Date   : 11/21/2003    Duedate: 12/04/2003


DM-60    TURN-325

This Weeks Top Honors


(60-6268) [16-8-0,122]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

BLACK CAT                      MURRAY
SHADOW SIGNS (491)             POWER BROKERS (527)
(60-6268) [16-8-0,122]         (60-6661) [7-2-0,73]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

LUMMOX                         TRICK OR TREAT
RED DOG GANG (476)             MINATOUR KINGS (379)
(60-6092) [17-45-0,96]         (60-4667) [3-1-0,39]



Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. I'M WITH STUPID (531)       45
2. MINATOUR KINGS (379)        43      LOCK-OUT (368)
3. DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)  39      Unchartered Team
4. WING HOVE (529)             37
5. BLOOD RELATED (395)         36      POWER BROKERS (527)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 1*POWER BROKERS (527)       32  12  5 72.7   1/12*I'M WITH STUPID (531)     9  4 0
 2- 2 REDLANDS PELETON (520)     8   3  0 72.7   2/ 8 LEGALESE (449)            9  5 1
 3- 3 ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)   101  56  5 64.3   3/ 5 4000 BLOWS (107)          9  5 0
 4/ 6 LOCK-OUT (368)            29  23  0 55.8   4/ 1 FA CHING (388)            9  5 0
 5/ 4*DARQUE AGES (536)          5   4  1 55.6   5/ 3*POWER BROKERS (527)       9  5 0
 6/32*I'M WITH STUPID (531)     11   9  0 55.0   6/14 OGRES ARE US (270)        9  6 0
 7/ 5 LUROCIANS VI (431)        78  64  6 54.9   7/ 4 LOCK-OUT (368)            8  5 0
 8/ 7 SWIFT CURRENT (468)       79  66  6 54.5   8/ 6 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)   8  6 0
 9/ 8 WIMPS OF DEATH (66)      508 448 30 53.1   9/11 BLOOD RELATED (395)       8  6 0
10/ 9 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)  555 494 19 52.9  10/27*WING HOVE (529)           7  3 0
11/10 WILD CARDS (148)         672 617 25 52.1  11/16*RED AVENGERS (487)        7  4 0
12/11 DEATH STUDS VII (301)    297 278  8 51.7  12/13 SHADOW SIGNS (491)        7  7 0
13/12 DEMONS OF DARKNESS (430) 134 127 12 51.3  13/ 9 R.J.G. (475)              7  7 0
14/14 BLOOD RELATED (395)      126 121  4 51.0  14/17*MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)      7  8 0
15/13 SHADOW SIGNS (491)        54  52  1 50.9  15/10 CLUB CULTURE (424)        7  8 0
16/17 WINTERHOLM (478)          47  47  1 50.0  16/15 LUROCIANS VI (431)        6  5 0
17/27*WING HOVE (529)           15  15  1 50.0  17/19 WINTERHOLM (478)          6  7 0
18/ 0 RESCUE RANGERS (362)       7   7  0 50.0  18/ 7 WILD CARDS (148)          6  8 0

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
19/18 CLUB CULTURE (424)       134 136  7 49.6  19/ 2 WIMPS OF DEATH (66)       6  8 0
20/ 0 METAL MELTDOWN (344)     267 290 21 47.9  20/20 THIEVES GUILD (396)       6  9 0
21/21 OGRES ARE US (270)       122 135  2 47.5  21/34 THE UPSTARTS III (510)    5  3 1
22/20 THIEVES GUILD (396)      105 119  5 46.9  22/26*DARQUE AGES (536)         5  4 1
23/15*RED AVENGERS (487)         7   8  0 46.7  23/18 SWIFT CURRENT (468)       5  5 0
24/16*MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)       7   8  0 46.7  24/30 DEMONS OF DARKNESS (430)  5 10 1
25/22 4000 BLOWS (107)         529 606 26 46.6  25/22 DEATH STUDS VII (301)     5 10 0
26/23 BUMS 'R' US (465)        115 142  0 44.7  26/24 FORGOTTEN REALMS (185)    5 10 0
27-24 ARADI'S DEAD (393)       104 129  4 44.6  27/28*FACES OF ETERNITY (539)   4 11 0
28/25 FA CHING (388)            74  93  3 44.3  28/33*BEERBARIANS (528)         3  0 0
29/30 LEGALESE (449)            45  57  3 44.1  29/21 BUMS 'R' US (465)         3  1 0
30-29*LETHAL ANATOMY II (512)    3   4  0 42.9  30/ 0*MINATOUR KINGS (379)      3  2 0
31/35 THE UPSTARTS III (510)    17  23  2 42.5  31/39*LOSERS (544)              3  7 0
32/31 JOKA MASHER! (283)       150 209  6 41.8  32/38*FIVE SPHERES (462)        3  7 0
33/28*FIVE SPHERES (462)        12  18  1 40.0  33/23 BLACK FRIARS (521)        3 11 0
34/26*HIT ME WITH... (503)       4   6  0 40.0  34/31 RED DOG GANG (476)        3 12 0
35-36*INNSMOUTH BROOD (535)      5   8  1 38.5  35-32 ARADI'S DEAD (393)        2  1 0
36/40 R.J.G. (475)              52  85  1 38.0  36/ 0*BATTLEFIELD GIRTH (504)   1  0 0
37/39 FORGOTTEN REALMS (185)    52  85  1 38.0  37-42 REDLANDS PELETON (520)    1  0 0
38/41*BEERBARIANS (528)          9  15  3 37.5  38-43*DARK TOGS (526)           1  1 1
39/ 0*MINATOUR KINGS (379)       6  10  0 37.5  39/ 0 METAL MELTDOWN (344)      1  1 0
40/38 RED DOG GANG (476)       214 361  3 37.2  40-25 ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)    1  1 0
41/37 BLACK FRIARS (521)        22  38  3 36.7  41/35 JOKA MASHER! (283)        1  3 0
42/34*LOSERS (544)               3   7  0 30.0  42-29*INNSMOUTH BROOD (535)     1  4 0
43/ 0*BATTLEFIELD GIRTH (504)    3   7  0 30.0  43/44*HIT ME WITH... (503)      1  6 0
44/43*FACES OF ETERNITY (539)    4  11  0 26.7  44/ 0*PLAGUE BEARER (545)       0  5 0
45-44*DARK TOGS (526)            3  11  1 21.4  45/ 0 RESCUE RANGERS (362)      0  1 0
46/ 0*PLAGUE BEARER (545)        0   5  0  0.0  46-41*LETHAL ANATOMY II (512)   0  1 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

     + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Birds of a Feather? -- by Ghoti ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     After much retching, leaving the area of destruction caused by Nuln's puke
factory on wheels, Ghoti strode off down the road.  He went several blocks finding
himself amused by how wonderful everything looked on this island, in spite of its
inhabitants.  He admired nature in particular and the chittering squirrels in the
dead trees outside of Guardian's abode even cheered him up.  Ghoti noticed the trees
were only dead when Guardian was there...strange it was.
     Something suddenly caught his hearing senses.  He could hear what could only be
explained as the largest covey of doves he had ever heard.  Ohhhh!  Ohhhh!
OOOOOHhhhhh!!! over and over but a million times all at once.  A few paces ahead
sitting on a stump was Ganolus, slopping down what looked like peas but were kinda
more brown with little green flecks.  Ghoti asked "What ya got there Ganny?"
     "Chic Peas." he said.
     "I don't think I have ever seen or heard of those kind of Chic peas, where ya
get em?" inquired Ghoti.
     "Death Stud is sellin em.  He's gonna make a lotto cash on this one.  He grows
em somewhere...out in back of the farm I think?" came Ganolus' answer with a little
spit and slurp thrown in for effect.
     As Ghoti moved on he said, "Well, enjoy." which Ganolus ignored as he was
engulfed in wolfing down his plate of Chic Peas.
     As Ghoti walked he came ever closer to Death Stud's farm.  That OHHHH! OHHHHH!
OOOOOOHH! kept getting louder.  By now Ghoti knew it was coming from the farm.  He
walked up to the gate and saw the biggest gathering of chickens--hens, roosters and
"Chics" (and not the human kind) ever gathered in all of Alastari.  Ghoti thought of
heading into the barn yard to find out how big it really was.  Now mind you, though
as some say Death Stud is supposed to be tough, he is really small of stature.  If
the Stud man were to step up onto a 3-step ladder he still could not look into
Ghoti's 5'10" eyes.  And that explains the height of his gate.  Ghoti just didn't
feel like crawling.
     Ghoti was about to walk away when he heard a faint "Hail Ghoti!"  Ghoti turned
in every direction but saw nothing and suddenly a slap on the back from a barnyard
scoop from just over the fence made him realize he forgot to look down.
     "Well Hello there Death Stud.  How's the farming?" asked Ghoti.
     "Great!" was Stud's reply.  "Well 'cept that Kangaroo over there with the black
cape, won't quit quoting law statutes."  Suddenly a small chick walked near, stopped
and kinda squatted and went OHHHH OHHHH OOOHHHH! and laid a perfectly round little
nugget.  Ghoti had never seen a bird purse its beak before but sure enough with each
OHHH it formed a perfect little (O).
     "Hey Stud, why isn't your chickens going BAWK BAWK like they should?" questioned
     Death stud says, "I think its the pistachio nuts I feed em.  Don't digest em too
well, kinda like me and corn.  But that's the beauty of it.  That little nugget is a
gold mine.  When the boy chics get a little older I make Capons outta em, you know
castrate em, kind like little Pip Trolls.  Well then I mix the results together and
sell em to Ganolus and Hombre.  I think they use it -ahem- for fertilizer.  Those
guys buy it up like there's no tomorra.  I call em Chic Peas."
     Ghoti thought for a minute and said, "You and Nuln should open a Deli."

                    + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[  ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     Round one of TOGS.  The best of what were they saying.  Brought to you from
Crazy Creeps Chronicles are the memorable quotes from spots and personals:

*** packing some serious heiny
*** like a sore that keeps resurfacing
*** TOGS is resplendent
*** mend your ways you radical Democrat
*** colder than a well-digger's ass in the Arctic
*** I love the Spocker
*** highest busty barmaid to patron ratio
*** TOGS...the other white meat
*** listen, now is not a good time
*** being chaotic makes you rather unpredictable
*** you'll have to contact my receptionist
*** I will showeth them all
*** huge moving mound of managers
*** a large black sock possessed by Satan
*** sweet talk me, you old snakecharmer
*** you would think you could trust mucous-based entities
*** TOGS has never been known for having intelligent managers
*** had his own problem with nipplephilia
*** carried by a horde of chipmunks to Aradi
*** Nuln's a little scrod snot, shout it out
*** my long trunk, great memory and being Republican
*** give off the impression of a grown-up alliance
*** three sickening thuds and one clang later
*** nothing more than a toddler demon
*** I could do with a tankard or two; it's been a long trip

To the TOGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

         + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ T#%S IV TURN 1 OVERVIEW ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

Team  1:  Hombre kept us afloat.  48 points and tied for 3rd.
Team  2:  Soultaker carried the little Studly one through turn 1.  48 points and tied
          for 3rd.  I personally thought the little one's spotlight was the funniest
          of all for turn 1.
Team  3:  Although not too hot of a start at 31 points and 8th place, expect this
          team to do well in this contest.
Team  4:  54 points and 2nd place!  Who would have thunk it!?!  Great turn, guys!
          Now let's see you keep it up....
Team  5:  7 points and last place.  It's been my experience in TOGS that actually
          fighting your warriors, writing spotlights, and writing personal ads are
          all excellent ways of scoring points.  Try it, guys, it works!  But hey,
          your entry fees are both paid, so I really don't have a problem with your
Team  6:  10th place with 26 points.  Why would you write a spotlight and then not
          bother to write a personal ad?  I don't know either.
Team  7:  Middle of the pack with 37 points in 6th place.  Loved the spotlight, Nuln!
          If Nuln wasn't trying to pick up on chickens by being a big chicken
          himself, they would have had 5 more points.
Team  8:  Tied for 3rd with 48 points.  These two could have had a scary great turn
          if Elephant hadn't had a couple of funerals to attend to from the mail-in.
Team  9:  Posted 29 points in 9th place.  Expect to see this team rise in the
Team 10:  7th place with 32 points.  Very middle of the pack.  The big question is
          will Anti still be around at the end of this thing?
Team 11:  Watch out for these guys!  61 points and tied for 1st!  The Greek Guy and
          Rillion are the TOGS team to beat this time around.
Team 12:  38 points and 5th place.  Not too bad of a turn, guys.  If nothing else,
          these two will be in this thing all the way to the end.
Turn 13:  2nd to last place with 21 points.  Unfortunately, Primus and Gateway won't
          help you in this tourney, Guardian.  Losers, huh?  Interesting choice for a
          team name.
Turn 14:  A whoppin' 61 points and tied for 1st!  Great first turn, guys!  I think
          that team 14's lead will slowly slip away as Rage Man's sandbaggers slowly
          take their proper place in the rankings.  But feel free to prove me wrong,
Team 15:  Not too bad of a showing at 45 points and 4th place.  Well done, guys!
     So turn 1 is in the books and we're on to turn 2.  Keep up on the spotlights and
personal ads, guys.  Actually, RSI is sponsoring an additional contest to see who can
get theirs in the earliest throughout T#%S IV, so get them in early if you can.
Until turn 2....

-- Ganolus Oakleaf

              + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Blood Related ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     "What the heck is going on in here guys?" asked Assur as he entered the home of
Barnabas, "I could hear "Mameek" being yelled half way down yonder road!  Who is
"Mameek" anyway?"  Assur glanced in the next room where Ganolus was laying on his
back, his arms stretched out behind his head, softly snoring.  Ganolus had a pile of
papers surrounding his makeshift bed.  Assur could see that someone had taken the
time to inscribe the word "Mameek" on every single one of the papers.
     A tall, well oiled man passed by Assur.  "Don't ask," Hombre answered,
glistening.  "In your current state of sobriety, it probably wouldn't make a lot of
sense anyway.  But we're glad you could make it, Bashboy!"  The well oiled one stuck
out his glistening member to shake hands with Assur.  Just then, a little fuzzy
topped man ran by carrying tiny glasses filled with a red liquid.  The air was filled
with the scent of cinnamon and...something else.  "That's Elephant," Hombre informed
the newcomer.
     Elephant downed both tiny glasses quickly and then ran to the far side of the
dance floor that had been set up, yelling the whole way.  "He ad anatha scoota dat a
hoppen to, too," the little fuzzy one cried just before bursting into laughter.
     "Thiseth is so funneth!" exclaimed Nuln gleefully as he flailed and gyrated on
the dance floor.  He had apparently gotten past the shame of the Black Beast leg
warmer incident.  The chaotic one was still wearing them, of course, but shots of
cinnamon schnapps with a hint of tabasco did wonders for his comfort level.  The
shots made these little Cacktogs wienies taste deliciouso too.  Or maybe that was
caused by the sticky green Scrod plants that Barnabas had picked down by the
waterfront earlier.  "Looketh at my new danceth!" Nuln attempted to scream over the
music.  "It's the Blacketh Beasteth!"  This time poor Nuln didn't notice everyone
laughing at his expense.
     They were all hanging out at the opening reception party for T#%S IV.  The
reception was held at Barnabas' house, even though he wasn't actually participating
in the contest.  Barnabas was so cool as of late, that everyone would use any excuse
at all just to hang out with the chosen one.  Rillion looked over at Pip The Troll
and both managers started laughing hysterically for about the hundredth time in the
last hour.  Ganolus momentarily awoke from his schnapps induced slumber.  "What's so
damn funny?" he asked Hombre as his partner was passing by.
     "I don't know," the big man replied, "but this is why TOGS managers shouldn't
dance."  Hombre pointed over to the dance floor.  Ganolus struggled to a sitting
position and glanced over to where his partner had pointed.
     Sir Indimar was crawling around the dance floor on his hands and knees acting
like he was one of bOB's farm animals.  Nuln was riding on top of the big man,
looking all too familiar with this situation, I might add, and he was waving one arm
around like he was riding a bull while his other arm hugged the big man around the
throat for dear life.  Nuln was singing at the top of his lungs at the same time.
"We can danceth if we wanteth, we can leaveth your friends behindeth!"  Nuln smacked
Indi on the ass just as he said "behindeth."  Elephant had made his way to a shadowy
corner of the dance floor.  He was putting his right cheek in to his own beat,
oblivious to what was going on around him.
     "What if the hokey pokey IS what it's all about?" Ganolus asked Hombre as he
started to laugh at this crazy scenario he had awoken to.
     "It's not," stated Hombre, very seriously.  Hombre grabbed a Cacktogs wiener as
the little sweaty one passed by with a tray.  Death Stud was momentarily blinded by
the glistening, well oiled body of the artist formerly known as Benwa, as he allowed
the big man to grab one of his many wieners.  Hombre smiled briefly. "Anywhoo,"
Hombre continued, "if this is our competition this time around, we have little to
worry about.  You just need to make sure a couple of your warriors start winning a
couple of fights, my drunken amigo...now let's get out of here before you start
acting like the rest of these idiosos."

-- Ganolus Oakleaf, Blood Related

  + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Yukon's Tog Spotlight #2 TWiT part II ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

Yukon:  Hello all, and welcome to the second installment of "This Week in T#%$ IV."
This is Yukon Cornelius, your host, along with my co-host Shadowgate....
Shadowgate:  Hello, everyone.
Yukon:  Well, we have lots to talk about this week.  The first week of T#%$ IV is in
the books, and we have some Mail-in tournament results to talk about.  After that we
will be having a chat with Manager to talk about his T#%$ predictions.
Shadowgate:  And to find out why he wussed out on this years contest.  I think it is
because he has "Scrod" envy issues with Hombre and Ganolus.
Yukon:  It very well could be.  But before we get to all that I have some business to
take care of.  First off, I have to apologize for last week.  While setting up the
TWIT broadcasting network, the wizard that enchanted this microphone to broadcast
TWIT to all of Aradi apparently didn't exclude all the farm animals for the signal.
Seems the farm animals couldn't quite figure out what was going on and freaked out a
bit when they heard the two of us talking.  Boy, they sure have some skittish farm
animals around here.
Shadowgate:  Ya think?  If you were an animal here in Aradi would you always be
looking over your shoulder, or hindquarters as the case may be.
Yukon:  Well either way, that should all be taken care of.  The next bit of business
is that we here at TWIT have our first sponsor.
Shadowgate:  Cool.  That means we get free stuff....
Yukon:  Right you are.  I am proud to announce that this episode of TWIT is brought
to you by Death Stud's "TOGS DOGS" wieners.  Made of 100% scrod.  Comes in both the
12" wiener and the extra special "Spocker" dog, with sticks in both ends.
Shadowgate:  GAG...I'll pass on my free stuff I think.
Yukon:  Ok...more for me that way.  Mmmmm, TOG DOGS....
Shadowgate:  Ok, now that the business is done, what's next?
Yukon:  Let's go over the standings from the first week of T#%$.  You do that.  I'm
going to have myself a yummy "Spocker" Dog while you read.
Shadowgate:  Well, I'm not going to give the whole scoreboard since that is Ganolus'
job but we have a tie at the top between the teams of Rillion/The Greek Guy and the
team of DeGotti/Rage Man.  Each team has 61 points.  In third is Wimpy/Judge with 54
Yukon:  munch..munch...How did we do?...munch..munch..
Shadowgate:  No comment.  So I would advise everyone to dog pile on the following
teams:  Lurocians, Demons of Darkness, the Red Avengers, Fa Ching--
Yukon:  Hey..."Fa Ching"...I just got that...munch...munch....
Shadowgate: ...and don't forget the Wimps of Death, and Legalese.  After that there
are too many teams in third place to call out.
Yukon:  That was one yummy TOGS DOG....  Do you really thing we should be using the
radio show to call your attacks on other T#%$ teams?
Shadowgate:  Yes.  Yes I do.  So you ready to talk about the MI?  I TC'ed once.  How
did you do?
Yukon:  No comment.  Why don't we wait to next week to talk about the MI since we are
running a little bit behind.  I have Manager on the phone.  Hello, Manager.
Manager:  Hello, Yukon, hello, Shadowgate.  You guys really need to step it up.  I
picked you as one of the favorites to win this years T#%$ and you're currently in
eighth place.
Yukon:  I have wanted to ask you about that whole picking us to do so well.  You know
I stink in these contest, don't you?
Manager:  Yes, but Shadowgate is very good.  My simulation runs showed me that his
overall ability would cancel out your weakness.
Yukon:  Your "simulation runs"?
Manager:  Yes.  I put together dummy teams for every manager in T#%S from some of my
inactive warriors.  Then, using wooden weapons, we ran a 13 turn T#%$ format style
tournament a number of times of the course of a few weeks.  I would direct the dummy
teams to fight with the tendencies of each manager that I have collected over the
years.  In most simulations you and Shadowgate did quite well.
Yukon:  Over a few weeks, huh.  So you did all this work looking at T#%$ and you're
not even in it this year.  You don't get out much do you?
Manager:  Sure I do.  Just a few weeks ago I went to Soultaker's for a cookout.  We
had chicken.
Yukon:  COUGH...COUGH....  Excuse me.  I didn't mean for the Ale to come out of my
nose like that....  COUGH...COUCH....
Shadowgate:  Hmm.  OK.  So with all this time and effort you put into this how come
you didn't get into this years T#%$?
Manager:  My simulated team never did very well.  No matter who I put in as my
partner we never finished higher then tenth.
Shadowgate:  So you were afraid that you would have gotten your butt kicked....
Yukon:  Now Shadowgate, we should be nice to our guest.  Manager, thank you for
coming on with us.  As a gift, we have a dozen TOG DOGS for you.
Manager:  Sure, no problem.  Thanks, guys.  I love processed scrod.
Yukon:  Well, that wraps up this episode of "TWIT".
Shadowgate:  Goodnight, all.
Yukon:  And next week we will spend some more time on the MI and as a guest we will
have our sponsor Death Stud on to talk about his latest Scrod product...Salty TOG

              + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Red Avengers ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     The Rage Man looked enraged as the huge pile of paper made its way onto his
desk.  His office was small enough without big stacks of paper cluttering up his
desk.  He had yet to even go over his strategies for the next turn and the tournament
report was scheduled to arrive any day now.
     "What is this crap?!?!?" he yelled to no one in particular.  His booming voice
echoed through the hallways and throughout the guild house.
     His warrior, Zerbert, walked in.  "Sorry, I should have warned you," he said,
"Don't worry about that, it's just the Aradi newsletter."
     "Seriously?" he said, "This is the largest newsletter I've ever seen.  It's
almost as big as my tournament results.  The next turn is due very soon and my
strategies aren't even set yet!  The pace of this thing is going so fast.  How am I
supposed to get through this so I know what's going on?"
     "Don't worry, it's already taken care of." Zerbert replied, "DeGotti knew you
would be going over the newsletter tonight and brought this in to help you get
through it.  The thick warrior hustled outside and came back carrying two kegs of
beer and a piece of paper.
     "Hmm...." the perpetually angry manager looked down at the piece of paper and
said to himself, "You know, this could work."

Team 14 (or whatever # we are) TOGS Drinking Game:
Rules:  Follow the instructions on when to take a drink.  You lose if you pass out
before you are done with the newsletter.  (Then you have to play again the next day.)

-     Take a drink for every new acronym you see.  (Some examples are TOGS and the
      various alliance acronyms)  If you can't remember if you've seen the acronym
      before, then take a drink anyway.
-     Take a drink for every appearance by a farm animal.  It must be a real live
      appearance by a farm animal, and not just background noise.
-     Take a drink every time someone makes a prediction that didn't come true.
      (It's ok to take a drink every time someone makes a prediction that obviously
      won't come true either.)
-     Take a drink every time the Duelmaster us someone not run by a TOGS manager.
-     Take a drink every time Wimpy talks about his team being wimpy.  (When it
      really isn't.)
-     Take a drink every time someone says T@$S instead of TOGS.
-     Take one drink for every kill.
-     Take a drink every time someone dies in a spotlight.
-     Take a drink every time someone changes their alliance affiliation or mentions
      a change in the membership of their alliance.
-     Take a drink every time someone else is drinking or drunk in a spotlight.
-     Take a drink every time someone has implied sex with an animal.
-     Take a drink every time someone mentions legwarmers or is wearing legwarmers.

     Remember, that if you aren't on Team 14 it's also more fun if you set your
warrior strategies right after playing the TOGS drinking game too.  You'll definitely
be surprised when you see your results.
     Disclaimer:  Team 14 is not responsible for an injury or illness that may incur
while playing the TOGS drinking game.  Nor are they responsible for any of the
actions that you may do while or after playing.

               + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ 4000 Blows ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

Scene 1: Aradi, sunny day

     It was an unusually bright and sunny day in Aradi.  Nevertheless Nuln walked
down the street, whistling a cheerful tune.  The previous few days had been
particularly stormy and wet, which was the perfect sort of weather that Nuln liked to
stay up late into the night brooding about what other TOGS managers might be plotting
against him.  These prolonged periods of brooding could sometimes cause abnormal
behavior in Nuln.  For instance, when he had been at the local post-office the other
day, he had noticed Pip the Troll trying to send an envelope.  Nuln had been positive
that the letter inside contained information about a secret alliance within a secret
alliance, that was secretly plotting to meet secretly, wherein they would discuss how
to do bad horrible things, all in secret (like replacing all the milk in the 4000
Blows guildhouse with milk that smelled a little bad).  Fortunately, or
unfortunately, the letter had been only a note from Pip to Ganolus, asking the
Commish to let him switch TOGS partners from Guardian to a sock he referred to only
as 'Leonard'.  Embarrassed, Nuln had left the post-office and gone back to his castle
to brood.
     But *today*, as I said, was sunny and beautiful, and the Chaos Lord was not
inside brooding.  No no, he was outside strolling along in his black plate mail suit,
a pair of light badger-skin leg-warmers protecting his calves against a possible
stray winter breeze.  As he neared the nail & waxing salon, Hombre came strolling out
the exit.  As always his tan, oiled, hairless body was a marvel of perfection,
clothed only in his stock neon pink leg-warmers (or "leggies" as he liked to call
them) and the denim cutoffs.
     As Hombre rambled on about various TOGS rumors and what he had eaten that
morning for breakfast, Nuln simmered, silently fuming about the hypocrisy of it all.
How could Hombre's bright pink, single-stitch leg-warmers be any more fashionable
than his fall line of small-burrowing-creatures-lined leg-warmers?  Nuln made a
mental note to himself to brood about what a ridiculous & cruel mistress fate was the
next time there was a rainy night.
     "So yeah, once the butter turns brown, you know the pot is hot enough to put in
the egg, you see?" Hombre said, finishing his ten-minute explanation of how he had
lightly cooked his scrod-omelet in a brisk sesame butter, with just a hint of
tarragon.  "We should like, have breakfast sometime, dude.  Totally."
     "Um, yeaheth." Nuln replied, smiling weakly (he was allergic to eggs.  and
scrod.).  As Nuln was trying desperately to think of something to say, it just so
happened that his belt-buckle got caught in one of the hooves of a passing team of 6
warhorses and he was dragged to completely the other side of town.  Just in case
you're wondering, the odds of getting your belt buckle caught in a hoof from a team
of stampeding warhorses is normally 897,764,421 to 1.
     Luckily, Nuln had business on the other side of town.

Scene 2: city club tea room, Aradi, still sunny, other side of town

Nuln:  This is some damn good beereth.  I mean tea.
Void:  You're telling me.  Almost makes you want a six-pack of tea.
Nuln:  Yeah.
Void:  Say, thanks for resurrecting me.
Nuln:  No problem.  Try not to get killed again.
Void:  Oh sure.
Nuln:  Boy, damn, that's good tea.
Void:  Good tea.  Sorry 'bout the broccoli zombie thing.  That it didn't work out.
Nuln:  Thanks.  I appreciate that.
Void:  Not a problem.
Nuln:  Sorry about the death thing.
Void:  No sweat, man.  I appreciate your concern.
Nuln:  Good tea.
Void:  Yea.  Damn good tea, if I don't say so myself.  Did you read Asshe-Master
Darque's spotlight?
Nuln:  Yes, and I'd prefer not to comment.
Void:  Dude, he had you runnin' around naked like a freak.
Nuln:  I know.
Void:  Dude, you gotta write some crazy, @#$%-ed up about him & a llama with two
Nuln:  I know.
Void:  So what are you waiting for?
Nuln:  It's zen.  I'm waiting for the right moment.
Void:  Guess the moment isn't now, huh?
Nuln:  No.
Void:  Damn, dude.  I was kinda bored.
Nuln:  You know, I see myself as more the Conan O'Brien and you the Andy Richter.
Void:  Dude, I am so the Conan O'Brien it is not even funny.
Nuln:  blahblahblaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...
Void:  etc. & so forth


   + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Fa Ching:  DeGotti's Return, Part 2 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

First a little recap...

     DeGotti had closed up his Thrillz & Killz stable in Bonsur after hearing of the
return of the TOGS in Aradi.  He knew he needed a partner, so he sent out an all
arena message to find one.  He got many responses but went with The Rage Man.  He
chose The Rage man due to the fact he is really an unknown and he enjoys the role of
being an underdog.
     When we left off, DeGotti was at his Blood of the Spider guild house in the fine
city of Mordant.  He was surprised by a death message from his team in Aljafir, a
promising young slasher name Pan got offed by a Striker name Ash from Delta Doom.  So
his stay in Mordant would be shorter then he liked do to the fact the funeral was
less then a week away.  Who would have thought that the coroner in Aljafir insist on
doing an autopsy on a gladiator?  I guess the circumstances were a bit fishy.
     I stayed the night in Mordant and awoke early to head towards Aljafir, I didn't
want to waste too much time I knew it would be slow going through the Daggerspine
Mountains.  The sun was but half risen when the wagon made its way to the north, with
any luck we would arrive at the Isle of the Eye by 8pm.
     The marsh lands between Caer and Khalhums proved to be more difficult then I
remembered.  I forgot that the rainy season was upon us and the Blackmouth river
would be swollen beyond its banks.  I decided that we should head more east then
north to avoid the worst parts of the overflow.  We pushed on and thanks to my
direction made it through the marshlands without any casualties, even though we ran
into a fierce band of marsh trolls about halfway through.  It's true what they say
you pay for what you get, and I spared no expense when it came to hiring bodyguards
for the trip, after all it is my life that needs protecting.
     It was around 3pm when we cleared the marshland and we were a good 6 to 7 hours
out and more east then I would have liked to be from the Isle of the Eye.  We still
had to go through the narrow Bandit Gap in the Daggerspines to reach our destination.
     As we got closer to the gap the temperature dropped rapidly and snow appeared.
The gap was very narrow and rocky, barely wide enough for the wagon to fit through.
It was nearly 7:30pm when we reached the summit and the air was thin and extremely
cold.  The good thing was it was all downhill from here but we were still a good
three hours out from the Isle of the Eye.
     Four hours had come and gone by the time we reached the Isle.  Sheila greeted me
with open arms and a huge smile and we all made our way down to the local pub for a
few pints.  That Sheila Greywand sure knows how to have a good time.  The ale at the
Weeping Widow was darker then I was used too and a lot stronger.

To be continued....

        + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Wimpy Attempts To Webuild ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     It was a dark and stormy day and Wimpy was eagerly awaiting the arrival of the
newest Wimp.  Two new fighters were expected.  One was coming from the reserves of
one of Wimpy's other stables.  The other was completely new and Wimpy knew nothing
about him.  The warrior broker who had sold this unknown to Wimpy had assured him he
was a prime specimen.
     There was a knock on the door to Wimpy's office.  Festor Foureyes, Wimpy's
faithful scribe, opened the door and stuck his head in and announced.  "Boss, the new
guy is here and you have got to see him.  He is one mean looking dude.  Take a peek."
     Wimpy went over to the two-way mirror on his far office wall that enabled him to
look out onto the training arena.  There standing in the middle of the training arena
was a really tall man.  "By the gods", exclaimed Wimpy, "he looks to be about 7 feet
tall.  Boy, what a TOGS fighter this guy will make.  He will clobber everyone.  Come
on Fester, let's get down there and give him all the tests."
     And with that Wimpy and Festor left the office and headed for the training
arena.  When they arrived Wimpy started on the tests.  First up was the test of
strength.  Wimpy went to the weapons table where one of every kind of weapon lay read
for use.  Wimpy turned to Festor and ask, "What is this guy's name, anyway?"
     "I don't know boss, he hasn't said a word.  I think he might be deaf."
     "Oh well it doesn't matter." Wimpy replied as he motioned to the giant fighter
to come over to the weapons table.  Wimpy pointed at the maul on the table and
motioned that he wanted the giant to pick it up.  The giant grabbed the middle of the
maul and with a mighty grunt attempted to lift it.  The maul didn't budge even the
slightest part of an inch.  At first this worried Wimpy, after the surprise wore of
that is.
     "Festor, take a note, we might want to train a few points on to this guys
strength." Wimpy ordered.  Then Wimpy pointed to the longsword on the table and
motioned that the giant should pick this one up.  The giant tried but couldn't even
move it.  Wimpy then pointed at the hatchet and again the giant couldn't even move
the weapon.  After several more tries with various weapons, Wimpy turned to Festor
and lamented, "This guy has a strength of 3 on the strength scale.  Mark it down."
Festor did so.
     Next they put the giant in the squirrel cage for the running test of his
constitution.  He tested fairly well and scored a 14 on the constitution test.  "Did
you measure him yet, Festor?" Wimpy asked.
     "Yes sir.  He is seven feet tall." replied Festor.
     "Good." replied Wimpy, "now have him run so we can test his speed."  The giant
ran quite well and Wimpy gave him a 15 as his speed score.  Next they tested his
deftness by having him juggle some balls since they couldn't use the normal test of
juggling short swords because he couldn't lift them.  He scored a little below
average at 9.
     This left two tests.  His intelligence or wit test and his will to fight test.
For these they went inside.  Wimpy handed the giant the Wonderlic test and told him
to get started now because time was limited.  Wimpy called time several minutes later
and when he scored the test his face fell almost all the way to the floor.  The giant
had scored a 6 on his wit test.  "Festor", cried Wimpy, "this will never do.  We can
work with him but even if we could add 6 points to his wit it would only be a 12.
Wait until I get my hands on the warrior broker."
     The final test was the will test.  For this test they dressed the giant in some
light armor and told him they would come after him with a blunt dagger.  When Wimpy
raised the blunt dagger to strike at the giant, the giant went running into the
corner and cowered there crying.  No amount of coaxing by Wimpy or Festor could get
the giant to come out of the corner.  "By the gods, his will is a 3." cried Wimpy.
"A bloody three.  No one has a 3 will.
     "What is his final score Festor?"
     "Let's see boss--it looks like 3-14-20-6-3-15-9."
     "Great, we could train to add more than 14 and he still would be worthless.
Schedule him for the Dark Arena as quickly as you can."
     "Curse those RUGS."

         + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Shadowgate's Twit Hunt ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     Shadowgate had set out to find info for that...for TWiT...for Yukon.   After
Soultaker's poor interview, they needed something good for the show.  Shadowgate
first stopped to see The Greek Guy at the Chicken Ranch.  There he found both TGG and
Rillion looking over purchasing documents for huge numbers of fowl.  Once they
noticed that Shadowgate had been standing there overhearing their conversation on
chicken "cleaning", they quickly disposed of the documents.
     "Shadowgate, loved the new TWiT show!" said The Rillion.  "And no, I don't want
to be on it!"
     "I would be willing to go on it for some free PR for my the Chicken Ranch." said
The Greek Guy.
     "Sounds good.  I will talk to Yukon about that.  I wouldn't want to offend any
of our other sponsors." said Shadowgate.  "So, what is new in Aradi?  There must be
some interesting happening since I have been away and now with the new TOGS
     "Well, I will tell you we will not be self destructing like last time at the end
of this TOGS.  Unlike anything that Manager may say!  We will make sure that we are
out of it way before then!" said The Greek Guy.
     "Now there is a positive attitude!" said Shadowgate.  Just then there was a
major uproar for the second floor followed by a cloud of chicken feathers and the
appearance of a half naked Nuln.
     "Rillion, I need another dozen chickens...oh hello, Shadowgate!" Nuln said as he
turned tail and ran back into his room.
     "I think that I should be going.  I have "seen" enough here today." said
Shadowgate.  However, before Shadowgate could leave he heard someone who sounded
exactly like Snotman say, "Where are those 12 more chickens I sent you out for
Nuln?!?  I knew we should have gone to Death Stud's Erotic Zoo!"
     "Well, if you really have to go, Shadowgate..." said The Greek Guy as he ushered
Shadowgate out the door in a hurry and slammed it behind him.
     Shadowgate decided that maybe he should have some breakfast before he went out
to check on his TOGS team.  He was still upset that Zylleix's Shade had gotten lost
on the way to the tourney!  Well, enough worrying about that.  He needed to take a
look at the newest recruit and see what he looked like.  Black Cat assured him that
he was at least good.  If that was the case he should at least be able to post a
winning record next turn.
     After breakfast he appeared at his training compound to find his new recruit
running around the training arena without any armour, or clothing for that matter!
Black Cat rushed over and told Shadowgate that the new warrior was good but refused
to wear anything.  Shadowgate told Black Cat to go and get the Shadowgate stable's
blacksmith.  Once the blacksmith showed up Shadowgate, asked him to create some
Platemail that could be worn long-term and could be welded to his new recruit.  Once
that was done Shadowgate told Black Cat to enter the new recruit under the name XXX.
Shortly after that Shadowgate headed back to the old MOD guild house to see when the
next TWiT would be done and to share the info he had found in his trip to the Chicken
     "What did you find out?" said Yukon.  "Was there any good gossip?"
     "No rumors but Nuln and Snotman are "consuming" large quantities of chickens and
The Greek Guy and Rillion are importing a ton of chickens." said Shadowgate as he
poured himself a drink and sat down. "This place has gone from bad to worse in the
whole farm animal thing!  I thought sheep and cows were pushing it a bit far."
     "No, sheep have a long history..." said Yukon as he picked up a handful of Scrod
Dogs and began to consume them, "... they are common in many towns.  I think that is
why in Aradi there is some much variation on that theme.  They always want to be in
the forefront here, even if it means going over the edge."
     "Yeah, over the edge is right!  Once this contest is over I say we head out and
have some fun in one of the cities with less cutting edge style.  I think Aruak
sounds nice." said Shadowgate.
     "Yeah, but they have all those invaders causing problems and demolishing all the
nice brothels." said Yukon, finishing the last of his handful of Scrod Dogs.  "Next
you will be saying you want to go to some geek feast convention and play games or
     "Hey!  Those are intellectual outlets for people like us!" said Shadowgate.
     "Whatever, as long as they have a lot of beer on tap.  Time for the next TWiT!"
said Yukon and he started upstairs.

        + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ The Founding of Wing Hove ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     Indimar ceased his pacing, and his rehashing of the days events, as his
attention was drawn to a title on the bookshelf.  It was a copy of a book he himself
had in his study in Valamantis.  On further inspection he noticed all the books were
ones he could find on his own shelves.  After the revelations of his afternoon with
Tib Arne he was hardly surprised.
     After Mikael had left him, Indimar wasted no time in shedding his clothes and
climbing into the tub.  As he lowered into the steaming hot water, he could feel the
fatigue in his muscles melt away.  After soaking until the water was becoming tepid,
Indimar toweled dry and returned to the main chamber of his suite.  He found that
during his bath his travel clothes had been removed, his bags had all been unpacked,
and clean clothing was laid out for him on the bed.  He dressed quickly and was
combing his hair when Mikael returned to inform him that lunch, and Master Arne, were
awaiting him on the veranda.
     Mikael led the way through the sprawling villa and out a side door to the
veranda.  Indimar's attention was drawn immediately to the man who rose from the
table to greet him.
     "Sir Indimar, so nice to finally meet you.  I'm Tib Arne and I represent the
people who would like to have you manage a stable for them."
     Indimar took the hand that Tib Arne extended.  As they exchanged small talk
about the weather and Indimar's voyage, Indimar studied his host and quickly came to
a conclusion.  Tib Arne was not at all what he expected.
     Master Arne was a man past his middle years.  He stood around 5'7" and could not
have weighed more than 125 pounds.  His skin looked like dried out leather, most
likely a sign of one who had lived much out of doors.  He had a steely glint in his
eye that spoke of supreme self confidence.  The scars that crisscrossed the back of
his hands and the power Indimar had felt in his grip left no doubt that Tib Arne was
no stranger to the hilt of a sword.
     "You must be starving," he said as he steered Indimar to a chair.  "Let's eat
first and then maybe I can answer some of the questions you must have."
     "I guess the first thing I would like to do, after lunch that is, is ride back
into town to see the facilities you have picked out for this team of yours," said
Indimar.  "I feel I can tell the most about your backers' level of commitment to this
stable by seeing where they expect me to train them."
     "I understand completely," said the grizzled little man, "but there is no need
to go back to town.  This is the facility they picked out."

To be continued

    + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Snotman and the Spooky Kids Pt. 2 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

    Snotman nervously adjusted his bowtie and turned to Nuln, "Are you sure that the
blue cheese and walnut pastries are going to be ready?"
    Nuln hardly even looked up from the check-list he was going through, "They are in
the oven now and will be coming out in waves so that they are hot and fresh when
people show up."
     Snotman turned to Death Stud who was looking magnificent in a miniature Maitre-d
uniform, "And the guest list.  You are sure that you invited EVERYONE in Aradi?"
     Death Stud turned up his nose in disgust, "But of course.  I don't even know how
you could suggest such a thing.  When the FONZ throws a party they do it right!"
    Snotman clapped his hands in approval, "Studdie, you've outdone yourself.  It's
that acting that is going to give you a chance at the costume contest.  This is going
to be the best Halloween party Aradi has ever seen!"
    Death Stud screwed up his face in confusion (it was a common look to see on his
comically shrunken face), "But Snotman, I wasn't acting."
    Nuln snorted and then affixed the bright red ball to his nose, poofed up his
multi-colored 'fro and said, "Ok, that's everything on my checklist.  Don't worry,
Snotman, nothing can screw this party up!"
    Because of the excellent sound insulation provided by the solid
adamantunbreaklium (have you noticed that spotlights go faster if you make up really
long words) Temple of Khorne (and repeat everything's full name), Death Stud, Snotman
and Nuln failed to hear the ominous crashes of thunder that rocked the night sky.
From his home in the Temple of Khorne dumpster, Duane the Dog began howling.  Of
course they didn't hear that either.  Feeling full of confidence and unaware of the
disaster that awaited them, Snotman flipped his top hat onto top of his head with
flourish and struck a pose with both hands on his cane, "I think that I hear the
door.  Our first guest.  Studdie, you are on!"
    Death Stud scampered off down the hallway as fast as his little legs could carry
him.  They could hear him struggling with the door and then a yelp of joy, "Oh it's
you Ralph.  And what ARE those horrid tentacle things coming off of your face?"
    Ralph's response sounded flustered, "I'm Chthulu.  I thought that it was kinda
witty.  Ya know, 'cause Squidboy is a squid and all."
    Death Studs' voice dripped with irony, "Oh, quite clever.  You never cease to
amaze us Ralph."
    Ralph wandered in, his ill-fitting suit rumpled and stained.  He was dressed
pretty much like normally except that he was wearing a Chthulu mask.  Snotman took in
his shabby appearance in a single horrified glance, "Sweet Khorne on a stick!  I told
you that this was a fancy Halloween party."
    Ralph's hangdog face drooped a few centimeters lower, "But Snotman, this is my
best suit.  You know that the team is having financial troubles right now.  I'm not
rich like the rest of you guys.  In fact," Ralph gave a quick glance to make sure
that Nuln wasn't listening, "I was hoping that we could talk later."
    The pointed glance he was trying to give Snotman was so pathetic that he couldn't
stay angry, "Ok, we'll talk later if I get a second.  In the meantime, stay in the
shadows and try not to let anyone see you!"
    Ralph pumped Snotman's hand eagerly, "Thank you so much.  You won't regret this.
I just need a little help to get back on my feet!"
    Snotman extricated his hand from Ralph's and thought to himself, what Ralph
really needed was a shower and a shave.  But not much he could do about it now, the
door was ringing again and the guests were arriving.  But already something felt off.
He wasn't sure if it was Ralph or the squawking of the poor abused chicken strapped
to Soultaker's naked, oiled body, just visible below his enormous gut.  Snotman
didn't care what Soultaker did in his free time but coming to the halloween party as
a Chicken Lover was a little much.

To be continued in episode three.  And I guarantee that I'll get to the plot this


                 + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ R.J.G. ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     ...fade in to a melancholy scene.
     Vorpal Bunny sobbed uncontrollably on Sponge Bob's shoulder, "He...he...he...
was so unusually violent.  Bwaaahaaahaaaa!  How can he be dead? *sob*"  Sponge Bob
just shook his head sadly.
     Gourmet Gruel let out a little sniffle as Bozo approached the dreary scene.
"Hey, guys.  Why the long faces?"
     Sponge Bob gave Bozo a serious look and in a direct tone stated, "Unusual
Violence is dead."
     "Dead?  How'd that happen" Bozo mumbled.
     "He died in the infirmary at the tourney.  The bloody butchers!" cried Bunny.
     Bozo looked confused, "Why would a bunch of butchers want to kill UV?"
     Bunny shook his head in frustration, "No NO!  They aren't real butchers, they're
supposed to be healers, but they were incompetent!"
     With a look of horror, Bozo covered his mouth with his hands, "UV died of
incontinence?  Is it catching?"
     "NO!  My contention was that the healers were incompetent!  Not incontinent!"
Bunny looked ready to strangle Bozo and he might have right then if Gourmet hadn't
held him back.
     Bozo looked confused, "So.  There were these butchers that were supposed to be
healers, but because they were too far away on some other continent having a
convention, UV died?"
     "Exactly." Sponge Bob interrupted as he put his hand over Bunny's mouth, "Let it
go, Bunny.  Let it go."
     Vorpal Bunny struggled out of Bob and Gruel's grip, pulled out a vorpal carrot
and screamed, "No way!  Not this time.  The guy's a blithering idiot!  Hey Bozo the
bonehead.  Take that!"

     With furious abandon Vorpal Bunny leaps at his foe, his carrot wielded with a
rude curse.
     Bozo parries with his teeth.
     Vorpal Bunny's carrot slips past the parry.
     Bozo is struck in the mouth.
     Spectators cringe at the thought of eating rabbit food.
     Bozo reels with the fury of the flavor.
     He falls over backwards onto the carpet.
     He's choking on carrot crumbs.
     Bozo grabs his neck and waves to the Arena Chef.
     Our rabbit is the victor!

     Bozo is taken to the kitchen where he is given some ranch dressing and sent to
his room.

     Vorpal Bunny learned an insult technique.

     During last training period Bozo increased his constitution.
     His training has noticeably improved his ability to eat healthy foods.

     Gourmet Gruel began sweeping up the carrot crumbs.  With a knowing look he
quipped, "Nice form, Bunny.  You have any more of those carrots?  I'm making coney
stew tonight."
     The rabbit took a bite of his carrot stub and scratched his head, "What's a
     Gourmet Gruel ignored his question and mused, "We'll need a bigger pot though.
Hey, Bob....  You have any onions or potatoes?"
     Bob said, "Sure!  I'll go get my axe!"  With a chopping motion he brought the
edge of his hand close to the rabbit's neck, "Should I chop here?"
     Bunny glared at the other two, "Very funny.  Ha!  Ha!  HA!  You guys are a riot.
Everybody wants to cook the bunny.  Now I know what poor ol' Bugs had to put up with
all those years he was at Warner Brothers."

  + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Through a Scrying Pool Dimly (Part 1) ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     Fourdawg Firm Fist stood staring at the fog enshrouded foothills of the
woodlands east of the lands of Murska.  He recalled, earlier that morning, the feel
of fresh morning dew on his bare feet, the unbridled exhilaration of hiding and
running amongst the lowland stags, hunting for his and his companions' food, living
the life of an outdoorsman and an adventurer.  Those thoughts of nostalgia and
longing were short-lived, however, as the day's dim winter sun had crept onto the
horizon burning away the fog, and in so doing, burning away his desire to live a
simpler life.  Fourdawg realized, though, that it was the calling of his people and
those his people had relied on that had brought him this far south from his home in
Malcorn.  It was that same calling that was so important to him, more important than
living a simpler life.  Nevertheless, he wouldn't stop dreaming--he couldn't stop.
     Gracious and beautiful Athanas, the surly Baur, and his life companion, Tendawg
Running Heart, all stood staring at their leader, Fourdawg Firm Fist, waiting for him
to give them his decision, his face set with a look of vague determination.
     "We shall wait," Fourdawg paused, taking his hands from his hips, "just before
the sun reaches its zenith in its low course to the south."
     Baur shrugged back a posture betraying the feel of consternation towards the
group's tentativeness.  The squat dwarf's solid frame bore the most equipment of the
bunch:  pouches and satchels full of dry goods for the road, several small backpacks
of extra clothes and tent-ware, a small lantern hanging at his hip opposite a rock
pick and a conjoining length of hemp rope, and a belt flap containing chalk, flint,
rocks, and other minerals for half-a-dozen other purposes all adorned the dwarf's
person atop a worn traveling suit of patchwork leather and heavy furs.
     Athanas patiently crossed her delicate arms over her chest opposite Baur, her
body facing Fourdawg's but her head turned sharply in the direction he was looking.
She was exceptionally tall, her thin and willowy frame veiled beyond any signs of
femininity beneath the loosely draped and seemingly inappropriate clothing she wore
for such a potentially cold climate.  There was no mistaking her elegant beauty,
though, as unnatural as it was.  Curiously, the tall maiden had imperceptible and
thinly, tiny scars all about her face, a feature whose origins were likely only known
to her.  She carried only a single golden bell tied to the end of her waist sash,
which strangely made no sound as she shifted her weight, and displayed two slender
and crossing prongs stuck into the mass of wavy, honey-colored hair she wore at the
top of her head.
     And then there was Tendawg Running Heart, a ready and proud woman, her simple
appearance and garb not unlike those of her leader and lover, Fourdawg's, to whom she
stood behind and to the side of.  Tendawg carried an air of chthonic grace and
loveliness about her, the trace of earth and grass her makeup, the smell of
wildflowers her perfume.  The couple were of similar height, featuring a curved and
sturdy frame fed from the works of the outdoors, not the urban sprawl.  Both had wide
faces and russet skin, cloaked in a loose jerkin, padded greaves, and leg wrappings
lacking any footwear.  Both, too, sported a shock of black and tied hair sprouting
from the left sides of their otherwise bald skulls.  Clearly, of the four of them,
these two were the least out of place, and the most in line with what it seemed they
needed to do.
     "We have traveled only four suns south of Malcorn, Baur," Athanas broke the few
moments of silence, acknowledging her dwarf companion's obvious body language.  "And
it will not be but another month a'fore the truly heavy snows hit this region, so I
shan't be thinking that ye'll have to lack for striding space amongst the drifts,"
she finished with more than a little bit of a sly grin.
     "Aye," Baur replied, agitation dripping on every word, "an' it'll be takin' us
that long a'fore we're to be finishin' th' job what wit' orcs and such afield...."
     The dwarf let his words hang in the air a moment while the group perked up to
the echoes his voice had unintentionally provoked from the forest's edge.
     "Mayhaps we should be on our softest approaches hereabout," Fourdawg glanced at
Baur then back to the wood, "for while time is in our favor, we cannot forget the
ever-present danger of the prowling urushka."
     All present knew the relevance of that word, urushka, the orcs' true name for
themselves.  And all, too, knew the out-of-the-ordinary reasons for why they might
have been tracked thus far.
     Tendawg looked up at the steely skies overhead, "Aye, and if all signs short of
actual sightings have been false to this day, then there is no mistaking what we
already assume."
     "Stormcrowe," Athanas put forth thoughtfully, her arms going to her sides.
     Baur growled knowingly as a much callused hand passed through his richly brown
and grey-streaked beard.  "There ain't a hair on this chin that don't think
complementary t' th' idea that Glack's Keep and 's damned orckin were in th' know,
what wit' they bein' a'hunnerd miles north of us a'fore we left and somehow still
bein' able t' keep pace."
     Fourdawg nodded slowly, a wild and eager look spreading across his face.  The
rustic male reached behind his back and hefted a pair of long, deer skin wrapped
objects from a sling, and promptly tossed one to Tendawg.  The female caught the
package easily and calmly bent to fetch a bushel of barbed quarrels embedded in the
sod at her feet.
     "Come," Fourdawg announced, "let us away."
     With that, the four padded towards the mass of gnarled trees that marked the
edge of the woodlands ahead.
     A short while later, the group came upon an abruptly risen hill line, the
expanse beyond it filled with ancient pines, wide redwoods, and huge crags of broken
rock and stone about.  Fourdawg Firm Fist crouched at the ridge's lip, the other
three behind him, his eyes scanning the familiar grounds.  He knew they had finally
found it.
     Fourdawg's arms shot out at opposite angles to his sides as the group fanned out
from where they stood, all attention now directed to the deep gully they had
discovered, and all its hidden secrets.  Athanas leapt about on the balls of her feet
from rock tip to rock tip, her arms and body always in perfect balance.  Her youth
spent in the foster care of an elven stead had not been wasted on her.  Baur strode
confidently about the crags, grabbing at rocks to steady himself, and kept low
looking in the places where the others could not easily.  Tendawg bounded ahead of
the rest looking far and wide.  And Fourdawg, casually stalking behind the others,
kept his eyes at his feet, as if tracing steps.
     Suddenly, Fourdawg stopped, his ears carrying his head in the direction of a
frantic bird's call nearby.  It was there, at the base of a dead tree's exposed
roots, that Fourdawg Firm Fist ran, summoning his companions to his heel.  The four
adventurers then knelt there, in awed unison, as the veil of light and dark shadows
within the wide tree's roots lifted away, revealing an ornately wrought square-doored
entrance to the tree itself.  The companions paused, letting a moment's thought pass,
then quietly followed Fourdawg's lead into what they believed was the final resting
place of a patriarch member of the Sixth Dynasty of Dawg--from before the beginning
of the Chaos Wars.
     A corn field's distance away, an orc scout peered out from the boughs of a low
tree to spy on the group's activities.  The gangly orc gestured a staying hand to a
score of his hidden brethren beneath the tree.  With his other hand, though, the orc
took up a whistle from around his neck, long and shapely, made to look like the beak
of a hawk or an eagle.  Practically snarling in anticipation, the orc raised the
whistle to his cracked lips, his eyes pointed to the sky overhead....

+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Legalese ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     Judge and Wimpy stumbled into the local watering hole in the City of Aradi.
Wimpy had already consumed numerous mason jars of brew back at the guildhouse after
Turn One of the TOGS IV.  As Judge and Wimpy staggered up on to the bar, Judge
muttered, "Maybe Manager was right.  We are cursed.  I lost one of my veteran TOGS
slashers in the mail-in-tourney, and then I lost my bright young striker in round one
of the TOGS IV."
     "C'mon Judge, it's not that bad," replied Wimpy.  "It's certainly not as bad as
the TOGS III when Master Darque killed your 21 WT/21 WL lunger.  At least the Aradi
wildfires are under control, and you can now focus on the TOGS."  Wimpy was slurring
his words as he motioned to the barkeep to pour him another shot.  Although Wimpy did
not have all of his mental facilities available to him, he was aware that the TOGS
Curse was real.  Wimpy had lost one of his TOGS warriors in the tourney, and had been
forced to send one of his lesser warriors to the Dark Arena on the first turn of the
TOGS.  Judge and Wimpy began to strategize for Turn Two of the TOGS IV.
     Judge exclaimed:  "I want to bloodfeud that good for nothing Earl of Zippy that
killed Subrogation last turn."
     Wimpy replied, "Remember, this is the TOGS; revenge is not our best strategy.
The only way we can lift the TOGS Curse is to make our challenges count."
Bloodfeuding did not appear to be a viable option unless it could net Wimpy and Judge
some TOGS points, without sacrificing other challenges that would yield greater
     Judge pondered Wimpy's advice.  Judge was torn between avenging the death of his
21 WT/17 WL striker, and upchallenging for 10 TOGS points.  Earl of Zippy was a
warrior participating in the TOGS, so at least Judge would get some points for
bloodfeuding Earl of Zippy.  On the other hand, would bloodfeuding exacerbate the
TOGS Curse on Wimpy and Judge?  Maybe Manager was right, and the TOGS Curse on Judge
and Wimpy was based upon Judge's refusal to run scum.  Wait, no, that could not be
the problem.  Judge was actually going against his moral fiber and running a scum in
the TOGS IV.
     By now, Wimpy had confiscated the bottle from the barkeep and was pouring
himself and Judge another drink.  Wimpy and Judge lifted their glasses and Judge
stated, "Here is to lifting the TOGS Curse."
     "I will drink to that," bellowed Wimpy.
     "Earl of Zippy, strap on some plate, 'cause here I come," yelled Judge.
     Revenge may not be the best strategy, but it sure is fun.

               -- Legalese

            + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Forgotten Realms ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     How dare I forget to write a Spotlight AND Personal Ads for this silly contest!
How very un-Armalias-like of me.  Well, Talon was here the only other time my
organization participated, but I'm here now and I certainly need to outdo him, and
not participating like that last turn just isn't going to fly.  So, without further
ado, let's learn a little bit about my team here in Aradi, Forgotten Realms.
     Ivan and Pikel, two stunty, stinking, powerfully built dwarves, walked into the
newly remodeled Guildhouse, using the backdoor off the kitchen.  The older of the
two, Ivan, stepped to the cellar door and went down to draw two large mugs of ale
while the younger set about making them some sandwiches for lunch.  They'd just come
from their bouts at the arena and were famished after their hard work on the sands.
Of course, being dwarves, they were ALWAYS thirsty for ale.
     Ivan returned up the stairs just as Pikel was finishing up and setting the
plates, piled high with roast beef and ham for their sandwiches.  He chuckled at the
amount of food his companion had set out, but didn't complain, knowing it wouldn't be
going to waste.  He set a mug down for himself and slid another across the small
table.  Pikel grabbed it up greedily and drank deeply of the cool ale before smacking
his lips and diving into his lunch.
     The dwarves were so busy stuffing their faces that they didn't even notice when
Florin and Dove Falconhand entered the room through the same door they'd used when
they'd returned from the arena.  They might have noticed had they....
     "Remember to close the door next time, guys," Florin said to the pair, his voice
dripping venom.
     "And try to clean yourselves up after your fights, would you?" Dove stated more
than asked.  "I can't stand the smell of a sweaty dwarf."
     The two dwarves just chuckled and went on eating.  For the last two years,
they'd listened to the constant complaining of the couple over their lack of good
personal hygiene, and they weren't about to be offended, no matter how hard the
humans tried.
     Florin snorted disgustedly and took his wife's hand, pulling her towards the
interior of the house.  "Come on, Dove," he said angrily.  "We're wasting our time
trying to change these two."
     The dwarves only laughed all the harder as they left the room, and went to
finish not only their lunch, but a healthy amount of ale as well.  When they were
done, they went ahead and cleaned up their dishes and, washing them and even toweling
them off before putting them away.  They went on about the rest of their duties,
making it a point to bump into the Falconhands as often as possible before cleaning
themselves up for dinner that night.
     The team assembled in the formal dining room that night, one of the new rooms
that had been added by their new manager, who none of them had met as of yet.  They
knew his name, and that told them a lot as he had built quite a reputation back in
the day.  But what he would be bringing to them now, with so much going on in the
world, they did not have a clue.
     Ivan and Pikel sat on one side of the long table, while Florin and Dove sat
together on the other side.  The new staff of the Guildhouse had set the chairs, and
nameplates had actually been placed for seating arrangements.  Dove and Pikel had
ignored their nameplates, and even moved them to suit their own desires.  To make
matters more complicated, Ivan and Pikel were sitting at each other's places at the
table.  The dwarves thought this to be enormously funny, and were even betting they
could continually switch places for months before their new manager caught on.
     Then he walked in.  Resplendent in his black and white silk doublet and dragon
leather pants, Armalias Skyhawk veritably glided into the room, his scarlet cloak,
the defining article of the Scarlet Knights, billowing elegantly behind him.  The
steel heels of his boots clicked as he strode gracefully across the marble floor to
his place at the head of the table.  He smoothly removed his cloak, spinning it
around himself twice before releasing it to glide across the room to a waiting cloak
rack in the corner.  He was in his seat taking in the measure of his warriors before
the cloak reached its hook.

           + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Demons of Darkness ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
TOGS Wars: Chapter Eighty Nine Thousand Two Hundred Sixty Five - A TOGS Hope (Part 2)

In the barren wastes outside Aradi:

     Rillion Vodkadrinker took a sip from his flask.  He then shaded his eyes with
his hand and scanned the canyon looking for signs the escaped duck.  He knew he was
close to finding the duck since he had heard a faint "Aflac!" echoing through the
canyon just moments ago.  He hoped to find the duck soon before it was captured by
the powerful Sandman that was known to live in this canyon.  A solitary Sandman was
one of the most feared creatures in the wastes outside of Aradi.  While a group of
Sandmen were not much of a threat (apparently they did not perform as well in a group
because they put too much pressure on themselves), a lone Sandman was unbeatable.
Rillion sighed as he failed to see any sign of Dreihdenflahg and took a sip from his
flask of Kettel One.  While he was focused on his drink, the feared Sandman suddenly
rose up from his hiding place behind Rillion and smacked him upside the head with a
club, knocking Rillion out.  Just as the Sandman was preparing to crush Rillion's
skull, the bone-curdling cry of a Yoder echoed through the canyon.  The Sandman
panicked and fled before the Yoder entered the canyon and saw him.  For once a Yoder
had latched onto a new victim, there was no escaping it.
     But instead of a Yoder entering the canyon, a hooded figured with a duck on its
shoulder came over and tended to the unconscious Rillion.  "What happened?" asked a
grog-filled Rillion when he regained consciousness.
     "You were attacked by the Sandman, young VodkaDrinker.  Fortunately even the
mightiest of creatures fear the stench of a Yoder."
     "A Yoder?!?  Quick we must get out of here before it finds us!" said a fearful
Rillion at the mention of the beast.
     "Do not fear, juvenile VodkaDrinker, there is no Yoder approaching.  I have
found the ability to mimic its cry a useful skill in protecting my privacy," said the
hooded stranger.
     As Rillion calmed down he got a good look at the hooded figure who had
Dreihdenflahg perched on his shoulder.  He finally recognized his rescuer, "Darque
Ashe, thanks for saving me and I see you found my duck.  He escaped earlier and
apparently went in search of someone named 'Ashe Master'."
     "That is a name I haven't heard in a very long time, infantile VodkaDrinker,"
replied Darque Ashe.
     "Then you know who is looking for?" said the obtuse Rillion.
     "Of course I do, you idiot!  It's me.  Ashe Master, Darque Ashe, come anyone
could have figured that one out.  Although I have not gone by that name since my days
in the Academy for People with Mullets & Abnormally High Levels of Midimajigers
(APMAHL).  Now that you know the truth you can call me by yet another name, Master
     "AFLAC!  AFLAC!" quacked Dreihdenflahg when he realized he had found the person
Prince Armalias had sent him in search of.  He flapped his wings and out fell a
envelope.  Master Darque picked up the envelope and opened it.  Inside was a letter
and a small crystal.  He read the letter and put the crystal in a pocket of his
robes.  After finishing the letter he grabbed Rillion by the arm and dragged him to
his feet.
     "We must go quickly, baby Vodkadrinker, the TOGS is in danger from the evil
FONZ.  We must get this crystal which contains the FONZ's secret plans for dominating
the TOGS to the Basketweaving Society in Aruaki.  Hopefully we will make it in time.
We will need to charter a ship," said Master Darque.
     "But I can't go with you, Uncle Rabbit will never let me go.  He never lets me
do anything," whined Rillion.
     "Do not worry, I will explain the importance of our mission to Rascally Rabbit."

(To be continued for as long as Team 11 is in contention...)
(To Be Continued, Unfortunately)

              + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Thieves Guild ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     "I needeth some kind of advantage against the othereth TOGS opponents." Nuln
thought out loud.
     "What about the old crone in Nulnrovia?" spoke one of the defective Chaos
Broccoli Zombies(tm).  Nuln pondered the idea...and then he pondered some more...
...   ...   ...   ...   ...   ...   ...   ...   ...   ...   and yet even more
pondering...   ...   ...   ...   ...   ...   ...   ...<zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...>  "Huh,
what, oh yeseth, the Old Croneth in Nulnrovia!  I'll shall seeeth her at onceth!"
Nuln headed straight for his plane travelling machine and set the controls to take
him to Nulnrovia, a magical plane nestled in-between the elemental planes of
Freakinridiclous and Icantthinkofanythingtowriteandthereselevenmoreturnstogodamnit.
     Nuln arrived to meet swirling mists and haunting moans.  The two security guards
barred Nuln's entrance to the humble tent of the Old Crone.  "Mr. Mists, Mr. Moans,
It is I, Nuln the Chaoseth Lord!  I demandeth an audience with your Old Croneth!"
Nuln shouted confidently.
     "She is in session right now, it should only be a moment." Mr. Mists stated.
Just then the tent drapes folded back and Guardian walked out.  "Guardian?  Are you
here foreth TOGS enlightenment like me?" questioned the Chaos Lord.
     "No, no.  I was just looking for some respect in the Old Crone's tent."
     "Well, dideth you find any?"
     "Nope.  But she told me I might find some if I go to the Elemental Plane of
     "Uhm, yes, welleth good lucketh finding some respect then!"  Nuln stated, trying
to hide the pity in his voice.  The Chaos Lord shook his head and walked by Swirling
Mists and Haunting Moans and crept into the dark musty tent.
     "Sit down Nuln." spoke a raspy, Melissa Etheridge the later years type of voice.
"You have come seeking knowledge, have you not?"
     Nuln nervously cleared his throat....  "Uhm, yeseth, I have not, I meaneth, no
have noteth!  I mean knowledgeth is...."
     "Silence, you blabbering fool." the Crone screamed.  You want to find out the
futures of your competitors in your gladiatorial contest.  I shall seek the wisdom of
    Nuln shrieked back in horror and wondered if he made the right decision.  Oh what
it would be like to be home in front of the fire with a few of his Broccoli Zombies
to keep him company.
     "Your first opponents, Ganolus and Hombre, powerful they are.  (Yoda? are you in
here?)  Let us now see what the Tarot reveals for them!"  Nuln watched with horrid
anticipation as the first card was flipped....

      to be continued...

            + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ An Antiadventure ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     It was a bright and chipper day in the happy land of Aradi, the sun was shining,
the birds were singing, and the toads were sucking out people's souls as they napped
in the shade of the evergreens at Aradi National Park.  All around one could see
happiness and well being, people smiling and waving to one another as they walked
down the street....  Deputy Bob helping little old ladies cross the street...little
Johnny Jokum Jr. playing hopscotch with a gaggle of snotlings...even bitter old crone
Mrs. Vanderflop was out working on her garden instead of writing threatening and/or
erotic letters to Clay Aiken.
     Yes, a grand day all around.  For everyone and every creature.  Well...maybe not
EVERY creature.
     No, in fact there was a particular species that was very, very unhappy.
Miserable.  Filled with rage even.  That species?
      The Gerbillus Aradis...AKA the Aradi Gerbil.
     The Aradi gerbil looks like any other gerbil except for the very dark brown
patch of hair covering their upper torso, and it is this "mark of shame" that is the
very root cause of the problem.
     Because at that moment, there was a seething mass of really pissed off gerbils
rallying at the abandoned "Colonel Carnage's Crispy Critters" chicken shack out in
the rural section of Aradi.
     And they had signs.  And slogans, sung loud and proud in their squeaky little
     "We're not goats, and we're not sheep...so D.O.A has got to leave!"
     "One two three four no more being Ghoti's whore!"
     "Nine eight seven six, the sight of Nuln just makes us sick!"
     Yes, quite the little fuzzy mob scene indeed.  And normally, despite the raucous
commotion, such an event would have gone unnoticed, as the chicken shack had seen its
last customer over five years ago and nobody bothered the ramshackle property since.
Even with the walls shaking from the shouted manifestos and the window jittering from
the stomping of hundreds of wee wittle feetsies the odds of even one person noticing
the rally would be slim.  But it just so happened that on that day, a certain shadow
skinned, clumsy goof of a manager happened to be walking by.  Well skipping by
actually.  Er, skipping by while singing....
     "Iiiii wanna be a lifeguard, lifeguard lifeguard....  Iiiiii wanna guard your
life, buh bam boo doo doo!"
     Anti, manager of The Upstarts III and Junior Woodchuck member of FONZ just
happened to be cutting through that particular parking lot as a short cut to the
secret FONZ meeting place that he wasn't supposed to know about or show up at (But he
figured they were just kidding, even  with the armed guards at his door and the pit
bulls trained to kill at his scent...after all they were always joking about how he
stunk as a manager and was ruining their non-alliance and that he would best suit
them by dying as horribly as possible.  Those little stinkers.)  He was lost in his
little rainbow colored world of unicorns and dancing lollipops when he heard some
high pitched shouting...coming from the chicken shack!  Now Soultaker had told Anti
to stay away from the shack since it was a dangerous place now, and that Chromie
wanted to be there with a big bucket of popcorn when Anti died so don't go dying
without an audience...but the little part of the cotton wad that passed as a brain in
Anti's head whispered that he HAD to go see what was going on.  And so with a shrug
he went over and peered through the grease stained window.
     And what a sight he beheld.  Hundreds of angry little gerbils marching in column
around a small stage, fists and signs held high up in the air!  And on the stage
several large, commanding looking gerbils held up their own fists up in salute,
encouraging the demonstration.  After several moments of marching, the lines stopped
as a unusually large gerbil came forth from the crowd and then marched up and onto
the platform.  A hush fell over the room as he spoke:
     "Friends of the fields, hearken unto ME!" bellowed the puffy fellow, "And hear
my words!  For too long our kind has been the victim of atrocities that are too
horrible to speak off!"  This brought cheers of "Hear hear!" and "Damn straight!"
from the flock.  "We are a proud race, not meek like the mouse, nor obese like the
guinea pig!  NO, we are the Gerbil Nation!  And we have our pride!" roared the leader
as the cheers got even louder.  "And this...this horrible abuse...these...trips to
the "shadowlands"...they must stop and they must stop NOW!!"
     As the gerbil mob exploded in cheers, at the window Anti giggled and murmured,
"Heh heh heh, little fuzzies are so cute...look at their cute little pitchforks and
cute little torches."
     And the leader continued, " Now is OUR time!  Last TOGS the goats and other
barnyard fools tried and failed to spark a revolution...failed because they did not
have our support!"  Boos scattered through the crowd.  "But now it's OUR TURN!  Now
we do it OUR way!  And the hills will flow with the blood our enemies!  HUZZAH!!"
And as the leader whipped the masses into a frenzy, several small straw figures, hung
on hooks, were wheeled onto the platform.  Looking closely, you could tell that one
looked a bit like Nuln, another like Ganolus, and several others looked like the
various members of FONZ.  With a "huzzah" of their own, the gerbil henchman took
torches to the effigies, setting them alight to the crowds' delight.
     "Wow," muttered Anti, "don't think I've ever seen gerbils burn us in effigy...
well at least since the DOOMcorps left town...."
     Back on the platform the leader raised his hand to silence the crowd.  "As it is
well known, those hideous freaks who are called "FONZ" control Aradi with an iron
fist."  More boos from the crowd, and a single shout of "Snotman slimed me!"  "But if
we can destroy this FONZ, then we can take control of this town and finally the trips
to the black chambers of death can end!" the Leader bellowed out, little fuzzy jaw
quivering with righteous anger!
     The crowd responded with their own shouts.  "Yes, kill them all!"  "Kill the
FONZ!"  "Well except for Hombre, he's a cuddler!"
     The crowd, as one, turned to see who said that.  A small gerbil (wearing leg
warmers) did his best to melt into his seat.  Back at the window, Anti scratched his
hairless chin.  It seemed to him that gerbils conspiring to kill all the members of
FONZ should concern him in some way...but he couldn't think of why.  At that moment,
an imaginary little Anti in white ropes and wearing a halo poofed onto Anti's
     Angel Anti:  "Anti, you should tell Soultaker about this.  Remember how mad he
was the last time rodents were plotting to kill all the members of FONZ and you
forgot to tell him?
     "Well it wasn't my fault, it was Tuesday."  Anti muttered, kicking some dirt...
"And they were playing back to back Gilmore Girls."
     Of course at this point a little red Anti popped up onto Anti's other shoulder,
little red tail swinging.
     Devil Anti:  "I like sour gummi bears better than regular gummi bears.  I think
it's the sour stuff that makes em better."
     "Hmmm...." considered Anti.
     Angel Anti:  "You do make a good point, but I still think we should tell
     Devil Anti:  "Eh, whatever."
     At that point the two imaginary Antis poofed back out of existence.  And so
Anti's course was set.
     "Time to go pee in Inferno's pool!"
     Well maybe not, but I'm pretty sure by the next part of the story Anti will have
told Soultaker...so stay tuned!

             + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ My Best Buds 2 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     The darkly vested figure paced back and forth late night at the My Best Buds 2
guildhouse.  Mumbling to himself over and over, "A duck my ass!  Who would write such
scurrilous slander, long winded..." he bellowed.  Then his brow unfurrowed as he came
to the conclusion that it indeed was all in good fun and of a light hearted nature.
"I got to admit," he spoke to himself, "even I found it quite a humorous little
     The ease of the moment quickly subsided as his mind quite clearly turned to his
team.  He called out in an angered tone, "Death Commander, have you finished your
plan for training  these worthless slugs before their next round of fights?"  Through
the doorway came the war-torn body and scarred visage of the mentor to these young
upstarts.  "Yes, sir, I have, and I also made it quite clear to the 2 you mentioned
that their time here is quite short if their performance does not vastly improved.
They seemed to understand the point, but we will soon see if they have taken heed of
the warning or merely brushed it aside and taken it as idle threat."
     Again pacing back and forth in front of the now seated, well trusted trainer of
his team, Street Legal asked for the honest opinion of his long time friend, and
after all he had been his mentor too before taking up arms to show his own original
cast of upstarts what a real warrior was like upon the sands.  The discussion went on
for hours late into the night, they stood before the blazing fire at times, sometimes
seated, and at times one standing menacingly over the other in heated discussion.
However heated the discussion got, however, they communicated well and never lost
sight of where this passion was coming from and why it was there.  They had a team
too manage, a quite often reckless band of youth.
     Both men retired to their rooms that night but it was clear that neither would
sleep.  Although turning in a respectable 50% record after their first two rounds,
each felt that they could do better and should do better.  It was now up to them to
figure out how to go about drawing the best of these young minds and bodies out when
the battle began.  As night became day both walked out into the common area upon the
upper level of the guildhouse, not a word was spoken, but their eyes met and there
seemed to be a silent understanding of what this day would bring.
     Street Legal set forth for the stairs heading directly to the courtyard where
the team trained as Death Commander went to the rooms where the warriors slept and
woke them one by one.  Coming to the last room he walked in and tried to shake the
warrior known as Skunk #1 awake, but he got little more than a few mumbles.  Angered,
he grabbed at the mattress and with a rush of adrenaline flipped the mattress, Skunk
still atop it, to the floor.  He screamed at the behemoth of a man who stood at least
a foot taller then him that he had been warned already once that he was on slippery
ground and if this were to happen again it would be the Dark Arena for sure,
regardless of his record.  Screaming out like a drill sergeant, "This is not mere fun
and games here.  Do you think I came all the way from the Isle of the Eye just to
baby-sit your little pansy asses?  Your stablemaster has entered this contest not
only for himself but also to bring honor to his alliance and family and I WILL not
let you embarrass him I assure you!"  The tall slim warrior bowed his head in shame
and walked through the door head hung low, and not just to fit through the doorway,
knowing that things would have to change because his trainer seemed dead serious.
His mentor and trainer just stood there and shook his head in disbelief knowing he
had his work cut out for him...with this whole team.
     Slowly plodding his way into the courtyard Skunk took his place alongside his
teammates.  Street Legal darted a glance at him, sneered and stood to address his
stable.  The lone female warrior shook her head looking over at the late arrival
opened her mouth to speak her mind but then thought better of it and simply shot a
glance his way as well.  Street Legal made sure first that all eyes had landed upon
his before beginning his speech.
     For nearly 15 minutes he rattled off a list of his displeasures with everyone's
performance, encouraging that they could do much better.  Then paused briefly and
bringing forth praise to two of the three warriors that had entered the fall tourney.
The other he turned and gazed at and the young Pot Pourri knew what was at stake
simply from the body language he saw, not to mention the stern lecture their trainer
had laid forth the night before.  He also brought praise to another warrior who did
not make the tourney but as he put it, "Made excellent use of the near empty training
facility to work on his faults unbothered by the distractions of others."  And then
there was the late arrival.  He merely looked at him and shook his head, it was clear
that there was no joy shown for this promising young upstart, but he still had a
chance to realize his potential.
     Another pause as he flipped open a small booklet with handwritten notes.  "I
want to look these over briefly before I sign off on your new training programs but
rest assured I am confident your mentor has planned well.  For now begin warming up
your training for the upcoming round of fights will come soon!"  He walked over to
the small set of stands where he normally watched over the teams training and buried
his head in the notes never once looking up to see that they were doing well, after
all he had full confidence in his trainer to handle the job at hand.

          + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Elephant's Rumblings ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     Due to scheduling and sponsorship issues, "Tales of Kingsport" will be delayed
this week.  Check back next week, same Elephant time, same Elephant channel.  Wow, I
don't know what to think of TOGS IV so far.  Two out of three guys get waxed in the
Mail in Tourney.
     Kobe was a warrior I made awhile ago (Trip 17, think he went something like 14-3
a few FtFs ago).  He was a very fun warrior to run.  I will miss him.  I guess with
all of his legal problems going on, TOGS IV was too much for him.
     Lebron was a nice TOGS warrior.  He was a 21 wit Striker who showed some
promise.  RIP, Lebron.
     My two replacements are both in honor of my two friends, Indimar and Ganolus.
The first is Biggest Pete.  I got permission from my TOGS IV partner Sir Indimar to
use this name.  Let's hope he's as knacky as Big Pete.  The second warrior was
inspired by Ganolus during a recent FtF party at Barnabas crib.  If you need details
on Weed 4 Mom's name, talk to your TOGS IV commish, Ganolus.
     I also most flaked on writing this spotlight.  Indimar was going to kill me but
who would've thought things would have been so hectic this week.  My PC at home is
down.  I just started a new job and had the flu for a good part of the week.  I
called Indimar begging him to forgive me for not writing.  He told me not to worry
(For those at home, if this doesn't make sense, it shouldn't.  I'm writing it at work
with people looking at me).  Some how some way, I've found time.  Besides I couldn't
let Manager be right about me not writing every turn.
     Indimar, I hope you have a very strong back.  I feel you may need to carry our
team for awhile until I can get my sh#$ together.
     To the Commissioner Ganolus, I would like to request an Official Investigation
into a conspiracy against me.  Below are the following reasons I feel there's a
     1)  I had two out of five guys die in tourney (I was assured there would be no
         repercussions for sending my mail-in late).
     2)  For the second time, I haven't received by turn for 60.
     3)  Why am I always being censored in PA and Spotlights?
     Find out who's behind this and bring them to justice.
     And to answer all your questions, yes I would like some cheese with my wine or
is that whine?

The Mighty Elephant

           + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Lurocians Reloaded ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     The next morning I awoke early and headed to town.  I had a few errands I needed
to run today.  It was mile or so to town.  As I neared the tavern, I noticed a
strange man following me.  I noticed him as soon as I left my house hiding in the
shadows.  He was dressed in a long black robe and was of a darker complexion.  I slid
in the tavern and waited to see if he followed me there.  A few minutes went by and I
saw nothing of the strange man.  I decided as long as I was in the tavern I might as
well get something to drink.  I ordered a pint and sat at a vacant table near the
door.  As I was about to leave I noticed the man in black had made his was through
the doors.  He carefully searched the tavern.  Once he spotted me he walked over and
sat down at my table.
     "Can I help you?" I asked.
     He looked around as if expecting someone else to be there and be watching us.
He leaned in close and whispered a few words.  "You've been looking for someone and I
know where to find her." he said.
     I wasn't sure exactly what he was talking about, so I asked him what he meant by
     "I have no time for games." he said.  "The one you seek would like to meet you.
Sandeous sends her regards." he stated.
     At the sound of the name I perked up.  No one really knew if Sandeous existed.
There were rumors of her showing up in towns and being attacked by gladiators.
Witnesses said they have never seen anyone move as fast as she could.  She would
surely be one of the top warriors in all Alastari if she wanted to.
     "Sandeous wants to meet me?" I questioned.
     " Yes, Geo.  She does," he replied.
     " How did you know that was my real name?  No one has called me that in years.
I started going by The Greek Guy years ago." I replied.
     "We've been watching you for a long time.  Show up and this hotel tonight at
dusk," he said, handing me a parchment with an address on it.  "Don't be late and
make sure you're not followed." he said.  "All will be made clear later.  Once you
meet Sandeous." he stated.
     With that he got up and once again looked around the room before he left.  I was
in shock.  I couldn't believe I was going to meet Sandeous.  I hurried back to my
house, my mind racing with thoughts.  Why did she want to meet me?  I was a very
skilled fighter and great manager of my stables but there were others out there with
those same attributes.  I rounded the corner where I could see my house at the end of
the street.  I stopped in my tracks.  There were three well dressed individuals
standing around my house and I could see that my door was open.  I slowly crept back
around the corner and was going to try to make an escape.  However there must have
been more people that I didn't see.  As I turned around, hands grabbed my shoulders.
Another man in a dress robe grabbed me.  "Are you Geo?" he asked.
     "Yea, what's it to you." I snorted back in reply.
     With that I felt a sharp pain on the back of my head and then blackness overcame
          To be continued

         + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Darque Ages presents... ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
                  The Nulninator II:  The Legend of Drunken Master

     Previously in our story, Nuln traveled back in time 20 years to kill Master
Darque as a child before he could thwart Nuln's plans to enslave all the goats in
Aradi to chocolatize their nipples.
     He stood in the alleyway naked as a cold wind swept through the streets.  Now
you dear reader must be concerned about Nuln and his nakedness.  Not because you feel
embarrassed for him or even sorry that he has no clothing, but for the fact that
innocent men, women, and children had to be exposed to the pure horror of it all.
One child that day was affected for life.  Soultaker was taking a stroll with his
mother to the candy shop when the Nuln strutted by in his birthday suit.  Soultaker's
mother tried to cover his eyes, but it was too late.  That night as he bathed, his
hair began to come out in clumps.  Only a week after the trauma, he was bald.  It has
never grown back.
     Hours later as Nuln wandered the streets of Aradi, he finally found some clothes
that he could wear.  It was more like clothes that he was willing to wear.  Leg
warmers were soooo nineteen years from now, but paisley bandanas around the wrists
and knees were IN!  After covering himself (praise the gods!), Nuln went in search of
a wiseperson that could set him in the right direction in his search for Master
     He eased in and out of the crowded streets looking for wisemen.  He finally
found a sign that caught his eye.  In the seedy part of town, a large sign with an
olive and a crystal ball on it caused him to stop.
     "This couldn't be him," Nuln thought to himself.  "I didn't realize he was this
     Nuln entered the building and was astonished at what he saw.  The Greek Guy, a
much younger Greek Guy was sitting behind a crystal ball.  In fact, calling him Greek
Guy would be inappropriate.  It was more like The Greek Adolescent.  TGA eyed Nuln as
he entered, and in a voice caught somewhere between adolescence and adulthood he
said, "What do you want, you bandana wearing freak?"
     "Are you a psychic?  I could really use one right now," Nuln began.
     "Yeah, I'm a psychic.  Whadda ya want?"
     Nuln looked the young man up and down as if inspecting a new horse.  If he was
not seeing it with his own eyes, he would never have pictured TGG so young.  "What is
your name, young man?"
     "Um...TGG is what most people call me," he answered.
     "And what does TGG stand for?"
     "The Grease Guy, or The Great Guy, or The Gay Guy...I haven't quite decided
yet," the youth admitted.  "But, it is gonna be great with I finally figure it out."
     "I'm looking for someone.  You probably do not know him, but it is very
important that I find him," Nuln began, unsure of how much information to give TGA.
He told him of Master Darque, his demon heritage, and his possible location upon the
lower planes.
     "He owe you money or sumthin?" TGA asked.  He was gazing into his crystal ball
and picking his nose.  He wiped the ample supply of green slime on his vest as he
pulled it from his nostrils.
     "Oh no, nothing like that.  He is a very dangerous man, err...demon and will
hurt a lot of goats, uh...I mean a lot of people if I do not find him.  So can you
help me or not?"
     "I cannot help you, but I know someone who can.  They call him the Drunken
Master," TGA revealed.  "He knows everyone on all the planes, or claims that he
     "Drunken Master?  What is he some type of fighting monk?  I think I have heard
of this drunken fighting style, and I think...," Nuln began to rant on endlessly
about nothingness.
     TGA rolled his eyes at the pitiful bandana clad manager, "No he isn't a great
fighting monk, he is just an alcoholic.  His name is Rillion.  You will need to find
him if you wish to find this Master Darque."

                    + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[  ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
         -----     -----     -----    Soultaker    -----     -----     -----

     Although tired, Death Stud continued on with his burden.  "I meant what I said.
When we get to the temple of Khorne the free ride is over.  I can't believe you all
let me down so badly.  If I have to live with being associated with an alliance, the
least you slugs could do is win a bit."
     "Hey guys, wait up.  Why won't you let me go with you?  I did better then all of
you except "THE STUD".  I want to play too," Barnabas whimpered.
     "I told you a million times this is not an alliance.  Why would I want any more
dead weight on my back," Death Stud snarled at the sniveling nuisance.
     "I can carry the weight.  I have big shoulders," Inferno volunteered.
     "Are you crazy?  We can't even count on you to show up.  When is the last time
you even attempted to prepare for a tourney," Death Stud questioned.
     "I'd be happy to help carry some of the load, but you know how bad my back is.
If it had not been for having to re-train your warriors at the last Face to Face, I
would be in much better shape right now.  I was so worn out from that, I was unable
to properly pay enough attention to my own stables," Soultaker chirped in.
     Before Death Stud could respond, he was pulled to a stop just outside of town.
Turning his head he saw Snotman and Nuln dragging their feet in the road.
     "Can we stop here for a little while," Snotman asked.
     "Yeah, just for a bit.  I want to say hi to Bessie," Nuln begged.
     Death Stud looked around and realized that he had stopped at the entrance to
farmer boB's place. The farm was in bad shape.  Most of the livestock had been taken
away by the local humane society.  It seems that all of the horses, cows and sheep
had been so sexually traumatized they were unfit to remain in an unsupervised
environment.  It seems that all the cows and horses, when shown a bucket, would stop
whatever they were doing and back up to the bucket. The sheep would hang around the
barn and bellow "Baaaaack, Baaaack, Baaaack."
     "There's no reason to go up there.  All of the animals have been removed since
you left," Death Stud tried to get them to give it up.
     "Wait, I see a chicken over there," Nuln screamed and started running after it.
     "Hold on, I'm coming to," Snotman cried out.
     The chicken noticed the two managers running towards it.  It was obvious that
the chicken recognized the two coming towards it by the fearful clucking as it
started to run away.  The poor chicken was also burdened by the fact it was no longer
retentive.  Every 20 or so steps an egg would fall to the ground.
     "I've had it.  Everyone off!  Find your own way to the temple," Death Stud
     Slowly each of the managers climbed off the diminutive master manager.  A look
of confusion played across their faces as Death Stud stomped off.
     "I want all of you to meet me tomorrow morning at Mount Cyanide.  We start your
lessons on how to become a better manager then," Death Stud yelled over his shoulder
as he made his way towards his guildhouse.
     The rest of the managers stood there for a few minutes watching Nuln and Snotman
try and catch the elusive chicken.  Both had fallen numerous times slipping on the
broken eggs.  As one the others turned and started walking towards the farm.
     "Might as well go watch,"  Hombre suggested.

              + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Black Friars ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
                                 Buddha Takes a Nap

     Buddha's head spun as he pushed the door open, and a low murmur of voices and
the clink of glasses swirled through the portal and drew him into the inn.  The
sawdust floor of the Welcome Wench was soaked with spilt ale and the air hung heavy
with the odors of must, filth, and the sweat of the other patrons who had lingered
there much too long.  Buddha was home.  With sideways glances, Buddha scanned for an
inconspicuous seat, and finally came to rest next to a man with a half-shaven face
and a mound of rags for clothing, who seemingly stirred from his melancholic dementia
only to swill his ale.  Buddha sat with a smug smile parting his lips at his success
in crossing the room without being assaulted by some wanker who had lost money on one
of his warriors.  After a few moments, the elephant-like head that rested upon the
mound of rags next to Buddha leaned heavily upon Buddha's shoulder emitting a long,
low rumbling snore.  As Buddha caught wind of the acrid odors of the mound's ale
breath, the door opened and a cacophony of voices stirred and welcomed, "Yukon!"
     "Yukon," Buddha mumbled under his breath and through gritted teeth.  "Yukon,"
Buddha thought and winced with pain.  How they welcome him as if he is a prince!  As
if he is their savior from their mundane lives.  Buddha knew better.  He had seen
Yukon's mounting debt to the Welcome Wench.  He knew how much Yukon could swill and
he was not impressed.  Sure, Yukon could field some respectable warriors, better than
Buddha's himself--but that was not the point!  Buddha could still eat more TOGS Dogs
in one sitting than Yukon ever could.
     The mound stirred and muttered something in a breath of mead that Buddha found
quite disturbing.  "Chocolate goat nipples...."  What is Aradi coming to, when grown
men can conceive of such bestiality as chocolatizing the nipples of a farm animal?
Truly, what had Buddha gotten himself into?  With that sentiment, Buddha drifted off
dreaming of chocolate goat nipples.
     Buddha stirred as the mound squawked and became ambulatory.  The beast, leaving
a pamphlet in its wake, headed towards the door in a flurry of intoxicated glee.
Buddha picked up the pamphlet and read the headline--"TOGS Results:  Turn 1"--Buddha
paused, from his labored reading pleased with himself.  "Well, at least the first
round didn't go too badly," Buddha nodded to himself as he reached for the nearly
empty tankard of ale left by the mound--no sense in wasting slightly warm mead.
Fourth was acceptable.  Wouldn't want to premier at number one--nowhere to go but
down.  Frankly, ninth wouldn't be so bad, but hiding from Mannequin's wrath for two
weeks would have been difficult and bothersome, since Buddha had no real intention of
leaving the bar.
     Buddha looked into his tankard, swirled his mead, and began a daydream of being
a manager behind a big desk strewn with papers (like the one he had seen in Wimpy's
office) and his own "welcome wench" to answer the door.  Light would beam through the
window and shine upon the Golden Scrod that Mannequin had won for the two of them.
But for now, he must be content with mead in his mug and a mound of rags resting on
his shoulder for companionship in the only office he can afford, a bench along the
outside walls of the Welcome Wench.

              + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Five Spheres ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     "Hi...my name is Jeff and I play Duelmasters."
     The group always answers "Hi, Jeff!"  I miss that.
     I had been clean for nearly two years.  I quit cold-turkey.  I gave away all of
my best warriors.  I deleted all of the databases and cleared out my internet
bookmarks.  I even threw away the fights.  I was done.  Then I saw a message in my
     The subject header was simply "TOGS".
     Hello my old friend....
     An addict never truly is free of the disease.  Alcoholics cannot take even one
drink without the need returning in full force.  I had gotten rid of all of my
teams...save one.
     I snuck out to the garage and got the file from a dusty box on a high shelf.  I
won't send in tactics, I'll just see what this team looks like.  (Yeah, right.)
     I took the file to work.  Not to hide it from my wife, it was just more
     Opening the file, sitting in the parking lot outside my office, I found that the
team had two new roll-ups to design...or not.  I could let it go.  I didn't have to
fill in the blanks.  I didn't have to invest any time/hope in to these two.  Right?
     Damn you, John Holt!  Google still finds your page.  I still remember....
     I'll fill them out but I won't send them in.  I won't!  Really!
     Okay, they both look to be mode.  No big deal...I'm not going to run them
anyway.  Wait, does that say "does Good damage"...doesn't matter.
     Well, it doesn't!
     Many of you don't know this but Paul (Nuln) is one of the most persuasive people
on the planet.  He sent me an email that I'll reprint here:

     "Yo, want to partner up for TOGS?"

     Do you see what I mean?  Can you blame me?  With such a finely crafted piece of
psychological manipulation (and implied threat?) sitting in my inbox, staring at me,
what could I say?
     I better tell the wife.
     "So, did you enjoy the movie?  How was dinner?  I'mplayingDuelmastersagain...."
     Subtle, I know.  Feel free to use it if you need to.
     My wife fights dirty.
     "How much is it per month?  How many months will you be playing?  Hmm, that
would be enough to buy that Lob Wedge that you've been looking at...."
     Dirty, dirty fighter.  The only thing that tipped the scales was that TOGS
started in October and golf season is ending.  That wedge would just sit in the
     So that's how I fell off the wagon.
     I'll quit again right after TOGS.

              + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Power Brokers ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     Bam! slammed the front door, startling the group as well as breaking the
tension.  "Keep this under your hats.  Dubya is NOT to know," said McCain softly.
     "What is the situation, people?" asked Dubya as he strode purposefully from the
entryway towards the head of the table.
     "We were just about to discuss our operational plan for the upcoming TOGS
contest, G.W." said McCain.  "We have some basic plans in mind for the opening phase
of the contest and we needed to be sure everyone was on the same page before we
     "Looks like I am right on time then," said Dubya as he sat down.  He looked
around, as if he were missing something.  "Where is my coffee?" he asked puzzledly.
     "There is a coffeepot and cups on the sideboard," Cantwell said helpfully.
     Dubya smiled at her sweetly, "Darling, where are you from again?" he asked, as
if he could not remember.
     "Me?" said Cantwell, "I am from Seattle, Washington."
     "Latte-Land?" snapped Dubya, his smile disappearing, "Good.  That practically
makes you an expert.  Why don't you make yourself useful and pour me a cup of coffee
so we can get this meeting started.  I like mine black; none of that sissy froth and
flavorings for me."
     Helms, sitting to Dubya's left, laughed out loud.  Dubya, enjoying his sport,
flashed him a grin.
     Cantwell scowled at him, but she did as she was asked and served him his coffee
without complaint.  In the meantime, Murray passed out information folders to the
rest of the group.  "Here are the official rules for the contest.  Please be sure to
read them carefully--points are awarded due to certain conditions being met in each
fight.  We need to be certain that our challenges reflect our overall strategy," she
     "Strategy?" said Dubya indignantly, "Who needs it?  It seems pretty straight-
forward to me.  You are either with us, or against us.  Jesse, refresh my memory.
Who is with us?"
     "The Black Friars, G.W." said Jesse, backing him up.
     Dubya, looking up from his papers, stared at Jesse.  Jesse unflinchingly
returned his gaze.  "Anyone else?" he asked.
     "No," said Jesse, "Don't take it personal, G.W., the rules say each squad can
only have two teams."
     Dubya leaned back in his chair and placed his hands behind his head, thinking.
"Fair enough.  Us against everyone else.  I know exactly how to handle a situation
like this," he said, pulling himself back to the table and leafing through his
papers.  "I want you all to look at the sheet with the opposing teams listed on it.
Notice anything unusual? he asked.
     The rest of the group took a moment to pour over the sheet of paper before
shaking their heads no.
     "Nothing jumps out at you?  Really?" asked Dubya.  "Isn't it obvious?"
     McCain, staring at the paper, said nothing.  Cantwell and Murray looked at each
other, shrugging their shoulders.  Jesse, bolting up from his chair, said
triumphantly, "I SEE it!  Nuln's team name is a pornographic slang phrase!  That sick
bastard, someone ought to tell the FCC!"
     "You are on to something there, Jesse, but that wasn't what I had in mind," said
Dubya.  "Look at the names of some of the OTHER teams.  R.J.G., Red Avengers,
Legalese, etc.  These aren't teams, they are terrorist groups!  We need to stamp them
out as soon as possible."
     Murray and Cantwell nodded their heads in approval.  Jesse, looking over his
papers, wondered if "Fa Ching" was a dirty Chinese phrase.  McCain, clearing his
throat, said, "G.W., I propose we table our discussion until we all meet again.  We
can draw up our challenges after we review all of our information.  In the meantime,
I suggest we all prepare for the upcoming tournament."
     "Oooo, another tournament!  I just love them!  You never know what kind of
surprises they might have in store for you!" Cantwell said excitedly.

                    + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[  ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
        -----     -----     -----    Death Stud    -----     -----     -----

     The walls of the FONZ non-alliance house rattled as a cheer arose from within.
The De Troi Lion (that's pronounced DU TWAH and it's French) had just been scored on
by the MeatBoy Packers for the fourth time in the game and a cheer had gone up each
time.  The Packers football team was the favorite of most of Aradi's citizens, the
FONZites included.  The MeatBoy company made the best stadium sausages in all of
Alastari and the team that they had founded had been in the league since its
inception, so it had quite a history and a fan following.  The team wasn't exactly
local (they had been the Delarq Tor Packers before the era of commercial sponsorship
when the MeatBoy tacked on their corporate brand name), but they were pretty good
every year and their owner gave the team some unique personality.  Jacko lived on the
spacious Packers ranch, surrounded by magical children's rides, but sadly alone
except for the monkey that was his best friend and companion.  He was eccentric, but
the Packers had always been a favorite of song and story on the island of Aradi.  And
currently their Packers were putting the 28-6 Thanksgiving Day smackdown on the lame-
o Lions, much to everyone's pleasure.
     The smell of turkey filled everyone's noses pleasantly and the beer and wine had
been flowing freely since early this morning.  It was the same as it had been every
year in the FONZ house on Thanksgiving.  Soultaker had been up since seven a.m.
mother-henning around the kitchen in his white apron, making sure that everything was
just so.  He had his hair tied pulled up into a bun on the top of his head to keep it
out of the way and was snapping instructions at the kitchen help while he worked.
"Raoul, we need at least one hundred and fifty pounds of potato peeled, so go to the
storeroom and get four more bags, please.  Thanks, darlin'.  Kip, make sure you keep
stirring that gravy.  If it ends up with lumps, I'll give you a few lumps myself."
     Kip tittered and made mock lion claws and a growl at Soultaker.  But, Kip and
the rest of the staff redoubled their efforts in a whirl of aprons and leg-warmers.
     While most of the FONZ managers were clustered around the football portal in the
living room, alternating cusses and cheers, he had gotten a couple of them to help
out in the kitchen.  Most of them weren't very helpful, actually, but they were
trying.  Anti was the exception.  He flitted around the kitchen like Julia Childs,
julienning and dicing and performing flambe' with reckless abandon.  He had been a
big help and whipped up a Shepherds Pie that would be a great addition to the table
this year.

(AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sad as it is, I'm going to have to end this right now to try and make
it in the newsletter.  If I get a chance, I'll try to add to it from work.)

                                 DUELMASTER'S COLUMN
                             Notes from the arena champ.

     Hail and well met, Aradi!  It is I, Underground Beat, the arena whipping boy,
who has landed at the greatest seat in the arena of Aradi.  While Talon is mostly lax
with writing personal ads I will not be so with my Duelmaster's column.  Syringe,
don't you just hate when Lungers to that to you when you have thought that the fight
was over?  So who am I, this Underground Beat, you ask?  Well, I am an oversized
under achiever who has not fared nearly as well as his bases would suggest.  But that
is over and I am Duelmaster.  Hooray!  Barring any unexpected death, my stablemate
The Limelight, should be getting his invite next turn (but being an AB it is very
possible he will die instead since the dead tourney has already occurred and that is
our team's luck).  We are taking applications for his replacement as we speak.  I
will not challenge anyone this turn who has fewer fights than me.  That doesn't leave
me with many to choose from.  Good luck to all!

      Underground Beat
       Dreadnaught of the League Arcane

                                      SPY REPORT

     Hail and well met warriors of ARADI!  Know me for who I am, Zontani Sharp Eyes, 
Spymaster extraordinaire of all Alastari.  Former top team FA CHING was unseated this 
week as I'M WITH STUPID moved up from 12th ranking to take the top spot with a 5-0-0 
record for the round.  The proverbial rising comet can only hope to compare with I'M 
WITH STUPID's team record!  A 5-0-0 week and now a firm grasp on a 1st place ranking. 
I have begun to suspect trickery on the part of WING HOVE.  How else weeks like this 
one's 4-1-0?  How else the sudden move to 10th team?  My tutors were fond of telling 
me that the higher you rise the harder you fall.  This week WILD CARDS went 1-4-0 and 
fell 11 notches into 18th!  WIMPS OF DEATH bore the brunt of major assault on their 
standings this week as they dropped to 19th position as the result of going 1-4-0!  
The proverbial rising comet can only hope to compare with THE UPSTARTS III's team 
record!  A 3-1-0 week and now a firm grasp on a 21st place ranking.  My praise to 
BLOOD RELATED for their 4-1-0 week this time out.  Indeed, it was a skillfully fought 
round deserving of notice!  Traditionally the first week is hardest.  This week was 
no exception for PLAGUE BEARER who suffered at 0-5-0.  Seek council and take courage! 
TOO ICKY caught the eye of many in the gladiatorial commission as she skillfully 
bested SIR ZESTALOT and was awarded 23 points in recognition.  In one of the week's 
more notable duels, TOO ICKY put down SIR ZESTALOT, causing him to lose 19 points of 
recognition in the process.  This time out BLACK CAT made his bid for the throne as 
he challenged UNDERGROUND BEAT in an all out contest of skill for possession of the 
title!  The city has turned out in honor of BLACK CAT, for with his arena victory he 
may now lay claim to the highest position in the city!  Heed this!  A seer has warned 
that if exactly 6 die in duels this week, the whole city shall perish!  Just 
remember...5 or 7!   
     But come now, let us look deeper into the maze of contention and crossed blades 
that is city ARADI.  I saw one fighter that warriors avoided when this week's 
challenge seeking began.  THIEVES GUILD is feared.  This much I can say.  Apparently 
the stalwarts of DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 are catching the bulk of jests down at the 
challenging board for their large share of the avoids.  Mighty fighters cannot but 
expect competition from those below.  TOGS STINKER take warning!  You have more than 
a few enemies in ARADI.  A match that raised a few eyebrows at the games this week, 
it seems that MARDUK posted a challenge against the more highly recognized BLOODY 
HELL.  The results, you ask?  Well, the firebrand MARDUK beat BLOODY HELL.  Remember 
warriors, this is the discipline of steel.   
     Is not Death a warrior's foremost adviser?   Warriors, may this counselor stand 
ready at your right hand forever!  Cruelly, DEMURRER of LEGALESE has slain the lesser 
ranked EARL OF ZIPPY.  Word already flies around town that THE UPSTARTS III plans a 
bloodfeud!  EARL OF ZIPPY must hold silent, for this week he was humbled in the arena 
by a successful Bloodfeud won by DEMURRER of LEGALESE.  Hail DEMURRER for thy 
victory!  Dark alleys may hide both secrets and assassins.  In the arena there is 
only the brightness of steel.  Keep vigil always!   
     The girls are as pretty in ARADI as ever I remembered them....and the fighters 
as ugly!  Don't let your reputation slip!  Ahh, but I can hear the spires of a far 
off city calling to me.  I must away!  Till next we meet remember:  a fool flies into 
a rage quickly and often.  The wise are angered by the same thing only once.  Zontani 
Sharp Eyes  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 BLACK CAT 6268               16   8  0   122       SHADOW SIGNS (491)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 THE LIMELIGHT 6104           25  14  0   118       CLUB CULTURE (424)
 THUNDRA 5122                 16  12  1   118       FA CHING (388)
-ACHONDROPLASIA 6546          13   2  1   117       ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)
-RIFF 6452                    10   5  1   117       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
 BLACKBURST 5025              10  12  0   110       FA CHING (388)
 LLOSMIC LLAMMER 5684         14   9  1   102       LUROCIANS VI (431)
 TOO ICKY 5937                13   9  0   102       BLOOD RELATED (395)
 SYRINGE 6003                 13   6  0   101       BLOOD RELATED (395)
 GAZREKK 6438                  9   5  2    99       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
 UNDERGROUND BEAT 6083        18  21  1    98       CLUB CULTURE (424)
 LUMMOX 6092                  17  45  0    96       RED DOG GANG (476)
-SICK PUPPY 5959              12  10  1    96       ARADI'S DEAD (393)
 LLLENGEANCE 5864             12   5  2    94       LUROCIANS VI (431)
 BLACK EYE 6163               12   7  0    93       JOKA MASHER! (283)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 ACUTE 6048                   11   5  0    92       THIEVES GUILD (396)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-TRANSCENDENTALISM 6547       15   8  0    87       ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)
 HEADROCK 3430                14  15  0    87       OGRES ARE US (270)
 THE AYL'M'ER 6056            10  11  0    86       4000 BLOWS (107)
-GENEVIEVE 6576                8   3  0    84       REDLANDS PELETON (520)
 BULL DOGGAM 6088             17  28  0    82       RED DOG GANG (476)
 WINKER X 6470                10   7  0    81       4000 BLOWS (107)
 SIR ZESTALOT 6557             9   4  0    80       4000 BLOWS (107)
 THE SPOTLIGHT 6329           14  15  1    77       CLUB CULTURE (424)
 AVIENDHA 4721                17  17  0    76       FA CHING (388)
 QUICKSAND 6554                9   5  1    76       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
 BOONE 6090                   12  37  0    73       RED DOG GANG (476)
 MURRAY 6661                   7   2  0    73       POWER BROKERS (527)
 MC CAIN 6662                  8   1  0    71       POWER BROKERS (527)
 JACARANDA 6129               10   7  0    67       WINTERHOLM (478)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 LORD OF THE O RINGS 6022     17  10  1    66       WILD CARDS (148)
 OBITER DICTA 5860             8   5  1    66       LEGALESE (449)
 THORNE 5259                   8   2  0    66       FA CHING (388)
 SIRIUS 6193                  14  20  1    64       RED DOG GANG (476)
 DEMURRER 5828                10   7  2    62       LEGALESE (449)
-IRREVOCABILITY 6549          12   9  1    60       ELOQUENT KNIGHTS (518)
 O'RIORDAN 6128                7  11  0    60       WINTERHOLM (478)
 BLUE BEANIE 6461              7   7  1    59       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
 BUSH 6663                     6   3  1    59       POWER BROKERS (527)
 WHITE RAVEN 6484              9   6  1    58       SHADOW SIGNS (491)
 KILWICK 6130                 11   9  0    57       WINTERHOLM (478)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 LACHES 5642                  10  10  0    55       LEGALESE (449)
 KAPRIKORN 6151               11   7  1    54       WINTERHOLM (478)
 SLOUGH 6134                  12   8  1    53       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
 GUMMI GHOUL 6411              6   3  1    51       THE UPSTARTS III (510)
 NAPPY DUGOUT 6080            12  12  0    49       WILD CARDS (148)
-T.N.T. 6054                   9   9  0    49       METAL MELTDOWN (344)
 PIPSQUEAK 6810                4   1  0    49       WIMPS OF DEATH (66)
 SOMFMA 6797                   5   1  0    48       OGRES ARE US (270)
 TALON 6736                    4   1  0    48       WING HOVE (529)
 THE BRICK 6342                4   2  0    48       HIT ME WITH... (503)
 NOODLES 6247                  1   1  0    48       RED AVENGERS (487)
 SCABBY 6514                   9   6  0    47       BLOOD RELATED (395)
 IVAN 2565                     4   7  0    47       FORGOTTEN REALMS (185)
 NEWCASTLE 6669                6   3  3    45       BEERBARIANS (528)
 MARBURY 4499                 10   4  0    44       LOCK-OUT (368)
 LLUGS AND LLISSES 5887        6   7  1    44       LUROCIANS VI (431)
 FREEP 6812                    4   1  0    44       WIMPS OF DEATH (66)
 TEACUP TERRIER 6569           7  10  1    42       RED DOG GANG (476)
 WIND 5906                     6   1  0    42       FIVE SPHERES (462)
-TWISTER 6114                  7   5  0    41       ARADI'S DEAD (393)
 GOLDFISH 6718                 5   3  0    41       SHADOW SIGNS (491)
 TRIPLICATE THUNDER 6616       6   6  0    40       WILD CARDS (148)
 RIP RAP 6599                  6   3  0    40       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
 TYVINREK 6513                 5   3  0    40       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
 SMIRLIN 6568                  8   9  0    39       OGRES ARE US (270)
 TRICK OR TREAT 4667           3   1  0    39       MINATOUR KINGS (379)
 KABOOM 6248                   2   0  0    39       RED AVENGERS (487)
 SPIT 6435                     3   1  0    38       METAL MELTDOWN (344)
 MISTRESS BOMBTRONIC 6617      7   5  1    37       WILD CARDS (148)
 CYVIN 5258                    7   5  1    36       FA CHING (388)
 THE HOLLOW 6118               6   9  1    36       THIEVES GUILD (396)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 LLUCKY DAY 6021               4   2  0    36       LUROCIANS VI (431)
 HELMS 6660                    6   3  2    34       POWER BROKERS (527)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 IKER 6505                     5   3  0    33       R.J.G. (475)
 SLACKJAW 6750                 4   0  0    33       I'M WITH STUPID (531)
 ROSENCRANTZ 6786              3   3  0    33       BLACK FRIARS (521)
 TOGS STINKER 6588             5   3  0    30       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
 SLIPKNOT 6674                 2   7  0    30       THIEVES GUILD (396)
 GREEDYGUT 6371                6   5  0    29       WINTERHOLM (478)
-GODFREY 6354                  4   5  0    29       ARADI'S DEAD (393)
 KARATE WRECKER 6693           1   7  0    29       THIEVES GUILD (396)
 ANDROGENOUS STRAIN 6412       5   3  0    27       THE UPSTARTS III (510)
 HERROL 6694                   4   2  0    27       WING HOVE (529)
-KLEPTO SLACKER 6516           2   0  0    27       ARADI'S DEAD (393)
 SYDA HAMMIE 6667              7   3  0    26       OGRES ARE US (270)
 LLUPERIOR LLORCES 5956        3   3  0    26       LUROCIANS VI (431)
-LIPOSANCTUM 6351              1   1  0    26       BATTLEFIELD GIRTH (504)
 SPONGEBOB 6504                6   2  0    25       R.J.G. (475)
 PIKEL 5808                    6   2  0    25       FORGOTTEN REALMS (185)
 GOURMET GRUEL 6730            3   4  0    25       R.J.G. (475)
 SANDSTORM 6813                3   1  0    25       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
 FRUB 6794                     3   3  0    25       WIMPS OF DEATH (66)
 LEO 6837                      2   0  0    25       DARQUE AGES (536)
 GRAFFIX 6909                  3   0  0    24       MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 SON OF BLOODLUST 6823         4   1  0    23       4000 BLOWS (107)
 T-MAC 6806                    3   3  0    23       LOCK-OUT (368)
 MARDUK 6863                   1   2  0    23       FACES OF ETERNITY (539)
 ANASTASIUS 6839               2   0  1    22       DARQUE AGES (536)
 DERRIN 6952                   2   0  0    22       WING HOVE (529)
 MR OBLIVIOUS 6413             2   5  0    21       THE UPSTARTS III (510)
-DALE 4406                     1   0  0    21       RESCUE RANGERS (362)
 JAMIS 6735                    3   2  1    20       WING HOVE (529)
 NUMSKULL 6751                 2   2  0    20       I'M WITH STUPID (531)
 TUFF 4665                     2   3  0    20       MINATOUR KINGS (379)
-MOON BABY 6187                2   3  0    19       ARADI'S DEAD (393)
 SHARP STICK 6949              1   1  0    19       I'M WITH STUPID (531)
 SPINNING 6710                 5   2  1    18       CLUB CULTURE (424)
 INSISTANT BEGGAR 6630         4   2  0    18       BUMS 'R' US (465)
 HOSCHA 6835                   2   2  0    18       OGRES ARE US (270)
 SUPERNOVA 6239                2   0  0    18       RED AVENGERS (487)
 HENRY IV 6899                 2   2  0    18       BLACK FRIARS (521)
 ORIGINAL SHOCKER 6959         1   1  0    18       WILD CARDS (148)
 TOGS LOSER 6619               1   5  0    18       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
 BARON 6765                    4   3  0    17       LOCK-OUT (368)
-OBED 6831                     2   1  1    17       INNSMOUTH BROOD (535)
 GUILDENSTERN 6785             2   4  1    17       BLACK FRIARS (521)
 VORPAL BUNNY 6731             2   5  0    17       R.J.G. (475)
 POT POURRI 6911               1   2  0    17       MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
 FLORIN FALCONHAND 5750        3   7  0    16       FORGOTTEN REALMS (185)
 DICHABOD 6912                 1   3  0    16       THIEVES GUILD (396)
 ZERBERT 6243                  1   1  0    16       RED AVENGERS (487)
 DOVE FALCONHAND 5770          3   6  0    15       FORGOTTEN REALMS (185)
 RASPBERRY STOLI 6860          2   2  0    15       CLUB CULTURE (424)
 4-FT PARTY BONG 6908          1   2  0    15       MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
-WILLOW 6659                   1   3  1    14       DARK TOGS (526)
 TAY STARLE 6808               1   3  0    14       WING HOVE (529)
 DUSTSTORM 6814                1   3  0    14       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
 MAUI WOWIE! 6907              2   1  0    13       MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
 TYPHOON XXII 6827             2   1  0    13       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
 TWO IN THE GOO 6826           0   3  0    13       DEATH STUDS VII (301)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-PIGGY 6655                    1   3  0    12       DARK TOGS (526)
 ANGRY SUE 6955                1   1  0    12       RED AVENGERS (487)
 CYCLONE 6816                  2   2  0    11       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
 BLOODY HELL 6821              2   3  0    11       BLOOD RELATED (395)
 ANGRY SANTA 6828              2   1  0    11       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
-DIE DIE THIGH 6447            1   2  0    11       LETHAL ANATOMY II (512)
 VIKEN 6943                    1   1  0    11       LOSERS (544)
 BIGGEST PETE 6985             1   0  0    11       LOCK-OUT (368)
 NAMBY PAMBY 6977              1   0  0    11       WIMPS OF DEATH (66)
 ADRIANO 5005                  1   0  0    11       MINATOUR KINGS (379)
 VICIOUS RUMOR 6981            1   0  0    11       R.J.G. (475)
 XXX 6975                      1   0  0    11       SHADOW SIGNS (491)
 CHOCOLATE STARFISH 6457       1   0  0    10       BATTLEFIELD GIRTH (504)
-ARKHAM 6832                   1   1  0    10       INNSMOUTH BROOD (535)
 BLOODY MESS 6969              1   0  0    10       BLOOD RELATED (395)
-ELIZABETH TRAILER 6348        1   0  0     9       BATTLEFIELD GIRTH (504)
-DUNWICH 6833                  0   2  0     8       INNSMOUTH BROOD (535)
-ZANN 6830                     1   2  0     7       INNSMOUTH BROOD (535)
 THE-SHOCKER 6824              1   2  0     7       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
 PIP THE TROLL 6942            1   1  0     7       LOSERS (544)
 BING 6979                     1   0  0     7       I'M WITH STUPID (531)
 NECROMANCER XLVII 6825        0   3  0     7       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
 SANDY BEACH 6957              1   0  0     6       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
 WILDFIRE 6983                 1   0  0     6       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
-MARSH 6829                    1   2  0     5       INNSMOUTH BROOD (535)
 ALEXANDER 6864                1   2  0     5       FACES OF ETERNITY (539)
 QUETZACOATYL 6865             1   2  0     5       FACES OF ETERNITY (539)
 LANCELOT 6867                 1   2  0     5       FACES OF ETERNITY (539)
 S.L.A.P.P. 6974               1   0  0     5       LEGALESE (449)
 BONG 6980                     1   0  0     5       I'M WITH STUPID (531)
 BAFFLE 6945                   1   1  0     4       LOSERS (544)
 INNOCENT 6838                 1   1  0     4       DARQUE AGES (536)
 WATER 5905                    1   1  0     4       FIVE SPHERES (462)
 ZYLLEIX'S SHADE 6939          0   2  0     4       SHADOW SIGNS (491)
 URG THE UNCLEAN 6954          0   2  0     4       BLACK FRIARS (521)
 SKUNK #1 6910                 0   3  0     3       MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
 ATILA 6958                    0   2  0     2       FACES OF ETERNITY (539)
 55 SUCKS MORE 6956            0   2  0     2       JOKA MASHER! (283)
 SIXTUS 6840                   0   2  0     2       DARQUE AGES (536)
 FIRE 6849                     0   2  0     2       FIVE SPHERES (462)
 WEED 4 MOM 6984               0   1  0     1       LOCK-OUT (368)
 GANOLOSER 6971                0   1  0     1       LOSERS (544)
 THOMPSON 6970                 0   1  0     1       POWER BROKERS (527)
-PURGE 2 6404                  0   1  0     1       BATTLEFIELD GIRTH (504)
 VOID 6976                     0   1  0     1       FIVE SPHERES (462)
 INSANITY 6973                 0   1  0     1       LEGALESE (449)
-ZIPPER 4404                   0   1  0     1       RESCUE RANGERS (362)
 SHANDRIL SHESSAIR 6982        0   1  0     1       FORGOTTEN REALMS (185)
 RUBELLA 6967                  0   1  0     1       PLAGUE BEARER (545)
 HIV 6968                      0   1  0     1       PLAGUE BEARER (545)
 SCRAG 6972                    0   1  0     1       LOSERS (544)
 MEASLE 6966                   0   1  0     1       PLAGUE BEARER (545)
 POX 6964                      0   1  0     1       PLAGUE BEARER (545)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?
SON OF MANUTE BO 6941  0  2 0 4000 BLOWS 107        MARINE TROLL 18       325 NONE    
DR. MONKEYWOMAN 6623   3  3 1 4000 BLOWS 107        KAPRIKORN 6151        321 REVENGED
RICHARD II 6948        0  2 0 BLACK FRIARS 521      ARENAMASTER HARKON 23 325 NONE    
CYMBELINE 6734         1  3 1 BLACK FRIARS 521      NEWCASTLE 6669        321 REVENGED
LAZY EYE 6564          5  8 0 BUMS 'R' US 465       DEMURRER 5828         322         

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?
EARTH 5908             2  5 1 FIVE SPHERES 462      SEA MONSTER 27        325 NONE    
VOYDE 6848             0  1 0 FIVE SPHERES 462      ANASTASIUS 6839       324         
DANICA 1872           11 19 0 FORGOTTEN REALMS 185  GAZREKK 6438          324         
SUBROGATION 6850       0  3 0 LEGALESE 449          EARL OF ZIPPY 6566    324 JUST REV
PINKY OF DOOM 6443     2  2 0 LETHAL ANATOMY II 512 BLUE BEANIE 6461      321 NOT REVE
HELL ON WHEELS 6389    1  2 0 METAL MELTDOWN 344    DARK CHAMPION 24      325 NONE    
YUCK 5281              0  1 0 MINATOUR KINGS 379    DARK CHAMPION 24      325 NONE    
TYE MURRAY 4666        0  1 0 MINATOUR KINGS 379    DARK CHAMPION 24      325 NONE    
EBOLA 6965             0  1 0 PLAGUE BEARER 545     JORGE BLACK ORC 20    325 NONE    
PRONOUN 6819           0  2 0 RED AVENGERS 487      WILLOW 6659           323         
UH-UH 4411             1  2 0 RESCUE RANGERS 362    DARK CHAMPION 24      325 NONE    
EARL OF ZIPPY 6566     3  3 1 THE UPSTARTS III 510  DEMURRER 5828         325         
FINISHED 6978          0  1 0 WIMPS OF DEATH 66     GARGOYLE PRINCE 25    325 NONE    
ERRING RIFT 6697       1  3 0 WING HOVE 529         BUSH 6663             321 NOT REVE

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Guardian -- What do you think, you're Rocky Balboa or something?  "YO GANOLUS, you
seriously need to learn some respect!"  I respect you as a manager, dude.  The
problem is, I think you're an arrogant SOB despite your managerial prowess.  And this
may come as a spocker to you, but nothing I see in Primus or Gateway makes me feel
any other way.  Sorry. -- Ganolus

Marbury -- They don't call me 'scabby' for nothing.... -- Scabby

Pipsqueak -- Pipe down, buddy! -- Scabby

Barnabas -- You F'ing rock, my friend! -- Ganolus

Dreidy -- Yes, parts of it are the other white meat.  You don't want to know what
else goes into those TOGS Dogs though. -- Ganolus

Herrol -- Next time I'll be ready.  Or readierer, uh, you know what I mean! -- Bloody

Hombre -- Thanks for turn 1.  May the Golden Scrod shine its eerie glow on us for yet
another 12 turns.  I know the trophy makes you hungry.  I'll get you some real food
when turn 2 is over. -- Ganolus

     Hmmm...radiation would explain so much. -- Ed.

Anyone seen my partner? -- Ghoti

Nuln -- You know, it kinda feels like being the sixth member of the Dave Clark Five.
But thanks for the question, a custom made fruitcake is on its way. :) -- Anti

Jack Wolfspider -- Heya, welcome to Aradi.  Never did make it back to Zuwayza alas...
and now the place looks pretty quiet. -- Anti

All TOGS IV Contestants -- We had a tie in total points for round 1 between Team 11
and Team 14.  The first tie breaker is whichever team had the most wins on the turn
in question.  Team 11 had 6 total wins while Team 14 had 9 total wins.
Congratulations to The Rage Man and DeGotti.  Your team set ups are in the mail (1
each). -- Ganolus

All -- My name is Yukon and I have a gambling problem.  Aw Crap!  Wrong meeting
again. -- Yukon

Rillion -- Aha!  Thanks for the explanation. -- The Rage Man

Congratulations to everyone for their TOGS tournament TVs! -- The Rage Man

Snotman -- I look forward to being a hardened fast arena manager.  Er--I think I do
anyway. -- The Rage Man

     I dunno, after this, you may be more softened.  TOGS does things to your brain.
     -- Ed.

Soultaker -- Cute, real cute, living out some wannabe fantasy?  The only shirt
tugging will be you begging me to leave you alone.  Say, you wouldn't happen to be in
TOGS would ya?  :)  Let's see, who will I pick on this turn?  Oh no Soultaker, I
would never come after you. -- Barnabas

Nuln -- Damn the bad luck, Rip knew better than to hook up with your powerhouse;
random match-ups suck. -- Barnabas

Death Stud -- Need to explain to your partner, if you want to be successful in TOGS
you shouldn't go around talking about non-TOGS managers.  Geez, my challenges are
going to be tough this turn, who on earth could I go after?  :)  Don't know why you
continually pick rookie partners for the TOGS. -- Barnabas

Pip -- Keep up the good work, at this rate you'll finish near the end of one of the
lines. -- Barnabas

Indimar -- Try and go easy on some of these young managers, not much experience here.
You could probably tell the first time you fought here.  Yeah, I know, it's too easy.
-- Barnabas

Hombre -- Your second payment for TOGS is late.  :) -- Barnabas

Ganolus -- Must be tough having to carry the load, a strong back definitely pays. --

Ganolous -- All I can say is I'm willing to stick it out and return losses threefold
over time. -- Guardian

Pip -- Clearly this is your fault. -- Guardian

Anti -- Still a tad bitter that my pudly warriors with the help of Destitute Noble
and Wimpy got us that nice TOGS 2 Trophy? -- DeGotti

Murray -- Son, once you can do some damage you will be scary. -- DeGotti

Gummi Ghoul -- It was a pleasure meeting you.  Would you like to do it again?  I'd
just love to get another 5 skills. -- Freep

Smirlin -- An interesting challenge.  I was caught completely by surprise.  I would
never have expected to have someone of your style challenge me, let alone beat me.
Well done. -- Frub

Mistress Bombtronic -- Yeehaw.  That was fun.  Let's do it again. -- Pipsqueak

Warning, warning. -- Team four (4) expects to be a full strength within the next few
turns. -- Wimpy

All -- 4-1, it was truly a lucky start for my team.  We are really not that good.
Nothing to see here...move along. -- The Greek Guy/Lurocians

The Shocker -- Guess you were shocked at how fast I really am. -- Lluperior Llorces

Oriordon -- It was truly a lucky win for me. -- Llucky Day

All -- Okay, so that whole Llosmic Lammer TV thing might have been a little
premature.  See my spotlight for details. -- The Greek Guy

Everyone unhappy with my predictions -- Sure, tell me I'm wrong, but just remember, I
basically predicted 14 out of 15 teams to lose.  And no fewer than 13/14 of you will
in fact, lose. -- Manager

TOGS Stat:  In previous contests, teams that started strong, also ended strong.  In
TOGS I, Manager & Miles opened up in 2nd, In TOGS II, Wimpy/DeGotti/Destitute Noble
opened up in 2nd.  In TOGS III, Hombre & Ganolus opened in First place.  Which means
that no team that has opened up 3rd or lower has won the contest yet.  Ah, I love
bringing such wonderful news to 13 of the teams. -- Manager

The Greek Guy -- Congrats on your TC!  Fortunately, you are better at TC'ing than you
are at predicting your own TV's. -- Manager

Judge -- I gave you 100 to 1 odds in the last TOGs contest.  You moved up! -- Manager
P.S. Thanks, but I'll still be popping in every few turns to read stuff.  It's more
fun (for me) this way I think.

Team 14 -- Congratulations on winning the first turn. -- Rillion

TGG -- Well like usual we have jumped out to the front of the pack.  Way to carry us
last turn, hopefully I can return the favor this turn. -- Rillion

Hombre -- Well after a 2-3 on the first turn there is no chance for me to duplicate
your consistency in the last TOGS. -- Rillion

Soultaker in a chicken orgy?  Well, you know what they say, you can't spell Soultaker
without s-l-u-t. -- Manager

All -- Well, that was a painful turn!  Hopefully Yukon and I have that out of our
systems! -- Shadowgate

Sir Zestalot -- Nice try, Lunger-boy! -- Black Cat

Llosmic Llammer -- Wow!  Talk about bad match-ups for me but I did like the learns!
-- White Raven

Kilwich -- Ouch!  I thought I had gotten too high in the rankings for my own good!
Thanks for all those skills anyway! -- Goldfish

Angry Sue -- Well, I see one of us made it to the tourney! -- Zylleix's Shade

Elephant -- Congratulations on a great start in T#%S.  Twelve more turns like that
and we are in the hunt. -- -Indimar

Death Stud -- I knew you were checking out my heiny.  I guess I can't really blame
you--what with it being right at your eye level. -- Indimar

Great spotlights!!  Keep up the good work. -- Indimar

Ganolus -- Don't worry, you don't have to respect me.  And you don't have to look all
the way up in Primus and Gateway to figure that out. -- Hombre

Guardian -- Where did that come from?  Get defensive much? -- Hombre

Judge -- If you win the TOGS, you aren't going to take it a step further and rename
Aradi to 'Dixon U' are you?  Although many a fun time was had at the legendary May
Fair.... -- Hombre

White Raven -- Nope.  I just kinda suck.  You weren't fight throwing, were you?
Because that would be really embarrassing. -- Nappy D

Murray -- Actually, California is a hotbed of steroids right now (and I don't mean
our hormonally enhanced governor).  Have you heard about all that THG stuff that is
rocking track and field? -- Snotman, helpful as always

Hombre -- I'm already out with a 2-3 turn.  If only Khalhums Dwarf wasn't so damn
good I might have had a chance. -- Snotman

All -- I'm actually out of the country right now so I don't have my fights.  Thus,
I'm only issuing generic fight comments. -- Snotman

Laches -- I almost had you that time.  Come back and try me again.  And thanks for
the skills. -- Nappy D

Pipsqueek -- For skills liked that, I'll take a loss anytime! -- Mistress Bombtronic

Syda Hammie -- Silly Goose.  Couldn't you see that I was the much better warrior? --
Triplicate Thunder

All your base are belong to us! -- Dreihdenflahg

You have no chance to survive make your time! -- Dreihdenflahg

Indimar -- Sorry, I flake on our team this time. -- Elephant

Voyde -- Sorry about that.  We await the bloodfeud. -- Anastasius and Darque Ages

Urg the Unclean -- Soap and water can be your friend. -- Innocent

Derrin -- Next time you need to stand still and not be so accurate with your shots.
Letting me win is the key. -- Sixtus

Fire -- That's obviously not my favorite weapon.  Thanks for the win. -- Leo

Rillion -- Ashe Master????  Hilarious! -- Master Darque

Real life got in the way.  No story--few personals--sorry.  I'll get it in gear next
time. -- Jack Wolfspider

Earl of Zippy -- Pretty proud of yourself, are ya?  Let's see how you do against a
more experienced warrior. -- Legalese

Nappy Dugout -- You are one ugly warrior.  I could not see your face underneath all
that tangled hair and sweat. -- Laches

Master Darque -- Well done this last turn, chum!  If it hadn't been for you, I would
have REALLY been mad.  In any case, I think we are sittin' pretty for now.  Good luck
this turn! -- Onedawg

Son of Blood Lust -- Why you son of a...of a...blood lust!?  That fight was
incorrigible, I will be stinging more inside than out from that fight for some time!
Luck was with you, and I grant you a slight bit of praise for that.  Until next time.
-- Marduk

Talon -- By the gods of the feathered folk, I barely got going there!  I praythee
will grant a rematch in the future to make up for the recent debacle! -- Quetzacoatyl

All -- The first turn went well!  Congratulations is deserved to the top seven teams
(as we are number eight). -- Onedawg

All -- My lack of attention to DM for the last few years makes most people wonder why
I still play.  I guess its just an inability to let go, even though I suck now...lol.
Best of luck to you all as I seek to rise back to the top of the DM hill...well,
maybe not BACK to the top, just to the top. -- Armalias Skyhawk, mgr. Forgotten

Ghoti -- Sorry about last turn.  It won't happen again. -- Armalias

Demons of Darkness -- Well I see we have found are first target/targeter.  All in
good fun but lets have at it! -- Street Legal

TOGS Loser -- Nice challenge, and I enjoyed the skills too! -- Graffix

Alexander -- It was a valiant effort but luckily I sneak out with the win! -- Maui

Do I get points if I read all the spotlights?  Us dogs really aren't into heavy
reading.  Especially newspapers, they worry us. -- Spot, Red Dog Gang

Black Eye -- (reproachfully)  You'd kick a dog?  A GOOD dog? -- Lummox

Sick Puppy -- I'm afraid you might be catching.  You know, rabies or distemper or one
of those awful things. -- Boone

Aviendha -- Nothing personal, but you WERE crossing my lawn there.  Can't allow that.
Let people cross the lawn without protest, and the next thing you know, you've got
CATS! -- Bull Doggam

Thundra -- It wasn't YOU, it was simply the only way I could get my fans to leave me
alone for a few days and let me rest. -- Sirius the Dog Star

Slough -- I'm not tall enough to wade through a slough.  It was unfair of you to
suggest it.  Especially one full of (sneeze) algae.  Disgusting. -- Teacup Terrier,
who prefers the water clean

Murray -- Of course I'm Sirus.  Who else would I be?  We dogs don't do the "secret
identity" thing. -- Sirius, the Dog Star
P.S.  Known to those I disdain as Alpha Canis Majoris.

Bush -- (ostentatiously ignoring you) -- Teacup Terrier

Sir Zestalot -- I could move faster, of course, but then my ears fly back, and I tend
to trip over my tongue. -- Lummox

Ed. -- I've kind of promised Darkfist Doris's Grandmother's Oatmeal Cookies if he
shows up in Tempe in January.  May I use your oven? -- Spot

     Sure, but I get some of the cookies. -- Ed.

10-0-10 for the Dark Arena.  And an amazing 1-1-0 for Mervie Baby's standbys. --
Arenamaster Harkon, getting it on record right now

Gentlemen -- I've been having trouble since the TOGS thing started not wanting to
interfere with the teams involved.  Due to family matters I was not able to join in
the fun this year, however I am able to continue running my team.  Since normally
this is not my style, I've decided to say SCREW THIS, y'all are fair game.  My turn
has already been sent in so after this turn, no more having to look and say well
there's only one guy I can go after :), cause I got all you guys to go after.  :)
May the fun begin. -- Barnabas

Anastasius -- We will bloodfeud all four turns. -- Five Spheres

All -- Some of the best writing I have seen in a long while. -- Soultaker

Yukon -- Great story but you don't really have to worry with "the dog" holding them
you are safe. -- Soultaker

Crazy Creepster -- How about you stay retired and keep your comments to yourself. --

Nuln -- Well I popped my head back up and as always it is just you blowing hot air.
-- Soultaker

Snotman -- In fighting?  That would mean we would talk together.  If we started
talking we'd become an alliance. -- Soultaker

Sultan -- Wow, you still exist?  I can not believe you are able to run a stable
without Hoffa to hold your hand. -- Soultaker

Editor -- I don't know about points but it would really be an honor to have you grace
us with some of your fine stories. -- Soultaker

     *smile* You're getting me mixed up with the Scribe, who writes the good stuff.
     I just do snappy comments from the peanut gallery.  I'm hoping to move to the
     walnut gallery soon. -- Ed.

Crazy Creep -- Thanks for the vote of confidence. Hope we don't let you down! --

Thorne -- I want a re-match! -- Murray

The Brick -- You know, with a name like that you really shouldn't be making any
attempt to actually hit me.... -- McCain

Young Rillion Vodkadrinker-- Perhaps I made a poor choice of words.  I should have
said I hope the T@#$ is root-hugger free this time around. -- Nuln
P.S.  Nice first turn.  Don't forget, the WHOLE BoB is counting on you guys to do
well!  >:)

Ben Hombre -- Lucky for you you caught me at a creative downswing.  Unluckily for
you, your own partner got you worse than I probably could've.  Also unluckily for
you, I will be staying away from your freaking team of sandbagging godlings, and any
other FONZ team near me.  STAY AWAY!!!!!!!! -- Nuln

Master Darque -- You are a dead man!  A dead man, you hear me!  <pause>  Kidding,
just kidding.  That was very funny having me walk around naked and such.  Ha ha.
Veeeery funny. -- Nuln

     Funny?  Not the word I would have chosen.... -- Ed.

Ganolus -- Do you want a piece of me too?  I can break you off some! -- Nuln

Creepster -- Good to see a fellow psychotic is back among the masses.  So do you know
if the AFP has out their handicaps yet for the T@#$? -- Nuln

note to self:  challenge Wimpy's warriors. -- Nuln

Degotti -- Ed. beat me to the punch. -- Winker X

     Sorry 'bout that (but not TOO sorry). -- Ed.

Soultaker -- I don't have to be clever?  *phew*  I was really worried about that. --
Hawaii Five Nuln
P.S.  Loved the imagery in your story.  That will haunt me for quite some time.

Transcendentalism -- So you just do anything that Soultaker tells you then?  Man, you
are chrome-whipped.... -- Sir Zestalot

Voyde -- Word. -- Nuln

Snotman -- You think so, eh?  Well what if I bust out a 6-pack of admantbreaklium
upside your grill?  What then? -- Nuln
P.S.  I bet you hadn't thought of that.

Snotman -- I think you should keep "trying" to throw fights.  You'll probably break
Hombre's record and go no worse than 4-1 13 straight turns.  You'll still lose the
T@#$ no matter what happens, as turn 3-5 Anti's car will break down and you'll be
screwed.  Cruel, cruel fate. -- Nuln

Black Cat -- That was very un-zestive. -- Sir Zestalot

Kaprikorn -- Mercy buckets. -- the Ayl'm'er

Marduk -- That was closer than I would have liked, but I'll take it.  I'm all about
the 'w's. -- Son of Bloodlust

Rip Rap -- I am truly sorry for beating you.  In the future I will seek to avoid all
contact with your team.  Please forget this ever happened. -- Winker X

Obed -- I am going to die now. -- Son of Manute Bol

Barnabus -- Nice tourney. -- Pip

Judge -- I see you hiding over there, behind that guy with the hamburger. -- Pip

Great spotlights last turn, everyone.  Very enjoyable.  Welcome to the TOGS for
anyone who hasn't participated in one before, and welcome back to those that have. --
Death Studs

Red Avengers -- You preparing for a flood or something?  You appear to have some sand
in your bags. -- Death Studs

Elephant -- How do you really feel about Manager's picks? -- curious minds want to

TGG -- And you, how do you really feel about Manager's picks? -- Death Studs

Manager -- It was very good of you to start everyone off frothing with your odds
again this year.  It's good to get the blood flowing early in a competition.  Having
an impact even from a distance this year. -- Studman

Quote of the week: "Like, leg warmers were so two years ago!"

Hombre -- Great spotlight! -- D.S.

Snotman -- Excellent sentence, my friend. -- Studly

FONZ -- Damn, but you guys are heavy.... -- your fearless non-leader

All -- I willingly accept a 2 on a scale of 1 to 10 for my lame-ass half-finished
spotlight this turn.  I was a victim of a random procrastination attack this week. --
Death Stud, ashamed

Red Avengers -- I'm not sure about that whole "most prestigious contest in the game"
thing, but it is definitely the most FUN contest in the game!  I hope you enjoy it
(while we're punking all of your sandbaggers). -- Death Stud

Judge -- I hope that everything turned out OK for you in the recent natural disaster
(no, not Soultaker) that you were facing. -- Death Stud

Crazy Creep -- I knew it!  Thank you for confirming my paranoia. -- Death Stud

Shadowgate -- New partner or no, we plan on giving you the same beatdown Sethra
Lavode got in the tourney.  Don't bring that weak ship into my house! -- Death Stud
P.S.  May your last replacement be a rollup that not even Creepster would run.

Guardian -- Wow, starting off the TOGS influencing people and making friends, huh?  I
couldn't see anywhere that Ganolus had disrespected you, but I'm guessing that we'll
see some now after your ad to him last turn. -- Death Stud

Ed. -- Right you are.  TOGS is 4 letter word, worse than all the others. -- His

     Actually, spam may be a worse four letter word. -- Ed.

Rillion -- You "promise not to CHOCK this time"?  Better be careful or your car will
roll away.  You're going to need that car to escape Aradi when you CHOKE again.  In
fact, I'm guessing that even your sandbagging partner won't be able to carry you two
into a position to choke in the last turn.  We'll just have to settle for you two
choking all through the contest.  Not as dramatic, but just as satisfying. -- Death

Rillion -- I appreciate your confidence that I would TC, but sorry to disappoint.
Unless you count that ridiculous Dead Apprentices thing, it was just another
pedestrian tourney, the kind I have become used to. -- Death Stud
P.S.  I guess the bright side is that I did stock a couple of good backup warriors in
case any of these puds I'm running now die or continue to piss me off.

Hombre -- So, you're saying that we should handle it just like we did last time,
then? -- Death  (if I can't win it, then none of you other FONZ losers will either)

Elephant -- Good luck to you as well.  Sorry to hear about your troubles at the
tourney.  Back to the drawing board. -- Death Stud

Nuln -- Role-playing?  What's that?  Is that when you lay down at the top of a grass
slope and tumble to the bottom? -- Death Stud

Nuln -- When the groundhog pops his head out of the hole, be ready with that
lawnmower! -- Death Stud

Master Darque -- Welcome back. -- Death Studs

Voyde -- And welcome back to you as well!  What's up w/ the name change?  Secret
identity like Clark Kent? -- Death Stud

Pip -- Glad to see that you decided to join us.  Write some smack and have some fun
because with that Guardian ball and chain around your neck, winning is out of the
question. -- Death Stud

All -- Snotman's personal ad to The Rage Man last turn with the extra words removed
tells you everything you need to know about him:  "The Rage Man -- ... go soft on you
... beat your ass ... gonna be hard ... rock hard ... fast ... -- Snotman"

Snotman -- You dirty bastard. -- Death Stud

Snotman -- That Snotman character is not a very good judge of strategy. -- Stud

Manager -- Yes, you will be missed amongst the ranks of the TOGS contenders this time
around.  But, it shouldn't be too different from the last TOGS where you were also
missed amongst the ranks of the TOGS contenders.  I'm guessing that your team will be
exactly as much of a factor this TOGS as it was during the last TOGS. -- Death Stud

Ed. -- I found a gold piece last week as I was face down in the sand after another
pounding by Newcastle. -- Guildenstern

     All right, maybe a SMALL fortune, but certainly no more than that! -- Ed.

Newcastle -- Grats on your prize.  Give your greater experience, losing to me must
have really ticked you off. -- Guildenstern

All -- If you find yourself taking a beating, fall down and look for gold in the
sand.  You may have to dig a bit, but you can buy some ale to take the sting out of
the wounds. -- Guildenstern

Yukon -- The first step is admitting there is a problem.  Cheers! -- Rude Buddha

Black Cat & Blackburst -- Hi! -- Black Eye

Noodles -- Sandbag much?  One win and 47 rec points.  Geesh! -- 55 Sucks More, one
loss and 1 rec point

31 October 2003
     Come one, come all, to the greatest contest in Alastari!  The Third Annual Turf
War will be in North Fork (DM 47) starting in about 6-7 turns....  C'mon and get your
team some experience, and get declared!
     More info available in North Fork's newsletter.
     Bloody Sands. -- Asmo Dius, TCB

13 November 2003
Let it be known far and wide, that the Warrior TUM 18-7380, the Champions Runner-Up
for the recent Tournament, is managed by none other than Shocking Toad.  I named this
fabulous warrior after my friend and mentor, TUM, a.k.a. Don!  Sorry TUM didn't get
me my first TC; however, a runner-up with all those sandbaggers is pretty impressive,
if I do say so myself. -- Shocking Toad, The Manager

13 November 2003
All -- This is to announce that I am no longer a member of the Vendetta Cartel
Alliance.  I have enjoyed my time there, and I've made some great friends.  Their
company will be missed, but they will endure.  I wish them well. -- Apex

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

UH-UH was butchered by DARK CHAMPION in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
EARTH was butchered by SEA MONSTER in a 1 minute brutal Dark Arena duel.
SON OF MANUTE BOL was easily killed by MARINE TROLL in a 1 minute Dark Arena match.
HELL ON WHEELS was assassinated by DARK CHAMPION in a 1 minute Dark Arena duel.
RICHARD II was butchered by ARENAMASTER HARKON in a 1 minute Dark Arena contest.
EBOLA was assassinated by JORGE BLACK ORC in a 1 minute brutal Dark Arena fight.
FINISHED was butchered by GARGOYLE PRINCE in a 1 minute gruesome Dark Arena brawl.
YUCK was assassinated by DARK CHAMPION in a 1 minute Dark Arena struggle.
TYE MURRAY was executed by DARK CHAMPION in a 1 minute Dark Arena brawl.
NEWCASTLE handily defeated GUILDENSTERN in a 1 minute uneven Bloodfeud fight.
DEMURRER slaughtered EARL OF ZIPPY in a 1 minute uneven Bloodfeud duel.
WATER was overpowered by ANASTASIUS in a 1 minute uneven Bloodfeud duel.
GAZREKK overpowered QUICKSAND in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
WINKER X viciously subdued THORNE in a exciting 1 minute veteran's Challenge bout.
SLACKJAW devastated LLUPERIOR LLORCES in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge conflict.
BLACK EYE was demolished by THE LIMELIGHT in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge match.
BLACK CAT overcame UNDERGROUND BEAT in a 3 minute veteran's Challenge Title conflict.
AVIENDHA was vanquished by HEADROCK in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge bout.
TOO ICKY vanquished SIR ZESTALOT in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fray.
THE AYL'M'ER devastated LORD OF THE O RINGS in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge brawl.
WHITE RAVEN was savagely defeated by MURRAY in a exciting 1 minute Challenge bout.
GUMMI GHOUL savagely defeated IVAN in a popular 2 minute bloody Challenge match.
BLUE BEANIE devastated CYVIN in a 2 minute one-sided Challenge contest.
LLUGS AND LLISSES was overpowered by KAPRIKORN in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge duel.
TYVINREK savagely defeated MISTRESS BOMBTRONIC in a 10 minute Challenge fray.
PIPSQUEAK was devastated by MC CAIN in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge bout.
LACHES narrowly defeated SLOUGH in a tiresome 26 minute gory expert's Challenge fight.
SCABBY viciously subdued LLUCKY DAY in a tiring 22 minute brutal Challenge fight.
BUSH viciously subdued FREEP in a action packed 3 minute gruesome Challenge bout.
HELMS was beaten by SOMFMA in a 1 minute Challenge fray.
WIND savagely defeated THE HOLLOW in a action packed 3 minute Challenge competition.
FRUB was savagely defeated by GOLDFISH in a action packed 3 minute Challenge fight.
MAUI WOWIE! was overpowered by SLIPKNOT in a 6 minute gory one-sided Challenge match.
DUSTSTORM was overpowered by GOURMET GRUEL in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge bout.
SON OF BLOODLUST beat 4-FT PARTY BONG in a exciting 1 minute Challenge fray.
IKER devastated TOGS STINKER in a 2 minute bloody one-sided Challenge duel.
MR OBLIVIOUS subdued VORPAL BUNNY in a 2 minute Challenge match.
PIKEL outwaited ORIGINAL SHOCKER in a action packed 9 minute Challenge bout.
SHARP STICK overpowered DICHABOD in a 3 minute bloody one-sided Challenge match.
LEO demolished TYPHOON XXII in a popular 3 minute gruesome one-sided Challenge duel.
QUETZACOATYL was beaten by NUMSKULL in a exciting 4 minute Challenge competition.
URG THE UNCLEAN lost to FLORIN FALCONHAND in a 1 minute Challenge match.
MARDUK overpowered BLOODY HELL in a 1 minute uneven Challenge battle.
POT POURRI viciously subdued TOGS LOSER in a 3 minute Challenge struggle.
THE-SHOCKER was unbelievably bested by DOVE FALCONHAND in a 1 minute Challenge fight.
SKUNK #1 was beaten by ANGRY SANTA in a 4 minute beginner's Challenge competition.
PIP THE TROLL was viciously subdued by SUPERNOVA in a 2 minute brutal Challenge match.
DERRIN overpowered TWO IN THE GOO in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge battle.
INNOCENT was viciously subdued by TAY STARLE in a popular 1 minute Challenge bout.
HOSCHA defeated ANGRY SUE in a action packed 1 minute Challenge competition.
LLLENGEANCE was savagely defeated by BLACKBURST in a exciting 2 minute master's match.
LUMMOX was demolished by THUNDRA in a crowd pleasing 1 minute bloody one-sided fight.
BULL DOGGAM was handily defeated by SYRINGE in a 1 minute mismatched match.
LLOSMIC LLAMMER demolished BOONE in a 1 minute mismatched battle.
ACUTE narrowly defeated THE SPOTLIGHT in a 2 minute veteran's brawl.
SIRIUS luckily beat NOODLES in a 2 minute master's contest.
JACARANDA was overpowered by OBITER DICTA in a crowd pleasing 1 minute uneven bout.
O'RIORDAN defeated TRIPLICATE THUNDER in a crowd pleasing 1 minute fight.
THE BRICK was viciously subdued by KILWICK in a exciting 2 minute veteran's contest.
SMIRLIN was vanquished by TALON in a 1 minute mismatched match.
MARBURY luckily beat KARATE WRECKER in a popular 3 minute bloody conflict.
NAPPY DUGOUT savagely defeated SPONGEBOB in a 2 minute bloody bout.
RIP RAP demolished BARON in a 1 minute uneven duel.
TEACUP TERRIER savagely defeated HERROL in a popular 4 minute gory fight.
CYCLONE was vanquished by ROSENCRANTZ in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
TRICK OR TREAT savagely defeated GREEDYGUT in a action packed 8 minute gory battle.
HENRY IV was overpowered by KABOOM in a 1 minute one-sided contest.
T-MAC vanquished LANCELOT in a 1 minute one-sided contest.
JAMIS overpowered FIRE in a 1 minute one-sided match.
SANDSTORM savagely defeated ZERBERT in a popular 3 minute bloody fight.
SPINNING won victory over 55 SUCKS MORE in a 2 minute struggle.
SYDA HAMMIE beat ZYLLEIX'S SHADE in a 2 minute veteran vs. novice conflict.
INSISTANT BEGGAR was viciously subdued by TUFF in a monotonous 12 minute gory brawl.
SPIT overpowered NECROMANCER XLVII in a 1 minute uneven duel.
ANDROGENOUS STRAIN demolished SHIFTYEYED VOLUNTEER in a 1 minute uneven conflict.
GRAFFIX savagely defeated SIXTUS in a popular 1 minute bloody novice's duel.
ALEXANDER was subdued by BING in a 2 minute amateur's fray.
RASPBERRY STOLI vanquished SCRAG in a 1 minute one-sided match.
VIKEN devastated POX in a 2 minute mismatched match.
BAFFLE was luckily beaten by XXX in a action packed 4 minute novice's match.
ATILA was luckily beaten by WILDFIRE in a exciting 4 minute bloody beginner's match.
SANDY BEACH beat GANOLOSER in a 2 minute gruesome novice's match.
CHOCOLATE STARFISH vanquished MEASLE in a 1 minute uneven match.
RUBELLA was handily defeated by ADRIANO in a 1 minute uneven match.
HIV was beaten by S.L.A.P.P. in a 1 minute novice's competition.
BLOODY MESS devastated VOID in a 1 minute one-sided battle.
THOMPSON was overpowered by NAMBY PAMBY in a action packed 1 minute mismatched fight.
INSANITY was overpowered by VICIOUS RUMOR in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
BONG subdued WEED 4 MOM in a crowd pleasing 4 minute novice's duel.
SHANDRIL SHESSAIR was overpowered by BIGGEST PETE in a 1 minute mismatched duel.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                  43         PARRY-LUNGE       13 -  12 -  0      52  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                 31         WALL OF STEEL     37 -  36 -  1      51  |
|TOTAL PARRY                     27         LUNGING ATTACK   146 - 150 -  7      49  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                 20         AIMED BLOW        40 -  45 -  1      47  |
|BASHING ATTACK                  14         STRIKING ATTACK   88 - 104 -  5      46  |
|AIMED BLOW                       9         TOTAL PARRY       86 - 102 -  3      46  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    9         SLASHING ATTACK   72 - 104 -  7      41  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     8         PARRY-RIPOSTE     25 -  39 -  3      39  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    5         PARRY-STRIKE      14 -  24 -  0      37  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      4         BASHING ATTACK    23 -  54 -  7      30  |

Turn 325 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

AIMED BLOW         6 -  3     TOTAL PARRY       11 - 16         5  LUNGING ATTACK 
PARRY-RIPOSTE      3 -  2     SLASHING ATTACK    8 - 12         2  STRIKING ATTACK
WALL OF STEEL      5 -  4     PARRY-STRIKE       3 -  5         1  PARRY-RIPOSTE  
STRIKING ATTACK   17 - 14     BASHING ATTACK     4 - 10         1  AIMED BLOW     
LUNGING ATTACK    23 - 20     PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  3         1  WALL OF STEEL  
                                                                1  SLASHING ATTACK

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
PARRY-RIPOSTE    BLACK CAT 6268             16   8  0  122 SHADOW SIGNS (491)
AIMED BLOW       THE LIMELIGHT 6104         25  14  0  118 CLUB CULTURE (424)
WALL OF STEEL    THUNDRA 5122               16  12  1  118 FA CHING (388)
LUNGING ATTACK   LLOSMIC LLAMMER 5684       14   9  1  102 LUROCIANS VI (431)
SLASHING ATTACK  TOO ICKY 5937              13   9  0  102 BLOOD RELATED (395)
STRIKING ATTACK  GAZREKK 6438                9   5  2   99 DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
PARRY-LUNGE      LORD OF THE O RINGS 6022   17  10  1   66 WILD CARDS (148)
BASHING ATTACK   DEMURRER 5828              10   7  2   62 LEGALESE (449)
TOTAL PARRY      SLOUGH 6134                12   8  1   53 SWIFT CURRENT (468)
PARRY-STRIKE     TRICK OR TREAT 4667         3   1  0   39 MINATOUR KINGS (379)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is LUMMOX 6092.  The most popular warrior this turn was 
TRICK OR TREAT 4667.  The ten other most popular fighters were GUMMI GHOUL 6411, WIND 
WRECKER 6693, TEACUP TERRIER 6569, BAFFLE 6945, and ATILA 6958.

The least popular fighter this week was SLOUGH 6134.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were LACHES 5642, LLUCKY DAY 6021, SCABBY 6514, MISTRESS BOMBTRONIC 6617, 
TYVINREK 6513, INSISTANT BEGGAR 6630, PIKEL 5808, POX 6964, DICHABOD 6912, and 

The following warriors will travel to ADVANCED DUELMASTERS after next turn: