Date   : 12/19/2003    Duedate: 01/01/2004


DM-60    TURN-327

This Weeks Top Honors


(60-5684) [15-10-1,112]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

BLACKBURST                     NOODLES
FA CHING (388)                 RED AVENGERS (487)
(60-5025) [12-12-0,135]        (60-6247) [3-1-0,71]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

LUMMOX                         SUPERNOVA
RED DOG GANG (476)             RED AVENGERS (487)
(60-6092) [18-46-0,100]        (60-6239) [3-1-0,31]



Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. LUROCIANS VI (431)          51
2. THE UNDERWORLD (15)         50      POWER BROKERS (527)
3. LOSERS (544)                37      Unchartered Team
4. I'M WITH STUPID (531)       34
5. FA CHING (388)              34      THIRSTY THUGS (543)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 0*THIRSTY THUGS (543)        1   0  0  100   1/ 4*I'M WITH STUPID (531)    11  4 1
 2- 1*5 BELOW ZERO (532)         4   1  1 80.0   2/ 3 4000 BLOWS (107)         11  4 0
 3/ 2 POWER BROKERS (527)       35  19  6 64.8   3/14 OGRES ARE US (270)       10  5 0
 4/ 3*RED AVENGERS (487)        15  10  0 60.0   4/ 1*RED AVENGERS (487)       10  5 0
 5/12*I'M WITH STUPID (531)     17  13  1 56.7   5/ 7 FA CHING (388)            9  6 0
 6/ 5 LUROCIANS VI (431)        85  67  6 55.9   6/10 BLOOD RELATED (395)       9  6 0
 7/ 4 LOCK-OUT (368)            34  28  0 54.8   7- 2*WING HOVE (529)           8  2 1
 8- 7*WING HOVE (529)           19  16  2 54.3   8/ 5 LEGALESE (449)            8  7 1
 9/ 6 SWIFT CURRENT (468)       82  72  6 53.2   9/16 DEATH STUDS VII (301)     8  7 0
10/ 8 WIMPS OF DEATH (66)      514 452 30 53.2  10/ 9 LOCK-OUT (368)            8  7 0
11/ 9 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)  559 500 19 52.8  11/13 THIEVES GUILD (396)       8  7 0
12/10 WILD CARDS (148)         677 622 25 52.1  12/22 DEMONS OF DARKNESS (430)  8  7 0
13/11 DEATH STUDS VII (301)    304 281  8 52.0  13/17 LUROCIANS VI (431)        8  7 0
14/15 DEMONS OF DARKNESS (430) 139 132 12 51.3  14/11 R.J.G. (475)              8  7 0
15/14 BLOOD RELATED (395)      131 126  4 51.0  15/18 SHADOW SIGNS (491)        8  7 0
16/13 SHADOW SIGNS (491)        59  57  1 50.9  16/ 8 THE UPSTARTS III (510)    7  7 1
17/20 THE UNDERWORLD (15)       47  46  4 50.5  17/27*LOSERS (544)              7  8 0
18-16 CLUB CULTURE (424)       136 136  7 50.0  18/21 WIMPS OF DEATH (66)       7  8 0

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
19-17 WINTERHOLM (478)          47  47  1 50.0  19/39 THE UNDERWORLD (15)       6  4 0
20/34*INNSMOUTH BROOD (535)      9   9  2 50.0  20/15*DARQUE AGES (536)         6  8 2
21/22 OGRES ARE US (270)       128 139  2 47.9  21/28 FORGOTTEN REALMS (185)    6  9 1
22/21 METAL MELTDOWN (344)     269 294 21 47.8  22/ 6 POWER BROKERS (527)       6  9 1
23/24 THIEVES GUILD (396)      111 123  5 47.4  23/12 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)   6  9 0
24/18*DARQUE AGES (536)          9  10  3 47.4  24/24 WILD CARDS (148)          6  9 0
25/23 4000 BLOWS (107)         537 608 26 46.9  25-20 CLUB CULTURE (424)        5  2 0
26/19 RESCUE RANGERS (362)       7   8  0 46.7  26/19 SWIFT CURRENT (468)       5  7 0
27/28 FA CHING (388)            81  96  3 45.8  27/23*MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)      5 10 1
28/40*LOSERS (544)               9  11  0 45.0  28/26 RED DOG GANG (476)        5 10 0
29/27 BUMS 'R' US (465)        116 143  0 44.8  29/25 BLACK FRIARS (521)        5 10 0
30/31 LEGALESE (449)            49  63  3 43.8  30-29*5 BELOW ZERO (532)        4  1 1
31/25*HIT ME WITH... (503)       8  11  0 42.1  31/41*INNSMOUTH BROOD (535)     4  1 1
32/30 THE UPSTARTS III (510)    21  29  3 42.0  32/33*HIT ME WITH... (503)      4  6 0
33/32 JOKA MASHER! (283)       151 212  6 41.6  33-30 WINTERHOLM (478)          3  2 0
34/26*MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)      10  15  1 40.0  34/38 METAL MELTDOWN (344)      3  5 0
35/33 R.J.G. (475)              57  90  1 38.8  35-32*MINATOUR KINGS (379)      3  6 0
36/39 BEERBARIANS (528)         10  16  3 38.5  36/34*FACES OF ETERNITY (539)   3 12 0
37/35 FORGOTTEN REALMS (185)    55  92  2 37.4  37/31*FIVE SPHERES (462)        3 12 0
38/38 BLACK FRIARS (521)        26  44  3 37.1  38/40*BATTLEFIELD GIRTH (504)   2  1 0
39/36 RED DOG GANG (476)       217 368  3 37.1  39/36 BEERBARIANS (528)         2  1 0
40/37*FIVE SPHERES (462)        14  26  1 35.0  40/ 0*THIRSTY THUGS (543)       1  0 0
41/42*BATTLEFIELD GIRTH (504)    4   8  0 33.3  41/35 BUMS 'R' US (465)         1  2 0
42-41*MINATOUR KINGS (379)       6  14  0 30.0  42/42 JOKA MASHER! (283)        1  5 0
43/43*FACES OF ETERNITY (539)    6  19  0 24.0  43-43*PLAGUE BEARER (545)       0  9 0
44-44*PLAGUE BEARER (545)        0   9  0  0.0  44/44 RESCUE RANGERS (362)      0  2 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

         + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ T#%S IV Turn 3 Update: ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

Turn 3 is in the books.  Congrats to Rage Man and Degotti for winning another round
of gift certificates!  You guys have already made up your entry fee on turn 3, that's
awesome!  Elephant and Sir Indimar held first place with 57 points, but Sir Indimar
dropped the ball a little by not meeting the length requirement for his spotlight.
Yukon and Shadowgate held on again to second place and the Duelmastership with
another nice turn of 58 points.  Rage Man and DeGotti jumped from fifth to third with
this week's highest point total of 62 points.  And Death Stud and Soultaker jumped
from eighth to a tie for fourth as the Studly Ones went 5-0.  Apparently Death Stud
isn't tired of carrying other managers quite yet.  :)  Three managers this turn
turned in spotlights that did not make the length requirement.  I will be very firm
on this, 31 lines-each line 85 characters in length, so check this before you send

TEAM 08    167
TEAM 03    164
TEAM 14    158
TEAM 01    135
TEAM 02    135
TEAM 04    131
TEAM 11    128
TEAM 06    125
TEAM 07    120
TEAM 09    120
TEAM 10    118
TEAM 15    115
TEAM 12    096
TEAM 13    043
TEAM 05    040

-- Ganolus Oakleaf

+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ WHAT I LEARNED FROM **TOGS** ROUND THREE ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

* Nuln enjoys classical music--accordion and banjo.
* Aradi chickens allegedly are pretty wild in bed.
* Guardian is thankful that Ganolus has not kicked The Legendary One's ass yet.
* Master Darque has noticeable flatulence.
* Chic pea clusters can make one smart.
* Lady Sheila loosens up like a dress on Prom night.
* Captain K always seems to be holding his chicken in his lap.
* It's all abouteth the birdeth.
* Soultaker has bad nuts.
* Manager has no spine.
* Some days are without distinguishing characteristics whatever.
* Rillion says he is not a duck diddler.
* There is a Scrod Advisory Board on ethics and morals.
* Mannequin is falsely thought of as charismatic and intelligent.
* Nipple pink is the #1 color for legwarmers.
* GAG (Gamers Anonymous Group) is always there for us.
* Hombre is Adonis.
* "Smiles" is a premier FONZ nonalliance competition.
* Karma is what TOGS is all about.
* The Midnight Foundation is a boisterous group.
* Obligatory ads are a Death Stud specialty.
* Snot Man is a goat man.  Really.
* Rillion knows Heimlich.
* One cannot wear white after Labor Day.
* Each year Nuln does something more distinguishing than the year before.
* Manager and Guardian are apparently a "thing".
* Anti's car caught on fire.
* Desperate times call for desperate measures.
* Manager is a human vacuum cleaner, sucking and blowing simultaneously.
* Wimps are to be beaten, not stepped on.
* Guardian is collectively disrespected.
* Manager is a professional TOGS consultant.


Brought to you by your friends and neighbors of The Crazy creeps guild.

        + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ More Tea with Nuln & Void ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
                                  Act 12, scene 75

     Setting:  a quaint parlor room in a nondescript house in Aradi.  There are two
over-stuffed tea-chair type looking chairs (complete with knitted arm cozies), a
lovely dark maple-wood tea table, on the table is understated silver tray, and on the
tray is a simple tea pot (containing, yes, tea [just TEA dammit, no funny substances
here you sickos, geez...]) and two tea cups (filled with tea [just TEA!!!!!]).

                                    The Players:

     Nuln:  The chaos lord is seated in one of the over-stuffed tea chairs.  He
pretends to politely sip tea, when in fact he cannot, since the tea cup will not fit
through his over-sized Chaos full-helm (tm).
     Void:  The enigmatic yet mysterious manager perches casually on Nuln's shoulders
(author's note:  this in no way should be seen as a metaphor that Nuln is so far
carrying his team-mate in the T@#$--you people read into EVERYTHING).  He actually
sips his tea, 'cuz unlike some people whose name needn't be mentioned, he doesn't
feel obligated to wear a big, klunky metal bowl over his head all the time.
     Assorted T@#$ Managers:  These folks will appear sporadically during lulls in
the conversation, strictly for comedic purposes.

                              And our scene begins....

Void:  [glancing through mass of papers]  My my my, have you read the newsletter yet?
Nuln:  Yeseth.  It saddens me greatly.  I don't think I've ever seen a greater
concentration of minds that are fixated on animal sex and vague innuendo's about the
contents of certain foods.  It makes me want to go back home to Nulnrovia and live
the simple life of a Chaos Lord again.
Void:  I hear ya, big guy.  I guess a lot of T@#$ managers must have grown up on
Nuln:  [wistfully]  Nulnroviaeth, whyfore didst I leave thee...?
Void:  You know, even though we did have another mediocre turn, we're still in this
Nuln:  [brow furrowing]  Yeseth, we sure DID have a mediocreth turn.  *cough*  Man,
my shoulders are tired.  Wheweth.  *cough*
Void:  Boy, the air's thin up here.  Good tea, though.
Nuln:  *grumble*
Void:  Hey, look!

[Death Stud slowly makes his way through the tea parlor, only his head visible
through the blanket that covers his body.  He is on a mini-rolling bed with wheels,
pushed by gerbil eunuchs.  Underneath the covers can be seen many moving shapes
[gerbilish sized] moving without pause.  The Death Stud giggles periodically.  The
sweating eunuchs push the bed on wheels with agonizing slowness across the room, its
massive wheels (forged out of solid admantawhachyamacallitium inside the famed
Volcanic dome of Mount Gloom 'n Doom on the secret plane of Nulnrovia) groaning each
time they revolve.  The Death Stud's eyes are closed, and he does not notice his
surroundings at the least.  Every so often a gerbil courtesan slips out of the
blanket and falls to the floor, then rushes back beneath the covers.]

Void:  Well I'm speechless.
Nuln:  Errrr.
Void:  Who left the door open?
Nuln:  Not meeth.
Void:  What the..!?!?!

[Shadowgate enters the room.  He has a large funnel inserted in his pants.  At the
open end of the funnel, a pair of furry, hoofed legs sprout, wiggling spasmodically.
A muted bleating can be heard.]

Shadowgate:  Nothing to see here.  Just moving along.  Nothing to see.  No no,
nothing at all.  OWWW!!!

[Shadowgate shuffles as quickly as a manager with a funnel and sheep down his pants
can shuffle, and is seen no more.  At least in this spotlight.]

Nuln:  Personally, I'm shocked and offended.
Void:  I mean, I have nothing against friendly animal love--wait, ok I do!!--but he
should be keeping that in the bedroom, if you know what I mean.
Nuln:  I don't think I've evereth agreed with someoneth more in my entire lifeth.
Void:  I mean, heck, what is that sicko freak thinking?  He must have a few--

[Hombre enters the tea parlor.  He is spinning in slow, sensual ballet-like circles.
He has a the sloppy grin on his face of a man who has had one too many a T@#$ dog.
He is completely nude, apparently, except for the body glove of hamsters that cling
to his body, obscuring whatever foul act it is that is occurring.  It is uncertain if
his body is covered with lilac scented oils, but one would certainly expect so.  He
sashays this way and that, nearly overturning the tea table in one of his erotic

Hombre:  Oh yeah.  Oh yeah.  Oh yeah.
Gerbil Throng:  *titter* *giggle* etc., and so forth

[Thankfully, Hombre & co. manage to sashay out of the room entirely.]

Nuln:  Can you pleaseth gouge mine eyeseth outeth?  Pleaseth?
Void:  Only if you skewer mine with ice picks at the same time.
Nuln:  It's a dealeth.
Void:  Did you bring any ice-picks?
Nuln:  Noeth, didst youeth?
Void:  Well, it just so happens that....
Nuln:  Oh noeth....

[Ganolus now enters the room in the arms of a frothing she-bear in heat.  He is naked
as well, and screaming, his body covered in roots & twigs and claw marks.  The wild
she-bear falls to the floor with Ganolus, her great she-bear arms holding the nature-
loving druid-manager in a death lock as they grapple on what was once a perfectly
unsullied Nulnrovian carpet.]

Void:   I think we must have somehow offended the T@$ gods.  Did you make that
donation to the St. Barnabas' foundation for Children Whose Parents have Forever
Scarred their Psyches by Holding Carnal Congress with Farm Animals fund (better know
as St. Barnabas' FCWPFSPHCCFA fund)?
Nuln:  Um, ereth....
Void:  Dammit, I knew it!
Nuln:  I was busyeth prepping for the mail-inneth, and thenneth I had the biannual
Chaos Lord Con to attendeth, and then I had to order out for pizzaeth....
Void:  Enough of your excuses.  Help me push these two out of here!

[Nuln & Void each grab a pair of coat racks that are conveniently standing in the tea
parlor, and gently push the she-bear and her man-bitch out of the room while averting
their gazes (yes, they're a talented pair).]

Void:  Whew.
Nuln:  So, do you thinketh this spotlight loooooong enougheth yet?
Void:  Hey, are you trying to say something?
Nuln:  Oh maneth, my shoulderseth sure are sore.
Void:  Don't make me go 5-0 on you!  Because I will!
Nuln:  Just make sure you add a little more at the end of your spotlighteth this
time.  You're turning into a regular Soultaker on me!
Void:  Don't worry.  The T@#$ is young.  I can feel our domination is imminent.
Nuln:  Better be.  I'll never let myself hear the end of it if we lose to bunch of
managers with such...peculiar tastes.
Void:  Yeah, me either.  So I guess this spotlight's almost over?
Nuln:  Almosteth.  I think just one more random T@#$ manager has to conveniently pass
Void:  Lovely.  At least you warned me this time.
Nuln:  I just found out myselfeth.
Void:  Here, take one.

[Void hands Nuln one of those sleep masks you saw people wear in the '50's, and both
managers don them.  Nuln has a little trouble slipping his over the giant horns of
Chaos Helm (tm), but Void kindly assists.]

Nuln:  Oketh, I'm ready now.
Void:  Let's get this over with.

[Master Darque enters the room, his ravaged body astride a seething pack of
California cows.  The pack thunder around the room in several circles, Master
Darque's face awash with ecstasy as he gropes for as many udders as he can find.
The cows circle many, many, too many times, as Master Darque cries out in rapture
(causing Void & Nuln to cringe).  Then, blessedly, the herd thunders out of the

Nuln:  Hereseth to T@#$ turn 4!!!
Void:  To turn 4!!!


              + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Five Spheres ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

A conversation between teammates:
Nuln:  One more turn like that and I'm asking for a sock/Voyde switch.
Nuln:  That's two bad turns in a row.
Voyde:  Turn three was the worst.
Nuln:  Hope turn four is better
Nuln:  It would be nice if you had all five warriors active.
Voyde:  I have a sixth sense about our chances this turn.
Nuln:  I'd be in seventh heaven if we did well.
Voyde:  Dude, who ate the last Sporker.
Voyde:  You gotta have nine lives to eat those.
Voyde:  Ten to one says you can't eat two Sporkers.
Nuln:  Not after the eleven health code violations they slapped on Death Stud.
Voyde:  I heard it was twelve.
Nuln:  No, but he has until the thirteenth to correct them.
Voyde:  Man, writing every two weeks (or fourteen days, for you slower folks) is
killing me!
Nuln:  At least I've earned all fifteen points through turn 3.
Voyde:  Quit rubbing it in like a sixteen year-old.
Voyde:  I might challenge Dicabod, he has 17 rec points.
Nuln:  I can't believe that I went 4-1-0 last turn and only earned eighteen points
for us!
Voyde:  If I went 4-1-0, I'd party like it was nineteen ninety-nine.
Voyde:  I see that Winker X is ranked twentieth in the arena, good job!
Nuln:  I'll drink to that.  Twenty one times, in fact.
Voyde:  The higher he gets, the fewer good up-challenges.  A real Catch-22.
Nuln:  I'd even go so far as to say a catch 23.
Voyde:  I think about TOGS 24/7.
Both:  Hope everyone has a good Christmas.
Nuln:  Boy, 1926, now that was a good year, eh?  I believe William Lyon Mackenzie
King returned to his office as Prime Minister of Canada that year.
Voyde:  Okay, so I 'm only winning 27% of my fights, I'll improve.
Nuln:  We're definitely getting more than twenty-eight points this turn!
Voyde:  Twenty-nine points or more, that's us!
Voyde:  I thought that the minimum was thirty lines for a spotlight.
Nuln:  No, you idiot, you need thirty-one.
Voyde:  You're right, 31 lines is much more entertaining than 30.


              + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Club Culture ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     With the induction of The Limelight so ends my time in Aradi.  The Limelight
turned out to be a magical warrior that gives me hope in the game.  While he never
became duelmaster nor ever TV'd a tournament, I have hope for him as he progresses in
ADM.  Club Culture has performed well ending its career at 136-136-7.  At .500 its a
great record for a team that has only ever posted two challenges, yet has been
challenged immensely.  While I will not say I will never be back since I have two
champion level warriors, it will be some time before I walk the streets of Aradi
again.  I give you my team:

The Limelight:  AB, 11 (12) -6-7-15-17-7-21.  AM+4 ATT, MA+4 DEF, AE+3 PAR, AE+1 RIP.
     Favorites:  FIST, LOW/MOD, learns DEFENSE.  73 total learned skills.
     Bonuses:  +3 ATTACK, +2 PARRY, +4 RIPOSTE
Underground Beat:  LU, 8 (9) -15-17-17-5-13.  MA+1 DEF, MA+2 ATT, MA+4 INIT, EX+1
     Longsword favorite, +1 RIPOSTE, +2 ATTACK, +1 DEFENSE
The Spotlight: SL, 7-12-12-21-17-10-5, MA+5 INIT, MA+6 ATT, MA+5 INIT, EX+2 DEF, EX+3
     Longsword favorite.  +3 Attack, +2 Decisiveness, -3 Initiative
Spinning:  WOS, 9 (10)-9-16-15-17-5-13
Raspberry Stoli:  SL, 12-4-9-17-15-15-15 EX INIT
Limelight's replacement (no adds):  9-11-16-9-7-9-9 (whoopee!)
     I salute my fellow managers.
     Talon Volksie

                + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Fa Ching ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
                                  DeGotti's Return
                                       Part 4

Recap of part 3...

     DeGotti was entertained by Sheila Greywand and had an excess of alcohol which in
turn gave him one pounding headache.  A servant at Sheila's palace told him of a
medicine worker in the down town part of the city that could fix him with a practice
called acupuncture.  DeGotti made his way to the medicine man named Tao and Tao
cleared him of his headache.  As he was finishing up a messenger brought DeGotti a
note that read....

     You are invited to attend Nulneths First Annual Freakers Ball to commemorate the
start of TOGS IV.
          WHO:  Every manager in Aradi
          WHY:  To celebrate the greatest contest in Arena History.
          WHEN:  Week leading up to the first turn of TOGS IV
          WHERE:  The entire city of Aradi
          P.S.  You, as a past winner of TOGS DeGotti are going to be a guest of
Honor and will ride on the second float with Wimpy and Destitute Noble.

     My first thought was, "This sounds like a fun event.  Oh man, I only have four
days to get there and I still have a stop in Aljafir."
     I made my way back to my room in Sheila Greywand's Palace as quickly as I could
and told my men to be ready to move out in one hour.
     I packed up my things and headed down towards the stables in less than 40
minutes.  When I got down there, Sheila Greywand was there and my party was ready to
head out.
     I thanked Sheila for a wonderful time and great hospitality.  She wished me well
and told me that I could return any time I wanted.
     We turned our horses and wagons northeast after the ferry ride off the Isle of
the Eye and made our way towards Aljafir.
     I knew it was going to take at least two full days to make our way from the Isle
of the Eye to Aljafir.  Which meant that I would only have two days of travel to make
it to Aradi from there if I stayed for one day.  That was cutting it really close,
especially if we ran into any bad weather.
     Lucky for us the weather gods were smiling upon us and the weather was dry but
very cold.  We pulled into Aljafir around 10pm on the second day, about one hour
earlier than I had projected.
     I slept well that night and attended Pan's funeral at two the following
afternoon.  I told my team there I had to be off early for Aradi and left an hour
after the funeral was over.
     It was about 6pm when we headed west for North Fork and the boat ride to

To be continued...

		    + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Red Avengers ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     Tranquility descended on the moderately-sized dwelling that was the Red Avengers
Guildhouse.  A crescent moon shone through an open window in the Rage Man's study,
further illuminating the well-lit room.  The Rage Man, still shrouded in red robes,
enjoyed the rare moment of peace that permeated through the abode.  His warriors were
out enjoying the night and he finally had the place to himself.  If only there was
something to do.
     He grabbed his quill pen and began to write on a papyrus scroll.  Why not write
to his alliance-mates?  It had been awhile since he had been in contact with the
other two members of the Three Amigos and he wondered what they were up to.

     I hope this letter finds you well.  I heard a rumor you moved or were thinking
about moving to Aruak City.  Be careful of that place.  That might be the only place
as vicious as this one.  I am doing well, but the managers here are ruthless.  If I
had brought a less experienced team here, we would surely be near the bottom of the
standings.  Take care.
          Rage Man

     Rage Man rolled the scroll up and tied a bright red ribbon around it.  He went
over to the open window and whistled.  A red hawk swooped down and grabbed the scroll
from his hands.  "Preacher." the robed one ordered as the bird flew away.
     Out of the corner of his eye, the Rage Man noticed a bright glowing ball that
appeared suddenly on his desk.  As his eyes focused on it, the ball grew bigger and
then disappeared.  "Aha," he thought to himself, "That must be a letter from my
alliance-mate, Lightbringer."  Apparently he was not the only one who had been in the
mood for letter writing this evening.
     Slowly, he unraveled the letter and read it.

Rage Man,
     They know.

     The Rage Man cursed to himself.  Damn Lightbringer and his cryptic, mysterious
garbage!  "They know what?" he asked himself aloud.  What he had for dinner?  What he
did last summer?  Who knows what?  What do they know?  What was Lightbringer doing
these days anyway?  No one had seen him since he left Chimlevtal.  He was definitely
keeping a low profile.  In either case, it was nothing to worry about for now.  I
mean sure he had secrets, but didn't everyone?  Especially in a town like Aradi.
				*****     *****     *****     *****     *****
     The five warriors that made up the Red Avengers hid behind a large clump of
     "I saw some chickens heading into that structure over there." Angry Sue
whispered to her fellow gladiators.
     "Of course you did." Supernova responded, "That's because it's a barn."
     "Well what better place to have a chicken orgy?" retorted Angry Sue (who was of
course, angry).
     "This is ridiculous." said Noodles, "Here we are hiding behind the bushes of one
of the city's most famous managers, because we think he has secret chicken orgy
     "You listened to that radio show thing too.  This is a good place to start as
     "It's been a couple of hours though." pointed out Noodles, "We haven't seen
anything enter this place except for two pigs, a goat, a lamb, goose, duck, and a
half-dozen managers."
     "Yeah.  Definitely no chicken orgy here." said Supernova.
     "I could have sworn I heard some moaning about twenty minutes ago though." said
     "That was probably my stomach." said Noodles.
     "Why can't we ever find any action?" sighed Angry Sue, "This sucks."
     "Oh well. Let's get a bite to eat." suggested Supernova.

		   + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Fishy Business ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     Yuletide in Aradi is a wonderful time.  You can almost feel the joy and goodwill
in the air.  Old grudges from the arena are forgotten as warriors from rival stables
share a tankard or two in one of the local taverns.  Caught up in the sentiment of
the season everyone in Aradi is in high spirits.  Well, almost everyone.
     In the backroom of Aradi's newest emporium, The Scrod Shoppe, Indimar and
Elephant were not exactly aglow with Yule spirit.  What appeared to be an oddly
shaped golden bowl lay on its side on the table between them.  Elephant picked it up
and tried to stand it on its misshapen base.  As soon as he let go it fell back to
its side and lay rocking on the table.
     "You can try all afternoon if you want to, but it will never stand up," said
Indimar in disgust.  "I can't believe you tried a new supplier without letting me
know about it first."
     "It was too good a deal to pass up," protested Elephant.  "I saved over a
hundred gold."
     "You call this a good deal?  Hah!  Look what we have to show for your good
deal," cried Indimar as he snatched the bowl off the table and shook it at Elephant.
"Instead of commemorative Golden Scrod ashtrays you secured for us twelve dozen gold
plated scrod heads.  Not to mention the great news that your new supplier already
skipped out of Aradi with our cash."
     "Maybe we can still sell them," said Elephant without much conviction.
     "How?  The damn things look more like codpieces than ashtrays."
     "You mean scrod pieces," snickered Elephant.
     "This is no time for stupid jo...." Indimar trailed off as a strange light grew
in his eyes.
     He raised the glittering fish head and began examining it intently.  When he was
done he set it back on the table and leaned back in his chair with a huge smile on
his face.
     "Why are you grinning like an idiot?" asked Elephant.
     "Because your smart mouth gave me an idea that may help us unload this crap.
Now make yourself useful and go get me one of the belts we just got in for the
Togswear display."
     Elephant hopped down off his chair and went to the front of the store.  While
waiting, Indimar took out his belt knife an began to widen one of the gill slits on
either side of the head.  When Elephant returned with the belt, Indimar took it from
him and threaded it through the now wider gill slits.
     "What are you up to?" asked Elephant, his curiosity growing.
     "Patience, my little friend," said Indimar as he rose from the table.  Turning
his back to Elephant he fastened the belt around his hips and spent several minutes
busily adjusting things in his groin area.
     "I give you the hottest item of this years Togswear line," boomed Indimar as he
turned back to Elephant with a flourish.  "Behold the Golden Scrodpiece."
     Elephant stared in amazement at the golden fish head that now covered his
partner's nether region.  "You are a genius," he whispered.
     "True," agreed Indimar.  "But we're not out of the woods yet.  We still need to
stimulate the market.  If we can sell one to somebody who is a trend setter here in
Aradi then everybody will want one."
     "So all you have to do now is convince someone they look good with a scrod face
on their crotch.  But who?"
     Before Indimar could reply they were interrupted by the sound of someone
entering the front door of the shop.  Indimar crossed to the door that led into the
front of the shop to see who had come in.  He saw that it was Hombre browsing the
scrod scented body oils.
     Indimar turned back to Elephant with an evil little grin and said, "God bless
us, every one."

           Wing Hove

              + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Blood Related ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through Aradi
Not a creature was stirring, not even DeGotti;
The 'leggies' were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that the mail man soon would be there;
     Hombre was nestled all snug in his bed,
     While visions of TOGS-dawgs danced in his head;
     And Chromie in her 'kerchief, and Snotto in his ooze,
     Had just settled down for a Fonzanite snooze,
When in front of the guildhouse there arose such a clatter,
Ganolus leaped from his throne to see what was the matter.
Anti approached dressed like a nerd,
While Nuln stood beside him stuffing a bird.
     A porch torch shown brightly down on the two
     While the bird flew away covered in goo,
     When, what should appear to my eyes full of sleep,
     But a miniature G-Ride, and eight tiny sheep,
With a sweaty old driver, all covered in mud,
I knew in a moment it must be The Stud.
Quicker than chickens his ewes they came,
He sweated, and sweated, then called them by name;
     "Now, RILLY! now, WIMPY! now, PIP and ONEDAWG!
     We must get the sticks! off the top of the walls!
     So then it won't matter! the sweat on my balls!"
Never before had I seen tiny sheep fly,
They kicked mud on The Stud, and leapt to the sky,
So on top of the guildhouse the ewes they flew,
Lifting his ball sack, and Death Stud too.
     As I stood thinking, I heard from above
     BAHHHING and screaming from Death Stud's love.
     I began to feel ill, and sat on a stool,
     Down the chimney came Death Stud covered in wool.
He was lathered in sweat from his head to his foot,
And his crotch was covered with fleece and with soot;
A sack full of balls he held in the air,
At least they weren't balls covered with hair.
     His skin--how it sweated! his smile how scary!
     What twisted perversion made this little man merry!?!
     He laid down his balls and whipped out his stick,
     He gave me some peas, the one's from a chic;
He had presents for all not just for me,
Weed 4 Mom he laid out under the tree;
He had beer for Inferno, and an apron of Chromie's,
You'd think he liked to carry his 'Homies'.
     For Snotto a ticket to places afar,
     To Anti he left a thing called a car;
     Nuln got a sheep, just one of the flock,
     He now had a place to put his cock-erspaniel;
Stud spoke not at all, then went straight to his work,
In his balls he stuck sticks; then spun with a jerk,
And having his finger inside his nose,
Very careful he was with the booger he chose.
     He sprang up the chimney, to his sheep he pleaded,
     "Outta here my flock! to Gateway I'm needed!"
     The Studly One yelled, as he flew out of sight,
Merry Christmas everyone!

-- Ganolus Oakleaf, Blood Related

 + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Yukon's T@%$ Spotlight #4 TWiT part IV ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

Yukon:  Welcome to This Week In T@%$.  This is your host Yukon Cornelius...
Shadowgate:  and his co-host Shadowgate.
Yukon: ...and this weeks episode of TWIT is brought to you by Death Stud's Sweaty
Sticky Salty TOG Balls on a stick...which suck by the way.  Don't ever eat them.
Shadowgate:  Whoa there, big fella.  That is no way to talk about one of our only
paying sponsors.  You don't seem in a very good mood.  What's wrong?
Yukon:  Nothing...let's just get on with the show....
Shadowgate:  Is this because you didn't do so well last week?
Yukon:  NO!
Shadowgate:  And that you lost your best guy, and one of three TV's in TOGS on a
stupid challenge?
Yukon:  NO!
Shadowgate:  Or that your latest bar tab was higher then the GNP of most small
Yukon:  NO!
Shadowgate:  Or that you spent a night in jail last week for beating the snot of some
guy with a clipboard at the "Friends of Aradi's Greenery" meeting.
Yukon:  Hey!  That F.A.G. bastard had it coming!  Who was he to tell me what meeting
to go to and which I can't go to....
Shadowgate:  Whoa.  Calm down now.  It's all going to be all right.  Have another ale
while Manager gives us the farm report.
Manager:  Hello everyone.  I have today's Aradi farm report, brought to you by HHL.
I looked into reports of livestock at farmer boB's place but all I ran into was a
bunch of the FONZ guys.
Shadowgate:  What were they doing up there?
Manager:  No idea.  Before I could check it out to closely, I saw Soultaker walking
around mumbling to himself about needing to find some new nuts and I got out of there
as fast as I could.
Shadowgate:  Good plan.  Anything else?
Manager:  I looked into that pork bellies thing you brought up.  Seems like there
haven't been any pigs in Aradi for a few years.  Since before last T@%$ started.  I'm
going to keep looking into it because I hear pig is like the "Other White Meat."
Yukon:  Hmmm...pork bellies....
Manager:  Oh hello, Yukon.  I didn't see you there behind that huge ale tankard.  I
heard you went on a bender with Inferno?
Yukon:  Yea.  Man that giant can drink.  He, I, and those 15 barmaids he picked up at
Snotman's party went out on the town.  It was a night to remember, that's for sure.
At one point he starts talking about have the girls do some sausage tasting....
Shadowgate:  **cough, cough**  Family show going on here.  **cough, cough**
Yukon: ...and I ended up with the largest bar bill I had ever seen.  Grrr.  Stinking
Manager:  Sounds like a good time.  Sorry to hear about Slackjaw.  He looked like a
promising warrior.
Yukon:  I don't want to talk about it.
Manager:  Not really sure why he challenged a guy with that many kills.
Yukon:  I said that I didn't want to talk about it.
Manager:  Plus he had way more fights than Slackjaw did.  Was it your idea to send
Yukon:  Ok, farm boy, that's it.  Time for you to go.
Manager:  But I was just trying to figure out why you would have a...hey what are you
doing...let go of my shirt...but I wasn't done talking yet....  <CRASH>
Yukon:  Ok.  Now that I've taken out the trash, what's next?
Shadowgate:  While you were, um, taking out the trash we get a letter.
Yukon:  What kind of letter?
Shadowgate:  Well, a legal kind of letter.  A summons, really.  From the Judge....
Yukon:  The Judge?  GULP.  What the hell does he want?
Shadowgate:  Seems he has been but on retainer by someone named "Twit".
Yukon:  Oh crap, this can't be good.
Shadowgate:  It's not.  Seems that this "Twit" guy wants to sue us for using his name
on the radio show.
Yukon:  He can't do that, can he?
Shadowgate:  I'm guessing he has had it longer then we have.  There is also a court
order that came with the summons.
Yukon:  What does it say?
Shadowgate:  "Until such time as the matter of "Twit" vs. "Yukon Cornelius and the
'This Week in T@%$' radio show" is settled it will be forbidden for any member of the
'This Week in T@%$ radio show' to call itself by the name of "Twit".
Shadowgate:  I'm not done yet.  "Moreover, since saying 'This Week in T@%$' is very
wordy and will make everyone automatically think of word "Twit" it will also be
forbidden for any member of the 'This Week in T@%$' radio show to refer to itself as
'This Week in T@%$'.
Shadowgate:  That's in here too "Until such time as the matter of "Twit" vs. "Yukon
Cornelius and the 'This Week in T@%$' radio show" is resolved the 'This Week in T@%$'
radio show shall only be called "Daisies".
Yukon:  DAISIES!
Shadowgate:  Not <bleeping> Daisies, Just Daisies.  Oh, there is something written on
the back of the court order.  It says, "P.S.  It's good to be the Judge."
Shadowgate:  Ok.  Well since Yukon has just left the building, I guess that brings
this episode of 'This week in--'.  Whoops.  Almost said something I shouldn't have
there.  Better try that again....
Shadowgate:  Ok.  Well, since Yukon has just left the building, I guess that brings
this episode of "Daisies" to an end.  Good night, all.

                    + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[  ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
             Shadowgate's Fourth Spotlight: Tar, Feathers, and a Summons

     Well, Shadowgate and Yukon had got their summons and things had really gone down
hill!  Yukon had probably thought the tar and feathering he had received from the
anonymous note was bad enough but then his last turn went to hell and his top warrior
died.  The summons was the final straw, Shadowgate thought.  The TWiT was one of the
things that still made Yukon happy, other than drinking.  The summons showed up and
Yukon had went into a rage and had run out of the room.
     Shadowgate decided to pay a call on some of the TWiT sponsors and warn them that
there might be problems continuing the TWiT show.  He picked up his new cloak and
headed out to Death Stud's home.  After waiting at the door of Death Stud's home for
a few minutes the door finally opened to Soultaker in a cooks hat and a "kiss the
cook" apron.
     "Oh, it's you, Shadowgate," said Soultaker brushing of the flour and sugar off
his apron.  "I was just trying another recipe idea I had to make Death Stud's balls
less sweaty."
     "Any luck with that?" asked Shadowgate with a straight face.  Not waiting for an
answer he plowed onward and asked, "Is Death Stud at home?  I need to talk to him
about some urgent TWiT business."
     "Yes, he is lounging in his tighty whities on the veranda.  I wish my request to
the Queer Eye people would come through, so someone could get him to wear something
to make him look more appealing!  He also just doesn't take care of his pores or
anything!  I don't remember the last time he let me bath...I mean the last time he
took a bath!" said Soultaker as he lead Shadowgate to the veranda.  Once there
Soultaker said something about getting some scones and tea made and then he
      "Shadowgate!  How good of you to visit!  I hope all is well?" said Death Stud
as he covered himself with a old, well used robe.
     "Unfortunately not.  I afraid that the TWiT is being sued by some Twit and he is
being represented by The Judge.  I am sure it is just some ploy by The Judge to
derail our TOGS team, as his warriors sure don't seem to have a chance against us (if
my last turn is any example!)." said Shadowgate as he took a seat.
     "How terrible!  I have a very good lawyer who you should use, but I think that
may not be enough."
     "I agree and that is why I came to you.  This whole thing is really pushing
Yukon over the edge and I don't think he could face this going to trial.  I also know
he would never settle out of court.  Something "else" needs to be done about this
    About that time Soultaker again appeared on the veranda with a tray of tea and
scones.  "What about using your Guerrilla Enforcers to have a "talk" with this Twit."
Soultaker suggested.
     "I could, but he is on lone to Hombre for a few days.  I owed him a TC prize and
he took the "services" of my Guerrilla in lieu of the prize for now.  I will not have
him back for over a week." said Death Stud over the lip of his tea cup.
     "Wow!  Now there is an image I don't want to think about!" said Soultaker as he
poured Death Stud some more tea and brushed off the crumbs from his robe.  "Well, I
am off to the Zoo, I will be back to make you dinner." said Soultaker as he departed.
     "I should be going as well, but I wanted to warn you about what was going on and
that we might not be able to do your Sweaty TOGS ball ads until the case is settled
or at least not as we would like.  I mean a show named Daisy isn't going to get much
of an audience.  Talk about an annoyance suit!  Let me know if you have any other
ideas on what to do." Shadowgate put his cloak back on and quickly left.
     Shadowgate had just realized that Yukon might do something drastic and he wanted
to make sure that he didn't do it in such a way as to be put in jail.  Once outside
of Death Stud's home, he opened a portal to his office and walked through.  As soon
as he walked through his portal he heard it...it sent a cold chill down his spine...
Yukon singing "Daisy, daisy, daisy...."
     Oh, this isn't good, Shadowgate thought.  He knew Yukon had been drinking again.
Man, that guy's liver must be totally pickled!  He thought the only option was to
take Yukon on a trip.  He hated the thought but it was time to take Yukon off to the
mountains around Snowbound and let him look for some silver and gold.  Yukon no
longer really needed the money but it was the one thing that would get his mind off
things, and using one of Shadowgate's portals would at least save them some of the
worst of the trip.  Yukon always liked going out into the wilderness with his "little
pick" and "poking" around.  Shadowgate went and got his winter gear together as well
as his magic long-johns and anti-freeze amulet.
     He would also need to get Yukon's supplies together as well.  He sent word to
Snowbound to get Yukon's dogs and sled readied and to have the sled loaded with a
couple of kegs of Yukon's best ales.  With things going the way they where here in
Aradi, he would have to also consider letting the team captains of their teams manage
them for the next turn.  Shadowgate hated the thought of losing ground in the contest
for that turn but without this trip, he might have to write off the whole contest...
at least for Yukon's part.

End Shadowgate's Fourth Spotlight....  To be continued next turn in the episode
entitled "Murder of a Twit"

		 + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Wimpy and the ACLU ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     Over a week has passed since Twit arrived, having left his assisted living
retirement home and traveled from Andorak to Aradi.  So that you all can be up-to-
date we will include a brief summary of the events leading up to Twit's trip.  It
seems as if two managers have started some type of radio station here in Aradi using
the call letters TWIT.  Our Wimp, Twit, FS #60-1463, strongly objected to the use of
his name and arrived yelling for a lawsuit.  Since this is a legal problem The Judge
was summoned.  Unfortunately The Judge was in Solven carefully managing his team
there to combat the dirty, underhanded, down challenging tactics of that heinous
manager Kellumbo.  It would be a while before The Judge would be free to advise poor
Twit on his case.
     In the meantime in order to make Twit feel useful, Wimpy had asked him to assist
in the training of the current crop of Wimps.  Considering his experience and his
total fight experience of 111 fights, you would think he would be a valuable addition
to the training staff.  However, when you consider that his arena record is 40-46-1,
and he is classified as Eligible and he is a Parry Striker, then you have to question
his value.  What can a Parry Striker teach modern fighters?  Twit is not good at
either parry or striking.  He is what Wimpy calls unbonused or negatively bonused.
So the problem is that Twit is teaching old-fashioned methods in both defense and
     To try and figure what to do with Twit, Wimpy called him in for a conference.
Twit came in the door looking like something the cat wouldn't even bother dragging
in.  He was limping on both his left and right legs.  He could hardly lift his arms.
His head was hanging halfway down his chest.  He looked as if he has exhausted his
strength, and he slips and falls on his face.
     Wimpy got up and jogged over to Twit.  "What's wrong old guy?" he said as he
helped Twit to a chair.  "These modern training methods too much for you?"
     "It's not the methods", Twit gasped, "it's the fighters."
     "What do you mean, 'it's the fighters'?" Wimpy asked.
     "I just went a few minutes with the 'F' boys, Frub and Freep.  They both were
still on their feet after 28 minutes, looking as fresh as when they started.  To make
matters worse, neither one even took a swing at me.  What kind of fighters do you
call these guys?"
     "Twit, these are special fighters brought in for the TOGS.  The whole idea of
the TOGS is to win.  How you win makes no difference.  No one cares if anyone is a
real fighter or not."
     "Well I sure don't understand that.  Back in my day everyone looked down on
scum.  Only us real fighters got recognized as honorable fighters.  But, enough of
this.  What about my lawsuit against those jerks from team 3?  What are their names?"
     "Shadowgate and Yukon.  And I wouldn't really call them jerks.  They are
challenging for first place in the TOGS after only three weeks.  I do agree with you
that using your name as the name of their radio (whatever that is) station is a gross
infringement and they should be forced to stop.  The problem is that The Judge is out
of town and I don't know anybody who can give us legal help and advice."
     "I may have something", Twit stated, "I saw a short ad in the Aradi News
yesterday for some outfit called ACLU.  It sounds like they should be able to help."
     "I'll have Festor check it out in the morning.  In the meantime, you go get some
rest.  You look like you need it."
     The next day Wimpy called his loyal scribe, Festor Foureyes into his office.
"Festor, I want you to go find this outfit called ACLU.  We need to ask them about
some legal issues surrounding Twits case against Shadowgate and Yukon."
     "Where do I start, boss?" asked Festor.
     "How about contacting Manager?", Wimpy suggested,  "He is the most lawyer type
person I know.  He may know about them."
     So off Festor went in search of Manager.  He was back within the hour.  "Well?"
asked Wimpy as Festor walked in the door.
     "I talked to Manager and he has heard of the ACLU but doesn't know where to find
them.  He referred me to Death Stud and Soultaker.  He called them the 'missing
twins'.  I don't know what he meant."
     "He meant that that pair of managers is missing.  One is missing hair and the
other missing height.  But what about the ACLU?" Wimpy queried.
     "After I left Manager I was walking down the street and I tripped over Death
Stud.  He told me to talk to Farmer boB.  So I went to see Farmer boB and asked him
about the ACLU.  He flew into such a rage that I thought I would have to call for
help before he killed me.  He finally told me that yes he did know the ACLU.  He
referred to them as dirty lowdown animals.  He promised he would have a
representative of the ACLU come over to see you as soon as possible."
     "Good work, Festor.  But I wonder why Farmer boB dislikes the ACLU so much?"
mused Wimpy.  "Oh well, we will just have to wait and see.  I sure hope they can give
Twit some good sound legal advice."
     The next morning, before the sun was even up, there was a loud commotion at the
Wimp's front door.  This commotion included the ringing of a loud bell just outside
the door.  Wimpy crawled out of bed and made it to the front door.  He was muttering
to himself about the early hour and the fact that no human, orc or anyone else got up
at this hour.  Wimpy threw open the door ready to lambaste the intruder.  He was
aghast when he saw that there was only one cow at the door, ringing her cowbell as
loud as she could.
     "Who in the hell are you and why are you, a cow, waking everyone up?" Wimpy
     The cow looked up at Wimpy with her big brown eyes and said, "Us cows always get
up at this hour.  I am here because you requested help from the ACLU.  I don't know
why you would need our help, but I came anyway."
     "I'm confused", screamed Wimpy, "I asked for the ACLU to help in a legal matter
and here I get a cow.  What the hell is going on?"
     The cow looked at Wimpy again with her big brown eyes and said, "I think you
have mistaken us for some other organization.  We are the ACLU.  Aradi Cows for
Liberated Udders."
     (Author's note:  Looks as if we now have two story lines we might pursue.  Does
anyone have a preference or does anybody care at all.

  + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Thinking too much can make you Hungry ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
							   by Ghoti

     Ghoti sat out in the backyard practice field of his renovated split level,
rambler-style ranch house contemplating all the crazy things that had happened in
Aradi the last few turns.  It was unnerving to think of the treachery,  the
debauchery, the antics and to say the least, total lack of story line almost anywhere
in this fair city.  Ghoti rang the practice bell and his fine team of gladiators came
rambling and stumbling out of the kitchen and onto the field.  They lined up single
file as instructed and then sat on the bench.
     Ghoti paced before them and began his speech.  "Men, Ogres and Dorf." shouted
Ghoti.  "I have some very important tasks for you to perform.  You must be brave,
forthright and steadfast in this duty to Aradi and me."
	As one they yelled "YES SIR!"
     "CEPL!" barked Ghoti.  CEPL stood up, "Take this flute.  It is a magic flute.
Take it to the far side of town and start blowing on it.  Every chicken, worm and
hamster/gerbil like thing will follow you as long as you keep blowing on it.  You are
allowed to take a breath however.  Then slowly march through town and then up to the
top of the cliffs.  Stand at the edge of the cliff and blow on that flute until every
critter that has followed you marches off the edge and onto the rocky seas below,
thereby killing them all." instructed Ghoti.
	"I will do it" beamed CEPL.  "How come this flute looks like it's made of
skin?" asked CEPL.
	"It used to belong to Elephant.  He has a reputation as a blow hard so I
thought it appropriate." was Ghoti's answer.
     "Syda Hammie!" yelped Ghoti.  S.H. stood up.  "Take this paint and brush and
hammer.  Paint over the word 'With' on Yukon's shirt.  Paint over any sign referring
to BoB, chickens, and FONZ.  Pour the remaining paint over the Greek Guy's and
Rillion's heads.  Be careful which way you face the Greek Guy, he is Greek, ya know.
Smash any managers' elbows with the hammer.  They won't be bending them arms fer
awhile, let's hope.  Oh and lastly, smash all the bottles of vodka."
     "Smirlin" intoned Ghoti.  Smirlin stood.  "Take this book of matches and burn
anything that looks like a chicken coop, or a cattle barn.
	"Hoscha," Ghoti chimed, "I want you to give this mini book of Aradi laws, all
5000 pages to Judge.  Then take this Awl and poke out his eyes."
	"But then he no be able to read it?" said Hoscha.
	"Yes, it's sure to tease him plenty" added Ghoti.  "Tell him to have Wimpy read
it to him."  Ghoti then placed the 1 inch thick, postage stamp sized book into
Hoscha's palm.
     "Somfma!  Take these bricks and enclose Death Stud's Place.  Then remove the
stairs from every building."
     "Headrock, you have the most important task of all." grinned Ghoti  "I want you
to first go and break Nuln's shins and then cut off his tally whacker.  I never want
a vision of him doing canine coitus interuptus again.  Yeesh....  Then I want you to
kill Guardian.  And when he gets up, kill him again.  In fact, kill all the managers
twice.  Except for Ganolus and Hombre.  They're getting their just desserts already.
(he he)  Oh and not Onedawg.  I think he needs a break."
     "Well, what are you all waiting for?  Get moving!?" exclaimed Ghoti.
     "That's a lot of work for the space allowed, can't you just say, 'a bit later in
the day'?" asked Somfma.
     "Oh sorry.... Later that day...."
     "So how'd things go?" Ghoti asked of his glorious gladiators.  "You can
abbreviate if you want...."
     CEPL:  "Blow, Blow.  Hiya cutie...crap gotta start over....  Blow, Blow...Blow
BWAAAaaaaahhhhhhk (splash), Bwwwaaaaawwwwkkk (splash), Squeeeeeeeeeek (splash?),
Squiiiirrrrrrmmmm (Drip), AFLAAAAAAAAAAAC!( Spaaaaalaaaaaat), looks like CFH (SpAlat)
and Jack Wolfspider (Huff puff SpAlat) followed me too.  But that's OK they been
committing TOGS suicide for a few turns now.  Every time I blow on flute it got
bigger and louder."
     S.H.:  "I'm****Stupid, ***** Farm,  Farm *****,**********, *******, *** *****,
**** Shadow*ate Yukon."
     "What is that last one all about?" asked Ghoti.
	"Artistic license." answered S.H.  "SLOPSPLASH!  Look...lined up at the urinal.
     Smirlin:  "WHOOSH!, WHOOSH!  AAAAahhhhhhhh!  Look, Rotisserie chicken.  Hey,
someone lit Judge's house on fire?"
	"Why'd ya do that Smirlin?" asked Ghoti.
	"Me no like suits." he said.
     Hoscha:  "OOOOuuuuCH!  My eyes!  The...Party..........of......the....FASTER!
...the...first...part...said...no wait....  The...Party...."
     Somfma:  "All in all it's just a...nother Brick in the wall... -- Is there
anybody OUT there?"
     Headrock:  "OW, my Legseth....  OWWW, my Weatheleth.... EVER SEE A DOG SCRATCH
IT's BUTT?  Dead one Dead two, Dead one Dead two.
	"Ahhhhrrrrgggghh.  Not me, ya idiot!  OK.  So hopefully this will stop some
really bad storylines.  I hope you all learnt yer lessens.  Now that all the
nefarious things have been removed, it will give everyone a fresh start.  No worms,
no chickens, no weatheleth, no small rodents, no animals--no food, deaf dumb blind,
dead and dead some more, Humpty Dumpty couldn't get up the wall.  The whorehouse of
Bovine is no more.  Nut butter anyone?  Things are just too redundant.  Oh, and I
took all the yarn out of the legwarmers too.  Smile and have a day.

	  + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Lurocians Reloaded Part IV ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     We started down the road without much conversation going on.  We turned down a
dark alley and the cart came to a halt.
     "Before we go any farther there's something we must do" Grasinity said.
     With that I felt two arms grab my arms.
     "Hey, what's going on?" I shouted.
     No one answered.  Grasinity pulled out a long metal object from her cloak that
had to pinchers on the end.
     "This might hurt a little." she said.
     With that she shoved the instrument up my nose.  I yelled out in pain.  She
twisted the instrument around in my nose as if she was trying to grab something.
     "Got it!" she yelled.
     She slowly pulled the instrument out of my nose and I shrieked in surprise when
I saw what was on the end.  It was the creature I saw in my dream.  The guys in the
dark coat...one put...it crawled up my...b...but no, that was just a dream, wasn't
it?  Grasinity threw the creature on the ground and stepped on it.
     "How can this be?  I dreamed about those guys and the creature, but it wasn't
real.  Managerith doesn't really exist?  Does he?" I questioned.
     "That creature can be used to track your movements." she replied.  "I know this
doesn't make sense to you but it will after you meet Sandeous." she stated.
     With that, the cart started moving again.  I sat in silence, too confused to
speak.  We traveled for what seemed like hours before we finally came to a stop.  We
were in front of the old inn right out side of town.  There had been a fire there
years before and it had been abandoned.
     "Follow me." Grasinty said.
     She led the way in the door, followed by Capn K.  We made our way up the stairs.
At the end of the hall I noticed a dimly lit room.  As I walked in, there were three
people in the room.
     A bald guy that almost seemed dwarvish came up to me first.  "Hi, I'm
Soultaker." he said.  "My real name's Craig, but that seems so wimpy-like I decided
to go by Soultaker." he said.
     "I'm Apex.  I'm Capn K's brother." he said.  Apex was also holding a chicken in
his lap.
     "Are you and your brother chicken farmers or something?" I asked.
     Apex just smiled and held his chicken closer to him, which caused the chicken to
     The last person got up and made her way over.
     "I've been looking forward to meeting you for a long time." she said.  "My name
is Sandeous." she stated.
     I couldn't believe it.  Could this really be the legendary Sandeous?
     "I have some things to tell you that might be hard to believe, but you need to
hear them." she said.  "Have you ever thought that something about this world just
wasn't quite right; that there was something that you just couldn't put your finger
on but you knew it wasn't right?  We live in a world of violence and chaos, were
people live and die by the sword every day.  When someone fights and dies in the
arena no one seems to care.  Some owners even kill off there gladiators who don't
perform well just to free up money to bring in a new one.  Do you know why?" she
     "No." I said.
     "Well, let me show you." she replied.

To be continued

    + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ ** 30 Thirty or 31 Thirty One ** ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     Indimar, Question -- What's the difference between (30) Thirty and (31) Thirty-
One?  Answer -- 5 points.
     Legalese, where should I begin?  First of all, I pity anyone that actually reads
my spotlights.  I'm not here to win any writing contests.  I here to get my points
for (31) Thirty-one lines (Indimar, take note please).  I will not be responsible for
those who torture themselves with my ramblings (fillers for space).
     As far as your spotlight regarding mine, I'll give you an A for effort, an A for
making me laugh, a F for facts and a big FAT F for referencing the Midnight
Foundation.  I grow tired of talking about the Midnight Foundation but let me set the
record straight regarding Elephant, Founder of the Midnight Foundation.
     A while back, the Midnight Foundation decided to show up in Valamantis in
typical Midnight Foundation fashion.  In a nutshell they killed a buddy of mine's
warrior, sat out all four turns, and talked crap the whole time.  They did their
three on one nonsense and claimed that Valamantis belonged to the Foundation.  Didn't
take long for Hombre and me to arrive on the scene and take charge.  Before I arrived
in Valamantis, I told them that Valamantis belonged to the citizens not a bunch of
candy ass paste eaters.  I also told them that I would dominate them and take their
alliance from them.  Just liked they claimed Valamantis belonged to the Foundation, I
told them the Foundation would belong to me.  Hombre and I whipped the dog poop out
of them.  They were gone in a few turns, crying and making excuses as usual.
     I'm not sure on Hombre and my exact record, but I know it was pretty damn close
to perfect.  I also know Hombre had 2 kills and I had one.  So that's where Elephant,
CEO and Founder of the Midnight Foundation came from.  I could careless about Jackass
(Jekyll), Birdie (Bird) and Carnie Wilson (Carny).  I'll take them on anywhere, any
time.  The difference between the Foundation and me is that when I talk crap, I back
it.  If you've noticed, I haven't talked crap in here yet, because I'm not up for
backing it.  I have more important things to do, like make sure my partner Indimar
knows the difference between (30) thirty and (31) thirty-one.
     Ganolus, yes, my friend, I've been reading, just haven't had time to respond.
Regarding "Mawmeek".  When you pass out at a party, expect things like "Mawmeek" to
happened to you.  You are lucky the real "Mawmeek" wasn't at the party.  I'm sure
there are some things he would've loved to do to you.  How does one pass out from
doing shots on redhots anyway?  Speaking of Mawmeek, didn't your brother work at a
place called Meeks many moons ago?
     Hombre, what's up, man?  I'm in the same area code as you and you still don't
call me.  I'm still waiting to have a reunion with Mawmeek, Bitchin Bob, Jay Cobbler,
He's His, Snoop Dog and Jon Paul (too many codes names to chose from and most would
probably be censored).
     Barnabas, how's it going?  You're another one that is in the same area code that
doesn't call.  You and Hombre are going to make me think it's really me.
     Manager, you were correct about the writing every turn part.  Well, half right,
I got me 31 in last turn.  I'd throw some insults your way but they would only be
     Ichabod, where are you?  I thought you were gonna come here and teach some
people a lesson.  I bet you're hiding somewhere because your hero Saddam Hussein has
been captured.  What are you gonna do when George W. is reelected because of this?
     Last and certainly not least, Indimar, good luck this turn.  One of these days
we'll actually have to sit down and go over challenges with one another.  Don't worry
about the spotlight thing, I know you know the difference between 30 and 31.  By the
way it's Wednesday night and I'm just finishing this spotlight.  I haven't even
filled out my strat sheets yet.  I do them tonight and fax first thing Thursday
     Well all that is it for now.  Talk to y'all next turn.  Same Elephant time, same
Elephant channel.
     The Mighty Elephant

                 + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ R.J.G. ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     Iker slipped through the darkness as he headed into the trees.  He paused
briefly to allow his eyes to adjust to the murky blackness within the forest.  As the
dark outlines became more tangible, he moved forward once more.  With nearly inhuman
stealth, his passage through the woods blended with the night sounds and was
virtually undetectable.  Like a shadow, he made steady progress through the night.
     A crack like thunder came from in the trees in front of him, and Iker instantly
froze in place.  With frustration, he desperately tried to listen for the slightest
noise, but the pounding in his ears overwhelmed him for a moment.  Using an
apprentice relaxation technique, he quickly calmed himself and was able to hear the
movement of something large and apparently uninviting from somewhere up ahead.  The
sickening sound of scales sliding over rock nearly unnerved him, but years of
training helped him maintain his composure.  With extreme care, he slowly sank into
the underbrush.
     A few moments later, a fearsome beast came into view.  Iker had heard tales of
large serpents, or dragons as they were sometimes called, but he never really
believed they were as large as the storytellers liked to imagine.  This one was at
least 60 feet long with a head the size of a small pony, and eyes that blazed green
in the darkness.  A wave of foul stench nearly overwhelmed Iker.  The creature moved
on with agonizing slowness, and finally slithered off to the east.  As soon as it was
out of sight, Iker moved swiftly to the west and as far from the monster as possible.
     Hours later and after three more close encounters with creatures of legend, Iker
knelt at the top of a ridge and looked down into a nearly hidden valley.  What could
only be described as an army of foul creatures, beasts, and mages were assembled
together.  Some of the mages were busily casting incantations at one end of the
valley, and more beasts seemed to appear after every spell.  The horde was steadily
growing larger and larger.  Iker didn't know what was going on, but he knew he had to
warn somebody.
     With haste born of fear, he quickly made his way back down the opposite side of
the ridge and began the long trek back to the outpost.  As he passed through an area
of sparse trees, a scream echoed through night from right above him.  Looking up he
could see great black wings sweeping down out of the night.
     Putting on a burst of speed, Iker ran with pure terror for the deeper forest.
The creature above swept down at him and tangled its claws in his cloak, nearly
pulling him off his feet.  With a tearing sound the cloak ripped and the creature
came up empty handed.  Iker ran on into the trees, while the creature screamed in
frustration.  Sounds of pursuit could be heard further behind, but he wasn't waiting
to see what might be coming.
     After a few minutes, the sounds of pursuit died down and he slowed down to an
easy jog, but kept heading steadily away from the encampment.

        + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ An Anti-Adventure Part 2 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

[Last time in our story a group of really pissed off gerbils had rallied together to
plot some sort of revenge that involved the FONZ.  Anti, token moron member of the
previously mentioned non-alliance had stumbled upon this and went off to tell his

     "No no NO! Uh UH!"
     "Oh stop your whining and just get in the suit...."
     "No way, I won't do it!"
     "Now c'mon, we all agreed that this needs to be done...."
     "So YOU get in the suit then!"
     "I wouldn't fit."
     A couple of yards away from the nearly deserted chicken shack this argument
raged, as Death Stud stomped his feet in a petulant fit while Soultaker did his best
to whine the little fella into submission...all the while holding a very small, very
adorable gerbil suit.  With wittle fuzzy gerbils cheekie weekies and every thing...
darling I tell you, just darling.
     The source of all this conflict was the notion that if gerbils were going to
plot the murder of the FONZ non-alliance, then maybe the FONZ should investigate
this.  It's bold, concise decisions like this that mark FONZ as the best non-alliance
in Aradi that doesn't include talking tree stumps.
     And so Soultaker, taking up his position as the wise old mentor (sorta like
Gandalf if he was the White Wizard of Middle Trailer Park) decided that the best way
to check this potential problem out would be to have someone infiltrate the meeting.
And since they already had a gerbil sized member....
     ...well then what you have is Death Stud refusing to get into the gerbil suit,
refusing that is until Inferon, token drunk of the non-alliance, whopped the little
guy with a monkey wrench.  And that settled that.  After an hour or two the littlest
stud of all came to and reluctantly agreed to do the job.
     The threat of Nuln getting to finally try his hand at a real life colon exam
probably helped.
     And so DS got into the suit, and got his instructions from Chrome Dome.  The
Death Gerbil would go in, listen in on the plans...then get the hell out of there
before the gerbils realized they had been compromised (not in the usual way though.)
With that settled, the issue came up of who would stick around to be the "wheel man"
for the Gerbil Stud...risking their own personal safety for the betterment of the
     Hombre and Granolus had already made appointments for their weekly waxings (leg
warmer carpet burns are no laughing matter) so they were out.
     Nuln was already scheduled to be in 356 other team spotlights this turn so he
had to bolt.
     Inferno was on his 15th rusty nail and had been hitting on the mailbox for the
last ten minutes so he was out.  He seemed to be making progress with the mailbox
     Snotman was knee deep in his book "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Not Challenging
Your Togs Partner's Warriors" and nobody wanted to stop him from actually completing
a book that didn't involve pop ups or the Teletubbies.
     Soultaker was NOT about to miss "sponge bath and lime jello" night at the Craggy
Old Farts home....
     And everyone knows that Magic Man and boB don't really exist (suuuuuuure,
there's a magic land called "Canada."  Tell me another one.).  So that just left one
     The only FONZ member left that they could trust.
     No not Barnabas, he's not in the FONZ he's just Soultaker's comic foil and
probably a hand puppet if you look closely enough.
     Anti.  Yeah Anti.  They went with Anti.  No really, they did.  Stop laughing.
     And so Soultaker took Anti aside, and explained the importance of this duty.
Explained that all of his non-alliance mates were counting on him, that for once he
could actually contribute something of importance to the FONZ.  That this was Anti's
time to shine.
     And Anti smiled and nodded.  Because Anti didn't hear a word he said.  Anti was
thinking about why if Lucky could make giant marshmallows with his wand, then why
couldn't he just turn all those damn kids after his cereal into toads or something.
     "So you're sure you are up to this?" asked Soultaker one more time, his
instincts screaming at him.  Anti just smiled again, "Sure thing, when the little
gerbil Death Stud comes back out I make sure to grab him and head back to that one
place you said I'm never supposed to go to or else by God you'll really for real kill
me this time."
     "Yes yes," nodded Soultaker, "You'll take him back to the FONZ headquarters.
I'll make sure to tell the guards NOT to shoot on site today."
     And so Death Stud, in gerbil disguise, made his way into the chicken shack.  The
rest of FONZ relayed to Anti once again the importance of being alert and doing this
right and headed home.
     Which left Anti alone over in the corner of the parking lot.  He was whistling
to himself as he watched the clouds go by overhead, thinking that it was cool that
Soultaker trusted him to do whatever it was that he was supposed to do but couldn't
remember.  But still it was cool.  And if the Trix rabbit could afford all of those
different disguises and stuff then why couldn't he just buy a box of Trix?  And where
had Death Stud gone wearing the gerbil costume?  He hoped he stayed away from the
chicken stand because the gerbils there seemed pretty pissed off about something.
     Anti vowed to remember to warn Death Stud about that the next time he saw him.
Because that's what good non-alliance mates do.

[to be continued]

                    + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[  ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
         -----     -----     -----    Soultaker    -----     -----     -----

     The night was perfect.  It was 2 AM and everyone in town was fast asleep.  The
sky was cloudless, allowing the quarter moon to give just enough light to move about
safely.  Soultaker was dressed in a set of black leathers with a hooded black cape,
pulled tightly to keep out the bitter cold breeze coming from across the open water
at the edge of town.  He was also wearing a pair of soft leather boots that allowed
him to move swiftly and silently through town.
     Soultaker looked back to see if his cohort in crime was with him.  Even though
the light from the moon lit up the area, his pal was still hard to see.  Straining
his eyes he finally made out the features of the mighty midget, Death Stud.
Soultaker forced himself to keep from laughing.  The stealthy shrimp had taken
charcoal and darkened his face and arms.  What made it funny was when he would open
his eyes.  He had these two huge white spots glowing out in the middle of the night.
He had chosen to wear some sort of blackish tights with a black stocking cap.  Around
his waist was a tool belt loaded down with numerous tools and gadgets.
     Time passed quickly and it was close to 3 AM when the conniving couple reached
their destination.  Before them stood Manalger's ostentatious guildhouse.  This thing
was huge and one might think that the owner was trying to compensate for something.
They eased around the corner where they saw their entry point.  Just out of reach was
a slightly open window.
     "OK, I will lift you up there and you crawl in and open the door for me,"
Soultaker whispered.
     Death Stud just nodded.  Soultaker could tell he was nodding by the two white
globes going up and down.  The diminutive daredevil steadily climbed up onto his
partner's shoulders.  Once he was felt secure standing on Soultakers's shoulders,
Death Stud reached up, gripped the edge of the windowsill, and pulled himself into
the open window.
     Soultaker waited for a few moments and just as he was about to go to the front
door he heard a loud thump and a muffled curse.  Shaking his head, Soultaker moved
towards the front door.  He had just arrived when the door slowly opened and a tiny
blackened hand waved for him to come in.
     As Death Stud closed the door, Soultaker pulled out a small hooded lantern.
Once they had the candle lit, they were able to see the layout of the foyer.
     "Well are you ready to get started," Soultaker asked.
     "Hell yes, I have waited way too long as it is," Death Stud cheerfully
     "Ok, let's get started then," Soultaker whispered as he headed towards
Manalger's main office.

            + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Smiles, part deux ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
                            Or Last Stand of the Love Ewe

[Editor's note -- Snotman and the Spooky Kids is on hiatus this turn, instead you get
the next installment of Smiles.]

     Snotman swung the bathroom door open and then immediately shut it.  Despite his
speed, a low green mist had seeped out into the main room of the super secret FONZ
getaway.  The door made a satisfying click and then he started spinning a wheel
mounted on the door, "You guys do not want to go in there.  I'd give it a couple of
days before we crack the seal.  Thank Khorne we put the airlock doors in.  And that
was good planning, Stud, having more than one bathroom.  I guess you know us pretty
     As Snotman spoke, the low mist slowing crept across the floor and as it passed
Anti (nearest to the bathroom door), his previously flushed face went white and then
slightly green.  Snotman continued, "I don't know what's going on with me, but I've
been feeling off for a couple of weeks now.  But that was definitely the worst of
     As Snotman turned towards the FONZites gathered around the table, Death Stud
started panting, his breath coming in ragged gasps, sweat matted his hair and dripped
down his cheeks and then he screamed, "Yes!  Yes!  Yes!"
     As Death Stud slumped back in his chair, spent, his face broke into a cherubic
smile and his plump cheeks glowed a healthy red.  Nuln shouted, "Bring us another
round, this one's on Studdie!"
     Snotman's face clouded with rage, "Are you guys crazy, we'll lose our lease if
they catch another farm animal in here!"
     Nuln attempted to calm him down, "Itseth ok Snotmaneth, weth weren't gonna
risketh losing our leaseth."
     Snotman strode over to the table and ripped the table cloth off.  To everyone's
vast surprise, the pyramid of empty beer mugs was completely undisturbed.  As Death
Stud hurriedly made himself decent, Snotman pulled a pair of medical gloves out of
his pocket, put them on and picked up the object sitting in Death Stud's lap.  "An
inflatable sheep," Snotman shrugged, "Ok, I guess that isn't a problem."
     He read the name on the side, "Love Ewe, that's pretty clever.  Hmmm, three
lifelike orifices with suction and vibration."
     Death Stud stopped fumbling with his trousers, "What are you talking about,
Snotman?  It has 5 orifices."
     Snotman looked at the diminutive manager, "What the hell kind of sheep has 5
     Then Snotman's eyes widened and he exclaimed, "Nostrils aren't orifices!"
     Death Stud cast his gaze towards his feet and Snotman quickly turned his eyes
away from his miniature friend.  Something on the Love Ewe caught his eye and he
asked in a very sharp tone of voice, "Where did you get this?"
     Ben Wa, oblivious to the menace Snotman was exuding, replied, "Inferno brought
it in."
     As one, the FONZlings turned to look at Inferno.  He finished chugging his beer,
wiped his mouth with one massive paw and said, "It came in the mail this morning.
When I opened it, I figured that it would solve all of our lease issues."
     He looked thoughtful for a second, "I don't actually know where it came from,
but I figured that I probably ordered it during one of my late night drinking binges.
I like to browse the magical web for pictures of the honeys..." he paused to give a
knowing look to his friends, "If you know what I mean.  Sometimes I buy stuff and
don't remember in the morning.  But it was kinda odd that it didn't have a return
     Snotman placed the Love Ewe on the table and pointed to some small print on its
rump, "Property of Manager"
     Snotman pulled a knife from his belt and sliced the Love Ewe open.  Ganolus
wiped the tears from his eyes.  Snotman pulled back the flaps of lifelike vinyl and
revealed a tape recorder.
     He yelled, "Davina!"
     His fellow FONZites had sheepish expressions on their faces, "So, did you talk
about all of your best warriors and their chances at the face?"
     By the way they slunk lower in their chairs, Snotman knew the answer, "I don't
like being the heavy here, but come on people.  Inferno stumbles in, still drunk from
the night before, bearing an inflatable farm animal of unknown origin and this is how
you act.  Use your heads, people!"
     The heavyset bar maid appeared, her ample ass scraping both sides of the doorway
and her bosom heaving and juddering as she caught her breath from the walk from the
kitchen, "You called, Mr. Snotman?"
     Snotman pointed at the Love Ewe, "Get that thing out of here!"
     Davina pulled on a pair of rubber gloves and gingerly picked up the Love Ewe,
"Lunch will be on soon.  It's your favorite, hamburgers!"
     As she left Soultaker stated, "Man, that is an ugly woman!  I'm not sure if it's
the hair growing out of the mole on her cheek or her jaba-the-hut-gut, but she's
better than a cold shower.  Makes a damn good hamburger though!"
     Snotman picked up where he left off, "You know that Manager will go to any
length to get info for his tourney predictions.  We got lucky this time, if Manager
wasn't so anal about labeling his belongings, we wouldn't even know.  You know that
saying that Soultaker picked up when he was in the Alastari Navy?"
     Nuln raised his hand, "Um, 'Lube up before hitting the shower?'"
     Death Stud smirked, "Was it, 'You'll never make officer without getting some
dirt on your knees?'"
     Inferno started, "'Gagging is normal...'" but Snotman cut him off with a scowl,
"No, I mean 'Loose lips sink ships!'  Every bit of info that Manager gets gives the
DOA an edge.  Don't think that he doesn't remember each thing you say and put it
together with other info he's gleaned.  He figures things out.  He knows which
warriors you are talking about.  There isn't anything we can do about this now, but
you have to be more careful in the future."
     Meanwhile, in the other room, Davina muttered to herself, "Jaba-the-hut-gut!  I
can't believe that old goat has the audacity to talk about someone else's gut.  The
old bastard can't pee without using a makeup mirror to aim.  He has so much sweat in
the folds of his stomach that it leaves a permanent stain on his pants, which he has
to wear low on his hips like a young girl because they don't make a size big enough
to fit over that gut!  Oh but Davina has a little secret, doesn't she?  Those jerks
didn't even invite me to their super secret getaway, but I heard about it, yes I did.
They can't fool Magic Man!"
     As Davina said this, she whipped off her wig and revealed that she was indeed
Magic Man.  He continued, "They let Barnabas in.  I'm in the FONZ but they don't even
invite me.  Oh, but I get my revenge!"
     As Magic Man said this, he squeegeed the Love Ewe on the waiting hamburger buns.
He reset his wig and carried the plate of steaming food into the FONZ rec-room, "The
hamburgers are ready."
     Soultaker didn't even wait for her to put the platter down before swiping one
and taking an enormous gulp, "Oh, these are excellent.  Your cooking takes me back to
my childhood" he said around a mouthful of food, "Slightly different today but still
     Davina smiled, "A slight change in the formula of the secret sauce.  I'm glad
you like it."
     She turned and left the room and the FONZ dug in.  All except for Anti and
Snotman.  After a few moments, Ganolus noticed that they weren't eating, "What's up
guys?  The hamburgers are delicious as always."
     Snotman, looking pale, replied, "I don't feel so good.  I thought I was all
better after what I did in the bathroom, but seeing that food..." he trailed off.
     Anti, who had turned decidedly green suddenly leapt to his feet and ran to the
other bathroom clutching his hands over his mouth.  Soultaker paused for a second, a
burger in each hand, special sauce dripping down his arms, "His loss.  More for me!"

                    + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[  ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
        -----     -----     -----    Death Stud    -----     -----     -----

(...we pick up where we left off last week...)

     As the laughter died down around the fuming Barnabas, Death Stud moved over to
the comfortable chair, relaxed in the corner of the room, watched a little football,
and amusedly spectated the Thanksgiving goings-on, chipping in occasionally with a
jibe or to stoke the flames of an argument already in process.  Despite their
idiosyncrasies, it really was good to get everyone together again and have some fun.
Before he knew it, the call came out from the kitchen that dinner was ready.  All
else was dropped as everyone ran to their places at the tables in the dining hall.
     Everyone took their places around the large dining table and the small adjacent
table where Nuln, Anti, and Barnabas were seated.  The food was steaming and smelled
heavenly.  There were lots of "oooh's" and "aaah's" at the spread that Soultaker and
his prancing minions had put out.  Death Stud did notice that Soultaker had ensured
that the turkey was situated as far from Nuln as possible.  Probably a wise move,
actually.  There were two large plates of sliced turkey on the table, but there was
also a decorative full turkey still waiting to be carved.  There she lay, warm
breasts exposed to the room and legs splayed wide, taunting Nuln like the dirty
little hussy that she was.  You could tell from the gleam in his beady eyes that
turkey stuffing was the only thing on his mind.
     More than one set of knuckles received a sharp word and swift rap from
Soultaker's wooden spoon while reaching out to sneak a morsel from one of the heaping
serving dishes.  Raoul and Kip gracefully circled the room, filling a deep glass at
each plate with a pungent red wine.  Soon everyone, including Soultaker, was seated
and had commenced to drooling in anticipation of the upcoming feast.  Death Stud rose
to his feet--standing on his chair to see up over the table--and clinked his glass
for attention.  "Friends, I am happy that we could all put aside our individual
commitments to get together on this day of Thanksgiving.  It is good to have everyone
together again.  What I see around me in this room strikes fear into the hearts of
alliances who take themselves too seriously as well as the hearts and minds of small
farm animals everywhere."  This got a nice round of laughter around the table.  "The
holiday season makes people likely to wax poetic, so I will stop now.  But, as is our
Thanksgiving Day tradition, I would like us to go around the table and have each
person say at least one thing that they are thankful for in their lives."
     Death Stud sat back down and, to Stud's left, Ben Wa stopped admiring his own
tan and stood up to speak.  The low light of the table candles glistened off his
smooth, hairless body as he stood.  "I am thankful that I got to TC once or twice in
my career before my 15 minutes of fame passed me by.  I just hope that it's enough to
keep my place in the FONZ.  You guys are a pretty easygoing bunch, but I'd have to
saw my tongue off with a piece of broken glass before I went groveling to Manalger
for a spot with the DOA.  I guess that I'm probably being overly concerned and
shouldn't worry.  I mean, we do still have Nuln in the group.  And Inferno still has
a place.  Then there's Anti, and Snotman, too.  That's really why I wanted Ganolus to
join, too, because that puts me one spot farther from being mustered out of the FONZ.
Hmmm, now that I think about it, I want to change what I'm thankful for.  What I'm
really thankful for that there are bigger losers here than I am."  He sat back down
and returned to admiring his tan.
     Granolus Poisonoakleaf was next.  "I am thankful that I have the patience to put
up with people like Ben Wa," Ganolus shot a glare at Ben Wa who didn't notice because
he was preening himself in front of a hand mirror.  Ganolus continued, "I'm thankful
that I am an easy-going, mellow individual who would never let the likes of Guardian
get under my skin and never tell him to polish my helmet.  I am thankful that I don't
take the duels too seriously and that I would never nearly come to blows with someone
like Scrag.  I am thankful for my mild demeanor and calm personality."
     Death Stud nodded as Ganolus sat back down, "Indeed, we are thankful too,
brother Ganolus.  Snotman, what about you?"
     Snotman stood, viscous fluids dripping from his body onto the table and even
into a large bowl of whipped potatoes that was near his plate.  "I would like to
thank my dear, dear FONZ friends for playing the Smiles game with me and helping me
with this new, wonderful viscous coating all over my body.  By the great god Bukkake,
I swear that I've never had such great friends and I am thankful."
     Kip swept over to the table and replaced the tainted bowl of potatoes with a
fresh one, wiping off everywhere that Snotman had dripped during his short speech.
     At the opposite end of the dining table from Death Stud, there was a short card
table where Nuln and Anti were sitting with Barnabas in small folding chairs.  Nuln
never removed his eyes from the table where the turkey lay, tantalizing and warm.  "I
am thankful for the best thing about Thanksgiving, the thing that I can't wait for
every year, the thing that makes my mouth water and makes me yearn for the day.
There's nothing more satisfying than turkey stuffing on Thanksgiving."  He made a
little mmmmmm noise and smacked his lips.
     Barnabas just up immediately, whining and full of indignation.  "I don't know
why I have to sit at the little table with Nuln and Anti.  Why, why, why?"  He
stamped his foot, "I think I deserve more respect than that around here.  Even though
I am just a guest, I am the new force in Duelmasters and here you go sticking me with
these two stiffs.  I want some proper respect around here or I may have to crack some
     "OK, who was it that invited Barnabas to Thanksgiving this year?  My god!"
Death Stud stared angrily around the table and everyone else looked around as well,
except for Soultaker, who began pointedly studying his fingernails suddenly.
"Damnit, Chromie, you're always taking to charity-case reprobate managers like an 8
year-old girl takes to lost kittens.  Have some dignity, man."  Death Stud turned
back to Barnabas, who was still wild-eyed and shooting challenges stares to everyone 
at the table.  "There, there, it's OK now.  Nobody is questioning your rightful place
amongst the pantheon of Duelmasters legends.  There just weren't enough spaces at the
big table for everyone."  The fact that there were still four empty chairs at the big
table didn't dawn on Barnabas right at that moment, so he was temporarily placated
and sat back down with an audible harrumph.
     "I am thankful for daisies and tulips and the sound of birds singing when I am
skipping through the meadow."  Anti flapped his arms gently and danced around his
chair for a moment, fully immersed in that wide, spacious meadow between his ears.
"The feel of raindrops on my skin and waves washing over my feet make me thankful.  I
thank the world for giving me a chance to drink it in and love everything and
everyone!"  He sat back down, and began humming softly to himself.  The managers
around the table were as used to Anti as one could reasonably become, yet they were
all taken back for a moment.  Suddenly, Anti stopped humming and began fiddling with
his silverware abashedly.  He said softly without looking up, "I am also thankful
that gerbils cannot bite through leather gloves."
     Death Stud made a mental note to himself to commit bloody suicide before ever
allowing himself to become part of a Vulcan mind-meld with Anti.  "OK then....
Moving along now, Inferno, do you have anything you'd like to say?"
     "Huh?"  Inferno looked blankly at Death Stud through the heavy lids of his
alcohol stupor.
     "Do you have anything to say?"
     "Do you have anything that you are thankful for, anything to share with the
     "I'm asking you if you'd like to contribute to our Thanksgiving Day tradition
and speak a few words about something that you are thankful for.  That's what we're
all doing, because that's what we do every year at Thanksgiving."
     "What do you mean, what?  Do you have something you're thankful for that you
want to give thanks for?"
     "'Why?'  That doesn't make any sense.  What is wrong with you?  Weren't you
paying attention to what everyone else was doing?  We are going around the table and
everyone is saying what they were thankful for.  What are you thankful for?"
     "Hello, are you in there?!?"  Death Stud waved his hands in front of Inferno's
face.  "Hey, I'm talking to you."  He peered into Inferno's eyes, "Hey, could someone
in there turn the light on?"
     "Oh my god, never mind!  What a jabroney...  It's like talking to a damn stump.
     "OK, shut the f%&k up already."
     Soultaker took his turn.  "I am thankful for the strides that have been made in
medicinal magic in the last two decades.  My HMO (Health Mage Organization) has
learned lots of new, wonderful spells that they can cast on me."  He pulled a list
out of his pocket and began reading, "I am thankful for the magic of Metamucil and
Geritol as well as the power of the AARP incantation.  I give thanks for the
wonderful wizardry of such magic as Enzyte, Preparation Ache (pronounced "Preparation
H"), and Propecia.  I am especially thankful for the amazing magic of two specific
spells, the most powerful magic known in the realms of man or Chaos beast, the
fantastic necromancy of Viagra and Rogaine."
     This trip around the table on TMI Airlines had seriously done away with Death
Stud's appetite, but he tried not to let on that he was about to retch up his
breakfast and cast the best smile that he could.  He raised his glass in toast to
everyone at the table.  "And me, what I am truly grateful for on this day of giving
thanks is the fact that this spotlight has finally ended and didn't take me yet
another two goddamned weeks to finish.  Eat up everyone!"

                    + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[  ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
                    Dirty Secrets of Your Fellow Togs Managers...
                      As reported by the spies of Pip the Troll

Guardian -- Always falls to the left when loaded.  Usually combined with a right leg
            sweep to clear the table of drinks.  Also sleeps with a teddy bear.
Death Stud -- Two words:  midget porn.  On a side note, if it says midgets on the box
              there should be more than one midget.
Soultaker -- Does alot of nude gardening.  He claims pants cumber him.
Rillion -- Has been locked in his guildhouse with a copy of the paris hilton video
           since before the start of the togs.
The Greek Guy -- Is all pissed at Rillion for not letting him watch the paris hilton
Indimar -- Is having his tonsil removed--to help with the gag reflex.
Elephant -- Is afraid of mice (they might step on him and crush him).
Ganolus -- Is considering having TOGS tattooed across his forehead.
Hombre -- We wouldn't mind the chaps as much, but could you consider wearing pants
          under them?
Judge -- Wears lingerie under his robes.  Has been seen in his garden lining up
         snails and sentencing them to death with his gavel.
Wimpy -- Has fallen off the hamburgers anonymous wagon.  I saw him take down 75
         hamburgers, mumble something about paying Tuesday, and running out the door.
One Dawg -- Had to borrow the hair from several regular dogs to make facial hair.
            It's still skimpy looking.
Master Darque -- Keeps complaining to his old lady that onedawg isn't enough, they
                 need two.
Street Legal -- Quite frankly, it's disgusting, and it's plainly not legal on my
Nuln -- Has a barbie fetish.  Can be seen in his yard playing with topless barbies,
        throwing monopoly 20's, and strutting around.  Mourns the loss of his topless
Tiberon -- Watches Nuln over the fence, and wishes he was that cool.
Snotman -- Not as greenish as was once thought.  More of a slightly dried up greyish
           goo.  He's still very sticky.
Anti -- You just can't get this guy to agree to anything.  Don't even ask, the answer
        is no.
Rascally Rabbit -- The farmer's wife mistook him for a blind mouse, and cut his tail
Sandman -- Keeps trying to get into my shorts when I go to the beach.  Leave me alone
Shadowgate -- Locked his keys in Yukon.

              + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Power Brokers ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     "Ah, here you are Jesse, 5-3-1.  Good showing for your first tournament.  I
think you are starting to get the hang of it, though I think you need to ease up a
bit.  You are starting to get a reputation," said McCain.
     Helms, looking at the final tournament standings sheet for the Apprentices
tourney, did not even turn to look at McCain.  "What do you mean, John?"
     "What do I mean?  You know very well what I mean--you have to start taking it
easy.  You can't kill every opponent you face," said McCain.
     "I can TRY," said Helms, becoming irritated.  "I just cannot seem to help
myself, John.  Once I get my dander up, the bloodlust just seems to take over and I
lose it for a bit.  Almost like blacking out".
     McCain turned away from the board, scanning the passing crowds.  "The Vikings
used to have a name for warriors who fought like that--berserkers.  They were thought
to be touched by the gods".
     Jesse laughed.  "The only thing I am touched by is a little Jack Daniels".
     McCain frowned.  "All I am saying is that you are certain to draw attention you
may not want if you keep this up".
     "Bah, humbug!  That is what I have to say to that, John.  I ain't afraid of no
one.  I am and always will be an onery old cuss.  Anyone who crosses me best beware,"
said Helms.  He paused and looked across the square.  "Where the hell are Cantwell
and Murray?  Did they stop off to host a town meeting on the virtues of taxing TOGS
dogs for daycares?"
     McCain shrugged his shoulders and began wading through the crowds, Jesse in tow.
The two men made their way towards the Initiates arena, arriving a short time later.
They spotted Murray sitting on a bench, head down with her face cradled in her hands.
It was clear to both men that she was crying, and had been for a while.
     "What is the matter, Patty?  Where is Maria?" asked McCain, who was alarmed and
concerned at the same time.
     Patty lifted her head to face the men, tears streaking down her face, "She is
dead, John.  DEAD!"
     McCain nodded, a flash of pain and understanding exploding in his mind.  He sat
down next to her and gently grasped her hand.  "Tell me what happened," he said
     Taking a moment to compose herself, Murray quietly told them what she had
witnessed.  "He was bigger, faster, and stronger than she was.  He completely
overwhelmed her."
     "Dubya is not going to be happy about this when he hears about it," said Helms
     "No, he won't," agreed McCain.  "He will take it personal and want to do
something about it.  The last thing we need right now is for him to get sidetracked
on a personal vendetta.  We have a contest to win".
     "Patty, do we know who manages the warrior who killed Maria?" asked Jesse.
     "No," she said, her voice barely audible.
     Jesse flashed an evil grin.  He had an idea, an awful, evil grinch-y idea.
"Leave everything to me," he said.
     "What are you going to do, Jesse?" asked Murray.
     "Pick a fight," Jesse said laughing, "I am going to tell Dubya that Cantwell was
killed by one of Soultaker's warriors".

              + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Thieves Guild ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     "We like, have to do something special for this TOGS thingy!" squeaked Anti
     "You are like so, like thoughtful Anti." piped in Wimpy.
     "Then I say that like, this meeting of the Aradi Fashion Club will like, come to
Order!" DeGotti daintily slapped his hand on one of the tables of McScrodald's where
the three shared a basket of fries.  The fashion club of Aradi was an elite group of
former cheerleaders that were so cool and ALWAYS at the forefront of fashion.
Everyone wanted to be a member but unfortunately one of the main criteria was you
name had to end in an I or Y like Tiffany or Sandy or something nauseating like that.
So Anti, Wimpy and DeGotti sat down in Aradi's Malleria and pondered their first
order of business.
     "Application for membership is like, sooo depressing!  Master Darque is now
putting an accent over the 'e' and trying to say his name has always been pronounced
Darquay."  They all chuckled, and Wimpy continued...  "What people will do to like,
try to be seen with us."
     "Well gee, Wimpy, we ARE the prettiest and most popular managers in Aradi!"
Anti squealed.  The three took a moment to revel in their popularity and eat some of
their no-salt, no-butter pop corn.
     DeGotti whipped his head to the side and looked out into the sea of cattle that
was holiday shopping in Aradi's Malleria.  Mixed in with said cattle were some of the
managers in the TOGS contest finishing their shopping.  "Now he's sort of popular but
he just got a new chariot so he'll be more popular, and he was popular but he just
got dumped by his girlfriend so he'll have to find an even more popular girl and date
her, oh, and he was almost popular enough to join but after the nose job went bad he
     "DeGotti!" Anti yelled.  "We like so have to figure out something to do for the
TOGS!  You have to like, focus or something!"  The three thought and thought and
reveled in their popularity some more....
     "MAKEOVER!!!" Wimpy screamed.  "We will take one of the like, more unfortunate
looking managers in Aradi and do a complete overhaul!"  The other two Fashion
Clubbers screamed in excitement at the idea.
     "Wimpy, you are like so smart!"  Anti butt-suckingly chirped.  "It's no wonder
that you are the president of the fashion club!  Now who do we like, makeover?  There
are so many unfortunate looking managers here in Aradi...."  Just then, as if a sign
from the Fashion Gods, Nuln the Chaos Lord came walking out of Cheese, Cheese and
More Cheese with his Christmas gifts.
     "Look at those leg-warmers, Oh my god, those were like so two years ago!"
laughed DeGotti.  "Boys, we have so like, found are target!  First, the oath.  We
will put our best efforts into this makeover or may I be caught wearing the same leg-
warmers as Nuln."
     Wimpy chimed in next, "May I be seen in public wearing Teva's and socks!"
     "May I be seen in public wearing stripes and checks together!" Anti boldly
blurted.  "Now boys, the Cheer!"
     The three stood up and all took one last sip from their diet sodas.  "AWESOME,
ONE!!!"  They all screamed in unison.  Then with Jaws music playing from somewhere in
the Malleria, the three moved in towards their target.

-- Thieves Guild

                + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Legalese ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
                         "THE REAL WORLD -- ARADI" EPISODE 1

     The Aradi Music Television Network, AMTV, recently decided to film a reality
show based upon the lives of various TOGS IV Managers during the course of the TOGS
IV.  The name of the show is "The Real World--Aradi."  AMTV ran trailers all week
before Turn 4 of the TOGS IV stating:  "Seven TOGS IV Managers picked to live in a
guildhouse, manage their TOGS warriors, and to find out what happens when TOGS
managers stop devoting too much time to this tournament, and start getting real, the
Real World, Aradi!"
     "Wow," exclaimed Ganolus as he and Death Stud entered the guildhouse for the
first time.  "Check out our digs.  We have a plasma screen television, a pool table,
and a fat kitchen."
     Ganolus and Death Stud wandered outside to the patio.
     "Who-hoo!" yelled a naked man as he jumped into the pool at the guildhouse
     "Is that Nuln?" inquired Death Stud.
     "Dude, put some clothes on.  We don't want to see your naked ass ever again.
Man, that is just wrong," said Ganolus as he cringed and covered his eyes.
     "Man, I should have known the procedures at AMTV would pick Nuln for the show,"
said Death Stud.
     "Jeez, there are only three bedrooms," stated Wimpy as he and Judge entered the
guildhouse.  "I hope I don't get stuck with Nuln," said Wimpy.  "He is always talking
about chocolate nipples, goats, weird stuff like that."
     "Where are all the woman?" inquired Judge.  "I thought that they usually pick
three or four women, and three or four dudes."
     "Don't forget that they usually pick a person with an 'alternative lifestyle,'"
said Wimpy with a Cheshire grin.  "I guess I am not too upset.
     "Sorry Judge, no women--just seven dudes," stated Death Stud.
     Snotman and Anti were the last to arrive.  By the time these managers entered
the guildhouse, two of the bedrooms (each with two beds) were taken.  Nuln was passed
out in the third bedroom.  "I guess we are stuck with Nuln," said Snotman.
     "Hey look, there is the 'confessional,'" said Anti.  "I'll be right back."  Anti
proceeded into the confessional in front of the AMTV cameras.
     "I just got here and there is already tons of drama in the house.  Nuln is
running around naked--it's disgusting.  Judge is such a drama queen.  He made a big
stink when my warrior killed his 21 WT/ 17 WL striker, and then he bloodfeuds and
kills my 21 WT/ 17 WL warrior.  Whatever..." said Anti.  "It's going to be a long 5
months in this guildhouse."

               To be continued in Episode 2...

  + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Through a Scrying Pool Dimly (Part 3) ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     A chill wind wove its way between the ancient trees and stung the eyes of the
three companions as they stood atop the battle-torn burrow.  Fourdawg Firm Fist wore
a face that displayed no emotion but "emotionlessness".  His features sagged and his
eyes became pits.  Baur, the dwarf, and Athanas, the tall maiden, painted the
background picture of a sorrowed scene--the last resting place of the Da'awginori
ancestor defiled, and Tendawg, a loved one, lost.
     From somewhere beneath the refuse a gentle groan ushered forth.  A flight of
leaves swirled about at the broken burrow's edge, stirred and sent upward by the 
growing tempest of bone-biting wind....
          Three pairs of eyes that were filled with grief,
          and three pairs of eyes that would not know relief,
          there, witnessed a hand coming up from the death,
          flexing for freedom, needing life's breath.
     Fourdawg sprang out to the place of the gentle sound, to the place of the
flexing hand.  He took that bruised hand in his and with a simple touch knew who lied
beneath.  Baur and Athanas came too, eagerly clawing at the mounds of crumpled earth
to dig up what was still alive.  Fourdawg's face became a mask of terrifying
determination, twisted and screwed up with the thought that what was lost was now
found.  The growing of a light blue dusk played odd shadows on the Firm Fist's
countenance, masking his identity, and for that brief instant, making him someone
     Tendawg Running Heart rose up from the broken burrow, cradled in Fourdawg's
loving arms.  Tendawg's chthonic grace was not lost in her moment of near-death, nor
was she seriously hurt by all appearances, though she was most certainly weakened
during the burrow's collapse as her eyes struggled to flutter open.
     And thus, with no thought to anything else, the three companions, with the
Running Heart in the Firm Fist's arms, ran from that sacred gulch of the deep forest.
The now whipping wind sounded like whispers in the companions' ears.  Long, lazy
shadows stretched out across the uneven forest floor, the distant roll of thunder and
the intermittent baying of wolves signaling that a race was on.
     Incredible strides took Fourdawg between bushes and over logs alike, his
footfalls not echoing in the deep forest, the cool of his breath on the night air the
only marker of his passage.  Athanas followed suit, her willowy form as much taking
flight as treading upon the ground.  And Baur brought up the rear, his squat frame
barreling through what the others went over.
     The three runners broke out from the forest's edge, sending a flock of twilight
doves from their roost.  The tall grass parted way for the fleeing three as a harvest
moon shown a pale but eerie orange accent to the now lightly storming sky.  Sheets of
sparse rain peppered the three as they kept to their sprint.  A moment later, a
second flock of night fowl scattered from the forest's edge far behind the three.
     Faint wisps in the wind approached from behind and there was a sudden, dull
thudding to the ground in the sound's wake.  Athanas turned as she ran to see what it
was and jerked violently to the ground as an arrow appeared in her chest.  The tall
maiden made not but a "huff" as she landed on her back, straining to look past her
feet at where Baur had disappeared.  Alas, the brave dwarf had not been given a
chance to see his death, lying face down in the dirt as he was, five slender arrows
bristling from his back.
     Fourdawg, as perceptive as he could be, heard the falling bodies behind him and
turned to do what he could.  An arrow sliced through the air as Fourdawg whirled,
tracing a precise path across his forehead.  The Firm Fist winced and almost stumbled
but held his ground with his silent love in his arms.  Blood flowed freely down his
brow and came into his eyes.  Fourdawg blinked furiously to try and see past the
blood.  The Firm Fist saw his companion, Athanas, and watched as she died arching her
back in an attempt to pull the arrow from her heart.  Baur was further beyond, still
as a corpse.
     Fourdawg Firm Fist fell to his knees, his mouth falling open in an anguished
shriek that came out as nothing more than a weak choke.  Then, floating just feet
above the tall grass, Fourdawg saw a specter--a massive and angular hand, with a
single visual orbit staring out from the center.  Fourdawg froze, even his shivering
from the rain ceased, and he stared at the disembodied ghost-hand wavering in front
of him through his blood soaked vision.
     "You have come in search of your ancestors, the people of the Da'awginori, for I
know them well," a voice from the hand emanated.
     Fourdawg swayed as a glaze of incomprehension passed over him.
     "You need not understand what has happened here, but know that it is because of
your search that I have appeared to you," the hand voiced again, "and that in seeking
me, two lives were to be spent in order to restore one that is equal in value, to me,
and to you."
     Fourdawg's head lolled about on his shoulders and then faced down at Tendawg who
was still in his arms.  The Firm Fist began to look down just as the hand had
finished speaking and he noticed Tendawg's lips moving to form the words, "...to me,
and to you."
     Fourdawg forced himself to look back at the floating hand, but instead saw a
wraith-like man floating there.  The man was familiar in a way and seemed to be
standing within a fuzzy frame of sorts, seemed to be watching Fourdawg from within
some kind of window.
     Onedawg turned away from his vision of the past and towards the dawning of his
first day in the city of Aradi.  What did the vision mean, Onedawg wondered?  Why
were the visions so real and happening so frequently now?  He could not know.  Yet,
the premonitions of untapped destiny that Onedawg had felt upon realizing where he
was were clear.  The answers were somewhere on this island, and it was only a matter
of time before he found them out.

            + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ A WARRIOR'S DIARY ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     Dear Diary.  I know some things are hard to believe.  That is why talking to you
every night is so cool.  You are the only one who really knows how I feel.  It is
hard being a celibate, church-going, honorable gladiator in Aradi.  All I want to do
is fight and improve and become the best that I can be.  Know what I mean?  That's
why it is so hard when someone like Wimpy, or Mannequin, or those DOA guys ask me to
go out drinking with them.  I can beg off from fellow gladiators, but when those
almighty Managers ask, well, it's hard.  I know if I went it would be difficult to
keep my vows and not to drink or to not have impure thoughts or to not to get
involved with lewd practices.  I don't see how these glads keep up with their trade
and yet go out all night and come to the ring red-eyed, etc, etc.  But some of them
are very good!  Tonight I got down on my knees for hours and prayed for guidance and
strength through all this.

     Dear Diary; I cannot believe it!  I really can't.  My prayers were immediately
answered.  I was talking to one of Legalese's warriors who is sort of like me.  You
know, pure at heart and all.  He was telling me about the chickens.  Apparently some
of the guys actually do things to chickens!  Sexual things!  I cannot imagine what,
really, and all I can think is how fowl that is!  I do know that the really unusual
manager called Nuln is a goat man.  He came right out and said so in public.  Do you
think that means he, you know, "does it" with goats.  I wonder if they are male or
female?  Does it matter?  Isn't that disgusting?  And there were rumors last year or
so about bovine rowdiness going on.  Can you believe that?  I think maybe this kind
of thing really does not happen at all and these guys all are just bragging about
things just to get people to notice them.  Could that be it?  Anyway, this very nice
Legalese warrior invited me to go to church tomorrow at a temple with a famous
preacher called Soultaker.  That sounds more like my kind of activity.  I gladly

     I got up early to dress for church at Soultaker's Temple.  I have to admit that
I was excited as I have not really found church to my liking in Aradi.  I just know
this is going to be the one.  I wore my best white linens as it is not yet Labor Day.
I think I really looked spiffy.  I was to meet the Legalese guy at the Temple, so I
set off by myself.  Well, I hardly got out the door, when I met up with this really
slimy person who looked like he was also heading in my direction.  I must admit that
I was not nice as I held up.  I couldn't walk with him as I did not want any of that
slime to rub off on my linens.  I let him get a block or so ahead, and I saw him meet
up with a guy leading a goat.  And he wasn't just leading the goat, Diary.  Oh, No!
He had his hand on the goat's rump in a very possessive manner.  I think this may
have been that Nuln person.  He sure seemed to like that goat.  He and the slimy
thing seemed to strike up a conversation as they headed on.  I could hardly believe 
it when they stopped and picked up this little guy--I knew this person, as Mr. Death
Stud is a very famous little tidbit in Arad--and literally put him on the goat to
ride along with them.  The goat didn't seem to mind.  He seemed mostly interested in
what the Nuln person's hand was doing.  Can you imagine my surprise when I saw that
they were going to the Temple and went right on in liked they owned the place.  I
guess people like that need a Temple even more than me, Diary.  When I entered, there
was this very nice looking gentleman who seemed to greet all the Temple entrants.  He
said his name was Lord Hombre, and he introduced himself as the only sane member of
the FONZ.  I think he meant it, too, Diary.  I have heard quite a few unusual things
about that group.  I noticed right away in the church that there were no women.  I'll
have to admit that I thought this was good as then I knew there would be no worries
about lustful thoughts during the preaching.  We all rose when this beautiful man
stepped to the podium.  The glow on him was like a monstrous sun shining down on the
world with all things aglow.  I heard someone say Chromie was in form today, but I
couldn't quite get their meaning.  The great man began to speak and he chastised
everyone for the going-ons in Aradi--the lust, the drugs, the drinking, the animal
worship, the gambling.  I knew this was my place of worship.  When it was all over,
and I was heading out feeling all renewed, a fierce looking person who introduced
himself as Guardian asked me if I believed all that crap (he used a different four
letter word) and if I were heading to Soultaker's Chick Shack to (insert another even
worse four letter word) the cute fowls!  Well, I never.  I don't think this person
learned a thing at church today.  I hustled home and spent the afternoon meditating
and reading from The Red Book.

     Dear Diary. I am not prepared for my match today.  I can only think about all
the wrongdoings going on in Aradi.  I know I must be a brave person and do something
about it.  I must brace myself to do the right thing, Diary.  I must go to the
commissioner to offer my services in honor of the purification of Aradi.  I made the
appointment, and if I live through my match today, I will meet with the Holy bOB.  I
know I can help him with the work that needs to be done.  Wish me well, Diary.

            + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Forgotten Realms ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     The rumbling sound of thunder echoed morosely across the waters surrounding
Aradi, dark storm clouds brewing for as far as the eye could see.  Manager stood
aghast, fear evident upon his wizened face, drool pouring from the side of his mouth
like molten honey from hot ladle.  At his side, Soultaker wept as he wet
himself...again.  And between the two of them, Death Stud stood, knee high to a
grasshopper, his noble steed.
     It seemed that the storm would surely sweep them all off the island and out to
sea, to their very deaths.  Soultaker shouldn't have been too concerned, for he'd
spent many years on the water and should have realized that it was only night that
was falling, and not really a storm at all.  The thunder was real, but it was a small
storm off shore and heading away from them.
     The three companions were oblivious to these facts as they ran for the nearest
tavern to drown their sorrows and say their good-byes.  Manager paid for a room,
Death Stud grabbed the ale, and Soultaker bought some mickies from a Yoder in the
corner of the tavern before the three of them headed upstairs to enjoy the last few
hours of their lives.
     Armalias and Ghoti sat aghast at the scene of the three men heading upstairs
together and wondered what was going on.  Armalias shrugged and continued to sip his
wine, laughing away the odd behavior that seemed to infect everyone who came to
Aradi.  He knew it was due to the Chaos gate located there, and that Nuln was likely
the cause, but he couldn't help but find it amusing.  Ghoti just sat there quietly,
watching suspiciously as the Yoder in the corner continued to push his mickies to
others...Guardian, Voyde, Sir Indimar, and DeGotti all were seen making buys.  Even
Ganolus made a stop with the Yoder.
     Armalias said his goodbyes a short time later, having seen enough depravity for
one night.  He stepped out into the clear night, the sky clear and the stars shining
brightly.  He glanced up at an open window above where he could make out some
peculiar noises, and chuckled at the thought that came to mind.  He shook his head
and walked down the street toward his team's quarters near the arena.
     He'd almost reached the house when he felt a presence in the shadows.  An evil
that was palpable stirred there, its intent obvious before he could even see it.
With a word, the elf disappeared from the street to reappear on the rooftop above the
alley where he'd sensed the creature.  He looked down to see a large, cloaked
humanoid step into the street, striking down with a huge mace at the exact spot where
he'd been standing.  Reaching into his mind, the elf-lord pushed his body hard,
stopping time for a brief moment by taking a quick jump two minutes into the future.
From his vantage point, he was able to quickly locate where the figure had gone after
the attempted attack.
     He dropped down in front of the monster, still unsure of what manner of creature
it might be.  Its weapon was tucked away under its cloak, so he wasn't able to get a
closer look at it.  He wasn't about to let the attack go unpunished, so he threw his
cloak back and drew his swords, choosing to meet his attacker head on.  By the
creature's stride, it wasn't running, but walking quickly.  He was counting on it to
be taken completely off guard when he suddenly "appeared" in its path.
     Time was up.  Armalias waited until the creature stopped in surprise before
attacking, lunging at its forward leg with one sword while twisting the other out to
slash at the creature's face.  The creature let out a loud, piercing scream as it saw
the second sword coming at its face.  It did manage to lean back enough to avoid the
slashing blade, but it completely missed the lunging sword as it drove deeply into
its thigh.  Now it roared in pain as it stumbled backward, its balance all but lost
as the wounded leg refused to support it.
     The creature's attack was desperate as it drove its mace forward, quickly
switching the momentum of its movement to put power behind the blow, hoping for a
killing stroke.  Armalias deftly dodged the attack, sidestepping and parrying it away
with Spellsinger, his right-hand sword.  The sword in his left hand, Blackrazor,
flashed briefly in the starlight as the obsidian blade caught the light from the
stars and multiplied it, causing the creature's head to snap back once again with the
sudden brightness of the reflected starlight.  The elf watched expectantly as the
shock and surprised registered in the creature's movements when it went to retract
its weapon and pulled back only a stump.  Blackrazor had neatly severed the arm, just
above the elbow.
     To its credit, the creature didn't give up, screaming its challenge even as
Armalias pressed the attack and swept long bloody lines across its legs and chest.
Its cloak was quickly becoming a shredded mess and the elf decided he wanted a better
look at his attacker.  The smell was familiar, but he couldn't be sure without seeing
first hand the face of his enemy.  With a flick of his wrist, Armalias snapped
Spellsinger under the thing's chin and smashed the brooch holding its cloak in place,
then followed up with a quick gust of wind, knocking the creature to the ground and
blowing the cloak off its head.
     It was the Yoder from the tavern.
     In the stunned silence that followed, the elf's guard dropping just a bit, the
Yoder twisted a ring on his remaining hand and disappeared with a "pop" and the smell
of brimstone.  He wondered if The Boss knew that one of his minions was attacking
him.  He wondered of maybe this meant that the big stinky Yoders would be everywhere
now...searching him out...trying to kill him.  He turned to retrieve the mace and arm
from this Yoder to see it was standing behind him now, holding its severed arm, still
grasping its mace, up to its stump.  It grinned at him wickedly, and he knew he'd
have to be quick of he wanted to kill it.
     With his eyes rolling back in his head, Armalias drew once again upon the powers
of the mind, igniting the Yoder's arm-stump and cauterizing the wound before it could
regenerate the arm back into place.  As the creature switched the mace into its left
hand, the elf-lord came on, lunging forward with both blades, slipping both of them
past the Yoder's defenses, and scoring two hits into the creature's eyes, up through
the skull, and into the thing's brain.
     The Yoder fell to the ground, screaming like a banshee at the pain, but didn't
die.  That's when Armalias first discovered that a Yoder was brainless.  He'd always
suspected it, but had never been sure.  With a surge of energy, he immolated the 
monster and hurled it out to sea, where it exploded in a shower of blood and gore.

     Back at the tavern, Soultaker heard the explosion and just knew that their end
had come.  Death Stud and Manager were both out cold from the ale and mickies, so the
old sea dog sighed and began to disrobe.  "A pirate' s life is a wonderful life...."

             + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ My Best Buds 2 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     Street Legal had left the guildhouse to attend to matters in some of his other
arenas, but he warned his team against any kind of undue behavior while he was gone.
He was worried about leaving them alone with their new teammate, especially after
having lost their brother-at-arms just a few days before.  He knew little about this
new teammate, whom the other four had insisted would be a very good gladiator,
besides seeing him battle briefly in the training grounds.  Death Commander assured
him that they would be kept in check but this was an unruly group that took a lot to
pull together and there were worries about how they would behave in his absence.
     The carriage pulled away and he thought to himself he was somehow making a
mistake by not tending to this team but he could hardly miss graduation ceremonies
for Slim Shady in Zorpunt and Atrophy in Tobir.  Their trainers could easily maintain
these teams but it was only right that he should attend the celebrations of his
proteges.  And he was sure he would have to attend Slim's graduation just to keep the
rest of the team in line, after all he was well known for being a partier and a bit
of a rowdy young man.  His presence would ensure nothing to out of control would
     Back at the My Best Buds 2 guildhouse, Death Commander checked up on the team
and then headed to the training room to start prepping for his brief return to
Andorak; he definitely needed the work after a very long layoff.  The four remaining
warriors gathered together with their new teammate in the upstairs room they had
nicknamed "Old Smokey".  It was an inside joke and whenever the term Old Smokey came
up, the older manager and trainer could never figure out what they were talking
     They pulled the chairs into a circle, the two girls whispered into each other's
ears as Graffix reached under the table and pulled a small tray out with a little box
on it.  A small smile graced the face of the new warrior, B-52; he had looked forward
to this moment of bonding all day.  Everyone here had known each other for awhile but
they were about to solidify that bond as a team with a rather informal ceremony.
Graffix fidgeted around in the box and began to arrange the pipe and what would soon
be its contents.  Maui and 4-FT looked at Graffix in an impatient manner and Skunkie
seemed to be off in what they called his dreamland, as usual.
     B-52 watched intently and leaned over to say something to Maui.  "Is he always
this slow, " he asked.
     The reply came, "Yeah he's even slower in the arena," she said staring directly
at Graffix and sticking her tongue out.
     "Nyah...very funny, Maui, very funny.  You know you'd never stand a chance
against me," Graffix said in an irritated tone.
     "Well after all, you did get one-shotted by a Total Parry," she said with a
sarcastic tone and smile.
     "Awwww burn, major burn there, Graff," Skunk said, coming out of his near
comatose state.
     Graffix tilted his head smiled and passed the pipe first to the newest member of
the guild.  "Make sure you pass it this way B," he exclaimed!  B-52 nodded and
Graffix looked at the group and gave his best "gotcha back" stare.
     Graffix passed the flint to B-52 and said, "Don't hit it too hard, lightweight,
this is some pretty potent goods here.  I'd sure hate to see you hack a long up
before you ever get to the arena."
     B-52 smiled and looked down at the pipe then looked back up.  "Looks like some
pretty lame stuff, if you ask me.  I'm wondering if maybe you're the lightweight
     "What is this pick on Graff day or what," the short warrior asked, "I carried
your asses through the first three rounds and one loss and suddenly I'm the one who
can't fight?"
     Maui looked at him and laughed, "Not only can you not fight but you can't
recognize a joke when you hear it!"
     They bantered back and forth throwing well intended insults and jokes back and
forth for quite awhile.  The longer the night dragged on the more any uneasy tensions
faded away and they were soon acting like a bunch of kids.  Slapping each other,
pushing each other over chairs, chasing each other up and down the stairways and all
throughout the guildhouse.
     Soon they were all very hungry and led by B-52 they ran down the stairs, through
the entry hall, and into the kitchen.  Just at that moment Death Commander entered
the Kitchen from the other direction and B-52 crashed directly into him.  Death
Commander was like a brick wall and he bounced right off him falling to the floor.
The other four stood there and laughed at their new teammate as he gathered himself
off the floor.
     "I...I...I," he stuttered briefly before Death Commander bellowed out.  "What in
the name of Sheila Greywand is going on around here?"  They all laughed at his
ridiculous exclamation, but only briefly as they saw the stern stare on his face.  He
was NOT happy and they knew it.  "You'll all be lucky if I don't tell Street Legal
about this but I've been on both sides of this gladiator business so I'm just gonna
work your asses into the ground for the next two days, and if you make it through I
just might forget to mention to Street that you all got blasted as soon as he left."
He also knew this would reflect poorly on him but he didn't let on to them that this
was a factor.
     The five of them turned and headed for the locker room to get ready when Death
Commander told them that they would not get off with a short day.  "Upstairs and to
bed with you.  Lights out is early tonight because bright and early tomorrow you
begin your lesson," he barked out.  They all looked at each other, and their body
language told of their disappointment in this development.  But they turned and
quietly walked off and up the stairs, directly into their rooms and lights out as
     Tomorrow was going to be a long day!

                                 DUELMASTER'S COLUMN
                             Notes from the arena champ.

Hail, Aradi!

     Well now!  Two turns as DM here in this fine city and beat two LU's in doing it!
For a "lowly" PR that is fairly good, if I do say so myself!  Acute, you should have
known not to go after me when I trounced you the last time!  Nice try and thanks for
helping me contribute 17 points last turn.  All I hope is that Shadowgate can get
another quality PR to trounce on those loser LU's!

                      Your DM,
                              Black Cat

                                      SPY REPORT

     If you were disturbed from your beauty rest only to have to watch a bunch of 
ARADI brutes like you, you'd be grouchy, too.  Later days, RED AVENGERS, since I'M 
WITH STUPID took top team from you this turn, you guys are old news.  With any luck, 
I can sneak into The Victory Tavern and join OGRES ARE US' celebration over their 
good record this turn.  3rd place, not bad.  If The Victory Tavern is buying drinks 
for THE UNDERWORLD's good turn, I'm afraid the place will be dry before long.  A 
4-1-0 makes for a big thirst.  Look out below!  POWER BROKERS is on the way down, 
falling to 22nd from 6th with a 0-5-0!  Ha ha ha ha!  Why not, I'm having a good day, 
so I feel sorry for NATURAL DISASTERS, who went 2-3-0 and dropped 11 into 23rd.  
Here's my pity, for what it's worth.  Gee, I'm impressed, a 5-0-0 is nice, but don't 
get cocky, LUROCIANS VI, the Fates teach humility, and the Fates are proud.  Of 
course, we're all terribly impressed to see NEWCASTLE win a fight and gain 20 points, 
15 points.  You're breakin' my heart.  Looks like ARADI has some guts at least, BLACK 
CAT the Duelmaster was this turn's most-challenged warrior.  LLOSMIC LLAMMER 
challenged ARADI's Duelmaster for a shot at the throne.  And it's out with the old, 
in with the new, as LLOSMIC LLAMMER takes the Title and last week's bar tab from the 
old Duelmaster.  Heh, heh.  I'm not in a very good mood today, but why am I telling 
you this?  You want to know what's new, don't you, ARADI?   
     Well, let's take a look at some more misdeeds of you miserable sword-boys.  
ARADI, I am losing what little hope I had in you.  DEATH STUDS VII the most avoided 
team?  What insult will suffice, I cannot say.  And it looks like LOCK-OUT avoided 
them the most this turn.  What a pack of would be losers, if you ask me.  Hmph.  I 
suspect either a 21 will or a 21 ego on this one, but QUICKSAND has challenged up by 
26 in an attempt against BLACKBURST.  And, oof!  QUICKSAND saw stars around his 
helmet, after losing the fight, and disappointing the crowds, I might add.   
     Some people like volunteer work in the hospitals.  I volunteer for ARADI's 
morgue.  More variety.  I could say I saw this coming, but so could anyone else.  
Anyway, this turn it came.  SLOUGH's 12-9-1 has earned him the Dark Arena.  FORGOTTEN 
REALMS has cause to pause today, as DOVE FALCONHAND was sent to the Dark Arena, and 
came back--though not in the best of moods, I'll wager.  It's about time DEMURRER got 
beat for picking on warriors like GUMMI GHOUL.  Bravo, THE UPSTARTS III.  See you at 
The Victory Tavern.  Not that I'll be buying the drinks, but I'll be glad to see 
SHARP STICK and I'M WITH STUPID at The Victory Tavern tonight celebrating their 
bloodfeud victory over HELMS.  A big yahoo goes out to MAUI WOWIE! this turn, for 
revenging MY BEST BUDS 2's bloodfeud against THE UPSTARTS III's warrior POWER TEMP.  
Heh, heh, heh.  Titanium shields and bamboo daggers, guess what brave team is 
developing these kinds of weapons?   
     What does the ARADI arena have in common with the inns?  It's just as 
comfortable to sleep in either place.  Ha ha ha ha!  Phlllt!  Just had to do that 
before I leave the fine city of ARADI.  I feel much better now.  Paste this one in 
your scrapbooks, you'll need the kindling come this winter-- Snide Clemens  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 LLOSMIC LLAMMER 5684         15  10  1   112       LUROCIANS VI (431)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 BLACKBURST 5025              12  12  0   135       FA CHING (388)
 THUNDRA 5122                 18  12  1   126       FA CHING (388)
 TOO ICKY 5937                15   9  0   118       BLOOD RELATED (395)
 SYRINGE 6003                 15   6  0   110       BLOOD RELATED (395)
 SIR ZESTALOT 6557            11   4  0   105       4000 BLOWS (107)
 ACUTE 6048                   12   6  0   102       THIEVES GUILD (396)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 LUMMOX 6092                  18  46  0   100       RED DOG GANG (476)
 LLLENGEANCE 5864             13   6  2    99       LUROCIANS VI (431)
-UNDERGROUND BEAT 6083        18  21  1    98       CLUB CULTURE (424)
 WINKER X 6470                11   8  0    97       4000 BLOWS (107)
 THE AYL'M'ER 6056            11  12  0    96       4000 BLOWS (107)
 BULL DOGGAM 6088             18  29  0    94       RED DOG GANG (476)
 RIFF 6452                    10   6  1    92       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
 CHIP 4413                     5   5  0    92       RESCUE RANGERS (362)
 GAZREKK 6438                 10   6  2    91       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 HEADROCK 3430                15  16  0    87       OGRES ARE US (270)
 QUICKSAND 6554               10   6  1    87       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
 AVIENDHA 4721                18  18  0    86       FA CHING (388)
-THE SPOTLIGHT 6329           15  15  1    86       CLUB CULTURE (424)
 LORD OF THE O RINGS 6022     19  10  1    84       WILD CARDS (148)
 GUMMI GHOUL 6411              8   3  1    82       THE UPSTARTS III (510)
 WHITE RAVEN 6484             11   6  1    81       SHADOW SIGNS (491)
 SIRIUS 6193                  15  21  1    78       RED DOG GANG (476)
 ACK ACK 837                   8   5  2    77       THE UNDERWORLD (15)
 BOONE 6090                   12  39  0    75       RED DOG GANG (476)
 NOODLES 6247                  3   1  0    71       RED AVENGERS (487)
 BLACK EYE 6163               12   9  0    70       JOKA MASHER! (283)
-JACARANDA 6129               10   7  0    67       WINTERHOLM (478)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 NEWCASTLE 6669                7   4  3    65       BEERBARIANS (528)
 PIPSQUEAK 6810                6   1  0    65       WIMPS OF DEATH (66)
 LLUGS AND LLISSES 5887        8   7  1    64       LUROCIANS VI (431)
 THORNE 5259                   9   3  0    63       FA CHING (388)
 BUSH 6663                     7   4  1    62       POWER BROKERS (527)
 THE BRICK 6342                6   2  0    62       HIT ME WITH... (503)
 DEMURRER 5828                11   8  2    60       LEGALESE (449)
-O'RIORDAN 6128                7  11  0    60       WINTERHOLM (478)
 KABOOM 6248                   4   0  0    60       RED AVENGERS (487)
 LACHES 5642                  11  11  0    59       LEGALESE (449)
 SPIT 6435                     5   1  0    59       METAL MELTDOWN (344)
 MC CAIN 6662                  8   3  0    58       POWER BROKERS (527)
 MURRAY 6661                   7   4  0    58       POWER BROKERS (527)
-KILWICK 6130                 11   9  0    57       WINTERHOLM (478)
 TRIPLICATE THUNDER 6616       7   7  0    57       WILD CARDS (148)
 WIND 5906                     7   2  0    57       FIVE SPHERES (462)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 BRAK 94                      12   9  1    56       THE UNDERWORLD (15)
 BLUE BEANIE 6461              8   8  1    56       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
-TALON 6736                    5   1  0    56       WING HOVE (529)
-KAPRIKORN 6151               11   7  1    54       WINTERHOLM (478)
 DREK 836                      7   6  0    54       THE UNDERWORLD (15)
 OBITER DICTA 5860             8   7  1    52       LEGALESE (449)
 SOMFMA 6797                   6   2  0    52       OGRES ARE US (270)
 NAPPY DUGOUT 6080            12  14  0    50       WILD CARDS (148)
 SYDA HAMMIE 6667              9   3  0    49       OGRES ARE US (270)
 RIP RAP 6599                  7   4  0    49       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
 IVAN 2565                     4   9  0    49       FORGOTTEN REALMS (185)
 KARATE WRECKER 6693           3   7  0    49       THIEVES GUILD (396)
 SLIPKNOT 6674                 4   7  0    48       THIEVES GUILD (396)
 SCABBY 6514                  10   7  0    47       BLOOD RELATED (395)
 MARBURY 4499                 10   6  0    46       LOCK-OUT (368)
 CYVIN 5258                    8   6  1    46       FA CHING (388)
 SMIRLIN 6568                  9  10  0    45       OGRES ARE US (270)
 LLUPERIOR LLORCES 5956        5   3  0    44       LUROCIANS VI (431)
 TYVINREK 6513                 6   4  0    42       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 MISTRESS BOMBTRONIC 6617      8   6  1    41       WILD CARDS (148)
 LLUCKY DAY 6021               5   3  0    40       LUROCIANS VI (431)
 BARON 6765                    6   3  0    39       LOCK-OUT (368)
 FRUB 6794                     4   4  0    39       WIMPS OF DEATH (66)
 ROSENCRANTZ 6786              4   4  0    38       BLACK FRIARS (521)
 SON OF BLOODLUST 6823         6   1  0    37       4000 BLOWS (107)
 HELMS 6660                    7   4  3    36       POWER BROKERS (527)
 TEACUP TERRIER 6569           7  12  1    34       RED DOG GANG (476)
 TOGS STINKER 6588             6   4  0    34       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
 GOLDFISH 6718                 5   5  0    34       SHADOW SIGNS (491)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 DOVE FALCONHAND 5770          5   6  1    33       FORGOTTEN REALMS (185)
 FREEP 6812                    4   3  0    33       WIMPS OF DEATH (66)
-DERRIN 6952                   3   0  0    33       WING HOVE (529)
 TWO IN THE GOO 6826           2   3  0    33       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
 SHARP STICK 6949              2   2  0    33       I'M WITH STUPID (531)
 ANASTASIUS 6839               4   0  2    31       DARQUE AGES (536)
 NUMSKULL 6751                 4   2  1    31       I'M WITH STUPID (531)
 SUPERNOVA 6239                3   1  0    31       RED AVENGERS (487)
-TRICK OR TREAT 4667           3   2  0    30       MINATOUR KINGS (379)
 LEO 6837                      3   1  0    30       DARQUE AGES (536)
-GREEDYGUT 6371                6   5  0    29       WINTERHOLM (478)
 MAUI WOWIE! 6907              4   1  1    29       MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
 FLORIN FALCONHAND 5750        4   8  0    29       FORGOTTEN REALMS (185)
 SPONGEBOB 6504                7   3  0    28       R.J.G. (475)
-JAMIS 6735                    4   2  1    28       WING HOVE (529)
 SANDSTORM 6813                4   2  0    28       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
 ZERBERT 6243                  3   1  0    28       RED AVENGERS (487)
 TA'LON THE VILE 4447          2   0  0    27       THE UNDERWORLD (15)
 MARDUK 6863                   2   3  0    27       FACES OF ETERNITY (539)
 IKER 6505                     6   4  0    26       R.J.G. (475)
 ANDROGENOUS STRAIN 6412       5   5  0    26       THE UPSTARTS III (510)
-LIPOSANCTUM 6351              1   1  0    26       BATTLEFIELD GIRTH (504)
 GOURMET GRUEL 6730            4   5  0    25       R.J.G. (475)
 TYPHOON XXII 6827             4   1  0    24       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
 GUILDENSTERN 6785             3   5  1    24       BLACK FRIARS (521)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 T-MAC 6806                    4   4  0    23       LOCK-OUT (368)
-HERROL 6694                   4   3  0    23       WING HOVE (529)
 HENRY IV 6899                 3   3  0    23       BLACK FRIARS (521)
-TAY STARLE 6808               2   3  1    23       WING HOVE (529)
 TOGS LOSER 6619               2   6  0    23       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
 PIKEL 5808                    6   4  0    22       FORGOTTEN REALMS (185)
 INSISTANT BEGGAR 6630         5   3  0    22       BUMS 'R' US (465)
 4-FT PARTY BONG 6908          2   3  0    22       MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
 NAMBY PAMBY 6977              2   1  0    22       WIMPS OF DEATH (66)
 ARKHAM 6832                   2   1  0    22       INNSMOUTH BROOD (535)
 TWICKLEBUM 6992               2   0  0    22       WIMPS OF DEATH (66)
 DICHABOD 6912                 2   4  0    22       THIEVES GUILD (396)
 CYCLONE 6816                  3   3  0    21       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
 MR OBLIVIOUS 6413             3   6  0    21       THE UPSTARTS III (510)
 HOSCHA 6835                   3   3  0    21       OGRES ARE US (270)
 VORPAL BUNNY 6731             3   6  0    21       R.J.G. (475)
 NECROMANCER XLVII 6825        1   4  0    21       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
-DALE 4406                     1   0  0    21       RESCUE RANGERS (362)
 OBED 6831                     3   1  1    20       INNSMOUTH BROOD (535)
 VIKEN 6943                    2   2  0    20       LOSERS (544)
 HAMMURABI 7009                1   0  0    19       FACES OF ETERNITY (539)
-SPINNING 6710                 5   2  1    18       CLUB CULTURE (424)
 BING 6979                     3   0  0    17       I'M WITH STUPID (531)
 ANGRY SUE 6955                2   2  0    17       RED AVENGERS (487)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 WEED 4 MOM 6984               1   2  0    17       LOCK-OUT (368)
-TUFF 4665                     2   4  0    16       MINATOUR KINGS (379)
 ZANN 6830                     2   2  0    16       INNSMOUTH BROOD (535)
 SCRAG 6972                    2   1  0    16       LOSERS (544)
 DUSTSTORM 6814                1   5  0    16       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
 CHOCOLATE STARFISH 6457       2   1  0    15       BATTLEFIELD GIRTH (504)
-RASPBERRY STOLI 6860          2   2  0    15       CLUB CULTURE (424)
 PIP THE TROLL 6942            2   2  0    15       LOSERS (544)
 BLOODY HELL 6821              2   5  0    14       BLOOD RELATED (395)
 ZYLLEIX'S SHADE 6939          1   3  0    14       SHADOW SIGNS (491)
 ANGRY SANTA 6828              3   2  0    13       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
 VICIOUS RUMOR 6981            2   1  0    13       R.J.G. (475)
 S.L.A.P.P. 6974               2   1  0    13       LEGALESE (449)
 ASSHE-MASTER 7000             2   0  0    13       4000 BLOWS (107)
 55 SUCKS MORE 6956            1   3  0    13       JOKA MASHER! (283)
 GRAFFIX 6909                  3   2  0    12       MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
-HELL MARY 6760                1   0  0    12       5 BELOW ZERO (532)
 WURL POOLE 6799               1   1  0    12       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
 MARSH 6829                    2   2  1    11       INNSMOUTH BROOD (535)
 RAAM MANSLAYER 4306           2   2  0    11       THE UNDERWORLD (15)
 THE-SHOCKER 6824              2   3  0    11       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
 BIGGEST PETE 6985             2   1  0    11       LOCK-OUT (368)
-STRANGLEMEELMO 6762           1   0  1    11       5 BELOW ZERO (532)
-MR. NEGATIVITY 6764           1   0  0    11       5 BELOW ZERO (532)
 THE FRENCH 7011               1   0  0    10       LOSERS (544)
-HANGMAN 6761                  1   0  0    10       5 BELOW ZERO (532)
 SANDY BEACH 6957              2   1  0     9       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
-ELIZABETH TRAILER 6348        1   0  0     9       BATTLEFIELD GIRTH (504)
 DUNWICH 6833                  0   3  0     9       INNSMOUTH BROOD (535)
 ORIGINAL SHOCKER 6959         2   2  0     8       WILD CARDS (148)
 WATER 5905                    2   2  0     8       FIVE SPHERES (462)
 XXX 6975                      2   1  0     8       SHADOW SIGNS (491)
 WILDFIRE 6983                 2   1  0     7       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
 BONG 6980                     2   1  0     7       I'M WITH STUPID (531)
 QUETZACOATYL 6865             1   4  0     7       FACES OF ETERNITY (539)
 LANCELOT 6867                 1   4  0     7       FACES OF ETERNITY (539)
 BLACK RUSSIAN 6936            1   0  0     7       THIRSTY THUGS (543)
 DUNNO 6988                    1   1  0     6       HIT ME WITH... (503)
 INNOCENT 6838                 1   3  0     6       DARQUE AGES (536)
 FLICKED BOOGERS 6989          1   1  0     6       HIT ME WITH... (503)
 URG THE UNCLEAN 6954          0   4  0     6       BLACK FRIARS (521)
 BLOODY MESS 6969              1   2  0     5       BLOOD RELATED (395)
 GANOLOSER 6971                1   2  0     5       LOSERS (544)
 INSANITY 6973                 1   2  0     5       LEGALESE (449)
 THOMPSON 6970                 1   2  0     5       POWER BROKERS (527)
 SKUNK #1 6910                 0   5  0     5       MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
-ADRIANO 5005                  1   1  0     4       MINATOUR KINGS (379)
 IAGO 6997                     1   1  0     4       BLACK FRIARS (521)
 SIXTUS 6840                   0   4  0     4       DARQUE AGES (536)
 VOID 6976                     0   3  0     3       FIVE SPHERES (462)
-MEASLE 6966                   0   2  0     2       PLAGUE BEARER (545)
 TOSSED SALAD 6987             0   2  0     2       HIT ME WITH... (503)
-HIV 6968                      0   2  0     2       PLAGUE BEARER (545)
-POX 6964                      0   2  0     2       PLAGUE BEARER (545)
-RUBELLA 6967                  0   2  0     2       PLAGUE BEARER (545)
 GROVER 7004                   0   1  0     1       I'M WITH STUPID (531)
-ZIPPER 4404                   0   1  0     1       RESCUE RANGERS (362)
-PURGE 2 6404                  0   1  0     1       BATTLEFIELD GIRTH (504)
 B-52 7005                     0   1  0     1       MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
 SQUIRTY JOE 7008              0   1  0     1       THE UPSTARTS III (510)
 MAIMONIDES 7010               0   1  0     1       FACES OF ETERNITY (539)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?
SPYMASTER 22           0  1 0 DARK ARENA 0          DOVE FALCONHAND 5770  327 NONE    
SCROD 6990             1  1 1 DARQUE AGES 536       JORGE BLACK ORC 20    327 NONE    
ALEXANDER 6864         1  3 0 FACES OF ETERNITY 539 TAY STARLE 6808       326         
ATILA 6958             0  3 0 FACES OF ETERNITY 539 NUMSKULL 6751         326         
DIRT 6993              0  2 0 FIVE SPHERES 462      MARINE TROLL 18       327 NONE    
NO NAME NEEDED 7007    0  1 0 FIVE SPHERES 462      SEA MONSTER 27        327 NONE    
VOYDE 6848             0  1 0 FIVE SPHERES 462      ANASTASIUS 6839       324         
FIRE 6849              0  3 0 FIVE SPHERES 462      ANASTASIUS 6839       326         
OLIVE RUSKETTLE 7006   0  1 0 FORGOTTEN REALMS 185  MARSH 6829            327         
DANICA 1872           11 19 0 FORGOTTEN REALMS 185  GAZREKK 6438          324         
SLACKJAW 6750          4  1 0 I'M WITH STUPID 531   HELMS 6660            326 JUST REV
SUBROGATION 6850       0  3 0 LEGALESE 449          EARL OF ZIPPY 6566    324 REVENGED
WEAKSAUCE 6991         0  1 0 METAL MELTDOWN 344    BORED ELF 19          327 NONE    
DIE AVRIL! 6639        0  1 0 METAL MELTDOWN 344    STONE GOLEM 26        327 NONE    
POT POURRI 6911        1  3 0 MY BEST BUDS 2 542    POWER TEMP 6996       326 JUST REV
SLOUGH 6134           12 10 1 SWIFT CURRENT 468     SPYMASTER 22          327 NONE    
BOB 7003               0  1 0 THIEVES GUILD 396     SEA MONSTER 27        327 NONE    
POWER TEMP 6996        1  1 1 THE UPSTARTS III 510  MAUI WOWIE! 6907      327         
EARL OF ZIPPY 6566     3  3 1 THE UPSTARTS III 510  DEMURRER 5828         325 JUST REV
TAIL GUNNER 6995       0  1 0 THE UPSTARTS III 510  STRANGLEMEELMO 6762   326         

                                     PERSONAL ADS

     All right y'all, it's time to think of a new wheeze.  Aradi traditionally gets a
     lot of latitude, but the whole abuse of animals thing is getting old.  Not only
     old, but steadily more abusive and getting to the point where some of you are
     likely to have stuff randomly changed by me.  While this is unlikely to affect
     plot lines (this is Aradi, after all), I'd hate to raise your blood pressure
     unnecessarily.  So try and shoot for a little cleaner, eh?  PG-13 sells better
     than R anyway. -- Ed.
     P.S.  You get this turn as a solstice gift before I start replacing nouns and
     quite possibly verbs with others of my own choosing.

Manager -- If Guardian couldn't figure out that I run Blood Related in Gateway after
running in Aradi with me and if he couldn't figure out that Cavity Creeps II is run
by the same manager as Blood Related, then not only is he arrogant, but he's a moron.
Sorry about challenging you too much in 100 though, I didn't even realize.  Manager
who?  See, this whole Guardian thing is rubbing off on me. : ) -- Ganolus

Guardian -- We may have never run in any arenas together and may have never talked in
the personals, but what does that mean?  Do you think I couldn't inform an opinion of
you when we've talked at FTF's?  Basically, every time I've ever had contact with
you, you've proved what an arrogant bastage you really are.  And this contest is no
exception.  So hunt me down in all arenas with your astounding greatness, pay me back
threefold over time, name as many warriors Ganoloser as you want, but I assure you in
the end, I'll still feel the same about you.  Sorry. -- Ganolus

Just a suggestion, for casual readers, it would help if you could put the managers of
each team next to their team numbers.  I can figure out who the top teams are from
your spotlight, but I have no idea where everyone else stands....

Ganolus -- What are these social skills you speak of? -- Guardian

Pip -- Clearly this is your fault. -- Guardian

Malaquar -- Minion o mine, run and bring me 100 rollups to oppress the masses with.
-- Guardian

Ganolus -- Consider my pie hole shut; best of luck to you in all your arenas. --

Pip -- Clearly this is your fault. -- Guardian

Manager -- Thanks a lot, now can you explain this whole strategy sheet thing to me?
-- Guardian
P.S.  I'd watch who you challenge in 82; things are not as they seem.
P.P.S.  Why would I care who Death Stud runs in Primus and Gateway?

Pip -- Clearly this is your fault. -- Guardian

Ganolus -- TOGS6, sure why not?

Ganolous -- Butt worms?  I'll open a can a worms...soon...very soon. -- Ghoti

I will hereby refrain from talking about cans and worms or any combination there-of.
-- Ghoti

Ed. -- Bu is like short for Back up.  But then, I bet you hear that a few times in
this NL. -- Ghoti

     What, something that's NOT innuendo?  Say it isn't so!!! -- Ed.

Jamis -- Thinkin' you're pretty tough you big bully, you.  Well don't, I'll be back.
-- Sandy B.

55 Sucks More -- Yeah, at that age I guess you kind of run out of gas. -- Wurl

Sirius -- Man, you can say that again. -- Slough

Terrier -- Hey, at least you have a mean bark. -- Rip R.

Soultaker -- Wake him up, I'm sure he's more of a challenge than you. -- Barnabas

Stud -- Oh, so now it's your turn to get in on the fun.  OK, better not wear a good
shirt. -- Barnabas

Nuln -- Another great turn, you might want to give poor old Soulie a call, I don't
think Stud's suggestion to him on 1-1-1 is working very well. -- Barnabas

Indimar -- Just think how dominant you would have been if your spot was one line
longer, you wouldn't have randomly picked on my new warrior, dude you lost some
points and still kicked ass, you're the bomb! -- Barnabas

Elephant -- You truly have teamed up with the master. -- Barnabas

Hombre -- Just how much did you teach Indimar, oh and do you call him Sir? --

Soulie -- Boy, you really know how to get the guys goin, don't ya?  Can't wait to get
my hands on you and hear your bones snap like plastic! -- Your buddy, Barnabas

Pip -- Keep up the good work, my brother. -- Barnabas

Ganolus -- Keep on keepin' on. -- Barnabas

Street -- What's up? -- Barnabas

Soultaker -- I bet someone's under that beer mug pyramid, so to speak -- Ghoti

All -- Hi, My name is Yukon and, apparently, I have an anger management problem. --

     I did not put those two personals together; it was just Fate. -- Ed.

Nuln -- After, of course.  If I'd had been team with Soultaker I'd would have had to
go with "I'm with Chicken Lover." -- Yukon

Quetzacocatyl -- Why?  Because you're a pud.  How?  Because at the end of the fight I
hit you with my scimitar.  And they say I'M with stupid. -- Numskull
P.S.  Guess Attila didn't like getting hit with my scimitar either....

Da Gotti 'n Angry Man -- Nice going, gentlemen.  That was an impressive turn. -- the
impressed Nulnrovian

Llosmic Lloser -- Close, but as they say, no scrod.  Hopefully you won't have better
luck next time. -- Mr. Ayl'm'er

Polite Beggar -- Sorry, the fiftieth time you asked me for change I just kind of lost
it. -- Son of Bloodlust

Dirt -- That was so lame, it was beyond lame.  It was like, lamity-lame-lame, and
then some additional lameness on top for good measure.  I'm talking MAJOR lame. --

Dichabod, Ganoloser -- Like, we should go drinkin' sometime. -- Asshe-Master

Ack Ack -- Your name describes *exactly* how I feel about matching up with you, and
how Nuln feels for his crappiest 4-1 ever.  T@#$ karma has deserted the 4000 Blows
stable. -- Sir Zestalot

Death Stud, Ganolus -- I find it deeply disturbing that you both share the same
fantasy.  I pity your imaginations.... -- the Nulnrovian one

Barnabas -- Heh, you've been quite the @#$%-disturber here of late.  I like that.
Yes, I agree, it's time to drop the hammer on some unsuspecting persons.  I'm done
playing around. -- Nulny

Grannyolus -- You'd like some reprocessed chic peas?  Why didn't you just say so?  I
can give you plenty of reprocessed chic peas.  Moo hoo ha ha ha! -- Gnuln

Mr. Ralph -- I think your lethal car disease is spreading to me!  I just got a flat
tire on the interstate in the rain.  Stay away from me with your bad voodoo, boy! --
P.S.  Have you done something to piss off Snotman?

Ed. -- I certainly didn't imply or suggest that one would want to eat an egg fried on
my personals.  Man, I guess I have to be more careful with my analogies around
here.... -- it came from Nulnrovia

     Ah, you were talking about the OTHER use for fried eggs, were you? -- Ed.

Ed. -- "Bu" is short for back up.  Really.  I swear.  You are quite the inferrerer,
you know that? -- Sir Z

     That's my job. -- Ed. the inferrererererer (I can't stop!) erer

Der Gotti -- I bet you feel warmer & fuzzier now.  That makes us even. -- Winker X,
who doesn't like being even

Manalger -- Give is some T@#$ statistics, oh mighty stat keeper, sir.  The young ones
must learn of the T@#$ history from the days of yore. -- Nuln, closet historian

Rillyon -- Sounds like the pressure is breaking all you BoBbies down.  First Sandman,
now you.  Y'all need to cut back on the coffee (and maybe the vodka?). -- the

Herr Voyde -- Now is the time.  We have lulled the rest of the competition into a
real sense of security.  The iron is hot. -- Herr Nuln

Snotman -- Hey, I gave you two chances for T@#$ glory, and you blew it twice.  What
respect do you expect to get The Crotchety One? -- he who dwells in Nulnrovia

Snotman -- Since when did you get so manalger about spelling?  There's only so much
time in the day to read all the spots here, y'know.  Cut me some slack, homie. -- he
who still dwells in Nulnrovia

Snotman again -- I'd like to point out the irony of your prediction of in-fighting
with D.Stud/S.Taker, and this past turn with you and Anti.  Can't you guys settle
your differences off of the sands?  You're setting a poor example for the rest of
FONZ.... -- Nuln, deeply concerned about his deeply disturbed FONZ-mates

Thundra -- Very nicely done.  I was a bit too cocky on that challenge.  The skills
are a somewhat mitigating condolence prize, but that 17 point swing between our two
teams will always hurt. -- Winker X

Nuln -- I think that the Govenator of Kel-i-for-ni-a has messed up your speech
patterns. -- Voyde

Manager -- Nuln is bad at TOGS?  Crap! -- Voyde (who has been nothing but comic
relief for team 7)

Barnabas -- I can't believe that someone with "barn" in their name isn't competing in
TOGS. -- Voyde

Anastasius -- This is getting ridiculous! -- Five Spheres

All -- I would like to apologize for my unreasonably short spotlight.  That dirty
computer, Hal, cut off the last line.  Here, now, in it's splendifferousness, is the
last line from the Five Spheres spotlight (turn 3):  "To be continued"  Breathtaking,
I know. -- Voyde

Anti -- It is very disturbing to read my name, drool and ruining your keyboard in the
same sentence.  Please resist sharing with others your sick and twisted fantasies. --

Gazrekk, Murray & Winker X -- Thanks for the TV Challenges and wins. -- DeGotti

Snotman -- I almost forgot to ask you if you wanted to some Merlot with your cheese?
-- roving in Nulnia

Hombre! -- Hey, What's brown and sounds like a bell? ---------DUNG!  Unless it
happens to be Ogre poop  then I guess a bell makes an MMMMMMMM!!!! sound.  What kind
of bell do you suppose makes an MMMMMMM! sound? -- Ghoti

Nuln -- Well that's good, I've often heard an open box of analogy in the cupboard
keeps your fruitcake fresh for a few extra months. :) -- Anti
P.S.  If I may dust off an old gem....  Hyuck.  Hyuck indeed.

Pip -- Uh dude, this is Aradi...spewing filth puts you on the same level as our
Junior Woodchucks here.  Kid's stuff.  Start making references to managers having
illegal intercourse with endangered breeds of pack animals and you're starting to get
into the norm. :) -- Anti

Snotman -- Hey, not sure if anyone mentioned this...but we're on the same togs team.
That means you aren't supposed to challenge my guys.  Really, no kidding.  Seriously.

A serious as a drunk Nuln giving you a rectal exam with salad tongs and a trained
spider monkey.  Really. :) -- Anti, who manages The Upstarts III in case you might
want to write it down....

Hombre -- FTW! -- Ganolus

Beerbarians -- Lockout and Wighove told me you guys REALLY suck!  Why don't you use
your TV's on them, since I got very lucky to win my last fight.  You da man! --

DeGotti -- That was a little better.  Even if it all goes downhill from here (which I
can easily see happening), at least we'll have broken out even in team roll-ups. --
The Rage Man

All -- Nice spotlights and ads!  It was a great 4 hours and 23 minutes of my life
well spent. -- The Rage Man

     Was that all?  It certainly seemed to take me longer.... -- Ed. who loves y'all
     (in a strictly non-literal or carnal sense) but who has a headache at the moment

All -- Well, two turns on the DM spot has helped team three stay in second but that
will now end.  Can we pick up the slack?  I am doubtful with the death of Slackjaw,
but we will see! -- Shadowgate

Death Stud -- 5-0, bite me!  Not that it help you win the turn. -- Shadowgate

Snotman -- You trying to say you would have written about all your indiscretions up
to this point?  Yeah right!  Chicken lover! -- Shadowgate

Rubella -- Where did you come from?  Wimpy said I would fight a TOGS contestant and
that sure isn't you.  You are a member of a bunch of losers.  Well, at least I won my
first fight. -- Twicklebum

The Brick -- I was looking for a win and all I got was 5 skills instead.  I didn't
know what you were when I challenged.  I'll know next time and I'll be ready. --

Two in the Goo -- Nicely done for an 0-3 fighter.  You really jumped me. -- Namby

Brak -- Unless I screwed up somewhere, you are not in the TOGS.  Great, and get a
win. -- Frub

Goldfish -- Sorry about your loss.  It must be embarrassing to challenge and then
lose. -- Pipsqueak

Anti -- I am hardly a "drama queen."  I just did not like having my 21 WT/17 WL
striker killed on Turn 1 of the TOGS, as I am sure you did not appreciate having your
21 WT/17WL warrior assassinated on the following turn in the bloodfeud.  What can I
say, I guess we are even.  And as you say, life goes on. -- Judge

Master Darque -- You have been pretty quiet so far in this TOGS.  Planning any more
surprise killings like the one you put together in the TOGS III?  I don't have any
more 21 WT/21 WL lungers left for you to kill, and the one you killed from Aradi only
went 3-3-0 in the Dark Mail-In Tourney. -- Judge

Frub -- Just so you know, that loss costed me ten lashes. -- Brak and Blue

Sir Zestalot -- I demand a rematch!  Daggers at dawn.  What a disappointment. -- Ack

Llucky Day -- I should've been training skills.  Whoa!  I was awesome. -- Drek

Wimpy -- That loss is on me.  QS isn't really this weapon.  But he still should have
beaten Frub.  Sorry you didn't pull any skills.  That 3 wit is killing you. --

Many of you are too new to remember me.  You didn't miss much.  I guess I'm going
through a middle-age crisis or something, trying to re-live my youth.  Hey!  Hey!
Hands off the vette, buddy!  Sorry where was I?  Oh yea.  Just trying to bring a
little ol' school flava back to Aradi.  Really looking forward to killing ya'lls
arse! -- Genocide

Onedawg -- Two of your guys killed on your challenges, ouch.  You might want to fight
random in the future. -- Elephant

It's not often when I can admit my predictions were way off.  I would like to
apologize to the gambling community after setting Snotman-Anti's team odds at 10
million to one.  I think 15 million to one is more likely after witnessing Nappy
Dugout's challenge to Gummi Ghoul. -- Manager

Sandstorm -- Foolish man.  Don't you think I would have expected a challenge from
someone like you and be prepared for it.  Guess you know now. -- Lluperior Llorces

Lummox -- Impressive amount of damage you took there.  Next time I'll bring a better
weapon. -- Llengeance

Congrats to all those teams off to a great start.  Look forward to catching you soon.
-- Lurocians

Creepster -- Like you would know.  I team up with you and you pull me down then you
team up with Manalger and weigh him down.  I guess Death Stud is my muse or something
close to that.  Besides you are retired or retarded. -- Soultaker

Barnabas -- If you want to talk with me, you need to spit those mountain oysters out
first.  What is that you were saying you can't quite put your finger on it?  Well
hillbilly, the reason you can't put your finger on it is that you have both hands
gripping its flanks.  Get down off that bucket and come visit us. -- Soultaker

Ganolus -- The unretentive chicken is brought to by those wild and crazy guys,
Snotman and Nuln. -- Soultaker

Nuln -- Sure you can fry eggs on your personals but why would ya?  I mean how do you
keep them from sliding off.  I don't think so I can't stand pieces of shells in my
eggs let alone what might get in them from your personals. -- Soultaker

Indimar -- I will be happy to give you more on Barnabas but you know the old saying
about fighting with an unarmed manager.  His idea of clever is shout at ya from the
mountain then run and hide.  If he gets to be any problem I will get Ichabod to spank
him a few times. -- Soultaker

Voyde -- I saw that you were going to challenge me and I started to plan against it
and then I remembered you teamed up with Nuln.  I realized that if you would do that
you really can't be too bright on the sands. -- Soultaker

Snotman -- What's this liverspot?  Those are beauty marks.  You know, like Cindy
Crawford.  I have no problem answering to slut.  I am so impressed that Manalger has
helped your vocabulary. -- Soultaker

Manalger -- You know if you tried as hard in the TOGS as you are in stirring the pot,
you might have placed this year. -- Soultaker

Armalias -- Ouch that really hurt.  You weren't suppose to shout it out so loud. --

What was that? -- Dreihdenflahg

Faces of Eternity -- Bad matchup for Alexander, I guess.  I eagerly await the
bloodfeud. -- Tay Starle

Syda Hammie -- I thought the momentum was mine.  Funny how things don't always turn
out the way you think they will. -- Herrol

Ivan -- Thanks for the win--and the learn. -- Talon

Pip -- Good to see you.  Don't let that old scoundrel Barnabas corrupt you too much.
-- Indimar

Elephant -- Keep up the good work.  I'd say how sorry I was for flaking on the 31
line thing but we both know if that's my biggest spaceout you will be one lucky
pachyderm. -- Indimar

Rillion -- I was proud to die in your spot.  A little hurt.  But proud. -- Indimar

Nuln -- I understand you too will be making a pilgrimage to see the all powerful
Barnabas.  Watch out for the scrod plants, they can be a little sneaky.  So can
Barnabas, for that matter. -- Indimar Fallon

Slough -- And now you're a "slough of despond," right?  Us dogs like to splash around
in the water...oh, I guess that was your blood. -- Sirius

Too Icky -- You think I'm going to bite something like THAT?  Ptui!  (cough)  Ptui! 
No, that's way too icky! -- Boone

Lllengeance -- I have a note here that says, "Ask if he's related to the
Gggllleeelllmmmaaannn."  Do you know anything about that?  It doesn't make sense to
me.  That kind of thing is DIFFERENT, and us dogs don't LIKE things that are
different. -- Lummox

Headrock -- Hey, nobody told me you could hit me on the head with a rock!  So you
just watch out, because next time, I'm going for your throat. -- Bull Doggam

Rip Rap -- That current is too strong for a poor little dog like me!  Pardon me while
I climb the arenamaster. -- Teacup Terrier

Ghoti -- Good!  Let's hear it for short spotlights!  They only have to be half a
column, after all.  And if the newsletter gets any thicker, it'll be worse than a
club if somebody rolls it up and hits a dog with it.  Can't have that!  I think all
spotlights should be cut at precisely half a column.  Not a line over! -- Spot, Red
Dog Gang

     Now that's something I can wholeheartedly support! -- Ed.

Sir Zestalot -- No!  That would be awful.  I'm not a Doberman or anything.  I'm all
natural. -- Lummox

Slackjaw -- You should have kneeled before me, like I asked you to! -- Helms

Aviendha -- I can see I still have much to learn. -- Murray

Syringe -- Four skills.  That is all I have to say about that.  :( -- McCain

Blue Beanie -- SIX skills?  Please, please, please leap-frog me again so I can
challenge you! -- Bush

Wimpy -- What's wrong with having a reputation as a "wimp picker-oner"?  You say that
like it a bad thing!  :) -- Mannequin

Guardian -- Glad to see you're making new friends. -- Pip

Barnabus -- Yeah we're taking a few turns to set up a huge come from behind victory.
Of course the first step is getting behind.  Everything according to plan so far. --

Anti -- Yeah, I just kinda grew fond of Ol' Ralph.  I kinda think of him like Gil
from the Simpsons.  Ok, I call you by your proper name in this turn's spotlight. --
P.S.  Sorry for challenging you last turn.  I've memorized your warriors names and it
probably won't happen again.

Nuln -- Actually it was pretty sly of me to tell you about it.  Because it absolutely
guaranteed that you wouldn't remember when I was gone.  I was back for last turn.
You can tell the difference by whether or not I challenge.  Simple test.  Challenge
own teammate...in the country.  Make no challenges, out of the country. -- Snotman

Ed. -- I'm happy to report that the bu dagger is completely clean.  You see, Nuln
lubes up the dagger and then....  Hmmmmm, maybe I shouldn't explain this. -- Snotman

     No, I would say that one should be dropped. -- Ed.

Guardian -- Good to see you get into the spirit!  Nice story last turn.  The part
about Manager's spine had me rolling. -- Death Stud

Guardian -- Are you sure that the ad you're referring to was from Ganolus?  I'd hate
to see you all nutted up over something that didn't happen. --  Death Stud

Barnabas -- Oh, the back is HURTIN' from carrying all this dead weight.  Thanks for
checking on me, I appreciate that. -- Death Stud

Rage Man -- Yeah, likely story....  <grin>  I'd like to someday get me one of those
TV things, too.  I hear that they're cool. -- Death Stud

Leo -- No problem, I would do the same thing to you.  In TOGS, you have no allies and
lots of enemies.  But, it still annoys me to get a challenge from someone of your
style to someone of Typhoon's, so I may have to pay you back for it when I get a
chance someday.  Maybe once you have like 25 FE and are a turn or two from
graduating.  Nothing personal. -- Death Stud

Nuln -- Yeah, I always wonder, "What would Brian Boitano do?" -- Death Stud

Manalger -- I think you won something way back when in the TOGS, but this is a "what
have you done for me lately" league.  It's like going into the playoffs, you want to
be the team that's hot at the end of the season.  And I'll tell you that the end of
your TOGS career season has been pretty weak.  How long are you going to keep telling
that same old grandpa story?  "Why I remember back in the first TOGS tournament when
I didn't totally suck and actually won something.  Ah, you should have seen me
then....  Anyone know where my teeth are?" -- Death Stud

Manalger -- Bah, Guardian would have to have warriors in those arenas who could beat
mine and the motivation to do something about it over time.  Since that's a big, fat
0 for 2 on the chances of either one happening, I'm not really sweating that threat.

Hey Ganolus, watch out because Guardian is going to finish it, threefold, in spades,
medieval style, in your face, make you run and hide finish it. -- Death Stud

Manalger -- But, I like personal ads, they're fun! -- Death Stud

Elephant -- You may not have noticed this about me yet, but those ads prove it.
Sometimes you get me started and you may not be able to shut me up. -- Death Stud

Dichabod -- Now THAT was a damn funny personal ad to Ganoloser.  Well done! -- Death

Skunk #1 -- Glad I could help, then. -- Death Stud

Rillion -- You are well comb.... -- Death Stud

Voyde -- I see.  Personally, I think that you should have maybe considered the
underwear thing, though. -- Death Stud

Yeah, Anti, nice work a turn or two ago w/ the gerbils. -- Death Stud

Soultaker -- You're right, you can't spell mANALger without ANAL. -- Death Stud

Pip -- Thanks for being concerned about our tender sensibilities, but no one here
survives without pretty thick skin. -- Death Stud

Judge -- Good to hear it.  Glad things are well. -- Death Stud

Armalias -- Oh, you noticed those challenges, did you? -- Death Stud

Black Cat -- I knew I shouldn't have made that challenge, Ganolus talked me into it.
Those are some mighty big stars in his eyes.... -- Acute

Graffix -- Boom. -- Slipknot

Death Stud -- Clearly you need to go over the FONZ non-alliance manual again.
Section 5, article 2b states that "there shall be no inter-alliance challenges during
contests..." blah-blah etc.  Hmmm, come to think of it, I'm the only one of us who
has one of those manuals.  And I got it from Snotman who was chuckling when he gave
it to me.... -- Hombre

Crazy Creep -- Re:  when Soultaker will write a spotlight...when he can trick someone
into doing in for him.  It does take talent, you know. -- Sultan, conspicuously
absent from the spotlights too

Craig -- Man thanks for the call.  Really came at a good time. -- Eric

Hombre -- Thanks, Hombre.  Heh, as it is, those are the only things keeping me in the
game. -- Onedawg

To the "murderers" -- Eye for an eye, brutes, eye for an eye! -- Hammurabi

Power Temp -- There is going to be hell to pay, if I can get these guys to
concentrate on fighting and not smoking! -- Death Commander, trainer My Best Buds 2

Slipknot -- I caught hell from my teammates for that embarrassing loss.  You may see
me again! -- Graffix

Demons of Darkness 2 -- We're not targeting you, but we had to throw a few challenges
out to match yours.  Now we just need to throw one to get back for that comment about
SL.  He could care less about it, he thought it was hilarious but we have decided
that we need to make some amends for it somehow! -- My Best Buds 2 warriors

Guardian -- Your comment on using Manalger's spine for a quill was one of the best
lines in all of the TOGS.  Way to go. -- Soultaker

All -- You were warned.... -- Armalias

All -- I saw the Lord of the Rings Trilogy on Tuesday...simply the best day of my
life...at the movies, at least.  I highly recommend you all see The Return of the
King, and if you haven't read the LotR Trilogy yet, then you better.  If you don't,
I'll send an army of Yoders to your door. -- Armalias

Ghoti -- Here we go again. -- Armalias

2 December 2003
ZalCon2, ZalCon Reloaded
Where:  Jhelum, DM 4
When:  February 9th or 23rd, 2003 (TBA when Mail In date set)
How Long:  20 Turns

Restrictions:  Zero FE at start of contest.  Must announce warrior styles by second
arena fight to receive points.  No prize modified warriors.  No entry to July Face,
No TV Challenges.  All prizes to be used exclusively on warriors from the contest
team only.

     First Initiate Duelmaster (FID):  First warrior announced in the contest to
          reach the throne.
     Prize:  Limited Damage Potion, increasing damage for 1 warrior by one rating to
          max for ST/SZ.
     Warrior MVP:  Top warrior based on MVP points accrued in the contest.
     Prize:  Limited Damage Potion, Favorites Knowledge for any warrior on team, +1
          to bonus in any skill area up to max for style for 1 warrior on team, 2
          nights stay at Winter FTF Hotel.
     Team MVP:  Top Team based on MVP points accrued in contest by all the teams
     Prize:  Limited Damage Potion, Favorites Knowledge, +1 to Bonus, 6 Months Free
          Play, 20 Rollups.
     Warrior MVP Top 11:  Next 10 warriors on MVP list at the end of the contest.
     Prize:  +1 to Bonus
     Style Master:  Top warrior in each style based on Style Master points accrued in
          the contest.
     Prize:  Favorites Knowledge of any warrior on team.
     Iron Manager Award:  Minimum 95 fights in contest by any team.
     Prize:  Choice of free entry for team to 2005 Winter Face or +1 to Bonus for one

MVP Point System:  +1 for Win, Fight, Kill, Recognition Leader (after Round 3), -1
Death, +2 Duelmaster, +2 each 3 Consecutive turns as DM, +1 Quality Win (any win over
opponent with 5 or more Rec), +1 for each 10 Rec points over 5 in win (+1 for 5-14
above, +2 for 15-24 above, +3 for 25-34 above).
Style Master Point System:  +2 Style Master, +1 Win vs. Same Style Opponent, +1 Win
vs. Same Style Master, +1 for 3 Consecutive Turns as Style Master (rolling).

     Please direct any question about rules or clarifications to me, Robert
Occhipinti, via Diplo to DM74, 1988 Dodgers or email to zalgor@hotmail.com.  All
rules decisions made by me are final and binding within the confines of this contest.

8 December 2003
Greetings!  I would like to invite everyone to Jhans (DM 36) for the first annual kLk
St. Valentine's Day Massacre (kill contest).  We will start the contest off with the
ceremonial burning of the Andorian flag on turn 450.  (Six turns away.  Roughly mid-
February.)  The contest will run for 10 turns.  On turn 461, 3 separate victors will
be announced.  Team with the most kills, warrior with the most kills, and alliance
with the most kills.  Prizes will be awarded to the manager of the team with the most
kills and to the manager of the warrior with the most kills.  The prizes will

probably be team roll-ups.  The number of roll-ups has yet to be determined.  The
contest is sponsored by Jhans' newest, (but by the time the contest starts) largest
alliance, the kLk (pronounced "klick"). -- Polarius, mgr. of Blitzkrieg DM 36

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

SLOUGH was butchered by SPYMASTER in a 2 minute bloody Dark Arena fight.
SCROD was slaughtered by JORGE BLACK ORC in a 1 minute Dark Arena battle.
DOVE FALCONHAND viciously butchered SPYMASTER in a popular 1 minute Dark Arena match.
DIRT was butchered by MARINE TROLL in a 1 minute gory Dark Arena contest.
WEAKSAUCE was assassinated by BORED ELF in a crowd pleasing 1 minute Dark Arena match.
BOB was butchered by SEA MONSTER in a 1 minute Dark Arena duel.
NO NAME NEEDED was assassinated by SEA MONSTER in a 1 minute Dark Arena struggle.
DIE AVRIL! was butchered by STONE GOLEM in a 2 minute gory Dark Arena competition.
GUMMI GHOUL handily defeated DEMURRER in a 1 minute uneven Bloodfeud melee.
IVAN was vanquished by GAZREKK in a 1 minute one-sided Bloodfeud duel.
MAUI WOWIE! viciously butchered POWER TEMP in a 3 minute gory Bloodfeud duel.
SHARP STICK luckily beat HELMS in a 2 minute Bloodfeud match.
VOID was overpowered by ANASTASIUS in a 1 minute one-sided Bloodfeud match.
LANCELOT was devastated by NUMSKULL in a 1 minute mismatched Bloodfeud conflict.
LLOSMIC LLAMMER savagely defeated BLACK CAT in a 5 minute Challenge Title match.
WINKER X overcame HEADROCK in a popular 1 minute expert's Challenge fight.
NEWCASTLE devastated SCABBY in a exciting 2 minute bloody uneven Challenge duel.
QUICKSAND was devastated by BLACKBURST in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge brawl.
AVIENDHA was subdued by LLLENGEANCE in a exciting 2 minute veteran's Challenge bout.
BLACK EYE was overpowered by BULL DOGGAM in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge conflict.
BUSH was overpowered by LORD OF THE O RINGS in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge duel.
NOODLES beat MURRAY in a action packed 1 minute Challenge fray.
WHITE RAVEN handily defeated MC CAIN in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge contest.
ACK ACK demolished BOONE in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
SOMFMA viciously subdued FRUB in a popular 3 minute gruesome Challenge match.
CYVIN savagely defeated FREEP in a exciting 11 minute gruesome Challenge bout.
LLUGS AND LLISSES luckily beat OBITER DICTA in a 2 minute gruesome Challenge duel.
BRAK was narrowly defeated by THORNE in a 5 minute bloody veteran's Challenge fray.
SLIPKNOT won victory over ROSENCRANTZ in a popular 3 minute gory Challenge bout.
WIND vanquished MARBURY in a 2 minute brutal one-sided Challenge fray.
SON OF BLOODLUST subdued MARDUK in a popular 1 minute Challenge fight.
4-FT PARTY BONG was overpowered by KARATE WRECKER in a 1 minute Challenge bout.
ANGRY SUE was handily defeated by BARON in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge match.
LLUPERIOR LLORCES vanquished T-MAC in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge fight.
SUPERNOVA was luckily beaten by LLUCKY DAY in a 8 minute Challenge match.
BLOODY HELL was overcome by IKER in a exciting 2 minute Challenge fight.
TYPHOON XXII subdued VICIOUS RUMOR in a 1 minute Challenge conflict.
ZERBERT luckily beat MR OBLIVIOUS in a popular 5 minute Challenge duel.
ANGRY SANTA was savagely defeated by GUILDENSTERN in a 3 minute gory Challenge duel.
TWO IN THE GOO handily defeated PIKEL in a 2 minute mismatched Challenge match.
FLORIN FALCONHAND savagely defeated VORPAL BUNNY in a 3 minute Challenge fight.
NECROMANCER XLVII was outwaited by TOGS STINKER in a 10 minute Challenge struggle.
CHOCOLATE STARFISH handily defeated SIXTUS in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge duel.
INNOCENT was overpowered by SCRAG in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge brawl.
LEO handily defeated INSISTANT BEGGAR in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge melee.
XXX outlasted QUETZACOATYL in a monotonous 11 minute gory novice's Challenge match.
VIKEN vanquished THE-SHOCKER in a 2 minute one-sided Challenge bout.
ZYLLEIX'S SHADE was unbelievably bested by TOGS LOSER in a 2 minute Challenge bout.
WILDFIRE was savagely defeated by HOSCHA in a crowd pleasing 4 minute Challenge match.
GRAFFIX was subdued by DICHABOD in a 6 minute novice vs. veteran Challenge battle.
INSANITY was handily defeated by CYCLONE in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge contest.
TWICKLEBUM demolished GANOLOSER in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge battle.
PIP THE TROLL luckily beat DUNNO in a exciting 5 minute novice's Challenge brawl.
THOMPSON was viciously subdued by ASSHE-MASTER in a 10 minute novice's Challenge bout.
SYRINGE defeated SIRIUS in a crowd pleasing 1 minute bloody master's fight.
RIFF was overpowered by TOO ICKY in a 1 minute one-sided match.
ACUTE won victory over THE AYL'M'ER in a exciting 2 minute bloody master's match.
CHIP was beaten by THUNDRA in a 2 minute veteran's struggle.
LUMMOX was overpowered by SIR ZESTALOT in a 1 minute gruesome one-sided brawl.
LACHES unbelievably bested RIP RAP in a popular 3 minute bout.
SMIRLIN savagely defeated ANDROGENOUS STRAIN in a action packed 2 minute fight.
TRIPLICATE THUNDER overpowered RUTHLESS JAYWALKER in a 1 minute one-sided battle.
MISTRESS BOMBTRONIC was overpowered by THE BRICK in a 4 minute one-sided contest.
TYVINREK was overpowered by PIPSQUEAK in a popular 1 minute gory one-sided match.
SPONGEBOB was overpowered by SYDA HAMMIE in a 2 minute mismatched fight.
BLUE BEANIE vanquished GOURMET GRUEL in a crowd pleasing 1 minute one-sided struggle.
SPIT demolished GOLDFISH in a 1 minute uneven match.
KABOOM devastated NAPPY DUGOUT in a 1 minute one-sided battle.
DREK overpowered TEACUP TERRIER in a 3 minute uneven duel.
ARKHAM narrowly defeated BIGGEST PETE in a 3 minute conflict.
DUNWICH was vanquished by SANDSTORM in a 1 minute gory uneven match.
HENRY IV overpowered WURL POOLE in a 1 minute one-sided conflict.
DUSTSTORM was unbelievably bested by ZANN in a 2 minute conflict.
OBED viciously subdued SKUNK #1 in a 2 minute bloody novice's match.
URG THE UNCLEAN was beaten by RAAM MANSLAYER in a 2 minute novice's struggle.
55 SUCKS MORE demolished SQUIRTY JOE in a 1 minute gory uneven fight.
SANDY BEACH subdued GROVER in a crowd pleasing 1 minute gory novice's fray.
ORIGINAL SHOCKER was demolished by TA'LON THE VILE in a 1 minute uneven bout.
BLOODY MESS lost to THE FRENCH in a 2 minute beginner's match.
WATER was handily defeated by NAMBY PAMBY in a 1 minute uneven match.
S.L.A.P.P. overpowered TOSSED SALAD in a 1 minute one-sided competition.
MARSH delivered the death blow upon OLIVE RUSKETTLE in a 1 minute novice's battle.
BING savagely defeated FLICKED BOOGERS in a tiring 8 minute beginner's competition.
BONG outlasted MAIMONIDES in a crowd boring 21 minute novice's bout.
WEED 4 MOM defeated TRUSTWORTHY SCRIBE in a 2 minute novice's contest.
IAGO was vanquished by HAMMURABI in a 1 minute uneven contest.
BLACK RUSSIAN defeated B-52 in a 1 minute amateur's duel.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                  38         PARRY-LUNGE       16 -  15 -  1      52  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                 35         WALL OF STEEL     39 -  37 -  1      51  |
|TOTAL PARRY                     27         LUNGING ATTACK   166 - 161 -  7      51  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                 15         AIMED BLOW        45 -  46 -  1      49  |
|BASHING ATTACK                  14         TOTAL PARRY      101 - 114 -  3      47  |
|WALL OF STEEL                   11         STRIKING ATTACK  106 - 125 -  6      46  |
|AIMED BLOW                       9         SLASHING ATTACK   77 - 101 -  9      43  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     7         PARRY-STRIKE      20 -  30 -  1      40  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      5         BASHING ATTACK    35 -  57 -  7      38  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    3         PARRY-RIPOSTE     22 -  38 -  2      37  |

Turn 327 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

PARRY-STRIKE       5 -  2     STRIKING ATTACK   13 - 22         8  LUNGING ATTACK 
PARRY-LUNGE        3 -  2     PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  3         1  WALL OF STEEL  
AIMED BLOW         5 -  4                                       1  SLASHING ATTACK
WALL OF STEEL      6 -  5                                       1  STRIKING ATTACK
SLASHING ATTACK    8 -  7     
TOTAL PARRY       14 - 13     
LUNGING ATTACK    19 - 19     
BASHING ATTACK     7 -  7     

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
LUNGING ATTACK   LLOSMIC LLAMMER 5684       15  10  1  112 LUROCIANS VI (431)
WALL OF STEEL    THUNDRA 5122               18  12  1  126 FA CHING (388)
SLASHING ATTACK  TOO ICKY 5937              15   9  0  118 BLOOD RELATED (395)
STRIKING ATTACK  LLLENGEANCE 5864           13   6  2   99 LUROCIANS VI (431)
PARRY-LUNGE      LORD OF THE O RINGS 6022   19  10  1   84 WILD CARDS (148)
AIMED BLOW       PIPSQUEAK 6810              6   1  0   65 WIMPS OF DEATH (66)
PARRY-STRIKE     LLUGS AND LLISSES 5887      8   7  1   64 LUROCIANS VI (431)
TOTAL PARRY      THE BRICK 6342              6   2  0   62 HIT ME WITH... (503)
BASHING ATTACK   DEMURRER 5828              11   8  2   60 LEGALESE (449)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is LUMMOX 6092.  The most popular warrior this turn was 
SUPERNOVA 6239.  The ten other most popular fighters were CYVIN 5258, LLOSMIC LLAMMER 
RAP 6599, BLOODY HELL 6821, DUNNO 6988, and NEWCASTLE 6669.

The least popular fighter this week was MAIMONIDES 7010.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were BONG 6980, BING 6979, XXX 6975, FLICKED BOOGERS 6989, THOMPSON 6970, 
B-52 7005.

The following warriors will travel to ADVANCED DUELMASTERS after next turn:

TOO ICKY (60-5937) BLOOD RELATED (395)
LUMMOX (60-6092) RED DOG GANG (476)

The following warriors have traveled to ADVANCED DUELMASTERS after fighting this turn:

BLACK CAT (60-6268) SHADOW SIGNS (491)