DUEL 2 NEWSLETTER
Date : 02/13/2018 Duedate: 03/12/2018
ILLIS ARENA
DM-59 TURN-347
This Weeks Top Honors
THE DUELMASTER IS
HUMAN PRETZEL
SHEWISH MUNCHIES (310)
(59-2926) [18-21-6,104]
Chartered Recognition Leader Unchartered Recognition Leader
HUMAN PRETZEL BELLOWS
SHEWISH MUNCHIES (310) NEXUS 5 (324)
(59-2926) [18-21-6,104] (59-3087) [2-0-0,25]
Popularity Leader This Weeks Favorite
HUMAN PRETZEL EYE CANDY
SHEWISH MUNCHIES (310) SHEWISH MUNCHIES (310)
(59-2926) [18-21-6,104] (59-3077) [1-0-0,13]
THE CURRENT TOP TEAM
SHEWISH MUNCHIES (310)
TEAMS ON THE MOVE TOP CAREER HONORS
Team Name Point Gain Chartered Team
1. SHEWISH MUNCHIES (310) 37
2. NEXUS 5 (324) 33 YOUNG GUNS (316)
3. BOOK OF THOMAS (317) 28 Unchartered Team
4. BASHAHOLICS ANON (297) 10
5. YOUNG GUNS (316) 4 NEXUS 5 (324)
The Top Teams
Career Win-Loss Record W L K % Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns W L K
1/ 1*NEXUS 5 (324) 4 2 0 66.7 1/ 1 SHEWISH MUNCHIES (310) 9 4 0
2/ 4 YOUNG GUNS (316) 69 62 5 52.7 2/ 5 BOOK OF THOMAS (317) 6 3 1
3/ 5 BOOK OF THOMAS (317) 25 24 2 51.0 3/ 4 BASHAHOLICS ANON (297) 4 2 1
4/ 6 SHEWISH MUNCHIES (310) 55 57 9 49.1 4/ 6*NEXUS 5 (324) 4 2 0
5/ 7 BASHAHOLICS ANON (297) 152 170 6 47.2 5/ 7 YOUNG GUNS (316) 3 3 1
'*' Unchartered team '-' Team did not fight this turn
(###) Avoid teams by their Team Id ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank
SPY REPORT
You elder fighters surely remember me. The younger ones may call me Olaf
Modeen. I return to ILLIS once again! Up 'n down. Up 'n down. Rankings always
change. Up 'n down. I think I'm gonna be... Well, BOOK OF THOMAS' 2nd moved them
up to 3-1-1 place. What's with MACCABEE? He actually beat ILLIS' VENAL CLERK, and
walked away with 21 more points from the fight. Laughs were big at SHEWISH MUNCHIES
while they watched EYE CANDY clobber HELLPOP. He lost 3 points and got bruised from
objects thrown from the stands. ILLIS has a Duelmaster who doesn't sit back and get
lazy. He Dark Arena Challenged DARK ARENA's SHEWISH GIANT (0-0-0), which should
prove (ahem!) interesting. SHEWISH GIANT was reminded on the sands why BILLY THE KID
is Duelmaster. I suppose you want to hear some rumors and dirty gossip about your
fellow fighters? Tough!
If at first you don't succeed, avoid. That'll get you in the Spyreports. How
well I know the feeling of being in the most avoided team! Don't fall out of
practive, SHEWISH MUNCHIES! In my day, no team with a 51-56-9 would scare me off!
What's the problem, BASHAHOLICS ANON? How well I know the feeling of being the most
challenged warrior, RIVER RAT! Don't make idle boasts, they may come back to haunt
you.
A fighter's lot is filled with strife, revenge, and killing. Some fighters
don't accept this. The best do. Who will dare fight BILLY THE KID, after he
returned from the Dark Arena? (For the record 23-16-2 is 119, and has he points)
Hmm... More surprises must remain in store for me, if RECOVERY SETBACK can return
from the Dark Arena. Sending a warrior to the Dark Arena reminds the others they'd
better shape up. Tough beans, BELLE STARR. That's what a 7-4-2 gets you. Here's
some advice: study your opponent, master many skills, fight dirty.
Well, I'm pretty much through. You guys need to get back practicing. The end
of another Spyreport! That's cause for celebration in my book! I don't want to
overstay my welcome...-- Olaf Modeen
DUELMASTER W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
HUMAN PRETZEL 2926 18 21 6 104 SHEWISH MUNCHIES (310)
CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
SLIM JIM 2927 11 4 0 98 SHEWISH MUNCHIES (310)
BABY RUTH 2943 11 4 0 94 SHEWISH MUNCHIES (310)
CHALLENGER ADEPTS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
SEA FOAM 2987 8 3 0 58 BOOK OF THOMAS (317)
ADEPTS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
JUST ONE IS OK 3052 6 2 0 50 BASHAHOLICS ANON (297)
RIVER RAT 3014 3 2 0 43 BOOK OF THOMAS (317)
-CALAMITY JANE 3028 6 4 0 39 YOUNG GUNS (316)
CHALLENGER INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
MR GOODBAR 3060 4 3 1 33 SHEWISH MUNCHIES (310)
-WYATT EARP 2996 7 8 0 29 YOUNG GUNS (316)
PILLOW FIGHT 2993 5 3 1 28 BOOK OF THOMAS (317)
OCEAN SPRAY 2988 4 4 0 26 BOOK OF THOMAS (317)
BELLOWS 3087 2 0 0 25 NEXUS 5 (324)
INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
MACCABEE 3088 1 0 0 21 NEXUS 5 (324)
-BAT MASTERSON 3045 4 5 0 17 YOUNG GUNS (316)
EYE CANDY 3077 1 0 0 13 SHEWISH MUNCHIES (310)
HELLPOP 3085 1 1 0 4 NEXUS 5 (324)
'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.
THE DEAD W L K TEAM NAME SLAIN BY TURN Revenge?
OSKSI NOBLE 0 0 0 PILLOW FIGHT 2993 347 NONE
BELLE STARR 3035 7 5 2 YOUNG GUNS 316 SHEWISH GIANT 347 NONE
PERSONAL ADS
LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS
BILLY THE KID butchered SHEWISH GIANT in a crowd pleasing 2 minute Dark Arena fight.
RECOVERY SETBACK murdered DARK CHAMPION in a 1 minute brutal Dark Arena melee.
BELLE STARR was assassinated by SHEWISH GIANT in a 1 minute Dark Arena duel.
HUMAN PRETZEL devastated DOOMIE JUGGERNAUT in a 1 minute one-sided Title contest.
SLIM JIM demolished DOOMIE JUGGERNAUT in a 1 minute mismatched competition.
BABY RUTH vanquished VETERAN MERCENARY in a 3 minute brutal mismatched fight.
JUST ONE IS OK devastated OCEAN SPRAY in a 1 minute one-sided competition.
SEA FOAM overcame MR GOODBAR in a 1 minute melee.
RIVER RAT vanquished TITUS PULLO in a 1 minute uneven duel.
PILLOW FIGHT assassinated OSKSI NOBLE in a 1 minute uneven duel.
HELLPOP was savagely defeated by EYE CANDY in a action packed 7 minute novice's fight.
BELLOWS overpowered VENAL CLERK in a 1 minute one-sided match.
MACCABEE devastated VENAL CLERK in a exciting 1 minute mismatched conflict.
BATTLE REPORT
MOST POPULAR RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS
|FIGHTING STYLE FIGHTS FIGHTING STYLE W - L - K PERCENT|
|BASHING ATTACK 5 TOTAL PARRY 19 - 6 - 1 76 |
|LUNGING ATTACK 4 PARRY-LUNGE 6 - 2 - 0 75 |
|AIMED BLOW 3 WALL OF STEEL 5 - 2 - 1 71 |
|STRIKING ATTACK 2 AIMED BLOW 17 - 9 - 1 65 |
|PARRY-LUNGE 1 STRIKING ATTACK 12 - 9 - 1 57 |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE 1 LUNGING ATTACK 14 - 11 - 1 56 |
|PARRY-STRIKE 0 BASHING ATTACK 18 - 23 - 5 44 |
|SLASHING ATTACK 0 PARRY-STRIKE 3 - 4 - 0 43 |
|TOTAL PARRY 0 PARRY-RIPOSTE 1 - 3 - 0 25 |
|WALL OF STEEL 0 SLASHING ATTACK 0 - 3 - 0 0 |
Turn 347 was great if you Not so great if you used The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles: the fighting styles: top eleven warriors are:
AIMED BLOW 3 - 0 PARRY-STRIKE 0 - 0 5 LUNGING ATTACK
PARRY-LUNGE 1 - 0 PARRY-RIPOSTE 0 - 1 2 BASHING ATTACK
BASHING ATTACK 4 - 1 SLASHING ATTACK 0 - 0 1 AIMED BLOW
LUNGING ATTACK 3 - 1 TOTAL PARRY 0 - 0 1 PARRY-LUNGE
STRIKING ATTACK 1 - 1 WALL OF STEEL 0 - 0 1 PARRY-RIPOSTE
1 STRIKING ATTACK
TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE
FIGHTING STYLE WARRIOR W L K PNTS TEAM NAME
LUNGING ATTACK SLIM JIM 2927 11 4 0 98 SHEWISH MUNCHIES (310)
PARRY-LUNGE BABY RUTH 2943 11 4 0 94 SHEWISH MUNCHIES (310)
BASHING ATTACK JUST ONE IS OK 3052 6 2 0 50 BASHAHOLICS ANON (297)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.
The overall popularity leader is HUMAN PRETZEL 2926. The most popular warrior this
turn was EYE CANDY 3077. The ten other most popular fighters were BABY RUTH 2943,
HUMAN PRETZEL 2926, MACCABEE 3088, SLIM JIM 2927, JUST ONE IS OK 3052, SEA FOAM 2987,
RIVER RAT 3014, BELLOWS 3087, PILLOW FIGHT 2993, and BELLE STARR 3035.
The least popular fighter this week was HELLPOP 3085. The other ten least popular
fighters were MR GOODBAR 3060, OCEAN SPRAY 2988, BELLE STARR 3035, PILLOW FIGHT 2993,
BELLOWS 3087, RIVER RAT 3014, SEA FOAM 2987, JUST ONE IS OK 3052, SLIM JIM 2927, and
MACCABEE 3088.
The following warriors have traveled to AD after fighting this turn:
BILLY THE KID (59-2969) YOUNG GUNS (316)
RECOVERY SETBACK (59-3017) BASHAHOLICS ANON (297)
Mission to the Twisted Lands
Episode One
Old Brown could run pretty fast if properly motivated, but mostly he walked with
a long-legged, distance-devouring stride. He was a huge horse, a half-giant's
warhorse, shaggy and self-assured, with muscles like half-buried boulders in his
shoulders and hips. Lounging in the saddle was the motivating force, the half-giant,
Keel Woodhaven. Although in his mind he was slouching and half-asleep, he sat up
straight in the saddle since that is more comfortable for riding.
It was twilight, stars coming out above and lights in farmhouse windows below.
They traveled through vineyards, brown and fallow now in the winter, descending gently
toward the tree-crowded coast. The distant trees, not just pines, were green. They
stayed green because the marsh that surrounded the city-state of Bonsur had hot
springs in it.
Keel Woodhaven had always liked Bonsur. It had a relaxed feel about it, the
women seemed prettier, the music was great, everyone thought about having fun. And
the booze was excellent, of course. He passed the arena at the edge of town, and
paused to read the current statistics, posted on the gate and lit by a lantern. So,
an elven cobbler was the Duelmaster? Why would a shoemaker take up such a painful
profession? Then he noticed the team name: Shewish Picnic. He snorted. That
explained it, all right. As a half-Shew, he was kind of bothered by that team theme,
which was present in Home Guard as well. It was sort of funny though. He saw that
Elf Cobbler was headed for the Isle. Probably not bound for Home Guard just yet,
though.
They passed a small chicken ranch. A rooster uttered an untimely crow. At about
that time, Old Brown took exception to something and bolted. Cussing, Keel hauled on
the reins, to little effect since the horse was stronger than him and apparently
frightened. He didn't see the masked men coming out of their hiding places behind
him, looking frustrated. At least not until a crossbow bolt thunked into the backside
of his leather cuirass. His horse screamed and ran faster.
Hauling Old Brown to the left as they passed a set of big open gates into a well-
lighted courtyard, Keel got them behind the shelter of the high stone wall, and patted
the horse's sweaty neck. "You're okay now, friend. I'll go take care of those
bozos."
As he dismounted, he noticed he was becoming surrounded by uniformed men, some
with swords and some with halberds.
"Howdy?" he said, hoping they were friendly.
"Your horse has been shot," said someone, pointing at a bolt sticking out of Old
Brown's butt.
"Well damn!" Keel laid a comforting hand on the horse's flank, which quivered.
"So have you," the guard continued.
"Yeah, thought so. Doesn't feel like it got through the armor though." Keel
tried to look over his shoulder, but could only see the feathered end of the bolt.
"Who are you guys?"
"We are the Queen's Guard."
"What? Queen Gemra? Okay, please take care of Old Brown here, and I'll go find
the ***holes that shot him."
"Sir, you are mistaken. You will be taken to a doctor. We will arrest the
assailants."
"Hey! I'm on a mission from Sheila Greywand. Anyway, they shot my horse. My
HORSE! I'm gonna get 'em." Unslinging his huge sword, Keel strode toward the gate.
Four Guardsmen came with him, flanking him like the trailing ends of a flock of
geese. They might have intended a different formation, but he had the longest legs
and walked the fastest. The one who'd spoken to him before said, "I'm Corporal Brat
Langerman. And you are?"
"Keel Woodhaven."
"I've heard of you! The Queen will want to meet you."
"That's fine. Let's stick to the sides of these buildings. If they're still
around, we'll be targets in the middle of the street."
They weren't quiet, exactly, since the guards wore highly polished chain mail
which jingled. However, Bonsur had a lively night life. Music and laughter came from
bars and nightclubs on adjacent streets, people lingered on corners chatting and
sometimes playing instruments, and children hawked newssheets, shoeshines, flowers, a
selection of rouges, and offered to carry packages. So the sounds the guards made
weren't too noticeable.
Keel led the way back to the chicken ranch. He was thinking that the bad guys
wouldn't have waited around to be hunted. They might have left clues, though.
Perhaps even a discarded, crumpled note offering a cash reward for his head, and
signed by a notorious crimelord. Or distinctive cigar stubs, monogrammed hankies...
personalized masks. Tracks of boots made by elven cobblers. Anything. Witnesses,
even.
There were no people on the street near the chicken ranch. It was full night
now, a bit chilly although there was a warm and slightly funky breeze from the marsh.
Corporal Brat Langerman said quietly, "Is this where it happened?"
"Yup."
"Well, I don't think they're here anymore."
Keel was about to agree, when a crossbow bolt appeared in the Corporal's arm.
The young man hissed, "Everybody down!"
The guardsmen hunkered against the wall of a hardware store, which didn't offer
anything resembling good cover except that they were in shadow there. Keel crouched a
little, but he knew he was a pretty big target, plus his sword gave off a faint
greenish glow. He looked around, searching the darkness for signs of their foes.
A shadow on top of a shaded walkway across the street shifted a little. Keel
pulled a weighted dart out of his pocket and hurled it. He was good at tavern darts,
but it was dark, the distance was too great, and he just wasn't lucky. The little
missile clattered against the shingles of the porch roof. There was a startled twitch
from the half-seen form. At that instant, Keel lunged across the street. His long
legs carried him across to the opposite shadows in three bounds. More bolts came out
of the darkness, one lodging in his calf, the others missing him altogether.
Now the Guardsmen had a good idea where their foes were, and it takes a while to
reload a crossbow. The four men charged, yelling wildly. Tucking his sword under his
arm, Keel grabbed one of the posts holding up the porch roof, strained, and dislodged
it. After a moment he yanked it out of the structure entirely. The roof sagged,
there was a yelp of surprise, and someone's foot appeared off the edge of it. Keel
grabbed him by the ankle and hauled him the rest of the way down.
There were brief sounds of fighting, then footsteps that rapidly receded down an
alley. Three Guardsmen raced off in pursuit. Keel's prisoner started to try to get
away, so the half-Shew tossed him up, grabbed him by the arms and bashed him against
the wall.
"Are you okay?" asked Brat, sheathing his sword.
"Took one in the leg, but it's not too bad I think," Keel said, shifting his
unconscious prisoner to one hand and bending to pick up his sword.
"I'll help you tie that one up," Brat said. "There's a dead one here. I think
there were two more." He grunted slightly, trying to reach something with his injured
arm. "Got some ties in my right-hand belt pouch. If you could get them for me?"
They bound the prisoner, then bandaged each other.
"What did they want?" asked the Corporal.
Keel shrugged. "No clue. Let's get him somewhere safe and we can ask him..."
He listened. "Your guys are coming back."
"Yeah."
The Guardsmen hadn't been able to track their assailants in the darkness, but at
least there were no further injuries. The group of them returned warily to the
courtyard of the Guard House, where a woman was smearing some kind of ointment on Old
Brown's wound. After the horse was bedded down in the stable, the Guardsmen led Keel
into their office, where there was a welcome scent of fresh coffee. The medic set
about binding Keel's wound and that of the Corporal, who turned out to be an extremely
handsome man. Keel remembered hearing that Queen Gemra required her Guardsmen to be
good looking. That didn't mean they weren't competent, though. Brat had done pretty
well.
The medic roused their prisoner with smelling salts. They all sat in the main
office, Corporal Langerman facing the miscreant, who was seated in a cushioned chair,
looking reasonably comfortable except for his bandaged head. "All right," said Brat.
"Now I want you to tell me that you're going to turn Queen's Evidence."
"Not on your life, pretty boy!" The man had, perhaps, some excuse for hard
feelings since he was more homely than not, with a crooked nose and eyes set too close
together. He and Keel looked shabby and ill-favored amongst all these gleamingly
handsome Guardsmen.
Keel leaned forward. "You guys shot my horse."
"Oh. Sorry, didn't mean to do that. We were just shooting at you."
"Why?"
"Glowing sword."
"What?"
"Duh, it's a magic sword! We saw it when you drew it in Delarq Tor, and figured
we could sell it so we followed you."
The half-Shew snorted. "The Dentless isn't magic. It was in a Chaos Gate for
five hundred years and it picked up some energy, that's all. All it does, is glow.
And cut things."
The bandit looked chagrined. "But... it's got to be magic."
"Ain't. Sorry kid."
After that, Keel was taken to enjoy a sumptuous dinner at the Palace. Queen
Gemra was a definite babe, with long, silken black hair, a delicate pouty face, and
luscious curves. She asked him about his mission, which was to go to the Twisted
Lands and shut down a leaking Chaos Gate. He entertained her with the story of his
adventure on the Two-Shew Express, and she gave him a brown velvet cloak to show her
appreciation. She did not invite him to her bed, which was fine because his heart
belonged to another, always and forever.
* * * * *
This is a continuing adventure.
Watch for future chapters in the Bonsur and Home Guard newsletters!