DUELMASTERS NEWSLETTER

Date   : 05/09/2003    Duedate: 05/22/2003

ARADI ARENA

DM-60    TURN-311

This Weeks Top Honors

THE DUELMASTER IS

CROW
SHADOW SIGNS (491)
(60-6269) [7-4-0,115]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

PUTZ'N ALONG                   INDURARE PEINE
JOKA MASHER! (283)             BROKEN SPIRITS (514)
(60-5437) [24-15-0,131]        (60-6475) [4-2-0,40]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

ERUPTION                       CROW
NATURAL DISASTERS (159)        SHADOW SIGNS (491)
(60-5234) [13-19-0,83]         (60-6269) [7-4-0,115]

THE CURRENT TOP TEAM

NATURAL DISASTERS (159)

          TEAMS ON THE MOVE            TOP CAREER HONORS
Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. NATURAL DISASTERS (159)     49
2. BROKEN SPIRITS (514)        49      SHADOW SIGNS (491)
3. OGRES ARE US (270)          40      Unchartered Team
4. SWIFT CURRENT (468)         25
5. SHADOW SIGNS (491)          25      KUNGFOOLERY (509)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1- 1*PLAYOFFS 2002 (472)        3   1  1 75.0   1/ 9 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)   9  4 1
 2/ 2 SHADOW SIGNS (491)        26  14  0 65.0   2/ 1 ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)    9  6 1
 3/ 3 ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)    67  38  5 63.8   3/ 7*BROKEN SPIRITS (514)      9  6 1
 4/ 4 SWIFT CURRENT (468)       62  51  6 54.9   4/ 5 SWIFT CURRENT (468)       8  4 0
 5- 5 DEATH STUDS VII (301)    288 247  8 53.8   5/ 3 WIMPS OF DEATH (66)       8  6 1
 6/ 6 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)  537 461 18 53.8   6/ 2 BLOOD RELATED (395)       6  3 0
 7/ 7 WIMPS OF DEATH (66)      477 412 27 53.7   7/ 6 SHADOW SIGNS (491)        6  3 0
 8/ 8 BLOOD RELATED (395)      112 100  3 52.8   8- 4 CLUB CULTURE (424)        6  4 0
 9/ 0 WINTERHOLM (478)          36  33  0 52.2   9/14 OGRES ARE US (270)        5  8 0
10/ 9 WILD CARDS (148)         638 587 23 52.1  10/11 4000 BLOWS (107)          5  9 0
11/10 DEMONS OF DARKNESS (430) 114 108 10 51.4  11/13 RED DOG GANG (476)        5 10 0
12-11 CLUB CULTURE (424)       101 107  5 48.6  12/12 BUMS 'R' US (465)         4  7 0
13/ 0*KUNGFOOLERY (509)         12  13  4 48.0  13/10*FREUDIAN SLIP (515)       4  9 0
14/13 OGRES ARE US (270)        88 100  1 46.8  14- 8 DEATH STUDS VII (301)     3  2 0
15/12 4000 BLOWS (107)         501 578 25 46.4  15/15 JOKA MASHER! (283)        3  3 0
16/ 0*BLACK LABEL (353)         18  22  3 45.0  16/18 WILD CARDS (148)          3  4 0
17/14 BUMS 'R' US (465)         96 122  0 44.0  17/19 DEMONS OF DARKNESS (430)  2  1 1
18/20*BROKEN SPIRITS (514)      13  17  1 43.3  18/ 0 WINTERHOLM (478)          2  1 0

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
19/15*FREUDIAN SLIP (515)       14  19  3 42.4  19/21*THE UPSTARTS III (510)    2  4 1
20/16 JOKA MASHER! (283)       143 202  6 41.4  20/20 EX OBLIVIONE (502)        2  7 0
21-17 TWILIGHT ORDER (482)      24  38  1 38.7  21/ 0*TRAIL OF BEERS (469)      1  0 0
22/18 RED DOG GANG (476)       190 315  2 37.6  22-17*PLAYOFFS 2002 (472)       1  0 0
23/19 EX OBLIVIONE (502)        37  66  4 35.9  23/ 0*KUNGFOOLERY (509)         1  4 0
24/21*THE UPSTARTS III (510)     9  17  1 34.6  24-16 TWILIGHT ORDER (482)      1  4 0
25/ 0*TRAIL OF BEERS (469)       2  12  0 14.3  25/ 0*BLACK LABEL (353)         0  1 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

      * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ * }%|[-----+O+-----]|%{ *

                          ---===ANDORIAN REGIONAL NEWS===---

                                     Duelmasters
                                     -----------
 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 230): DOMINO of BONDAGE (Spawn, mgr.)
 DM  11 ARUAK CITY (turn 461): SHAIRLINDRIA of TUFT TUGGERS (Tankesh Dushanbe, mgr.)
 DM  14 TOBIR (turn 461): DAISY JANUARY of THE DOGHOUSE (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  22 SOLVEN (turn 454): SARU SKINK of THE ZOO (Morris, mgr.)
 DM  24 ZORPUNT (turn 450): DOMINIK HASEK of THE MC5 (Street Legal, mgr.)
 DM  25 LYRATILAN (turn 451): VAMPIRE of BARHOPPERS (Apex, mgr.)
 DM  26 CALEAM (turn 451): BLUE RING OCTOPUS of VENOM (Lord Fang, mgr.)
 DM  30 IAYE (turn 447): GAZELLE HOUND of DOG DAY AFTERNOON (Poison Ivy, mgr.)
 DM  40 ZENSU (turn 412): DESPICABLE DUCK of WIMPS MOST FOWL (Wimpy, mgr.)
 DM  41 KATI-TEI (turn 406): SMASHNGRAB of FIST OF FIVE (Stik, mgr.)
 DM  46 ARDIVENT (turn 398): LH PUTTGRASS of DEATHTONGUE (Technogeek, mgr.)
 DM  52 FRATSFA (turn 177): SINISTER SAINT of of IRON CATHEDRAL (Dameon Darkheart)
 DM  60 ARADI (turn 310): PUTZ'N ALONG of JOKA MASHER! (Sultan, mgr.)
 DM  63 AMEN-TEI (turn 300): XINGARA of THE EXILED ONES (Darklock, mgr.)
 DM  71 KYR'TERR (turn 132): POSITION IS EMPTY
ADM 105 ANDORAK (turn 346): TIMBER WOLF of CALL OF THE WILD from FIREHOLD (Poison
                            Ivy, mgr.)

                                      Top Teams
                                      ---------
 DM   8 ARKERS (turn 230): BONDAGE (Spawn, mgr.)
 DM  11 ARUAK CITY (turn 461): TUFT TUGGERS (Tankesh Dushanbe, mgr.)
 DM  14 TOBIR (turn 461): THE DOGHOUSE (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  22 SOLVEN (turn 454): SERPENTINE INC. (Floyd, mgr.)
 DM  24 ZORPUNT (turn 450): KRILL CAVALRY (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  25 LYRATILAN (turn 451): CARNIVAL (Carny, mgr.)
 DM  26 CALEAM (turn 451): MENAGERIE (Ichabod Frothingslosh, mgr.)
 DM  30 IAYE (turn 447): DOG DAY AFTERNOON (Poison Ivy, mgr.)
 DM  40 ZENSU (turn 412): none
 DM  41 KATI-TEI (turn 406): BIRDS (JE, mgr.)
 DM  46 ARDIVENT (turn 398): DEATHTONGUE (Technogeek, mgr.)
 DM  52 FRATSFA (turn 177): THE OBIQUITY MIRE (Noachian, mgr.)
 DM  60 ARADI (turn 310): ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (Soultaker, mgr.)
 DM  63 AMEN-TEI (turn 300): TOMATO ENFORCER (THawk, mgr.)
 DM  71 KYR'TERR (turn 132): SHADOW GOLD (Shadowgate, mgr.)
ADM 105 ANDORAK (turn 346): BOXES (Doc Steele, mgr.)

                                   Recent Graduates
                                   ----------------
 DM  11 ARUAK CITY (turn 460): AVALYNE WHYTE of TUFT TUGGERS (Tankesh Dushanbe, mgr.)
 DM  14 TOBIR (turn 460): BRAGH of DELIVERANCE (Lance Turbo, mgr.)
 DM  22 SOLVEN (turn 454): SARU SKINK of THE ZOO (Morris, mgr.)
                           TAXES of THE DEMOCRATS (Al Gore, mgr.)
                           NEBUCHADNEZZAR of BLADES OF WONDER (The Sandman, mgr.)
 DM  24 ZORPUNT (turn 449): SANDY FLEETWOOD of KRILL CAVALRY (Leeta, mgr.)
 DM  26 CALEAM (turn 451): COTTONMOUTH of VENOM (Lord Fang, mgr.)
               (turn 450): SCORN of THE TAKEN (The Annalist, mgr.)
 DM  41 KATI-TEI (turn 406): SMASHNGRAB of FIST OF FIVE (Stik, mgr.)
 DM  52 FRATSFA (turn 176): KNIGHT MARSHALL of IRON CATHEDRAL (Dameon Darkheart)
 DM  60 ARADI (turn 310): HURFOON of SWIFT CURRENT (Barnabas, mgr.)
              (turn 309): STORM LXV of DEATH STUDS VII (Death Stud, mgr.)
 DM  63 AMEN-TEI (turn 299): NASTY NITTERS of TOMATO ENFORCER (Thawk, mgr.)
 DM  71 KYR'TERR (turn 131): RAVEN of 2ND ARCTIC GUARDS (Yukon Cornelius, mgr.)

                                      SPY REPORT

     Well, what are you looking at, ARADI?  Ain't you never seen Snide Clemens 
before?  Ah, shaddup and listen to my news.  Later days, ELOQUENT KNIGHTS, since 
NATURAL DISASTERS took top team from you this turn, you guys are old news.  If this 
keeps up, TWILIGHT ORDER, you'll have to shine swords instead of use them.  A drop of 
8 in the rankings?  NATURAL DISASTERS turned their 3-1-0 turn into a 1st place rank 
in the listings this turn.  Any better than this, and you get put on hit lists.  Now 
let's all watch WIMPS OF DEATH's heads swell from their 3-1-0 this turn.  Haa ha ha 
ha!  Big shots, big talk, big deal.  Of course, we're all terribly impressed to see 
FLASH FLOOD win a fight and gain 22 points, terribly.  Tsk, tsk, FLASH FLOOD beat 
SYRINGE and SYRINGE lost 19 points.  You're breakin' my heart.  Looks like ARADI has 
some guts at least, PUTZ'N ALONG the Duelmaster was this turn's most-challenged 
warrior.  CROW challenged ARADI's Duelmaster for a shot at the throne.  And it's out 
with the old, in with the new, as CROW takes the Title and last week's bar tab from 
the old Duelmaster.  Heh, heh.  Kickbacks and bribes, kickbacks and bribes, how else 
do you think some of these guys win their fights?  Skill?  Ha!   
     He who fights and runs away will live to fight another day, the coward.  ARADI, 
I am losing what little hope I had in you.  WIMPS OF DEATH the most avoided team?  
What insult will suffice, I cannot say.  And it looks like SWIFT CURRENT avoided them 
the most this turn.  What a pack of would be losers, if you ask me.  Hmph.  I guess I 
can give a little credit to INDURARE PEINE of BROKEN SPIRITS for challenging up by 20 
to SIRIUS.  INDURARE PEINE won to get 40 points of recognition.   
     Death and Taxes.  The less death I see, the more it taxes my patience.  Let's 
see if anyone's dead or dying.  I could say I saw this coming, but so could anyone 
else.  Anyway, this turn it came.  DIPWAD's 12-8-0 has earned him the Dark Arena.  
DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 has cause to pause today, as TOGS THINKER was sent to the Dark 
Arena, and came back--though not in the best of moods, I'll wager.  And what a 
stunning loss we have here, boys and girls, TORIX of EX OBLIVIONE has added the final 
loss to his 4-5-1.  Tee hee!  Seriously now, is it really honorable for GUMMI GHOUL 
from THE UPSTARTS III to kill DROUGHT and give NATURAL DISASTERS the chance to 
bloodfeud?  Mmmm, could be.  A big yahoo goes out to BAKY PARFUM this turn, for 
revenging OGRES ARE US' bloodfeud against SWIFT CURRENT's warrior RIFF.  Heh, heh, 
heh.  Honor is like a chainmail shirt, it only shines through use.  Certain nameless 
cowards will doubtless rebuke me on this one.   
     There's got to be a better place in ARADI to get a drink than The Victory 
Tavern!  Any suggestions?  Well, I've had enough of this drivel, and I'm sure you 
have too.  Off like a dirty shirt of padded leather.  Paste this one in your 
scrapbooks, you'll need the kindling come this winter-- Snide Clemens  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 CROW 6269                     7   4  0   115       SHADOW SIGNS (491)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 PUTZ'N ALONG 5437            24  15  0   131       JOKA MASHER! (283)
-SMOOCHY 6079                 13   5  0   109       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
 TYCANE 6001                  17   9  1   108       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
-GATECRASHER 6075             15  12  0   108       CLUB CULTURE (424)
 SCUMBAG 6174                 15   6  2   103       WIMPS OF DEATH (66)
-TOO ICKY 5937                11   6  0   103       BLOOD RELATED (395)
 DAYTREADER 6082              15  12  0    98       BUMS 'R' US (465)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-VICTOR CALDERONE 5223        12  10  0    98       CLUB CULTURE (424)
 SLAP HAPPY 6031              12  21  0    95       BUMS 'R' US (465)
 BAKY PARFUM 3137             17  12  1    91       OGRES ARE US (270)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 LUMMOX 6092                  16  32  0    88       RED DOG GANG (476)
 ERUPTION 5234                13  19  0    83       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
 RIFF 6452                     7   3  1    83       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
 FLASH FLOOD 5830             13  12  0    82       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
 ONOMOTAPOEIA 6551            11   9  1    82       ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)
 VERISIMILITUDE 6550          12  10  0    81       ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)
-JACARANDA 6129               10   5  0    78       WINTERHOLM (478)
-SWEARY SHNAPP 5866           15  15  0    77       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
 BIGGLES 6032                 12  21  0    77       BUMS 'R' US (465)
-CEROTE 6331                  13   4  0    76       WIMPS OF DEATH (66)
 RUFUSAUS 3476                 8   5  0    72       OGRES ARE US (270)
-THE LIMELIGHT 6104           16   9  0    71       CLUB CULTURE (424)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-UNDERGROUND BEAT 6083        12  14  1    66       CLUB CULTURE (424)
 HEADROCK 3430                 9   6  0    66       OGRES ARE US (270)
 BLACK EYE 6163                6   6  0    66       JOKA MASHER! (283)
 BLACK CAT 6268                9   2  0    63       SHADOW SIGNS (491)
-STALIN 3731                  10   1  0    60       DIC TATORS (305)
 SYRINGE 6003                  9   4  0    59       BLOOD RELATED (395)
-THE SPOTLIGHT 6329            8   8  1    59       CLUB CULTURE (424)
 BULL DOGGAM 6088             12  19  0    58       RED DOG GANG (476)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 IRREVOCABILITY 6549           6   5  1    56       ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)
 THE AYL'M'ER 6056             5   4  0    56       4000 BLOWS (107)
 ACHONDROPLASIA 6546           4   0  1    56       ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)
 SAMANTHA HAIN 6335           12  12  0    54       EX OBLIVIONE (502)
-SPONGEWORTHY 5931            11  12  0    54       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
 SLOUGH 6134                   8   3  1    52       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
 TOGS THINKER 6495             4   2  1    51       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
 DINGBAT 6515                  4   3  0    50       WIMPS OF DEATH (66)
 TRANSCENDENTALISM 6547        9   4  0    49       ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)
 KILWICK 6130                  8   5  0    49       WINTERHOLM (478)
-GAZREKK 6438                  4   2  1    48       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
 BOONE 6090                    6  29  0    47       RED DOG GANG (476)
-BLOODSUCKING FREAK 6160       7   7  0    46       BLOOD RELATED (395)
 LORD OF THE O RINGS 6022      8   5  1    42       WILD CARDS (148)
-O'RIORDAN 6128                6  10  0    41       WINTERHOLM (478)
 INDURARE PEINE 6475           4   2  0    40       BROKEN SPIRITS (514)
 SIRIUS 6193                   8  12  1    37       RED DOG GANG (476)
 GUMMI GHOUL 6411              4   2  1    37       THE UPSTARTS III (510)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 KAPRIKORN 6151                6   5  0    33       WINTERHOLM (478)
 WHITE RAVEN 6484              3   0  0    33       SHADOW SIGNS (491)
-HANA-KALI 6198                8   6  1    31       TWILIGHT ORDER (482)
 RENEE SLIPMIND 6488           5   2  1    31       FREUDIAN SLIP (515)
-ST LOUIS RAMS 6036            3   1  1    31       PLAYOFFS 2002 (472)
-BLUE BEANIE 6461              3   3  0    31       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
 GRIZNASSHOPPER 6024           7   6  0    30       WILD CARDS (148)
 LUCIFEROUS HOPE 6472          3   3  0    28       BROKEN SPIRITS (514)
 QUICKSAND 6554                3   0  1    26       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
 NAPPY DUGOUT 6080             6   4  0    25       WILD CARDS (148)
-SCABBY 6514                   6   0  0    25       BLOOD RELATED (395)
 GREEDYGUT 6371                4   0  0    25       WINTERHOLM (478)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 WINKER X 6470                 1   4  0    25       4000 BLOWS (107)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 SIR ZESTALOT 6557             3   1  0    23       4000 BLOWS (107)
-SAINT CENTAUR 4328            5   3  0    22       BLACK LABEL (353)
 KIK-BUTO 6396                 4   1  0    21       KUNGFOOLERY (509)
-BLOODHOUND 6481               3   1  0    21       BLOOD RELATED (395)
 POCAHOSTESS 6008              2   0  0    21       TRAIL OF BEERS (469)
-BLACK ANGEL 4655              1   1  0    21       BLACK LABEL (353)
 KYLA COVA 6415                3  10  1    20       EX OBLIVIONE (502)
 BAMBOOZLE 6519                3   3  0    20       WIMPS OF DEATH (66)
 KLUTOG 6565                   2   1  1    20       BROKEN SPIRITS (514)
-RUDY ROOGHKNIGHT 4329         5   3  1    19       BLACK LABEL (353)
-SATELLITE FIVE 6400           5   4  0    19       TWILIGHT ORDER (482)
 CALAMITY JANE 4331            4   5  1    18       BLACK LABEL (353)
 SORBERE POENA 6473            4   2  0    18       BROKEN SPIRITS (514)
 AGMORP 6572                   1   1  0    18       OGRES ARE US (270)
 ANDROGENOUS STRAIN 6412       3   2  0    17       THE UPSTARTS III (510)
-STUPID DIXIE! 5004            2   0  1    17       BLACK LABEL (353)
 LUCY MORALS 6487              3   4  1    14       FREUDIAN SLIP (515)
-GRIMM REVELLE 6490            3   3  0    14       FREUDIAN SLIP (515)
 SMIRLIN 6568                  1   2  0    13       OGRES ARE US (270)
 SWEET & SOUR 6478             1   1  1    12       KUNGFOOLERY (509)
 EARL OF ZIPPY 6566            1   1  0    11       THE UPSTARTS III (510)
 KUNG POW KICKIN' 6571         1   0  0    11       KUNGFOOLERY (509)
 LAZY EYE 6564                 1   1  0    10       BUMS 'R' US (465)
-MR OBLIVIOUS 6413             0   4  0    10       THE UPSTARTS III (510)
 IRON STAR 6436                2   2  1     9       KUNGFOOLERY (509)
 ECLIPSE 6482                  2   1  0     8       SHADOW SIGNS (491)
 TEACUP TERRIER 6569           1   2  0     8       RED DOG GANG (476)
 DINGEY 6480                   1   1  0     8       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
-SALKARATH 6521                2   1  0     7       TWILIGHT ORDER (482)
 CLAMATO BOY 6556              1   2  0     7       4000 BLOWS (107)
-BAZRAK 6520                   1   2  0     6       TWILIGHT ORDER (482)
-MORGLUM FLYNN 6522            1   2  0     5       TWILIGHT ORDER (482)
 COMPLETELY NURMAL 6574        0   2  0     2       4000 BLOWS (107)
 VORA PHILE 6586               0   1  0     1       FREUDIAN SLIP (515)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?
DEATH SCROD 5425      10  8 0 4000 BLOWS 107        SCUMBAG 6174          309         
SECUTOR 6544           0  5 0 BROKEN SPIRITS 514    BORED ELF 19          311 NONE    
INDIGNANT HERO 6471    0  2 0 BROKEN SPIRITS 514    ST LOUIS RAMS 6036    307 NOT REVE
VETRA 6553             0  1 0 BROKEN SPIRITS 514    LUCY MORALS 6487      308 REVENGED
JORGE BLACK ORC 20     0  1 0 DARK ARENA 0          TOGS THINKER 6495     311 NONE    
TORIX 6448             4  6 1 EX OBLIVIONE 502      ACHONDROPLASIA 6546   311         
HOMES OEDIPUS 6573     0  1 0 FREUDIAN SLIP 515     QUICKSAND 6554        310         
JUNK CAPTAIN 6479      0  2 0 KUNGFOOLERY 509       JORGE BLACK ORC 20    311 NONE    
DROUGHT 6347           1  5 0 NATURAL DISASTERS 159 GUMMI GHOUL 6411      311         
AUGYMENTAL 3552        4  3 0 OGRES ARE US 270      RIFF 6452             308 JUST REV
PHRED 6138            10 12 1 RED DOG GANG 476      SCUMBAG 6174          308         
EVIL EYE 6483          1  2 0 SHADOW SIGNS 491      SPYMASTER 22          311 NONE    
WONKER X 6360          1  2 0 WILD CARDS 148        KLUTOG 6565           310         
DIPWAD 6173           12  9 0 WIMPS OF DEATH 66     STONE GOLEM 26        311 NONE    

                                     PERSONAL ADS

     You can start TOGS next turn if you want.  I'll be out of town and it'll all be
     Temp. Ed.'s baby fish. -- Ed.

Lummox -- Geeeez..you are a lousy teacher.  It is a Dog's world in this arena.  I
learned better in the tourney.  A special POOT just for you . -- Baky Parfum

Death Stud says I am the Grand pappy of all rules whiners (thanks for the welcome).
I hope to have a chance to show how good I am...and maybe teach the young-uns a thing
or two (like how to get double points because your partner takes a 2 turn break). --
Ghoti

Ok, so as THE Studman seems to be looking like he is gonna head up another TOGS soon.
I was wondering if it is still a partnered tourney and who am I gonna have as mine
partner?  (Don't look at my record, it is misleading, I assure you.) -- Ghoti

KEEP THINKING TOGS

Njuln -- Oh yeah, when I think "mad skillz" I always think of Death Stud.  Though
hopefully once the medication kicks in I'll no longer put "z" on the end of words in
my thoughts.  They say it's because my Dad wouldn't play racquetball with me when I
was six. >:P -- Anti-Ralph

Death Stud -- Once again the truth of your words split the terrible bonds of trickery
and deceit like a blazing two-edged sword.  Yeah verily thou art the "Voltron" of all
that is good in Aradi.  Now go and split Snotman right down the middle, I heard him
say bad things about heinie smooching.  Really, I did.  Ganolus too.  Those bastards.
-- Anti-Ralph

Ganolus -- Thanks, you're pretty....uh......there in the personals. :D -- Anti-Ralph
P.S.  Keep it up and you won't get any of those homemade cookies at the winter face.
;)

ASSURE TOGS THAT THE JEANS DON'T MAKE IT'S BUTT LOOK BIG

Ed. -- [in regards to the cliff comment last turn] Isn't it nice to know that no
matter how low the standard is around here, we can always lower it.  With the use of
shovels if necessary.  :) -- Anti-Ralph

     And it's nice to know you don't try and pass 'em off as spades either. -- Ed.
     the elliptical

Snotto the Great -- [sniff] Gee golly aw shucks.  You sure talk all purty and stuff
to me.  I don't know what Nuln meant when he said you were a "self-absorbed
assmonkey"...unless assmonkeys are like nature's goodwill ambassadors.  In which case
I agree, you ARE an assmonkey!  >:D -- A-Ralph, always with a kind word and a tip of
the hat to the ladies and whatever the heck a Ghoti is.

I have taken another few steps into the Dork Forest, and will be attending both
Origins and Gen Con this year.  I hereby give permission to all reading this to pop a
cap in me if I'm ever photographed dressed as: a) an anime character or b) anything
that invokes the words "Vampire the Masquerade."  Please, it will be for my own good.
:) -- Anti-Ralph

All -- Well, I will be back up to a full team again this turn, even if one is going
to the DA.  I was glad to get Crow to TV, even if it took some creative managing to
manage it! :) -- Shadowgate

Death Stud -- Come get some!  Wait, you didn't even run this turn!  What happened?
Did you have to feed your pet gorillas? -- Shadowgate

Putz'n Along -- WHAT!  Hey, I beat you and you get the bloody throne?!?!  What the
hell!  I guess I have to knock you off it to take it.  Anyway, thanks for those
skills! -- Crow

Slough -- Nice try!  Even with me wearing all that armour I took you!  Thanks for all
those skills!  Those will come in handy.  I am guessing what I taught you will as
well. -- Black Cat

Torix -- That was so uncool.  I thought we were mates.  I guess someone won't be
coming over to watch "Laverne & Shirley" tonight. -- Sir Zestalot

Boone -- Thanks for the win, dawg.  And, of course, that delectable sample of your
brain.  Not as good as monkey brain, but a close 27th. -- the Aylmer, brain
specialist

Bloodhound -- You, on the other hand, may lick my Njuln.  Gaah! -- Completely Nurmal,
of the clan Nurr

Wimps of Death -- I guess you really are the Wimps of Death.  I am so ashamed to have
lost my Kill title to a bunch of wimpus'.  Excuse us while we collectively bury our
collective heads in collective shame. -- the 'warriors' of the 4000 Blows stable

Scumbag -- Ok, you're so dead this turn, pally!  And we mean it!  Collectively, that
is. -- the incredibly fearful 'warriors' of the 4000 Blows stable

Wonker X -- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-- Winker X

Djeth Stjud of the mighty clan Stjud -- It figures that you of all people (and I use
the term 'people' lightly) would be incensed about the disrespectful talk of heinie
smooching.  You're also the only person (and I use the term 'person' lightly) who is
offended by the term 'raspberry swirlee.'  Deal with it, mon petit ami. -- Njuln
Bjorrgmuundvyygggssoon (and I use the term  'Bjorrgmuundvyygggssoon' lightly [minus
several umlauts])

mjighty Djeth Stjud -- Yjoueth wjouldn'teth hjappeneth tjoeth bjeth frjometh thje
ljegendary Wjinono Jjudeth cljaneth, wjouldeth yjoueth? -- Njuln
PjSjeth -- Whjy yjeseth, hjoweth djideth yjoueth gjuesseth?  Mjy grjandmjothereth
(jand jI juseth thjat tjermeth ljightlyeth) jon mjyeth grjeateth grjandeth juncleth's
sjideth wjaseth jofteth thjeth Jvordenborkeneth cljanneth.
PjPjSjeth -- Thjiseth isjeth mjucheth mjoreth entjertjainingeth ifjeth yjoueth
rjeadeth it aljoudeth, njoeth? (and I useth the tjermeth 'entjertjainingeth'
ljightlyeth, if that's at all possible)

     Just for the record, I officially hate you now. -- Ed.

Death Strudel -- You're right.  You're always right.  And when you're right, you're,
well, right.  I will never start another rumor as long or short as I live. -- Nuln
P.S.  Did you hear that Soultaker uses emu paste to keep all the wrinkles off his
butt (I figured you should know since you smooch it all the time)?

Speaking of viscious rumors, I believe it was AFP who first started all this
'Nulnlicking' nonsense.  In order to distance myself from all such said rumors and
innuendo, I am officially changing my name to Seymour Butts -- Seymour Butts of the
clan McButt

Death Stud -- What was your word?  Heinie smooching?  If your going to write
personals without any point of reference, the least you could do is use my real name.
-- Seymour Butts

Ganolus the Manolus -- Obviously you meant "Good luck to *Death Stud* at the Mail
In." -- Seymour

Ghoti Face -- If you're going to insult my fenetix, at least spell it right.  My
word. -- Seymour Booty

Agmorp -- Moo hoo ha ha ha.  Yet another victim of the deadly Clamato!! -- Clamato
Boy

Sjoultakereth -- What are you, like "Old Faithful?"  Every 50 turns or so you spout
some personals, then zip. -- Seymour the rump shaker

Snotman -- Who's Manager? -- Seymour

Biggles -- Are you really well suited to your endurance? -- Dipwad

Kyla Cova -- How embarrassing for you to lose to me.  Especially after challenging
me.  If I had known you were coming I would have trained skills. -- Dingbat

Hurfoon -- Two hits and you give up?  Maybe you should try out for the Wimps. --
Scumbag

Smirlin -- Not fair.  Not fair.  I only had four times as many fights as you.  I
didn't have a chance. -- Bamboozle

Slap Happy -- You were the worst possible match up for me.  You just pounded me.
Thanks. -- Cerote

The Ayl'm'er -- Dogs don't have big brains.  We're too smart for that.  Big brains do
nothing but get you into trouble all the time. -- Boone

Baky Parfum -- (sneezes a couple of times and shakes his head)  I had an awful time
finding you, even though I KNEW you were in there somewhere. -- Lummox

Underground Beat -- You kept shaking the ground like an earthquake, so of course I
fell down.  How could I not?  How could I fight you while I was falling down, either?
-- Bull Doggam the disgruntled

Lord of the O Rings -- Naturally even I, the Dog Star, could not stand against a
master of the O Ring.  But fear not, I will find some devious way to get my own back.
-- Sirius

Dingey -- You weren't supposed to pour boiling tea into my cup! -- Teacup Terrier the
Scalded

Spongeworthy -- You could actually contemplate killing a good dog like me?  Amazing.
-- Boone

Ghoti (Phish) -- I assure you that I had nothing to do with the "land mines" you
phound.  There are other dogs and, even worse, orher animals that do not understand
house-training here in Aradi.  Have you ever tried to house-train, phor instance, a
goose? -- Ghost oph Phred (Ghred)

Nuln -- But what about lemon mustard? -- Spot

Snotman -- I am philosophical about it. -- Ghost of Phred

Nuln -- (sly wink)  You should see Hark when he's got...three in that leg warmer. --
Merven Dree, Esq.

30 April 2003
All -- Remember to put your arena number on your strategy sheets.  Strategies turned
in without an arena number run the risk of missing the turn. -- NAIEI

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

DIPWAD was viciously butchered by STONE GOLEM in a 4 minute bloody Dark Arena fight.
TOGS THINKER viciously butchered JORGE BLACK ORC in a 1 minute Dark Arena battle.
JUNK CAPTAIN was assassinated by JORGE BLACK ORC in a 1 minute bloody Dark Arena duel.
EVIL EYE was butchered by SPYMASTER in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
SECUTOR was assassinated by BORED ELF in a 1 minute Dark Arena match.
BAKY PARFUM outwaited RIFF in a popular 11 minute uneven Bloodfeud brawl.
THE AYL'M'ER was devastated by SCUMBAG in a 2 minute mismatched Bloodfeud match.
CROW viciously subdued PUTZ'N ALONG in a 7 minute expert's Challenge Title fight.
HEADROCK slimly lost to ONOMOTAPOEIA in a 4 minute veteran's Challenge duel.
RUFUSAUS overpowered TRANSCENDENTALISM in a 2 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
SLOUGH luckily beat SAMANTHA HAIN in a exciting 4 minute brutal Challenge fight.
TORIX was butchered by ACHONDROPLASIA in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge conflict.
INDURARE PEINE unbelievably bested SIRIUS in a crowd pleasing 3 minute Challenge bout.
DINGBAT overpowered BOONE in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge duel.
SIR ZESTALOT viciously subdued KYLA COVA in a action packed 1 minute Challenge duel.
SORBERE POENA unbelievably bested LAZY EYE in a 7 minute Challenge brawl.
COMPLETELY NURMAL was defeated by TEACUP TERRIER in a 2 minute Challenge bout.
SMIRLIN was beaten by NAPPY DUGOUT in a exciting 1 minute Challenge bout.
CLAMATO BOY was defeated by BAMBOOZLE in a 2 minute Challenge conflict.
LUMMOX was viciously subdued by DAYTREADER in a 2 minute gory veteran's contest.
SLAP HAPPY lost to TYCANE in a action packed 5 minute gruesome veteran's match.
HURFOON handily defeated VERISIMILITUDE in a 1 minute one-sided contest.
ERUPTION demolished BIGGLES in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
SYRINGE was vanquished by FLASH FLOOD in a 1 minute one-sided match.
BLACK CAT won victory over IRREVOCABILITY in a popular 5 minute fight.
KILWICK was demolished by BLACK EYE in a 1 minute one-sided melee.
BULL DOGGAM vanquished WINKER X in a 1 minute one-sided fray.
GRIZNASSHOPPER was handily defeated by RUTHLESS JAYWALKER in a 1 minute bout.
LORD OF THE O RINGS lost to VISITING ORC in a 4 minute veteran vs. novice upset bout.
CALAMITY JANE was handily defeated by KAPRIKORN in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
ANDROGENOUS STRAIN was subdued by LUCIFEROUS HOPE in a popular 1 minute brutal fight.
GUMMI GHOUL executed DROUGHT in a 1 minute brutal uneven bout.
POCAHOSTESS devastated IRON STAR in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
LUCY MORALS was devastated by QUICKSAND in a 1 minute one-sided battle.
RENEE SLIPMIND viciously subdued KIK-BUTO in a action packed 3 minute gory bout.
SWEET & SOUR was demolished by WHITE RAVEN in a 1 minute mismatched match.
ECLIPSE was subdued by KLUTOG in a 2 minute novice's duel.
DINGEY was overpowered by AGMORP in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
EARL OF ZIPPY was unbelievably bested by GREEDYGUT in a 2 minute amateur's match.
KUNG POW KICKIN' overpowered VORA PHILE in a 2 minute one-sided fight.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                  23         TOTAL PARRY       53 -  39 -  1      58  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                 11         PARRY-STRIKE      16 -  12 -  1      57  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                 10         PARRY-LUNGE       16 -  12 -  1      57  |
|TOTAL PARRY                      9         STRIKING ATTACK   57 -  50 -  7      53  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    5         AIMED BLOW        18 -  17 -  0      51  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    4         PARRY-RIPOSTE     13 -  13 -  0      50  |
|AIMED BLOW                       4         WALL OF STEEL     32 -  35 -  4      48  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      4         SLASHING ATTACK   35 -  40 -  2      47  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     2         LUNGING ATTACK    76 - 108 -  2      41  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   1         BASHING ATTACK    16 -  27 -  2      37  |

Turn 311 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-STRIKE       2 -  0     LUNGING ATTACK    11 - 12         2  STRIKING ATTACK
PARRY-RIPOSTE      3 -  1     STRIKING ATTACK    4 -  6         2  TOTAL PARRY    
TOTAL PARRY        6 -  3     PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  3         2  SLASHING ATTACK
WALL OF STEEL      3 -  2     SLASHING ATTACK    2 -  9         2  WALL OF STEEL  
AIMED BLOW         2 -  2     BASHING ATTACK     0 -  1         1  BASHING ATTACK 
                                                                1  PARRY-STRIKE   
                                                                1  LUNGING ATTACK 

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
STRIKING ATTACK  CROW 6269                   7   4  0  115 SHADOW SIGNS (491)
TOTAL PARRY      PUTZ'N ALONG 5437          24  15  0  131 JOKA MASHER! (283)
WALL OF STEEL    TYCANE 6001                17   9  1  108 SWIFT CURRENT (468)
PARRY-STRIKE     DAYTREADER 6082            15  12  0   98 BUMS 'R' US (465)
AIMED BLOW       FLASH FLOOD 5830           13  12  0   82 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
LUNGING ATTACK   VERISIMILITUDE 6550        12  10  0   81 ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)
PARRY-RIPOSTE    BLACK CAT 6268              9   2  0   63 SHADOW SIGNS (491)
SLASHING ATTACK  IRREVOCABILITY 6549         6   5  1   56 ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)
PARRY-LUNGE      LORD OF THE O RINGS 6022    8   5  1   42 WILD CARDS (148)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is ERUPTION 5234.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was CROW 6269.  The ten other most popular fighters were LAZY EYE 6564, RIFF 6452, 
SLAP HAPPY 6031, HEADROCK 3430, SAMANTHA HAIN 6335, IRREVOCABILITY 6549, TYCANE 6001, 
SIRIUS 6193, RENEE SLIPMIND 6488, and SIR ZESTALOT 6557.

The least popular fighter this week was BAKY PARFUM 3137.  The other ten least 
popular fighters were GREEDYGUT 6371, DINGEY 6480, SWEET & SOUR 6478, LUCY MORALS 
6487, IRON STAR 6436, DROUGHT 6347, ANDROGENOUS STRAIN 6412, CALAMITY JANE 4331, 
GRIZNASSHOPPER 6024, and WINKER X 6470.

The following warriors have traveled to ADVANCED DUELMASTERS after fighting this turn:

HURFOON (60-5999) SWIFT CURRENT (468)