DUEL 2 NEWSLETTER

Date   : 12/30/2005    Duedate: 01/12/2006

ARADI ARENA

DM-60    TURN-380

This Weeks Top Honors

THE DUELMASTER IS

ONE-TIMER
DEATH STUDS VII (301)
(60-7169) [22-3-0,129]

Chartered Recognition Leader   Unchartered Recognition Leader

ONE-TIMER                      TIN MAN
DEATH STUDS VII (301)          DARTH LORD (581)
(60-7169) [22-3-0,129]         (60-7550) [1-0-0,18]

Popularity Leader              This Weeks Favorite

SON OF BLOODLUST               TSUNAMI
4000 BLOWS (107)               NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
(60-6823) [20-13-0,101]        (60-7273) [17-14-1,127]

THE CURRENT TOP TEAM

DEATH STUDS VII (301)

          TEAMS ON THE MOVE            TOP CAREER HONORS
Team Name                  Point Gain  Chartered Team
1. DEATH STUDS VII (301)       48
2. WALKING DEAD (568)          38      DEATH STUDS VII (301)
3. SILENT WARRIORS (561)       33      Unchartered Team
4. LEGALESE (449)              32
5. ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)    24      ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)

The Top Teams

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
 1/ 0*ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)   3   2  0 60.0   1/ 1 DEATH STUDS VII (301)    11  4 2
 2/ 1 DEATH STUDS VII (301)    412 344 11 54.5   2/ 2 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)   9  4 1
 3/ 2 CRAZY CREEPS (207)       481 408 15 54.1   3/ 7 SILENT WARRIORS (561)     8  6 1
 4/ 3 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)  693 590 25 54.0   4/ 6 4000 BLOWS (107)          7  3 0
 5- 5*BEAKER PEOPLE (562)       24  21  0 53.3   5- 3 THIEVES GUILD (396)       7  3 0
 6/ 6 SWIFT CURRENT (468)      108  95  9 53.2   6/ 9 SWIFT CURRENT (468)       7  7 1
 7/ 7 GOIN' TUBIN' (577)       105  98  5 51.7   7/ 4 THE MISGUIDED (559)       6  9 0
 8/ 8 DEMONS OF DARKNESS (430) 170 165 12 50.7   8/ 5 LEGALESE (449)            5  4 0
 9/10*CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)     3   3  0 50.0   9/10 VOUGEOOT (464)            5 10 1
10-11 THIEVES GUILD (396)      153 157  6 49.4  10/14 GOIN' TUBIN' (577)        4  6 0
11-12 CHEER-O-KEE'S (557)       65  67  2 49.2  11/ 0*WALKING DEAD (568)        3  1 1
12/13 THE MISGUIDED (559)       62  66  0 48.4  12/ 8 DEMONS OF DARKNESS (430)  3  2 0
13/15 4000 BLOWS (107)         601 667 27 47.4  13/ 0*ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)  3  2 0
14-14 FUNKY FOLK (565)          26  29  3 47.3  14/17*CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)    3  3 0
15/ 9*PHANTOM MENANCE (569)      7   8  0 46.7  15/13 CRAZY CREEPS (207)        3  5 0
16/17 LEGALESE (449)           140 165  4 45.9  16-11 CHEER-O-KEE'S (557)       3  7 0
17/19 SILENT WARRIORS (561)     22  27  3 44.9  17/19*PHANTOM MENANCE (569)     3  7 0
18/ 0*WALKING DEAD (568)         4   5  1 44.4  18/12 RED DOG GANG (476)        3 12 0

Career Win-Loss Record           W   L  K    %  Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns    W  L K
19/ 0 JOKA MASHER! (283)       170 226  8 42.9  19/ 0*DARK JEDI (567)           2  3 1
20/18 VOUGEOOT (464)            62  83  6 42.8  20-18*BEAKER PEOPLE (562)       2  3 0
21/20 RED DOG GANG (476)       317 511  4 38.3  21-15 FUNKY FOLK (565)          2  4 0
22/ 0*DARK JEDI (567)            3  12  2 20.0  22/ 0*DARTH LORD (581)          1  4 0
23/ 0*DARTH LORD (581)           1   4  0 20.0  23/ 0 JOKA MASHER! (283)        0  1 0

    '*'   Unchartered team                       '-'  Team did not fight this turn
   (###)  Avoid teams by their Team Id          ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank

                                    TEAM SPOTLIGHT

         + ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ A Dark and Stormy Night ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +

     "Rain, nothing but rain!" Arenamaster Harkon stormed.  He slammed the curtains
shut across the window (the curtain had been torn half off its hooks some months
earlier and now came down completely) and stamped across the room.
     "Bad as Noblish," Jorge Black Orc agreed.  He edged his chair farther back out
of the maddened arenamaster's path.  "Except right now the rain is mixed with snow.
So what?  It's just a seasonal storm front.  It'll pass.  Sit down, have a hot toddy,
and wait."  He paused.  "Maybe later we can go sledding down Main Street."
     "Wait!  That's what They want--for real people to do nothing!"
     The Black Orc wondered what he would, or could, do if the arenamaster had gone
mad.  With Harkon, this was a distinct possibility.  He never had actually gone over
the line that Jorge knew of, but he had trod it closely.  "They?"
     "The Clishay Gang.  These are THEIR storms every night, the cover for them to do
their nefarious worst.  They're taking over Aradi.  They've been working on it for
months.  I didn't realize at first, thought it was just..." he gestured vaguely,
"just exhaustion after the last TOGS, maybe.  But it's them.  The Clishays.  They're
going to make this place...ordinary.  Mundane.  BLAND."  The arenamaster splashed
brandy into a glass with a hand that shook.  "It may already be too late to stop
them."
     "Oh, rot!  That'll never happen.  Look at the way things have been picking up
lately!  Even the Creepster has come back."  He paused, saddened at the thought that
Nancy Drew would never return.  "Besides, they're just a gang, they can't control the
weather!" the orc protested.
     "Ah, but they can."
     The intrusion of a third voice into their conversation, not to mention their
locked room, startled both men.  Jorge leapt to his feet, reaching automatically for
his sword.  Harkon's hand jerked, sending brandy and glass into the fireplace, where
it burst into green and crimson flames.
     Madame Lu Sanchoo stepped farther into the room, glanced around once, and moved
to the best chair.  The tiny woman should have looked ridiculous in the big armchair,
but she didn't.  She dominated the furniture as she dominated the rest of Aradi.  "It
is about the Clishays that I have come," she said.  When she gestured at other
chairs, both men sat down, moving like puppets.  "The Clishays have gotten the upper
hand here in Aradi.  This is not to be tolerated.  That hand must be cut off.  That
is a job for men of violence."  She bestowed a small and very cold smile on the
arenamaster.  "Your job, dear Harkon."
     The arenamaster straightened in his chair.  "It isn't possible.  Once the
Clishays take hold, nothing can stop them.  They must go on until they implode from
sheer inanity."
     "TOGS," the Black Orc muttered in a voice of doom.
     "THAT is a Clishay, if you will!" the feminine mastermind snapped.  "It is their
leader, the infamous Joe Clishay, who has put that myth of invincibility into your
mind.  You must fight the influence!  Or else..." her voice became dark and menacing,
"the worst will happen."
     "Meanwhile, back in Convincia, a boy is growing up," Jorge half-chanted.  Then
he frowned.  "So what?"
     "Nobody knows the exact nature of that menace," Madame Lu said.  The crimelady
shrugged.  "We have always managed to avert it in the past, but we do know that it
will be the worst thing that can happen."

     The night was darker and more stormy.  It always got that way when you had to go
out in it.  Jorge pulled his hooded cape around himself more closely.  People were
always saying that orcs were tough and didn't mind the weather.  Blatant falsehood.
Damned stereotype!  Sure, orcs went OUT in all weathers, but they hated it.  A happy
orc was an orc lying in the shade of a couple of palm trees on a balmy day down
south, a beach, a babe, a drink, and no worries.  No Evil Overlords press-ganging
them, no self-righteous paladins hunting them down like rats--
     He paused, struck by the realization that the Evil Orc Stereotype was, in fact,
a clishay!  It was the Clishay Gang who had done this to him and his people, and it
was therefore his racial duty to stamp them out.  Moved by an obscure impulse, he
drew his sword.
     The blade flamed blue-white, which was not something that happened to the Black
Orc's sword before.  In fact, he nearly dropped it in surprise.  This was something
that happened to the OTHER guy's sword, just before he started making Sliced and
Diced Orc.
     A voice roared out of the night:  "The sign of the Flaming Sword!  Come, all
servants of Good Sportsmanship, Apple Pie, and Flossing Regularly!  It is time to
arise and smite the Evil Lords and their orcish minions!"
     Jorge swept his sword through a blazing arc, ending with the point tucked under
the chin of a tall, blond, blue-eyed, square-faced, extremely clean and handsome
Hero.  "That is a vile clishay," he said.  "Unspeak it, varlet, or die by the Sword
of Madame Lu!"  He paused.  How did Madame Lu come into this?  As a criminal
mistress-mind, she had to be one of the Bad Guys, didn't she?  And blue-blazing
swords were Good Guy stuff.  Practically paladinic.  But this guy standing frozen at
the point of his, Jorge Black Orc's, sword was a perfect paladin type, right down to
his silver armor with a dove on the shield.  Almost a clishay paladin....
     "Well done, Jorge!" Harkon said.  He appeared behind the frozen paladin, if in
fact this silver-armored ox was a paladin, and threw a net over the man's head.  "Let
us take him to The Room and question him!"

                                      SPY REPORT

     It's me, The Unknown Spymaster here with my bag to give you the news on last 
week's fights.  A stormcloud is brewing over the RED DOG GANG guildhouse.  Rumor says 
any more weeks like this ones 1-4-0 may send the team to the Dark Arena.  Coming up 
with a solid 3-1-1 outing, SILENT WARRIORS has advanced 4 places in the rankings.  
Advancing in the rankings was 4000 BLOWS who went from last turn's 597-666-27, to 
this week's record of 601-667-27.  Don't these new hotshots make you sick (or, if 
they fought you, hurt)?  ARADI RESORT & SPA, on their very first turn, went 3-2-0.  
Hey everybody, watch out for SIDE-BAR, who flew up 19 points in the rankings after 
mashing 55 SUCKS MORE like a melon.  Keep your eye on this guy.  Ya know, some days 
it doesn't pay to walk out on the sands.  55 SUCKS MORE was subdued by SIDE-BAR and 
drops 13 points.  Our battling duelmaster TYPHOON XXII has managed to hold the title, 
fending off DOONEUSHMUN's none too subtle advances.  Better luck next time, VOUGEOOT. 
Can you believe they are paying me 10 gold to deliver this stuff?   
     Here is other news that is of note.  And hey, kiddies, those of you who didn't 
avoid THE MISGUIDED, please raise you hand.  Wow.  Does ARADI really have that many 
liars?  For those of you who like math, try this one:  THE MISGUIDED + Weapons That 
go Boom = CRAZY CREEPS + Avoid City.  And who is this PANTHER you ask, with 36 points 
and a 4-6-1 record.  Ooh, the tales I could tell!  Was it guts or an overtaxed mental 
capacity that had SPEEDY challenge up 28 points in the rankings to take on TSUNAMI?  
A Carrion Bird Sellout:  SPEEDY 12-13-0 fights TSUNAMI 17-14-1.  (BYOB) Getting lots 
of flowers from sympathetic fans was FALCON XLI, who was successfully challenged by 
BLUE BEANIE who had a mere 27 points more than FALCON XLI.  I just want to 
congratulate FALCON XLI on beating BLUE BEANIE.  He overcame his superior-ranked 
opponent and gained 20 points.  Congrats!  In a touching display by a 'touched' 
warrior, MYSTERY went after ERUPTION, who was higher by 20 points.  Well, when the 
dust settled, MYSTERY bested ERUPTION.   
     Being a spy is great--other people die and you spend the rest of the day 
drinking to their memory.  Better tanked than dead!  This week 4-8-0 WURL POOLE was 
sent to the Dark Arena.  I know a lot of fighters with similar records who might take 
notice of this.  We might as well mark the passing of GAZRUK, who was relatively new 
to the arena at 2-1-0.  Probably killed before its first shave.  Here's some advice:  
warriors with little wit and will may encounter problems on the trail to the Isle.   
     Well, there's the manager of the ARADI giving me the 'cut' sign (or is that 
'They're going to strangle you in the alley?).  Okay, so I may not be the world's 
best comedian, but then you guys aren't the world's best warriors.  Its been fun, and 
I'm sure you enjoyed it (boos).  Now that I've got you worked up for Snide Clemens, 
I'll be leaving-- The Unknown Spymaster  

DUELMASTER                     W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 ONE-TIMER 7169               22   3  0   129       DEATH STUDS VII (301)

CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 TSUNAMI 7273                 17  14  1   127       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
 ASSHE-MASTER 7000            18   9  0   105       4000 BLOWS (107)
 DOONEUSHMUN 5949             17   8  1   104       VOUGEOOT (464)
 SON OF BLOODLUST 6823        20  13  0   101       4000 BLOWS (107)
-KARATE WRECKER 6693          11  15  0   100       THIEVES GUILD (396)
 FALCON XLI 7341               6   9  0    98       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
 PRETTY BOY 7091              23  27  0    96       RED DOG GANG (476)
 SANDY BEACH 6957             10   4  1    93       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
 SPEEDY 7293                  12  13  0    91       THE MISGUIDED (559)

CHAMPIONS                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 FLOWER 7255                  17  22  0    90       RED DOG GANG (476)
-SLIPKNOT 6674                14  13  0    87       THIEVES GUILD (396)
 SIDE-BAR 7304                15   9  0    85       LEGALESE (449)
 BLUE BEANIE 6461             16  15  1    84       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
 IN PARI DELICTO 7283         15  14  1    83       LEGALESE (449)
-JIM PANZI 7382                7   1  0    82       FUNKY FOLK (565)
-HOLLY SKULL 7276             14  12  0    81       CHEER-O-KEE'S (557)
 MISS UNDERSTOOD 7301         10  14  0    81       THE MISGUIDED (559)
 STEVIE 7271                  15  18  0    75       RED DOG GANG (476)
 55 SUCKS MORE 6956           13  15  2    74       JOKA MASHER! (283)

CHALLENGER ADEPTS              W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 GHOST 7319                    7   3  1    66       SILENT WARRIORS (561)
 THE TAIL 7253                13  26  0    65       RED DOG GANG (476)
 RIP RAP 6599                 11  10  0    65       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
 BAD FAITH 7344               11   8  0    60       LEGALESE (449)
 FLASH FIRE 7390              10   8  0    58       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)

ADEPTS                         W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 SHMAMY CROCKETT 7216          8   3  0    56       4000 BLOWS (107)
 PHREAK 7327                  10  11  0    53       THE MISGUIDED (559)
 SEHENSTES 7339                9   8  2    52       VOUGEOOT (464)
 MYSTERY 7354                  9   9  0    50       THE MISGUIDED (559)
 HURRICANE XXXVII 7379         5   5  1    47       DEATH STUDS VII (301)
 ERUPTION 7310                 6   5  1    41       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
 HYQ 7388                      6   6  1    41       VOUGEOOT (464)
-BUTTERFLY 7338               10   3  0    39       CHEER-O-KEE'S (557)
-ENOCH PEABODY 7325            6   4  0    39       THIEVES GUILD (396)
 LAVA TUBE 7393                7   4  1    38       NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
 PANTHER 7320                  4   6  1    36       SILENT WARRIORS (561)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-PH 7377                       5   2  0    33       BEAKER PEOPLE (562)
 BULLY BOY 7447                4   6  0    30       RED DOG GANG (476)
-NEZUMI 7342                   5   3  0    29       THIEVES GUILD (396)
-PIPETTE 7332                  5   4  0    29       BEAKER PEOPLE (562)
-TINY TIM 6042                 4   0  0    28       CRAZY CREEPS (207)

CHALLENGER INITIATES           W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
 ASSASSIN 7317                 5   5  1    26       SILENT WARRIORS (561)

INITIATES                      W   L  K POINTS      TEAM NAME                  
-REBEL W/O CAUSE 7252          3   0  0    23       JOKA MASHER! (283)
 SNOW WHITE 7486               2   1  0    23       CRAZY CREEPS (207)
 FRANK 7484                    5   2  0    20       THE MISGUIDED (559)
-PYREX 7331                    5   4  0    19       BEAKER PEOPLE (562)
-FLASK 7329                    5   4  0    19       BEAKER PEOPLE (562)
 ROCKY BANKS 7073              4   6  0    18       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
-HARRIET 7495                  3   0  0    18       THIEVES GUILD (396)
 TIN MAN 7550                  1   0  0    18       DARTH LORD (581)
-BUNSEN BURNER 7363            4   4  0    16       BEAKER PEOPLE (562)
 CHIM RICHALDS 7491            1   3  0    16       4000 BLOWS (107)
 FREDDY 7412                   1   1  0    16       WALKING DEAD (568)
 MOUSE 7318                    2   8  0    14       SILENT WARRIORS (561)
 OBI-WAN 7417                  2   1  0    13       PHANTOM MENANCE (569)
-TOTE-MY-POLE 7538             1   0  0    13       CHEER-O-KEE'S (557)
 CHUCKY 7410                   1   1  1    12       WALKING DEAD (568)
 WES MANTOOTH 7489             3   2  0    11       4000 BLOWS (107)
 VENREK 7477                   3   1  0    11       DEMONS OF DARKNESS 2 (430)
 PINTO BEANS 7531              2   0  0    11       CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
 VAS DEFERENS 7534             2   0  0    11       GOIN' TUBIN' (577)
 DARTH METRION 7553            1   0  1    11       DARK JEDI (567)
 LITTLE EDDY 7536              1   0  0    11       SWIFT CURRENT (468)
 THALIA 7547                   1   0  0    11       ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)
 CARRIE 7414                   2   0  0     9       WALKING DEAD (568)
-JACK THE RIPPER 7487          2   2  0     9       CRAZY CREEPS (207)
-FALOPIAN 7498                 1   1  0     9       GOIN' TUBIN' (577)
-EUSTACHIAN 7499               1   0  0     9       GOIN' TUBIN' (577)
-NINJA 7357                    2   2  0     8       SILENT WARRIORS (561)
 DARTH SIDIOUS 7416            2   1  0     7       PHANTOM MENANCE (569)
 DARTH MAUL 7419               1   2  0     7       PHANTOM MENANCE (569)
 DARTH MERICK 7408             1   2  1     6       DARK JEDI (567)
 GOOFY 7488                    1   3  0     6       CRAZY CREEPS (207)
 MANDA 7546                    1   0  0     6       ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)
 DARTH REEN 7554               1   0  0     6       DARK JEDI (567)
 ANALISE 7544                  1   0  0     5       ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)
 LIMA BEANS 7530               1   1  0     4       CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (579)
-PHIL THEE 7431                0   3  0     3       FUNKY FOLK (565)
 DARTH SITH 7409               0   3  0     3       DARK JEDI (567)
 DARTH MAUL 7406               0   3  0     3       DARK JEDI (567)
 SMALL INTESTINE 7535          0   2  0     2       GOIN' TUBIN' (577)
-BILLY-THE-ARROW 7539          0   1  0     1       CHEER-O-KEE'S (557)
 INIGO 7545                    0   1  0     1       ARADI RESORT & SPA (580)
 DARK RING 7548                0   1  0     1       DARTH LORD (581)
-THE TURTLE 7537               0   1  0     1       CHEER-O-KEE'S (557)
 WAY WE GO 7549                0   1  0     1       DARTH LORD (581)
 ANAKIN 7555                   0   1  0     1       PHANTOM MENANCE (569)
 BL'D BKE 7541                 0   1  0     1       VOUGEOOT (464)
 DARK VENGENACE 7552           0   1  0     1       DARTH LORD (581)
 WHITE WITCH 7542              0   1  0     1       CRAZY CREEPS (207)

'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?
NATHAN 7543            0  1 0 ARADI RESORT & SP 580 DARTH METRION 7553    380         
DANDY-LION 7278       12 15 0 CHEER-O-KEE'S 557     SANDY BEACH 6957      378         
EBENEZER SCROOGE 5953  1  5 0 CRAZY CREEPS 207      HYQ 7388              379         
I SORRY 7551           0  1 0 DARTH LORD 581        CHUCKY 7410           380         
MONDAYS 7540           1  1 1 DEATH STUDS VII 301   STONE GOLEM 26        380 NONE    
GAZRUK 7475            2  1 0 DEMONS OF DARKNES 430 HURRICANE XXXVII 7379 380         
LORD TYRANUS 7418      1  2 0 PHANTOM MENANCE 569   ASSASSIN 7317         380         
WURL POOLE 6799        4  8 0 SWIFT CURRENT 468     STONE GOLEM 26        380 NONE    

THE DEAD               W  L K TEAM NAME             SLAIN BY             TURN Revenge?
ANDL 7529              0  2 0 VOUGEOOT 464          GARGOYLE PRINCE 25    380 NONE    
MICHAEL MYERS 7413     0  2 0 WALKING DEAD 568      ARNIE SHEW 21         380 NONE    

                                     PERSONAL ADS

Phil Thee -- Consider yourself ripped!  And, indeed, you have been ripped by the
best. -- Jack The Ripper

     Somehow I don't know how much consolation that would be to a rippee. -- Ed.

Frank -- Duh, what's up, Doc? -- Goofy (obviously quite confused)

Yabadabba meanie weenie kim kam kill!  Vougeeout a toot toot toddlyowski!  Scrooger
doomer done ding dong die. -- The Creepster

Vougeeout -- I'd better interpret that one for you!  The Creepster says HYQ is a cad
(except his clause included four-letter-words) and that your team killed Scrooge and
Christmas and an 11(+2)-8-11-17-17-9-13 slasher.  (Probably the best numbers on the
team.) -- The Crazy Creeps Scribe

Tidbits From The Crazy Creeps Free Press:
     Death Stud hasn't yet figured out how to us the D.A. correctly.
     Speedy lost the cross country race to a typhoon.  No endurance.
     Albendranius is Legalese.
     Nuln's tongue is tied.  (Praise the gods!)
     It was a lie!  FONZers have no chestnuts.
     Barnabas has returned.  Lock up the sheep and chickens.
     An inept manager runs Goin' Tubin".  He/she's all wet.
     In Aradi, watch out for thrown Editor roses.
     The typhoon is over.  Off to Guard Home.
     FONZ = Forlorn Orphans Nuzzling Zebras

Phreak -- There you were just sitting up there. -- Sandy Beach

Hurricane XXXVII -- Nice challenge big fella, don't ya just hate it when a plan falls
apart. -- Rip Rap

Enoch -- I don't think I like you! --Wurled Poole

Sehenstes -- Luck of the draw. -- Rocky

Death Stud -- Why you always pickin' on me?  Brilliant challenge! -- Barnabas

Snotman -- Come on ya penny pincher, one arena a month is all we ask. -- Barnabas

Nulnishi -- Ahhh, Nulnishi, where you be hidin', brother?  Come play chop, chop! --
Barnabas

Soulie -- You gonna talk now or keep draggin' that bottom lip? -- Barnabas

Blue Beanie -- (cowering)  It has a propeller on it.  (whimpering)  It makes a
strange sound.  I don't like things like that. -- Pretty Boy

Mouse -- (taking note of the relatively smaller size of his opponent)  Bark!
(bouncing around on stiff legs, hackles up)  Bark, bark!  Woof!  Growl! -- Bully Boy

Holly Skull -- (sulking)  I didn't MEAN to knock over the tree.  It was in the
doorway!  I just brushed against it, actually.  Barely TOUCHED it. -- Stevie
P.S.  You CAN'T hold me responsible for what my TAIL does!

Side-Bar -- Talk talk talk, and no walk!  I hate that. -- Flower

In Pari Delicto -- (hurt-feelings look)  I wasn't jumping up to HURT you, I just
wanted to lick your face!  Honest. -- The Tail

Typhoon -- What? -- Flower

One-Timer -- Oh, YEAH!  The park, the park! -- Pretty Boy

Hurricane -- Well, I wouldn't have been, if the house hadn't fallen down. -- Bully
Boy

Ed. -- True.  Leave us throw no roses at soy.  It isn't healthy, anyway.  The soy,
not the roses. -- Temp Ed.
P.S.  Although it's apparently very profitable around here.

     How can it be profitable if not healthy?  Or are they paying people NOT to grow
     it? -- Ed.

Golem Protector Typhoon XXII -- Hmm, it appears that you ARE a Dark and Stormy Night!
As such, it is clearly my duty to boot you off this island as fast as possible.
With, as they say, "extreme prejudice." -- Arenamaster Harkon

30 December 2005
Just a reminder to all you online type people.  It is much appreciated if you send
your personals in PLAIN TEXT, rather than HTML or formatted text.  HAL, in his
infinite wisdom, doesn't DO formatting, which means having to unsnarl your personal
ads from bunches of extraneous...stuff.  So, if your e-mailer has a plain text
option, let it be your friend. -- Ed.
P.S.  Sometimes it's the formatted text which makes ads go astray.  Not often, but
sometimes.

                                  LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS

MONDAYS was dealt death by STONE GOLEM in a 3 minute bloody Dark Arena fight.
WURL POOLE was dispatched by STONE GOLEM in a 2 minute gruesome Dark Arena battle.
MICHAEL MYERS was savagely slain by ARNIE SHEW in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
ANDL was butchered by GARGOYLE PRINCE in a popular 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
GAZRUK was murdered by HURRICANE XXXVII in a 1 minute Challenge competition.
SPEEDY was savagely defeated by TSUNAMI in a 5 minute veteran's Challenge struggle.
BLUE BEANIE was savagely defeated by FALCON XLI in a 2 minute Challenge melee.
SON OF BLOODLUST viciously subdued PRETTY BOY in a 2 minute expert's Challenge fight.
PHREAK was overpowered by STEVIE in a popular 1 minute uneven Challenge match.
RIP RAP savagely defeated SEHENSTES in a 2 minute brutal Challenge match.
GHOST bested THE TAIL in a exciting 6 minute mismatched Challenge conflict.
MYSTERY subdued ERUPTION in a popular 5 minute bloody Challenge brawl.
CHIM RICHALDS overcame MOUSE in a action packed 3 minute gory Challenge fight.
WES MANTOOTH was devastated by PANTHER in a 1 minute uneven Challenge duel.
GOOFY was beaten by PINTO BEANS in a 6 minute amateur's Challenge brawl.
LORD TYRANUS was assassinated by ASSASSIN in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge bout.
TYPHOON XXII luckily beat DOONEUSHMUN in a crowd pleasing 3 minute veteran's match.
ONE-TIMER bested FLOWER in a action packed 6 minute veteran's Title bout.
ASSHE-MASTER luckily beat MISS UNDERSTOOD in a action packed 9 minute expert's bout.
IN PARI DELICTO was bested by SANDY BEACH in a popular 1 minute veteran's bout.
55 SUCKS MORE was defeated by SIDE-BAR in a popular 2 minute veteran's duel.
LAVA TUBE was vanquished by BAD FAITH in a exciting 1 minute one-sided fight.
FLASH FIRE unbelievably bested BULLY BOY in a 2 minute bout.
SHMAMY CROCKETT vanquished HAPPY PEASANT in a 1 minute one-sided fray.
HYQ handily defeated ROCKY BANKS in a 1 minute mismatched bout.
SNOW WHITE won victory over FRATSFAN NOBLE in a 4 minute bout.
FRANK luckily beat SMALL INTESTINE in a 4 minute fight.
OBI-WAN vanquished BL'D BKE in a 1 minute one-sided fray.
DARTH SIDIOUS was overpowered by TIN MAN in a 1 minute one-sided match.
DARTH MAUL defeated DARK VENGENACE in a 1 minute novice's bout.
CARRIE savagely defeated WHITE WITCH in a unpopular 9 minute gruesome novice's fray.
DARTH MAUL was overpowered by LITTLE EDDY in a 1 minute one-sided struggle.
VENREK subdued DARK RING in a 5 minute novice's struggle.
FREDDY handily defeated DARTH MERICK in a 1 minute one-sided fight.
CHUCKY murdered I SORRY in a 1 minute one-sided conflict.
DARTH SITH was vanquished by THALIA in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
LIMA BEANS was outwaited by VAS DEFERENS in a monotonous 22 minute amateur's bout.
NATHAN was easily killed by DARTH METRION in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
ANALISE narrowly defeated WAY WE GO in a 3 minute beginner's battle.
INIGO lost to DARTH REEN in a 3 minute bloody novice's struggle.
MANDA won victory over ANAKIN in a 1 minute novice's conflict.

                                    BATTLE REPORT

             MOST POPULAR                        RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS     
|FIGHTING STYLE               FIGHTS        FIGHTING STYLE     W -   L -  K   PERCENT|
|STRIKING ATTACK                 15         TOTAL PARRY       70 -  43 -  0      62  |
|LUNGING ATTACK                  13         PARRY-LUNGE       19 -  14 -  0      58  |
|TOTAL PARRY                     13         STRIKING ATTACK   63 -  60 -  5      51  |
|SLASHING ATTACK                 10         PARRY-STRIKE      17 -  17 -  1      50  |
|WALL OF STEEL                    7         AIMED BLOW        11 -  13 -  0      46  |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE                    4         LUNGING ATTACK    47 -  56 -  4      46  |
|BASHING ATTACK                   4         SLASHING ATTACK   25 -  33 -  3      43  |
|AIMED BLOW                       4         PARRY-RIPOSTE     10 -  19 -  0      34  |
|PARRY-STRIKE                     4         WALL OF STEEL     16 -  33 -  0      33  |
|PARRY-LUNGE                      2         BASHING ATTACK    14 -  32 -  0      30  |

Turn 380 was great if you     Not so great if you used      The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles:     the fighting styles:          top eleven warriors are:

LUNGING ATTACK     9 -  4     STRIKING ATTACK    7 -  8         4  TOTAL PARRY    
TOTAL PARRY        8 -  5     WALL OF STEEL      3 -  4         3  LUNGING ATTACK 
PARRY-LUNGE        1 -  1     SLASHING ATTACK    3 -  7         1  STRIKING ATTACK
PARRY-RIPOSTE      2 -  2     AIMED BLOW         1 -  3         1  SLASHING ATTACK
BASHING ATTACK     2 -  2     PARRY-STRIKE       1 -  3         1  BASHING ATTACK 
                                                                1  PARRY-RIPOSTE  

                               TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE

FIGHTING STYLE   WARRIOR                     W   L  K PNTS TEAM NAME                  
TOTAL PARRY      ONE-TIMER 7169             22   3  0  129 DEATH STUDS VII (301)
STRIKING ATTACK  TSUNAMI 7273               17  14  1  127 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
SLASHING ATTACK  DOONEUSHMUN 5949           17   8  1  104 VOUGEOOT (464)
LUNGING ATTACK   SON OF BLOODLUST 6823      20  13  0  101 4000 BLOWS (107)
AIMED BLOW       GHOST 7319                  7   3  1   66 SILENT WARRIORS (561)
PARRY-LUNGE      FLASH FIRE 7390            10   8  0   58 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
PARRY-STRIKE     LAVA TUBE 7393              7   4  1   38 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.

The overall popularity leader is SON OF BLOODLUST 6823.  The most popular warrior 
this turn was TSUNAMI 7273.  The ten other most popular fighters were FLOWER 7255, 
ERUPTION 7310, MISS UNDERSTOOD 7301, DOONEUSHMUN 5949, ASSHE-MASTER 7000, GHOST 7319, 
SON OF BLOODLUST 6823, GOOFY 7488, SIDE-BAR 7304, and FALCON XLI 7341.

The least popular fighter this week was LIMA BEANS 7530.  The other ten least popular 
fighters were VAS DEFERENS 7534, WHITE WITCH 7542, SNOW WHITE 7486, ANAKIN 7555, 
NATHAN 7543, DARTH SITH 7409, I SORRY 7551, DARTH MERICK 7408, VENREK 7477, and DARTH 
MAUL 7406.

The following warriors have traveled to AD after fighting this turn:

TYPHOON XXII (60-6827) DEATH STUDS VII (301)