Date   : 02/27/2004    Duedate: 03/11/2004


DM-60    TURN-333

This Weeks Top Honors


FA CHING (388)
(60-5122) [22-13-1,151]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

THUNDRA                        STRANGLEMEELMO
FA CHING (388)                 5 BELOW ZERO (532)
(60-5122) [22-13-1,151]        (60-6762) [6-1-1,49]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

BLACKBURST                     SUPERNOVA
FA CHING (388)                 RED AVENGERS (487)
(60-5025) [15-14-0,103]        (60-6239) [7-3-0,71]



Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. FA CHING (388)              53
2. LOCK-OUT (368)              45      RED AVENGERS (487)
3. LUROCIANS VI (431)          42      Unchartered Team
4. NATURAL DISASTERS (159)     41
5. R.J.G. (475)                37      MALAGUAR'S MINIONS (550)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 1*MALAGUAR'S MINIONS (550)   8   2  0 80.0   1/ 6 WIMPS OF DEATH (66)      13  2 1
 2/ 2 RED AVENGERS (487)        35  20  1 63.6   2/ 1 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)  13  2 0
 3/ 3*5 BELOW ZERO (532)        21  14  2 60.0   3/ 2 DEATH STUDS VII (301)    11  4 0
 4/ 5 LUROCIANS VI (431)       101  76  7 57.1   4/13 FA CHING (388)           11  4 0
 5/ 4 I'M WITH STUPID (531)     34  26  1 56.7   5/ 3 DARQUE AGES (536)        10  5 1
 6/ 7 DARQUE AGES (536)         27  21  5 56.3   6/ 4 RED AVENGERS (487)       10  5 1
 7- 6 SAAB STORY (389)         104  81  8 56.2   7/ 9 I'M WITH STUPID (531)     9  6 0
 8-10 JIVE STEP BUNCH (551)     76  63  8 54.7   8/ 5 WILD CARDS (148)          9  6 0
 9/ 9 POWER BROKERS (527)       45  38  6 54.2   9/27*MALAGUAR'S MINIONS (550)  8  2 0
10/12 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)  580 508 19 53.3  10/11*5 BELOW ZERO (532)        8  7 1
11/13 WIMPS OF DEATH (66)      530 466 31 53.2  11/18 OGRES ARE US (270)        8  7 0
12/14 DEATH STUDS VII (301)    326 289  8 53.0  12- 7 THIEVES GUILD (396)       7  3 0
13/11 SWIFT CURRENT (468)       88  79  8 52.7  13/29 LOCK-OUT (368)            7  7 2
14/15 WILD CARDS (148)         695 634 26 52.3  14/22 SHADOW SIGNS (491)        7  7 0
15-16 WING HOVE (529)           31  29  3 51.7  15/ 8 DEMONS OF DARKNESS (430)  7  8 0
16/19 LOCK-OUT (368)            47  44  3 51.6  16/25 R.J.G. (475)              7  8 0
17/17 DEMONS OF DARKNESS (430) 154 147 12 51.2  17/19 MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)      7  8 0
18/18 SHADOW SIGNS (491)        74  71  1 51.0  18/14 RED DOG GANG (476)        6  7 0

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
19/20 OGRES ARE US (270)       144 153  2 48.5  19/12 FIVE SPHERES (462)        6  9 0
20/25 FA CHING (388)            96 106  3 47.5  20/10 4000 BLOWS (107)          6  9 0
21-22 THIEVES GUILD (396)      123 136  5 47.5  21/20 LUROCIANS VI (431)        5  5 1
22/23 4000 BLOWS (107)         554 621 27 47.1  22/30 LOSERS (544)              5 10 0
23-26*INNSMOUTH BROOD (535)     12  14  2 46.2  23/17 LEGALESE (449)            5 10 0
24/24 THE UNDERWORLD (15)       53  64  5 45.3  24/24 FORGOTTEN REALMS (185)    5 10 0
25/31 LOSERS (544)              22  27  2 44.9  25/36 THE UPSTARTS III (510)    4  5 0
26-27 ARADI'S DEAD (393)       110 136  5 44.7  26/37*MELEE-MAGTHERE (549)      4  9 1
27/29 BUMS 'R' US (465)        122 156  0 43.9  27/23 HIT ME WITH... (503)      4 10 0
28-30 BEERBARIANS (528)         13  17  4 43.3  28/15 FACES OF ETERNITY (539)   4 11 1
29/32 LEGALESE (449)            60  82  3 42.3  29/16 POWER BROKERS (527)       4 11 0
30/33 MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)      23  32  1 41.8  30-28 BLACK FRIARS (521)        3  4 0
31/28 HIT ME WITH... (503)      20  28  0 41.7  31-26 WING HOVE (529)           3  7 0
32/35 R.J.G. (475)              71 106  1 40.1  32/32 BUMS 'R' US (465)         3 10 0
33-34 BLACK FRIARS (521)        35  53  3 39.8  33/35 THE UNDERWORLD (15)       3 11 1
34/36 RED DOG GANG (476)       225 384  3 36.9  34-21 ARADI'S DEAD (393)        2  3 0
35/38 FORGOTTEN REALMS (185)    65 112  3 36.7  35-40 SAAB STORY (389)          1  1 0
36/39 THE UPSTARTS III (510)    27  47  3 36.5  36-41*INNSMOUTH BROOD (535)     1  2 0
37/37 FIVE SPHERES (462)        25  45  1 35.7  37-42 JIVE STEP BUNCH (551)     1  3 0
38/ 8*I HATE THEM (480)          5   9  0 35.7  38/31 SWIFT CURRENT (468)       1  3 0
39/42*MELEE-MAGTHERE (549)       4   9  1 30.8  39/38*I HATE THEM (480)         1  5 0
40/40 FACES OF ETERNITY (539)   16  39  2 29.1  40-39 BEERBARIANS (528)         0  1 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

            + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Forgotten Realms ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     The day was finally here; the spear was complete. Armalias held the carved shaft
in his hands and wondered at the power he felt flowing through the weapon.  He had
done nothing but carve the story of the fall of the Tarrasque, which lent a special
magic to the item; but he hadn't expected magic like this.  He had practiced with the
spear and gone through several weapon routines with it and found that it was
incredibly light for its size and durability.  He'd made metal shafts out of mithril
and adamantine before, but the Tarrasque horn was just as strong.  And about 80%
lighter than an oak shaft would have been.
     The funny thing was, it wasn't that light until he'd finished carving it.  It
had weighed as much as steel before that, and had been almost as difficult to work
with his carving tools.  But as soon as he'd brushed the last shavings away from his
carving, revealing the picture of his presenting the weapon to Nuln (which, of
course, had yet to happen), the weapon's weight had changed dramatically.  It was one
of the finest weapons the elf had ever made.
     "I can't believe the magic that continues to build in you," he said to the
spear.  It was a common practice among skilled smiths to talk to their greatest
creations, sometimes even breathing life into the weapons when doing so.  Such was
the case this time.
     "Believe it," came a deep, resonant voice from the spear.  Armalias recognized
it immediately, even though he'd never heard the creature speak.  It was the voice of
the Tarrasque.
     Armalias smiled.  "So you found a way to survive after all," he said.
     The spear chuckled.  "I didn't find a way, foolish elf; you did."
     Armalias raised an eyebrow at that statement.  "So it's my fault that you live
     "Not a fault at all, elf," the spear replied. "I yet live, my power continues to
regenerate, but I will live on in different form, without my...appetite."
     "So you no longer endlessly hunger?" Armalias asked, his surprise evident.
     "That's right.  For the first time in eons, I am a creature without hunger," the
Tarrasque replied.  After a few moments pause, it added, "Thank you."
     Armalias thought for a moment of the two suits of armor he'd made from the
thing's hide.  "What about the armor I made from...."
     The spear chuckled, an ominous sound. "My essence is in this spear and nowhere
else, elf.  You needn't worry your pretty little head about it at all."
     "Very well, then," Armalias replied, leaning the spear against the wall as he
donned his new armor.  "Let's get you to your new master, shall we?"
     The spear smiled to itself and said, "Yes, let's do that."
     Armalias picked up the spear and made his way out into the street.  He turned
left and walked the short distance to Nuln's Tower, where he would present the weapon
to the dread Lord of Chaos.  The armor felt...right.  He knew then that the Tarrasque
had been telling the truth, and that its essence was indeed in the weapon he carried.

            + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ T332 TOGS totals ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

T332 TOGS totals
                              TOTAL     Turn 9 Turn 9 Turn 9 Turn 9 Turn 9
TEAM                         POINTS    Fights  Spots   Ads  Avoids   DM
------- ------------------- ------- -- ------ ------ ------ ------ ------
TEAM 2                        551        66     10                   10
TEAM 3                        484        41     10
TEAM 14                       462        52     10            -5
TEAM 11                       456        14     10
TEAM 4                        387        41     10
TEAM 7                        387        48     10
TEAM 8                        383        34      5
TEAM 9                        355        21      5     -5
TEAM 12                       342        41     10
TEAM 6                        341        24      5
TEAM 10                       302        35      5
TEAM 1                        280        11      0     -10
TEAM 13                       269        11     10
TEAM 15                       210        14      0     -10
TEAM 5                         83        15      0     -5


WARRIOR:                                      WARRIOR: WINNER: PNTS:
========                                      ======== ======= =====
KARATE WRECKER          demolished            MC CAIN             TEAM 1   4
ACUTE                   bested                LORD OF THE O RINGS TEAM 1      7
                                                                   -TOTAL: 11

SIR ZESTALOT        was handily defeated by   LIGHTNING IX        TEAM 2   7
HERROL              was savagely defeated by  CYCLONE             TEAM 2   7
DICHABOD            was savagely defeated by  ANGRY SANTA         TEAM 2   7
THE-SHOCKER             vanquished            TWICKLEBUM          TEAM 2   10
QUICKSAND               devastated            AVIENDHA            TEAM 2      7
SANDSTORM               overpowered           GOLDFISH            TEAM 2      7
DUNNO               was bested by             TYPHOON XXII        TEAM 2      7
WILDFIRE                defeated              VICIOUS RUMOR       TEAM 2      7
VOLCANO                 slimly won victory oveVERDICT             TEAM 2      7
                                                                   -TOTAL: 66

HOSCHA              was beaten by             SHARP STICK         TEAM 3   7
SILVER BELLS            overpowered           PIKEL               TEAM3   10
MR OBLIVIOUS        was subdued by            BONG                TEAM 3   7
XXX                     luckily beat          HELL MARY           TEAM 3   10
BING                    savagely defeated     DOVE FALCONHAND     TEAM 3      7
                                                                   -TOTAL: 41

FREEP                   outwaited             EDDIE THE ECHO      TEAM 4   10
JAMAICAN GOLD       was luckily beaten by     FRUB                TEAM 4   7
S.L.A.P.P.              handily defeated      JAMIS               TEAM 4   10
NAMBY PAMBY             vanquished            GROVER              TEAM 4   10
PIPSQUEAK               vanquished            HAPPY PEASANT       TEAM 4      4
                                                                   -TOTAL: 41

STRANGLEMEELMO          overpowered           QUETZACOATYL        TEAM 5   7
MR. NEGATIVITY          vanquished            NERVOUS TIC         TEAM 5      4
PHYDEAU             was executed by           SUGAR               TEAM 5      4
                                                                   -TOTAL: 15

4-FT PARTY BONG         handily defeated      HENRY IV            TEAM 6   10
VIKEN               was overpowered by        GOURMET GRUEL       TEAM 6   7
TOGS DIXIE          was savagely defeated by  ZIG-ZAG MAN         TEAM 6   7
                                                                   -TOTAL: 24

WINKER X                demolished            OBITER DICTA        TEAM 7   10
ASSHE-MASTER            savagely defeated     HANGMAN             TEAM 7   10
TELESPHORUS         was demolished by         WATER               TEAM 7   7
SON OF BLOODLUST        narrowly defeated     ANDROGENOUS STRAIN  TEAM 7      7
FLAME                   devastated            SCRAG               TEAM 7      7
IVAN                was beaten by             VOHDE               TEAM 7      7
                                                                   -TOTAL: 48

MARBURY                 outlasted             URLGEN THREE-FIST   TEAM 8   4
TAY STARLE              viciously subdued     MARDUK              TEAM 8   10
BARON                   vanquished            IKER                TEAM 8   10
T-MAC                   demolished            VORPAL BUNNY        TEAM 8   10
                                                                   -TOTAL: 34

SUPERNOVA           was handily defeated by   SMIRLIN             TEAM 9   7
GUILDENSTERN        was vanquished by         FLORIN FALCONHAND   TEAM 9   7
SYDA HAMMIE             overpowered           HELMS               TEAM 9      7
                                                                   -TOTAL: 21

GUMMI GHOUL             demolished            DEMURRER            TEAM 10  4
BLUE BEANIE         was beaten by             TRIPLICATE THUNDER  TEAM 10  7
ORIGINAL SHOCKER        vanquished            TOSSED SALAD        TEAM 10  10
SQUIRTY JOE             luckily beat          LEGS ANDARMS        TEAM 10  10
MISTRESS BOMBTRONIC     luckily beat          DREK                TEAM 10     4
                                                                   -TOTAL: 35

NAPPY DUGOUT        was vanquished by         GAZREKK             TEAM 11  7
WEED 4 MOM          was handily defeated by   TOGS REPLACEMENT    TEAM 11  7
                                                                   -TOTAL: 14

GRAFFIX             was overpowered by        INNOCENT            TEAM 12  7
LEO                     savagely defeated     TOGS STINKER        TEAM 12  10
THE FRENCH          was handily defeated by   LANCELOT            TEAM 12  7
URBAN                   luckily beat          FLICKED BOOGERS     TEAM 12  7
ANASTASIUS II           demolished            LOUKMAD             TEAM 12  10
                                                                   -TOTAL: 41

INDIMAR'S FAXMACHINE    demolished            ULFGANG             TEAM 13     4
PIP THE TROLL           overcame              IAGO                TEAM 13     7
                                                                   -TOTAL: 11

TALON               was vanquished by         KABOOM              TEAM 14  7
BLACKBURST              bested                HEADROCK            TEAM 14  10
CYVIN                   viciously subdued     LACHES              TEAM 14  10
NOODLES                 overpowered           DERRIN              TEAM 14  10
BRAK                was viciously subdued by  THUNDRA             TEAM 14     4
THORNE                  beat                  WIND                TEAM 14     7
INSISTANT BEGGAR    was savagely defeated by  ZERBERT             TEAM 14     4
                                                                   -TOTAL: 52

WHITE RAVEN         was bested by             ROSENCRANTZ         TEAM 15     7
MURRAY                  viciously subdued     SPONGEBOB           TEAM 15     7
                                                                   -TOTAL: 14


At the risk of sounding like a broken record, congrats again to Team 2, Death Stud
and Soultaker.  86 points, top team, blah, blah, blah....  Your certificates will go
out shortly.  It looks like Team 11 choked a little this turn, but we're nearing the
end of this thing, so I guess that's to be expected from them.  Just kidding, Team
11, you know I got nothing but love for you guys!  Speaking of nearing the end of
this thing, the multipliers will be starting next round.  All points will be
multiplied by 1.5 for the next 2 turns and all points will be multiplied by 2 for the
last 2 turns.  Technically, everyone is still in it, so don't give up hope like I
did.  Pretty good advice, huh?  Lastly, I would like to say congrats to Teams 2, 3,
14, and 11 for staying solid pretty much all the way through the whole contest.
That's what it's all about.  Good luck to all!

-- Ganolus Oakleaf

       + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ SO MUCH TO LEARN FROM TOGS ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
                               Last round we learned:

Master Darque has hallucinogenic moments.
Barnabas can write very long personals.
The 4 best words--Primus Gateway Tournament Victor
Destitute, Wimpy, and Nuln are designated bead thrower babes.
Your seal is doomed and your doom is sealed.
Death Stud takes lots of naps sometimes.
The Midimajigers are strong in Rillion's family.
Ghoti needs a curl-toothed briar-rabbit from Thunkerwood.
Shadowgate won the "how to kill Yukon" contest.
Soultaker steals nuts.  (Cover up, guys!)
Everyone wants sucking Guardian to challenge them.
Shadowgate buys at The Pink Squirrel Lounge.
Rage Man is really Doc Steele/Manager.
AMTV is considering excommunicating Ganolus.
Malaquar has a leap year birthday.
Soultaker was once a primo honey-dipper.
Manager does not like the loving name Manalger.
The FONZ clubhouse resembles a wagon and has a stench.
Svelt Soultaker has pink hair.
El Hombre outlawed music and dancing in Aradi.
Manalger has been proclaiming "omens of dread" in Aradi.
Nuln is kept on a kid-leash.
Sandeous will bring balance to this world.
Manalger denies strategizing for the FONZ-DOA challenges.
Pip is moving up with tremendous leaps and pounds.
Editor has her work cut out for her.
Snotman is affectionately called "slick".
Nuln is the killer of all SAABs.
Manalger has three admirers....
Ghoti was honored to be blown up by Yukon and Shadowgate.
The Wimps went 5-0.  The world is ending!
Pip is clearly the root of all Evil.

     We truly all feel so much better educated.

              + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Red Avengers ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
                             Another Story About Nothing

     After spending 10 minutes trying to get his Chaos Chainmail(tm) on, Nuln went to
look in the mirror.  The chainmail just wouldn't fit.  Had he gained weight?  Upon
gazing at his reflection, Nuln noticed a long, stiff, sharp white fin-like object
protruding from his chest.   It appeared that he had grown a new body part over the
night.  Being a Chaos Lord, Nuln was never sure if he was going to wake up and look
the same.  But it also could have been a delayed reaction to one of the many curses
that people had put on him over the years.  He decided to go into the laboratory and
show his good pal, Duck the Duck.
     "Hey Ducky," Nuln addressed his sidekick.
     "Hey water chestnut head," Duck shot back.  Duck hated when Nuln called him
     "What do you make of this?" Nuln showed Duck the object on his chest.  He
noticed he could extend and retract it at will now.
     "Hey, it's a gonopodia!" cried Duck excitedly.  "Cool!"
     "You really think it's cooleth?" asked Nuln.
     "It's way cool!  You look totally hot!" said Duck.
     "Wow!" Nuln grew excited about his newfound gonopodia.  Finally, he had
something that his managerial friends would be envious of!  He fantasized showing it
to Guardian, only to have Guardian vowing to get one of his own, only bigger and
     Nuln left the Temple of Khorne, shirtless, eager to show his new body part to
     The first person he came across was Jack Wolfspider, who was playing "Smiles"
with a group of kids.
     "Hey, checketh this out!" Nuln said as he flashed his gonopodia towards the ex-
Noblish manager.
     "Ew!  You sicko!  Don't flash your gonopodia in front of the kids!" shrieked
Jack Wolfspider.
     "Yeah!" the kids that were playing with Jack began to throw rocks at Nuln,
forcing him to run off.  Nuln ran a few blocks and was a bit dejected.  That didn't
go well at all.
     A few minutes of wandering aimlessly, he stumbled across Hombre's guild house.
Nuln was a little worried how the fashion maestro would handle his newfound
     Nuln knocked and there was no answer.  That could only have meant that Hombre
was sunbathing out in the back.  Nuln walked behind the house where he found a big
blob of suntan lotion sitting on a beach chair.  He could only assume it was Hombre.
     "Nuln!" the lump of lotion looked at the gonopodia sticking out of the Chaos
Lord's chest and exclaimed, "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually love the
     "Really?" asked Nuln.
     "Yes," said Hombre, "And it works for you too.  Just one missing thing.  Here."
Hombre pulled out a lavender ribbon from underneath his chair and gave it to Nuln.
"Tie that ribbon around it."
     Nuln quickly complied and smiled.  Hombre beamed proudly; proud that one of
Aradi's biggest fashion disasters was finally helping to set a trend.
     After exchanging pleasantries with Hombre for a few minutes, Nuln let the
sunbather continue and made his way to the Blind Cyclops Inn, where several managers
always hung out.
     Rude Buddha, Street Legal, and Yukon were having a beer and having a debate on
whether it was better to die by alcohol poisoning or carbon monoxide poisoning.  Nuln
sauntered into the door, waving his gonopodia.
     "What is that thing sticking out of your chest?" asked Street Legal.
     "Don't you knoweth?" responded Nuln, "It's the latest fashion craze, I'm not
going to tell you if you don't knoweth."
     "I want one!" cried Rude Buddha; "It looks so cute, especially with the ribbon
on it."
     "Well, you have to be luckieth like me." Nuln said.  Suddenly, his gonopodia
fell off!
     "Ack!" cried Rude Buddha.
     "Did your gonopodia fall off?" asked Yukon.
     "Noooo!" Nuln shrieked in horror.  There was no reason for his gonopodia to fall
off.  It's not like the author of the spotlight suddenly realized he was more than
over the limit and decided to end it because the story was going nowhere.
     "Oh well, easy come easy go," lamented Street Legal.
     "Can I have the ribbon?" asked Rude Buddha.

                + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Fa Ching ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
                             DeGotti's Return:  Part 10

Recap of part 9....

     The "Magic Red Pills" started to have more effect on DeGotti.  The parade
started and the float DeGotti, Destitute Noble and Wimpy were on had the addition of
3 "bead throwing beauties".  As DeGotti grabbed some beads, the little heads on them
turned into Death Stud and Soultaker and started to say "Watch out for us!  Watch out
for us!"  Was this a sign of things to come?

     The other float participants were laughing at my shriek and Destitute Noble
looked over at me and asked, "What's wrong, DeGotti?  You look like you've seen a
     As he spoke I watched his face distort into various funny shapes and knew that I
was in for a long day.  I couldn't help but bust out laughing myself but the others
thought I was laughing at my shriek from before.  Little did they know what I was
actually laughing at all the fun colors and shapes I was seeing.
     The floats slowly headed down the street towards the crowds and I prepared to
throw my beads at the actual crowd this time.  I started to toss my beads to various
women in the crowd in return for gratuitous breast flashes.  I was having a great
time.  All the women, the crowds, the music, the colors.  I was seeing things that I
knew couldn't really be for real, but none-the-less I was still amused.
     As we headed towards where most of the city's guild houses were I noticed more
and more familiar faces.
     I saw my TOGS IV teammate, the Rage Man in the street.  As I waved to him I saw
his face flash to that of Manager and then back to the Rage Man.  I thought that was
incredibly strange.  But not as strange as what I saw next.
     As the float neared 7th and Maple I saw a sight that nobody should be a witness
to.  At first it seemed normal until the two managers got closer to the crowd and I
saw what they were wearing or lack there of.
     Anti and Snotman stepped out of the shadow wearing nothing but scantly painted
on latex clothing, if you can call it that.  Anti had a single strand of 2" gold
chain painted vertically down the center-line of his body and it continued up his
back to the base of his head.
     Snotman had a bit more, he had a purple daisy covering his right nipple and a
big red heart covering his left.  Covering his private area was lightning bolt that
started at his navel and ended at his lower back.
     As I looked around at my float-mates, I saw they were slack-jawed by the
appearance of the duo.  We were in shock and the only thing I could think of was to
throw beads at them in hopes they would use them to cover up exposed flesh, no such
luck.  They ran down the street laughing with the beads in their hands.

To be continued....

       + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Wimpy Decides To Try Harder ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     Wimpy was up very early.  He hated to do it but he greeted the dawn.  When he
looked out the front door at the front lawn he thought the grass looked like it had
been left out all night.  He was only up this early because he had a meeting with the
Gray Goose.  The Goose was a firm believer in that old saying, "the early goose gets
the grain."  So Wimpy had to schedule the meeting at the crack of dawn.  After his
quick look at the outside world at this ungodly hour, Wimpy retired to his office for
a quick review of team 4's status.
     The last two turns had been good ones for the team.  Wimpy's Wimps had gone 5-0
and 4-1.  This gave Wimpy a little more creditability with the Judge.  The Wimps had
pulled up to an almost even .500 at 21-23-0.  Another few turns at the same win rate
would help move the team closer to the top spot.  The scheduled meeting with the
Goose was to discuss ways to accomplish this feat.
     While he was waiting, Wimpy took another look at the current newsletter.  The
first spotlight he looked at was always DeGotti's.  Since he and Destitute Noble and
had teamed up with DeGotti to win TOGS II, Wimpy enjoyed reading about his old
teammates' recent exploits.  This spotlight however was all about everyone's
archenemy, Death Stud, and his need to grow.  Wimpy really didn't care if Death Stud
got to grow or not.  His main concern was how to get team 2 to win less and team 4 to
win more.
     Fa Ching had something to do with little Soultaker and Death Stud heads and it
completely confused poor Wimpy.  He had no idea what it meant, if anything.  Rillion
had confused Wimpy even more with his chapter 89,265+1 about that non-alliance called
Fonz.  Yukon reviewed a call in show on his dumb radio station.
     Wimpy was pleased to see that his favorite character was back this issue.  He
loved reading about the exploits of Nulnita and El Hombre.  Maybe now that music and
dancing had been banned in Aradi, some of the riffraff would clear out, leaving just
the chicken chasers and other resident weirdoes.  Wimpy was glad to learn of
Soultaker's original job in Aradi.  Wimpy went back to the start of the arena in
Aradi and he never knew exactly what Soultaker did for a living in those days.
     Skipping ahead a bit Wimpy read where it was discovered that Rage Man was really
Manager in disguise.  While some might have been surprised by this revelation, Wimpy
was not in the least bit surprised.  He could remember back in TOGS III where Manager
had tried, without success, to switch teams in mid-TOGS by bringing in one of his
powerful tournament teams.  With his win of the Primus/Gateway TC it is no wonder
that he is known as the most mega of the mega managers.
     Wimpy was a little surprised when he discovered that the Judge didn't have a
spotlight in this newsletter.  Perhaps he just missed seeing it.  As he started to go
back over the entire newsletter there was a rustling of wings outside his office
door.  "Come on in Goose," said Wimpy, "the door is open."  Wimpy didn't even bother
to ask how the Goose got in through the front door.  He knew how sneaky the Goose was
and how he could get anywhere without being seen.
     "Howdy, Wimpy," said the Goose, "how are they hanging?  I am not going to be
able to stay long.  I have a hot date with a snow goose who is passing through on her
way back to the north for the summer.  We are going to fly united for a while.  So
let's get started."
     "Sounds wonderful Goose, but have you given any thought how we can catch up with
team 2?"
     "Of course." replied Goose.  "It is quite simple.  Here is what you do.  Get as
many of the teams in 5th place or worse to agree with you that team 2 needs to get
their comeuppance.  Then what you all do is to down challenge all of team 2's
fighters.  The down challenge should go through before team 2's fighters can get
theirs through.  This will prevent team 2 from getting any 10-point wins.  In fact
with all the down challenges they shouldn't even get a single win, but if they do it
won't be worth much.  Of course you and the teams doing the down challenges will only
get 4 points for each win.  But if you get 4 and team 2 gets none, guess what?  You
will catch them, especially since the points are going to increased for the last few
     "Brilliant," exclaimed Wimpy, "sounds like something even Manager would
appreciate.  I'll get started right away.  Meantime go find your snow goose friend
and enjoy yourself."

             + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ MY BEST BUDS 2 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     At long last, a peaceful week of fights for the very unlucky stable, or at least
death-wise it was peaceful.  Both Street Legal and Death Commander agreed that it
would be a spectacular time to spend a night drinking and carousing at the local
Tavern.  I mean, what better way to introduce the newest member of the team, Dr
Feelgood, to the mess that is the team he had managed to get onto.  Little did they
know that he got his name for a very good reason.
     Street Legal entered the room the five had "circled up" up in to let them know
that tonight there was a "special" training session to make sure that everyone was
functioning to the best of their abilities.  Most let out a collective sigh upon this
news but the 2 remaining original members recognized the glint in their manager's eye
and knew he was putting them on.  He didn't allow the charade to carry on long at
all, and before any of the group could even start a verbal protest he snickered and
told them that the special training session really meant a night at the bar drinking
as much as they dared.  As well as having a generally, "wild ole' time" as he put it.
     As he left he could hear them arguing about who would outdrink who, and other
such braggart comments.  This was already beginning to pay off he thought, and so far
not even a coin spent, once the ale began to flow he knew this night would greatly
increase the camaraderie of the group.  Death Commander strode by him in the hallway
as he left the room, he winked at him and gave a devilish smile, no words needed to
be spoken at that time.  The meaning of the actions was quite clear.
     The group scattered shortly after as they returned to their rooms to prepare for
the night ahead of them.  Only the two girls stayed to chat in the hallway, trying to
decide what they were going to wear.  Despite taking part in the arena fights they
still were very much like most women outside the arena.  Such ridiculous arguments
such as, "Is it okay for a female warrior to wear bright frilly colors such as pink
or yellow or is it to contradictive."  Or the always typical, "You really should try
wearing a dress tonight."  With the almost as predictable retort, "I don't know,
being six foot eight I could never find dresses even as a child so I just never got
used to wearing them, and besides I'm sure nobody wants to see me in that." could be
easily heard by the other three.
     Despite not being able to see the others the three shook their head in an
unknown unison after each comment.  Until finally, and again almost simultaneously,
they poked their heads out of their rooms and yelled childish remarks about the
conversation they were listening in on, each in their own "unique" way.  The ladies
took it all in good fun, stuck their tongues out, and headed down the hall.  Away
from eavesdropping ears.
     The sun finally dipped below the horizon and shortly after the carriage pulled
up to the front of the guildhouse.  The double doors flew open and all five bolted to
the carriage.  Just like little children, not wanting to be last to get there, they
pushed and shoved all the while giggling as they grabbed for the handle on the
carriage's door.  Of course Ziggy drew up the rear and was panting heavily, despite
only a short run of maybe 30 yards.
     As they flung open the door to the carriage they noticed Street Legal already
sitting in the carriage.  He warned them that they should indeed have fun, but in no
way disgrace themselves or their teammates by doing something foolish tonight.  A
half-hearted, "or it's off to the Dark Arena with you, " was thrown in to let them no
he was serious but also looking to enjoy the night out as well.
     The tavern was filled with plenty of the arena's warriors, almost all of whom
were very friendly outside of this very competitive city's arena.  It wasn't long
before Dr Feelgood had issued up the challenge that not only "could" he drink anyone
in the bar that night under the table, but tonight that indeed he "WOULD" show proof
of that.  It wasn't long before a number of warriors, and a few local drunks, took
him up on that "threat".  His four teammates stood behind him patting him on the
shoulders and rubbing his head, and messing up his hair, before the unofficial
contest began.  As well as throughout the contest as well.  One by one they dropped
out as each ale passed until he indeed was the only one to drink even a drop of what
was now the final round.  Needless to say he required help to his room upon arrival
back at the guildhouse.
     The two, both manager and trainer, were very pleased at the bonding they saw
occur that night with their team.  They needed every bit of advantage they could
find, especially with the multipliers coming up as the ToGS competition was drawing
to a close!!!

                    + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[  ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
        TOGS Wars: Chapter 89,265 Plus One -- The FONZ Strikes Back! -- Part 2
                                     By Rillion

The Icy Wastes North of Snowbound:

     Rillion VodkaDrinker staggered a few yards through the snow before collapsing.
The temperature was dropping fast.  Fortunately for Rillion, The Greek Guy had
spotted him and was rushing to his rescue on the back of a llama.  After spending the
night stuffed into the corpse of the llama, the pair were rescued the following
morning.  (Sorry if this seems rushed but it is already round ten of the Tournament
of the Golden Scrod and with only four more turns to go, counting this one, I need to
speed this story along if I am going to wrap this up by the end of the contest.)

The Secret Base of the Non-Allied Allies Against the Allied FONZ Non-Alliance:

     After Rillion had recovered from his ordeal, the FONZ conveniently attacked the
apparently not so secret base of the Non-Allied Allies Against the Allied FONZ Non-
Alliance.  There was much fighting, lots of exciting action, great special effects,
and having no good roles for them to fill in the rest of the story, the following
managers were killed in the battle:  Judge, Mannequin, CFH, Ghoti, and Rage Man.
Rillion VodkaDrinker and R2Dreidenflahg2 escaped on a ship and headed off towards
Noblish Island to find a Jerki Master.  Meanwhile The Greek Guy, Tigtoad, and Prince
Armalias were trying to escape on the Centennial Swallow but it was still having
problems with its spinnaker so the bounty hunter Shadowgate, hired by the FONZ, was
able to follow them as they headed to a small mining colony on a cloud covered
island, called Cloud Island.

The Jungle Swampy Like Noblish Island:

     Rillion's boat crashed into the shore of Noblish Island with a loud 'crash' and
an even loader "AFLAC!" from R2Dreidenflahg2.  The pair disembarked from the beached
ship and went in search of the Jerki Master Vodye.  They soon found a small wrinkly
green skinned Muppet poking around their camp and talking backwards and saying
nonsense like "Found someone you have!".  Then Rillion, after several tips of his
flask, had another hallucination of Ashe Master, in which Ashe Master talked to the
Muppet and convinced the Muppet to train Rillion in the ways of the Jerki.  This is
followed by a montage of 'training' scenes.  Imagine away because writing this has
become torture.

Cloud Island:

     The Centennial Swallow pulled into a dock on Cloud Island.  There The Greek Guy,
Tigtoad, and Prince Armalias were greeted by the accommodating, conflict avoiding
King of Cloud Island, Wimpy.  He welcomed them to the city then a short time later
betrayed them.  It turns out Shadowgate had let the FONZ know where they were headed
and Death Stud had arrived shortly before the Centennial Swallow and made Wimpy an
offer he couldn't refuse.  Death Stud then tortured The Greek Guy by trying to
explain why The Greek Guy should not run any scum and how exactly his ADM split
algorithm is calculated.  This caused Rillion VodkaDrinker, while sleeping off a
night of bingeing, to have a vision that his friend was in danger.  So Rillion rushed
off to rescue his friends and yada yada yada, you get the idea.  There I have now
fast forwarded through most of the second part of this story so that beginning next
turn I can start butchering the third part of this trilogy in time to wrap it all up
by the end of TOGS.

                    + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[  ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
                Yukon's T@%$ Spotlight #10  This Week in T@#$ part X

Yukon:  Hello, everyone, and welcome to "This Week in T@#$".  This is your host Yukon
Cornelius along with his co-host Shadowgate.
Shadowgate:  Hello, everyone.
Yukon:  Oh boy!  Do we have a treat for our listeners today!  We are going back to
the roots of radio and doing our very own radio play.
Shadowgate:  That's great and all, but aren't we supposed to give the news that is
happening in T@#$?
Yukon:  What news is there to give?  This thing is over.
Shadowgate:  Anything can still happen.
Yukon:  Bull cookies!  Ok, you want news...here it is.  First, Soultaker and Death
Stud have a huge lead.  Second, you suck as a T@#$ partner so we won't win.  And
lastly, Rage Man is Manalger so no one is going to let him win.
Shadowgate:  But the bonus rounds....
Yukon: Only mean that Soultaker and Death Stud's lead will grow, and grow, and grow.
Ok, now on to the radio play.  Today TWIT will put on our version of the "Three
Little Pigs" which I have change a bit to be "Manalger and the three little FONZ's"
Shadowgate:  Oh brother....
Yukon:  I'd like to welcome in Snotman, Hombre, and Nuln.
Snotman, Hombre, Nuln:  Hello, everyone.
Yukon:  They will be playing the parts of the little pigs.  I will be the narrator
and Shadowgate, you will play the part of "Manalger".
Shadowgate:  Me?  Why not get the real Manalger to do it?
Yukon:  Because he is still mad at me over that whole "Tandem Sheep" thing.  Ok!  Now
take your places.  Everyone ready?
Shadowgate, Snotman, Hombre, Nuln:  Ready.
Yukon:  One day at the FONZ guild house, Soultaker and Death Stud were once again
doing the dance of joy over their impending T@#$ win.  This made some of the other
members of the FONZ very upset.
Snotman:  Hey look.  Taker and DS are having another epileptic fit.
Hombre:  Dude, I think they're doing that damn dance of joy thing again.
Nuln:  That's it.  You haven't won anything yet you bastards.  Coming guys?  We're
Yukon:  With that the three little FONZ's left the guild house and went into Aradi to
seek their fortunes.  They quickly decided that they should each start their own
guild and build their own guild houses.  Each of them had a different approach.
Snotman:  Man I've been drinking all day and I'm way too hammered to build a good
house today.  I'll just crawl under the pile of straw and sleep it off.
Hombre:  Dude, did you see what Snotman did?  I'd crawl under a pile of straw too,
but then it would stick to my well-oiled body.  I'll just crawl under this pile of
sticks instead.
Nuln:  You guys are such slackers.  Straw and sticks won't protect you from Aradi's
bad elements.  I'll dig a nice little hole under this pile of bricks.
Yukon:  Once the three little FONZ's were safely tucked away for the night, along
crept the evil Manalger.
Shadowgate:  Oh what do we have here?  Three little FONZs away from their guild
house.  I'll have to convince them to join D.O.A. and then we can win a grudge match.
Yukon:  With that the evil Manalger crept over to the first little FONZs pile and
Shadowgate:  Little FONZ, Little FONZ, Let me in.
Snotman:  Not by the hair left on Soultaker's head.
Shadowgate:  Then I'll huff, and I'll puff and I'll blow your pile away.
Snotman:  Bite me.
Yukon:  With that the evil Manalger huffed and he puffed and he blew that pile of
straw away.  But he was to slow to catch the little FONZ, who made it over to the
next pile and crawled under it.
Shadowgate:  Little FONZ, Little FONZ, Let me in.
Hombre and Snotman:  Not by the hair left on Soultaker's head.
Shadowgate:  Then I'll huff, and I'll puff and I'll blow your pile away.
Hobre:  Get bent, dude.  We're trying to take nap.
Yukon:  With that, the evil Manalger huffed and he puffed and he blew that pile of
sticks away.  But he was too slow to catch the little FONZ's who made it over to the
next pile and crawled under it.
Shadowgate:  Little FONZ, Little FONZ, Let me in.
Nuln and Hombre and Snotman:  Not by the hair left on Soultaker's head.
Shadowgate:  Then I'll huff, and I'll puff and I'll blow your pile away.
Nuln:  You will never blow away a pile of bricks, you sicko.
Yukon:  With that the evil Manalger huffed and he puffed, but he couldn't not blow
the pile of bricks away.  So he huffed again, and he puffed again, but he still could
not blow the pile of bricks away.
Shadowgate:  Man, I need to go work out more.
Yukon:  While the evil Manalger was bent over trying the three little FONZ's crept
out from under the pile bricks, quickly gave Manalger an atomic wedgie and then ran
back to the FONZ guild house where they were nice and safe.
Snotman:  Man, it sure is scary in Aradi after dark.
Hombre:  Yeah, but giving Manalger the wedgie was great.  I still got the elastic of
this underwear.
Nuln:  It is nice and safe here at the guild house.  Let's never leave the FONZ
Yukon:  That ends the story of the three little FONZ and the show.  Thanks, everyone.

 + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ "The Real World -- Aradi" -- Episode 7 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     Ganolus shifted uneasily in his chair in the living room of the Aradi guildhouse
as he and other members of the cast of "The Real World, Aradi", awaited the decision
of the AMTV producers on whether Ganolus would be allowed to stay, or whether he
would be voted out of the guildhouse.  Other cast members were already speculating on
possible replacements for Ganolus.  Things did not look too bright for Ganolus.
     While the cast members waited for the decision, Judge took the opportunity to
visit the Confessional to address an issue from the last turn of the TOGS IV.
     "What is up with all the TV challenges against my TOGS team?  There were two
last cycle.  One of them was an 8 point downchallenge.  Does a tournament TV with a
fighting style advantage over my warrior really need to challenge down 8 points to
win a measly 4 challenging up in an effort to gain 10 points," commented Judge.  "I
feel like I am letting down my TOGS' partner."  Judge's team went an embarrassing 1-4
last turn, although Judge and Wimpy's team moved up to 5th place overall in the TOGS
IV thanks to Wimpy's efforts.
     Anti and Snotman quietly plotted in one of the bedrooms of the guildhouse to
challenge Death Stud's warriors in light of his team's significant lead in the TOGS
IV.  Just as they began developing their sinister plan, the AMTV producers entered
the guildhouse, and asked all cast members to assemble in the living room to hear the
decision on Ganolus.
     As the cast members took seats on the couches and chairs assembled in the living
room, the head producer at AMTV stated, "Look, we have thought about this long and
hard.  This was a difficult decision for us.  We have interviewed each of the cast
members, and we interviewed Ganolus and his family.  Unfortunately, the bottom line
is that this is a show about TOGS Managers running warriors in the TOGS IV
Tournament.  Ganolus is no longer similarly situated with the other cast members now
that he has dropped out of the competition.  We are not kicking Ganolus off for
fighting, although we could have based upon his earlier altercation.  We just do not
think that Ganolus fits in with the purpose of the show at this point.  Therefore, as
of today, Ganolus must leave the Aradi AMTV guildhouse, and we will be replacing him
with a new cast member voted on by the other TOGS' Managers and viewing audience in
Aradi next cycle."
     Ganolus look dejected.  Anti and Snotman looked pleased.  Ganolus went into his
room, and began packing up his belongings.  Judge, Wimpy, and Death Stud said their
good-byes to Ganolus and Ganolus left the house.  The remaining cast members sat in
the living room of the guildhouse watching television on the plasma screen
television.  "Who is going to replace Ganolus?" inquired Anti.  The cast members
would have to wait until Turn 11 of the TOGS to find out the results of the vote.

-- To be continued in Episode 8 of "The Real World, Aradi" -- Legalese

        + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Mindless Prattle by: CFH ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     Well, it seems that "24" has run it's course.  Call it a corn gone wrong, or
whatever.  Instead of beating that horse I'm going to bury it.  Despite my recent
failed attempts, I am actually a competent writer, and I've managed to get my stuff
published in Biker and Penthouse magazine once or twice.  The main problem is that I
am WAY out of my genre.  Comedy just isn't my shtickt, or whatever the hell it's
called.  Some of you do it well, like Guardian for example, but I don't.  Although I
have to admit that I chuckled out loud when I wrote Nuln pleading for a 4th time in
the cavity search line.  Hell, even Manager wrote a funny story and we all know that
he has about as much personality as a target range torso silhouette!  O.k. well maybe
he doesn't have that much, but you all get the idea, right?
     So what do I do?  Maybe I can bore you to death with some good ol' bloggin.  But
really I want to make it out of here alive, so I just don't think that would work.
The stuff that I want to write would/will never make it past the Ed.'s desk.  I
remember her saying recently that PG-13 sells better.  Yeah, maybe when you're 12.
Don't get me wrong, there are some pretty good General Audience and P.G. movies out
there.  Like Pirates of the Caribbean, Gladiator and The Two Towers (which is one of
the best movies that I've ever seen).  Some of the Star Wars stuff is good too (a lot
of people like the fight between Yoda and Darth Tyrannus, but personally the fight
between Obi-Wan, Qui-Gan and Darth Maul was one of the best I've ever seen.  I guess
it helps that Maul is a world class martial artist).  But most of my favorite stuff
is rated R.
     Truth be known, I really don't like fantasy that much.  I guess there was a
point when I did but I think I'm pretty much past that.  I'm doing my best to get
through the Sword of Truth series by Terry Gookind.  That guy is clueless and is one
of the worst storytellers I've come across.  It's pretty obvious that he's ripping
off Robert Jordan and making crap up as he goes along.  Stupid.  I know that I'll
probably be stoned to death after saying this but Tolkien sucked too.  So the dude
was a scholar and a linguist, so what?  While I admit that Lord of the Rings as a
story is EPIC, the books were poorly written and getting through them was absolutely
one of the hardest things that I have ever done.  I majored in English at U.T. so
I've taken my fair share of Lit classes and I've aced every one except for one.
     In those Lit classes I've been forced to read some CRAP.  Just to name a few:
Red Badge of Courage, Lord Jim, Mary Shelly's Frankenstein.  These are true classics
that know no boundaries in their suckiness.  Anyway, I'm in this science
fiction/fantasy lit. class and it's actually a cool class.  We read a lot of cool
stuff peppered with just a little trash.  The instructor is cool and I know her well
since I've taken classes that she's taught like three other times and every single
time I breezed through her class with a 98-100 average.
     Enter the new semester.  I'm making my usual 'A' when she drops the bomb on us.
She wants us to read ol' Tolk's sucky-ass trilogy.  Up until then I'd never read it
because I'd made the mistake of trying to read the Hobbit when I was 12 or 13.  I
left that experience scarred for life, swearing that I would never so much as touch a
Tolkien book ever again and I made good on my promise for about 6 years and then it
all came crashing down.
     So there I was with roughly 3 1/2 months to read over 1000 pages of nothing and
to also write a 15-20 page paper over said nothing.  Well being the trooper I am, I
did it.  I read every single stinkin' page and I hated every minute of it.  When it
came time to write the paper I gave it my all.  The paper's subject, as given to us
by the instructor, was over 1/2 page long and I'm not able to recite it word for
word.  but some of the things she was after were:  "Do you think that Tolkien was
influenced by Real World events?  Why do you think Tolkien inspired so many writers
to come?"  And my favorite:  "How did Tolkien inspire you?"
     When it finally came time to write my paper, I sat down, sharpened my pencils,
cracked my knuckles and began to roast Mr. J.R.R. Tolkien and his revered trilogy
over an open fire.  I really ragged on his ability as a write, his talent for
overstatement and his grossly underdeveloped world and characters.  I told her that
Tolkien spent countless hours developing languages for races that he hardly mentioned
in detail and that instead of developing those languages he should've been giving his
readers accurate descriptions of his main characters.  I'm sure that my instructor
loved every bit of this but what probably stole the show was when I told her that I
had learned a lot from Tolkien.  Not so much what to do, but what not to do if I
wanted to be a successful writer.
     I expected an 'A', I really did because the paper was well written and I used
what I thought was an objective point of view to support my ideas.  Boy, was I
stupid.  My paper got mailed back to me with a big fat F on it and included a 2 page
critique of my paper that was written in a completely SUBJECTIVE point of view.  My
instructor pretty much told me, in so many words, that Tolkien was a god and that the
entire world should stay on knee pads and kiss his dead British ass.  Man, I had no
idea she was so queer for Hobbits!
     I passed the class with a low B, and never took another class offered by her
again.  In fact, events in my life dictated that I drop out of school.  It was a
while before I would have a chance to go back and when I did it wasn't the vaunted
U.T.  No, it was jerkwater Sam Houston State and instead of English, I changed my
major to Sociology with a business major.  Funny cause I think I have a little
sociopath in me, if you consider nihilism to be a characteristic.
     So maybe Tolkien was a prophet in the fantasy genre; maybe he was a genius.  I
just choose not to subscribe to his brand of "religion."  Sometimes too much credit
is given and it is possible to be a Trailblazer and still suck.

Feel free to direct your hate mail and death-threats to CFH/5 Below Zero.

               To be cont...?

BTW, that's University of Texas, not Tennessee!

P.S.  If you're all REALLY good I'll tell a story about three stacked strippers, 2
midgets, a Batman and Robin costume, a concussion caused by a ceramic dragon, a
twelve of MGD, a fifth of Jack and a bottle of Boonesfarms, a Brazilian arm bar and
waking up at 3:00 a.m. in a wet ditch.  (Get ready, Ed.)

    + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ "The Death of a Debtor's Master" ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     Lord Simion's sprawling estate lay on the northwest side of Aradi's rocky
shores.  A storm had been raging for the better part of the last week, and palm
branches and twigs were scattered all across Simion's palatial grounds like a mob
with their arms waving about.  Howling winds caused the great panes of glass forming
Lord Simion's bay window to shutter and whistle despite their fine making.  The
canopied balconies and patios were void of inhabitants and every wing of the mansion
looked grayer and more vacantly menacing then ever they had in as long as local
memory could attest.
     Onedawg, Last Scion of the Da'awginori, Overservant to the Chaos, and forebear
of his people's heritage, stood wraith-like amidst the sheets of pouring rain--the
roll and cackle of thunder and lightning on the horizon like a simple prelude to the
events that were to follow.
     "Heed the call," the Voice That Knows No Body echoed in Onedawg's mind.
     The demi-spirit's gaze fell heavily on Lord Simion's estate, cataloguing its
every detail and nuance--all of what he saw veiled through the image of an eye
floating in the middle of a disembodied hand.
     "Heed the call!" the voice repeated again, demanding more than pleading.
     Onedawg took a wispy step forward, his somewhat material self seeming to lose
consistency as the rain fell through his ghostly form.  With the careful pragmatism
of one who fears being found out, Onedawg ducked behind a rock fence that marked the
estate's extent.  Of course, had he wanted to, Onedawg needn't have worried about
being seen at all.  But no.  As it were, those whom he had come for needed to see
their fate.
     Inside Lord Simion's mansion, Katas Fairogen and Ven Olifiansillas paced about a
long dining table set with the trimmings of a seven course meal.  Lines of mouth-
watering steam and as-yet-uncovered trays of unknown delights decorated the clothed
table like a silver-bejeweled gown.  Vel stretched out a hand and spoke a word of
arcane import as a lid from one of the trays began to rise.  Katas, Vel's older
"brother-in-trade", slapped Vel's hand causing his spell to disrupt.
     "Ve shall be vaiting for ze master, no?" Katas chirped rhetorically.  "Hold zer
stomach'z for ze time bay'ing," he reminded.
     "Hmpf," Vel sounded, "Ven shall zat be, eh?  Dost he 'ix-pect us'sez to simply
sit here v'hile we starve's to death?"
     The door to the dining chamber burst open at that moment, spilling two court
guards into the two mages' presence.
     "Alert!" one of the guards cried.  "Something is on the loose in the study and
two men are dead already.  Inform the Lord!"
     Katas and Vel's eyes went wide as they rocked back on their heels just to let
those words sink in.
     Onedawg lashed out with his free hand at the nearest court guard, the other
holding on to the collar of a dead court guard, whose face was the color of ash.  The
remaining court guard ducked the incorporeal hand and looked past, or rather through
the apparition in front of him to find his shield mate, Donnegin Weons, lying still
as a stump behind the court guard who was still in the hands of the "demon."
     "Die, foul demon!" Tyrins yelled in retribution for his fallen shield mate, and
swung his sword out wide to take the thing in the face.  Onedawg hesitated for a
split second and then didn't move, suddenly going almost entirely transparent for a
moment and then rematerializing as the sword burst out of the opposite side of the
wraith's head.
     "Whuh!?" Tyrins exclaimed after his miss, as he felt a hand like wet stone
clutch his face and throw him through the study's patio window.
     Not but a moment later, Katas and Vel came rushing to the study's doorway, the
two court guards who had alerted them stumbling from behind.
     "It'z you!" Katas gasped, suddenly realizing who it was, and that he didn't have
the components at hand to capture the spirit the way they had done weeks ago.
     Onedawg's face, at once a mask of emotionless gray mist, smoothed out to
nothingness, as the now "non-identity" slew his one-time captors with fluid
     Lord Simion stood huddled amongst his best men in the indoor arboretum.  The
looks that each one of his men wore were like those of a man who expected to see his
last.  Grim as the storm that raged around the mansion, Lord Simion, in his moment of
contemplation, realized his doom.  From the floor up, Onedawg came flowing into the 
body of Lord Simion, creating a juxtaposed illusion of the two as one.  Lord Simion's
men sprang in alarm and drew their weapons as they all leapt back from their lord.
Two overzealous court guards stabbed forward, thrusting the point of their swords
within reach of the wraith's hold on their master.  As the blades came near, Onedawg
shifted his misty essence such that the blades gashed Lord Simion instead.  The
captain of the guard immediately shouted a halt to the men as they saw Lord Simion 
cry out in pain.  But it was all for naught, for Onedawg was already at work wringing
the life out of this one from the inside.  Then, in a macabre dance of agony and
shock, Onedawg took possession of Lord Simion's body, causing him to draw his own
blade forth and leap at his own men in attack.  The Lord Simion-possessed-wraith
proceeded to cut down his own men, taking a number of wounds himself as Onedawg
purposely lunged them together forward into the defending blades of the guards.
     In a matter of minutes, all the guards were lying dead and Lord Simion slumped
out of Onedawg's possession to bleed his life out on the floor.  The Last Scion of
the Da'awginori swept out of the premises with not a spot of blood on his person, the
Voice That Knows No Body still echoing in his mind.

       + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Lurocians Reloaded:  Part X ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     Ok, to hurry the story along a little, let's just say that Geo and Sandeous
battled back and forth for quite awhile.  Sandeous landed most of the blows but Geo
showed some signs that he might indeed be the one.  The signs were that a few times
he moved as fast as the computer agents that controlled the world of Alastari.

     I came to suddenly aware that I was back out of Alastari and sitting in my
chair.  Rillion came up behind me and unplugged the wires from my neck.
     "That was incredible." I said.
     "Yeah, that's what I thought the first time, too." replied Rillion.
     "Ok Sandeous, so what do we do now?" I asked.
     "I think it's time you see The Consortium." she said.
     "Who's that?" I asked.
     "He's a very, very, very old man who knows more about Alastari than anyone
else." Sandeous replied.
     "So where do we find him?" I asked.
     "We have to go back into Alastari.  We will find him in Niytyole Island." she
     "So what are we waiting for?" I asked.
     "Let's get our team together and we can go.  Go get some rest and we will leave
later." she replied.
     I went back to the room I was given and lay down to rest for awhile.  I was only
lying down for a minute before tiredness overcame me and I was deep asleep.  A few
hours later I was awoken by a knock at my door.  It was Captain K.
     "Hey Geo, you ready to go?" he asked.
     I groggily rolled out of bed and said motioned that I'd be right there.  I
followed CK down the hall to the room where are the strange machines were that we
used to go back to Alastari.  I looked around the room to see who was going.
Rillion, CK, Soultaker, Apex, Grasinity, and Sandeous were all there.  Grasinity was
once again wearing her black leather armor, and I have to admit she looked pretty
good in it. CK was carrying a chicken with him which Sandeous quickly made him put
down.  He protested for a minute but eventually agreed to leave it behind.  The
chicken seemed to be happy to be free from CK's arms.
     "So what are waiting for?" I asked, smiling.
     "I just need to tell you a few things before we go.  Once you were released from
the container, you were put on the list of most dangerous individuals by the agents.
If they find us they will try to kill us.  Keep in mind that your body can't exist
without your mind.  If you die in the computer world, your body will die here."
Sandeous explained.
     "So how do we get back?" I asked.
     "We will carry a portable communication device that we can use to get in contact
with Rascally Rabbit.  He will be able to bring us back." she stated.
     "I'm ready if you are.  Let's go." I stated.
     With that we prepared to leave.

     To Be Continued....

                    + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[  ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

    Soultaker reached the base of Mount Cyanide just as the crowd was gathering.  It
looked as if most all the city and managers were going to turn out to hear the pygmy
prophet speak.
     After all the talk last night by Manalger, Soultaker was not sure how many would
show up or the mood of the ones that did.  Soultaker quickly found his fellow
FONZites sitting right up front of the masses.  He had to chuckle to himself at how
the FONZites must look to others as deranged disciples.  The great one had yet to
show, but many had gathered right up close to where he was going to speak.  To the
far back of the crowd, Soultaker was able to pick out Dark One, Mad Max off to the
left sitting by themselves.  He also found Pip the Troll and his guru Guardian
sitting with a bunch of newbie managers.  Soultaker could see by the look on the
newbie's faces that Guardian was deep into never-ending stories of greatness.  "God
how I remember those endless hours of the world by Guardian," Soultaker exhaled out
loud.  Pip on the other hand was sitting there eating up each and every word as he
looked up at his pompous patriarch with sickening admiration.  Pip was just happy to
have someone give him any attention.
     The gathering of the BoB was located to the back dead center.  They had even
taken the time to rope of an area just for their members.  Soultaker also saw that
they had roped of a section beside them for the DOA contingent.  None of the DOA had
arrived yet but Soultaker was sure that was intentional.  My how they loved to get
attention and making a grand entrance was just their style.  "Hell, Manalger once
came to a tournament 7 hours late.  He was willing to sacrifice his warrior's
performance just to get the attention," Soultaker thought to himself.  The BoB was
all snuggled up close to one another deep in whispered conversation.  They rarely
were able to speak in normal tones after the years of telling secrets and tall tales.
Soultaker saw Rabbit there so he was sure that the main topic was about his great
striker named after him.  Of course he may be bending their ears about his new
Tournament Champion.  Soultaker needed to make a mental note to go and congratulate
him later.  The glazed look on Greek Guy and Rillion faces' convinced Soultaker that
Rabbit was leading the conversation.  Soultaker just thought about Dark One and Mad
Max sitting off to the side.  Strange since they were members of the BoB.  "Might
there be more mutiny taking place within the ranks of the Blade," Soultaker thought
silently.  The talk was that the BoB was just a minor league training alliance to be
drafted by the DOA when they proved themselves.  But Soultaker wasn't sure that was
true.  The rumor started when DOA swallowed up the MoD to build up their failing
tournament success.
     As Soultaker passed by Judge and Wimpy, he overheard them complaining about some
two-time loser in Solven by the name of Kellumbo.  On and on they raved over the
atrocities he was inflicting on their warriors.  Soultaker could not figure it out
since he had gone there to find out about him and found him to be lacking in so many
     Soultaker was surprised to see Destitute Noble in the crowd.  Here was a manager
that was as elusive as a winged unicorn.  One minute he is in your city and the next
he is moved off to terrorize some other one.  "Could it be because the Dark One has
been hanging out here that his arch enemy shows up," Soultaker thought to himself.
    Indimar and Elephant had laid out a blanket and were busy slamming down wineskin
after wineskin.  Soultaker figured when you are slapped around as bad as they have
been all there is left to do is drink out your sorrows.  Considering that they are
fairly new they had presented a good showing in the beginning here in Aradi, but
their glory was short lived.  Soultaker just shook his head of all the people here
those two could really use the information the diminutive deliverer was going to
     Soultaker continued to make his way to his fellow FONZites.  Even from half way
across the field from his fellow non-alliance alliance-mates, he spotted Barnabas
running back and forth getting different items and rubbing shoulders of the vested
managers.  The worse part is that he was not required to run errands, he just
happened to be a natural suck-butt.
     Not paying attention to where he was walking, Soultaker almost stepped on
Armalias.  He had step up a foldable chair and was about to open up an umbrella.
Armalias always dressed and acted like he was in formal court or hanging with
royalty.  He had a basket full of exotic foods and drinks sitting by the chair.
Soultaker figured he was waiting for important guest to meet him.
     Soultaker's attention was interrupted by a loud commotion coming from the back
of the field.  He turned, as did almost all present, to see the arrival of the DOA.

                    + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[  ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
                  The Anti-Journal part Uh...I dunno...at least 4:

     Hello journal, it's time again to make some sort of mention as to how the
tournament is going.  Well..........er..............uh............we DID move up a
spot!  So now we are like fourth from last I think.  Yippee.
     Heck, I wasn't even going to bother doing this journal entry until Snotsky
talked me into it.  It went something like this....

##Waving special effects to signify a flashback sequence.##

     [We see Snotman walk up to Anti's guildhouse.  Anti is out on the lawn throwing
sticks at a pair of squirrels, who are in turn throwing acorns back at Anti.]
     [Round one to the squirrels.]
     [Snotman walks over to the now sprawled out Anti....]
     Snotman:  What are you doing?
     Anti: [groggily] Waging jihad against the squirrels.
     Snotman:  Why?
     Anti:  They're ahead of us in the TOGS contest.
     Snotman:  Have you been talking to Manalger again?
     Anti:  ......................maybe.
     Snotman:  And what did I say about talking to him?
     Anti: .....uhm you said not to because he always talks me into doing stupid
stuff like setting Nuln's Mom on fire or giving him a spanking when it's not his real
     Snotman:  That's right!  Now march back into your guildhouse and write one of
those lame journal entries...we need the points.
     Anti:  And then I can be a pirate?
     Snotman:  [SIGH]  Yes...then you can be a pirate.

##End of flashback##

     And that's why I'm doing this entry, even though I think we'd pretty much have
to pillow smother all of the other managers in their sleep to win this thing...not
that anyone else in Aradi would complain about this.
     And so here are my weekly observations:
     -- It's nice to know that I may be worthless dragging pile of driftwood, but
doggonit I'm the FONZ's worthless dragging pile of driftwood.
     -- Wow can Barnabus talk the paint off a barn.  Which is of course something
totally different from what most of the Togs people do involving barns....
     -- I've tried to come up with a new insult about Ghoti...but really who cares?
     -- I apparently manage better on a one turn delay.
     -- So far there is no word on whether or not Nickelodeon is going to buy the
rights to "FONZ Tykes" but I'm pretty sure the Rugrats ain't losing any sleep.
     -- No, I don't know when I'm going to get back to the gerbil story.  Sorry, but
ever since Death Stud started wetting the bed again I told him I wouldn't tell him
anymore bedtime stories 'til he learned to keep his pants at least as dry as Nuln's.
     -- It looks to be a four way race for the prize, but with the points increase
who knows how it ends up.  Anyone want to bet on who will be this year's
"Rillionaire?"  [cough cough...choke]
     -- In other news, Degotti still sucks.
     Well that's enough for now I suppose, maybe I'll try and do something wild and
wacky like figure out who the members of each team are so I can make accurate
challenges.  But then again, the squirrels have been getting pretty cocky lately....

Anti, Togs bottom scrapper

                    + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[  ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
        -----     -----     -----    Death Stud    -----     -----     -----

      Death Stud went over the numbers for the fifth time in the last hour with his
bookkeeping assistant Tony TwoEyes.  "This can't be right, it just can't.  We used to
be raking in the cash with the various Death Stud Enterprises properties and
corporations and now you're telling me that we're going to have to shut everything
      His voice was a nauseating combination of nasal, whiny accountant and Brooklyn
Italian thug, "I'm sorry boss, but you know how things have been.  The crackdown by
Ed. on the livestock trade was just the final straw after the plan to monopolize all
the TC prizes failed because of the, ahem, lackluster support from the rest of the
FONZ."  He shuffled the papers nervously in his hands.  "What are we going to do,
boss?  We're way past any chance to remain solvent with the current situation slowly
failing and no improvement in sight."
      Stud leaned back in the large leather captain's chair and pressed the heels of
his hands into his closed eyes until the darkness behind his lids became streaked
with veins of white light and tinged with pain.  He opened his eyes and the ceiling
above him came slowly into focus.  He stared through the ceiling without seeing it
and searched for a solution that he knew wasn't there.  After a minute, Tony cleared
his throat as if asking for an answer.  Frustrated, Death Stud got up and poured
himself a drink.  He threw it back and poured himself another.  Back to the room, and
looking out the window over the town of Aradi, he found the voice for the words he
had been dreading.  "We're going to have to shut it down.  The whole thing.  Close it
up and send everyone home."  His voice was grim with determination as he continued,
"Leave Aradi until the very end.  We'll see if we can keep that stable in business,
but the rest of it will have to go.  Shut down Talahya and Kati-Tei.  Lapur, Jade
Mountain and Solven.  Close up Iaye and Andorak and Jurine, all of them.  Even
Primus.  Shut down the stables, sell the furniture, and lock up the buildings."
      "Yes sir."  Tony's voice was quiet and reluctant.  "Shall I find new tenants or
have the properties sold?"
      The prospect of doing either was more than Death Stud could face right now.
"Neither.  Just stop all expenses for the gladiatorial operations."  Death Stud
slumped back into his chair.
      "And Aradi, sir?"
      Death Stud winced at the thought.  Even Aradi?  The prospect of that was more
than he could bear to think about.  "No, not Aradi.  Not yet."  The words were hard
to get out.  "Leave now.  Go take care of it.  And shut the door behind you please."
      Tony hesitated for a moment before turning to go.  "I'm sorry, sir."
      Death Stud waved him away without turning in his chair.

          + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Those unruly managers ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
                                  by Pip T.F. Troll

     Soultaker sat at the bar, obviously bored.  He twiddled his thumbs, and drank
beer out of the honey-ladle he always carried with him.  "So what are our plans for
tonight?" he asked Nuln.
     "I don't know, I was going to spend the evening watching pebbles," answered
Nuln, "That'll be just as exciting as the stuff that usually goes on around here."
     Before Soultaker could ask Nuln what the hell he was talking about, he heard a
loud crash from outside.  He rushed to the door of the bar and peered out, seeing
that two carts had crashed, and broken through the front window of a local shop.
Death Stud was driving one cart, and Snotman was driving the other.
     "This doesn't look good." Soultaker said, as he started to walk towards the
crash scene.
     "Wow," said Snotman, "That was a fantastic crash.  How come there's no guards or
police coming to see what happened to this business?  Let's take stuff."
     "Wouldn't that be stealing?" asked Death Stud.
     "Nah, it's just looting, cmon." answered Snotman.
     "Well, ok then." said Death Stud, grabbing a large box from inside the store.
     Meanwhile some of the other managers standing around noticed the complete lack
of law in the streets of Aradi.  Nuln kicked in the door of the place next store, and
began handing out stuff to Voyde.  Guardian and Malaquar took the opportunity to tip
over a parked cart and set it on fire.  Several other managers quickly joined in.
     Soultaker arrived at the crash scene, but it was already too late. "Damn, looks
like we're in for another riot." he said, looking for some good stuff to take, or
something to break.
     Soon the streets were loaded with rioting people, busting up shops, destroying
public property, and creating general mayhem.  It seemed the entire city was rioting
and setting stuff on fire.  Indimar wasn't usually the rioting type, but even he got
into it.
     He picked up a garbage can and busted out the window of a local shop.  He jumped
in the window and grabbed the cash register.  He took off running down the street,
giggling with glee, not noticing he'd busted out the window and stolen the cash
register of his own scrod shop.  Hombre watched Indimar vandalized his own building
and laughed; then he set the place on fire.
     Barnabus quickly grabbed hold of Soultaker's ass, and started to head outta
town.  He was incredibly over protective of the donkey, as his FONZness depended on
the safety of the donkey.
     Soon the entire city was out of control and on fire.  Pip sat in his bunker,
twenty floors below sea level, watching the chaos on a monitor.  "Excellent," he said
to himself, "The entire city ablaze and rioting, and its all my fault."

               + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ 4000 Blows ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     The two men met in the shadowy alleyway, everything about the characters,
setting, mood, even the theme music screamed "CLANDESTINE".  The one guy in the
trench-coat with the helm handed the un-helmed guy in the trench-coat an envelope.

     "Thirty four lines?" he asked, perhaps it was some sort of coded question.
     "Thirty fiveth, just for safe-keepsieseth." lisped the helmed man, then
performed the secret pinky shake with the other trench-coated individual.
     "Don't worry, I'll make sure this envelope gets to Oakleaf.  You can count on
     "As long as you're not Snotman's secretaryeth, I have complete confidenceth in
you." replied the goofy-accented person.
     "I'm not sure what that means, but I'm too tired to argue."
     "Fair enougheth."
     "I did have question though."
     "Whicheth is?"
     "What about short bits of dialog like this?"
     "Does each bit count as a full line of the 31 lines that you need to get your
five points?"
     "Too bad."
     "'Sa pityeth."
     "Be handy info."
     "You knoweth you're offending the T@#$ Spotlight Gods as we speak, don't you?"
     "Yes, that did just occur to me."
     "I wouldn't want to be around when that karmic boomerang flies into your head."
     "Unless I was at a safe distance, of course."
     "Well, I should probably get going and deliver this very important letter to
Ganolus Oakleaf.  It'd be a pity if you missed ten points or five points or whatever
the heck it is these days."
     "Yes.  I agree."
     "Good day."
     "Good day."
     The two men then went their separate ways, and so it was that the 4000 Blows
managed to be awarded official T@#$ spotlight points for the turn that had the number
in front of it that I can't remember which it is.  After that turn, he changed his
name to Ulnn of Slob 40 W00 and managed out of arena 7 for the rest of his empty &
meaningless days.  No one ever heard from him again until he ran in T@#$ MMMCLXVII
under the pseudonym Lunn of 4000 Bowls, where he teamed up with Mange Arl of Fuperior
Sources, neither manager aware of each other's counterparts true identity.  Yes,
indeed, oh the ironic irony.  Well, there you have it, and there it is.

              + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Five Spheres ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

Last episode Nulnita and Voyde had gone to the cantina to win the heart of her love,
Don Sentinel.  They found that the nefarious El Hombre had closed the cantina and
banned any form of dancing or music.  His action was in response to Guardiana and
Ganolus's "wardrobe malfunction" which incensed the Aradi populace.

We join our pair as they return to their hotel:

     "Voyde, I have to dance!  Without The Flamenco I cannot enchant Don Sentinel.
He'll never forget our class differences and make me his bride."
     "Nulnita, you have so much to offer.  You are more than a (very) limber, hairy-
lipped woman.  Don Sentinel must love you for who you are, not the freakish ways that
you can move your body." opined the mariachi as he strummed his guitar.
     "I know but you should go with your strengths."
     When they got back to the inn they found several people gathered in the lobby.
     "He can't do this!"  "He has no right!"  "Have you seen my baseball?"  They
     It was a real mob, all angry about El Hombre's decree.  Nulnita and Voyde
watched the group rant about the injustice and what they should do about it.
     "People of Aradi!"  Nulnita shouted, "There will be dancing and there will be
singing again, I promise you!"
     "Nulnita!  You can't fight El Hombre."
     "No, but I know someone who has and I will convince him to fight again!"
     The hairy-lipped crusaderette rushed up the stairs, dropping her small handbag
in her hurry.
     Voyde eyed the bag while he decided the next move.  He knew that Nulnita was
ready to fight for Don Sentinel and for The Flamenco but he wasn't sure how much
would be his share.  He knew that his involvement to this point had been minimal but
his next action would determine his destiny one way or the other.
     With a heavy heart he leaned over and picked up the very small bag and carried
it up the stairs.
     "I hope I don't have to do ALL of the heavy lifting."

     Meanwhile, in El Hombre's office, Ramon Hernandez Garcia De La Ben-Wa Enrique
Hombre was interviewing hired muscle to replace Ganolus (who had quit his post as
Sergeant to pursue Guardianna).  He had decided to hire all three applicants.
     "El Ephant, Del Gotti, Manaljaro, You will be my deputies.  You have the
authority to arrest people who break the law.  I trust that you won't abuse this
     He went on to explain the plan he had come up with to make sure that no one
would dance or play music in Aradi every again.

Will El Hombre's new deputies quit?  Will they be able to maintain order in Aradi?
Will Nulnita convince Don Sentinel/Death Stud to take up the gauntlet against El
Hombre once more?  Where are Guardianna and Ganolus?  What are they doing?  Are they
drinking enough water?

These questions and more answered next turn...

                 + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Losers ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     Guardian sat at the top of his tower and looked out over Aradi.  It was nearing
sunset and he saw a large commotion in the town square.  He wondered what was going
on.  "Malaquar!" bellowed Guardian, "Bring me my binoculars!"
     Malaquar came up the stairs, followed by Pip, who wanted to see what was going
on.  Malaquar handed the binoculars to Guardian.  "Now what are these freaks doing
now?" he asked, while focusing in the binoculars.
     "I think it's the fair to celebrate the point multiplying holiday." answered
Malaquar, "A lot of the managers are setting up booths."
     Guardian zoomed in the binoculars and started to check out the festival.  He saw
some managers he didn't know running a toss a ping-pong ball in a bowl for a goldfish
booth.  "How original." he thought.  He scanned to the side and caught sight of
Manager.  He was running a booth where people tossed coins onto plates.  If they
landed a coin on the plate, they would win a prize.  When no one was looking, Manager
whipped out a can of PAM, and sprayed down all the plates, making winning nearly
impossible.  "Always a catch with that Manager fellow." Guardian thought.
     He looked around further, and saw many booths.  He finally ended up looking at
the booth the FONZ had set up.  They were apparently playing some form of pin the
tail on the donkey, with a few twists to the rules.  "Man, those guys are a bunch of
sickos." thought Guardian.
     "Hey," said Guardian, "Maybe we should get down there and set up something.  You
know, get some pizza and beer, lumber and paint, get something set up real quick.
Something better than the lame stuff they got down there now."
     "Beer and paint?" asked Pip, "Sounds like the time I got busted in Home Depot.
Speaking of that, someone else is gonna have to get the paint, I'm still not allowed
in the store."
     "What the...?" asked Malaquar, who had picked up the binoculars, "...are those
FONZ guys doing to that poor donkey?  I don't know about setting something up down
there, those guys are just plain freaky.  Check this out, Pip."
     Malaquar handed Pip the binoculars.  Pip zoomed in on the FONZ booth just in
time to see Neon step to the front of the line.  "Oh, Neon's back, and he's here for
the festivities." said Pip.  He watched as Soultaker took Neon's money and Death Stud
blindfolded Neon.  Soultaker put a large pin holding a fake donkey tail backwards
into Neon's mouth, and he spun him around three times.  Then he gave him a gentle
shove in the direction of the tail-less donkey.
     "I'm not watching this." said Pip, as he handed the binoculars to Guardian.
     Guardian looked through the binoculars just in time to see Neon place the tail
in the winning position, and receive a stuffed animal as a prize.  "Well, you don't
see that everyday," said Guardian, "but when you do, it's worth the wait."

                    + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[  ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     I'm here with Elephant at a rock quarry of all places.  He and his stable have
been staying here for the last couple of weeks.
     "Elephant, why the quarry?"
     "Why not?  This is my business, the arena stuff is a hobby of mine.  I've been
neglecting customers ever since this TOGS contest started."
     "Do your warriors work here?"
     "The hard labor doesn't tire them out?"
     "Apparently it does.  Look at our win/loss record.  I have found at of warriors
who came out of these quarries.  My TOGS warriors put a few hours of labor in a day.
Basically, they get a quick work out"
     "Who has been your best performing for TOGS?"
     "' d have to say Baron, who has performed well above my expectations."
     "Would you say he's your team captain?"
     "Who has been your biggest disappointment?"
     "Well, my biggest disappointment has been losing three warriors in tourneys.
But my biggest disappointment has been Marbury.  I had high hopes for him.  He just
hasn't been able to get it done."
     "Would you say he's been your worst performer?"
     "No, worst as far as performance would have to be Weed 4 Mom."
     "Interesting name, why do you think she's performed so poorly?"
     "Combination of things.  The first is that she doesn't really have a lot of
talent.  I had to settle on her.  The second would be me.  I haven't found a way to
help her win.  The weapons and strategies aren't matching her abilities."
     "With all that said, what are you plans for this team after TOGS?"
     "Honestly I haven't thought that far away."
     "If you did chose to continue running this team, would you keep the current
     "Yes, I think so."
     "Even Weed 4 Mom?"
     "Why is that?"
     "Because, through all this, she has stuck with it.  I admire her loyalty."
     "Do you mind if I have a quick word with Baron?"
     "Sure go ahead"
     "Baron, how does it feel to be captain of Lock-Out?"
     "I don't give much thought to that; good, I guess."
     "How does it feel to be a warrior, a gladiator? "
     "I enjoy doing what I do, I'm in the hurt business.  I get paid to hurt people,
that's what you all come see.  I really like it a lot."
     "Interesting, is there anything else you'd like to say?"
     "Seacrest, out!!"

          + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Shadow Signs Spot #10 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
    "There was a Judge, a Chaos Lord, and a Chicken Rancher in a snowdrift...and
                             Zylliex's Shade disappears"

     Shadowgate watched as Yukon made another tankard disappear and was just amazed.
That man can drink!  Amazingly the offer of free drinks was still keeping most of the
managers in the bar, despite the disappearance of Judge, Nuln, and Rillion by a
portal Shadowgate kept opening.  It appeared that most of the managers should be
going to the AA meetings with Yukon.  Guardian was in especially fine form as he
regaled anyone that came with in earshot with his managerial prowess!
     Meanwhile in Snowbound...Judge had decided that they needed to keep each other
warm was by sharing body heat and by removing all their clothes.  Rillion had refused
outright but Nuln had said he would be willing if he could keep his helm on.  The
Judge didn't like the idea of snuggling with someone in a helm but after he began to
lose all feeling in his legs he relented.  Rillion was still the hold-out and Judge
and Nuln could not image how he could be staying warmer than the two of them were.
That was until they noticed that Rillion's pants where moving on their own!  It
turned out that Rillion had a whole load of chicks incubating in his pants and their
downy feathers made his pants warmer than the best winter gear.  Due to this Rillion
was elected to go find help for the other two managers.  Rillion agreed and promised
to return "soon".
     Meanwhile back in the Pink Squirrel lounge, Shadowgate was getting some bad
news.  Apparently Zylliex's Shade had failed to show up for his fight.  White Raven
had come in and given him the bad news and quickly left before the news sunk in.  It
didn't take long and Shadowgate threw a tankard at TGG and the when he tried to stand
up to Shadowgate; Shadowgate said "Ok sheep boy, what a trip to snow cone-ville?"
     At this point Soultaker and Death Stud tried to get into position to push TGG
towards Shadowgate but as they also had consumed a large amount of ale, they missed
and pushed Wimpy instead....
     Back in Snowbound...Judge was ready to crawl away and die somewhere rather than
spend another moment cuddled up with Nuln the chaos lord.  Just when things seemed at
their worst, Wimpy appeared in mid-air and fell onto the two huddled figures.  Wimpy,
having downed a large quantity of spirits, was not much aware of the cold but the two
previous occupants of the snowdrift were well aware of the smell coming off Wimpy.
     "Ack!  If it wasn't bad enough, now we have Wimpy here smelling like an old bar
rag!" said Judge.
     "I resemble that remark." said Wimpy.
     "Hell, now we really have to get out of here!  It was bad enough that we had one
of us stuck here but with both of us here, who will mismanage our teams?" said Judge.
     "Ok, you don't have to be rude!  I will drag your sorry ass out of here.  If you
wore anything other than those robes and nothing else you wouldn't be so bad off."
said Wimpy as he grabbed Judge by the collar and began to drag him off.
     "Hey!  What about me?  I have less clothing than Judge!" said Nuln.
     "That is really too bad Nuln, maybe you should call your partner or something,
or maybe Shadowgate will send him here as well.  Not that he will likely be much
help." said Wimpy.
     Two days later Rillion returned to find a frozen stiff Nuln.  He shrugged and
head back to town to join the next caravan south.
     Meanwhile back at the Pink Squirrel Lounge, things had finally settled down and
most everyone had finally drunk enough to pass out and be ejected from the bar.  The
only managers still in the establishment were Guardian, still sitting upright by some
unknown force, and Yukon and Shadowgate.  Yukon and Shadowgate had finally gotten to
the munchies stage and where gorging themselves on almost everything the bar had to
offer.  Once done they paid off the remaining bill and told the bar keep to cut
Guardian off as he already had enough alcohol in his system to embalm him.
     Once outside both Yukon and Shadowgate decided that fresh air was too much for
them when it came with the blinding sunlight.  Shadowgate quickly gated the two of
them back to the old MOD guild house.  They both made their way to their rooms
without speaking and fell into bed and didn't rise again until the moon was high in
the night sky.  By then they where both ravenous again and they attacked the
guildhouse stores for everything editable.
     Then they finally discussed the latest bad news of their TOGS teams.  It wasn't
bad enough that Zylliex's Shade ran away but Yukon's latest warrior got misnamed
Crap, like his last one he had sent to the dark arena, and it had been mistakenly
sent to the dark arena as well.  Neither of the managers were pleased in the least
and both had sent at least one note on the subject over then next week to the
commission.  The positive thing was that they where still in second as the next two
closest teams had had worse luck with their turns than Yukon and Shadowgate.
However, the Soultaker and Death Stud team had a HUGE lead on them and everyone else.
Even with the bonus rounds beginning next turn it would take a miracle to catch them.
Shadowgate wasn't happy about the prospect of taking second in TOG's, even if it was
better than the fourth place from the last TOGS.  The worst part was that his team
was the problem this time out.  Sure, he was only about 35 points down in scoring
from Yukon's but that was as much as most combined teams scored last turn!
Shadowgate had to do something to make up for that and at least balance the scale but

End of Shadow Sign's Team Spot #10 to be continued in "Balanced Scales or Over the

                                      SPY REPORT

     Well, what are you looking at, ARADI?  Ain't you never seen Snide Clemens 
before?  Ah, shaddup and listen to my news.  Later days, NATURAL DISASTERS, since 
WIMPS OF DEATH took top team from you this turn, you guys are old news.  With any 
luck, I can sneak into The Victory Tavern and join MALAGUAR'S MINIONS' celebration 
over their good record this turn.  9th place, not bad.  If The Victory Tavern is 
buying drinks for LOCK-OUT's good turn, I'm afraid the place will be dry before long. 
A 4-1-2 makes for a big thirst.  With any luck, I can sneak into The Victory Tavern 
and join THE UPSTARTS III's celebration over their good record this turn.  25th 
place, not bad.  If The Victory Tavern is buying drinks for MELEE-MAGTHERE's good 
turn, I'm afraid the place will be dry before long.  A 2-1-1 makes for a big thirst.  
Oh, this is too good to be true!  FACES OF ETERNITY has fallen to 28th place after 
going 0-5-0 this turn.  Who's bragging now?  Why not, I'm having a good day, so I 
feel sorry for POWER BROKERS, who went 2-3-0 and dropped 13 into 29th.  Here's my 
pity, for what it's worth.  Gee, I'm impressed, a 4-1-1 is nice, but don't get cocky, 
LUROCIANS VI, the Fates teach humility, and the Fates are proud.  Of course, we're 
all terribly impressed to see THORNE win a fight and gain 22 points, terribly.  Tsk, 
tsk, THORNE beat ACK ACK and ACK ACK lost 29 points.  You're breakin' my heart.  
Looks like ARADI has some guts at least, LIGHTNING IX the Duelmaster was this turn's 
most-challenged warrior.  THUNDRA challenged ARADI's Duelmaster for a shot at the 
throne.  And it's out with the old, in with the new, as THUNDRA takes the Title and 
last week's bar tab from the old Duelmaster.  Heh, heh.  I'm not in a very good mood 
today, but why am I telling you this?  You want to know what's new, don't you, ARADI? 
     He who fights and runs away will live to fight another day, the coward.  ARADI, 
I am losing what little hope I had in you.  I'M WITH STUPID the most avoided team?  
What insult will suffice, I cannot say.  And who led the way in this mass act of 
cowardice?  Let's see, well, whatcha know?  It was DEATH STUDS VII.  Ha ha ha ha!  I 
guess I can give a little credit to MARDUK of FACES OF ETERNITY for challenging up by 
23 to GOURMET GRUEL.  MARDUK lost to get 32 points of recognition.   
     Some people like volunteer work in the hospitals.  I volunteer for ARADI's 
morgue.  More variety.  Let's see, 8-5-0.  Pretty good record for a living warrior.  
A sad one though, for a dead one.  Such is the case for PIPSQUEAK of WIMPS OF DEATH.  
Tsk.  And what a stunning loss we have here, boys and girls, MC CAIN of POWER BROKERS 
has added the final loss to his 9-7-0.  Tee hee!  Bye bye, warrior, bye bye...  
LANCELOT, a glorious 4-6-0 fighter, has passed away.  Gee, too bad FACES OF ETERNITY. 
And one more turn will show if METAL MELTDOWN can successfully bloodfeud that elusive 
NAPPY DUGOUT over SPIT.  A big yahoo goes out to DR. FEELGOOD this turn, for 
revenging MY BEST BUDS 2's bloodfeud against DARQUE AGES' warrior INNOCENT.  Heh, 
heh, heh.  It's about time INNOCENT got beat for picking on warriors like DR. 
FEELGOOD.  Bravo, MY BEST BUDS 2.  See you at The Victory Tavern.  Titanium shields 
and bamboo daggers, guess what brave team is developing these kinds of weapons?   
     There's got to be a better place in ARADI to get a drink than The Victory 
Tavern!  Any suggestions?  Just wait 'till next time I show up here, I won't be so 
nice!  So nyaaah!  I see the crowds are getting restless, I must leave now-- Snide 

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 THUNDRA 5122                 22  13  1   151       FA CHING (388)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-RIFF 6452                    12   6  3   116       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
 GUMMI GHOUL 6411             12   4  1   112       THE UPSTARTS III (510)
 WINKER X 6470                14  11  0   111       4000 BLOWS (107)
 HEADROCK 3430                19  18  0   107       OGRES ARE US (270)
 BRAK 94                      15  11  1   103       THE UNDERWORLD (15)
 BLACKBURST 5025              15  14  0   103       FA CHING (388)
-SKA KING CRAB 7106           14  10  0    99       JIVE STEP BUNCH (551)
 LIGHTNING IX 4866            12   5  2    98       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
 QUICKSAND 6554               15   7  1    97       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
 OBITER DICTA 5860            12   9  1    97       LEGALESE (449)
 THORNE 5259                  13   4  0    94       FA CHING (388)
 TRIPLICATE THUNDER 6616      12   8  0    94       WILD CARDS (148)
 AVIENDHA 4721                19  22  0    92       FA CHING (388)
 SIR ZESTALOT 6557            14   7  0    92       4000 BLOWS (107)
 THE AYL'M'ER 6056            14  15  1    91       4000 BLOWS (107)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 LORD OF THE O RINGS 6022     22  13  1    89       WILD CARDS (148)
-NEWCASTLE 6669               10   5  4    88       BEERBARIANS (528)
 KABOOM 6248                   9   1  0    88       RED AVENGERS (487)
 ACK ACK 837                  11   7  3    83       THE UNDERWORLD (15)
-ROSENCRANTZ 6786              7   5  0    83       BLACK FRIARS (521)
 NAPPY DUGOUT 6080            15  17  1    82       WILD CARDS (148)
 CYVIN 5258                   11   8  1    80       FA CHING (388)
-WON TOO MANY 5892             7   4  1    80       SAAB STORY (389)
 NOODLES 6247                  5   5  0    80       RED AVENGERS (487)
 SANDSTORM 6813                9   3  0    79       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
 CYCLONE 6816                  8   4  0    79       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
-SICK PUPPY 5959              12  13  1    78       ARADI'S DEAD (393)
 WHITE RAVEN 6484             13  10  1    76       SHADOW SIGNS (491)
-TALON 6736                    7   4  0    75       WING HOVE (529)
 SMIRLIN 6568                 13  12  0    74       OGRES ARE US (270)
 LLUGS AND LLISSES 5887       11   9  1    74       LUROCIANS VI (431)
-KARATE WRECKER 6693           6   9  0    72       THIEVES GUILD (396)
 SUPERNOVA 6239                7   3  0    71       RED AVENGERS (487)
-WARAGEN 5573                 11   3  0    68       SAAB STORY (389)
 LEO 6837                      8   2  0    68       DARQUE AGES (536)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 BARON 6765                   10   5  2    66       LOCK-OUT (368)
 MURRAY 6661                  10   6  0    66       POWER BROKERS (527)
 LLUPERIOR LLORCES 5956        8   5  1    66       LUROCIANS VI (431)
 4-FT PARTY BONG 6908          7   4  0    65       MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
 SYDA HAMMIE 6667             12   6  0    63       OGRES ARE US (270)
 BLUE BEANIE 6461             11  11  1    63       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
 LACHES 5642                  12  16  0    62       LEGALESE (449)
 WIND 5906                    10   5  0    62       FIVE SPHERES (462)
 TOGS STINKER 6588            10   6  0    62       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
 GOURMET GRUEL 6730            9   6  0    62       R.J.G. (475)
 MARBURY 4499                 13   9  0    58       LOCK-OUT (368)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 MISTRESS BOMBTRONIC 6617     12   8  1    56       WILD CARDS (148)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 DEMURRER 5828                13  12  2    55       LEGALESE (449)
 FRUB 6794                     8   6  0    55       WIMPS OF DEATH (66)
-DERRIN 6952                   6   2  0    55       WING HOVE (529)
 LLUCKY DAY 6021               8   5  0    53       LUROCIANS VI (431)
 T-MAC 6806                    6   8  1    53       LOCK-OUT (368)
 ZERBERT 6243                  8   2  0    52       RED AVENGERS (487)
 THE-SHOCKER 6824              6   5  0    52       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
 IKER 6505                     9   7  0    50       R.J.G. (475)
 GOLDFISH 6718                 8   8  0    50       SHADOW SIGNS (491)
 DREK 836                      7  11  0    50       THE UNDERWORLD (15)
-GODFREY 6354                  6   6  1    50       ARADI'S DEAD (393)
 NAMBY PAMBY 6977              6   3  1    50       WIMPS OF DEATH (66)
 EDDIE THE ECHO 3770           5   4  1    50       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
 STRANGLEMEELMO 6762           6   1  1    49       5 BELOW ZERO (532)
 SPONGEBOB 6504               10   6  0    48       R.J.G. (475)
 FREEP 6812                    8   5  0    48       WIMPS OF DEATH (66)
 HELMS 6660                    9   8  3    46       POWER BROKERS (527)
-TAY STARLE 6808               5   5  2    46       WING HOVE (529)
 SON OF BLOODLUST 6823        10   3  0    44       4000 BLOWS (107)
 HOSCHA 6835                   7   5  0    42       OGRES ARE US (270)
 VORPAL BUNNY 6731             6   9  0    42       R.J.G. (475)
 TYPHOON XXII 6827             9   2  0    41       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
-HERROL 6694                   7   5  0    41       WING HOVE (529)
 FLORIN FALCONHAND 5750        6  12  0    41       FORGOTTEN REALMS (185)
-TWISTER 6114                  8   7  0    40       ARADI'S DEAD (393)
 ANGRY SANTA 6828              8   3  0    40       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
-HENRY IV 6899                 6   5  0    39       BLACK FRIARS (521)
 RIP RAP 6599                  7   7  0    38       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
-MOON BABY 6187                4   3  0    38       ARADI'S DEAD (393)
 INSISTANT BEGGAR 6630         7   7  0    37       BUMS 'R' US (465)
 MR. NEGATIVITY 6764           4   3  0    37       5 BELOW ZERO (532)
 PIKEL 5808                    8   8  0    36       FORGOTTEN REALMS (185)
-SLIPKNOT 6674                 6  10  0    36       THIEVES GUILD (396)
 ANDROGENOUS STRAIN 6412       5  10  0    35       THE UPSTARTS III (510)
 S.L.A.P.P. 6974               5   4  0    35       LEGALESE (449)
 XXX 6975                      7   2  0    34       SHADOW SIGNS (491)
 MR OBLIVIOUS 6413             4  10  0    34       THE UPSTARTS III (510)
 WURL POOLE 6799               3   2  0    34       SWIFT CURRENT (468)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 GROVER 7004                   4   3  0    33       I'M WITH STUPID (531)
 SANDY BEACH 6957              4   2  0    33       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
 JARLAXLE 7066                 3   0  1    33       MELEE-MAGTHERE (549)
 BING 6979                     7   2  0    32       I'M WITH STUPID (531)
 MARDUK 6863                   4   7  1    32       FACES OF ETERNITY (539)
 JAMAICAN GOLD 7039            3   2  0    32       MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
 SHARP STICK 6949              5   5  0    31       I'M WITH STUPID (531)
 SILVER BELLS 7014             4   2  0    31       SHADOW SIGNS (491)
-GUILDENSTERN 6785             5   8  1    30       BLACK FRIARS (521)
-JAMIS 6735                    5   6  1    30       WING HOVE (529)
 URLGEN THREE-FIST 7019        3   3  1    30       FORGOTTEN REALMS (185)
 BONG 6980                     7   2  0    29       I'M WITH STUPID (531)
-DICHABOD 6912                 4   7  0    29       THIEVES GUILD (396)
 TOGS REPLACEMENT 7045         3   1  0    29       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
 ZYLLEIX'S SHADE 6939          2   7  0    29       SHADOW SIGNS (491)
 SCRAG 6972                    6   3  0    28       LOSERS (544)
 DOVE FALCONHAND 5770          5  12  1    28       FORGOTTEN REALMS (185)
 PIP THE TROLL 6942            6   4  1    27       LOSERS (544)
 VIKEN 6943                    5   5  1    27       LOSERS (544)
 DUNNO 6988                    4   4  0    27       HIT ME WITH... (503)
 WILDFIRE 6983                 5   3  0    26       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
 DR. FEELGOOD 7130             1   1  0    26       MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
 THE GREEK GUY 6179            5   1  0    25       I HATE THEM (480)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 URBAN 7035                    5   0  0    25       DARQUE AGES (536)
 TWICKLEBUM 6992               4   4  0    25       WIMPS OF DEATH (66)
 LIMPY LIMPY 7046              2   1  0    25       LUROCIANS VI (431)
 RYLD 7067                     1   2  0    25       MELEE-MAGTHERE (549)
 ASSHE-MASTER 7000             6   2  0    24       4000 BLOWS (107)
 HANGMAN 6761                  4   3  0    24       5 BELOW ZERO (532)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 VOLCANO 7048                  3   1  0    23       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
 INNOCENT 6838                 5   5  2    22       DARQUE AGES (536)
-OBED 6831                     4   1  1    22       INNSMOUTH BROOD (535)
-ARKHAM 6832                   3   2  0    22       INNSMOUTH BROOD (535)
 TRUST FUND BABY 6951          1   3  0    22       BUMS 'R' US (465)
 SPED 6803                     1   3  0    21       BUMS 'R' US (465)
 WATER 5905                    5   5  0    20       FIVE SPHERES (462)
 ORIGINAL SHOCKER 6959         5   5  0    20       WILD CARDS (148)
 FLICKED BOOGERS 6989          4   4  0    20       HIT ME WITH... (503)
 QUETZACOATYL 6865             3   8  1    20       FACES OF ETERNITY (539)
 TOSSED SALAD 6987             3   5  0    20       HIT ME WITH... (503)
 Z=ENTER THESE 7079            2   0  0    20       MALAGUAR'S MINIONS (550)
 GRAFFIX 6909                  4   7  0    19       MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
 HELL MARY 6760                3   4  0    19       5 BELOW ZERO (532)
 ANASTASIUS II 7117            2   1  0    19       DARQUE AGES (536)
 WEED 4 MOM 6984               3   6  0    18       LOCK-OUT (368)
-SANCHO 7097                   3   2  1    17       JIVE STEP BUNCH (551)
 IVAN 7043                     3   2  0    16       FORGOTTEN REALMS (185)
 VAJRA HAMMER 7076             2   0  0    16       MALAGUAR'S MINIONS (550)
 INDIMAR'S FAXMACHINE 7013     1   5  0    16       HIT ME WITH... (503)
 LOUKMAD 7042                  1   4  0    16       OGRES ARE US (270)
-LEGS ANDARMS 7020             2   3  0    15       THIEVES GUILD (396)
 X=WHERE'S MY BEER? 7077       2   0  0    15       MALAGUAR'S MINIONS (550)
 PRETTY BOY 7091               2   1  0    15       RED DOG GANG (476)
 NERVOUS TIC 6638              2   2  0    14       BUMS 'R' US (465)
 TOGS WINNER 7137              1   0  0    14       RED AVENGERS (487)
 VICIOUS RUMOR 6981            2   7  0    13       R.J.G. (475)
 MANAGER 7094                  1   2  0    13       LOSERS (544)
 ZIG-ZAG MAN 7083              2   1  0    12       MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
-ZANN 6830                     2   4  0    12       INNSMOUTH BROOD (535)
 TA'LON THE VILE 4447          2   5  0    11       THE UNDERWORLD (15)
 MAIMONIDES 7010               2   5  0    11       FACES OF ETERNITY (539)
 Y=GET ME THIS ONE 7078        1   1  0    11       MALAGUAR'S MINIONS (550)
-MARSH 6829                    2   3  1    10       INNSMOUTH BROOD (535)
 VOHDE 7040                    2   3  0    10       FIVE SPHERES (462)
-IAGO 6997                     2   3  0     9       BLACK FRIARS (521)
-SONNETT 7088                  1   0  0     9       SAAB STORY (389)
 TELESPHORUS 7071              2   2  0     8       DARQUE AGES (536)
 KERRY 7141                    1   0  0     8       POWER BROKERS (527)
 QUEENIE 7093                  2   1  0     7       RED DOG GANG (476)
 ERIK THE RED 7041             1   4  0     7       FACES OF ETERNITY (539)
 LOTUS BLOSSOM 7080            1   1  0     7       MALAGUAR'S MINIONS (550)
 VERDICT 7069                  1   3  0     6       LEGALESE (449)
 TELLY 7135                    1   0  0     6       I'M WITH STUPID (531)
 SUGAR 7128                    1   1  1     5       5 BELOW ZERO (532)
 DUKE 7090                     1   2  0     5       RED DOG GANG (476)
 TOGS DIXIE 7084               1   2  0     5       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
 LLAPPY LLILMORE 7133          1   0  0     5       LUROCIANS VI (431)
-POWER TEMP 7082               1   0  0     3       ARADI'S DEAD (393)
 ROCKY BANKS 7073              0   2  0     2       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
 BUSTED NUTS 7134              0   1  0     1       HIT ME WITH... (503)
 TOGS DESPERATION 7136         0   1  0     1       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
 OWL-LEN-L-NER 7143            0   1  0     1       LOCK-OUT (368)
-DISCOCHIMP 7051               0   1  0     1       BUMS 'R' US (465)
 DUST 7142                     0   1  0     1       FIVE SPHERES (462)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 NUHRII 7127                   0   1  0     1       THE UNDERWORLD (15)
-R'LYEH 7081                   0   1  0     1       INNSMOUTH BROOD (535)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?
BLUD 7012              3  1 0 5 BELOW ZERO 532      QUETZACOATYL 6865     331 JUST REV
LANCELOT 6867          4  7 0 FACES OF ETERNITY 539 NAMBY PAMBY 6977      333         
FLAME 7017             3  3 0 FIVE SPHERES 462      T-MAC 6806            333         
THE BRICK 6342         8  3 0 HIT ME WITH... 503    NEWCASTLE 6669        330         
SIR BOYD 6681          0  1 0 I HATE THEM 480       BORED ELF 19          333 NONE    
THE BOSS 6680          0  1 0 I HATE THEM 480       STONE GOLEM 26        333 NONE    
POISON IVY 6678        0  1 0 I HATE THEM 480       SEA MONSTER 27        333 NONE    
PUG 6679               0  1 0 I HATE THEM 480       MARINE TROLL 18       333 NONE    
PPAPPY 7072            0  1 0 LOCK-OUT 368          URLGEN THREE-FIS 7019 330 JUST REV
THE FRENCH 7011        2  5 0 LOSERS 544            GARGOYLE PRINCE 25    333 NONE    
ULFGANG 7064           0  3 0 MELEE-MAGTHERE 549    ARNIE SHEW 21         333 NONE    
MAUI WOWIE! 6907       4  5 1 MY BEST BUDS 2 542    INNOCENT 6838         331 JUST REV
MONKEY'S PAW 7038      1  1 0 MY BEST BUDS 2 542    INNOCENT 6838         330 JUST REV
9111413131113 7140     0  1 0 POWER BROKERS 527     SEA MONSTER 27        333 NONE    
MC CAIN 6662           9  8 0 POWER BROKERS 527     LLUPERIOR LLORCE 5956 333         
BUSH 6663              8  7 1 POWER BROKERS 527     ANGRY SUE 6955        331 NONE    
BOONE 6090            12 42 0 RED DOG GANG 476      RIFF 6452             330         
SIRIUS 6193           17 24 1 RED DOG GANG 476      ACK ACK 837           332         
TEACUP TERRIER 6569    7 15 1 RED DOG GANG 476      VIKEN 6943            330         
PHYDEAU 7092           0  2 0 RED DOG GANG 476      SUGAR 7128            332         
GRANTURISMO 4821      16 11 0 SAAB STORY 389        THE AYL'M'ER 6056     329 NOT REVE
CHARON 1988           12 11 4 SPIRIT SENTINELS 191  WON TOO MANY 5892     329 NOT REVE
SQUIRTY JOE 7008       1  5 0 THE UPSTARTS III 510  JARLAXLE 7066         333         
PIPSQUEAK 6810         8  5 0 WIMPS OF DEATH 66     BARON 6765            333         

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Pip -- It was clearly your fault that I disappeared. -- Ganolus

Faceless of Eternity -- THe flies were already here when I arrived.  So, you must
have gotten used to the smell of your own IBLITH my dear OGGLIN. -- Ul'Saruk

Queenie -- I will defnitly take that in to consideration when I am looking for one
and I happen to have room for one...and you look just like the elg'caress I need. --

OK, it's like this.  ...GH as in Enough, O as in Women (plural not singular) and TI
as in Function...Pronounced Fish.  Not a beard.  Just a phonetic difference for the
word Fish. -- Ghoti

Asshe-Masster -- What? -- Hoscha

Ed. -- What do you mean goodbye fish?  Are you making me leave if the Yukon sewer
drainage goes into a stream?  Hey, Shadowgate!  Stop Dragging Yukon down the sewer...
take him to...Guardian's outhouse or maybe Judge's. -- Ghoti

     Well, I just think you'll be floating belly up and not trying for a sun tan. --

Death Stud -- I have no idea how Anti was the most avoided on that turn with me being
the main "person of fleeted foot."  No wait, I just looked at the NL from that cycle.
I always avoid the manager with the most warriors BELOW mine. -- Master Darque
P.S.  Hallucinogens?  Reality is strange enough for me.

Water -- Wowie!  That was a short fight.  How many warriors of that "stature" has
your manager had during his managing career.  Mine has had 1 and it was given to him.
-- Telesphorus

Togs Stinker -- That went as expected.  If your team is going to get in a return shot
on me, they better do it this turn.  I'm out til the spring tourney after this cycle.
-- Leo

Loukmad -- If my manager would have known your style, he probably would not have
challenged.  Here is to being lucky (rather be it than good any day!). -- Anastasius

Flicked Boogers -- Look what you got all over my armor!!!  Now I have to go polish it
again.  I'm sending you my dry cleaning bill!  You dirty, dirty little man (no, not
Death Stud). -- Urban

Graffix -- What can I say?  The next couple of matches are what is important.  The
modifiers are gonna make or break one of our teams for final standings in this thing.
-- Innocent

Nuln -- How very nice of you to notice.  Indeed, Aradi has gone soft.  Even Manager
has apparently gone anal.  There is simply not enough blood!  All you silly, too-
friendly managers need to get with it and GET ME SOME KILLS.  I want to see blood in
Aradi. -- Love, Pandora Of The Pretty Legs

Yippety dippety doo dah daytimer!  Wimpyronious went 5-0 diddly unctious!
Amazinglinger! -- The Crazy Creepster (falling back on proper speech)

Guardian -- I, too, am sorry to hear that you suck.  You can challenge me anytime. --
The Crazy Creepster (translated by anonymous)

We surrender better than anyone. -- The French

Pip -- Dude, this seriously is all your fault. -- Guardian

Ed. -- I don't suck that bad.  Jeez, I think I'm gonna cry. -- Guardian

     *blink*  What?  *looking at last turn's newsletter*  Oh, that wasn't me!  I
     would never say that about you!  I'd try and come up with something funnier (and
     I've got an odd sense of humour sometimes). -- Ed.

Soultaker -- Glad to hear it.  If something is actually fun, people stay interested
and 4 or 5 TOGS from now I'm sure I'll have competitive team, and if Manager shows me
how to fill out strategy sheets, well look out. -- Guardian

Manager -- Stop sending me those whiny diploes; I'm not giving you back your spine.
-- Guardian

Eddie the Echo -- You LOST...lost...lost...los.... -- Freep

Jamaican Gold -- Your gold appears to be tarnished.  How could you lose to me?  You
might want to try a larger weapon against my heavy armor.  That little pig sticker
might be good against some guys but not me. -- Frub

Grover -- You are not only with stupid, you are.... -- Namby Pamby

The Shocker -- Not fair.  Not fair.  You are bigger, faster and better than me.
Challenge someone who has a chance. -- Twicklebum

Note:  Please note that the team of Judge and Wimpy is moving up in the standings.
It is only fair to give you notice that we plan on not going down without a fight. --

Barnabas -- You are combining mine and Ghoti's names.  He is Ghoti I am DeGotti.  Try
to remember that in 17 as well. -- DeGotti

Death Stud -- Come on now, give the people what they want.  Lightning IX vs Thundra.
-- DeGotti

Soultaker and Death Stud -- Bite me!  What the heck!  You can stop the insane scoring
now! -- Shadowgate

All -- Well, someone new needs to get on that throne soon or all hope is lost!  And I
don't mean Quicksand! -- Shadowgate

What?  What is this?  No deaths this last turn?  What have we done to receive such
favor from the gods? -- Street Legal the puzzled ;-)>

     I think there was an error somewhere there.  I'm sure things will be back to
     normal soon. -- Ed.

Innocent -- Hmmm, what to do, what to do with you?  Okay, let's try the young brick
out next...we'll see what happens. -- Street Legal

Frub -- Very naughty.  Very VERY naughty. I  guess I just couldn't finish the job...
yet.  Perhaps another day. -- Jamaican Gold

Henry IV -- Sorry about that but I had to try someone pf your style...and class.  ;)
-- 4 FT Party Bong

Togs Dixie -- Well, you ain't just whistlin' dixie anymore, are you? -- Ziggy

Duke -- Though I'm not tremendously surprised that you beat me, I am surprsised at
the back and forth of I'm going to win...oh I'm going to lose...I'm going to win...oh
I'm going to lose.... -- Dr. Feelgood

Pip -- Ok, I'll give you a break.  Clearly the rollup gods have had a lot to do with
it as well; maybe we should give them Malaquar as a sacrifice. -- Guardian

Pip -- But if it doesn't work, you're back on full scapegoat duty.

Soultaker -- Glad you're enjoying it. -- Guardian

All -- Someone please kill The French. -- Guardian
P.S.  Though it probably won't work because he'll just surrender and wait to be
liberated. -- Guardian

All -- Due to circumstances out of my control, this current turn may be my last for
this contest.  I will view the results of this turn and post on Duelmasters list to
let you know if you can save your challenges for teams that will matter.  Due to the
unlikelyhood my partner will post anything this turn, I will officially dissolve the
team upon that viewing. -- Ghoti

All -- Hello. -- Rillion

Yes, I am short of time and just concerned about not getting dinged for not sending
in a personal ad. -- Rillion

Man O Snot -- Good job deciphering the Rage Man stuff.  Sadly, I wasn't even aware
that there wasn't an active manager named that and thus never even bothered to
wonder.  Happiness through repression and obliviousness, that's my motto. :) -- Anti

     I LIKE that motto! -- Ed.

Demurrer -- Sorry 'bout that, challenge was from two turns ago. -- Gummi Ghoul

All -- Hi.  My name is Yukon.  I am an acrobat swinging trapezes through circles of
flame. -- Yukon

Ed. -- You get none of the fortune because you are mean and use the Ed's evil beat
down stick of correctness on me. -- Yukon

     Hey, you don't know mean!  Trust me on this. -- Ed. the very nice, really

Manager -- I applaud your sneakiness. -- CFH

Spot -- Sorry about the loss of your pup.  I'm sure he was a good dog. -- CFH
P.S.  Seems the whole pack's been put to sleep lately.

All -- Does a 10(1)-9-7-17-21-4-15 LU, +4 in Init and +3 in Att (good end.  Normal
Damage) receive a godling nominee? -- CFH
P.S.  Serious question.

Wimpy -- Thanks for carrying our team the last two turns.  Fifth place and moving up!
-- Judge

Cyvin -- Learn enough?  All those skills, and you get the win.  I lose, and learn
nothing.  That hardly seems fair. -- Laches

Jamis -- Next time, you might try wearing some.  That padded leather did not help out
too much. -- Strategic Lawsuit Against Public Participation ("S.L.A.P.P.")

Dr. Gotti -- Thanks again, now if I could just stop matching into your fighters, I
could see if it works.  Thanks for the skills. -- Genocide

Mistress Bombtronic or Sherman Tank The Mystery Continues.... -- Drek

Sirius -- May your grave become a litter box. -- Ack Ack

Death Stud -- Somehow I got two of my stupid orcs in the top 11.  So there's nothing
else to do, but take a shot at the crown.  Try not to kill them. -- Genocide

To all -- You should really consider the Dark Arena if you let one of my fighters
beat you. -- Genocide, one step away from DAing the whole damn team

Genocide -- One stupid orc and I one fast, strikingly handsome goblin. -- A.A.

Sir Indimar Fallon -- How much would you wager that we overtake you by the end of
this goodly tournament?  I thought not.... -- Onedawg

Okay, two things.  1) Mail system sucks.  2) Maintenance. -- The Greek Guy who
hopefully will have a team run this time

Sorry to all who challenged me last turn.  USPS didn't like my mail, I guess. -- TGG

     Probably not enough cinnamon. -- Ed.

Ack Ack -- You black hole! -- Ghost of Sirius

Ryld -- You learned five skills and I only learned one?  (soft whine)  Why do you
hate me? -- Pretty Boy

Dr. Feelgood -- You're a mailman in disguise.  I could tell. -- Duke

Sugar -- Sad. -- Ghost of Phydeau

Manager the Warrior -- You're cursed by your team name.  I think you need to find
YOUR manager and chew up his shoes. -- Queenie
P.S.  As a comment, you know.

I'm not sure I see any point in bringing more dogs in here right now.  You're killing
them off right and left, and it isn't like the arena is SMALL at the moment. -- Spot,
Red Dog Gang

Wimpy -- Congratulations on your 5-0-0. -- Spot

Barnabas -- The replacements weren't bad, but they died. -- Spot
P.S.  Where does Nuln come into it?

Ed. -- (helpfully)  Musk chunk cookies should probably be icebox cookies so you don't
have to fumigate your oven. -- Spot

     Right you are.  Hmmm...the possibilities.... -- Ed.

Frub -- You're welcome. -- Persistent Beggar

Pip -- I am really enjoying the reading.  I am glad you are able to write such good
stories because your managerial skills are really lacking. -- Soultaker

Rabbit -- You have to watch out for Nuln he has to have 10.000 kills before his
mother and father will tell him where they moved to. -- Soultaker

Snotman -- I hate to say something good to you but your remarks to Manalger was awe
inspiring.  I do find that a gathering of friends is far more important then a
gathering of pompous mega-managers that believe in nothing but success rate. --
P.S.  I guess that is what all us has-beens say when we are on the decline.  There I
said it so you all can go on thinking you are superior.

Pandora -- Don't encourage these fools. -- Soultaker

Barnabas -- Thanks again for all the help.  These pudgy fingers had a hard time
rolling them. -- Soultaker

Barnabas -- The only bends that Pip gets is when you are behind him. -- Soultaker

Manalger -- How true.  I will have to live with that on my record for life. --

Indimar -- Ya right, we go and spend time to talk to you and you don't have the time
to answer us.  Stop waiting till the last minute like the rest of us if you can't
play hard ball. -- Soultaker

Manalger -- Damn I am sorry about Barnabas.  He is soo long winded.  Talks for hours
and never says anything worthwhile. -- Soultaker

Manalger -- It is said that you sandbag a team for this and partner up with a real
manager and still you are going to lose. -- Soultaker

Snotman -- Barnabas spent the whole week bragging about his victories over the Red
Dog Gang.  When you win so little you tend to pick on people that can't fight back.
-- Soultaker

Shadowgate -- Nice "Scottish Play" reference. -- Voyde

Barnabus -- As Nuln's TOGS partner I feel compelled to take up for him.  If you must
pick a fight that you cannot hope to win, challenge us.  Look for Natural Disasters
(159) and Red Avengers (487). -- Voyde, team 7

Thorne -- Nice desperation strategy.  I thought I had you. -- Wind

Death Stud -- We're all about style.  Short on points but rolling in style. -- Voyde

Pip -- Mr. Voyde?  I feel so distinguished. -- Voyde

Snotman -- Thanks for clearing up the turkey-stuffing vs. goat-roping betwix you and
Nuln. -- Voyde

Manager -- Oh no, I didn't realize that YOU were competing.  Is it too late to pull a
Ganolus and drop out? -- Voyde, the shaken (not stirred)

Manalger -- Oh, you tricky fellow, you.  Welcome to the light, it must be nice to be
out from under that rock you've been hiding beneath. -- Death Stud

Rascally -- That Nuln thing is a little bizarre.  It's time for a little
introspection when you realize that Nuln is your bane. -- Death Stud

Snotman -- Way to lay down the cold truth for Manalger, my brother. -- Stud

Wimpy -- Congrats on the 5-0! -- Death Studs

All -- Ever notice that Large Man is an anagram for Manalger?  It should have been so
obvious, how could we have missed it? -- Death Studs

Barnabas -- I made the biggest hit list of all?  Yours? -- Death Stud

Manalger -- Let me know what turns you need.  If Ed. hasn't coughed them up already,
I'm sure that I have them. -- Death Stud

     I've been coughing plenty, but still don't know what exactly I'm supposed to be
     coughing up (other than icky stuff you don't want to receive). -- Ed., tired of
     winter smog but not ready for summer heat

Manalger -- Look at the kidney shots you're giving your buddies about the strategy
for the FONZ/DOA grudge match.  Well done, my friend!  You're apparently not as thick
as everyone makes you out to be. -- Death Stud

Mansnot -- As much as I do enjoy the martyrdom of having you all as my cross to bear,
I would enjoy nearly as much reveling in the successes of the group. -- Death Stud
P.S.  Notice that I said "NEARLY as much."

Mansnot -- I couldn't be more pleased with the conditioning and performance of that
massive rooster.  Up at the crack of dawn waking up the neighbors every day.... --
Death Stud

Aradi's Challenger Champs -- 10 challenges for me?!?  Are you all STOOPID?  Didn't
you see me flexing over there?  Here, let me show you again.  Yeah, that's what I
thought.  Step off. -- Lightning

Freep -- Damn you.  Damn you.  That really sucked.  That really sucked. -- Eddie the

Soultaker -- Oh my god, dude!  Crazy, innit? -- Death Stud

To All -- I'm sleepy.... -- Dreihdenflahg

     I second that! -- Ed.

Nuln -- Always have a witness, even if no one saw it happen, that's my motto. -- Pip

Barnabus -- Saying you want to join the FONZ = loss of credibility.  Actually joining
the FONZ = huge loss of credibility.  I'm not sure what saying things like "Pip the
genius" does to your credibility, but I'm sure it's not good, and you have so little
left after the whole FONZ fiasco; might wanna be a little more careful what you say.
-- Pip

Judge -- I'll be back in 17.  Got a lot of DAing to do there.  Waiting on you to get
some low FE victims...er I mean warriors in there. -- Pip

Soultaker -- I'll reply to your ad as soon as the old lady reads it to me. -- Pip

Voyde -- I almost didn't recognize that I had teamed up with my arch enemy DeVoy,
your name just a clever anagram to hide your true identity.  How did I not see
through this charade sooner?  I'll be sure to make you pay for this. -- Nuln, who is
really just masquerading as the little known manager Lnnu here in 60

Just another ad since I don't think I got confirmation from HAL for the first one. --
Rage Man

Ganolus/Hombre -- Where are you guys hiding? -- Elephant

Soultaker and Death Stud -- Bite me!  What the heck!  You can stop the insane scoring
now! -- Shadowgate

All -- Well, someone new needs to get on that throne soon or all hope is lost!  And I
don't mean Quicksand! -- Shadowgate

25 February 2004
Readers, and especially those who volunteered warriors -- My apologies for the sudden
lack of episodes.  I've been sick, but expect to be back at the keyboard soon. -- the

3 March 2004

     Mongo, aka Matt McIntosh and ex-Warden of the Dark Circle, is auctioning off his
entire collection of Duelmasters warriors and stables.  Don't miss out on this chance
to own some fantastic warriors!  There are ADM warriors available in every class from
Primus to Freshmen, as well as over a dozen Basic stables.
     Does a Slasher with +4 attack, +4 decisiveness, +3 initiative and +2 riposte
sound good?  How about a Lunger who received the benefit of a TC prize, has TVed
three times after graduating--and still hasn't maxed out his skills!?  How about a
Striker in the Freshmen class who has decisiveness for a favorite learn and the MAUL
for a favorite weapon!?
     Or perhaps you prefer playing in Basic.  Then how does a stable with four Adept
class warriors who have a combined record of 41-19-9 sound?  Or maybe a stable with
three 21-Will warriors?  Or perhaps a stable with four Initiates and a Rookie who
have a combined record of 23-6-1?
     The quality of the lots is excellent.  All you need to view and bid on the lots
is go to:
     If you want to be on the mailing list to receive regular updates on the auction,
just send an e-mail to JVMerlino@aol.com. Merlin, aka John Merlino and also an ex-
Warden of the Dark Circle, will be running this auction for me.  I just moved to New
Orleans and am likely currently stumbling around the French Quarter...because it's
Mardi Gras!  So I have named my auction in honor of this occasion.
     The auction will start on Saturday, March 13th, 2004, and will continue for
several weeks.  But you should get your bids in early if you want your best chance at
owning any of these fantastic warriors and stables.
     Many thanks to all for your interest and your bids,


5 March 2004
Style Masters Symposium
Hosted by Hammer

     The years have slipped by and many DM Managers have come and gone since the last
Hammer's Handbook was compiled and printed.
     There is now a stirring within me to begin writing and editing yet another
Handbook with a distribution date sometime in 2005.
     This Handbook will be made available via Email with a possibility of burning the
info to a CD for distribution.
     Special arrangements will be made to provide the information via printed page to
those contributors who are serving sentences behind bars.
     The working title of this new Handbook is "Style Masters Symposium Hosted by
     Distribution of this Handbook is projected to be MAINLY for those DM Managers
who contribute information/articles to Hammer by June 2004.
     Informative and entertaining articles should focus on insights regarding Any or
All 10 Style Masters for both the Basic and ADM arenas as well as Tourney
     Articles focusing on Weapons/Armor are also encouraged for inclusion.
     Whether you are a Newbie Manager without a clue or a Jaded Veteran; everyone has
discovered something about this gaming experience that is both Insightful and
     Email Your Articles to HammerDM@fastermail.com or send them via Diplo to either
Flower Hammerz (372) in DM 28 or Casino Hammerz (576) in DM 33.
     Length and Content of the Style Masters Symposium Hosted by Hammer will be
Determined by the Quality and Quantity of Contributors Combined with the Literary
Efforts of Hammer who is currently overseas for an indefinite period of time.
     Articles Contributed for this Project should be of Sufficient Length and Content
to Warrant being Included to Receive the Finished Document when Hammer has completed
this literary work to His satisfaction.
     Managers contributing articles are also requested to include a DM Bio of
Themselves along with any Notable Successes and/or Failures during Their DM Career in
Basic, ADM and/or Tourney Play.
     A listing of Active Stables would also be Helpful for Anyone Seeking to Reply to
Contributors via Diplo, Email or Snailmail.
     May Your Blades Be Sharp And Your Wits Sharper!
     -- Hammer of Flower Hammerz (372) DM 28 and Casino Hammerz (576) DM 33

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

THE FRENCH was butchered by GARGOYLE PRINCE in a 2 minute bloody Dark Arena fight.
ULFGANG was slaughtered by ARNIE SHEW in a 1 minute gruesome Dark Arena battle.
BONE TAGGER was murdered by ARENAMASTER HARKON in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
SIR BOYD was dealt death by BORED ELF in a 2 minute Dark Arena contest.
9111413131113 was assassinated by SEA MONSTER in a 1 minute brutal Dark Arena fight.
THE BOSS was butchered by STONE GOLEM in a 2 minute gruesome Dark Arena brawl.
POISON IVY was assassinated by SEA MONSTER in a 1 minute brutal Dark Arena struggle.
PUG was butchered by MARINE TROLL in a 1 minute Dark Arena competition.
STRANGLEMEELMO overpowered QUETZACOATYL in a 1 minute uneven Bloodfeud melee.
MARBURY outwaited URLGEN THREE-FIST in a slow 13 minute uneven Bloodfeud duel.
DR. FEELGOOD unbelievably bested INNOCENT in a popular 5 minute gory Bloodfeud duel.
GUMMI GHOUL overpowered KABOOM in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge melee.
THUNDRA defeated LIGHTNING IX in a 2 minute veteran's Challenge Title match.
LORD OF THE O RINGS was bested by HEADROCK in a 2 minute master's Challenge conflict.
THE AYL'M'ER was bested by BLACKBURST in a 1 minute master's Challenge bout.
LLUGS AND LLISSES was savagely defeated by AVIENDHA in a 2 minute Challenge duel.
SMIRLIN was handily defeated by OBITER DICTA in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge bout.
LACHES was viciously subdued by WHITE RAVEN in a 2 minute veteran's Challenge fight.
SYDA HAMMIE was beaten by CYVIN in a popular 1 minute Challenge match.
SANDSTORM handily defeated BLUE BEANIE in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge competition.
TYPHOON XXII was vanquished by TOGS STINKER in a 9 minute one-sided Challenge match.
MARDUK was handily defeated by GOURMET GRUEL in a 1 minute Challenge contest.
THE-SHOCKER demolished SHARP STICK in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
FREEP unbelievably bested FLORIN FALCONHAND in a popular 4 minute Challenge match.
FLAME was assassinated by T-MAC in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge bout.
THE GREEK GUY was vanquished by GOLDFISH in a 1 minute uneven Challenge bout.
BARON easily killed PIPSQUEAK in a 1 minute uneven Challenge bout.
FRUB luckily beat SON OF BLOODLUST in a action packed 8 minute Challenge competition.
DREK was defeated by LEO in a 2 minute Challenge fight.
LLUCKY DAY outwaited HELMS in a exciting 7 minute brutal veteran's Challenge fray.
LLUPERIOR LLORCES assassinated MC CAIN in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
EDDIE THE ECHO overpowered DUNNO in a 1 minute uneven Challenge bout.
WATER was demolished by VORPAL BUNNY in a popular 1 minute uneven Challenge contest.
LANCELOT was butchered by NAMBY PAMBY in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge battle.
HOSCHA bested SILVER BELLS in a 1 minute Challenge bout.
WILDFIRE was viciously subdued by MR. NEGATIVITY in a 7 minute brutal Challenge fight.
JAMAICAN GOLD was luckily beaten by ANGRY SANTA in a 8 minute Challenge conflict.
MAIMONIDES was viciously subdued by TOGS REPLACEMENT in a 5 minute Challenge bout.
INDIMAR'S FAXMACHINE was unbelievably bested by URBAN in a 2 minute Challenge duel.
RYLD overpowered QUEENIE in a 1 minute uneven Challenge battle.
SCRAG vanquished GRAFFIX in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge struggle.
ZYLLEIX'S SHADE handily defeated TOSSED SALAD in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge duel.
GROVER overpowered DOVE FALCONHAND in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge brawl.
VOLCANO overcame HELL MARY in a crowd pleasing 4 minute brutal Challenge melee.
TA'LON THE VILE was luckily beaten by PRETTY BOY in a 3 minute Challenge fight.
WEED 4 MOM won victory over VICIOUS RUMOR in a 2 minute gory Challenge bout.
LOUKMAD handily defeated ERIK THE RED in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge bout.
VOHDE was viciously subdued by TWICKLEBUM in a 3 minute Challenge match.
ACK ACK was subdued by THORNE in a popular 1 minute fight.
BRAK unbelievably bested SIR ZESTALOT in a exciting 4 minute master's contest.
QUICKSAND viciously subdued NOODLES in a crowd pleasing 2 minute veteran's battle.
WINKER X viciously subdued NAPPY DUGOUT in a crowd pleasing 2 minute veteran's match.
DEMURRER was overpowered by CYCLONE in a crowd pleasing 1 minute gory uneven bout.
TRIPLICATE THUNDER overpowered M. CHARDINEE in a 1 minute mismatched brawl.
MISTRESS BOMBTRONIC was viciously subdued by SUPERNOVA in a exciting 7 minute bout.
MURRAY vanquished BING in a 1 minute mismatched match.
WIND savagely defeated INSISTANT BEGGAR in a popular 4 minute bloody conflict.
4-FT PARTY BONG overpowered WURL POOLE in a 1 minute mismatched bout.
RIP RAP was luckily beaten by ZERBERT in a action packed 3 minute gory duel.
IKER overpowered BONG in a 2 minute one-sided fight.
SPONGEBOB won victory over S.L.A.P.P. in a 1 minute duel.
ANDROGENOUS STRAIN was beaten by XXX in a exciting 6 minute battle.
ORIGINAL SHOCKER was vanquished by SANDY BEACH in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
VIKEN was unbelievably bested by PIKEL in a action packed 4 minute match.
MR OBLIVIOUS bested NERVOUS TIC in a exciting 1 minute bout.
ASSHE-MASTER was savagely defeated by LIMPY LIMPY in a slow 10 minute gory bout.
FLICKED BOOGERS narrowly defeated TELESPHORUS in a 2 minute brawl.
SQUIRTY JOE was slaughtered by JARLAXLE in a 1 minute bloody one-sided struggle.
TRUST FUND BABY demolished FRATSFAN NOBLE in a 1 minute uneven match.
PIP THE TROLL bested SPED in a popular 4 minute battle.
HANGMAN defeated ZIG-ZAG MAN in a action packed 5 minute duel.
IVAN subdued LOTUS BLOSSOM in a exciting 3 minute gruesome beginner's conflict.
VERDICT was overpowered by TOGS WINNER in a exciting 1 minute mismatched bout.
ROCKY BANKS was handily defeated by ANASTASIUS II in a 1 minute uneven conflict.
VAJRA HAMMER demolished NUHRII in a 1 minute mismatched bout.
X=WHERE'S MY BEER? overpowered DUST in a exciting 1 minute one-sided struggle.
Y=GET ME THIS ONE savagely defeated TOGS DIXIE in a exciting 5 minute novice's fray.
Z=ENTER THESE demolished DUKE in a 1 minute one-sided contest.
MANAGER subdued SUGAR in a 1 minute beginner's bout.
LLAPPY LLILMORE unbelievably bested TOGS DESPERATION in a 3 minute beginner's match.
BUSTED NUTS slimly lost to KERRY in a exciting 4 minute bloody amateur's bout.
TELLY savagely defeated OWL-LEN-L-NER in a 2 minute gory novice's bout.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                  38         TOTAL PARRY      149 - 126 -  1      54  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                 31         STRIKING ATTACK  183 - 156 - 12      54  |
|TOTAL PARRY                     27         WALL OF STEEL     50 -  54 -  1      48  |
|AIMED BLOW                      13         LUNGING ATTACK   172 - 204 -  7      46  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                 13         AIMED BLOW        49 -  59 -  0      45  |
|BASHING ATTACK                  12         SLASHING ATTACK   75 -  95 -  8      44  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    9         BASHING ATTACK    53 -  69 -  5      43  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      6         PARRY-LUNGE       24 -  32 -  3      43  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     3         PARRY-STRIKE      20 -  31 -  1      39  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    2         PARRY-RIPOSTE     13 -  23 -  0      36  |

Turn 333 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

WALL OF STEEL      7 -  2     PARRY-LUNGE        2 -  4         4  STRIKING ATTACK
STRIKING ATTACK   18 - 13     PARRY-STRIKE       1 -  2         3  WALL OF STEEL  
TOTAL PARRY       15 - 12     AIMED BLOW         4 -  9         3  LUNGING ATTACK 
PARRY-RIPOSTE      1 -  1     SLASHING ATTACK    4 -  9         1  SLASHING ATTACK
LUNGING ATTACK    19 - 19     BASHING ATTACK     3 -  9     

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
WALL OF STEEL    THUNDRA 5122               22  13  1  151 FA CHING (388)
STRIKING ATTACK  GUMMI GHOUL 6411           12   4  1  112 THE UPSTARTS III (510)
LUNGING ATTACK   WINKER X 6470              14  11  0  111 4000 BLOWS (107)
SLASHING ATTACK  QUICKSAND 6554             15   7  1   97 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
PARRY-LUNGE      LORD OF THE O RINGS 6022   22  13  1   89 WILD CARDS (148)
PARRY-STRIKE     CYVIN 5258                 11   8  1   80 FA CHING (388)
AIMED BLOW       LEO 6837                    8   2  0   68 DARQUE AGES (536)
BASHING ATTACK   BARON 6765                 10   5  2   66 LOCK-OUT (368)
TOTAL PARRY      TOGS STINKER 6588          10   6  0   62 DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is BLACKBURST 5025.  The most popular warrior this turn 
was SUPERNOVA 6239.  The ten other most popular fighters were SON OF BLOODLUST 6823, 

The least popular fighter this week was MARBURY 4499.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were TYPHOON XXII 6827, LIMPY LIMPY 7046, TOGS STINKER 6588, URLGEN 
7133, DUKE 7090, and TOGS DIXIE 7084.

The following warriors will travel to ADVANCED DUELMASTERS after next turn:

THUNDRA (60-5122) FA CHING (388)
BLACKBURST (60-5025) FA CHING (388)
SIR ZESTALOT (60-6557) 4000 BLOWS (107)