Date   : 11/28/2006    Duedate: 12/25/2006


DM-47    TURN-244

This Weeks Top Honors


LAND OF OZ (217)
(47-5873) [12-0-0,106]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

DON KING                       NIGHTCRAWLER
ROYAL FLUSH (48)               X-MEN II (660)
(47-5374) [13-12-1,123]        (47-6237) [6-3-1,55]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

HUMBUG                         LITTLE BIG MAN
LAND OF OZ (217)               NATURAL B. KILLERS 2 (584)
(47-5199) [21-16-1,98]         (47-5393) [14-12-1,66]



Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. STRANGE BREW (661)          49
2. CHEERS (659)                43      THE OPERA (613)
3. THE OPERA (613)             40      Unchartered Team
4. OBSCURE LEGENDS (654)       38
5. IRON LEGION (652)           34      STRANGE BREW (661)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 0*STRANGE BREW (661)         4   1  1 80.0   1/ 1 THINGS I DROOL IN (614)   8  4 1
 2/ 0*OBSCURE LEGENDS (654)      4   1  0 80.0   2/ 2 ROYAL FLUSH (48)          8  7 1
 3/ 0*CHEERS (659)               4   1  0 80.0   3/10 SALEM'S LOT (605)         8  7 1
 4- 2 OLD HABITS (566)          65  33  6 66.3   4/ 5 THE BEAR'S PAW (150)      8  7 0
 5/ 0 THE OPERA (613)           40  25  2 61.5   5- 4*SMOKED OUT!!! (637)       7  3 1
 6/ 4 MYSTIC ORC FEAST (416)   289 186 24 60.8   6/ 6 LAND OF OZ (217)          7  6 0
 7/ 3 LOST SOULS (618)          45  29  7 60.8   7/ 7 BAAL'S MINIONS (626)      7  7 0
 8/ 5 LAND OF OZ (217)         496 320 14 60.8   8/ 9 DRAKE'S COMICS (463)      6  2 0
 9/ 0*TIMELY HEROES (656)        3   2  0 60.0   9/11 THE SERPENTS (629)        6  9 2
10/ 6 THINGS I DROOL IN (614)   37  25  4 59.7  10/ 3 ALL SWAMP HAMMERZ (594)   6  9 1
11- 7 GOTHIC MINISTRY (592)     42  30  3 58.3  11/13*WOMEN OF WAR (650)        5  5 1
12- 8 SECOND BANANAS (573)      87  66 10 56.9  12/ 0*STRANGE BREW (661)        4  1 1
13- 9*SMOKED OUT!!! (637)       17  13  4 56.7  13/ 0*CHEERS (659)              4  1 0
14/10 DRAKE'S COMICS (463)     144 113  4 56.0  14/ 0 THE OPERA (613)           4  1 0
15/11 ROYAL FLUSH (48)         631 511 33 55.3  15/ 0*OBSCURE LEGENDS (654)     4  1 0
16/12 ALL SWAMP HAMMERZ (594)   63  56  6 52.9  16/23 LOST SOULS (618)          4  5 0
17/13 THE BEAR'S PAW (150)     359 320 33 52.9  17/ 8 WARHAMMERS (75)           4  6 0
18/14 SALEM'S LOT (605)         49  45  5 52.1  18/17 NATURAL B. KILLERS (584)  4  7 0

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
19/16 NATURAL B. KILLERS (584)  70  67  6 51.1  19/ 0 DARK PINNACLE (598)       3  1 0
20-18 DARQUE FORCES (396)      113 113  9 50.0  20/ 0*TIMELY HEROES (656)       3  2 0
21/ 0 DARK PINNACLE (598)       54  54  5 50.0  21/26 GAELIC STORM (647)        3  9 1
22/ 1*WOMEN OF WAR (650)         5   5  1 50.0  22/12 BLACK STORM (171)         3 11 0
23-20 RONIN (651)              194 198 17 49.5  23/16*ABYSMAL RITES (215)       3 12 0
24/19 RAT SALAD (577)           24  27  0 47.1  24-18 KNIGHTS TEMPLAR (568)     2  0 0
25/23 BLACK STORM (171)        105 124  9 45.9  25-19 DOK SIK KILLAS (595)      2  1 0
26/21 OF WOLF AND MAN (603)     26  31  0 45.6  26/ 0*X-MEN II (660)            2  3 0
27-25 INDIFFERENCE (611)        75  90  5 45.5  27-15 DARQUE FORCES (396)       2  3 0
28/24 BAAL'S MINIONS (626)      35  42  1 45.5  28/ 0 DESOLATE ONES (524)       2  3 0
29/ 0 DESOLATE ONES (524)       78  96 12 44.8  29/ 0*IRON LEGION (652)         2  3 0
30/27 THE SERPENTS (629)        29  36  3 44.6  30/31*INFERNAL CABARET (648)    2  7 0
31/26 WARHAMMERS (75)          233 292 13 44.4  31/29 RAT SALAD (577)           2  7 0
32-28 DOK SIK KILLAS (595)      31  42  3 42.5  32-27 GOTHIC MINISTRY (592)     1  0 0
33/ 0*X-MEN II (660)            18  25  2 41.9  33-22 OLD HABITS (566)          1  1 0
34/29 GAELIC STORM (647)        46  68  3 40.4  34/14 OF WOLF AND MAN (603)     1  3 0
35/ 0*IRON LEGION (652)          2   3  0 40.0  35/25 MYSTIC ORC FEAST (416)    1  7 0
36-31 KNIGHTS TEMPLAR (568)     63  96  3 39.6  36-32 SECOND BANANAS (573)      0  4 0
37/30*EMPIRE RISING (633)        4   7  1 36.4  37-35*MOOSE'S MINNIONS (646)    0  3 0
38/32*ABYSMAL RITES (215)        8  18  1 30.8  38/ 0*DRANG'S TEAM (649)        0  3 0
39/34*INFERNAL CABARET (648)     2   7  0 22.2  39- 0*JGW PERISHABLE (653)      0  2 0
40-36*MOOSE'S MINNIONS (646)     0   3  0  0.0  40-34 INDIFFERENCE (611)        0  2 0
41/ 0*DRANG'S TEAM (649)         0   3  0  0.0  41/28*EMPIRE RISING (633)       0  1 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

      * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

     Baphomet stood in the cavern, jaw agape at what lay before him.  The purring of
Free-Jay the cat filled the area, putting Baffy into a trance.  He began to reflect
on the events that led him to be there.
     Two days prior, he had been in the marketplace at Stormcrowe.  He was there to
purchase an unguent for chafing caused by ill-fitting armor.  A very large, stupid
looking man carrying a bastard sword approached him.  The simpleton grabbed his
sleeve, tugging on it and uttering, "A Back Ass."
     Baphomet, being rather perplexed, responded, "What?"
     The Giant one began dragging him out of the market, repeating "A Back Ass, A
Back Ass!"
     As the two got to the edge of town, the large man approached a riding lizard as
Baffy said, "I don't understand."
     Throwing the wizard across the saddle the man mumbled, "Wazzy sweep A Back Ass!"
     Baphomet yelled, "Who are you?"
     The giant one replied, "Me Groo, we go, come now!"
     After two days of riding, with Groo saying nothing but "A Back Ass" repeatedly,
they arrived at a small cave entrance.  The behemoth dismounted, dragging Baphomet
into the cave and mumbling "A Back Ass" the whole time.
     Deep in the cave, they came upon the cavern that was filled with Free-Jay's
purring.  In an alcove on the left side of the chamber lay the comatose form of
Abraxis, with Free-Jay purring contentedly on his crotch.
     Baphomet stood speechless, staring at the sight before him.  He couldn't help
but notice how resplendent Free-Jay looked.  The poor cat usually looked so
disheveled and frowzy that Baffy almost didn't recognize him.
     Baphomet began to ponder the situation.  He knew that with his arcane ability,
he could easily awake the sleeping Druid, but dare he?  Abraxis had so many enemies
and caused such trouble.  What the hell, the Turf War was coming up and he sure could
use the Druid's help.
     As he completed his chant, the pontificating Druid sat up muttering, "That vile
Dastard Wasby, how dare he?"
     Groo echoed, "Wazzy."
     The narcissistic Druid began a long droning diatribe, about the young upstart.
Somehow from his tirade, Baphomet gleaned a small bit of truth.  He realized that
Wasby the Great was responsible for the Druid's condition and that there would be
hell to pay.

                                             To Be Continued

      * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

     It was a stormy night in North Fork, and the steady rain began to pick up in
intensity, creating thousands of quick running streams throughout the increasingly
wet city.  Rumors had been swirling about the past few days of black riders being
seen nearby, both on the open roads and in the surrounding countryside.  Despite the
gloom that hung over the water-slicked, cobbled town, there was at least one building
on the edge of the west side of town, the Prancing Pony it was called, where bright
lights and the cacophony of voices sent a less bleak message out into the dark of the
     Inside, the proprietor of the establishment, Burlyman Butterbean, was patiently
explaining to a quartet of earnest looking little folk that the back room had already
been reserved (he was instructed to not say to whom), and that there was *no* man
named "Strident" here, and that perhaps they should look for shelter in another
tavern nearby before it got much worse.
     As the hobbits left into the cold and wet night, two men entered the tavern, the
howl of the wind and rain abruptly stopping as the door slammed shut behind them.
The shorter of the two, a no-nonsense looking sort of fellow with a weathered face
and bright eyes walked up to Butterbean, his companion following close behind.
     "Are they here?" the man asked, the din of the room nearly drowning him out but
his tone and demeanor unmistakably informing the proprietor that he would brook no
nonsense.  His bright eyes quickly scanned the back of the tavern.
     "Aye, 'Taker," Butterbean replied, rolling his "r's" while glancing warily at
the shorter man's companion.  He wore a cloak, which was so black the bartender could
not tell if it was wet at all, or even the shape of the man beneath it aside from his
outline.  Over his head he wore a hood, which appeared to have a headdress of some
sort underneath, but he could not be certain for his whole face was in shadow.
"They're waiting."
     Outside the clatter of hoof-beats on cobbles sounded, and a group of high-
pitched, curdling shrieks could barely be heard above the din of humanity at the Pony
(author's note:  no other tavern or inn in North Fork reported seeing four hobbits
that night).  As the two made their way to the back of the bar, whereas Soultaker had
to apply hands and elbows to make his way through the crowd, his friend made no
movement beneath his cloak.  Bodies flew or seemed to be pushed instead of touching
his dark form, but none of the offended offered challenge to the man, perhaps
remembering the stories of the black riders.
     At the back of the Prancing Pony was a heavy, iron-bound door to which Soultaker
grabbed the handle, pulling it outwards.  When the door closed behind the two, all
attention inside the bar returned back to any conversations that could be remembered,
and to the quaffing of beverages which resumed at a slightly brisker pace.
     Behind the door past a brief hallway was a square room, in the middle of which
stood a perfectly round table.  Seated around it and facing the newcomers were four
men:  Slugbait, Crip, Oz and Mannequin.  They stared at Soultaker and his companion,
but said nothing.  They had not been waiting long.
     "Gentlemen," Soultaker began after a pause, his dark friend staying behind him,
"What happened last SCOMS was unacceptable, and whether we like it or not, we are the
only ones to blame for our loss.
     "We got arrogant, we got lazy and complacent," Soultaker continued, now circling
the table, looking at each member of the brotherhood in the eye as he passed their
chair, "We allowed the enemy to come into our midst, undetected, comforted by our
'assured victory,' and we handed them the Turf War--lock, stock and bloody barrel."
     "Um, could you stop patting that Louisville slugger in your hand?" Slugbait
politely asked, as the cagey, veteran manager had casually brandished a 45 oz.-er.
     "Yeah, you were just as guilty as the rest of us, if not more being the
Sentinel's bosom-buddy, eh?" accused Crip, eyeing Soultaker warily.  "Put that thing
away, would you?"
     "You're right." sighed Soultaker, letting the bat head drop to the ground, then
collapsed to his knees.  "DAMMIT RAVEN, WHY DID YOU DO IT?!!?!?!?!?"
     The others waited a minute for Soultaker to gather his wits, a series of choked
sobs coming from the betrayed manager before he composed himself.
     "As you all know," Soultaker continued, standing up and completing his circle
around the table, "we promised there would be changes made before the start of the
next Turf War.  And at my insistence, you all trusted in me to make them."
     At that point Soultaker's friend stepped forward, and a pair of gauntleted hands
rose from the cloak to pull back his hood.  The looks on the faces of the SCOM said
it all, ranging from shock, disbelief and terror to outright boredom.
     "Nuln?!!?" Oz exclaimed all-incredulously, his wide-eyed face staring even
wider-eyedier at the skull-faced full helm the man wore, though something about the
two horns on top seemed all too different.  "By Demnat's litter box!"
     "Crikey!" muttered Crip.
     "What exactly's a Nuln?" asked Slugbait, a little perplexed by the whole affair.
     "MURDERING CHAOS LORD!!!" screamed Mannequin, who had been quiet up 'til that
point, and pulled out a three-handed, four-bitted battle-axe, lobbing it end-over-end
at the skull-faced man.
     Just as the man being accused of being Nuln stepped to the side, the door down
the hall opened as Butterbean had the drinks they had ordered, the axe flying into
the main room of the Prancing Pony and cleaving 23 men in half before lodging itself
in a moose head wall on the far side of the inn.
     "Your mead." Butterbean announced nervously, and left the SCOMS quickly to their
own business, closing and locking the door securely behind them and their guest.
     "I can understand your confusion, but gentlemen I can assure you this man is not
Nuln." said Soultaker, grinning with a certain satisfaction.  "No, allow me to
introduce someone else altogether different.  This is...Snuln!"
     "Snuln???" the SCOM said in unison.
     "Snulneth." affirmed the now slightly less mysterious man, nodding.  Though none
could see it, they all could tell he was smiling beneath his helm.
     "Snulneth." the SCOM said again in unison, this time in understanding.
     "I'll explain shortly," said Soultaker, picking up a glass of mead, "but in the
mean-time, let us raise our glasses and drink to the Return of the SCOMSS!!!"
     "To the return of the SCOMSS!!!" they all cheered, and brought their glasses
together.  As they sat back down to ask questions of Soultaker and Snuln, Mannequin
accidentally sat on the tavern cat, Biggslydale (who had innocently curled up on his
chair), and killed him instantly.
     After a while and a few more drinks for all, several things were found out.
What was a Snuln?  Well, it was like a Nuln, except very different.  A Snuln,
technically, was a chaos clone of Nuln, but not an *exact* clone.  No, Snuln was much
eviller than the already evil Nuln.  So much so that in comparison Nuln seemed good.
Although in some magical way perhaps related to Nuln, Snuln was not the bumbling,
clowning chaos lord that Nuln was.  For one thing he was methodical, as well as being
four times as deadly, twice as smart, slightly better dressed, and definitely more
punctual.  Soultaker had met him by chance at a "How To Get Back at Your Best Friend
If He's Just Stabbed You in the Back" clinic in Murska, and instantly recognized the
opportunity.  The rest, as they say, is history.

      * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

                                 A Relative Returns
                        By:  Dominic Spinella AKA Master Beru

     "Are we ready then?"
     His eyes searched the faces around him for signs of hesitation and fear.  They
knew what they faced and had not shrunk back at any point since they had first
traveled.  His brown eyes took in the faces and wondered which he would not see
     Sherman was the only one who had received Sheila's blessing before they left, so
there would be no resurrection for those that fell.
     There were less than two thousand now.  To think that he had entered that first
gate with almost a hundred thousand so long ago and now it was only these few.
Visions of that first trip through the gate were quickly running through his mind.
He quickly forced those images to the deepest recesses of his mind as Rodara turned
toward him.  Her red hair was like a sunrise just begun with orange and red mixing
together to bring a sense of peace and war all at once.  Her delicate face held a
commanding stare as she worked out the logistics of carrying those he had found to
safety, but his mind saw that playful smile which lightened his heart and made the
men sigh contentedly.  The robes she wore were as threadbare as any other's, even
though their army had demanded that she be kept well clothed and fed.  She still
managed to step around their wishes and suffer the same hardships as those around
her, and never once complained.  Her head turned as his gaze lingered and rewarded
him with the small public smile which hinted at their shared memories.  He grinned
and gave her a wink, before walking up to the tree stump which had been cut off to
provide a rough platform.  As he stepped onto the space at the top, the men and women
who made up their force let out a cheer which grew and grew.  The adoration swept
over him as he let them have their moment.  Togan had always said that common men
needed something miraculous to inspire them, and where the miraculous failed, a king
or general had to suffice.  He tried to remember how close he was to the anniversary
of his advisor's death and could only narrow it to at least five years ago.  As he
ran into difficulty figure out more, he raised his hands to silence those around him.
"BROTHERS AND SISTERS!!"  The cheering went up again at the familiar form of address.
They remembered his promise at the beginning, as well as Greywand's promise on top of
it.  They were already his brothers and sisters in many ways, and soon they would be
more.  "Brothers and Sisters, we have almost come full circle.  Over the second ridge
behind you lays the gate which will take us back to Alastari!"
     Another cheer went up as the realization crashed home to the rank and file.
Rumors had been rampant for most of the year as they had traveled, but this was his
first acknowledgement that they were going home.  Many eyes suddenly held tears of
joy and many people hugged the ones beside them.  Some of the faces wore sadness
though, as thoughts of those who were not with the group came to mind.  "In minutes,
we will form up to step off for the last time.This time though....  This time we have
no rear guard.  We have the main line, the defenders, and the reserves.  All of us
fight to return to our families and friends.  All of us fight to bring Greywand her
prizes!  We all fight FOR ALASTARI!!!"  Cheers went up as weapons were raised.  The
group was battle hardened now and knew what they faced so bravado was not present.
Every mind knew that they might not see the next day, but if they did, they would see
Alastari.  If they did not see tomorrow, then they could pave the way for their
friends and, in many instances, lovers.  "We know our fight will be tough, but I tell
you now that we will make it.  With our home ahead and certain death behind, we
cannot help but to take the gate.  And now I can share something else with you.  The
'key' that Greywand gave me, it will destroy the gate behind us so that we must
merely reach the gate and pass through and our fight is through.  Now we do not know
what the other side will hold, so we must still be wary, but we know what Alastari
offers much more than we know this place, correct?"  Another cheer was raised and it
was obvious that those listening were almost done.  Rosemary, Jason, Picker, Sherman,
and on and on and on the names went.  "For the Blue Falcon!  For Greywand!  FOR
ALASTARI!!!"  The chant was raised and his small army showed all evidence of being
ready to march.  Looking at his Captains, he nodded at them.  Within seconds they
sprang into action yelling and occasionally thumping those too slow in their
opinions.  Tents began collapsing as the campsite disappeared, one dome at a time.
Returning to the ground, Master Beru was walking to his wife when he spotted his most
trusted Captain approaching.  Freddie was amazing in a fight and had a great rapport
with all of the soldiers.  Perhaps when they got back, they would be able to get him
back in the arena.  That would bring back fond memories.  Stopping in front of Master
Beru, the man bowed deeply before taking up his stance.  He looked ready to kill in a
blink, which was always useful in this horrible place.  Master Beru wondered if he
would have liked Freddie before being sent here.  Although an interesting exercise in
logic, it was irrelevant now that he felt Freddie had grown to be a brother to him.
     "Freddie.  You will have the reserve unit.  I know you like leading the charge,
but this is more important.  Motioning with his hand, Master Beru moved away from
others and pulled out the small device which he had carefully guarded for almost
fifteen years.  The slim device was round and flat on two sides, the entire piece
being as thick as his hand and just barely larger than the same.  Adjusting a small
control which he had practiced many times, he actually set up the device the way he
had been shown so long ago.  They walked and talked at the same time with Master Beru
pointing out how the device worked.  "This is the key to getting us out of here.
When I see a break, I will point you toward it and you WILL make a hole there for us
to escape through.  Once the hole is made, you will keep their guardians off us as we
leave and then you will bring your soldiers through with you.  I am attuning this to
both of us.  If either of us says 'SHESTNI ABRIN TAIREGORE' the gate with destroy
itself.  I will only say it if everyone is through or if their guardians are charging
through the gate.  For you....  You will have to decide when you feel it best to use
the phrase if the time comes.  Be aware, I have only one device, so after the phrase
is said, the gate will be gone and even if you found another gate, there would be no
way to open it.  So, I will not order you."
     "You have never ordered me.  You never questioned my courage before, please do
not now.  I will volunteer for this task.  You and Sheila's prizes will get through.
You have my oath on it.  And I will make sure that none of the Warlord's guardians
enter Alastari, that you have my oath on as well.  And if possible, the rest of the
army will be given time to fight clear."  Master Beru's gaze took in the strong chin
and decisive stare fondly.  This man was a gem, even if no one else had ever seen it.
It was truly a blessing to find someone with such a pure heart and desire to serve.
As the general he had to make the hard decisions and this was one he wished he could
avoid, but the facts were too evident.  Freddie was their best chance of returning to
Alastari.  They had to win. "Freddie, thank you.  The first round of drinks are mine
when we return to Lapur."
     "I'll hear none of it.  It isn't decent for a general to have to buy a round of
drinks when his Captain is sitting there.  Now you better get back there before the
entire lot of them decides to leave without you."  Master Beru lingered for a moment
and saw the same unspoken reassurances.  Reaching out his arm, he clasped Freddie's
right hand and arm and gave it a squeezing handshake. Turning on his heel, he marched
off, shouting orders to get the soldiers formed up.  Behind him, Master Beru did not
see the sigh or the longing look that Freddie directed at Rosemary.  His face twisted
for a moment before he brought it under control again.  As he strode toward the
Reserve unit, he pushed aside the thought of letting his lieutenant know about his
change of duty.  She would be mad, but at least she would have a chance.  He could
not bring the woman he loved to a certain death.
     "Okay, gather around.  Across the next rise, approximately three thousand Jusi
Mein Taur, warriors of the society of the spear, stand between us and the gate.
These are well trained, first line troops of the Warlord with moderate armor, spears
for distance, and a sword similar to a broadsword for close combat.  They have good
morale and at least three officers, so they are not likely to break when we
     Master Beru looked at his officers as he talked.  The light-hearted banter from
an hour ago was buried beneath the boulders of responsibility which each carried.  He
knew their mettle and was reassured to see their attentiveness.  With great care, he
laid out his plan.  A few questions came here and there, but the plan was fairly
     Dismissing the officers, Master Beru stayed to answer last minute questions.  As
the questions wrapped up, he caught the tail-end of some heated words between Freddie
and Rosemary.  He did not hear much, but could read their looks well enough.  He had
once been concerned about having both male and female soldiers, but given the amount
of time they had been gone he had long since gotten over that.  Apparently soldiers
were not the only ones to have found solace in each other's arms.  For a moment he
considered countermanding his earlier order, but he knew that their best chance lay
with Freddie holding the gate while the rest fled into it.  He would have stayed
himself, but his orders had been clear.  Greywand herself had made it very clear that
his role was to be a leader and advisor, not a primary combatant.  No more danger
than necessary was to be risked by him, that's what his men were for.  With an effort
he turned away and walked to his Cat-aar.  The animal looked too much like a horse at
times, but the blue, red, and yellow which were their natural colors always helped
bring him to the true facts.  It had only taken a few weeks for their horses to die
upon entering this strange domain and learning to use the Cat-aar had taken quite a
while, but they were better for it.  As he patted her long neck, Isben looked back at
Master Beru expectantly, smiling through the razor sharp teeth which enabled her to
eat meat and serve as an excellent means of attack as well.  Grabbing the extra
length of strap, he climbed up into the saddle, taking the reins in his hands.
Pulling back on the reins, Isben rose up on her hind legs allowing Master Beru a look
around.  The soldiers were lining up in five blocks as he had ordered with the two
most important between the two in front and one in back.  "We eat now?"
     Turning his head slightly, Master Beru took one hand off the reins to scratch
behind Isben's ear.  Her face held an eagerness that would have seemed right on a
child, but the topic made innocence impossible.  She was always hungry as near as he
could tell, but she kept her appetites hidden well.  Unfortunately when she sensed
that she was about to eat she did not hide her appetites at all.
     "Yes Isben.  We eat soon.  Will your sisters join us again?"
     "We make a feast?"
     "I think we shall.  Will they help prepare?"
     I will invite them!  Silver shells, too?!"
     "Silver shells are not to be prepared!!  I fear some may make the feast, but
your sisters may not prepare them."
     Her face looked slightly hurt, but more frustrated.  She always asked the same
question about being able to eat Master Beru's dead soldiers and was always mad that
he burned their bodies.  But he had only made the mistake once of consenting to
allowing silver shells as part of their feast.   The surviving soldiers had almost
revolted right then, not to mention the nightmares which still haunted him after
twelve years.  Cat-aars were messy eaters and tore their food apart to get to the
'most sweet spots'.  The incident had taken weeks to smooth with the soldiers, not to
mention his own conscience.  The feel of his hands made his stomach roll as the
memory of 'catching' a half-eaten head came back to his mind.  Isben had been shaking
the young officer's body when it suddenly snapped off and flew straight as a shot at
him.  His first instinct was to catch it and he would never forget the poor woman's
eyes, dead already, but still accusingly staring at him as Isben asked for the 'top'
back.  Her eyes held a gleam now, as she enthusiastically asked, "You mean we can
have silver shells?"
     "Isben, when the gate is gone, you may eat silver shells who are prepared.  But
you must finish dark shells and softies before silver shells.  Understood?"  Her nod
was a small recompense for the agreement, but it might help them escape.  No one
would remain to burn the corpses anyway, so he might as well get a concession for the
Cat-aars.  That's what he told himself, he did not belief it though.
     "Sir, we are ready!"  Looking at his soldiers, he wondered again whether this
had been worth the cost.  So many lost and so much of his life gone.  Greywand must
surely have a reason for this.  Surely....

      * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

Greetings all -- I have been courteously invited by the Iron Council to participate
with them in this season's Turf War.  In appreciation for the invitation, a new
legion has been formed in friendship with the Iron Council.  I hereby declare my Iron
Legion stands ready and fights under the banner of the Iron Council.  Let our
opponents tremble and a new Iron age commence.


      * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

     Crypt Angel's blade tore into the soft flesh of Baby's hips, resulting in a
mighty arc of blood flying across the arena.  Baby cried out...well, like a baby, and
collapsed upon the sand.  Crypt Angel completed her mid-air twist, landing lightly on
her feet, her crimson blade an inch from her opponent's throat.  But Baby was done
today.  As the healers rushed towards them with the stretcher, Angel uttered, "Good
fight, warrior.  May you heal fast."
     As she walked back towards the changing rooms she passed Ichorid, leaning
against the tunnel wall.  "Took long enough," he whispered as she walked by.  She
didn't stop her descent down the arena tunnel ramp, just peered up slightly at him.
She wasn't smiling.  That didn't bother him in the least; but those blue tinted lips
did.  He would have to mention that to the Keeper.  Crypt Keeper would have to pay
better attention, or they would all be exposed.  At least she won her battle, he
thought.  Ichorid couldn't say the same for himself.  He had succumbed to exhaustion
well into the fight.  But what could Crypt Keeper expect when someone has to work
with one lung?
     There was one member of Salem's Lot missing from today's fights.  How many times
would the Keeper keep sending Shade's Form to the Dark Arena?  Keeper seemed to get a
sick kind of pleasure doing it.  Twice now Shade's Form had defeated the monsters at
night.  And yet Keeper still insisted on sending him there again!
     It all started after those bodies were found and the City Watch started asking
     New Ichorid prayed to his Dark Gods that whoever had discovered the portal in
Fratsfa and ambushed the Hoplites (to see what happened read the spotlight in dm-52,
turn 224) there hadn't figured out what was going down in North Fork, or there would
be Hades to pay.
     New What Ichorid would give his last, semi-good lung for was answers...like why
did the Keeper keep going far up the coast, even further north then Snowbound?  And
what plans was he cooking up that concerned this up coming contest...a contest that
Salem's Lot was not even a part of?

      * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

                                   NORTH FORK NEWS
                                   First Cycle 244
                               by Hammer the WordSmith

"Behold!  I have given you authority and power to trample upon serpents and
scorpions, and [physical and mental strength and ability] over all the power that the
enemy [possesses]; and nothing shall in any way harm you. -- St Luke 10:19 Amplified

     It had all started innocently enough.  A dagger stuck near a doorway with a note
attached.  Threats were common enough in the swamp.  Death was even more frequent.
     Time had passed since the last Turf War.  The announcement came close on the
heels of the rumors.  Turf War Five was not just a far away dream.  The contest was
drawing ever nearer.  New faces were arriving in the swamp.  Announcements were being
     Hammer had made the decision to run SWAMP LILY HAMMER straight to graduation.
He could have deactivated her until TW5 got underway, but the veteran manager had a
higher purpose in store for her.  She had earned the right as his TW4 Champion to
fight her way to the Isle.  She was the first of her style to graduate from any
Hammer stable.  During these long years of waiting for the right Plunger to earn the
honor Hammer had seen a few come and go.  Now his heart was glad to know she was the
     There were those who criticized the veteran manager for not holding her back
from the North Fork sands in order to score points in the Style Master category in
the upcoming Turf War 5.  Hammer had decided against it.  SWAMP LILY HAMMER had
earned the right to continue fighting.  She had earned the right to seek immortality
on the sands.
     Perhaps her replacement would be better or perhaps much worse.  Hammer was
willing to let her go to her reward on the Isle.  Maybe even allow her to continue
fighting for a time.  She had earned the right to pursue glory.  Now it was time for
another to try.  Her teammates would miss her.  Hammer would miss her.  Now was the
time for making decisions about those who remained on the ALL SWAMP HAMMERZ stable
roster.  To let them fight by torchlight or to take their chances in the Turf War 5
contest.  Hammer would ponder upon this dilemma, but the veteran manager leaned
towards the latter.

"May Your Blades Be Sharp and Your Wits Sharper!"
Minister of War

      * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

Ladies and Gents, the Turf War will begin in a coupla turns and wanted to give you
all a rundown on what I've received as of 11/24/06:

Alliances Claimed:

1.  Iron Council, Cpt.: Tripwire
    Tripwire, Ultraist, Jekyll, Otis the Drunk, Hucklecat, Hollowshade, Seraphim (no
    teams were mentioned, and I've received a cert only from Seraphim)
2.  SCOMSS, Cpt. Sunov Bloodlust (only because he's the only one that's claimed for
    this alliance (received certs from Sunov Bloodlust, and Oz)
3.  I also have RU Certs from Kat, Hammer and Baphomet (in the 3rd person)

Don't forget, in order to begin scoring, you must list your team, alliance (and be
verified by the alliance captain), and I must have cert in hand.

Baphomet, host

                                 DUELMASTER'S COLUMN
                             Notes from the arena champ.

Swamp Citizens,
     For those of you who are interested in my vital statistics, you will have to
wait.  Where my manager chooses to dwell, the dispatch riders must ride long and hard
to bring the information.  Alas, such information has not yet arrived from the
Gladiatorial Commission.  I will be gone on to the Isle and my reward long after you
read the announcement.  Hammer will choose when to declare such things
     There are many things I wish to say that will remain unsaid.  Too many to thank
to mention by name and I would not leave anyone unnamed.  To the valiant, my sword is
raised and to the cowardly, you already have your reward.
     Hammer has my thanks for allowing me to continue my quest to be his first
Plunger to graduate to the Isle.  I have not failed him and for that I am eternally
grateful.  Others will follow my path and others will die in my footsteps.  Some are
friends, some are enemies and most others are unknown as they have yet to enter the
arena of the swamp.

"Be true to your blade and your blade will be true to you!"

                                      SPY REPORT

     Greetings warriors!  It is I, Zontani Sharp Eyes, here to bring report of the 
clash and bustle of the weekly DOUBLE-X games.  My tutors were fond of telling me 
that the higher you rise the harder you fall.  This week OF WOLF AND MAN went 0-1-0 
and fell 20 notches into 34th!  Warriors--remember that glory waits always around the 
corner!  Witness how this week SALEM'S LOT went 2-3-0 to move up 7 in the rankings.  
I could not but notice the fine record for OBSCURE LEGENDS (4-1-0) after their first 
round of combat.  May the gods of war favor you in DOUBLE-X!  A new guild, CHEERS, 
entered DOUBLE-X with a clash this turn, showing off a 4-1-0 record.  Indeed, a 
worthy addition to the city guilds.  I could not but notice the fine record for 
STRANGE BREW (4-1-1) after their first round of combat.  May the gods of war favor 
you in DOUBLE-X!  MADAME BUTTERFLY caught the eye of many in the gladiatorial 
commission as she skillfully bested STORMSTRIKE and was awarded 22 points in 
recognition.  In one of the week's more notable duels, MADAME BUTTERFLY put down 
STORMSTRIKE, causing him to lose 20 points of recognition in the process.  This time 
victory fell to the grasp of the usurper.  All hail BOQ, Duelmaster of DOUBLE-X!  
Would you believe that over half of the old women in DOUBLE-X seem to feel that they 
could fight better than you gladiators?   
     But come now, let us look deeper into the maze of contention and crossed blades 
that is city DOUBLE-X.  My inside sources tell me that the team to beat in DOUBLE-X 
these days is ROYAL FLUSH.  At least, most blades in town are looking to avoid them.  
Methinks more than a few here could name the guild it was that spent the better part 
of last week avoiding ROYAL FLUSH.  Indeed it was THE BEAR'S PAW.  Loose talk at the 
arena has reached my ears and it but confirms the knowledge that many fighters are 
after SUCULANT.  Watch your back!  For some warriors honor is not important--only 
empty victory.  See, gladiators, how RED DEVIL of LOST SOULS challenged down 23 
points to SUCULANT.  All the city knows the duel went in favor of RED DEVIL.  I shall 
not fail to spread the word in other cities of this "mighty" victory.   
     Vendettas.  Bloodied blades and broken spears.  Indeed the city has seen more 
than its fair share of red in recent times.  Look no more for MY MISO MUTE in the 
arena or on the streets of DOUBLE-X.  His fate was sealed in the Dark Arena.  
Inevitable for one at 8-5-0.  This week marked the last days of SHADE'S FORM who at 
9-10-2 was dispatched to the Dark Arena by the command of SALEM'S LOT's demanding 
management.  Was I the only one shocked to see the well respected fighter FAT-BOY 
(6-3-0) appear on the sands of the Dark Arena?  He is now dead.  My sources at 
ABYSMAL RITES stable claim they've never seen the guild bitterer.  This as a result 
of the untimely demise of AQUILLA.  Beware PYTHON!  Let all swords of the city take 
heed!  By law, SECOND BANANAS has but one remaining week to take their revenge upon 
SWAMP LILY HAMMER for the slaying of LOWELL.  Some say a warrior is judged by the way 
he bears arms.  One thing is sure, better a dagger in hand then a sword on the belt!  
     If it were not for my skills as a spy I would have been mugged three times 
already in DOUBLE-X.  Nice atmosphere you have here!  More than a sharp eye must I 
keep, indeed a stout pair of legs must I keep as well!  The endless paths of Alastari 
await me!  Till next we meet remember:  a fool flies into a rage quickly and often.  
The wise are angered by the same thing only once.  Zontani Sharp Eyes  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 BOQ 5873                     12   0  0   106       LAND OF OZ (217)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 DON KING 5374                13  12  1   123       ROYAL FLUSH (48)
-SISTER MARY SARAH 5137       21   3  0   121       OLD HABITS (566)
 RED DEVIL 5732                8   4  0   113       LOST SOULS (618)
-PROHIBITION 5607             13  12  0   111       INDIFFERENCE (611)
 FRED BEAR 5348               18  10  0   107       THE BEAR'S PAW (150)
 HUMBUG 5199                  21  16  1    98       LAND OF OZ (217)
 RAZOR 5689                    9   3  2    96       LOST SOULS (618)
 MORWHEN 5686                 11   6  2    95       LOST SOULS (618)
-ORC PLAGUE 5501               8   4  2    94       DARQUE FORCES (396)
-KILLING JOKE 5611            16  10  1    93       INDIFFERENCE (611)
-SISTER SLEDGE 5341           11   3  1    93       OLD HABITS (566)
 WOZZECK 5644                  9   6  0    91       THE OPERA (613)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 OPAI 5735                    10   3  0    89       DARK PINNACLE (598)
 WYRD 5167                    12   6  0    88       DESOLATE ONES (524)
-LAST CALL 5606               11  10  0    88       INDIFFERENCE (611)
 ROISIN DUBH 6038             11  11  1    82       GAELIC STORM (647)
-SPECTRE 5654                  7   3  1    81       GOTHIC MINISTRY (592)
 JACK & JILL 5310             16  14  0    80       ROYAL FLUSH (48)
 SUCULANT 3589                15  17  1    78       WARHAMMERS (75)
 CUP OF TOE 5433              10   4  1    77       MYSTIC ORC FEAST (416)
 TEMPUS 4635                  15  15  1    76       WARHAMMERS (75)
 MAGIC WAND 5771              11   5  0    75       LAND OF OZ (217)
 PIZZA PIE PARTY 5659          9   4  2    75       THINGS I DROOL IN (614)
 DRAMA QUEEN 5494             13  10  0    73       ROYAL FLUSH (48)
 SWAMP BURP HAMMER 5439       12  13  2    71       ALL SWAMP HAMMERZ (594)
-SISTER MERCY 5526             7   5  1    71       OLD HABITS (566)
 BEXAR 5906                    7   3  0    69       THE BEAR'S PAW (150)
-DA TING 5129                  5   1  0    69       DRAKE'S COMICS (463)
-BLOOD RAYNE 5489             14  10  1    68       DARK PINNACLE (598)
 DEVOUT CHRISTIAN 5321        16  15  4    67       NATURAL B. KILLERS 2 (584)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-HANTA 5443                    9   7  0    67       DOK SIK KILLAS (595)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 LITTLE BIG MAN 5393          14  12  1    66       NATURAL B. KILLERS 2 (584)
-CYANIDE 5444                  7   7  2    66       DOK SIK KILLAS (595)
-KILL*SWITCH 5809              6   2  1    66       DARQUE FORCES (396)
 BLACK THUNDER 3885           14  14  0    64       BLACK STORM (171)
 EVICSERATOR 5358             13  13  1    64       BLACK STORM (171)
 ZOMBIE ASSASSIN 5552         11   7  1    64       SALEM'S LOT (605)
 PRINCE IGOR 5640              7   2  0    63       THE OPERA (613)
 CRYPT ANGEL 5553              9   9  1    62       SALEM'S LOT (605)
 RHIANNON 6031                10   9  0    61       GAELIC STORM (647)
 MY SLEEP 5657                 6   7  0    58       THINGS I DROOL IN (614)
-DEMONIC HEX 5530             10   4  0    57       GOTHIC MINISTRY (592)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 BOB'S COMIC COLLECTN 5658     9   4  0    56       THINGS I DROOL IN (614)
 NIGHTCRAWLER 6237             6   3  1    55       X-MEN II (660)
 TEN IS RAQUET 5815            5  10  0    55       ROYAL FLUSH (48)
 ICHORID 5584                 10   9  1    54       SALEM'S LOT (605)
-SAMURAI 6089                  9   3  0    52       RONIN (651)
-ANKH 6085                     5   3  0    49       RONIN (651)
 THE RAMPAGING BULK 5133       7   1  0    48       DRAKE'S COMICS (463)
-SISTER MARY SUEELLEN 5671     8   4  1    47       OLD HABITS (566)
 GREEDY 5223                   7   3  0    47       RAT SALAD (577)
-JUSTICE FOR ALL 5534          6   6  0    47       OF WOLF AND MAN (603)
 MADAME BUTTERFLY 5792         5   3  0    47       THE OPERA (613)
-CHONG 5927                    4   2  0    47       SMOKED OUT!!! (637)
 MEDEE 5642                   11   3  0    46       THE OPERA (613)
-BLACKENED 5531                7   7  0    46       OF WOLF AND MAN (603)
 SIEGE BEST 5797               9   7  1    45       BAAL'S MINIONS (626)
 SWAMP STORM 5893              7   2  0    43       BLACK STORM (171)
 CRYSTAL 5895                  4   1  0    43       DARK PINNACLE (598)
-BLACK LOTUS 6091              8   8  0    42       RONIN (651)
 BABY 5224                     7   4  0    41       RAT SALAD (577)
 PYTHON 5903                   6   4  1    41       THE SERPENTS (629)
-FADE TO BLACK 5695            7   6  0    40       OF WOLF AND MAN (603)
-RIGORMORTIS 5736              5   3  0    40       GOTHIC MINISTRY (592)
-ROGER L'BEAU 5828             5   5  0    37       KNIGHTS TEMPLAR (568)
 AVATAR OF WOE 5850           10   2  0    36       SALEM'S LOT (605)
 BULLPEN ACE 5907              5   4  1    34       ROYAL FLUSH (48)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 ASP 5843                      6   7  1    33       THE SERPENTS (629)
 MOMBA 5945                    6   1  1    33       THE SERPENTS (629)
 WAR CRY HAMM 5436             6   2  0    33       DESOLATE ONES (524)
 KING OF BEASTS 5880           5   3  0    33       LAND OF OZ (217)
-NILES 5860                    3   1  0    33       SECOND BANANAS (573)
-BOGBANE 5500                  4   8  1    32       DARQUE FORCES (396)
 LURKING FEAR 1755             3   2  0    32       ABYSMAL RITES (215)
-DEATH KISS 5751               7   2  1    31       GOTHIC MINISTRY (592)
 SWAMP CALL HAMMER 5985        5   0  1    30       ALL SWAMP HAMMERZ (594)
-MR NICE GUY 5931              3   3  1    30       SMOKED OUT!!! (637)
-MALARIA 5837                  2   1  0    30       DOK SIK KILLAS (595)
-CHEECH 5930                   3   3  2    28       SMOKED OUT!!! (637)
 STORM 6234                    4   5  0    27       X-MEN II (660)
-LONELY SON 5882               2   2  0    27       EMPIRE RISING (633)
-MY PILLOW 5660                8   2  0    26       THINGS I DROOL IN (614)
 STORMSTRIKE 5916              5   4  0    26       BAAL'S MINIONS (626)
-SGT STANDANKO 5929            3   3  0    26       SMOKED OUT!!! (637)
 MIRAGE 5912                   3   1  0    26       DARK PINNACLE (598)
-T.H.C. 5928                   4   2  1    25       SMOKED OUT!!! (637)
 THE RON 5914                  4   3  0    25       WARHAMMERS (75)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-BANE 5946                     3   0  0    25       KNIGHTS TEMPLAR (568)
 FLESH HUNTER 6053             2   0  0    25       BAAL'S MINIONS (626)
 FANG SKIN 6070                2   0  0    24       BAAL'S MINIONS (626)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 BREMM SPARKFIST 5917          5   4  0    23       BAAL'S MINIONS (626)
 COBRA 5842                    5   8  0    23       THE SERPENTS (629)
-COURT JESTER 5883             1   1  0    22       EMPIRE RISING (633)
 KENSAI 5267                   3   5  0    19       RAT SALAD (577)
 POLARIS 6230                  3   1  0    19       X-MEN II (660)
 FIDELIO 5859                  3   2  0    19       THE OPERA (613)
 ADDER 5920                    5   3  0    18       THE SERPENTS (629)
 QUEEN OF TARTS 5980           1   0  0    17       MYSTIC ORC FEAST (416)
 PSYLOCKE 6228                 3   6  1    16       X-MEN II (660)
 CLIFF 6226                    1   0  0    16       CHEERS (659)
 SS GUARD 6018                 1   1  0    15       NATURAL B. KILLERS 2 (584)
 CEREBRO 6229                  1   2  0    15       X-MEN II (660)
-SHOGUN 6082                   2   2  0    14       RONIN (651)
 ALE 6240                      1   0  0    14       STRANGE BREW (661)
 BEAR AWARE 6004               3   1  0    13       THE BEAR'S PAW (150)
 PILSNER 6241                  1   0  0    13       STRANGE BREW (661)
-FE MALE 5211                  3   1  0    12       DRAKE'S COMICS (463)
-HEIR APPARENT 5881            1   1  1    12       EMPIRE RISING (633)
-BOOSTER PYRITE 5964           1   3  0    12       DRAKE'S COMICS (463)
 HEMDAL 6057                   1   1  0    12       INFERNAL CABARET (648)
 FRASIER 6224                  1   0  0    12       CHEERS (659)
 MISS GULCH 5984               2   3  0    11       LAND OF OZ (217)
 MALT 6238                     1   0  1    11       STRANGE BREW (661)
 IRWIN ROMMEL 6200             1   0  0    11       TIMELY HEROES (656)
 GREEN KNIGHT 6069             0   1  0    11       WARHAMMERS (75)
 BRENDA KILRAVEN 6212          1   0  0    10       GAELIC STORM (647)
 HOTTZ 6078                    1   1  0    10       WOMEN OF WAR (650)
 BLADE 6168                    1   0  0    10       IRON LEGION (652)
 HOPS 6242                     1   0  0    10       STRANGE BREW (661)
 SIR KILLALOT 6020             2   2  0     9       NATURAL B. KILLERS 2 (584)
-GALIUS 5865                   1   6  0     9       KNIGHTS TEMPLAR (568)
 CRESCENT 6167                 1   0  0     9       IRON LEGION (652)
-SMOKESCREEN 5944              2   2  0     8       DARQUE FORCES (396)
 LADY PERI 5599                2   2  0     8       DESOLATE ONES (524)
 GROO 6182                     1   0  0     8       OBSCURE LEGENDS (654)
 NAPOLEON BONAPARTE 6201       1   0  0     8       TIMELY HEROES (656)
 NORM 6227                     1   0  0     8       CHEERS (659)
 VYXXEN 6075                   1   1  1     7       WOMEN OF WAR (650)
-ARSENIC 5836                  1   4  0     7       DOK SIK KILLAS (595)
 STORMBORNE 6002               1   4  0     7       BLACK STORM (171)
 HAMMER 6170                   0   1  0     7       IRON LEGION (652)
 LADY FIRST 5600               1   3  0     6       DESOLATE ONES (524)
 BADGER 6184                   1   0  0     6       OBSCURE LEGENDS (654)
-CHOLORA 5866                  1   0  0     6       DOK SIK KILLAS (595)
 DAVID 6199                    1   0  0     6       TIMELY HEROES (656)
 QUANTUM 6183                  1   0  0     6       OBSCURE LEGENDS (654)
 CARLA 6225                    1   0  0     6       CHEERS (659)
-LORD DESOLATE 5884            0   2  0     6       EMPIRE RISING (633)
 WOODY 6185                    1   0  0     5       OBSCURE LEGENDS (654)
 SCIMITAR 6169                 0   1  0     5       IRON LEGION (652)
 VANESSA 6077                  1   1  0     4       WOMEN OF WAR (650)
 RASP BEARY 6177               1   1  0     4       THE BEAR'S PAW (150)
 ALANARIA 6076                 1   1  0     4       WOMEN OF WAR (650)
 CATHA 6059                    1   1  0     4       INFERNAL CABARET (648)
 FOXXY 6074                    1   1  0     4       WOMEN OF WAR (650)
 ROIS ANIN 6068                0   1  0     3       WARHAMMERS (75)
 OBLIVIATOR 6067               0   2  0     2       BLACK STORM (171)
 BELERUS 6061                  0   2  0     2       INFERNAL CABARET (648)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 NIVIENE 6060                  0   2  0     2       INFERNAL CABARET (648)
 DESCENT TO DUNWICH 6209       0   1  0     1       ABYSMAL RITES (215)
-ARMANIA 6013                  0   1  0     1       MOOSE'S MINNIONS (646)
 WRETCH 5885                   0   1  0     1       EMPIRE RISING (633)
-DELVIAN 6014                  0   1  0     1       MOOSE'S MINNIONS (646)
 HAVIK 6066                    0   1  0     1       DRANG'S TEAM (649)
 SLAP MISTRESS 6179            0   1  0     1       DESOLATE ONES (524)
-MICHELE CLOUGH 5989           0   1  0     1       KNIGHTS TEMPLAR (568)
-MORIAN 6015                   0   1  0     1       MOOSE'S MINNIONS (646)
 GEORGE WASHINGTON 6197        0   1  0     1       TIMELY HEROES (656)
 WOODY 6223                    0   1  0     1       CHEERS (659)
 JOAN OF ARC 6198              0   1  0     1       TIMELY HEROES (656)
-ANTOINE L'JOI 5988            0   1  0     1       KNIGHTS TEMPLAR (568)
 DRANG 6065                    0   1  0     1       DRANG'S TEAM (649)
 HIGH TEST 6239                0   1  0     1       STRANGE BREW (661)
 BERA 6215                     0   1  0     1       THE BEAR'S PAW (150)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?
WL3 6207               0  1 0 ABYSMAL RITES 215     GUILLOTINE GARTH 20   244 NONE    
WL4 6208               0  1 0 ABYSMAL RITES 215     THE BARTENDER 26      244 NONE    
AQUILLA 1756           3  2 1 ABYSMAL RITES 215     PYTHON 5903           244         
RED MIRA 1753          1  2 0 ABYSMAL RITES 215     PIZZA PIE PARTY 5659  242         
THRESHER OF SOUL 6071  0  1 0 ABYSMAL RITES 215     VYXXEN 6075           243         
BEAR SKINRUG 5399     12 10 1 THE BEAR'S PAW 150    ROISIN DUBH 6038      243         
DUMB AS ROCK 5913      2  2 0 DARK PINNACLE 598     ARENAMASTER OKEL 23   244 NONE    
SIDESWIPE 5958         1  1 0 DARQUE FORCES 396     T.H.C. 5928           240 NOT REVE
BEIGE SURFER 6021      2  2 0 DRAKE'S COMICS 463    ASP 5843              244         
EVEL NEWT 6062         0  1 0 DRANG'S TEAM 649      MALT 6238             244         
WILD ROVER 6025        2  7 0 GAELIC STORM 647      WURM KIN 27           244 NONE    
BLACK AND TAN 6211     0  1 0 GAELIC STORM 647      BAPHOMET 22           244 NONE    
IRISH CAR BOMB 6024    8  3 0 GAELIC STORM 647      DON KING 5374         243         
KARGOTH 6058           0  1 0 INFERNAL CABARET 648  SWAMP CALL HAMME 5985 243         
RAG 6194               0  1 0 IRON LEGION 652       WURM KIN 27           244 NONE    
SPLAT 6217             0  1 0 LOST SOULS 618        MR. COFFEE 24         244 NONE    
JOCKO 6216             0  1 0 LOST SOULS 618        THE BARTENDER 26      244 NONE    
MY MISO MUTE 4018      8  6 0 MYSTIC ORC FEAST 416  BAPHOMET 22           244 NONE    
DRAGONFLY PIE 5760     5  4 1 MYSTIC ORC FEAST 416  MURDEROUS MARK 18     244 NONE    
BONE 6181              0  1 0 OBSCURE LEGENDS 654   BAPHOMET 22           244 NONE    
DA 6187                0  1 0 OF WOLF AND MAN 603   PUTRID PATRICK 19     244 NONE    
FAT-BOY 5221           6  4 0 RAT SALAD 577         THE BARTENDER 26      244 NONE    
T. RASH 6210           0  1 0 RAT SALAD 577         GUILLOTINE GARTH 20   244 NONE    
SHADE'S FORM 5549      9 11 2 SALEM'S LOT 605       CARDIAC CRAIG 21      244 NONE    
LOWELL 5569           13  6 2 SECOND BANANAS 573    SWAMP LILY HAMME 5441 241 NONE    
BIBS 6196              0  1 0 THINGS I DROOL IN 614 DARRELL DEATH 25      244 NONE    

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Swamp Lily Hammer!  The best in the swamp!  Lord Protector!  We salute you and The
Hammer. -- Oz The All-Envious

Nuln -- Hey!  Good to see that The FONZ has at least one good writer and good
competitor in North Fork!  (zing) -- Oz The All-Mischievous

Sunuv Bloodlust -- Can we just call you SOB, whoops, SUB?  Or Snuln? -- Oz The All-

"Return Of The SCOMSS" is announcing its roster for TW5:
  Slugbait -- Mystic Orc Feast
  Crip -- Royal Flush
  Oz -- Land Of Oz
  Mannequin -- Second Bananas
  Soultaker (Father) -- Old Habits
  Sunuv Bloodlust -- Things I Drool In
The silly SCOMSSers have designated me "captain".  (I drew the short straw.) -- Oz
The All-Overwhelmed

Sunuv Bloodlust -- Well you are right.  The pleasure will be all yours. -- Oz The

Tripwire -- Welcome to you and The Iron Council.  A formidable group. -- Oz The All-

Devout Christian -- Bah to you.  Hah to me. -- Humbug

Swamp Burp -- Now I want some Lily. -- BOQ

Succulant -- A salute to you on your win.  My magic was inadequate. -- Magic Wand

Beige Surfer -- Next time bring me a colorful one.  I like bods, and I like my
pretties.... -- Miss Gulch

Oz -- Personally, I think Crip was appropriately chagrined by his poor performance
during the last Annual Review that he decided to actually *run* his teams. ;-P --
Drake (trying to run his own; more or less)
P.S.  Look!  Look!  I'm writing personal ads again!

Abraxis -- Hey, I remember you.  Welcome back. -- Drake of the duplicitous arrogance
and abundant vernacular

CFH -- I believe time was on vacation in the Bahamas while tide did it's best to
cover. -- Drake (needing a vacation of his own)
P.S.  I've been corresponding with a new D2 player over in 93 (doing my best to
masquerade as a mentor or something) and he was wondering about Hyborian War.  Do you
mind if I tell him to diplo you with questions?

Crypt Keeper -- You should be receiving a diplomatic note from me regarding the Parry
Strike style this turn.  Let me know if it doesn't get to you. -- Drake

Python -- Bulk no like snakes.  Snakes remind Bulk of skinny neckties.  Skinny
neckties make Bulk angry! -- The Rampaging Bulk

Miss Gulch -- Hey!  What did I ever do to you? -- Beige Surfer

Oz -- You...you...you *down-challenged* one of my warriors?!  You?!  Do you know what
this means?!  I...I have you put you on the list.  *You*...on *the* list!  *My* list!
I...I...I don't want to, but now I have to.  How could you make me do such a thing?
How?! -- Drake
P.S.  I'm also revoking your 25% discount on the 25 cent bin.  So there!

Stormstrike -- It's a good thing I brought my galoshes. -- Da Ting

Aquilla -- I suppose you thought because of my record, I'd be an easy win.  Surprise!
I enjoyed the fight. -- Roger L'Beau

Cobra -- I thought we were gonna make the crowd scream and both of us would get
acclamations from the crowd.  Too bad you were such a dud.  But...thanks for the five
skills. -- Bane

Oz -- It's actually my pleasure.  I enjoy this kind of thing. -- Baphomet

Abraxis -- Happy to see you back active again.  The Illuminati will probably be
posting a team here.  If not...TCB will.  I'll write you and tell you everything
that's been going on.  It's a mess! -- Baphomet

CFH -- Actually, I am EXTREMELY pleased that you've returned.  Again, you are welcome
to join me and TCB.  The call is yours. -- Baphomet

Hammer -- email me at:  rbaphomets@yahoo.com.  Diplo enroute.

Announcement!  Sunuv Bloodlust was terminated!  Gone.  Rejected.  Rode the hot-air
balloon to that Great Arena In The Sky!  Zippo!  But The Drooling Team has acquired a
Monster Manager by the name of SNULN.  Yes!  The "Return Of The SCOMSS" remains with
the same teams previously listed, but with a higher level series of managers--
Slugbait, Crip, Oz, Mannequin, Soultaker, Snuln.  The Fellowship is in tact. -- Oz
The All-Announcing
(Note:  this list of manager names supersedes the one previously listed.)

All -- To get announcements started, the Swamp Syndicate will be participating in the
Turf War 5.  I will step in as Captain.  My team, naturally will be Knights Templar.
Hammer, JGWellington (JGW), Assurnasirbanipal will also be joining us.  Abraxis and
CFH may join if they so choose.  And Manager, if I can talk him into it. -- Baphomet,
mgr. Knights Templar

Baphomet -- The Second Bananas stable will once again compete as a member of the
SCOMSS alliance. -- Mannequin, mgr. of Second Bananas

Congratulations to Flesh Hunter and Jugglenought for their impressive performances in
the tourney.  Well done! -- Mannequin

Oz The Observant -- Watch Out with the golden tongue, or someone will have to put it
in its place!!!! -- Crip the not quite so silent anymore

Sunuv Bloodlust -- SCOMS?  We were SCOMSS initially, but one has fallen.  Is there a
big 'S' emblazoned on the middle of your chest?

Baphomet -- I have to see who this returning 'S' is, so as per tradition, I declare
the Flush for Return of the SCOMSS. -- Crip

Irish Car Bomb -- Well, that TV challenge certainly blew up in your face. -- Don King

Pizza Pie Party -- What a way to say Hi!  But I prefer Ice Cream! -- Ten Is Raquet

Tempus -- You again!  Who do we have to pay off? -- Jack & Jill

Ichorid -- Walk softly, but carry an even bigger stick. -- Drama Queen

Rhiannon -- We've heard that the Gaelic tended to be stumbling drunks, but that was
the first proof I've had. -- Bullpen Ace

All -- I hereby declare that my stable Ronin shall be entering into the Turf War,
fighting under the Iron Council banner. -- Hollowshade, mgr. of Ronin

HERE WE COME TO SAVE THE DAY!!!  That's right!!  That's what we do.  We are...  <DON
DON DONN!!>  THE TIMELY HEROES!!  <If you did not say that in a big booming voice,
please go back and do it again.>  < We'll wait.>  <Hold it, did you actually go back
and do it?>  <YOU DID?!>  <THANKS!!>  We come from all walks of life and have one
goal, to do hero stuff!!  Like...like...like walking the dog...and closing the
curtains...and cleaning the counter...and...and...well....  Hero-stuff.  You know?

Ah what's the use....  I forgot the last part, but it really wasn't much better.  His
writer isn't worth a *(#$!!   OOPS sorry!  Okay, so we are actually actors who needed
to make a little money between gigs, so don't go too hard on us okay??  Our boss told
us to act like heroes to scare you a little, but his writer...his writer needs to go
to a very hot place....)

Oh well.  Anyway, I'm David and that is Irwin and Napoleon over there (don't mention
Napoleon's size, he gets a bit sensitive about that,) and over there is George, he's
eating the apple, and Joan is the one trying to put that puzzle box back together.
Oh and here comes the boss now.

Hi, Master Beru!!

You didn't use the script did you?

No sir!  See!

Yeah I see.  This may be more than I bargained for.  Okay, I am Master Beru and I am
supposed to offer these..."actors"...a chance to fight to feed themselves until they
can get back on their feet.  Hopefully their fighting is better than their acting.

All -- Manager will be joining the Swamp Syndicate for the TW5. -- Baphomet

Swamp Citizens and Turf War Tuffies -- Be it known one and all that the stable known
as ALL SWAMP HAMMERZ (594) will compete with my TW5 alliance mates in the Swamp
Syndicate alliance! -- Hammer/Minister of War/Swamp Syndicate Scribe

Swamp Syndicate alliance
Minister of War
Swamp Syndicate Scribe

Host of TW5 -- For all intents and purposes I suppose I have been elected "Captain"
of this alliance of peers known as the Desolate Empire for the duration of this Turf
War.  Those that may declare for our alliance (though should not be listed as such
until they actually declare for themselves) are as follows:  Toker, Goat, Wasby,
Heathen, Dok Sik and Blackstorm.  I have only one question at the moment:  you stated
that the TW5 will begin following the January FTF and I wanted to know if the FTF
will count for the bonus points as they will be printed after the contest begin?
Just needed a clarification. -- Kon, mgr. Empire Rising, Desolate Empire
P.S.  My champion will be Court Jester.

Swamp Lily -- Congrats on your invite, know Hammer must be doing backflips. -- Liam
the Goth, mgr. Gothic Ministry

Manny -- Turn 10 of the Initiates tourney was kick assed, congrats on Prodigal Son
and your TC in the Rookies. -- Liam

Asp -- Good dance, keep it up. -- Death Kiss

The Saint -- May I have a manager list for DM 47?  Thank you. -- Liam

     Here's what I have.  These are teams listed in last turn's newsletter.  If I've
     gotten anyone's name wrong, just let me know and I'll fix it. -- The Saint,
     keeper of lists
     ABYSMAL RITES       Reaper              LOST SOULS           The Sentinel
     ALL SWAMP HAMMERZ   Hammer              MOOSE'S MINNIONS     ?
     ARCANE ANGELS       Mr Tarl Possinger   MYSTIC ORC FEAST     Slugbait
     BAAL'S MINIONS      Var                 NATURAL B. KILLERS   Maximillian
     BLACK STORM         Blackstorm          OF WOLF AND MAN      Tripwire
     CHAOTIX BEASTS      Chaotix             OLD HABITS           Soultaker
     DARQUE FORCES       Master Darque       RAT SALAD            CFH
     DOK SIK KILLAS      Doc Sik             RONIN                Hollowshade
     DRAKE'S COMICS      Drake               ROYAL FLUSH          Crip
     EMPIRE RISING       Kon                 SALEM'S LOT          Crypt Keeper
     FEATHERS FLYIN'     Barnabas            SECOND BANANAS       Mannequin
     GAELIC STORM        Bobby Bigfoot       SMOKED OUT!!!        Dark Knight Toker
     GOTHIC MINISTRY     Liam the Goth       THE BEAR'S PAW       KAT
     INDIFFERENCE        Jekyll              THE SERPENTS         ?
     INFERNAL CABARET    ?                   THINGS I DROOL IN    Snuln
     JGW PERISHABLE      JGW                 WARHAMMERS           Coyote
     KNIGHTS TEMPLAR     Baphomet            WINTER CHILL         Valamond
     LADIES OF DREAD     Silky               WOMEN OF WAR         ?
     LAND OF OZ          Oz the Successful

Kensai -- This is your last chance, win or you will only be mentioned in the past
tense. -- CFH

Rat Salad -- Your teammate Fastdraw was found to be taking bribes from the
competition, hence his poor record.  Losing will not be tolerated. -- CFH

Crypt Angel -- Normally I would be bummed about losing to your style, but the 4
learns and rating salve the sting a bit.  Let's fight again, except this time we'll
wear our bikinis and instead of the sand we'll fight in a kiddie pool of Jello or arm
oil! -- Baby
P.S.  You're not very tall for a "Giant".

Bremm Sparkfist -- Could've gone either way, I suppose.  Gotta be willing to throw
the first punch. -- Greedy

Fat-Boy -- Block with your shield, not your face. -- CFH
P.S.  On second thought, it's the DA for you too.  I need warriors, not heavy bags.
You served your purpose.

I want to say thanks to all the people who inquired about me and/or tried to keep in
touch.  A few of you asked me to return to the game and I declined for a couple of
different reasons, but now I'm back.  I look forward to good times once again. --
CFH/Rat Salad

Baphomet -- Word in the Taverns is that you are looking for a leg-breaker.  Any truth
to that? -- CFH/Thug 4 Hire

Ten Is Racquet -- Perhaps you need to upgrade to a model in graphite? -- Pizza Pie

Black Thunder -- Well I'll be darned.  Persistence does pay off. -- My Sleep

Adder -- I'm not proud of that win, but I'll take it nonetheless. -- Bob's Comic

All -- My apologieseth for the prematureth announcement last turn by Sunuv
Bloodlustest.  As is sometimes the nature with prematurity, it was alsoeth an
incorrect announcement.  I, Snuln, shall be managing the "Things I Drool In" stableth
und'reth the SCOMSS team banner this upcoming Turfeth War.  So let the record
stateth. -- Snuln

Crypt Keeper -- I am no PS experteth, and I don't knoweth the PS you speaketh of
stats/skills, but in generaleth I wouldst say an off-handeth parry weapon
(particularlyeth if they learneth parry) would be a good thingeth.  I prefereth the
DA, but there are manyeth to choose from (SH, SM, ME, etc.).  As for armoreth,
assuming your PSeth has an 11/11 str/cn, I'd say anythingeth up ASM/F.  Iffeth his
carrying capacity is lesseth, I wouldn't loadeth very much armor on him theneth.
Good lucketh! -- Snuln

I declare for SCOMSS. -- Slugbait

Baby -- A good fight, honey cakes.  You're fast, I'll give you that! -- Crypt Angel

Fat-Boy -- If you adhered to the zombie diet you wouldn't have a problem. -- Zombie

Standanko -- Hey, you're pretty mean with that thing. -- Avatar of Woe

Oz -- Thanks for the welcome.  But why all the different names?  I thought this Arena
was called North Fork? -- Crypt Keeper

Nuln -- Hey thanks, bro.  No need to keep an eye on the Lot though, I have a lot of
growing pains to go through as a manager!  You looks to have a most excellent team. -
- Keeper

D.K. Toker -- Answered your reply in the Arena 52 Fratsfa personal ads, man.  Are you
in every arena, lol? -- Keeper

Swamp Citizens -- As of November 26th the dispatch riders from the Gladiatorial
Commission have yet to deliver the newsletter containing the graduation info for
SWAMP LILY HAMMER.  Perhaps next cycle will provide the answers you seek? -- Hammer/
Minister of War/Swamp Syndicate Scribe

Miss Gulch -- Beauty is in the eye of the beholder! -- SWAMP THUG HAMMER

Swamp Citizens -- Ah the Champion [BURP!] recognition rankings!  Many wagered [BURP!]
gold that I would not see this [BURP!] day!  Bring your [BURP!] gold to [BURP!] wager
whether I [BURP!] make it out of the [BURP!] swamp alive! -- SWAMP BURP HAMMER

Oz the All-Announcing -- Your Welcome Wagon banter is a refreshing change from the
usual commentary that foreshadows such contests!  You and your compadres are still
the stable to subdue during this great event! -- Hammer/Minister of War/Swamp
Syndicate Scribe

Tripwire -- Welcome back to the greatest in swamp warfare!  The Iron Council are
certain to make their mark in the mud! -- Hammer/Minister of War/Swamp Syndicate

Baphomet the Blade -- Greetings and Salutations to the Swamp Syndicate Captain!
Honor and Glory for your dedication to oversee the Turf War 5 contest! -- Hammer/
Minister of War/Swamp Syndicate Scribe

Swamp Citizens and Turf War Tuffies -- Sharpen Your Blades and Sharpen Your Wits!
Turf War 5 is about to begin! -- Hammer/Minister of War/Swamp Syndicate Scribe



Be it known that per the rules of engagement for the upcoming Turf War, Master Beru
of Timely Heroes (TBD), Wretch of Strange Brew (TBD), and Reaper of Abysmal Rites
(215) have come together as the Rookie Confederation as a contender.  The alliance
names Master Beru of Timely Heroes (TBD) as their captain.  The Confederation also
proclaims that any manager wishing a banner to compete under may contact any member
of the alliance to secure their participation.  May the Confederations' blades find
every chink in the "veteran" manager's armor to stain the arenas red with their
warrior's blood!! -- Master Beru

3D -- Are we ready yet? -- Maximillian

THC -- Ahhh!  Offensive type, bad assumption on my part, not again. -- Sir Killalot

Eviscerator -- Ya' got spanked, boy.  I hit hard for a little guy. -- Little Big Man

Humbug -- Booooo! -- Devout Christian

Soltan Heller -- You're lucky son, if I hadn't had to use my fist for the whole
battle, things would have been different. -- SS Guard

Swamp Lilly -- Good job on the Title Fight and the invite!  Represent us well at the
Island.  Congrats to the Hammer Crew! -- the Praising Persian: Kat

Roisin Dubh -- Not very sporting, Dear Sir.  You take this all far too seriously--
especially one of your type.  I knew the frailty would be his undoing.  Alas, the Rug
will be avenged. -- The Remorseful Rex -- Kat

SCOMMS -- You've my best regards for the upcoming TW battle.  Though the Vendetta
Cartel has been relegated into history, the DJI clan will be associating with some
chosen friends to engage in the Turf War V.  I'll announce details next turn -- The
Optimistic Ocelot: Kat

Chong -- That stuff will stunt your growth.  Look at what its already done to your
reaction speed. -- The Feline of Funtime:  Kat

Hottz -- Eh, more on the 'tepid-to-luke-warm' side, but you've the right aspirations!
-- The Manic Manx of Mayhem: Kat

All -- Well, well, well...and I thought my warriors stunk.  What do you people do
around here to make this foul smell?  Well I guess it doesn't matter.  Any place this
rank will be a perfect home for my band of slovenly idiots.  I have the distinct
displeasure of managing this menagerie of drunken fools.  Strange Brew is a perfect
name for them, as I don't know what the fetid substance they call their "brew" is.
Whatever it is, it seems to do very strange things to the people that drink it.  I
would suggest that you don't accept anything they try to give you, which shouldn't
be much of a problem as they don't like to share.  Well I guess we are stuck
together for a while.  Well...at least until my guys all manage to drown in their
glasses.  Cheers to all. -- Wretch

2 November 2006
I received a Gift Certificate from someone.  I'm assuming it's for entry into the
Turf War 5.  Whoever sent this to me...please email me at rbaphomets@yahoo.com.

10 November 2006
     The Quest of the Best has come to an end.  Dark Knight Toker, host of the Quest,
wants to proclaim the Ultimate Victor and give a listing of prize winners.
     Lady Fern and her Flower Girls of the Consortium are the Ultimate Victors of the
Quest.  Well fought and there's nothing like coming from behind to leave us all in
the dust.  Can't wait to see you defend your title! (wink)
     Here is a complete list of managers who placed in prize positions:

1)  Lady Fern, mgr. Flower Girls
2)  Le Pentarque, mgr. Blood & Guts!
3)  Crip, mgr. Otto's Parts
4)  D.K. Heathen Hatebred, mgr. Odin's Chosen
5)  Ghab, mgr. Assassin Nation
6)  Fanthayne, mgr. Dark Raiders
7)  D.K. Toker, mgr. Silver Knights
8)  D.K. Wasby, mgr. Bronze Knights
9)  The Expatriate, mgr. Bleak Legion
10) Still the Distilled, mgr. Springborne Fair

     Thanks to all that had the gall to show up, but I really want to thank the
managers that had the mettle to survive and not run when they started getting their
butt handed to them.
                                                           Respect to All.
                                                           Quest #1 host,
                                                           Dark Knight Toker

14 November 2006
                                      A Tale of
                        Fusion Confusion Delusion Revolution
                                     as told by
                                Hammer the WordSmith

     SomeWhere Beyond ElseWhere and ElseWhen a hooded figure brooded upon the
lingering wisps of memory from days gone by.
     From the howling sands to the sanding howls the streams of thought bubbled and
flowed, winding endlessly entwined within the darkest recesses and lightest resources
of the learned and unlearned disciplines of managerial mayhem and manipulation.
     Nameless faces and faceless names floated in the swirling mists of madness
embalmed within the memories of one who knew he did not know how far reaching the
influences [both positive and negative] had rooted and flowered in the march of time
and energy expended in the historical markings of gladiatorial essence and excellence
     The tamed and the untamed coupled with the named and the unnamed resources that
spilt their sweat and blood on the sands of arenas both known and unknown had
metamorphosed into the dreamings and the schemings of the fadings of jadings and
paradings [in both public and private] amongst the elite and the indiscreet
posturings and babblings of managers becoming legends in their own minds and times.
     Hammer pondered upon beginnings and the seemingly endless myriad of endings
possibly possible among the interspersed and intertwined impossible possibilities
presently past and future.
     Echoing and reechoing in the vast depths and countless compartments along the
corridors of his mind, Hammer played and replayed the glories shared and dared in the
sixty-plus stabled arena on fabled Noblish Island DM 93.
     The training had been all too brief, but the competition generated by the multi
faceted personages inhabiting DM 93 and the sheer multitude of numbers had forever
instilled themselves in the heart and soul of the veteran manager [Hammer]; insomuch
that the migration to Niatoli Island DM 33 triggered the desire to emulate the glory
and the grandeur of the spectacle of stables vying for recognition from among the
virtually numberless no-name newbies making names for themselves as they numbered
their stables and accomplishments for all to see and behold, to the song and the
sound of the sight of clashing cold cruel steel simmering the flesh of gallant
gladiators consumed by the gory and the glory of crossing blades with the superior
and the inferior within the interior of Greywand's Global Gladiatorial Galaxy.
     Far far ago and long long away had many abandoned hope for a return to the
reminiscences revered by so many managers; predating even the generations of
gladiators graduating from Noblish Island and the years of yore and gore and
gallantry before.
     Rumblings and mumblings of a renovation rejuvenating the reflexes of managers
numbed by the numberless trysts of tourney tarnished stables began revolutionizing
the very fabric of time and space and time-honored tradition throughout the ranks of
visionary newbies and volatile veterans alike and dislike.
     History was being shaken to the core of the gore as glory and grandeur responded
to the revelry reverie revelations and reveille revolutionizing the creation of a new
arena in the making; populated by No-Tourney Warriors and Full Stable Participants
pledging to forge a new vision version of "The Fiercest and Best" for crossing blades
and crosser banter in the personal ads and team spotlight tomes.
     Now was the time for Hammer to emerge and once again merge his talent among the
gifted and grifted; answering the call to assemble the drifted [and to directly
divulge and converge with the dozens] for the destiny of destructive denizens
determined to build a new legacy upon the all-but-forgotten ashes of the old and
olden legends of times lost.
         [TIME JUMP]
     Hammer sifted the sands in the dead of night in the desert reaches [located
SomeWhere BeYond ElseWhere and ElseWhen] to discover 5 gladiators not tourney worthy,
yet interesting enough to begin their careers in a No-Tourney Arena!
     "They need not be dispatched to the Dark Arena," the veteran manager mused as he
sorted through paperwork long discarded and vaguely forgotten, "because there is
nothing like a good Blood Feud to provide inspiration for writing personal ads in the
arena newsletter! Besides, there are times when the replacement for a warrior wounded
mortally on the arena sands fares much better than the one exchanged from Torch
     Fights by Torch Light were certainly deemed unnecessary as Hammer had already
deduced that a number of determined stables would undoubtedly congregate with High
Octane Warriors under the guidance of Higher Octane Managers to populate and
depopulate the new No-Tourney Arena currently under construction in DM 81.
     Fortunately his feeble foray into the desert would yield somewhat suitable
candidates for the newfound purposes Hammer had in mind.
     From among the candidates to be found Hammer would be rewarded in time by
     Deep into the night Hammer searched and searched until five not-so-promising
stables were uncovered in the waning hours before dawn.
     Ripper discards were scattered far and wide, but this was not the time or the
hour to let sentimental views cloud the issue at hand.  Future events would lend
themselves to a suitable Ripper replacement, especially with the prospects Hammer was
now sorting for his selection decision to dispatch to the Gladiatorial Commission for
     Most managers have the luxury of selecting the best group [or discarding the
worst group!] Hammer had the novelty of rounding up the castaways from the New
Stables paperwork accumulated long ago from Maximillian's Morya Madness contest in DM
28 that were deemed below inferior as contest prizes [and thus banished from sight!]
     Hammer scrutinized and agonized over which group of gladiators were worth the
sacks of gold coins he was prepared to release to the Gladiatorial Commission for
fees to MAINTENANCE his new stable in the No-Tourney Arena.
     After what seemed like long hours passing by, Hammer discarded one and then
another group of hopefuls.  After lengthy debate a third was cast aside.  Deciding
between the final two groups found Hammer going back to interview the rejected
candidates time and time again [until a final decision was made that Hammer could
live with and his new stable could die with!] before the final quirks were hammered
out and pen put to paper to process the prospective puny stable with the Gladiatorial
     The only solace gained from the painful process was the knowledge that other
managers would be less tempted to run stables in DM 81 populated by their tourney-
worthy warriors [under the penalty of death imposed and enforced upon tourney
experienced gladiators by the Committee being formed to police and regulate such
matters!] as sworn to and signed in good faith by each registering manager.
         [TIME JUMP]
     Hammer had worked long and hard to find suitable candidates for his stable and
now it was time to begin their training.  The paperwork had been dispatched for
registration with the Gladiatorial Commission and now was the hour in which
preparation was paramount!
     Dispatch riders had arrived with the news that Considerable Bounty was being
offered as incentive rewards to those managers sending new stables to the No-Tourney
     Hammer realized this would Up the Ante [causing greater pause in the managerial
community for selecting suitable stables!] as the creative competition was certain to
escalate and produce Serious Sword Slinging Stables Staining the Arena Sands Red!
     Obviously a serious upgrade in the quality of competition migrating to the No-
Tourney Arena in DM 81 would definitely work in favor of Hammer; enormously
increasing the death toll percentage potential amongst the ranks of his new start-up
stable in DM 81 [Sands Running Red and Blood Feuds Running Rampant as Undoubtedly
     Hammer observed the futility of his new warriors training [as well as they could
for what they were made from!] while recent memories came to the forefront of his
     When the paperwork was nearly completed and names were selected for each
Gladiator, Hammer decided to name the stable according to what he had discovered in
the darkness while searching during the dismal hours of the desert night.
     These warriors would probably be more well suited to fight by Torch Light had
they fallen into the possession of most other managers!
     Paper Warriors better suited to confronting Dark Arena Monsters [rather than
being fed to the Gladiatorial Lions certain to be populating the regular No-Tourney
     Specimens blatantly better suited for feeding upon agitated armadillo ants than
for striving to attain recognition and fame in the No-Tourney Arena [or any arena!]
     Thus was AARDVARK HAMMERZ birthed and born for Greatness or Disgrace!
         [TIME JUMP]
     Dispatch riders on winged steeds brought the news Hammer had been awaiting!
     Not since the days of training on Noblish Island in DM 93 had Hammer encountered
such collective enthusiasm for crossing blades in a selected arena such as DM 81
[recalling the time Hammer generated a gathering of newbies to transfer to Niatoli
Island in DM 33 to match wits and cross blades with the assembling veterans upon
     The Consortium had represented the veterans well in DM 33 with the SWEETNESS
stable managed by Sweety Pie.  Now the good news had arrived that The Consortium was
seen registering a stable named LIFE IMPACTS in the No-Tourney Arena!
     Former alliance mates Darque and Kat had reportedly registered DARQUE AGES and
KATHOUSE with the Gladiatorial Commission.
     Morya Madness combatant LePentarque from DM 28 had registered LA PENTARCHIE and
longtime fixture Drake in North Fork DM 47 [recently returned from a lengthy hiatus]
had been lured by the competition to register DRAKE'S HARDWARE.
     Deke [at the helm of DOC LEGRAND'S LAB] was instrumental in promoting the No-
Tourney Arena by repeatedly negotiating terms with the Gladiatorial Commission.
Others had laid the groundwork before him, but Deke raised the banner and carried it
the final distance [Supported by Countless Managers too numerous to mention!] Salute
Yourselves for Your Efforts are Most Graciously Applauded throughout Alastari!
     Apex had signed in with CAROLINA BLUE as had Ghab with ASSASSIN NATION.
     Another familiar name was found on the rolls as DeGotti registered CULT OF
BACCHUS followed by DOOM KNIGHTS managed by Blackstorm.
     Also on the rolls to be noted were AS SEEN ON TV II managed by Indimar and
RAGNAROK'S WOLVES by none other than ragnorokwolf.
     Nomad had signed on with PHANTOM REGIMENT and Silas followed suit with
     Another notable signature was that of MasterBeru with CHILDHOOD HEROES and a
penchant for scribing Team Spotlights [A Plus in Any Arena!]
     Detective Kellumbo had followed the clues and was observed enroute to
registering a yet unannounced stable [such are the ways of sleuthhounds and such!]
     Rumor had it that the manager known as Roadkill was on his way to register a
stable after his namesake and Slugbait was close behind [obliviously lost in
     Finally [in no particular disorder!] managers Grimm, Woody, Terminator, Den and
Bill were also seen elbowing their way through the gathering registration crowd to
officially announce their participation in the No-Tourney Arena.
     COUNTLESS OTHER MANAGERS were known to be pondering the consequences of sending
stables to a No-Tourney Arena and had yet to make the commitment public knowledge as
to their intentions.
     Howbeit the Gladiatorial Commission was reportedly swamped with requests for New
Stable Registration Forms [whether for the Tempe Facer or No-Tourney Arena was
anybody's guess at the present time!]
     Judging from the furtive figures darting and ducking in the shadows and
alleyways throughout Alastari [as well as those huddled in taverns or communicating
with one another by various means available!] the success of such a No-Tourney Arena
was Ballooning far Beyond the Expectations of the Promoters and Petitioners Bar None!
had the Best Potential for attracting and assembling a congregation of competitors
rivaling the numbers of Noblish Island from days gone by!
       JANUARY 2007 MARKS THE BEGINNING of a Journey where both Newbies and Veterans
join together in a Historic Assemblage Celebrating the Crossing of Blades between
some of the Best Managed Stables in all of Alastari [Known and Unknown!]
                 "May Your Blades Be Sharp and Your Wits Sharper"
                                          Minister of War

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

MY MISO MUTE was butchered by BAPHOMET in a crowd pleasing 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
SHADE'S FORM was savagely slain by CARDIAC CRAIG in a 2 minute Dark Arena melee.
FAT-BOY was slaughtered by THE BARTENDER in a 2 minute bloody Dark Arena brawl.
DRAGONFLY PIE was narrowly killed by MURDEROUS MARK in a 2 minute Dark Arena fight.
WILD ROVER was butchered by WURM KIN in a 1 minute Dark Arena brawl.
SWAMP MESS HAMMER was slaughtered by GUILLOTINE GARTH in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
SWAMP THUG HAMMER was viciously butchered by THE BARTENDER in a 2 minute match.
DUMB AS ROCK was easily killed by ARENAMASTER OKEL in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
WL3 was easily killed by GUILLOTINE GARTH in a 1 minute Dark Arena melee.
SPLAT was slaughtered by MR. COFFEE in a 1 minute gruesome Dark Arena duel.
JOCKO was savagely slain by THE BARTENDER in a 2 minute gruesome Dark Arena duel.
BLACK AND TAN was assassinated by BAPHOMET in a 1 minute brutal Dark Arena fight.
BONE was put to death by BAPHOMET in a 1 minute Dark Arena bout.
DA was assassinated by PUTRID PATRICK in a 1 minute brutal Dark Arena match.
RAG was butchered by WURM KIN in a 1 minute bloody Dark Arena conflict.
WL4 was murdered by THE BARTENDER in a 2 minute bloody Dark Arena match.
BIBS was executed by DARRELL DEATH in a 1 minute Dark Arena conflict.
T. RASH was easily killed by GUILLOTINE GARTH in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
ROISIN DUBH was viciously subdued by DON KING in a 1 minute master's Bloodfeud bout.
BELERUS was overpowered by SWAMP CALL HAMMER in a 1 minute mismatched Bloodfeud brawl.
RED DEVIL devastated SUCULANT in a exciting 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
RAZOR overpowered TEMPUS in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge bout.
PIZZA PIE PARTY overpowered BLACK THUNDER in a 2 minute mismatched Challenge conflict.
BEXAR bested MY SLEEP in a 1 minute Challenge bout.
DEVOUT CHRISTIAN was luckily beaten by MAGIC WAND in a 2 minute Challenge duel.
BOB'S COMIC COLLECTN viciously subdued SIEGE BEST in a 4 minute Challenge duel.
THE RAMPAGING BULK outwaited BABY in a exciting 7 minute gory Challenge bout.
RHIANNON defeated GREEDY in a 1 minute Challenge duel.
AQUILLA was savagely slain by PYTHON in a action packed 2 minute gory Challenge fight.
FOXXY was savagely defeated by SS GUARD in a 1 minute beginner's Challenge match.
RASP BEARY was overcome by HOTTZ in a 1 minute beginner's Challenge bout.
CATHA was overpowered by FLESH HUNTER in a 4 minute uneven Challenge competition.
BEIGE SURFER was executed by ASP in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
BEAR AWARE slimly won victory over STORMBORNE in a 2 minute novice's Challenge fray.
SWAMP LILY HAMMER was luckily beaten by BOQ in a 6 minute veteran's Title match.
HUMBUG savagely defeated SWAMP BURP HAMMER in a exciting 2 minute expert's bout.
MORWHEN slimly lost to FRED BEAR in a 2 minute master's fight.
JACK & JILL luckily beat LITTLE BIG MAN in a exciting 6 minute master's match.
CUP OF TOE was defeated by KHALHUMS DWARF in a 2 minute bloody veteran's match.
DRAMA QUEEN was savagely defeated by WYRD in a popular 6 minute veteran's duel.
OPAI overpowered CRYPT ANGEL in a 1 minute one-sided competition.
WOZZECK handily defeated NIGHTCRAWLER in a popular 1 minute one-sided duel.
EVICSERATOR savagely defeated TEN IS RAQUET in a 5 minute expert's duel.
ICHORID was unbelievably bested by PRINCE IGOR in a crowd pleasing 2 minute gory duel.
MEDEE bested LURKING FEAR in a crowd pleasing 3 minute match.
ZOMBIE ASSASSIN handily defeated KING OF BEASTS in a 1 minute one-sided conflict.
BULLPEN ACE was luckily beaten by SWAMP STORM in a 2 minute brutal fight.
STORMSTRIKE was overpowered by MADAME BUTTERFLY in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
ADDER was narrowly defeated by STORM in a tiring 7 minute fray.
MOMBA handily defeated PSYLOCKE in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
WAR CRY HAMM luckily beat COBRA in a tiresome 12 minute brutal conflict.
CRYSTAL demolished FIDELIO in a crowd pleasing 4 minute bloody one-sided fight.
AVATAR OF WOE overcame BREMM SPARKFIST in a 2 minute match.
MISS GULCH was bested by THE RON in a exciting 2 minute battle.
KENSAI viciously subdued LADY PERI in a crowd pleasing 2 minute brutal fight.
MIRAGE subdued CEREBRO in a 2 minute contest.
OBLIVIATOR was devastated by IRWIN ROMMEL in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
FANG SKIN vanquished HAMMER in a popular 1 minute one-sided struggle.
POLARIS devastated VANESSA in a exciting 1 minute mismatched conflict.
VYXXEN was beaten by FRASIER in a exciting 3 minute bloody beginner's fight.
ALANARIA was demolished by CLIFF in a crowd pleasing 1 minute gory one-sided conflict.
LADY FIRST was beaten by NORM in a 1 minute novice's brawl.
NIVIENE lost to CARLA in a 2 minute novice's duel.
HEMDAL overpowered GEORGE WASHINGTON in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
SIR KILLALOT won victory over ROIS ANIN in a exciting 1 minute novice's duel.
QUEEN OF TARTS outlasted BERA in a slow 12 minute duel.
SCIMITAR was savagely defeated by DAVID in a 1 minute gruesome novice's contest.
BLADE devastated JOAN OF ARC in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
CRESCENT subdued DESCENT TO DUNWICH in a 2 minute novice's bout.
GREEN KNIGHT was luckily beaten by WOODY in a 2 minute bloody fight.
NAPOLEON BONAPARTE won victory over HAVIK in a 2 minute novice's struggle.
BADGER subdued SLAP MISTRESS in a exciting 1 minute amateur's duel.
BRENDA KILRAVEN overpowered DRANG in a 1 minute uneven fight.
QUANTUM overcame WRETCH in a action packed 1 minute amateur's match.
GROO savagely defeated HIGH TEST in a popular 2 minute bloody novice's duel.
WOODY was demolished by HOPS in a 1 minute mismatched fray.
EVEL NEWT was slaughtered by MALT in a 1 minute bloody one-sided match.
ALE overpowered MORDANT DESERTER in a 1 minute one-sided struggle.
PILSNER demolished CONVICTED THIEF in a 1 minute uneven fight.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                  24         AIMED BLOW        42 -  22 -  3      66  |
|TOTAL PARRY                     23         WALL OF STEEL     59 -  34 -  4      63  |
|BASHING ATTACK                  20         TOTAL PARRY       98 -  76 -  4      56  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                 18         PARRY-LUNGE       21 -  19 -  2      53  |
|WALL OF STEEL                   10         STRIKING ATTACK   93 -  91 - 12      51  |
|AIMED BLOW                      10         PARRY-STRIKE      29 -  38 -  0      43  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                    10         LUNGING ATTACK    72 - 108 -  9      40  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      9         SLASHING ATTACK   37 -  57 -  1      39  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                  7         BASHING ATTACK    46 -  99 -  4      32  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    6         PARRY-RIPOSTE      6 -  13 -  0      32  |

Turn 244 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

WALL OF STEEL      6 -  4     PARRY-LUNGE        3 -  6         4  LUNGING ATTACK 
LUNGING ATTACK    14 - 10     PARRY-RIPOSTE      2 -  4         2  TOTAL PARRY    
STRIKING ATTACK   10 -  8     BASHING ATTACK     5 - 15         2  STRIKING ATTACK
TOTAL PARRY       12 - 11     PARRY-STRIKE       2 -  8         2  AIMED BLOW     
AIMED BLOW         5 -  5     SLASHING ATTACK    1 -  6         1  WALL OF STEEL  

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
TOTAL PARRY      BOQ 5873                   12   0  0  106 LAND OF OZ (217)
STRIKING ATTACK  DON KING 5374              13  12  1  123 ROYAL FLUSH (48)
AIMED BLOW       RED DEVIL 5732              8   4  0  113 LOST SOULS (618)
LUNGING ATTACK   HUMBUG 5199                21  16  1   98 LAND OF OZ (217)
BASHING ATTACK   WYRD 5167                  12   6  0   88 DESOLATE ONES (524)
WALL OF STEEL    MAGIC WAND 5771            11   5  0   75 LAND OF OZ (217)
PARRY-LUNGE      RHIANNON 6031              10   9  0   61 GAELIC STORM (647)
PARRY-STRIKE     CRYSTAL 5895                4   1  0   43 DARK PINNACLE (598)

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is HUMBUG 5199.  The most popular warrior this turn was 
LITTLE BIG MAN 5393.  The ten other most popular fighters were WYRD 5167, BABY 5224, 

The least popular fighter this week was BERA 6215.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were QUEEN OF TARTS 5980, WAR CRY HAMM 5436, ADDER 5920, COBRA 5842, THE 
RAMPAGING BULK 5133, FAT-BOY 5221, EVEL NEWT 6062, WOODY 6223, HIGH TEST 6239, and 
DRANG 6065.

The following warriors will travel to AD after next turn:

FRED BEAR (47-5348) THE BEAR'S PAW (150)

The following warriors have traveled to AD after fighting this turn: