Date   : 03/12/2004    Duedate: 03/25/2004


DM-60    TURN-334

This Weeks Top Honors


(60-6411) [13-4-1,122]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

GUMMI GHOUL                    RYLD
(60-6411) [13-4-1,122]         (60-7067) [1-3-0,24]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

WILD CARDS (148)               DEATH STUDS VII (301)
(60-6080) [15-18-1,78]         (60-3770) [5-5-1,52]


FA CHING (388)

Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. RED AVENGERS (487)          42
2. HIT ME WITH... (503)        37      RED AVENGERS (487)
3. POWER BROKERS (527)         33      Unchartered Team
4. THE UPSTARTS III (510)      33
5. DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)  32      INQUISITION SG-1 (540)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 0*INQUISITION SG-1 (540)     1   0  0  100   1/ 4 FA CHING (388)           13  2 0
 2- 1*MALAQUAR'S MINIONS (550)   8   2  0 80.0   2/ 2 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)  11  4 0
 3/ 2 RED AVENGERS (487)        39  21  1 65.0   3/13 LOCK-OUT (368)           10  5 2
 4- 3*5 BELOW ZERO (532)        21  14  2 60.0   4/ 3 DEATH STUDS VII (301)    10  5 0
 5/ 5 I'M WITH STUPID (531)     37  28  1 56.9   5/ 6 RED AVENGERS (487)       10  5 0
 6/ 4 LUROCIANS VI (431)       103  79  7 56.6   6/14 SHADOW SIGNS (491)        9  5 0
 7- 7 SAAB STORY (389)         104  81  8 56.2   7/ 1 WIMPS OF DEATH (66)       9  6 1
 8/ 9 POWER BROKERS (527)       49  39  6 55.7   8/ 5 DARQUE AGES (536)         8  5 0
 9/ 6 DARQUE AGES (536)         28  23  5 54.9   9/20 4000 BLOWS (107)          8  7 0
10/13 SWIFT CURRENT (468)       90  79  8 53.3  10/ 8 WILD CARDS (148)          8  7 0
11/10 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)  582 511 19 53.2  11/ 7 I'M WITH STUPID (531)     8  7 0
12/12 DEATH STUDS VII (301)    329 291  8 53.1  12/25 THE UPSTARTS III (510)    7  7 0
13/11 WIMPS OF DEATH (66)      531 470 31 53.0  13/19 FIVE SPHERES (462)        7  8 0
14/14 WILD CARDS (148)         699 635 26 52.4  14/29 POWER BROKERS (527)       7  8 0
15/16 LOCK-OUT (368)            50  46  3 52.1  15/15 DEMONS OF DARKNESS (430)  7  8 0
16/18 SHADOW SIGNS (491)        77  73  1 51.3  16/21 LUROCIANS VI (431)        6  4 1
17/17 DEMONS OF DARKNESS (430) 157 149 12 51.3  17-10*5 BELOW ZERO (532)        6  4 1
18/15 WING HOVE (529)           33  32  3 50.8  18/27 HIT ME WITH... (503)      6  8 0

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
19/20 FA CHING (388)           100 107  3 48.3  19/24 FORGOTTEN REALMS (185)    6  9 0
20/19 OGRES ARE US (270)       145 157  2 48.0  20/11 OGRES ARE US (270)        6  9 0
21-21 THIEVES GUILD (396)      123 136  5 47.5  21/17 MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)      6  9 0
22/22 4000 BLOWS (107)         557 623 27 47.2  22-16 R.J.G. (475)              5  5 0
23/31 HIT ME WITH... (503)      24  29  0 45.3  23/22 LOSERS (544)              5 10 0
24/24 THE UNDERWORLD (15)       54  68  6 44.3  24- 9*MALAQUAR'S MINIONS (550)  4  1 0
25/27 BUMS 'R' US (465)        123 159  0 43.6  25/18 RED DOG GANG (476)        4  7 0
26/25 LOSERS (544)              23  31  2 42.6  26/23 LEGALESE (449)            4 11 0
27/29 LEGALESE (449)            62  85  3 42.2  27-12 THIEVES GUILD (396)       3  2 0
28/30 MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)      25  35  1 41.7  28/38 SWIFT CURRENT (468)       3  3 0
29-32 R.J.G. (475)              71 106  1 40.1  29/31 WING HOVE (529)           3  7 0
30-33 BLACK FRIARS (521)        35  53  3 39.8  30/32 BUMS 'R' US (465)         3  9 0
31/36 THE UPSTARTS III (510)    30  49  3 38.0  31/26*MELEE-MAGTHERE (549)      3 10 1
32/35 FORGOTTEN REALMS (185)    68 114  3 37.4  32/33 THE UNDERWORLD (15)       3 11 2
33/37 FIVE SPHERES (462)        28  47  1 37.3  33/28 FACES OF ETERNITY (539)   2 13 0
34/34 RED DOG GANG (476)       225 387  3 36.8  34/ 0*INQUISITION SG-1 (540)    1  0 0
35/38*I HATE THEM (480)          5  12  0 29.4  35-35 SAAB STORY (389)          1  1 0
36/40 FACES OF ETERNITY (539)   17  43  2 28.3  36-30 BLACK FRIARS (521)        1  3 0
37/39*MELEE-MAGTHERE (549)       4  14  1 22.2  37/39*I HATE THEM (480)         1  8 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

               + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ TOGS Report ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +


WARRIOR:                                      WARRIOR: WINNER: PNTS:
========                                      ======== ======= =====
SANDSTORM               handily defeated      BLUE BEANIE         TEAM 2   10
THE-SHOCKER             demolished            SHARP STICK         TEAM 2   10
EDDIE THE ECHO          overpowered           DUNNO               TEAM 2   10
JAMAICAN GOLD       was luckily beaten by     ANGRY SANTA         TEAM 2    7
VOLCANO                 overcame              HELL MARY           TEAM 2   10
QUICKSAND               viciously subdued     NOODLES             TEAM 2    7
DEMURRER            was overpowered by        CYCLONE             TEAM 2    7
                                                                   -TOTAL: 61

LACHES              was viciously subdued by  WHITE RAVEN         TEAM 3    7
ZYLLEIX'S SHADE         handily defeated      TOSSED SALAD        TEAM 3   10
GROVER                  overpowered           DOVE FALCONHAND     TEAM 3   10
ANDROGENOUS STRAIN  was beaten by             XXX                 TEAM 3    7
TELLY                   savagely defeated     OWL-LEN-L-NER       TEAM 3    7
                                                                   -TOTAL: 41

SMIRLIN             was handily defeated by   OBITER DICTA        TEAM 4    7
FREEP                   unbelievably bested   FLORIN FALCONHAND   TEAM 4   10
FRUB                    luckily beat          SON OF BLOODLUST    TEAM 4   10
LANCELOT            was butchered by          NAMBY PAMBY         TEAM 4    7
VOHDE               was viciously subdued by  TWICKLEBUM          TEAM 4    7
                                                                   -TOTAL: 41

STRANGLEMEELMO          overpowered           QUETZACOATYL        TEAM 5    4
WILDFIRE            was viciously subdued by  MR. NEGATIVITY      TEAM 5    7
HANGMAN                 defeated              ZIG-ZAG MAN         TEAM 5    7
                                                                   -TOTAL: 18

DR. FEELGOOD            unbelievably bested   INNOCENT            TEAM 6   10
MARDUK              was handily defeated by   GOURMET GRUEL       TEAM 6    7
WATER               was demolished by         VORPAL BUNNY        TEAM 6    7
4-FT PARTY BONG         overpowered           WURL POOLE          TEAM 6    4
IKER                    overpowered           BONG                TEAM 6    7
SPONGEBOB               won victory over      S.L.A.P.P.          TEAM 6    7
                                                                   -TOTAL: 42

WINKER X                viciously subdued     NAPPY DUGOUT        TEAM 7    7
WIND                    savagely defeated     INSISTANT BEGGAR    TEAM 7    4
                                                                   -TOTAL: 11

MARBURY                 outwaited             URLGEN THREE-FIST   TEAM 8    4
FLAME               was assassinated by       T-MAC               TEAM 8    7
BARON                   easily killed         PIPSQUEAK           TEAM 8   10
WEED 4 MOM              won victory over      VICIOUS RUMOR       TEAM 8    7
                                                                   -TOTAL: 28

LORD OF THE O RINGS was bested by             HEADROCK            TEAM 9    7
HOSCHA                  bested                SILVER BELLS        TEAM 9   10
LOUKMAD                 handily defeated      ERIK THE RED        TEAM 9   10
VIKEN               was unbelievably bested byPIKEL               TEAM 9    7
IVAN                    subdued               LOTUS BLOSSOM       TEAM 9    4
                                                                   -TOTAL: 38

GUMMI GHOUL             overpowered           KABOOM              TEAM 10  10
TRIPLICATE THUNDER      overpowered           M. CHARDINEE        TEAM 10   4
MR OBLIVIOUS            bested                NERVOUS TIC         TEAM 10   4
                                                                   -TOTAL: 18

TYPHOON XXII        was vanquished by         TOGS STINKER        TEAM 11   7
LLUCKY DAY              outwaited             HELMS               TEAM 11   4
LLUPERIOR LLORCES       assassinated          MC CAIN             TEAM 11   4
MAIMONIDES          was viciously subdued by  TOGS REPLACEMENT    TEAM 11   7
ASSHE-MASTER        was savagely defeated by  LIMPY LIMPY         TEAM 11   7
                                                                   -TOTAL: 29

INDIMAR'S FAXMACHINEwas unbelievably bested byURBAN               TEAM 12   7
ROCKY BANKS         was handily defeated by   ANASTASIUS II       TEAM 12   4
                                                                   -TOTAL: 11

SCRAG                   vanquished            GRAFFIX             TEAM 13   7
FLICKED BOOGERS         narrowly defeated     TELESPHORUS         TEAM 13   7
PIP THE TROLL           bested                SPED                TEAM 13   4
MANAGER                 subdued               SUGAR               TEAM 13   7
                                                                   -TOTAL: 25

THUNDRA                 defeated              LIGHTNING IX        TEAM 14  10
THE AYL'M'ER        was bested by             BLACKBURST          TEAM 14   7
LLUGS AND LLISSES   was savagely defeated by  AVIENDHA            TEAM 14   7
SYDA HAMMIE         was beaten by             CYVIN               TEAM 14   7
ACK ACK             was subdued by            THORNE              TEAM 14   4
MISTRESS BOMBTRONIC was viciously subdued by  SUPERNOVA           TEAM 14   7
RIP RAP             was luckily beaten by     ZERBERT             TEAM 14   4
VERDICT             was overpowered by        TOGS WINNER         TEAM 14   7
                                                                   -TOTAL: 53

MURRAY                  vanquished            BING                TEAM 15   7
BUSTED NUTS             slimly lost to        KERRY               TEAM 15   7
                                                                   -TOTAL: 14


T333 TOGS totals (1.5 multiplier)
                              TOTAL     Turn 10 Turn 10 Turn 10 Turn 10 Turn 10
TEAM                         POINTS     Fights  Spots    Ads    Avoids    DM
------- ------------------- ------- --  ------  ------  ------  ------  ------
TEAM 2                        650        91.5     15             -7.5
TEAM 14                      571.5       79.5     15                      15
TEAM 3                       560.5       61.5     15
TEAM 11                      514.5       43.5     15
TEAM 4                       463.5       61.5     15
TEAM 8                        425         42     7.5     -7.5
TEAM 7                       418.5       16.5     15
TEAM 9                        412         57     7.5     -7.5
TEAM 6                       411.5        63     7.5
TEAM 12                       366        16.5    7.5
TEAM 10                       329         27     7.5     -7.5
TEAM 13                      321.5       37.5     15
TEAM 1                       272.5        0       0      -7.5
TEAM 15                       216         21      0      -15
TEAM 5                       102.5        27      0      -7.5


We have a new Duelmaster and a new top team for turn 10.  Congrats to Rage Man and
DeGotti for 109.5 points with the multipliers and for taking the throne at a critical
time in this contest.  Your certificates will go out tonight.  There are 3 more turns
left, but it seems some of you are giving up.  (Not that I'm one to talk.)  But
remember, we have one more turn with all points multiplied by 1.5, and then two turns
with all points multiplied by 2.  Anything can happen and probably will.  Also, just
a quick reminder, if your spotlight is not DM/Fantasy related, you will not receive
points for it, even if it meets the length requirement.

-- Ganolus Oakleaf

         + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ I Hate Them:  "Origins" ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     "CRASH!!!!!!"  Caeser kicked in the back door of the I Hate Them guildhouse.
     "Caeser, what in the hell do you think you are doing?!?!" asked Mad Max, manager
of the I Hate Them guildhouse.  "You could have just opened the door.  It wasn't
     "Max, we've got to get out of here!  There's no time to talk; we've got to go.
NOW!!" Caeser shouted.
     Mad Max strolled over to the heavy wooden door lying in shards on the ground.
     "Caeser, I have no time to deal with your drunken stupidity today." said Mad
Max.  "I've got a lot of stuff to do.  Why don't you go and bother the Dark One.  I
think he's in town today training his little killing machine for the upcoming
tourney.  That little English guy is one bad...."
     "I'M NOT DRUNK!!!!!" screamed Caeser.  "YOU AREN'T LISTENING TO ME!  WE HAVE TO
GO NOW!!!!!!!"
     "Caeser, calm down.  What are you talking about?" asked Mad Max.  "What's gotten
you so excited?  Other than booze, that is?"
     Caeser took a deep breath and sighed.  He was trembling.
     "OK, I...I...I was the at the Green Dragon Tavern..." Caeser stammered, "...for
my usual barrel of mead for breakfast and I heard 2 peasants talking about the arena
fights here in Aradi.  They said that the Dark One was killed.  Some manager had him
as a warrior.  He was sent into the Dark Arena...." Caeser whined as he burst into
     "Yeah, I know." responded Mad Max.
     "You know?!?!?!" screamed Caeser in between sobs.  "Why didn't you stop it?"
     "Stop it???  I'm the one that DAed him." said Mad Max
     Caeser looked up from blowing his nose on his robes.  A look of horror swept
across his face.  He rose from the fetal position and crept back against the wall
like a crazed animal that knows it's been cornered by its enemy.  His eyes were
darting back and forth searching for something.
     "Max, listen.  I'll give you anything you want.  ANYTHING!  I have gold, jewels,
women, food.  You name it.  Just please don't hurt me." Caeser begged as he dropped
to his knees.
     "Caeser, get up!" Mad Max said as he pulled Caeser to his feet.  "It wasn't the
real Dark One.  It was a clone."
     "A CLONE?!?!?!?!" Caeser screamed.  "What do you mean, clone????"
     "Relax, Caeser.  Here, take a seat.  I'll explain it to you." said Mad Max.
     "Ok, I was playing cards a few years back with Soultaker, Death Stud and the
Sandman.  I had just gotten this monster hand.  Aces over Kings full and...." said
     "You weren't wearing your glasses were you?" asked Caeser rudely.
     "Of course I was!" responded Mad Max sharply.  "Only a fool plays cards with
someone named "Soultaker" without the use of x-ray vision glasses.  I'm not Guardian
you know....  I'm not about to get taken for everything like some chump.  I needed an
advantage....  Anyway, like I was saying, I had a monster hand.  I saw that Soultaker
had Sevens over Threes.  The bidding was getting out of hand.  Baldy had just bet
this machine of his that he had been using to clone sheep for what he says were
experiments....  Of course we all knew that Soully boy was using the sheep for some
evening activity of his....  When I won the cloning machine off of Soultaker he cried
like a little girl.  It was great!"
     Caeser interrupted again, "You just said that Soultaker used it to clone sheep.
Sheep aren't managers, unless you're Nuln of course...."
     "It wasn't hard too hard to modify." said Max.  "I redesigned it take human DNA
instead of animal DNA.  I can clone anyone that I want to as long as I have a sample.
I just cloned Poison Ivy...."
     "Really?!?!??!" drooled Caeser.
     "Relax, Caeser.  I DAed her.  She didn't turn out anywhere as near as well as I
would have liked."
     "Clone me!!!!!" screamed Caeser.  "I'll bet you that my clone can survive the
Dark Arena...."
     "We'll see, Caeser, we'll see."

              + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Red Avengers ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     It was morning.  Soultaker woke up, thirsty for a glass of water.  He tried to
move his hands, but noticed that they had been handcuffed together.
     "I'm not in the mood to play one of your crazy sex games now," he talked aloud
to Pandora, his wife.  He tried to stand up, but noticed that he was chained to the
to the wall as well.  'Pandora must be really kinky this morning,' he thought.  He
rubbed his eyes and realized that he was in a prison cell.  While it wasn't all
unusual for Soultaker to wake up in a jail, he didn't remember getting drunk last
night and this looked more like a dungeon than a prison.  He looked around and
noticed several of the FONZ members in adjacent cells.
     "Geez, about time you got up." said Ganolus.
     "What happened?" asked Soultaker.
     "We have gotten kidnapped in our sleep," said Snotman.  "All of the active
members of the FONZ except Barnabas look like they are here."
     "Well, hopefully Barnabas will save us." said Hombre, "I can't stay here long.
There's no sun.  The air is too dry, and I won't make it without any moisturizer."
     "Don't count on it." The door to the dungeon was slammed open and Manager walked
in the door.
     "Manager!" Soultaker shouted, "I should have known you would be behind this!"
     "Yes, it's me." Manager nodded,  "You are being held as captives in DOA Dungeon,
but trust me, I didn't order this kidnapping, I am just following orders here."
     "If not you, then who?" asked Anti.
     "Look around, don't you notice that one of the active FONZ members other than
Barnabas is missing?"
     The members of the FONZ looked around at each other in the jail cells.
     "I don't see anyone...." said Ganolus.
     "Of course you don't see anyone!  It's me!"  A small figure crept out from
behind Manger, "I am the one responsible for this!"  The FONZ members gasped as the
diminutive one stepped into the light.
     "OMG!  It's Death Stud!  He joined the DOA and is now going with the induction
ceremony of executing his former alliance-mates!" Hombre gasped before correcting
himself, "Not that I'm familiar with DOA induction ceremonies or anything."
     "No no no...it's not that." Death Stud sighed, "I'm sorry to do this, I really
am, but you left me no choice.  This is for your own good." Death Stud turned his
head and shed a tear at seeing his non-alliance-mates imprisoned.
     "There there," Manager patted Death Stud on the shoulder, "You are doing the
right thing.  What you are doing is very brave.  I'm proud of you."
     "What are you two babbling about?" said Snotman, "How can locking us up be for
our own good?  I can see how locking us up would be good for the world in general--
but not ourselves personally."
     "Let me explain." said Manager, "Only a few years ago, the FONZ was a well oiled
machine.  You guys were the top alliance, winning the most TCs, and having one of the
highest TV percentages.  Slowly, everything changed.  You started relying too much on
Death Stud to carry the load.  You grew lazy, running on maintenance and planning for
only one tournament a year.  You have been brought here today because this is DOA
Boot Camp.  A rigorous training program for managers who have lost their way.  We
have designed a specialized program for each one of you that will help fix the lazy
habits you've had over the years and hopefully bring you back to your former glory.
Only Barnabas gets excused--for now because he's new.  But rest assured, he will be
sent here if he starts to get out of line."
     "See, I'm doing this out of love!" said Death Stud, "And to fix my hunch back
from carrying you all the time."
     "You know, I wish this dungeon were more comfortable," said Hombre, "But the DOA
really does have a lot to offer.  They aren't the best--er second best alliance for a
reason.  Maybe we should listen to them."
     "Beer!  I need beer!" a loud and powerful voice cried out from behind of the
cells.  Everyone looked at the manager called Inferno who was quivering in the
corner, suffering from massive alcohol withdrawal symptoms.
     "Sorry, Inferno," said Manager, "I'll get you some beer with breakfast, but not
until after this morning's training session."
     "Training session?"
     "Yes, training session." noted Manager, "Your wrists, and fingers are
pathetically out of shape.  During a big tournament, you may have to fill out
hundreds of strategy sheets.  You need to have your writing hand in good shape so
that it won't get tired and slow you down during the runoffs.  When your hands get
fatigued, you tend to write 'SAME' more often than not, and that's not always the
best strategy option."
     As Manager was giving his speech, Shadowgate walked in the door holding a big
box of strategy sheets and several pencils.
     "I'm in charge of training." the shadowy manager declared, "You must each will
out 1000 strategy sheets with different strategies, and you are not allowed to write
SAME or use arrows or lines.  Each box must be filled!"
     "And if we refuse to obey?" questioned Anti.
     "Notice the collars around your neck?" Shadowgate grabbed a small box out of his
cloak and pressed a button on the box.  The members of the FONZ writhed around in
pain as electricity jolted through their bodies.
     "Ow, I was just asking!" cried Anti.
     "That looks like fun." chirped Death Stud, "Can I try it?"
     "Later.  Now get to work!"
That evening in the DOA Dungeon:

     "I'm sore all over." cried Anti, "I have blisters all over my hands.  I mean, I
don't see why *I* had to fill out all those strategy sheets with everyone, I was
never in tournament shape to begin with."
     "That was totally humiliating," said Soultaker, "I can't believe that they had
me go to a seminar taught by LHI.  It was about how to have confidence in my
     "Well you did over-manage Achondroplasia," pointed out Hombre, "But I liked my
seminar.  I had the 'Using Sex Appeal to your Advantage' seminar by Poison Ivy.  We
went over the best outfits to wear for a FtF so that people give you style
     "M-Mine was actually ok too," muttered Inferno, still shaking from not getting
enough alcohol.  "Y-Yukon taught me how to avoid giving out critical information when
I'm drunk.  G-Guardian was in my class too, he signed up voluntarily hoping for free
     "My seminar was boringeth," said Nuln, "Something about how to use your TV
challengeth in the regular arena.  Shadowgate kepteth trying to point out that you're
supposed to TV warriors you can beateth, but I wasn't having any of it."
     "Strange,  I didn't have a seminar," said Ganolus, "After breakfeast, I went to
a room and they put a big machine on my head.  I don't remember much about it
afterwards, except someone kept whispering 'DOA is the bestest alliance' over and
     "That is strange," shrugged Soultaker, "Well the sooner we graduate from DOA
Boot Camp, the sooner that Death Stud can come and get us out of here.  Does anyone
know what the lesson plan for tomorrow is?"
     "It's a tutorial on scum." said Snotman, "Manager is teaching it and we are
going to watch some of his greatest scum vs. scum battles and even re-enact them."
     "Aaaaagh!" shrieked Anti in horror.
     "We have to escape!" declared Soultaker, "Like now!"

                + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Fa Ching ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
                                  DeGotti's Return
                                       Part 11

Recap of part 10...

     As the parade moved along the craziness got more and more intense.  To the
disgust of many parade spectators at 7th and Maple, Anti and Snotman were wearing
nothing but latex paint.  Anti was decorated in just a 2" gold chain that started at
his chin and went down between his legs and ended at the back of his neck.  Snotman
had a tad more on, his right nipple was covered by a purple daisy and a big red heart
covered his left.  From his navel to the middle of his lower back stretched a
lightning bolt.  And that was just the beginning of the fun.

     The parade and floats moved through all areas of the city.  Down by the bridge I
saw what looked like Guardian skipping hand in hand with Malaqar.  In the same area
Pip the Troll was telling a pack of troll-kins the story of how Soultaker got his
name.  I don't remember the entire story but I know it has to do with emptying
     About half way through the parade route the sky started changing colors.  I saw
it change from the normal royal blue to a deep shade of green to a light purple and
then back to the blue.
     I turned to grab some more beads out of my box and what I witnessed going on
between my floatmates totally shocked me.  Wimpy was kissing on 2 of the bead thrower
babes and Destitute Noble had the other one in his arms and was dancing a Cha Cha.
Boy was I feeling like a third wheel.
     I said, shocked, "Whoa!!"
     I guess that got the red headed bead thrower babe's attention because she left
Wimpy and came to be with me.  Well, I certainly don't like to play second fiddle to
anyone, but Wimpy does have some charisma so I passed up being snubbed to that.
     Just as she reached me I saw something fall from the sky and land one street
over.  It almost looked like a large black egg.
     As I turned my attention back to the red headed vixen at hand, I heard screams
of panic and shock from the direction the large black egg fell.
     The screams not only got my attention but the attention of my floatmates this
time.  We saw the crowd start to part and as it did it revealed what the screams were
caused by a pack of nearly 30 miniature Judges of various pastel colors.  They were
running around assaulting women, stealing candy from infants, swearing like sailors
and just causing havoc amongst the spectators.
     All six of us on the float said in unison, "What the hell is that?"
     Just as we thought things couldn't get any worse we heard a gurgling sound
coming up from the sewers and then more people started to scream.

To be continued....

             + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ My Best Buds 2 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     Another round of arena fights in the books and things appear to be settling in
for the team.  Yet another week goes by without another death and the young brick,
known as Dr. Feelgood, was able to finally avenge the deaths at the hands of
Infinity.  Though he had never met the warriors whose honor, and memories, he upheld
with the Bloodfeud, he quite clearly wanted to take this opportunity to do something
to cement his place on the team.  The victory served as a great moment of excitement
for the other four as the Bloodfeud was the first arena matchup that day among the
team.  After the fight finished and Infinity could no longer continue the match, the
four jumped the arena wall and rushed their teammate and raised his small frame high
upon their shoulders, carrying the heavily wounded warrior back to the training room
to have his wounds attended to.  Though it did not motivate great results from the
team throughout the day it was nonetheless a very important moment.
     Street Legal asked Death Commander to take the team to the tavern for a
celebration, at his expense.  After all, not having to arrange and pay for funerals
left a lot of extra money that could be used to keep his team satisfied.  He wished
his stable a good time as he announced he was headed back to the guildhouse to study
his notes on the weeks fights and begin preparations for next round's fights.  He
tucked the folder, with his notes contained within, under his arm nodded his head as
the team rode off in the carriage and strolled slowly back to the guildhouse.  The
weather being so pleasant he figured some fresh air and a little exercise would do
him good.  As well as allow him to go over things in his mind without his notes
clouding his impression of today as he formed it.
     Arriving at the guildhouse he walked to the kitchen and grabbed a large stein
and a few pieces of bread and some meat left over from earlier in the day.  Turning
to head to his study he decided that today would be the right time to forego wine and
he turned to the small keg sitting on the far counter.  Filling the stein with his
favored ale and balancing the sandwich he just made on the folder he climbed the
stairs to his study.
     He set everything down on the desk and took the robe from the hook on the wall
by his desk.  Removing his normal regalia he slipped into the silk robe and fell back
into the chair.  Taking a bite from the sandwich he nodded in utter delight at the
flavor as he opened up his notes to see if his memory matched up accurately with the
notes he had taken earlier, during the fights.  Taking a hearty swig of the ale he
chuckled quietly to himself as he read the notes that regarded the Bloodfeud.  "Quite
impressive the good doctor is so early in his young career," he thought to himself as
he savored the fine food and drink.
     Considering the fact that the original team he wanted to place into the ToGS
competition was disallowed by the commission, and the short notice he had to throw a
team together, things had gone fairly well up until now.  This was far from a good
team when it began and despite mediocre results he felt overall that the team had
made quite a run in the contest, for what they were.  They had overcome many team
changes, some through the Dark Arena, some through plain misfortune, and despite only
2 of the original 5 members still remaining they were still working quite well as a
unit.  Clearly this was a fine learning experience and if/when the next ToGS rolled
around everybody, especially himself, would be quite well prepared for it.
     Several hours passed in the study.  And several trips were made down to the
kitchen to refill his stein, but no matter how much he drank and how lost he got in
his notes a part of his mind was clearly on his stable.  He was quite proud of the
effort they had put out, and the fact that against the odds they never wavered.  He
just hoped that they were enjoying their night out, and hoping that Doc was not too
sore to enjoy himself after the war he had been through, for as happy as he was for
them tomorrow he planned on cracking the whip hard for the final push to gain as many
places in the standings as possible.  After all, a good manager never lets his team
get complacent, no matter how pleased he or she might be, and a good manager must
always show that he expects more from his warriors.  This would be tough not to let
them on to how pleased he was with his rag-tag little bunch, it was time to play
taskmaster yet again.

           + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ The Goose Is Loose ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     It was the deadline for team spotlights.  Wimpy sat in his office waiting for
the Judge to arrive for their meeting.  Wimpy was not concerned about the spotlight
deadline as much as he was that the time to turn in his arena strategy sheets was
fast approaching.  He had done nothing yet and all five sheets were blank.  He stared
at them in a daze.  Just then there was a knock on the door and the door flew open an
in floated the Judge with robes flowing.  (Note:  Judges always float, they don't
just walk.)
     "Good morning, partner," smiled the Judge, "how is the best manager in Aradi
over the last three turns?"
     "Not good, not good," replied the wimpy one, "I don't have my strategy sheets
ready for the next arena fights."
     "Why not?" asked the Judge.
     "Because the gray Goose hasn't yet been here to help me fill them out."
     "Why do you need the Goose, can't you do them the way you always have?"
     "You don't understand, Judge.  The Goose has done the strategy sheets for the
past three turns.  That's why we are 13-2-1 for the last three rounds.  He has come
up with all the winning moves."
     "How in the heck can he do that?  He doesn't have the experience to manage
     "That is true.  But, he does know how to sneak around and find out what all the
other managers are doing.  Then he comes up with just the right strategy to make for
a winning round.  He should have been here two days ago and I have heard neither hide
nor feather from him."
     "Have you checked his goose roost to see if has been sleeping there?" asked the
     "What a great idea.  That is why you are a Judge.  Only someone as smart as you
could come up with a really helpful suggestion like this.  Let's go check."
     Wimpy and the Judge went out the back, through the cow pasture, watching their
steps the whole way.  Soon they came to the Goose roost.  They stepped inside and
looked around.  "Whoa, man does this place stink." choked the Judge.  "What is that
     "Just common everyday goose droppings." replied Wimpy.  "Haven't you ever
smelled goose droppings before?"
     "I'm a judge.  I don't go traipsing around barnyards sniffing goose crap or any
other type of droppings.  I'm civilized.  Let's quickly see what we can find and get
the heck out of here."
     After a bit of a search the Judge picked up something out of the straw and
droppings.  "Yuck.  What the heck is this?" asked the Judge.
     "It's a lavender ribbon," said Wimpy, "and I know who it belongs to.  Nuln had
it tied around his gonopodia."
     "Right," said the Judge, "but his gonododia fell off and someone picked up the
     "Who picked it up?" asked Wimpy.
     "I don't know his name but he was a very fat, round, discourteous guy."
     "I'll have to think about that for a while.  I'm sure I can figure out who it
was.  I'll bet it was another manager and he grabbed the Goose so he couldn't help me
anymore.  We have got to find that Goose and get him back if we want to have a chance
at moving up in the TOGS standings."
     "Okay Wimpy, let's go," said the Judge, "wait a minute.  What is that white
paper over in the corner?"
     Wimpy went over and picked up the paper.  He saw that it had his name on the
front so he unfolded it and looked at the contents.  He broke into a big smile and
started to dance around the Goose roost.
     "What is it Wimpy?"
     "Look," Wimpy said as he showed the paper to the Judge, "it's the Goose's notes
and strategies for the next round of fights.  I'm saved.  I'm saved.  Let's go back
to the office so I can get the arena sheets filled out.  There is still time to get
them in."
     So Wimpy an the Judge left the Goose roost and went back to Wimpy's office where
Wimpy filled out his strategy sheets for the next arena fights.
     But, what about the Goose?  Where is he?  Will he be found before the next round
of fights?  What will Wimpy do if he has to do his own strategy sheets?  What about
the Judge?  Yeah, what about the Judge?  We may have answers to these and other
questions in the next spotlight.  If you care, you will just have to wait and see.

 + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Death Studs Big Adventure:  Thunkerwood ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
                                      by Ghoti

     As you may recall, Death Stud has enlisted the use of Ghoti's teleportation
marble to go to Thunkerwood Forest to collect its wood to make "Thunkers".  Here is
the rest of the story or however much I get done this turn.
     Death Stud stood outside Ghoti's home, his trusty Radio Flyer by his side.  He
grasped the teleporting marble tightly and thought of that far off forest called
Thunkerwood.  Things slowly swayed back and forth and his vision blurred.  Half an
hour later he awoke on Ghoti's walkway.  Sitting up he thought to himself  "I gotta
remember not to hold my breath when I think that hard."  Death Stud stood up and used
the marble as Ghoti had instructed when everything went white.
     Death Stud sat up finding himself sitting in dense woods.  Eerie thumping sounds
could be heard off in the distance as a woodpecker pounded into the trees after bugs.
A bear grunted, but only passed gas, in the shrubs to his right.  Small animals
skittered in the leafy underbrush everywhere.  Death Stud looked at all the skitter
marks in the leaves.  "I'm glad I don't have to drag my butt like that when I get a
case of worms." Death Stud mused aloud.  He gathered his belongings and started off
to the south as instructed by Ghoti.  He traveled for several hours and stopped to
camp for the night.  He pulled out his bedroll (the equivalent of a baby's blanket)
and curled up under a tree.  He dreamt of his ThunkersTM .  He dreamt of finally
having respect, of pride and of Snotman.
     Death Stud woke the following morning feeling refreshed but with a swollen
thumb.  He built a small fire and made some coffee and a nice bowl of hot Cream of
Wheat with brown sugar and a touch of cream.  He washed his dishes in a nearby stream
and then packed up camp and peed out the fire.  He continued south for a couple of
hours when he saw a large gaggle(?) of rabbits chewing on a tree stump.  He noticed
how their heads turned in every direction as they chewed.  He knew by description
that these must be the curl-toothed briar rabbits that Ghoti wanted.  He pulled out a
burlap sack and sneaked up on them with the stealth of a buffalo in a hen house but
the bunnies didn't seem to care.  He opened the bag wide and with a simple sweep he
collected the specimen he needed.  Not more than 30 feet away he found the object of
his desire.  A Thunkerwood tree.  He banged on it 3 times.. THUNK! THUNK! THUNK!  to
be sure.  He took out his handy Andorian army knife with the 137 tools and blades and
pulled open the saw.  He stroked the blade across a limb as big as his waist.  THUNK
THUnk Thunk thunk.  And soon had a section of wood he could use.  The curl-toothed
briar rabbits were all watching him.  Jumping up and down like startled cats making a
strange squeaking noise as he cut.  He turned around to watch them several times and
they seemed to get more and more excited as he worked.  Now with his job complete he
notice they were all hobbling up to him, not quite a hop but they all still moved
with purpose towards him...snarling!  He quickly put everything into his Radio Flyer
and pulled out the teleportation marble.  Squeezing it tightly he felt everything go
white as it had before.  He awoke laying on Ghoti's walkway in a puddle of his own
     The little Stud man jumped up and knocked on Ghoti's door.  Ghoti answered
immediately this time and had Death Stud literally shoved the rabbit and the marble
into his hand.  With a huge grin on his face he said.  "I made it back and I am going
to go make my ThunkersTM right now."  He grabbed the handle to his little wagon and
ran off before Ghoti could get a word in edgewise.  Ghoti just shrugged.
     Death Stud started up the street and tripped over a cobblestone.  Half an hour
later he awoke.  Still excited he started to run off again...several hours and 4
blocks later he arrived home and immediately set off into his carving shop with his
piece of Thunkerwood.  For a few hours the entire neighborhood sounded of a very loud
Thunking noise from his carving...eventually it stopped.
     Death Stud sat upon a chair looking at his creations.  "THUNKERSTM I LOVE YOU,"
he shouted with both glee and enthusiasm.  "Now to finally try them on," he said to
nobody in particular.  He stood up and looked at himself in the mirror.  He was
surely 4 inches taller.  He headed for the door.  THUNKING with every step.  THUNK
THUNK THUNK!  The neighborhood stirred with activity at all the noise.  People stood
on the street and porches and stared with amazement and amusement and pointed as
Death Stud Walked by THUNK THUNK THUNK!  He smiled at being noticed.  He was heading
for the FONZ clubhouse.  THUNK THUNK THUNK!
     In the FONZ clubhouse, Wimpy and Sultan stopped playing tiddly winks and
listened.  "What is all that racket?" Anti asked aloud.
     "I don't know but I think it is coming this way," said Snotman with a slightly
fearful quiver in his voice.  It just kept getting louder and louder.  THUNK THUNK
THUNK!  As Death Stud approached the door to the clubhouse, everyone inside scrambled
to get under the couch or the table or anything for protection.  THUNK THUNK THUNK!
Death Stud stopped at the door and thought about his entrance.  Inside everyone
stopped breathing and stared at the door.  Suddenly Death Stud kicked it open.
THUNK!!!!!!!  And the door slowly swung open.  He took 3 steps inside THUNK THUNK
THUNK!  And stopped.  Placing his hands on his hips, standing with his chin up he
said, "WELL?  What do yas think?"
     Everyone in the clubhouse sighed with relief when Wimpy said, "Noisy wooden
clogs?  Kinda like really old style don't you think?"

       + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Yukon's T@%$ Spotlight #11 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
                              This Week in T@#$ part XI

Yukon:  Ya this is TwiT.  I am Yukon and I am in a mood.
Shadowgate:  And this is the co-host Shadowgate.
Yukon:  Well thanks for listening, everyone.  See you next week.
Shadowgate:  You can't end the show, we just started.
Yukon:  I told you I was in a mood.  It's a crappy one so I'm just going to end the
show early this week.
Shadowgate:  But we have a whole hour to fill here.
Yukon:  Why don't we just let everyone in Aradi have some quiet time and then let
them get on with their lives?
Shodowgate:  Because you would get sued by the radio station for all this dead air
Yukon:  Crap.  No way do I want another legal battle over this flipping show....  Ok.
I have a new plan.
Shadowgate:  Why don't you tell us all about your T@#$ team and how they are going
pull this thing out for us.
Shadowgate:  Ok.  Well first off I went 4-1 last week and you only went 2-3.  So when
you get back to your winning ways we should be ok.  Second, I plan on challenging all
of Death Stud's guys while having you challenge all of Soultaker's guys so when we go
10-0, they will go 0-10 and we will move in....
Shadowgate:  Hey, wake up!
Yukon:  What?  What I'd miss?  Is it time to go home yet?
Shadowgate:  NO!  I was just going over my brilliant plan on how we are going to win
Yukon:  Not going to happen.  Those FONZ morons have too big a lead.
Shadowgate:  We can catch them.
Yukon:  Whatever.  You sure it's not time to go home?
Shadowgate:  No.  Did you even look at the plans I sent you last week.
Yukon:  Not really.  How about we just play last week's show on tape?  Everyone loved
the story of the three little FONZ.
Shadowgate:  How are going to win T@#$ if you don't follow my plans?
Yukon:  We are not.  I keep telling you that.  How about I go back to sleep and you
keep talking to whoever until the show is over?
Shadowgate:  It's your show.  You come up with something.
Yukon:  I did, but you already shot the "Quiet Time" segment idea in the ass.
Shadowgate:  You are in a mood.  How about we make fun of Manalger some more?
Yukon:  It's been done.  Besides he is going to beat us in T@#$ as well and then the
D.O.A. meetings are going to suck even more then the already do.
Shadowgate:  That's going to be harsh.  We could start poking fun at the people that
dropped out of T@#$.
Yukon:  They were the only smart ones.  They don't get stuck writing bad spotlights
late Thursday night before DM-60 is due like I am right now.
Shadowgate:  As opposed to you writing bad spotlights on Wednesday before DM-60 is
Yukon:  Exactly.  Nothing would be worse then you raggin on me for losing 5 points
because I didn't do my spot.
Shadowgate:  Maybe you should subcontract out?
Yukon:  You mean pay someone to write my spots?  Is that legal?  Why the hell didn't
you tell me that 10 spots ago?
Shadowgate:  The more I think about it, it's probably against the rules.  Plus, it's
not very honorable.
Yukon:  Honorable?  For Diana's sake this is T@#$ and Aradi.  There is no such thing
as honor here.  Do you know what I saw the FONZ doing on my way over here?
Shadowgate:  Not really.
Yukon:  They had gotten a hold of this baby sheep and they had dragged it up to the
edge of this cliff.  They were going to....
Shadowgate:  Hold it.  I think you just passed it?
Yukon:  Passed what?
Shadowgate:  The length limit for a valid T@#$ spot.
Yukon:  Thank gods.  I really didn't want to finish that last bit.
Shadowgate:  Tired of getting edited?
Yukon:  You know it.
Shadowgate:  Ok well I guess that wraps up the worst team spotlight in T@#$ history.
Yukon:  It's worth the same 5 points as the long one.  Good night, everyone.

                    + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[  ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
                    ----- ----- ----- Soultaker ----- ----- -----

     Soultaker wasn't surprised by the entrance of the DOA.  They made a point of
making sure everyone saw them.  He was a little shaken by the magnitude of their
pompous parade to their reserved area.
     Ivy was at the front of the procession.  She was wearing an outfit made of
10,783 colored scarves.  Her head was adorned with a wreath of ivy and mistletoe and
her feet were bare.  As she skipped along in the front, she tossed lily pedals out of
a basket on her arm on the ground before them.  Soultaker remembered her when she was
a feared adversary and now all she had become was a puppet manager used and abused by
the evil Manalger.
     Next in line was the ever dangerous DMob.  Somehow Manalger had gotten him to
dress in baggy silk trouser held up with a bright scarlet sash.  On his feet, he wore
some type of gold slippers that curled up at the toes.  He held two wicked scimitars
crossed in front of his bare chest.  Soultaker had heard of these barbarian
bodyguards.  He was sure they were called eunuchs.
     Wonders never cease as next to follow were Shadowgate and Yukon supporting an
elaborate litter.  They carried their burden upon their shoulders making both of
their legs quiver and buckle.  Sweat poured from them as they continued to carry the
load for the DOA.  Both of the bearers were dressed much the same as DMob, but of
course without the ferocity.  The difference was that DMob brought fear to your
heart, and Yukon and Shadowgate brought laughter to your lips.
     The litter was quite majestic.  All of the ornately carved woodwork seemed to be
from rare monkey pod.  This can only be produced by hours upon endless hours of
spanking the monkey.  All of the recesses were inlaid mother of pearl and gold
highlights.  A sheer curtain surrounded the entire foot carriage making it near
impossible to see the contents within.  This of course was little or no secret as to
who runs the DOA circus.
     Following up the rear, which unsurprisingly is his normal position, was LHI.
Unlike the rest of the rejects from a bad Arabian night story, LHI was dressed far
differently.  Soultaker was sure that LHI had done something bad to Manalger to make
him dress and do the things he was doing.
     First of all, LHI was pulling a two long armed hand cart loaded over the sides
and covered with a large oil cloth.  There was no way of knowing what was in the cart
but it looked to be loaded to the max.  The sweat and strain on LHI's face convinced
Soultaker that it was sure to be very heavy.
     Next he had some sort of horn tied to his head so that LHI was able to blow it
as he followed his mentor.  Secured to his waist was a drum turned upside down so
that with each step, the sticks attached to his knees struck the drum giving off a
cadence for the group to march to.
     Lastly was the outfit LHI was wearing.  Soultaker started at his feet and worked
his way up.  LHI had short top pink silken boots that curled up on the toes and had
three tiny bells on each boot.  His legs were covered in some sort of sheer royal
blue colored material that allowed the hairs to poke out all up and down the legs.
His chest was cover with a frilled shirt of yellow chiffon.  Upon his head he wore a
dorky hat that had three curved pieces that stood up atop his head and each piece
also had a bell.  Soultaker had heard of this outfit also and if he remembered it
correctly it was called a "fool".  Soultaker thought to his-self, "That couldn't be
more perfect type casting."
     The procession had finally made it to their staked out area and were about to
set up camp.  Yukon and Shadowgate had lowered the litter to the ground and had
removed two large feathered fans.  Both positioned themselves to the sides of the DOA
load.  Ivy had traded in her basket of lily pedals for a basket of grapes and figs.
DMob was busy apply handfuls of oil to his near naked body.  LHI was doing his normal
thing of running around making a "fool" of his-self.
     As Soultaker watched the litter box, he noticed two sets of bejeweled fingers
start to open the curtain.

      + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Lurocians Reloaded:  Part XI ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     We sat down and had the wires plugged into the back of our heads.  Going on the
trip were myself, Rillion, CK, Soultaker, Apex, Grasinity, and Sandeous.  All went
black and then blinding light as we all appeared in an alley behind the local inn in
Niytyole Island.  It was amazing how all looked so different when we arrived.  We all
had lost the ports on the back of our necks and all seemed to be strong and in great
shape physically.
     "I like the me in here," I said flexing my muscles.
     "There's no time for that.  We have to get to the Consortium." Sandeous stated.
     "Where'd CK go?" I questioned.
     "He used to own a chicken farm here.  I'm sure went to...visit." Rillion replied
with a smirk.
     I let it pass and followed Sandeous and the rest out of the alley and into the
street.  We were just a few blocks from the arena.  From the sounds of it, there were
fights going on right now.  I was really curious what had happened to my stable since
I left but that would have to wait for another time.
     "So Geo, what teams did you manage?" Apex asked.
     "All of mine were called Lurocians." I said.
     "Lurocians?" Grasinity asked.
     "Yea, it all started with a book I was writing about a land called Luroc.  I had
been working on this book for awhile when I started becoming interested in owning my
own stable of warriors.  Once I got a stable I decided to name them after my book.
That way I could use the name recognition to help my book sales.  I also started
using the names of actual warriors I had as characters in my book." I replied.
     "You're such a dork." Rillion said.
     "Have you been drinking again?" I asked.
     "Oh lord, will you ever just drop that.  It was years ago." he said.
     I just smiled and laughed.  We walked down the street and made our way to the an
old house and the end of the road.  I followed Sandeous down the road and up on the
porch of the house.  They all stopped at the door and waited.
     "So what now," I asked.
     "You go in and we wait." Sandeous replied.
     "Whatever The Consortium has to say is for you and you alone.  We've all been to
see him at one time or another." Rillion said.
     I walked into the house and was amazed at what I saw.  Little kids were sitting
all around.  One kid was sitting in the corner staring at a sword.  The amazing part
was that the sword started to bend as he looked at it.  Something told me this was
going to be an interesting experience.

To be continued....

                    + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[  ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
           +++++++++++++++++++    Five Spheres    +++++++++++++++++++++++

     You may recall that our last episode left our hair-lipped heroine on her way to
convince Don Sentinel that he should take up the struggle against El Hombre and his
heinous anti-entertainment strictures.  Hold that thought....

     On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair...NO!  Out Don Henley!  You have
no power over me!
     Sorry, where was I?  Oh yeah:

     On a darkened street corner in a seedy section of Aradi (I know, narrows it a
lot) the manager known far and wide as Voyde the Mighty (okay, a little artistic
license) was waiting for his TOGS partner.  He had been there for a half an hour and
had nearly finished his Starbucks latte, (grande skim latte, extra hot) when the
terrible Chaos Lord known far and wide as Nuln the Lithe arrived.
     Storm clouds rolled across the night sky and thunder...thundered.  Lightning
arced from cloud to cloud.  The Chaos Lord descended from his flying Yugo to the
street below.

     "I ameth quite angryeth witheth you...eth, Voyde!" he boomed.
     "I can't imagine why, my lisping partner."
     "Youeth have been even more disappointing than Snotmaneth as a TOGS partner!"
     Voyde the Mighty (Go ahead, say it.  You'll like the way it rolls of the
tongue.) shrugged and sipped his latte.
     "You must be referring to all of those 1-4 and 2-3 turns.  Maybe you mean when I
missed earning points for a spotlight that was one line too few.  Could you be upset
that I've had maybe three successful challenges?"
     "Yeseth!  All of thateth and you lefteth crumbs in the buttereth.  That waseth
the last straweth!"
     The Chaos Lord drew his chaos mace and made a ferocious swing at Voyde the
Mighty only to catch his mace on the bumper of his Yugo as it hovered overhead.  The
Slavic flying car drifted up into the stormy night, its rear fender badly dented.
     The chagrined clutz lowered his mace and looked at his partner.
     "Youeth couldn't giveth me a ride, couldeth you?"
     "Sure but we're stopping at Starbucks and you're buying."
     The partners, their differences bridged by coffee beans, jumped into Voyde's
fire-engine red Gremlin and started to drive away.
     "Soeth, what is your spotlight about thiseth turn?"
     "I dunno.  I'll probably throw something together at the last minute."
     He paused and thought for a minute;
     "And I'll throw in a few lines at the end to make sure I hit the mark."
     "Good ideaeth." the Chaos Lord said while tuning the AM radio.

	  + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Smokey Delta Nights Part 3 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     Indimar sat at the table drinking his Scrodbucks Doubleshot while Elephant hung
a sign on the front door informing the public that The Scrod Shoppe would not be
opening on this particular Sunday.  He returned to the backroom and stood staring up
at the bloodied and bedraggled Indimar sitting at the table for a few seconds before
climbing back into his chair.
     "Now that I made sure we won't be disturbed you can tell me what the hell
happened to you last night," he said.  "Why don't you start by explaining this gaming
thing you were talking about?"
     "I'll try," said Indimar.  "But like I said it is all kind of fuzzy from here on
out.  Nuln and Barnabas were smoking scrodplant spliffs like there was no tomorrow
and I think the secondhand smoke was kind of getting to me.  I stepped out on the
porch while Barnabas was getting the table ready for the game, thinking the fresh air
might clear my head.  I was just about to go back into the house when Pip drove a
wagon into the front yard.  As you could probably guess he was leaving a pretty good
trail of smoke himself."
     "Was he there for this gaming thing too?" asked Elephant.
     "No," replied Indimar.  "I went over to the wagon to see what he was up to and
he said he had just stopped by to drop by some more of his famous dip.  It seems he
had agreed to help with the refreshments since Barnabas could not even boil water.
He had dropped a bowl by earlier but did not think it would be enough when Barnabas
told him how many people were going to be there so he decided to bring by a second
bowl.  He said his kindness had been rewarded when he found a dead snake along side
the road on his way out."
     "Why would he consider a dead snake a reward?"
     "That is exactly what I asked him," said Indimar after downing the last of his
Scrodbucks.  "Pip said not only were dead snakes a lot of fun but this one was going
to be catch of the day on tonight's dinner menu.  He handed me the bowl of dip and
said to have a good game and drove off."
     "I'm a little surprised that Pip is the culinary type," said Elephant.
     "So was I, but like I said that dip tasted a little unusual at first but it
really kind of grew on me.  As a matter of fact I was scarfing it down as I walked
back to the house.  When I got back inside I found they had cleared the table and
spread some kind of mat across it.  I thought it was just to protect the table but
when I noticed it was covered with little hexagrams I started to wonder what I had
gotten myself into.  There was a screen set up at one end of the table and Hombre was
sitting behind it.  When I asked why he was hiding Barnabas said he was the Game
Master like that should make it clear so I just nodded and smiled.  Barnabas hustled
me into a chair and gave me a pile of the strangest dice I had ever seen, a little
figure of a guy made out of lead and a paper with a bunch of numbers and other
information that made no sense to me.  He said it was my character and he hoped I
didn't mind that he had made it for me."
     "Sounds like some weird voodoo ritual to me," interrupted Elephant.
     "That's what I was thinking at that point," said Indimar. "If you can believe it
things actually started getting stranger.  They all started using different names
like "Slick" and "Keokotah".  Not only was Nuln calling himself Owleyes, he was
speaking in a really deep voice with an even stranger accent than usual.  Barnabas
was still scortchin the srodplant at a pretty steady pace and all the smoke was
really making my brain fuzzy.  I kept thinking that food would straighten me up so I
was eating Pips famous spinach dip like there was no tomorrow until Nuln called me a
Bogart, or something like that, and took it away from me.  I really had no idea what
was going on after that I just rolled the dice when they told me to and moved my
little guy across the hexagrams like they were.  Every once in a while Hombre would
throw some more figures on the table and then there was a lot more moving around and
dice rolling.  Some rolls would make them cheer and others would make them groan.  I
just cheered when they did or groaned when they did but I really don't why.  Snotman
was talking all fast and crazy and really starting to freak me out when I got my
chance to make an exit."
     "Hombre had just put some guys on the table and was rolling dice like crazy
behind his screen.  All of the sudden he looks up and tells me I'm dead.  This really
shook me up until I realized he was talking about my little guy on the table.  He
said I could make another character and get back into the game but I said it was
getting too late for me and I had a long ride back home so I had better get started.
Barnabas said something about me having too much dip to ride home.  I assured him
that I hadn't eaten enough spinach dip to make me sick.  This seemed to strike he and
Nuln rather funny and I could even hear them laughing when I got out to my horse and
saddled up to ride home."
     "That sure sounds like a strange game," said Elephant, shaking his head.
     "You think that was strange," scoffed Indimar, "let me tell ya pal, you ain't
heard nothin yet!"

See you next turn (maybe) for part 4.

				+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[  ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
        -----     -----     -----    Death Stud    -----     -----     -----

      Soultaker felt happy, really happy.  He smiled contentedly and closed his eyes,
enjoying how he felt.  Everything seemed wonderful, almost perfect.  There was one
small, little irritation intruding on his bliss, but he couldn't put his finger on
it.  It was like a faded memory or a half-formed thought fluttering at the edge of
his consciousness.  In his mind he began to search around for the source of the
annoyance, hoping that if he could identify and eliminate it; then he could return to
his happiness.  Slowly the fluttering irritation became a hum, then a buzz.  The buzz
rose to a garbled yell and Soultaker's eyes opened to see Studisha standing in front
of him, red-faced and head bobbing like a chicken as she gesticulated wildly at him.
Before he could try to sort through what the hell Studisha was saying, Soultaker
realized suddenly that searing pain was emanating from his palm.  Cursing, he jumped
up from the couch, flinging the source of the pain from his hand.  Sonofabitch, he
had zoned out with the pipe in his hand again and burned the crap out of himself.
The pain brought clarity to Studisha's rantings.
      "...my momma didn't raise me to wash and cook and sew for no stupid Evercrack
addict my whole life.  Washing and feeding his babies like I got no nothin' better to
do with my life?  Oh, HEYULL no!"
      Soultaker blinked at her and sat back down on the ratty couch to inspect the
pipe-shaped burn on his palm.
      "And if you think I'm always gonna just be here to wait on you hand and foot
and be your little coffee server, you got another thing coming, you mutha--"
      "Shut up and get me some coffee, ho."  Soultaker picked up the Evercrackpipe
again and hit it again.
      Studisha turned and yelled at the gaggle of children standing in the doorway,
"You chilluns get on out of here, right now.  No need for you to see your good for
nuthin' father's life going to hell right in front of you."  She told the oldest,
twelve year old Nulnio to take all his brothers and sisters down to the park across
the street.  "You make sure that Reginuln and little Bennie Wa hold hands when they
cross the street.  Go on now, get out of here!"  The little ones ran for the front
door, but Nulnio stayed standing in the doorway, seeming torn about whether to obey
his mother or stay to protect her.  "Nulnio, you do as you're told.  Now get!  Take
ten dollars out of my purse and get ice cream for your brothers and sisters on the
way back.  And I need some pads from Mr. Wong's corner store, too."
      Nulnio gave one last glare in Soultaker's direction, then did as he was told.
      Studisha turned back to confront Soultaker and found him glazed over again,
staring off into the distance and drooling slightly.  She gave him a full slap across
his face and he jolted back to reality.  She began sobbing, "I want a divorce."
There, she had said it.  "I can't take it anymore and don't I don't want to live like
this.  I need some love and attention from you.  It's like all that you care for
anymore is that damned Evercrack."
      "Yeah, whatever.  Get the hell out of my face.  You're harshing me and are
lucky I don't beat you senseless for talking to me like that."  That's what he
thought on the inside.  On the outside Soultaker said, "Yeah, I know, I'm going to
change soon, really I am."  Those words came so easy, so natural to him now that he
didn't even have to think about them anymore.
      "I'm not kidding this time, Soullie.  I'm taking the FONZ kids and we're moving
into the shelter until I can earn some TC's to sustain us.  I used to feel like I
meant something special to you, that the kids and me were important.  Now you act
like we're just in your way, keeping you from that Evercrack pipe.  I need the
intimacy and the closeness of your love to make this work and I just feel like we've
drifted too far apart."
      "Uh-huh."  Soultaker was busy looking between and under the cushions of the
couch for something that he was not finding.
      Studisha sighed and left the room, crying for the love that she had lost.  Damn
you, Evercrack!  Soultaker didn't notice.

	+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Snotman and the Spooky Kids IX ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     Snotman finished stapling the flier to the wall.  That was the last one and he
had no doubt that he would get a good response.  Looking back down the street
(Bloodshed Row, one of the main commercial districts in Aradi) he could see his
fliers posted about 3 feet high.  He'd have liked to have put them higher, but he was
damned if he was going to ask Barnabas for help.
     He headed back to the FONZ treehouse whistling a tune, the weight of the world
lifted from his shoulders.  Although the Dragon Spine Mountains had a bad reputation,
he had no doubt that in a city full of gladiators and miscreants he could find some
people brave enough.
     The adventurers were supposed to gather on the front steps of the Temple of
Khorne.  Of course, Snotman was there a good hour early.  He didn't want to miss
anyone, and it was a fine morning so he didn't mind waiting.  He pulled out a chair
and read the latest Aradi newsletter while sipping a double mocha.
     As the hour of nine rolled around, he put down his newsletter and stood up.  He
wanted to be ready for the hordes of adventurers.  A slight breeze eddied the dusty
street.  He took another swing on his mocha, "Well, it is a Saturday morning,
Aradians aren't known for waking early and everyone was probably out partying last
night.  I guess I'll have to wait."
     He called one of his snotling servants to bring him another mocha and settled
down the newsletter to wait.  Five hours later he was starting to get impatient.  He
was only halfway through the newsletter and he'd already had to pee six times from
all the caffeine.  But he figured that it was a nice day and he still had lots of
time.  He had one of his snotlings pop over to Nuln's place and to use his chaos gate
to pop over to the earth dimension and pick up a Zachary's spinach and mushroom deep-
dish pizza.  As Snotman spilled delicious tomatoes and molten hot cheese on his chest
(of course, Snotman can't wear any clothing since Magic Man's curse restarted the
snotflow, but thankfully the layer of mucus acted as a natural insulator and Snotman
didn't burn anything important) he was really glad that Nuln had lied to Armalias
Skyhawk about closing the chaos gate.  No one really wanted to visit the chaos
wastes, but earth dimension and their delicious food options was a whole 'nother
world.  Snotman had become quite a connoisseur of earth cuisine since Nuln opened the
gate.  He was particularly fond of Thai and had been pleasantly surprised to discover
at the face the Jiles liked eating Thai.
     It is a well known fact that animated characters can eat much more than their
body weight in food, so Snotman was able to put away a whole large pizza by himself.
After he wiped the last bits of tomato sauce off his lip, he settled back in his
chair, one hand cradling his newly swollen, Soultaker-like, belly, the other holding
up the newsletter.
     As he finished reading the last spotlight, he realized that the sun was starting
to set, and still no one had arrived to join him on his quest.  He had even promised
an even share of all non-Eye of McGarnical loot recovered.  Disheartened, he headed
over to the Rampant Zombie Inn, a local tavern renowned for the strength of their
drinks.  It was said that their signature drink, Radioactive Sludge, was strong
enough to bring the dead back to life (or at least animate their corpse long enough
to have a few more drinks).  When Snotman really needed to forget the cares of the
world, he'd order Braaaaaains.  He wasn't sure what was in it, but one or two of
those and he couldn't remember what had been bothering him (he had misplaced several
excellent gladiators while on a Braaaaains bender).
     He ordered a Braaaaaains and surveyed the room.  There were a couple of pale,
skinny guys dressed in rags huddled in booths, drinking brains eyeing their fellow
customers with equal parts paranoia and hunger.  And then he saw a face he
recognized, or really he was seeing the back of the head, since the face was planted
on the table.  And all of a sudden an idea blossomed in his mind.  He quickly
dispatched a snotling to the Temple of Khorne to pick up a six-pack of Scrodbucks
Doubleshots.  Once the snotling returned, Snotman headed over to the table where
Indimar Fallon lay passed out.  He cracked a Doubleshot and instantly Indimar's eyes
opened.  He stared hungrily at the pure scrod-flavored caffeine.  He slowly worked
his lips, as if trying to remember how they were supposed to work, then finally
mumbled, "Mine!"
     Snotman nodded, "And his five brothers right here, you just have to sign
something for me."
     Indimar grabbed the pen out of Snotman's hand and put a big 'X' on the paper,
all the while, his eyes never left the Doubleshot.  Snotman handed it over and
Indimar downed it in a single gulp then held out his hands to Snotman who handed over
the rest of the six-pack.  After he had downed them all, Indimar sat back in his
chair, intelligence finally returning to his maddened eyes.  Snotman asked, "What
were you drinking?"
     Indimar scratched his head for a second, "I think that I had a Zombie Bite and
then I started knocking back the Shotgun Blast to the Heads.  After that it all
becomes blurry.  So, what the hell did I sign?"
     Snotman replied, "I'm going on a quest into the Dragon Spine Mountains in search
of the Eye of McGarnicle.  You are going to be my guard and Sherpa."
     Indimar's eyes glinted, "Eye of McGarnicle, eh?"
     "The Eye is mine.  I need it to reverse Magic Man's curse.  But undoubtedly we
will find lots of other artifacts along with the eye.  You get a 50% share of
everything else we find."
     "So tell me about these Dragon Spine Mountains.  If there is all this treasure
lying around, why isn't anyone grabbing it?"
     Snotman smiled, finding someone who was new to Aradi was a brilliant move on his
part, "No one else knows the secret mountain passes that I know.  This is going to be
a cake walk."
     "Sign me up!"
     "I already did...."

Learn more about the dangers of Dragon Spine Mountains in the next installment!

  + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ "The Real World -- Aradi"  Episode 8 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     Much to the dismay of the producers of "The Real World, Aradi," hardly anyone
voted for Ganolus' replacement as a cast member on Turn 10 of the TOGS IV.  Turn 10
did have some bright moments for at least one of the Real World cast members--namely
Wimpy.  Another great turn for Wimpy placed Judge's and Wimpy's team firmly in fifth
place in the TOGS IV, and moving up.  With the bonus rounds at hand, Wimpy and Judge
discussed their strategy in their room in the AMTV guildhouse.
     "What is wrong with Laches?" inquired Wimpy.  "He has great stats for a scum,
and yet he has fallen apart the last four turns in the TOGS."
     "I wish I knew," lamented Judge.  "He started strong, but has faded fast.  We
need to start challenging the top three teams.  We need some wins at their expense."
     Wimpy nodded in agreement.  A plan of action was formed for Turn 11 of the TOGS
     The AMTV producers entered the living room of the guildhouse.  Nuln let out a
loud belch, and smirked as the producers grimaced.  "We are here to announce that due
to the lack of votes last turn on Ganolus' replacement, we have gone ahead and
selected your new housemate," said the head producer.
     Snotman and Anti loked on with curiosity, wondering who their new housemate
would be.
     Suddenly, Shadowgate sauntered into the living room of the guildhouse.
     "You cannot be serious!" exlcaimed Judge.  Judge was not impressed with
Shadowgate's spotlight on Turn 10 of the TOGS IV wherein he told a mythical story
about Judge and Nuln huddling in a snowdrift.  Like Judge would ever do something so
absurd.  Shadowgate, not Judge, hung out at the Pink Squirrel Lounge.  If anyone
would be "huddling" with Nuln, it would be Shadowgate.
     Shadowgate retorted, "Hey roomies.  So where is my bedroom?"
     "You get to bunk with Death Stud," resonded Snotman.
     "Dude, you want to grab some beers and get in the Jacuzzi," inquired Nuln.
"Some of my women friends are coming over; it could be a good time."
     Wimpy entered the confessional, looked into the camera and stated, "It should be
interesting if Nuln's 'women friends' come over.  They are HUGE.  That Jacuzzi would
certainly be an interesting sight, but not one that I would like to see," said Wimpy.
     A few minutes later, three of Nuln's 'women friends' arrived at the AMTV
guildhouse.  As Wimpy had stated, they were HUGE.  Helga, the most rotund of the lot,
took off her full length coat and was wearing nothing but a bikini.  Death Stud
gasped in horror.
     "So boys," said Helga, "care to join us in the hot tub?"
     "Sure," said Nuln.  "How about it, guys?"
     Shadowgate looked intrigued.  Wimpy, Judge, Death Stud, Anti and Snotman looked
disgusted.  Nuln and the three women headed for the Jacuzzi with Shadowgate not far
	To be continued in Episode 9 of "The Real World, Aradi!"

												-- Legalese

         + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ The Approach" (Part 1) ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     "I can't believe it!" Trist exclaimed rising up out of her seat and moving with
purpose across the room.
     Rainyer, with his back against the wall of the Lawndocker's bow store room,
could not escape the sudden fury on his lovely consort's face.  He padded his hands
in front of him in midair as if trying to calm down a small child.  "It's true," he
     "And you waited until now to tell me!?" Trist flailed, stopping a foot from
Rainyer's chest.
     "The only difference that would have made was to keep you from coming."
     "That's right!" the minx-of-a-cat-burglar declared.  "And you know what, I'm of
the right mind to rip your throat out now that I am here, you filthy squabbling
     Rainyer flinched just as Trist was about to launch herself on top of him, but
the door to the store room burst open at that instant as Captain Avboreu Stimbottom's
head came popping through.
     "Avast ye gut dwellers," Avboreu called into the unlit room, "we're coming up
upon th' north shore--make ready!"
     Trist glared at Rainyer, silently signaling that their "discussion" wasn't over
yet.  As far as Rainyer was concerned, it was.
     Rainyer followed Trist out and up on to the Lawndocker's deck.  Rainyer knew he
had betrayed her trust, but not having Trist along for the ride would have kept him
from a warm body to snuggle up against during the night's at sea.  Of course, she
truly would never have come with them had she known the underlying reason for their
departure from Aradi proper.  Having explained the story of Onedawg's execution of
Lord Simion and his entire household to Trist, and the subsequent Aradi-wide manhunt
that was called up in search of the killer, she had come to understand that if they
were to continue their association with the demi-spirit, Onedawg, that they would
have to plan on leaving Aradi for good.  As much as Rainyer was adverse to that sort
of idea, he realized the consequences of going back on a binding oath that held
oneself to a demi-spirit.  Rainyer made a mental note never to do something like that
     But here the lot of them were anyway, manning the newly repaired Lawndocker as
it sailed along the northeast coast of Aradi in search of a chaos portal that Onedawg
claimed was "calling to him".  Whatever that meant, Rainyer thought.  He wasn't even
sure how much longer he could trust Onedawg, and while the demi-spirit had gotten rid
of his adversary, Lord Simion, and come through on his part of the bargain, Rainyer
wasn't too sure how he could continue to help the demi-spirit, or if he even wanted
to.  After all, returning to Aradi now was a moot point, given that nearly everyone
there knew of his association with the murderous Onedawg, and the only other option
left to the seaward band of rogues was to head for the mainland.  That is, if they
survived this harebrained search for a chaos portal first!
     As Trist and Rainyer came on deck, the day was bright and just a slight breeze
gusted from out of the south.  Captain Stimbottom was at his customary place at the
helm and Krells was tugging to secure a loose bit of rigging on the foremast.
Onedawg was no where to found be as usual.
     "We're coming to and preparing to launch ashore," the captain announced.
     Rainyer could see the north shore of Aradi just off the starboard side, though
they seemed rather close to the sand to be moving as fast as they were.  Rainyer shot
a glance at Avboreu that expressed as much.
     The captain grinned, "Shallow draft me boy, though we needn't worry 'bout the
sand, if that's what ye're thinkin', cause the coral's gonna git us first!"
     Rainyer's expression shifted to one of surprise and horror.  He had no idea what
coral would do to a ship, and he wasn't planning on sticking around to find out.
Without hesitating, Fash reached out and grabbed Trist's hand and darted for the lone
rowboat lashed to the Lawndocker's railing.  At just that moment, the ship lurched
badly to the right as it caught a cleft of coral along the broad side, and a long
series of grating and groaning noises emanated from below deck.  The ship came to an
all-too-sudden stop, and the four shipmates on deck froze in place in anticipation of
what might happen next.
     Onedawg rose through the wooden flooring from somewhere in the ship's depths.  A
gathering of sea gulls squawked in the distance as if in protest to the newcomer's
     "We disembark here," the demi-spirit stated as flatly and as surely as a person
realizing his death.

          + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Shadow Signs Spot #11 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
                         "Balanced Scales or Over the Edge"

     Shadowgate watched as Yukon made another cup of coffee disappear and was just
amazed.  That man can drink hot liquids!  Shadowgate liked his coffee with plenty of
cream.  Yukon wanted them both back going asap, so they had time to work on
challenges and on the next TWiT show.  Shadowgate finally had a good turn and it
allowed Shadowgate to close the gap between his teams' point contributions to those
of Yukon's.  Unfortunately he was able to close the gap a lot as Yukon had a bad
turn.  Part of the reason Yukon wanted Shadowgate up and going so Shadowgate could
coordinate their warriors challenges and pick the best challenges for each warrior.
Yukon was even going to allow Shadowgate to decide his avoids, which up until now he
didn't even bother with!  So, needless to say the scales where balancing and
Shadowgate had pulled himself away from the edge.
     Shadowgate picked up the pile of mail that he had just received and there were a
number of angry missives from Nuln's and Rillion's TOGS partners demanding their safe
return.  There was even a letter from the commission in response to the formal
complaints of TGG.  No one else seemed to either have noticed or cared about the
disappearance of The Judge or Wimpy.  Shadowgate felt a little bad about sending them
all off to Snowbound but not bad enough to go there himself.  That place was just to
damned cold, even when you went there during the one day of "Spring" followed by the
one day of "Summer" and had the correct equipment and had plenty of layers of
     Yukon was still reeling from the news that The Rage Man was Manager.  He kept
walking back and forth saying, "Manager...Rage Man...Manager...Rage Man...that is two
people trying to blow me up...no one...no two and one is mean...do I now have to pay
him twice the severance from quitting the show?...no wonder he was looking for the
dual-sheep...wow!  How can I use this to my advantage?"
     Shadowgate finally interrupted Yukon's rambling and told him he had the
challenges and avoids for his next turn for him to review.  Yukon looked up.  "I
still can't believe Manager has a dual personality!  Why didn't we think of that?
You're supposed to be the crafty one, right?  You should have figured this out long
ago!" said Yukon as he grabbed the list of challenges and avoids along with a new cup
of coffee and took a seat.
     Shadowgate went upstairs.  He had a comeback for Yukon but it would just get him
on his soapbox and make him preach more!  Shadowgate brought down a light to his desk
to illuminate everything there.  There were all his plans for the next turn and long
term plans as well.  Yukon and he had to just try to get their challenges through to
team 2 that where advantageous to them...obviously...but somehow they seemed to be
able to avoid them without being the most avoiding team.  Well, until this turn when
the cowards showed they where avoiding, that was 7.5 points less they had that turn!
The worst thing was neither Yukon or he had any TV challenges to use.  They had had
one until an untimely death for Yukon.  Maybe it was time some other warriors or
managers also met a bad ending.
     Shadowgate went back down stairs to find Yukon snoozing in his recliner with his
mouth open catching flies.  Power napping at a moments notice was another of Yukon's
"skills".  He could sleep anywhere and at anytime.  Shadowgate kicked Yukon's chair.
Yukon jumperd up.  "Hey!  What the @#$!!  What is going on?"

        + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Shadow Signs - Spot #11.5 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
                   "Balanced Scales or Over the Edge" Continued...

     Shadowgate sat down and told Yukon it might be time some other managers were
made to start his sledge.  They talked through a few other ideas and amazingly they
both had saved a few good ones which they hadn't used on Twit.  They decided the
first person who had to go was Death Stud.  They figured if he went that Soultaker
would fall apart and be a wreck for weeks until he found a new pool boy.  Their plan
required some very detailed and elaborate set-up.  The first was to find five men
with way too much style but who also didn't mind getting their hands dirty.  This one
would take some doing.  They needed to be able to remake Death Stud out of this
     Yukon said that he didn't want anything to do with finding their "actors" and
said he would take care of all the other details if Shadowgate could find the five
men and get them to look their parts.  Shadowgate agreed and tried to decide where to
begin.  He could go to another town to find recruits but Aradi had more potential in
this area that any other ten cities combined.
     Later that day Shadowgate had found five fabulous men who where now on his
payroll and Yukon and Shadowgate set their plan into motion by sending Soultaker a
response back to his request to have his little stud remade.  In two days the fab
five would work over Death Stud and good!

Here ends Team Spotlight for Team Shadow Signs - Spot #11.5 to be continued in "Fab
five meets the flabby two or team two is one short"

                                 DUELMASTER'S COLUMN
                             Notes from the arena champ.

     Greetings, Aradi.  DeGotti here with a few firsts for me in this fine city.  My
first warrior to sit upon the throne and my first two graduates from Aradi.  What can
I say, Death Stud, I think we both knew Lightning IX was outmatched.  It will be my
pleasure to show Gummi Ghoul this turn the power that is Thundra.
     For any of you who are interested in the run down on Blackburst and Thundra here they are:

     Thundra BS LO/LO Learns Init
     Blackburst EP VH/HI Learns Rip

     That's it for now may the RUGs bless me....


                                      SPY REPORT

     It is I, Novgorodny Vir, Spymaster of Spymasters.  Look on my work, ye mighty, 
and despair!  The boys at WIMPS OF DEATH left the arena dejected, after being kicked 
out of the top spot by FA CHING.  Good show!  Managers were muttering after 4000 
BLOWS showed ARADI what they could do:  3-2-0 to move up by 11.  Perhaps it is THE 
UPSTARTS III members' intannibility that enabled them to move from 25th to 12th last 
week...  (Less time in the sun...) Like a chunk of francium heaved into a wet pond, 
POWER BROKERS blew up the rankings to 15!  HIT ME WITH... posted a nice gain, to come 
in 18th.  Everybody loves a winner...  I'M WITH STUPID had cause to celebrate, after 
BONG got 24 points by beating DEMURRER.  Win some, lose some.  Speaking of which, SON 
OF BLOODLUST was winsome, after beating DERRIN and seeing him lose 14 points.  Like a 
flirtacious debutante, ARADI's Duelmaster THUNDRA found herself the woman of the 
hour, being "invited to dance" 6 times!  The arena was more crowded than usual this 
time, as WINKER X faced ARADI's Duelmaster.  Those who hoped for a new Duelmaster 
were disappointed by WINKER X, of 4000 BLOWS, who despite a 14-12-0 couldn't overcome 
ARADI's Number 1.  So who was the warrior seen charging into immovable walls and 
challenging dead trees?  Someone's got a basic problem...   
     A Zenmaster once told me, 'Does not the spinning wheel turn?  And do not the 
little birds cry out?'  Any ideas?  Like the noble eagle soaring amongst the 
mountaintops, so stand the warriors of DEATH STUDS VII, alone and unchallenged.  The 
warriors of DEATH STUDS VII found their efforts at combat frustrated as DEMONS OF 
DARKNESS 2 apparently had more important things to do than fight.   
     Like the wind whispering among the pines, do hearest I many disquieting rumors.  
BORED ELF in the Dark Arena wasn't enough for DREK of THE UNDERWORLD.  Maybe that 
certain serving girl(?) at The Blind Cyclops Inn will be!  Forgive and forget is not 
my motto.  Take heed, METAL MELTDOWN, as SPIT's death remains unavenged.  Ask not a 
spymaster for counsel, for he will pontificate long after you have fallen into an 
unconscious stupor.   
     Leave me now, you base fools!  As if buffeted by forces of nature beyond my 
control, I must take my leave of this place.  Can anything compare to the pleasure of 
writing Spyreports for ARADI?  On that giddy note I take my leave-- Novgorodny Vir  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 GUMMI GHOUL 6411             13   4  1   122       THE UPSTARTS III (510)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-RIFF 6452                    12   6  3   116       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
 QUICKSAND 6554               16   7  1   108       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
 LIGHTNING IX 4866            13   5  2   105       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
 TRIPLICATE THUNDER 6616      13   8  0   103       WILD CARDS (148)
 KABOOM 6248                  10   1  0   100       RED AVENGERS (487)
 THORNE 5259                  14   4  0    99       FA CHING (388)
 HEADROCK 3430                19  19  0    98       OGRES ARE US (270)
 LORD OF THE O RINGS 6022     23  13  1    97       WILD CARDS (148)
 BRAK 94                      15  12  1    97       THE UNDERWORLD (15)
 WINKER X 6470                14  12  0    93       4000 BLOWS (107)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 OBITER DICTA 5860            12  10  1    89       LEGALESE (449)
 AVIENDHA 4721                19  23  0    88       FA CHING (388)
 WHITE RAVEN 6484             14  10  1    87       SHADOW SIGNS (491)
 CYCLONE 6816                  9   4  0    87       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
 CYVIN 5258                   12   8  1    86       FA CHING (388)
 SUPERNOVA 6239                8   3  0    85       RED AVENGERS (487)
-ROSENCRANTZ 6786              7   5  0    83       BLACK FRIARS (521)
 SANDSTORM 6813                9   4  0    82       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
 THE AYL'M'ER 6056            14  16  1    81       4000 BLOWS (107)
-WON TOO MANY 5892             7   4  1    80       SAAB STORY (389)
 NOODLES 6247                  5   6  0    80       RED AVENGERS (487)
 NAPPY DUGOUT 6080            15  18  1    78       WILD CARDS (148)
 LLUPERIOR LLORCES 5956        9   5  1    78       LUROCIANS VI (431)
 ACK ACK 837                  11   8  3    75       THE UNDERWORLD (15)
 TALON 6736                    7   5  0    72       WING HOVE (529)
-KARATE WRECKER 6693           6   9  0    72       THIEVES GUILD (396)
 SMIRLIN 6568                 13  13  0    71       OGRES ARE US (270)
 LLUGS AND LLISSES 5887       11  10  1    71       LUROCIANS VI (431)
 WIND 5906                    11   5  0    69       FIVE SPHERES (462)
 LACHES 5642                  13  16  0    68       LEGALESE (449)
-WARAGEN 5573                 11   3  0    68       SAAB STORY (389)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-LEO 6837                      8   2  0    68       DARQUE AGES (536)
 4-FT PARTY BONG 6908          8   4  0    67       MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 TOGS STINKER 6588            11   6  0    66       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
 MARBURY 4499                 14   9  0    64       LOCK-OUT (368)
 BLUE BEANIE 6461             11  12  1    64       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
 SON OF BLOODLUST 6823        11   3  0    63       4000 BLOWS (107)
-GOURMET GRUEL 6730            9   6  0    62       R.J.G. (475)
 DREK 836                      8  11  1    61       THE UNDERWORLD (15)
 HELMS 6660                   10   8  3    60       POWER BROKERS (527)
 TAY STARLE 6808               6   5  2    60       WING HOVE (529)
 MISTRESS BOMBTRONIC 6617     13   8  1    58       WILD CARDS (148)
 MURRAY 6661                  10   7  0    57       POWER BROKERS (527)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 SYDA HAMMIE 6667             12   7  0    56       OGRES ARE US (270)
 URLGEN THREE-FIST 7019        4   3  1    56       FORGOTTEN REALMS (185)
 T-MAC 6806                    7   8  1    55       LOCK-OUT (368)
 DEMURRER 5828                13  13  2    54       LEGALESE (449)
 ZERBERT 6243                  9   2  0    54       RED AVENGERS (487)
 FRUB 6794                     8   7  0    54       WIMPS OF DEATH (66)
 BONG 6980                     8   2  0    53       I'M WITH STUPID (531)
 LLUCKY DAY 6021               8   6  0    52       LUROCIANS VI (431)
 EDDIE THE ECHO 3770           5   5  1    52       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
 TYPHOON XXII 6827            10   2  0    51       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
 NAMBY PAMBY 6977              6   4  1    51       WIMPS OF DEATH (66)
-IKER 6505                     9   7  0    50       R.J.G. (475)
 FREEP 6812                    9   5  0    50       WIMPS OF DEATH (66)
-STRANGLEMEELMO 6762           6   1  1    49       5 BELOW ZERO (532)
-SPONGEBOB 6504               10   6  0    48       R.J.G. (475)
 GOLDFISH 6718                 8   9  0    45       SHADOW SIGNS (491)
 ANGRY SANTA 6828              9   3  0    44       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
 XXX 6975                      8   2  0    44       SHADOW SIGNS (491)
 HERROL 6694                   8   5  0    43       WING HOVE (529)
 FLORIN FALCONHAND 5750        7  12  0    43       FORGOTTEN REALMS (185)
 SCRAG 6972                    7   3  0    43       LOSERS (544)
 S.L.A.P.P. 6974               6   4  0    42       LEGALESE (449)
-VORPAL BUNNY 6731             6   9  0    42       R.J.G. (475)
 ZYLLEIX'S SHADE 6939          3   7  0    42       SHADOW SIGNS (491)
 DERRIN 6952                   6   3  0    41       WING HOVE (529)
 SANDY BEACH 6957              5   2  0    41       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
 TOGS REPLACEMENT 7045         4   1  0    41       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
 BARON 6765                   10   6  2    40       LOCK-OUT (368)
 THE-SHOCKER 6824              6   6  0    39       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
-HENRY IV 6899                 6   5  0    39       BLACK FRIARS (521)
 MARDUK 6863                   5   7  1    39       FACES OF ETERNITY (539)
 ANDROGENOUS STRAIN 6412       5  11  0    39       THE UPSTARTS III (510)
 BING 6979                     8   2  0    38       I'M WITH STUPID (531)
 HOSCHA 6835                   7   6  0    38       OGRES ARE US (270)
-RIP RAP 6599                  7   7  0    38       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
 INSISTANT BEGGAR 6630         7   8  0    37       BUMS 'R' US (465)
-MR. NEGATIVITY 6764           4   3  0    37       5 BELOW ZERO (532)
-SLIPKNOT 6674                 6  10  0    36       THIEVES GUILD (396)
 DUNNO 6988                    5   4  0    35       HIT ME WITH... (503)
 MR OBLIVIOUS 6413             4  11  0    35       THE UPSTARTS III (510)
 PIKEL 5808                    8   9  0    34       FORGOTTEN REALMS (185)
-WURL POOLE 6799               3   2  0    34       SWIFT CURRENT (468)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 WATER 5905                    6   5  0    33       FIVE SPHERES (462)
 ASSHE-MASTER 7000             7   2  0    31       4000 BLOWS (107)
 URBAN 7035                    6   0  0    31       DARQUE AGES (536)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 JAMIS 6735                    5   7  1    31       WING HOVE (529)
-GUILDENSTERN 6785             5   8  1    30       BLACK FRIARS (521)
 INDIMAR'S FAXMACHINE 7013     2   5  0    30       HIT ME WITH... (503)
 ORIGINAL SHOCKER 6959         6   5  0    29       WILD CARDS (148)
 DOVE FALCONHAND 5770          5  13  1    29       FORGOTTEN REALMS (185)
 GRAFFIX 6909                  5   7  0    29       MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
-DICHABOD 6912                 4   7  0    29       THIEVES GUILD (396)
 SPED 6803                     2   3  0    29       BUMS 'R' US (465)
 LOUKMAD 7042                  2   4  0    28       OGRES ARE US (270)
 TOGS WINNER 7137              2   0  0    28       RED AVENGERS (487)
 LIMPY LIMPY 7046              2   2  0    28       LUROCIANS VI (431)
 SHARP STICK 6949              5   6  0    27       I'M WITH STUPID (531)
 WILDFIRE 6983                 5   4  0    27       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
 DR. FEELGOOD 7130             1   2  0    27       MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
 VIKEN 6943                    5   6  1    26       LOSERS (544)
-THE GREEK GUY 6179            5   1  0    25       I HATE THEM (480)
 PIP THE TROLL 6942            6   5  1    24       LOSERS (544)
 FLICKED BOOGERS 6989          5   4  0    24       HIT ME WITH... (503)
 WEED 4 MOM 6984               4   6  0    24       LOCK-OUT (368)
-HANGMAN 6761                  4   3  0    24       5 BELOW ZERO (532)
 RYLD 7067                     1   3  0    24       MELEE-MAGTHERE (549)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 TWICKLEBUM 6992               4   5  0    23       WIMPS OF DEATH (66)
-INNOCENT 6838                 5   5  2    22       DARQUE AGES (536)
 GROVER 7004                   4   4  0    22       I'M WITH STUPID (531)
 SILVER BELLS 7014             4   3  0    21       SHADOW SIGNS (491)
 JARLAXLE 7066                 3   1  1    21       MELEE-MAGTHERE (549)
 TOSSED SALAD 6987             3   6  0    21       HIT ME WITH... (503)
 IVAN 7043                     4   2  0    20       FORGOTTEN REALMS (185)
 JAMAICAN GOLD 7039            3   3  0    20       MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
-Z=ENTER THESE 7079            2   0  0    20       MALAQUAR'S MINIONS (550)
 HARSIESUS 6871                1   0  0    20       INQUISITION SG-1 (540)
 QUETZACOATYL 6865             3   9  1    19       FACES OF ETERNITY (539)
-HELL MARY 6760                3   4  0    19       5 BELOW ZERO (532)
 TOGS DIXIE 7084               2   2  0    19       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
 VOLCANO 7048                  3   2  0    17       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
 TELLY 7135                    2   0  0    17       I'M WITH STUPID (531)
 TRUST FUND BABY 6951          1   4  0    17       BUMS 'R' US (465)
-VAJRA HAMMER 7076             2   0  0    16       MALAQUAR'S MINIONS (550)
-LEGS ANDARMS 7020             2   3  0    15       THIEVES GUILD (396)
 NERVOUS TIC 6638              2   3  0    15       BUMS 'R' US (465)
-X=WHERE'S MY BEER? 7077       2   0  0    15       MALAQUAR'S MINIONS (550)
 VOHDE 7040                    3   3  0    14       FIVE SPHERES (462)
 KERRY 7141                    2   0  0    14       POWER BROKERS (527)
-VICIOUS RUMOR 6981            2   7  0    13       R.J.G. (475)
 ZIGGERZAG 7153                1   0  0    13       THE UPSTARTS III (510)
 MAIMONIDES 7010               2   6  0    12       FACES OF ETERNITY (539)
 ROCKY BANKS 7073              1   2  0    12       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
 LLAPPY LLILMORE 7133          2   0  0    11       LUROCIANS VI (431)
-Y=GET ME THIS ONE 7078        1   1  0    11       MALAQUAR'S MINIONS (550)
 BUSTED NUTS 7134              1   1  0    11       HIT ME WITH... (503)
 CLINTON 7146                  1   0  0    11       POWER BROKERS (527)
 LOTT 7145                     1   0  0    11       POWER BROKERS (527)
 ZIG-ZAG MAN 7083              2   2  0     9       MY BEST BUDS 2 (542)
 TELESPHORUS 7071              2   3  0     9       DARQUE AGES (536)
-IAGO 6997                     2   3  0     9       BLACK FRIARS (521)
-SONNETT 7088                  1   0  0     9       SAAB STORY (389)
 ANASTASIUS II 7117            2   2  0     8       DARQUE AGES (536)
 QUEENIE 7093                  2   2  0     8       RED DOG GANG (476)
 PRETTY BOY 7091               2   2  0     8       RED DOG GANG (476)
 ERIK THE RED 7041             1   5  0     8       FACES OF ETERNITY (539)
 VERDICT 7069                  1   4  0     7       LEGALESE (449)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-LOTUS BLOSSOM 7080            1   1  0     7       MALAQUAR'S MINIONS (550)
 DUKE 7090                     1   3  0     6       RED DOG GANG (476)
 MANAGER 7094                  1   3  0     6       LOSERS (544)
-SUGAR 7128                    1   1  1     5       5 BELOW ZERO (532)
 ROT GUT 7154                  1   0  0     5       THE UPSTARTS III (510)
 DUST 7142                     0   2  0     4       FIVE SPHERES (462)
 OWL-LEN-L-NER 7143            0   2  0     2       LOCK-OUT (368)
 TOGS DESPERATION 7136         0   2  0     2       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
 NUHRII 7127                   0   2  0     2       THE UNDERWORLD (15)
 BLAZE 7155                    0   1  0     1       FIVE SPHERES (462)
 CORTEZ 7156                   0   1  0     1       FACES OF ETERNITY (539)
-DISCOCHIMP 7051               0   1  0     1       BUMS 'R' US (465)
 M'TARL 7138                   0   1  0     1       MELEE-MAGTHERE (549)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?
BLUD 7012              3  1 0 5 BELOW ZERO 532      QUETZACOATYL 6865     331 REVENGED
BORED ELF 19           0  1 0 DARK ARENA 0          DREK 836              334 NONE    
LANCELOT 6867          4  7 0 FACES OF ETERNITY 539 NAMBY PAMBY 6977      333         
FLAME 7017             3  3 0 FIVE SPHERES 462      T-MAC 6806            333         
THE BRICK 6342         8  3 0 HIT ME WITH... 503    NEWCASTLE 6669        330 NOT REVE
POPPA BEAR 7150        0  1 0 I HATE THEM 480       ARNIE SHEW 21         334 NONE    
FATHER 7151            0  1 0 I HATE THEM 480       DARK CHAMPION 24      334 NONE    
BOSS RAT 7152          0  1 0 I HATE THEM 480       JORGE BLACK ORC 20    334 NONE    
PPAPPY 7072            0  1 0 LOCK-OUT 368          URLGEN THREE-FIS 7019 330 REVENGED
DAIT 7147              0  1 0 LOSERS 544            ARENAMASTER HARKON 23 334 NONE    
JERLYS 7139            0  1 0 MELEE-MAGTHERE 549    STONE GOLEM 26        334 NONE    
ZILLIAN 7148           0  1 0 MELEE-MAGTHERE 549    SPYMASTER 22          334 NONE    
SPIT 6435              5  2 0 METAL MELTDOWN 344    NAPPY DUGOUT 6080     330 NOT REVE
MAUI WOWIE! 6907       4  5 1 MY BEST BUDS 2 542    INNOCENT 6838         331 REVENGED
MONKEY'S PAW 7038      1  1 0 MY BEST BUDS 2 542    INNOCENT 6838         330 REVENGED
MC CAIN 6662           9  8 0 POWER BROKERS 527     LLUPERIOR LLORCE 5956 333         
BOONE 6090            12 42 0 RED DOG GANG 476      RIFF 6452             330 NONE    
SIRIUS 6193           17 24 1 RED DOG GANG 476      ACK ACK 837           332         
TEACUP TERRIER 6569    7 15 1 RED DOG GANG 476      VIKEN 6943            330 NOT REVE
PHYDEAU 7092           0  2 0 RED DOG GANG 476      SUGAR 7128            332         
TA'LON THE VILE 4447   2  6 0 THE UNDERWORLD 15     SEA MONSTER 27        334 NONE    
SQUIRTY JOE 7008       1  5 0 THE UPSTARTS III 510  JARLAXLE 7066         333         
FAST & DUMB 7144       0  1 0 WIMPS OF DEATH 66     ARNIE SHEW 21         334 NONE    
PIPSQUEAK 6810         8  5 0 WIMPS OF DEATH 66     BARON 6765            333         

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Anti -- Nice turn last turn.  Let's keep that up and move up in the rankings. --

Malaquar -- You are clearly not allowed to have minions.  Please read section 87
paragraph 43 of your contract.  You just added 14 years to your indentured servitude
for breach of contract. -- Guardian

Soultaker -- Man do you really have to drink beer out of that ladle?  That's a sin, I
think. -- Guardian

     Right.  Vodka only.  Beer doesn't have enough alcohol to disinfect anything. --

Pip -- Hmm looks like nothing much was your fault this week. -- Guardian

Squirty Joe's Manager -- My regards to you for your loss.  I hope his replacement
brings you many wins in his future and am again sorry for the scimitar to the throat
even though I was aiming for the leg. -- Jarlaxle
P.S.  I hope Gummi Ghoul is merciful and I learn a lot...if I don't die.

Pretty Boy -- I am not a very good teacher but am a great student. -- Ryld

DeGhotti -- You still have someone left in 17? -- Barnabas

Spot -- The Great Nulninski, 130 lbs. of rippling powerful, intense muscle is your
manager's secret protector.  I personally have rec'd many threatening messages (most
with finger paints) telling me to leave you alone or else!  Please keep this info to
yourself, wouldn't want this getting out to any of the guys.  They frown on
protecting ones outside the non-alliance' they all seemed to thrive on challenging
you, I do it once, accidentally kill one of your fellow teammates and holy cow!  Nuln
goes into Nulnitaville.  :)  About all I can say is lucky you, having someone such as
the feared Nulninski in your corner has got to be a good feeling.  :(  (Oh excuse me,
I just puked.)  Time to go! -- Barnabas

RDG -- Glad to hear you got good replacements; I did what I could.  Sorry to hear
they got killed. Please just let Nuln know it wasn't me .) -- Barnabas

Soulie -- Glad to help.  Any time, amigo. -- Barnabas

Soultaker -- About the bends, have I been pulling you off Pip too fast? -- Barnabas

Voyde -- Thanks for the tip.  OK Nuln, you can't come over anymore, but I do want my
paints back!  Natural Disasters, is that Soulie's team?  Oh man, I can't stop my
knees from knockin'.  Auntie Em, whatever am I going to do? -- Barnabas

Death Stud -- Come on partner, don't tell me your memory is going too!  We had just
discussed the hit list a few days previous.  I have no hit list, at least any
specific one.  :)  Mine kinda are a random thing but my challenges against you are
never from a hit list.  More like an "Oh Boy" list.  :)  Man, this leading the TOGS
thing must put a lot of stress on ya, buddy.  Hang tough, it's not me lurking in the
shadows against any of my friends. -- Barnabas
P.S.  Oh and by the way, thanks for being a little concerned about my so called list,
you really know how to build a guy's confidence. :>

Pip -- Chill, my brother, I can take care of myself oh super intelligent one.
Everything is cool in Fonzland (I think).  Hey, feathers get ruffled no matter where
and how, it just seems to happen sometimes.  Folks either get over it or they don't,
simple as that.  Dude your move is like you're standing still, what happened to this
dominance I was hearing about?  Hasn't your partner taught you anything yet; thought
that was part of the deal? -- Barnabas

Party Bong -- You suck! -- Wurl Poole

Zerbert -- Why is it always me hooking up with your kind? -- Rip Rap

Shocker -- I'll bet you were, man that was easy. -- S.B.

Anastasius -- Someday I'll win! -- Rocky

This is just an ad in case I forget later. -- The Rage Man

Death Stud -- Thanks for letting Thundra take the throne. -- DeGotti

5-0 What a wonderful feeling in such a quality arena! -- DeGotti

Genocide -- We must stop meeting so much on the sands. -- DeGotti

Nuln -- I would brag about the victory over Zesty, but looking at my last three turns
3-11-1.  I just don't have the juice. -- Genocide

Ok, pity party over.

I rocked!  You never had a chance!

Now (sniff), in Barny Fife fashion, that's better.

Hey, can we DA our manager? -- Brak

Leo -- That was skill, so good I'm DAing Drek.  How did you do that?  And don't give
me that clean living' crap. -- Genocide

DeGotti -- Never mind?!? -- Genocide desperately hanging to that one victory

Goldfish -- My word you're quick.  I'll have to remember to stay away from you. --
the Greek Guy (the warrior not the manager)

Melee-Magthere -- Well, at least I can see that you've got some guts to back up that
stench.  Mind telling me what you go by so I can stop referring to you as "pondscum"
to my associates? -- Onedawg, Last Scion of the Da'awginori

Soultaker -- I'm baaaack! -- Mad Max

Greetings and well met, Aradi.  I just wanted to re-introduce myself.  I am Mad Max,
manager of I Hate Them.  I will be around for quite a while so I hope everyone can
get used to it again.  I'm really looking forward to competing with everyone in this
fine arena.  I really missed being away and after everyone's favorite bald, sheep
loving, soul acquiring dwarf started talking his usual trash about how I can't cut it
in Aradi and that was why I wasn't around anymore, I decided to hang my hat (among
other things) here in Aradi again.  I hope you all don't mind.  If you do....  Well,
tough noogies for you.  I'm not going anywhere.  I fully expect to be back at full
strength with a full stable of crappy managers (that I am going to try and pass off
as warriors) in the next few coming weeks.  Just do me a favor and take it easy on
them.  It's not their fault that I am incompetent.  I hope to see you all on the
sand.  Salute!

Florin Falconhand -- I haven't had so much fun in a long time.  Beating someone with
such a pretentious name really makes me feel great.  Of course then I look at your
record and the feeling diminishes some what. - Freep

Son of Bloodlust -- A suggestion:  Either grow or use a smaller weapon.  Another
suggestion:  Avoid fighters like me. -- Frub

Faces of Eternity -- I checked Namby Pamby's kill desire used in his fight with
Lancelot (RIP) and it was as I directed, a 5KD.  I can't understand why he suddenly
decided to seek the death blow.  I'd like to say that it won't happen again, but I
can't say that. -- Wimpy

Ghost of Lancelot -- Now for all eternity you can look at faces.  HHHAHAHA. -- Namby

     What?  Oh, right.  I think I need some more tea before I finish this. -- Ed. the
     caffeine deprived

Baron -- It is hard to believe that you would stoop so low as to kill such a little
guy as Pipsqueak.  He was only 5'1" and really never hurt anyone.  I guess we will
have to blood feud by sending one of our guys out to meet you.  The only reason we
will do so if for the sake of honor.  We sure don't have a chance of beating you. --

Vohde -- I'll bet you thought you were making a good challenge.  On paper it looked
good, but you forgot, on paper doesn't count.  You still have to fight the fight, and
win. -- Twicklebum

Gosh Darn it, HAL isn't sending me a response!  Just another ad test. -- The Rage Man

     HAL must have been on strike.  I understand he wants more latitude in eating ads
     and such. -- Ed.

Snotman -- You can justify however you want.  I'm just calling it how it looks to me.
You can't really point out the original FONZ members as examples, it's not like The
Dark One or anyone good would have joined you guys when you were first starting out.
I'm pretty sure that the original FONZ was much more accomplished than the original
DOA when we formed.  How was anyone to know that Nuln would be a dud or that Death
Stud would be any good?  Meanwhile, your recent additions have been brilliant.  You
add Hombre right when he's peaking.  You knew Ganolus for like two+ years, but are
savvy enough to wait until he TCs before you invite him.  And now you strike it rich
with Barnabas.  Meanwhile, you add members like Anti and Magic Man to make it look
like you don't really care--knowing full well that their low tourney entrants won't
hurt your bottom line.  Fortunately, I'm on to you. -- Manager
P.S.  With a sad 8.52 TV % for the 2003 year, I'm sure BOB is regretting a lot of

Barnabas -- I wouldn't be me, if I didn't pay attention to these things.  :)  Always
keep an eye on those who might threaten you in the future...that said, I hope the no-
pressure thing works for you.  For me, I find that I'm at my best when I am all
paranoid and assuming the rest of my alliance-mates are going to do badly.  More
stressed, but also better. -- Manager

Guardian -- Pfft!  Well then you're just going to have to learn how to do strategy
sheets on your own. -- Manager

DeGotti -- Way to take the throne!  Again, it just goes to show, that if you want
something done right, you need to do it yourself! -- Manager

Guardian -- Just who do you think you are, asking us to kill one of your warriors?
This is an Andorian arena, bub, take that team to some Delarquan place and have him
killed off. -- Manager
P.S.  I'll try to see if we can scum him though.

CFH -- Thanks.  My teammate from 45 says he thinks you still owe us a couple of roll-
ups. -- Manager

Soultaker -- You have to be able to actually accomplish something before you can say
you are a has-been. (New definition of accomplish:  Winning a Primus TC.) -- Manager

Soultaker -- I don't think anyone can fault me if we lose this TOGS.  My strategy was
foolproof.  How could anyone have ever calculated the odds that you would carry your
own weight this time?  That was such a low percentage variable. -- Manager

Well, it's late and there's not a whole lot to say except:  I have enjoyed the
competition immensely and look forward to watching who wins.  And maybe even be able
to play a little bit of the spoiler along the way!!! -- Street Legal
P.S.  Oh and I am GLAD to finally get a successful bloodfeud against my alliance-
mate, I wasn't sure I would get it!!!

All -- 4-1 last turn!  YEAH!  I am not dragging Team 3 down...for that turn anyway!
-- Shadowgate

Yukon -- Get your team back in gear!  When need Team 3 running on both cylinders! --

Death Stud -- Avoiding Yukon's team huh?  You must have been avoiding my team just a
little less based on my poor percentage of my challenges getting through to you.  You
can run but you can't hide forever! -- Shadowgate

     That's what you think.  Facial reconstruction makes the hiding forever quite a
     bit easier. -- Ed.

Thundra -- Thanks!  We needed to have someone do that! -- Shadowgate

All -- Damn!  I pulled an Anti last turn.  -1.5 points scored on a multiplier round.
How sad. -- Snotman

Master Darque -- Yeah yeah, excuses are like goat mcnuggets, they go good with
ketchup. >:P -- Anti

     Now this time I KNOW it's not lack of caffeine. -- Ed.

Spot -- Yeah but the TOGS won't last forever, so c'mon and stick it out! :) -- Anti

All -- Hi.  My name is Yukon and I think painting baby seals with red paint to stop
people from clubbing then and taking their skin was a really good way of feeding a
lot of polar bears. -- Yukon

     They need to add cayenne pepper to the paint.  Polar bears can't have a whole
     lot of experience with Mexican food. -- Ed.

All -- OK I will tough this contest out. -- Ghoti

Shadowgate -- You got your wish.  It seems we were unable to keep up the run. --

     More prune juice? -- Ed.
     P.S.  NOT an age reference.  However it sounds.

PiP -- It is all your fault. -- Soultaker

PiP -- As if joining the CDC is a huge step for mankind.  A has-been alliance that
sucks more then Cher at a Navy, Army reunion. -- Soultaker

Death Stud -- You go to the left and I will go to the right and we will surround
these pud managers. -- Soultaker

Guardian -- Next time get a real partner.  Try one with more ability like maybe Miles
or the Boss.  I know you felt sorry for him and let him come out and play with the
big boys. -- Soultaker

Manalger -- Nice turn for you two last turn.  That will be your last. -- Soultaker

All -- NCAA or RSI...curse you TOGS! -- Voyde

Not so good last turn but at least my ne guy is better than my partner's.  :) -- TGG

Too bad my challenges that went through last turn were for the turn I missed. -- TGG

Fellow Togs Participants -- It was not the legendary fax machine that caused me to
miss last turn.  It was a bad attitude worthy of legend.  I will make every attempt
to finish in a manner worthy of all who seek the Golden Scrod. -- Indimar

     Whoo-boy.  I have a sneaking suspicion of what a "manner worthy" might be and it
     ain't a pretty suspicion. -- Ed.

Onemutt, eater of the last scone -- It is customary to allow one to reply to a
challenge before throwing out your "I thought not".  Let me just point out that I
have pretty much owned you throughout this contest (others have been slapping me
around pretty good lately).  Even though I missed last turn, my good partner carried
us farther up in the standings as you fell back.  If you still want to wager, let me
know your terms.  Perhaps the loser could manage under the name Little Bunny Froo
Froo for several turns.  I would be willing to wager you already have jammies to
match the name. -- Indimar Fallon freelance dogcatcher

Mr. Soultaker -- Thanks for noticing me.  I am sorry I was too ignorant to know the
honor I was receiving when YOU communicated with me.  It was an honest mistake.  I
noticed you always write to Barnabas and figured you would talk to just about
anybody.  I will try to be suitably giddy the next time you address me. -- Indimar
the Unworthy

Elephant -- Nice job carrying us through last turn.  I hope I can take some of the
weight off your shoulders this turn. -- Indimar

Ryld -- What's a golem?  Are you some kind of wind-up toy?  Anyway, it hurt my teeth
when I tried to chew on you.  No fun! -- Queenie

Ta'Lon the Vile -- You used that stuff that tastes awful to make dogs stop chewing,
didn't you?  But I am stronger than nasty-tasting stuff!  I am...Pretty Boy!

Z=Enter These -- But I don't want to. -- Duke

Ul'saruk -- You don't seriously expect me to remember what I said two turns ago, do
you? -- Queenie
P.S.  If it's really important, I'll look it up.

Dr. Feelgood -- It's more fun that way.  Like a tug of war. -- Duke

CFH -- Yes, there's been something strange going on here in Aradi lately.  Something
very anti-dog.  Poisonings, hit-and-runs with hobnailed carriages, vicious packs of
chickens, the whole works. -- Spot

Ghoti -- I just don't get why you would name yourself after facial hair.  What gives?
-- Eyelash (it's really me, Death Stud)
P.S.  I really hope that you stay.

Master Darque -- Avoiding the manager with warriors below you makes sense, but with
the qualifier that those warriors might actually have a chance of beating yours.
Else, there's no reason to avoid, and therefore why I am perplexed. -- Death Stud

Mansnot -- Tourney is coming up.  What foreign country are you running off to in 
order to avoid your participation in the FONZ non-alliance events this year? --

Freep -- I know...know...know...know....  That sucks...sucks...sucks.... -- Eddie the

DeGotti -- I know that you didn't really think you could peer pressure me into
acceptable a bad matchup with Lightning based on the time-honored "c'mon, don't be a
yeller dog" taunt. -- Death Stud

Genocide -- Do what you need to do, but please try to be as considerate as you can of
the contest in

     Was there supposed to be more to this ad? -- Ed. the continually confused

Shadowgate -- Crazy stuff, wasn't that?  Here's for 3 more turns of it! -- Death Stud

Anti -- Sorry about last turn.  It won't happen again.  From here on out it's
spotlights and personals and at least 4 points worth of wins, every turn! -- Snotman

Voyde -- While you're reading this, I'm losing us five points. -- Nuln

     But at least you're staying on my good side. -- Ed.

Soultaker -- Nuln told me it was about being funny.  Now he tells me my team's
performance isn't supposed to be comical, only the spotlights are.  And now he's
telling me a scrod is a fish, not part of a male's anatomy.  What bombshell are you
guys gonna drop on me next? -- Pip

Ghoti -- I think you should tough this contest out. -- Armalias

Ghoti -- Sorry ya have to drop out.  I know how THAT feels. >:P -- Anti

Manalger -- Ha! -- Anti, you know why

Greek Guy -- Ya should ask Wimpy about Roanoke VA's mail system...I'm pretty sure it
consists of two dope heads and an old goat with a saddle.  When I lived there my
turns were occasionally 2-3 weeks late. -- Anti

     The goat died. -- Ed.

Nervous Tic -- Huh?  What fight? -- Mr. Oblivious

Jarlaxle -- Not sure if I'll bother to bloodfeud...probably not. -- Anti

Hombre -- First Ganolus, now you, what's up with this hide and seek? -- Elephant

25 February 2004
Readers, and especially those who volunteered warriors -- My apologies for the sudden
lack of episodes.  I've been sick, but expect to be back at the keyboard soon. -- the

3 March 2004

     Mongo, aka Matt McIntosh and ex-Warden of the Dark Circle, is auctioning off his
entire collection of Duelmasters warriors and stables.  Don't miss out on this chance
to own some fantastic warriors!  There are ADM warriors available in every class from
Primus to Freshmen, as well as over a dozen Basic stables.
     Does a Slasher with +4 attack, +4 decisiveness, +3 initiative and +2 riposte
sound good?  How about a Lunger who received the benefit of a TC prize, has TVed
three times after graduating--and still hasn't maxed out his skills!?  How about a
Striker in the Freshmen class who has decisiveness for a favorite learn and the MAUL
for a favorite weapon!?
     Or perhaps you prefer playing in Basic.  Then how does a stable with four Adept
class warriors who have a combined record of 41-19-9 sound?  Or maybe a stable with
three 21-Will warriors?  Or perhaps a stable with four Initiates and a Rookie who
have a combined record of 23-6-1?
     The quality of the lots is excellent.  All you need to view and bid on the lots
is go to:
     If you want to be on the mailing list to receive regular updates on the auction,
just send an e-mail to JVMerlino@aol.com. Merlin, aka John Merlino and also an ex-
Warden of the Dark Circle, will be running this auction for me.  I just moved to New
Orleans and am likely currently stumbling around the French Quarter...because it's
Mardi Gras!  So I have named my auction in honor of this occasion.
     The auction will start on Saturday, March 13th, 2004, and will continue for
several weeks.  But you should get your bids in early if you want your best chance at
owning any of these fantastic warriors and stables.
     Many thanks to all for your interest and your bids,


5 March 2004
Style Masters Symposium
Hosted by Hammer

     The years have slipped by and many DM Managers have come and gone since the last
Hammer's Handbook was compiled and printed.
     There is now a stirring within me to begin writing and editing yet another
Handbook with a distribution date sometime in 2005.
     This Handbook will be made available via Email with a possibility of burning the
info to a CD for distribution.
     Special arrangements will be made to provide the information via printed page to
those contributors who are serving sentences behind bars.
     The working title of this new Handbook is "Style Masters Symposium Hosted by
     Distribution of this Handbook is projected to be MAINLY for those DM Managers
who contribute information/articles to Hammer by June 2004.
     Informative and entertaining articles should focus on insights regarding Any or
All 10 Style Masters for both the Basic and ADM arenas as well as Tourney
     Articles focusing on Weapons/Armor are also encouraged for inclusion.
     Whether you are a Newbie Manager without a clue or a Jaded Veteran; everyone has
discovered something about this gaming experience that is both Insightful and
     Email Your Articles to HammerDM@fastermail.com or send them via Diplo to either
Flower Hammerz (372) in DM 28 or Casino Hammerz (576) in DM 33.
     Length and Content of the Style Masters Symposium Hosted by Hammer will be
Determined by the Quality and Quantity of Contributors Combined with the Literary
Efforts of Hammer who is currently overseas for an indefinite period of time.
     Articles Contributed for this Project should be of Sufficient Length and Content
to Warrant being Included to Receive the Finished Document when Hammer has completed
this literary work to His satisfaction.
     Managers contributing articles are also requested to include a DM Bio of
Themselves along with any Notable Successes and/or Failures during Their DM Career in
Basic, ADM and/or Tourney Play.
     A listing of Active Stables would also be Helpful for Anyone Seeking to Reply to
Contributors via Diplo, Email or Snailmail.
     May Your Blades Be Sharp And Your Wits Sharper!
     -- Hammer of Flower Hammerz (372) DM 28 and Casino Hammerz (576) DM 33

18 March 2004
St. Valentine's Day Massacre Update

     We are pleased to announce that the kLk sponsored St. Valentine's Day Massacre
kill contest in DM 36 is off to a great start.  We are also pleased to announce that
in addition to the 10 team rollups we are also able to offer the renaming of a dark
arena warrior as a prize to the manager with the most kills.  The contest is only 2
turns old and is still wide open.  There are currently 5 managers tied with one kill
each.  Anything can still happen so hurry up and get into the arena.
     On a personal note, no other alliances have entered the arena in force to
challenge the kLk dominance.  We were expecting The Firm to put up a fight for their
supposed home arena.  But, they were a no show.  Guess they proved what they are
really made of.  *evil grin*
     Perhaps another alliance would like to step in to give us a challenge.  We are
throwing down the gauntlet.  Perhaps the Chaos Inc. boys I keep hearing about would
like to step in and challenge the kLk for arena dominance.  If you don't show up,
Chaos, don't feel bad.  FAR better managers than you have been invited into Jhans but
have chosen to pass on the offer.
     So if you consider yourself worthy to compete, like fierce competition, and
enjoy arenas where the personals are as fierce as the fighting, come visit JHANS DM

36.  We're already planning our next contest, "Capture the Flag," and have a
storyline being actively worked on in the arena.  Whatever you like about DM you can
find it in JHANS.

mgr. of Suicidal Dreams
and Director Jhans Board of Tourism
kLk Alliance

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

DREK delivered the death blow upon BORED ELF in a 3 minute Dark Arena fight.
TA'LON THE VILE was dispatched by SEA MONSTER in a 1 minute Dark Arena battle.
POPPA BEAR was put to death by ARNIE SHEW in a 2 minute gory Dark Arena match.
FATHER was dispatched by DARK CHAMPION in a 1 minute Dark Arena brawl.
FAST & DUMB was dealt death by ARNIE SHEW in a 2 minute Dark Arena fight.
BOSS RAT was assassinated by JORGE BLACK ORC in a 1 minute Dark Arena match.
DAIT was butchered by ARENAMASTER HARKON in a 1 minute gruesome Dark Arena brawl.
JERLYS was slain by STONE GOLEM in a 2 minute brutal Dark Arena struggle.
ZILLIAN was butchered by SPYMASTER in a 1 minute Dark Arena competition.
MURRAY was overpowered by LLUPERIOR LLORCES in a 1 minute uneven Bloodfeud melee.
BARON was vanquished by URLGEN THREE-FIST in a 1 minute uneven Bloodfeud duel.
DUST was overpowered by T-MAC in a 2 minute uneven Bloodfeud duel.
WINKER X was overpowered by THUNDRA in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
OBITER DICTA was overpowered by BLACKBURST in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
BRAK was bested by GUMMI GHOUL in a 2 minute master's Challenge Title conflict.
AVIENDHA was demolished by TRIPLICATE THUNDER in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge brawl.
QUICKSAND overcame HEADROCK in a action packed 2 minute veteran's Challenge conflict.
SMIRLIN was overpowered by LORD OF THE O RINGS in a 1 minute Challenge struggle.
KABOOM handily defeated THE AYL'M'ER in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge bout.
NOODLES was viciously subdued by SIR ZESTALOT in a 2 minute veteran's Challenge brawl.
LLUGS AND LLISSES was savagely defeated by CYCLONE in a 2 minute Challenge bout.
LACHES unbelievably bested BLUE BEANIE in a 8 minute master's Challenge competition.
SYDA HAMMIE was vanquished by SUPERNOVA in a 2 minute one-sided Challenge match.
FRUB was viciously subdued by WIND in a crowd pleasing 3 minute gory Challenge fray.
TAY STARLE demolished THE-SHOCKER in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge fight.
SON OF BLOODLUST vanquished DERRIN in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge match.
TYPHOON XXII luckily beat GOLDFISH in a exciting 6 minute gruesome Challenge bout.
HELMS savagely defeated LLUCKY DAY in a popular 3 minute expert's Challenge duel.
XXX luckily beat HOSCHA in a action packed 5 minute brutal Challenge competition.
ZYLLEIX'S SHADE overpowered JAMAICAN GOLD in a 1 minute uneven Challenge fight.
BING unbelievably bested MR OBLIVIOUS in a exciting 2 minute Challenge fight.
WILDFIRE was savagely defeated by MARDUK in a popular 2 minute brutal Challenge fight.
RYLD was beaten by FLORIN FALCONHAND in a action packed 1 minute Challenge bout.
ASSHE-MASTER subdued DOVE FALCONHAND in a 3 minute Challenge contest.
URBAN unbelievably bested VIKEN in a crowd pleasing 5 minute brutal Challenge fight.
TOGS REPLACEMENT demolished SILVER BELLS in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge struggle.
DR. FEELGOOD was viciously subdued by ANGRY SANTA in a 3 minute Challenge fight.
ERIK THE RED was vanquished by TELLY in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge bout.
MAIMONIDES was viciously subdued by WEED 4 MOM in a 4 minute Challenge bout.
QUETZACOATYL was handily defeated by LOUKMAD in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge duel.
ZIG-ZAG MAN was defeated by FLICKED BOOGERS in a 1 minute Challenge battle.
NUHRII was demolished by ROCKY BANKS in a 1 minute uneven Challenge conflict.
LLAPPY LLILMORE overcame VERDICT in a 3 minute brutal amateur's Challenge fight.
TELESPHORUS was overcome by VOHDE in a crowd pleasing 3 minute Challenge melee.
TOGS WINNER demolished ANASTASIUS II in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge match.
LIGHTNING IX demolished NAPPY DUGOUT in a popular 1 minute gory uneven fight.
THORNE overcame SANDSTORM in a 2 minute master's bout.
ACK ACK lost to WHITE RAVEN in a 1 minute veteran's match.
TALON was overcome by CYVIN in a 1 minute bout.
MARBURY luckily beat NAMBY PAMBY in a popular 4 minute gory battle.
4-FT PARTY BONG overcame ANDROGENOUS STRAIN in a 2 minute bloody contest.
TOGS STINKER luckily beat EDDIE THE ECHO in a exciting 7 minute struggle.
INSISTANT BEGGAR was outlasted by FREEP in a slow 21 minute brawl.
DEMURRER was devastated by BONG in a crowd pleasing 2 minute one-sided match.
PIKEL was outwaited by ZERBERT in a tiring 22 minute bout.
HERROL outwaited PIP THE TROLL in a slow 14 minute struggle.
MISTRESS BOMBTRONIC outlasted LIMPY LIMPY in a unpopular 9 minute brawl.
S.L.A.P.P. devastated TWICKLEBUM in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
SCRAG overpowered JARLAXLE in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
SANDY BEACH handily defeated TOSSED SALAD in a 1 minute mismatched battle.
SHARP STICK was beaten by INDIMAR'S FAXMACHINE in a popular 1 minute struggle.
DUNNO beat JAMIS in a exciting 1 minute brawl.
GROVER lost to WATER in a popular 1 minute duel.
IVAN defeated QUEENIE in a 2 minute fight.
VOLCANO was savagely defeated by SPED in a action packed 1 minute brutal melee.
ORIGINAL SHOCKER demolished MANAGER in a 1 minute uneven battle.
NERVOUS TIC was overpowered by GRAFFIX in a 1 minute brutal mismatched fight.
TRUST FUND BABY was unbelievably bested by TOGS DIXIE in a 2 minute brutal contest.
BUSTED NUTS overpowered M'TARL in a 1 minute one-sided match.
TOGS DESPERATION was overpowered by LOTT in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
PRETTY BOY was devastated by HARSIESUS in a exciting 1 minute bloody mismatched duel.
DUKE was demolished by ZIGGERZAG in a 1 minute uneven match.
KERRY slimly won victory over OWL-LEN-L-NER in a popular 7 minute novice's battle.
CLINTON handily defeated CORTEZ in a action packed 1 minute mismatched match.
ROT GUT luckily beat BLAZE in a popular 4 minute bloody novice's duel.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK                  35         TOTAL PARRY      151 - 126 -  1      55  |
|STRIKING ATTACK                 32         STRIKING ATTACK  182 - 160 - 11      53  |
|TOTAL PARRY                     27         WALL OF STEEL     52 -  51 -  1      50  |
|BASHING ATTACK                  13         LUNGING ATTACK   174 - 199 -  7      47  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                 12         AIMED BLOW        47 -  56 -  0      46  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    9         SLASHING ATTACK   70 -  90 -  7      44  |
|AIMED BLOW                       6         BASHING ATTACK    52 -  73 -  4      42  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     4         PARRY-LUNGE       22 -  33 -  3      40  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      3         PARRY-STRIKE      19 -  31 -  2      38  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    0         PARRY-RIPOSTE     11 -  19 -  0      37  |

Turn 334 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

TOTAL PARRY       16 - 11     BASHING ATTACK     6 -  7         5  STRIKING ATTACK
STRIKING ATTACK   17 - 15     WALL OF STEEL      4 -  5         2  WALL OF STEEL  
PARRY-STRIKE       2 -  2     LUNGING ATTACK    14 - 21         2  LUNGING ATTACK 
SLASHING ATTACK    6 -  6     PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  2         1  SLASHING ATTACK
                              AIMED BLOW         1 -  5         1  PARRY-LUNGE    
                              PARRY-RIPOSTE      0 -  0     

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
STRIKING ATTACK  GUMMI GHOUL 6411           13   4  1  122 THE UPSTARTS III (510)
SLASHING ATTACK  QUICKSAND 6554             16   7  1  108 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
WALL OF STEEL    THORNE 5259                14   4  0   99 FA CHING (388)
PARRY-LUNGE      LORD OF THE O RINGS 6022   23  13  1   97 WILD CARDS (148)
LUNGING ATTACK   WINKER X 6470              14  12  0   93 4000 BLOWS (107)
PARRY-STRIKE     CYVIN 5258                 12   8  1   86 FA CHING (388)
TOTAL PARRY      TOGS STINKER 6588          11   6  0   66 DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
BASHING ATTACK   BARON 6765                 10   6  2   40 LOCK-OUT (368)

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is NAPPY DUGOUT 6080.  The most popular warrior this 
turn was EDDIE THE ECHO 3770.  The ten other most popular fighters were GOLDFISH 
6718, BLUE BEANIE 6461, BLAZE 7155, NAMBY PAMBY 6977, KERRY 7141, WIND 5906, HELMS 
6660, WEED 4 MOM 6984, OWL-LEN-L-NER 7143, and QUICKSAND 6554.

The least popular fighter this week was PIKEL 5808.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were ZERBERT 6243, PIP THE TROLL 6942, INSISTANT BEGGAR 6630, FREEP 6812, 
7136, and M'TARL 7138.

The following warriors will travel to ADVANCED DUELMASTERS after next turn:


The following warriors have traveled to ADVANCED DUELMASTERS after fighting this turn:

BLACKBURST (60-5025) FA CHING (388)
THUNDRA (60-5122) FA CHING (388)
SIR ZESTALOT (60-6557) 4000 BLOWS (107)