
made their way to the Isle from that arena.
In Cliffhome I also met Talon, who ran Eagles Claw. He and I would go on to form
and allienace together along with Destitute Noble, called the League Arcane. Good
times and Great memories!!
Anyway, thanks for the walk down memory lane!! I hope you enjoyed reading it more
than I liked writing it (which was not at all). Hopefully this is the last TOGS turn
we see for this contest!!
Cheers,
Floyd, mgr CSU College Radio
***---------*---------*---------*---------**---------*---------*---------*---------***
This takes place in the not so distant past.... Our story begins at the keep called
the "Serpents Hold" in the outskirts of Ardivent...
A man enters the throne room out of breath and carrying a parchment sealed with
the wax seal of the blades. "Lord Khisanth, a crow delivered this message just now."
The messenger hands the parchment to his lord who quickly opens it to
read. His face drops at what he's read.
"My lord, is it news from Lord Vhagar about the coming games?"
"It is news about the coming games... But this was not written by Lord Vhagar...
Fetch me a quill and parchment and have a crow at the ready."
The man scurries off and returns later with whats asked of him.
"Not good at all," Khisanth mumbles shaking his head.
Our story now moves to Tobir... Where Lord Vhagar's Brothers of the Blade reside.
It is midday and lord Vhagar has already consumed a flask and a half of wine. He
is outside looking over the "training" of his stable.
His second in command approaches. "More wine!" lord Vhagar mumbles.
"My lord, are you sure that's a good idea?" say Bansay, an up and coming slasher,
feared in these parts. "It's only midday, perhaps I can have the kitchens prepare you
some food?"
Vhagar responds, "How about I prepare you to be fed to my dogs?"
Bansay dismisses the statement and brings up the reason he is here. "My lord, our
stable is not ready for the upcoming games. They have become fat from all the eating
and drinking, spending all their coin in the whorehouses. We won't stand much of a
chance if from what I am hearing is true. There is rumored to be a man made of muffins
bringing his stable... pardon the translation..."
"We must double our efforts. This is not the stable you promised."
Vhagar stands, looks at his officer, and backhands him in the face." I will not
be told how to run my stables!"
"Very well" Bansay sadly whispers.
"More wine! Do not make me ask a third time!" With this, lord Vhagar rises and
walks to the deck's edge and begins to urinate down on the sands on which his
gladiators are "training."
Bansay reaches into his pocket and takes out the parchment that had just been
delivered. The candlewax still holds the shape of a serpent. Bansay rubs the wax with
his thumb.
"Enough!" he yells. And with the speed of a serpent, his scimitar is unsheathed
and with a single swing Lord Vhagar's head is removed from his shoulders.
Bansay looks down at the corpse, partly sad, partly excited. He then drops the
parchment on the chest and walks away.
The parchment reads, "You know what must be done. I, Khisanth, will lead the
Brothers of the Blade in the coming games. I will lead all of Vhagar's gladiators from
hence on!!!"
***---------*---------*---------*---------**---------*---------*---------*---------***
History of Darque Ages in Stormcrowe
by Master Darque
It is typically easy to see how much history a team has in a particular arena. Most
managers have a sentimental attachment to certain teams in certain arenas. It might
have been a first-team that creates the bond. It might be a special warrior that
draws one's affections to a place. As you can easily see from my team record, I have
been in DM 45 for a long time. I consider it to be my home, which is odd since I did
not begin my dueling career in DM 45. In fact, this Darque Forces team did not even
begin in this arena. Since I am completely out of ideas for arena spotlights, I
thought I would get a bit nostalgic and record my team's history.
The team sheet for this team was purchased at the Hartford, CT Face-to-Face
tournament. It was my first FtF and only my second tournament since starting the game
in August of 1996. I ran a whopping 10 warriors in that tournament and had my first
TV. Nowt that I think about it, I rode in a car for 38 hours round trip to run $70
worth of entrants. I believe I only had 20 warriors total at that point with teams in
31, 47, 50, and 73, the same as my pop. Seems crazy to adult me, but it was an
amazing experience, so I can't knock it. I met some wonderful managers that I still
call friends today, so worth completely worth the ride!
Anyway, I bought 10 sheets while there and these became the basis for most of my
current active teams in D2 now. I have always gravitated to slow arenas because I
like the pace (and the people I often find in them). This particular team started out
with the name Femmes Fatales and I was going with the theme of comic book
villainesses. I was 19 at the time, creativity wasn't really a strong point!
I placed them in Krill, DM 44, a slow Andorian arena and started to run them. The
original team was pretty an interesting mixture of styles and talent, but only a few
of the warriors made it through the first cut. I DA'd and got a team that I was happy
with before I got fully behind the team. I was still new to the game, so I am not
sure that I would make all the same choices, but they were certainly fun at the time.
Here are the ones that I remember:
17-9-4-21-9-13-11 ST. This warrior eventually became my first ;graduate to ADM.
She was solid all-around and was fun to run in the arena. She is probably the
warrior that made me keep coming back to this team as I played sporadically
through college.
13-5-9-17-11-6-21 SL. As I said, I would not make the same choices for all the
warrior again. This one was another replacement from the pool. She started off
horribly with an 0-6 record. I was stubborn enough to keep running her because I
liked the numbers. I was also starting to like slashers more and more. I
eventually worked her up to a winning record of 17-15-0 - just in time for her to
die a few PPs short of graduation. Ah, this game can be frustrating at times!
6-10-9-13-21-10-15 TP. I told you it was an odd mixture. She was another
replacement for fodder off the original sheet. She was totally fun as I was
trying to learn how to run non-scum warriors. The damage was absolutely an issue
(she got little), but it was certainly a learning experience as I watched TP do
more than just stand around and get hit. I might try this again at some point,
but I do not remember the original numbers. Knowing my early design tendencies,
I'm sure there are better ways to set it up! She eventually dies at 12-10-0.
10-10-4-15-21-9-15 WS. I will eventually graduate this warrior. She will roll
up with Little damage and keep it throughout her Basic career. Ursula was
another replacement, but a key component to the team that kept me coming back
again and again to this team. She makes it to the Isle at 22-15-1. I was
particularly stoked that I got a kill with a Little damage warrior. Ursula is
the warrior that prompts me to go on my insane quest to graduate a warrior of
every style with Little damage.
7-14-14-17-11-4-17 AB. I had never made an AB before and this was the first one.
I am pretty sure some manager in the AOL chatroom I frequented back then helped
me with this design. She did not last very long. Back in the day, it was
Lunger-masters and ABs had a poor survival rate. They may still have a poor
survival rate, but back in the day, arenas were brutal to the style. She died at
3-4-0.
I ran the team in 44 as frequently as any team in those early days. I mainly played
in DM 31 with friends as well as the other slow arenas that gave me an arena each
week, the aforementioned 47, 50, and 73. To this day, I am still not 100% sure what my
fascination was with 44 and eventually 45. I think the reason is it was the first
arena that I played in independently. All the other arenas I joined, I went there
because my friends were there. As my friends began to slowly drop out of the game, I
didn't feel the same attachment to those arenas, or at least not as strong as an
attachment.
Krill will eventually close when the big arena closures sweep the land. It was a
bummer of an experience. I did not know where I was sending them because I already
had teams in all the slow arenas. When I learned you could have multiple teams in an
arena if you moved from the closed arenas, it eased the thought process a bit. I
picked 45 because I still planned to stick mainly to slow arenas (a plan I held to
until DM 81 opened). Darque Forces have been here since that time.
The SL listed above died in DM 45 after the closures and the WS got her invite from DM
45. I spent a little less than 3 years in DM 44 before the move, but it is just a
distant memory now. Stormcrowe is home and will probably forever be home. I have 24
ADM grads from this squad, second only to my team in DM 81. I have multiple TVs and
some of my favorite warriors have come from this arena. That isn't to say they have
ADM careers, but tons of warriors that have been fun through the years.
I hope when the contest if over, some of you will stick around in this great arena.
It is always nice to have fine opponents, actually any opponents in today's tourney
focused game is great!
***---------*---------*---------*---------**---------*---------*---------*---------***
The Legend of Grott
The Allied Axis is rich in history, rich in success, and rich in general. Perhaps one
of the greatest legends of the Allied Axis is the story of Conqueror Grott. Grott was
one of the very first warriors to step onto the sands for the Allied Axis. 34 years
ago Den started managing his first team, the Big Lake Studs fought on turn one in
Niytyole Island. Conqueror Grott, Destroy Tadd, Thackert, Bruiser Budd and the other
guy stepped out onto the sands for the very first time. This was just the beginning
of the Saga of Grott, stories that would be retold for generations and used to
frighten young children around the family campfire.
We cannot explain how, but for some reason Grott has a 72' Olds 98 that he drives
around Alastari and smashes anything that is unlucky enough to be in his path. This
has included things such as horses, vegetable gardens, and unfortunately small
children. Grott has always killed indiscriminately which is not all that uncommon for
warriors of the mighty Allied Axis. Some managers will get their undies all bunched
up over down challenges, but when you compare a down challenge to that of discarding a
small child's life, there just is not much of a comparison. One story that is told is
when Grott had parked the Olds and was entering a tavern for a tankard of ale, a small
child stopped him on the way in and asked if he could spare but a small coin to help
the needy. Unfortunately, the small child never finished her question as Grott spun
around and silenced her forever, thus keeping his coin for the ale he thirsted for.
Another common victim of Grott's wrath were the many barkeeps that made the crucial
mistake of asking for coin or offering a joyful greeting. Seems that Grott is not a
huge fan of pleasantries. One story recounts the time Grott walks into the Rusty Hook
and was heading towards the back to square up a deal with another warrior who had
touched the Olds, as he walked through the tavern the barkeep being the joyful soul
that he was quickly shouted out a greeting. Grott stopped immediately and spun with a
speed that defied his bulk, for he is a big man, standing over six feet tall and
cursed with a mop of greasy black hair that falls about his shoulders in clumps
instead of strands. His gnarled and bent fingers found the face of the barkeep and
what looked like a comfortable face cradle became the grip of death as Grott squeezed
with all his might until the barkeep's life slid between his fingers. The Rusty Hook
closed early that day. Oh, the warrior that foolishly touched the Olds was the next
victim and it was not pretty and gentle like the poor barkeep.
Even though it has been years since there has been a Grott sighting, the stories are
alive and they are real. Sometimes late at night, you can hear the roar of the Olds
echoing through the hills. The return of Grott is near.
We hope you enjoyed this story brought to you from Den and the Big Lake Killers.
***---------*---------*---------*---------**---------*---------*---------*---------***
Hello boys and girls, time for another exciting episode in the adventures of Otis
the Traveler. This one takes place a few years ago. Not one to stay in one place for
long, he is always on the move, in search of mediocre talent to add to his roster of
ineptitude.
This time I find myself on the island nation of Kolact. A good place to
vacation, that is if you like to fish, and I do. Also some great dive bars with the
best seafood. Of course its all fresh caught. This place is also known for its
outstanding Navy. Pirates didn't stand a chance in the waters around here. Ships from
here were hired as security for cargo ships all around Alastari. And as you would
expect you get a few of the mouthy squids that come into the pubs and bars looking to
fight. Now that can be put to a good use as well.
I had an arena team here before, I believe. Might have been some soccer guys that
didn't pan out quite the way I wanted. Would get nicked on the ankle and start rolling
around in the sand, looking for a stretcher. No willpower to fight. Cost me a fortune
in doctor bills. Would have to call healers all of the time during training because I
thought they had about killed each other. As soon as they would get them on the
stretcher and through the door, they would hop off there and back in the door as if
Lady Greywand herself had touched them. Fought one in a tourney, what a joke. Grew
tired of that and just disbanded the team. Only one I never even bothered to get
transferred.
Anyway, I was in no hurry to assemble a team, but would check around. I put up
some notices around town. Told the bartenders and bouncers at the bars I frequented to
keep an eye out for promising individuals (some of those Navy folk I mentioned earlier
in the story). I could interview and try out prospects in between fishing trips and
relaxing at the beach. There were other managers out there recruiting heavily, they
were active in the local arena. I was just looking for some tourney guys, maybe a
solid arena team to run, if I decided to come back here and hang out a while.
I put together a list of guys that I thought were the best (or the best that I
could afford at the time). Out of that list I needed to get down to my five. I sent
out word to the ten or eleven guys that were my short list. Because I was in no hurry
and had taken my time, a few of those had shipped out or had been picked up by other
teams. So only six showed up, made it a little easier to narrow it down. Checking my
notes on these finalists, it seemed I had an abundance of one style. Not surprising,
as most on this island went through the same vigorous training, had the same
instructors and fought along side each other in similar conditions. So four were
lungers, one aimed and one parry strike. I like lungers, but four on one team is a bit
much, may need some diversity if a bloodfeud arises. So in the end I went with three
lungers, one aimed blow and a parry strike.
Next turn: Otis Likes Lungers the tournament and Stormcrowe years. (Maybe)
***---------*---------*---------*---------**---------*---------*---------*---------***
Candy Crushers
Adventure Log - Chapter 12
Walking in a Winter Wonderland
After learning that the town of Feycircle held the Rendrik's Gem, Dragonbeard's
asking price for passage over the Kraken Sea, the party sought information regarding
the whereabouts of the town. They knew it to be further west than they had traveled
before. Hershey Hammer, inspired to find a map of the region, led the party to a
storefront near the inner harbor. Black Jack's Emporium was the name. It was kept by
a friendly goblin, Black Jack himself presumably. Among the array of the usual
assortment of items you see in a shop such as this was a shelf full of scrolls behind
which, as decoration, Hershey Hammer found an old map of the Kraken Sea showing the
city of Port frozen in by a blockade of ice. Many leagues to the north, across the
sea was a town named Southport. In between were disturbing images of large sea
creatures. There were many fascinating finds and curiosities at Black Jack's
Emporium. The party was able to pool resources and acquire several healing potions.
They saw several sets of armor, including a prismarine colored set of half plate with
images of merfolk, dolphins and various sea creatures etched within. Of additional
interest was a set of finely crafted leather boots with wings. So much interest, in
fact, that Jawbreaker Jitte tried to lift them unnoticed from the store but was caught
trying to stuff them in his cloak. The old goblin kindly asked the party to leave, to
which they obliged as to not cause trouble in a town full of pirates.
The team headed west to the gates of Port, stopping at a stable to purchase two
horses and a cart. Their aim was to head westerly to the only location they knew of,
Karvolia. The first day of travel by cart was uninterrupted. Caramel Cudgel and Kit
Kat Katana proved to be reasonably skilled drivers. They stopped at the same garrison
that they had visited twice before. This time, the guards were cold. They were
warned that Prince Redgrave did not take kindly to their actions in Karvolia and had
sent "men" to hunt the party down.
They left the garrison at first light and proceeded to the village. They were
not waylaid along the way and made good time, arriving in early evening. At best the
party is greeted with indifference but more often denizens of Karvolia simply look
away or find something fascinating on the ground as the party passes by. Pez
Pulverizer and company make for the Bleeding Crow Tavern. Olan Fornn welcomes them
but begs them to make for the root cellar. He explains that just the day prior some
of Prince Redgrave's "men" were in Karvolia looking for signs of the party. The town
is still very grateful and the family members of those rescued youth will always
support the party but it's best to keep quiet for now. Hershey Hammer relays the
details of their latest adventure and Olan offers that there is, in fact, a refugee
from Feycircle in town. He makes arrangements for the party to meet her.
Soon the party is introduced to Rosalyn. She explains that the blight had
encroached on Feycircle, slowly at first, but increasing rapidly until overnight the
entire town was swallowed by the blight, a waste made up of dark sand, black plants,
the smell of rot and many foul creatures. Only the keep remained standing. When
asked she shared that she did not know how far away it was from Karvolia for she had
traveled many days, lost in the Greatwood before finding the village.
Caramel Cudgel and company rest in the cellar and set out at first light. They
take the road west as a winter snow begins to fall. A few hours out and the road
turns into a trail as the trees of the Greatwood become more dense. The snow begins
to fall harder. By the evening the party finds a reasonable location to camp and make
shelter.
The second day and the snow fall becomes heavier. The party is not completely
spared by the forest canopy. The trail is getting harder to see in the snow cover.
The party's progress slows even further as Pez Pulverizer and Caramel Cudgel must stop
and identify trails in the snow. This pattern continues through the third day. That
night the snow falls hard. The watch rotation continues undisturbed until Kit Kat
Katana spots some lights flying irregularly in the snow. As she studies them they
begin to descend with the snow and circle about Pez Pulverizer's head in his sleep.
After several minutes she approaches them and gets close enough to see they are in
fact tiny fey folk. Her approach scares them away. The next morning she shares her
experience with the party. Pez Pulverizer professes to have not been disturbed in his
sleep.
Slow progress is made through the fourth day. Paths are increasingly difficult
to discern and the party is frequently forced to move hitherto hidden logs or circle
back to find a new route. An exhausted crew rests for the night. Once again the tiny
visitors find Pez Pulverizer and dance about his head, this time on Hershey Hammer and
Jawbreaker Jitte's watch. The pair watches the activity at a distance but with
interest. After all, the fey didn't appear to harm Pez Pulverizer the previous night.
After several minutes the tiny forest folk fly off into the night. Pez Pulverizer
awoke refreshed the next day, remembering nothing untoward.
The party trudged forward through the snow and by evening the trees began to
thin. They could see firelight in the distance and soon spied a guard. After a quick
exchange in which the guard was convinced the party had no ill intentions, they were
led into the center of a large yet rag tag camp. They had stumbled into a refugee
camp from Feycircle. The guard led them to the center where a woman, wearing what was
once a fine dress and housecoat stood over a pot stirring gruel. The party was
introduced to Lady Relimma, formerly of the keep at Feycircle. She explained that the
keep had been devoured in a great pit by the blight but was still largely intact. She
and several others had escaped. Slowly refugees began to find one another and they set
up this small encampment with what they could salvage and scavenge hoping to find more
of their kin and neighbors. She said that she had not seen her husband, Lord Petring,
since the fall. He had gone looking for their missing children, Rennie and Linde.
Relimma then breaks into a fit of tears and begs the party to help find her missing
family. The party agrees and sets about camping for the night. Caramel Cudgel leaves
to hunt game to feed the hungry citizens of Feycircle while Pez Pulverizer distributes
Goodberries for more immediate nourishment. Pez Pulverizer and company camp for the
night.
As they make for the west, into the blight, the guard from the previous night
tells them that their captain stayed in Feycircle to find the lost children. It was
hoped that she was yet alive and he requested the party do all they could to find her.
They agreed and set out west.
Within a half mile of the refugee encampment the Greatwood gave way to the
blight. It was a disgusting mess, the smell nearly unbearable. Still the team plowed
forward, hacking their way through where necessary. At midday, a few remnants of
buildings of Feycircle could be seen protruding from the wastes. By mid afternoon they
could see the turrets of the keep peeking slightly over the edge of the great pit.
The party moved around to the southern ridge and slid down to the keep entrance. One
of the towers had crashed in the fall and there was a crack near the great doors. The
party slipped in and was immediately entwined in an ongoing combat. They could see
giant worms just to their south trying to get into yet another fallen tower and on
occasion a crossbow bolt would fire out from under the rubble. The crew engaged
immediately with the combatants. The party easily dispatches the giant worms and
struggles into the makeshift fortification that was a tower to relieve several dust
goblins of their life force.
After the combat, Pez Pulverizer staggered momentarily as he experienced a
massive, yet brief headache.
The adventure continues?
***---------*---------*---------*---------**---------*---------*---------*---------***
Turn 5 is the dreaded TOGS turn! Everyone complains about it, and yet you are still
here fighting warriors, writing spotlights, and submitting personal ads. Condolences
to Green Eyes who had to edit this mess!
I have done my best to give credit for spotlights and personal ads as they are in the
NL. If I have missed your personal ad or HAL failed to put it in the NL, please send
me the submission receipt and I will make sure you get credit for it. If you CC'd a
copy to me when you submitted, I already have a record of your submission.
Next turn will once again be TOGS and this will be followed by another Slaughter
Priest Memorial turn, and then . . . another turn of Slaughter Priest Memorial! Not
much variety in the die rolls, but this is what happens when you leave it up to
chance! Rules are posted at the bottom of this scoring report.
Turn 6 -- TOGS
Turn 7 -- Slaughter Priest Memorial
Turn 8 -- Slaughter Priest Memorial
********************
Turn 5 Scores -- TOGS
Rank -- Manager -- Team -- Turn 5 Score -- Overall Score
t1. La Guillotine -- Going Berserk -- 19 -- 71
t1. OAB -- Shewish Buffet -- 39 -- 71
2. Assur -- Bash Bros Cars -- 46 -- 70
3. Floyd -- CSU College Radio -- 23 -- 62
4. Paradox -- Legends -- 46 -- 53
5. Howlin Wolf -- Howlin Slaughter -- 23 -- 50
6. The Greek Guy -- Lurocian Outkasts -- 32 -- 41
7. Presstoe -- Force of Five -- 16 -- 40
8. Khisanth -- WOB AFW -- 20 -- 38
9. Dameon Darkheart -- Candy Crushers -- 29 -- 36
10. Den -- Big Lake Killers -- 22 -- 35
11. Dr. Feelgood -- The Mentors Ride -- 21 -- 33
12. Crip -- Avid Fans -- 25 -- 31
13. Madwand -- Favorite Sayings 7 -- 19 -- 30
14. Hammer -- Abattior 5 Blades -- 12 -- 28
15. Street Legal -- Maiden Japan -- 9 -- 26
16. Master Darque -- Darque Forces -- 32 -- 23
17. Otis -- Otis Likes Lungers -- 7 -- 22
18. Dr. Trump Jr. -- Yuppie Shelter -- 10 -- 21
19. Queen Artemis -- Dragon's Tooth -- 5 -- 20
20. Shadowthrone -- Shadow Legion -- 19 -- 19
21. Bubba -- Ima Bubba 2 -- 9 -- 18
t22. Channel Master -- SYFY -- 12 -- 18
t22. U.N. -- International -- 0 -- 15
23. Papaiz -- Book of Thomas -- 2 -- 11
24. Boss Rat -- Rat Pak -- 25 -- 9
25. Scorpio -- Gods of War -- 2 -- (-12)
*Turn 6 Scoring -- TOGS
+10 points for winning on your up challenge against another WoM warrior.
+7 points for winning on your even challenge of another WoM warrior.
+7 points for winning on another WoM warrior's challenge.
+7 points for winning a random matchup against another WoM warrior.
+4 points for winning a random matchup against a non-WoM warrior.
You will not get any points if you challenge a non-WoM team (this includes the Dark
Arena).
+5 points for a spotlight written by any team member, 1 per manager per turn. The
minimum length of a spotlight to receive points is 1/2 column in the newsletter
(that's 31 lines--each line 86 characters across). In addition to the length
criteria, spotlights will not be given any points if they are in any way
plagiarized or if they are not Duelmasters or fantasy-related. If in doubt about
the content, email me before the turn and I will be happy to verify it for you.
-5 points per manager who does not write at least one (1) personal ad.
-5 points for being the team that avoided the most.
********************
*Turn 7 & 8 Scoring -- Slaughter Priest Memorial
No Challenges
+3 points for winning
+3 points for killing (giving 6 in total, 3 for the win and 3 for the kill)
+3 points for at least one of your warriors writing a personal (regardless of number
of personals beyond one you still only get three points). Make sure it is written
from one of your team's warriors and not simply the manager entity or you will not
get the points.
-3 points for losing
-3 points for being killed (giving -6 in total, -3 for losing and -3 for being killed)
NOTE: Challenging during this turn will result in disqualification
DUELMASTER'S COLUMN
Notes from the arena champ.
Greetings, warriors of Stormcrowe,
That's it, I have my invite, and this turn will see me fight my last fight in our
glorious arena.
Let's end this on a high, so my fellow Berserkers can keep the momentum going in this
contest.
I'll be seeing you soon in Homeguard, where I will train further for a while and see
how I fare in the ADM categories.
Good luck to all.
-- Uskurntai, your Duelmaster
SPY REPORT
Oh, hi. Its just little 'ol Debby Tonte. Thought I'd check out STORMCROWE to
see what's new. Too bad, BASH BROS CARS, but FORCE OF FIVE was just too good to be
stopped. I couldn't believe it. Did RAT PAK really go up by 12? If only those guys
didn't have so may missing teeth... Gross! See if I even talk to any of those
losers in CSU COLLEGE RADIO again! Didja see where they got 2-3-0? Somebody musta
won a lotta fights! What was the name of that team who got 4-1-0 this turn for a
total 612-394-36 you ask? (Sure) DARQUE FORCES' their name, and fighting's their
game! MVP award for YAK? GOING BERSERK's proud of him after beating FEEDER and
getting 27 points. Talk about yer big time losers! ME TOO got smashed by BOULDER,
and lost 15 points! ROCK OF AGES thinks its 23-18-1 and studly character is good
enough to face up to the Duelmaster. Any bets? Don't you think the Duelmaster is
being unfair? I think USKURNTAI should let ROCK OF AGES be Duelmaster for a while,
without fighting about it. Who was the wiseguy that said STORMCROWE's Duelmaster was
paying for drinks at The Shadow's Fountain? Don't look at me!
AAARRGH!!! I HATE SPYREPORTING!!! Sorry. I just had to say it. The warriors
of INTERNATIONAL must be getting lonely. They were the most avoided team. Do you
guys know something that I don't? Is there some deep dark secret why LEGENDS' been
avoiding INTERNATIONAL so much? Or is it just that they're too scared? Like, is
UNDK popular, or what? He was challenged the most in all of STORMCROWE! He's got a
19-8-1, is that good? Ooh! Did SHRIMP SCAMP really know what he was doing when he
challenged UNDK? A 9-11-0 speaks volumes. (Zontoni said that. I don't know what it
means.) UNDK beat SHRIMP SCAMP, and was I surprised (right!). But its a good thing
UNDK could stop laughing long enough to give SHRIMP SCAMP a good pounding. CHOPPER
must not be a good enough fighter to get in fair fights. He challenged IMA GETCHA.
14 is a big difference. (Well, that's what they tell me.) I thought CHOPPER showed
great skill and promise when he won victory over IMA GETCHA. All right, so I slept
through it! Big deal!
Man, all these warriors dying and killing each other! Don't you guys ever give
it a break? YAK of GOING BERSERK wasn't planning on killing FEEDER, I bet. Now he
has to worry about being Bloodfeuded, and getting put on lists... I'm always kinda
bummed when a decent warrior gets killed. THROTTLE JOCKEY, of THE MENTORS RIDE had a
6-4-0 when it got bumped off by JOHN WAYNE GACY. BLIZZARD-RAT really fought hard
against THE CLAIRVOYANT. That'll teach MAIDEN JAPAN not to go and kill any of RAT
PAK's guys again, huh! What if they had a fight and nobody showed up? I'd be out of
a job, that's what!!!
Remember, blood on a purple robe may stain. Soak it in cold water, and hand
wash. I know how much you like reading this stuff, but I really should stop. Its
been really albendranius! Later, guys-- Debby Tonte
DUELMASTER W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
UNDK 4872 19 8 1 154 GOING BERSERK (527)
CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
FAMILY RECIPE 4854 15 5 1 119 SHEWISH BUFFET (520)
CHOPPER 5044 10 9 1 116 THE MENTORS RIDE (550)
YAK 5296 14 8 2 114 GOING BERSERK (527)
RUNNING FREE 4406 22 24 0 104 MAIDEN JAPAN (504)
KURR 5432 9 3 0 103 GOING BERSERK (527)
URBAN LEGEND 4836 17 25 0 102 BOOK OF THOMAS (528)
POISON IV 5338 15 9 1 101 DARQUE FORCES (428)
EDMUND KEMPER 5058 15 8 2 99 BIG LAKE KILLERS (551)
RIME-ANCIENT MARINER 4496 23 15 0 98 MAIDEN JAPAN (504)
PRISM GUARD 4857 16 7 1 98 BOOK OF THOMAS (528)
KWITCHERBICHON 4861 21 15 0 93 BOOK OF THOMAS (528)
ROCK OF AGES 5096 23 18 1 92 INTERNATIONAL (554)
IMA GETCHA 4944 11 8 0 91 IMA BUBBA 2 (541)
CHAMPIONS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
BLIZZARD-RAT 516 19 5 0 90 RAT PAK (79)
LOHENGRIN 4933 9 7 2 90 FORCE OF FIVE (539)
SHRIMP SCAMP 4855 9 11 0 89 SHEWISH BUFFET (520)
CHAMPIONS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
THE VEAL DEAL 5251 13 4 0 88 HOWLIN SLAUGHTER (563)
BOULDER 5215 14 15 1 87 CSU COLLEGE RADIO (561)
-LEMON 5241 8 7 0 81 BASH BROS CARS (562)
TOBIR BATTER 5316 8 4 0 81 SHEWISH BUFFET (520)
RASAM 5117 11 14 0 80 WOB AFW (556)
-NO WASHER FLUID 5233 14 3 0 76 BASH BROS CARS (562)
KIT KAT KATANA 4901 13 8 2 76 CANDY CRUSHERS (534)
PEZ PULVERIZER 5287 11 6 1 76 CANDY CRUSHERS (534)
STICKY SITUATION 4904 7 12 0 76 ABATTOIR 5 BLADES (535)
A FUNKY NIGHTMARE 4905 9 10 0 71 ABATTOIR 5 BLADES (535)
CHALLENGER ADEPTS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
OZARKS 5046 12 9 0 66 THE MENTORS RIDE (550)
GUMMI BEAR GAVEL 5089 9 10 3 66 CANDY CRUSHERS (534)
STUNTMAN 4932 9 8 1 66 FORCE OF FIVE (539)
ME TOO 5267 9 8 0 66 OTIS LIKES LUNGERS (565)
LEAN HOG 5255 11 6 0 63 HOWLIN SLAUGHTER (563)
BLOW OUT 5043 11 13 0 62 THE MENTORS RIDE (550)
MIRAGE 5354 6 4 0 62 WOB AFW (556)
SECURITY GUARD 4825 11 19 1 61 AVID FANS (65)
RUSTBELT 4931 10 7 1 60 FORCE OF FIVE (539)
BRUCE BRENIZER 5294 9 11 2 59 BIG LAKE KILLERS (551)
IMA KILLA 5298 8 6 0 59 IMA BUBBA 2 (541)
ME THREE 5270 7 8 3 59 OTIS LIKES LUNGERS (565)
CARAMEL CUDGEL 4900 10 9 1 58 CANDY CRUSHERS (534)
RAINBOW BYTE 5391 9 9 0 58 DARQUE FORCES (428)
ADEPTS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
MIKE OX 5451 4 1 0 55 FAVORITE SAYINGS 7 (569)
BUBBLES 4935 13 4 0 54 FORCE OF FIVE (539)
-SHADOW MERC 5525 4 3 0 54 SHADOW LEGION (575)
BLUE DRAGON BLADE 5310 8 6 1 52 ABATTOIR 5 BLADES (535)
CESPEDES 5359 5 6 1 49 WOB AFW (556)
SPARTACUS 5507 5 1 0 49 LEGENDS (574)
M.C. 5369 5 3 0 46 AVID FANS (65)
ME EITHER 5268 9 7 0 44 OTIS LIKES LUNGERS (565)
PANIC ROOM 5561 6 3 0 44 YUPPIE SHELTER (576)
THE FEVER DREAMER 4906 6 13 0 43 ABATTOIR 5 BLADES (535)
SOUTH POLE 5381 6 5 0 40 INTERNATIONAL (554)
STRANGEWORLD 5319 7 18 0 39 MAIDEN JAPAN (504)
AIR BNB 5564 6 2 0 39 YUPPIE SHELTER (576)
THE BRUTE SQUAD 5326 7 11 1 38 AVID FANS (65)
MAR-A-LAGO 5566 5 4 0 37 YUPPIE SHELTER (576)
RODMAN 5471 5 1 0 36 WOB AFW (556)
-FENDER BENDER 5434 4 1 1 35 BASH BROS CARS (562)
CHALLENGER INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
JOHN WAYNE GACY 5461 4 3 1 33 BIG LAKE KILLERS (551)
-MAINTENANCE 5435 4 1 0 33 BASH BROS CARS (562)
-MCCONNELL 5498 3 1 0 33 LUROCIAN OUTKASTS (573)
-CUOMO 5499 4 1 0 32 LUROCIAN OUTKASTS (573)
-CHECK ENGINE 5433 4 0 0 32 BASH BROS CARS (562)
BEN WHITECLIFFS 5454 4 1 0 31 FAVORITE SAYINGS 7 (569)
-SHADOW TEMPLAR 5517 5 5 0 29 SHADOW LEGION (575)
STICKY BLUE BLADE 5343 3 7 1 29 ABATTOIR 5 BLADES (535)
TOKYO 5483 5 1 1 28 INTERNATIONAL (554)
STABLEHAND 5560 4 2 0 28 AVID FANS (65)
OTHER MOTHER 5439 4 5 0 28 DARQUE FORCES (428)
BUFFALO 5379 4 2 0 27 CSU COLLEGE RADIO (561)
ABLE 5504 3 3 0 26 LEGENDS (574)
WHITE HOUSE 5562 4 3 0 25 YUPPIE SHELTER (576)
DOBBY 5487 3 3 1 25 SYFY (568)
CUTOUT 5582 3 1 0 25 HOWLIN SLAUGHTER (563)
CHALLENGER INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
ANDUARI 5503 2 4 0 25 LEGENDS (574)
CAINE 5505 2 4 0 25 LEGENDS (574)
INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
THE CLAIRVOYANT 5467 4 2 1 23 MAIDEN JAPAN (504)
EYE CANDY 5596 2 0 0 23 SHEWISH BUFFET (520)
NICO DIANGELO 5422 3 3 0 22 SYFY (568)
DIXIE 1 5494 5 1 0 21 IMA BUBBA 2 (541)
HAWAII 5567 4 5 0 21 YUPPIE SHELTER (576)
-DRA-GON 5460 3 1 0 21 DRAGON'S TOOTH (570)
-DJ DRAGON 5484 2 1 0 21 DRAGON'S TOOTH (570)
-SHADOW BOZO 5509 4 3 0 20 SHADOW LEGION (575)
STICKY SITUATION 5488 3 2 0 19 FAVORITE SAYINGS 7 (569)
JUICE BOX 5452 1 4 0 19 FAVORITE SAYINGS 7 (569)
-HARLEYZILLA 5459 1 2 0 19 DRAGON'S TOOTH (570)
-DRACO METEOR 5486 1 2 0 18 DRAGON'S TOOTH (570)
H.H. HOLMES 5378 4 5 0 17 BIG LAKE KILLERS (551)
TRAVIS STOLL 5420 3 4 0 17 SYFY (568)
LITTLE GRR MAID 5597 2 0 0 17 DARQUE FORCES (428)
MIA-RAT 5569 3 3 0 15 RAT PAK (79)
DIXIE 3 5603 2 0 0 15 IMA BUBBA 2 (541)
-SPITTING LLAMA 5485 2 1 0 14 DRAGON'S TOOTH (570)
IRMA 5315 3 4 0 13 OTIS LIKES LUNGERS (565)
EXPOSE 5455 2 3 0 13 FAVORITE SAYINGS 7 (569)
VAGRANT QUEEN 5599 1 1 0 13 SYFY (568)
SIBERIA 5593 1 1 0 13 INTERNATIONAL (554)
ANTARES 5606 1 1 0 13 GODS OF WAR (572)
SWAUM 5559 3 3 0 12 GOING BERSERK (527)
JAWBREAKER JITTE 5600 2 0 0 12 CANDY CRUSHERS (534)
-BIRX 5500 3 2 0 11 LUROCIAN OUTKASTS (573)
RUKIDDINGME-RAT 5572 2 3 0 11 RAT PAK (79)
NILE 5594 1 1 0 11 INTERNATIONAL (554)
-SHADOW CRETIN 5591 1 1 0 11 SHADOW LEGION (575)
ACES HIGH 5462 2 4 0 10 MAIDEN JAPAN (504)
LADY DEATHSTRIKE 5490 2 4 0 10 GODS OF WAR (572)
TRAGEDY ANN 5598 1 1 0 10 DARQUE FORCES (428)
JERONIMO 5581 2 2 0 8 LEGENDS (574)
ADVANCE SCOUT 5580 2 2 0 8 AVID FANS (65)
MARY KRUEGER 5501 1 5 0 8 BIG LAKE KILLERS (551)
CHUN MA 5492 1 5 0 8 GODS OF WAR (572)
YA-SIN 5493 1 5 0 8 GODS OF WAR (572)
-MASKED FAUCI 5588 1 1 0 8 LUROCIAN OUTKASTS (573)
DIANA 5489 0 6 0 6 GODS OF WAR (572)
WALKING CORPSE 5586 1 2 0 5 RAT PAK (79)
SUPPLY CHAIN 5574 0 5 0 5 HOWLIN SLAUGHTER (563)
POUND CAKE 5595 1 1 0 4 SHEWISH BUFFET (520)
-NEWSOME 5585 1 1 0 4 LUROCIAN OUTKASTS (573)
KID DINOSAUR 5607 0 1 0 1 FORCE OF FIVE (539)
MOUNTAIN MAN 5610 0 1 0 1 CSU COLLEGE RADIO (561)
'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.
THE DEAD W L K TEAM NAME SLAIN BY TURN Revenge?
NO FAITH 5571 2 3 1 BOOK OF THOMAS 528 DARK CHAMPION 429 NONE
REMARKABLE 5584 0 3 0 BOOK OF THOMAS 528 OVERNIGHT GROWTH 429 NONE
HERSHEY HAMMER 5324 8 3 1 CANDY CRUSHERS 534 LOHENGRIN 4933 427
BLAH 5609 0 1 0 CSU COLLEGE RADI 561 MEAT GRINDER 429 NONE
JOE TWITCH 4934 5 9 0 FORCE OF FIVE 539 HERSHEY HAMMER 5324 426 REVENGED
KRATOS 5491 1 3 0 GODS OF WAR 572 STICKY BLUE BLAD 5343 427
FEEDER 5252 11 6 0 HOWLIN SLAUGHTER 563 YAK 5296 429
DIXIE 2 5602 0 2 0 IMA BUBBA 2 541 SHEWISH GIANT 429 NONE
IMA PIMP 5062 9 5 0 IMA BUBBA 2 541 LOHENGRIN 4933 426
NEW ZEALAND 5385 3 2 0 INTERNATIONAL 554 ME THREE 5270 427
THE DEAD W L K TEAM NAME SLAIN BY TURN Revenge?
SHANGHAI 5323 9 8 1 INTERNATIONAL 554 EDMUND KEMPER 5058 427
PELOSI 5496 1 2 0 LUROCIAN OUTKAST 573 DOBBY 5487 426 REVENGED
NEXT SCRUB 5608 0 1 0 OTIS LIKES LUNGE 565 NAUGHTY JANITOR 429 NONE
NOT ME 5271 4 9 0 OTIS LIKES LUNGE 565 STUNTMAN 4932 427
ALLEY-RAT 5601 0 2 0 RAT PAK 79 WURM KIN 429 NONE
BAYONETTA-RAT 5577 0 2 0 RAT PAK 79 THE CLAIRVOYANT 5467 427 JUST REVENGED
THUNDER-RAT 513 0 2 0 RAT PAK 79 FENDER BENDER 5434 425 NOT REVENGED
WALKING CORPSE 5573 1 1 0 RAT PAK 79 NO FAITH 5571 426 REVENGED
SHADOW SHAMAN 5523 3 3 1 SHADOW LEGION 575 GUMMI BEAR GAVEL 5089 428
CONNER STOLL 5421 1 6 0 SYFY 568 WURM KIN 429 NONE
THROTTLE JOCKEY 5336 6 4 0 THE MENTORS RIDE 550 JOHN WAYNE GACY 5461 429
PERSONAL ADS
Mar-A-Lago -- You're gonna need better armor than that MAGA hat. -- Spartacus
Uskurntai, Aldon, and Alpha Rev -- Good riddance! -- Family Recipe and Shrimp Scamp of
Shewish Buffet
La Guillotine -- We're #1! We're #1! -- One Armed Bandit, mgr of Shewish Buffet
Rock of Ages -- Well, that was quick. -- Uskurntai
The Veal Deal -- Damn, how close was that really? -- Kurr
OAB -- Unfortunately, Uskurntai will always be leaving off to the Isle too soon... Way
too soon. Hopefully he will have a parting gift for one of your fighters! -- La
Guillotine
Hey, Assur wrote a pretty funny spot last time! But, The Internationals really missed
his TOGS whining. Really. -- Internationals with UN leading the way
P.S. However, The Consortium recently consulted his son-in-law lawyer about suing
Assur for his faulty and discriminatory depictations. More to come.
Lean Hog -- Consider that retribution for the 5 wins contributed in our team spotlight
-- A Security Guard
Mike Bos Taurus -- Sorry, can't bring myself to say your given name -- M.C.
Able -- Even with that win, you'll always merely be a part of me -- Stablehand
Swaum -- L'auteur de l'histoire avec un peu de m'a consulti, mais seulement pour
certain parties de son histoire -- Advance Scout
Bubbles -- How dare you ignore my maul! -- The Brute Squad
Before T428:"Finally!" Riff-Raff thought to himself, "a chance to move up in the
rankings!"
After T428: I should quit this game.
Rainbow Byte -- If only your Mom hadn't given you such a cruel name, what a different
future you might have had! -- Panic Room
Blue Dragon Blade -- You've gotten better. That's unfortunate (for me). Time for a
vacation! -- Hawaii
Strangeworld -- Carry more backups next time, whydontcha? -- Air BNB
Spartacus -- That fight went differently in my mind. -- Mar-A-Lago
Travis Stoll -- Much better this time! (to my detriment) -- White House
I hate you, one and all! Five of you pinned losses on my Internationals. The rest of
you laughed. -- U.N., Internationals
P.S. I am plotting a significant and terrible revenge for you all.
I would just like to say to anyone either above me in the standings or below me in the
standings. PHBBBBBBTTTTTTT! -- U.N.
Den -- It's been, I'm guessing, 25 years since we last crossed paths in an arena. Yet
you find time to insult me in an ad that was not even directed toward me. It's so nice
to know I'm still living in your head, dolt. HA! -- Boss Rat
P.S. It might be interesting to know, Den, what tragedy befell you so long ago that
caused your personality to remain stuck and stunted, as it is, in the far past. Oh,
WTH am I saying? I don't care. (Boss Rat walks off to enjoy a Den-less evening)
All -- We will be participating in the ARVAT CONTEST EXTRAORDINAIRE. -- La Guillotine,
Mgr The DELIRIUM RULES
Assur writes "Another personal ad"
Wild Wheelers --- Worse than Shabby Showing with a Dismal 1-4 on the Sands! --- Hammer
Den --- Glad to see that you have not lost your sparkling personality over the years!
Sounds like you either lack the patience to read about it or you really have no
interest in competing in the upcoming Kaltos Kaos contest slated for next February
that will endure for 25 Rounds!
Kaltos Kaos is a Nostalgic Contest that Emulates the Famous Morya Madness that I
Hosted for 28 Rounds in the DM 28 Slow Arena that Began over 17 Years Ago!
I Understand Your Lack of Interest to participate in the Kaltos Kaos!
You Missed Out on the Morya Madness!
Consortium, Dameon Darkheart and Master Darque were among the Competitors back then!
Corsortium and Dameon Darkheart are among the Competitors who have already registered
for the upcoming Kaltos Kaos!
There is still time for any Tree Huggers to register! --- Hammer the Host of the
Kaltos Kaos in DM 5 from T-926 thru T-950
Lemon --- Your Challenge! Your Win! Congrats! --- A Funky Nightmare
Pez Pulverizer --- Your Challenge! Your Win! Congrats Also! --- Sticky Situation
Rustbelt --- My Challenge! My Loss! Congrats! Glad I Survived the Infirmary! --- The
Fever Dreamer
Maintenance --- Brutal Win for You! I Too am Glad to be an Infirmary Survivor! ---
Sticky Blue Blade
Hawaii --- Your Challenge! Your Loss! My Win! Congrats to Me! Glad to See that You did
Survive the Infirmary! You were Not Ready to Die! --- Blue Dragon Blade
Misfortunate Malcontents --- Looking Forward to Reading Your TOGS 2 Submissions! Must
Finish Reading Your First Ones! --- Hammer the WordSmith
Master Darque -- Let me thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving us 2, not 1
but 2, freaking TOG's turns in a row! -- Madwand
Pez Pulverizer -- I hope your hands stick together after that beating. -- Sticky
Situation
All -- The randomness doesn't feel so random when we keep getting the same scoring on
consecutive turns. -- Master Darque
UNDK -- well done, and well fought -- Chopper
All -- we may not be the toughest team, or the fastest team, or even the smartest
team...... hmmm I forgot where i was going with this -- Dr. Feelgood
Geek Guy -- Still, nobody cares. -- Den
Hammer -- Are you still here? -- Den
Street Legal -- It was so much fun crushing your guy last turn. Felt better than a
morning bathroom break. -- Den
Rime-Ancient Mariner -- Doesn't matter how long your name is, just matter what you do
with it. -- Edmund Kemper
3-2-1 for the Crushers last turn. Not too shabby! -- DD
What is with this "barely slew" comment? You either slew or you didn't slew! -- Gummi
Bear Gavel
Remarkable -- Hardly! -- Jawbreaker Jitte
Sticky Situation -- Kind of like a wet lollipop? -- Pez
For the record, I really enjoy reading all the spotlights. -- Green Eyes
LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS
CONNER STOLL was butchered by WURM KIN in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
NO FAITH was butchered by DARK CHAMPION in a 1 minute Dark Arena duel.
REMARKABLE was murdered by OVERNIGHT GROWTH in a 1 minute Dark Arena melee.
DIXIE 2 was killed by SHEWISH GIANT in a 2 minute gruesome Dark Arena fight.
ALLEY-RAT was butchered by WURM KIN in a 1 minute Dark Arena contest.
NEXT SCRUB was slain by NAUGHTY JANITOR in a 2 minute Dark Arena fight.
BLAH was murdered by MEAT GRINDER in a 1 minute Dark Arena competition.
GUMMI BEAR GAVEL was devastated by LOHENGRIN in a 2 minute one-sided Bloodfeud duel.
BLIZZARD-RAT savagely defeated THE CLAIRVOYANT in a 5 minute Bloodfeud brawl.
ROCK OF AGES was viciously subdued by USKURNTAI in a 3 minute expert's Challenge duel.
EDMUND KEMPER lost to ALDON in a popular 1 minute veteran's Challenge duel.
SHRIMP SCAMP was overpowered by UNDK in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge Title melee.
CHOPPER savagely defeated IMA GETCHA in a 2 minute master's Challenge match.
KURR demolished TOBIR BATTER in a popular 1 minute mismatched Challenge match.
YAK easily killed FEEDER in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge conflict.
BOULDER vanquished ME TOO in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge bout.
CARAMEL CUDGEL was vanquished by A FUNKY NIGHTMARE in a 1 minute Challenge fray.
BLOW OUT viciously subdued ME EITHER in a exciting 1 minute veteran's Challenge fight.
IMA KILLA was savagely defeated by STICKY SITUATION in a 2 minute Challenge match.
THE BRUTE SQUAD was devastated by BRUCE BRENIZER in a 1 minute Challenge contest.
BLUE DRAGON BLADE savagely defeated AIR BNB in a 1 minute brutal Challenge duel.
OZARKS beat RAINBOW BYTE in a action packed 4 minute expert's Challenge fray.
CESPEDES devastated ABLE in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge bout.
M.C. was defeated by ME THREE in a 2 minute Challenge fight.
PANIC ROOM was vanquished by STUNTMAN in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge match.
RODMAN won victory over ANDUARI in a popular 1 minute Challenge fight.
SPARTACUS demolished THE FEVER DREAMER in a 2 minute one-sided Challenge melee.
MAR-A-LAGO vanquished MIA-RAT in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fray.
STICKY BLUE BLADE overcame TRAVIS STOLL in a 1 minute Challenge bout.
STABLEHAND handily defeated JUICE BOX in a popular 1 minute one-sided Challenge duel.
NICO DIANGELO savagely defeated HAWAII in a action packed 1 minute Challenge duel.
JOHN WAYNE GACY executed THROTTLE JOCKEY in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge match.
SWAUM was overpowered by CAINE in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge bout.
JAWBREAKER JITTE beat MARY KRUEGER in a exciting 5 minute Challenge fray.
POUND CAKE was devastated by DOBBY in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge duel.
NILE bested LADY DEATHSTRIKE in a 1 minute brutal Challenge battle.
SIBERIA devastated SUPPLY CHAIN in a 1 minute uneven Challenge bout.
EYE CANDY overpowered EXPOSE in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge match.
LITTLE GRR MAID handily defeated CHUN MA in a 1 minute uneven Challenge match.
TRAGEDY ANN beat YA-SIN in a 2 minute gruesome Challenge bout.
JERONIMO was overpowered by CUTOUT in a 2 minute one-sided Challenge competition.
ADVANCE SCOUT was handily defeated by OTHER MOTHER in a 1 minute Challenge duel.
VAGRANT QUEEN subdued IRMA in a 2 minute Challenge duel.
FAMILY RECIPE viciously subdued RIME-ANCIENT MARINER in a 3 minute veteran's struggle.
PRISM GUARD viciously subdued PEZ PULVERIZER in a exciting 2 minute master's fight.
POISON IV overcame RASAM in a exciting 3 minute gory veteran's conflict.
THE VEAL DEAL was savagely defeated by RUNNING FREE in a 2 minute gruesome fight.
ALPHA REV was luckily beaten by URBAN LEGEND in a popular 4 minute expert's bout.
KWITCHERBICHON won victory over SMITTY'S REVENGE in a 3 minute veteran's match.
LEAN HOG was subdued by KIT KAT KATANA in a 1 minute battle.
SECURITY GUARD was savagely defeated by MIKE OX in a 2 minute bloody mismatched bout.
BUBBLES outwaited DON'T ASK WHAT IT IS in a 14 minute master vs. novice match.
MIRAGE overpowered STRANGEWORLD in a 1 minute one-sided brawl.
RUSTBELT subdued THE USEROUS MERCHANT in a crowd pleasing 4 minute contest.
STICKY SITUATION was overpowered by SOUTH POLE in a 1 minute uneven bout.
BEN WHITECLIFFS devastated ACES HIGH in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
DIXIE 1 outwaited OSKSI NOBLE in a unpopular 7 minute conflict.
WHITE HOUSE overpowered WALKING CORPSE in a action packed 1 minute one-sided match.
DIANA was demolished by TOKYO in a 1 minute one-sided conflict.
H.H. HOLMES was overcome by BUFFALO in a crowd pleasing 2 minute gory bout.
RUKIDDINGME-RAT beat MOUNTAIN MAN in a 1 minute novice's brawl.
DIXIE 3 vanquished KID DINOSAUR in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
ANTARES overpowered CONVICTED THIEF in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
BATTLE REPORT
MOST POPULAR RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS
|FIGHTING STYLE FIGHTS FIGHTING STYLE W - L - K PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK 23 WALL OF STEEL 58 - 37 - 5 61 |
|STRIKING ATTACK 19 SLASHING ATTACK 43 - 36 - 1 54 |
|TOTAL PARRY 15 TOTAL PARRY 65 - 56 - 1 54 |
|AIMED BLOW 13 STRIKING ATTACK 79 - 73 - 4 52 |
|SLASHING ATTACK 11 PARRY-LUNGE 18 - 18 - 0 50 |
|BASHING ATTACK 11 AIMED BLOW 43 - 48 - 1 47 |
|WALL OF STEEL 11 LUNGING ATTACK 84 - 99 - 3 46 |
|PARRY-LUNGE 5 BASHING ATTACK 35 - 54 - 2 39 |
|PARRY-STRIKE 4 PARRY-STRIKE 8 - 22 - 1 27 |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE 2 PARRY-RIPOSTE 4 - 12 - 1 25 |
Turn 429 was great if you Not so great if you used The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles: the fighting styles: top eleven warriors are:
STRIKING ATTACK 13 - 6 WALL OF STEEL 5 - 6 3 STRIKING ATTACK
SLASHING ATTACK 7 - 4 PARRY-LUNGE 2 - 3 2 LUNGING ATTACK
BASHING ATTACK 7 - 4 TOTAL PARRY 6 - 9 1 PARRY-LUNGE
PARRY-RIPOSTE 1 - 1 LUNGING ATTACK 9 - 14 1 WALL OF STEEL
AIMED BLOW 5 - 8 1 SLASHING ATTACK
PARRY-STRIKE 1 - 3 1 AIMED BLOW
1 BASHING ATTACK
1 TOTAL PARRY
TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE
FIGHTING STYLE WARRIOR W L K PNTS TEAM NAME
STRIKING ATTACK UNDK 4872 19 8 1 154 GOING BERSERK (527)
PARRY-LUNGE FAMILY RECIPE 4854 15 5 1 119 SHEWISH BUFFET (520)
SLASHING ATTACK KURR 5432 9 3 0 103 GOING BERSERK (527)
LUNGING ATTACK POISON IV 5338 15 9 1 101 DARQUE FORCES (428)
BASHING ATTACK EDMUND KEMPER 5058 15 8 2 99 BIG LAKE KILLERS (551)
TOTAL PARRY RIME-ANCIENT MARINER 4496 23 15 0 98 MAIDEN JAPAN (504)
AIMED BLOW KWITCHERBICHON 4861 21 15 0 93 BOOK OF THOMAS (528)
WALL OF STEEL IMA GETCHA 4944 11 8 0 91 IMA BUBBA 2 (541)
PARRY-RIPOSTE KIT KAT KATANA 4901 13 8 2 76 CANDY CRUSHERS (534)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.
The overall popularity leader is URBAN LEGEND 4836. The most popular warrior this
turn was RAINBOW BYTE 5391. The ten other most popular fighters were MARY KRUEGER
5501, CHOPPER 5044, FAMILY RECIPE 4854, PRISM GUARD 4857, BUFFALO 5379, THE
CLAIRVOYANT 5467, STICKY SITUATION 4904, RASAM 5117, RUSTBELT 4931, and VAGRANT QUEEN
5599.
The least popular fighter this week was BUBBLES 4935. The other ten least popular
fighters were DIXIE 1 5494, KID DINOSAUR 5607, MOUNTAIN MAN 5610, DIANA 5489, ACES
HIGH 5462, STICKY SITUATION 5488, STRANGEWORLD 5319, IRMA 5315, ADVANCE SCOUT 5580,
and YA-SIN 5493.
The following warriors will travel to AD after next turn:
UNDK (45-4872) GOING BERSERK (527)
ROCK OF AGES (45-5096) INTERNATIONAL (554)
The following warriors have traveled to AD after fighting this turn:
USKURNTAI (45-4886) GOING BERSERK (527)
ALDON (45-5120) WOB AFW (556)
ALPHA REV (45-5213) CSU COLLEGE RADIO (561)
MAIL-IN TOURNEY LXX
CONTENDERS TOURNEY W L K TEAM NAME
SCORPIUS 3752 (74-73-0) 2 3 0 KNIGHT BREED
ELIGIBLES TOURNEY W L K TEAM NAME
ANGEL CAKE 4737 (71-55-1) 10 2 0 SHEWISH BUFFET
ADM TOURNEY W L K TEAM NAME
A GROUNDSKEEPER 1613 (50-45-1) 3 3 0 AVID FANS
FRESHMEN TOURNEY W L K TEAM NAME
FEZZIK 814 (60-53-1) 14 3 0 MAX'S MIRACLE
DEEP DOOM 1933 (23-15-1) 2 3 0 PHILATHROPISTS
CHALLENGERS TOURNEY W L K TEAM NAME
CAR SEAT HEADREST 5210 (12-4-0) 0 3 0 CSU COLLEGE RADIO
CHOPPER 5044 (8-8-1) 0 3 0 THE MENTORS RIDE
HMS CENTURIAN 5068 (12-7-0) 0 3 0 BATTLE SHIPS
CHAMPIONS TOURNEY W L K TEAM NAME
RASAM 5117 (10-12-0) 3 3 0 WOB AFW
ALDON 5120 (15-3-0) 2 3 0 WOB AFW
LEMON 5241 (6-7-0) 2 3 0 BASH BROS CARS
YAMATO 5083 (10-8-0) 0 3 0 BATTLE SHIPS
ADEPTS TOURNEY W L K TEAM NAME
MAD MOXXI 5390 (8-3-0) 3 3 1 DEAD DARQUE FORCES
BUBBLES 4935 (11-3-0) 0 3 0 FORCE OF FIVE
LOHENGRIN 4933 (7-7-1) 0 3 0 FORCE OF FIVE
RUSTBELT 4931 (7-7-1) 0 3 0 FORCE OF FIVE
STUNTMAN 4932 (6-8-0) 0 3 0 FORCE OF FIVE
INITIATES TOURNEY W L K TEAM NAME
SOUTH POLE 5381 (4-4-0) 2 3 0 INTERNATIONAL
CHECK ENGINE 5433 (2-0-0) 1 3 0 BASH BROS CARS
MAR-A-LAGO 5566 (4-2-0) 1 3 0 YUPPIE SHELTER
PURGATORIO 5361 (0-0-0) 1 3 0 PHANTOM REGIMENT
PANIC ROOM 5561 (5-1-0) 0 3 0 YUPPIE SHELTER
APPRENTICES TOURNEY W L K TEAM NAME
JUICE BOX 5452 (1-1-0) 5 3 0 FAVORITE SAYINGS 7
TOKYO 5483 (3-0-1) 5 3 0 INTERNATIONAL
WHITE HOUSE 5562 (2-2-0) 2 3 1 YUPPIE SHELTER
NEW ZEALAND 5385 (3-1-0) 1 3 0 INTERNATIONAL
CUOMO 5499 (2-1-0) 0 3 0 LUROCIAN OUTKASTS
FAUCI 5497 (1-2-0) 0 1 0 DEAD LUROCIAN OUTKASTS
ROOKIES TOURNEY W L K TEAM NAME
SAND STORM 2886 (0-0-0) 0 3 0 ASSASSIN NATION
STYLEMASTER PRIZE CORRECTIONS from MAIL-IN 70
There were a couple of errors in the stylemaster results as reported in the tournament
newsletter. Please note the following:
Contenders Stylemasters
The parry-strike stylemaster was omitted from the list.
PS: Cadillac Duardo (18-2130) 3-3-0
Eligibles Stylemasters
Angel Cake (45-4737) was the slasher stylemaster, but he was killed by The Sun
(3-6307). Double True (41-4585) was the next best slasher. All three will be
awarded the stylemaster prize this time.
SL Stylemaster: Angel Cake (45-4737)
The Sun (3-6307) slew Angel Cake (45-4737)
Next Best SL: Double True (41-4585) 5-3-0
Freshmen Stylemasters
The parry-riposte stylemaster was omitted from the list.
PR: Rolly (74-4656) 6-3-0
Adepts Stylemasters
Two stylemasters were later slain. Both their slayer and the next best of that style
are also awarded prizes.
PS: Weak Story (22-7417)
Develop (85-38007) slew Weak Story (22-7417)
Next Best PS: Sigma Lupi (3-8049) 4-3-0
AB: All-In (14-5411)
Melton (85-47428) slew All-In (14-5411)
Next Best AB: Fifth-Rate (18-10992) 7-3-0
Rookies Stylemasters
The aimed blow stylemaster was later killed. Both the slayer and the next best of
that style are also awarded prizes.
AB: Uesugi Kenshin (85-53709)
Robert Paulson 93 (86-1523) slew Uesugi Kenshin (85-53709)
Next Best AB: Strange Houseman (86-2187) 11-3-0